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familyabolisher · 1 year

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okay so basically:

thanks for your 100% unprompted and completely unsolicited enthusiasm everyone >:) god i am NOT doing any full essays because i am forcing myself to hold back on committing to Positions wrt tmuir's various intertexts until after alecto when i have an actually complete narrative to work with, but, to throw together my best effort at an abstract: as we probably know and as many have pointed out before (and as tmuir says in the gtn notes), the name 'dulcinea' references cervantes' dulcinea del toboso, a wholly made up woman whom don quixote projects onto a peasant girl called aldonsa as a necessary 'lady' to his own invented 'knight.' the essential premise of don quixote, put crudely, is that the title character reads an absurd amount of chivalric literature such that he imagines himself to be a knight errant and behaves as such in a period long after the social logics of chivalry make coherent sense; sharp contrasts between idealism and realism (as with the infamous tilting at windmills scene, for example) serve to drive home the absurdity of don quixote’s pretense. within this, the imagined dulcinea del toboso stands as a necessary element to the chivalric ideal that don quixote imagines himself to participate in; the knight’s ‘lady,’ as fictive as the knight himself, must be ‘sweet’ (as of course denoted by her name), of a high social class, genteel, and beautiful according to ideals of upper-class spanish beauty (blonde, pale skin, etc—of course in-text exaggerated to a comic degree). all of this, ofc, tells us something about the social allegiances of the chivalric world.

crucially, don quixote was written in the early 17th century, with the first part being published in 1605 and the second in 1615. the reconquista—the process by which christians took control of the iberian peninsula from its previously muslim rulers—was concluded in 1492, with expulsions and forcible conversions of muslim and jewish populations taking place between 1492 and 1526 and creating a new class of ‘converso’ or new christians, ie. former jews who converted to christianity but lived with a degree of suspicion cast over the legitimacy of their christian practice. (incidentally, a handful of scholars have theorised that miguel de cervantes’ family were converso jews, which i think casts a fun new light on don quixote, but the evidence is too flimsy to justify seriously committing to the reading). immediately following the reconquista was the establishment and expansion of the spanish empire, which by cervantes’ lifetime had grown to cover most of the americas and the philippines. spanish chivalry was articulated via the knightly orders carrying out such a process of christian conquest—first on the iberian peninsula, then exported to the so-called ‘new world.’ by the time cervantes was writing, chivalry had already reached its apex and was in a period of decline; as i’ve already said, the fulcrum of don quixote is this tension between the ideal and the real, this sense that don quixote’s perception of the world is no longer compatible with modernity. cervantes writes of a christian ideal at a time when aspersions were cast on conversos, where the distinction between ‘old’ and ‘new’ christians and fear of the persistence of judaism (and islam, though muslims who were forcibly converted were expelled outright) against persecution undercut this understanding of forcible conversion as a ‘success’ for christianity; far from writing about the ‘old order’ (if you will) with a straightforward elegiac nostalgia, he emphasises its illegibility in the modern period.

as i’ve talked about before, chivalry bears a relationship both to historical periods of christian conquest and subjugation of so-termed ‘infidel’ groups and to contemporary fascist aesthetics, and also holds currency in contemporary articulations of butchness/transmasculinity/queer masculinity/etc. wherein those relationships tend to be elided. one of tamsyn muir’s most prominent registers is the persistent usage of similar such touchstones: from chivalry [via cavalierhood] as a language by which lesbian articulations of desire become possible (cf., obviously, gideon/cytherea, and the ‘medieval’ aesthetics of the seventh house in general) but also as a hegemonic touchstone of an imperialist social formation to jeannemary’s having been named for jeanne d’arc to lyctors as a reference to lictors ie. roman bodyguards who carried fasces in what could plausibly be gesturing to the etymological root of ‘fascism,’ she’s v clearly working with the tensions present in these cultural building-blocks that can be used to construct an empire around the bedrock of catholicism & antiquity and to situate queerness (largely focalising lesbianism) comfortably within it.

so, like—what’s the don quixote thing doing? like, why reference a picaresque from the 17th century, rather than an ‘actual’ chivalric romance?

there’s a fairly straightforward, surface-level reading to be done here: the crucial dimension of pretense and artifice that cervantes adds to don quixote’s ‘knighthood’ maps pretty clearly onto gideon, and dulcinea as a woman who is very much Not Real but in fact a ‘disguise’ formed around what she ‘ought’ to be maps equally well onto cytherea. & ofc, cytherea and gideon’s relationship as this process of seduction-inclulcation-tutelage by which gideon ‘learns’ cavalierhood similar to how don quixote’s artifice of knighthood depends upon the presence of dulcinea of toboso in order to make sense of itself; knight-gender (if u will) as relational. much like how the driving tension of don quixote comes in part from our asking, does don quixote realise his own pretense? does his calling himself a knight and behaving as though he were a knight make him a knight in a world where the relation he tries to invoke makes no social sense & he has to literally alter the world around him (windmills into giants, aldonsa into dulcinea) to make it coherent? at what point does gideon not ‘really’ being a cavalier stop mattering, and how much is cytherea facilitating that, and how much is their relationship doubling as an inculcation into a social relation to which she was previously only peripheral? and, obviously, what does the fact that their relationship is pretty transparently predatory tell us about the relationship muir tries to draw between socially sanctioned exploitative relationships, imperialism, sexual violence and its aestheticisation, &c. &c.?

BUT LIKE….i think you can take the reading a bit further and think about the fairly common interpretation of dulcinea of toboso as something of a stand-in for, or else a counterpart to, allegiance to the spanish empire; that a feminised ideal of empire becomes the ‘lady’ to the (arguably conquistadore) knight, and that don quixote’s allegiance to her in turn becomes an allegiance to empire & imperial conquest. & ofc, the falsity of all of this; how ‘idealism vs realism’ then becomes transformed into an ideal of empire vs its reality. what gendered formations are made possible by empire, etc.

i also think you can draw some lines around the shifting balance of power between don quixote & dulcinea of toboso and gideon & cytherea; that don quixote ‘makes’ dulcinea out of aldonsa, but cytherea very much ‘makes’ herself into dulcinea (using a real woman whose identity she stole as a very loose proxy); that cytherea sits in an ambivalent position wherein she at once, unambiguously, holds power over gideon that she exploits (socially, sexually), but also occupies a position of subjectivity not shared by eg. mercy, augustine, gideon the first &c. via her blood cancer & the eugenicist practices of the seventh house; cytherea as a character who seeks power where she has the ability to seek it as an ineffective means of responding to the sites where she finds herself powerless—a trait she v much shares with john gaius, but not with mercy et al.! this ambivalence is best expressed through the relation that naming & renaming & remaking bear to one another in the wider text, which, as we well know, is used as a particular discursive expression of ownership tugging on thematic strings around sexual violence and empire (alecto into annabel; i am deliberately not doing nona spoilers in this post but redacted into redacted as well; you know the drill!); cytherea undergoing that process of obfuscation and recreation at her own behest & at once becoming subject and instigator, invisibilising the ‘real’ dulcinea in doing so & removing the external agent (gideon as don quixote) from the equation … it’s doing a lot of work around the ambivalences of power & agency (sexual and otherwise) happening there! and, of course, ask other questions about, like—as ‘dulcinea’ is an agent in the process of gideon occupying that don quixote-equivalent position, does she not then become a similar agent in cytherea’s occupying the ‘dulcinea’ position—does the relational configuration not go both ways—how much of cytherea, who we receive through gideon’s close third, is her fantasy/idealism/etc. and how much of it is cytherea’s own construction? like, is gideon actually removed from the equation? chicken-egg?

there’s a whole separate argument to be done here as well around palamedes & the ‘actual’ dulcinea/dulcie, and what this invoked projection of an imagined ideal onto a very real woman could do for a more compelling reading of their relationship than just … like, oh he was in love with her, it’s unrequited, sad! well i guess he’s just blown himself up in cytherea’s sickroom. i’m interested in these little undeveloped tendrils of, like … dulcie as a character completely and unequivocally removed from the narrative in gtn, only to establish her own presence in htn but even then only really be made sense of in relation to cytherea (i think All The Time about dulcie wearing predominantly white and cytherea wearing predominantly green … girl help they swapped colours), palamedes as being, iirc, pretty significantly younger than her … and then the fact that you could pretty easily make a case for palamedes’ name being a reference to the palamedes/palomides of the arthurian canon, a ‘saracen’ knight and convert to christianity, what that dimension can do to these readings of tmuir’s invocation of chivalry as a particular social dimension to conquest.

this is all very very roughly sketched out and if i were to ever actually try and pitch a take that wasn’t just a quickly glossed few paragraphs on tumblr dotcom i would absolutely be delving properly into the scholarship around don quixote such that i could produce something somewhat less hamfisted than All This, but. hopefully this gives the broad gist of it, lol!

#tlt

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bennizone · 3 months

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Hav u drawn any transmasc characters? Sorry if that’s lame to ask!! Just found ur acc and obsessed w ur style and I’m a lame trans thing so I figured maybe

thank you so much, i'm happy u like my art!!! ^_^ I have a few characters who are under the transmasc umbrella:

1: Pringel (they/she) is a nonbinary butch. While they feel a slight connection to womanhood, they mostly just don't understand gender, and prefer to be read as masculine/no gender.

2: George (he/him) is the love-interest of a scrapped story I was writing a few years ago.. I wanna bring him back somehow one day! He is a trans man who loves bugs and other critters that people consider "scary".

3: Vicky's best friend, to be named!! (he/him) is part of the Quest of Victory-verse, (read Tongue Tied!) and is .. Vicky's best friend! he is extremely flamboyantly gay, and extremely unashamedly trans. I will include him in the next comic about Vicky :-)

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wen-kexing-apologist · 6 months

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10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

I was tagged by @twig-tea, but I do what I want so I'm ignoring the Boys thing (and on at least one occasion the BL thing). Anyway, without further ado, and in no particular order.

Win!Lin- Cupid's Last Wish

LOOPHOLE FIRST!

gif by @angelbesideme

Thanks to Cupid's Last Wish, Jan is a boy here! So I am choosing Win from Cupid's Last Wish before he body swaps back. HOWEVER, if I'm honest, it was less Win and more masc!Jan that made my brain short circuit so do with that what you will.

Toon- Seneha Stories

I am breaking from the prompt immediately, but this is my post and I can do what I want, so I am choosing Toon from Seneha Stories, which @so-much-yet-to-learn brought my attention to. Seneha Stories is definitively not a BL, but Toon is hot, kind, sad, and he fucks so I'd be living my best life.

Miw, Neo, Shin, and Mae - 3 Will Be Free

THIS IS NOT ME SUGGESTING A FOURSOME, THIS IS JUST ME TRYING TO PREVENT FOUR OF THE TEN SPACES FROM BEING 3 WILL BE FREE.

I like it when my fictional women not only are capable of murder, but have, in fact, murdered. Miw and Mae are hot, competent, killers, fucking over evil billionaires so what is not to love?

I am not immune to Neo and his slutty little crop tops. He has three brain cells and they are all that is keeping him from not dying. Iconic to be honest.

I am not immune to Shin and his glasses, and his kindness. I mean, the boy got cut with a knife and not only comforted the kid that wounded him when he started freaking out but dated him.

Mollie - The Warp Effect

gif by @patpran

MY FIRST NON-BINARY REP IN THAILAND, MY BELOVED. Mollie is so fucking hot, they are talented, they have sick tattoos, they are fighting for themselves, and are changing the landscape of media, what is not to love?

You could also almost certianly put in any of Silvy's characters and I would probably want them carnally, cause...it's Silvy.

(honestly, I'd go for Nim too, but again, not for her character's personality, it's the masc!Jan effect)

Kim- KinnPorsche

gif by @namchyoon

For this scene and this scene only. Honestly, I think if nothing else this shows you that my type is people who could actually maybe kill me in a fight.

Or at the very least, people I could get in to a homoerotic fight with.

Anyway, Jeff gives me gender envy and the first time I saw this gifset, I thought he was a butch lesbian.

Speaking of homoerotic fights

Phaya and Sand - The Sign

MENACE! A MENACE I TELL YOU! I truly well and deeply have an appreciation for when someone who (I assume) typically would top absolutely just vibrates out of their skin at the first sign they might be topped.

And I'm adding Sand here as well because I think my jaw dropped like ten feet when I saw her on screen.

Sand, baby girl, let me know if Yai doesn't treat you right, cause I will.

King- Bed Friend

gif by @earthfluuke

Shout out to this man, I've seen him on at least three of these lists. But who could blame us? Look at him.

Choy Yu Na- Semantic Error

She did that bisexual sit and my heart was hers.

And for my last two picks, I certainly am asking myself the question, do I want them carnally or do I just want them?

Mork -My Ride

Helloooooooo Mr. Dimples. I mean....I feel like I don't need to explain myself here. We all get it, right? We understand, right? And besides, he gives rides for a living or something...

Minoru- Our Dining Table

HE'S JUST SO NICE, SO KIND, SO TIRED. @isaksbestpillow is so right, he is a mother. I love him.

Tagging @so-much-yet-to-learn, @solitaryandwandering, @respectthepetty and anyone else who sees this and wants to join!

#10 bl boys I want carnally #cupid's last wish #seneha stories #3 will be free #the warp effect #the sign the series #our dining table #semantic error #my ride the series #bed friend the series #kinnporsche #tag game

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blushedfemme · 4 months

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feels like a silly question as a stone butch, but...what do you like about being a stone femme? I am so outwardly focused when it comes to sex that I have a hard time seeing what the appeal could be. and I think me not getting it is also connected to how it is hard for me to think of my own stone as anything but selfishness. thank you ahead of time for your thoughts .

not a silly question in the least but a very very big one, i will try to put it into words as best as i can. i’m going to refer to stone femme as a bottom and stone butch as a top in this answer but stone femmes can be tops and stone butches can be bottoms!

for me being a stone femme is about trust and being fully, completely authentic during sex. i love that my stone requires me to ground myself in my body so that i can receive. i love being intentional and aware and blissfully awake. i love watching a stone butch partner feel pleasure through my pleasure. and i love finding all the subtle oblique ways i can give them pleasure too, through touch, voice, visuals, etc.

not to get too into it but before realizing i was a lesbian i had sex with men, and would dissociate hard without realizing that was what i was doing. i would watch the entire thing from outside my body. i thought this was normal. i offered blowjobs to try and delay or ‘get out of’ penetrative sex. it was the opposite of authenticity and showing up as myself. even though i was fully consenting to these interactions (deeeeep in comphet) i was terrified of their pleasure and even more terrified of my own.

coming into my own as a lesbian and as a stone femme is the antithesis of that and incredibly healing to me. i feel like myself during sex. and on a more physical level, when i’m safe and grounded in my body and communicating with a partner? it feels so good to receive. penetration feels aMAZing. i can understand why you might think your stone is selfish, i’ve had the same fears myself, but it absolutely isn’t. it’s beautiful and complex and to the people who get it (whether they’re stone femmes or just really cool about it) it’s nothing less than a gift. 💖 i am so incredibly grateful for stone butches because they’re able to show up during sex in a way that intuitively makes sense to me, and they top me with an acute understanding of how serious it is to receive, even if they themselves have never done it and never will. that’s everything to me 🥰

#clarke answers #stone identity #ask a femme #stone femme #high femme

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soundtestmenu · 1 year

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no you see you don't understand. butch/femme is at its best when the butch is a hopeless and extremely flusterable dork who the femme can just dance around knowing the butch will unflinchingly bend to their whims. oh yeah uh honey mustard with the nuggets please. yes. mhm. thank you. i love you. *exits the drive through and my car explodes*

#i have been awake for 16 hours.

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bumblee-stumblee · 2 years

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I am one of those 'kids who can't consent'. I can consent. But because of radfems allying with the conservative right, you are forcing me through irreparable changes. Every day I wake up and my body is more and more disgusting. But, because of you, I keep getting gaslit by GPs that I'm not trans, that I will learn to love my body, when the reality is it's wrong. Radfems do want to kill trans people, and they want kids to stay sexually available to them. I've lost count of the amount of lesbians telling me that I shouldn't "mutilate" my body because they lose out on another butch. You're disgusting and why I may be attracted to girls but will never date them.

Killing trans people is your end goal and that's why people think you're evil. 56% increase in hate crimes in the UK, thanks for that.

No, actually, you can't consent and if you don't understand the dangerous precedent this sets (for full grown adults with agendas to tell you can consent,) I'll explain it to you.

Within the trans community there's an idea that the sooner you can get a kid to transition, socially or medically, the sooner this can be seen as normal. The normalization of transitioning children is important, it pushes the idea that they could be born in the wrong body and normalizes the idea that a child knows what is medically best for them.

Child predators will try to find a way to have access to children by any means, now imagine how much easier it would be for them to have access to vulnerable children if they just claim to understand and support their gender identity issues.

The idea that children can consent would mean parents have no right over their children when it comes to their health and protections. I'm not saying children shouldn't speak up for themselves but we need to acknowledge that many children can be coached or groomed into saying or thinking things that may not benefit them or their safety.

The people that would love it for the law to 'recognize' that kids can consent doesn't stop at transgender rights advocates. It extends to pedophiles/child molesters that would love to get off the sex registry(something Jacob Breslow thinks it shouldn't exist to begin with) & pedophiles in position of power; informing and creating guidelines regarding childrens health & gender identity issues/transgenderism.

Pedophile sympathizer Jacob Breslow advocates for the rights of pedophiles, he thinks people are too mean to them. He thinks minors can consent too.

In his book Ambivalent Childhoods, Chapter 3 Desiring the Child: Queerness, Motherhood, and the Analyst, he writes:

[a description of a 12-year-old child dancing and mimicking sex acts to a crowd of adults.]

“As his movements transition from those that mimic break-dancers to those that mimic sex acts, repeating the easily citational gesticulations of pelvic thrusts … I find myself caught up in exhilarating waves of memory, identification, and desire … a desire for him himself,”

Why am I talking about Jacob Breslow? You should know him right? He was a Mermaids charity trustee until all of this came out, the pedophile sympathizing and all that.

Breslow also cited as an inspiration for his own writing Judith Levine’s 2002 book Harmful To Minors: The Perils Of Protecting Children From Sex in which she wrote that “sex is not in itself harmful to minors” and argued for the lowering of the age of consent to twelve.

He also was a guest speaker for a Pro-Pedophile B4U-ACT conference, an organization set up by a convicted child molester to destigmatize pedophiles and rebrand then as MAPs or Minor attracted person.

He's just one person tho, right? Not like there are more pedophile sympathizers in position of power when it comes to the transgender movement-

Anyways, all that to say;

Kids cannot consent because they don't have the cognitive or emotional maturity to understand long-term ramifications of such things.

>forcing irreparable changes

Going through puberty is normal. You've been convinced it's not but i promise you, you can still transition as soon as you turn 18 or whatever if that's what you want and you'll be fine.

Radfems don't align themselves with the conservative right but i can understand how you'd come to think that's what's happening when certain radfems talk on conservative platforms. I think there's a lack of understanding that they have no where else to speak on, especially when leftist first action is to label them as terfs and often don't give them the opportunity to have a conversation lest they be cancelled for even giving them the time of day.

Your body isn't disgusting. I'm sorry you feel that way and I'm sorry there are certain people that have convinced you to hate your body. I won't tell you you can learn to love yourself, it's taken me decades to learn to love myself and stop hating myself so much for things that happened to me that were out of my control and made me resent being a woman. Learning about radical feminism has definitely helped. I hope you can find something that will help you you as well that won't cause irreversible damage.

Radfems don't want to kill transpeople, I've already explained this in a different ask. Radfems don't want kids to be sexually available to them either, that's disgusting.

Hey, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot, including internalized homophobia, maybe some trauma. I truly hope you get an actual therapist that can listen and validate your concerns. My end goal isn't to kill transpeople tho I'd definitely would like to know where you're getting that from.

#radfem #radblr #ask

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possibilistfanfiction · 1 year

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Hey there! Just wanted to let you know that I love your writing. I love the universe you've created for ava and beatrice. I could have said Avatrice but the thing is you write them so beautifully as individuals, all their triumphs and losses, that it doesn't feel right not to acknowledge them as they are on their own as much as they are as a couple. Anyway! I pretty much have bookmarked all your work and I keep suggesting your fics on Twitter, I'm pretty much your unofficial publicist at this point, proudly so 😆

I just finished the multitude of loving and once again you made me laugh and smile and cry and you made my heart warm and for a while, my depression didn't feel as debilitating. So thank you. I don't know what you're gonna write next whenever inspiration strikes, but if you ever do another outside pov, would you mind writing one from Diego's? I guess I'm biased because aside from your fics, I've been obsessed with do a flip by sunsafe and it warms my heart to see Diego in fics because well, I think it's safe to say that he was the one who loved ava first, he was there by her bedside and all and so it would be lovely, to know how he feels and thinks about ava and beatrice, after all the years of living his own life, after all the years wishing to see his sister, his best friend, his... Ava, because there's no traditional title that really fits them, after all the years wishing that ava is okay and... Alive, more than just surviving because even when he was a child he knew, ava was meant for such a bright and grand life, just because she was all that herself.

Anyway, just an idea, of course. My rambling is not in any way meant to pressure you into writing it 😆😅 I hope you're having a good day wherever you are. Cheers!

[first of all i love do a flip!!!! 100/10 recommend if anyone hasn't read it!!

anyway, here's a little diego pov in the butch bea universe. he's like 18 or 19? idk. yknow just roll w it :) ]

university is busy as hell, and it's cool that they pay for your doctor's appointments and, when you actually started getting the care you needed, you were able to do basically everything in the normal, big wide world with regular meds and check-ins — but mostly you just want to play rugby and flirt with girls (not well, but you're 18 and always kind, so who cares your success rate) and pass all of your classes. when you got adopted it had seemed like a miracle, and so you don't take any of this time for granted — not the bright sun or the grass stains on your knees or how rachel plays with your hair when you hang out in her dorm.

you don't think much of it when you get a random email from beatrice gu-knight, partially because emails are a pain in the ass and partially because nico brought over a six pack of stellas and his nintendo switch — you're the mario kart champion, undisputed — but, in the morning, when you open your phone, you think your heart might stop in your chest.

Hello Diego,

I hope you're well. I know it might seem strange to get an email like this from someone you don't know and have never even heard of, and, if you don't wish to follow up or connect, please just let me know, and that will be the end of it.

But, in the hopeful chance that you do: my name is Beatrice (she/her), and I'm reaching out to you because Ava Silva is my life partner. We've been together for a few years now and she talks of you often, and fondly; I know from her stories you were an extraordinarily joyful and sustaining part of her life at St. Michael's, and, if nothing else, I hope you understand my deep gratitude for that. I work in tech, so I was able to find this email address for you in the hopes that you might want to reconnect with Ava. We live in Los Angeles, and she's, as I'm sure you remember, wonderful. Maybe even more wonderful now, as I hope you are too.

Again, if you are at all uncomfortable, please feel no pressure to engage in any way; I won't let Ava know, so don't worry about that. If you would like to reconnect, though, you can respond to this email, or call or text me at my cell listed below. Thank you.

Warmest regards,

Beatrice

it takes you a few seconds to get it together, because, what the fuck, first of all. second of all, ava — one of your favorite people ever, and someone you miss every day. who apparently has a very proper and seemingly kind partner named beatrice, and lives in california. ava is alive, and probably really happy. the last time you saw her she was scared and upset and you had thought she died before that. you had thought you would never see her again.

Hey, this is Diego, you text the number on Beatrice's email. you think about the time difference, and, sorry if it's the middle of the night for you

it takes a minute or two, but then your phone vibrates. Diego, wonderful to hear from you! I'm glad my email wasn't too intense.

and, like, maybe it was a little, but your calc III professor is a fucking nutcase, so you kind of have a high bar.

Ava works late sometimes, so don't worry about the time difference right now

it's sweet, you think, that beatrice doesn't work late, or, whatever, maybe she does, but she's up because ava is awake. because ava will be coming home, or finishing up in an office. you wonder about their life, what their home looks like and if ava's laugh is still just as awesome. and, like, what is ava's job? is she still paralyzed, or can she walk like she had the last time you saw her? you're glad for her, honestly, that her partner is a girl, because ava thought boys were hot but also seemed to like girls more — so, like, how did they fall in love? it's funny to imagine ava as a grownup, with a partner and a home and a whole life, but it's also the best.

do you want to facetime tomorrow or something, you text, because you don't really know what else to say, but you want to find out: about your sister, and the life she's apparently built. you think — if ava is anything like how she had been when you were younger — you definitely want to be in it.

I would love that, beatrice responds immediately. you work out the details and, eventually, you go to class and try to have a normal day. but ava is out there, happy, in california, with a partner who clearly cares about her. it feels like a gift, even to know. it feels like a gift, to get to be in her warmth again.

beatrice, when you answer the facetime call at exactly the second the clock hits 7 pm your time, is beautiful. it doesn't surprise you, not really, because you remember ava being pretty, and, even more than that, fucking awesome. beatrice is younger than what you think someone with that formal a name would be, with short dark hair that flops into her eyes, which are kind of gold in the light through the window of whatever room she's in. 'hello, diego,' she says, and, yeah, ava probably loves that accent.

it makes you laugh, but, like, in a nice way, to know that ava has a whole partner. a whole entire person who shares a life with her, who helps her with stuff and — beatrice is a saint for this — laughs at her puns.

'hey,' you say, feel awkward and a little sloppy in the face of the chic big oil painting behind her, the hoodie you know is expensive because your friend artur had had it marked on his stockx for, like, months now. 'uh, i'm diego. nice to meet you.'

beatrice smiles, and you see her freckles, and you realize, in a flash, a truth you know implicitly — that ava loves this person. ava picked this person to spend her life with. the world is cruel, you know better than most, but the world is also so, so kind.

'i'm so happy you responded to my email,' she says, less formal and with a slight laugh, mostly with joy. 'ava is the best, and i know that — she misses you. she loves you, a lot. i've always wanted to meet you.' you kind of don't know what to say, and you're relieved when she shakes her head. 'sorry, i'm being a lot again. believe it or not, this is my first rodeo with something like this.'

first rodeo sounds foreign from her, and it inexplicably makes you laugh. 'you're doing fine.' you realize that beatrice is just as nervous as you are, maybe even more: she loves ava. she has a whole life with ava. 'i — does ava want to talk to me?'

'i haven't told her yet. i wanted to see how you felt first, without any pressure, and i didn't want her to feel disappointed. but i know she will be... overjoyed, to have you in her life again, if you want.'

'yeah.' you think of ava's jokes and how full of life she was, even when she didn't have access to much of it herself. you think about the clumsy drawings you had made her, and how happy she was every time she got to go outside in her wheelchair. 'i do, want that. a lot.'

beatrice's smile is relieved and grateful. 'i can talk to her, then, and then maybe you two can set up a video chat? i know she'll be beside herself with excitement.'

'yeah,' you say, and you can't help but smile looking forward to it. it doesn't sound like ava's changed much, in the good ways, which is super cool. 'i'm excited too.'

your palms are clammy and you feel like you might throw up, but beatrice had sent you a link to a zoom and asked if the evening worked for you; you're so thrilled but also, like, what if ava doesn't like you anymore? what if she's way way cooler than you, or too grown up, or just bored by your life? it had been one thing, to lose her when you were young and confused, to have to grieve her absence so obliquely — but it would be an entirely different thing now, to know she's alive and has a life of her own and just doesn't want you in it. you don't really know how you would handle that. ava was your friend and ava was your sister, in the ways that really matter.

but, you realize very quickly, all of your anxiety was for nothing, because ava's face pops on screen — older, and her hair is shorter, and there are slight laugh lines settling into the skin around her eyes, but she mostly looks the same — and her smile is so warm and then she starts to cry and laugh and, yeah. if you do too, it's fine. no one else is in your dorm room anyway.

'hey,' she says, the first to get any words out. she's sitting up, and she waves, and you feel like you're seeing a real life miracle, right there on your computer screen. 'you look so old. i really missed you.'

'you look so old too.' she grins. 'i really missed you.'

it's a little stilted at first, probably because you're both overwhelmed, but then it's just... the fucking best. ava is a bartender, 'mostly for fun,' she says, which, whatever that means, and she still loves the beach. they apparently have a house right by the water. she starts crying again when you tell her you got adopted, that you're not so sick anymore because you have good doctors and caring parents, that you're in school to become an accountant.

'the family business?' she says, choked up, after you tell her that your adoptive mom is one too, and that she wanted you to be able to take over one day if you were interested.

it's as unbelievable to you some days as it seems to her, on bright mornings or when you get to go skiing in the cold snow, when your friends pass around a joint or when you get to go to a museum, whenever you want. 'yeah,' you say — a family; you learn ava has one too. 'it's pretty incredible.'

'holy shit, ava.'

she just laughs, letting you go in front of her into her house. well, her and beatrice's house, you guess. you'd facetimed and texted a bunch with ava in the past two months, so you had figured out they were kinda loaded, and they'd both picked you up from the airport in a very sleek, fancy volvo, but, like —

'this is nuts.'

you think you might immediately cry again when you notice, right away, how there's not a single part of the house you can see that isn't accessible for someone in a wheelchair. ava had told you that she can walk but some days has a lot of pain and a hard time with mobility, and that beatrice was awesome and she had a good chair and even a van and a service dog, but you never could've imagined this. their house is huge and beautiful, like something you'd see in an AD tour you like to watch when you're stoned. ava has a cane today, and beatrice trundles in with your bag — she had insisted, quietly, but with a look that told you it would be totally pointless to argue.

'your house is awesome,' you say, to both of them.

beatrice smiles gently. 'we redid it last year, for accessibility. i think it turned out great.'

'wanna see the best part?' ava says, using her cane to bounce a little on the balls of her feet and you have to clear your throat because you had known her for so long. you had loved her for so long, your best friend in the entire world, who was smart and funny and bursting at the seams to feel it all, to really get to live.

'dude,' you say, 'of course.'

'i'm going to put your bag in your room,' beatrice says. 'and then i have a work call. but i should be done after the hour, for whatever you'd like to do, if you want me to join.'

'of course we want you to join,' ava says, and beatrice blushes and then gathers herself and kisses the top of ava's head before she offers you a thumbs up — nerdy, and it makes ava snort — and then lifts your bag like it weighs two pounds or something. 'love of my life,' ava says. 'definitely doesn't have a work call, but she's been stressed all week about making sure she gives us time to ourselves but doesn't seem aloof. huge weirdo.'

'she's hot.'

'ew, diego.'

you shrug. 'all i'm saying is that, like, i get it. not for me, because she's, like, super gay, but you know. for you.' you take a breath. 'sorry, i'm just excited.'

ava laughs. 'bea is super gay, it's true.' she points to a button on the wall nearby and then floor to ceiling glass doors that separate the living space from the patio. 'now, check this out.'

it's pretty fucking wild that ava went from the horrible orphanage, and tons of abuse that you were too small and too weak and too scared to stop, to a whole house that opens up to a day bed and an outdoor kitchen and dining area and a hot tub, a small patch of grass, and then the sea behind — but in the best kind of way. the kind of way that makes you want to tell everyone you meet that things can get better. that good things will happen to good people, at least sometimes. at least ava, who is the best of all of them.

ava motions for you to come with and walks outside, and then it's, like, genuinely the best thing ever when a black and white dog — korra, who ava sends you pictures of all the time and has featured in multiple zoom calls — who was napping in the sun, perks her head up and you swear she, like, dog-smiles at ava. 'hi, good girl,' ava says, and then claps her hands once and korra obediently, and happily, comes to ava's right side and sits, leans her little head against ava's thigh.

'i can't spend this entire time crying,' you say, and ava laughs. 'can i say hi?'

'of course,' she says. 'she's not usually formally working at home, unless i'm having a really bad day. which, you know, i'm not, but they do happen sometimes.' she shrugs and you kneel down in the sun and pet korra's soft ears as she nuzzles your face.

'she's so cool,' you say, and then kiss the top of her head and her nose. 'hey korra! i'm your uncle, i guess?'

'yeah! uncle diego.'

it makes you beam, to sit on the patio with ava as she shows you some of the tasks korra has been trained to do, and tells you about her bar you'll go to later, and points toward their outdoor shower with a sly smile. you do her the courtesy of fake gagging, although you really are just mostly happy for her, with her partner and her dog and a house that was built just for her.

eventually, beatrice comes outside, carrying a very intense charcuterie board. she places it down on the day bed, between you and ava, korra happily snoozing at your feet.

‘hi baby,’ ava says and scoots closer to you, then tugs on beatrice’s hand until she sits. ava kisses her temple. ‘this is very extravagant.’

‘well, we have a guest,’ beatrice says. ‘there’s wine inside, if you’d like a glass.’

‘i know nothing about wine,’ you admit, ‘but if there’s one you think… pairs? well with, you know —‘ you gesture to the elegantly laid out spread of food in front of you — ‘then i’ll trust you and go with that.’

ava grins. ‘yes, beatrice. be our resident sommelier, please.’

beatrice rolls her eyes, again with a blush, but then stands, ignoring ava’s pout. ‘i’ll be right back.’

‘she’s, like, really nice.’

ava lays back with a grin. ‘well she’s on her i was raised by diplomats and nannies most proper behavior right now. i don’t get charcuterie boards like this… ever.’ she takes a bite of cheese. ‘but bea is wonderful. she’s brilliant and funny and so, so kind. she’ll loosen up. i’m really excited you get to spend time with her.’

‘i’m thankful she reached out. i — i’m so happy to be here, and to see you.’

‘me too, my dude.’

beatrice comes back out with fancy real crystal glasses and a bottle of wine she explains is a vintage napa chardonnay, which mostly just makes you think it’s expensive. it probably is, with the way she efficiently uncorks it — ava practically drools, annoying, and you elbow her in the ribs — but it’s, like, really good. at least compared to the cheap wine you sometimes have with your friends when you order greek food.

‘diego,’ beatrice says, measured and anxious and, if ava’s stupid expression is anything to go by, endearing, ‘as you know, i like to surf. although it’s quite early, i was wondering if you might like to join me tomorrow? one of my best friends is an excellent instructor and the wave report looks ideally calm. ava thought you might be interested, if you’d like to learn?’

‘yeah,’ you say. ‘of course. that sounds sick.’

beatrice grins, relaxing a little. ava squeezes her hand. ‘i find it quite fun. it can be hard at first, but it’s nice to be in the water.’

‘diego gets his astounding athletic ability from my side of the family,’ ava says, patting you on the knee.

‘your side of the family?’ beatrice arches a brow.

‘yeah, the orphan side,’ you say, an old joke coming back to you, and ava gives you a high five.

‘i —‘

‘don’t think about it too hard, beatrice. diego also gets his bisexuality from my side of the family too.’

‘now that i’m willing to believe.’

ava winks at you, and then settles back into beatrice’s side.

admittedly, you're exhausted, so the mezcal margarita — smoky and just the right amount of sour — is hitting harder than you thought.

'okay,' ava says, 'boys are easy to flirt with.'

beatrice rolls her eyes.

'they are, bea,' she insists, then looks to you. 'sorry, diego, but boys are just... simple. they see someone hot, especially me, and there's, like, no thoughts.'

you think of the way luis had kissed you one night at a party — with his strong hands and his strong jaw and the rough, delicious scratch of his beard — after you'd just offered him a drink politely, so. honestly, that tracks.

'girls, though, diego.'

you laugh.

'you know, people who aren't men.'

'yeah, of course.'

'difficult. i just — whew.'

'aren't you, like, basically married?'

'well, yes, we're domestic partners. but beatrice is horrible at flirting. she's just lucky she's brilliant, and beautiful, and handsome, and funny.'

beatrice rolls her eyes again, although a blush spreads across her cheeks. 'i think i have more women try to flirt with me than you.'

ava huffs. 'that's because you're just — ugh.' she turns toward you. 'bea has grown into being a lesbian magnet. i once was superior. plus, boys flirt with me too.' she claps you on the back. 'either way, between the two of us, we'll teach you everything you need to know.'

'they won't,' one of their friends says, sliding in next to beatrice, who smiles and kisses him on the cheek. he's maybe the hottest person you've ever seen, with tattoos down both arms and a neat fade, probably a few years older than beatrice. 'i'm keiko,' he says, and offers his hand. his handshake is so strong and you feel yourself blush. 'i own the dojo beatrice goes to.'

'my favorite sparring partner,' beatrice says. 'partially because i have never lost.'

keiko waves her off.

'uh, i'm diego.'

ava laughs, delightedly, at how flustered you clearly are.

'well, if you want advice on boys, i am quite successful.'

'i'm sure you are.'

ava gives you a high five, mortifyingly. 'that's my man.'

'i'm cutting both of you off,' beatrice says.

'one shot, bea, please. come on. all we have to do is walk home.'

beatrice sighs dramatically and runs a hand through her hair, and keiko nudges her in the shoulder. 'for once in your life, beatrice, have a little fun.'

it takes a moment, but she laughs. 'fine. one shot, and then home.'

you surf the next morning, early as fuck, but you’re kind of jetlagged anyway and it’s really beautiful to watch the sunrise while you rest on a board. you haven’t popped up and you got tired pretty fast, but beatrice’s friend, ray — and beatrice herself, obviously — are patient and relaxed and don’t seem to care at all. ava wanders out eventually, setting out a towel and drinking a to-go cup of coffee. she waves happily and blows a kiss in beatrice’s direction, who blushes. it had made you laugh, quietly, when she had put a special bucket hat designed for surfing on after she situated her wetsuit.

‘i don’t want to get sunburned,’ she explained, and then handed you a bottle of spf 100 sunscreen and a zinc stick.

eventually you ride a wave in on your knees, laughing, and then go sit by ava while you watch ray and beatrice and the rest of their little crew surf the next set, bigger on the outer break. you can tell beatrice shows off, for ava and, maybe a bit, for you. it's still early, and ava's happy to sit back in the easy quiet.

'hey,' you say after a while, during a break in sets, 'so, beatrice introduced me this morning as "ava's little brother".'

she turns to you, studies your features carefully, just like she always would when you were in the orphanage, trying to pay close attention. 'did that feel okay?'

'other than the fact that i'm taller than you —'

'— hey —'

'— of course,' you say. 'i love being your brother.'

ava scoots closer to you and bumps your shoulder with hers; you have your wetsuit down around your waist and she has one of beatrice's hoodies on, but you've mostly dried off by this point so you put your arm around her shoulders and tug her to you.

'do you, uh. sister? sibling?'

ava smiles. 'either is great.'

'okay.'

'thanks, diego.'

'nothing to thank me for there. i should be thanking you, honestly. all expenses paid trip to a bougie beach house in california to see someone i've missed so much? the dream.'

she sniffles. you don't know all the details but you know ava has been through some real shit after she — came back to life, you guess? 'i missed you too, so so much.' she clears her throat and wipes under her eyes. 'in the spirit of being your cool older sibling, what mild to moderately wild things do you want to do here. i don't want your parents to be mad at me so consider wisely.'

'tattoo.'

'do you have anything planned that you would want?'

'well, no.'

ava laughs.

'what? beatrice has cool tattoos.'

'she is a staunch believer that you should plan your tattoos in advance. but think of something and then next time we'll get you all set up with her artist, if you want.'

there's a level of maturity and care that's a little unexpected but, like, really cool? really nice. it's kind of weird and makes you a bit emotional, because ava is grown up. she's still an idiot, and constantly annoying, and very funny — but she's gotten to get older, and so have you.

'we could dye our hair,' she says, shrugging. 'easy to rectify, if it's a disaster.'

'i'm so in, man.' your hair is darker than hers, and you have no idea if she knows what she's doing, but you trust beatrice — with her neat hair and neat house and neat clothes and seemingly undying love for ava — to monitor the situation.

'maybe we can do the bi flag.'

it makes you laugh, imagining how silly it would look. 'what about just purple? like, a light purple situation.'

'i've done that before,' she tells you excitedly. 'loved it. definitely time to return.'

'deal. also, i want to try california weed.'

ava grins. 'we would have let you last night, you know, but you were actively falling asleep at the bar after one cocktail.'

'it's the time difference, i swear.'

'sure it is.'

'well, bea loves her edibles. she's very particular about them. i'm... much less particular about joints, but we can start off chill. maybe this afternoon. and then we can have tacos.'

'that sounds like a perfect day.'

she smiles. 'yeah,' she says. 'even more perfect because i get to share it with you.'

'gross,' you say, although you might suddenly cry. 'sappy.'

'yeah, yeah. whatever.'

you keep your arm around ava's shoulders and watch beatrice and ray trade tricks the next set, and then they both call it and walk, laughing, toward you. ava struggles to stand with a frown, and you offer your arm for her to take if she wants. she does, smiles quickly in thanks and then, you know too, moves on without a word. she kisses beatrice soundly on the mouth, then pushes her goofy bucket hat off her head, fastened around her neck and resting on the back of her shoulders, and then gratuitously unzips her wetsuit while ray rolls her eyes.

it's a whole big world, you learn more and more every day. ray joins you for breakfast and then ava takes you shopping while you're pretty sure beatrice just naps. ava uses her chair and brings korra, which is mostly just the coolest thing in the world to you, because she has a whole van customized too, and she just — you had known, when you were younger, when ava would get to go outside in her chair, that nothing was limiting her other than care, and access. you had been limited too, and you ached with it. you ache differently now, because ava navigates her day fully and independently: a wheelchair lift for the stairs, and a huge, beautiful closet and kitchen where she can reach everything without having to stand, and korra, who can turn on lights and open doors and brings you a juice from the fridge when you sit down and mention you're thirsty; ava grins with the command and then praises korra, and you scratch her soft head and even softer ears.

beatrice does supervise when you and ava dye your hair, but ava mostly knows what she's doing, and really gets distracted the most when she looks over at beatrice in lowslung joggers and a cutoff tank and a beanie, leaning against the doorframe quietly, a fond expression on her face. ava wears crop tops and wideleg pants and expensive sneakers and you both end up laughing when you have your matching lavender hair.

you eat edibles that make everything feel lush and slow and perfect, and beatrice laughs softly at ava's ramble about her arms, and she orders a ton of her favorite chinese food that you eat on the patio at sunset. you take some pictures on your film camera, at sunset, and beatrice takes a few of you and ava. you wish you could go back in time and tell both of you, when you were small and sad and scared and abused, that things would be this beautiful one day. that things would be this good.

ava and beatrice eventually say goodnight before they head inside to their bedroom. there's too much light pollution in los angeles to see many of the stars, but you know they're there all the same.

#wn #warrior nun fic #avatrice #avatrice fic #butch bea 🥺🫡#they just get to have such a good life #diego is just like ... wow ... !! ava is so stupid. i love her so much

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lillified · 1 month

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Your megatron has done wonders for me realizing and coming into my butch identity

this is really lovely to hear, thank you!! <3

hearing stuff like this always means a lot to me because I remember being young(er) and having very limited exposure to really any queer history or media--I was aware of something being different about me, but I really didn't have any words or a framework or community of understanding to put to the feeling. it was very lonely, and I ended up looking in some strange places to figure it out! thankfully i have a community and a developed understanding NOW, but I know that's good luck--there are plenty of people my age who don't, still if sharing my identity and experience in a roundabout way helps people feel seen more themselves then that is the single best thing i could ask for. i'm really glad it has a positive effect on people, even if it is something as silly as robot art

#ask #text post #text

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scoobydoodean · 1 month

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hey pk I was wondering about something since I saw this analysis post about about the moc storyline, and i realised since you seem to have such a comprehensive understanding of the show AND are currently doing a rewatch AND always without fail have good and fair analysis, I could just ask you! so if it’s alright/if you have time, could you tell me if dean ever says stuff like ‘I wanna punch sth/c’mon let me just [do sth violent]’ before he ever has the mark? does he ever say it aside from that one scene in 10.20 i can remember?

btw love you you’re the best <3 coolest blog badge for you 🎖

Hello Jo! 🩷 Thank you for the badge it is a great honor to receive such an award. 😌

I cannot think of an example of this up to my current rewatch episode (6.06) though admittedly this isn't something I would think to take particular note of. However, perhaps butch—dean's transcript search could be of assistance!

I found Sam and Dean both saying they "want to hit/punch something" in season 12?

Dean in 12.14:

Dean: You know what? You find us a case. 'Cause I need to hit something. Now. Sam: You wanna talk about it?

Sam in 12.21:

Sam Seven Hunters are gone. We can't grab a signal from Mom's phone. Cas has Kelly Kline who knows where. Mick has slipped off the grid. Ketch is lying to us. I-I... I wanna punch something in the face. Dean: Good. Hold on to that, 'cause it looks like we got a hellhound to deal with. Which means…

The phrases "hit something" and "punch something" don't appear anywhere else in the transcripts said by Dean or Sam tho <3 I also tried "kill something", "hunt something", "murder something", "punch", and "to hit".

This isn't the same thing exactly but maybe tangentially relevant:

Dean has said "I need/want to work" before—once during the MoC arc in 10.04 but also in 4.08, but the context of the line in 4.08 is Sam is badgering him to open up about hell when Dean is not ready, so Dean says "I want to work" as a way of proving he is fine and getting Sam off his back and off the subject of Dean's trauma. Sam says the same thing in 7.11, and then in 2.18:

DEAN: Yeah. I just figured that, you know, after everything that happened with ... Madison, y-you could use a little R-and-R, that's all. SAM: Well, maybe I wanna work, Dean. Maybe it keeps my mind off things.

In 1.20, Sam also insist when Dean suggests R&R "we got work to do, and you know that."

#mail

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intheholler · 4 months

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reading an article for a class (appalachian studies) and i kept being reminded of u

https://www.guernicamag.com/lost-in-a-misgendered-appalachia/

[positive] [with no foul intent] [its a good article]

i have read this article a few times since you sent it in and i still don't exactly know how to express my thoughts on it.

first: amen

second: yall literally have no idea how it makes me feel when you say somethin appalachian-related reminded yall of me. for real <3333

third: time to get long winded and sentimental, because i've never considered it this way, but it's so true. when i think of appalachia, i dont think about lifted trucks and gun shows.

i think about my badass grandma who was a fiery divorced, sex-positive, weed smoking, unapologetic feminist in her day and who didn't take no shit from no mountain men.

i think about my gospel loving, soft spoken mama who loudly loved jesus, a woman anyone would write off as an average "southern christian white lady" on the surface. how she didn't bat an eye when i nervously told her i was gay as a preteen. i think about how she hugged me and told me how much she loved me, how not everyone was gonna be nice about it or understand but that i was going to be safe and it was gonna be okay. how when i was a kid she stood up to that fire n brimstone southern baptist preacher and got us the fuck out of there.

i think about one of my best friends in high school, a visibly queer butch lesbian in our tiny bible beating western NC town. how fucking brave and cool she was for being one of maybe three "out" queers at school and so visibly queer at that. i think about how she got married to a pretty girl last year in that same town.

i think about two of my close friends who had to grow up so heartbreakingly fast, a pair of sisters who were at the time so young but selflessly spent their free time caring for their terminally ill mother by themselves up in their lonely holler without ever lodging a complaint

i think about my sister who dropped everything to raise me when she was only 23, breaking her back and making shit work because no one else was gonna make it work for us. i think about how one of my great aunts literally cleaned out her bedroom to furnish mine when she learned i was sleepin on a shitty couch in a cold basement.

i think about my other great aunt who apologizes for absolutely no part of who she was and holds fast to her beliefs no matter what. i think about her filling her house with the warm smell of soup beans and biscuits that were gonna feed the whole family when they come later.

when i think about appalachia, i think about the women in my life. appalachia is divine and it is absolutely divinely feminine. it's the heart of these hills and patriarchy taints it like it does everything fuckin else.

as an aside, i really loved this section here. it was kind of empowering:

Despite our region’s diversity and passionate socialist and pro-union roots, many have bought into the capitalist terms and definitions inflicted upon us. The religiosity of the place exacerbates this messaging, and the prevalence of evangelical Christianity in rural hollers means we often internalize toxic ideas about ourselves. Or perhaps we have simply tired of fighting to be seen. The pressure of religious and economic patriarchy, particularly in an exploited region like this one, means we live inside a perpetually loaded question. Nothing is more exhausting than trying to prove you exist. But the consequences of surrendering are stark: worsening wealth gaps, lost histories, continued erasures of diverse people and ecosystems. To live in Appalachia nowadays is to live with our failure to break down systemic racism, and with our complicity in the abuse of our bodies, labor, and land by unregulated corporations and himbo charlatans.

whew, okay. anyway, thanks for sending this in <33 it really made me think. yall should check it out. it's a long read but its worth every syllable!

#asks #appalachian culture #appalachia #txt

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genderqueerdykes · 11 months

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Your post about butch and fem is so important + valid. Two friends of mine are butch and bisexual, but society often thinks they are just lebians because thats what everyone was taught.

hey thank you!

i've been getting a lot of asks to provide sources and i'm working to the best of my ability, but really the best source is finding those other queer people that identify that way. butch bisexuals... gd. what a sexy identity, quite possibly the sexiest people alive. that's me!

the terms did not start in the lesbian community, and they have never been exclusive to it or owned specifically by lesbians. some of the earliest uses of the term butch and femme come from what is known as polari, a code language that was first used among gay and gnc men and then quickly expanded to be used by queers of all stripes. the terms femme for the broad spectrum of feminine queers and butch for the broad spectrum of masculine queers were so ubiquitously used among american queer communities in the early to mid 1900s that it's literally laughable to make the claim that only lesbians use/d them. reading literature, like leslie feinberg's writings, from people who were alive and part of queer communities before the stonewall riots is extremely important to helping one understand the actual history behind our terms and how unnecessarily restrictive and sanitized our terms have become over time.

whether or not people are comfortable with hearing this, the people who tell you butch and femme are lesbian-only terms are parroting logic created by lesbian separatists, which are largely now what we know to be radfems and terfs. it's not a historical argument, it's one specifically designed to exclude trans people, butches, and bisexuals from rightfully identifying as who they are, and it's spread to the affecting the rest of community by that proxy. i understand that language evolves over time but this is not how the words were ever intended to be used, they were intended to, and were used historically in an inclusive fashion, not an exclusive one!

thank you for this, i appreciate it, and let your friends know they are awesome and to keep it up!

#asks #answers #butch #femme #bisexual

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funishment-time · 2 months

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hihi

kaede for the ask game if u haven't already done it?

thank you sorry and have a nice day!

Sexuality Headcanon: this one's complicated because Kaede to me is 100% a lesbian with some comphet tendencies. (that her Ultimate Sexual Fantasy is being a normal girl with a clique and a boyfriend she wants to call sweetheart/-chan is so telling to me...) HOWEVER, i do not mind cute art/content of her with Shuichi romantically. it's just not my personal primary vision of her, you know what i mean?

Gender Headcanon: to me she's usually cis, but a futch theater girl, straddling the line between femme and butch precariously but with perfection. we've all known one. i knew a Gaggle. ANYWAY. i've also written a few things with her as trans and enjoy that interpretation in general too

A ship I have with said character: my main Kaede ship is Irumatsu. not only are they two cuties, but i feel Kaede is one of the only characters who could develop something truly Healthy with Miu. canonically she tries very hard to treat Miu properly and yet also doesn't take Miu's shit. Kaede also seems to recognize, at least partially, that Miu is very childlike and may not fully Understand how she acts is wrong. (i believe if we'd gotten Kaede's dating sim mode, we'd have seen them develop something close to A Real Friendship. they seem to be halfway there in UTDP/Summer Camp.)

on the flipside: our Miu will always be a little Miu-ish, and i'd never want her defanged totally, but i see her as someone who'd become protective of Kaede in her own way - someone who will pick on her girlfriend constantly but not let others do it kind of thing. "that's MY piano freak, motherfucker!!!" she'd kick Kokichi's ass for screwing with Kaede's beloved piano and then would turn around and call Kaede an Autist for caring so much. Kaede would have learned to read her Weird Wife between the lines at this point and give her a >:T face and a kiss on the cheek for trying.

i could go on Forever about them in particular, as i've put a ton of thought into how it'd work without making them OOC!

A BROTP I have with said character: i really do love Kaede and Shuichi as platonic best friends, almost like Naegiri but, like, kind of inverted. strange. vile perhaps

A NOTP I have with said character: i don't think i have one for Kaede in particular!

A random headcanon: Kaede reads dirty Wattpad stories. that brain can fit so much Pervert in it

General Opinion over said character: 10/10 best protagonist next to Komaru, let more wlw characters be openly horny please

#danganronpa #kaede akamatsu

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drill-teeth-art · 7 months

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i've only recently started coming to terms with the fact that i might be a trans man but. that im also still a dyke? and your bi-gender comic is resonating with me so strongly. thank you for existing in this world. it’s so so hard sometimes but thank you for existing in this world with me.

Not that this will be or has to be the case for you, but I spent a long time early on in my social transition to male being frustrated that despite knowing myself as a more effeminate gay man, most of the world would always stop short of that. See me as a butch woman because that is easier for people who don’t get it to swallow. Even if they didn’t say that out loud. And that frustrated me for a long time. Until I realized that like. Genuinely. I don’t hate being a woman. I even consider myself a butch lesbian. I just also am a transman. And I was mostly frustrated that the way both cis and trans people sometimes too stick to the very restrictive gender binary is what was keeping me from understanding that like. I can be both actually. I can be a bitch butch lesbian and an effeminate gay transman. I can be and I am. And you know sometimes that makes people even more angry than if I passed as male. But I don’t care, and I don’t have to. I will be myself forever. No one else gets to live as me. I should get to decide who I am even if others don’t understand it and don’t want to.

No one else gets to live as you.

But I digress. I wish you the best in figuring yourself out. Remember. It’s okay if you pick a gender label now and it changes down the line. Doesn’t mean you were lying about that label and it doesn’t mean the new label is any less valid. You don’t even have to pick a label at all. And thank you for existing too. I’m glad this world is full of endless experiences.

#ask #otto thoughts

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blushedfemme · 2 months

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I’m not a stone butch myself, though am the type of service top that can happily go without. Generally if I want to be touched it’s once in a while, very gently, in between the four or so times I’m giving. Regardless, I just want to say as someone who isn’t stone that that the way you are is complete and perfect and good. I love and appreciate and know stone butches and I love and appreciate and know how important high femmes are to them. Everyone who gets all fucked about pillow princesses can’t get past their own limited perspective and understand what a relief it is for stone butches to find a high femme, to find a sexual partner that doesn’t pressure them into something they don’t really want or very very rarely want, who takes it personally, etc. I’ve seen that look of relief over beers at the bar, when a friend finally finds that genuinely liberating sex. Even for me, who isn’t stone, sex with high femmes has helped me figure out who I am and has been complete and perfect and good (so good).

I want to say that sometimes this negativity towards high femmes comes from a place of trauma. Some of us came out in small towns or otherwise stifling circumstances where our only encounters were with ostensibly straight women who found us good enough to fuck them but not good enough to fuck back. Although that’s no excuse for turning your hurt into an attack on stone identities, I also understand that hurt and I hope those people can heal.

Mostly I think it’s just entitlement. Jealousy that they find someone hot and they aren’t available to them because they don’t have sex the way they want to have sex. Too fucking bad.

I really need more people to pick up a book or look up some old zines and learn our history.

Anyway. You don’t need anyone to validate you but I really wanted to say don’t listen to those idiots.

-🧰 (this is the barbecue anon btw 😉)

oh man i’m getting kinda emotional about this…🥺 thank you so so much for reaching out, i can’t tell you how much it means to me.

the way you spoke about the relief on your stone butch friends’ faces 🥹💕 god, that’s everything. i hope i can help give someone that sense of relief and safety someday. thank you for speaking so kindly about your experiences with stone femmes, it’s validating to hear that sex with us can be complete and good in its own right.

also there’s a lot of diversity within stone and the ways we like to receive and give. for example, i have touched a partner, both directly and indirectly, to give them pleasure, and would again. i have eaten out a partner and would again. there are stone femmes who wouldn’t do those things, and they’re wonderful and sexy and skilled, but it’s weird when ppl automatically assume a stone femme won’t touch a partner below the belt in any way bc some of us do! we just do it very carefully and on our own terms. the only thing i really can’t do is penetrating a partner. dysphoria is the best word to describe the feeling it gives me. once i put on the harness as a joke and looked in the mirror and it made me nauseous lol.

and thank you so much for providing insight into the other perspective, of bad experiences with “straight” women leading to pain around lack of reciprocity in the bedroom. i know how true that is. almost every queer person i’ve ever had a deep conversation with has a story like that. it helps me to understand where this disdain comes from and to hold compassion. 💞

#clarke answers #stone identity #🧰 anon #i’m very glad to hear from you again btw 🤭💖 i really enjoyed your ask~#and love the toolbox emoji 😘#long post

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bookloover35 · 7 months

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Patrick Hockstetter x fem reader-Bowers littel sister.

Yns POV.

Patrick Hockstetter Many know him as the school's psychopath. I, on the other hand, know him as my boyfriend, Patrick and I have been together for two years now, and we are both very happy with each other. Yes now I know what you're thinking but wait a minute now Patrick is not known for just lying around and not knowing what love is. Yes, but everything apparently changed when he started hanging out with me more and more, he started to fall in love with me. It took a long time for me to believe his words because of all the rumors. But then when I saw how much he started to change I started to fall for him too, he started to stop flirting with all the other girls in our school and one day he told me that he loved me and that he just wanted me and only since then has it been him and me.

But there is one person who HATES our relationship and then there is another person who thinks it's crazy. I'm talking about my dad Butch Bowers and my brother Henry Bowers. Yes I'm a Bowers I'm Henry's little sister, but can you guess who hates and who thinks it's crazy. If you guessed that my dad HATES our relationship then you guessed right. My dad absolutely HATES it and that's why Patrick and I try not to mess with each other when he's around. Henry does not like it but he allows it because he wants me to be happy, but he keeps a very close eye on Patrick. Many in our school think I'm crazy that I'm dating him but I do not care I love being his girl.

( Back too the story).

Right now Henry and I were standing by our school lockers waiting for the others and we saw the "Losers Clube" as they call themselves, Henry looked at them with a threatening look while I looked at them with a friendly look they passed by and Henry snorted to them when they had passed by. I do not understand why they can not just let them be I like them are actually my best friends. Even though I'm Bower's little sister, they let me actually hang out with them, it's really fun to be friends with them. Okay it can be really hard sometimes when Richi is flirting with me all the time, I have warned him about Patrick but he just laughs at those words until he meets him.

My thoughts are interrupted by the fact that I felt a pair of familiar lips on my neck, and two familiar arms around my waist and a very familiar voice whispering in my ear.

Patrick: What do you think of Kitten?

Henry:Patrick stop calling my sister Kitten and stop getting horny with her near me.

Patrick: What is not my fault that your little sister makes me so horny and she is just mine and what is the name she wants to be called in bed.

Henry: WATCH IT HOCKSTETTER!!!! You should be very happy that I even allow you to date my little sister and that I even chose to believe in you when you came to me and said that you love her and just wanted her.

Patrick started laughing at my brother's threatening words he loves to tease my brother about our relationship. But what Henry said about Patrick going to him when he discovered he was in love with me is really true and that's one thing Patrick never jokes about. I could see Henry getting angrier and angrier, so I somehow managed to get away from my boyfriend and held both my hands up to them both teenagers and said.

Yn: Okay now we take it easy, we do not have to have a bloodbath out here in the corridor okay. So Pat you stop telling my brother about our sex life and Henry I will always thank you for allowing me to date Patrick and please stop giving him killer looks.

Patrick: Okey Baby.

Henry: Okey Shorty.

After they had calmed down, Vic and Belch came and we started to go to Belch's car. The three of them started to walk in advance and before I had time to catch up I felt Patrick pushing me up against the school cupboard and started kissing me hard, typically Patrick and I knew that the whole school could see us but he did not care. His hands held tightly around my waist not too tight just so it was enjoyable. We stopped the kiss and he whispered in my ear.

Patrick: You're so sexy when you tell people. You make me so heavenly horny Yn, but do not forget who decides Kitten.

(Wow is it hot in here WOW !!! Jumpskip)

When we got out we saw the Losers Clube again and I looked at them that they wanted to go there and fight with them I have to stop them somehow.

Henry: Let's go and fight a little with the Losers.

Patrick: Yaa.

Vic: Yaa.

Belch: Yaa.

Yn: Henry Please let them be they have done nothing.

Henry: Awww Shorty Are you afraid we'll hurt them? Come on Yn they are Losers why do you care.

Yn: And they are actually my friends and if they are Losers then I am also one. Okay, if we say this, if you leave them alone for three weeks, I promise to do all your homework for a whole month.

My brother, Belch and Vic looked at me and said okay then I turned around and looked at my boyfriend with puppy eyes that I know he can not resist.

Patrick: Will not work on me Baby.

He said to me and smiled okay he wants to play that game okay time to pull out the dirty card. No more miss please, I turned completely to him and started going against him very sexually. When I was in front of him, I stood on my toes because I had to be with a giant guy. Then I started sucking on his earlobe which I knew he was going crazy from then I whispered to him very sexually.

Yn: If you leave them alone, I'll let you have sex with me over and over until I can just shout out your name.

Patrick: Ohhh you Naughty Kitten.

He said to me and threw me over so that I dangled over his shoulder, then he slapped me on the ass, then he told Belch to go and start the car and drive us home to him.

Henry: Ewww.

Yn: Hi I could not think of anything else.

Henry looked at me and sighed then we started walking towards the car. Oh, I realized that the whole school could see me, but I'm so used to it, this is not the first time he's done this. And I do not really care what people say or think about our relationship. I love Patrick and Patrick loves me I am his queen and he is my king.

The end.

#wattpad #wattpadstories #wattpad story #my own words #patrick hockstetter #patrick hocksetter x reader #patrick hocksetter x fem reader #it x reader #it movie #pennywise #pennywise the dancing clown #horror #horror movies #halloween is a lifestyle #happy halloweeeeeeen #halloween

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