#that also makes you feel weird and sad

[diaries-of-phrog]

in my dream i went on a carnival ride in my dream you came and apologized and it felt so good i don't know how i ever thought it was real i swear i felt your lips on my shoulder i felt your words in my ear the way they've only ever felt for the few hours you let me spend in your arms i dreamt you were soft again and i woke up to feel you not even there

#poetry #poets on tumblr #original poetry #diaries-of-phrog #this might be too specific #it is about a dream i had #which made me wake up feeling weird and sad #yk when the person you never really dated breaks up with you #that also makes you feel weird and sad #not that that happened to me or anything

[sysig]

Ah, childhood memories (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Sans #Gaster #Having such clear external-view memories of what happened when they were young would probably give Sans a lot of ammunition lol #Not that they'd know any different - their poor memories honestly :( - but having such clear memories in places would have to be weird #Most people have childhood amnesia to an extent! Tho it's hard to say when that would've applied to them anyway with their sped-up growth #Not to mention the trauma #And it's possible that doesn't apply to Monsters to begin with lol - but it's all a moot point anyway since these are their only memories! #It's sad to think of how much of themselves are missing forever since Gaster didn't experience them :( #This is what happens when you get behind on your work >:0 #I really wonder what their lack of memories/restoration of memories would do for their like/dislike of certain things! #Like how Papyrus says that sitting with Sans in his lap makes a lot of sense as to why it was so familiar and comforting #But also that knowing makes it sad as well :( Knowing recolours their understanding and interpretation! #Knowing Why makes things make sense but does it actually Help? It's a tough question - certainly it hurts in the moment #The little things Gaster has infected for them and for himself ♥ Like taking notes! Like chess and sweets and spaghetti and lab coats #And dark sweaters and cigarette smoke and hugs and intelligence - how many pieces of all of them have A Feeling attached #How many more have A Memory - and even more than that A Memory Lost and unrecoverable ughhh ♥ #But the little things they can hold on to hehe <3 Like pinging Gaster for what they all know and remember #Why does he even keep coming over if he knows the reception he'll get? Lol #Feels particularly self-loathing and goes to get bullied as penance pfft

[starflungwaddledee]

offering three cookies 🍪🍪🍪

(<< part 1)

#kirby just whipping out the big guns right away. let's go on the ~warp star~! he knew this would get her instantly #i think also it's impossible to be sad when you are being cuddled by kirby tbh. bandee too!! what a cute prompt! #i thought i'd combine several of these sorts of asks and comments into one! sorry for not drawing adeleine; another time! #i just thought this worked well as a happy ending here. everything is fine!! they're all good now!! happy tappies and all!! hooray! #and nothing weird or bad happened here at all!! just a little breakdown but it's in the past!! phew. yay! <3 #tried something fun with the layouts for this to be half interactive/asks and half comic panels? i think it worked! #not sure this REALLY answers many questions but... i did this for fun when i was supposed to be doing other things!! i hope you'll enjoy! #also i LOVED ALL THESE ASKS i hope this doesn't make anyone feel bad for sending them in. this is just for dramatic effect!!!! #also ALSO this took longer than expect so i'll do those other ask responses tomorrow. thank you for all the well wishes everybody! <3 #starstruck dee #bandana waddle dee #kirby #my art #my comics

[toomanywordsnllines]

Soap being giggly when he's happy is a hc very, oh so dear to me.

But he also seems to be the type to giggle when he's about to cry/nervous.

I don't know the image of him talking to Ghost after maybe a more dangerous mission, starting to giggle because Ghost probably said something funny and then him just suddenly dissolving into tears while giggling. Little laughs that turn into a sob. Because he just got hit by the grief of what they do for a leaving and maybe he could've lost Ghost. Simon being hit hard with whiplash by Soap's reaction and feeling very very worried and heartbroken.

#also ghe giggling when hes nervous is for just more tame things #like yeah he might've stolen captains price hat how do you know??? #he asks between trying not to laugh his ass off #but yeah these man make me feel so normal smile #brought to you by someone that sometimes laughs before bawling my eyes out #it's all about projecting baby #also getting to write things about characters... publicly is so weird i usualy just leave everything in the brain #cod #call of duty #simon ghost riley #john soap mctavish #ghost/soap #ghostsoap #soap/ghost #soapghost #i love them so much it's insane #it's very funny how i see a happy hc and say to myself #what if it was also sad?

[arkiwii]

very sad still see the saria/silence divorce headcanon still going around

have you ever tried to consider that they never dated before lone trail because it would be unrealistic with the timeline and the events and also because it would be overshadowing the actual truth of why they couldn't get along

#i'll elaborate #firstly it's ok if you headcanon this i don't want to invalidate what people think #it's just that I think it's a fanon joke that have been going around for way too long #and I can't help but shed a small tear when I see people really headcanoning it #I personally think it's way more interesting if we consider that they never had something going on before Lone Trail #mostly because it's weird that they started dating in like some months when they barely knew or saw each other #but also because it adds nothing but just makes things even more harder for them #my personal headcanon is that Silence was maybe having feelings for Saria but like #you know these very premature feelings #like just “oh wow she's pretty and nice” #but nothing like really deep #but they never had anything going on before the diabolic crisis #and after lone trail after they made up and saw each other's true person #they start to actually get real feelings #I'm just complaining but I've been still seeing it around somehow and it's sad to me that this joke became a fact for many people #there's still a lot of fanfics about how they had been dating and now they're on bad terms #I think that going on the “they're exes” route is way too easy and actually hides the potential and interesting reason #of why Silence was mad at Saria #it's not because she hates Saria or blame her #it's because she's mad at herself for being so weak #really making them appear as exes just hides this really interesting truth and makes it all seem to be a sad love story #consider that they never had any of this and that this tension between them is because they blame themselves!! #their story is not a love story but above all a story about self love and acceptance #just my two cents enjoy my rambling i go back to bed now #(not putting this in the main tag I don't want to start a war I'm just rambling)

[mumblesplash]

the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger

#uhh #disordered eating cw #just in case #mumbling #like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame #but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS #and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!! #and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight #and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things #like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD #you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive #the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc) #it’s been WARM #burn hotter move freer feel happier #and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger #it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same #that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged #and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight #i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate #but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me #i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[flamestar126]

I'm YOUR idiot.

#and he'll stay his idiot #“you knew what you were getting into when you said yes. this is on you now.” #he's married to him and makes it his problem lol #i like to think mandark loves to show off he's married. especially to dexter. #gets sad and pathetic when drunk when he sees dex have a ring and forgot they're married. now he's sobbing his rival is taken by “another” #married dexdark is just lovely to me. #mandark doing any and every task with having the need to flaunt his ring #being engaged to him is insufferable i imagine. #also drew that hand wrong and exploding myself now #was supposed to finish this on valentines day but got lazy. i had too much stuff that day anyway #i want to do comics again but my hands and arms are fucked. i lost feeling in them off and on the these days without doing much lol #your also looks weird like it's misspelled but it's not?? #dexter's laboratory #dexter's lab #dexdark #mandark #dexter #flame draws

[artofoverflowing]

annually I rewatch julie and the phantoms in one night and stare at the credits of the last episode for a hot minute until I start to question my existence

#jatp makes me feel WEIRD #can’t tell you why #maybe music just makes me emotional #also why. the fuck was this show cancelled #genuinely #I’m still sad about it #jatp #julie and the phantoms

[little-whats-her-name]

"I can't hear you over the sound of the eight billion glasses and plates clinking, and the very high possibility that I'm going to lose my job, and the fact that everyone at this charity dinner hates me but we have to act nice to each other, and the weird lighting in this room, and these fucking Spanx!" - Katherine Hastings, probably

#she's autistic because i said so #the lighting in the charity dinner is so weird #it's not bad lighting but the spotlights make me think of searchlights #i remember trying on these really firm leggings that my mum has #and my mum was like “remember when you were asking about shapewear because of that show? that's what Spanx feel like.” #and i'm thinking “well that's bullshit; i can see why they made an entire cold open about them; this material is awful.” #also there's a continuity error in that cold open with katherine's sleeves #and it bothers me because when ana posted the scene on her insta; there was no continuity error #but the clips were in a different order in the actual episode #which just goes to show how many times i've watched that cold open #like i love it and i hate it #also wtf were the tight sleeve things for #do people really pay that much attention to women's arms when they're wearing tight dresses? #katherine and ana don't need spanx #and the former shouldn't feel like she needs them #i will die on this very specific hill #that scene in the commercial ep where sadie says something like “women should wear what they're comfortable in” #TELL THAT TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND #on x's insta she said that they were all wearing spanx and could barely breathe #and i'm just thinking about katherine really awkwardly asking dori for help #and dori sending a text to sadie #being like “we will all support katherine. we will all be concerned about her job and be physically uncomfortable together.” #women loving women in a non-gay way #but also in a gay way #sad that i can't tag people in hashtags #because i would love for @harrietdyker to write a fic #american auto #katherine hastings #sadie ryan #dori otis

[synthshenanigans]

Man its hard to have a second favorite when they're all insanely good augh

#okay buy actual might be my second favorite tho #got me having that feeling back from dear machine kinda #well not exactly its kinda mixed but ough #sm with this one ugh #small thing tho. there was probably a grew on me reference in the end #or like a nod back to it. which makes grew on me have more of a hit & confirms the idea i thought it was about #with it being towards an audience #idk idk am spitballin really #also hey eccentric mention. that's a word i use. im canon Jash lore/j #bro no im sad now. but like in a good way. cos that means the song hits & is rlly good #also if it helps i do not have bro as an idol. i don't have em for reasons like that that. ALSO IM JUST WEIRD LOL #nah cos once i had to write an essay on the prompt “write about a person you idolize or look up to” #LIKE MY GUY I DONT HAVE ANYONE TF DO I WRITE ABOUT???? #my only idol is hatsune miku thank you very much #okay okay im done now #i just ougj #song hits #chonny jash #moss post

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[ranboo5]

I'm watching the VOD of LexieMariex and Shubble talking about their experiences and I'm not done yet -- I'm an hour 30 in and I'll likely be back with more Comprehensive Thoughts when I am all the way thru -- but it's a very candid and insightful conversation in many ways and it's so awfully prevalent to me how like

How absolutely fucking much of it is pure misogyny. This is a conversation abt power dynamics and in many cases about gendered power dynamics -- they point out how much they've been done wrong by the men in their lives defending this and so many of the things they talk about going thru exist so heavily in the context of gendered power dynamics. Both Shubble and Lexie talk about experiences of their abusers weaponizing misogyny and misogynist power dynamics at them both in particular smaller scale cases and in larger scale ones from Shubble being forced to be Wilbur's maid to the "women aren't funny" thing to the sexual violence to the forced emotional labor to the "boys' club" dynamic in their friend groups to the way that their abusers continued to be platformed and supported on a large scale because of how utterly and deeply our culture and thus any fanbase is steeped in misogyny. The gendered dynamics are so elevated with the fact that the viewerbase on which these people's careers live and die enforce those dynamics So Much - gender gains a financial and social power in an environment where, bluntly, men are more popular streamers.

I hesitate to criticize their discussion of this lest it be taken as discrediting of their arguments (honestly this contributes very little to the substance of their speech, which again is very insightful and extremely valuable) but honestly the only mistake they make is the invocation of "narcissists" esp by Lexie where like . While mental health can certainly play a role in how and where abuse happens I don't think that's an important takeaway at all bc all of what they describe is (as they themselves correctly diagnose repeatedly) an issue of systemic blindness and pure, utter, vile, blatant, completely banal misogyny. As always abuse is about power and people with power clinging viciously to it in any way they can, and feeling entitled to the labor and bodies and service of the people they still believe are beneath them. It's about privilege and the systems in which we r all complicit

And that includes the fandom response. Idk I am definitely #partoftheproblem given how little I tend to branch out in my entertainment tastes but like it is our job as a community to do long, hard, continuing examination of gender dynamics and our role in them and why blorbo from our streams is so often a man. This really is the culmination of the fandom misogyny that people have been criticizing for years and it's deeply shameful how little we've all listened.

#The ableism and lack of intersectionality in their discussion makes me somewhat sad bc like . It's a very good discussion #It's extremely candid in how it discusses abuse and I think you should go watch it Immediately. I'm not arguing against anything they're #saying just the language they're usin #Which makes me feel weird still but like . Ableism isn't a small deal . #But it's also not the point which is like . The rest of what this post and that stream are talking abt #I am very thankful to them for doing that stream it's a lot of perspective and stuff to think abt #And like . Yeah as a community we need 2 do better

[many-gay-magpies]

i am becoming increasingly sure as time goes on that my gender is Not Cis but its like. not enough for me to do anything like god forbid tell my parents. not bc they wouldn't be ACCEPTING but because i don't feel like they'd UNDERSTAND and trying to explain it to them would be too much work when i A) barely even know how to describe it to MYSELF and B) feel comfortable enough being described as a woman/girl/female/whatever. like if im fine enough being called a girl and im comfortable in my body and don't yet feel a need to use pronouns other than she/her then what's the point of trying to explain to my mom that i find the concept of gender pretty much inapplicable to myself/kind of confining and i feel more like an amorphous forest creature than a Girl and i wouldnt mind being perceived more masculine sometimes by society at large and gender questions on forms make me uncomfortable because i'm never totally sure what to answer.

#the other day i was filling out a housing application with my parents and i noticed rhey had a TON of gender options (which rocks) #and i went back to check them out and said out loud 'i just wanted to see what they were since they had so many' #and my mom goes 'well it doesnt matter since you dont identify as anything else' (i picked woman) #and i just. felt so mildy uncomfortable. because like. shes not WRONG. i havent TOLD HER if i identify as anything else because i don't KNO #like. if i pick woman it feels a little weird and not entirely correct but if i think about picking genderqueer or something it ALSO feels #weird because it feels like im not not-woman enough to PICK something else #its just fucking weird man #and like. i know if i TRIED to explain she would hear me out and be accepting and loving and everything because she rocks #but i dont wanna make her SAD or make her feel like she needs to treat me any differently because she DOESNT #(sad because shes expressed in the past that the worst possible thing she cannimagine is her child feeling uncomfortable in their own skin) #(which i DONT i feel VERY COMFORTABLE in my skin. i LIKE my skin and my body and everything that comes with it.) #(but like. idk how to SAY THAT$ #) #(and i dont feel any of this intensely enough for explaining it to be WORTH IT) #ugh. #UGH #magpie thoughts #gender tag

[sophiethewitch1]

www reader showing that she has brain cells for once in her life. good going girl have a drink as a reward or something

#sophie speaks #this chapter is probably gonna be a bit shorter... maybe????.... #i say this about all of them before they release but this one does really seem like it's gonna be point a to b #wait i lied reader is making dick feel very very sad this might go off course #also id say that reader in this fic is like... fictionromantic to a degree or something??? #she likes the guys till theyre real and in front of her and someone she actually has to have a relationship with #i think its also like cupioromantic. but only a little bit youre still in love just like. uncomfortable with that love #it has no place in your new life... what the hell are you supposed to do with those emotions??? and thats why this fic exists lmao #i get bored without weird thought experiments and themes and batshit (pun intended) crazy plots #any chapter 7 has just broke 3k we are going back in boys

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish