#that i've had for a while and that i've seen become a problem in hollywood and that other people agree with me on

[navree]

This might be a jump that I’m only doing in my head, but so often a young girl not looking her age or not ‘acting’ her age is seen as enough of a reason to not treat them as their age. Like when pple say ‘ girls mature faster’ so some 20 year old guy can be ‘dating’ a 16 year old if she is posing on insta looking like a model in her 20s. Or like how a 13 year old black boy will get treated and seen as an adult while a white 13 yro still thought of as a kid.

So I just dunno if saying the show got it wrong from day one cause ‘if Elizabeth looked super young everyone would have understood it’s abuse’ is right. I don’t think Alicia looks her age, and I definitely get a young vibe from her performance. And the show states repeatedly her age and that she’s ‘a child’, if people still see it as a romance just cause they’re not automatically getting the ick watching it, I don’t think that’s really fair.

I get your point that with a younger actress the material would have been tamer, but the show obviously decided it was going to go there with the abuse which is why they didn’t cast someone super young, I don’t think that’s a fault of casting or Alicia, but a decision by the creators. But tbh even if the scenes had been much milder, I wouldn’t have liked to see the ’ ep 2 ‘rooster’ antics if Tom Cullen in his mid 30s was ripping the bed sheets off an 18 year old actress, never mind a younger one. I wouldn’t have been more tuned into Elizabeth’s age and abuse cause I’d be far too preoccupied seeing the actors behind the characters.

So I want to make it very clear since I guess that was opened to being misconstrued, I do not blame Alicia for taking the role and doing her job. It is not Alicia's job to manage the material, ask for rewrites, or do anything other than what she is paid to do, which she is doing. At no point am I blaming Alicia for choices made by the creators and nothing negative I say about the creative decision of the show is meant to be a negative about Alicia. Good? Clear? Great.

As I've said in my post, I haven't watched this show beyond clips. The information I'm getting is information from reviews and history/period drama reviewers I know across social media platforms that I've been engaging with on the subject (and also my mother who is watching the show, is as into the Tudors as I am, and is offering me her takes as she goes along). Take what I say with a grain of salt because I am currently not the audience watching the show (and probably won't be until the first season is finished).

But, all that being said: which is it? Is the show saying that Elizabeth's abuse is being excused by her abuser as her being "mature for her age", the way you mentioned, or is it repeatedly trying to let the audience know that she's "a child", the way you mentioned? And more importantly, my issue isn't about the show "going there" wrt to the abuse and my being upset it's not tame, my issue is that what the show is "going" towards is portraying a man in his forties fucking a fourteen year old in real time, that they're getting away with because they cast actors who have a more similar age gap to Elizabeth and Edward VI than Elizabeth and Thomas Seymour. My issue is that they are using Alicia being a grown woman, and thus not under the purview of things like child pornography laws, to make this as sexy and eroticized and graphic in the worst ways.

Like I said in my OG post, the problem is that the show's apparent mishandling of this abuse (particularly egregious, given how Anya Reiss was really hyping up that they were meant to be handling this sensitively and the end result is........This), combined with Alicia very much looking like an adult woman and not a girl who is meant to be starting this show who's been thirteen for less than half a year, offers ambiguity and thus cover for Seymour for people who aren't well versed in the history and are tuning into this show because they know who Elizabeth is and maybe saw Young Bess back in the day and were curious. They are presenting a scenario where, instead, of seeing someone barely into her teens being abused by a man practically the same age her own mother would have been, they're seeing two adults engaging in a tantalizing push and pull thanks not only to the apparent writing choices, but the choice to have Elizabeth be played by an adult.

On the subject of "I wouldn’t have liked to see the ’ ep 2 ‘rooster’ antics if Tom Cullen in his mid 30s was ripping the bed sheets off an 18 year old actress, never mind a younger one.", yeah, that's kind of my point. No one should be liking anything that's going on, nothing portrayed should be Open To Interpretation, considering how determined they were to hammer into everyone's head in pre-release material that they understood that the Seymour situation was abuse and they were going to sensitively handle it as such. Appropriate casting would have actually helped add to the story they were telling (assuming that's the story they wanted to to tell) by producing visceral shock and disgust and horror in the audience at Elizabeth's treatment at the hands of an adult man. Having it be two adults with the same age gap as my parents cheapens that.

Sorry to talk about GOT again cuz that's a shitshow if I ever saw one but the season 2 throne room scene with Sansa is legit awful to watch, meant to be awful to watch, and emphasizing the point of the scene, that Joffrey is awful and Sansa is in real danger and everyone is too scared of him to intervene save one of our core protagonists Tyrion, enhanced by the fact that Sophie was similar in age to her character (and it was still toned down from its source material due to the actress's age). And there's also things like cuts, filming tricks, editing, the use of body doubles in case things start running the risk, and obviously having appropriate counseling and anything else necessary available to the actress, so that they can avoid breaking the law and avoid causing undo harm to this hypothetical actress while still showcasing the abuse as abuse while having to deal with the fact that they don't get to add in ahistorical graphic sex scenes.

If you think I'm being unfair to Alicia, my apologies, none of these issues are with her and as I said, I think she's a good actress. If you think I'm being unfair to Anya, the rest of the writers, and their casting department (since casting is ultimately up to the creatives), then you are well within your rights to do so. But I am also well within my rights to feel that the casting choices made, compounded by the writing choices made, doesn't sit right with me, causes problems, and ultimately cheapens the tale they've told us they're telling, but failing to actually deliver on because of these factors.

#personal #answered #anonymous #becoming elizabeth #i genuinely do apologize if this is coming off as overly hostile #i'm honestly not trying to be rude i'm just covid addled and thus sleep deprived to all hell #and that tends to dull my abilities to not be super blunt #and also that means this answer is a bit all over the place #ultimately feel the way you want. enjoy it or don't. agree with it or don't. #mine is one opinion in a long list of them and if you're liking the show and what it's doing: great! happy for you! #but that doesn't mean i have to or that i'm somehow not 'getting' something with a critique #that i've had for a while and that i've seen become a problem in hollywood and that other people agree with me on

[thewhiskersonkittens]

You Know Why

Pairing: Nick “Goose” Bradshaw x Female Reader.

Summary: You’re a sexy sweetheart with a past and a toxic boyfriend. Goose sees that and wants better for you. Why? You know why. ❤️

Warnings: Fluff, romantic, hurt/comfort, reader has jerk boyfriend, toxic relationship, some curse words, punching, Goose becoming “Mr. Steal Your Girl”. ;)

Word Count: 4,787

A/N: I couldn’t come up with a name I liked for Reader’s boyfriend in this so he’s just “Boyfriend” LOL. The word “Squid” used in this story is a common nickname for Navy sailors, usually intended as a mild insult. This idea comes from the 150 Random Writing Prompts list by @writinginstardust​.

“Don’t go on that date.” “Why?” “You know why.” “Say it.”

“Blue Hawaii” and “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley. 🎵

I really like this one. 😍  I hope you enjoy! :)

Lieutenant JG Nick "Goose" Bradshaw thought he always knew what his type of girl was. He wanted one that shared his sense of humor and values. Someone who didn't mind his silly antics with his best friend and someone who could understand how important his service to the Navy was to him. Someone he could feel comfortable with introducing to his mother. He let his friend, Maverick, chase the hot-to-trot bombshells. As nice as they were to look at, Goose knew he didn't want the hassle and drama those types inevitably came with. Or at least that's what he thought until he met you.

You worked at a little hole in the wall BBQ restaurant near the docks. The wall decor was tacky and the air always had the lingering scent of cigarette smoke. None of that mattered to Goose. The pulled pork sandwich was to die for and best of all, the restaurant had an old upright piano in the corner open for anyone to play. At least that's what he told himself on the reasons why he kept coming back. You were leggy and buxom. A "body built for sin", as they say, or even for the pages of a girlie magazine, as it was rumored you had once posed nude in one.

"I'm telling ya, man! I've seen her in there as Miss March, like, a year ago." Wolfman once told Goose during a round of locker room talk.

 "Yeah, you say that but you fail to come up with the evidence." Hollywood chimed in, laughing, while Wolfman claimed he no longer had the magazine to prove it.

 "Mother Goose got the hots for a centerfold?" joked Slider.

 "She's not a centerfold." Goose flatly stated despite not being quite sure of himself. He didn't know why he suddenly couldn't come up with one of his quick quips. "She's not..."

 As if reading his friend's mind Maverick spoke up.

"Hey, so what if she is?" He said to no one in particular.

"Like any of you horn dogs really care?"

Maverick turned and smiled and nodded at Goose who returned the nod. The conversation went in another direction and all was quickly forgotten. Except Goose didn't forget. He couldn't stop thinking about you.

Your story was that you had moved out to California from some small town in the Midwest. Like many girls before you, the bright lights of Hollywood had attracted you and your ambition was to make it as an actress or a model. Needless to say, your Tinseltown dreams never panned out. Not wanting to go back home but no longer able to afford L.A., you relocated south to much more laid back San Diego.

It really didn't matter to Goose whether or not you'd been a centerfold or whatever else was in your past. That was the least of it. His real problem was with that goddamn boyfriend of yours.

...

Goose sat on the piano bench in the restaurant, messing around on the keys, lazily playing whatever song came to his mind. It was early on a Friday night and the place seemed deserted at the time. It was only him, the bartender, and one other patron who looked half asleep at the bar. 

Goose hummed a few notes. From where he sat, he could see the small parking lot. He saw you sitting in the passenger seat of your boyfriend's Trans AM. Even from the distance, Goose could feel the tension. Your arms were folded across your chest, your face turned away from the guy in the driver's seat. The RIO watched your boyfriend's lips move. He was yelling at you, that was for sure. It made Goose shift uncomfortably. He didn't like it when any man raised his voice at a woman. You turned and said something back to your boyfriend, your face did not look happy. You turned again and made an attempt to exit the car, when the guy grabbed your arm. Goose felt ready to jump up to your defense but you quickly shook your boyfriend off and got out of the car in a huff. You slammed the passenger door so hard it rattled the car windows. Your boyfriend peeled out moments later.

You opened the door and stomped inside. You were so fired up you didn't even notice Goose sitting there at the piano until he casually said:

"Trouble in paradise?"

You froze and looked at Goose. He was in jeans with a T-shirt and a blue Hawaiian shirt.

He kept his eyes on the piano keys.

"Goose." You said. Just seeing him made you calm down a bit.

You walked over to the piano and stood next to him.

"Where's your partner in crime?" You asked.

Goose smiled and glanced at you over the bridge of his aviators.

"Mav? Oh, I imagine by now he's probably shacked up with some lady he picked up at the O club."

Goose paused and quickly added: "I mean, he had a date. Yeah, that's it. A date."

You chuckled as he winked and hit some keys trying his best to imitate the sound of a comedic rim shot.

"Have a seat, honey." He offered, nodding to the bench.

You had some time before your shift started. You slid your purse strap off your shoulder and rested it on top of the piano as you took a seat next to Goose.

"Everything OK, Y/N?" Goose asked, cautiously. He made it no secret he was not fond of your boyfriend at all.

You nodded and said: "Yes. I'm fine, Nick. Thanks."

He didn't press and you didn't offer anymore.

You reached out and touched a few keys.

"I never learned to play an instrument." You told him, changing the subject.

"It was just never a thing in my house. Growing up."

That was another thing. You didn't like to talk about your family.

He had been struggling all night to figure out what to play. "Great Balls of Fire" was his favorite song but sometimes he felt like switching it up.

Wanting to lighten the mood, an idea popped into his head and he started playing.

"Night and you/And Blue Hawaii/The night is heavenly..."

He turned and and smiled at you and continued singing:

"And you are heaven to me."

You felt your heart flutter and your cheeks blush.

"That's my favorite Elvis movie. Blue Hawaii." You mentioned.

"Yeah? It was on TV in the rec room last night." Goose said.

"I've always wanted to go there." There was a wistful tone to your voice.

"To Miramar's rec room?" Goose suggested. "It's nothing special. Let me tell ya."

You laugh. "No, you dork! I meant Hawaii."

Goose smiled and kept playing.

"You mean you've never been?!" Goose asked like it was impossible.

"Well, we should go! And WHO are you calling a DORK, missy?!"

You laughed and shook your head at his silliness but he went on.

"No, seriously, let's go, Y/N. It's beautiful! You'll love it! We'll go to Pearl Harbor first. Gotta pay our respects."

You giggle. "Of course, Goose."

"That's right! And then we'll do all the touristy shit, ya know? Like, we'll go to Waikiki Beach. It's crowded as all get out but don't worry we can still have fun. We can go swimming or surfing or snorkeling. Whatever you want, babe."

Goose winked at you as he continued to tickle the ivories. You couldn't help but smile. The man always knew how to make you smile.

"We'll go to a luau," Goose said. "Eat some pig that's been in the ground for half a day. Drink as many of those fruity drinks you like."

Playing along, you joke:

"Yeah and maybe if we're lucky we'll both get... Lei-ed."

Goose stopped playing and let out one of his loud, wild, and infectious laughs.

"Oh, baby!" He cackled. "At this point, I'd settle for a hula girl shaking her grass skirt in my face. But yes, ma'am!" He drawled.

"I always appreciate a nice lei." He gave you a knowing look over his sunglasses.

"You and me both, Navy man." You winked.

"Great Balls of Fire!" Goose quickly slid his hand back and forth across the keys so it made a range of notes.

You both loved the way you flirted with one another. Not so much in an overt sexually charged way but in a more tongue-in-cheek way.

"You're sweet, Goose. But I know it's all just a pipe dream." You sigh.

"Why do you say that?" He asks, softly, eyes still on the keys.

A beat of silence passes between the two of you.

"You know why." You replied.

"It doesn't have to be that way, Y/N." Goose replied.

Something about the way he spoke and the soft melody he was now playing made your heart feel like it was melting.

Changing the subject, you glanced at your watch and said you better get going but he gently touched your arm, stopping you.

"Wait," Goose said. "C'mere. I wanna show you something."

He patted his lap.

You raise an eyebrow. "What?"

"C'mere," Goose repeated, smiling. "This won't take long, I swear."

He pushes the bench back a little bit so you could stand up and sit on his lap.

You shoot him a quizzical look as you settled yourself on his lap. You feel butterflies dance in your stomach as he pulls you closer and his arms cover yours.

"This will be your first piano lesson." Goose tells you.

You laughed and turn to look back at him. "What?! Are you serious?"

"Don't worry, honey, it will be a freebie lesson. After that, I'm afraid I'll have to start charging. A guy's gotta eat, ya know?"

You can't help but giggle as Goose reminds you that you had just mentioned how you always wanted to learn an instrument.

"Yeah, but not right now!" You exclaimed.

"Oh, hush," Goose replied. "You're being a very difficult student to work with, young lady."

He turns you back so you are facing the piano. He places your fingers on the keys and rests his hands on top of yours.

He leans his head over your right shoulder and guides you on which keys to play. You can feel his breath hot in your ear.

The notes you make don't sound nearly as good as when Goose plays.

"That's all right, darlin,'" He coaxed. "It's a little awkward your first time but you practice enough and it will come more naturally."

He really didn't intend that as innuendo but you both catch it and chuckle.

Goose worked the pedal below while you kept trying the keys he taught.

"I'm no good at this," You comment.

"Here, let me show you."

Goose takes your hands off the keys but makes no indication that he wants you to get up so you stayed seated in his lap.

His arms flanked around yours and he shifted his body to scoot closer to the piano and you could feel his chest flush against your back. You caught a faint whiff of his woodsy cologne.

He started to play but he wasn't playing the same thing as before.

Gradually, you recognized the tune and it all started to click.

"Wise men say/Only fools rush in/But I can't help/Falling in love with you."

Goose sang softly in your ear.

You didn't realize you were holding your breath until you let out a sigh.

Sitting there in Goose's lap with his arms around you, the warmth of his body heat, his smooth singing voice serenading you, it felt so good. You felt warm, safe, and loved. Things you hadn't felt from anybody in a long time.

As Goose continued to sing, you closed your eyes and surrendered to the moment. Soon he was slowly rocking you side to side to the music. His face was so close to yours, you could feel his mustache brush against your skin.

"Take my hand/Take my whole life, too/For I can't help/Falling in love with you."

Goose finished singing and you both sat very still for a moment. Slowly, you twisted around to face him. He lifted his aviators up and rested them on top of his head. Your noses were practically touching. You were both staring at each other's lips. You both were breathing heavily.

You both wanted to say something but couldn't. You felt your bottom lip tremble but whether it was from anxiety or anticipation, you weren't sure.

Goose reached up and pressed his thumb to your lips and brushed it back and forth. Just when you felt like you couldn't stand it any longer, he leaned in and your eyes closed anticipating his kiss.

"Hey, Bradshaw!"

The voice of the restaurant manager made the two of you jump. It gave you such a jolt of surprise that you accidentally tipped backwards, catching yourself on the piano keys, resulting in a medley of sour notes. Goose reached out and helped you steady yourself.

"Are you gonna turn my waitress loose any time this year?"

The manager joked. He was a friendly, middle aged man.

"Dinner crowd's gonna be coming in shortly." He explained, his head sticking out from the kitchen door.

You watched as a range of emotions crossed Goose's face as he tried to pull himself together. He also had got lost in the moment before and had forgotten where he was. It was such an easy thing to do for both of you when you spent time together. He swore under his breath.

"Uh, yeah!" Goose called out your boss. "Sure thing, man! She's all yours."

Goose reluctantly released you. The piano bench made a scraping noise across the title as he pushed away from the instrument to allow you to stand up.

You gathered your purse and turned back to Goose. He remained seated on the bench, looking up at you with wide brown eyes.

"Thanks for the piano lesson, Goose," You tell him. "I gotta get to work now. See you around."

"Y/N, wait."

You shake your head no and started to move away as he stood up.

"No. I'm sorry, Nick."

Was it your imagination or did your voice just crack when you said his real name? It must have because you noticed the change in Goose's face. His brown eyes, reflecting concern. You both knew you only called him by his real name when you were being serious.

"I'll come back." Goose said. "Later. Tonight. When you're off."

You sigh. "That...That wouldn't be a very good idea. "

Goose inhaled and exhaled a very audible sigh of frustration.

"Your boyfriend? Is he coming back?"

You nodded.

"Look, I just don't want there to be any trouble..."

"Trouble?!" Goose repeated. He motioned to himself, trying to lighten the mood.

"C'mon. Do I honestly look like trouble?"

There was a beat and he added:

"OK, so I DO look like trouble but that's only when I'm with Maverick. He's a bad influence on me. Other than that I'm an angel, baby, I swear." He made a show of crossing his heart.

"Yes," You chuckle. "Yes, you are, Goose."

Damn this man, you thought. Damn this irresistibly charming, handsome and heartwarming man.

"Go to work, honey," Goose said. "I'll come back. "

...

Shit. Goose thought. The chance was right there and if it hadn't been for the worst timing in the world from your manager, you two would have kissed. One thing was made crystal clear: you felt the same way he did.

Goose never thought of himself as the type that would deliberately swipe another guy's girl. Tonight that was going to change. His reasons were valid. He was coming back and he didn't care if it started "trouble" or not. He wasn't afraid of your boyfriend and you shouldn't be either. You deserved better and he was going to give it to you. He was going to make you his.

All throughout your shift you couldn't get your mind off of Goose and the almost kiss you had with him at the piano. You kept replaying the scene over and over in your head. Oh God, how much you wanted him. And he wanted you, too. You told him not to come back but you hoped he wouldn't listen.

Please come back, Goosey. Baby, please.

You clocked out and when you walked out into the dining room, you felt your heart soar like a F-14 launched off the catapult.

Goose was waiting for you.

"Hey," He said, smiling. "I'm back."

"I see that." You said.

You wanted to run to him. You wanted to jump in his arms and plant kisses all over his pretty face but you restrained yourself.

He offered you his arm.

"C'mere. Walk with me awhile."

You walked together down to the pier. The night had a warm, balmy breeze. You both stopped along side the railing looking out at the twinkling lights of the passing boats.

"He's coming back to pick me up." You blurted, referring to your boyfriend.  You were looking to break the awkward silence. You turned to face Goose.

"He's taking me on a date," You explain.

Goose only nodded and listened to you explain how your boyfriend had been asking you to move in with him. He had been starting to get very adamant it and it was causing problems, among other things.

"Does he hit you?" Goose asked, carefully.

You shook your head no.

"Don't lie to me, Y/N. You can tell me. You know that."

"I would never lie to you, Goose. You know that."

Goose nodded.

"I know you wouldn't, baby."

There was something about the way he said that. It was so firm yet so warm and gentle. You felt your eyes well up with tears. You managed to kept them at bay.

"Look, Y/N," Goose started. You wondered if you were finally going to discuss what almost happened at the piano earlier.

"Do me a favor." Goose stated, taking your hands in his.

He hesitated before looking you square in the eyes.

"Don't go on that date."

You stood there for a moment, holding hands and eye contact.

You felt your bottom lip tremble again.

"Why?" It was all you could manage to squeak out.

"You know why."

Goose reached up and brushed his thumb across your lip.

You couldn't take it anymore.

"Say it."

To your surprise, Goose shook his head no.

"Say it," You demand. "Say it, Nick! Say it!"

Goose kept shaking his head.

"No, honey. I'm done talking."

Before you knew it, his lips were on yours. You immediately surrendered to his embrace. Your hands were moving all over each other. He pulled you as flush as he could to his body. You let your hands slide up his sides, over his neck and into his hair. You had wondered before what kind of kisser he would be. He did not disappoint. His tongue danced with yours over and over in the most tender and loving way. A moan escaped from your mouth and Goose squeezed you tighter.

Goose reluctantly released you when it became necessary to breathe again.

Your eyes fluttered open. You both were panting steadily.

"Oh, Goosey," You whispered.

You hugged him again, pressing your face into his chest. You felt his arms wrap around you, feeling like a cozy blanket .

"Talk to me, honey," He soothed. "What is it?"

"I've made so many mistakes in my past." You told him. "I'm not proud of the things I've done."

Just thinking about your life back in L.A. made you want to cringe.

You looked at the gold cross that he wore on a short chain around his neck next to his dog tags. You reached up and rubbed the pendant between your fingers.

"I used to go church," You said, not sure why you were telling him this. "I used to be a good girl. Once upon a time. You're such a good man. You should get yourself a nice church girl, Goose. A good girl."

Goose cupped your chin and tilted your head to make you look up at him.

"I don't need to do that. I already got a good girl."

You were both smiling when he leaned down and kissed you again. He wanted to communicate through the kiss. He wanted you to know nobody was perfect, everybody has made mistakes, it didn't matter what your past was, the time was now and that's all that mattered.

The kiss was abruptly interrupted when a booming voice from behind said your name.

"Y/N?! What the HELL is going on?!"

You froze stiff. Goose immediately pulled you off to his side, moving in a defensive position in front of you. His protective mode had been activated.

There was your boyfriend, standing there just a few feet away.

He was shooting daggers at you with his eyes.

"I've been looking all over for you. Your boss said you left thirty minutes ago?!"

His glare found Goose.

"And who the fuck is this clown?!" He was looking at the aviator but speaking to you.

You felt your stomach knot with fear. You didn't want there to be a scene. You didn't want anyone to get hurt.

"No, no, no, pal," Goose answered, waving his index finger, voice dripping with sarcasm. "There's only one Bozo around here and it ain't me."

Your boyfriend put his hands on his hips and squinted his eyes.

"Oh, a real funny guy, huh? We'll see what's funny when I knock that shit-eating grin off your face."

You clutched Goose's arm. He looked back at you and touched your hand, reassuring you it was OK.

Turning back, Goose could only find amusement in the situation. Guys like your boyfriend were a dime a dozen. Their bark was always worse than their bite.

"Y/N, I asked YOU a question." Your boyfriend spat.

"He's my friend," You simply said.

Your boyfriend moved closer. Spotting Goose's dog tags, he scoffed.

"He’s one of those squids, huh? I should have known. Boy, you'd really screw anyone, won't you? All right, you had your fun. Come on. Let's go."

He had the audacity to stick out his hand, expecting you to take it.

You shook your head.

"No."

Your boyfriend's eyes widened with disbelief.

"What?!" He was not accustomed to being denied.

"No," You repeated, much louder. "I said no!"

Goose felt his heart swell with pride at your new found confidence.

Your boyfriend let his arm drop. He threw up his arms in frustration.

"I can't believe this bullshit!"

"Believe it, brother," Goose gloated. "You heard the lady. She doesn't want you anymore."

"Hey, asshole, " Your boyfriend pointed his finger at Goose. "Nobody is talking to you!"

"Yeah, well, I AM talking to you," Goose quipped. There was an edge to his voice he didn't use very often but he still maintained his composure.

He knew nothing made a pissed off person more angry than someone who wouldn't take the bait.

"She doesn't want you here. I don't want you here. That gives you one option: Go away and don't come around ever again."

Your boyfriend edged closer. To your surprise, Goose did the same.

With the two men standing in front of each other, you noticed how Goose was taller than your boyfriend. Goose had his shoulders squared and his chest was puffed out like a peacock. He wasn't exactly a super buff guy but he did have a decent build.

You watched in awe at the display in front of you. You never had two guys fighting over you before.

"Oh, yeah?" Your boyfriend whined, peering up at Goose. "What are you gonna do about it if I don't, hot shot?!"

Goose grinned so wickedly it was almost a little unnerving. He started chuckling. "What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?! " He mocked.

He began cracking up.

He turned around to you and called out: "Hey, Y/N! Your boyfriend here wants to  know what I'm gonna do!"

You thought maybe Goose suddenly lost his marbles and your boyfriend looked just as perplexed.

Just as quickly as he started, Goose stopped laughing, turned back and violently snatched your boyfriend by his shirt collar, catching him completely off guard, lifting him off the ground. The action made your boyfriend yelp and you audibly gasp.

"Fuck around and find out." Goose told him, very matter-of-factly.

He released your boyfriend without warning and the man stumbled upon impact with the ground.

He looked visibly shaken up. You suddenly laughed. Mostly at yourself at why you let him bully you for so long. You walked over and defiantly linked arms with Goose.

Your boyfriend's panicked eyes flickered back and forth between you and Goose. You both waited to see what he would do next.

Nostrils flaring, he yelled: "Fine! Fuck it! You can have her, man. I was about done with her ass anyway." He told Goose.

He shot one more glare at you. "Fuck you, bitch!"

The last thing he saw was Goose's fist coming toward his face. It connected with his nose so hard it sent him flying backwards. He fell flat on his back on the pier, knocked out cold.

You gasped and turned to Goose. He was groaning, flexing his hand, rubbing his knuckles, trying to relieve the pain.

"I hate it when it does that!" He said, humorously, as if his hand had a mind of it’s own.

"I don't take it very well when somebody talks to my girlfriend like that."

You looked from your new boyfriend to your now ex-boyfriend laying splayed out.

 "Is he going to be all right?"

Goose shrugged.

"I suppose so. Don't worry. He's still breathing. He'll walk it off. C'mon, let me take you home."

...

You walked back to the restaurant parking lot with your arms wrapped around each other's waist.

"I didn't know you could fight like that." You said, curiously.

"Yeah, I used to box a little bit while I was in Annapolis." Goose explained.

"I gave it up because I didn't want to screw up my hands. I like playing the piano more than boxing. It's good to know I still got it, though!"

You give him a sultry glance.

"I got to admit it was pretty hot." You give him a nudge.

Goose laughed and made a playful growl in your ear which made you giggle.

"That get your motor going, baby? I'll have to remember that."

"You're a little bit of a lover and a fighter, huh?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

As you reached the parking lot, there was one burning question still on his mind.

"Can I ask you a really, really random question?"

"Shoot." You reply.

"You used to do some modeling, right? Back in L.A.?"

"Yes?"

You both stop walking when you reach Goose's car.

He chuckled nervously while he scratched the back of his head.

"So were you ever in a magazine? By any chance?"

You laughed and regard him curiously. You folded your arms across your chest and gave him a pointed look.

"What kind of magazine are we talking about?"

" Hehehe... " He chuckled. He wonders if he's going to regret this but he just has to know.

"You know," He said. "A girlie magazine?"

Your mouth opens in surprise but you're not upset. It was actually quite funny.

You pretend to be flattered. You clasped your hands over your heart and bat your eyelashes.

"Oh, Goosey." You fake some sniffles. "It's so sweet of you to say that! That's always been a dream of mine ever since I was a little girl. To be the centerfold in a girlie magazine."

You then burst out with laughter.

"No, I was never in anything like that! Where on earth did you get an idea like that?!"

Goose was cackling with you.

"I'm sorry, honey! I honestly don't know where that idea came from."

I knew those idiots in the Miramar locker room were full of shit! Goose thought.

This time you took the lead and kissed him.

"I love you, Goose."

"I love you more, honey."

He held you in his arms not wanting to ever let you go.

"You know, Y/N," Goose started.

"I happen to have a really great Polaroid camera." His voice had a hint of mischief in it.

You smiled, slyly.

"That's nice. Any particular reason why you're telling me this, Goose?"

He shook his head.

"Nope! No reason at all! I just thought you'd be interested in that little tid-bit."

"Uh-huh." You clicked.

Goose opened the passenger door for you. Before you slid inside the car, you told him that he could show his camera to you "on the trip".

"What trip?" Goose asked.

You smiled. "Our trip to Hawaii, of course."

Goose laughed.

"Great Balls of Fire!"

#top gun #top gun 1986 #nick goose bradshaw #goose #goose x reader #nick goose bradshaw x reader #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #reader insert #x female reader #bless you if you read all this b/c it's kind of long ❤

[scarredwoods]

I know I'm pretty late to the trend of making your own Rise version of this and that character, but if I may, I would like to introduce you to my Mona Lisa and Miyamoto Usagi.

At first, it was going to be Yuichi, but I'm too addicted to the comics and Usagi's silly behavior. He's not as much of a serious badass as most people think, trust me. As for Mona Lisa, well... I'm not sure how to not make it sound like a self insert, because it's not, but overall I really wanted to make her Hispanic for the sole purpose of her cussing people out in our native language. I know my language, I know my culture, and I like putting in references of what I see and hear in my day to day life with my family. Overall, the story I had planned I mostly centered around them.

After Usagi's master died, he was told to deliver an artifact and scrolls to a member of a "dead clan" out of respect because as it turned out, Mifune's clan was once allies with this other clan. The last place anyone remembers last seeing this last clan member moved to Hollywood, California. To fulfill his Lord Mifune's last wish, he leaves his country in Japan to go find this dead clan. The problem is that Usagi has only ever known about being a Samurai and nothing else, considering this is what he was raised to be. He doesn’t know how to function in a busy city or with other strangers. And he especially doesn't know about scammers.

This is when he first meets Mona Lisa. Usagi has just arrived in California, and the Yokais there immediately sniffed out the foreigner. Trying to get him to spend all his money at their store or over price his food, saying it's "authentic" only to be saved by the Salamander who puts the others in their place. After hearing that Usagi has never left his village before and that he needed to find a human with what minimal information he had, Mona saw that this guy was gonna be in serious trouble and become flat out broke in the next two days if she didn't help him.

That's all she was planning on doing, help him find the human and teach him how to survive properly in this new place. One thing led to another, and they find out that the human they're looking for is an action star actor who was last seen at the Battle nexus over a decade ago.

After both realizing that Usagi had to travel to the other side of the world in order to find him, Mona begrudgingly tells him that she's a bounty hunter for the Yokai police and that she travels everywhere to find who she needs to find and offered let him travel with her for a while up until there's a moment where they need to part ways.

But that didn't happen.

After sticking by eachothers side and going through all these adventures/near death experiences, they've basically adopted each other as siblings and Mona has promised him that she will get him to New York no matter what.

Unfortunately, through their travels, someone has been following them and has even placed a price on Usagi's head. With Mona being a Bounty Hunter, this person offered her a large sum of money in exchange for her travel partner. She refused and tried to get away as far as possible, not telling Usagi about her interactions with this strange Yokai.

The relationship that Mona and Usagi have is heavily based off of my own protective relationship with my little brothers. Including all the jokes and teasing and buying them ice-cream as a treat for being good.

I've seen a lot of duos and team ups of Usagi and Mona Lisa with other tmnt characters, but I've never seen anyone do one with them together (Understandable considering they've never met in anywhere, I think)

Please let me clarify that THIS IS NOT A SHIP. They have a sibling relationship in my AU, and I do hope you respect that.

I also want to clarify that this is NOT Yuichi Usagi, this is Miyamoto Usagi

Thank you for listening to my rant

#miyamoto usagi #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #usagi yojimbo #fan art #rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #mona lisa #tmnt mona lisa #tmnt au

[randomshyperson]

Hey Mary I saw you mentioned in one of your fics (amazing work as always btw) that youre watching Hibike! Euphonium??? I've watch over 4 times so it's probably my favorite anime ever and I would love to hear your thoughts about it, how much you liked it, if you also ship Kumirei or nah?

~🦭

I saw your ask a few days ago and was waiting to respond when I finished the anime, and here I am. I can define my emotional state after finishing both seasons in two words: emotionally devastated.

Btw, this will contain spoilers if anyone bothers.

I watched the anime for the first time almost a decade ago, and I had only seen it because of Kumirei. I decided to give it a chance even though I knew beforehand they weren't canon, and I remember being really in love with the couple and being truly outraged when Kumiko ended up with that boy.

At fifteen, I had no idea about concepts like heteronormativity or comphet, or any of those more complex concepts I learned in college. And rewatching the anime today, I found Kumiko's relationship with Shuichi more comical than anything else. Her frequent and clear lack of interest in that boy throughout the entire anime turns any interaction between them into something comical and even frustrating, especially since everyone around her seems to insist that Kumiko should be with him simply because he has a crush on her. When I was the same age as the characters, it really irritated me, now as an adult I just felt sorry for them all. And I found it really frustrating how he got more development with Hazuki, and if the producers had focused on them, it would have made more sense than putting him with Kumiko who had an interest in basically any topic other than that boy.

But male characters aside, I just realized how much I missed female characters (or girls in this case) and their well-written and developed female friendships when I rewatched this anime. Hollywood could never.

Remember that I defined my state as emotionally devastated? Well, that's all the fault of the arc written for Asuka.

Her friendship with Kumiko is absurdly beautiful. The dialogue where Kumiko, who is the youngest between them, shouting about how Asuka doesn't need to act like she knows everything and that the two of them are just kids has easily become one of my favorites in any media. At fifteen years old, I had no idea the weight of several scenes, especially this one, or when Asuka is slapped by her mother? Insane. I had the pleasure and luck of being reminded of how beautiful and well-written this anime was. And the ending with Asuka graduating was deeply painful. Not because something bad happened (thank god), but that fact that she did it! She played for her father, got the best grades in Japan and will probably have a bright future ahead of her. But that means she's leaving and Kumiko still has two years there and even with that incredible connection, Asuka needs to move on. Living through high school while watching, I didn't understand what that scene really meant. The arrival of adulthood. But upon rewatching it I was in tears, completely in shock. For the good of my heart I simply decide that they met again in college.

Also, I still haven't rewatched the movie about the second year because I simply don't want to say goodbye to any more characters.

How difficult was it for the studio to write a band made up of students from the same year? I wanted everyone to graduate together. I guess it wouldn't hurt the same way if they did.

Now talking about what I didn't like? Well, there's just gone thing that really bothers me about this anime: Reina's feelings for her teacher. When I was fifteen, and I heard these teenagers talking about it, and I had no idea whatsoever about life, I didn't see it as a major problem. I even thought that Reina, so mature and intelligent, would turn 18 and embark on a failed romance before realizing that the only person for her was Kumiko, but now at 23 I absolutely hate everything about that matter. What bothered me most was that at no point was there a straight forward take on how the mere idea of this relationship is wrong. We even have a scene where the temporary Instructor makes jokes about the Professor being popular with the girls. I was very uncomfortable with how this subject was not closed in a concrete and absolute way, I would have liked to have seen at least one scene of Reina's parents guiding her about how she was confusing admiration for a talented adult man she has known since she was a child with love, but the anime insisted on a one-sided romance until the end, and it aged really badly.

I haven't had the chance to see both movies and the new season yet, but I really hope the matter has been closed because it was very uncomfortable.

Also, I've come to have a different view of Kumirei now that I'm no longer a teenager; I used to watch the scenes and be outraged, just hoping that they would kiss soon and realize how in love they are. Today, well, yes please just kiss, but also, I noticed an even greater complexity in their relationship. Slow Burn is very welcome, I even have the impression that their fifteen-year-old versions from the first season simply don't have the emotional maturity necessary to understand their own relationship. I know the studio probably won't make them canon, but I don't think I'll mind it as much as I would have a decade ago: I really like the idea that they took time to understand the depth of their feelings, and that the separation during college was perhaps what was necessary for them to realize how emotionally intertwined they are. I feel like as always, the fanfics will make it worth it.

#me venting about hibike euphonium and kumirei in 2024 #this is long #ask box #kumirei #hibike! euphonium #🦭 anon #🦭

[destinyc1020]

Timothy is not a movie star. Bones & All proved that after his fans were making fun of Tom's Uncharted movie on twitter. Bones & All even had the benefit of Thanksgiving weekend & still flopped. I think there is some truth to what Rachel Green said about the era of the movie star being dead. But unlike Tarantino, it isn't the fault of Marvel. This problem predates the MCU. I could go back to the YA era in Hollywood. Except for Jennifer Lawrence, most of the leads in those movies were never able to have a box office smash on their own. People saw Twilight for the books that were already popular. I also get the feeling that the audience wants escapist movies more than boring Oscar baits. We just came out of a pandemic and the last thing people need is to watch some pretentious stuff. You see how all the blockbusters walked away with atleast one Oscar this year while stuff like Tar went home empty handed?

Hmmm....Idk Anon.... Are we really using B&A (an indie movie about cannibalism trying to disguise itself as a "love story") as the barometer for Timmy's star status and ability to put butts in seats?? 🥴

Idk Anon.... I'm not too sure any actor would have been able to have a large opening for a film like that lol. It's just the nature of the film. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Plus, I honestly didn't see much hype for it. I also don't think it was a film that was expecting a huge box-office in the first place. Some films (believe it or not lol) are NOT made for box-office "numbers" or to "break records". SOME films really are just made to tell a story, or to get a director's creativity out there. I think way too many people put way too much emphasis on the box office numbers or how "successful" a film is monetarily-speaking, when the reality is, maybe Timmy did this film simply because he wanted to challenge himself or do something different for a change? 🤷🏾‍♀️

RE: Jennifer Lawrence, et al.... I think at the end of the day we have to realize that some people just have that "it factor" or "star quality", and others don't? Sometimes it could just be how their managers are handling their career, and other times it's more so the projects they're choosing, etc. Not every actor is going to be a "box office buster" and that's OKAY! Not every actor out here can be a Tom Cruise, or a Will Smith, and that's okay! It would be boring actually if EVERY single actor out here were a box-office mogul. 😅🤣

RE: Twilight... I do feel that anyone in those roles would have become popular simply because the BOOKS were so popular among the masses. But I say that about "Harry Potter", and the Marvel films as well. Those projects go beyond the actor because those stories alone are so popular already among the masses, so you're already going to have a massive following just for that reason alone.

RE: The Pandemic.... I agree, a lot of people are just looking for "FUN" these days since the pandemic. I think that's why "Top Gun: Maverick", "Elvis", "Dr. Strange: MOM" and "Jurassic World Dominion" did so well last summer. But if some enjoy more "serious" films, then that's okay too?? 🤷🏾‍♀️ I will say, "Tar" had to be one of the most PRETENTIOUS films I've seen in a while lol.... 😅🤣 (so I agree w/you there lol) But, it was still an interesting movie for me to watch, and you're kinda wondering the whole entire movie if she really did it. 👀 But boy was I lost with some of the lingo my gosh lol. Cate's acting was decent, but very methodical and robotic, but maybe that's how her character was supposed to be?? Idk... Either way, it wasn't a boring film at all to me. It was quite enjoyable actually. It was just very pretentious and seemed to be made for a certain "crowd" lol. 😅

[ursbearhug]

I don't understand why in common mindspace having show become 'more adult' is always equated to cheap blood and gore, sensless violence and sex, drugs and alcohol.

Can you... Really not think of adult themes that are not any of the above?

I don't want to beat the dead horse but Avatar the Last Airbender is notoriously known for dealing with some seriously heavy subjects while still being considered children or teens media.

Maybe it's just me but making a known series just 5 minutes in rape scene, tons of blood and characters (poorly) dealing with all sorts of addictions is not understandable or even palpable to me even as an adult.

Maybe sit down, relax your need for edge you edgelords, and try to write the script again.

I remember that one time I was like crying myself to sleep in my flat I decided to on a whim write a story about depressed, overworked and desensitized to the suffering of his or other people young adult dealing with how capitalistic regime makes it impossible to pursue his dreams as a writer and how he deals with his incel mindset caused by no matches with other conventionally attractive men hence producing wave of self and not only self hatred toward other men and other folks who could potentially steal love and/or sex interests away from the main guy.

Like, I didn't write much, nor was it the most of the original-est idea I've ever had but here; with the target in mind - which are other 20somethings - I can create a character, the world and the problem that I've either seen, heard or read about and I don't need to shove in love triangle, Mary Sue main character, random ass divider for the population, or physical and sexual violence/needlessly graphical scenes of cruelty/charaters poorly dealing with their extremely common vices.

The point I'm trying and failing to get across is that; it vexes me that when somebody thinks of "I want to reboot [place the name of a well known or beloved series]" and they say shit like "oh it's gonna be more adult now" and somehow, it is even more juvenile than the original targeting 7 year olds. You really can target and talk about serious problems and create meaningful topics and plotpoints without going for cheap scam blood-violence-sex-and-drugs. Do better Hollywood or whatever?

#percy does things #will delete later

[spideyspeaches]

Heart made of glass ↬ t.h

A/N: Beta read by the lovely @hollandcrush​ !! <3<3

Request (Summary): can you please write one about Tom, who is on the filming process of cherry and has some emotional problems because he feels that his character is already part of his life, so he comes home very angry and in a bad mood, so he just snaps and creates a big fight with the reader and just says things that he obviously didn't meant, you know very angst, and at the end just very fluff.

Hope you like this anon! Lemme know your thoughts heh <3<3

Warnings: breakdowns, slight vomiting but it’s not graphic. I’m not in any way romanticizing or sexualising breakdowns. 

WC: 2k+ 

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Masterlist || Taglist

Tom was an ambitious guy. He took his roles seriously, no matter what his character was and who he played. It was an admirable trait, the way he both enjoyed his work and worked hard to earn a high place in such a place as Hollywood. 

You always took pride in how amazing and accomplished your boyfriend was, your heart swelling whenever you heard his name being mentioned in events and interviews. You enjoyed how he tried to diversify the movies he worked in. 

("I've been playing the friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man for so long, it's about time I play someone different now." He once said in a Jimmy Kimmel interview. You were watching from the audience, smiling as the audience roared in affirmation. 

"Well looks like you took quite a big leap from playing a superhero." Jimmy said, smiling at the audience with his paparazzi smile. 

You knew the question was scripted, quite harmless, but you still noticed how his shoulder stiffened, his smile not wavering once. 

"Well yeah, I used to be a superhero and now I'm a heroin addict." He joked, winking at the audience as he ran a hand through his nearly hairless head.

He cried himself to sleep that night, burying his face in your chest as you shushed him. )

It always worked in his favour, with the incredible support his family and fan base provided. And he was always so humble about it. 

Filming Cherry, however, was way different than he thought it would. With filming Cherry came consequences that he didn't necessarily like. He knew what he was bringing on himself and his family when he was first introduced with the script.

(Contrary to popular belief, he didn't actually give out spoilers, it was just small promotional stunts that kind of took over as his reputation to spoil minor details.)  

The process was intense, getting into the mindset of "Cherry" was taxing, and people were beginning to notice it in him. He was more restless, tugging at his non existent curls when he thought no one would notice. 

He was more clingy, more appreciative of your body and you, letting you know that there was no sexual intent behind his acts of caressing your waist at random times. You didn't notice the change in his behaviour. 

He had always been like this, watching you with the most gratifying gaze a man could muster, his pretty brown eyes like globes of whiskey, staring at you with a muffled expression. You didn't notice. 

There had always been a cutting edge to his voice, you knew and adored it. Behind the British actor who played Spider-Man, he was your Tom. Your Tom who gave you forehead kisses and baked cakes with you and made silly playlists that reminded him of you and you of him, your Tom who worshiped the ground you walked on, your Tom, your Tom and your Tom.

(Sometimes you envied that he was an actor, so good at hiding any emotions he felt, it came easy to him, just another fake emotion like he was a face behind the camera.)

He was never aggressive towards you. Never. Even on tough days, he was soft, caring and understanding to the point where it made you mad, immediately making you feel guilty. He worked so hard and yet here you were, blaming him for being nice, never standing up for himself.

"Uh, Tom, Tom stop, wait." You grunted, pushing his shoulders as he scrambled away from you at your discontent. 

You held his face, his breath hitching, hyperventilating as he tried to get himself together. 

Ever since he had started filming Cherry, he had been away from you. And now that you were finally here, he had been all over you, making love to every inch of your skin, like it was a holy grail he had to find, caressing your warm skin under his fingers making you shiver as his nimble fingers wandered. It was the intimacy, sexual and quasi-sexual, that made you realise, that there was something wrong.

Sex- it had been a constant in your life other than Tom. But of course, you didn't live on it. It was but a fuel that strengthened your relationship, it was about discovery and showing your vulnerable sides. It was a reminder of the coffee dates and baseball matches. It was loving, gentle and raw, like a gentle breeze caressing your face.

But this, this was different. And you noticed. This, what you had been doing, it was fucking. It was aggressive and needy and it felt good, but at the same time, it felt different.

"Baby?" You asked softly, trying to meet his eyes in the dark lit trailer. It was late, way past filming times, the only time you got to see his vulnerable side. 

You should have been in his hotel room, but you were in his trailer instead. All alone in the all encompassing darkness, it made your heart stutter beats. 

"Baby speak to me. What's happening, who's doing this to you?" You ask once again, holding onto him firmly this time, his squirming frame making you loosen your hold. You didn't care that you were naked, he had already seen it all. 

Fiddling with the rough sheets, he huffed a heavy breath. And that was all it took for the dam to break. 

"Tell me how do you feel baby, you're starting to scare me." You urged. All you got in response was his muffled sobs. Pulling him forward, you let his head rest on your bare chest, rivulets of tears sliding down your warm skin, almost burning you like acid, his tiny hair tickling you, a very contrasting feeling. 

"I can't do it. I can't take it anymore." He sniffed, wrapping his strong arms around you, shivering at the contact. It was a cold night in Cleveland, and you were naked and he was crying. You were berating yourself for not noticing. 

"What can't you take anymore?" You hold him, tracing circles on his buzz cut hair, just the way you did when he had his curls. 

"I feel like I'm becoming him. I don't like it at all, I try and try but I can't." He sobs, shoulders hitching with each sob. You felt your heart break, the sounds of his cries sending daggers into your skin. 

How could you have not noticed? The lively sunshine of a man was almost an empty shell. The interviews with former drug addicts had been excruciating for you, pity, disgust, sympathy and every other sinful emotion swirling in your mind. 

You couldn't believe that you hadn't thought about Tom, of what an effect it would have on him. 

"Bub, listen to me, carefully," you said, shushing him as he continued to look at you, teary eyed and red nosed, snot dripping out of his nose,"you listen to me. You're strong and resilient and nothing like him okay? He's not you. You're Tom Holland. You're brilliant and brave and amazing okay?" 

"But I don't feel that way!" He said, his aggressive stance surprising you, "he's- he's…" 

"He's what?" You asked, a little too impatient. Muttering a sorry, you rub your palm on his cheek, kissing the soft, moist skin.

"I don't feel so good." He croaked, getting up suddenly, making a run for the washroom. You rushed after him, watching him as he heaved into the toilet. Rubbing his back, you muttered affirmations, curling besides him as he sat on the ground, his back to the cold wall. 

You got up to switch on the lights, feeling his hands tugging yours, a soft "stay" coming out of him. 

"Better?" You asked, feeling him now against your collarbone. 

"I shouldn't be this affected, this- this isn't fair. I'm overreacting, I'm sorry I worried you baby I swear I didn't mean to-" 

"Shh, Tom first of all, you're not overreacting okay?" You smiled, kissing his nose, moving towards his brows and his forehead, "It's perfectly reasonable. The role you're playing...It's not exactly picking daisies. Fuck you're playing a heroin addict Tommy, a broken soldier with PTSD, a breakdown was inevitable. It only shows that you're human." 

"Really?" He smiled, it looked more like a grimace, a plea for reassurance. 

"Yes, really." You said, booping his nose, eliciting a giggle from him,"now, you better go to bed mister, you have an early shoot don't you?" You playfully scolded, kissing his lips, laughing as he carried you bridal style. 

"Tomorrow will be better." You whispered, kissing his eyelids, already closed, chest moving rhythmically as you counted his pulse, making sure he was completely asleep before slipping on your clothes, covering him with the thin quilt. 

***

"Is everything okay on set?" You asked casually, watching the crewmates work tirelessly in the daylight. 

You were standing next to Ciara on a prop jeep, fiddling with the water bottle held in your hand. 

"Hmm, as okay it can be with two people playing drug addicts." She shrugged, looking at you with a small smile. 

"Are you okay?" You asked, turning to give her your full attention, remembering your boyfriend's breakdown yesterday. 

"It gets… intense at times. Some scenes are hard to play, but we're okay. Mostly." She answered, taking your water bottle and chugging the water. 

"I'm not a therapist, but you can talk to me, you know?" You smiled, holding her shoulder as she gave you a bashful smile. 

"It's been tough on Tom. He's more aggressive, nearly had a breakdown during a scene." She said. 

"Yeah, that.. that happened yesterday too." 

"It was time, a person can only hold so much right?" 

"Yeah." 

You pondered her words, wondering if you could do anything to curb this. 

"I think I need help." He said one day while you were eating dinner. Harry, who was sitting next to you, looked up from his plate, giving you a knowing look before clearing his throat. 

"I'm gonna get some water." He said, waving awkwardly at you and getting up. You took that as a cue to scoot closer to Tom, running your hands through his camel hair. 

"That's very brave of you hun, asking for help." You smiled, kissing his cheek softly. You felt him smile, sliding closer to you, holding you by your waist. 

"I learnt from the best." He muttered in your hair, kissing your forehead. 

You felt his love that day, felt the way he ran his smooth fingers on your waistline, sliding across your thighs with care and softness you hadn't felt in a while. He was healing. It was a process, it took time but it happened.

***

You were walking across the library, his hand in yours, your hearts beating in silence. 

"How was your appointment?" You asked, shivering in the cold air. You rubbed your palms together, bringing your jacket closer to your chest, huffing the cold air. 

"It was good, much different from what the media portrays. She even showed me this meme she thinks you would like, look." He said, bringing out his phone to show you the saved meme. 

You laughed at his eagerness, kissing his lips as a final gratification. 

"Well it looks like you're having a great time. You have another scene left to do today in the evening so we better scram." You reminded him. 

You always did that, remind him of his schedule, reminded him to take a breath when he felt like he was drowning. You reminded him of home and what he had to look forward to.

"Why can't we have a lazy day today?" He whined, kissing your neck, making you giggle as it tickled. 

"You know you can't do that hun, you already took three days off." You snickered, poking his sides. 

"Well that sucks. I just want to spend my day with my girl, is that too much to ask?" He smiled, kissing your forehead, one hand holding yours, swinging back and forth, the other holding a large cup of coffee in a tight grip. 

You reached to loosen his fingers, taking a sip, slurping loudly, making him laugh. You decided you liked this laugh much better, it was breathy and free, a melody to your ears. 

You noticed how he was more relaxed and back to being that ray of sunshine. Back to being your Tom.

Thanks for reading! also as a side note- here’s a similar fic @itsallyscorner​ !!

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x reader fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland x reader smut #tom holland x actress!reader #tom holland x you #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #spideygirl writes

[thatspookyagent]

Meeting and dating Mr. Gallant (Black!Reader) would include...

Requested: Nope!

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and implications of smut

A/N: I REALLY enjoy writing Mr. Gallant so I decided to keep going with headcanons about him and reader! I'm quite fond of writing the Evans' with a Black!Reader so here's one with Gallant! :)) Also apologies for this being lengthy, I started writing this up at a late hour and just got completely carried away! (This fic is intended to be male x male but is sorta gender neutral so insert yourself however you wish!)

Tags: @xavierplympton (thanks for being interested in my Black!Reader fics!) @sojournmichael (Also if anyone wants to be added to my permeant tag list please notify me cause I don't want to tag any mutuals or accounts who I'm not sure even want to be tagged!)

Important: Once again whatever the reader says is in italics!

You and Gallant definitely attend countless parties and he insists that the two of you should always be the hottest conversation topic

Makes sure he pays for only the best tailored outfits with the smoothest and most elegant fabric that money can buy

You two definitely spend your time in dark corners just talking shit about other people's choices of attire

"Miss. Dubious swears on her left hand that her emerald broach came all the way from Saudi Arabia!" "Yeah well, the bitch lied."

Sometimes Gallant finds a certain party too boring and needs to spice it up a bit

You and him sneak away upstairs, find the room with the most expensive shit in the house, and just go at it

The house cleaning staff are definitely Not Happy ™ about that

Recently Gallant started getting hired by some really big modeling agencies

He wants you to join him on his journey to becoming famous and even start up that haircare company you always wanted

It makes you relive the first time the two of you met which was back in the early days of your career as a hairstylist

You come from a long line of famous Black hairdressers who made a name for themselves within Hollywood

Gallant was actually honored to meet you which happened while you were on a business trip to Santa Monica with your uncle

He had tons of questions about Black hair and the history behind your families fame

You were more than happy to sit down with him and go on and on about things related to your culture

But you soon found yourself inquiring about the work Gallant did which is where he caught serious diarrhea of the mouth

"You know, I'm one of Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt's favorite hairdressers to go to! She's such an inspiration!" "To who?" "People..." "Riiiight..."

After talking for awhile, Gallant couldn't help but offer to take you to your first party in Santa Monica and you happily agreed

The two of you absolutely live for the thrill of new places and the unknown, arriving at some fancy party that one of Coco's close friends had arranged

Upon arriving, the both of you immediately have heads turning and mouths slightly agape

You feel Gallant reach for your hand which you interlock with his and you two both walk side by side as you soak up the attention

He 100% has you wearing an outfit that matches with his color scheme while simultaneously complimenting your complexion

He brags about introduces you to a bunch of other hairstylists who are locals and they can't help but adore the both of you together

One of them pulls you aside briefly and whispers in a hushed tone

"I've never seen Gallant this happy before, you really make him feel special. Don't let him forget that he is!"

"I don't think that'll be a problem!"

Eventually Gallant leads you to a more secluded area of the house, claiming that there were more people to meet and champagne to drink

Once you two are alone, he stops walking and turns around in order to plant a delicate kiss on your lips which you discover tastes like the drinks being served earlier that day

You can't help but laugh against his lips as you pull the kiss in even closer, your broad nose squishing against his own

All of the party noise behind the both of you seems to drone completely out, only thing in the world is now you and him which you're perfectly content with

"You're a rather eager and handsome young man Mr. Gallant." "How could I not kiss you?" "If you want, we can do more than just kissing..."

That night definitely included the both of you slipping away to some upstairs bedroom and showing Mr. Gallant just what you meant by more than kissing

You huff softly against the back of his neck as you hold him close to your chest, his back facing you as the two of you relax under the silk bed sheets

"Someone at the party told me you were quite special, and I think they're quite right."

The bleach blonde male turns to face you, beaming from ear to ear as you move to cup his face in your hands

"I should be deemed the luckiest man on Earth just for being in your presence alone."

Before you and Gallant can kiss, a knock a the sorry startles the two of you, causing you and him to gather up your clothes quickly and crawl under the bed

The stranger enters the room and seemingly scans it, you turn to directly face the other male, the two of your noses touching as you pulled a face but soon the both of you were putting your hands against your mouths in attempts to stifle laughter

The unknown room searcher exits while closing the door behind them, the only thing that can be heard for a few minutes is the sound of you two breathing raggedly in the anticipation of another random stranger entering the room

Suddenly you and your white haired companion burst out laughing, not being able to determine if it was the sheer adrenaline or thought of getting caught that had excited the both of you into a fit of giggles

Exchanging a quick kiss, you both slide from under the bed and put your clothes on in a hurry, Gallant making sure to stop you momentarily in order to fix your outfit

You open the door softly and peak around the corner before waving him over, he grabs your hand and the both of you make your way down the hallway

A sharp yell rings out just behind the two of you, he looks into your eyes with a mixture of inquisitiveness and confusion on what to do next

"Should we run?" "Good idea! That makes this even more fun!"

#ahs #american horror story #my writing #ahs mr gallant #mr gallant headcanons #mr gallant #x black reader #black readers #black reader #ahs fanfic #ahs fan fic #ahs fic #ahs fanfiction #ahs fluff #fluff #fanfiction #fanfic #evan peters #evan peters characters #american horror story apocalypse #ahs apocalypse #ahs apocalypse fanfiction #male x male #male x male fanfiction #m x m #gay fanfiction #lgbt fanfiction #lgbtq fanfiction #queer fanfiction #american horror story fanfiction

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Underrated///Brie Larson's Album

So ... Ugly.

The truth is that I did not expect to discover that Brie had started singing so young. Finally Out Of P.E. It was released in 2005 when she was sixteen years old. She was basically still a child and the video above proves it. For me it is inevitable to compare her with Taylor. First, because Taylor started in music a year before Brie and they both share the same year of birth, 1989. Except that Brie started working in the film industry at the age of ten. I think even before that too.

But what I come to. FOOPE (the album). It was very underrated at the time, because the lyrics of the songs were very teen. There was no PR circus behind the album. In fact, she said this about the theme of it:

"I really don't have a lot of experience with guys ..." (cough, cough, Camila, cough, cough)

But outside of that, the lyrics on the album are pretty sad. Three of her most emo songs are Loser In Me, Invisible Girl and my favorite, Ugly.

Lyrics:

"Ugly"

My insides are turning inside out

Leaving my heart, my flaws all hanging out

What's so interesting about little ol me

All I see inside is so ordinary

I can't look at myself

I can't find nothing special hiding in me

I can't look at myself

U tell me it's there to see but all i see is so ... ugly

It's not like I'd put a gun to my head

I really try to listen to all you've said

If I could only sleep a long while

Maybe tomorrow I'll feel a speck worthwhile

I can't look at myself

I can't find nothing special hiding in me

I can't look at myself

U tell me it's there to see but all i see is so

I'm lucky to have a liar as good as you

I wish I could feel as good as you do

So I'll follow your lead

Hoping to see something good in me

I can't look at myself

I can't find nothing special hiding in me

I can't look at myself

U tell me it's there to see but all I see is so ... ugly

My insides are turning inside out

Leaving my heart, my flaws all hanging out.

If Brie has said that the album is based on her personal experience, I can't imagine what her life must have been like as a teenager in the industry. Not just with this underrated album, but in Hollywood.

I remember she said she described herself for a long time

That she is an introvert with asthma, which was her story for a long time. "I'm an introvert, I'm scared, I have social anxiety." And she doesn't identify that way anymore.

But for me it is sad to know that. That she lived so long under this depressing concept of herself and what she went through with Captain Marvel has only made it worse.

From what I have been able to see in her videos, she really has the undervaluation issues about her. I don't know if folks have noticed, but Brie loves to mark her name on clothing and purses.

In psychology that shows someone who is more than self-centered, she has self-esteem problems. She talks about someone who needs reinforcement of the appraisal and apparently Brie is still dealing with the old demons of hers (plus she talked about having eating problems for a long time).

I don't have the video where I saw that part or read it, but it's what I remember.

I don't know why I feel that her ability to recreate very dramatic characters comes from her own personal experience, where Brie has the opportunity to let that part of herself flow into the dramatic characters that she plays and at the same time free herself, purge herself of that side. of herself who, with what I've seen, is still struggling.

I guess that's why her participation in the Hot Ones web series with Sean Evans still breaks my heart a bit where Brie was commenting on her "unintentional participation" in the Kardashian-Jenner photo of the Met Gala bathroom in 2017, where she said that he didn't know any of the cool kids and at the same time he was fingering his face with hot sauce. Sean Evans told her to take care of her and she surprised said something like "thank you for taking care of me". Not with those same words, but the same meaning and that was what broke my heart because it makes you understand that they never protected her from her. And no, I don't mean her family or friends but her work environment. The industry. That shit hole where she's been since she was little.

I think what has saved Brie even though it doesn't suit her career much is being away from the main focus. Having had to fight a lot to be where she is, because despite the fact that she has become recognized after the Oscar and more for her drama in Captain Marvel and the MCU, she is not a new face. She has worked her entire life in the industry with more or less luck and that's the screw of the show. Reaching the top is one thing, sticking to it is quite another and you have to be willing to fight to get there.

For one reason or another I identify with Brie and hers struggles with hers, I guess that's why I like her so much, even though there are a lot of bigger and more popular names than her.

Despite her struggles, she remains true to herself and that is something that I will always admire and love.

#brie larson #finally out of pe #ugly #underrated #captain marvel #hot ones #sean evans #met gala #low self esteem #personal thoughts #Youtube

[winchester90210]

The BH 90210 Rewrite. 1x13: Slumber Party

Rewrite Masterlist

Read the previous chapter here!

Chapter Summary: Junk food is had, secrets are exposed, and flings are revealed...

Warnings: mentions of sex, swearing, one minor make out scene.

Word count: 2,900

My work is not to be reposted and/or edited without my expressed written consent. (Reblogging is fine and encouraged!!)

The flashback is in italics.

Feedback is incredibly appreciated! :)

A/N: This is one of my favorite episodes! Hope you guys enjoy it! Sorry about the scheduling issue, next week should go as planned. Feedback on this chapter would be wonderful! :)

-

"Are you sure this thing isn't a slumber party?" Kelly criticizes. You open your locker as your friends begin to bicker on both sides of you. Something akin to petty surround sound.

"I told you! It's a night of female bonding-- a chance for us to get together and talk about what's important," Brenda explains.

"But we're doing it in our PJs," Donna interjects.

"Well, that would make sense unless you prefer to sleep in your clothes," You say, "Bren, I think it's a great idea. It could be fun!"

<!-- more -->

"Can we invite some guys to come over later? I mean, after we've talked and bonded and everything?" Kelly asks.

"Kelly, I thought what we wanted was an evening to ourselves where we don't have to think about guys, talk about guys, or worry about what we look like 'cause some guy is around. Isn't that what we said?" She nods, rolling her eyes. "So what's the problem?"

"Nothing!" She leans against the lockers, "Actually... there is one thing. I kinda made plans with this other friend of mine, Amanda Pacer. You don't know her, she's a senior, but we have been friends forever."

"So bring her," you suggest, taking out your history book and shutting your locker.

"Well... I know this may sound stupid, but I don't want her to think this is a slumber party... It's not a slumber party, right?"

-

"Brenda! Kelly, Y/N, and Donna are here to bond with you!" Brandon shouts up the stairs, laden in his all-white Peach Pit uniform. He looked so cute, this "no guy" rule was pointless. Especially when the said guys looked like that. "Hey Y/N/N," he kisses you softly, pulling you closer to him.

"Hey," you mumble. He gives you a hard, dizzying, coffee-flavored kiss as he slowly backs into the front door. You hum against him happily, "I'll pay you to stay, I'm serious. Cold hard cash." He grins, slipping his warm hands under the sides of your jacket, holding onto your hips gently.

"As much as I'd like to, I promised Nat I'd pick up this shift."

"Tell him you have other business to attend to. Like getting me out of this slumber party. Nat'll understand," you plead jokingly. One more soft, sweet kiss and he lets go of you. "Brandon..." he smiles at you adoringly and turns towards the other two girls waiting in the foyer, pretending that they weren't just watching everything you two were doing.

"Have fun, ladies," he swings the front door open and leaves as quickly as possible, knowing that if he stayed any longer you'd actually end up convincing him to stay. As one Walsh exits, another enters as Brenda comes down the stairs wearing a long, plaid nightshirt. But before she's even fully down the stairs, Kelly starts to complain.

"Brenda, this is really weird."

"Kelly, we are going to have fun! Where's Amanda?"

"Oh, she's coming later," She fidgets awkwardly, "She uh, wanted to bring her own car in case..."

"Something better came along," Donna interjects.

"I think this might be a little too down-home for her."

"Kelly, we're not going on hayrides," you cut in.

-

"Okay, we have chocolate ice cream,vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, and whipped cream!" Brenda announces as you pour the doritos into a bowl. It's a scramble of hands and junk food as you all grab what you want.

"Do you have any other cookies?" Kelly asks.

"Yeah! I think they're in the cupboard," Brenda nods.

"Oh, I love cookies smushed in ice cream!" Andrea beams, "it's the best."

"You ever put popcorn in ice cream?" Donna wonders. The group groans in disgust. "Hey, it's really good!" You hop on the counter next to where Donna is and grab a chip

"Well, there's microwave popcorn in a bowl over there, knock yourself out," Brenda giggles, handing you your bowl of chocolate ice cream.

"Thanks," you smile, "Hey, Amanda, what do you want? Vanilla or chocolate?" You glance over to Kelly's friend as you help the girls put together their sundaes, and she's sitting alone at the kitchen table with her arms crossed, pouting.

"Nothing for me, thanks."

"Oh, come on, Amanda. You're gonna make us all look like pigs!" Kelly exclaims.

"You said it, I didn't," Amanda ostracizes. The room goes radio silent, but instead of bumming out the room, Brenda starts snorting like a pig at her while the rest of you laugh and pick up your junk food.

-

"Donna, that is so gross!" Kelly laughs, watching as her best friend shows vanilla ice cream and popcorn into her mouth all in one spoon. Your cheeks already hurt from laughing, but you couldn't stop smiling.

"I know, but I like it! I don't know why, but I do, okay?"

"This is something you can never do with guys," Kelly smirks, piling on the whipped cream to her sundae.

"What?" Andrea asks.

"Pig out!" The five of you giggle as Brenda turns to Amanda, who's once again decided to remove herself from the group.

"Do you eat on dates, Amanda?"

"Never. But I always order something expensive," her voice is sharp, and she's slumped back in the white chair in the far corner of the room.

"Why?"

"To let them know I'm worth it," she shrugs.

"I knew it was over for me and Steve when I started pigging out everytime we went out to eat," she scoffs.

"He never took you out to eat, Kelly," Donna giggles, and then everyone, (excluding Ms. Grump Pants, of course) bursts out in laughter.

-

"I am in... sugar shock." Brenda sighs, resting her head on your shoulder as you lean back onto the couch, smushed up against the other girls.

"I feel like I just gained ten pounds," Andrea groans.

"So, what do you guys want to do now?" Kelly ponders.

"Ooh, lets rent Pretty Woman!" Donna suggests.

"Donna, you've seen that movie 300 times," Kelly snickers.

"It's dependable. You know, sometimes I think about running away and becoming a hooker on Hollywood boulevard," she puts her fist up to her heart, fawning, "just so I can meet Richard Gere."

"There's only one problem... you're not Julia Roberts."

"Look, we're not going to rent a movie... or become prostitutes," you tease Donna, "The whole point of this was so we could talk. Andrea, go get your Ouija board."

-

You settle back down onto the couch after coming very close to crapping your pants because of what you thought was the Ouija board... which just ended up being David Silver sneaking creepy pictures of you guys through the window. You breathe deeply as your heart rate settles down. Amanda checks her watch and scoffs.

"It's after midnight."

"What, do frat boys turn into pumpkins?" Brenda bites sarcastically.

"No, they turn into drunken slobs." You sure made my night," she complains.

"Amanda, you didn't have to come!" Kelly barks.

"What? And miss all the fun? The party games?" She laughs sardonically, "I don't want to leave anymore. Everyone's ruined my night," she takes off her beige coat and throws it on the chair. "It's my turn to ruin their's. Okay everyone. I've got a game if you're up for it. Skeletons in the closet. Everyone sits in a circle, and the person in the middle has to answer all their questions as honestly as possible. The kind of question is up to you, whatever you feel like asking. Of course, the better the question, the better the game."

-

"Go ahead. Ask me anything," Andrea smiles nervously.

"Why does everybody call you 'Awwwndrea?'" Amanda starts.

"Excuse me?"

"What are you, British? I mean... Awwwwndrea?" Amanda guffaws.

"That is pretty pretentious," Kelly adds.

"Kelly," you warn her.

"It's pronounced both ways. But An-dree-uh is a little boring and common. I like to be different."

"Good answer," you smile.

"So, am I through?"

Amanda studies her carefully, "No. Not yet... have you ever slept with a guy before?" What the hell was wrong with this girl?

"That's... a little personal. But uh... no. No, I have never slept with a guy before. Yet."

"Well, if you could sleep with any guy in school, who would it be?"

Andrea chuckles anxiously, looking down at the ground. "Come on, you guys. I can't answer that..."

"Yeah, you can. You can trust us, Andrea... well," you glance at Amanda, "most of us, at least."

"Uh... I don't know. I guess... I guess uh..."

"Brandon?" Kelly cuts in.

"What?" You glare at Kelly.

"No." Andrea answers, "No. Not Brandon. No... it would have to be Hans Fleischman. He is this incredibly gorgeous lifeguard who pulled me out of the water when I was stung by a jellyfish at Zuma beach last summer." You adjust in your seat uncomfortably while the Kelly snickers in disbelief at Andrea. "Hey, what is this? Brandon is just a friend."

"Wait-- wait a second. Is this the same Brandon that's all over her everyday?" Amanda laughs out, "Sweetie... get a life. You like him. Everybody already knows." You sure didn't. "And he likes her." You don't even dare to look up from your thumbs. What the hell were you supposed to do in this situation? Sure, you encouraged her to answer it but you didn't think it would be Brandon. You would feel weird comforting her, but you still feel weird just sitting there and letting her get harrassed.

"Okay... okay. So it-- it is Brandon." Her eyes well up as she stutters through her words. The room is silent for a moment before you hop to your feet.

"Well, this has been a blast," you huff, "I'm gonna go get a soda. Anyone else have plans to seduce my boyfriend? Kelly? Donna? Hey, how about you, Amanda?"

-

After Kelly's turn, to which she described her traumatic first sexual experience, and Brenda's where she describes how she betrayed her best friend back in Minneapolis... you were really starting to hate this game.

"Come on, Donna, you've gotta have some secrets," Kelly encourages.

"I don't! I tell you guys everything!"

"If you could go out with any guy in school, who would it be?!" Brenda asks. Let me guess, Brandon?

"Greg Houseman. You know that, she never stops talking about him," Kelly sighs.

"What is the most dishonest thing you've ever done?" You ask, curling your legs up to your chest. She pauses to think for a moment.

"Nothing..."

"Didn't anybody in your family go insane or something? Anything?"

"No... we're all really normal," she shrugs. The thing was, she's right. You've been to her house. Her mother is great, her dad's really nice, her house is perfect... she was completely normal.

"You know what your problem is, Donna?" Amanda prompts, "Your life is totally boring. Anyone who can't dredge up one secret about themselves is either lying or a total zero."

"That is not true," you snap.

"Why, what are you hiding, Y/N/N?"

"Nothing, Amanda."

"Oh, really? That's not what I hear... or what I've seen."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Get in the circle," she smirks, this time deviously. Dangerously. You follow her orders, moving from the floor to the chair.

"What's your favorite movie?" Brenda asks.

"Rebel without a Cause."

"What's your favorite color?"

"Baby pink," you watch Amanda out of the corner of your eye, getting more and more frustrated at the boring questions.

"Oh, come on! You guys are such a drag!" She leans forward, smirking, "What's going on with you and Dylan McKay?" You look at her confused.

"He's dating her," you gesture towards Brenda, "Not me." Amanda shakes her head immediately, as if she knew you were going to say that.

"Do I need to dumb it down for you, sweetheart? What happened at the Bel Age a few months ago, y'know, when you jumped him?"

"What?" Brenda says quietly, her voice breaking. She looks at you as tears start to brim her eyes.

"Bren, wait a second--"

"Did you sleep with my boyfriend?" Your jaw goes agape and you laugh sourly in shock.

"You really think I'd sleep with Dylan?!" A pit of guilt was forming in your stomach as you tensed up.

"I don't know what to think, Y/N! All I know is you two spend an awful lot of time together alone and now I'm hearing that you pounced on him!" she snaps. Oh my god. You couldn't believe this was happening.

"That's not what happened, Bren!"

"Fine!" She scoffs bitterly, "what happened, then?"

"So, I was at the Bel Age a few months ago, Brandon had just gotten the job at the Peach Pit..."

-

"I don't wanna go home yet," you told him. The Porsche rumbled as Dylan warmed it up. He raised an eyebrow at you as he leaned back.

"Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere you want to take me." Those would be words you would later come to regret. Asking a hot guy with a leather jacket and a Porsche to have his way with you? Bold move. Dumb move, too. He could've taken you anywhere. Baja, the abandoned elementary school, anywhere. But where did he take you? The Bel Age hotel.

When you walked in he popped the radio on and you sat down as a Gloria Estefan song played quietly throughout the hotel room. Dylan was over at the wet bar, pouring himself a glass of scotch. Looking back, it was the only time you'd ever seen him drink something in moderation.

"You drink?" He asked, looking back at you.

"I could start," you shrug. And that was the first of many bad decisions you'd make in that hotel room. He grabs a second pint glass, but you weren't paying much attention to him as he clanked around, trying to pour you something that wouldn't make you gag.

He hands you the concoction and sits down beside you, his legs against yours. A little closer than normal, but you didn't think anything of it. Fidgeting anxiously, you began to drink whatever it was he gave you. It was new, being alone with him like that. Sure, you could hang out with him in groups but... just you and him? You tilted the glass back, letting the smooth and surprisingly digestible liquor flow down your throat until there was nothing left in your glass. This stuff was supposed kill anxiety, right? He eyes you up. Peculiarly, but not critically.

"Thirsty?"

"Yeah, you could say that." He would continue to fill your glass, and his own, for that matter, all night. He'd put on his Road House VHS tape somewhere in the middle. And you were watching it. You really were. But as the movie went on longer, you got closer. A fairly innocent movie night (the first of many) turned into a night full of regrets.

His hand was on your leg right before the first kiss happened, thumb drawing dizzying little circles on your thigh as he watched the movie. You're sure if you showed any signs of discomfort he would've stopped-- that fact gave you peace in the moment. But the last thing you wanted him to do was stop. So he didn't. And neither did you. It wasn't until later, when his lips were trailing down your jaw, hands pushing your dress up, and his own white t-shirt was somewhere on the floor next to you. That's when it came to a crashing halt. Removing his lips from your neck, he sighed.

"What is it?" You asked. The air between you two was intense, sensitive. One move and he'd be back on top of you, starting the cycle all over again.

"What about Minnesota?" He slides you off of his lap in one swift motion, but his hand was lingering on your hip.

"What about Brandon?"

"Come on, you've seen how he is around you. I don't want to get in the way of that, mess anything up."

"You're not messing anything up. If Brandon was interested he would've made a move already."

Cut to you, current day, girlfriend of the mentioned boy, "Hah... whoops."

"But either way... this is a bad idea, isn't it?" You sheepishly picked up the shirt from the floor and handed it back to him. "So," you cleared your throat, "Friends?"

"Yeah," he chuckled, fiddling with the shirt in his hand. The energy in the room was different then, awkward. Laughable. But friendly.

"And that was it," you finish, "We're friends. Kissing him now would be no different than kissing Donna or Kelly."

"You wouldn't have kissed him if you didn't like him!"

"I do like him. As a friend," you plead, "Bren, I've been supporting you guys since day one, I would never do something to hurt you." You search her eyes for something. A little bit of waivering, forgiveness, pity. Anything at this point. Stupid Amanda and her stupid skeleton game. Brenda avoids your gaze for a moment.

"And nothing's happened since then?" She chokes out. You see her shoulders rise and fall as she takes in a shaky breath.

"Nothing's happened since then."

She lets out a deep sigh, almost out of relief, but tears are still threatening to spill from her eyes "Okay... I guess I understand." As she says that, it's like every muscle in your body lets go of the stress it had been holding for the past few weeks. You really hate secrets.

"Uh, Bren... I have a confession to make," Kelly pipes up from the side of the room, "After you started going out with Dylan I tried to get a date with him." Oh shit.

-

-

-

-

Taglist: @be-patient-be-good @mpmarypoppins @bevelyhills90210 @blueoz @harleylilo88 @princess-ghost-alien @hueycat2004 @l4life @keepcalm-and-beyou

#gif is mine #brandon walsh x reader #beverly hills 90210 #bh90210 #90210 #brandon walsh #brenda walsh #shannen doherty #dylan mckay #dylan mckay x reader #beverly hills 90210 x reader #beverly hills 90210 imagine #slumber party #fanfic #jason priestley #tori spelling #jennie garth #kelly taylor #donna martin #junk food #90s aesthetic #90s #1990

[p---leia]

Ancient Writer of dreams and nightmares: I am 71 (-one month), and have been writing (making up tales) since I was three. I can still remember my Pawpaw whittling a pencil for me, and Mawmaw tearing a piece of brown grocery bag for me to write on. They weren't 'poor', but writing paper wasn't to be wasted on a 'kid' just for fun. I carefully scripted my first short story.

Of course my 'letters' looked more like ancient Hanguel, so I had to read it to my "captured" audience. I really don't remember the story, but as my grandparents had a yard full of chickens and my dog, Mutt, liked to chase them (because of this we 'both' got into trouble -- because I always joined the chase) I most probably wrote about that.

My Pawpaw was a story-teller. For several years I thought there really was a baby found in the wilds of the African jungle and raised by the great apes. I thought he was the luckiest babe, EVER!

Then I found Pawpaw's books about three years after he died. I was eleven when he died, and felt that my best friend had abandoned me. But when I found those books I realized just where Tarzan actually came from and went to. I read everyone of those books and got the complete picture. THEN..

Well, Pawpaw also told stories of Daniel Boone and Davey Crocket...before I saw them on Disney. Then, of course, I went to school and learned what I already knew. Pawpaw was an excellent story-teller and never mixed up his facts, time-lines, or characters.

Growing up under his influence had a lot to do with how I developed as a story-teller. At family gatherings when I meet cousins I haven't seen in decades, they STILL remember me and the stories that I used to tell them. My children and grandchildren have grown up with me re-telling Pawpaw's old stories, and sharing many that I made up on the spot.

But I think what I read in my early years developed my writing style.

I was just turned eight when I read my first Shakespeare, MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM. He was my first favorite author. Then I was forced to read Romeo and Juliet. I was disgusted by the fact that TRAGEDY was made famous as a ROMANCE! Even at the innocent (then) age of fourteen, I was disgusted with the idea that it was considered romantic for 'anyone', let alone 'teenagers' to commit suicide over unrequited love.

My sister (now 68) and I recently discussed this play. Because she had a 'forbidden' teenage love, she said that she related to the story (even though she had never read it). GASP! It was required reading in ninth grade!

I remember our dad breaking up my sister and her boyfriend, who was really cool. He was a hard working farm boy who had saved his money to buy a motorcycle. AND his own car. But he wasn't good enough for my sister. smh

I always thought her story would make a great LifeTime movie. But I'm not touching it. She would 'skin me' for sharing with the world her broken heart. And if I added the stuff that sells today, she'd scalp me for lying. Not a win situation at all. So, I will write notes in my "Random Jottings Journal" for future decendants who might grow into writers or story-tellers.

By the way, the title "RANDOM JOTTINGS" came from a sci-fi book that I read as a kid in the fifties. I don't remember the author, although I'm pretty sure it 'might' be from a Heinlein juvenile book. But I've never found a reference to any sci-fi books using that term. SO!!! If anyone recognizes "RANDOM JOTTINGS", which was a note book that a professor/scientist/genius used to keep his 'thoughts', PLEASE share the author's name and the title of the book!!! Thank You.

In the meantime, I referenced Shakespeare. James Oliver Curwood wrote about Kazan, the Wolf Dog, and later Baree, Son of Kazan. From those two books, read when I was eleven, I searched for and found other books about Canada. Later there was Walter Farley, author of the Black Stallion, and the Island Stallion series. I think I met my FIRST friendly alien in the Island Stallion Races.

Of course, Edgar Rice Burroughs taught me much false history about the jungles of Africa, as well as the Moon and Mars. But I loved every 'read-under-the-covers-with a-flashlight' minute! I believe he was a contemporary of Zane Grey, because he wrote a few non-jungle and non-space stories, too. Which led me to Zane Grey.

Having read both of their biographies at a young age, I learned about the hardships of being a writer. I should say 'the hardships of a struggling writer'. I have never had a problem writing. Since I write for 'fun' and not 'profit', the few short stories I've had published were by local press, and a State magazine.

No, my struggles have centered around graduating high school, and completing college, stuggling to satisfy my husband, a 'Mr. Spock in the Flesh' personality, and later raising two children without benefit of parental support or child support. But we survived in the middle of laughter and many tears. And my made up stories about children lost in the woods who were rescued by a great friendly bear, or wolf. Or dog. And sometimes by a great Black Panther - a by product of one of my Pawpaw's 'local historical tales'.

I understand that publishers detest stories that begin with "It was a dark and stormy night.." But let me tell you, some of the BEST bedtime stories occur on stormy nights when the power has gone out, and it's too hot for candles or lanterns. That shadow that stands darkest in the corner and seems to be moving towards the bed is actually grandma come to check on the kids, and stands quiet so not to disturb the kids if they're already asleep. But since they are awake, and they see her 'shadow', she becomes the old crone who lives in the castle dungeon, and has slipped her chains to visit with the 'wee folk'. But there are no fairies out on such a blustery night, so the old crone comes to visit with the 'wee bairn', who fall all over themselves to get out of bed and sit around her to hear her stories of 'long ago' and other 'dark and stormy nights'. Again -- unpublished, because publishers don't like ... LOL

Of course there's always On-Line publishing. But that involves more work than actual writing.

Back to the writrs who influenced my writing:

While I enjoy a good Western, an adventurous space trek, or time travel, I also enjoy the occasional Historical Romance. Georgette Heyer was my first! I still re-read her amazing books. Of course there's Jane Austen.

There are a myriad of modern writers that I have read over the last five decades. Heinlen, Asimov, Norton, Bradley, McCaffrey, Moon, Stirling, Krentz/Castle/Quick, and Moening, just to name a few of the ones whose books I have in my personal library.

Those older authors did affect my writing style to develope as I read their stories. The later authors helped me to move into the late 20th century. But I'm not so sure that I like the 21st century so much. It's all about being politically 'correct'. If you aren't ashamed of your gender, your race, your country, your religion, your culture, your family, your history, then you are prejudiced. That's just too much guilt to have to live with.

I'm still dealing with my mom's death from ten years ago. I was her care-giver for five years. Her doctor had given her nine months. I still worry if I did enough for her in those last years.

And though my children are grown with their own families, I worry that I wasn't a good enough parent. And I worthy as a grandmother? How was I as an older sister? I was responsible as a moral guide when our parents were at work. Was I a good neighbor? A good support in our Church? And Hollywood wants me to feel guilt about something I can't change?!!

I'm an old woman who still likes being a woman and enjoys liking men. I'm not just white. I'm also mixed with a bit of Native American, and even a drop of -- OMG!!! --- Black. snicker.

That's a serious joke, because as a kid I had a recuring nightmare that I was a black man being judged by a group of people in white hoods I was hanged amidst their fiery torches. I always thought those white hoods represented the Catholic Church, because at that young age I didn't know about the Ku Klux Klan. Even though I grew up in the South, my family was not involved with that group of out-lawrey. Thank God!

Still, I'm supposed to feel shame? For something not even my family supported.

I've always believed there's a hint of Fae in my DNA. Because I love dancing in the light of the full moon, and flying with the owls who perch outside my bedroom window and call to invite me to follow the moon's shadow. If I am part Fae, I know it came from my mother's people. They were Irish mixed with Alabama Indians who believed in the Nunnehi aka Immortal, and the Yunwi Tsunsdi, aka Little People.

ALSO, while there's no DNA proof of ancestry, I've always been a 'closet Chinese'.

In the Fifties, when WW2 was still fresh, and we were involved with the 'Korean Conflict', and at odds with China, I would sneak around the radio, turn down the volume, and tune into 'that wierd channel' that sometimes played Opera, or Chinese music. Ahhh. I would close my eyes and wander through the few visuals I'd found in books, or the occasional movie. (before color tv)

A year or two ago I was totally depressed and disgusted with American TV. Hollywood has become so political, so wierd. Their programming is no longer for entertainment, but to 'educate, enlighten, or to inform'. zzzzz

Then I found KDrama!!!!! Korean TV. Japanese Tv. squeal!!! Chinese TV.

The rom/coms are sweet and 'pure'. Okay. I'm realistic. This is not a reflection of real life on any planet. But the innocence of the early 1950s programs is there. Similar to Disney's 'Summer Magic'. I'm happy with those dramas that remind me of thati nnocence. I have found a few dramas that shared more than I cared for, and I do enjoy an occasional 'romp'. But I've always preferred the Lady and Gentleman characters.

And watching these programs have reminded me of those fairy tales and legends from my childhood that had been sprinkled with the Occasional Oriental myth, legend, and children's tale.

Then I remembered my FIRST historical legend. "The White Stag" by Kate Seredy, is the tale of Atilla the Hun!

I recently found a copy of that book and am waiting for a quiet time, when the power is out and there's nothing to do. Then I will use one of the many flashlights I bought for a huge hurricane, and relax on the sofa beneath an open window and read this legend once again. I live in Florida. The odds of this happening increases as the summer progresses. I can't wait to learn if my memory of this tale of Atilla the Hun remained true, or has been distorted in the last half of a century.

Most of the tales that I write involve space adventures, the occasioanl ghost, and encounters with fairies, the evil ones, not the romantic ideal fairy. smh

I've never been very good with romance or comedy. But thanks to the recent influence of the Asian productions, I have re-formatted one of my dark adventures and turned it into a rom/com.

I love a good joke, but very seldom get the point or see the humor. And I can NEVER remember the punch line if I try to share a joke. My family have said they will write on my tombstone --

"I don't remember the punchline ... but it was funny."

But as I write humorous lines or events I find myself laughing. Or crying at sad events. And I am all 'giggly' when I write what is supposed to be innocent romance between a young and shy couple. But I have never felt that my own reactions were a true guide to how the story might come across to a 'reader'.

As it happens, I have two sisters younger than I am. My middle sister is bored easily and immediately redirects our conversation to something about 'her'. Okay. I understand. She is lonely, needy, and maybe a bit selfish? Not judging. She's the 'middle child' and that's her excuse. ROFL..

But the youngest sister is my greatest fan who declares that I am an awesome writer. "I love you, sister, dear."

So she visited me last week and patiently listened as I read the first chapter. She listened quietly, and I wondered if I had 'read her to sleep'. sigh. Boring books are often the best sleeping pill. Then I heard her laugh.

Squeals/Dancing/hooting/flying around the room in ecstasy!!

Okay! At least one person has laughed. And she's not that easily 'tickled'.

So, I will always carry on and write. But now I feel that at least I might be following a path strewn with "Black-Eyed-Susans, honeybees, butterflies, and bunnies".

I don't know if anyone will read this, or will enjoy it. I hope so. While sharing bits of my youth, my worries, and my concern about certain ones of my 'stories', I actually had ideas for developing 'new' stories.

I am always amazed when writers say they are 'blocked'. I have only to open my eyes to see a world around me that no one else can envision. I listen to a song, and I'm in a different world, time, planet. A gift from Pawpaw, and Mother's DNA.

It is my oldest granddaughter's birthday this month, and I don't know what to give her for her birthday. But when she was younger, she always asked me to tell her a story. I think that I will pull out one of my OLD/ANCIENT tales that I wrote when her dad was her age and make it into a book for her.

p---leia aka Mamma KayeLee

7/19/2020

[geniusgub]

told you so//tom holland

warnings: fainting, hospitals, IV, malnourishment, talk of Heath Ledger and his death, sad boi Tom

///

inspired by tom's insta story where he thanked fans for his teen choice award win

///

Tom is always dedicated to his work and will do whatever he can to make the audience believe his character. He works endless hours on his lines, on understanding his character, and getting into the mindset of his role. But something he always dedicated a large amount of time to is his weight.

Spider-Man is an incredibly physical role. Tom was on set and doing stunts every day. He needed the muscle to support that, and he had to keep his weight constant so that his suit fit him and he didn't cause a giant problem for the wardrobe department.

But for Cherry, he's playing a veteran that is riddled with PTSD. He studied up on the disorder and discovered the effect it has on the human body, and decided that he needed to lose some of his muscle and drop some weight.

He didn't tell me this flat out though. I noticed him eating less and less over a week, after a particularly long and in depth production meeting. He decreased breakfast from a full meal to just a protein shake, and refused dinner on most days and replaced it with a workout at the gym. To say this new diet scares me is an understatement.

I'm not an actor. I don't completely understand his world. But I've been dating Tom for a few years, and I know enough to recognize that weight changing is a common practice in Hollywood. But just because it's common doesn't mean that it's right. I've heard horror stories in the media of certain roles burning out actors and ruining their lives, and that is the last thing I want to happen to Tom.

I watch as Tom comes sauntering into the kitchen, passing me with nothing but a kiss to my cheek and a whispered good morning, his voice gravely with sleep. I'm up early to study for an upcoming exam, papers already sprawled out on the island.

I sneakily watch as Tom pulls out ingredients such as protein powder, bananas, and peanut butter, then the blender. "Are you, uh-" I huff out a breath, looking down at my textbook, trying to make the conversation more nonchalant, "gonna have more than just a shake?"

"Don't think so," Tom murmurs as he starts slicing the banana. "I'm on this diet still, you know that." I open my mouth to respond but chose not to say anything, just shaking my head and deciding to drop the subject again. "What?" Tom quips after a moment of silence. "You have something else to say. I know you. Don't lie, you've got something to say."

I drop my highlighter and swing around on my barstool to face him. "Tommy, I'm just nervous about this diet, okay? I know that it's working and you're losing weight and muscle like you want to, but I'm just nervous how this is gonna affect your body and your health in the future. The last thing I want to happen is for this to ruin you."

Tom drops the banana in his hand and rushes over, placing his hands on my cheeks. "This isn't gonna ruin me. I'm okay, yeah? I'm completely fine. I'm just twenty pounds lighter. That's all."

My eyes widen and I grab onto his thinning wrists. "You've lost twenty pounds? Baby, that's too much. That's way too much! You told me ten pounds at first and I said that was too much, but twenty? That's too much!"

"It's not too much. I'm healthy, I promise." Tom swears, leaning his head forward and kissing my forehead. "We're only a week into shooting and the Russo's said everything looks great."

"I don't give a shit what the Russo's think. I care about you and your health-"

Tom huffs out a breath and drops his hands. "I am fine. You don't need to worry about me. My trainer says I'm fine, the medic on set says I'm fine, everyone agrees that I'm fine. I've only got another two months of this diet and then I'll have to bulk up for the next Avengers movie and I'll be back to the way I was before." He turns around and quickly finishes off his protein shake, putting it in a cup and closing the lid. "I'll see you tonight, okay? Good luck on your exam, I know you'll crush it."

He's kissing me and he's out the door before I can say anything else. Okay, so, that conversation didn't go anywhere close to what I had planned.

I pack up my books and head off to class for my exam, which is actually quite difficult. Or maybe I was just too busy thinking (worrying) about Tom to focus on a test. I guess I'll never know.

After my exam, I hurry off to my study of human behaviors class, hoping that today's topic will distract me from worrying about how my boyfriend is doing on set. But, of course, that hope is crushed when my professor pulls up a picture of Heath Ledger.

"Today we're going to be talking about Heath Ledger, and how his preparation for the role of the Joker effected him. Some believe the intense preparation even added to his death." She saunters around the front of the room without a care in the world, babbling on and on about how Ledger got into his character by locking himself in a hotel room and keeping a dark diary, filled with quotes, pictures, and his lines.

"Ledger was so deep into his character that he turned to medication to help him do things as simple as sleeping. Maggie Gyllenhaal even said that she could barely look at him while filming, and the crew was too nervous to be around him between takes because he would still be in character. So I pose this question to you all, did his dedication to his role and the extreme preparation for this role lead to his death?"

Oh god. Please no. This is exactly what I don't need to hear right now. Not today. Not while Tom is filming Cherry and I can't be with him at all times. Not when I get one text a day from him since he's so busy shooting scenes. Not ever.

Multiple hands shoot up to respond to the professors question. She picks a bubbly blonde in the front row. "His preparation definitely led to his death. He pushed himself too far and he couldn't handle the pressure of the movie, the pressure of stardom, the pressure of the Joker being so engrained in his mind. He couldn't shake it when filming ended, and it truly made him become some version of a psychopath."

Another student butts in. "Yeah, it's so obvious. He turned to drugs because he couldn't handle the role."

One other adds his opinion. "It's like Natalie Portman in Black Swan. She had to lose all this weight so she ate almonds and carrots for, like, months on end. And then she was in rehearsals all day and she dislocated a rib, but kept training. She said she thought she was gonna die on most days. It's very possible for actors to get so wrapped up in role that they lose a bit of reality. I totally think Heath Ledger died because of the Joker."

With that last student, I pick up my backpack and laptop and go stomping out of the lecture hall, choking back tears. I dramatically throw my belongings into my car and speed off, wiping my cheeks and trying to keep my emotions together.

I park in the first spot I see and jump out of my car, heading off to Tom's trailer, hoping that he'll be there, although the chances are slim. I've only been to Tom's trailer for Cherry once, and it was the first week of him filming. It's been lived in now, so I'm sure it looks quite different.

I hadn't expected his trailer to be a complete mess. At home, Tom is a little messy but always cleans up after himself. He clearly hasn't cleaned or let anyone clean up after him. There's clothes and shoes all over the floor and furniture, the sheets are messed up on the bed like he's been tossing and turning while sleeping, and the kitchen area is a complete wreck. There's a pile of papers and books on the coffee table that I make the terrible decision to investigate.

Having PTSD just messes up your whole life. I couldn't even get the energy to clean my house, or even my room, or my kitchen, or anything. I would throw things around and I would break things and just leave them. PTSD left me completely unable to function as a human. I couldn't sleep. How would I be expected to clean up after myself when I'm falling asleep standing?

Of course, his trailer like this is to keep himself in the character. I wonder if his costars can stand to look at him between takes.

The trailer door opens a moment later and I'm wishing it's Tom, but it's Harrison coming in, nonchalantly kicking a shoe aside to get to the fridge. "Oh hey, didn't know you were coming by. Tom didn't mention it."

"Is Tom gonna die?" I blurt out, my eyes pooling up with tears. Harrison's eyes widen at the wild question. "I'm scared he's gonna die. He's so into this character and he's gonna die, isn't he?"

"Oh my gosh, breathe, love. Tom isn't gonna die. Where are you getting this from?" Harrison takes a few steps closer to me, but it doesn't comfort me in any way.

"He's not eating, Harrison. I've seen him make food but I haven't seen him actually eat anything in almost a month. He's dealing with this disgusting trailer every day. I barely ever see him because he comes home and either goes straight to sleep or he's out at the gym until I'm asleep."

"Maybe you should talk to him." Harrison suggests. "Honestly, I'm worried about him too and I think you're the only person he'll listen to. You just gotta learn to keep your cool." He places his hands on my shoulders. "Why don't you go home and get some rest? I think you're just as tired as he is because you're stressing about it. I'll make sure that Tom goes straight home instead of going out, okay?"

I throw my arms around Harrison's waist in a much needed hug. "Thank you, Haz. You're the best."

"Yeah, I know I am." Harrison jokes with a shrug, letting me go. "Go, get out."

///

Tom doesn't come home for a while, not until I'm laying in bed, eyelids fluttering, ready to sleep. But the bedroom door creaks open, letting in a little bit of light. I listen as Tom bustles around the room to pull off his clothes, leaving him in just boxers for bed. He climbs into bed beside me, wrapping his arms around my waist. I sigh contently, melting into his embrace.

"How was your day?" I murmur, sleep slurring my words.

"It was fine. Go to sleep, you're exhausted." Tom whispers, placing lazy kisses to the back of my neck. "I love you."

///

The next morning is normal. Tom wakes up before me and takes a shower, leaving me alone in bed. But I get up and throw on a comfy sweater, preparing for my day of classes. Tom is heading downstairs as I'm pulling on my leggings, presumably for breakfast.

But just as I'm finishing brushing out my hair, I hear a relatively loud thump from downstairs. I immediately pause, listening for a yelled sorry from Tom, just anything.

"Tom?" I shout, creeping towards the open bedroom door. When I don't hear anything in response, I panic. I run downstairs and into the kitchen, finding the worst sight I could think of.

Tom is unconscious on the floor, a spot of blood on his forehead, and a whole slew of food on the stove. I drop to my knees, pushing Tom's hair out of his forehead. I reach onto the island and grab Tom's phone, unlocking it and dialing 999. I babble off to the operator that my boyfriend fainted when I was in the other room and I don't know exactly what happened, but that he's unconscious. She promises that an ambulance is two minutes away, that I should keep calm, and not move him.

I put the phone on speaker as I wait, setting it on the floor. And just as I do, Tom starts to stir, his eyebrows scrunching up and his head starting to swivel. I lean over him and place a hand on his cheek, forcing a smile, despite his closed eyes. "Hi, sweetheart. Hi, baby." I coo softly, my thumb rubbing across the skin. "Stay right where you are, okay?"

"What happened?" He murmurs, words slurred.

"I think you fainted. There's an ambulance coming, just don't move, baby boy, you'll be okay." I instruct him.

"Work." He whispers, head falling to the side.

"Don't worry about work. I'll call someone later on and tell them. You don't worry about that right now, okay? Just relax, I've got you."

The paramedics come knocking at the front door a moment later, sending me running over to answer it. I lead the paramedics over to where Tom is still laying in the kitchen, watching the paramedics lift him onto the stretcher and strap him in.

Tom reaches for me, making me rush over to his side. I place a hand on his cheek, moving my thumb against his soft skin, giving him a smile. "I'm right here, Tommy. Do you want me to call Harrison, or your mum or dad? Anyone?" Tom just nods, so I assume he wants someone. "Do you want me to come in the ambulance with you?" He nods again. "Okay, then I'm gonna go get some stuff and get right in there with you." He nods a third time, eyes closing all the way now.

I rush around the house in just a few seconds, pulling on a sweatshirt. I collect a backpack with a sweats for Tom, our wallets, our phones, chargers, money, and whatever I can find that we could need.

Tom is just being loaded into the ambulance when I go to lock the door and jump inside. I'm exiled to the corner while the paramedics start working on Tom, leaving me to send out texts to his family to tell them what's going on.

I'm with him every step of the way. I'm there as he rides to the hospital, I'm there as he gets brought right into a room, and I'm there as a doctor comes in to see him. But I'm pushed out a moment later to fill out paperwork, and I have to be separated from Tom.

I rush my way through the paperwork so I can get back to Tom. He would never leave me alone if I was in this situation, and I don't plan to do that to him. So I return the clipboard to a nurse and she leads me back to a different waiting room.

"You can just stay here until the doctor comes around to get you." I nod but have to hold in my groan. I just want to be with Tom.

I sit down and decide to check my phone, finding a few texts. Nikki and Dom says that the whole family is on their way, and Harrison says him and Tuwaine are leaving their golf outing to get here, but it's going to take a while.

I'm not sure how much time passes from when I get to the waiting room and when a doctor comes. Maybe it was ten minutes, maybe it was an hour. I wouldn't know. But a doctor comes around to get me, thankfully refraining from calling out Tom's name and avoiding any possible fan run-ins.

I jump up and rush toward him, smiling nervously. The doctor asks again if I'm here for Tom, to which I nod, and he leads me away from the waiting room.

"So, it seems that he's very malnourished." The doctor tells me, which is no surprise at all. "He is severely underweight and is also very dehydrated. Do you know why this is happening?"

We stop outside of his room and continue talking. "He's preparing for a movie role. His character has PTSD so he decided to lose a bit of weight. I told him it was too much but he swore he was fine."

"Do you know how much he lost?" I tell him twenty pounds and then a little about Tom's diet, and I can tell but his surprised face that Tom is in for some deep shit. "Wow, that's a lot for someone his age and weight. Basically, his body can't handle the work that he's making it do. If he's working on a film set and he's not eating properly, or at all, his body is going to give out because it can't support him. For now, I've got him on an IV drip to hydrate him and I'll come back in a little while to talk to you two about what to do from here."

"Okay, thank you so much. I can go in now?" The doctor nods and then heads off.

Tom's eyes are closed when I enter the room, but I can't quite tell if he's sleeping. Even still, there's a nurse taking his vitals who smiles at me, quickly finishing up and leaving the room.

Tom stirs when I sit in the chair beside his bed, scrunching up his crooked nose. I grab onto his free hand and move my thumb against his knuckles, taking a deep breath. "I can tell you're awake." I murmur, the tiniest smile on my face. "I know you too well."

The corners of Tom's mouth lift up in the tiniest, his eyes fluttering open slowly. "Hi." He mumbles, the word slurred.

"Hi, sweet boy." I keep my voice sweet and smooth. "How are you feeling?"

"Bad." Tom spits out, sighing. His eyes are squinting and he looks like he's in pain.

"Does your head hurt? The lights hurt?" He nods, so I stand and turn off the light, watching the wrinkles in his forehead smoothen out. "Did the doctor check you for a concussion?"

"I-I don't know."

I let go of Tom's hand again and poke my head out of the hospital room, flagging down a nurse. I tell her my concern and she promises to get a doctor in soon, then goes on her way.

"A doctor is coming, Tom." I take my seat again and lace our fingers.

A silence falls over us for a moment, but the quiet makes me more aware of the way Tom's hands are shaking.

"Are you feeling okay?" I whisper. "You're shaking. I just wanna make sure you're-"

"I'm sorry." And suddenly he's breaking down in tears, sobbing loudly. "You were right, I was wrong."

"Shh, sweetheart." I coo, moving to sit on the side of his bed. "Let's not talk about that right now. Right now, just relax and-"

"I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home." He whines, hand squeezing mine as tight as he can, which isn't much at all. He's far too weak.

"I know you do. But you've gotta be here so the doctors can help you get better so you can get home and get back to work. So let's not cry," I wipe my thumbs over his cheeks, "and just relax as much as you can. You can watch tv, close your eyes, so whatever. A doctor is hopefully coming soon to help you."

Tom looks at me with huge puppy eyes, rimmed red from tears. "You're not gonna leave me, right?"

A smile appears on my cheeks, but it feels forced. "Of course I'm not gonna leave you, pretty boy. I'll be right by your side this whole time and for the rest of your life, you know that."

His lips push out in a pout. "You can still call me pretty boy when I'm like this?"

"You'll always be my pretty boy." I leave forward and press a few kisses to his cheek, hopefully calming him down a bit.

The doctor comes back into the room a few moments later, and Tom forces me to hold his hand while the doctor inspects him again, this time for a concussion.

"Yep, your girlfriend is right, you've got a mild concussion. I'd assume you hit your head on something when you fainted, whether it was a cabinet or the floor. It's not too bad though, you should be fine in two or three weeks. But even still, I wanna keep you for the rest of the day. I know it's early, so we'll see how you're feeling later and see if you need to stay the night or you can go. We've got you on an IV to give you some vitamins and some essential things you've been missing out on over the past few weeks. You know where the nurses button is, if you need anything. I'll see you two later."

///

The rest of the day passes incredibly slowly. Tom's family shows up just a little bit after the doctor leaves. They stay for an hour or two, just to keep Tom entertained, but he's being very quiet and really only wants to talk to me. But his family is babying him and talking to him like a child. And as much as I do that to him when I'm consoling him, he absolutely hates when his family does it.

And then Harrison and Tuwaine show up and wreak havoc. I know it's for entertainment purposes and to make Tom laugh. They show up and throw a backpack onto Tom's bed, what's filled with my laptop, smuggled in fast food, some extra clothes for Tom, and a handful of dvd's. Then they loudly make their way around Tom's room, inspecting every single thing that is on the walls or in the relatively empty cabinets. I'm tempted to kick them out so they don't get in trouble, but Tom is laughing and his spirits are lifted, so I don't bother.

By the time a nurse is coming around with lunch for Tom, he's starving. I can hear his stomach rumbling, but that's a sound I've grown accustomed to.

Tom pushes around his food, not interested in the bland hospital food. "I really want what Haz and Tuwaine brought." He eyes the McDonald's bag on the other side of the room. "I don't want this shit."

"I don't know if your stomach can handle that. You haven't had fast food in months and I don't know if that's good for you-"

"Please, baby, I'm so hungry and this looks terrible." Tom begs, pushing the tray of food away from him.

I easily comply, not wanting to put up a fight with him when he's feeling so tortured at the moment. I open the bag and find a ridiculous amount of food, more than me and Tom could ever eat.

"God, these idiots must have bought the whole store out. What do you want-burger, fries, nuggets?"

"Yes." He responds, making me roll my eyes.

"You're impossible." I pull out a small fry, a cheeseburger, and six piece nugget and hand it over to him, watching him smile happily. "You're nuts. Please eat slowly and drink a lot of water. I don't want you getting sick and throwing up."

"Can we watch a movie too?" He shoves a nugget in his mouth and gestures to my laptop. I agree, pulling up Netflix and starting a random movie, setting my computer on the bed.

Thankfully, Tom doesn't have to stay the night. He's built up enough strength through the IV, food, and relaxation for the doctor to feel good about him going home. So he gets out of his hospital gown and into some sweats, signing discharge papers and wobbling out of the hospital room. And since I rode in the ambulance with Tom, Harrison comes to pick us up and drive us home.

"Looking a bit better, mate." Harrison says, giving Tom a bro hug when we get to the car.

"Thanks for picking us up." Tom mumbles before jumping into the backseat.

"Thank you so much, Haz. You're the best." I give him a tight hug before sitting beside Tom in the backseat and heading home.

///

"Do you wanna go up to bed or stay on the couch?" I ask once we step inside, dropping our bags beside the door. Tessa is off at his parents house, so our house is silent.

"I wanna go shower, and then go to bed." He mumbles, taking the lead upstairs and hobbling into the connected bathroom. I collect him some fresh boxers and a tee shirt, putting them on the counter for him when he's done. I busy myself by changing the sheets and fixing up the bed, distracting myself from the craziness of the day.

"Babe!" Tom starts calling. "Baby!"

I panic, fearing the worst, rushing into the bathroom. "What? What's wrong?"

"Will you come in with me?" He asks like a child, pouting, his curls dripping over his forehead.

"I thought something was wrong." I groan, but begin stripping off my clothes anyways. I step into the warm water and sigh of relief, happy to wash away the stress of the day. I immediately wrap my arms around Tom's skinny waist, burying my face in his neck. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yeah, me too." Tom sighs, hand running up and down my back gently. "Thank you for being there for me. You're the best girlfriend ever."

"Thanks." I chuckle with an eye roll. "I'm just glad you're home."

We finish up in the shower not long after, since being exposed to the warm water for too long could make Tom faint again. So we get dressed and crawl into bed, curling up under the cold duvet. I rest my head on Tom's chest and close my eyes, trying to drift off to sleep.

"You can say it now, you know?" Tom murmurs, lips ghosting over my forehead.

I smile softly, letting a beat pass. "I told you so."

#i dont know how to add a read below thing so sorry #reblog please!!!! #check out my wattpad #its @_obsessing #thanks for reading buddies

[capitanmorgancyberzine]

THE IRISHMAN press conference

London Film Festival 2019 

London Film Festival Director Tricia Tuttle presents The Irishman’s Director Martin Scorsese with producers Emma Tillinger and Jane Rosenthal. And the actors Robert De Niro and Al Pacino.

Il film è incentrato sulla memoria e stilisticamente offre all’occhio del osservatore una quantità innumerevole di elementi visivi accattivanti. Questa opera fa dispiegare lo sguardo in modo drammatico sugli avvenimenti che storicamente si susseguono, inoltre allo stesso tempo ci fa fluttuare come in una sorta di distillazione del tempo e del luogo in cui è ambientato. L’uso degli effetti speciali è straordinario e come per quasi tutti i film di Scorsese ci troviamo di fronte a un capolavoro di genere.

The film is focused on memory and stylistically offers the eye of the observer an innumerable amount of captivating visual elements. This work makes the viewer's gaze unfold dramatically on the events that historically follow one another, and at the same time makes us float as if in a sort of distillation of the time and place where it is set. The use of special effects is extraordinary and like almost all Scorsese's films we are faced with a genre masterpiece.

Regia: Martin Scorsese

Interpreti: Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci, Romano Bobby Cannavale Anna Paquin, Stephen Grahm, Harvey Keitel

Paese: USA

Anno: 2019

Durata: 209′

di seguito l’intervista    ==>

Q:

Why did it take so long? You've known each other for decades. I know this project it has been in your mind for a while...

Bob De Niro: Yeah... he said, I just read it, it just had come out, I got to read that book... That was about three years earlier.. Marty was starting to show me ..

Martin Scorsese:

Some special work that Bob and I'm involved in for twenty somewhat years. that we were trying to get another project film, based on... Hollywood in the 70s 80s.. that developed into something else, about something else. We never quite settled on the project. The last time we worked together was in 1995: 'Casino'. So from that point on we would check on each other what we were doing, whether I could fit into his plan or vice versa. Ultimately we did, I think, in the winter of Frankie Machine... We decided we had to do something... maybe in 2010, no, 2008.. We thought this might be a project with possibilities... I was really looking for something that would enrich more or less where we had gone in the 70s and the 80s and early 90s.. to just replicate or trying to do the beginning of our careers wouldn't be anything enriching. So, you were about to direct the 'Good Shepard' - Eric ... was writing that... And Eric, knowing that we were trying to do something called 'Frankie Machine'  about a hitman who retired... Eric gave you a book called 'I heard you paint houses' by Charles Bran for research

MS:

Jean Gabin film like 'Touches pas gris be'??? Matfields too low (Toulaux) Le deuxiËme circle...pictures like that... Gabin character...

By the time you're doing 'Casino', I felt that presence was similar

Bob:

And then I survived to read this book that I 've been always wanted to read called 'I heard you paint houses'. I read it just as research character . When I had read it I got together with Marty and said: you gotta look at this ... So that was it.

MS:

You had the story about (on the telephone) Brad Brit?? right?

Lady:

So you were ready to comit to making Frankie Machine, financed by Paramount, we were all on call together to get the green light and in the middle of this conversation Bob said:  Well, this other book that we are thinking about, maybe we could combine these two movies . And Brad said: So you want to take a go with it and turn it into a development project?... That was 2007 ... Then we brought Steve Zillion on and Steve delivered (Steven, Marty and Bob worked together and did option 'I heard you paint houses' and Frankie Machine went away and Steve delivered the script in 2009..

MS:

The point is that we were trying to find something that we could ride /write with (I don't know how you define ride/write... it's ambiguous... kind of we felt comfortable in a way.. something we could not articulate and once he described this character to me, I felt that  he had a good sense of it so I said: this is maybe where we could really try to explore and see what we could come up with, that it might really be of value ultimately or as a creative point which is what he cared getting out.. to impress the cast ... so we took a chance... Steve pulled together a wonderful script, and it took a number of years...

Bob:

Steve wrote the script which is terrific, wonderful as Marty says, and it was a matter of getting everybody's schedules to line up. Marty was doing ... coming over here.. I don't know when you was doing Euro.. 2009/ 2010.. We would talk about what we were going to do, if there was availability, you wanted to do 'Silence'... I said to Marty I wanted to make sure he was okay if we would just let it out there.. usually I am very superstitious about that it usually doesn't happen... I felt maybe in this case since we got no backers, no people really interested in the idea that we were doing it with Al and Joe... if they were okay with mentioning that they were on board.. So we did that and then we had a reading of the script..

Lady:

the reading of the script January right before you left to go to 'Silence'. That was this one opportunity to get everyone together, and we taped the reading 2012... I thought that that would be all we would have of the Irishman, since it would be difficult to get financing. Then when everybody heard it , there was a new energy, but Marty and Emma went back to shoot 'Silence', so we had another delay.. A good one.

Al Pacino:

I've known Marty and Bob for very long time..Anthony called me about it, it sounded really interesting...The opportunity to work with them was very important for me. For years we always spoke together, Marty and I, about different things.. and of course Bob and I worked together  we had known each other since we were young actors

MS:

The first meeting we had about this, we talked about it in a hotel in LA

AP:

That's right! The hotel! It's all coming back to me now...

MS:

After all the discussions he looked at me and said, is this gonna happen, because... the complications and schedules and then of course, no real enthusiasm to say the least about financing, really made it something that is a nice dream and you said: that maybe the reading was going to be the only time you've heard it or seen it... we knew that from the beginning

AP:

I think that reading was very well orchestrated 09.06.72

Very effective...

MS:

Bob arranged it so there were the right kind of people there

Yeah, they got excited about it but still didn't raise the money

I remember, it was you, Al, Bob, ... Bobby Carneval, pauly Herman??? Joe pesci, Stefanie...

AL:

You can feel it that there was a live wire there.. I always thought it wouldn't happen...

Bob:

I got a call from Al...is it gonna happen..?

don't worry, they'll work it out...

Lady:

Thank goddness you did, because there were these fantastic time sugressions?? ..

Journalist:

Hello, Catherine Dreyer from Free Cinema... I just saw the film ', of course mind blowing.. one of those old epic things that make you like it to be in the cinema and watching it.. So thank you so much already for that. The question is... this is obviously a Netflix production, it's coming out very shortly after running in the cinemas. It seems to be a very good collaboration between TV / internet companies with the film industry.. Will we have at some point to redefine perhaps what is cinema?

MS:

...I think it's not just an evolving sort of thing, it's a revolution, even bigger a revolution that sound was for cinema, it's the revolution of cinema itself. A new technology, bringing things that are unimaginable... is it something extraordinarily good for narrative films, or stories told in motion pictures... it opens up the original conception of what a film is and where it's to be seen has now changed so radically that we may have to say, okay, this is a certain kind of film, it's made here... there might be a virtual reality films that have holograms, all sorts of things that are coming that we don't even know... Something that should always be protected as much as possible and that I think will always be there, is a comunal experience. I think that's best in the theater... Now, homes have become theaters, too... It's a major change... just keep an open mind... there is no doubt that seeing film with an audience is.... there is a problem though.. you have to make the film.. we ran out of room in a sense... there was no room for us to make this picture... for many different reasons, ultimately there was financial issue, too in terms of the CGI that we did and the reason why, the CGI is kind of complicated...because at a certain point if I made the film earlier they could have played younger and then at a certain point we missed that, and then they said, use younger actors who play them younger, and I said, well, what's the point of that... I want to find a CGI... let's see what they experiment, open it up... I mean CGI to that extend is really an evolution of make up... you'll accept certain make up, you know that she is not that old, she's not that young. You accept that as a norm. I mean you accept the illusion so to speak. Taking that and having the backing of a company that says, you have no interference, you can make this picture as you want, the trade off is its streams with the attribule distribution prior to that. That's the chance we take on this particular project. What streaming means and how that's going to define a new form of cinema, I'm not sure. I thought for a while maybe long form TV cinema- it's not! It simply isn't. It's a different viewing experience. You're going to get three episodes, two, four-ten... one one week, second episode the second week... that's not ... it's a different kind of thing, so there's got to be still what has to be protected is the singular experience... experiencing a picture, ideally with an audience... But there's room for so many others now, and so many other ways. There's gonna be cross overs... Value..? the value of a film that's like a theme park film for example, where the theme is becoming amusement parks... that's a different experience, it's not cinema, it's something else.. and it shouldn't be rated ?? by it.. That's a big issue.. We need the theater (audience?) to step up to that, to allow to show films that are narrative films. A narrative film could be one long take for three hours, too, you know. It doesn't have to be a conventional 120 minute film.

What Marty said, it will be in theaters and even when it goes on plate-work??? it still will continue to be in theaters, so audiences have their choice of whether we're going to watch it in theater and have an amazing cinema comunity experience or whether they want to watch it on the platform. Roma, for example, is still in theater around the world. So the audience has the choice of how they want to use something...

LADY:

Cinema has reached a point where changing has the option of having streaming as it were in this case...???

Journalist from AUSTRALIA:

Sergio Leone's 'Once upon a time in America', started de Niro, a film had small similar to this one,... do you think there are any references to that film here?... It's a long film, not as action packed as your early gangster films, I think they are very different to this.

But how is it different to your early gangster films?

MARTY:

Well, this underworld milieu... I guess the similarity is that it's very long and Bobby de Niro is in it.... I guess the two of us made a movie, when we were trying to get the  finances, I know how to do this... I know how to follow it through.. I just went with that..

What did you feel looking at  yourselves younger for the first time when you're looking back at the movie. Was it a bit crazy?

MS:

How does it relate to them? Well, back in 1973 we're 29, 30 years old, now we're much older and so we hope that maybe the... over time... that something has evolved, maybe deepened to a certain extend of our life... in a back it can be conveyed in a story, performances, in the way a film is put together, that would be some sort of an advancement, rather then just replicating what we have done in the past

New technology and all that... does it open a brand new world for everyone?

AP:

Considering everything is crazy. It was crazy. I don't know quite what you mean though, I'm sorry... what were you saying?

AP:

I don't feel that way, personally... this is a technique that is barely on? It's what they have said, it's a form of make up.. It could change things... But I don't think you feel that way -- as an actor -- I think you feel that as an actor, you're playing a role,... a role that more then likely hopefully you're suited for... so when you do that... it doesn't matter what you look like.. It is sort of true in a way... because, when I saw the film.. he showed it to me without anything... I just went with it and I didn't think anymore that.... this was a story... it was handled / delivered in such a way, alectorially, visually, costumage.. everything. And also the acting. I think that was what was taking me up... the story... I wasn't thinking about anything else after a while, I mean I didn't even think about when we first started.. Of course it was me ... I wasn't thinking about the wines, our faces or anything... this was accepting these people.. they existed, too, this is another thing. This was an interesting thing... because it's a story about real things that happened. people really lived.. Maybe that had something to do with my reaction. This whole thing can be innovative, of course, but at the same time it tells a story... I'm a little more concerned about that...

As I say, I did see the film without any work... and it was fine.. as a matter of fact, I'm the only one who felt that way

MS:

I think it is really good that we have that potential, it is stating what it's stating: the old days... some actor that we all knew and love and they put grey hair on him, we say, oh, he got older, but you accept it, because this is in the story

Bob:

I always joked that my career will be extended another thirty years... No, it's a whole industry... where / how it will evolve... I was just thinking about copyrights... likeness, and who gets it long after we're all gone, families and stuff like that. We even have that now in some way, using famous actors from years ago, commercial... to represent that product... I don't know, I'm just happy we're at the beginning stages of really being ... God knows where it goes... what excited me about it was that pablo helman was doing this thing and wanted to make it state of the art, the best it could be to date. That was an ambition for this movie, which was ambitious always... it fit the whole enterprise

MS:

It's also how you move... these are the little things

AP:

You're walking along looking... pretty and then you got to get up... (grimace)... hey, man, what are you doing, you're 39!  25.22.23

Question from German Journalist :

What was the biggest challenge for each one of you on this movie (directing - acting

MS:

Making (movies?) is a big challenge.. in terms of realm... the guys are performing.. so I cannot speak for them, but for me it's cutting through all the issues of how you perceive a story, the sweep of a story, what's essential, what isn't essential, making those editing choices right there, on the set. First of all even before set, before shooting begins, make those editing choices, and in shooting  even top around those editing choices because it's very complex.. in terms of technology... and staying on point, staying on what's essential to the story. Those are the characters, particularly Frank's character, and eliminating everything else around that was getting in the way. And this I think was a 108 day shoot. So this is one thing. And then the editing, too. So it's wrangling the picture, in a way.. always threatening to run a little bit out of control, but grabbing it again, and using Frank Sharon as the anchor. The whole picture took finally to wind up with him alone. That's what all film is about. That's just general of how you make a movie. Otherwise you sometimes make a movie you don't know what you're going to do when you get there on the set... I tried that once, it didn't work... for me it didn't work... I usually like planning and fighting my way through the whole process.. until we get, the best we can, to the end... resolve with the character...

BN:

Yeah, I mean, certain things.. like Marty, every so often, I would come in to narrate pieces that Marty figured that had to voice over to give information or whatever... That's a novel part of making a movie...

MS:

You went into the audio tracks... the voice stories and setting and then we'd go... tell me something

Interesting... and then try to find time to shoot it.. in the film, like give it to Emma and tell her to find some production time, please

Emma:

I'd say yes

Q:

So was that your biggest challenge...

Emma:

.. helping Marty realize everything?... yeah...

(laughter)

We want all of them to have the time...time to create and the environment,  a quite / safe space for them to do. You wanna wrab that at all... it's a challenge, but we are phenomenal partners, the best, we carved out that time in stakes, I hope

Q:

Why do you think we are constantly pulled back into talking about films about pain and trauma as in the Irishman, there's a lot on the macro level with the asasination section, but it really does go into personal individual pain

MS:

I think pain is an important story to everybody, pain, suffering... that idea what makes an interesting story... what do you think?

Bob:

Well I think, this was a simple story. It was about a guy who was caught between two people... powerful people.. One of them disappeared - we never knew what happened really to this day -  the other one was also -- Joe Galler (?).. for him.. you still don't know who did that to him... it had that to hang on someway... this political, this grand story with these historical (if you want) type of characters... a simple story

MS:

... and not so far - in terms of that - of what we were talking about these guys.. and on the other level you have JFK, Bobby Kennedy, Martin Luther King... all this going on.. and nobody knows really what happened there... I always say, would it make any difference now if we knew exactly who, when, how, and where..

... the dark course of it take over (???)... that are always present... these guys are right in the middle of it, in a way... they just walk by a TV and there is missles coming from Cuba... and that's your afternoon lunch... when we say a simple story is because the rest is so complicated

Q:

For me in many ways this is about reflection. I was wondering as you have amazing careers... do you guys ever sit back and reflect or do you always look to what's the next project

And I was wondering... do you think you could have made this ...now, cause you have lived and are still alive ..so that now that you're in a kind of position to understand better the texture of this narrative

MS:

you mean, if we had made this film earlier it would have been different

Q:

Yeah

MS:

Absolutely, I mean... I don't think we got together and said, let's make a movie and reflect... as I say, it's intuitive

#london film festival #londonfilmfestival #LFF

[tloog]

weinstein and more

IKM: Man, this Weinstein thing is turning into a fucking VORTEX of a shitstorm

IKM: sucking in everybody close to the dude

Kenzie: yep

IKM: Now Affleck has all kinds of groping allegations

Kenzie: I don't know if they are allegations

Kenzie: a bunch are on tape

IKM: at this point, I think we can say "groping facts"

Kenzie: Tarantino had to release a statement

Kenzie: Ben is toast

IKM: yeah, a bunch of his movies were produced by Weinstein

Kenzie: Matt Daman had to be like "I had no clue. keep my name out your mouth."

Port: Ben and his bro been bout that creep life

Kenzie: all of his movies

Kenzie: yeah I forgot about Casey

Port: I've just heard that Hollywood, generally, is filled with creeps and weirdos the higher you go

Kenzie: I would bet most of them get into the business for the ladies

IKM: Yeah the stories are starting to come out of the woodwork

IKM: the Steven Segal stories are terrible

Port: Once Terry Crews talked about getting groped up by some dude in front of his wife I was like shit.

Kenzie: what happened with Steven Seagal

DG: yeah Afflecks are verified creeps

Port: Women don't have a chance out here.

DG: Segal is involved with the Russians

IKM: Segal was inviting women to his house for "casting" interviews and would answer the door in a robe

Kenzie: Terry could have put hands on that man but didn't for his career sakes

Port: Correct

DG: Oh, didn’t see that (doh)

Port: For career's sake. Now think about a 5'3" lady

Kenzie: Segal looks like the type

Port: She can't do shit.

Kenzie: nope

IKM: Segal aint shit

IKM: and aint been shit for a long time

IKM: question is, what do we do with the likes of the Afflecks?

Port: Are we sure Segal doesn't not think he is starring in a new movie?

IKM: Casey has an Oscar and got it AFTER the whole allegations of something or other

Port: Sure did

Kenzie: there is nothing that will be done

Kenzie: they will apologize

Kenzie: give money to a cause

Kenzie: and continue to get jobs

DG: ^that

IKM: "In 2010, Affleck was sued by two former co-workers. I'm Still Here's producer, Amanda White, sued Affleck for $2 million. She detailed numerous "uninvited and unwelcome sexual advances" in the workplace, alleging that Affleck had instructed Spacehog guitarist Antony Langdon to expose himself in her presence, spoke "inappropriately" about her advancing age and fertility, discussed his "sexual exploits", referred to women as "cows", invaded her "personal space" by locking her out of her hotel room while entertaining another woman, attempted to "manipulate" her into staying with him in a hotel room, "violently" grabbed her by the arm when she refused and sent her "abusive text messages" for refusing to stay with him. White alleged that Affleck refused to honor the terms of the production agreement, including her fee, in retaliation.[163] The film's cinematographer, Magdalena Gorka, sued Affleck for $2.25 million.[164] Gorka alleged that she had been subjected to "routine instances" of sexual harassment by crew members including Langdon, "within the presence and with the active encouragement of Affleck."[165] While staying in Joaquin Phoenix's apartment during filming, Phoenix offered Gorka the private use of his bedroom. Affleck allegedly joined Gorka in bed while she slept, wearing only "his underwear and a t-shirt ... He had his arm around her, was caressing her back, his face was within inches of hers and his breath reeked of alcohol." She claimed that she was later berated and verbally attacked by Affleck for refusing his advances and she was forced to resign because of harassment and abuse."

IKM: Jeez man

DG: oliver stone said something dumb ass yesterday like “you don’t realize but what Harvey is going through right now is very difficult”

IKM: Oliver is....

IKM: I just don't know man

IKM: what a disappointment that dude is to me

IKM: seems absolutely clueless

DG: so, which Affleck is that? because either is plausible

IKM: Casey

Kenzie: yeah I knew about the Casey Affleck stuff

Kenzie: some of these guys are in a tough position

Kenzie: because they know Harvey personally

Kenzie: and some probably had prior knowledge of it

Kenzie: they have to act like they didn't know about it and hope no one has evidence contrary to that

IKM: but everybody knew

IKM: MANY people were complicit in this

IKM: apparently all of Hollywood

DG: supposedly Weinstein's contract had verbiage in it about sexual harassment suits lobbied against him

DG: not sure if that is standard contract shit or not

Schaedey: I mean it been a pretty established assumption for years, I have been hearing the same Harvey Weinstein jokes for a loooooong time

DG: really?

IKM: I think that's a problem though

IKM: people joked about it but who confronted him?

IKM: told him to stop that shit

DG: Harvey Weinstein is not on my radar on a normal day

DG: I think there’s a lot of Hollywood that is disgusting

DG: and there’s going to be a lot of shit that comes out that is terrible

DG: tip of the iceberg type shit

Port: That's what I'm saying. The culture of Hollywood seems to be gross

IKM: That's not just Hollywood though

IKM: This is pretty much male culture at large

IKM: Hollywood is just high profile

IKM: male culture at large is gross

Port: Also correct

Port: I'd imagine every creepy Hollywood exec is like turbo Gronk

Port: Jus a non-stop stream of sexually suggestive jokes

IKM: we "expect" Hollywood to be better cause they are generally liberal, pro-women in Hollywood

IKM: but that's a falsehood. Nowhere is pro-women

Port: Nah I dunno if I ever expected anyone with power to not be a scumbag but this is still exceeding my expectations

Kenzie: you expect a certain level of decency

IKM: Do you?

Kenzie: and I don't believe all in Hollywood are scumbags

DG: I think there’s gotta be more good people than bad, just the bad is so terrible

IKM: Maybe yall grew up differently than me

Kenzie: exactly DG

IKM: Cause male culture growing up...

Kenzie: growing up yes

Kenzie: but then you grow up

DG: some do

IKM: exactly

Kenzie: and you realize you were a scum bag

IKM: SOME

DG: but where does that example of the culture come from?

DG: you don’t just conjure this shit up

IKM: exactly

Port: Easy guys this is just locker room talk

(unamused)

DG: for example: I hadn’t seen blade runner in decades so I watched it this last week prior to seeing the new one… there is a scene where Harrison ford straight up rapes the replicant chick

IKM: Real shit, if you were to ask all the women you know if they have a sexual harassment, assault or straight up rape experience and they were to be truly honest with you, what percentage do you think would say "yes" to at least 1 of those three?

DG: but it was this scene that was probably thought of as an attractive and aggressive man keeping a woman from leaving when you know she wants to stay

DG: at least

Kenzie: their entire life?

Kenzie: I would say 75%

DG: revenge of the nerds the head nerd straight up rapes the hot girl

Kenzie: I am thinking about all of the shit I did as a teenager

IKM: Man DG I don't remember that

DG: he has a Darth Vader mask on I think? and screws her pretending to be her boyfriend

IKM: shiiiit

IKM: didn't even remember that

Kenzie: although that is rape it isn't what was considered rape back then

Port: 100% IKM

Kenzie: I want to hold out some hope Port

Kenzie: are we talking catcalls are sexual harassment also

IKM: Makes you really want to go back and think when you were younger like "Did I do some repugnant shit?"

Kenzie: I know I did

Port: This is coming from my small sample size but I've asked every one of my lady friends every one of them has at least one story

Port: From the light end to the awful end.

Port: I know for a fact I did

Kenzie: teenage boys are awful

Port: Can confirm

Kenzie: myself included

Kenzie: how many random asses did you grab on a dare from your friends

K Myers Jr.: I didn't do any of that cause I was an anti-social misfit.

IKM: And friends can't dare you to do shit when you're friends just as wack as you, lol

IKM: but who knows, I think I totally erased high school from my memory banks it was so wack, lol

Kenzie: yeah I try not to think about all the inappropriate things I did

Kenzie: all of the stupid statements I have made

Kenzie: and young Kenzie still wasn't as bad as others that I know

IKM: Oreilly, Affleck, Weinstein, Cosby, they are dinosaurs

IKM: world has changed

IKM: even from 10 years ago

IKM: that type of behavior is simply unacceptable

IKM: except if you're the president

Kenzie: but what about shit happening at new companies

DG: the google manifesto

Kenzie: isn't Uber going through shit

DG: yes it is

IKM: and I think 10 years ago we don't even hear about that

Kenzie: of course not

DG: definitely don’t because of no social media

DG: giving people public voices that never had them before

Kenzie: shit like that becomes standard practices

Kenzie: some women are coming out saying that co-workers kept her away from Harvey because they knew the deal

Kenzie: what are the chances that Harvey's brother knew what was going on

DG: 100%

IKM: of course he did

Kenzie: exactly

IKM: whole board knew

DG: scope and breadth, maybe not

DG: I picture one of those scenes where they are talking and a name comes up and brother goes “Jesus, Harvey”

DG: “but I had to make her watch me jerk off onto a plant”

Kenzie: You think Hugh Hefner was out here being a scumbag

Kenzie: he seems like he was in the perfect position to be one

IKM: I think Hugh set his shit up the proper way

IKM: Never heard of any harassment claims or anything on Hugh

Kenzie: Like Bill Burr said you just live too long

DG: I'm a pornographer and sexual exploiter of women… (y) aaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee (y)

IKM: Hugh was never a pornographer

Kenzie: it is called soft-core porn

DG: he was never a hard core pornographer

IKM: and whether or not what he did was sexually exploit women is up for argument

Kenzie: and he has a tv station dedicated to that

IKM: Exploitation is 1-way street

IKM: and porn has no artistic value

Schady: playboy was artistic?

IKM: so if his pictures have artistic merit they are not porn

Kenzie: didn't he get his hands on Marilyn Monroe skinny dipping pictures and published the pictures

Kenzie: he had an entire station that was not dedicated to art

IKM: from what I know about playboy

IKM: it was about doing tasteful nude pictures

DG: throwing money at someone who needs it to pose naked in your magazine so you can make more money is sexual exploitation

IKM: No it isn't

IKM: I need money. I get paid to program. Am I being intellectually exploited?

DG: but you would normally program, yes?

IKM: Yes

DG: i’m gonna go out and say not everyone that appeared in playboy would normally strip for money… some sure

Schady: yeah i dont think the girls doing nude photo shoots came out of school saying that is the career i need to be pursuing

Kenzie: http://www.npr.org/2017/10/01/554854492/marilyn-monroe-helped-hugh-hefner-but-not-by-choice

Kenzie: yeah he published those pictures without her permission

IKM: He woulda got sued out the ass today

IKM: suprised he didn't back then

IKM: or really I guess im not suprised

DG: if hugh ever sold being in a playboy as a way to jump start an acting career, or saying something like “i know people, do this for me…”… that’s exploiting

IKM: I can agree with that

Kenzie: i don't know

IKM: but there were plenty of women who appeared in playboy who did have acting careers

Kenzie: if he said sleep with me i know people than yes

DG: sure that happened too

DG: pose naked so i can sell magazines

IKM: I dont want to fall into the slippery judgement slope

DG: the man did it for decades, so i’m sure there’s a little bit of everything in his history

IKM: To me there is acceptable behavior and theres unacceptable. Paying women or men to be naked in your magazine? I honestly don't think anything is inherently wrong with that

IKM: As long as they weren't duped

IKM: as long as they know what they are getting themselves into

IKM: this is a free country, so do what you want

Port: Nah Hef came from that old school where quaaludes were like tic tacs

IKM: lol so you think hef was Lud'in em up?

Kenzie: i bet his playboy mansion parties where drug dens

Port: That's the era he me up in!

Port: I'm sure they were 'ludin in the grotto

IKM: if two people choose to take drugs and have sex while high that's not necessarily a problem

IKM: it's the Cosby, "I'll lude them in secret"

Port: Hmm that's where it gets tricky sir

Kenzie: but how many people were getting cosby'd up in that bitch

Port: Lot I'd say Kenzie.

Kenzie: yep

Kenzie: i doubt cosby invented the game

Port: Throughout the 70s and 80s. Prolly enough blow to build a snowman in the grotto

Kenzie: brotha from philly he didn't know how to get down like that

Kenzie: i bet they tried

Kenzie: Hef probably took Bill under his wing

Schady: i dunno i mean there is something to be said about attracting women to a place with piles of drugs and then them making even more poor decisions in an altered state of mind

Schady: obviously the women taking them intentionally are mostly to blame but it is very is enabling and promotes poor decisions

Kenzie: substitute drugs for alcohol and is it still wrong?

Schady: its still wrong but just gets a pass cuz its "socially acceptable"

Schady: alcohol gets a pass on so much shit

Kenzie: in those circles it was socially acceptable to do the same with copious amounts of illicit drugs

Schady: there are some differences

Schady: coke is much more physically addictive short term than say alcohol

Schady: so once some girl tries it once she could be doing some fucked up shit just to stay high

IKM: listen, if you go to the grotto you know what its about

IKM: if you're getting fucked up in the grotto it's with a purpose

Schady: maybe? You think it was always known to everyone

Schady: we say this after decades of tales of debauchery

IKM: two people go to a party and get drunk

IKM: they sleep with each other

IKM: is one a rapist?

IKM: I think we would say no

Port: We would

Schady: im not saying rapist

Port: Consent law not so much

Schady: but i am saying that having piles of drugs accessible to anyone that is around is somewhat exploitative

Schady: having spent plenty of time around people that like to get fucked up

IKM: isn't it the same as having a bunch of beer and alcohol?

Schady: like i said

Schady: some drugs are different

Schady: whats the joke in half baked? "I used to suck dick for coke.... ever suck dick for some marajuana?"

IKM: LOL

IKM: Its a weird line though

IKM: cause it says, "Ok men, it's ok for you to go out and get fucked up. Women? You have to stay sober."

IKM: If men can go out and get drunk and try to get laid, why can't women?

Kenzie: if that was your intention then go ahead

Port: You can but you gotta know as a guy that that could go left.

Kenzie: yes

Port: Honestly never thought about it till later in life but yeah whenever someone doesn't have their full mental capacity about themself

Kenzie: back in the day that was easy pickins

Port: You open yourself up. Because just being wasted isn't consent.

Kenzie: when that happens you have to get as drunk as them

IKM: I mean, I was wack so I don't know the answer to this question, but as a single dude, how many times are you having sex without the influence of alcohol?

Kenzie: if both are wasted then you are good

Port: More than I did not

Kenzie: if you are sober and she is wasted you could be in trouble

IKM: sober + wasted is bad for business unless the man is the one wasted

Port: Yes. If you are both wasted you still could be if she says I don't remember consenting to this.

Port: Correct IKM. If you're blasted then it's whatever.

Kenzie: what if you say i don't remember consenting to this

Kenzie: then the question is who has sex with who

Kenzie: DUN DUN DUN

Port: Then same rules apply

IKM: lol @ dun dun

IKM: See, this is why I don't drink

Kenzie: you can drink without getting wasted

Port: Jus nobody would give a shit about Kenzies story of being wasted then taken advantage of

IKM: so you gotta give breathalizer tests at the door Kenzie, lol?

Kenzie: i don't like not having my wits with me out in the street

IKM: "Aaaaaand now sign this release form..."

Port: I think you just gotta use your adult sensors

Kenzie: at home get as wasted as you want

Port: You can tell when someone is rippppppped

Kenzie: you can tell the signs of a drunk woman

IKM: you cant tell if you are drunk too

Kenzie: they get really touchy feely

Port: Like I was out one time and this chick was wasted. Slumped in a photo booth type thing in the bar

Kenzie: LOL

Kenzie: always makes me laugh

Port: And dudes were swarming

Kenzie: sloppy drunks

IKM: See Porter, you call her homegirl to come pick her up

Port: And I was like...this may end up bad

Kenzie: somebody is going to put their junk on her head and take a picture

Port: She had no friends around her

Kenzie: i know how that story goes

IKM: Came alone and got drunk?!?

Kenzie: seen it a thousand times

Port: She could barely talk we got her phone and the last missed call was her homies looking for her

Kenzie: first off no girl goes out alone

Kenzie: they will end up alone because apparently girls get lost easily

Port: She got out safe but the guys tryna engage in "conversation" KNEW she was trshed. An easy mark

Port: Correct

Kenzie: you got to stay away from that

IKM: Far

Kenzie: even if you know the girl

Kenzie: you have to know how fucked up they are because if they cross the deep end game over

Port: Nah man these days I feel like I do my part and get em an Uber or something

Kenzie: oh so you now mr captain save a hoe

Kenzie: lol

Kenzie: i just had to say it

IKM: That would be the last time I hang with such a girl

Port: Lmaooo

K Myers Jr.: If you can't handle your liqour you shouldn't be drinking

Port: Nah man just tryna break trip cycle of male shitiness

Port: I can't handle my liquor IKM BUT GUESS WHAT

Kenzie: but how does she learn not to get that drunk

[Kenzie: not saying she needs to get assualted to learn

Port: I dunno man I can't teach that lesson.

Kenzie: but i am a 6'2 250lb black man and i don't get that drunk

Kenzie: i have no fear of someone raping me and i know better

Port: Yeah I wouldn't want anyone to learn the lesson that way.

IKM: I tell you how such a person learns that lession: the next time she wants to go out her friends are like "uggggghhhh no. YOu can't handle your drinks."

IKM: done

Port: Or they smack drinks out of her hands

IKM: even better, lol

Kenzie: i have heard of stories of girl completly losing members of the group

Kenzie: that has never happened to me once

Kenzie: they can be horrible at watching each others backs

Port: Horrrrrible

] Port: That was the girl in the story we were like where TF are your friends?

Port: They left her at the spot because they couldn't find her slumped in the photo booth

Kenzie: granted i probably wouldn't look in the photo booth for you

Kenzie: we have the sense to passout in the bathroom

Kenzie: "PORTER YOU IN THAT STALL MAN"

Kenzie: wait i got seperated once when i got kicked out the club and my boy was still in there

Kenzie: he was looking for me and i was slumped outside

Kenzie: wasn't a good look for me

Port: Lmao Kenzie that has literally been me

Port: In the stall giving up all the body

Kenzie: i had friend say he had to use the bathroom and then 30 minutes later we was like where did he go

Kenzie: i go to the bathroom and that is where he was still at

Kenzie: said he just needed a rest

Kenzie: legs wouldn't get him back up

Kenzie: lol

IKM: lol

TS: http://money.cnn.com/2017/10/12/media/rose-mcgowan-harvey-weinstein/index.html

Kenzie: why was she banned from twitter?

TS: apparently she put someone’s personal phone number on there and it got her kicked off for a day

Kenzie: ok

TS: Bro, y’all had a real ass convo on here

TS: Gotta edit it but I definitely think this goes to the logs.

TS: @Kenzie, yeah, when I think about shit looking back, I thought I was a choir boy but shit. Definitely grabbed boobs and asses

Kenzie: same

TS: My twitter isn’t the worst BUT OH GOD IF I EVER GET FAMOUS, FIRST THING GOING IS FACEBOOK

[Kenzie: i thought i was just playing a part in the game that we all thought was cool

Kenzie: i grab your ass, you pretend like you didn't like it, rinse and repeat

TS: there was a time as teen that i tried to use porn logic… Grabbing turns them on...

TS: I was lied to

Kenzie: little did i know i was a habitual sex offender

Kenzie: never used that logic tre

IKM: On 10/13/17, at 11:58 AM, Kenzie wrote:

> little did i know i was a habitual sex offender

IKM: lol wut

Kenzie: by my sophmore year in highschool i stopped most of that shit

Kenzie: it was really around the ages of 12 - 15

TS: I remember and I think this kinda will haunt me. Wasn’t me but there was this girl in HS, ran for Ms Freshman. Beautiful, fun, great personality, everything. She was being her as usual, relaxing outside the JROTC building. I went to the shooting range, came back and she was in the bathroom BAWLING. Her brother runs in furious. asks where did he go and burst out the door.

TS: Dude, for whatever reason, decided to flip this girls skirt all the way up

TS: Asked me before that and I saw enough TV to think that wasn’t a big deal. TV lied to me

Kenzie: i remember in 7th grade a bunch of guys (myself included) was chasing this girl around the park so we could get her shirt wet

Kenzie: after about 5 minutes of this she got PISSED

Kenzie: turned around and lifted up her shirt and was like is this what you want to see

Kenzie: we all sat there with the dumb face on after that realizing we fucked up

Kenzie: she was legitmately pissed

Kenzie: i remember the girls name and everything

DG: yes... cool and funny wasn't cool nor funny

Kenzie: i still feel bad about that shit

DG: and no one ever told me otherwise

DG: that's the kicker

Kenzie: it was almost considered boys will be boys

DG: have to piece all that shit together yourself through age and experience

Kenzie: can't blame all that shit on hormones but it has to play a part

[gildedhoneybee]

Genuine question here; Isn't the character ScarJo's playing in the film also Caucasian in the original? I've not seen it, I'm just going by what I've heard elsewhere, so have I heard wrong?

pt 2

(Also I'm sorry to bother you about it all, but I'm having a hard time finding the answer when I can't look at anything that'd be spoilery since I do want to watch the original movie still, and most of the other stuff is just about her casting)

Hmm, I’ve never heard or seen Motoko Kusanagi portrayed as white in any previous form of media, so I’m not sure why someone would have told you that. Basically, it’s a cyberpunk story set in Japan, with Japanese characters, that follows a Japanese counter-terrorism task-force combating cyber-criminals and the like. I’m trying to keep it very very open ended for you so I don’t ruin it.

 There isn’t really an “original movie” for Ghost in the Shell. Ghost in the Shell is a Japanese franchise that’s been around for a while now. It started as a manga in the early 1990′s, then had a film adaption in 1995 (called Ghost in the Shell), then another adaption in 2004 (Innocence), and then a third in 2014 (The New Movie). There was also an anime series called Stand Alone Complex that came out in 2004, and another called Arise that came out in 2013-ish.

Ultimately, the new American adaption comes across as Hollywood white-washing a Japanese franchise that has Japanese characters in it. It’s also more than just white-washing in my opinion, since whoever is editing the movie made it a point to make Scarlett Johansson look Japanese (and I’m not talking about her hair). Which they could have avoided all of the ethical problems with that by hiring a Japanese actress. 

If it’s something you’re excited about, then go ahead and check it out. Check out the previous Ghost in the Shell stuff too! It’s a really amazing storyline with good world-building in it, so it’s well worth it. Obviously, I’m not going to tell you to not watch the new movie because hey, if you think you’ll enjoy it then that’s great! Maybe it’ll even lead to you becoming interested in more Ghost in the Shell stuff. But, I’m someone who thinks that it’s important to critically assess the media we consume in the entertainment industry to make sure that we are creating good material that’s inclusive (especially in this circumstance where Hollywood is literally erasing the audience that started/created the momentum for Ghost in the Shell). Hope that helps!