#that woman was NOT allo is all i'm saying

[mishkakagehishka]

it's okay tho bc i know what i'm gonna write ab for my lit essay

#feminist girl with anger issues reading about women's anger and repression of anger #no but i could bc i also hated that part of little women. jo was right to be angry and i'm honestly let down by the fact that there was no #proper ''conclusion'' to the hurt she was caused when amy burnt her manuscript #not to mention jo's entire arc seems to be about repression and dare i say masking #that woman was NOT allo is all i'm saying #and it's like. this is a children's book and was meant to be educational for young girls of the time. you understand #amy had to learn to not be vain and beth to not be so shy and meg to not be materialistic #but jo had to completely change who she was. because she was a tomboy who didn't want to marry. #maybe i'm misunderstanding the point. i feel like my indignation is hypocritical given i can't call myself aro either anymore and that i've #always been romance-positive and /wanted/ marriage but like #i get it and you get it we all get it

[styrofauxm]

look. i'm sorry. really sorry for not just letting this die. but it bugs me. so suffer i guess.

If I saw a canonically trans character and said "well I prefer to write them as cis" people would be pissed at me, for good reason.

If I saw a canonical trans woman/man character and wrote them as a demigirl/boy and said "while the show just says she/he's trans, not that she/he's a trans woman/man" people would be pissed at me, also for good reason.

If a character was directly implied to be trans, and the creator confirmed later that they were meant to be trans, and I went "well it wasn't said explicitly in the show so it's not canon," people would be pissed at me, for good reason.

If the majority of a fandom did those things, we could collectively agree that the fandom is really transphobic.

You can sub this out for any queer identity with mainstream representation, and probably non-queer identities too.

So why is it considered acceptable to do these things to aspec characters?

Why are ships contrary to aspec identities the only ships against a character's canon queer identity that get popular?

Why are aspec people the only ones that get consistent ship discourse over our real identities?

Why are aspec people the only ones asked to sit back and take it?

Why is it on aspec people to not ruin allo people's fun in fandom, but allo people are allowed to ruin ours?

(The answer to all of the above is: aspec identities are viewed by other queer people as functionally straight and are treated as such)

#neon's void #aromantic #asexual #queer #aspec #that last point isn't exclusive to fictional characters btw #the attitudes people internalized during the ace discourse era very clearly didn't go away

[prince-liest]

I’m a sex-repulsed ace, and reading the latest chapter of 666 (as well as your analysis here on Tumblr) made me realize that I have been subconsciously thinking about MY OWN sexuality from an allo perspective? And that it has kinda been messing me up?? Like, ever since I learned that sexual attraction was actually a Thing and that it’s Important To People, I had been carrying around a fear of being deficient in some way and not being able to love to the same extent as allos. (1)

Even though I know logically that’s complete garbage and totally untrue, I felt left out of the loop because people seemed to care strongly about this thing I couldn’t even imagine. Whenever it looked like a relationship might happen I panicked for a reason that I couldn’t understand. But now I’m starting to realize that it’s because I was subconsciously terrified of an ‘ulterior motive’ behind the other person’s reasons for wanting to be with me. (2) That part of the reason they even cared was because of something I don’t experience. So thank you, because this realization just clicked into place while reading your work. The thing is, this way of thinking was just internalized in such a way that I didn’t even realize it was there until literally this week. And I think you’re right; one of the main reasons behind that is because I’ve always consumed media written from an allo perspective. (3) If ace/aros are shown at all, they’re depicted as “lacking” and their character development usually revolves around being “fixed” by the story. When I was ~10 years old my mom sometimes let me watch the Big Bang Theory with her (looking back, maybe not the best decision). Anyways, there was one episode deep into the series where Sheldon (who for the past nineish seasons was probably the closest thing to mainstream ace rep) has sex with his girlfriend for the first time. (4) Afterwards, he says something along the lines of “that was better than I thought it would be”, and it’s presented as a Very Good Thing and a big step in their relationship. I think a lifetime of stuff like that makes it very easy to internalize aphobia and feel like the lesser part of the relationship. Or to feel like the other partner is making a huge sacrifice to be with you. That got wayy too long, sorry. All that was just a lot of words to say that I appreciate you. Take care of yourself!(5)

The portrayal of asexuality that you see in media being almost exclusively as you described is very tedious to me because it presumes that something is inherently lacking in aro/aceness rather than that feeling of "lacking" being something that is induced by societal norms. Actually, one of the things that I find additionally alienating is that fandom spaces specifically have been getting better and better about ace characters - but got damn does fandom not jive with aromanticism. Like, a character doesn't want to fuck? That's becoming a liiiittle more fine, it's 2024, we stan consent. But not shipping someone romantically?? Not so easy, now.

I'm glad that my work has been something that resonated with you in this respect! Alastor cares a lot about his reputation as a demon but is pretty blatantly a person who could not possibly give less of a shit about being "wrong" for not being experiencing romantic or sexual attraction. The explanation Viv gave at one point for his own understanding of himself (that he thinks he's just "waiting for the right woman") actually stuck out to me a lot because it's a very "well, nothing is wrong with me for not feeling anything, it's the world that's failed to produce a suitable person" perspective.

But having that kind of confident perspective of your own rightness in the world is really not often portrayed in media, or even in fandom, which even ten years ago was still in the throes of standardizing "Oh, no! Me, gay? These feelings are so wrong!" style m/m content and is honestly not that far off from essentially that for aro/ace characters.

Anyway, all of that is to say that there's not yet much out there that doesn't frame allo/amatonormative values as the default that "even aro/ace people can (and should want to) achieve," and that it's really fun to write a fic that is unequivocally from the perspective of a character who is aroace and doesn't see it as even remotely a fault in himself. Does he have moments where he's a little confused and trying to process how things fit for him? Absolutely. But he just doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who thinks he owes romance to Vox of all people, hahaha. I've written him trying to conform to allo/amatonormativity more with Mimzy, because I think the social standards of their time could push him into it, but Vox? Absolutely not, he does not respect Vox enough for it to even enter his mind.

And then, on the other hand, writing it from an aroace perspective centers the way that romantic and sexual interest can feel like a betrayal of a good thing. With a character like Alastor, it frames romantic and sexual attraction the same alien way that we usually see aromanticism and asexuality framed as.

In the end, this is just one of a plethora of different experiences that aro/ace people can have, but it's one that I really wanted to see represented more, so I'm very happy to write it. I'm glad that you're enjoying it!

#ask #personal #Anonymous #long post #t #aroace #ace #he cares about Vox at this point! #but that's. not really the same as respecting him. #anyway this next chapter is important to me because it's very #how do I put this #“this was okay at the moment but that doesn't mean he's okay with it overall and forever” #“and it does not mean that they've 'progressed' their relationship to the point where Alastor being aroace is a 'nonissue'” #“(feat. ofc the heavy implication that it was an issue in the first place)” #ANYWAY. SOMETIMES I HAVE A HARD TIME EXPRESSING THIS IN NON-FIC WORDS #SO HOPEFULLY THE FIC AS IT CONTINUES SPEAKS FOR ME. I AM GLAD THAT IT HAS SPOKEN TO YOU SO FAR <3 THANK YOU!! #sexuality #my writing #hazbin hotel #this is a hot button topic atm and it took me a minute to write a reply #that didn't seem like it invited discourse lmfao #actually I still feel weird posting my opinion this strongly oops OH WELL

[bloggingboutburgers]

Allo anon again, I just wanted to come in here one more time to say that I didn't mean to make you cry, but I am happy that I have brought you and other people joy! I will take any chance I get to gush about my gf because she is a wonderful woman and deserves the world. :3

I don't know much about France, but I do know that in North America there is starting to be more asexual awareness in the medical field and outside of it. Many people still find it weird, but at least within LGBTQ+ spaces, I've seen it become more welcomed. I hope that within my lifetime, it can be far more accepted.

I may not fully understand the asexual experience, but as an autistic person, I know what it's like to know that you are in some way invisibly different from your peers. To have wants and desires that make people look at you sideways. To have people say to your face that they think you are a fundamentally broken person, and that your life is not worth living. I know how frustrating it can feel to be boxed in because of others' assumptions. But just because you do not fit into what is "normal" does not make your path any less worth taking.

The beauty of humanity comes from the diversity of its experiences. There are so many ways to make connections with other people, animals, and nature. No matter what others might tell you, I believe that the universe is not fundamentally cruel, but kind. The world DOES have a place for all of us in it, it just takes more time for some people to find their niche.

I also wanted to reaffirm to everyone out there that regardless of if you want sex, romance, or neither, and regardless of if you want a long term partner or not, you are valid. I'm friends with a couple other aces and aros, and they are amazing creatives, scientists, and friends. No matter what you want out of life, you, the person reading this, deserves people who will care for you and respect you in a way that honours your boundaries. You deserve acceptance and happiness. Even if things get difficult, I sincerely hope that you will find what you are looking for. And in the meantime, I am offering digital hugs, high-fives, and pastries of your choice :)

Have a good day or night, and even if it's only for 5 minutes, do something that makes you happy <3

I'm so sorry I'm replying to this so late, the past couple days have been a bit busy! But please don't worry about the tears, they were definitely happy ones, and this just almost brought up more of them 🫶

Thank you so so much for this, it's so uplifting to read and deserves to be shared widely. I hope you also have a wonderful day or night and I wish you and your gf all the happiness you can have!!

#anon #i'm so sorry i'm so late but seriously thank you so much #asexual experience #allosexual #autistic experience #i hope this is OK to include in the tags i just seriously appreciate your insight #so much positivity

[aro-comics]

Maybe More People Are Arospec (Part 3)

Maybe More People Are Arospec, 3/3 - The Alloaro Edition, in which we cover some alloaro specific (negative) tropes that I personally believe is the reason why there are so few people who identify as alloaro 🙃

I both have everything and nothing to say on this one, because the topic at hand hits home harder than I want to admit 😔. I think it's important to acknowledge the harm that constantly enforcing these ideas about sex without romance as being inherently emotionally drainining, a sign of emotional immaturity, or predatory, etc. probably damages the self-perception and self-worth of most alloaros greatly. Of course,:I understand that NOT ALL highlighted are inherently related to being alloaro - but the way these ideas are framed, especially in the split panel, imply sex without romance is the root of the problem, which in reality it is not. A lack of communication, respect for other's boundaries, or being flat out a predator is the actual issue here.

Anyway, I do understand the intersection of different issues that lead to the ideas that I referenced in the comic (elaborated more in the comments). I suppose the solution, as usual, is more education and more nuance surrounding the discussion 😅😉

I'm so glad to finally have this last part of the series up! I hope you enjoyed the ride, and for sure let me know if there's anything else that I haven't covered here you think also keeps people from realizing that they're aromantic 💚💚💚

[Image Description:

Slide 1: Celia sits on a green armchair in a living room. "Actually, let's make this take even more spicy - maybe a lot more people are alloaro in particular."

Slide 2: She looks down. "Alloaros are more likely to be labelled as heartless, or feel that on top of being 'broken' there's something predatory about themselves -"

Slide 3: "There's this idea that people who only want sex, and not romance, are the kind of people you want to avoid. Who don't care who they hurt. You know the trope - "

Slide 4: An illustrated example of the stereotypical trope. Shown is a house party where two characters are interacting. A taller man leans over a clearly intimidated woman:

"Hey Babe, you alone here tonight?" "Umm …" "Come on, don't be so cold, why don't you loosen up a little?" "No, uh-"

An arrow points to the man that says ""the predatory-college-fuckboy-frat-bro-trope"

Slide 5: Another series of examples, this time illustrated from Celia's childhood. The panel is split into three as you progress through the years. In each section Celia watches a television show.

1: "You can't trust him, ALL he does is sleep around - he's never settled down" 2: "Sorry I'm only looking for something casual right now …" "You're scared of commitment" "No, I-" "You're just using me!" 3: "At least it happened with someone who's loved her and been dating her forever", this is in reference to a teenaged character having sex the first time.

In this last section celia says, forlorn, "There's something wrong with ME, isn't there?"

Slide 6: Celia speaks to viewer directly. "I sure as hell didn't want to admit I was Aro because I knew I wasn't Ace."

Slide 7: "So yeah, those are my thoughts. I've told my allo friends about my theories and they …"

Slide 8: "… didn't exactly believe me." Celia is shown video chatting with her friend, saying "So those are my theories as to why romantic attraction is probably less common than we think, and why there's probably way more Aro people! People are probably too embarassed to admit it because stigma or never even realized it!"

Friend awkwardly says "I … I'm sorry I gotta say I don't agree …"

Slide 9: Celia holds her finger up to her chin, pondering. "Maybe it's just an Aro thing."]

#regularcomic #MMPA #MaybeMorePeopleAreArospec #thealloaroedition

[mandrathekandra]

I'm not saying you're wrong, but could you give me an explanation of why you think Kaladin is aro?

Hi! Of course I will be happy to answer. I’m very tired so you are getting a long run on sentence unfortunately lol

In summary he spends words of radiance generally being part of a love triangle he is only barely aware of, realizes he confused his platonic affection for shallan for romance (which can be common in the aro community, how do you really define romantic attraction? Especially when you don’t experience it yourself?), idk how common it is for allos to confuse romantic attraction with being reminded of your kid brother and wanting to be friends like seriously, he repeatedly forgets that the bridgemembers might get married or have relationships, he seems to think about romance very little compared to other characters, he was notably proud of remembering that uh drehy? was gay and that the other one was dating the bartender woman? Which highlighted how little he thought about it, the few times he mentions it it’s almost like he views romance as a nebulous inevitability rather than a desire, many other fantasy books have a tendency to shoehorn in romance even when it’s immensely impractical so I just appreciated that not being his focus, and I like the idea of having a major POV epic fantasy character be aromantic which we don’t see a lot. I want aromantic rep and he’s a genuinely cool character I like and it would be nice to have a popular aro character.

AND! He was also entirely oblivious to the rhythm of war phenomenon where light eyed women were going to his clinic just to flirt which is a huge aro mood, I cannot and will not register if someone is into me I do not think about it at all.

To me as an aro person I think he feels aro and I simply decided it’s more fun for me that way!

I think I specifically head canon him as aromantic grey ace

Sorry if this is a mess to read/breaches any tumblr ask etiquette idk I’m very tired and haven’t gotten real social on here so I’m just rambling at ya :) cheers

#stormgate1? #ask #kaladin stormblessed #stormlight archive #cosmere #brandon sanderson

[forgottenspring]

Mild rant on Alastor bc I'm tired.

*takes deep breath*

I was going to stay out of this so rip to my inbox.

Does anybody remember the whole ace doxing list on here? The whole discussion of not shipping gay characters with the opposite gender? The rep for pan/bi representation and the steps to do it right? Does anybody remember when ppl on here discussed how aros and aces aren't a part of the queer community bc they're not 'gay enough' in a way? Bc I do. That was about a decade ago. And I remember when Alastor was first introduced in the pilot and ppl not accepting he was aroace back then.

It doesn't matter if Alastor is entirely aroace and if he's capable of dating or not.

What matters is we still have so little ace representation and acceptance, especially aroace rep, that a few years ago when a real person Jaiden Animations came out as aroace, ppl tried to destroy her, bc even with a perfect valid explanation of her just saying aroaces are their own thing and she just doesn't want to date, ppl treated it like she was lying or was trying to sneak into the queer community and was straight or all the other horrible things yall might remember "fans" did to her.

Alastor being aroace isn't about being the rep of "Aroaces can feel attraction!!!" bc be real honest.

How many aroace popular characters can ppl list that a regular person on the street is going to know? Bc I've heard all their arguments to invalidate their representation.

Jughead? Oh you mean Cole Sprouse who made out and got it on with Lili Reinhart playing Betty bc he found her sexy? Oh but in the old comics he's a gay character whose in denial. Yelena Boleva? Who? Oh that woman? She's hot she's just traumatized and needs to find the right person. Charlie Weasley? Oh he was only in the books? He was confirmed as aroace through a passive comment most ppl didn't know about from the author that never used the term? Luffy? You mean one of the most shipped characters in One Piece? No he's just an idiot/childish so he doesn't understand girls are pretty. Caduceus Clay? Sorry I didn't watch Critical Role whose that? Are you sure he's aroace? He feels gay to me.

I can list more ppl, but I'm sure most ppl couldn't.

I remember the whole discussion of the pan/bi representation argument of "Yes! We know pan/bi ppl can date the opposite gender. But straight ppl don't know about pan/bi nearly at all or don't accept it," so showing it as gay, who know the term more, until it's shown clearly the character is queer and not "confused straights" they then can have opposite gender attraction. Bc sooooo many pan/bi characters end up "straight" at the end of their show/book. Bc I remember when ppl refused to accept that Deadpool is pan bc of his wife and started freaking out when he dated a nonbinary person in the comics or helped that one genderqueer person he knew.

Representation is about showing to ppl what they're not understanding about the identity in the plainest sense of the words of the identity, then when there's enough rep to show they're not all the same, then you can have the ones that break the rules.

Alastor whether or not he wants to date doesn't matter. What matters is this whole situation blew out of proportion bc ppl refused to accept that some ppl don't feel comfy shipping him. Bc they see themselves in him and don't want that. BUT! Also ppl under the aro and ace umbrella also have no rep and wanted to see him breaking the stereotype they probs have yelled at them of "You can't have a partner you're aroace I forbid it" and wanted to see thru their own experiences how that would be done.

Here's the problem.... As someone who has read a lot of aroace headcanon fanfics as an aroace....... A lot of ppl who are allo don't realize aroace "crushes" are missing emotions... That's why they're aroace. And they'll write them like they're the same just "muted" or "needs to warm up" kinda thing. Or make the character's love "childish" to explain the lack of romance/sex. Which is messed up. And that's the problem here.

Alastor didn't need to be this blown out of proportion of a situation. The problem is ppl found him sexy and the classic "But aroace hot, they can't be aroace bc why hot?" discussion got brought back up without the gentle post format discussions and instead it was a lot of shippers on tiktok with tiny word counts arguing a complex issue.

Ppl should be allowed to ship whatever (except problematic I know yall too well), especially if they see themselves in the characters and especially if they have the same identity and want to explore that!!

The truth of the matter is this is such a huge issue that just keeps happening bc ppl are too used to fandom queer spheres where ppl already know aroace means "off the table" and so they want to play with qprs or grayromantics/sexuals not knowing what that entails bc there's sooooo lil aroace rep that actually explores being aroace and a lot of ppl don't know the basics, and even how very different aroace "off the table" is when you aren't the classic "uwu I'm just innocent and have no friends or importance to the plot so just ignore me and have me be adopted by one of the main couples as a 'kid' figure."

Not to mention that a lot of ppl still think ace means aroace. That aces can't date bc there's ppl who don't know that romantic and sexual attraction are different!

I'm just.... So tired. So very tired of having ppl shout at me what it means to be aroace and being unable to look up the lil aroace rep we have bc of this issue I've seen a million times is all.

#Welp rip my inbox tagging bc some of yall might be blocking tags or are actually interested in this. #Just a tired aroace who was here for the whole tumblr debacle back in the day of the aroace community talking about their feelings. #aroace #alastor #alastor the radio demon #hazbin hotel #queer community #ose

[ghouljams]

Hi sorry I really didn’t want to cause an argument about a/b/o designations I just get excited to talk about it especially because I feel like so often it’s seen as a means to an end of just writing really intense smut but it does have really interesting implications with regards to gender and sexuality and the way people approach them both. But I also struggle with wording stuff, and of course all sex is opt in I think what I was really trying to say is more that because I read Betas as not having as strong a hormonal reaction they don’t run the risk of losing control during a heat or rut (which ofc is still not in line with your take on a/b/o) again I don’t really have the words to describe it because I don’t experience a sex drive in the same way as allos. Again I’m really sorry if I upset you, I do really like your take on omegaverse and I’m not trying to like change your mind or au or anything, I just got overexcited

- Acespec anon

I have a bit of a short fuse despite having a high tolerance for bullshit, it's not your fault. I don't want to come off as angry or upset with anyone in my asks without cause(ai or theft causes mostly). I also had just gotten out if therapy so I was still running a little high emotion, which is not an excuse and I'm sorry for getting frustrated.

Anyway continuing on my basic agreement with your read on traditional betas. While I do really love the kink aspects of a/b/o, the super high "losing control during heat/rut" thing is something I find just like... not feasible for a functioning society? Like I read a fic once where an omega went into hest in a grocery store and every alpha in the area was trying to get at them. What??? Like huh??? You're telling me every alpha in the world is a border line rapist? That is simply not how society functions, please take a seat.

From my perspective (which is that of an allo person) and through my lense of gender politics I've always thought that betas were thrown in as just "anyone I don't want to think about having sex" which good or bad generally does end up with that character being fairly ace. However I also see it as super lazy writing. Betas have the most versatility, they're the most interesting! I know a/b/o is just an excuse to skip straight to the sex but there's so much world to explore within the au! You've added 3 new genders!!! That's so cool, tell me about all of them!

Betas in traditional omegaverse are such a wasted opportunity to do something interesting. Which again just speaks to the inherent biases of the author, if your not an alpha or an omega(man or woman) you're not worth expanding upon. Ugh I could write a dissertation on traditional omegaverse.

I think secretly even us allos hope to be betas in traditional omegaverse, the alternatives sound like he'll on earth. That's why I'm fixing the whole au 🛠

#ghoul speaks #omegaverse #a/b/o

[innitmarvellous]

Yeah, I know, I said the last ace rant was the final part, but the third aspec book I read ('Sounds Fake But Okay') annoyed me again, lol. It wasn't all bad, but some bits...

Except that it doesn't? It never has? People say they love their friends or their family, or a character from a TV show? Or also idk, God or Jesus if they're religious. None of these imply romantic love even without specifying anything.

Well, good for her, but that's not much of a comfort, isn't it? So we'll inevitably die alone, but we don't need to fear that because we can still have friends - who'll desert us once they find a partner. Yes, well, that's certainly very nice :/

Lol, maybe that's why my existence is so "unrecognisable" then. Because I literally didn't have any friends before I started to use social media etc. And even know my biggest fear is too annoying, too boring, too whatever else for everyone - and I have a hard time to make out whether the people I consider friends consider me as such too 😭

Well, this part was at least relatable, even if I never thought about this before. Then again, it might have been the other way round for me. Being a girl/woman was literally never very important for me, and I never felt the need to adhere to gender norms just because it's expected. E.g. I never thought I needed/wanted to be pretty to be attractive for men. So it sort of did felt like things made sense when I realised that there is indeed no need for me to attact anyone with my physical looks.

---

The chapter about QPRs made me realise that this isn't an option for me either. The insecurities around this form of relationship would be simply too much for me. Like, having to agree on what the relationship looks like, what kind of things would be alright or not alright (re physical contact and all kinds of intimacy etc), how long it might last and all that...it would be near impossible to agree on anything like that once I would put in my wishes in that regard. Because it wouldn't feel right to push my demands on someone else, and yet I'm way too selfish because I also wouldn't want to live in a way another person wants me too. So...I think that's another dream I might as well bury right now, before I got into it too much. ^^

---

Yet another general thing: the books usually mentioned that we should think about what we would expect from a relationship and I did give this some thought. I think the main - and honestly almost only - prerequisite for me would be that any potential partner would accept me as I am. Well, and some mutual trust would be high up on the list, too. That's literally all I need, I think. I wouldn't mind if e.g. in case it's an allo person and they would have someone else to fulfill their sexual needs or whatever, as long as I could be sure of still having a relationship based on trust with them.

Yes, I know that this is already asking for way too much. I'm only too aware of that, so maybe it's understandable why I'm so frustrated. I know I should do it, but I'm too selfish to lower my standards, so there isn't much hope for me and I hate it :/

#aspec #aroace #acespec #arospec #ace #asexual #asexuality #aromanticism #lgbtqia #queer #this is definitely my last post on this issue tho bc my 'for you' tab is by now full of ace memes :/ #give me back my fandom shit thx

[aroaceconfessions]

i am an autistic gay alloromantic asexual and frankly I can't understand at all how anyone who isn't attracted to every gender wouldn't be able to empathize with aros or aces.

like it's ... literally.... if you aren't attracted to every gender, then you know that there's a consistent pattern of not experiencing attraction to at least one group of people? like.... that's pretty easy to extrapolate to other genders? like how a straight allo man seems to have no problem conceptualizing that, even though they experience attraction to women, a straight allo woman wouldn't be attracted to women? like.... that's just the most basic, amatonormative commonplace example I can think of, but it should be even MORE obvious to people in queer communities?

i just cannot wrap my head around aphobia in like. a rational sense. like I'm not attracted to women, nor am I interested in having a relationship beyond a platonic one with women. like.... how on earth do people have trouble extrapolating that to "and also all the other genders" or "and also all the other genders but under these conditions only" or "but only sometimes" or whatever.

like I see confessions here and have even experienced myself (when I identified as aro) situations where people will just suggest "well maybe you'll change your mind" or "well maybe someday you'll meet the right one" or "never say never!" or some other bullshit, but can you even imagine the social backlash you'd get to saying that kind of thing to like.... a stereotypical catholic white straight woman about "holding out on the prospect for" a relationship with a woman? like why are only some non-attractions respected like that. why does this not make . sense to them . genuinely I have no idea how this double standard can exist rationally.

#alloace #aceallo #autistic #autism #neurodivergent #neurodiverse #asexual #ace #acespec #aspec #gay #aphobia #invaliation #amatonormativity

[bumpingbees]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

I'm probably too tired/stoned for this and I have absolutely no idea why you sent me this anon.

But first of all, I personally believe that 90% of the population is bi/pan/poly/omni etc. Because almost all of us have an exception if we say we're only straight or gay. And the fact is, nonbinary and trans people exist. It's very hard to say "I am not attracted to any person outside of one specific gender" when you might be a straight woman say and see a masc presenting person who identifies as nonbinary. Well, congrats, you're not just attracted to cis men anymore. There are so many people we just haven't seen that we could be attracted to or not.

But also this goes for allo people. There are, of course, asexual/aromantic people who just don't experience attraction at all. I'm one of those people. I'm not sex repulsed, but honestly, I don't understand primary attraction to begin with. I've never looked at someone and immediately found them sexually appealing (though I can appreciate aesthetic from a back burner view if that makes sense.)

Seriously, anon, why did you pick an autistic agender asexual guy to make this question out to? Also I think the best way to answer your original question, some people just prefer dicks or vaginas or butts or mouths or nothing (etc.)

As Princess Bubblegum once said:

#anon ask #i know a lot of people don't view this the same way #thats okay #sexuality is a spectrum #humans are weird #just let people enjoy things #i'm high #and tired #please ask for clarification before judging #and I'm open to hearing how other people view this question #princess bubblegum #adventure time

[transenbyconfessions]

my hot take this wonderful pride season is that we should start genuinely celebrating cis, straight, and allo identities. even white/western and christian cultures, idk.

"why on earth would you say this during pride month" i can hear you asking (rhetorically). and the answer is simple. i am fucking sick and tired of being an Exception. i want to raze default expectations to the ground. being cis is just as unique and diverse as being trans. i want cis people to OWN their gender, to go "hell fucking yeah I'm a woman cause i feel it in my bones and I'm proud and I'm happy with my body and I feel so nice in swishy skirts". i wanna hear straight people explaining what it feels like to fall in love with another gender, as if we've never even heard of that kind of attraction before. i want a christian to give me a tldr rundown of what Christmas is and why it's important to them as if they're the token Christian at their workplace and not like, one person from a dominant religion in this country.

this pride, i don't want only the minorites to have to earn their pride. i wanna hear all the details that make cis and straight and allo people happy with their identities, too. i want to hear people's stories with no assumptions about what is or is not a "basic" part of the human condition. i want to hear about trans men embracing their patchy facial hair right alongside cis men that are celebrating their balding. i wanna see the aspecs talking about their unique attraction styles alongside the allos talking about how important their own attraction is to them. i wanna see the agenders hanging out and wishing their funky gendered friends luck with their presentation, i wanna see..... community between the queer and the normative. i wanna flip the norms on their head and make them explain and celebrate themselves.

Submitted June 14, 2023

#transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #pride #queer

[user-needs-new-hyperfixation]

Hello, can I ask what do you mean "in canon it's impossible for Sherlock to settle down with a woman"? Like, as a fan of Holmes and always read the books since middle school, I'm kinda confuse here, I don't mean anything negative. Sorry, do you think Poirot (from Agatha Christie) is also queer?

Maybe because I grew up with very religious mother and lived in anti-LGBTQ country, I'm kinda slow in picking up subtext. Like until now I'm still kinda confuse with my friend who have ships from any fandoms (but I still love to hear and read her headcanons or fics about those characters)....

I really agree with you, I've seen many Holmes' adaptations (cartoon, tv series, manga) but Yuumori is clearly the closest to Doyle's works. Do you think the mangaka also love to read Holmes' books?

Story time! (Welcome to "Hyper answers asks like an old lady going on an hour long barely-on-topic tangent at the slightest prompting.)

I totally get where you're coming from, I was raised in like...knockoff Southern Baptist churches. Growing up, homosexuality was presented to me as a sexual perversion incapable of involving real love. It's kind of silly, but it's true: a ship was a big part of changing that for me. I read Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle as a teenager, and Kurogane and Fai had something that was inescapably romantic and beautiful but never strictly sexual (tho the potential is certainly there). Between that and an online community of LGBTQ+ adults who were incredibly patient and kind towards me even when I was suuuuper ignorant, I started to open up towards queer relationships as...well, just relationships. Relationships that can encompass sex and also encompass love and friendship and communication and partnership and all those other things I'd been taught were exclusive to monogamous straight people. And then, even as terrified as I was, I was eventually able to face the fact that I'd always had crushes on girls just as often as crushes on guys. So yeah, there's a reason Kurofai is my ship of all ships, the actual One True Pairing for me. Because it cracked open a door just enough that I could slowly lever it open the rest of the way. There seem to be quite a lot of anecdotes like this: women enjoying BL/mlm ships is often seen as fetishy (which can certainly be part of it) but for some reason I can't fully articulate it also seems to sometimes be a means for girls and women to explore their own not-straightness.

ANYWAY. SHERLOCK HOLMES. Tbh I'm not gonna go too in-depth because I would bet good money that there are a bunch of scholarly articles on Holmes' queerness. People have probably done their doctorate theses on this! Much smarter and more well-read folks than I have already covered the topic. For me, it really boils down to: he never outright expresses sexual or romantic interest in anyone (we must resist the urge to assume his respect for Irene Adler is romantic just because he is a man and she is a woman). He's almost certainly on the asexual spectrum. But when he does exhibit symptoms one might associate with romantic and/or sexual interest (particularly romantic, imo), it's always towards men (usually Watson, of course). For example, notable flirt John Watson saying that Holmes blushes at his compliments the way a girl does is...suggestive.

The whole thing is complicated by Watson being (in my opinion at least) an unreliable and sometimes downright petty narrator. He keeps going on spiels about Holmes being cold and heartless, only to turn around and describe him greeting his friends warmly and being emotionally moved by music and baby-talking puppies and charming old ladies. It makes Watson sometimes come across as one of those allo people who are so unable to conceive of a life without romantic and/or sexual desire that they start dehumanizing those who don't experience it. Alternatively and maybe more charitably, he just has a big ol' crush on Holmes, is understandably alarmed by it given the time period, and gets bitchy and defensive when he feels it might not be reciprocated.

But ultimately...do I think Arthur Conan Doyle sat down at a desk in the late 19th century/early 20th century and was like "I am going to write some ace queer representation for the tumblr girlies (gn)"? Obviously not. 😅 I do think he might have set out to create a character who very deliberately did not need to have the otherwise almost obligatory straight romantic side-plot. Holmes is never in any way set up as having a life headed towards marriage and children, in spite of how typical that was for the time. The companionship he does express a need and desire for comes in the form of another man. He's "lost without [his] Boswell." He sneakily buys Watson's practice out from under him so he'll be free to move back in and go on more adventures with him. He threatens violence when Watson is hurt. Etc etc. I think it's very fair to interpret it all through a queer lens, the quibble would be more in whether that queerness ever manifests sexually.

I definitely think the Yuumori creators have not only read ACD but also other fiction based on the stories, possibly even including some very old pastiches like this one. I love how seemingly nerdy they are about it haha! The series is full of easter eggs and callouts to other Holmesian works.

As for Poirot, I know very little about the character beyond a few episodes of the show I watched as a young'un, but that is not the mustache of a straight man (I'm joking I'm joking I have absolutely no opinion on that one! 🤣)

Thanks for the ask, and for actually reading this ramble if you got this far! 😅

#acd holmes #acd canon #yuukuko no moriarty #kurofai #rambling #asks

[dylanndr]

It Happened to Me: Crushing While Aro/Ace

TL;DR: You don't stop being aro/ace even when you're having feelings that look, on the surface, strikingly similar to what allo people typically feel. Insert the usual caveat that this is about my own personal experience, other folks will have different takes on this topic.

So yeah, I came down with a crush recently, and decided to draw this little diary comic about it.

[For reference and clarity, I identify as demi/gray for both aro and ace. While I do want to be in a relationship, I don't catch feels for very many people. I do experience sexual attraction, but that's even rarer for me than romantic attraction. This particular guy referenced in my comic managed to set off both.]

On a surface level, there's nothing new or original expressed in this drawing. Pretty standard set of anxieties and behaviors when you're crushing, right?

And yet, for folks who are arospec or acespec, having what looks like a standard crush is not necessarily the same thing as allo crushing. This is not a dynamic I see talked about a whole lot, so I'mma talk about it.

By way of analogy, let's say I did a drawing of a cis man and a cis woman who are clearly a couple, and indicate that they're in a monogamous relationship. Nothing on the surface says that this is anything other than a typical heterosexual couple. Except, wait, what if both people involved are bisexual. Being in a monogamous relationship with someone of a different gender does not automatically reset either person to straight, nor can their partnership be accurately described as heterosexual. Neither person enjoys heterosexual privilege, and each person continues to experience and process attraction differently from someone who is straight.

By the same token, an aro and/or ace person experiencing romantic and/or sexual attraction does not automatically become allo. For my own part, the nature of this particular crush has caused certain allo things to make more sense to me, certain songs or movies or phrases or behaviors, but it feels very much like learning a second language: I just figured out the translation for one or two things that were utterly incomprehensible to me before ("Oh, maybe that's why allos don't seem to get bored of yet another rock song that's about sex. Fascinating.")

This crush does not at all mean that I will now be a typical alloromantic/allosexual from here on out. I still experience these feelings from a different vantage point, and bring a different set of past experiences to bear, experiences that many allo people have flat out told me make no sense to them ("What do you mean you weren't aimlessly horny all the time in high school???"). I still approach relationships in ways that seem "weird" to allos. I still won't be up to speed on attraction dynamics that are deeply intuitive to allo people, but that require translation for me to comprehend them.

And it's not like I haven't spent a lifetime trying desperately to understand all of this. I want to be in a relationship, a fact that a number of even my very close friends are shocked to learn, because I don't perform the typical social signals around that correctly, I guess. And when allo people give me dating and relationship advice from an allo perspective, it most often feels like I'm being offered an array of cow tools. What I actually need (if I may spaghettify this metaphor) is an array of bat tools. They won't necessarily look less odd, but they'll at least be the right tools for me.

#aro ace #aromantic #arospec #asexual #acespec #demi romantic #demisexual #gray ace #grayromantic #gray asexual #autobio comics #diary comic #cow tools

[splashtailstar]

Aromantic Reigen Masterpost

Vi am making a masterpost on why Reigen Arataka is aspec (more specifically, aro)

(also a little bit of aspec Serizawa propaganda)

Under cut because it gets long

Reigen shows no interest in intimate relationships with others and actually mocks romantic couples. His mother sends him an email telling him to get an actual job and compares him to someone who just got married. Reigen is unimpressed by this. He is considered very attractive by his lady clients but never shows any interest in others at all.

He has this conversation with Dimple which is very aspec in vy opinion

[ID: A manga panel from Mob Psycho 100. Reigen tells Dimple, “Lust? But what of love, Dimple? Not that I want to have this conversation with you.” Dimple replies, “That ought to be my line, you son of a bitch.” End ID]

This next entire scene takes place when Mob asks Reigen for advice on asking a girl out and the entire scene is very aromantic. Reigen at first deflects to Serizawa and tries to get him to answer Mob's question.

[ID: A manga panel. Reigen asks Serizawa, "But there must've been some girl you liked, right?". Serizawa replies, "Nope, none." End ID]

Serizawa then tells Mob this:

[ID: A manga panel. Serizawa says, "Having someone that you like... I'm jealous. Shigeo-kun, if you feel the same no matter what anyone tells you," End ID]

What an aromantic mood

Reigen then starts to answer Mob's question.

[ID: A manga panel. Reigen looks at his flipphone while speaking to Mob. He tells Mob, "Cleanliness, look around the store, no alcohol, listen well, build the mood, smiles are important, make her heart pound, a heavy atmosphere is no good, premise of marriage, invite her to a meal, sincerity". Serizawa notices the flipphone and thinks, "Ah... He's cheating! Reigen-san doesn't know either?!!".

Mob sweats nervously at Reigen's advice. Reigen tells him, "But in the end...," he snaps his phone shut, "You don't need a strategy. If you want to form a deep connection with someone, it's no use pretending to be someone you're not." End ID]

googling romantic advice... not very allo is it

"Reigen-san's cheating!" also not a very allo response

premise of marriage (chill, mob's in middle school)

after Mob leaves the office, Reigen talks some more

[ID: A manga panel. Reigen says, "If this was about me, I probably would turn it into some cheap contest. Or rather, in my case, if I exposed my true self, I would get soundly rejected..." Serizawa notices this and nervously sweats, thinking to himself, "So Reigen-san is also pessimistic in that respect... He seems so popular with the lady clients, though..." End ID]

[ID: A manga panel. Reigen says, "Tsubomi-chan and Mob... They can exist without distorting each other... I hope I can become a partner like that..." Serizawa notices this and is surprised. End ID]

Very aromantic vibes here

The last image here is from an interview in a fanbook where Reigen is asked about his previous romantic relationships and his views on marriage.

[ID: An interview answer by Reigen from the official Mob Psycho 100 fanbook. Text over an aromantic flag reads: "In love? Me? Why are you looking at me while smiling? Do you think I'm lying to you? Oh, my. Well, I can't just talk about it casually as it would infringe on the privacy of the other party, you know. I've had a few passionate love affairs in my time. Remember that time when I held a woman on the bow of a certain huge ship? Huh? There's a similar scene in a movie? Did I remember it wrong...? Okay, let's move on.. Getting married is one of the many possible lifestyle options available to you. Follow your own heart." End ID]

How do you get more aro than this?

In conclusion, vi love aromantic Reigen for many reasons. Vi like that he is never presented with a love interest, that the show never acts like he needs one in order to function. Vi enjoy how he is an adult without romantic relationships who is not judged for or seen as incomplete without them.

He is a popular character and considered attractive (within universe and out of universe) but he is still seen as a complete person even without an intimate partnership. Vi wish we had more characters who were simply just allowed to be romanceless.

#reigen arataka #serizawa katsuya #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #aro mp100 #arataka reigen #katsuya serizawa #aromantic #aro #aspec #described #aro reigen #aromantic reigen #harbor's posts

[pngin-lvr]

Okay so i stayed up all night last night reading solo leveling and i have to say sung jinwoo is absolutely aroace

Like sure the guy was busy trying to save his family and then the world and you could make a case that he didn't have time for sex or romance or even that it all happened off screen because it wasn't important to the story but no. He's aroace.

The only time in the entire series he thinks about attractiveness is when he's looking at the mirror wondering if he's attractive after someone accidentally confessed to liking him. He literally takes a woman on a date to an amusement park and tells her that he invited her because she's his only /friend/ Not to mention that she's probably aroace too because of how she blushes and smiles at him like he just said something super romantic.

Now that I'm thinking about it, the writer and/or artist is probably on the aroace spectrum too because you can tell that they are trying to make this a romantic relationship without actually adding any of the things that allo people seem to include by default.

There's no observation of the other's good looks, no daydreams of romantic nights out, no sexy outfits, nothing!

The closest thing we get is when cha hae-in says that he smells nice but since literally everyone with any amount of power smells awful to her it's more of a plot point than anything else.

I don't remember if i was going anywhere with this but yeah solo leveling: excellent urban fantasy AND aroace representation

#solo leveling #sung jinwoo