you're a vampire? oh yeah buddy i know don't worry. well it's just that you spent two days pretending to eat food. you were "biting" things and throwing them over your shoulder. it wasn't very subtle. i also caught you trying to stare directly into the sun like, multiple times. i'm glad the sun doesn't hurt you anymore! but you're not supposed to look at it. yeah, really bad for you. oh and that collar doesn't really hide the bite mark. it's very stylish! but it draws attention to your neck and only covers about half of it. no it's okay, you did a great job! can't exactly check in the mirror, right? heh. hey, you almost had me! keep trying i'm sure you'll get better at it
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Friendship Astarion is so important to me. Like I know everyone is horny for the sassy elf but like… what if he learned to care for someone without sex? What if he tried to manipulate Tav into bed and they told him no? And then… kept being nice to him? Kept taking care of him and expecting the same in return? What if he doesn’t have to fall in love to realise he wants to live a life where he cares about things and makes his own decisions? What if he tells them about how he used his body anyway? What if they tell him he never has to again? What if they hug him and expect nothing back? What if they put their head on his shoulder and nothing else? What if, for the first time in 200 years, he felt safe enough to joke and laugh and not put on a show because it’s obvious they don’t feel that sort of attraction to him anyway? What if he just had a best friend?
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While it might be an interesting enough topic to explore, personally I don't think attachment issues are going to be much of a problem for Astarion, ultimately. This particular angst is sort of a non-issue to me. He's most likely going to have them, yes, but he will work through it.
Player: "I care for you a great deal. That's never changing."
Astarion: "After all this, I've realised it's all right if it does change. If anything changes."
If you break up with him obviously he's upset, but as he tells you, he is living again and will continue to do so. He can and will dump you, and has multiple opportunities to do so and be perfectly fine on his own afterwards (assuming Cazador isn't still alive, which has nothing to do with his potential romantic attachments).
Nor does he appreciate the notion of relying on somebody for anything, including his lover. He appreciates the sentiment of wanting to keep him safe, but he's clearly irritated by the notion: "It would be nice not to have to rely on you as my great protector". He wants his freedom and his self-determination and he's going to have it.
Note that if you fail to convince him not to ascend and then try to stop him, which he perceives as robbing him of self-determination/freedom, he either tells you to "die screaming" and walks out or tries to kill you himself. No amount of approval will stop him: Your love is not more important to him than his freedom and ability to determine his own destiny. The only reason you can talk him out of it is by pointing out that he's being ruled by fear, that ascension will rob him of that and turn him into someone he hates. The fact that ascension is not on the table anymore might knock that drive back a bit while he takes the time to recalibrate and find his feet again, but I highly doubt it will stick: He didn't suffer 200 years of misery, come out the other end ready to fight, and then claw back his freedom, then decide it's time for him to reclaim his life only to sell it to somebody else, no matter the pedestal they might stand on.
If he does ascend and you leave him he gets over it in a few days. He might think of you from time to time between schemes and blood orgies, but he considers it beneath him to seek out your attention. If you turned illithid then the dev notes will happily point out that he didn't think of you or miss you at all. Possessive as he might be of his property, you're not actually that important to him compared to himself.
He tells you he will be fine without you, and if he loses you he demonstrates that he will be fine without you.
He's a very self-interested person, and imo, at his core remains so when romanced (people can talk about how sweet he is with Durge all they like, but as a durgestarion enjoyer I find he's actually incredibly insensitive a lot of the time. It's a bonus. Get the feral ending and he flat out tells you your relationship is doomed because you'll remind him too much of the aspects of vampirism he hates the most and he's going to prioritise his wellbeing. Sure, he'll carry you in his heart forever and grieve your horrific ending, but he's clearly ok enough in life to go to the party, dressed up nicely, and share a toast with other people he cares about: He'll live).
Selfishness is a flaw and a strength of his.
Astarion wants his partner: he doesn't need them. If he identitifes co-dependent behaviours in himself he will want to unlearn it. He sets boundaries and he expects them respected, and he will enforce them - as he does in-game. The lover is not that important in the grand scheme of things.
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It's weird that Larian seems to show Astarion a lot of favoritism in terms of content and yet his companion storyline is such a side quest compared to all the others. As far as I'm aware he has no real connection to the mindflayers/Absolute other than the initial kidnapping/parasite insertion, which is - like - the bare minimum needed to have a connection at all.
His conflict with Cazador is such a random aside when you're in Baldur's Gate. It's like yeah I need to stop the other two Chosen, I need to solve this murder conspiracy, locate the Elder Brain, deal with Raphael, figure out what to do with the Crown of Karsus, and... oh yeah, I guess there's Astarion's thing to deal with, too.
It's hilarious, really, because it means while this one huge, world-ending event was going on there was also - by complete coincidence - an entire OTHER world-ending event happening just down the street that wasn't connected in any way. Not only is the Absolute's army on the march, but Cazador is trying to become the Vampire Ascendant at the same time and only ASTARION knows about it. Cazador is literally just some OTHER bbeg whose centuries-old plan happens to be coming to fruition the same week as the Chosen's.
I literally almost forgot to do his plotline because it had so little to do with the overarching conflict of the story. The only connection he ever really makes is with Raphael, who he needs ONCE for ONE minor thing and that's it. And Raphael isn't even that important to the Absolute plot, himself.
Astarion doesn't really have any connections with the Chosen, any other characters, any other antagonists, he's just kind of his own thing. Once you deal with Cazador he's just kind of along for the ride. Meanwhile, Wyll's father is integral to the Chosen's plan, Shadowheart has the plot McGuffin that can foil the Absolute, Lae'zel's people are sworn enemies of the mindflayers, and Gale wants the Crown of Karsus for himself, not to mention his Goddess is literally tasking him to deal with the Absolute.
Everyone else has a good reason to be there EXCEPT ASTARION. Like he's just there because he has a worm.
Anyway, rant over.
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