#thats gay christen

[periwinkleaxolotl]

filed under: pics that make me wanna move to california

#christen press #cp insta #dec 2022 #literally so pretty #referring to the scenery and cp #im so stupid i didn’t even notice that all the pics had rainbows at first #thats gay christen

[loserboy-futterman]

Hey,hi! If possible could I request a Derek Danforth x bottom male reader (smut if it’s not a problem) story where Reader is a spy sent to gain Derek trust and obtain information about the last scandal that happened but ends up falling under Derek charm? Thanks <3

Derek Danforth x Male!Reader

A/N: thank you sm for giving me my first request on this account, there for christening it with smut. Enjoy! also this was so fun to write and i made reader like an fbi agent, i hope thats alright<3

-Wolf in Sheep's clothing-

Word Count: 2.9k

Warning!! 18+ content ahead!! Gay porn ahead!!

includes; rimming, degrading, praise, anal sex, skimpy outfits

This was already a nightmare.

You were a detective, a man of law and justice. Someone who took down the bad guys and saved the day! A man that could be trusted to keep you safe.

But today? Today you were a 'dancer' at a sleezy night club. How does that happen you may ask? All thanks to billionaire brat, Derek Danforth.

Your mission was to get close to Derek and get him vulnerable, get him to tell you his secrets and expose his company. Then, destroy him and throw him behind bars. Should be easy enough. If only.

You adjusted the entirely too small tube top you had on and tried to pull the tiny shorts down so your junk wasn't almost popping out. Huffing, you set your eyes on the night club, scanning the dark room as you tried to find Derek's famous blonde mullet. It was hard to see anything with all the people, so you began moving swiftly through the crowd, scanning tables and booths. Trying to get a glance at everyone without drawing too much attention. You make your way through most of the club until he's there. You spot Derek sitting at a booth in a far corner of the club, sprawled out to take up half the space. Surprisingly, he's more alone then you initially thought he'd be. Instead of being surrounded by beautiful men and women, he's only got his number two by his side. The two are talking in hushed whispers when you walk up to the booth and slide in, sitting right up against Derek.

"Lookin' awfully lonely over here gentlemen, care for some company?" You could vomit at how high and bubbly your voice sounded, completely foreign to how you usually talk.

Derek's assistant was the first one of the pair to look up at you, clearly uncomfortable with another person around during their sensitive conversation. "No, no- thanks." He muttered quickly, trying to wave you off as he shifted in his seat, trying not to look at your scandalous outfit.

"I wasn't really asking you." Your attention is on Derek, whom, has been looking at his phone until now. His head picks up when he starts to feel you scoot closer to him. His dark eyes trace down your form quickly, making you feel even more exposed.

Derek lean his body towards you before wrapping his arm around your hip, pulling you tight against him. "He can stay, gimme something to look at." Derek leans down to you, giving you a shark-like grin and looking deep in your eyes. He stayed there for a moment as you stiffened under his gaze. You could slap him, but instead you wrap your arms around his neck and smile. "Don't let me interrupt your conversation then."

This is working out perfectly! You knew Derek would be an easy target.

Derek gave you a lazy grin as he pulled away and hit his vape. He blew a few clouds that smelt awful before turning back to the other man, who was frankly, very upset by your presence. If you didn't know any better, you'd say he liked Derek.

"How much are we bringing in?" Derek broke the tense silence as he rolled his head to look at him. The man tensed and you focused your eyes on Derek's hair as you played with it, trying to convince them you weren't listening, only here to jump Derek's bones.

"48." He said stiffly, eyeing you suspiciously. This answer seemed to only upset Derek though as he took a harsh hit of his vape and barked at his employee.

"48 what? Thousand? Million?! Don't fuck with my money!"

Derek's aggressive behavior was a little surprising but not completely unexpected. You had read in his file he was prone to anger spouts, especially when he was high. You decided to use this to your advantage to drive Derek further into your arms.

You began by carding your fingers through his soft hair and whispering soft coos in his ear to calm him down. His chest rises and falls heavily and you seem to cut through his drug-addled mind.

"T-thousand Derek." He replied nervously, shifting uncomfortably as he watched you two.

If Derek was upset before, now he was full of rage. He clenched his jaw tight and his grip around you was almost bruising. Derek let out a deep sigh and glared at his business partner. Even you felt a little shudder run down your spine at the intimidation.

"Go." Derek growled and his partner was quick to scurry off and out of sight. You can't help but let out a laugh as he leaves but Derek's quick to turn his glare on you. "What's so funny?"

"Well, your friend is kind of pathetic." You reply simply with another laugh and it seems to actually lighten Derek up. He chuckles himself and puts on a casual mask even though you can tell he's still tense. His leg is bouncing and you're surprised his vape hasn't exploded yet from over use.

"He really is." Derek tilts his head back and you let your eyes trace down his neck. You can't deny he's handsome but you know what he does and he has no remorse. You clench your jaw and throw a bare leg over his lap. He's quick to run his calloused hand up and down your smooth calf.

"So what do you do, hm? Making millions?" You ask with fake innocence and curiosity. Derek keeps his eyes on the hand stroking your leg like he's mesmerized. Drugs, you think.

Finally he shrugs and looks at you, his eyes softer than you've ever seen them. "I run a software company." He smirks and leans in closer to you, nuzzling his nose and face close into your neck. The sudden closer contact makes you flush and you want to push him away but it's for your job. And maybe, it felt kind of nice to feel Derek's warm breath fan over your neck. "I wanna know about you. You charge?"

You simple shrug and shake your head at him. "No. I'm just here for a good time. Although, a quieter place would be nice." You need to get more information, you need to get him alone and you can snoop around his house.

Derek pulls back from your neck and eyes you for a long moment, trying to decipher your intentions. After a moment, he slowly nods and smiles. "Let's go baby boy." Derek stands (stumbles) up and you follow him up and out of the club. His driver is waiting outside and you both crawl into the back of his limo.

The quiet feels like a breath of fresh air until you remember you're now alone with Derek Danforth, your target. You're both sitting close in the limo but Derek's mind seems to be elsewhere entirely. He's chewing his nails and glaring out the window, clearly stuck in his own head.

"Are you.. okay?" You ask sweetly, causing Derek to look at you and snap back to the present. He shakes his head and grabs your hand.

"Fine sugar. Just worried about my Bitcoin stock is all." Derek grunted out, shifting closer to you, clearly needing more physical touch.

You needed to get him to open up and stop giving these vague answers, even giving plain lies. "You can tell me anything Derek. I won't tell. My trade is in secrets." You cup his cheeks and make him look deep into your eyes.

Derek seems to think about his answer for a long moment before finally the dam breaks. "My stupid company isn't making enough money, even though I trained those stupid fucks myself." He suddenly growls, clenching his fists tight.

Finally, he was cracking. "How come they're not making enough?" You tilt your head and watch him go to reply but the limo comes to a stop and it seems you've arrived at his apartment.

Derek's quick to pull you upstairs to his penthouse apartment and it's absolutely stunning. He pulls you in and makes his way towards the dry bar in the living room. You watch as he pours a shot of expensive whiskey and shoots it. He immediately makes a face and you snicker at him behind your hand.

He glares at you but it doesn't hold much malice. Derek rounds the bar and stands in front of you. He wraps his arm around your waist and leans down close. You can smell the whiskey on his breath but it's almost enticing, instead of gross like usual. "Okay Mr. Chuckles. Tell me your secrets then." He smirks down at you, making your cheeks heat up.

"Well Derek... My secret is..." You lean in closer to him, almost closing the gap but stopping an inch away. "... I think your kinda cute." You admit and it really was true.

Derek is quick to quirk his eyebrow and give you his usual sarcasm. "Just cute? Are you sure?" His voice is filled with confidence and before you know it, he closes the gap between you, capturing your lips in a hungry kiss. It seemed Derek didn't know how to go slow or be gentle because he immediately kissed you hard and bit down on your bottom lip.

You know you shouldn't be making out with Derek Danforth but it was all for the mission, to get closer and get more information out of him. It definitely didn't have to do with the growing erection in your tiny shorts. Derek bruised and bit at your lips, sliding his hands down until they rested on the waistline of the small shorts.

Derek was the first to pull away but he still kept his mouth busy as he trailed kissed down your jaw and to your neck. "Jump." Its a simple command but it takes your brain a moment to register through the haze. You jumped up, wrapping your legs around Derek's hips and tangling your arms around his neck. The new position let Derek control the situation as he started to bite harder on your neck, leaving distinct marks. Not that you minded in this moment.

"So fuckin' pretty baby. Cute little outfit too, you okay if i ruin it?" Derek rasped in your ear and bit your earlobe softly. The deep rumble of his voice made you shiver and you chewed on your lip, contemplating if letting Derek fuck you was a good idea. What would you put in your official report? It was getting harder to think as Derek kept working on your neck and moved to push you against the wall, grinding his hips against yours. His green silk pants left nothing to the imagination when he got hard. You groaned softly and dropped your head back against the wall as Derek ground his hips harder. "Well baby? Wont do anything without a yes. Not that you need to say yes."

Derek was now looking at you with those big puppy dog eyes and you could tell he was being genuine. You decide you need more information and this is how to do it. You lean in and capture his lips again, bucking against his own hips and savoring the whine he lets out.

"Ruin it Derek." You mumble against his lips, making him moan loudly. He pushed you harder into the wall, supporting you with his hips and legs so his hands were free to literally rip off the thin tube top you had on. Your nipples pebbled at the cold air and you hissed softly but it trailed into a moan when Derek's warm mouth was on you. He sucked and licked at one pec, fondling the other as he moaned almost more than you were.

You tangled your fingers in his blonde hair and tugged him closer, earning you a high pitched whimper. Derek's hand trailed down your chest and to your stomach, groping it softly before sliding down to grab your cock that's straining the tiny shorts.

"Maybe if i tease you a little more, you'll break these sorry excuse for shorts." He chuckled cruelly and grabbed your cock tight making you whine and squirm in his grip.

"Derek, please." It felt so good but it wasn't enough, far from it and it was driving you insane and he knew it.

"What? What do you want baby? Want me to fuck you until you cry huh? Fuckin slut." Derek hissed the name at you but it made you shiver. You hated how he was talking to you but you fucking loved it, you hated that fact too. His words dripped with cruelty and lust.

You felt so tense and you needed him so much. "Yes!" You surprised yourself with that scream and you shifted your hips against him hard. Derek smirked and grabbed your hips tight to still your movements. He took you to his bed and dropped you on the plush mattress as he stood before you. He quickly tore off his shirt and whipped off his pants, clearly just as desperate as you.

Derek quickly crawled back over you and kissed your chest, leaving hickeys and bruises as his hands hold your hips tight against his. The new skin on skin contact makes fire run through your veins and everywhere Derek touched seemed to be more sensitive than ever.

In a flash, Derek had flipped you on to your stomach and hiked up your ass to meet his cock that was leaking through his Calvin Klein boxers. He growled low in his throat and slid his hips against yours before finally pulling your shorts off and freeing your painfully hard cock. You hissed at how sensitive it was but didn't have time to focus on that as Derek's finger tips prodded gently at your hole. He leaned over your back to whisper in your ear.

"You look so good baby... Mind if I have a taste?" His voice dripped with pure lust.

You nodded, not trusting your own voice and not exactly understanding what he meant until you felt something warm and wet against your hole. You gasped and looked back to meet Derek's dark eyes as he licked and lathered your hole.

"D-Derek!" You shuddered again as Derek winked before plunging his tongue as deep into your hole as he can, rapidly fucking you with his mouth. You cry out and your cock drips pre-cum on the bed like a fountain, showing you were close.

He grabs your ass tight in both hands, pulling away with spit covering his lips and dripping down his chin. He looked like a hungry predator as he wiped his face with his hand and stood up behind you. Derek grabs your hips tight and leans his sweaty chest against your back, pushing you further into the bed.

"You're perfect baby boy. Might just have to keep you." He mumbled into your neck, wrapping one arm around your chest as he angled his cock and began sliding into your wet hole. You panted and whined at the stretch as his head slides in. Derek's hips stop but its clear he's struggling to hold back in a failing attempt to keep teasing you.

"Fuck! I-I cant- i need to fucking ruin you now."

That's all the warning you got before Derek's hips are slamming into yours, shoving his cock all the way inside you and punching the air out of your lungs. Derek cant stop himself from rutting and bucking his hips against you already but every movement feels too good. You moan out and grab the sheets tight in your fists as Derek works his cock in and out of you faster and harder.

He wasn't kidding about ruining you as his hand on your chest wrapped softly around your throat, not applying pressure but it still made your eyes roll back. Especially as he desperately pistoned his hips inside of you, grazing your prostate every so often, making you see spots. Derek panted and moaned in your ear, a mix of praise and degrading words falling from his lips.

"That's it. Fuck yeah, so tight baby."

"Such a hungry fuckin whore f'me."

"Fuuuck, baby, yes, god fuck-!"

You felt your end approaching fast as Derek kept moving and his moans turned to high whines and whimpers, showing he was close too. His pace grew sloppy and your cock rubbed against the bed, making you finally see white and arch your back in the most toe-curling orgasm you've had in a long time.

Derek's let out the sweetest moan when you tightened around him and it was impossible for him not to spill his load inside of you. He gave a few more hard thrusts until he was collapsing against you and panting hard. You grunted under his weight but you didn't attempt to move after that.

"Stay with me?" Derek's gruff voice broke the silence as he nuzzled his nose into your neck again.

You nodded and shifted slightly under him. It seemed this mission would take longer than expected but you don't mind so much.

Derek kissed your shoulder lightly. "Sounds good... Officer."

Shit.

#derek danforth #derek danforth x male reader #derek danforth smut #derek danforth x reader #the beekeeper

[nerdyvocals]

Hi there! @look-at-those-niceass-rocks and I are back on our bullshit with some unhinged movie-night quotes, this time with the first Descendants film. Previously, we've had some shit to say about Rise of the Pink Ladies and Julie and the Phantoms. This is the first actual movie we've watched for these movie-night quotes, so it's a long one. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!

Bee: "Elected king"? That's not how democracy works.

Bee: How is he inheriting the crown if his dad is still alive???

(Note: For those not aware, hi, I'm a costume designer and technician, I usually have Things To Say about costumes, including the following Several Minute Rant)

Me, two minutes into the movie: PAUSE, okay I have opinions here Bee: Okay? Me: Okay so this is a fitting, right? I appreciate the big stitch lengths, that's accurate, but this should be a mock-up, with muslin! Why is it made of the fashion fabric??? Bee: This is riveting

Me: Why are his sleeves finished off? Where are the pins? Is that a hand back stitch??? Bee: *cackling*

Bee: YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IN THE DIVINE RIGHT OF KINGS AND DEMOCRACY

Me: Why did they give Ben a bust dart? Does he have tiddies??? Bee: TRANS BEN???

Bee: I'm gonna take a drink every time you go on a costume rant. Me: LISTEN

Bee (@Evie and Mal): So they're lesbians, right? Me: OH HO HO, YOU'D THINK SO WOULDN'T YA

Bee: You said Kenny Ortega did this, right? Me: Yep! Bee: That. SO very tracks.

Evie: *flirting* Bee: Ahhh, performative heterosexuality!

Me: Her love interest is so [HUSBAND]-coded; you're gonna lose your mind

Bee: Ah yep, Kenny Ortega choreography

Bee: IS THAT FUCKING KRISTEN CHENOWETH??? Me: YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT???

Both of us, anytime Carlos is on screen: He Baby

Bee: I bet AO3 had a field day with this franchise

Bee: Ohhhh, look at that shitty marching band, let me at 'em- NONE OF THOSE PEOPLE ARE PLAYING THOSE INSTRUMENTS Me: *wheeze*

Bee @ Audrey: Oh THATS a lesbian Me: I COULD GO ON A RANT and I won't until we have more context!

Me: Look, Evie's love interest is a dude but I choose to believe that he's a he/him lesbian so it works

Mal: And I totally don't blame your grandparents for inviting everyone in the whole world but my mother to their stupid christening! Me: Look, christenings were public events! They had to go out of their way to tell Maleficent not to come! Bee: Right! Like it was more work to have someone find her to tell her not to come! She would've stayed away if you just kept your mouths shut! Me: Not to victim blame, but don't fuck with the fae if you don't want the fae to fuck with you Bee: No I'm victim blaming in this one instance, that was fucking stupid

Doug: Hi-ho... Bee: Oh god he is [HUSBAND]-coded

Carlos: Die, suckers! Me: Let Carlos say fuck! Bee: He would say it constantly

Jay: *ninja kick through the door* Bee: Dumbass

Carlos: *trying to help Jay up* Me: *sobbing* He baby!!! Bee: He wants to help his brother!!!

Bee, already tipsy: I think every time we say "he baby" I need to drink water

Me: Hnng I remember being obsessed with Mal's outfits as a 14yo but looking at it now as a costume designer, I can't tell if I still love it or if I kinda hate it. Bee: Lemme take a drink and you elaborate. Me: There's something kinda off-putting about it and I can't tell if it's because it reeks of 2015 Disney Channel-which is not a bad thing!-or if I just don't think the design works. Bee: It looks like they were going for scene but didn't really know what scene was

Me: I think we should also take a drink whenever we say "that's gay"

Both: STOP BEING MEAN TO JANE SHE'S SO CUTE

Ben: *trying to convince Carlos Dude won't hurt him* Me: For the trans!Ben headcanon, I know that's just a weird fuckin' seam on his shirt, but it looks like a binder

Honorable mention: Us constantly screaming at evie that she's allowed to be smart

Bee: Hey, [HUSBAND], Wanna come see a character that's you coded???

Evie: *making clothes* Me: THAT SEWING MACHINE IS SEXY

Me @ Lonnie: I wouldn't call that cool hair Bee: Oh now she's cool, she ripped her skirt

Mal: I think it's time Benny Boo got himself a new girlfriend Bee: Girl he is right behind that door

Mal: *wipes Lonnie's tear* Bee: LOOK AT HER FACE, see that? That was a gay awakening

Me during Did I Mention: Guess what Bee: Huh? Me: That's not him singing Bee: *gasp* They Troy Bolton'ed that man

Bee: There are. Not enough trumpets in this band Me: Nerd

Talking about the Maleficent movie and how I've never seen it Bee: Oh god, you would've been like. 12 Me: Or 13 depending on the time of year! Bee: It came out in May Me: ...Okay yeah I would've been 12 Bee: I can do math! [HUSBAND], distantly: Citation needed! Bee: HEY!!!

Ben: Is this your first time? Bee: HUH???

Me: What was he trying to accomplish here? Like he didn't tell her they were going somewhere they might need swimsuits, was he trying to get her in her underwear??? Bee: If it wasn't a Disney movie I'd say yes Me: Horny teenage boy

Ben: *shirtless on the cliff* Me: Good for him, he's had top surgery since the last scene

Maleficent: Still doing tricks with eggplants? Bee: Idk, ask her husband

After the cover of Be Our Guest Bee: What. Was that. Me: I know Bee: That was so bad! Me: I promise the other covers are better

Me: I hate Mal's costume in this scene Bee: Drink! Me: The purple on her blazer matches too perfectly with her hair, there's no break in the silhouette Bee: Oh yeah, I see what you mean Me: I get what they're trying to do with the lighter palette, but I'd swap the blue and purple, personally

Queen Leah: My daughter was raised by fairies Me: That was your own fault Bee: Nowhere in that curse did it say you couldn't raise her

Insert the TEN MINUTE interlude of me dying over the obscene fit of Ben's suit:

(Please note: A) his jacket sleeve is caught on his elbow, which is what's causing that FOUR INCH exposed sleeve, B) who wears a pocket square and no tie? C) the buttons are STRAINING because the suit hasn't been tailored properly, it's way too small, you're the future king and I expect better from you okay you CANONICALLY have people tailoring your clothes, and while we're on buttons, D) NEVER button both buttons on a suit jacket! If the jacket has two buttons, the top is buttoned and the bottom isn't. If it's three, top is button sometimes, middle is always buttoned, and the bottom is never. Also: Unbutton when sitting or doing physical activity, such as croquet. This has been Levi's useless button PSA)

Honorable mention: I showed my mentor this picture the next day and he gasped like he'd been shot

Jane: He's never gonna make a villain a queen Me: WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU! Bee: WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU!

Me: she's not ugly, she just has a fuck ass bob

Bee @ Beast: Oh why'd they give him glasses, now he's hot

Mal: How do you know that?? Ben: because I'm listening to my heart! Bee: Gay Mal: I'm listening to mine too Bee: DOUBLE gay

Bee: I love how you can soo very see all these frozen people moving

Maleficent: *Dragon Time (tm)* Bee: FOUND THE BUDGET

Jane: Guess I did get pretty lucky in the mother department Me: Speaking of mothers can someone please catch the lizard Bee: PLEASE

Side note, my internet was wigging out and the stream kept freezing, particularly during Set It Off Me, struggling with the connection: And what if I cry Bee: Limping toward the finish line Me: What if I cry and commit arson

Mal: You didn't think that was the end of the story, did you? Bee: Well that was fucking ominous

#disney descendants #descendants #mal bertha #evie descendants #carlos de vil #jay descendants #ben florian #unhinged quotes

[socksnstuff00]

Literally sometimes I still randomly have moments where I go ”Christen Press is actually GAY 😱🥵” what a wonderful time to be alive and gay

hahaha man thats the thought that helps me get off the bed every morning lmao

[phoebebrxdgers]

(christen thats gay) i love this

#christen press #christen thats gay

[secondzones]

So Tobin lives in LA and Christen lives in Portland, but Tobin’s home is Portland and Christen’s is LA.

#tobin heath #christen press #the two cities are both their homes #lbr both their homes are each other #and thats beautiful #and really really gay #super gay #lmao #preath #uswnt

[wsl-chelsea]

I've noticed on Tumblr that alot of Preath stan blogs are not Kristie fans. I think they are not happy that Kristie and Sam are so open and that Christen and Tobin aren't. Its a really stupid reason to dislike a player. I mean if you have a problem with how she plays thats one thing. But disliking her because she's open and out with her relationship is really a shame. Its actually really good for the lgbtq+ community, especially the young people to see them so open. Ive unfollowed a few blogs that have been disrespectful to her and Sam.

i have seen a few blogs like that yeah. lots of people saying they're 'too' open which i don't really think is the case, we see a lot of straight couples acting the same way but when its gay why does it have to be so secret? also bc woso in general is used to soft launches and relationships that are only known if you've followed them for a while.

[tobinheath]

I know this is all speculation but you know that feeling when you see a gay person who like has it all figured out it seems and you’re like THATS WHAT I WANT! Like Casey had an amazing career, found her wife and they got married and had three kids and she is a coach now (a pretty darn good one) and she’s building (renovating) a dream house for her family and continues to talk about and vocally support issues she cares about. I feel like Tobin and Christen kinda have that with Casey as well as having mad respect for her as a coach. Like yeah we can have it all!

We all have that lgbt icon in our lives

#in my life it’s myself

[itonje]

okay this is about the little mermaid and i will get mad over this because people always say the little mermaid has an unhappy ending but like. god. anyways what the little mermaid in the story wants besides the prince is a soul. she wants a human soul because she knows that while mermaids live far longer than humans they only dissolve into sea foam when they die while humans go to like heaven or whatever. anyways at the very end when she jumps into the sea she thinks that everything is over and she’ll just turn into foam she realizes that now shes a spirit, she joins other spirits like her and they tell her that if they do good works like making children laugh x amount of times theyll transcend too with their souls. her selflessness is what enabled this. hans christen andersen specifically wrote this ending because he didnt want the story to have a bleak and dire ending, he wanted to have some form of hope. and if you think ab the analysis of the little mermaid from like a gay perspective which many do thats rlly important!!!! her love (gay love) is not what doomed her but is what saved her. she gets to have a happy ending too. grrr grr bark bark 

#finny.txt

[thinger-strang]

heres my Thoughts™ on lost boys

excuse me, mr main character, have my heart?

so everyone? in santa carla? dresses gay?

of fucking course these vamps are a motorcycle gang

the younger brother dresses like a lesbian

these kids in the comic shop are annoyink

star imma propose

michael ur an idiot "just you" shut up

BEJEWELED WINE BOTTLE? "be one of us" michael......sweetie

if michael doesnt bc a vampire and pierce his fucking ear i stg

yes LORD with that piercing

IF YOUR FRIENDS JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE WOULD YOU jesus h youve barely met these people!?!!???

EXCUSE ME DOES MR GRANDPA HAVE A RAT TAIL? thats kinda badass

do NOT chomp on your brother michael, ur gunna scare the dog, get a hold of yourself dummy

BRO UR FUCKIN HAND BRO

ndbcknd ur a vampire? im telling mom, classic little brother move

THE FUCKING COMIC BOOK KIDS jesus

bitch are you floating?

rip moms date lol

"SO WHAT ARE YOU SOME FLYING NUN?"

"sammy" im having spn flashbacks

oop really rip moms date lol

i gotta admit this busted hotel is dope as FUCK

DID HE JUST FUCKING BREAK THE BEJEWELED WINE BOTTLE sir?

oh fucking course theyre gunna have sex now 🤮

BRO UR FUCKIN HAND BRO pt 2

:( dont be mad at ur mom

woah thorn bro chill out

"kill your brother, you'll feel better"

BITCH SHUT UP SHUT. UP.

theres no way this fucking video store dude is the head vamp shut up

oop. maybe he is. bc he aint dead. like i thought.

BRO THE INVITE THING HES A FUCKING VAMP

is there garlic in the parmesan? ITS GARLIC? he likes garlic?

oh hes not a vampire 🤦🏻

bonfire massacre anyone?

"im basically a good kid"

listen star and david are bi i dont make the rules

did they just steal the car?

rip alex winter ig

"burn rubber does not mean warp speed" what a QUOTE

did they? just walk in during a christening

BRO blood coming out of the piping nasTY

shot with an arrow, electrocuted , and exploded, what a way to go

"death by stereo" yeah imma put that shit in a tee shirt

"stop fighting me" bitch ur tryna kill me!

do antlers work as vamp killers? not technically a wooden stake.....

bro is? moms date? is he? IM? HOLY SHIT PLOT TWIST OF MY LIFE

one big happy family my ass

star better be the one to kill him

star or the mom

GRANDPA TO THE RESCUE OUTTA NO WHERE MR RAT TAIL HILLBILLY HIMSELF WAS A VAMPIRE HUNTER ALL ALONG

"one thing i couldnt stomach about living santa carla; all the damn vampires" ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC 20/10 ★★★★★

#long post #new favorite movie NOICE #also? im so fucking gay for michael #pls hes so #rambles #not st #but im posting this here bc why not idc anymore its 12:30

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 2

Last time, on Symphogear!

An adorable little girl, stood up by her date for a reasonable explanation, jams it out with her favorite pop duo, caught unawares that they are also a monster-fighting syndicate experimenting with the power of sound (the power to make you dizzy) to activate an ancient historical relic. Shit goes south as the jams prove to be too powerful, guaranteeing tragedy amidst an otherwise baller concert. Hibiki is rescued by The Bigger Of The Lesbians before she self-destructs to make sure the entire threat is neutralized, leaving The Smaller Lesbian sad, yet still incredibly gay. Years pass as our protagonist goes to Music School, for Music, to bunk it up with her girlfriend as she tries to figure out what the hell happened. Her prayers are answered when she tries to rescue a little girl and is promptly cornered, activating the same outfit The Bigger Lesbian that saved her had on. Gungnir Dattos all around, The Smaller Lesbian loses her shit as everything goes downhill from there.

Now, where were we?

...right. The piss beacon.

And the person taking the piss.

Hibiki has nary a clue what to do. Symphogears don’t actually come with manuals, you see. They’re sort of a “close your eyes and wing it” kind of experience. In Tsubasa’s case, it’s quite literal.

“FUCK that was COOL AS SHIT, tight as FUCKING HELL”

Take pity on this face. This is the face of someone who’s last memories will be a confused lady wondering why she is suddenly part machine.

“imma save you widdle kid”

Something to note about this show is that all the fighters sing while fighting. Hibiki is no exception, even after being confused about what the hell she’s doing. It helps that her voice actress is a professional singer.

It helps that every voice actress here is some sort of professional singer.

This picture basically summarizes why Hibiki is cool despite being so goddamned dumb. She’s angry, and she’s gonna protect some kids even if she dies doing it. Kanade would be proud, if she wasn’t too busy being dead.

No shit!

Have you ever watched the original Sam Reimi’s Spiderman? Like, the very first one? You know all those awkward scenes about Spiderman learning how his powers work? Hibiki basically does that under crunch time. There’s a long segment about how she’s forced to figure things out while protecting a kid and Not Dying.

It’s going pretty great.

I can’t believe she’s secretly Steve Urkel.

“cannot FUCKING believe that girl my girlfriend saved managed to GET HER HANDS on her FUCKING CLOTHES that I WANTED to ENSHRINE IN A MEMORIAL to her how the FUCK did she do that cant BELIEVE i have to SAVE HER IDIOT ASS because she just CANT EVEN DO THAT-”

Tsubasa, preparing herself as a contender for the World’s Angriest Lesbian, barrels through the Noise in her motorcycle...

...which she smashes directly into the Noise. It does nothing.

Tsubasa has many a motorcycle to smash. It’s a testament to her dedication following her aesthetic.

She fueled the tank completely before smashing it in.

Tsubasa... is petty.

As Tsubasa t-poses to assert dominance (a woman ahead of her time, this first aired in 2012), she comes down ready to kick some ass and vent some frustrations. And frankly? She’s all out of ass.

“oh my god she’s even hotter up close i cant believe it”

“fucking knock-off outfit looks like it came out of a bootleg flea market”

You don’t need to know what happens next, because you already know what happens when someone shows up with a fucking sword ready to sing about their dead girlfriend and the conflicting feelings about seeing her armor pop up again on someone else.

Murder.

Lots... and lots... of murder.

“we’re so fucking useless why do we even exist”

After Tsubasa finishes what could only be described as a massacre, we’re treated to how people clean up the aftermath.

“hey, you know, make fun of me all you want, but at the end of the day, im the one holding the vacuum cleaner, and you’re literally turned to dust, so”

Even this little girl knows shit’s about the go down. Got the tea and everything.

This is one of the minor characters of the series. She works for the 2nd Division. Who is the 2nd Division? You’ll find out soon.

“i didnt die! fuck yeah. today’s a good day.”

“OH WAIT NO-”

Hibiki learns that her outfit unsets after a while, like bideo game. Who catches her mid-fall?

Her new best friend, of course. Don’t be fooled by this look. Tsubasa tragically suffers from resting angry face syndrome. It is, unfortunately, incurable.

“i hate how cute she is”

Hibiki reminds her that this is technically the second time Tsubasa has saved her, which in the large scheme of things, seems incredibly innocuous for someone who escaped a major tragedy many years ago. Unfortunately, time doesn’t move forward for Season 1 Tsubasa. Not for quite a while...

The funny part is it doesn’t even hit her initially. She never actually saw Hibiki personally during that moment, so she actually doesn’t even have a clue what she means.

Look at her. Look at this clown. How could you hate her. Look at that smile.

All the survivors are always forced to write NDAs about what they saw. This grows to comical levels at times, given the scale of what happens eventually. It might as well be the world’s biggest open secret by now.

“aight homies looks like i gotta go home, the wife’s gonna be lonely an-”

Oh.

“sorry holmes but you’re going to gay baby jail like the rest of us singers”

Hibiki’s face is riddled with guilt. The guilt of someone who just saved a little girl. How dare you, Hibiki. This is what you get for doing The Right Thing.

And so she’s taken to “jail.”

“sorry pal but you literally turned into a huge weapon and you have no idea how to use it so!”

And so, Hibiki was never seen again...

Alright, so she really isn’t going to jail. She is genuinely being taken into custody, though. To be honest, this kind of handcuff procedure is sort-of ridiculous for someone who literally just saved children, and you could probably bribe her to join them with a 10 piece chicken dinner, but hey, fuck it. 2nd Division has protocols, and that is to arrest people.

“i cant believe i was a fan of a narc all this time”

The school has a giant elevator that goes deep into the Earth. Also, look at that symbolism. Hibiki’s the only one looking at her own reflection. Deep.

Thanks, Tsubasa.

The interior decorator for this elevator is wild.

Tsubasa forbodes where they’re all going as some ominous, strange, and evil place where joy and happiness die. Where good feelings and innocence are destroyed, and hope is crushed and ripped at the seams.

As it turns out, Tsubasa is just an angsty piece of shit.

So here’s the situation:

The 2nd Branch, which are the people in charge of poking relics until they glow with the power of music to study and harness the power of as weapons to kill the Noise, live in a several mile deep high tech basement of an all girl’s boarding school dedicated to music. This is because, for the record, that the girls recruited to this school have the habit of being a little bit attuned to these relics. Hibiki, a newly christened Gear user, is now being recruited into this organized by Genjuro.

“i never got this kind of party when i was recruited”

“thats because nobody liked you, hans”

“im skipping my soaps for this”

“fucking hate my twin brother hans”

“she?????? gets a party??? SHE. gets a party. I DON’T GET A PARTY. SHE... GETS A PARTY? and i dont get a fucking party. i was literally BORN into this job. NOBODY gives me a damn party. this MORON who CLOWNS AROUND with her SUBPAR SONGS. gets a party. oh my god. oh my GOD. FUCK. FUCK!”

“if this is what its like to get arrested i gotta be gayer and do more crimes”

“I’m not actually surprised. I’m just pretending to be. I’m just really not good at pretending to be surprised.”

“fucking hate this family, im gonna eat all of hibikis cake and cry in my room”

Remember: This show first released in 2012. Ryoko? Trendsetter.

Ryoko’s screen is very dirty and foggy. Don’t ask why. Don’t even remember why I pointed this out. Just forget this point completely.

Hibiki understands that handcuffs just aren’t fashionable.

Genjuro casually explains that they’re the fictional japanese equivalent of the NSA, all while doing magic tricks. Truly a man of many talents.

Tsubasa is already plotting how to vent about all this in her diary, which she addresses as letters of Kanade every time she writes in it.

Genjuro and Ryoko introduces themselves as everyone else apologizes to her, except Tsubasa.

Ogawa also intro- yes, I’m recycling a picture- introduces himself. He’s pretty cool, too, and serves as Tsubasa’s ninja bodyguard, butler, and all around mentor. We never get a backstory on him, and likely never will. It’s best to keep it that way; it only adds to the mystery of who the hell this guy is.

“weird flex but okay”

Hibiki realizes she’s being recruited, after being told she’s being recruited. Given some brain cells remain in her head, she asks the obvious and wonders what the hell happened to her.

“ryoko, care to explain?”

“well, it’s simple. you’re the protagonist now.”

Ryoko, who has no sense of boundaries, subjects Hibiki to a medical inspection. As creepy as her tone is, its to inspect the state of Hibiki’s newly formed gear.

She’s finally freed from that long winded event and returns home to her wife.

“buddy you smell like shit. and french fries.”

“hibiki. you’re not dead, hibiki. come on, get up. i just cleaned this floor, hibiki. hibiki, please. this is genuinely unbecoming of you. hibiki, oh my god.”

“miku please i learned how to kick ass and im tired and please let me enjoy this nice floor”

Tsubasa does the thing real life Symphogear and all related products never actually bother to do.

“god she’s so gay for her but i know she’d never cheat on me so”

Hibiki ruminates on the day she’s had. This is where the really dumb angst comes in. You see, Hibiki can’t tell anyone about what happened, and Miku, now a civilian in her eyes, cannot know about her alter ego Symphogear antics. Hibiki feels bad about this.

“y u no trust me. y u no tell me troof. im wife.”

After a brief heart to heart Hibiki smiles and snuggles her girlfriend.

They’re gay.

“im gonna marry her knowing full well she’ll sleep through the ceremony. god.”

#symphogear #symphogear season 1

[dcswoop]

Not to be a hater, but

I literally dont understand why ppl seem to be stanning the new mamma mia movie. Didnt it strike any of you as tonedeaf at best? Mamma Mia is about badass ladies. Thats the soul of the story- women who have strong realationships and opinions and personalities. Tanya who gleefully weaponizes her femininity for her own gain, Rosie who stays single shamelessly as long as she wishes, Sophie who trusts her insticts about when to stay and go, and Donna who refuses to love a man who dosnt treat her right, Donna whose real central love story is with her Daughter.

Mamma Mia 2 is about guys. Im sorry but its true and someone has to say it. They decided to tell the story of Donna, right, but not how she raised her daughter, not how she travelled the world, not how she met her friends or their adventures together- no, the story of how she met 3 dudes one summer. And like, thats not inherently bad. Its a whacky and fun plot ya know. But the movie in of itself is just so clearly not about women that i cant quite look past it. Like, Why is young Rosies storyline just that Bill didnt fancy her and thus she had to eat a lot to cope with the rejection? Shes a literal lone wolf badass why is that the only interesting or whacky plot they could give her? Why did Tanya, Tanya!!, Just become heartbroken when Sam didnt notice her on the street? Have you met Tanya? She knows shes a total babe and also, like, Sam was visibly distraught and shes not an idiot why wouldnt she be able to read his expression?? Where were Sophies besties? Why did they write Cher, fucking Cher, into the movie just so she could have a romantic subplot with a dude?? Like, honestly. There wasnt any female comeraderie in this film!! Donna ditches the dynamos for boys, old Rosie and Tanya quarrel over Cher's man, Sophies friends dont show up to the christening... I hate it all.

The moment it really became clear to me that this movie was written by guys was when Donna started talking about how there were "two types of seducers". Who speaks like that??

Also, homophobia. Why arnt anybody writing about this?? Did nobody notice that they wrote Harry out of the story? To be fair young Harry gets a musical number, but like, otherwise he's basically comic relief? And then when we skip to the present, he's a bored businessman...which means...they totally reversed his character arc from the end of the original. He had figured out who he was for christ's sake! He had come in contact with his sexuality and spontaneity! He was ready to live! But nope, he learned nothing and he's in the same place still, apparently...what makes that so bad though if u ask me is that they reversed all his growth, they deleted it, but then they didnt give him any new arc in this movie? Not really?? Like, yeah, he leaves Japan. That's a meaningful moment, but it has no build up! It feels like a weak repetition of the arc he is supposed to have had already! And then what really upsets me is that then he's just comic relief again, or like, a means to an end? He ties himself to a chair and falls into the sea?? Idek?? And that's rly just a way to introduce Sky back into the story. And THEN what makes me REALLY upset is that he dosnt get a love story. Nothing. Rien. Nada. Ingenting. All the other characters get to express their sexualities, except Harry. So really, Mamma Mia 2 did not have gay energy!! Ive seen people say that but i disagree. Cher was in it, yes, but the narrative didnt resepct its 1 gay character. So like?? Whats so great about this movie lol i dont get it

#feminism #donna sheridan #abba #sexism #homophobia #mamma mia! here we go again #mamma mia #mamma mia here we go again #here we go again #lgbt #bill anderson #sam carmichael #sophie sheridan #cher #harry bright #mamma mia!

[weirdssbfanfics]

Reading: Subpar Smush Broas Mishan Forum God 2: The REEL Sekwel! LAUREN U R DUM (Chapter Seven)

... We’re back. Almost three years later, we have a new reading ready of Despair Smash’s sequel.

To be completely fair, I was asleep the whole time.

Summary: Aftar escap frum Lauren and Katey and Mattel Fase Sara entars a jost.

... I’ve been gone for so long I forgot how to read this.

TW for rape mention, animal death.

Now, a word on the author. We here at WSSBF are well aware that “Sara” is a troll, and this is supposed to make fun of conservatives and Christians. However, we will continue this as if this was serious. Why?

Because it’s more fun, that’s why. Come on, we’ve been away for two and a half years, please let us have this one.

Also, we’ve been away for so long, that we don’t remember a ton of the characters... So that’ll be fun.

Notes: I c Obema is stil payen libruls 2 insalt my storey. Wuts wors is taht alota tham r foreners so Epona isant evan crating Amurican jibs by doen this (nut taht Obaba lieks maekin Amerken joebs becuz he gets rad of them with his hi texas on teh job craters liek my dad and also wtih job-killen regalatons).

... This was funnier before the 2016 election actually. I mean, I’m a fictional character so what do I know, but I do use the internet a lot. Farce is becoming reality and I don’t like it.

So aneyway I wantad my mom 2 let me stay hoem agen so i cold watch moar gam of throns (off coarse I didant tel her im watchen that becuz my parants dont want me 2 wach that), butt she mad me goto skool. My mom iz so meen! Butt aneyway this tim i wuz watchen and teh gay guy who wantad 2 be keen is ded now. He wuz kill by his brothar Stains and a red-hared ladey. I remamber heerin a lon tim ago that teh vershan of Christenaty they hav in Briten is caled teh Chirch off Inglend. I gess in teh chirch off Engold tehy cal God "Rylor" becuz thats wut the red-hared ladey keeped callen him. And than teh gay guys brothar tred 2 be keen and I wantad him 2 win becuz he kild the gay guy and wuz a Christen (even if he wuz teh Britash vershun of Christen witches a litol weerd) butt than he lose a big batol at teh and of sesan 2. Butt hes stil aliv so maybee he can be keen latur. Thats ho far i am rite now.

I’m gonna be completely honest with you, I neither know about nor care about Game of Thrones, so that entire paragraph would be gibberish even without the spelling errors.

Im getin board focasin on pepol otter than me in this storey nao so Im goen bak 2 me and hopfully i no enuff abot Briten now (and ill still wach the rest of Gaem off Throns so my naxt chaptars in Briten wil be evan moor akurat)

Oh, I forgot she thinks Britain is like Game of Thrones. I wonder if she thinks Lord of the Rings is a historical drama, too.

And with that, let’s begin.

CHAP 7: SARA ENTARS A JOST

Aftar I runned awey frum Lauren and Kayti and Motel Fave I fond I wuz lost in Briten. I sneeked thro a feald were pheasants wer picken craps becuz tehy wer 2 lazey 2 be nobels. 

You got that wrong!

... Let me have this one, I haven’t done this in literal years.

Anyways, the history behind why nobles are nobles is complicated to say the least, but it certainly was not because they were lazy. In fact, these guys probably worked harder than Sara ever has in her life. So... yeah.

You can tell I haven’t done this in a while. 

Sumwher in the feld I gotted turd arond and startad walken bak teh way i cum butt i didant no that until i wuz bak in Keens Landen, teh crapital of Briten. Wen I gotted ther i sawed a sine taht sed "Bluddy jost 2day 2 win a bluddy trip 2 Harey Potars skool u wankars." I desided ifi entared the jost and winned Id get 2 go2 Harey Potars skool and kill him so he coldnt teech Lauren moar majek to tune me in2 a lesban. Butt than i sawed the rools and onely nites cold entar the jost and gurls coldnt bee nites. "Ono!" I sed 2 miself.

So I was curious about this, so I Googled it, and apparently in the Middle Ages, there is some historical proof that women could be knights. Now, not sure if a 13 year old could be a knight... and wouldn’t Sara want a guy to fight for her? In her eyes, women who dress up as guys are “lesbans”, after all, so using her “logic”, wouldn’t she become the very thing she hates.

She who fights monsters... I forgot.

"Nead sum halp?" I hurd a Britash guy sed. I turnd arond and sawed it wuz Stanos frum Gaem of Throns!

I wonder how many Infinity Stones he has...

"Hi Stanass how did u no i wuz hear" I sed. "Teh red-hared ladey can see the futur by luken in fiar" Stains sed. Tahts on of the powars of teh Chirch of Eenland. I wondar if thats alos how Sholk can c tha futur. "So u no I want 2 entar the jost" I sed. "Ya and I brot sum armoire so noone wil no ur a gurl. And alos i brotted a hoarse becuz u well ned on of thos in teh jost" sed Santos. So Stinass gived me teh stuf and leev. I putted on teh armar and gotted on tha hoarse. I rided 2 wer the jost wuz. "'ello guvnuh this is were teh bluddy jost is" sed teh persan at teh gaet "wut iz ur bluddy naem." I new I had 2 cum up with a Britash naem and it had 2 bee a guy naem or eels they wodant let me in the jost. "My naem is Sur Jaems of Hose Bond" I sed.

I would’ve gone with Sir Alex of House Rider.

"That is a very bluddy Britash naem butt ur vois dosant sond Britash" sed tha gaet persan. I new I had 2 do moor 2 prov I wuz Britash. "Im vary bluddy Britash u wankar!" I sed. "Ok i gess u r bluddy Britash" sed gaet persan. 

And they didn’t notice your presumably high pitched voice how, exactly?

So I rided my hoarse in2 teh jost plase. I gotted a speer and startad riden my hoarse at a nite who wuz on his hoarse with a speer 2. I nevar wuz in a jost b4 so i wuz afeared that teh nite wuz betar then me. So i put awey teh speer and goted ot my gun. The nite wuz weerin amour so teh ballots coldnt hurt him so I shat his hoarse and the hoarse dyed and the nite felled of. I wan teh furst jost. No1 in teh awdians new wut my gun wuz so they didant no I cheeted and I gotted 2 go2 teh naxt rond. In teh next rond i wuz agenst anotter nite and i shat his hoarse 2 win 2. Than I did teh saem 4 a few moar ronds until teh final jost of teh tornymant. I gotted reedy to rid agenst my oponant butt wen I tred 2 shat his hoarse I wuz outa ballets!!! The last nite hitted me with his speer and i felled of my hoarse and lose teh jost (c Im not a marey su ifi lose sum tims).

Okay, I didn’t want to do this more than once, but I guess I have to.

You got that wrong!

First off, this blatantly contradicts the first story, where she said that the British military had muskets, which is, in fact, a type of gun! Secondly, jousting was a game of sport, not a game of murder. And third of all, even if you do lose, you are what people would consider a Mary Sue, because when you do get in trouble after losing, it gets resolved in three paragraphs or less!

Wen I felled of my hoarse my hellmat felled of my hed and everone sawed I wuz a gurl. Tehn Lauren stud up becuz she wuz in teh awdians. "Hey I no who taht is! Shes Sara and I wanna rap her!" Lauren sed.

Ah, I was wondering when we’d get that good old fashioned Rap. Also, everyone in the audience is an idiot.

She jump ot of awdians and run tords me butt I get bak on my hoarse and rid awey becuz I coldnt run fats in my armoire. Butthan Lauren taked the hoarse frum anotter nite and startad riden aftar me. I wuz shur i wold be domed! We rided arond Keens Landen on r hoarses and her hoarse seem 2 be fastar and i wuz ot of ballets so i coldnt shit her. Than sudanly Matel Fase flyed don in frant of me and grabed my hoarse with his claws and kild it and i felled on teh grond agen. Lauren gotted of her hoarse and grab me.

Serious question for a second, is Matel Fase supposed to be Master Hand? I think it is...

"Now im gona taek u 2 teh dunjun until im reedy 4 me and Kaytee 2 rap u!" So i wuz putin teh dunjun of teh palas. Ho wud i get ot of thes on?!

Now I remember why I haven’t touched this blog in over a year, and this fic specifically in two and a half... I’m going to need another long nap.

Overall Thoughts:

What do you think.

Thank every single one of you for reading this. I know we’ve been away for a long time, but I promise, me, Sonia, Kirigiri, and Mage can officially say:

We’re back!

Thanks for reading.

*Nanami*

#super smash bros #super smash brothers brawl #sm4sh #bad fanfiction #badfic #everything hurts #no concept of grammar #despair smash 2 #nanami

[socksnstuff00]

Hey Maha was Cuddlebug the player that got you into WoSo? Or was it someone else and she came later lol

100% her lol

i think i have told this story before but fuck it lol. to be fair i had heard about Morgan, O'hara and Turnip first, like y'know the famous soccer players lol but i couldn't care less about them or soccer. then after the WC, Kelley kissed her gf and it made it to the news, reaching me oO. i was shook 👀 no one ever knew she was gay so it got me wondering "who else is gay on this team?" and i started googling the players i knew of to see if they were gay as well 🤣. imagine what happened when i googled "Tobin Heath Gay" .. the name Christen Press kept popping everywhere 👀 and i was like "are they really a thing or is it just the fans being delusional? who is she tho?" Tangerine had posted the infamous "chicago bulls fire J1s" video like the night before and thats when i first saw her 😍 i was inmediatly in love with her smile lol. man, everyone was literally losing their shit and i wanted to be part of that meltdown 🤣 so i kept digging on them until i got to the preath timeline 🤡 .. from there was nonstop spiralling down untill today 🤣

#the love for football came AFTER i started following them 👀 #i wanted to see them play so i started following the team and and the games and getting to know other woso heads #and the rest is history

[phoebebrxdgers]

pt......7??

#a couple ppl sent me this template #so idea creds to them #yay tags #uswnt #ali krieger #tobin heath #kelley o'hara #ashlyn harris #christen press #emily sonnett #alex morgan #thats all for today folks im sorry #also i promise this team has so much chaotic energy that YES that many of them WOULD BE LOOKING IN THE TOILET #i mean theyre all handy gays or helpful moms #get me my gloves im going in -tobin #probably

[shaydraplays]

okay, here are the liveblogs of the entirety of she-ra season 1

because i don’t know how to consume media responsibly

see individual episodes under the cut: 

ep1 - catra fucking purred with excitement, i had to go back to confirm, the furries are back at it again - and she sleeps at the foot of adora's bed... incredible - does she just sleep with her helmet on? wait i guess all these soldiers don't have sleep clothes, but still? - the adora-glimmer-beau fight scene was hilarious. beau and glimmer just straight up screaming at adora with enough force to shake? excellent. - the way glimmer runs with the sword away from danger is SO good - glimmer just DOESN'T stop screaming and honestly, mood - lmao

ep2 - jesus CHRIST the opening is physically killing me - the amount of times beau's voice breaks - the way they animated people moving is just top notch in general - the voices also... very good - hell yeah floppy eared deer people - neigh - incatrible - damn just keep tasing her i guess... rude - catra fucking bodice ripping the netting hell yeah - the transformation makes her and the sword slightly taller like, why??? - :C catra - "wait, whose horse was this" well it's yours now

ep3 - beau's voice continues to be excellent - the amount of screaming beau and glimmer do on average is also excellent - how are you not enraptured by horsie rolling in the grass next to you? - omg pegacorn floppin around - beau and glimmer are masters of the "oh shit" run. trot? - granny is cute - catra has such disaster lesbean vibes - i dont have my glasses you'll have to speak up - how does horsie's wings keep changing color - also i've completely accepted the ridiculosity of all these names but still... - the arc werewolf man makes when kicked - thank u for validating me swiftwind - wait where do you put the sword when not in use

ep4 - how's they get adora's horde jacket out of the bushes near that village? also she lost her force captain pin rip - so do they just never change clothes? i had high hopes from adora putting on stuff to cover the horde symbol but i guess not - aw sleebover - okay they have no sleep clothes here either - general is hot - did catra draw princess on a horse or - zarkon is a twink now. twunk? - is that jasper's voice for that side character - the beast of beast island - those are not tree destruction foley sounds - yeah stop the machines poisoning ur land! environmentalism! - this is a small kingdom. these kingdoms are all really small? - you've been friends for like 2 days - where did they get horde outfits - beau's lil exclamations are.... Good - YAY SLEEBOVER

ep5 - something tells me adora doesn't like boats - i HAVE to mute the theme song. just, wow - go fish........ - who voices scorpia because Nice - nice violin - mermista is relatable - "They're coming right for the Gate!" mermista's big groan is a mood - is catra's MO from now on just gonna be to leap up to wherever Adora is doing hero things and monologue at her - i wanna be on 8-foot-tall woman's side as well - lmao christen the ship right there

ep6 - lmao glimmer's face when she-ra boutta bust it open - only tiny food........ - drunk adora is cute - did they just leave the sword - fizzy lifting drinks - okay so the sword is just animated when its convenient, otherwise i guess adora vores it or something

ep7 - that last episode was trite so now im gonna draw while watching - i love when they reference adora's depressing upbringing. "no i don't know what an aunt is but i was hoping someone would eventually explain". also beau is a bro - so lightspinner is shadowsneaker or whatever, right - naptime - i hope they explain who greyskull is etc sometime - do you not know what a pillow is why are you lying backwards - adora trust ur friends more pls it's been at least a week by now - thats new - catra no

ep8 - soooo prom means they'll change their clothes right - damn scorpia's a princess, what does it mean that they gave up their gemstone thing? no magic? - a true soldier by upbringing, adora - hell YEAH catra in a tux - neau just gotta wear a croptop - how are they gonna let catra in her whole bodys a weapon - hell yeah these ppl snazzy as fuck - so what the fuck is swiftwind doing these days anyway - adora is me. hormf snacks - man scorpia why cant u just let ppl chill - hell yeah sexual tension dance time - how do they know how to dance - catra is smooth - "you don't understand" ouch that is like the worst thing to say to smol frost princess - catra no - "I don't want you to" man she is such a... kovu's mom in lion king 2 or 3

ep9 - beau maDE THEM FIGURINES IM CRY - rip mermista - captain dude is so dumb - scorpia is going to kill u - this rebellion is clearly not combat ready - the black garnet is the one that scorpia's family gave the horde right? - really digging the low res pixels of the cell door being kicked for some reason - kyle pls - beau's expressions are SO good - well this sucks - if adora actually got her memories wiped and rejoined the herd and catra had to pretend that everything was normal man that'd be a good fanfic - glimmer thats very anime of u - catra, a lil bitch as always - damn, nice lighting - THIS IS NOT BECAUSE I LIKE YOU B-BAKA - catra no - damn, she really just got incinerated right in front of the team, huh - had to let the sad end credits music play this time, alexa play despacito

ep10 - "yeah that sure smells like concrete" thanks scorpia - adora is SO excited that she can use magic - i had to look it up but yeah i can definitely hear the amethyst in catra's voice now - yeah entrapta didn't seem like she gave much of a shit in the first place - hell YEAH she just jumps out the window - it's pretty incredible that they haven't miscolored catra's eyes yet, at least that i saw - thank u for coming back to the original disagreement and hashing it out, hell yeah emotional intelligence - just tell ur mom, blease - when queen mom is holding glimmer as she glitches... wow that's very adult fear of you - why do they not animate the sword and backbacks whenever it pleases them? i can excuse magical sword bullshit but c'mon catra needs to eat - hell yeah trippy psychological horror episode PLEASE - catra no

ep11 - hell yeah time for the "save my archnemesis frenemy from being killed by nonsentient technology ostensibly on my side, only to receive zero gratitude and probable betrayal from said frenemy" episode - their interactions are SO good - keeping things close to your chest and not saying anything about entrapta, nice - blease i just want them to be frens again - BAPY CATRA YES - FLOFF - BLEASE - FRENS - tween catra is EXTRA FLOFF - really telling that all their good memories are of getting chased by superiors and fighting each other. fucking horde - teen lizard's hair is good - catra's pretty good at saving herself. can she do it in the way that matters, though? - part cat, part monkey - well then, this memory probably doesn't end happily - oh, maybe this'll give adora hints on how to heal glimmer - fucking shadow... slipper. fuck u - jesus christ well this is just the writing on the wall for why catra can hate adora so easily. fuck u shadow sneak - bapy.... she hiss - w o w

ep12 - creepy. yes. i have been called this before. i n c r e d i b l e - hell yeah aliens - oh my god it speaks - man, what is EVEN scorpia's deal besides comic relief... horde is real bad at cultivating friendship - hack the p l a n e t - god damn, speaker baby imp is creepy. also how did catra not hear/smell that, maybe all horde shit smells similar - so entrapta doesn't have her corresponding gemstone? also oooooh, that's what the moonstone is. - adora, you made a self-cognizant horse, look at it now, it's got self-assurance and helpful words that also perpetuate the message that all domestic or captive animals are suffering, but in a joking manner

ep13 - ok, last ep of season 1, oh boy. can't wait to read all the post s1 fanfic - how did they... switch seating order... c'momn dreamworks - so why is entrapta a princess if she doesn't have a gemstone - WHY is beau still baring his midriff? in armor??? - wait so you can stand on water now? - stop monologueing holy shit - i guess there just isn't water? - k, deus ex machina and big damn heroes, i guess - nice combo attacks - she ra said gay rights. happy wrath month everyone - catra.......... no

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