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queermania · 8 months

Note

hi i recently came across your blog and have been reading a lot of your posts about dean - your analysis is incredible. i was wondering... in your opinion, which arc is the worst when it comes to deancrits misunderstanding/critiquing dean unfairly?

so i'm 50/50 on whether this is genuine or bait. if it's not bait, i'm so sorry. you did nothing wrong. it's just that i get a lot of messages that are so very clearly not in good faith. if it is bait, well, joke's on you because i'm about to say a bunch of words and a bunch of people are gonna read them. so.

i think the most obvious answer to your question is the jack situation but i'm not sure it's the correct one. i think by the time we even get to jack (especially to the soulless!jack part of it all) a lot of people have already sort of lost the plot on why dean is ever behaving the way he is. there's this tendency to view his behavior as if he wants to control the people closest to him, not always because he's inherently malicious but often because he wants to keep them safe and keep them close to him to the detriment of himself and everyone around him (see look! it's not deancrit! we know he's not a bad guy. we're just being objective and he's just an abusive asshole who should burn in hell). and i get it. i see how they got there.

but it's frustrating because how they got there is by 1. taking every single thing the characters say at face value despite all evidence to the contrary 2. viewing every single thing dean does or says in a vacuum, removed from any and all context and 3. forgetting that supernatural is a fantasy show, not a family drama or sitcom.

take the demon blood story line for example. what we actually see is:

sam going on a mission for revenge regardless of the costs or consequences (which he's aware exist even if he doesn't know the exact details)

dean trusting his brother until he finds out his brother's been lying to him

sam being told that what he's doing is wrong on multiple occasions by multiple people

dean offering ruby his gratitude for saving sam's life and an apology for the way he's been treating her since he got back from hell

sam continuing to lie and act shady

dean telling sam that he doesn't care about the demon blood/sam's powers, he just cares about sam's behavior

sam draining an entire nurse and killing her

sam almost killing dean on purpose and telling him he's not strong enough, not like sam is

dean still being the one to offer an apology when all is said and done, twice

but all of that gets rewritten into a narrative that dean's just never trusted sam ever and sam was only doing something he thought was right because all he ever wanted to do was save people. how could he have possibly known something bad would happen? and now, even after the fact, even after sam's said he's sorry, dean still won't let it go and holds it against sam forever and ever.

this narrative persists throughout the fandom. why? because sam threw a few tantrums in which he rewrote what was happening and dean didn't protest and the fandom took it at face value. (1)

on top of that, deancrits treat each of dean's actions like they happened in a vacuum. one of the things deancrits fixate on the most regarding the demon blood plot is dean saying, "You walk out that door, don't you ever come back." in 4x21. they treat it as if dean was being controlling and manipulative; abusive, even. they treat it as if, out of nowhere, dean just decided to throw john's words in sam's face because sam simply wouldn't do what dean wanted him to do.

what actually happened, however, was that sam had been lying to dean for twenty-one episodes about what he was doing, despite the continued warnings not to do what he was doing, and now sam had beaten the shit out of dean, left him bruised and bloodied on the floor, to go do something that dean had been told repeatedly, from a source they all thought was the authority on the subject, that sam absolutely should not do. what actually happened was dean made a last-ditch desperate effort to stop his brother from doing something dangerous that would get himself and possibly a lot of other people killed. (2)

the deancrits also tend to magically forget they're watching a genre show, not a family drama, when it comes to analyzing dean. the source of conflict wasn't that dean just didn't like sam's new girlfriend because sam trusted her more than him. it was that sam's new girlfriend was a demon and dean had just gotten back from forty years in hell being tortured... by demons. it was that dean had angels of the lord, before he really knew that the angels couldn't be trusted, telling him he needed to stop sam. it was that the angel that rescued him from an eternity of torture and becoming a demon himself told him that he needed to stop sam. (3)

so the deancrits frame this conflict between sam and dean as if dean just didn't trust sam, for no reason other than sam was hanging out with somebody else, and dean was being irrational about it. after all, sam was only trying to stop lilith, right? dean was being irrational and controlling. and it sounds reasonable when you look at it from their perspective. but their perspective is not anywhere near the reality of what was actually happening.

and that happens over and over and over again. we see it with the idea that dean is the one who is codependent to a toxic degree, despite all evidence to the contrary*. we see it with the idea that dean thinks all monsters should die and sam wants to save/help them. we see it with the conflict in s6 being framed as dean just being angry that cas dared to do something without his permission. we see it with the fractured relationship between the brothers in s8, both regarding dean's return from purgatory and the trials. we see it with the gadreel arc and then the one with cas leading the angels. we see it with the mark of cain and the darkness. we see it with mary's return. and then we see it with jack, and most especially we see it with soulless!jack.

it's all so exhausting. by the time we get to jack, the deancrit has piled up the same way the narrative circumstances weighing on dean have, and so it feels like deancrits are fundamentally misunderstanding the situation more severely than they have anything else but i think in reality it's just the last straw.

so i guess what i'm trying to say is that the misunderstanding isn't necessarily about the individual arcs but about the way a genre story is told in general. they're not just unfairly critiquing an arc. they're mischaracterizing a whole ass dude and fifteen seasons of a show.

*dean dragged sam back into hunting. how do we know that? because sam said it. what did we actually see? dean bringing sam back to stanford for his interview. sam going back to hunting because of the fire that killed jess. dean wanting to take a break from hunting several times while sam kept pushing them to keep going. dean wanting to split up and stay away from each other for awhile after the demon blood thing. sam leaving amelia before he even knew dean was alive/back from purgatory. dean telling sam to go back to amelia. sam choosing, all on his own, not to go back to amelia. sam basically threatening suicide because dean had other friends. sam unleashing the darkness because he didn't want to be alone. etc. etc. etc.

**also i think there is a conversation to be had about dean's coping mechanisms and trauma responses being less palatable though not anymore harmful than both sam's and castiel's but that's a different conversation for a different day

#replies #anonymous #dw

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david-goldrock · 1 month

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Hey, I'm sure you've been inundated with hateful messages since a fairly large blog pointed you out as a proud zionist. I don't think that's helpful for anyone and it speaks poorly of those who sent it. I'd like to ask you some questions though, and I won't call on you to answer them publicly but you may wish to reflect on them in private.

First, do you believe all the citizens of Palestine are guilty for what Hamas has done? If so, I might ask you why collective punishment was outlawed under the Geneva convention.

Second, why did the Israeli government need to make up a story about 40 beheaded babies, and why is that now debunked story worth so much more than the babies that have been killed by bombs or starved to death in Gaza now?

Third, why might the people of Gaza support Hamas? Even if you believe every single Palestinian does, why would such an awful terrorist group be so popular? Do you believe it is because they are just savages, frothing at the mouth to kill Jews and queers?

Fourth, what justifies the Nakba of the last century, the killing and displacement of 750,000 people?

Fifth, what of the documented cases going back decades of Israeli soldiers killing journalists, medics, and peaceful protesters, including non-Palestinians like Rachel Corrie? Why do you think she protested so vehemently?

Sixth, if you believe Israel has the right to reclaim the homeland of two thousand years ago, do you believe Native Americans have the right to violently take the land of the USA?

Finally, why do you think the Israeli organization Breaking the Silence exists, and what do their testimonies mean to you?

I see you enjoy Percy Jackson; those books were very dear to my heart when I was younger, specifically the messaging of compassion for others and standing up against unjust systems. There is no angry message that anyone could send that will make you change your mind, but I hope this, sent in good faith, might help you at least reflect.

Imma answer out of order, going from stuff that's related to the war, to stuff related to the conflict, to stuff pretty unrelated

Hey, I'm sure you've been inundated with hateful messages since a fairly large blog pointed you out as a proud zionist.

So that's what happened! that explains it, thanks

First, do you believe all the citizens of Palestine are guilty for what Hamas has done?

I guess you mean the civilian population as Hamas never declared independence. I do not consider them all guilty, but I consider many responsible, so let's break it down:

Guilty: any hamas memeber, any person who helps hamas (funds, weapon stashes, kindapee holding) and any person who volunteers or sends volunteers or incourage volunteers to serve as human sheidls. all of them are directly guilty

Responsable: reponsable is those who could have responded but don't. those who had information about the war and didn't share it with Israel, anybody who knows the location of kidnappees, terrorists or weapon stashes, etc.

The remaining, mostly children, are neither guilty nor responsible, and I am sorry they are in the crossfire. I wish hamas surrenders soon, but I am not very hopeful

why collective punishment was outlawed under the Geneva convention

collective punishment is outlawed because hurting those who aren't guilty is not okay, any child can tell you that. but this war isn't collective punishment. on the contrary: hamas members use the immence humanitarian support for the civilian population in gaza to remain afloat.

Second, why did the Israeli government need to make up a story about 40 beheaded babies

let's begin by saying that many babies were brutally murdered on Oct. 7, just so nobody gets any ideas

beheading specifically? well see, I was one of the people talking about the beheaded babies, so while I can't speak for my government, I can speak for myself

This was at a time things were pretty uncertain, and It wasn't clear what had and hadn't happened, and an esteemed journalist from abroad had made the claim, not the government, who only defended it. It felt like the horrors we saw were denied before we even got the moment to mourn for them. this is one of the few times in this war that Israel had shared false information, so I can see how one might get caught up on it, but this is 1 detail which was wrong, a few days after the horrific massecare.

babies that have been killed by bombs or starved to death in Gaza now?

I didn't see any proof for starvation, though I wouldn't be very surprised (even though gaza now gets almost twice as many humanitarian aid as it did on Oct. 6, much of the support goes to hamas, so maybe it did happen). About the bombs? I am not very glad about gazan babies and children dying by bomb strikes, but with all due respect, I prefer that the soliders we send into gaza stay alive than gazan children, so if a trapped house with a hamas base and a few children is standing, I prefer we bomb it than risk the lives of our soliders. you may disagree, that's an opinion, but I have friends in gaza at the moment, and I cannot go to another funeral, my heart has had enough

Third, why might the people of Gaza support Hamas? ... why would such an awful terrorist group be so popular?

For the same reason the rest of the arab world and some of the western world does: they kill jews. every time hamas does a terror attack, it's value in the polls skyrockets all over the middle east. they like to see dead jews. I genuinly wonder what other reason could it be in your mind? hamas and groups like it operated from before 1948, they are terrible for every infrastructure and chance for peace one might ever wish for, they call for the creation of a palestinian state on the entire land west of the jordan river, and for an Islamic caliphate, if you belive it's about land you understoon nothing

Even if you believe every single Palestinian does

Well, here is a poll from after Oct. 7

tell me yourself

Do you believe it is because they are just savages, frothing at the mouth to kill Jews and queers?

I do not think of them as savages, (hamas are worse than that, the rest are just misled by an awful culture that's filled to the brim with fundamental islamism), but yes, absolutly, they like hamas because they kill jews. they prefer them to fatah because fatah dares to talk with Israel. they support terrorist attacks, by the majority, they share candies when jews are slaughtered, yes, they like hamas because it is the main palestinian group killing jews.

Finally, why do you think the Israeli organization Breaking the Silence exists, and what do their testimonies mean to you?

This is the easiest question you could have given me, thank you. BTS, the extreme-left organization that supposedly devotes themselves to testemonies about IDF misconduct, are cowards.

I have seen their testemonies, and I have reviewd their cases, and I have 2 problems with them:

they generalize specific cases. one of their favorite stories is the story of how once a few soliders (I think in Hebron) were on duty on the time of the world cup, so they evacuated a family from their house for that day, confiscated their TV, and watched the game, what they tell you is that it's a common occourance, what they don't tell you is that It happened once, and the soliders were heavily (though not heavily enough) punished

they prefer to act as social justice warriors than doing the hard work. BTS has dozens of cases of solider misconduct, but many of them has never seen a court, military court or general court. they gather a bunch of evidence, and instead of acting as an increadible organization that keeps the sanctity of the weapon and take misbehaving soliders to court, they exagurate and publish those stories abroad, to get a pat on the back, give bs for antisemites to spew, and leave the soliders out in public. Instead of making both palestinians and israelis secure (because I don't want the guy who thought he can take sombody's home to watch the world cup to walk with me on the street either), they prefer getting a bit of praise from the enemies of the country and leave things be

>Sixth, if you believe Israel has the right to reclaim the homeland of two thousand years ago, do you believe Native Americans have the right to violently take the land of the USA?

That is less like '48 and more like the bar-cokhva revolt... there is an empire there and not an ungoverened body, the violence comes from the people and not the colonising force etc. but let's answer this quesiton anyway because of all of your questions, this one made me think the most

Yes and no. If the first people of the american continent wanted to reastablish governence they never had over empty streaches of land to have it, this is insane. But if the first people organized in a movement to reclaim some of the USA and establish independent states where they once lived, and at first tried a peaceful solution for years, I think I'd support their struggle, yes. That said, it would be suicidal. the time we tried to do something simmilar (the bar cochva revolt) it ended in 2000 years of diasporah, so while I'd support the cause, I'd not support a war against nuclear america, and neither would I support giving back times square or D.C, a settlement would have to be reached. I think many americans would support it as well, particularly from the left

Fourth, what justifies the Nakba of the last century, the killing and displacement of 750,000 people?

I think you were lied to about the nakba... the "nakba" is the event in which right after the establishment of Israel (the day after) a war broke out with 7 arab armies attacked the newform state. in this war, the arab leaders of the time told many arabs in the area to evacuate and return after the war is done and there are no more jews in Israel. in the mixed cities fights broke out, and the army that got there first expelled the population they didn't support (Hadera went jewish, Hebron went arab). lastly, a few (though very few) operations under plan D got arab out of their homes. remember: the jews in the entire arab world, including judea and sameria, got the same treatment, often worse. now for those so called "refugees" (calling the decendent of a person fleeing from a war he started and getting a foriegn ID or returning to live in the same land under a different governance "refugee" is absurd. by that defenition I am a judean-polish-czechoslovakian refugee, even though I was born here) that UNRWA talks about now? they don't have "a right to return" any more than a roman or greek person does. the latest coloniser thinks they can get special treatment. for their property? they can get compensation once the entirety of europe and MENA gives Israel the tens of bilions of dollars worth of property that was stolen from them in '39 and '48.

Fifth, what of the documented cases going back decades of Israeli soldiers killing journalists, medics

I have seen none, I have seen, many, MANY, cases though, of "medics" and "journalists" with guns and suicide bombers.

and peaceful protestors

whats peaceful to you? throwing rocks at soliders? many die from these attacks each year. crossing the border? that would get you arrested or killed in any country except in europe

Rachel Corrie

Well, I am sorry that she died, there certainly was a better way to deal with the situation. The supreme court of israel (which is very left leaning) determined that her actions constituded an act of war and such the soliders are not guilty. I disagree, but you cannot pretend like this is either A. a common occourance or B. a clear case of non-violent proccess. her actions were, and I quote the surprmeme court:

I see you enjoy Percy Jackson; those books were very dear to my heart when I was younger, specifically the messaging of compassion for others and standing up against unjust systems.

Well, I see percy jackson as more about acceptance and breaking cycles of violence, but idk. I do think we should stand up against bad systems, and believe me, I could fill a book with the troubles that I have with the IDF. it often puts things under the rug, sacrafices Israeli lives to look better, and many other problems, but I don't think it is unjust. on the contrary, I think any army in the world, and epecially the US's one, would have flattned gaza on the 8th. the IDF is the most moral army in the world (it is the only one even trying)

Hope you agree with me, and even if you don't, how did you say? "I hope this, sent in good faith, might help you at least reflect"

This is the first civil ask I got since, I think, december. thank you for being civil

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kittenintheden · 2 months

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okay listen I'm so tired lol

I am a fandom old. I've been around the freaking block like eight dozen times. I'm at the point in my life where I enjoy media because it's FUN and ENRICHING for me personally, rather than something I base my identity on. I adore the community that happens in fan spaces (mostly).

here is why I never trust an anon that's clearly just being a dick: I've been in way to many scenarios where people who aren't even invested in the thing just think it's so fucking funny to watch segments of a community fight with each other. it tickles some part of their lizard brain. their mom never taught them not to be an asshole to strangers. idk.

there's a political term that you may or may not be familiar with called astroturfing. it's frequently used in marketing and politics to falsely create the image of vast public support for something that doesn't actually have all that much natural support. for example, people who don't especially have strong feelings about trans issues being encouraged/paid/instructed to respond to any and all trans support a certain way. responding to blogs, sending letters to the editor, posting on message boards, etc. their goal is to create a broad public perception that most people are anti-trans (untrue).

and it works. entire fucking laws and legislation and protests and fearmongering come out of that shit. people make up FAKE PROBLEMS (cis men dressing up like women to go be pervy in public bathrooms???) and spread the word via bad actors and controlling the public discourse. the media conglomerate that gamed Facebook to disproportionately support asshole authoritarian alt-right clowns and got them elected was EXCELLENT at it.

a similar thing can happen in fandom, ESPECIALLY when that fandom is a haven for women, POC, queer folk, and other minorities. you guys might remember GamerGate and SadPuppies? yeah all those fuckers are still active and still purposely being shitty at every given opportunity because they think it's funny to make the "libs" fight amongst themselves.

look up #yourslipisshowing if you're not familiar. it was a movement by Black Twitter (specifically Black WOMAN Twitter) to expose bad actors who would create accounts posing as Black woman activists, learn the surface-level terminology, and just purposely cause discord in leftist spaces under the ever-familiar activist method of "being morally pure is a thing that can exist."

anyway: any time I get an ask or comment without a name attached that is very obviously intended to poke me in a sore spot, I delete that shit and assume it's some fucker trying to start fan drama for kicks. even if I'm wrong, I still don't need to feed into that shit. this is my fun, happy space. I'm an activist and do activist shit and get angry at the world in real life, I don't need it in my little fandom corner of the internet too.

which is not to say that shitty fans and shitty fandom takes don't really exist. they very much do. but I don't give them much air unless there's an actual name attached. and even THEN it can be hit or miss because people can and do create fake accounts if they're especially dedicated to being a shithead.

so: if you're minding your business and some goober comes into your ask box with shit that's clearly intended to push a button, give it like 24 hours to cool down and decide if it's actually worth it to respond. for me, most of the time I determine that it's not.

don't get me wrong. calling out bad behavior in fandom IS IMPORTANT and SHOULD BE DONE. I just also think it's important to try and find the joy and camaraderie in these spaces as much as possible and that people who try to disrupt that for jollies suck real bad and give a disproportionate perception of "what X fans are like."

in summary, my philosophy is be the best person you can be, be as kind as is warranted, focus on the parts of your fandom that make you happiest, and carry a big stick for when the jerks won't take a hint.

also like. shitting on other characters to prop up your fave is such a freaking middle school move. are you in middle school? if so, I'm sorry. if not, I'm still sorry, but for a different reason.

#bg3 discussion #bg3 discourse #fandom bs #fandom discourse #kitten rambles #more fun less raaah

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fictionkinfessions · 2 months

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[cw incest]

I don't wanna drag out discussions any more than they need to be, but in light of recent... stuff... I did just wanna get the following of my chest in regards to my own canon.

-I didn't choose how I feel, not in that life and not now. Not even on a metatextual level! The subtext of my source is loaded enough that I've come to believe I was deliberately written that way, even if the majority of the fandom is just glossing over it.

-I'm fully aware that those feelings developed out of a deeply unwell mind. It's no secret I'm chock-full of childhood trauma and mental illness. It's, like, what I'm best known for. But knowing something exists as a result of trauma doesn't make it less real, and it sure as hell doesn't make it stop existing.

-Accepting those feelings was so so much healthier for me than trying to shame myself out of them. My mental wellbeing has noticeably improved so much since I started doing that. So no, I won't be apologising to anyone anymore.

-I was happy. I was happier than I thought I ever would be again, than I thought I deserved to be. I think she felt the same. We knew the situation we were in wasn't ideal and was just evidence of how much we'd been fucked up by our trauma, but we tried to make the best of it.

-People can protest that what we had was unhealthy all they like, and maybe they're right, but at the end of the day, it was healthier than the alternative for us. Anyone still insisting we should have cut ties regardless, I can only assume is more concerned with their own comfort than our wellbeing anyway.

-I wish all these things could just be allowed to exist as truths about myself and my experiences without being roped into larger discussions about whether I "condone" our relationship, or relationships like ours. I wish my feelings weren't considered proof-positive of a failed morality test. I wish I could ask for kindness and understanding from people without being accused of trying to "normalise incest" or whatever. I'm not gonna get anything like that. I have a few trusted friends I can discuss these things with, but beyond that I'm just a fictive on the internet who occasionally makes anon incest confessions to the blog @fictionkinfessions on tumblr.com.

#fictionkinfessions #fictionkin #incest cw #canoning issue #shipping cw #mod party cat

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thelesbianpoirot · 7 months

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A Netflix "documentary" was made a couple months ago where they have a black woman playing the Macedonian Queen Cleopatra. There is a disproportionate amount of black people in the cast, erasing the current racial makeup Egypt. Some Egyptians were black (Nubian, Ethiopian, Moroccan etc) like any mixed trading empire in North Africa, but most looked like modern day Egyptians. Egypt isn't ancient history, people are there, we know what they look like. Jada Pinkette Smith this is not a documentary, it feels like propaganda to invent a history for black people who lost their ancient history due to the slave trade. There were prominent black rulers in Egypt, Cleopatra was not one of them. People are rewriting history to make a group of people feel better about themselves and I do not like it. It really reminds me of people currently over emphasizing trans involvement in the gay liberation movement, to create a narrative that they singlehanded got rights for gay people like LGBs sat back and did nothing, ignoring the history of homosexuals starting movement after movement, starting legal battle with the state or corporations or institutions, organizing marches and protests. There are records of lesbian, gay and bisexual leaders doing actual activism for our rights all over the world. Very few of them were openly trans. Stop lying to make these people feel special and important, just tell history as it is, and their actual achievements can be highlighted when it relevant. "This man's wife actually did his art/science/or work for him," attach multiple credible sources please. I won't just randomly believe your tumblr post or a blog spot. And no that black woman did not write the matrix, that is an urban legend! Mozart wasn't black that is a bad edit. Joseph Bologne, Chevalier de Saint-George existed. I don't want comforting lies, I want to truth. We have proof black people, crossdressers/gnc people did impact history and proof women did work men took credit for. We don't need to lie.

#thelesbianpoirot

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zazter-den · 6 months

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Hey guys, letting you know I won't be online much this weekend. The more upset I get, the less coherent I am so bear with me.

I don't talk about it on my porn blog due to the Dark Content nature and the risks of being outed/doxxed, but I'm a Rrom activist and I am fucking drowning in grief and rage.

Most of you aren't aware that I went to a university with a large Jewish, Black, and Middle Eastern community- And in response to that, a man named Matt Heimbach started the 'White Student Union'.

I stood with Israeli and Black Lives Matter friends as we forcibly kicked Heimbach's ass off our fucking campus- Literally matching his white patrols with our own groups to protect people. We all knew the dangers of a man, even one with little to no *real* power, who was spouting genocidal rhetoric.

My activism comes from having a ferally empathic heart, knowing my own people's experience in the holocaust, and because of the emergenza nomadi. When in 2008, a woman was tragically murdered by a Rrom man- and the Italian Government publicly declared my people as the cause for all rising urban crime rates. The Italian government recommended deporting pretty much all Rrom and Sinti from the country or surveilling the ones that could prove 100% that they were born in Italy, and going as far as to say that my home region should be napalmed for a brighter future.

Even sports teams chant that they hope Vesuvius will erupt and wipe us out.

At the time, my friends stood by me in declaring how morally reprehensible it was that a government could do such a thing. Sparing not a scathing comment for either the officials or the residents that supported the right-wing government either directly or through their silence. -And those same friends are silent or bitching about "virtue signaling" while the Gaza Strip, and probably the entire population of Palestinian Domari, are razed to the ground. An entire romani people wiped out of existence, where even the holocaust had failed.

I need you all to understand, that the rhetoric is the same. The Holocaust, the Emergenza Nomadi, and what is happening now in Gaza is both Genocide and Genocide Ideation.

#black lives matter has many demonstrations and protests in support of Palestine #wear full coverage in black #leave your cell at home #having a pair of goggles is also extremely helpful and find a way to secure glasses #if you can bring spare clothes you can quick change in if necessary #also have a designated person to update your loved ones if you get detained- and don't have that person at the rally.

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metalheadsforblacklivesmatter · 1 year

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I posted 1,388 times in 2022

599 posts created (43%)

789 posts reblogged (57%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@metalheadsforblacklivesmatter

@blessedjoy

@pinkieloveheartpastel

@the1312daysofchristmas

I tagged 515 of my posts in 2022

#blm - 120 posts

#black lives matter - 120 posts

#black lives still matter - 120 posts

#reaux speaks - 68 posts

#iran - 45 posts

#iran protests - 36 posts

#roe v wade - 28 posts

#bfpnola - 27 posts

#abelism - 22 posts

#help iran - 18 posts

Longest Tag: 54 characters

#i'm just using the tags that the original creator used

My Top Posts in 2022:

Remember white women that didn't want to support the BLM protests but are protesting now.

We will be listening to Black and indigenous folks and following their lead first and foremost. They have far more experience here than you.

We will not be cosplaying handmaid's tale or vikings. BLM and Hong Kong protestors taught you what to wear to be safe in a protest and you need protection from teargas, rubber bullets, and facial recognition.

We will not be telling people that's we're going to a protest. All electronic devices stay at home and phones will be in airplane mode, Bluetooth off, in a Faraday bag or Faraday cage.

We will be writing the phone number of a friend or family member we trust and the number for the national lawyer's guild on our body where the cops won't see it.

We will not be saying shit like "You thought BLM protests were bad." That's hella invalidating to the work Black people did for their rights.

We will not be touching the random pallets of bricks that'll magical appear. We will not look at them. We will not go near them. We will pretend like they don't exist.

We will be bringing first aid kits and plenty of water.

We will stay safe.

If we are arrested we are only going to say "I'm utilizing my right to remain silent without my lawyer present." And NOTHING ELSE. DON'T SAY A GODDAMN WORD UNTIL YOUR LAWYER GET THERE. I DON'T CARE IF THEY ASK YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR. DON'T SAY A GODDAMN WORD.

-fae

3,844 notes - Posted June 29, 2022

The best way you can treat your neurodivergent friends is give them space to rant about their special interest/hyperfixation and ask genuine questions about it.

I've never had space to share my special interest. My friends either think I'm either being pretentious or they think "Oh that's smart people stuff. There's no way you know about that. If you really knew about that you'd be a tenured professor at Harvard." (And I'm not going to share what it is on here because I don't want to seem pretentious)

But my friend's younger sibling invited me to their discord server. And I'm like "how funny would it be if i made this your special interest?", and they were like "I made a channel for you to rant about your special interest" and I was joking but if they want to make room for me to rant? Imma take it.

And they're like genuinely interested. Asking questions. Telling me how cool it is. And how is this teenager able to give me more room to share my special interest and make me feel genuinely validated in my special interest more than any adult has?

If you love you neurodivergent friends. Simply give them space to share their special interest. Dude, it's not that hard and you might end up learning something cool. (Okay, to be fair when I get too excited about shit I have no volume control so I get aggressively loud which is impressive because I'm already ridiculously loud even when I'm not excited).

-fae

4,235 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

Update on Iran. The Iranian parliament says protestors will now be sentenced to death.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRxAC8ju/

@staff still not putting Iran under things we care about.

-fae

See the full post

7,642 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

I know I already made a post about this. But ICWA is LITERALLY being challenged by a white couple that wants to adopt indigenous children to erase their culture and Christianize them. The tribe, whom has a say in who can take their children, is like "Nah, we don't want our youth Christianized like you tride last time"

And the lawyer that's helping the white couple try to overturn ICWA (so that they can erase the cultures of indigenous children) is doing it pro-bono (which means he's not charging the couple anything).

AND that lawyer is a big time lawyer whose clients are usually oil and gas industries. He's literally fighting for indigenous children to be ripped from their tribes and culture so there's less indigenous people to protest big oil destroying their sacred land.

-fae

40,324 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Public service announcement.

Blue/purple lips and fingernails is a symptom of low oxygen in lighter skin tones.

In darker skin tones you're looking for grey or white lips and fingernails. Other places where this may be not evidence is the tongue and gums.

Figured since everyone gets taught what low oxygen looks like on lighter skin. Everyone should know what it looks like on dark skin too.

-fae

46,449 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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dot823 · 1 year

Text

I'm thinking about how fandom has changed over the years, and how most fans of things tend to be apologetic about liking things these days. In 2012, I would've proudly stated that I love superwholock and if people didn't like that, they could just go on doing their own things and i'd do my own thing. It wasn't perfect, and people who didn't like it may have gotten annoyed if they saw too much of it on their dash, but like. Curate your experience or whatever, block people and tags you don't like.

Now, people are too busy being scared of their piece of media being labeled problematic for dumbass reasons like Existing to unapologetically love the things they enjoy in public. Or even in private.

To clarify, yes, liking something like Harry Potter which is made by a transphobe and antisemite and contains very clear antisemitic and transphobic messages, and willingly giving money to JKR when she's then giving the money to do bad things, is problematic. I'm not saying you should follow those blogs or allow that shit on your dash in any way. I'm not saying that protesting against very clearly bigoted things is bad, I am also very against giving any money at all to Joann. I also don't each chic fil a. I also won't shop at hobby lobby.

However.

I've seen so much hate for so many shows aimed at innocent people for stupid reasons. People riot and demand representation and then scream and yell when they aren't happy that the character isn't exactly like them. Or, my least favorite, a villain in a piece of media does something bad and the protag fights against it and yet haters start screeching that the creators and fans condone the villain's actions. They fail to realize that plot requires conflict, and people do bad things.

People are scared because they get ostracized for enjoying something innocently. They can't make mistakes anymore unless they want to be told to die painfully or get shunned from society, but probably both.

People are calling things problematic over the smallest shit these days, and then they go and tell people to die over liking things that they deemed to be problematic. If hating shit is your whole personality I think you need a new personality.

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the-anonymous-vent-blog · 4 months

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hi, i just found this blog by searching for "anonymous vent" because i just. i just really need to get this out, but the only friends that i'm close enough to to vent to are going through rough stuff and my part of my vent is about one of them so. and these friends also follow my tumblr. so i'm here.

i'm just so fucking tired. i started music school this year, studying music technology, which i have next to no prior experience with, but i was ready to learn. but it turns out our school is one big shit show where nothing works and a lot of people, like teachers i mean, just don't care. like seriously something like half of the students get burnt out within their first year. and i'm really feeling it too, and i've lost my motivation for learning music technology, bc it turns out they don't really teach us! we just gotta go mix gigs on our own accord and hope it doesn't end up a disaster. and when i seriously have a miniscule amount of prior experience, yea, that doesn't sound very inviting. the latest gig i did i just froze, i panicked and had no idea to do, so two other students did most of the job and i felt completely useless and stupid. and i feel bad and lazy about how i'm not motivated to learn all this stuff on my own, like i wanna know and learn this stuff, but it's not such a passion like that. i dunno. for the first time in my life i have wondered if i'll be able to graduate at all.

in the spring i've got so much stuff coming up, like long term projects every month, some are school, some are work, and some are volunteer stuff. i don't know how i'm gonna be able to handle that. i mean it's gonna be lots of rehearsals, lots of meetings, long nights working. yea.

this year also our country got a new government, and guess what, they're racist, classist, homophobic, transphobic, and all that fun stuff! there's so much drama going on about the new government closing borders and making huge budget cuts that worsen poor people's, students', and families' lives in an unbelievable way, while happily giving money to the already wealthy. that's rly stressful. then there's the ongoing war in ukraine, which actually quite closely affects us. and a genocide in palestine, can't even describe how frustrating and heartbreaking it is. oh yea and also i've now come to realize in our country the media lies and the police are corrupt (i know it's not new to most people in the world, but i've wrongfully believed our country is just and modern). oh right and of course climate change! natural disasters and epidemics that follow that! ain't that fun!

with all of that stuff going on, i've become a much more active citizen, taking part in protests of many different kinds. it's wonderful to feel like i'm able to do Something about the injustices of the world, but when the protests don't give much result, it's frustrating. and it turns out taking part in activism leads to a lot of feelings of guilt for not doing More. and just in general, activism is a lot of hard work, meetings and getting educated, and they involve their risks. so. you know.

and lastly i have two friends who are both severely depressed, both suicidal. one of them is going through very rough treatment right now, and it doesn't look like it's helping, it's just exhausting. at least weekly, i go to bed fearing that in the morning my friend won't exist anymore. i try, i try so hard to tell them that they mean the world to me (and the other friend also tells them that, they both know each other very well), i try to offer to help, to come over at night, to drive them to the hospital when they're especially bad, but it feels like nothing works. i'm just so scared. i love them so fucking much.

so um. i guess that's all. or all the big things at least, going on right now. then i have the general stuff, hating myself, hating my body, feeling so fucking unproductive, i haven't been creative in so so so long.... i feel like i can't get a grip on my life and just get things done, and take care of myself too. there's so much.....

i dunno, i guess that's enough complaining for now. sorry for saying so much. i'm just. i am so fucking tired. i really wish i could just. pause the entire world. and just. enjoy christmas. go sledding. or ice skating. play minecraft with my brother. breathe. but there's just so much going on both in my own personal life and in the world in general that's just. it's all crashing down on me.

Woah. That's alot.

#vent blog #anonymous vent #vent #you're doing great things #youre doing so much be proud of how youre doing

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syubub · 3 years

Text

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

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ishouldgay · 2 years

Note

(Long rant Anon!)

Hey, everyone is entitled to their opinion, no worries truly! And I perfectly understand not liking a character, it's absolutely fine too. Don't feel obligated to answer either, you do you if course. Your blog, your space and all that. :)

Sorry if I came accross a bit tonedeaf, I'm just very curious, very neurodivergent and trying to understand trains of thoughts that are completely foreign to me (in a foreign language for maximum confusion). By the way, how were his actions in any way short sighted? Or truly selfish? I don't see it at all and I'm genuinely somewhat floored reading that.

The abuses of the Templars / Chantry have been going on for litteral centuries. All the Mages currently alive under Chantry Dominion have experienced it. They have seen all their peaceful pleas and protest be repressed in blood for hundreds and hundreds of years. (Again, like the Elves). They obey, they die. The disobey, they die. What is there to do, then? (Genuine question there !) Something like that was very much bound to happen, it kinda happened all around the world for most of human history IRL, that would make perfect sense for fictional people to react that way too. What would you do in their stead? (Again genuine question.) They just want to live. That's it. They want to be allowed to be alive. And there is, at this point of the story, absolutely no hope for them at all to ever be allowed do that.

Personaly it makes perfect sense to rebel as well if the cult who kidnapped me, emprisoned me, tortured me, decided I ultimately didn't deserve to live becauuuse... Fuck off for being born? And then they sent in the deathsquads, because sense of proportions I guess. That situation is completely insane when you think about it... Makes you wonder, if the Chantry allowed all the Circles to be like the Dairsmuid one, there would probably none of the Rebellion happening... What the fucking fuck could we possibly do in Kirkwall's mages stead, seriously and genuinely asking, again : run and hide? Knowing we were leaving everyone else to die? Take a purely symbolic last stand for the whole world to see and die with them (that's what Anders did/wanted to do)? Knowing it won't likely change anything but it might give a tiny shred of Hope to someone, somewhere else, watching, that the Chantry isn't as intouchable as it pretends? (Now that I thought about it, I can't help but see the parallels with the Rebels from StarWars. Why didn't I see that before?!) I would probably refuse as well, to go quietly into the night. (Maybe it's because I'm part of an oppressed minority so I can feel it so clearly? Honestly dunno.) To just letting myself get killed by the Chantry and have my already miserable existence reduced to nothing at all... All the lives of my (hypothetical) people? Sounds so wrong. And I'm not even remotely as strong as Anders. I would have definitely killed myself when the Templars pressured me too. If life didn't hold any significance, could death yet do? Hm. (Which I realize is actually a very central theme in StarWars too, rising against an inescapable terrible enemy despite having like 0.1% chance to win but still going for it, for the far off chance it might spark some hope elsewhere? Uhh interesting. Rogue One very much. But I digress again.)

If Anders blowing up the Chantry and killing x number of people in the process makes him worthy of the death penalty, then following that logic, at the very very least I believe the Divine, Isabella and Celene should be immediatly exectued as well for doing far worse than Anders. (Thankfully, some do get just that coming and Isabella get to have a redemption arcs in the comics.) (Damn there is a huge amount of characters murdering innocents in that saga isn't it?)

And considering that the Chantry has been wiping out entire cultures (just like Tevinter or the Qun) murdering at the very least tens of thousands of people, likely a lot more through the ages... Even over a million doesn't even seem that irrealistic at this point honestly. (Like, litteraly, under the span of the games, which is around a decade and a half, the Chantry kills right before our eyes several thousands of people. True, it's not in one single action, which seems to be a point of importance in your argument that I genuinely don't get? It doesn't make all those innocent victims any less murdered? [Am I missing the point here? Hm.] Could even be argued it's worse since they do it repetively and remorselessly, at least 3 genocides in 15years, that's a LOT and that's just for the shit we witness and know about. I can't even imagine what the Exalted Marches were like with Chantry Fanatics being told they get to have "a special place in heaven right next to the Maker" if they go exterminate people in the Chantry's name. 😬😬 Well, yes, I guess I can imagine since it's the Crusades. But I digress yet again sorry.)

I’m fully pro mages the entire time, but honestly? Every Organization in DA sucks. Every single one has some kind of awful Secret or they spurn someone or something.

Remember, most Chantry policy was a reaction to a magic base empire that enslaved more people than the Chantry ever did. The common man fears mages for a reason. We outside Thedas can safely sit outside with all the information available and say mages shouldn’t be treated this way for all these reasons but not only have 90% of people in Thedas not met a mage have been told they can turn into demons at anytime, which they can, but compared to a lot of people? Circles can actually be better.

Now this isn’t true of all circles but I feel like Sera’s banter with, I believe Dorian, summed it up well with her saying, and I’m paraphrasing here, ‘it might suck but they get three meals a day and don’t die in the streets’. I know that doesn’t make up for the fact that abuse does happen, of course, but none the less most mages were taken care of better than common folks were.

Vivienne’s banter and conversations are interesting because she often talks about how mages were being abused yet not every circle was the same in that regard and how that was only part of the reason the vote to break down the circles was so close. She also pushes for someone to watch over mages because again, mages have powers that make them extremely dangerous.

And here’s my real problem with Anders and why I wouldn’t ever put Isabela on the same level:

Isabela failed to tell Hawke that she knew why the Qunari are in Kirkwall or that she is the cause. But she isn’t the Direct cause of the Qunari attacking the city, they had just gotten sick of being there and Kirkwall sucked so fucking much that they decided that taking over the city was a good idea at that point. Isabela also can return the book if Hawke befriended her. Yes she still shouldn’t have done any of that but she had her reasons and she still can be turned around.

Anders’s blowing up the Chantry helped a grand total of zero people. Chantry backed or not it was the Templars that were doing the abuse. If he has decided to blow up the Templars HQ? I probably wouldn’t be as mad because that’s a Direct action on the people doing the actual harm but instead Anders wanted ‘ no peace’ and murdered people to do it. He didn’t think about the mages he was putting in danger or he thought that their deaths were worth it. If Hawke doesn’t side with the mages? They all die because Anders decided he wanted his war NOW. He wanted to rebel NOW. He had no contact with any circle about how they would probably face awful backlash but again he either didn’t care or thought it was worth it. Honestly by the end it felt like he wanted to punish the Chantry more than he wanted to protect his fellow mages and there is nothing Hawke can do to change his mind. (Depending of play style) Hawke is bending over backwards to try and keep mages safe because either Hawke’s sister is a mage or Hawke is a mage but Anders doesn’t care and tries to start a war where mages are out numbered 100 to 1.

And Again it doesn’t matter that we the players can see that the Chantry sucks. Anders blowing up the Chantry only made the fear about mages even stronger than what it was and made even less people want to help them when not a whole lot ever wanted to help anyway.

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years

Text

"Doppelganger" *Part 8*

Okay ladies and gents, this is where I'd say you really need to have read Black Magic to understand this chapter. You can read it here.

Or, y'know I guess just accept that magic is real in this universe. Whatever. STILL READ IT. YOU WON'T REGRET IT I PROMISE.

If you read this last night, I did rewrite it and reuploaded it. Don't freak out, it's better now I swear.

I did make this signifantly longer though, but I won't lie to you kids-- it's not good. Angst wise, not plot wise. 😉

ENJOYYYYYYY!!!!

Part 7

Part 9

Tag List

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@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

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@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

---------------

The next day Rafael decided he needed help, and if he couldn’t go to the squad, he only had one choice.

"....WHAT?!" Chloe screeched after Rafael told her the whole story after meeting up for coffee.

"I know, it's insane I just--" Rafael shook his head.

"I have so many questions. So many--" she started.

"Look I just wanted advice, and maybe …" he trailed off looking in the distance.

"Maybe what….?" She looked at him suspiciously.

"Supernatural help?" He sipped his coffee.

"Oh good God like what? Do you think that's what he used on YN?" Chloe sipped her tea.

"No doesn't need to, he can imitate me perfectly. I'm pretty sure it was just your standard date rape drug." The words made Rafael's fist clench and his lip curl at the thought of Nevada using date rape drugs on you.

"We have to get her out of there, Chloe. We have to," His voice trembled in fear for you.

"Well no shit Sherlock" Chloe pointed out. "You sure it's not the mind control stuff Liv used on you?"

"Liv didn't use mind control potions. She just used an ultra unhealthy amount of love potion. Although I wouldn't put it past her to get some more potions,” Rafael rolled his eyes.

Nearby Alex was listening in on the conversation, since Rafael knew what Javi looked like now. He listened to the rest of your conversation, then bolted before the two of you noticed him.

-----

“Magic potion?" Nevada laughed. are you fucking kidding me?! Dime qué tienen been smoking?!”

"I don't know Vada, he seemed pretty sure about it. And I mean look at the two of you, you're identical and there's no explanation for that. So I don't know, anything might be possible." Alex shrugged. "He said it's how they got together. Some chick named Olivia tried to tear them apart but their "true love" prevailed"."

"Oh , these two are even more fucking pathetic than I thought.” Nevada scoffed. “What do they live in, a fucking Disney movie?" He shook his head, but then had an idea.

"…. Seems like we might have to check with this Olivia," He smiled evilly.

--------

"Rafael" showed up to the squad room to talk to Olivia the very next day.

“Hey Liv” He nodded at her with a sly smile.

"Rafa!" Liv exclaimed. She was excited but nervous to see him. Mostly because she hadn't seen him since the whole 'wedding; debacle.

"Liv, I need you to tell me where you got your mind serum,” “Rafael” told her straight out. Olivia was shocked he was so flippant about it, and being so loud.

".... It wasn't mind serum Rafa it was love serum and-- wait why do you need it?" She looked around nervously, then quickly realized something must have gone wrong with the two of you.

"I think I'll be asking the questions here Liv, you're the one that fucked with me first." “Rafael” crossed his arms.

"You know if you need to control YN with potions, it may not be worth it Rafa.” Olivia told him softly, touching his hand. “I love you just the way you are...." She put a hand to his chest and gave him a sweet smile.

"Why do you think I'm asking? She's getting too wishy washy for me, I just want her to forget about us." Rafael put a hand to her face. "Just tell me where you got it, and we can be together."

"Ok!!" Not questioning it, Olivia started to text the address to Rafael's phone.

"No, I need you to write it down for me." “Rafael” grabbed a notepad and pen from off her desk.

"Why…?" Olivia raised an eyebrow at him.

"....So if my boss decides to do a random sweep of my phone he doesn't think I'm insane, Liv." He replied in a “duh” tone.

"...He can do that?" Oliva’s mouth dropped open.

"...The government can do a lot of things, Liv. Don’t trust them,” “Rafael” sneered. Sure Olivia should have taken that as a red flag, but she was so happy she might get her happy ending with Rafael she didn’t care.

"Right…." She wrote the address down and slipped it to "Rafael".

"Thanks babe," he grabbed Olivia in a giant kiss. Then he strutted out of the office leaving her with a huge smile.

----------

Not even a few hours later, Nevada took the address to an old antique shop. He walked in to see an old woman cleaning an ancient looking broach.

“An old antique shop, bruja? Were you going for totally predictable, or are you just lazy with fronts?”

The woman stopped cleaning and glared at him. “And who the hell are you?”

“Let’s just say I’m a friend of Olivia’s.” He smirked. “And as such, I’m going to need a favor…”

“Oh great are you a cop too?” She sighed.

“....You could say that.” He chuckled.

“So what do you need?” She looked at him skeptically.

“I need a...mind control potion,” Nevada felt like an idiot saying it out loud, but the old woman’s face verifying that such a thing existed made him feel better.

“You people and your God complexes…” She rolled her eyes before disappearing into the back. After a few minutes she came back with an orange liquid in a vial.

“Think of the name of the person you want this to control, and then once they drink this, whatever you think, they’ll do.”

“....Really?” Nevada gave her a sarcastic laugh.

“Oh you doubt my majeria, pendejo?” She snarled. “Then why are you here?”

“Lo siento, señora,” He quickly apologized. “Gracias,” He nodded to the potion and sauntered out of the shop.

--------

The next day Nevada texted Rafael to meet him in a warehouse on his side or town. Rafael immediately went to Chloe’s apartment for advice on what to do, since he didn’t have anyone else.

"This could be a trap." Chloe warned him.

"Of course it could be a trap but what choice do I have?!" Rafael argued.

"Ok but I'm coming," She insisted.

"Oh no you're not" Rafael shook his head.

"I'll stay out of sight, okay dad?” Chloe rolled her eyes.

"No, I don’t like it.” He protested while ignoring the 'dad' comment. “If something goes sideways in there I can’t protect the both of you,”

"I don't care if you like it, she's my best friend so you can suck it up," She crossed her arms. “And I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself,”

“....What’s the chances of me talking you out of this?” He sighed.

“....Ehhhh slim to none,” She smiled.

“Fine, but you’re staying outside,” He warned her as they headed to the address.

------

Rafael and Chloe went to the address, it was a giant warehouse. Rafael went inside, ready for anything. The place was pitch black so he couldn't really see anything.

"Nevada?" He called into the darkness. Suddenly one light in the middle of the warehouse lit up. He walked closer to find you lying there unconscious.

"YN!!!" He screamed, running over and waking you up.

“...What? What happened?” You stirred awake, totally disoriented. Nevada must have knocked you out again.

"Baby! it's me," He picked you up in his arms, holding you so tightly you thought you'd stop breathing. "He let you go, I can't believe it," He was crying now, he was so happy.

"...What? That makes ZERO sense," you pushed him away, looking at him angrily. "....Wait no no, it does make perfect sense-- you're Nevada!"

"What?" Rafael looked at you in shock. "... I'm not Nevada, I'm Rafael, YN! It's me!"

"Okay look I get it,” You crossed your arms. “You can’t just keep me drugged up all the time, and you need new and innovative ways to "be" Rafael-- but this is just cruel,”

“Baby it's me I-- it's me! it's Rafael,” He put his hands on either side of your face, staring intently into them. You wanted to believe him so badly, but all you could think about was the first time this happened. How perfectly Nevada had played Rafael, even down to the look in his eyes. That’s all you saw now, an act. A façade.

“....You've done a hell of a job researching him and perfecting his moves Nevada, but I'm not going to fall for it and I'm not going to keep hurting Rafa,” You pushed him away further, crossing your arms tighter so that he couldn’t get a free show of your exposed breasts in the barely there clothes he dressed you in.

Rafael stared at you in shock and disbelief, how much did he fuck with your mind? How could this be happening?

“....It's me. How else am I--- what can I do to prove to you that it's me? Y/N how can you not see it in my eyes? Look at me!” He grabbed your hands and searched your eyes for some kind of recognition, some kind of feeling.

“Yeah okay it's ‘you’. You are going to save me, and then we're going to go to some ‘safe location’ right? And then we’ll celebrate being ‘back together’ by having some amazing sex. And it’ll be wonderful and amazing, and I’ll cry and tell you how much I love you and missed you, and then you're going to be like ‘hahaha I got you again!’ I’m Not falling for it” Tears came to your eyes as you thought about all the times he had tricked you, and how much it had hurt Rafael every time. You couldn’t get the heartbreak in his eyes out of your brain.

“....God, this is exactly what he wanted…” Rafael muttered. “Carino, it's me I swear to God you have to believe me-- Look I brought Chloe!” He gestured to Chloe who came running over to the two of you.

“...Oh my God, Chloe?” Your eyes widened in seeing your best friend for the first time in days. Usually you two were attached at the hip. He brought Chloe-- Nevada didn’t know about Chloe, did he?

“....Remember the penguins? I proposed to you with the penguins, and-- and I told you that it was my favorite place in New York, and I did that nutty musical number? I worked on that for WEEKS!!! Would Nevada know that?” You heard Rafael talking while you looked from Chloe to him. You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes. They were full of tears, searching your own eyes for the same thing. Love.

“....Rafa?” You whispered, wiping the tears from his cheeks. He took your hand and kissed the side of it.

“It’s me,” He pressed his lips to your forehead. “It’s me, mi amor,”

You grabbed him and pulled him into a kiss. You could feel the difference now, between his mouth and Nevada’s. Rafael kissed you in such a loving, beautiful way. Nevada groped your mouth like a hungry shark. You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him several times on the neck, not getting enough of him. He ran his fingers through your hair as his lips did the same to your face and neck.

Suddenly, a lone clap came from behind you.

“Awwww. No es tan dulce?” Nevada came stepping out of the shadows. “The two lovers, finally reunited. Es tan hermoso,” He wiped away a non-existent tear.

“....What the hell …?” Rafael asked while he helped you both stand up, Rafael stood in front of you protectively.

“Well I had to get some ‘inside’ information didn’t I, cabron? I can’t have you feeding her information only ‘you’ would know to try and break a spell, ¿Correcto??” Nevada crossed his arms as several men came out of the shadows all around you.

“....Spell?” You blinked, trying to play dumb. How did he know about magic?

“Oh shit…” You heard Chloe whisper as she and Rafael exchanged a guilty look. They really should have thought about having that conversation in private.

“I visited your friend, Olivia. She told me where I could find some very interesting...concoctions,” Nevada smirked as he held up an orange vial.

“What? No...no no no!!!!” Rafael’s head darted back and forth as Nevada’s goons inched towards you. Two of them pulled out pistols and aimed them right at him while two more walked up and grabbed you, dragging you away from Rafael.

“No...No! RAFAEL!!!” You screamed, trying to get away from them. He tried to run to you, but two more grabbed him by the arms and put him on his knees.

“...I don't know what the hell it is but don't you dare give her anything else!!!” Rafael yelled as the two men that had you dragged you over to Nevada.

“Oh okay, well just because you said that SO nicely, abogado,” Nevada nodded sarcastically as he grabbed your face.

“Now, open up baby. I know you can swallow,” He smirked while looking between the two of you. You shook your head violently, but Nevada gripped your nose between his fingers preventing you from breathing. You held out as long as you could, but you finally had to gasp for air. As soon as you did so, Nevada poured the orange liquid down your throat. After a few moments, your irises flashed a deep orange.

“....Vada,” You looked at Nevada with dreamy eyes as Rafael stared in horror.

“Finalmente I can stop wearing those God awful trajes,” Nevada grinned, stroking your cheek softly before looking at Rafael.

“And y’know, your girlfriend Olivia really should have just opted for this mind control potion, it works so much more efficiently. Pero, if I had just made your little puta in love with me, I couldn’t get her to do this,” He turned to you. “Baby, go take care of that hijo de puta, para mi,”

“Anything for you, papi,” You nodded with a smile, then turned to Rafael with a deep raging fire in your eyes.

“Let’s dance abogado,” You growled.

“No! No, Y/N you can't do this! I'm not going to hurt you,” He pleaded with you.

“Well that sucks for you,” You lunged for him, but he grabbed you by your arms. “

“Hey no no no, look at me!” He forced you to look at him. “Remember the penguins? I took you to see the penguins and I--"

Nevada closed his eyes and changed your memory with his.

”Nevada took me to penguins and that's how we got engaged, you lying piece of shit!!!” You yelled at him.

“….Fuck that’s what he meant. Now he’s used that against me,” Rafael grunted in frustration as you wriggled in his arms. “Y/N you have to believe me you love me, not Nevada. You love me!!”

“No, I DON’T!!!!” You broke free and started to punch him, but he threw you to the ground.

“...You're going to regret that,” You sneered, getting back up.

“I already do!” Rafael began to cry. He didn't want to hurt you, but he had no other choice.

“Alright, break it up,” Chloe stepped in trying to reason with you.

“And who are you? His bitch?” You snarked at her.

“Oh God now what? I'm your best friend, Chloe! We’ve been friends since you moved to the city! forever I helped you get Rafael, remember? All the hijinks we had to go through? Y/N you're my best friend come on, remember!”

“....I don't know what the hell you're talking about bitch, but if you’re against Nevada, you’re against me!” You lunged for Chloe. Unfortunately for you, Chloe had no qualms about kicking your ass. She punched you, making you go down.

“Chloe what the fuck are you doing?!” Rafael yelled angrily at her.

“Wha-- she was trying to kick my ass!” Chloe defended herself.

Well as much as I enjoy this, I'm going to need a status on that transfer, Barba,” Nevada stepped in and helped you to your feet. You started to lunge for Chloe again but Nevada held you back.

“Down girl, you’ll get her next time,” He pulled on the collar of your dress like heeling a dog. You straightened up and walked into his arms. He draped one of them around you as he smiled triumphantly at Chloe and Rafael.

“Well if you would let me work instead of fucking with my emotions and fucking with my fiancé's head I might have some time to do it, tarado!” Rafael barked while glaring at the two of you. “Why are you even doing this, don't you want me to fight for her?”

“Yeah I thought about that,” He nodded, moving his arms around your waist and pulling you back into his chest as you smirked at Rafael.

“And having her on my side actually works out better for me, because you can't hurt me if I have her as my guard dog,” He chuckled, pulling you to face him as he gave you a hungry kiss.

“I swear to God, Nevada… I'll….” Rafael started to charge Nevada, seeing you all over him in person was ten times worse than having to witness it over a face call.

“You'll what?” Nevada challenged him with a laugh. "You gonna call your cop friends on your 'true love?!'” He air quoted true love with a mocking sneer.

“That's right she is my true love; and our love has beat stronger things than your manipulation or mind potions,” He spat as Nevada’s goons began to surround him again in case he tried anything.

"Oh I very much doubt that." He smiled wickedly as he looked into your eyes. "Go on baby, tell him why you chose me" He nodded at Rafael. You nodded back and stepped towards Rafael with hatred in your orange eyes. Nevada thought of the perfect speech to really destroy him.

"Nevada is a real man Barba, he's pleasured me in ways you can't even think of. Our love was fake, you just kept me under your own spell. Nothing we had was actually real, and you're just gonna have to get over this obsession you have with me." You crossed your arms and spoke with absolute disdain.

"No….." Rafael's eyes filled with tears more and more after every word you spoke. "No!" He grabbed you and pulled you towards him. Nevada’s goons started to go after him but Vada put a hand up.

"Ah ah ah, señores. This will be more fun," He grinned.

"Baby come on, look he's...he’s just going to let you go!” Rafael tried to get you to go with him.

"Please, carino…." He put both hands on your face but all he could see was orange in your irises. Now he knew how you must have felt at the church when he didn't remember you. But then he remembered how the real him was deep down inside, screaming to get out. You had to be there too.

“....Rafa…?” Your head began to pound, the orange in your eyes began to flicker as the real you tried to break through.

“Yes, yes Y/N Baby it’s me!” A small hopeful smile crawled across his lips. He started speaking as fast as he could to draw you out more.

"....Carino, remember you told me about your parents, and I told you about my dad, and-- We beat Liv, we've prevailed over anything that tries to tear us apart. And I know you are in there, because I know I was in my body too. Please baby please, oh god please, YN you have to remember!” He pressed his forehead to yours as he begged you with whimpers and tears.

“Baby…”? You bit your lip as you tried like hell to fight the potion. Rafael rubbed your cheeks with his thumbs.

“....If you go back to him now--I'll lose you forever. He’ll just keep using you against me, and I won’t hurt you!” He hugged you tightly, your arms slowly raised to hug him back. Nevada saw what was unfolding and quickly thought to himself “NO. YOU’RE MINE. HURT HIM.”

Suddenly the orange flared in your eyes once again, and you pushed him away from you.

“Well that's really unfortunate for you, douchebag. Because I can,” You took one swift kick to his stomach and he fell over to the ground

“Ohhhhh shit!!!!!” Nevada clapped his hands together happily.

"That was even more delicious than I could have imagined, this magic thing is the best. Thanks for the tip, bruja,” Nevada nodded at Chloe who just glared at him as she helped Rafael up on his feet.

"This isn't over," he growled.

"You're right, you still need to get me those transfers" Nevada reminded him. “....And I think that red head will help you out, I may have 'made up' with her for you," He added with a wink.

“Oh for fucks sake…” Rafael groaned. Now he had lost you and he'd have to break Liv’s heart all over again.

“Now I'd leave before I set my queen loose on you," Nevada cackled.

“Let's go Rafa, we'll figure something out,” Chloe pulled him away from you and out of the warehouse.

Rafael knew you were in there, he just knew it. He was going to get you back somehow.

#rafael barba #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x you #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba fanficton #nevada ramirez fanfiction #nevada ramirez #nevada ramirez x you #nevada ramirez x reader #trouble in the heights #law and order svu #law and order svu fanfiction #doppelganger

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3rachasaucy · 4 years

Text

good little girl (pt. 2) || mark lee

Word Count: 2.4K

Type: angst, fluff, not really mature themes but maybe you'd disagree 🤷🏼‍♀️

Warning: cursing, mentions of alcohol & getting drunk, i can't think of anything else

Description: Mark is hopelessly hung up on you after you left him

A/N: this is pt 2! in order to understand, pls go read pt 1 (just scroll down a bit on my blog & it's one of the newest posts)! sorry this took so long 🥺 i genuinely wanted to post it so long ago, but it was midterm season & i was drowning 😅 but, i finally got around to finishing, so here it is! i hope you all enjoy & pls remember you are perfect the way you are 💕💕💕

♡♡♡♡

Mark sighed as you walked passed him on the sidewalk, talking with some girl he didn't know. He hated how you acted as if he wasn't there and even more how upset it made him. Why couldn't he just get over you? He had kissed plenty of girls and been over it the next day. What was so special about you?

"Hey, why don't we go to a party tonight?" Jeno suggested, noticing his friend's downcast expression. "Yeji's having dinner with her mom, so I'm free."

It had been a minute since Mark went to his last party. He had been so preoccupied with his thoughts of you. Maybe a party was what he needed; other girls to get his mind off you.

He certainly was getting over his upset feelings, which were being replaced by frustrated ones. "Let's do it. A party sounds really good right now," he finally said. He was ready to make bad decisions and regret them on a later date.

For now, he just wanted to stop thinking about you. It was obvious you didn't care. You kissing him that night must have been a mistake. He wished he felt the same way.

"And, you know, maybe Y/N does like you. Yeji said so herself that Y/N's always wanted a boyfriend that her parents adore, so maybe her fear is just that they won't like you."

Jeno was clearly just trying to make him feel better, but it wasn't working. So, what? Mark had to be a completely different person just to be with you? He wanted you to like him for him, not for someone his parents wanted him to be.

As they walked by the library, he glanced at his reflection in the windows. Was it his hair? The bleached blonde look may be off-putting. His clothes? They could be worse...nothing was wrong with leather pants here and there. He remembered the cigarettes in his pocket. That was a bad habit he had always wanted to quit but never had the motivation to do so. Maybe you could be his motivation.

He had a sharp tongue, too. Respect was always something he tried to work on. Personally, he felt that he should only give his respect to those worthy, but that wasn't South Korea's culture and he was expected to respect all his elders/superiors. His partying ways, well, those seemed to be dying out on their own due to you.

Was he really willing to change some of these aspects of himself for you? It seemed silly, but he was going crazy because of you, so might as well add more to that list...right?

♡♡♡♡

Jeno decided Mark had been at the party long enough. It was 11 PM and his friend was drunk and kissing yet another random girl. The party was a bad idea. Mark wanted you, so what was he doing? If you saw photos of the party and happened to see Mark kissing some girl in the background, it would be over.

Even if Jeno was just as unsure about your feelings for Mark, he still wanted to make sure the boy had a fighting chance.

"Why doesn't she want me?" Mark whined, his head slumping on Jeno's shoulder. "Am I that awful?"

It wasn't Jeno's first time seeing Mark drunk, but it was definitely his first time seeing an upset Mark drunk. He felt clingy and pouty...and childish. "You're not awful. Some people are just scared of love," Jeno reminded him, trying his best to keep Mark from slumping over completely. He needed to get some coffee into him. "I thought you were the same way."

Mark snorted. "Yeah, me too, but then stupid, good little girl Y/N came along and ruined me. Why does she have to be so perfect?"

Obviously, you were far from perfect, so it was amusing to hear Mark say you were despite everything. "You really like her a lot, huh?"

"It's like how you feel with Yeji. You know that feeling, right? Just thinking about them makes your chest tighten with happiness. That's how I feel about Y/N," Mark confessed quietly. "It's dumb, but she makes me feel like I'm not as bad as other people think I am. I like that feeling."

Jeno understood well. Before he was dating Yeji, he was in Mark's shoes, but Yeji helped him realize he had just acted that way to fit the image society had of him. He imagined it was the same for Mark.

A sigh left Mark's mouth followed by a loud groan before he whined out, "Where are we going? I'm tired!"

"Getting some coffee to sober you up and wake you up enough to get you home," Jeno told him as they arrived at the coffee shop. He glanced inside and found it was empty, which wasn't surprising. Then, you appeared. Crap. That wasn't good. "You stay here, okay? I'm gonna grab something really quickly. If you leave, I'm telling Y/N about all the girls you kissed."

Mark merely whined in protest before slumping against the wall. Jeno made sure he was able to stand on his own before rushing inside. "Welcome!" you greeted before turning around. "Oh, hey Jeno. You're alone?"

He felt nervous. "Why wouldn't I be? Yeji's with her mom."

"I know that, but I just thought you'd be having a guys night or something."

Right, that made sense. He needed to chill out. "Anyway, what can I get for you?" you asked just as Hyunjin, Yeji's cousin, left the storage room. "Oh, did you finally clean up your mess?"

He narrowed his eyes at you after greeting Jeno. "I wouldn't have spilled those coffee stirrers if you hadn't scared me," he reminded you, poking your side in a playful manner.

You were flirting with him. That wasn't good. Jeno checked to make sure Mark hadn't seen you. Luckily, the coast seemed clear. Jeno turned and you were staring at him. Did he look suspicious?

"Jeno...your order?" you questioned.

Ah, right. Duh! "Um, whatever has a lot of caffeine in it," he finally said and you nodded. "Something sweet, I guess."

Turning, you went to prepare his order. "What do we do, Y/N?" Hyunjin questioned. You turned and looked at him, confusion and concern evident on your face. "What do we do when he asks for something sweet and the sweetest thing here is you?"

Jeno wanted to hit him, but he didn't since he was Yeji's cousin. "Shut up!" you giggled, elbowing him.

"Oh, wow, isn't that cute," Mark said from the doorway, making Jeno jump. Shit. "Honestly, fuck you, Y/N."

What was he doing? "Dude, shut the hell up," Jeno hissed, trying to get Mark to leave, but the older boy refused. "Seriously, don't do this now."

Mark, unfortunately, was drunk and stubborn. "Here I've been suffering because you left me after we kissed but you've been flirting with Yeji's cousin. Don't you have a fucking heart or a little bit of decency? If you don't like me then fucking tell me instead of acting like I don't exist!"

You and Hyunjin were both stunned. Hyunjin felt uncomfortable and a bit apologetic. "There's nothing between me and Y/N," he tried to tell Mark.

"I don't care what you say. You expect me to believe you're just friends with her after I just watched you flirt?" Mark asked. "Can't say I blame you...she's perfect."

Jeno saw Mark's vulnerable state as an opportunity to get him to leave. "Okay, let's go," he sighed. Luckily, Mark complied. "Sorry about this, Y/N. He's not in the right state of mind."

The two left, leaving you still stunned and holding a coffee cup.

Yeji and Jeno went over to Mark's apartment the next day to confront him about everything. It wasn't meant to be intense, they just thought they should talk to him. When they got there, however, he was gone. According to the building's security guard, he had left after Jeno did. That worried them.

They called you to see if you knew anything. "No, I haven't seen him since last night. Why? Did something happen?" you asked before they explained. "That's not good. I'll go check the other apartment and keep you guys posted."

So, you left to see if he was there. You were really hoping he hadn't done something dumb and gotten himself into trouble.

When you got there, you could hear muffled voices. One of them had to be Mark. The other, however, was a mystery? Was it a girl? Mark said they didn't bring just anyone there to keep it private. You hated how worried you were at the thought of it being another girl.

Even so, you input the passcode before entering. "I fucked up!" Mark cried out, storming down the hall as you entered.

A tall guy was standing in the living room. "Oh, hello," he greeted. He looked you up and down before smiling. "You must be Y/N."

You nodded, still confused. He walked over and held his hand out. "I'm Johnny, Mark's friend. I've heard a lot about you," Johnny informed you as you shook hands. "I'm glad I finally get to meet you."

"Is Mark okay?" you asked, still confused.

He laughed. "Definitely not. Let's just say he did something he's regretting pretty instantaneously." You nodded. "Mark! Your girlfriend is here!"

You blushed at that. "Fuck!" Mark cried out from the bathroom.

Johnny turned back to you, still smiling. "Well, Y/N, it was a pleasure to meet you and I hope I can meet you again to better get to know you," he said. "For now, I'll leave you to handle the boy. Have a good day."

"B-bye, it was nice meeting you," you managed out as he left. The bathroom door opened again and Mark left with his hood on, the drawstrings pulled so you could barely see his face. "Mark, what did you do?"

"N-nothing! Don't worry about it," he told you nervously. "Why are you even here?"

Right, you needed to text Jeno and Yeji. "Jeno and Yeji went over to your place but found out you left in the middle of the night, so they were worried."

He nodded. "Okay, well, I'm alive, so you can just text them and be on your way."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "What the hell did you do, Mark?" you asked, stepping closer to him. "You didn't get a face tattoo, did you?"

"No!" he cried out, backing into his room to avoid you. "Just leave me alone!"

Of course, you just had to know what he was hiding. You could see he was about to trip over his mattress, so you used that to your advantage. The moment he fell backwards on the mattress, you tackled him.

He squirmed beneath you as you reached for his hood, ignoring his protests. Your eyes widened once the hood was down. "Mark! Your hair!" you gasped. Your fingers went to his now black locks. "What did you do?"

Clearly, he dyed and cut his hair, but why? "I did it for you. I thought you wouldn't be so embarrassed to introduce me to your parents if I looked more presentable. Now I look like an idiot who changed for some girl that doesn't even like him."

"Mark, I liked your hair and I don't want you to change who you are. I do like you, Mark."

His eyebrows furrowed. "You do? But...you left me," he reminded you.

You nodded. "Because I was scared. I mean, my boyfriend getting along with my parents is important to me and I also want a boyfriend who only loves me, but I wasn't sure you could do that," you confessed. "But that's different now."

Sitting up, he held onto you to keep you on his lap. "What do you mean?"

"Yeji told her mom about us and, it just so happens, our moms are friends. Her mom told my mom everything and my mom called me this morning to tell me to stop being stupid and date you." You laughed at his surprised reaction. "I guess I was so scared that I didn't think to talk to my mom. She told me that she thinks you sound like a sweet boy. She said any boy who treats me like a queen is good in her book and that I need to stop stressing and do what makes me happy."

Mark's heart was pounding faster than ever as he asked, "What does this mean?"

You smiled, running a hand through his freshly dyed hair. "It means that, if you'll accept me and forgive me for being a bitch, I wanna be your girlfriend," you confessed, making him smile wider than he had in a while.

"I'd love nothing more," he told you softly before connecting your lips. He had missed your touch and taste and wanted nothing more than to just melt in it. He briefly broke the kiss. "And don't use that language, okay? You're supposed to be my good little girl."

Giggling, you nodded before saying, "And only your good little girl."

"Shit, things are getting real PG-13 in here," Jeno said from the doorway, making you and Mark jump. "Damn, I really didn't expect this."

Yeji squealed happily. "This is great! Think of all the double dates and our joint wedding!" she exclaimed, making you laugh. Her eyes suddenly widened. "Mark! Your hair!"

His hand instinctively went to the black locks. "It was an impulsive dye job. I thought if I dyed my hair, her parents might like me and we could date," he confessed.

"That's so sweet! You dyed your hair just for our little Y/N? He's a keeper, babe."

You smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess he is," you said, making him smile.

Jeno was so glad things worked out, especially after the night before. "Come on, we came to take you to breakfast, but I guess it can be our first brunch double date," he said, making Yeji clap happily.

They led the way and you followed but were stopped when Mark tugged at your wrist, pulling you into him. "One more for the road," he mumbled before kissing you again.

You smiled into the kiss and he decided it was one of his new favorite feelings ever. One thing was for sure, you were his good little girl and he was your not-so-bad little boy.

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