#then again i haven't met with my therapist in two weeks | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

takearisk-x · 10 months

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idk guys things are just weird

this is going to be a very chaotic and disorganized Personal Post (sorry in advance)

i know this is silly and i don't owe anyone anything, but i genuinely feel so sad that i don't have anything to contribute or post today on harry's birthday.

something is up with my writing and i can't quite put my finger on it.. harry and ginny are being...very soft and not in a way that is in-character or plot driven. things are just off. all my plans i have in my head are literally flying out the window everytime i sit down to write and i don't trust if it is the right decision for the story or just some weird mood i'm in that's manifesting in a really out of character tone on the page.

i suppose it could be a couple different things. i haven't met with my therapist in two weeks so my brain could just be overloaded with other crap that i need to process and or decompress before my writing thoughts feel organized again.

my husband has been massively stressed out because of many different things going on in his life separate from our family and so i've been going a little over the top trying to be there for him.

our daughter hasn't been sleeping all that well and she's been fighting a virus/cold for going on about two weeks that i think we are finally on the tail end of.

work for me is bleh. i don't enjoy what i'm doing right now. we are in one of those cycles that is all reporting and data entry and retention analysis and its so boring and just not at all what fulfills me from this position. however in the same vein, the semester is right around the corner so it's also the last push to make sure everything is ready to go for when students return to campus.

i killed a spider today which is like a very big deal for me. i am deathly afraid of spiders and my good friends can attest that when confronted with one i dissolve into a lot of screaming and sweating and general panic. so i def think i am experiencing the aftermath of an adrenaline rush even though that was like five hours ago.

all of this is to say, i think i need a break from wips. specifically already gone and the entire the path from you universe. i feel like this past month has just been me forcing something that doesn't need to be forced. i think if i take a step back from both stories, and quit putting so much pressure on myself, my head will clear and things will start falling into place.

this week is @corneliaavenue-ao3's ficfest! and i hope this will be a really good way to bring to life some of these soft moments that keep trying to knock down the door and also keep me in the habit of writing. i don't want to put a timeline on it and somehow set an expectation for myself or anyone else but i'm guessing you can expect a two/three week longer hiatus for those two stories, and you can probably expect a fair amount of random one shots and/or drabbles from me in the meantime.

i'm sorry if this is disappointing, i can promise it is just as disappointing for me. i miss having a clear head and the words flowing effortlessly. i hope someday i get that back, but for now, i'm going to hope a little time away from those plots helps settle the static that lives inside my head.

as always, thanks for reading and understanding <3

#personal #tldr: expect a two or three week longer break on the wips #my brain just isn't cooperating right now #and i need to take a step back #but you can expect and enjoy some fun randomness in the meantime

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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AITA for being mad at someone for accusing me of trying to steal their girlfriend?

(tw grooming mention)

So I (NB20) am friends with two teenagers (Tiffany F17, Alex NB17; for the sake of anonymity, I'm using fake names). We met in a fandom space and we game together. I have past experiences with grooming so I try to keep everything we do and talk about age appropriate and respectful.

Tiffany and Alex don't have the best relationship. Tiffany is rather insensitive to Alex about their feelings and problems, and Alex tends to blow small things out of proportion and has little control over their emotions. Alex vents to me about their and Tiffany's relationship, which is a bit awkward for me being friends with both of them, but Alex needs someone to talk to while they're not in therapy and I don't mind being there for them as a friend.

I offer support and give Alex my honest opinion: Break up, you're both incompatible. I've always been more of a blunt and honest person, so maybe getting involved wasn't my place, but what's done is done. However, Alex can't exactly break up with Tiffany since they're staying with them since their parents kicked them out.

Alex vented to me again recently and I gave the same response. Truthfully, I was fed up with the lack of communication and being Alex's impromptu relationship therapist, so I said that if Alex isn't going to at least communicate with Tiffany to stop venting to me. Once or twice, I get it, but it's happened so many times with no change or action that I was just tired of it.

Then Alex types something along the lines of "I bet you just want me to break up with Tiffany so you can have her to yourself." So I'm like, "Whoa, back the fuck up, what?"

Alex immediately deletes the messages but I'm like, "No, I fucking saw that, what the fuck?" Looking back on this, I could've handled it with more tact, but I was just so shocked at being accused of something like that, especially with my history of being groomed, that I just snapped.

Alex then apologized, said it was out-of-pocket, and told me that Tiffany apparently started developing a crush on me. Tiffany never admitted to that to Alex, but Alex "could just tell by the way she likes talking to you more than talking to me".

I'm just baffled. I told Alex I need a few days to cool off cause that was so just. triggering for me. Alex respected that. I haven't talked to them or Tiffany since.

I've sorta of been stewing in this weird guilt/anger/resentment phase. Guilt because I might actually be an difficult factor in my friends' relationship. Anger because Alex would accuse me of something like that. Resentment towards them and myself for ever having gotten involved.

I'm still angry and I don't know if I have a right to be. I don't know how to move forward with this and I haven't talked to either of them in two weeks. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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shychick-52 · 11 months

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My physical disability (long post)

Given that it's Disability Pride Month, I wanted to share a bit of my own experience.

After experiencing HORRIBLE back pain for weeks in late 2016 (the doctor didn't send me for an MRI or any deeper scan after the x-ray didn't show anything), I woke up one morning in January 2017 with literally ZERO balance. Like, I could move my legs, but I still couldn't walk. It was the most terrifying sensation.

Called the ambulance, they took me to the hospital where I had the proper scan done, and it turned out to be a massive tumor pressing on my spine and crushing the nerves. Because it had been growing for months, everyone agreed it was a miracle I wasn't totally paralyzed. (The tumor turned out to be cancerous, and I had several more tumors in other places too, including my stomach, ovaries, liver, and kidneys). After it was removed, I still had zero balance.

Well, the entire five months I was in the hospital getting treatment wasn't fun, made even worse by my destroyed mobility. During my stay, I switched back and forth between a wheelchair and a walker. I was so depressed, terrified I'd never walk properly again and convinced my life was over. Even after I was discharged from the hospital, and still continued to use a wheelchair and walker, I can't count how many times I freaking bawled. I had very poor control of my legs, and had to look down at them at all times to know what they were doing so I didn't trip.

And for the first time in my life, I was met with challenges that able-bodied people don't have to worry about (the worst of which were stairs). I could finally appreciate how frustrating it is when able-boded people selfishly use the handicapped stall in the washroom (when the other ones are perfectly available) when you have to go!

Not long after I got out of the hospital, I started attending physical therapy. I worked for months and months, and graduated from a walker to two canes to just one cane. I practiced walking in the pool by my place (with aqua-therapy, I didn't have to worry about injuring myself if I fell in the water, and I fell plenty at first). I gradually got better, but it was HARD.

Shortly after my very first visit to physical therapy, my therapist diagnosed me with spasticity in my legs and feet. That's a condition caused by a spinal cord injury; the injury to the nerves in the spine cause the signals between the nervous system and the legs/feet to be thrown completely out-of-whack and fail to communicate properly (which was why I couldn't sense what my feet were doing unless I looked at them), forcing the leg muscles to be in a permanent state of horrible stiffness and constant spasms. It's a horrible feeling.

Finally, in the later part of 2019, I no longer needed a cane. I could walk just fine on my own (for the most part), and I haven't had to rely on walking aids since then, and I don't have to watch my feet to know how they're moving when I walk. But the spasticity- which is permanent- remains. I manage it with medication, which helps the stiffness a bit. And my biggest challenge remains stairs; I absolutely cannot go up and down stairs (especially up) without a banister. But because of how generally stiff my muscles are, my balance will never be perfect. And I can't really run, although I can walk just as fast as I used to.

Cold weather, rain, and atmospheric pressure all make the spasticity worse.

#disability pride month #physical disability #spinal cord injury #spasticity #Shy speaks

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fireheartedpup · 23 days

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I think my birthday has become a trigger for me. There's no one to invite. It's nice that my parents still want to go all out, but I don't know what to tell mom because I don't want to do anything.

No one here cares about the pandemic and I'm not even sure how much to care anymore because they stopped caring when it was still in full swing. I haven't gotten covid even though I haven't avoided my family, who stopped taking precautions a few months in and think masking is stupid, so what have I even been doing? Has it done anything at all?

I'm still happy that I haven't gotten sick other the built in body issues in... how long has it been? Five fucking years? But I miss feeling normal.

I don't want to live here and I don't want to do this and I don't know what to do even when I know what to do. The only thing that really motivates me is being angry. I hate being angry.

I don't want to live in this reality and I don't have enough money to move and whenever anyone tries to change things here, they're met with a bunch of people saying you can't change things here because we haven't changed things here so you can't change things here.

I think my dog deserves better and I don't have enough money to pay off my debt, much less a specialist. She's not neglected or anything I just have higher standards now. I'm probably still alive because of her. If I die, no one will know for days. Maybe a week or more. No one's coming to check on me.

Mom might come eventually but mom comes sporadically because she tries to give me space. I flip between wanting to cut my parents out entirely and just wanting to see them. They're still conservative and I can never trust them the same way again, but they've supported me the entire time.

I did beg for some of it. But they have supported me.

Dad's cranky because prices are going up and he didn't plan on supporting me this long and he's in the same position I am. I inherited the no friends disease. I'm fucking pedigreed in mental illness. He likes drinking wine even though eating makes him throw up now. He doesn't want to see a normal doctor.

His mom has had many cancerous growths removed. I should probably get ready to deal with his stuff.

Mom clearly wants to leave and doesn't feel she can. It's tough when being with someone makes your life harder, but you can see them actively getting better. I think it's one reason she wants to keep her flight attendant job even though she's becoming less and less physically able. She can just pick up and leave whenever she wants.

I feel stupid and useless for not earning enough by now. I know that's not entirely realistic because I read it takes two years to get over an abusive environment and it's only been one. My parents love me, but living in that house put me in fight or flight mode every time I went to the kitchen.

I feel paralyzed and when I try to look up jobs I want to break down entirely. I've made half-hearted attempts to build my own thing but it feels like I'm never able to pick the right thing, that I'll always burn out, that I can never tell what's going to work, that every thing I'm actually excited about is doomed to fail.

Sometimes I don't even want to support people because it feels like my support is the death knell for their cause.

I'm trying to restructure my thinking. I spend almost all of my time doing that. It's difficult to escape the social media whirlpool when social media is so attached to so many different forms of monetary income these days.

I thought I could get free therapy with my insurance so I could bounce this off of a therapist instead of tumblr or a random person but I'm not sure anymore so I gave up.

I feel like I'm overwhelmingly tired and negative and hurt and angry and that no one should have to deal with that.

I'm trying to make friends with my neighbors, but either I don't text back in enough time or they just don't respond. I don't know why or where or when it goes wrong. I start avoiding everyone because I'm waiting for it to go wrong.

I want to get on medication but I just saw that thing about the autistic licenses in MY state. The government doesn't want me. They don't even want me to exist. I don't want to give them the option of using it against me in any way.

It's very hard to get myself out of a spiral. I should probably look into ocd help a bit more. I don't know if that's me or if this is an offshoot of something else, but either way it's connected.

The recent blog thing has just reinforced me feeling stupid and isolated. I'm very grateful for the people who've been here for me. I don't want anyone to ever feel obligated to support me. But I'm having a really hard time.

And it feels stupid to be having a hard time. I have more than most.

I want to live in a different reality.

#personal

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princesspastel8 · 2 months

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Chapter 24

Third POV

It's now day two of Eboni staying home from school. Her foster parents believed her and also would inform her therapist on taking a break for the week. Thrilled with this, Eboni decides to use this free time to her advantage.

She gives herself new piercings, a bridge, and eyebrow piercing. Eboni remembers showering Jeff with pictures of what she's done - and his reaction was a bit hilarious. The teen found it funny how the killer's response was if it hurt or not. It was such a normal reaction, considering Jeff is a psychopath.

Speaking of Jeff, the killer has been texting her non stop- always asking if she's still breathing. An odd question- Why wouldn't she be breathing? Clearly, something is troubling him, but Eboni would rather wait until they see each other again to ask in person.

The smiling killer has been busy with more missions. As the days pass, Eboni takes note of the breaking news headlines of four more Red Riders gang members found dead. Taylor has been blowing up her phone because of this, and Eboni ignores her every time. She's surprised they haven't shown up at her home yet.

The teen is currently making rice porridge while listening to the latest update on the gang members' deaths. "Still no leads. What a surprise." She said, rolling her eyes.

The fact that only Eboni knows that it's Jeff committing these crimes - it still brings that twisted feeling of excitement. With this thought, she gets another text from the person of topic.

DD🖤🔪: *attachment sent* still breathing?

Eboni opens the message after finishing washing the dishes. She rolls her eyes but grins at the picture. It was Jeff in his classic white hoodie and ripped jeans- knife in hand. She takes a picture of her food and takes a rather revealing picture of herself to send him later.

E: uh, yeah. About to eat. *attachment sent*

DD🖤🔪: Damn... you can cook?

E: Yeah. My mom taught me the fundamentals and her recipes. Ran with it sense.

DD🖤🔪: Save a bowel for me, princess.

E: stopping by?

DD🖤🔪: damnit...fuck Idk. Faceless fucker has me busy today.

Eboni pouts but smiles as she sends that revealing picture she took earlier. The teen is only wearing a pink bra and panties set with a jacket and cat ears headband to hold her hair out of her face.

E: That's too bad daddy...I only made enough for two servings - I guess that leaves more for me 🤭🎀

It takes the killer awhile to reply, but once he does, it makes the girl squeal in embarrassment.

DD🖤🔪: *attachment sent* See what you do to me? Now I gotta deal with this. Gonna be late 'cause of you. You're just itching to be punished, huh princess?

Eboni stares at the imprint of his harden shaft straining against his jeans. The girl whines, grabbing her bowel of food and moves to sit in the living room. It takes her awhile to compose herself enough to reply.

E: Maybe...😖👉🏾👈🏾

DD🖤🔪: dont get shy on me on now. Starting shit you know you can't finish - why? That bored?

Eboni huffs at his reply, typing away before she can rethink what she sent.

E: No shit sherlock! Hell yeah I'm fucking bored! I can still hardly walk so I cant even leave this damn house!😤

Eboni immediately regrets sending that message so she turns her phone on silent and tosses it on the other end of the couch, forcing herself to think of other things. she puts it on YouTube - finding a video suitable enough to watch while eating. Unfortunately, just as the teen is about to take her first spoon full- a ring and knocking are heard from her front door.

Grumbling curses, she places her bowel on the dining table in front of her- throwing her robe on as she walks to answer the door. She's surprised to see that it's the two detectives that she met at the hospital - Smith & Micheal.

"Good evening, Ms. Eboni, been awhile, hasn't it?" Smith said kindly, while Michael just glares at the girl.

"Mhm, yeah, you could say that... but why are you here?"

"It's about the murders of those gang members. We believe you have some -"

Smith elbows Micheal in his stomach, giving him the side eye before looking back at Eboni. "We just wish to ask you a couple of questions. May we come in?"

Eboni rolls her eyes, opening the door wide enough for the two men to enter. She points to the chairs within the living room while she moves to sit back on the couch. The teen grabs her bowel of food that's luckily still warm. She takes her first spoonful, waiting for the two men to start talking.

"Well, we went to your school once given the case - to ask a few students some questions. Two girls were quick to speak up." Smith explains, his tone serious.

Eboni rolls her eyes again, taking another spoonful. "Must've been those girls I saved... unintentionally." she thought to herself, eyeing the two detectives still not speaking to either of them.

"Your silence is speaking volumes." Micheal scoffs, still refusing to sit in the chair Eboni offered.

"I rather you two cut to the case so I can finish my food in fucking peace."

Michael was about to speak, but smith beat him to it. "They said you were walking towards the woods when they suddenly saw interest in you. The first victim was the first to intagonize you."

"Your point?" She sighs, really wanting this to be over.

"We'd like to hear your side of the story. Why were you walking towards the woods, and why didn't you show for school in the past two days? We contacted your parents, and they stated that you're sick... but - "

"You seem to be in the built of health to us." Micheal finished, narrowing his eyes at Eboni - trying to intimidate her - which isn't working at all.

The teen moves to rest her head against the back of the couch before sitting up and staring at the two. "I wanted to go to the woods to get some fresh air, be one with nature - it always calms me. But I came across those bitches beating up these girls."

"There was more than one?" Micheal asked, a bit confused.

Eboni can't help but chuckle. "Oh? I guess the other two must've scared them into silence." The teen grins before giving the detectives the girls' name. "Trisha is the tall one. Beth is the other one. It shouldn't be too hard for you to figure out who they are."

Smith is taking notes as Eboni speaks, not missing a single detail. One thing he didn't believe is the 'needing fresh air' story. Something doesn't sit right with the detective, but he lets it go for now - well, tries to - but Micheal has other plans.

"That fresh air bull isn't adding up, girl. Why aren't you at school either? What are the odds that you miss two days in a row the moment news breaks about this girl's death? And the many others as well! Mr. Smith, I say we call for a search wa-"

Eboni grins, the once annoyed look in her eyes changes to one of amusement. She pulls a bit of her robe down- showing off her hickeys and the bruising on her waist of Jeff's harsh grip, as well as the bruising on her wrist from the handcuffs.

"Say detectives... I think it's my turn to ask some questions, yeah? Have you ever heard of BDSM? If you must know, I was to busy getting my brains fucked out the day of her murder."

The detectives are to stunned to speak. This young girl is still just a teenager in highschool- though she is eighteen now. They never would've guessed that she would admit something so personal in such a shameless way.

"Oh, what's the matter? Thought you hit a break in your case? That's too bad." Eboni looks at Micheal, her grin turning wicked. "You have a keen eye, Micheal. I'm sure you noticed my little limp on our way in here, right?"

Michael doesn't say a word, not wanting to voice that Eboni is right. She seems innocent. There's not an ounce of evidence against Eboni, so conducting a search would be considered unlawful. The two detectives are now left with zero leads.

Eboni laughs, leaning back onto the couch as she closes her robe a bit tighter than before. "What's a matter, Micheal? To prideful to admit I'm right? Oh! Here's another question: When was the last time you got laid?"

Smith chokes on his spit as he quickly stands. "Ok, ok, we got all that we needed from you, Ms. Eboni. It's best we g-"

"But why? He hasn't answered the question." she stands, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I don't have to answer anything! Not only is this inappropriate - but such a question as nothing to do with - !"

"I think it does. The way you looked at the art over my body, you're disgusted- judgemental. So I just assumed no girl has given you the time of day. I mean, who would? You're so uptight, mean, so lanky, and waaaaay too serious! Maybe paying someone to give you head would loosen you up, yeah?" Eboni says mockingly.

Eboni laughs at how red Michael's face is. Is it red from embarrassment? Or anger? Who cares? The teen is finding so much enjoyment in this situation. She never knew reading people and exposing them like this could be so entertaining.

Smith clears his throat, forcing Michael to the front door. "Th-this has gone on long enough. We apologize for barging in with our assumptions. Stay well, Ms. Eboni."

The teen smiles kindly, waving at them. "You too, Smith." She said before shutting the door.

The two detectives walk to their car, both getting in. Smith cranks up the car, pulling out of the driveway and onto the main road. Michael is fuming, body shaking from rage. How could he allow a teenage girl to humiliate him? It reminds him to much of....that murderer.

"You may be right." Smith said, breaking the loud silence as he drives back to the police station.

"About what?" Micheal asks through his teeth.

"That girl... something about her isn't sitting right. That look in her eyes. She's hiding something."

Michael calms down at Smith's words. "So you finally believe that she has some type of connection to Jeff!? Think about it Smith- base on what she told us, it could be Jeff committing these murders on her behalf!"

"That's a stretch, Micheal, and you know it. Though... she might've gained some type of fascination towards that Jeff guy. Something about her seems so...different from the last time we met."

Michael huffs, slumping back into the passenger seat. "Tch, whatever the case is- we'll find out."

Back with Eboni, the teen finished the rest of her food and went back to her bedroom to make a phone call to a certain smiling killer. It takes awhile for Jeff to pick up the video call, his camera pointing away from his face. Looks like he just finished a murder.

"Any idea how much trouble you're in? When I get my hands on you I'm-"

"The police stopped by." Eboni quickly said, watching his bloody hand twitch as the grip on his knife tightens.

Jeff changes the camera settings, switching it to his face that has blood splatters on it. "Why?" He asks, voice chilling.

Eboni bites her bottom lip, losing track of her thoughts at the sight of Jeff's face with blood on it. She finds it so sickly attractive. "...huh? What are we talking about?"

"Princess - I'm still pissed at you. Fucking pay attention or your punishment will be worse. Why were the cops at your place?" The killer knows the answers, he just wants her to confirm them.

"About that bitch you killed. And the other gang members. They thought I had something to do with it."

"What else happened?"

"I showed them the art you left behind. I didn't say who did it, but they took the hint. Plus, they have no evidence against me. You should've seen the look on Michael's face! I really pissed him off!"

That name sounds familiar to Jeff, but he can't put his finger on why. "What did my princess say?" He grins, now leaving the crime scene behind.

"I asked if he's ever been laid. Told him why he'll never get laid. AND said he should pay someone to give him a blowjob to loosen up." Eboni laughs, moving to lay across her bed.

Jeff is cracking up as well, shaking his head at Eboni's antics. "Damn. You're something else. But keep a eye out for those fuckers. They're smarter than they look." The killer warns.

Eboni rolls her eyes, moving to sit up against her headbored. "Oh please, nothing can get past me."

Little did she know, a fellow smiling killer - accompanied by two others - are watching Eboni's bedroom window from the woods across the street.

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softmick · 5 months

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2023 joy list

thank you for tagging me @mybrainismelted and @lingy910y! lets get into it.

please do this if you haven't and you see this. and tag me. for real for real.

traveling! there's little i love more than being in new places. my faves last year:

bonaire - one of the most chill, relaxing trips i’ve ever taken and one of the most beautiful places i’ve ever been. pink salt flats, the bluest water, flamingos. great food. better company. fun sex. the Best snorkeling! i saw octopi, eels, turtles, cow fish, sea slugs, etc. 🤿

okefenokee - my second trip to one of my favorite places in the US!! 30ish miles of kayaking. the satisfaction of physical exertion. almost getting attacked by an alligator.🐊 fun camping on platforms over the water! certified dark skies. fingers crossed i get to go again this year.

ohio/michigan - a road trip with my bestie to meet her friends in ohio and then a last minute addition to explore the upper peninsula of michigan. we kayaked in a crystal clear river, saw painted rocks, drove a dune buggy, saw a pretty water fall, did several cold plunges, saw some dambo trolls. got really high. cheap weed, no buying limits>>. camped. spent a night in a hot tub. lovely.

japan - finally got to go after like 4-5 years of wanting to! it was fun and beautiful. i don't have much to say besides i will go back. two weeks wasn't enough!

yoga!

did another training. got great feedback. met some really, really lovely people. feel more confident about teaching.

i can finally do kapalabhati correctly and it turns out i enjoy it.

miscellaneous

lots of good entertainment this year! faves: succession, shameless, the bear, bottoms. i finally finished outlast and i played jedi survivor.

this fandom <3

i wrote stuff last year? and enjoyed it?

my cats stayed healthy.

my dad moved closer.

my therapist affirmed that it's my choice about taking my psych meds. it's a little thing, but every summer i want to come off of them and i sometimes do, in secret, usually feel guilty and dumb about it... it was just really nice that when i finally brought it up to her she didn't immediately shut down the possibility.

i saw wild monkeys in silver springs and got robbed by raccoons in st. augustine.

i fucking made it through another one!

#hi #tag games

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nailisaa · 1 year

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okay so, i had one of the weirdest experiences i've had in a WHILE idk how i manifested this

basically, about 3 weeks ago i randomly met this guy and we instantly had a connection- like i've never felt before. we kissed and we talked a lot and he asked for my number. the way it happened was so strange as well, we locked eyes out on the crowd and kissed in the middle of the street which is very uncharacteristic for me 💀 anyways, he asked for my number but he ended up not really contacting me much afterwards. but for some reason, i COULD NOT get him off my mind regardless of how much i tried. i ended up contacting him and he didn't seem very interested, so i told him what i felt and that i really wanted to get to know him better and he was very sweet about it, but said he wasn't looking for anything serious at the moment, not even a fling and we ended up no longer talking after that... we had no contact, have no friends in common and i don't use any social media. i tried manifesting him but i was always going back and forth, thinking if i'm doing the right thing manifesting an sp, especially since i'm very focused on my studies right now. i managed to push him away from my mind and the lack of contact made me kind of forget about him. i kept listening to the love subliminals along with the rest of my playlist, not thinking much of it but always having him in the back of my mind, thinking if i should or should not invest on manifesting him as my sp...

yesterday, my therapist randomly asked if he had reached out to me during our session and i haven't mentioned him since we last poke 3 weeks ago. today, i woke up with a message from my best friend also asking about him, and again, we haven't spoken about this for 3 weeks. the whole day i couldn't stop thinking of him, couldn't concentrate. so much so, that when i was in the cafeteria of the place i go to study to prepare me for college, i saw a sign he wrote with his name on it and the universities he got in hanged on the wall along with countless other students. he went there to prepare for college 4 years ago and his sign was still intact- it was such a shock seeing his name, i had to fight back the urge to touch it to see if it was real or if my mind was making up things lmao

later today, when i got home i received a text. not from him, but from a completely random guy i matched on tinder in JANUARY. him and i barely talked, didn't have any connection and i think he even ghosted me, i'm not sure. i downloaded tinder out of pure boredom for like two days in january, i'm SO confused of how things worked out.

do you have any insight or idea of what could be happening here?

if you’re manifesting him i would say persist and keep living your life, bc you both are 1000% gonna meet somewhere. and yes, even if you have no social media, and even if you guys haven’t talked in a bit. im not exactly sure if you’re trying to ask me if you’re doing the right thing, or if you’re manifesting him so sorry if this isn’t the response you want (there isn’t anything wrong with manifesting an sp btw🤍)

#loa #ask #neville goddard #edwardart

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iknightwriter · 9 months

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I need to get this off my chest...

X and I dated Summer of 2022 and broke up in that fall, but we've maintained a great friendship. will admit that we have a sexting arrangement, but we've only acted on it twice.

Literally a week ago, X came to me cause he recently started talking to someone who he met through a game and is in a relationship (B, idk their age) but B had been sending them flirty messages. And X called them out on it. B admitted to being flirty (and even told X not to read too much into them and wanted to have it both ways)

However, X told them that it felt like they were cheating B got into their feelings and it became a whole thing and B basically doubledback saying that they haven't been flirty at all. They talked about boundaries, but at the time I wasn't sure how the whole thing played out, but I know that X was interested in B, but that conversation left a sour taste in their mouth and it really didnt help that X was overthinking the entire thing and was worried they offended B through their discussion.

This resulted in X being in a funk so we invoked our arrangment for a day or two and afterwards, X asked for advise on how to handle the situation. X wondered if they should still talk to B and I gave the best advice I could, but at the end of it I told X, they needed to what was best for them. X thanked me and we moved on from the topic about B.

Honestly, I assumed there was no contact b/t the two cause B wasn't mentioned again until two days ago. I was bit suprised honestly, but I just assume that the two of them discussed boundaries and all that.

A day later, X and I were watching a show together, they already hadnt been fully pay attention for some reason and I was slightly annoyed, but then X brought up B cause apparently a group was getting together for a raid. Apparently B suggested the group . I was excited cause I know they wanted to practice their role and X for some reason says, "yeah B has been helping me alot emotionally and I told her I felt bad cause I was basically using her as therapist."

Honestly, it felt like a smack to the face, considering we went almost four days talking about their feelings in general.

So now whenever X mentions B, I get really annoyed and I think jealous. Would it be wrong to tell X I dont want hear about B? Or would that have me coming off as a jealous ex?

P.S. Everything has been long distance and we interact via internet. I have screenshots which is why I know what went down and what was said.

P.S.S. I will always care about X and during one of our banters X asked I would date them again and I told them I would, which I think the jealousy is something else I'm feeling.

#im really just talking to myself here #ranting #personal life #with friends like these #former partner

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lily-janus · 2 years

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My Monster

Summary: Patton makes Janus go to a therapy session.

Pairing: platonic dukeceit

Warnings: major character death, dealing with grief, denial, bullying, violence, angst If there's anything else lemme know.

Word count: 1,627

Day 3 of this amazing week! Yesterday was a bit of fluff break but now we're back on track with the angst, enjoy😉

@dukeceitweek day 3 shedding/monster

........

"Janus?"

Janus didn't respond, instead just letting the silence stretch. This is stupid, he's fine!

"You haven't said a thing for the past 20 minutes…"

He remained silent.

The man sighed. "Why are you here, Janus?"

He shrugged. "Because my brother made me."

"And why do you think he made you?"

"Because he thinks I need help." Janus said dryly.

"You disagree?" The man raised an eyebrow at him, hands resting on his writing pad.

"I'm fine, Patton just gets worried easily." Janus waved dismissively.

"Are you uncomfortable right now, Janus?"

He huffed. "Aren't therapists supposed to be good at listening? I said I'm fine."

"You've been twiddling with your bracelet since you walked in here." The therapist said.

Janus froze, as if only now realizing he was doing that.

"Does the bracelet mean something to you?" The therapist asked gently.

"I don't want to talk about it." Janus said sharply.

The therapist sighed again. "Janus, I can't help you if-"

"I don't need your help! I said I'm fine!" Janus snapped.

The therapist didn't say a thing and soon the silence returned until he sensed Janus calmed down. He then tilted his head slightly.

"My monster?" Janus suddenly realized the therapist was reading what's on his bracelet. He flushed and hid it behind his sleeve.

"That's a rather unusual nickname." He said conversationally, as if Janus can't see what he's trying to do.

"Yeah that's the point." He still said.

He raised an eyebrow at him, clearly waiting for more.

"Just an inside joke." Was all Janus offered.

"Janus, look, this can go in two ways. You can keep your walls up and not betray a single thing to me, walk out of here and never come back."

"Great, so I can go now?"

"Or." He continued. "You can open up to me a bit, let me help you work through your emotional baggage which might help you move on with your life." He smiled warmly at him. "It's up to you, I can't solve your problems for you but I can listen and help guide you to a solution."

Janus bit his lip, not saying anything.

"So what'll be? It's up to you."

All Janus wanted was to go back to his room and hide away from everything. But his brother's stupid words kept itching in his mind.

I don't think he would have liked seeing you like this…

Dammit he hated it when Patton was right. Remus will most likely tackle him to the floor if he saw him like this.

"Fine." Janus said through gritted teeth. For Remus.

He peeled back his sleeve, revealing the bracelet again. "It's a joke we have… from the first day we met…"

-------------------------------------------------------

"Don't worry, Jan, everything will be fine!" Patton assured him from where he was sitting next to him in the back seat of their mom's car.

"I'm not worried." Janus said dismissively. A full out lie, he was terrified. At least at their old school everyone was used to his um… skin problem. But here? They didn't know a single kid! He's going to be eaten alive.

"We're here!" Their mom announced cheerfully.

"Is it too late to pretend that I'm sick?" Janus' belly churned uncomfortably… maybe he wouldn't need to pretend after all…

"Aww honey, I'm sure once your classmates get over their initial shock you'll be mister popular in no time!" His mom tried to reassure him.

Janus snorted. "That's your best joke yet, mom." As if she forgot all the bullying he endured in his old school, which only stopped because 'the joke got old' or something.

Patton was vibrating in his seat and as soon as their mom parked he unbuckled his safety belt and jumped outside. Easy for him, his body was perfectly normal and every kid he encountered adored him.

Janus took his time in grabbing his bag and unbuckling his safety belt.

"Have a good day kiddos!" Their mom called when they were both out, already driving away as she was at a rush to get to work on time.

"I highly doubt it…" Janus mumbled.

Patton ran to find his classroom, shooting Janus a hasty goodbye before leaving him in the dust in his excitement.

Janus sighed, shouldered his bag, and walked inside, bracing himself.

Inevitably, people started staring immediately, but Janus was used to that so he just continued on walking, finding his classroom rather quickly and going inside.

Everyone was already in their respective groups, chatting loudly and laughing on occasion. Great, so not only was he new with an ugly skin problem… Everyone else here already knows each other… oh yeah, this will turn out wonderful.

As he walked around the room to find an empty seat, kids started noticing him, staring. Some with wide eyes, some with confusion. But no one said anything… yet.

"Ew! What's wrong with your face?"

Janus sighed, here we go again…

"Just a skin prob-"

"Do you have a rash?!"

"Is it contagious?!"

"That's so gross, you look like a freak!"

He finally found an empty seat and was about to sit down when he was pushed to the ground, landing on it painfully.

"I think you're lost, freak! The zoo is on the other side of town." The one who pushed him grinned wickedly, some kids next to him snickering.

"I'm not a freak, it's just a skin prob-" he tried to explain again but was cut off once more.

"You're right, you're not a freak." The one who pushed him now grabbed him by the front of his shirt. "You're a monster." He snarled in his face, some of his spit landing on Janus' cheek.

Just then the bell rang, signaling the start of class and the kid let go of him. "If you tell anyone about this you're dead." He warned him and they all sat down as the teacher walked in.

As soon as class was over the name calling and beating started up again. Things like "monster" and "freak" and "this school has no place for monsters or contagious kids." Were thrown at him as he was kicked to the floor.

He barely managed to crawl away from them, getting to his feet as soon as he was out and running for his life, tears brimming in his eyes. He ran into the school's yard and found a hidden spot beneath a tree where he sat and crawled into a ball, finally letting himself cry and sob pathetically.

"Never seen your face 'round here before."

Janus looked up and startled as he saw a kid hanging upside down from one of the tree branches. He sniffed. "Just get to the bullying part and get on with it." Janus said miserably.

The kid just looked at him with that piercing stare of his. "What? Yes, I have a skin problem okay? I'm not a monster!" Janus crumpled under his stare.

"You're not? Lame, that means you're like the rest of the looser kids here. And here I thought you were actually interesting, my bad!" The boy said chirply, swinging himself carelessly until he was sitting on the branch and hoping off of it to the ground. "See you later!" The boy grinned as he started to walk away.

"Wait!" Janus called before he could think better of it.

The boy stopped and turned around with a grin. "Already can't get enough of me, new guy? Can't say I blame you."

Janus wiped his tears. "You… don't seem scared of me.." he said quietly.

"I'm not scared of anything." The boy puffed out his chest proudly, and Janus was chuckling before he realized it.

"I'm Janus." He reached his hand towards the boy, smiling slightly.

The boy's grin grew and he shook his hand with vigour. "Remus!"

"Thank you for… not calling me a monster or a freak." Janus hugged his knees close to his chest.

Something in the boy's gaze softened. "Hey! I'm a monster too! It only means we're tons more exciting than the rest!"

"Right, I'm sure that's exactly what the kids here meant." Janus huffed.

"Who cares? They're boring! Like, what's more interesting, a fire breathing monster or a plain ol' human?" Remus grinned, a wild glim in his eyes. "We're the monsters of this school and we wear that title with pride!"

Janus watched Remus dance around the tree in that care free way of his, smiling. "Yeah… with pride."

-------------------------------------------------------

Janus finished the story, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"So he was more than just a friend." The therapist said gently.

Janus nodded. "He was the first… that treated me like I have a place here… the only one who truly inderstood me I… I'm so lost without him and… and scared and I don't know what to do." He burried his face in his hands, all the tears he kept inside since the funeral flooding out of him in a rush.

"Janus, I'm proud of you." The therapist said in that soothing voice of his.

"For what? Being weak?" Janus wiped his tears, angry with himself.

"For being volnarable." He corrected him. "It's important to acknowledge our feelings, that's the only way we can work through them."

"So… what now?" Janus asked, voice timid and uncertain.

"Now, we begin the healing process." The therapist said.

Janus took a deep breath. "I… don't know if I can.. "

"Only one way to find out, we'll take it slow, one day at a time. Any progress we'll make or won't make is up to you, nothing will be forced on you here." He reassured him.

Janus took another deep breath. For Remus. He reminded himself. "Okay… one day at a time, I can do that…"

I hope you appriciate it, my monster.

#janus sanders #remus sanders #platonic dukeceit #angst #major character death #tw bullying #tw violence #tw character death #tw grief #Lily writes #dukeceitweek2022 #day three shedding/monster

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findingmypeace · 2 years

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I ask this kindly but maybe a bit challenging way, but what are you doing to help yourself right now? It sounds like things are really hard so I'm wondering what steps you are taking towards helping yourself? Are you looking for a different therapist? Seeking out support otherwise? Community,hobbies, things to fill your time?

I actually really appreciate this question because it made me realize that I tend to only post about the negative and never about the positive. I'm actually doing quite a bit to help myself. I've met with several different therapists for intro meetings (not full sessions-more like a free 15 min call, etc) and I'm meeting with another tomorrow after work. The reason I haven't started with a new therapist has more to do with the fact that I'm switching insurance plans to a work based one and I'm not eligible for those plans until the end of November. That means I'd either have to pay out of pocket for therapy until my new insurance starts or find a therapist that takes my present insurance and my new insurance. It's easier to just not see someone until my new insurance is active.

I've also been attending the weekly support groups my treatment center (that I just finished with) offers. I don't attend every group but I've attended a few. One the people I met at those groups is someone I "had dinner" with last Wednesday. We live on opposite sides of the state so we met on zoom and ate dinner together.

One of the big issues I was struggling with was finances. At one point I was going to food banks because I didn't have money to buy food. So I applied to several jobs, interviewed, got a job, left treatment, and started the job. Now I've gotten two pay checks. Money is still tight because I'm still behind on bills but I was proactive and got things moving in the right direction.

Recovery is okay. It's not perfect but I'm doing much better than ever. I kept down fast food (In n' Out) on Friday at work. Yes, I purged that evening and then used diuretics but I'm being successful at recovery at times and messing up at other times. I think that's normal for early recovery.

I had a lot of anxiety about leading groups at work but last week I forced myself to lead several groups and it wasn't that bad. It actually went really well. I'm glad I forced myself to do that.

Finally, I'm the one that reached out to BS and DI when they were giving me radio silence. Yes, they're giving me radio silence again but I'm the one that originally re-established contact.

Obviously, there is still a lot of negative going on and I often feel like shit but I am trying to make things better. I think I need to be better about sharing the positive rather than always talking about the bad things.

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achaiapelides · 1 year

Text

Kit's Diary

Chapter 13

Dear Ty,

I just realised that I forgot to tell you about my therapist appointment last week. As I told you, I had to take notes about what I remember about my childhood. I asked Tessa and Jem about if I should tell her about the first heir stuff and they reminded me that the whole Unseelie Court knows about me anyways for some reason. So I decided to tell her about that too at the next appointment. Mrs. Sullivan, being her enthusiastic self, gave nice commentary like "mmhmh" and "mkay". Please note the sarcasm here.

After my long ass monologue finally ended, the therapist confirmed that I definitely have trauma from what happened since my dad was killed and I found out I was a Shadowhunter, but also possibly some trauma from experiences I made in my childhood, that my brain made me forget to save me from being too traumatised. She asked me if I was willing to be hypnotised, so that she can find out what this traumatic experiences were to be able to help me better. I agreed. Mrs. Sullivan said she would contact a warlock who was able to do that and I suggested that maybe Tessa would have this ability too. I guess I feel more comfortable with having Tessa know my past memories that I don't even remember myself, than some random warlock I never met.

In addition to that Mrs. Sullivan also suggested that I might have ADHD. She printed out some sheets with the traits she observed in me and some other ones typical for ADHD and asked me to give it to several people I know, preferably some with little connection to each other. They should pick all the traits they have observed in me. I'm also supposed to fill out one sheet because some questions are about how I feel about certain things and how I think I behave, which obviously only I can answer. Then we made another appointment in two weeks, because Mrs. Sullivan is on vacation the next week. Well, this week I mean.

When I got home I gave Tessa and Jem one of the sheets and told them all the therapist said. They suggested to give one of the sheets to my school friends and one to Hazel, because she surely observed something about me too, as my ex-girlfriend. Jem even send the photo of the sheet to Emma, so she and Julian can point out, what they observed about me, too. And Tessa agreed to do the hypnosis thing and said she would also feel more safe about me, if no random warlock we don't know found out about me being the First Heir.

I have to tell you about something else, too. In school everyone is obsessed with this one singer from America, who just published her new album. Her name is Taylor Swift and she's apparently super popular, especially in America. I didn't know her. Was I living under a rock for the past years? Yes probably. (That was a metaphor by the way. I don't actually live under a rock obviously. It just means being unaware of mainstream things. Like Taylor Swift apparently. Lol.)

Anyways, back to Taylor. Once Leo found out that I didn't know, she forced me to listen to all of her songs and give her my opinion. After doing that I finally realised why she was so shocked. These songs are amazing. And she has so many different ones. Heartbroken songs, angry songs, love songs, revenge songs, calm songs and sad songs. Even some rocky songs. And some "I don't give a shit" songs. She really has everything you could ask for. Apparently she also is friends with Ed Sheeran and sung a duet with him. Yes I know Ed, but not Taylor. I'm weird, I know. I swear if Jem and Tessa listen to "Perfect" one more time, I'm sending Ed a marriage proposal on their behalf. Maybe he's Will Herondale reincarnated and I just don't know about that. You never know with this Shadowhunter stuff. Lol. And I changed topics again. Come on Kit. You can do better.

Anyways, back to Taylor, AGAIN. If you ever read this and you haven't listened to her songs yet, which I highly doubt, considering your literal twin sister is Livvy, you should listen to "Wildest Dreams". I think you might like it. And "Begin Again", too. I also just found the perfect song I can listen to on loop, when I'm missing you again. It's called "Haunted" and for some reason it fits perfectly to us. And it gives me feelings. Much feelings. Why can this woman describe my feelings better, than I can? If she ever stops her career, she should consider becoming a therapist. Wait a second, Julian just called and asked to speak with me. I'll be right back.

Holy shit. You won't believe what just happened. Well, you will actually because it was you idea, haha. Anyways, Julian called and said they saw the sheet Jem send them and were discussing it, when you randomly visited and after they told you what they were doing, you wanted to help them because you knew me best. Holy shit. What? Huh? Am I dreaming. What??? I couldn't believe that was true and literally asked Mina to trip my leg really hard so that could bring me back to reality. But this is real. What? Omg. I think I broke. Where is Taylor when you need her? She better have a song about this.

Sorry, I'm back from my lovesick happiness trip now. Calm your shit, Kit! (oh a rhyme!) He just helped. You didn't even interact. What will you do when it comes this far? Die? Yeah probably. So if I black out, when we see eachother again, don't worry. I'm good. Just lovesick.

Oh man, I'm talking to myself again. I think I need an extra therapy session for this.

Aaaaanyway. (I used this word too much today, I know.) So, Emma send back the sheets with her's, Julian’s and your comments. And I can see so clearly what you wrote. Aaaaahh. Thank you so much. Aaaaahhhhhh.

I think I should stop writing for today. It's dinnertime now anyway. But maybe I can hope that you're thinking about me now too? Is that too much to ask?

I love you so much, Ty. I wish we could be together again. But I guess we both need some time to heal. Don't think I won't miss you every second of it, because I will.

All my love, Kit. (Hopefully yours one day)

Author's note:

What a coincidence that of all the times my friend could have forced me to listen to all the Taylor Swift songs and made me get a bit too obsessed with her, she chose the time when I was writing chapter 13. This was not planned. What the hell?

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mokvfox · 1 month

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I'll probably never experience romance of any kind. As black woman who can't talk to men she finds attractive, I don't think love will find me. But I want it.

I moved to a country without learning the language and now, I've fucked myself. I wanted to try dating in my home country, but I wasn't in a safe environment for it. I wanted to live on my own first before I tried dating. I wanted to get settled and everything. Unfortunately, life doesn't go as plan.

I don’t regret moving to this country. I even want to remain here. I've been learning the language diligently since entering the country and I can't for the life of me see a future where I'm not here. Luckily, I have many avenues that I can take on my own to remain. I love my job and the friends I've made here. I feel like moving here has made me healthier physically. But emotionally and mentally, I'm a wreck.

I started off fine. But I realized rather quickly that I had achieved most of my goals in life. I try to bid my time learning the language, going to gym, joining clubs, and doing various activities, but my mind wanders. I try to focus on the future owning a home, bring my pet over, growing in my career field, finding a high paying job, learning the language, but then my mind wanders. It wanders back to the same thing: romantic relationships.

I wanted to try dating and eventually, I wanted to get married. Hence, why I wanted to date in my home country. I wanted experience. As of right now in my late 20s I have zero experience, and I'm extremely sad.

Maybe I fucked up. I shouldn't have asked people out on dates or told people I liked them. I shouldn't have pursued in my job or school. Maybe I should have kept trying with the apps even though I hate them. Confessing to my friend was mistake. Are my standards too high? I mean wanting some who cares for himself and his home, isn't wrong? Him being kind and considerate, isn't wrong? Wanting someone to talk to and work out with isnt wrong? I want to hear about his day, his worries, and share moments with him. But he doesn't exist.

My life feels so incomplete. I should be satisfied. I have everything I wanted. I'm no longer being abused. I have my dream body. I'm traveling, and I've made awesome friends. Why do I want to be in love and be loved so badly? It's miserable.

Maybe I should keep waiting, but I've been waiting on a boyfriend since I was a teen. I've waited through high school. Teen romance can get messy, right? I told myself college would be best. But the two guys I showed interest in didn't want me. And the nice guy I gave chance thought I was whore after a week even though I've never had sex or done anything sexual. So, I said university. Then Covid19 happened and also, I didn't stay on campus and I drove an hour to get there prior to covid. So, interaction with men was limited. I tried clubbing here and back in my home country. I realize now I hate being groped by strangers.

I'm starting to sense I'm doomed. I tried dating apps, but it's very dehumanizing on both ends. I feel bad swiping next on people I don't know. Even though I haven't met them in real life, it feels weird to me. Like I didn't give them a fair shot. And writing what makes me interesting is so difficult. I don't know. Why am I writing a resume for a relationship or even a date? I don't even like doing that for work.

I'll try therapy, but I fear the therapist will tell me "Wait maybe you'll find love in your 30s, 40s or 50s. You're still young." or "There is nothing wrong with being alone. You have friends who are a strong support system" or "You can't just date anyone. You don't want to end up in an abuse relationship or unsatisfying one." or "Try the apps again."

I know I don't want to end up in an abusive relationship. That's why I don't fall for guys easily. I also only like men who like me. If they don't like me, I'm out. I'm not a placeholder or a punching bag or a therapist. I'm a person. Treat me with the same respect as you do a friend, a family member, a stranger, or a boss. The apps don't treat people like actual breathing humans in my opinion. I'm not pictures and a resume. Dating shouldn't feel like a job.

I don't want my youth to go to waste. My body will break down and I will be left with nothing to offer. I worked hard to feel and find myself attractive. I want to share that with someone who cares about me like I do them. But as I said in the beginning. It's hopeless. If I don't find you attractive mentally, physically, and emotionally, it's not going to work.

This is another reason why I didn't want to date during my high school/college/university years. I didn't find myself physically, emotionally, or mentally attractive. So, I went to therapy, moved out of that horrible environment, and I got a body I love to see in the mirror. I'm living the life of my dream as I explained earlier, but I still feel something missing.

Soon it will be a year since I left home. I want to be in love, but who would want a black romantically awkward woman like me. Language barriers and cultural barriers. Maybe my need for romance will never be satisified. How do I keeping going knowing I may never experience romantic love?

#love #romance #inexperienced

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abandonedaccount1234 · 2 months

Text

WIP: Buddie Fic

I haven't completed a fic in months. So many drafts with just a few lines or paragraphs. I've been in an emotional slump.I don't know if this will go anywhere but I had an idea and the words just started flowing.

Based on Louis Tomlinson's Only For The Brave

Synopsis: Buck is on cloud nine when him and Eddie are finally get together. Everything is almost right in the world. Life can't be perfect, he's working on accepting that. As Hen would say, "Our little Buck is growing up." He just didn't expect life to throw him a teenage daughter he's never met while he's falling in true love for the first time. Neither of them could have been prepared for what's about to happen.

Chapter 1: Cloud Nine

You know how they say, "when it rains, it pours?"

Well, this tale is gonna be whole new level of what-the-actual-fuck universe.

Buck had finally told Eddie how he was feeling. It wasn't dramatic. It was actually quite spontaneous and soft.

After a particularly weird call and only a week long sexuality crisis , Buck just couldn't keep it in anymore. He didn't keep secrets from Eddie, that was a promise they made.

If they were gonna live together, he had the right to know how he felt so he could call it off if it made him uncomfortable. So Buck could leave town, change is name, and try not to die of a literal broken heart.

And okay, maybe the crisis came from something his therapist had said about how he needed to open his eyes and accept himself for who he was. Maddie making comments about how she never thought she'd get married again before 'you two idiots' do.

It was in Eddie's kitchen where he professed. Eddie was going on about the phone call he had with his sister about the crazy teenage drama his niece had found herself in while they were doing the dishes. He handed Buck a plate to dry but he just stared at him.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"It's either very wrong or very good. Kind of depends how you feel."

"What ridiculous thing did you buy for the house without asking?"

The house in question was also not planned. Neither was the two of them living together. But, it was a great price. In a great neighborhood near Chris's school. Buck was getting tired of living in an apartment. He showed Eddie the property online consisting of the main house, back yard, and guesthouse. They both fell in love with it.

Eddie was also in need of a new place after his landlord had weirdly joined what he believes is a cult. Decided to sell all his belongings and live with some friends in the woods. He has so many questions and so little answers. They were all given a generous 6 months to find somewhere new (as well as brochures for these new hippie homes they were building.) Buck said he'd found a property with a guest house that they could stay in if they ever needed it. His trust fund would surely cover it.

The previous owners, partners of 55 years, were very particular about who got their place. Wanted it to go to a nice family. The 2 women were skeptical when Buck had toured the place alone and said he didn't have a wife or kids of his own.

But when he came back with Eddie, who apologized for being late after dropping Chris off at a friend's, they gave one look at each other and said the house could be theirs. They owned a furniture store so they threw in a free couch with the offer.

It was here Buck set the dish down and lazily tossed the drying towel on the counter. "I need to tell you something."

Can be continued right here:

go follow my regular blog if you like: fangirlie1111

Hope you like it!

#buddie 911 #911 abc #fanfic #archive of our own #louis tomlinson #only for the brave #eddie diaz #evan buck buckley #spotify #Spotify

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stfuprettypls · 4 months

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going digging in my blog is so wild bc my intent is to find a good memory (i religiously wrote on this blog for quite a few years) but then stumble upon the SADDEST fucking post by me and then stumbling on even SADDER fucking post two minutes later

i blocked out so much of the first half of 2017 man i deadass forgot i wanted to die the whole time. it was truly such a perfect storm everything happened at once and felt like the rug was pulled from underneath me. i always forget about that academic quarter because it consisted of me needing to take random ass classes because i had failed out of my major and my new major had zero classes available.

my first breakup EVER happened and the situation around it plagued me for years. like literal years it took me ages to be able to overcome all the insecurities that came from it. this was from a time i thought i was unlovable and ugly, who could love me when i didn't even feel proper love? that relationship only confirmed my worldview that i was always going to be at the bottom of the priority list. that fucked me so bad because i was really hoping i was delusional that whole relationship that he would pull through the for me. that he would CHOOSE me. and he didn't and that was fucking devastating. that is what stung so much about it. i hated myself for the way it ended because it was literally because he couldn't choose me.

my 21st birthday? the literal moment i knew. my birthday after a lovely party he threw me. us on his bed already knowing the end was coming. i literally had made the man want to kill himself because i was so stressful to him. it was broken and we both knew. then we had one last genuine talk about who he was choosing. it wasn't me. it wasn't necessarily her. it was him confirming he couldn't choose. i think i told him to talk to his therapist about it, but i already knew. later that week he calls me crying confirming what i knew. we agreed to last one weekend together and then ending it. it was such a solemn weekend with one final date being at the pigeon lighthouse. we didn't kiss once that weekend. it was so sad.

ugh i havent thought about that break up in literal years. for the first time in 7 years do i feel ache over this and it was by randomly remembering. fuck yeah does the first heartbreak sting. idk if its because im stoned or what......too think im even going through this bc i wanted to revisit the date on my blog when i watched la la land

anyways but also:

finding out my friends also wouldnt choose me. the whole thing with that roommate? FUCK fuck fuck fuck. it was traumatizing to lose a friend so ...... spontaneously. such a strange thing so confusing. and then the screaming a few weeks later? and how they didnt stand up for me. and how she mocked me in front of me to her friends in my own HOME in the bus everywhere she could demean me. all over what? this i haven't forgotten so much.

then the other guy that was such a hot fucking mess who also put me the wringer. again, forgot about the pain i endured with him. not bc of heartbreak just because of the cruelty. such a shitty guy. he was EASY to forget about it was a fucking relief

but i remember the fall of 2017. everything changed in 2017. i wonder if he will ever fully understand how much he means to me and how he came into my life during the time i most needed him. new beginnings and i met him. him who i originally was resistant to. idk if he will ever understand how special he is to me and he is really the first person to love me in a way that is not due to familial duty.

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matchupsblog · 1 year

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Yeah, no worries! Thank you very much for doing this <3

I was wondering if I could both platonic and romantic matchups for the characters?

Hobbies/likes - I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, pulling harmless pranks, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything! I love reading, my favorite genres are poetry, Russian lit, and mysteries! I love learning about new things and knowing a little bit of everything, I'm very interested in psychology, history, mythology and folklore, and fashion! I adore all forms of art and storytelling, and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I especially enjoy interior decor.

Personality description - It takes me a while to feel comfortable around new people but once I do, I become really talkative and outgoing. I love helping out and I'm the therapist friend, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'm smart and ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I sometimes struggle with the hardwork and conviction, and I'm deathly afraid of failure and disappointing the people I love. I'm quite the hopeless romantic and I love being in love! I adore big and small romantic gestures. I also daydream a lot and I can get lost in my own world for hours. I can be quite dramatic and stubborn, and I tend to be withdrawn and distant at times. I get frustrated easily and I'm quietly competitive. My love languages are acts of service (giving) and quality time (receiving)

Physical description - I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a fair skin tone, I'm slim and I've got full lips and slight dark circles under my eyes. I wear glasses and I have broad shoulders. I also have these dimples that I really like! I love wearing makeup, and I almost always have a red lip on. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down!

Thank you once again! I hope you have a lovely day ❤️

Of course and thank you. This is my first match up so I hope that you like it! For platonic, I ship you with...

Joel Miller

(I haven't seen the series but I'm guessing it's similar to the game so what I put is based on the game)

You met several years after outbreak day, when you were both convinced there was no good left in the world and no one left that you could really trust.

The two of you found comfort in eachother not long after meeting, even if it had only been small gestures for the first few weeks.

After some time, you had your first real conversation. He had left some ration cards and a note for you, saying that he had more than he needed. You felt that you needed to go say thank you and befriend the man that had been so kind to you over that time.

Joel knew he would never forget your first conversation. He didn't know what to say when you approached him but he was quick to find comfort in you and later confided that you were the only person there that he thought he might be able to trust if it ever came to it, and that you seemed like the only genuinely nice person as well.

It took you a little longer to become as comfortable around him as he did with you, but the two of you became close after beginning to talk more and more.

It was maybe a year after first meeting that you were both sat on the roof of one of the buildings that had been boarded up. You were talking about the stars, and anything either of you could remember about stars and space.

Joel told you a joke, and neither of you could stop laughing for almost ten minutes. For the longest time, he was certain that how the two of you had felt that night was the happiest anyone had been since outbreak day, and if not everyone then at least himself.

He told you about Sarah, not many people knew about her. Even those that had known him for years only knew a little about her. Joel spent hours talking about her, because he knew he could trust you not to tell anyone and finally getting it out felt so freeing.

Though he could never imagine dating you, there were so many things that Joel loved about you. You were the best thing in his life.

One of the things that Joel loved about you was your stories. Whether you were telling him stories you created, mythology you remembered reading straight from a book that you had found in not terrible conditions.

Whilst you were more of a comforting and kind person, Joel was extremely protective over you. It would be safe to say that both of you would be dead without the other. Joel knew this and it terrified him. He didn't know how he would be able to continue living if anything every happened to you, so he swore to himself that he would always keep you as safe as he could. Whether that be from clickers, soldiers or any other asshole that tried to fuck with you.

Joel tried to take interest in some of your interests, though he mostly just enjoyed listening to you talk about them. One time, he tried to write poetry for you. He let you read it, though he thought it was ridiculous, but you loved it. You kept it with you like a keepsake for years, deciding against telling him.

When he did eventually find out, it was because you lost your coat and when he saw how panicked you were, he helped you find it. Instead of asking why losing the coat had scared you so much, he found the note in the pocket.

You also knew about Joel's guitar and wanted nothing more than to find one in good enough condition for him to play.

After outbreak day and everything before meeting eachother, Joel never thought that he would be able to trust anyone again, or have a friendship with them beyond smuggling. He found that in you, and considered himself the luckiest guy in the world for that.

For romantic I ship you with...

Oberyn Martell

He's a very passionate person, and was completely obsessed and devoted to you.

You knew eachother since childhood, and had known that you were in love with him since then. The feelings were more than mutual.

When he lost his sister, you were the only thing that stopped him from starting another war. You were his comfort and the only hope he had. You knew how close he came to killing everyone that might have been involved in her death, and everyone knew that there would be nothing stopping him if anything were to happen to you.

He would love to spoil you, whether that be with clothes, books, poetry or anything else that he knew you would love.

You would both know eachother really well. Neither of you ever tried to hide anything from each other.

He would love to listen to you talk, about anything and everything. He couldn't help but be completely fascinated by everything you do.

The two of you would frequently talk about art (in all forms) and folklore. You both found interest in the stories.

Whenever he could, Oberyn would try to show you how much he loves you. Whether that be small things, or suprising you with the most beautiful thing he could think of.

Hey, thank you for requesting. This is my first matchup so I hope it's alright for you.

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