#there are things to criticise in the show but for me it’s real world stuff and not the cannon

[shot-in-the-sky]

You can fight me on it but doctor who has no cannon. It’s all true and none of it’s true and Richard E Grant is the ninth doctor twice and the great intelligence. David Tennant is every minor and major character he can get access to and so will Peter Capaldi and so will Mark Gatiss. Christopher Ecclestone will never be in the show again but he has some great extended universe stuff that you don’t have to listen to. Every controversial choice the show has ever made is only true to the extent you want to embrace it - as long as other people are allowed to like what you don’t like. Even the most hated decisions in the shows history have bought someone joy.

#doctor who #ninth doctor #tenth doctor #david tennant #the doctor #I don’t understand most doctor who arguments because it all boils down to just let people have fun #there are things to criticise in the show but for me it’s real world stuff and not the cannon

[forays-into-fiction]

I Want You So Bad I Can’t Breathe

You met Eddie when you first moved to Hawkins, Indiana it was an especially difficult time for you and Eddie was the one to stand by you, becoming fast friends. But then he was moving on to middle school and leaving you behind only to forget about you. You admire him from afar until Hellfire Club where you finally reconnect.

 Request fill for @harringtonfan4​ hope you like it, sorry if I went too hard on the negative self-image/insecurity stuff 😅

Minors DNI

Contains: Dom!Eddie/Sub!Reader, Slight Perv!Eddie Virgin!Reader, PlusSize!Reader, Insecure!Eddie, Insecure!Reader, Loss of Virginity, Angst, Major Internalised Fatphobia/Fatphobia, Bullying, Daddy Kink, Spitting, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Praise Kink, Innocence/Virginity Kink, Unprotected Sex, Drug Use (Weed)

Fat. It was a word you’d heard more than half your life by now at eighteen. The first time someone called you fat you were seven, she was supposed to be your friend… your best friend, but her snide little, ‘Why are you so fat? It’s so gross!’ stuck with you.

 Looking back now you know you weren’t fat… you know it every time you look back, but you can never see it in the moment. And you weren’t fat you were just an average sized little girl with chubby little cheeks.

No matter how far back it’s always been ‘oh I used to think I was so fat back then, what I would give to go back to that size. But now, now I really am fat’

 Over the years this mindset had really impacted your life, you used to be more outgoing, you used to love to sing and dance, you used to live without constantly thinking about how everyone else saw you. Because no one wants to see the fat girl having fun, enjoying life right… better to hide away.

You had tried to lose weight, so many times… and you did, but every time you’d lose weight as soon as you’d hit a plateau your weight would sit there for a bit before slowly creeping back up and up and up. At least until you weighed even more than when you’d started.

 It wasn’t just your friend that had made comments about your weight, she was the first but she certainly wasn’t the last. You’d also had a bully around the same time, she had consistently tormented you every day. 

Day after day she’d drag you away from your friends, pulling you into a secluded corner to harass you verbally, physically, mentally… until one day you finally told someone. 

Your mum went off on that other girl, threatened her so badly every time you saw her since then she’d cross the road to avoid you… but the damage had been done.

You didn’t have to deal with the aftermath for too long, shortly after your parents had decided to move to Hawkins, Indiana to be closer to your grandparents. 

Your little brother was almost four now and they were going to need help taking care of the two of you, both of them working long hours and odd shifts just to get by. Also needed a bigger house to accommodate the needs of your growing family.

You were eight when you first met him, he was ten both of you still in elementary school. You were new in town, that in itself already made you an oddity to say the least. 

Some kids had been picking on you, calling you names, pushing you around, you were on the verge of tears when he stepped in. He’d scared them off pretty easily, being both older and taller, buzzed head giving him a ‘tougher’ look.

 Once they had left, he turned to you, placing a hand on your shoulder looking into your eyes like you were the only thing that mattered in the world, “Hey, don’t pay attention to shitheads like that, ok? I’m Eddie.”

“Y/n…” You reply shakily.

“Y/n,” He repeats, “that is a very pretty name. Nice to meet you y/n.”

“N-nice to meet you t-too.”

“Wanna have lunch with me?”

“Yeah…”

 You’d spent the rest of that school year by his side he’d introduced you to this game he played, Dungeons and Dragons. He’d jokingly criticised your taste in music, telling you he’d show you some real music. 

You pout and protest that just because he doesn’t like your music doesn’t mean it’s not real music, but begrudgingly you listen to his stuff and find you actually like it… not that you’d admit it to him, you’d never give him the satisfaction.

 If you were honest with yourself, you’d been smitten with him since that day, but you buried those thoughts and feelings deep down, tried to ignore it.

But then all too quickly he’s moving on to middle school, the two of you promise to stay in touch but you don’t. You don’t want to push it either, he’s probably moved on to something better… someone better.

 In his absence you became closer with one Nancy Wheeler. Your brother and hers were in the same playgroup and your families had become closer as a whole. Both you and her were the same age, you’d bonded over the little things and she was a good friend to you.

It’s not until another two years later that you see him again, you’re starting middle school and he’s in his final year there. His hair is a bit longer now, no longer completely buzzed, still cropped short but growing out. 

You admire him from afar, he wouldn’t remember you… why would he remember you? You couldn’t risk embarrassing yourself by approaching him now.

 Your brother and his friends have discovered Dungeons and Dragons, the game has changed a bit since you first played but you sit in with them for a few sessions, Nancy also joins on occasion. 

You DM until Will asks to take over one session, then they all take turns at being DM, each running their own campaign with your guidance. As Nancy starts to lose interest in the game, you feel you should stick with her rather than intrude on your brother’s group.

 And time slips by the year is over, he’s moving on to high school, leaving you behind once more.

By the time you see him again you’re both in high school, his hair is longer still, becoming a bushy mane around his head, he’s really embracing the ‘metal’ look from what you can see and it suits him you think.  

 You hear he’s started a D&D group here at the school, Hellfire Club it was called. You were tempted to join, you had really missed him all these years, you doubt he would have even spared you a second thought… who would? Why would he care about that fat, little weird kid who followed him around for a year?

 You ask Nancy what she thinks, “I kinda know the guy that runs it, we were friends for a little while. It was before you and I really started hanging out properly, but I don’t think he remembers me. What do you think, should I join? Would you join with me?”

 “I think if you want to join you should, and it seems like you do… but I don’t know about joining myself, I kind of outgrew that phase. I’m thinking of signing up for the school paper though.”

“Oh, yeah that’s great you definitely should!”

“So, what about you? You going to join that club?”

“Ummm… yeah, maybe… I do want to, but I’m a little nervous.”

“I thought you said the guy that runs it is a friend, just talk to him.”

“Yeah, but we haven’t talked in years, I’m sure he doesn’t remember me.”

“It’ll be fine if you are worried about talking to him directly, I’m sure they’d have some sort of sign-up sheet, just go put your name down.” She shrugs.

“Yeah. Yeah, ok that doesn’t sound too bad.”

And they do have a sign-up sheet, it’s hung just outside the drama room, but you can’t see a pen anywhere. You rummage around in your bag for your pencil case, but then he appears beside you and you jump. 

He holds a pen out towards you with one hand, the other on which he’d drawn a silly, little face comes up and he makes it ‘talk’ with a funny voice, “Need a pen?”

“Ahhh… yeah, thanks…?” You take the offered pen awkwardly.

His silly face hand drops, internally he’s facepalming, ‘why the fuck did you do that?’ he thinks pressing on despite this, “Eddie. My name is Eddie.”

You shift self-consciously avoiding looking him in the eye, “Yeah, I uhh… I remember you, Eddie. You probably don’t remember me-”

A broad grin spreads across his face, “Are you kidding, of course I remember you, princess. Sorry if I scared you earlier, by the way. So, you’re signing up for Hellfire, huh?”

You shrug, “Yeah, if you’ll have me, I guess.”

“It’ll be just like the good old days. You still been playing?”

“Umm… not so much lately, but you remember my little brother?”

He nods, you continue, “He and his friends are really into it now. When they first started I DM’ed for them, at least until they got the hang of it.”

“Awww, princess DM’ing… I woulda loved to see that.”

“I mean you still could… if I’m joining Hellfire…”

“Oh, no… no I am the Dungeon Master there, princess no one else. And I run a brutal campaign… you better prepare yourself. I’m not about to go easy on you, just cause it’s you.”

“We’ll see about that won’t we Munson, I can take brutal, you know.”

He just about chokes on his words at that, but manages to contain himself… barely, “Uhh huh sure you can, princess.”

The next couple of years after that the two of you reconnect, it was like you’d never been apart, but again he’s coming up on his final year, about to leave you behind yet again. And then… he doesn’t, he doesn’t graduate, he fails his senior year. 

You’re torn on the one hand it means you get another year with him, another year before he disappears again. On the other hand, you hated seeing him fail, you knew how shitty high school was for him, constantly being mocked and teased. You hadn’t had it any better either, but having him there helped and now you’d have him for another year.

 But now, now you’re eighteen, he’s twenty and he’s failed again. So, you get to share all your classes with him, you feel guilty about how happy you are to still have him with you. 

Your little brother and his friends are just starting high school and Eddie takes them under his wing, inviting them to join you at your table. You would have done so yourself, but he’d beaten you to it and it reminded you of the day you met him, the way he stood up for you, the way he still stood up for you.

 Your feelings have resurfaced… or maybe they’d always been there, just bubbling away in the hidden recesses of your mind. You hated yourself for it, it wasn’t for you to have a crush… nothing could possibly come of it, you’d seen the way he’d looked at other girls, prettier girls, skinnier girls… he’d never want you, why bother? And every day you dig yourself deeper into this hole, torturing yourself.

He’s driving you to school one day when you find yourself humming along to one of the songs on his radio and he is very quick to call you out on it. “Hey, I thought you didn’t like my, quote ‘shitty metal’?”

You give him a shove, “Fuck off, you know I don’t.”

“Oh, yeah then why are you fucking humming Metallica hmmm?” He grins smugly.

“I dunno, I guess it grows on you… like a wart… or a skin lesion… or you.”

“Hey, you take that back!”

You giggle, “Never.”

“Oh, really is that how it is?” He glances over at you briefly, taking one hand from the steering wheel he begins poking at you “Take. It. Back.”

You squirm away from his prodding fingers, but then instead of getting your arm or your shoulder he misses and makes contact with the swell of your belly and you freeze.

He knows he’s done something wrong, when he glances over again, the way your giggles die on your lips, the way you won’t look at him.

“What’s wrong princess?” He asks seriously.

“Nothing. Nothing, just drive.” Your voice sounds almost empty, but he doesn’t push any further.

Nancy knows, even if you won’t admit it at first, but she knows about your not so little crush. When you finally do admit it, she encourages you to do something about it, but you can’t… you couldn’t, could you? What if it ruined everything between the two of you… after all why would he ever look at you like that…

 It does no good to dwell on these thoughts, but they come up, every time you’re in his van, every time he looks at you with that glint in his eye, every time you’re sat in his bedroom… on his bed, smoking and laughing and forgetting who you are for just a split second. It gives you hope, but then it all comes crashing down around you.

 When he shows you how to roll your first joint, you can’t take your eyes off of him. You don’t hear a word he’s saying, it washes over you without comprehension. He sits facing you from the foot of your bed, you sit cross-legged facing him, leaning in slightly. 

You watch his nimble fingers working away, the way his tongue darts out to wet the paper, his eyes never leaving yours, making sure you pay attention. It makes you feel hot all over, squirming as he’s twisting off the end giving you a little grin, proudly showing it off, “… and that is how it’s done.”

“Uhh cool, thanks.” You move to pluck it from his fingertips but he snatches it away.

“Ah, ah, ah don’t you know the rules… roller’s rights?”

You look at him in confusion, he explains, “The roller always takes the first hit.”

“Oh, ok.” You mumble and settle back down into the pillows. He lights up the end then takes a few puffs before passing it over to you, you take a deep drag and choke almost immediately. He laughs before smacking you on the back, before rubbing in soothing circles “Hey, take it easy… just breathe.”

He reaches across you to the water sitting on your bedside table, “Here take a sip, it’ll help.”

You take a few sips of water and steady your breathing before he continues, his hand still on your back, “When you take a hit it’s just a few little breaths in, slowly, lightly. Don’t try to take too much at once, it’s not the same as smoking a cigarette, ok?”

“Yep, uhh huh.” You croak out.  

“And hold the smoke in your mouth first, then breathe in from here…” he rubs a hand over his belly, up high by his diaphragm.

“You wanna try again?”

You nod humming in response and he nods back for you to go ahead.

You follow his advice and it goes better, you try again and it’s even easier.

“Alright, now pass it back.” He holds out a hand and you hand it over to him.

“There, now give it a few minutes before you try again, it’s your first time don’t wanna go too hard, too fast.” He takes another puff.

You giggle, teasing, “But what if I want hard and fast?”

And then he’s choking, spluttering, coughing up smoke.

“Jesus H Christ… princess you can’t say shit like that, someone might take it the wrong way one day.” He gasps out.

You roll your eyes, “Eddie, come on no one is thinking of me like that, get real.”

He hesitates a moment, “What if… what if I told you I thought of you like that?”

“Haha, very funny…” you reply sarcastically, but he’s not laughing, “… wait a minute you’re serious?”

“Yeah, you got no fucking idea…”

“Are you sure that isn’t just the weed talking, I mean I heard it can make people-”

He cuts you off with a fierce kiss, pushing his lips to yours forcefully, nipping at your bottom lip gently, the joint burning down steadily in his limp grip. When he breaks away, he looks at you with lust clouded eyes, “Oh, I’m real fucking sure, princess. I have been crushing on you since God only knows when.”

You look up at him through your lashes, bashfully, “Ummm I’ve been crushing on you pretty much since the day we met.” You confess.

“Shit… can I fucking kiss you again?” He breathes out.

“Yeah… umm, maybe just get rid of that first.” You nod down to his fingers.

“Oh, right… yeah.” He mumbles reaching for his black metal lunchbox, snubbing out the joint on the lid and tossing it inside.

He looks back over at you, leaning in slowly, you don’t know why, but you’re blurting out, “imavirgin…” the words meld together in your embarrassment.

“What was that? Didn’t quite get that...”

You take a deep steadying breath, making sure to enunciate clearly this time, you repeat, “I’m a virgin.”

He lets out a guttural groan, “Fuck, princess is that true? No one… no one’s ever touched you before?”

“Umm no never… never been kissed before either…” You admit shyly.

“That’s quite a few firsts tonight, isn’t it? Do you wanna tackle a few more?”

You nod, pouting at him, “Please Eddie, kiss me again?”

“How could I refuse?”

He swoops in capturing your lips between his own once more, you feel his tongue probing for entrance you let out a needy whine and it’s slipping in alongside your own. 

You tangle your hands into his hair you gasp as he lifts you into his lap, you pull away, “Wh-what’re you doing, don’t I’m heavy…”

“Oh no, you are just perfect, you sit right there, right on top of my cock.” He emphasises this with a roll of his hips and the hard bulge of his dick grinds into your heated core. You whine again at the sensation, feeling a wetness pool between your thighs.

He pulls you back in for another kiss, sloppier than the previous and you grind back against him with a moan.

“Did you mean it?” He gasps into your mouth.

“Huh?”

“When you said you want it ‘hard and fast’… or was that just a joke?”

“I dunno… it wasn’t entirely a joke…”

“You think you can handle it hard and fast, do you think you’ll still like me after, if I’m rough?” He growls.

“Please Eddie, I want you. I want you so bad I can’t breathe.” You gasp.

“Ok, but we’re gonna start off slow alright? Then we can ramp it up to hard and fast.” He chuckles darkly.

As he resumes kissing you his hands move to lift your shirt and you pull away suddenly.

“You ok, sweetheart? You change your mind?” Concern laces his voice.

“No… no it’s not that… just, could we maybe turn the lights off…?”

It’s like a switch flips in his head, “Oh no, no sweetheart I wanna see all of you… every gorgeous bit. The things I would do to you…”

He groans his hands dropping to your plump legs that straddle his own, squeezing them softly, urging you to move against him more firmly, “Wanna bury my face between these thighs… so fucking gorgeous… wanna do so much with ‘em, bite ‘em, suck em, kiss ‘em… push your legs together and fuck them.”

He drops one hand to cup your ass, kneading the soft flesh, he growls, “Oh and if you let me take you from behind, I could watch your ass jiggle as I pound into you, maybe slap it a bit if you’d let me… would you like that princess? Want me to slap that fucking glorious ass of yours? You have no idea how many times I’ve been distracted by just that… thinking about bending you over and just taking you…” You’re panting desperately at his touch, barely done anything and he’s already got you absolutely wrecked.

 He moves his hand up to your chest, groping your breasts he lets out a guttural moan as you whine pitifully, “And these tits, don’t even get me started on those… absolutely perfect… shove my face into them too, suck on your nipples, pinch ‘em ‘til you fucking scream… oh god, I’d love it if you held your tits together… let me fuck em ‘til I cum all over your pretty face, watch it drip down your chin…” his filthy mouth has you soaking your panties, grinding down into him.

You barely register that he’s popped the button on your jeans sliding them down slowly until he flips you over onto your back and you gasp, you never knew he was so strong, the way he was manhandling you like it was nothing. 

He kneels between your legs, towering over you, you yelp as he grabs your jeans roughly pulling them the rest of the way down before you can protest. 

You unconsciously tug the hem of your shirt lower to cover yourself and he swats your hands away, “Ah, ah sweetheart none of that I wanna see you… how about this, if I take off my shirt you let me take off yours?”

You bite you lip as you consider it, God do you wanna see him… bare chest, tattoos all on display… you nod nervously, mumbling “O-ok… b-but you first…?”

He concedes, “Ok, sweetheart me first.”

He hooks a hand into the collar of his shirt pulls it off and tosses it across the room blindly, your eyes rake over him, practically salivating at the sight, lingering on the sparse trail of hair peeking out over his belt. He’s smirking down at you as you pout up at him, “Pants too?”

“What about them?” He teases.

“Wan’ you to take yours off too… ‘s only fair…”

He grins devilishly, eyes glinting, “How about you take them off for me, princess?”

You sit up and place a shaky hand over his belt buckle, your fingers just grazing the hair of his happy trail. You undo the belt clumsily and unzip his jeans before rolling them down his thighs slowly. His baggy blue and white chequered boxers do little to hide his erection as it tents the fabric there. 

Before you can do anything else he’s pushing you back into the pillows behind you, “Now, I seem to remember that the deal was… tit for tat, or rather tats for tits you may say…” he chuckles.

You giggle and resist the urge to fight him when his hands drop to toy with the hem of your shirt, he leans in easing your shirt up, trailing kisses over your belly, your chest, until he pulls your shirt over your head and tosses that aside too, diving back in to kiss you eagerly on the lips. He pulls away leaving you breathless, humming in appreciation, “Beautiful…”

“Eddie stoop…” You whine swatting at him.

“Never, I meant what I said and I’m gonna suck on those tits ‘til you’re begging me for more… there’s uhh… something I want you to do for me though…”

“What’s that?” You mumble curiously.

“Don’t call me Eddie. Do you think you could… call me ‘daddy’ while we…”

You gasp, “Fuck… yeah I can do that for you… daddy.”

“Yeah, just like that, sweetheart.” He moans encouragingly before ducking his head to the crook of your neck biting, kissing, mouthing on it as his hands wrap around you. Calloused, ringed fingers brush against your back as he fiddles with the clasp of your bra, he gets it loose and slips it off down your arms. 

He trails kisses down your chest until he reaches a nipple, sucking it into his mouth, laving over it with his tongue. His hands join his mouth, pushing your tits closer together, pinching and rolling the other nipple between his fingers. Your breath hitches at his ministrations and you let out a shaky moan.

“So, fucking responsive… love that I’m the only one who gets to do this to you…” He growls against your skin. He takes the hand closest to his mouth and caresses your mound, before dipping his fingers under the waistband. He runs his fingertips through your slick, teasing your entrance before dragging the up to circle your clit.

“All of this is just for me…” He murmurs, pulling away from you chest briefly.

“Yes, just you… no one else.” You gasp in response.

“God fucking damn, that’s right. I’m the only one that gets to touch you like this, isn’t that right?”

You mumble in assent, “Mhmmm that’s right… daddy, only you.”

“Fuck, princess gonna make me bust a nut and we haven’t even started yet.”

Your legs quiver on either side of him as he plunges two fingers into you crooking them against your soft, spongy walls. You can hear his rings clink together and feel them bump against your entrance, the sound met with a wet squelch as your cunt takes all he has to offer. 

His thumb moves to press against your clit in clumsy circles, you grab onto his shoulders tightly, there’s a tension mounting, coiling deep in your belly.

“That’s it princess, you gonna cum for daddy? Cum on my fingers for me.”

Something in you snaps and the tension is released all at once, your walls flutter on his fingertips, your release gushing all over them as you moan breathily.

He grins at you proudly as you gasp for breath, “So, another first for you… what’s that now, first joint, first kiss, first orgasm from my fingers… what’s next my tongue or my cock.

“Jesus fucking Christ Eddie…” he gives you a disapproving look and you try again, “please… please, daddy.”

“Please what, sweetheart… use your words.”

“Please… fuck me…” You whine.

“How do you want it?” He asks firmly, “Tongue. Or cock?”

“Wan’ your cock, wan’ you to fuck me hard, show me I’m yours…” You whimper in response, weakly reaching for his boxers.

“You on any kind of birth control, sweetheart?” He asks in earnest.

“Mhhmm… yep I am.”

“Good… that’s good… now you’re sure about this, right?”

“Yes, never wanted anything more in my life… please…”

He ducks down and presses a kiss to your thigh before tugging your panties down your legs. He looks up at you with a little grin, panties hanging off his finger, “Mind if I keep these?”

“You can have whatever you want so long as you make me cum again daddy…”

He groans in response eyes squeezing shut briefly, and he palms at his cock. He drapes your panties over his lunchbox before sliding down his boxers to join his jeans. His thick, weepy length bobs up between his legs, precum bubbling up at the flushed tip. You gasp at the sight, “You’re so… big… can I touch it first?”

“Gonna gimme an ego sweetheart…” he mumbles as he reaches out for your hand guiding it onto his stiff length.

His precum slicks the motions of your hand, he controls the pace, running your hand along his length the way he likes. You devote all your attention to his cock while he watches you appreciatively.

When you swipe your thumb over the head on the upstroke, he growls lowly, “That’s enough now, princess. This time you’re gonna soak my cock with that tight little cunt of yours.” He looks into your eyes, his own dark with lust.

He pulls his jeans and boxers all the way off dropping them over the edge of the bed.

He pushes you back down into the pillows with a hand on your shoulder before moving to sweep your hair out of your face. He grabs your hand, slick and sticky from rubbing his flushed cock and holds it in front of your face, “Look you got your hand all messy. Lick it clean princess.” He orders.

He pushes your own hand to your mouth and you swipe your tongue over your palm before wrapping your lips around your fingers with a low moan. “Such a good girl for daddy.” He hums, you can taste him on your skin you whine as you imagine what it would be like to suck on his fat cock. 

He smirks down at you while he grips his shaft at the base, rubbing the head through your glistening folds. Then another image springs to mind, one he’d painted for you, of him fucking your breasts, losing himself completely and cumming all over your face… how high would it splatter, would it get in your mouth, would it taste like this.

He pulls your hand away from your mouth leaning in for a kiss as he forces his tip inside your dribbling entrance. He swallows up all your little whines and gasps as he drops a hand between you to rub at your swollen clit. He sinks into you further and further until he’s buried deeper than you ever thought possible.

“Gonna give it to you hard and fast real soon princess, but we gotta get you a little warmed up for me first…”

He rolls his hips thrusting shallowly as you adjust to the sensation.

“Please… hmmm… fuck, faster please daddy. Feels so… mhnnn… feels so good” You pant out, hips rising to meet his.

“With pleasure sweetheart.” His hands move to grip your hips bruisingly tight. As he increases the pace, you feel his balls slapping against your ass, the room is filled with all sorts of obscene, wet sounds. 

You twist your hand into his curls, gazing up at his rosy face, sweat dripping from his brow, eyes blown wide with lust. When you give a little tug on his hair, he lets out a deep, rumbling moan.

He hooks his arms beneath your legs pulling them up over his shoulders sinking into you deeper with this new angle, “You like being filled up, sweetheart? Feel so good when daddy’s deep in you? You gonna let me cum buried inside you?”

“Please… god yes, want it so bad daddy, want you to fill me up with your cum.”

He brings a hand up to your chin, thumb sliding over it ‘til it rests on your bottom lip as you whimper beneath him, he eases his thumb between your lips and you suck on it mindlessly.

“You’re gonna take everything I give you right?”

You nod, mumbling around his thumb in agreement.

“Then open.” He forces your jaw down with his thumb, you look up at him a little confused.

Suddenly he spits in your mouth, ramming his cock into you at the same time, you whimper.

“Now swallow.” He demands and you do so, your saliva mixing with his as it slides down your throat and your walls flex around him of their own accord.

“Oh, you liked that did you?”

“Y-yes daddy.”

“Oh, you’re such a good girl for me. You do like it hard, don’t you? Gonna fuck you so hard you can’t walk.”

“Please… fuck, please gonna cum again.”

“Then cum for me. Squeeze on my dick, lemme feel it. Cum for daddy.”

You wail, chanting “Daddy, daddy, daddy… fuck ‘m cumming.” Your back arches, head thrown back gasping as you clamp down around him, your release running over his cock in rivulets and he continues to pound into you, fucking you through your orgasm. 

You fall back limply still spasming around him when he reaches his peak, he growls, “Yeah that’s it princess, you’re gonna take all my fucking cum… take everything daddy gives you.”

He empties his heavy balls deep inside you with a deep, strung-out groan, you can feel his warm seed flood your cunt, drenching your already slick channel.

He collapses on top of you, sweaty bodies pressed together and he tries to nuzzle in even closer.

“God, that was good sweetheart.” He pants in your ear.

“Yeah.” You mumble in agreement running a hand over his back tracing random patterns.

He sighs and you feel his breath against your cheek while his cock softens slowly slipping out of you. You can feel your combined fluids leaking out of your entrance slipping down between your ass to pool on your bed. 

Eddie rolls off of you wandering off naked, when he returns, he’s cleaned himself off, approaching you carrying a warm, damp cloth, he runs it over your body soothingly, between your legs cleaning you off. 

He stoops down untangling his boxers from his jeans slipping them on as he moves to your wardrobe rifling around til he finds some pyjamas. He helps you into them gently and wraps the covers around you and turns out the lights before slotting himself in behind you. He presses a kiss to your shoulder and wraps his arms around you with a sigh.

You melt into his embrace and he wishes you sweet dreams, you return the sentiment. The pair of you doze off smiling contentedly in your post-orgasm bliss.

Eddie wakes in very early hours of the morning, still happy and content, girl of his dreams wrapped up in his arms. His thoughts turn sour as he lays there, the demons in his head tormenting him…

Jesus Christ what have you done, that was her first time you fucking pig… you told her to call you ‘daddy’ what is wrong with you… fucking freak… shit that’s what everyone’s gonna think the freak and the fatty, both of you together that’ll send them all into a frenzy and her oh, she’ll never hear the end of it, do you really think she deserves that… do you think you deserve to be happy…

And he’s slipping out from under the covers shrouded in his shame, careful not to rouse you he dresses and collects his belongings. He pauses briefly before pocketing your panties, one last little souvenir. Sick pervert. He shakes his head as if to clear his thoughts before taking off into the early dawn.

You wake up a few hours later, sore, mumbling his name, hands searching for his warmth only to come up with nothing. Eyes snapping open you look around in confusion, you find that all of his belongings are gone all evidence that he was even here gone. 

He’d be back, for sure he’d be back. Why would he leave…? But he doesn’t come back, doesn’t answer any of your calls. This continues for the rest of the weekend, you convince yourself it’ll be different when you get to school.

Monday rolls around, your stomach twists into knots, did he regret it, wake up next to you with a sudden clarity, no longer horny or high and realise he didn’t actually want someone who looked like you. Or maybe he was just worried what other people would think if he dated someone like you… good enough to fuck, but not good enough to keep around. 

You can’t believe that you’d let yourself believe that it could be something more for even a second. Tears sting your eyes and you swipe them away angrily, you huff sulking off into the bathroom, don’t be so fucking dumb, of course he wouldn’t want you just deal with it. You splash cold water over your face and take a few deep breaths to steady yourself.

 You end up late for homeroom, only just entering the room as the teacher calls your name. Eddie isn’t sitting in his usual seat, instead he’s sat beside Gareth chatting away about something to do with the band and their show tomorrow night.

He doesn’t look at you as you pass him, you slink off to the last available seats, it’s fine, it’s fine… more tears threaten to slip out but you bite them back.

He avoids you for the rest of the day, you don’t even see him at lunch, but then you pass him on your way out of the cafeteria, you call out to him, “Hey, Eddie there you are I’ve been looking for you all day.”

But he walks right passed you, blank-faced, staring straight passed you. It’s like a knife to your heart, your frozen can’t move, can’t speak, the tears you’ve been fighting all day spill out. Someone bumps into your shoulder and of course it has to be them, “Watch it fatass.” 

And there’s giggles as they walk on you can hear them saying to one another, “She was fucking crying did you see her, what a fucking loser… not even the freak wants to be seen with her now.”

That’s the final straw, you don’t even bother collecting your stuff from your locker you just… leave. You walk all the way home blindly, the tears stoped at some point leaving your eyes puffy and stinging, your nails dig into your palms leaving little half-moon impressions.

You let yourself in trudging to your room, stripping off your clothes and pulling on anything that’s nearby before crawling into bed burying yourself beneath the covers.

Your mum wakes you when she gets home, you brush her off telling her you’re not feeling well, trying to pass it off as really bad period cramps. You tell her you might not go in to school tomorrow, she offers to bring you something to eat and a hot water bottle you nod mutely, you don’t really feel like talking much.

 You spend the next few days like that in a haze, numb to the world but acutely aware of the stabbing pain in your chest and the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. By the fourth day Nancy stops by to check on you, it’s not like you to miss so many days of school, let alone walk out in the middle of the day.

She enters your room tentatively calling out to you, she sits on the edge of your bed as you groan from your cocoon of blankets.

“You wanna tell me what happened?”

You give a little grunt, she brushes your greasy hair behind your ear gently, “Want a hug?” She offers.

“No, ‘m all gross.” You mumble pulling your self to sit up at the very least, but then the tears flow anew, that’s exactly why he doesn’t want you… fat, ugly, gross, loser… every insult ever hurled at you streams through your brain.

Nancy wraps her arms around you despite your attempts to push her away.

“You know I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong. Your mum said you haven’t been eating properly, won’t come out of your room, i haven’t seen you like this since… well in a really long time.”

You breathe in shakily trying to stem the flow of tears, “I’m a fucking idiot that’s what’s wrong.”

“Hey, hey that’s not true, tell me what actually happened.”

You shake your head pushing away from her, “Can’t.”

“Tough ‘cause I’m not leaving ‘til you do.” She folds her arms over her chest giving you a determined look.

“Well, be prepared to stay a while then.”

“Don’t be stubborn.” She chides.

“You don’t be stubborn.”

“I’m just trying to help.”

“Fine, Ugh fine…”

“Go on I’m listening.”

“He doesn’t want me, doesn’t want anything to do with me now.” You can’t bring yourself to look at her while you speak.

“Who’re you talking about?”

“Eddie.”

“That’s not possible, that guy looks at you like you hung the moon. What happened? Did you tell him how you feel or…”

“No… well yes, but… ok, so he came over Friday night. You know how my parents went away?” She nods as you continue, “So, I asked him what it was like to smoke weed, like we always smoke together when we’re at his place, but never that and he was showing me how to roll a joint and god he looked so hot and I made some dumb joke about wanting it ‘hard and fast’ and he kissed me and told me he had a crush on me and I told him as well… and one thing kinda led to another and we ended up having sex and…” you trail off uncertain of how much detail is too much detail.

“None of that sounds bad so far, where did you get the idea that he doesn’t want you if he’s already slept with you.”

“When I woke up in the morning… after… he was gone, he didn’t answer any of my calls the whole weekend but I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt… I dunno, whatever. Anyway then at school on Monday he acted like I didn’t even exist, walked right passed me and they had to see it, had to comment on it.”

You hazard a glance at her and you can practically see the steam billowing out from her ears, “I’m sorry he what?!”

“I just I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, the year’s almost over and just like before he’ll be disappearing from my life again… this time just a little sooner than planned.”

“I’m gonna talk to him.” She says firmly.

“What? No! Nance don’t… please don’t… promise me you won’t.”

“I…” she falters at the look in your eye, “Alright, fine I won’t.”

You shoot her a stern look, “Really, I promise I won’t.” She insist.

“I mean it don’t.” You finish firmly.

“Ok… have you eaten today? What did you have?”

“I did, I had tea and crackers.”

“Is that it? All day that’s all you had?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s not like I’m doing anything today other than wallowing in bed and it’s not as if I’ll starve to death.”

“You know starving yourself is just as bad as overeating, neither of which is going to help you right now. Come on get out of bed go have a shower, I’ll make you something to eat and we can watch a movie… we haven’t had a girl’s night in a while you know.”

 You give in to her pestering and it does help to take your mind off things for a bit. She makes you promise that she’ll see you up and about next week.

Nancy doesn’t break her promise at first, not exactly but she does go straight to Steve right after your little ‘girl’s night’.

“You want me to what?”

She rolls her eyes, “Oh, relax it’s not that big a deal just talk to the guy.”

“Why me? If it’s not such a big deal you talk to him.”

“I told you I promised y/n I wouldn’t so I’m not.”

“Still don’t get why it has to be me.” He grumbles.

“What are you scared of him or something?” She teases.

“No! It’s just weird you want me to talk to him about his sex life, c’mon that’s weird.”

“Hey, y/n is your friend too and she’s really hurting right now, just talk to the guy.”

“Why couldn’t it be one of those Hellfire guys instead?”

“Well, I don’t really know them, I know you… but I guess we could talk to them too. Maybe they could help, we can ask Mike where to find them.”

 That’s how they find themselves grouped together with a couple of the guys from Hellfire Club, on Eddie Munson’s front porch. Nancy knocks on the front door and Eddie tumbles out to greet them “Wheeler? Harrington? The fuck are you two doing here?”

He spots Gareth and Jeff just behind them, “Emerson… what the fuck is going on?”

Nancy pokes him in the chest angrily, “Inside. Now, Munson.”

He holds up his hands in surrender stumbling backwards inside the trailer.

When everyone is inside, he tries again, “Right, so is anyone gonna fill me in here? What the fuck is going on?”

The boys let her go off on her tirade, her promise to you forgotten amidst her anger, “Don’t play dumb Munson, we’re here about what happened with y/n.”

“Shit… yeah I know I took things too far but tell her it’s ok, I’ll stay away from now on.”

“That is exactly the problem, why are you staying away?”

“Just imagine what people would say about us, the freak and the fatty…”

Gareth speaks up taken aback, “What the fuck man since when do you call her that?”

Eddie sighs “I don’t, it’s just what people would say and she doesn’t deserve that, she doesn’t need people judging her and they would if we were together. Why would anyone want to be seen with the freak nah she doesn’t need that.”

“Since when has that stopped her before, she’s with you all the time?” Jeff counters.

“Yeah, but that’s different it’ll be so much worse for her if we’re dating, this is for her own good, she’d be better off without me all together.” He protests with a tone of finality.

“Shouldn’t you let her decide that for herself? You don’t think you’re hurting her right now… acting like this. Imagine what she’s feeling, what she’s thinking. She’s alone in her room, hasn’t left for days, hasn’t been eating, torturing herself over why you’d do this.” Nancy attempts to reason with him.

Reality comes crashing down around him as he realises what he’s done, “Oh fuck I’m… shit I’m a fucking asshole. I let my own fucking insecurities get to me I didn’t stop to think how she’d feel, how she’d see it… fuck, fuck, fuck.” He paces back and forth tugging on his curls anxiously. His head snaps up, locking on to Nancy, “What do I do… what can I do?”

Steve speaks up for the first time, side-eyeing Nancy as he does so, “You fucking apologise man, take her flowers, beg for her forgiveness… whatever it takes.”

“Right… right.” He mutters to himself before his head pops up again, “You guys uh wanna like leave, or…?”

“Yeah, we’ll go.” Steve replies leading the way out of the trailer.

Nancy lets the other two go first before turning back to Eddie, “You fix this Munson… and I was never here, ok?”

He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “Uhh… yeah ok.”

He stands beneath your bedroom window tossing rocks at it til one connects. You peek your head out at the noise and see him standing there, arms laden with flowers and candy. You don’t quite trust yourself to speak first so you stare down at him expectantly.

He finally breaks the silence, “Can I come in? We gotta talk.”

Your despair solidifies into bitter anger, “Oh, now you wanna talk… fuck off.”

“Please… please just hear me out.” He calls back desperately.

“Why the fuck should I? I gave you so many chances, why now?”

“I’m a fucking idiot, I know that and I’m sorry I’m so so sorry. Please just let me in, let me explain and then I’ll go if you want, I promise.”

“Alright, fine. You better make it quick though… you know the way in. Come up.” You slip back into your room slamming the window shut.

He takes the stairs in leaps and bounds when he gets inside, hesitating outside your bedroom before steeling himself and opening the door.

The second he steps inside it’s like all moisture is wicked away from his mouth he stands there for a moment in silence. You prompt him to begin, “Well? You gonna actually speak or-”

He blurts out, “I love you…”

You roll your eyes, scoffing, “Yeah, sure you fucking do… not falling for that one again.”

He persists, “I’m really, really, really sorry, you have no idea. I uh got these for you.” He thrusts out the flowers and a box of candy in your direction.

You eye them sceptically, snarling, “And what some flowers and chocolates are gonna make me just fall right into bed with you again… ‘daddy’?”

“I never should have… I took things way too far for your first time I am so fucking sorry. I really do love you though.” He says in earnest.

Your voice cracks, “Why did you leave? Why do you always fucking leave me?”

“Because I was a dumb fucking piece of shit too wrapped up in my own insecurities… thinking I don’t deserve you, don’t deserve happiness… worried about what people would think of you if you were dating me, the things they’d say…thought you’d be better off without me.”

“It’s not on you to make decisions like that for me, you ass. The things people would say about me because I’m dating you… fuck that’d just fly right over my head ‘cause I’d be with you. And that shit about you not deserving happiness is just that, absolute shit… of course you deserve happiness. And by doing this you deprived both of us of a chance at happiness.”

“Is… is it too late… can I… can we try again?” He stutters out hopefully.

Your resolve slips, “You really hurt me Munson…”

His face falls, “I know, I’m so sorry… and I will spend the rest of my fucking life making it up to you if… if you’d let me?”

“It… it wasn’t too far you know, umm I actually really liked it… all of it.”

His eyes search your own desperately, “Does that mean…?”

“Yes Eddie, it means we can try again.”

His face lights up and he drops the flowers and the candy onto your bed, he moves towards you but stops suddenly, “Can… can I kiss you?”

You give a small nod and he dives in kissing you slowly, deeply, with purpose. He pulls away and asks breathily, “Can I stay the night?”

“Don’t push your luck.” You warn.

He gasps, “No! Not… not like that… I mean not that I wouldn’t want that, but… I mean, just let me sleep here, that’s it just sleep, cuddle a bit. Then in the morning I’ll show you how it should have gone the first time, like this past week never happened.”

“O-ok, yeah we can do that.”

“Thank you.” He hums pulling you against him, nuzzling into your neck.

And true to his word that is all you do that night, falling asleep wrapped up in one another, peacefully. He wakes you in the morning with a sweet kiss, he says he’d offer to make you breakfast but the best he could do is cereal so he takes you out to the diner instead.

When you tell Nancy what happened she doesn’t seem too surprised, “Good I’m glad the two of you worked that out, I’m happy for you really… but if he ever does anything like that again you tell me straight away. I’ll sort him right out.”

You shoot her a suspicious look, “Nance, did you talk to him?”

“What? No! No, I promised I wouldn’t… it was Steve and a couple of your Hellfire friends I swear.”

“Uh huh and how did they know about it?” You probe.

She folds easily, “Alright fine I talked to him, I’m sorry but-”

“No, it’s fine. Actually, I’m glad you did, thank you.”

“No problem… so, now can we talk about it… what’s he like in the bedroom?”

You gasp mock scandalised, “Nancy Wheeler, how dare you…” you can’t maintain it for long and burst into giggles, “He is gooood I’ll say that much, very generous in every sense of the word.”

She raises a brow, “You mean…” and indicates size with her hands.

You nod “Oh, boy do I, and he knows what to do with it.”

She chuckles at your response, you ask about her, “How’re you and Jonathan?”

“Good, we’re good…”

The two of you chat long into the night, you’re glad of a friend like her, glad she stepped in when she did else who knows how things could’ve gone.

#eddie munson fic #eddie munson smut #eddie x reader #eddie munson x reader #dom!eddie x sub!reader #dom!eddie #perv!eddie #perv!eddie x reader #eddie x virgin!reader #plus size!reader #eddie x plus size reader #eddie x plussize!reader #insecure!eddie #insecure!reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x y/n #request #request fill #harringtonfan4 #cw body image #fatphobia

[juni-ravenhall]

whats ur non mainstream film taste then? genuinly curious to hear. as someone whos ended up in some weird ass corners of the film world like Neil breen Zachary Oberzan 0 budget stuff i love hearing what kind of weird indie corners other people have gotten into :3

i will talk a lot below that prob wont be interesting anyway, but i have to say first that i mostly stopped watching movies and now i mostly watch things @yasminewestbank chooses (not all the time but mostly) bc shes a movie nerd, so she picks movies that are usually either genuinely good or at least watchable, and if it was just me alone id prob not be bothering to watch those anyway, bc even a great movie just doesnt give me that much. i suffer from pretty severe apathy :( so if u want someone who hypes up genuinely good movies rather than me who is like "this is genuinely good but im still apathetic and dont really care" then yasmin is better to talk to. (im also generally more of a nonfiction type when it comes to video content, i could hype up Tasting History on youtube most days of the week but i struggle to hype up any movie at all. oh, and animated shorts, there are always some interesting student films and stuff.) the rest ⬇

my taste is usually "its [symbolic or not] critical commentary on something i care about" (feminism and misogyny, classism, bigotry, racism, the queer experience, abuse, trauma, violence, human self development, etc etc) or "its portraying human experiences [internal and external] in an interesting or just realistic way", like. realistic but in a highly specific meaning of realistic. i dont care about realism as a concept itself in art (realistic visuals or realistic setting or realistic costume etc i rly do not care about), what i mean is just about capturing a real essence of human brains and experiences, not copypasting stereotypical ideas without meaning. i can also enjoy some more abstract like david lynch bc its expressing human feelings and experiences in an appealing way. im really big on symbolic stuff and will just keep talking about what different parts of the movie meant or represented after i watch something w yasmin.

(edit to add... i should prob note that many of the movies i mention have adult content and heavy topics depending on who you ask? but i assume ppl who read this would already know to check ratings and warnings)

on the criticising / teaching side of meaningful, it would be for example, Poor Things [2023].... on the realistic / documenting side, for example Burning [2018] or Naked [1993], and i liked ryuusuke hamaguchi's movies Wheel of Fortune and Fantasy, and Drive My Car (tho that one has a really badly written scene in it by the end that i hated) for the characters too. i dont know if those are the best examples its more just off the top of my head. theres also mainstream movies that fit my criteria, so for that criticising / teaching side, there's for example Pleasantville [1998], and Pretty Woman, which yasmin told me ppl tend to hate, but if thats the case i think ppl really didnt understand what it was about (it showed so much about misogyny and class issues, coated in such a way that you could get average boomers to watch it as a "romantic" movie without being aware of the actual meaning of what youre going into, the same way pleasantville can be watched as a goofy gimmick movie without being aware of the meaning youre going into, tho pleasantville is heavyhanded by the end, and i guess pretty woman manages to still fly over ppls heads? but not too surprising considering all those mainstream things now will literally just explain every joke and every meaning.... its like all of media is mickey mouse clubhouse, you know?)

i more or less prefer to watch an animated short or a weird animation on youtube/social media than watching a good live action movie. some animated shorts i really liked recently are Au Revoir Jerome, GLOIRE AMERE 40000, and BOLAVLK/WEREAWOLF, and vewn stuff. and i like those Molly Moon game tiktoks, as an example of like, low production stuff…. i dont care at all how much money or time went into something, but bc im usually not actively seeking fiction video content on my own, its more about what falls into my lap by chance, or yasmin/someone shows me.

i thought of listing more movies but its kinda hard for me to remember them after a while (re: apathy). i remember i liked another one from the Poor Things guy called The Favourite but i barely remember what happens in it. I liked one called This Must Be The Place, and one called Annette. those are movies yasmin showed me or that she picked for us to try together.

oh, one movie i saw on my own that i liked a lot is And Then We Danced. it has some less good parts, but overall it for some reason really lives rent free in my head. it felt like i went and lived in georgia with the characters for an hour, idk, it was done in an immersive way that impressed me and i found appealing. another one i remember from years ago is Lille Soldat (little soldier) which i really enjoyed the main character in. that stuck with me. ive tried to find this movie to show to yasmin, but its been hard to find.

i used to watch lots of random movies (from different countries, different times in history, i had a phase where i watched a bunch of really old horror movies) but most of its been forgotten and then i just stopped watching movies whatsoever bc the mainstream ones are generally unwatchably bad and i didnt have motivation to go out of my way to find good movies anymore. its still hard even with good ones. like, The Square, and Triangle of Sadness, i watched with yasmin and it was fine, but i had already tried watching The Square alone and had to stop after a minute bc it just made me cringe and feel bored. but watching it together with her was fine and i did enjoy the meaning. so thats why i say i might not even be watching good movies if it was up to me alone....

if u werent interested in that ramble i hope u stopped reading before now for ur own good :D i have an opportunity to express myself in rambles -> i will express myself in rambles

#ask #answer #reply #anon #nonhorsgaem

[moldybonessmell]

SVSSS danmei novel review post

So I had a winter break and finished reading SVSSS and here are some of my thoughts about it.

DISCLAIMER: this as an analysis post and if you might get upset over criticism of the novel, please stop reading. My intend is definitely NOT to send hate but do a review.

Disclaimer number 2: I'm a danmei fan and have read mdzs, tgcf and 2ha so I have some point of reference for comparison

Starting up with the things I LOVED about the novel:

The idea is popular, but the author made it have an interesting twist (ridiculing the genre of something you wright right at the moment is a gigachad move fr fr)

The plot is interesting and entertaining, the novel is easy to read and follow

There is a good part of humour that I enjoyed (the whole Tianlang-jun bit lol)

Characters are well-written in general (even tho I raise an eyebrow at some of them)

I absolutely adore MoShang couple. Them being a tsundere and a gremlin is very fun and I liked the extras showing the development of their relationship. The whole bit where MBJ openly says hitting a person is the way he sees flirting and SQH being oblivious that his own ideas of courting made MBJ convinced he's flirted with too is hilarious. SQH not only creating himself his perfect man but also pulling him for sure makes him a god in their world lol

Another unofficial couple I grew to like is LiuShen aka LQG and SQQ. Ngl I was oblivious to the chemistry they have - "They are such good friends!" as historians would say LOL. But after spending some time in the fandom I think I adore them a lot (esp after finishing this one extra where it's obvious LQG is convinced they are soulmates and is gay af lmao)

Now, on the other side, criticising the novel.

My problem is that the novel seems way too short?? The whole plot is to fill plot-holes but the novel itself seems to have a plenty of them:

We don't know anything about the System, why it works, who created it and for which purpose?

The fact that Binghe doesn't even know SQQ is not his real shizun?? I really expected some confrontation in the end and stuff but bro just lies to his husband till the rest of their lifes now ig?? I was really looking forward to see this and LBH thinking he's betrayed again but we never got it, not even in extras. We got a little hint when SQQ couldn't explain LBH how he knows so much about what will happen, but this seemed to just be sweepped under a rug in the end.

The novel is too short, there are so many interesting plot-lines to explore and possible scenes to write but extras only explore already existing dynamics and seem to be cut-outs / behind-the-scene stuff the author probably just decided to not put in. Half the time I was sitting there and thinking about the fact that someone definately wrote a fanfic about this or that fact

I've read other mxtx novels and tgcf, for example, felt complete to the point I didn't even read extras, as it felt like the story is whole and finished.

Another problem I have with the novel is that some very important info about characters is still hidden in extras, for example:

The fact that LBH acts like this with SQQ because SQH himself got him the idea?? I really thought bro is a cry-baby LOL (call me SQQ bc of how delusuional I am). The way SQH not only pulled his dream man but helped the story progress with LBH pulling HIS dream man is AWESOME and I wish it was in the main novel part.

Another extra-hidden part I wish wasn't hidden, is the fact that SQH was always thinking about og Shen Yuan and that's why they end up actually being friends, it feels like an important bond was kinda lost in the finished novel.

All in all, I enjoyed reading SVSSS but understand why it's not as popular as mdzs or tgcf. This is everything I got at the moment, thank you for reading!

If you have any thoughts or can explain some of the confusions I mentioned, you're welcomed to do so in comments! Just please be polite, thank you!

P.S. I firstly wrote this post to drafts right after reading the novel and edited it after finishing extras and ngl some of my thoughts have changed.

#mxtx #svsss #人渣反派自救系统 #danmei #scum villian self saving system

[shiro-hoshishima]

"You promised the world and I fell for it" - Akito Shinonome

★彡[ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇꜱ]彡★ #hadnomotivation I will try my best to make more stuff. But haha school is drowning me. I love Akito. I do but I love angst as well. Akito x reader turned Toya x reader. Feel free to request. This is a long one because- I miss writing

★彡[ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ]彡★ Angst, break up, implied toxic relationship, ED, depression, cheating, Slight ooc Akito, Akito feels regret. Term "partner" used

★彡[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]彡★ They/them pronouns are used, You are a singer. any mlm, wlm or nblm sexualities can be implied.

★彡[ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛʟʏ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ:]彡 ★ Lose you to love me. By: Selena Gomez

★彡[ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ]彡 ★

Akito looks at me.

"I will promise you the world, please. Go out with me. I love you very much" His face was flushed with pink as he tries not to seem too needy. His head was held low as if he refused to look at me face to face.

I was thinking a little bit, I mean yeah I liked him, but I can't jump into this blindly. After a little while, I agreed. it was such a shock to him, that when I agreed. Akito, hugged me.

Of course, this main story happens well into the future.

I had invited Akito to be a featured artist in my concert. We made a duet version of my song together. While performing, he has been off key during the chorus, which then caused less of a crowd reaction, this wasn't the standard I normally had. I felt humiliated.

After the show the other members of his squad were lightly criticising him for making the squad look a little bad. An then walks up to me "hey, I'm very sorry for your little boyfriend's actions, you performances were as amazing as always" She smiles at me.

"thank you, I appreciate it" I smile in return.

"hey, Darling, you did well, sorry. I didn't warm up properly" Akito apologised to me.

"It's fine, don't worry about it. You must have been busy" I loved having him around me. I dismiss it.

I love him-

I don't know how it cam to this. I love him, I truly but, I started to hate myself, I thought I did. But every time I see myself in the mirror. I hated what I saw, I was never enough for him. He's only said "I love you" to me and that was when he confessed his feelings.

This was not healthy.

A few days later I wasn't in the right mood set, I had been missing school and been sleeping all day, Hardly eating (even when I did, I felt like hurling it all up again). An, Kohane and Toya have all asked if I was okay. Akito didn't I thought he would be worried the most. This is when I had the thoughts of breaking up with him. I barely had the energy to think properly, or even go into the bathroom. I'm always so tired and cold.

I see the phone ringing, I open look at the screen to see An calling, I pick up the phone and press answer. "Oh my gosh, you're alive. I have bad news, like real bad news"

I have no idea what she was talking about.

"What do you mean??" My voice was quite hushed. as if you haven't talked in days.

"You know your little boyfriend?"

"...yeah?"

"Toya caught him cheating"

My eyes widen. I couldn't believe it. I can't really think of what to say. Be mad or sad?

"I'm so sorry. Akito is getting a stern talking to by Toya as we speak. I knew something was up. Want to talk about it?"

I stopped the call.

{ An's Point of view }

I see the ended call message appears on my screen. I really hope they're okay. I look over to see Toya, he looks quite pissed which ss new for me. He doesn't really strike me as someone who expresses his emotions quite enough.

"If this gets out, our group is in jeopardy" Toya says quite sternly.

"not if they break up with me"

"You should have broken up with them. You are hurting them"

"so? I enjoy it, there I said it. I've always enjoyed it when they got upset."

"You're vile to like that kind of thing, when it's concerning them. What did they do to you?"

"Nothing, they did nothing wrong"

"you sicken me"

"if you don't like it that much, why don't you date them?" Akito grew defensive, I'm sort of glad that Kohane was not here. She would have been panicking.

"Akito, That is not right for you to do those things, you should have broken up with them or stayed with them and be loyal. You are the one who asked them out first" I intervene, Serious things aren't my strong suit.

"It was a dare by Tsukasa, I never wanted to date them, So I was stuck. I never had the heart to hurt them that way. then all my fun will be over"

I walk to Akito and slapped him

"They did not deserve for you to give them depression, that is why they are out of school for the moment and not singing"

"they are not depressed"

Toya clinched his fists, only very slightly.

"Did you not notice? Your partner has slowly stopped eating."

"that was because I told them they should go on a diet"

"They were already underweight to begin with"

"how was I supposed to know?"

"you know what? Forget it"

Toya then walks away.

I was quite upset, Y/n was such a nice person and Akito ruined them. it was not fair on them. I walk away as well, heading to the weekend garage.

{Y/n's pov}

I opened my phone to send a text.

[Akito... I know what you did. I just want you to know, Are you happier now? Was I not making you happy? I know I wasn't so I will let you go so you can finally have that happiness you didn't with me]

I pressed send and blocked his number.

soon after I sent the text, My mom opened the door and peeked her head inside.

"Hey, hunny, are you okay?"

She sounded concerned.

"yeah... I'm fine"

"well, a friend of yours has come over to check on you. I think His name was Aoyagi, I believe, want me to let him in or tell him you're alright and send him on his way?"

"Toya?... Please let him in. I think I need the interaction"

My mom smiles at me and walks downstairs.

After a while I hear a soft knock on the door.

"pardon the intrusion"

I hear Toya's voice as he slowly enters my room, I wasn't looking my best. My hair's a mess and oily, Eyes puffy and red with dark circles underneath and Cheeks hollow.

"You don't look great, are you alright?"

Toya walks towards me.

"may I sit on your bed"

he asks, all I do is nod. Toya takes a seat on the food of my bed, looking at me with concerning eyes.

"I know you aren't okay. Please listen to what I'm about to say. Your worth isn't based on your partner, it's based on you, you should never let someone down like that. I will be helping you heal when you need me. I have liked you romantically for a long time but Akito got to you first. However, I will wait for you"

Toya Takes my hand and kisses is slightly.

My cheeks flustered.

Here is when I had the realisation that I needed to hate Akito to love myself and Toya will progressively take care and love me.

❣┈⋆┈⋆┈ ⋞ 〈 Ｆｉｎａｌ Ｎｏｔｅｓ 〉 ⋟ ┈⋆┈⋆┈❣

I hope you enjoyed,

my requests are open, just make sure to read the rules and my all mighty masterlist is still in the works <3

bye bye

-Shiro <3

#ˢʰᶦʳᵒ⁻ᴴᵒˢʰᶦˢʰᶦᵐᵃ #prsk akito #prsk vivid bad squad #prsk toya #project sekai #project sekai akito #project sekai toya #project sekai x reader #akito shinonome #toya aoyagi #vivid bad squad #akito x reader #toya x reader

[butididnottried]

Of Billy antis and, apparantely, their, i guess, apprecation for Neil, more or less <3

Am gonna be “whiny” because why not Neil, whyyy never Neeeil, it’s fucking never fucking Neil, FUCK. HIM. All of my homies hate Neil.

So, this post, this fucking post, that was made, like, two days ago? Because of reason this one specific post snapped something in my brain. I don’t even know why, it’s typical anti post, with typical “oh how irremediable monster Billy is” arguments. Nothing new. Ok, the new thing is that op removed this post and apologized. Like, that’s nice and all, but also ??? People usually don’t behave like that, good for you op for handling that properly and nicely.

(I already wrote some of this post and it’s longer than i expected, so, under the cut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Funny thing is, that i started following fandom some time after season 4, because of how steddie flooded everything, and it was really nice, seriously, jut a bunch of fans cooing over their new blorbo. In a few weeks i learned very much about ST and it’s characters only from fandom (not valid very bad way of doing that, misinformation and bad takes and interpretations up to the roof xD), but from perspective of time i can recognize how weirdly selective that knowledge was, because, holy shit, from what i saw while there was no hate towards Billy, his existence was fully ignored. It took me over a month of reading fanfics before i came up to one with Billy in it (evil, very evil, because steddie need to happen somehow), and despite reading many fics with Max in them, i had absolutely no idea who the guy was. Like, the heck? Just some background bully character? With absolutely no connections to this disabled, kinda bitchy poor girl? Or fully abled, happy and with no worries bitchy girl. Depressed in canon? No sir, we don’t know her. Just superior characterization. :/

I don’t remember how i stumble to the Billy side of fandom, but wow, that was fast. While steddie side was - still then - nice nad fluffy and mostly with no real worries, Billy stans had the real, fat meat with thick gravy, and guys, my dudes, the most smartest girlies, you we’re and still are, taking this apart - child and domestic abuse, homophobia, racism, classism, repression, masculinity, objectification, parentification, disability, mental illnesess, ableism, prejudicions, writing of the show, themes, cinematography, all that stuff, just, mmm, delicioso *chefs kiss* And this is also how i learned about Billys antis, i saw how they behave and talk, how hateful they are and how steddies grew just to be most awful, sadly making ST fandom almost as bad as Star Wars fandom, if not at the same level. But. But i’m not active in the fandom, i’m one of these fans that are just stalking, watching, reading, reblogging. No, i never had to handle antis myself. (Like, it’s my third post about ST and in previous two i was just making fun of it xD) And yet i know how many, many of them are full of hate, almost deliberate ignorance and just horrible views. Listen, if somebody is harshly and negatively criticising the supernatural/fantasy side of a show, ok, we can talk and exchange opinions, because these parts of plot are not real, usually have no equivalent in real world, even if they can be metaphors for real problems, most times we don’t need to be so serious about these. But if someone says that abused character that is not, how to put it, not behaving nice about their abuse, deserve only to suffer and die, then big yikes on a red flag, because for 99,9% that’s also their opinion on real people. And like, i never was abused. My dad, while more or less neglectful, was against hitting kids, and in school, while bullied, i never was beaten up or in a real fight (but, yo, my good people, it was because i was radioactive back then so no close contact, why not), and still, i can have empathy, sympathy and fucking compassion for Billy. Just like i had it in elementary school after learning that one of my bullies was beating by his parents. We didn’t become friends or anything like that, but. It’s not that hard, to have some basic understanding.

Sooo, it feels like this is kinda too long already and not very necessary, but i just wanted you to know my, eeeh... where do i stand in fandom, my position towards it? Because it’s different, how i’m just silently hoovering above, and how you all are in this all, dealing with antis even for years, since season 2, and most probably many of you already had conversations about this, but in this almost a year i’m here i didn’t saw mentions of that thing. Maybe it was just talked to death and left behind. Because, honestly, i’m not a smart person, kinda of a dumbass even, and in no way i’m first to notice that. That thing, with antis, that i started this post with. Get back to the ponit, which is...

FUCKING NEIL.

Those two lines in post i mentioned, about “Runaway Max”.

“anyway, the amount of pure hatred i feel for billy hargrove just keeps intensifying with every chapter i read.“

“according to max, him and neil “have a lot of opinions about anyone who isn’t white and Lutheran and a man (128).“

Pure hatred for Billy. But Billy and Neil. Billy AND Neil. Are having these same bigotes views. With emphasis on “these same bigotes views”, because of course, yeah, sure, why not. But there’s no hatred for Neil. Only Billy. Neil is almost non-existent. He’s noticed only when it need to be made very crystal clear that abuse that Billy is going through is absolutely not an excuse for his actions, nuh uh, no sir, there’s a checkmark on this and that’s all, no need to say more abou that one particular man. He is schrodinger abuser - has everything to do with Billys behaviour and absolutely nothing at all. Seriously, Neil is talked about only on Billys side of fandom.

It’s fucking never “during season 2 Billy was just the worst, so violent and agressive, he was a bigot, a sexist, so SOOO so racist, a murderer and rapist and facist and nazi and he was speeding and smoking, drinking alcohol, having sex and throwing slurs left and right all the time, and he was abusing Max literally all the time and was controlling her every move just because he was an asshole and a bitch and dick and, oh the HORRORS, he was pursuing married, middle-aged woman that just simply could not say ‘no’ and cut that teenange bullshit behavior, becuase she’s a delicate and weak woman with no free wil and he’s an toxic man so she needs to do whatever he wants, i’m gonna faint any moment because of how vile and irremediable villain he is. Oh what’s that. His father is the same? Neil is using slurs? Violent towrads his own son? He’s the one making Billy hoovering over Max like a hawk? Is Neil treating Max like that? Is Max safe in her own home? What abou Susan? Oh, oh, Jail for Neil! Jail for Neil for one thousand years! And Billy too, because i hate them BOTH. They’re togehter just the worst. And in season 4, when Max admits that she’s happy that Billy died, and it’s truth and only truth and nothing more and less that just the truthies truth, and she says in her letter that Neil left? Oh, how relieveing that this monster is gone. Maybe Max and her mom are poorer right now and are living in a trailer, but at least they’re finally free of abuse, violence and bigotry.

Ah, no, sorry, it’s actually only about Billy. They just do not hate Neil. Why? Like, i know why, but WHY? I did not read “Runaway Max”, but i know that there’s a few pages long (good fucking god) of very depictive descrpition of how Neil beat the shit out of Billy. Seriously. Not only to the blood, but enough tto Billy having problems with event standing up from the floor. But his grown man hurting and teenanger is not that bad really, only kinda bad, not as much as his victim, we don’t need to focus on mr. Hargrove too much because his role in Max life is apparently not big enough to be in any way important. But i know that from Billy side of fandom, while antis are without any break relieving over and over how Billy cast dead cat on fire (not gonna lie, i personally also would not like that). But also it looks like this book is written in a way that makes Max an very reliabe narrator, that always says the most unbiased and objective truth. Well, at least antis are believing her every word. And yea, books shouldn’t at every step reminding reader that, hey, do not believe that person every word, they’re fucking kid and know almost nothing of world, but - and, eh, i don’t want it to sound like i’m throwing accusation at this book author, i don’t know this person and this is just how it looks from the outside, from opinions and quotes that i saw on both sides. But, it unfortunately looks like this author is more or less Billy anti themself, like they’re sharing and endorsing these same views at abuse. Maybe they don’t care, maybe before writing this book they watched the show once and had very shallow outcomes from it, maybe they weren’t digging deeper into that and wanted just get some fat check for writing a book for a popular franchise. Honestly, valid. But why then be so cruel and careless towards depictions of abuse? Just for shock value? Like Duffers? I guess :/

Anyway, antis. So fucking adamant of how they hate abuse, how it’s bad, how they are so good and right and caring, but the real abuser it out of their picture. It almost looks like they have nothing against him. Oh, Neil is calling Billy slurs, slapping him and humiliating? He can have that, be a violent homophobe as a treat, because i also hate Billy, so Neil is my kind of guy. But also Billy deserve to be called slurs and beaten up, so. Are they the same type of person? Antis and Neil? That’s why they don’t talk about him? Because they’re aware thay they would sound very similar to him? (i coneccted the dots lol) Neil with no doubt is a bigot. And many Billy antis are racist and ableist towards his fans. Victimblaming Billy for what’s happening to him. I’m sooo veRY PREtty sure that Neil do not want to do these things to Billy, but this boy just don’t know how to behave properly, like a real man, with respect and all that other bullshit, yadda yadda.

Maybe instead of stranger-rants bingo cars about bullshit  that anits are repeating about Billy we should have this one shrek meme with Lord Farquaad pointing finger and text “child and domestic abuse apologizer”. Because there’s no middle ground on this topic. If in this situation you’re againts Billy, then you’re on Neils side. You’re against any kind of abuse, or you’re just an asshole that is using poor excuses to doom ceartain people to suffering because you don’t like them or they don’t met your very specific and weird (and more or less unethical) morals. God fucking not bless holy shit kurwa mać ja pierdolę. :/

Or, maybe, you we’re a victim yourself and that’s why you hate Billy. But, listen, if you wen’t through hell because someone was hurting you, why you think that there are people that deserve the same? When you know how horrible and scary that is? Did you deserved that? No. Then why someone else should be abused? Because they’re reacting bad to what’s happening to them? They can’t copy in a healthy way? Hey, hey. You know what, sounds like you also can’t copy healty, if you’re harassing strangers, calling them names and use your own abuse as an excuse for how you behave, while be very, agressively firm about how Billys abuse is not an excuse to be a shitty person. Get off internet, get off fandom, really curate your safe space and get away from antis, apply some self care.

#billy hargrove #neil hargrove #runaway max #stranger things #billys antis #child abuse #fandom wank #it took me fours to write that #what the fuck #i should be sleeping #asdfghjkl #gotta take doggo on a walk instead

[aeoki]

High and Low: The Centre of the Earth - Chapter 8

Location: ES II Lobby Characters: Hajime & Midori

Season: Autumn Writer: Akira

TL Note:

Tokusatsu / 特撮 (lit. special effects) refers to Japanese films and dramas that make use of practical special effects. Examples of these kinds of works include Godzilla, Ultraman and the Power Rangers.

Midori: My ears kinda hurt… It’s only natural, though. Only those who put in the effort win in the end.

If anything, it’d be even weirder for someone like me, who isn’t motivated and doesn’t put the effort in, to win.

Hajime: Ah, I didn’t mean to criticise you or anything, Takamine-kun.

I’m sorry. I know I should get my act together but I might still be feeling a bit insecure. So that’s why I’m probably not very considerate right now.

I’m getting a little scared. It feels as if I’ve been dreaming this whole time. It doesn’t feel real.

The first idols I saw when I was younger were the kind of performers who sang and danced on TV.

But the social status of that mere artist grew bigger bit by bit and they’re attempting to take over the entire world now.

It sounds crazy, doesn’t it…? It sounds like something straight from a fantasy novel.

But the world we live in is most definitely gradually being repainted the way ES wishes.

A world of idols, by idols, for idols… It’s the perfect place for us who are idols.

But it seems somewhat scary.

I think it would make a lovely storybook, though.

But I’m not suited in becoming one of the characters in that story.

It feels as if I’m adding on to something bad, something that mustn’t exist, and that scares me.

Midori: It scares you, huh. I kinda get what you mean.

What you said was pretty outspoken but there’s no point in us thinking about big stuff like that, right?

We’re powerless… We’re just kids who, surprisingly, can’t do anything.

Someone out there is writing a story and making idols the protagonist.

They’re probably someone you’re close to like a bigwig from StarPro or CosPro – Someone who has the power to change the world.

We’re powerless within that “big wave” those people have created. No matter how much we kick and struggle, it’s no use.

Even if we frantically fight against them, we’ll just end up like how “Crazy:B” was in summer: squished like a grape and put an end to right there and then.

Hajime: They looked like they were defeated but they were oddly still full of life, though.

Midori: But, in the end, nothing changed even after all that ruckus they made. They did manage to slightly change ES and their idols’ way of thinking, including us.

But “Crazy:B’s” buzzing wasn’t enough to reach very far.

That hasn’t affected anything overseas like this “ES II”. ES is still working to achieve their initial goal to “create a utopia for idols”.

No one can stop them now… At the very least, it’s impossible for us.

The world isn’t so conveniently built just for us and I’ve got no reason to stop them, anyway.

The career path and the line of work I just happened to choose, in order words, idols will just continue to grow and expand. To be honest, that’s a convenient turn of events for me.

That’s why I don’t feel the urge to stop that “big wave”.

Hajime: I-It’s not as though I’m dissatisfied with how ES does things.

But it feels somewhat obscure and scary.

The world I once knew is changing bit by bit… That’s something very, very scary.

Midori: Yeah… I know what you mean. If only time could stop while we’re content and happy with our ordinary everyday lives.

I’d be surrounded by mascot characters in my bed back home and sleeping without a care in the world.

Every morning, Morisawa-senpai would come and wake me up.

I’d complain while we head to school together, talk about trivial stuff with my friends Tetora-kun and Shinobu-kun in the classroom…

After school, we’d meet up with our upperclassmen and Shinkai-senpai would kindly teach us how to do stuff while Morisawa-senpai shows us some weird tokusatsu[*] video…

I’d go home exhausted, have a delicious meal with my family and fall asleep without dreaming.

If only those days could go on forever and ever.

Hajime: …………

Midori: Our upperclassmen graduated and they started working towards their goals to resolve their personal issues or to chase after their dreams.

Shinkai-senpai went to settle his issues back home while Morisawa-senpai became the hero he always wanted to be.

They left “RYUUSEITAI” to us, Tetora-kun became the new leader and we started our new activities together. We messed up a lot, had a million problems and were just fumbling in the dark.

We still managed to adapt to our surroundings and change a little bit while desperately moving forward. 

But the path we were walking on wasn’t connected to anything.

We ended up at a wall and unable to climb over, we just kept stomping in place.

It’s no one’s fault. That was the path we all wanted and chose of our own accord.

But that was a dead end… Tetora-kun and Morisawa-senpai would say it was their fault we got lost and apologise.

They would slam their bodies against the wall with all their might, try and find other paths and push aside bushes full of thorns until they ended up drenched in blood.

I’m just watching the people I care about hurt themselves.

Tokusatsu shows aren’t real. We’re just normal people with no special powers. We can’t pass through time and space.

We can’t go back to how things were. Even if we turn back, it’s just a void; there’s no way to go back.

We’re standing still at a dead end, slowly crumbling down.

I don’t want that to happen but there’s nothing we can do… We’re being washed away by the “big wave” and we’ve reached an inescapable abyss.

← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

#high and low

[boiled-dennis]

i really liked the tags you added to my trash twins analysis! esp because you are right that not a lot of ppl in this community actually have or know much about npd, it is always super interesting to see your input on how dennis and his behavior point towards him havin npd/aspd. its refreshing seeing someone give insight on that that isnt just 'haha hes secretly a serial killer with no feelings so hes a psychopath!!!1!!' lmaooo

ahh thanks i thought your post itself was great, i really enjoy reading what people have to say about the way dee and dennis were raised , there's a lot of interesting stuff to pick up on and interpret. also so much more that could be said about dennis and personality disorders (as well as the rest of the gang), but with my current level of energy it's easiest to build off other people's observations tbh. for some reason i just started typing a shit ton of words here and i don't know why it happened, but-

it's kinda neat to me how that one common reaction that viewers have to dennis is in response to the persona we see he wants people to perceive him as (in his own desperate protective way), but we Also get to see the vulnerable, scared side of him and the way he puts on this act—and often, fans either ignore this side, or they have their sanist view of it and think it's even more evidence of him being a "psychopath". i know a lot of people do watch it only in a surface-level way, which i'm not going to criticise, but there's way more nuance to these characters than i guess a lot of people care to see. so if they are going to discuss it, i wish they'd be more thoughtful..

dennis is clearly a destructive, harmful person, but his actions don't mean he's "evil" or that he can't be a whole person with his own problems and feelings. that's one part of the show and his character that i really appreciate; i know there's been discussions in the past about this, but it's interesting how the show isnt a continuation of the all-too repeated idea that abusive people are one-dimensionally bad, purely evil, and not even people but more like. wickedness incarnate? like an entity that exists only to hurt & hate people. and there's the opinion that abusive characters shouldn't be portrayed as normal humans because that itself would somehow teach people to excuse their actions or think "but they still have some good in them", but that's more like. people's own responsibility to understand not to do. of course the gang can be cruel in cartoonish, heightened ways, but i feel with the understood rules of their world, it's not the exact same as real life actions (also the fact that they are indeed fictional characters). it's just important to have an understanding that being abusive is an active choice, and not something predestined because of personality disorders or whatever other qualities one might have!

to revisit the thing about dennis in reality vs how fans often view him- we see hints or direct portrayals of his true emotional state all throughout the show, but people insist on saying he's "emotionless"/has no feelings, even aside from his constant emotional outbursts. it's consistent with how real-life people with several cluster B personality disorders are invalidated (often seen as having contradictory symptoms/observable behaviour, and therefore faking emotions in order to be manipulative), and it's oddly kinda comforting because for me it just confirms my specific view of dennis. i just can't get over how many people who really like dennis and the show are fundamentally misunderstanding his character and insist on viewing him in a way that not only he himself is deeply hurt by (i know he isn't real btw), but also directly contradicts what we've always been shown about his real feelings, just because it fits the mould of the crazy psychopath that they want him to be. idk, sometimes it feels like people deliberately ignore some characters' complexities because they don't want their worldview to change so that they start viewing real people as equally complex and more than a stereotype.

#i saw the ask earlier and was gonna reply but people were playing a muppet record and i got distracteD #and then this took forever to type and think about #. have a Bit of an aversion to commenting on/reblogging stuff with my own thoughts but i want to be more involved in community stuff #i'm at the point where i typed the amount of words where nothing makes sense to me anymore and i question if my sentences are okay #npd dennis #aspd dennis #iasip meta #asks

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

rant abt my family - personal;

tw abuse, tw manipulation, tw emotional abuse

okay I usually don't post stuff like that on here but I just came from Easter brunch at my father's house and I am so pissed off and hurt and upset and I'm pretty anonymous on here, so I'm just gonna release this into the tumblr void and leave it there. might delete it later though.

I am so sick and tired of being disrespected, ridiculed, dismissed, criticised and underappreciated in the very house I grew up in. From start to finish, today, it was horrible. I'm a Christian, I believe in God and in Jesus. My family doesn't. I went to Bible School for a year and learned about so many historical (I mean proven, historical) facts, about Jewish Culture (the culture Jesus Christ was born into) even a bit of Hebrew and Ancient Greek. I graduated with excellence and am very respected in my spiritual community even though I'm barely 20. And yet, my non-Christian work colleagues show more respect to my opinion and my faith than my own father and brother. We were celebrating EASTER. and they dare try to dismantle and attack my believes?

but it was more than that. I told my father I might get a chance at a assistant manager position at my job. I've been excited about that for months. His only reaction was to ask me when I intend to start studying (I already studied at the bible school but I also want to study something else still). Because he wants me to start as soon as possible and he's scared this opportunity might keep me at this job longer, preventing me from moving away for my studies. Again. I have a month left until I turn 20. I have all the time in the world, yet he rushes me to accomplish certain things in his time frame.

I told my family I have the opportunity to release a book consisting of my poetry. I told them I was invited to speak at a night of poetry and spoken word. The only person who was even remotely happy for me was my mother. These are great opportunities but the only way I got my dad to comment on that was to ask for his thoughts personally (and he isn't exactly a man of few words. he has an opinion on everything). one of his thoughts? he isn't necessarily interested in poetry. my brother said absolutely nothing about it. just changed the subject the first chance he got.

there were whole periods where my mother and I had to stay entirely silent because the men were discussing "important political things" and we couldn't get a word in edgewise. and believe me I tried. But when I interrupt them it is disrespectful. Of course it isn't when they do. And when I tell them I feel disrespected they need an explanation and an argument as to why, because naturally, they didn't do anything, did they? they are simply discussing things. I'm just emotional and dramatic, aren't I?

these men were trying to convince me that gun control wouldn't do anything to stop mass shootings. they were trying to argue that looking at our situation over in Europe and comparing it to the US wouldn't do any good. They said Of course there is more shootings in America. It's a bigger country. (THEY ALSO HAVE MORE GUNS PER CAPITA ASSHOLE. THAT'S THE REAL ISSUE)

I know that I am an intelligent, accomplished, educated young woman, who is starting to make a name for herself in the artistic part of her community and that my accomplishments are certainly worthy of note. but everytime I spent time with my family I feel disrespected, stupid and worthless. And I am so sick of it. I am so tired of these Trump-Supporting, Andrew-Tate-Listening, Racist Sexists. If I had the choice to cut them off fully, trust me I would. I'm just so fucking done with these pricks.

#personal #will probably delete at some point

[drewandareview]

Saving Mr. Banks (2013), The Theory of Everything (2014), and Lovelace (2013)

Originally published January 1st, 2015

I watched Saving Mr. Banks last year in theaters.  It's a movie about P.L. Travers, the author of Mary Poppins, and her stubborness toward Walt Disney adapting her book into a movie.  When I first heard it was a movie by Walt Disney Studios featuring Walt Disney and DisneyLand, I thought that would be fun to see.  And it was.  But it wasn't the focus of the movie.  The movie was exactly what I said it was about, with the Disney stuff hanging out on the sidelines.  I liked the character of P.L. Travers and appreciated her arc, but whenever she appeared on screen, I just kept thinking... "I wanna watch Walt Disney."  That was roughly my whole experience, and I promptly stopped caring about it.

Until I saw The Theory of Everything not too long ago.  This was a Stephen Hawking movie, and while I'm less familiar with Stephen Hawking, he has undoubtedly fascinated me as a figure.  It was a love story featuring his first wife, and going into it, I thought "Maybe his relationship with his first wife will be used as a structure to tell the sweeping story of Stephen, from his illustrious career to his consuming disability.  That would be very interesting!"  I watched the movie and--nope, that didn't really happen.  Turns out his relationship with his first wife didn't tie in to as many parts of Stephen's fascinating life as I thought it would.  A good amount of his life was showcased, but a good amount wasn't.  Eddie Redmayne was there giving a stunning performance as Stephen Hawking, and I was sitting there wondering why I couldn't see more of it.  His first wife was a great character, but she just didn't compare.

While I was still busy thinking about this movie, I happened to catch Lovelace.  I had no idea what this was about going in and quickly learned it was about Linda Lovelace, the porn star behind the world's most famous porno.  I hadn't even known there was a world's most famous porno, and I was glad to see the story of the porn star behind it.  And--it kind of was.  It covered her time in the porn industry.  But it didn't feel like it was focusing on her life so much as her relationship with her abusive husband.  It did work as a structure to tell the story of her career, but the movie focused on the relationship a lot and seemed to gravitate away from the part that interested me: The porn part.  I don't want to say I wanted to see porn more than the portrayal of an abusive relationship, but--I did.

At this point, I had to address the problem I was having.  I was watching these movies and being too distracted by other elements of the story to focus on the main elements of the story.  It's not like I've never had that problem before.  I've seen movies where a side character showed up the main character, or a subplot was more interesting than the central plot.  And I've blamed the creators for not focusing on the right things.  But these movies were different, because these movies weren't just stories.  They were real stories.

How can I criticise a story if it's a real story?  I can't ask it to be changed because then it wouldn't be the right story.  I can't say it shouldn't be told, because all stories deserve to be told.  But I just couldn't help but find the background more interesting than the foreground.  It's the way I am.  And it's not the creators' fault that I can't enjoy these movies.  It's my fault.

It makes me wonder about the fictional movies that I've criticised for this problem.  I've always felt the most interesting thing should be front and center, but who says it should be?  Who says that the things I pay attention to should dictate the direction of the story?  Maybe these movies were meant to be told the way they were told, and it's my fault for not being wired in a way where I can focus on them.

It's one of the first times in recent memory I've experienced guilt as a moviegoer.  It's also the first time I've noticed just how problematic distraction can be for a movie.  I could sit through an entirely bad movie and be attentive enough to experience it, but if a movie mixes good and bad elements, my focus may be too shaken to ever really experience what I'm watching.  It feels so unfair because a movie with some good elements deserves more of my attention than a movie with no good elements--but that's just the way things are.  With movies like these three, I'll never really get to watch them, and there's something very sad about that.

But I'm glad they exist.  I wouldn't want them to fade away because they deserve to be put out there.  They'll never really be the movies they deserve to be to me, but they'll never go away either.  And maybe that's the best place they can be.  Even in a hopeless situation like this, it's still nice to think that one day, I could finally watch them.

[behindthewox]

Appreciation day!

This blog will probably end up being more negative than positive, but we shouldn't forget the positives. Let's not forget how much we appreciate the WoX sites that we have and the communities that stem from them. Dan has created something wonderful and he's still dedicated to maintaining our sites and keeping our worlds alive and open for us to enjoy.

True, all content (lessons, clubs, guidebooks, articles, topics, etc) belongs to the site users to created it but without the foundation that Dan built and maintains none of it would exist.

We do owe him some appreciation, it's easy to forget the things we take for granted and focus only on what doesn't work but let's make an effort, shall we? Getting nothing but complaints and more demands in return for your work sucks, it's a real moodkiller and the kind of stuff that makes you want to destroy everything so you never have to bother with it again. I have no doubt Dan has felt tempted to give up on WoX, just close down all the sites be free from that neverending list of bugs, at long last. If he ever comes across this blog I'm sure the critique will sting and the assumptions will hurt, and he might even want to fire me from my WoX job and blacklist me from ever being hired on a WoX site again, but hopefully he'll also see that at some level we're on the same page. I'm doing this for the WoX community, the sites that he builds and runs. I may criticise him and point out flaws and issues he'd rather ignore, but you need to know what's wrong (and how and why it's wrong) in order to fix it. If I can offer concrete and constructive suggestions on how to do things better, I will. I like the WoX community, it's something I want to support and help improve.

The main reason I get so frustrated hearing about things getting bad is that WoX is an amazing concept full of amazing creators and the awesomest people you can imagine. It's given me so much personally, and it has so much potential to offer people across the world a safe haven online, alternative worlds to escape to when reality sucks and friends you'd never get to know otherwise. But based on the discontent I've picked up on for so long, the gossip and overall lack of transparency, I'm worried that WoX is headed in the wrong direction and the aspects that I and so many others value the most will be left behind.

So hey, if you read this: throw some appreciation and gratitude on Dan and his team! Either here on tumblr (where he probably won't see it), or on a WoX site (where he might see it), or whereever it makes sense to share it (regardless of whether he might see it or not).

Show some gratitude for what you otherwise take for granted, and if you run across Dan - please put in a good word for me, just in case he finds this blog and accidentally starts a witch hunt. Going on witch hunts is not a good look, people, and I don't want anyone making themselves look bad for something I did.

#wox #wox site #appreciation #gratitude

[winterf4iryy]

i’m gonna get on my soapbox and blabber because nobody in real life wants to hear me talk about this so its going on my silly little tumblr.

this whole push back on the new victorias secret is so jarring. the amount of people i’ve seen openly saying “it’s okay for things to be exclusive” and “not everything is meant to be inclusive” ……………….. this is fashion. this is lingerie. this is UNDERWEAR AND BRAS? what is “exclusive” about undergarments can someone please tell me. so many people with different body shapes wear this stuff everyday like oh my god it’s a basic necessity? are you stupid …. and the only excuse they come up with is the fact that they’re meant to be “angels” and “unreal and too beautiful for this world” as if plus size women cannot be / look angelic and otherworldly. to me there’s no way you can criticise victorias secrets use of plus sized models without being fatphobic and overall a fucking moron and annoying and mean. there is absolutely no reason why a lingerie brand should be exclusive and only show one type of body, skin colour, etc. literally no reason. every woman deserves to see themselves represented in the media, LET ALONE AN UNDERGARMENTS COMPANY!!!! i don’t know why some people are so obsessed and infatuated with the idea of going back to the “old” VS as if those women weren’t being starved and weren’t using drugs and constantly having to stick to unhealthy habits to maintain a certain figure. some of you (thin white women) genuinely can’t stand to see plus size women, woc, disabled women, etc, in your space. that’s all it boils down to. you have had that space in the media to yourself for decades and decades and you hate to see it being opened up for people who don’t look like you. and that’s embarrassing and vile. please go outside. and while you’re out there why don’t you look at the world around you and see how many different people there are!!! plus sized women have always existed, they exist now, and they’ll exist in the future and there’s no reason we should be excluding them from something like a fashion show because you don’t want it to be “ruined”. grow up!!!

#literally shut tf up #victorias secret

[airspeedprime]

Avatar Chibi Vol 1 - Aang's Unfreezing Day Review

Note - This is the review I submitted to the publisher, given that I got a review copy of this book.

I find this to be a tough book to review, on on hand I want to give it all the passes in the world since it is just a fun chibi comic for young readers, but on the other hand I want to really push back on what the creative team considers a book for "Young Avatar fans" to be. Overall the book is very middle of the road, it is an extremely standard surprise party plot that happens to have really strong art from a fan favourite artist like Diana Sim. As a simple review that is what it comes down to, amazing art let down by no real attempt on the writing side of things to do anything of note with a great cast of characters.

That is why I will devote most of this review to discussing why, going back to my initial debate, I lean ultimately on the side of feeling like I have to criticise the decision to make this a "Young Readers" book and what this seems to have done to this book.

First of all Avatar The Last Airbender is already a kids franchise, it is a nickelodeon show. Sure it stands out as being something different compared to most other Nick shows, but the point remains that it is already a show made primarily for kids. So why the need to purposely make a story lean more towards being for "Young Readers"? I find this a weird decision because it suggests that the other Avatar comics are not for kids, and if the point here is that those comics do deal with complex topics, then I still have the issue of who is this book for, who is it aimed at? Surely any kid wanting this book, wants it because they already know Avatar from the tv show, so why would they then enjoy a book that purposefully tries to do less than the show where their interest comes from. The gateway comic should be The Lost Adventures or Team Avatar Tales, not this.

The other point here is that Avatar has a history of having quite a few comic short stories where the plots are very low key and it is more of a "fun with the characters" style book. The core premise of this comic feels like it makes for a pretty solid short story, that there was no need to make it for "Young Readers", just do it as a normal comic, but add some natural emotional depth that a story like this would bring up.

The issue with this story is plain to see from the description on the back cover. It mentions the idea that Aang's Unfreezing Day should be his Birthday since he doesn't remember his birthday. the problem is that none of this is addressed at all in the comic itself, no one mentions Aang's birthday at all or this being a replacement, instead it just feels like they are celebrating a year since Aang got out of the ice. This was a big disappointment for me since I was excited to see how Aang would explain not knowing when his birthday is and it would allow for some nice emotional moments as the other characters plan the party to resolve this. Instead it is a super simplified everyone ignores Aang plot and then we get a pretty generic celebration with no real emotion to anything.

I think both hardcore fans and young readers alike who all like Avatar would be disappointed by the events of this book. If a Volume 2 is planned a decision needs to be made to either just tell a normal story with a chibi art style or lean fully into the chibi stuff and do full non-canon crazyness we expect from Avatar Chibi. This middle ground of a "Young Reader" chibi story that loses the charm of previous chibi content while also feeling a bit "dumbed down" for "Young Readers" is not a good combination. Utilise this incredible artist on a more important story.

A smaller, but still important criticism of this story is the lack of Suki in this story. It is incredibly frustrating to see her be the only member of Team Avatar left out of this story and with no explanation given. Same applies to a character like Mai who should be with Zuko. If Zuko can be here despite being the Fire Lord I think Suki and Mai should be able to show up.

A final note is about continuity. I find myself confused if this comic is meant to be considered part of the mainline canon or if it is just meant to be a non-canon chibi story. Since Avatar Chibi content is usually non-canon, with crazy events happening that would never happen in the main story, the confusion over this feels like it should have been addressed. I think it is canon since it is not over the top chibi action, but a statement on this would be nice.

So overall I just don't see the need in Avatar for specific "Young Reader" comics. The short stories we get for Free Comic Book Day and in the short story collections fill this gap already. The art stands out here, but unfortunately that is it. I don't like being overly critical of Avatar comics, but nothing really stood out to me as a big Avatar fan.

[sixteenthshen]

post-finale stuff

Possible spoilers. Beware

Last night, I happened to check the scriptwriter's Weibo and saw that she had liked this fan's post. It's the only non-work related Weibo post that she had liked, so of course, I went to read it. 

The fact that this is the only fan post she's given her approval to must mean that it is on point and she agrees with the characterisation. I thought it's pretty good, so I've gone ahead to translate it here. I own 0 rights to this. I just thought it's a good perspective that may help others like me who struggled with the ending. 

I think I've mostly made my peace with it now, and to sum it up:

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all that they are. 

A-Xu never once blamed Lao Wen for how things turned out because he understood that. And he’s clearly a better person than I am (lol).

Let me be clear about my stand - the real victim of how the drama unfolded in the last six episodes is WKX. When we feel our hearts ache for ZZS, it's because the show let down WKX (the character). If your heart is only hurting for WKX during episodes 33-34, you should try to ship WKX with someone else, ok? If you think the last six episodes were great and that WKX was very romantic (and only romantic), then I honestly don't know what to say. 

I ship wenzhou. That means I like both Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu. I want them to love each other, be good to each other and live happily ever after. And I want them not to be OOC. 

The rest behind the cut. Spoilers for the whole drama. 

------- 

First, the source. Here is a link to that Weibo post, by 爱吐槽的栗小姐. I will delete this if requested by the OP - because this is really in a grey area imo. But I think the intention of a public post is for it to be shared? (especially something like this, which argues a point) 

Secondly, the poster does try to be fair in her post, but as the problem here is WKX's ruined characterisation, ZZS's character is analysed primarily concerning this issue only. There's quite a bit left to ZZS's character and backstory that isn't relevant. I believe that's why the post doesn't elaborate on it, or so I hope.

-------

Ever since WKX faked his death, I received three to four waves of fellow sister fans' mournful wails: "Lao Wen actually faked his death; does he have a heart?" "They were supposed to be of the same heart and treat each other with honesty. How did they regress?" "What happened to their innate soulmate-ness?" "Why does A-Xu always say to face things together, yet Lao Wen always keeps his plans from him?" "A-Xu loves Lao Wen, yet Lao Wen only loves himself"…….

Wait. What have you guys misunderstood about the meaning of soulmates? 

Soulmates are about values, but a person's behaviour… that's methodology FFS! 

(Do they no longer teach this in political affairs class in high school anymore?) 

Wenzhou, these soulmates, are incomparably compatible and mesh well in terms of values. According to the scriptwriter, the entire jianghu wants and tries to get the pieces of Glazed Armour, save the two of them. Not only do they not care for the peerless martial arts, immense power, nor the massive wealth that the Glazed Armour represents, they don't even care for the power they hold in their hands –Ghost Valley and the Window of Heaven. Both of them willing to give it up without a second thought. 

Before they met each other, they were so tired of (ZZS) and so angry at (WKX) this earthly world that they didn't even want to live on anymore. 

After they met each other, they gradually began to feel the warmth in this world again. How nice it would be if they could live in seclusion, hand in hand and just bask in the sun. 

In this world, where everyone else is fighting for power or wealth, they are true soulmates. To intelligent people like them, whether or not they're honest about their identities or secrets is merely a matter of formality. They had already determined their attraction to the other's soul early on and have never doubted it. 

There may be some here who would criticise loudly at this point, "Then can't you be more considerate for your soulmate (the actual phrased used is "spiritual companion")? A-Xu has said many times, let's face everything together, I'll bet that you will be honest with me. If you really love him, then why can't you care for his feelings?" 

----- You guys, you've never been married. 

If two souls meeting can naturally resolve all behavioural conflicts and disagreements, then the theory of "breaking in" * would not exist. 

Let us take a look at what kind of a person WKX and ZZS each are.

Wen Kexing, he's a lone wolf. 

After his parents' death and his entering the Ghost Valley, his smooth sailing life suddenly fell off a cliff. Ever since then, the only person he could rely on was himself. That deep-seated hatred is carved into his bones, yet he can't speak of it to anyone else. He isn't the same type of person as the rest of the ghosts in the Ghost Valley; he isn't the same type of person as A-Xiang, who he raised. If we talk about the world and everyone who lives in it, he doesn't have any fetters or feels any (positive) emotions. 

His supposed craziness is a form of indifference. He's indifferent to others' lives, nor his own, because he just doesn't care. (T/N: I think he does care for his own life, but only for revenge, after that, he's indifferent. Indifferent isn't suicidal. I don't know why some fans seem to be confusing the two. Although he didn't plan to, if he somehow manages to stay alive after getting his revenge, WKX will continue to live on, even if it's only to keep A-Xiang happy because he is indifferent.)

Growing up like this, being solitary became his style. He's used to doing everything alone, used to making his own decisions, used to digesting all his emotions himself. 

Every time he argues with A-Xu, he digests his emotions himself. The next day, he faces A-Xu with a smile again. 

This is how he loves, to take it upon himself to face danger, difficulty and pain alone. It's how he had supported A-Xiang all these years in the Ghost Valley and what he's used to. 

While Zhou Zishu, he's a lead horse (of a herd). ** 

Since a very young age, he's taught to take responsibility. He's used to bearing everything on his shoulders, be it the responsibility of his family or the responsibility for the Four Seasons Manor, even the responsibility for saving commoners from disasters. 

Unlike the lone wolf, the lead horse is ultimately a social animal. 

Regardless of his identity as the Manor Lord of the Four Seasons Manor or the Leader of the Window of Heaven, he's always the one to lead the herd and rarely fights alone. So, A-Xu not only has leadership ability but more than that, he also knows how to be tolerant and accepting of the differences of his team members. You can see the various ways he managed to influence Lao Wen along the road; he's firm when he needs to be and soft the other times. It's absolutely textbook in managing your lover workplace management. 

Zhou Zishu believes in communication whenever there's a problem, that they should be open and honest. So, teamwork is what he's used to. 

Does it mean that when a horse and lone wolf fall in love, that there won't be a breaking in period? 

Obviously not. 

I guess this is where some may say again, "isn't this part of a character's arc/development? The two of them quarrel time and time again. Did WKX not grow at all from it?" 

Of course, after meeting each other, they both grew and saved each other.

When he first left Window of Heaven, A-Xu was lonely with regret. Unlike the lone wolf who's used to doing everything alone, a lead horse without the last of his herd has no way to bear the bone-deep loneliness and merciless self-recrimination.

ZZS wandered around this world aimlessly until Lao Wen started pestering him, until he picked up Zhang Chengling, right up until he felt he hadn't singlehandedly destroyed the Four Seasons Manor. This lead horse finally regained a goal in life. He gained a partner and a lover. Lao Wen sticks to him, Chengling relies on him, and the abandoned Four Seasons Manor became like-new in his hands. He finally reconciles with himself. 

When he first came out of the valley, Lao Wen carried a rage strong enough to burn the world down. But when he met A-Xu, he also met the beauty of the world. 

When the Four Sages of Anji died, WKX understood how he caused innocent suffering. When Gao Chong walked to his death knowingly, he understood that although some may desire power, they could still be righteous and upstanding people. When he learned of everything Long Que sacrificed to protect his family***, he finally relaxed his guard. 

There were so many types of good people and things that he saw along this journey that he hadn't seen in the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu told him he was a good person as they basked in the sun, he genuinely wanted to return to the human (vs ghost) realm and be a good man. 

Along their journey, A-Xu made up for the morals and values that WKX lost in the Ghost Valley and showed him a new world outlook. He appeased Lao Wen's anger, tempered his extremism. The process wasn't easy, but not that difficult either, because, in the end, Lao Wen is kind at heart. 

But in the end, being a lone wolf is how he survived and succeeded in a place like the Ghost Valley. When A-Xu was so heavily injured and needed a lot of rest (for Wu Xi) to save his life, Lao Wen suddenly recalled his enemies and how such an excellent opportunity to take revenge just fell into his lap. Everything was in place, and all he needed to do was hide it from A-Xu; he could leave for a short while and have it settled quickly. Upon returning, he could then live happily ever after with his wife. To a crazy lone wolf, why would he not take a gamble? 

What he couldn't predict was the news would've been leaked (to A-Xu), and he didn't know that by doing so, he would've forever lost his love. 

Both of them were using their own methods to love the other person. Zhou Zishu is more forgiving and accepting because being forgiving is in his blood. While what WKX learned in his years in the Ghost Valley is -- love needs to be protected, like how he has A-Xiang, who he considers a sister, call himself master (to protect her). 

Only when faced with painful consequences can a person's deep-rooted habits and approach to things change. So I don't think faking his death ruined the characterisation of Wen Kexing, but I regret that the last two episodes did not have a scene to show us Lao Wen's heartbreak when he learns the truth. 

Until I know what it feels like to have lost you, I will only love you in my own way. 

T/N: 

*I can't think of the correct phrase for this as I don't read all that much about relationships >< please let me know if you know of it. Here, I'm referring to the process of wearing something new (like shoes) that will hurt at the start until it becomes soft and comfortable. 

** I did some side-reading, and omg, A-Xu is TOTALLY the lead mare. Although he's not the stallion and weak/dying for most of the show, he's the head of their little family, and he expects "to be obeyed", aka, I'm not going to learn how to cook. Call me for dinner. Kthxbye. 

From Rutgers' website: A herd of wild horses consists of one or two stallions, a group of mares, and their foals. The leader of the herd is usually an older mare (the "alpha mare"), even though one stallion owns the herd. She maintains her dominant role even though she may be physically weaker than the others. The older mare has had more experiences, more close encounters, and survived more threats than any other horse in the herd. The requirement of the lead horse is not strength or size; if this were so, then humans could never dominate a horse. Dominance is established not only through aggression but also through attitudes that let the other horses know she expects to be obeyed.

***I think this is important here because WKX wasn't crying for his loss. I think a big part of him was realising not everyone in the world was callous and turned their backs on his parents, that he could've gone his whole life without ever discovering what sacrifices some people have made. Good people suffer quietly and in silence. It's a big moment to realise he was wrong about many things that he had let hatred blind himself to the world. Because although he was sad about the Four Sages and somewhat shocked by Gao Chong's death, he hadn't truly faced up to his actions until now. 

(screenshot of the scriptwriter liking the above post) 

------

To add: 

I'm not sure how many of you read my "opinion" posts, but I've been struggling to find a way to accept the last six episodes of Word of Honor.  I first tried looking at open forum postings, comments, and Tumblr posts. None of it worked because it was just arguing and emotions and no one made points good enough for me to accept things. 

So I gave up and went back to reading Chinese sites. I found many posts discussing the plot. Some I liked, some I didn't, but none satisfied my need for a reasonable explanation. I felt they had biases (both ways), or else it lacked logic. After a time, I realised that I should be looking for WKX-stans (or pro-WKX fans) because they would be more motivated to explain his side, but also because well-written posts by wenzhou-fans & ZZS-stans made me super sad.

I'm sorry, but those who keep trying to explain why the ending was good completely missed that episodes 32-34 are the real problem to those who don't like it and only focused on 36. I can understand if people don't think those episodes are a problem, but no one could provide an articulate and sensible reason. There are just too few well-reasoned plot-focused posts in English (sorry). I've seen too many examples of WKX-fans arguing with people who are upset about the ending, backed by nothing more than "look how much WKX suffers, woe is him. And how romantic is this????" *dies* 

Lastly, if you spot anything inaccurate, let me know & I will correct it.

#word of honor #word of honor meta #wenzhou #opinion #i think this counts as meta #if you think the drama did WKX justice #and that he can do no wrong #in the last 6 episodes #.... #...... #srsly #you can't claim to ship wenzhou #& think the last 6 eps are perfect

[twstheadcanons]

This is a lore question and a slightly specific one. Cater as a character and otherwise is super interesting to me but at the same time insanely confusing. While at first I thought he would end up having maybe slightly abusive family there's a possibility that's not the case. His sister's seem to enjoy dolling him up and his mother seems to go along with it and his father's a bit more absent. I think I would mainly like to know what his true self is truly reflecting and also if Trey seems to know about this 'true version'. Don't feel pressured to anwser this if you can't btw ❣️

Cater fans come get yall’s food.

S, iideally I’d go through events Cater’s prominent in (Beans Day, Halloween), but that would just make this whole post longer.  So I’ll be using Cater’s card stories for now.  What we know about Cater, on the surface level, is that he comes across as happy-go-lucky, energetic, social, trendy, superficial, flaky, and insensitive at times.  But that’s Cater on a surface level.

So for Cater, his major issues from his background are:

his family frequently moving to accommodate his father’s occupation as a banker

his sisters dragging him into their own interests that he was expected to accommodate as well

Cater repeatedly states he disliked getting dragged around by his sisters and having cutesy stuff he wasn’t genuinely interested in shoved into his face.  This would even happen on his birthday, where his sisters got him things they’re more likely to enjoy, which made Cater feel frustrated since he was supposed to be the focus on his own birthday.  But despite that annoyance, Cater understands his sisters didn’t really mean any harm.  From the sounds of it, they liked hanging out with Cater, and assumed that Cater enjoyed how they spent time together as well since Cater preferred to go with the flow, rather than rock the boat.  

In his Bday SSR, Cater mentions that his sisters became more considerate of his own interests and asked him what he wanted.  All three coming from a family where they move and lose close friends a lot, the sisters are probably close and want to stay close to their brother as well, since they’re the only consistent company in a similar age range.  His sisters are each other’s best friends, Cater didn’t have that growing up.  He also mentions his sisters and mother’s sweets-making kick, and how he eventually got over having sweets every day.  But when he protested, it’d disappoint and sadden them/they’d have dejected looks on their faces, which Cater didn’t know how to handle, so he made himself go along with their whims to keep them happy.  

This pours into his social media life, where he’s a peppy, cheery guy that posts upbeat content and responds with light, casual, carefree messages to people.  His Lab SR literally has him state that he ‘should always be happy and excited, after all’.  So, clearly, whatever dynamic the Diamond family has, while not what I’d call something as heavy as abuse, isn’t considerate of Cater’s feelings and views Cater’s ‘go with the flow’ ways as approval.  If he ‘breaks character’ of the devil-may-care person he is on the surface, it raises questions, and Cater would rather just avoid all that and enjoy himself instead of getting involved in anything heavy.

Again, Cater doesn’t like to rock the boat.  He also mentions in his Lab SR that this obsession with cutesy stuff became rather invasive, and he’d even be criticised or second-guessed if he didn’t go along with the idea.  Cater ends up accommodating that interest to prevent any debate, even if he didn’t actually care for them.  That said, with such an emphasis on aesthetics being the way he grew up, Cater has a good understanding and practical knowledge of decour and eye-catching designs, which makes him helpful and invaluable when the time calls for decour.  This is something Cater knows he’s good at, and enjoys showing off since the focus is on himself and he’s acknowledged for his skills.

With their family moving all the time, Caters gained and lost friends a lot.  Cater has an outgoing personality, at this point, it’s safe to assume he’s an extrovert, so making friends comes naturally to him.  But when you’re moving a lot, maybe sometimes in the middle of a school term, .  Cater needs engagement and social interaction, but at this point in his life, he’s tired of trying to keep up with old and new friends on deep levels, hence his interest and obsession with social media.

One thing to note about Cater: he likes cutting corners.  a lot.

In his R card “Portrait of Rosalia”, it’s understood that Cater being nice to Rosalia by throwing her a party with some lively students around is a way for him to get on her good side, because Rosalia overhears the teachers’ discussions of tests and future lessons so that he wouldn’t have to study for an upcoming history test: while Cater’s idea of a party to lift Rosalia’s spirits is in good nature, he wants something out of it that benefits him.  But while disappointed the plan didn’t work, he’s quick to brush it off, and Rosalia’s anger, by mentioning that she’s cuter when uptight anyway.

In his PE card “This betrayer!” Cater only have five laps left to do in PE.  But he hates how sweaty he is and how tedious the overall task is.  So he uses his UM to try and avoid doing all five laps himself.  Riddle catches him red-handed, and Cater tries - albeit I’m sure he knows it’s a lost cause - to flatter Riddle at the last minute.  Trey’s also involved, and despite leaving Cater in the dust, Trey also returns with Riddle, because Trey knows that Cater’s the type that tries to cut corners whenever possible, something against the rules in Heartslabyul.  Honestly, as far as Trey goes, Trey’s someone used to the way Riddle holds himself back.  Cater’s exterior personality wouldn’t be hard for Trey to recognise as Cater pushing himself or exaggerating points of his personality just to keep up an image. especially after being in the same dorm for three years.

In short, while he isn’t malicious about majority of the time, Cater will use others to get out situations and tasks he wants no part of.  This is a huge thing reflected in his UM, as it allows Cater to be in more than one place, so that he personally doesn’t have to be involved.  Growing up with two pushy older sisters, it makes he develops a UM that complements a need for escape when pure wit won’t work.  And despite being someone with a superficial interest in trends, that experience accumulates in him understanding the basics about social media and how it affects others, himself included, since it became the only way he could stay in contact with acquaintances and ‘friends’ from previous years. 

 Cater has a good understanding of how people, in general, work, especially those in his agegroup, which makes him rather crafty when he wants to string others along and get out of a situation.  This doesn’t make Cater a mean or conniving person, and in fact, he’s generally amicable and social.  Cater lives by a pretty ‘live in the moment’ credo.  He enjoys having fun and not getting overly serious about issues when he can help it.  There are instances where he doesn’t care about the situation he’s in, or thinks it’s lame/boring, but he tries to make the most of it as something to post about on MagiCam later to engage in low-effort social interaction for a mental break. 

Cater pretty much states this in his Halloween SSR:

“If I left there, they remained there. That’s why I’d rather have a casual and happy time with everyone instead of going steady. It’s like a circus troupe, you know, having fun hanging with people all over the world and then leaving. And that’s why MagiCam is the best. I suddenly got messages from acquaintances from the school I went to 3 years ago. Aren’t my casual and light relationships multiplying? It’s lovely! “

Social media helps him keep in contact with people on a low-effort level, so the risk of moving doesn’t damage his relationships online like it would physical friendships.  As for family, Cater’s feelings towards his family are difficult, tricky ones he has problems with.  He certainly doesn’t hate them, but their lifestyle, the moving and pushy personalities, don’t mesh well with Cater’s personality overall.  When Lilia tries to relate to Cater’s experiences of fleeting relationships, Cater can’t help but dismiss Lilia’s empathy as surface-level, since, to CATER’S knowledge (it’s not like he knows Lilia’s old as shit), Lilia’s always lived in the VoT with his own family and friends, which hits a sore spot with Cater:

““Cater: ….Family…huh.

Flashback Lilia: I feel like I understand you. But it is just as Cater says, it might be the truth that you should not attach yourself too much to one person in particular.

Flashback ends Cater: (That was full of lies. For a guy who grew up in the same place and never had to deal with rebuilding relations over and over… He wouldn’t understand my worthless and meaningless feelings.)

/Notification

Cater: Hello, Trey. What’s up? Huh? Are we doing our rehearsal for our night show at the stamp rally now? And is Deuce from my committee lacking in hands, so Ace is helping him out? Darn, Ace is definitely going to use this to ask me for a favor later!

Cater: Argh! And is Riddle on the verge of a rampage? I’ll be back soon, Trey, please calm him! It was such a pain getting involved in the biggest crisis of this Halloween week! No, for real! I’m not lying. That’s why you don’t have to say such cold things to me, kay? URGH, TREY, YOU’RE SO CRUEL!!

Cater: Now that Diasomnia’s turmoil has settled, it’s time to change the mood. No matter how you slice it, we’ll still separate if we become 4th years… It would be different if I repeated a year though. Anyway, I should just enjoy the memories I’m making “now”! I’ll surprise everyone with this charming skeleton costume! I’ll show them my serious side!”

Cater calls his own feelings ‘worthless and meaningless’, which likely ties into how he got dragged into his mother and sisters’ own interests over his own, and sometimes even criticised if he didn’t go with their flow.  He also expects the friendships he’s made in NRC (as we see with him talking to Trey about the rest of the Heartslabyul cast), to inevitably disappear after he and Trey are fourth years with their own internships and lives to live.  Because to Cater, the future of his life and relationships appear disruptive and inconsistent, so instead of fretting about them, he wants to live in the moment and enjoy what he’s doing at all times, hence why he cuts corners to make things easier on himself.  This is why he can come across as superficial and easy to get along with, because he doesn’t want to fret over the details.

unrelated but we’re team ‘former dorm leader cater’ here because him doing it because it sounds cool and fun fits perfectly with his personality

#cater diamond #twisted wonderland #Anonymous

[thefloatingstone]

An small sampling of fucked up shit in PatB

Incomplete because these are just the moments I remembered off the top of my head without actively LOOKING for things in each episode.

I have also not seen many episodes in the last season despite being a big fan. It be like that sometimes.

Also including moments that are not actually fucked up but I wanted to mention them for other reasons.

0: The entire plot of the show is Brain wanting to take over the world. He’s portrayed as a megalomaniac who wants power but the show reinforces time and time again that his motivations are Brain is super angry at humanity fucking up the Earth but politically as well as environmentally and thinks he can do a better job if he just ran the damn thing himself. (And yet often his plans include extreme environmental damage like melting the ice caps and stuff. Go figure.)

1: Brain recounts his childhood days as a lab mouse, his water bottles filled with copyright dodging Snapple (a cooldrink), Chanel No. 5 (a perfume), DDT (a pesticide which has been outlawed since the broadcast of this episode due to its intensely harmful effects on the environment) and ALAR (a plant growth regulator used on apple trees which was outlawd in the 80s due to it being an incredibly high cancer risk in people who eat the apples afterward)

jfc

2: That time Brain lured some of the fieldmice around the lab into the lab specifically so he could test a nightvision serum on them before taking it himself.

(I actually like this episode because it turns out the mice are Brain’s parents (because cartoons) and it turns into a story about having parents who expect you to live up to impossible expectations and if your parents fail to live up to your expectations for how parents to be you need to accept that about them and stop trying to force a relationship with them in a way it cannot exist. It’s weirdly touching seeing Brain listening to Pinky give advice but if I list every moment I like in the show which is like this we’ll be here all day)

3: That time PETA broke into the lab and “freed” Pinky and Brain by dropping them in a jungle where they had no hope of survival and the episode turned into a parody of Heart of Darkness.

Also Pinky kills and eats a whole ass wild boar.

4: The episode where Pinky and Brain find and for a short period raise a baby Clark Kent (Because WB owns the rights to Superman so they could just do shit like this) It ends with the mice agreeing to make a scrapbook

5: That time Pinky and Brain had a son together. Just... this whole episode. From Pinky calling La Leche League International [ La Leche League International is a non-governmental, nonprofit organization that organizes advocacy, educational, and training related to breastfeeding. ] to the rather liberal use of “Oh my Lord” and “For God’s sake” which is pretty far up there in “PG things you’re not allowed to say in kids’ cartoons) to Romy referring to Brain and Pinky as “My two dads” to Pinky ending the episode after the ‘tomorrow we try to take over the world’ line with “Not tonight Brain, I have a headache”

fsdfkjdshfk how did this episode get approved???

6: The neighbour who lives in the dilapidated house next door to Acme labs (because of cartoon reasons) thinks Pinky is”the Missus” of the lab and has a crush on him (and tries to have an affair with Pinky because he thinks Pinky and Brain are married WHICH I MEAN....). Something Pinky finds immensely uncomfortable. For some reason this is a continuity detail they kept throughout the show, with the neighbour coming across as a bit of a stalker and it’s weirdly not played for laughs. It’s just strangely threatening and uncomfortable.

7: the anti smoking episode where the lab got Brain addicted to Nicotine. This episode was made directly to criticise the ‘Joe Camel’ character used by Camel brand cigarettes which was targeted at children trying to get them addicted to cigarettes at an early age. This was a real thing that happened and we don’t talk about it enough.

8: I mentioned the extremely messed up episode where they travel into the future to meet their future selves a whole TWO YEARS INTO THE FUTURE) but I didn’t mention this in the previous post because I wanted the screenshot. But please enjoy Pinky’s surgical scar. You’re welcome I guess.

Oh for fuck’s sake while getting the screenshot I got a line from Pinky making fun of Brain’s floppy left ear and how he “Can’t get it up any more” AAHJSAGJHGFJFGDSJHFPLEASE

9: That time Brain yelled at Pinky that he was completely worthless so Pinky sold his soul to Satan so Brain could take over the world and Brain had to go to hell to get him back. (in case you were curious, Hell is located underneath the DMV)

10: This screenshot which I once posted to facebook and a friend of my replied with “We all see who the big spoon really is” and that’s a phrase burned right into my fucking cortex.

Anyway so that’s just the ones I can remember.

This show is a fucking trip. Try rewatching it sometime. Season 1 is probably what you think the show is like but get past that and HOO BOY.

This was just the “things you probably forgot” post. I could make a whole different post about “they really did that” episodes but honestly... idk I’m not sure anyone really cares about a cartoon from 1995 and it makes me weirdly self conscious. Like I’m one of those internet people whose tastes and interests stagnated in the mid 90s and I really don’t want to come across like that or fall into that trap. As I feel it’s very unhealthy to not explore and look into newer media and content and stagnating in cartoons ONLY from your own early childhood dooms you to irrelevance.

So idk if I’ll really talk about this more. But I wanted to make this post at least.

#Pinky and the Brain #PatB #long post #image heavy #these posts take a while to make so feel free to drop me a ko-fi if you want