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fluffytriceratops · 2 years

Text

Hostage - Leonardo [2012]

Note: This is an older imagine I wrote for my TMNT Imagines book on Wattpad. It's actually kinda shitty and my new works are way better, but I figured if I'm going to start posting my stuff on here I should start with the older stuff. ^^" Anyway- even tho it's shitty, I still hope you somewhat enjoy! Thanks for reading! <3

Warning: mature langauge, gore/blood, and physical abuse.

Leo felt like a damn fool. He could never stop grinning when she came by. She made him nervous and jittery. He got butterflies just by thinking about her alone. She was beautiful and foreign and he couldn't help but be a complete and utter fool in her presence.

Y/n L/n had captured his heart and run away with it, and he be damned if he ever got it back.

Looking up from what he was doing, Leo was surprised to see a worried looking Casey, followed by a frantic looking April.

April and Y/n were very close, probably because they were the only two girls in a group full of boys. They had things in common because of that, and would often talk to each other when they needed to.

"I just don't understand it! She hasn't answered her phone all weekend, and then today at school she's a no show! I tried going to her place and no one answered!" April said, moving her hands around as she spoke.

"She's probably just away with her parents or something. You know they like to travel a lot." Casey replied, shrugging his shoulders, though his expression revealed how worried he actually was.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." April muttered, shaking her head and looking down at the ground.

"Hey guy's, what's up?" Leo asked, noticing his brother's were also looking up in their direction.

Donnie had stepped out of the lab upon hearing April's voice, but hadn't said anything upon seeing her and Casey in a discussion. Mikey was playing video games on his phone in the living area where Leo had been watching TV, but he looked away from the screen in curiousness. And Raph was punching the dummy that looked like Shredder, but even his movements had seized.

"It's Y/n. We haven't heard from her all weekend, she wouldn't answer her phone, and she didn't come to school today. I stopped by her place, and nothing. No one answered, it didn't even look like anyone was home." April folded her arms around herself, obviously very worried about her friend.

"Maybe she's gone on a trip, like Casey said?" Mikey spoke up, turning his phone off and stretching a little.

"I don't think so... She would have said something beforehand. And just because she's on a trip doesn't mean she can't answer any of my texts, or pick up the phone when I call. I just.. I have a bad feeling about it." April glanced between them all, wanting their input.

"Do you think somethin' bad happened to her? We do have a lot of enemies, it wouldn't surprise me if someone found and took her as bait." Raph took a couple of steps forward, walking further into the room as he spoke.

Dread began to fill Leo, if something did happen to Y/n- he hated to think that way, he wouldn't.

"We should go to her place and check it out for ourselves. There might be something there you missed, April." He said, standing up and walking over towards the entrance/exit of the lair.

The others nodded in agreement and before long, they were off.

* * *

Y/n was pissed.

She was just minding her own damn business when someone whacked her in the back of the head causing her to pass out. Now she was trapped in the Foot Clan's lair, in pain, hungry, and exhausted.

The poor teenage girl was suspended in the air by thick rope that was wrapped around her wrists tightly. The rope dug into her skin, rubbing her wrists raw and making her bleed. It didn't help that her arms were held up above her and she could no longer feel them from being tied up for so long. She was also positive that she had a minor concussion. She hadn't been fed in three days, her stomach was practically eating itself. Water was only offered once, and she spit it in the guys face who gave it to her. Was that a stupid thing to do? Probably. Did she regret it? Somewhat. Would she do the same thing again? Absolutely.

Being pissed was an understatement.

Her head lifted when she heard commotion before her. A door had opened, Tiger Claw, Fish Face, and Rahzar, walked into the room. She mustered up as much courage as she could, even though she was fucking terrified, and glared at them. The glare was feeble, she was weak, it was obvious.

"Are you finally going to talk, you brat? Master Shredder is getting rather impatient." Fish Face spat, glaring at her in disgust.

Y/n remained silent, not giving them anything. The only thing she did, was look away.

That seemed to only piss them off more, "Listen here you little bitch, sooner or later you have to talk, and if you do not you will be of no more use to us. Which will result in us having to kill you." Rahzar seethed, only becoming more infuriated when she didn't acknowledge them.

Tiger Claw stepped forward and grabbed her face roughly, squeezing her cheeks and forcing her to look at him. "She will talk eventually, and if we do not get an answer out of her ourselves," his eyes glistened, "Shredder will. And he will not be nearly as gentle as us." He thrusted her head back, snarling deeply before leaving the room. The other's trailing behind him.

Y/n's neck snapped back, she squeezed her eyes shut in pain, waiting for them to leave before she sobbed quietly to herself. Fear had consumed her.

She didn't know if the other's knew of her disappearance. Would they even notice if she was gone? It was a depressing thought, but she couldn't help but think that way. It had been three days, and she hadn't even heard anything from or about them. Three days didn't seem like a lot, but to her, it was agonising.

Y/n briefly wondered if she was going to die before she got the chance to admit to the blue branded turtle of her true feelings for him.

Oh well... At least she would die knowing she was able to protect them. Knowing she didn't crack under the Foot's threats.

Still, she couldn't help but feel depressed. Wanting to encase the leader in blue with her love for him.

Now it was too late.

***

Leo knocked on her bedroom window. No reply. He did it again. Still nothing. One last time. Zilch. With a heavy sigh he tested to see if the window was unlocked. Y/n usually left her bedroom window unlocked in case either him or one of his brothers would show up. Just to his luck, it was. He slid the window open with ease, crawling inside followed by his brothers, Casey, and lastly, April.

Her bedroom was dark, the only light that was on was a lamp by her bedside. Her bed was unmade, the tv turned on, and her phone- was sitting on her desk. Leo approached it carefully, picking it up and turning it on. The battery was dead.

"No one's home. Just like we thought." Casey replied, walking back into the room after scouting around the rest of Y/n's place. He held a paper in his hand, "This was stuck to the fridge."

Mikey snatched it out of his hands and read it out loud, "Y/n, your father and I are away on a sudden work trip that came out of the blue. We will be gone for the entire weekend. No partying. Be responsible. Do your homework. There's leftover's in the fridge," his stomach grumbled, which he responded with a sheepish grin, "As usual, April's dad said he'd pop in every once in a while to check on you. We both love you. Be safe. Love, Mom and Dad."

"So that explains why the parent's aren't home, but what about Y/n?" Raph asked, arms crossed over his chest.

"I don't know. This doesn't make any sense. Y/n wouldn't go anywhere without her phone." Leo mumbled, glancing down at the blank screen in his large green hand.

"April was right, something's wrong." Donnie agreed.

"No shit." Raph grumbled, earning a glare from the purple banded terrapin.

April bit her bottom lip, trying to think about what they should do. "Should we contact the police?"

"And say what?" Casey questioned, "Dudes, we believe our friend was kidnapped by one of our mutant turtle friends enemies?"

April shot him a glare, "Well what do you think we should do?"

"I say we storm the Foot's lair and check the place out for ourselves. If Shredder has her she'd be there." He punched his fist into his hand, earning a scoff from Donnie.

"We can't just storm into the place, bonehead. We don't even know if he was the one who took her. "

"We can't just sit around and do nothing!" He retorted.

"Guys, calm down. We need to think clearly without everyone screaming at one another." Leo spoke, stepping between the two.

"Leo's right. Who know's how long Y/n's been gone, or where she is, if she's okay. The longer we take the less time she may have. We need to come up with a plan, and quickly." April gestured, sitting on the end of her friend's bed.

"Okay, so what do we know about the situation?" Donnie asked, looking between everyone.

"Y/n's been taken, we don't know how long she's been gone for, where she is, or who took her. Her parent's have been away the whole weekend, and appear to still be gone. Her phone was on her desk, tv in her room on, along with one light. There's no sign of forced entry, so whoever took her must have known what they were doing." Leo noted, glancing down at the floor.

"That rules out the Kraang and Purple Dragons. They're clumsy when it comes to things like this." April muttered.

"So it is the Foot! See, I told ya!" Casey boasted.

"We still don't know that for sure." Donnie said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"But it has to be them! Who else would it be?" Mikey asked, looking between everyone in confusion.

"We'll go check it out. We can watch from a distance and see if we hear or see anything about Y/n. We could probably even sneak someone in to check things out." Leo ordered, slipping her phone into his belt and turning around to walk towards the window.

***

Y/n felt the blood began to drain from her body from the slash on her back she had just received from Shredder. She gagged from the pain, not being able to vomit because her stomach was empty. Her entire body was trembling, and Shredder was absolutely furious.

"Leave her. Maybe that will teach her not to refuse orders from me." He turned and left the room with a dramatic door slam. Followed by each and every one of his minions.

Y/n let her head hang, slowly sucking air into her lungs. She didn't know how much more of this she could handle. The beatings were getting worse, and she had already lost so much blood. Her eyes slowly closed, her body was going numb, she felt darkness closing in. It was so welcoming... She almost wanted to give in.

She didn't know how long she was out for, a couple of hours maybe? But when she woke up and blinked slowly, she saw a dark figure in front of her. Her eyes widened in slight fear and panic, thinking the worst. She shook her head, flinching away.

"Please..." She whispered, voice dry and croaked from screaming, "No more... I-I can't... Please."

"Y/n, it's okay, it's just me." The voice was familiar, she knew that much. She blinked a few more times, her vision focusing. It was Donnie, hope began to fill her once again.

"D-Donnie?" Just as his name left her chapped lips, she noticed Mikey, Raph, and Leo run into the room. April and Casey stayed by the door to keep watch.

"Y/n!" The other three ran towards her, Donnie had already lowered her ropes and was working on cutting them off.

"She's in really bad condition, the ropes have fully cut off her circulation in her wrists and arms. She's completely dehydrated, and probably starving too. She's also lost a lot of blood, we need to get her back to the lab, now!" The ropes were cut but Y/n wasn't able to hold her own body weight, causing her to tumble to the floor.

Luckily, Raph had caught onto her. "You guys came for me..." She breathed, barely having enough strength to glance up at them.

"Of course we came for you, Dudette! You're one of us!" Mikey exclaimed, grinning down at her, though she could tell he was worried.

"Guy's they're coming! You better hurry it up!" It was Casey, he and April had barricaded the doors. Not like that would do much.

"Raph give Y/n to Leo, he, Mikey, and I will get to the shell razor, you can help April and Casey hold them off for as long as you can. We need more time." Donnie instructed, earning a nod from Raph as he gently passed Y/n into Leo's strong embrace.

Her eyes drifted up to his, he flashed her a worried smile, "Just hold on Y/n, we're almost done." he slid his hand under her knees and picked her up somewhat bridal style, causing the poor girl to wince from her injuries.

"Sorry," She mumbled, causing him to glance down at her in bewilderment, "Why are you apologising?"

"I'm getting my blood all over you.." She replied, drifting in and out.

"Stay with me Y/n! Stay with me! Focus!" He got her into the shell razor, the other following close behind. Once everyone was in the vehicle they zoomed off, Raph driving.

Y/n's eyes began to flutter shut, "Don't you dare close your eyes! Y/n!" Leo was begging, eyes wide in panic, tears brimming in the corners.

"I... can't..." And with that she was out.

Leo refused to leave her side as Donnie worked on her. Mikey couldn't watch, he was too afraid. April held onto him in comfort, as Casey tried not to heave at the sight of blood. Raph just focused on driving, his hands gripping the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white/light green.

Once they were at Donnie's lab back at the lair, he had better equipment, Y/n still hadn't woken up, but at least she was alive. Luckily Casey shared the same blood type as her, so he was able to donate some of his blood. Her open wounds on her wrists looked infected, and her wrists and almost one entire arm was black and blue. That's what concerned Donnie the most, the fact that her arms were so badly damaged. One arm was worse than the other, the purple coloring spreading up till her elbow. It didn't help that she had an infection, and it was spreading. He had to do something quickly or else it would travel into her bloodstream and she would surely die.

So he did the only thing he could think of. Amputate.

***

When Y/n came back into consciousness, she could feel something was wrong. Not only was she in an incredible amount of pain, but she could tell something was off. Something was missing. She could see Leo asleep out of the corner of her eyes. His head was resting on the cot she was laying on, one of his hands holding her own. She smiled a little, about to reach over to place her other hand on top of his when she couldn't.

Horror began to fill her veins as she glanced over at her arm, which was completely amputated up till her elbow. Tears flooded down her face, she slowly removed her hand from Leo's grasp, not seeing the poor boy wake up and glance up at her, her fingers traced the bandages on her arm.

"Y/n?" Leo watched her movements and frowned, "Y/n... I'm so sorry... Donnie did everything he could. He really did try to save your hand. But the infection... It only made everything worse..."

She glanced over towards him, a small sad smile on her face, "S'okay, you guys tried right? There was nothing else you could have done... At least I'm alive... At least you are safe.."

His frown deepened, he hesitantly reached over and grabbed her one and only hand. It was bandaged also, and he made sure to be super gentle with her. "Do you want me to call the others?"

She shook her head, "Not yet... There's something, I want to tell you first."

He perked up a little, nodding his head to let her know she could continue.

She averted eye contact, "When I was in there, all I could think about was keeping you guys safe." Her voice was scratchy and hoarse from not using it in so long, it hurt to speak, but she continued anyways, "To not let them know of your guys' location... But I also couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I would die before I ever got to tell you how I really felt about you."

Leo's eyes widened and his heart leapt to his throat, he didn't know what to say, so he just let her continue.

"I think I'm falling in love with you... I think.. I think I am in love with you, Leo. And it's okay if you don't feel the same way, I just... I wanted you to know."

A small grin spread across his face, he couldn't help it. He reached forwards with his free hand and brushed some of her tangled hair out of her face. "I think I'm in love with you too." he whispered, as if the other's could almost hear them.

She smiled back, "Really? You're not just saying that because Donnie just hacked off part of my arm?"

He chuckled and shook his head, "Really. I mean it. I truly, really do."

Y/n grinned, "I'd totally kiss you right now, but I'm in too much pain to move."

Leo laughed, "Then don't." He leaned forwards and brushed his lips against her own, it wasn't exactly a kiss, but it still meant the world to them.

***

It was a while later and Y/n was finally back on her feet. She had just come into the lab per Donnie's request where Mikey practically barrelled into her.

"Y/n! Donnie made you a robot arm! Look!" He pointed towards it, an excited grin on his face.

"Mikey!" The other three scolded in unison.

"It was supposed to be a surprise you idiot!" Raph glared, arms crossed like usual.

Leo walked over and wrapped an arm around her torso, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, the other's smirked knowingly. Leo only rolled his eyes at their kissey faces.

"So, what do you think?" Donnie asked, stepping forward and holding out the arm.

Y/n grinned, "I think it's awesome! Fuck ya, I get to be a fucking Transformer!"

And they all laughed.

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt fanfiction #tmnt imagine #tmnt leo x reader #tmnt leonardo #tmnt leonardo x reader #tmnt 2012 imagine #fanfiction #teenage mutant ninja turtle imagine #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt leo #tmnt leo 2012

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missmentelle · 4 years

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How do I know if I'm burnt out and what are signs of being burnt out? In relation to both university and work?

Unfortunately, burnout is a very common problem among both university students and people in high-stress jobs. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “burnout” is effectively where people reach a breaking point after being in a high-stress occupation (like a demanding academic program or a high-pressure career) for too long. Being “burnt out” is not an official diagnosis, and you won’t find it in the ICD-11 or the DSM-V. But it’s something that an increasing number of people are experiencing every year.

Not everyone is at equal risk of experiencing burnout - many students and workers never really deal with this. Factors that put you at high risk of burnout include:

Having poor work-life balance. If you spend huge portions of your time working - working through weekends, doing tons of overtime, working late, not taking vacation, working through lunch - you are at high risk of burnout. Humans need rest, relaxation, hobbies and time with friends, and when you sacrifice those things for work, it will eventually take a toll.

Having very little control over your day-to-day tasks. No one has perfect control over their daily work tasks - not even the self-employed - but having some element of control is important. If you have a say in things like when to schedule meetings, when to book client appointments and which task you are going to work on when, you have a lower risk of burnout than someone whose tasks tend to just be dictated to them.

Having perfectionist traits or holding yourself to very high standards. People who experience burnout tend to be overachievers. They constantly try to go above and beyond because they put immense pressure on themselves to do their best work at all times. If you’re the kind of person who beats yourself up over getting an A- instead of an A and makes a point to be the last one out of the office every day, you are at risk of burnout.

Having a dysfunctional work or school environment. Is your workplace plagued with bullies and office gossip? Do your lab members take pleasure in ripping each other’s research and writing to shreds, without really being constructive about it? Does your boss take their bad moods out on the rest of the office, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? A dysfunctional workplace creates burned-out employees.

Having unclear instructions or directions. It is extremely difficult to be in a work environment where you are expected to do be productive, but you aren’t given clear expectations, a clear list of tasks or instructions for how those tasks should actually be performed. It leaves you constantly feeling like your work isn’t good enough and isn’t done properly, without actually giving you a route to improve; you often end up working twice as hard to get half as much done, which is a recipe for burnout.

Working in a helping profession. Nurses, social workers, therapists, paramedics, psychologists, caregivers and caseworkers have some of the highest burnout rates of any profession. These jobs often combine long hours and low pay with incredibly stressful work environments, and burnout is a huge problem.

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or bored of what you do. It’s a state of complete and total exhaustion. Putting more energy into your job isn’t possible when you reach that point - you have nothing left to give. “Burnout” isn’t an official diagnosis, but it is a fitting description - trying to push through burnout is like trying to re-light a candle that has already burned all the way down to the bottom. It’s just not going to happen.

Some signs that you’ve reached the point of burnout include:

Your performance is suffering. You can’t keep going full steam ahead when you’re running on fumes. When you’re burnt out, your work performance will one of the first things that starts to slip - you may find that you are missing deadlines, forgetting things, half-assing tasks and making careless mistakes.

You constantly feel drained. Burnout is a perpetual state of exhaustion. You’ll start to feel like you just don’t have the energy to do everything that you’re supposed to do. You’ll find that you feel tired all the time, regardless of your sleeping habits, and that just forcing yourself to do the bare minimum leaves you feeling totally depleted and unable to do much else.

You feel disconnected and cynical toward your work. Even if you once enjoyed your work or felt passionate about it, when you’re burnt out, you become disillusioned with what you do. You may find that you’re cynical about your work, or just so apathetic that you can’t bring yourself to care about it anymore, even when you accomplish things that once mattered to you.

You can’t concentrate. Burnout can make it difficult - if not impossible - for even the most dedicated person to focus on their tasks. You might find that you spend a lot of time just sitting in front of your computer, unable to even start tasks because you can’t focus well enough to begin something.

You have become irritable and short-tempered. People who are burnt out have a tendency to become impatient with the people around them. When you’re running on empty, you have no energy left for social interactions. You might find that you’re snapping at coworkers or getting visibly frustrated with clients if you work in a helping profession.

You feel anxious. Burnout is often accompanied by feelings of indistinct dread that you just can’t seem to shake. The fear and anxiety is often tied to work, and can be completely overwhelming.

You can’t sleep. Ironically, people with burnout often have a hard time sleeping. Their minds race all night, and they find that they cannot settle down or get comfortable enough to drift off. If you can sleep, you may find that you are only able to sleep in short bursts and cannot sleep through a full night.

Your eating habits have changed. Some people experiencing burnout find that they lose their appetites. Others find that they begin to comfort themselves with food. Significant changes in appetite and food intake can signal a serious problem.

You feel physically ill. Being under high amounts of stress for long periods of time can destroy your health - you might find that you have a lot of symptoms with no direct physical cause, like headaches, stomach pain, nausea and body aches. You might also find that you get sick more often and get more infections as the stress wears down your immune system.

You feel like you have to drag yourself through the day. Even if you once enjoyed your job or your school, you might start to feel like even showing up is a huge chore, and dread having to go in. You might find that it takes all of your energy to even make it through the front door each day.

The good news is that burnout is not a permanent state; there are things you can do to recover. However, recovering from burnout is not necessarily easy - this is not something you can quick-fix with a self-help book, and you may need to make significant lifestyle changes. Some things you can do to fix or prevent burnout include:

Set firm boundaries. If possible, stop taking work home. Stop signing up for extra shifts and overtime every time it’s available. Don’t volunteer to organize every single office party and baby shower. Stop answering work emails after 5pm. Don’t check your email on the weekends. Don’t respond to emails on vacation. Set firm boundaries between “work time” and “me time” - especially if you work from home, where it’s easier for work and life to bleed together.

Use every minute of your paid time off. A lot of people just don’t use up all their PTO every year because they’re worried they’re letting the company down by taking vacation. Stop that. If you have vacation days, use them. Use your sick time too - if you don’t get sick that often, use them as mental health days. If you’re a student, ask professors for extensions when you’re sick - more and more professors are getting on board with cutting students some slack for life events.

Unplug from productivity culture. Our culture has a pathological obsession with productivity, and it’s killing us. We consume books and blogs and podcasts about how to squeeze as much productivity out of ourselves as possible. It has to stop. Unsubscribe from this kind of content. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself to optimize and monetize every second of your day - it’s not healthy.

Seek support. Talk to a therapist, a doctor or a friend. Get professional help or just find people you can vent to. Try to form friendships with some of your coworkers or fellow students, especially if you work in the helping professions - they know better than anyone what you are going through.

Prioritize your physical health. When you neglect your physical health, you are more likely to burn out - you run out of fuel faster when you have less in the tank to begin with. Prioritize eating healthy meals and getting all the nutrients you need. Make a habit of exercising. Practice good sleep hygiene and try to improve your sleep.

Talk to your supervisor, advisor or boss. Are there things about your specific work or school environment that could be improved for you? Could you be transferred to a new team? Do your roles and responsibilities need to be clarified so you know exactly what is expected of you? Do you need additional training to do your job well? Are you dealing with harassment that could be reported to HR? See what can be fixed.

Consider a change. Sometimes you just need a change of pace after a while. Many social workers, for instance, eventually leave the profession - a lot of people simply have a lifetime limit on how long they can do that kind of work before they need to switch to something that doesn’t involve human horror every day. If burnout is a consistent problem, it might be time to think about taking a leave of absence, changing to a different role, or switching careers altogether.

Hope this answers your question! MM

#Anonymous #AnsweredByMM

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sgtbradfords · 3 years

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Could you write a Chenford prompt with this “You’re always number one.” ? Thank you!

Ok anon, this one was so much fun to write! Thank you for sending me this prompt! I hope you enjoy :) Send me a prompt from this list!

The sounds of car doors slamming filled the parking lot, the hot California sun bearing down onto the asphalt. “Someone please remind me why we’re doing this again?” said Nyla Harper as she and Lila met the growing crowd in front of the building.

“Because Nolan said it’d be fun and none of us disagreed.”

“It’s also a bonding experience.” Piped in John Nolan.

Tim Bradford rolled his eyes. “As if we don’t spend enough time out of work as it is.”

“Alright,” said Angela Lopez, gathering the groups attention as she walked out of the building. “We’ve got 2 hours booked for us to play as many rounds as possible with a twenty-minute break after an hour. Wesley and I took the liberty last night of dividing everyone into teams already. Should someone feel as though it’s unfair after the first game then we will redo the teams. Alpha squad will be Wesley, Jackson, Tim, Lila and John. Bravo squad will be Sterling, Lucy, Nyla, Henry and myself.”

“Question, can we change our team names?”

“No.”

“What are the rules?” asked Jackson.

Wesley raised an eyebrow. “Their rules or our rules?”

“Ours of course.”

“No removing your sensor to avoid being shot. Keep physical contact to a minimum. Climbing is allowed as long as you don’t get shot. If you are shot, then your vest will reset after thirty seconds. We have the room to ourselves so no worries about outsiders. An alarm will go off in an hour to signal the break. Most importantly, have fun. Everyone ready?” Angela told the group before moving towards the building.

“You’re going down Bradford.” Lucy gloated as they walked through the door.

“Is that what you think boot?”

Lucy scoffed “Think? I know. Remind me again who was Mid-Wilshire’s shooting champ this year?”

“There was a scuba diver!” Cried John.

“We know.” Voiced the group.

The group divided up into their teams, going into separate rooms to get their gear.

“Game starts in five.” Nyla said as she slipped back into her teams’ room after helping Lila into her gear. “The amount of trash talk coming from them… Don’t be shocked to see Lila and Nolan team up.” She told them as she began gearing up herself.

An alarm through their room, giving off the one-minute warning. Both teams lining up outside of their doors that led to the complex.

The next alarm sounded as the doors opened, the lights off and blacklight’s on making the place glow.

“Yippie ki yay Mother-“

“NOLAN SO HELP ME, DON’T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE.” Nyla yelled as she entered the room.

“-theresa!”

Each person began strategizing, Sterling being the first shot as Wesley rounded a corner.

Lucy was able to shoot John, who was helping Lila sneak under a platform, “Not fair Lucy!” he yelled as she ran away.

The first round went quick, the score almost even as the alarm blared, signaling their break, they congregated in one room, huddled around the TV screen showing points.

“How are they winning?” Cried Angela. “I know I shot Nolan at least five times!”

“It’s only by a few points honey.” Wesley smirked as he told his wife, taking a sip of water.

Angela glared, covertly flipping her husband the middle finger as Sterling wondered aloud. “How does a nine-year-old have more kills than me?”

Jackson laughed. “Because you play a cop on TV, Ster. Where as her mother probably gave her the good aim in her genes.”

“Wait, this says Tim and Lucy are tied as the top shooters.” Henry pointed out. “How is that possible?”

Everyone turned staring at the two as Lucy shrugged. “I told you, champion. Besides, I rarely win anything. Now Tim on the other hand, you’re always number one.” She said pointing a finger.

“Come on boot, Antonio won that one time!” he defended before explaining. “We do paintball once a month. Besides, Chen practically lives at the shooting range.”

“Only because you make me!” Lucy snorted before defending herself. “And I do have a life outside of work I’ll have you know.”

“Is that what you’re calling him? Because if I remember correctly, I had to buzz you in the other day at six in the morning wearing yesterday’s clothes because you ‘lost’ your keys.” Jackson pointed out causing her to blush. “And it wasn’t the first time either.”

Nolan propped his head on the fist of the elbow leaning on the table. “Tell me more tell me more did you get very far.” He sung.

“Shut up Nolan.” The group voiced as he raised his hands in defense.

The five-minute bell rang, half the group standing to head back to their room, Angela and Nyla moving to Lucy’s side as she began to put her device back on, shooting the test target in the room to check her gun.

“Is he a decent guy?” asked Angela.

Lucy smiled. “He is.”

“Have you done a background check on him?”

“I haven’t but I don't need to, he’s told me a lot.”

Nyla watched Lucy, her arms crossed over her chest. “You love him.”

“I do.”

Angela looked at Nyla before looking back at Lucy “Does he make you happy?”

Lucy looked at the two, her smile growing. “He does.”

“Then that’s all that matters.” Angela said. “If he hurts you, I hope he knows your family will help you kill him.”

Lucy laughed, “Not if I kill him first.”

The one-minute alarm sounded as each team re-assumed their entry positions.

Team Bravo was the first to strike in round two, Nyla taking Lila and Jackson down ten seconds apart.

Lucy quickly made her way to the second floor, finding the perfect corner that was dark enough to stay hidden with the help of her jacket hiding the glow of her target. She crouched down, keeping an eye out, watching the walkway that ran across the second floor, she knew Jackson was up here, having seen his white shirt go by in a blur as she made her way up from the first floor.

“Boo.” A voice whispered in her ear.

Lucy jumped to her feet, startled as she whipped around, pointing her gun at the person that was crouched beside her on the floor. “Didn’t your T.O ever teach you not to sneak up on someone with a gun?”

“It’s fake. And didn’t your T.O teach you to always stay aware of your surroundings boot?” retorted Tim as he stood, backing her further into the corner.

“How did you get there and how long have you been there?”

“Army crawled.” He said shrugging. “And not that long. So, who’s the guys ass I need to be kicking?”

“None of your business. But,” She told him, her tone playful as Tim stepped closer. “he’s about six foot four, blond hair, killer eyes.”

“Yeah? He sounds like a loser.”

“Well, someone has to counter his inner nerdiness.”

“Wanna play dirty?” he asked, as he moved closer, each hand grabbing for the belt loops of her pants as Lucy’s back hit the wall.

“Looks like we already are.”

“We are but,” he dragged out. “what if we teamed up to take down both sides?” he asked, leaning his body into hers.

Lucy bit her lip as she tilted her head back. “Conspiring to commit treason are we Sergeant Bradford?”

Tim moved his head down, his lips grazing hers as he whispered. "Conspiring to do something Officer Chen.” He said as he acted first, his lips capturing hers harshly, eliciting a moan from deep within as her body reacted to his touch. His fingers let go of the denim loops, hands slowly grazing the exposed skin where her shirt was riding up, causing her to shiver as she moved a leg, wrapping it around his backside.

“We’re going to get caught.” She said as someone yelled from the first floor. Tim moved his lips down her neck, his nose pushing her hair back as he sucked on the skin, a gasp escaping her lips.

“They won’t even know we’re missing.” He mumbled against her neck as his hands slid into the back pockets of her jeans, lifting her, pressing her harder into the wall as she wrapped her other leg around him.

“They’ll know when they see neither of us getting points.”

“We’re getting points.” He smirked, pulling back. “Just none they need to know about.”

Lucy fisted his shirt, pulling him into her in a hungry kiss, returning his earlier kiss with equal fervor before letting go, running her nails over his scalp as she grinded into him.

“Lucy!” Jackson yelled from the first floor, causing them to break apart. “I know you’re waiting for me!”

Lucy dropped down as Tim let her go. “How the hell did he get down there?” she asked, catching her breath as she grabbed her gun that was swinging by its tether.

“I guess you were distracted.” He told her, his tone light and playful.

Lucy moved around him, making the move to go after her friend.

“Wait.” he said as he pulled her back by the arm, twirling her into him as his lips found hers in the darkness, leaving her breathless.

Lucy moaned as she forced herself to pull away. “Later, we will finish this later.” She promised, retracting his hands from his waist as she stepped back. “And babe?”

“Yeah?” he asked stepping closer to her.

“Payback’s a bitch.” She told him as she pressed the trigger on her gun, the laser hitting the target on Tim’s chest.

Tim stood shocked as Lucy ran away. “What the hell Chen!”

Lucy’s laugh echoed off the walls as she ran down the stairs, taking out Wesley who was running up the steps “Oh Jackson.” She sung. “Wanna play a game?”

Fifteen minutes later the final alarm blared, signaling the end of the game.

“Alright, which team is ready to buy the brews?” Angela asked the group who stood waiting outside. “Drum roll please!” Lucy, Nyla and Lila, began beating their hands on their thighs.

“With 3400 points the winner is… Team Bravo!”

“In your face Bradford! Break out the money clip old man!”

Tim rolled his eyes at his girlfriend’s antics before stepping closer, “Twenty bucks says Jackson will be wasted by the end of the night.”

Lucy looked at Jackson who was pouting. “Make it loser pays for ice cream after paintball next week and you’ve got a deal.” She told him sticking out her hand.

“Deal.” He told her accepting her hand, lingering for what was probably too long for ‘coworkers.’

The next week Lucy smiled, handing a twenty-dollar bill over to the cashier before glancing back at Tim who was trying to stop the topping avalanche that was sliding down his double scope of Oreo ice cream. “You ready?” she asked as she pocketed her change, holding out the hand that held no ice cream.

Tim smiled, hints of ice cream on his lips as he took her hand, walking out the door. “With you? Always.

#the rookie fic #tim bradford x lucy chen #chenford fic #chenford fanfic #fanfic #chenford

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casually-inlove · 4 years

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19 Days Character Archetypes. He Tian

This idea had been dancing around the back of my mind for a little over half a year now. I wanted to compare and contrast 19 Days characters with the list of archetypes proposed in the neo-Jungian research and finally, I got some time to spare. For this post, I am going to talk about He Tian. Before I begin, however, let me clarify a few things. Since the subject is fairly complex, I do not intend to write in detail about the theory itself or the studies mentioned because that is not the purpose of this post. I am only looking to give a quick and basic run-down of the common archetypes shared by the 19 Days characters.

What is an archetype? An archetype is a set of predefined characteristics, a mould. Carl Jung described the archetype as a “fundamental unit of a human mind” or a “primordial image”. Simply put, the archetypes are the recurring and simplified patterns — but also symbols. According to his ideas, these basic symbols exist universally irrespective of epochs, nations, cultures, races, places, etc. Jung believed them to be shared by the so-called collective unconsciousness. However, even before him, the philosophers of old introduced the ideas of pre-existing ideal immaterial forms which shape the material reality. Since the archetypes are fundamentally primordial, they permeate every single sphere of human life. Art, media, movies, day to day interactions — all of them deal in archetypes.

While working on his research, Carl Jung defined the driving impulses of the human psyche. In turn, that data helped him come up with underlying basis for human behaviour. Based on his findings, Jung outlined the so-called primary archetypes. Later his research served as a basis for many other studies and classifications, particularly for The 12 Archetype Model, proposed by Margaret Mark and Carol Pearson in “The Hero and the Outlaw”. Naturally, there can be an infinite number of archetypes, each having their subtleties; still, the short lists give the generalized picture. Deconstructing characters to these basic blueprints is a fair game because a character, no matter how complex, is still an abstract entity.

For this series of posts, I am going to rely on the 12 Archetype Model mentioned above. The list goes as follows:

1. The Innocent

2. The Orphan

3. The Hero

4. The Caregiver

5. The Explorer

6. The Rebel

7. The Lover

8. The Creator

9. The Jester

10. The Sage

11. The Magician

12. The Ruler

Having examined this list, I am led to believe that He Tian primarily represents a mixture of The Hero and The Rebel archetypes.

The Hero and The Rebel

Let us start with the most obvious, the Hero. This archetype is closely associated with the ideas of masculinity, and thus it is also referred as the Warrior, the Crusader, etc.

The Hero archetype characteristics

Motto: Where there is a will, there is a way

Core desire: to prove one's worth through courageous acts

Goal: expert mastery in a way that improves the world

Greatest fear: weakness, vulnerability, being a “chicken”

Strategy: to be as strong and competent as possible

Weakness: arrogance, always needing another battle to fight

Talent: competence and courage

These go very much in line with what we know of He Tian. His childhood flashbacks suggest that he indeed intends to be “the strongest”.

The failure to protect the puppy, the harsh words of He Cheng — all of it led him to become fixated on becoming the Hero, the one who swoops down and single-handedly saves the day. It is in the way he stands in to fight She Li for Guanshan or rushes to prevent Jian Yi from getting kidnapped. It is in the way he attempts to resolve the other boy’s problems with debt collectors. It is in the way he deflects the coke can and decides to meet his father for Guanshan's sake.

He Tian yearns to be the strongest because the alternative — being weak and helpless — has already scarred him in the past. Whatever joy he used to have as a child was taken from him, because he was not strong enough to handle things on his own. He entrusted the puppy to his brother and the man betrayed him — or so He Tian was led to believe.

More than that, he wants Guanshan to come to him, whether it’s talking about his complicated past or whether it’s about learning the guitar.

It goes without saying that He Tian is almost eerily good at anything he does — as such he believes he can learn music from scratch in a short time. That speaks volumes about the confidence he has in his capabilities, and yet to an outsider's perspective this might come off as blatant posturing.

Apart from almost baffling self-confidence that he shows, He Tian is also known for his nearly abnormal physical prowess. He managed to hold his ground against several armed adults (which is probably just flawed writing) and way back he even managed to impress Guanshan by effortlessly hopping over the school fence, so it makes one wonder what kind of training he had undergone.

However, the truth is, The Hero is also susceptible to weakness. In his work, Carl Jung has coined the term “The Shadow”, which became a stand-alone archetype in his list. The Shadow stands for our suppressed, ignored or denied traits, in other words, it is everything that we cannot see or refuse to see in ourselves. The concept of this hidden darkness has been since absorbed into a number posterior studies, such as Robert Moore’s and Douglass Gillette’s “King Magician Warrior Lover”, where they introduce triadic paradigms of the archetypes and their corresponding active and passive shadows. Notably, they link the aforementioned archetypes with the concept of “masculinity” and its development throughout adolescence into adulthood.

What is The Shadow to The Hero archetype? When The Hero cannot fulfill their purpose, they surrender to the shadow. The dark side takes their best qualities and transforms them into flaws. The confidence thus turns into arrogance and hubris, courage into foolhardiness, competence into bravado and posturing — or the complete opposite happens. Courage transforms into cowardice, confidence into insecurity, etc.

Whereas He Tian is concerned, before he had developed an emotional attachment to another person (and by doing so gained something to cherish), we could observe some of the definitive shadow patterns in his behaviour. Until he recognized Guanshan as someone to know and to protect, he used to goad the other boy, if not outright assume the position of his superior, demanding obedience and subservience. He Tian also used the snide tone when talking to Guanshan, and he did so in order to establish his power to steer the boy in what he deemed to be the right direction — that is attempting to curb Redhead’s short temper and brashness. And in doing so, he was not shy of subtly threatening the boy or using physical force to make his point.

To be in touch with his masculinity — that is to channel his energy constructively in order to feel strong and needed, — he required to have someone he could play the knight for. Once he could direct his inner impulses properly, his violent tendencies have subsided.

Even so, in his aspiration to be the ultimate good — driven by the hatred for his family background, perhaps — He Tian often opted for doing rash, foolhardy stuff, such as attempting to take on the debt collectors all by himself, for instance. Sure, he would have gotten to “save the day” and be the hero, but that single moment would have cost him his life.

Now, having glanced at the Hero archetype, let us move to the next one, The Rebel. This archetype is characterized by the following:

The Rebel archetype characteristics

Motto: Rules are made to be broken

Core desire: revenge or revolution

Goal: to overturn what is not working

Greatest fear: to be powerless or ineffectual

Strategy: disrupt, destroy, or shock

Weakness: crossing over to the dark side, crime

Talent: outrageousness, radical freedom

The Rebel is also known as the outlaw, the revolutionary, the wild man, the misfit, or iconoclast.

Indeed, He Tian rebels quite a bit in the manhua. First and foremost, his rebellion is directed at his flesh and blood — Mr He and Cheng.

Not much is known about He Tian’s childhood, yet it is pretty clear that he hadn’t exactly had a happy one. His mother died early on and he was left to grow up practically without parents since Mr He is a textbook absentee father. From what He Tian knows, his brother backstabbed him, an act that keeps plaguing their relationship years after, while his father is labeled as a monster — someone who is ostensibly capable of eliminating people who disobey.

It is also clear as the day that young He Tian is traumatized by whatever dealings his family conducts behind the scenes. At some point, we even witnessed a scene where HT is tossed out of the burning yacht, while his brother is covered in blood and holds a gun. A violent experience such as this inevitably leaves a scar — and actually get to see it. He Tian is shown to experience something closely reminiscent of PTSD, recurring violent nightmares, the fear of the dark, etc.

Back in the present day, we see that He Tian wants to put distance between himself and his family. It manifests in living separately from his kin and cutting the contact to a bare minimum. He makes a point of stating that he is independent, severing the ties he deems to be dysfunctional. Yet the same time He Tian cannot quite let go of his familial bonds. In particular, whenever He Cheng is concerned, the boy sneers and flagrantly shows his impetuousness and disrespect.

In many ways he’s practically stomping his feet, attempting to show that he doesn’t need his brother, yet by doing this he proves the opposite: he still yearns his bitter feelings to be validated by He Cheng — and by his father too, to an extent.

This results in bratty behaviour on his part: He Tian orchestrates property damage at the He mansion, impishly rejects Cheng’s gestures of goodwill, etc.That is the work of the Rebel’s “shadow” counterpart — when the desire to overturn things and break free takes on darker shade and slips into dangerous territory. Resisting and opposing then becomes a way of life, and only through it does the “shadow rebel” feel certain of their self.

He Tian pushes at the boundaries of what is permitted and socially acceptable to feel in control of the situation. If we examine the way He Tian interacts with others, we will see that the shadow manifests in many other ways. He Tian is compelled to stir and instigate others, using his wit and cunning to make them uncomfortable or confused, and thus easy to manipulate to his amusement.

Speaking of socially acceptable behaviour, Chinese culture places a great emphasis on the respect towards senior family members — and I probably cannot stress this enough — He Cheng lets him get away with this lack of reverence. Deep inside He Tian seeks his brother’s approval and attention, but rejects it when he is given, and in the process he sets out to tear down anything that displeases him.

Establishing a connection with Guanshan let He Tian fulfill his Hero potential and channel his energy in constructive ways, and yet at the same time, it allowed him to tap further into his “Shadow” Rebel tendencies. That is, to it rub in into He Cheng’s face that he’s no longer welcome or needed.

Naturally, as a character, He Tian possesses traits of other archetypes — such as The Lover, for instance — albeit to a lesser extent, so I’m not going to dive deep in here. Let me just mention, that as a Lover, He Tian is compelled to increase his attractiveness to his love interest — we often see him fishing for compliments and validation on Guanshan’s part, which underscores his inner need to feel needed and wanted, yet also turns into clinginess at times.

With that, this quick rundown of He Tian’s character patterns is complete. All in all, you could say that He Tian is fairly archetypal at his core, and yet it’s the combination of these “trite” features that mark him as an utterly realistic and believable character. It is because we’ve seen these archetypes countless times before that He Tian appears to be true to life.

Lastly, this is going to turn into a series of posts, but right now I cannot say when the next part is going to be up since writing this took me some time. In the meantime, you can read a bit more below ✨.

A bit more about He Tian | Support me at Ko-Fi

#19 days #he tian #long post #finally published

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astrologiaxo · 4 years

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The Seventh House - The House of Partnership

This is the seventh part of a twelve part series briefly explaining how the signs work in each house. Enjoy!

The Seventh House ruled by Libra and Venus is known as The House of Partnership. If you’re wondering if there is an opposite to your Ascendant, look no further, it is your Descendant. The ascendant is the exterior self that we put out unto others, whilst the Descendant is the outer exterior of life that we attract. The people we draw in. It is the beginning of the southern portion of your birth chart. Marking a halfway point, hence the sharing of the axis with your Ascendant. Which is why it is tied to forming unions, coming together, and creating a bond with someone to complete a purpose. Here we are looking for our other half in life. We have done all our soul searching and now want to enjoy our rewards and create something bigger with someone else. It is when we are ready for marriage in life or to get serious with someone to take the next steps in life together. Unions are made whether they be romantic or business. It is the type of relationship that needs investment and time in order to thrive. In the Seventh House we are attempting to attract what makes us feel secure and safe, and how we go about locking down what we want for our future and with who. When things go well, these unions become prosperous and we achieve what we set ourselves out to do. When things take a turn for the worse we see the dark side of this partnership: divorce, getting married for the wrong reasons, lawsuits, treaties, creation of enemies, etc. It is important that when we tap into this house we attempt to invest with our best collaborators so as to see the full potential of what type of partnerships we can have. Libra and Venus rule this house, as we know Venus is the Goddess of Love and Libra is all about peace, harmony, and codependency, which are all traits that a relationship needs in order to succeed. Overall, when we begin our search to relate to others we do it so that we may become members of humankind and bring purpose into our foundations.

In matters of love, the descendant is usually used to see what kind of people you attract and you will notice that it is the opposite sign of your rising sign. For example, I am a Cancer Rising, so my descendant would be Capricorn, so I tend to go for Capricorn type people when I date. I am an Aquarius Sun/Sagittarius Moon, Aquarius Mars/Venus, yet I tend to attract earth/water sign men and for the longest time I could not understand why. I now realize it has to do with my Cancer/Capricorn combo at play. This means that my Cancer Rising is calling the shots when I am looking for security in relationships, because I am looking for someone to protect my first house with their Capricorn traits. Let me know if you guys agree or what experiences you have to this house!

To conclude, “The First House is the seed point of self awareness, and the seventh house is the seed point of the awareness of others.” (Astrology Club)

Aries in the Seventh House: This partner is as you’d expect it, a more playful, angry type. It’s the kind of partnership that brings in a lot of passion, enthusiasm, and energy. The relationships tend to be impulsive and not well thought out. Because of this, you struggle with the idea that your choices may be bad for you so you have a hard time dealing with conflicts and trying to make things better with your partner. You need to set boundaries in order to see the relationship for what it really is otherwise things will continue to be chaos. The type of person who understands you will be able to keep up and carry the same strength and liveliness as you. They will be reactive to your actions, which is what you will love. Be weary of doing too much or too little in this partnership. Sometimes you fail to sit back and let things unfold and would rather take action thus resulting in people feeling like they can’t do things for themselves. Take the usual thought of “Me” and “I” and change it to “We” by putting your partner first and saying “after you.” If you learn to balance your passionate energy and direct it, you will see how much you can really bring to your partnership and not just yourself. In love, you may marry quickly and find love at a very young age, you can thank your Libra Rising charm for that.

Taurus in the Seventh House: The other side of Venus, Taurus represents what is practical, earthly beauty, and the simple fine things in life. In contrast, Libra represents outer beauty, makeup, vanity, and pose. For this placement to work fully, it needs to balance both these energies for harmony. Otherwise there is a conflict of envy and feelings of not being “pretty” enough. The type of partnership meant for you must consist of sensual, physical contact, and intimacy. You also need someone to be serious because you enjoy a private life and wish to have someone protect that. Your partner also needs to bring stability and financial security to your life, as any Taurus, since you do love your material wealth. Taking things slow is your forte and you need a partner who is going to understand that, this will usually be annoying to most people, so be sure to communicate this in any relationship that you wish to invest in. Like Aries, you struggle with the doing too most factor or doing too less. Balance is key so don’t expect too much from your partner, and vice versa. Once you are able to acquire the mindset “what can I give?” instead of “what can I get?” you will learn to be a better Taurus partner.

Gemini in the Seventh House: The ever so intellectual and stimulating Gemini is drawn to partners that keep them entertained and give them all the mental connection they can get. However, since this is the house of partnership, be weary of having solely mental connections, when more philosophical ones are needed. Communication with your partner is key so that they are aware of your sensitivities and you don’t always appear cold or detached. Usually you’ll find yourself in social gatherings and meet tons of people, but never really form intimate bonds with anyone. Because of this you pursue/attract people that are younger since you like to be a teacher to them, which in turn feeds your soul. But in the house of partnership we can’t only be thinking of the self and what stimulates us, we have to be compassionate, understanding, and philosophical with someone else. You may go through multiple partnerships/marriages because you spontaneously enter unions and overthink yourself into oblivion. Just like you do people, you jump from project to project, which can frustrate any person that you are with since they never really know what’s going on in your mind. There’s nothing wrong with thinking of a million ways to do something, but for the sake of this union, it’s important that you are able to communicate and soften your mindset.

Cancer in the Seventh House: The influence of family is the heaviest in this placement. This can bring about limitations in the growth needed for an individual to be ready to provide for their partner. You will need to learn to form your own personal goals so that you may define your ego + personality without the shadow of your family. A functioning relationship for you consists of tenderness, emotion, intimacy, and a healthy family life. You are emotional, sensitive, and need someone to nurture this part of you. However, in a negative light, your desire for such traits can lead to possessiveness and a lack of confidence, which are not healthy. The need for emotional harmony can sometimes lead to the destruction of your union since there is no balance, just neuroticism and intense emotions. Without even thinking, you might be finding yourself with people that can recreate a mother role, or vice versa, where you reenact the mother role. When you are able to separate the fine line between caring about someone and drowning in your need for them, you will see that you can offer close, personal emotions that are at the center of the connection with your loved one.

Leo in the Seventh House: Known for your leadership qualities it is important to note that although you may be the bossy one in other aspects of your life, you actually let your partner take control of what goes on in your partnership. The reason for this is because your partner is a reflection of who you actually are inside, but your partner projects that outwardly in the relationship. Sometimes your partner may also be the star and attracts the attention, but you enjoy to see this and watch from their shadow. It makes you happy that your partner gets all this attention but belong to you. However, a happy union is one where both partners get the spotlight, not just one. You may not know it, but you need attention all the same, and can fall into a depression if you don’t receive it. If you’re wondering why you have strong enemies in your life, this placement may be why. The Leo qualities that you project may be bossy and not thinking of others which can be the reason that causes enemies. Your enemies are strong minded just like you but you will learn that with enthusiasm and energy, you can fight them off and get them to understand where you’re coming from. You want your partner to obey your rules, but you may struggle obeying theirs. Again, a happy matrimony will be of one where you both agree to listen to each other. There can be a tension of power play in this partnership, be weary. All you really want in life is romance and a candlelit dinner, make it known.

Virgo in the Seventh House: There is a lot of criticism in the way you attract a partnership. You want them to give you what you want, often losing sight that they too have emotions and thoughts. You want your partner to bring to the table what you lack, and vice versa. Negatively, you strive for perfection which in turn affects your happiness. You care about practicality, certainty, and won’t make a move unless you are certain of the outcome. Like Gemini, your partner must stimulate your mind and keep you thinking. Because of this, your relationships are not the most emotional or sincere. Your partner might think the union is cool and dry, and don’t really know your where your heart is at. You spend a lot of time criticizing your partner, or they may be doing that to you, whatever the case it comes off demanding and ambiguous. This may be why you suffer in relationships. In the marriage department, you might have to go through a few trial and errors to get it right. By the second marriage you have more chances of being successful since you have more time to mature. Learn to give without expecting anything in return. Be realistic of high expectations and cut your partner some slack, you must be putting in the work as well. In this placement, we can no longer be selfish and have to think of our partner and how to make a union work.

Libra in the Seventh House: This placement is in Its natural house, where Venus rules the seventh house, Libra is comfortable. In relationships, you take your time with choosing the best partner for you. What this person must bring is an attitude that tells you they are going to put the relationship above all else. This can have its negative and positive sides. You are likely to be more of a receiver than a giver here, hoping that your partner puts in most of the work. Be careful about this trait because you make it seem like you only care about yourself in this partnership. You tend to rely more on your partner’s support than they do on you, which can make your partner feel neglected. There can be issues of your partner feeling like their identity is being lost because they are catering to you most of the time. From the get go, your need for a relationship is established and hence why you are committed to finding a partnership. The right union for you is one of harmony and balance because you care about a partnership that can come to a middle ground. It’s all about keeping the peace here. In matters of business or at work, people are drawn to your naturally charming and energetic personality, but it is this same personality that tends to get taken advantage of.

Scorpio in the Seventh House: As always, Scorpio brings about deep, intense, powerful, and profoundly intimate partnerships. They can either kill you or bring you to life. Because of how passionate you come off and want your relationships to be, you might scare away those who are not able to handle such strong intimacy. Or flip the roles, and it’s you who might not be able to handle such a relationship. The traits of this placement bring about possessiveness and jealousy because of how obsessive you can be in your partnerships. However, this is a house of spirituality and union rather than just the self, so learning to let go of such obsessiveness is needed in order for your relationships to thrive. Once you are able to accept your weaknesses, you are able to accept everyone else’s which in turn makes you stronger. Intimacy for you is very serious and you will not become intimate unless you are sure the other person is serious about you too. Usually you care about your personal security and how your partner can make you feel safe, but here you must learn to acquire a security for all of life. Your partners will be magnetic, powerful, extremely passionate but this invites jealousy and darker more mysterious types as well. If betrayal happens in your partnerships, the result will be one of revenge and bitterness.

Sagittarius in the Seventh House: Free as the archer is, in a partnership you need your freedom In order to thrive. It is important for your partner to have a life of their own, completely independent of yours. If you are able to find such a person then this is who you will surely commit to. Clingy types that need your full devotion and attention will struggle with being happy because you will not be able to satisfy those who are codependent. When you do find the right person you will go out of your way to keep the relationship fun and exciting. Through adventure and travel is how you ultimately want to express your love. Anyone who is up for the journey will ensure a long lasting union. You are very curious and expressive of how you feel and think so you are interested in many subjects and people from all over the world. You always want to learn and have a thirst for knowledge so you like to learn from people storytelling their experiences. You may find yourself running from one experience to another, learning, and escaping to cope, but in this placement we must find a union within ourself and the world. If you think you are restless in your search for love, stop and take a breath, and try to figure out who is down for you to get to know you and your quirks. It will take another type of odd, open minded person to fully understand you, so if you haven’t found that yet, it’s only because you have not crossed paths with anyone like that yet. Rare people are hard to find.

Capricorn in the Seventh House: Success is sexy! You tend to attract partners that pretty much have their shit together. You are inspired by these types. The material and financial comfort that they have gained for themselves is something you want to be a part of because it makes you feel safe. Whether they provide it for you or you are inspired to achieve the same, this is the type of partnership you ultimately want. Knowing that your partner is FULLY taken care of, is 10/10 for you. If your partner can’t provide for you, what’s the point? However, you are not a gold digger. If anything, you want to know they can provide for you because you want to do the same for them. On a positive note, if both partners work hard, this will be a lasting union. However, if one does more providing than the other, than the relationship may have its faults and miscommunication. Problems of not being enough or feeling unsatisfied will emerge. Because of this, you are very picky and take your time committing to anyone because they have to be the ultimate package. If they don’t have everything you want, you will not pursue it. Those who do fancy you, you will find that you are stuck on them hoping for them to tie you down. This union is of patience, understanding, and stability. Very straightforward you see marriage as a coming together to help build an empire of sorts, such as marrying for status or wealth. Feelings of love may come second so it is important to express words of love to your significant other as to not make the relationship feel purely materialistic.

Aquarius in the Seventh House: The lucky fellow who captures your heart will earn your extraordinary loyalty. You demand a lot from a relationship, in terms of freedom and the space to roam as you please. In a positive union, your partner will also share these qualities. Huge know it alls you tend to project your superiority complex in your partnership and home. This makes you feel secure because you like to feel as if you have things under control. Perhaps you will find your partner through working for humanitarian groups since you tend to attract those that are fighting for a cause. Coming together with one other person may be hard for you because you are so independent and think for the world, not just for you and your partner. Be aware of how you may make your partner feel as though there is no passion outside of a group setting. You also have to be able to alone with them and connect with them on a higher level. You can’t be friends with your partner, well you can, but they have to mean more to you than just friends for this partnership to work. Once you are able to find the person who balances your need for freedom and power, you will reward them with your undying loyalty. Also be careful of your Leo tendencies to dominate your loved ones because if you’re attracting those with Aquarius qualities, they also value their freedom and independence, so give them the chance to be their own person and not someone under your rule. Overall, this union will be eccentric, unconventional, and exciting if your partner is willing to experiment with all the quirks and kinks you have to offer. Your partner will exude qualities of being a visionary, genius, and an intellectual. Try not to possess them and trust that they are yours without you having to demand for their attention!

Pisces in the Seventh House: Spirituality, compassion, and empathy are important to you. You may not possess these traits as much as you’d like so you may go looking for them in someone else. Partners that you attract may need to be nurtured in a way that makes you feel useful. You want someone that supports your imaginative type so you may not go for rational, practical types in fear of them shooting down your dreamy ideas. In a negative aspect, you and your partner may find themselves a bit removed from reality with no one to tell you guys to come back to the surface. This can be toxic so be weary of letting this type of behavior consume you. A partnership that works for you consists of being able to be spiritual and compassionate of each other while also aiming towards practicality and seeing things for what they really are. For you having a partner is very important and ultimately the only thing you find necessary in life. Once you find your soulmate you tend to give yourself to them which can lead to vulnerability, deceit, and mysteriousness, so be clear of what you want and try not to let yourself get taken advantage of. However, you might not even realize that you are getting taken advantage of because you see nothing wrong with helping out a loved one. Your partner may have deep rooted issues that you want to fix, but you can’t, they are just manipulating you for their well being. SNAP OUT OF IT and find yourself someone who truly values you and not someone who needs you.

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libermachinae · 3 years

Text

Fault Lines Under the Living Room

Part III: Watch - Chapter 9: Smog Layer Rolling In

Available on AO3 Chapter Summary: The trio compare notes. Chapter Word Count: 3578

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Beyond the city, Vitrious was a patchwork of barren plateaus with deep crags of lush valleys between, dense vegetation knotting together until only those adapted for such environments would have any hope of navigating them. Drift set his shuttle down on the flat plain, well within sight of the parked Decepticon craft, and took a moment to vent before he rose from the pilot’s seat and made for the hatch. He checked the cell was secure, catching Grit’s optic as he passed; there was a glare, but no sharp remarks as Drift turned his back on them.

The soil was a hard-packed conglomeration of quartz, granite, and limestone that sparkled even under Vitrious’s perpetually overcast weather, but Drift’s gaze was up as he approached the too-familiar vessel. The hatch was open and Rodimus was sitting on the ramp, Ratchet standing at his left shoulder. They waved but put up their hands, stop, when he started coming closer.

“Sorry,” Rodimus said over comms.

“We don’t know how far the effects extend,” Ratchet explained.

Drift stopped where he was, stance wide and swords glinting.

“Do you really have the Enigma?” he asked.

“It’s not the kind of thing we could make up,” Ratchet said.

“Where did you find it?”

“Another Autobot left it on the Lost Light,” Rodimus said. “Arcee. Don’t know where she got it from, but she hid it on this shuttle and took off. We tried to follow her, but some things—I got us hit with a satellite.”

“A satellite,” Drift repeated.

Rodimus nodded.

Drift raised his two fists and bounced them together.

“Hit you.”

“We’re not going to get very far if that’s where your suspension of disbelief ends,” Ratchet said. “And anyway, we both played a part getting into that mess. I wasn’t the most communicative pilot.”

Rodimus shifted, looking down at his pedes, then grinned. Without making optic contact, Ratchet matched it.

“A lot of things were said, but that’s beside the point.” Rodimus waved his hand. “We lost control of the shuttle and by the time we got it back, Arcee was gone.”

“Why would she do that?” Drift asked. An object that dangerous needed to stay far away from Cybertronian hands, especially anyone aligned with the civil war factions. To abandon it like that was either negligence or malicious, and he found himself glancing at the sky, wondering whether someone else was on their way to retrieve it.

“Didn’t tell us,” Ratchet said. “Didn’t even tell us it was here. Had to find it ourselves.”

“Both of you?”

Ratchet and Rodimus glanced at each other.

“Who else?” Drift pressed.

“What?” Rodimus asked, both their gazes snapping back to him.

“Who else was with you? You can’t form a combiner with just two people.”

“That’s where it gets complicated,” Ratchet said. Unlike Rodimus, who had taken to glancing at the ground again, spoiler twitching to give the illusion his whole frame was in motion, Ratchet’s optics and posture were steady.

“It was just us,” Rodimus said. “I didn’t know what to do. Ratchet had just said he was—“ He froze, looked up at Ratchet, then went on. “He was leaving, and the glowy thing in the wall seemed like a good distraction from that.”

“We were both under immense stress,” Ratchet said, laying a hand on Rodimus’ spoiler. The twitching stopped. “Maybe the Enigma picked up on that. It decided we were a good enough match that it could link us together while it looked for someone else.”

“A holding pattern,” Drift said. The word came up automatically; in reality, his attention was being yanked between Rodimus’ slight smile, Ratchet’s hand, and the fact that the latter had apparently been in the process of deserting. That didn’t sound like the Ratchet he knew.

“Yeah, exactly, that’s what Cyclonus called it,” Rodimus said, oblivious to his internal struggle.

“You’ve heard of it?” Ratchet asked.

“Only briefly, and my sources weren’t that trustworthy.”

“Tell us what they said anyway,” Ratchet said, his hand moving into soothing strokes along Rodimus’ spoiler. Drift found himself looking at the ground. “We still know next to nothing about this thing, beyond that it’s a pain in the aft and poor judge of character.”

Drift shook out his hand and unsheathed his sword, twirling it in front of him in basic patterns. Better to be frank with his restlessness than let it distract him from the matter at hand.

“It’s rare, and terrible,” he said. “Bonded sparks without a physical connection to stabilize them try to overpower each other.” He thrust his sword forward, grimacing at the blunt movement. “The case studies all described once-friends trying to rip each other apart, just for a few minutes’ peace.” There must have been instances of final components being introduced, but he hadn’t bothered to log them to his memory. He’d been looking for horror stories to break up the boredom. Shockwave’s archives had been an indulgence.

“Hasn’t been easy,” Ratchet said, “but it was never that bad.” Even from this far away, his gaze was like a physical touch on Drift’s plating. He tried to ignore it as he moved into his next step in the pattern.

“We did organize an entire shuttle to keep me from frying Ratchet’s circuits,” Rodimus said. “Oh, and meditated!” His spoiler flicked, briefly dislodging Ratchet’s hand before he put it back. Their disturbed looks switched to matching grins again, and Drift now recognized it for what it was: a private joke.

Drift paused to regard them, their easy postures combined with the gentle way they moved around each other. Nothing like what he had filled his head with all those years ago.

“Why did you come?” he asked, sheathing his sword. “You said you need my help.”

Rodimus stood up, creating a gap between them.

“Like Ratchet said, it hasn’t been as bad as what you heard,” he said, “but we can’t live like this forever. Ratchet’s—”

He stopped, optics flashing, and Ratchet closed the distance again, pressing a hand to the back of his neck.

“It’s been a challenge,” Ratchet said. “We can function, but neither of us can fulfill our responsibilities while we’re like this, especially if we’re at risk of pulling someone into it. We need some way to minimize the effects or, ideally, cut it off. Unfortunately, that falls outside my area of expertise.” He dropped his hand.

“But we were thinking: weird spark stuff, bonds between people. That’s kind of what you’re all about, right?” Rodimus stood, the corner of his lips quirked up in a hopeful grin.

Drift stared at it. His hand was frozen, still wrapped around the hilt of his sword.

“Cyclonus suggested Spectralist meditation practices might influences the effects of the Enigma,” Ratchet said with a resigned acceptance that, in another situation, Drift might have prodded at. Ratchet was handing him a free turn in their old game, only it wasn’t a game anymore and Drift found himself with a miserable hand.

“And you want me to…”

They looked at each other, more than a glance this time.

“Well, was he right?” Rodimus asked. “Is there anything you can do?”

Unlike most answers in Drift’s life, this one came with little inner turmoil.

“No. There isn’t.”

Spectralism was a war religion. A subset of Alchemists had felt their belief system had become too tied up in the politics of the war, especially after the Acuity had announced a passive alliance with the Autobots. The Alchemic apostates believed that, by focusing on the body, one could transcend the factional gulfs that divided their species, and named their new movement Spectralism, in reference to the standard spectrum of light emitted by their photonic cores. It was a modern religion designed around the issues of its time. Not ancient long-lost artifacts of questionable ethics.

Rodimus’ spoiler drooped and Ratchet’s optics dimmed. Rodimus straightened up a moment later, brave smile on, but the way Ratchet sunk into his own plating told Drift far more about their shared headspace.

“That’s okay!” Rodimus said. “We can figure something else out. Or not! Ratchet’s been warming up to me. Bet we could make it a few years at least before we—”

His words choked off and Drift had to look away, anger roiling beneath his plating. He hated that he couldn’t just feel sympathy for their situation; wrapped up in it was the knowledge that they had come, not for him, but for something he might provide. He had always been a tool for other mechanisms, from his days on the streets up through his rise in the Decepticons, and hoping for any different after he defected, after the war ended, after he joined Rodimus’ side kept demanding a steeper price.

He was still trying to figure out what he could say that Deadlock would not have when the plasma bolt caught him.

It hit his right shoulder from behind and sent him sprawling. He landed on the hard ground and gasped as pain, numbness, and the tingle of backup sensors raced up his armor in rapid succession. Calibration had not finished before he was trying to get up again.

“Drift!” Ratchet and Rodimus yelled.

He grunted and tried to see who shot him but had to roll away to dodge a second bullet aimed for his helm. He heard a second, quiet shuttle landing beside his own and realized his mistake.

The third shot went wide, expecting him to keep rolling in the same direction, and he took advantage of the lost second to leap to his feet and lunge at Grit’s crewmate, frozen at the edge of the hatch. His left sword came up to block another volley and then he was on the Decepticon, spinning and shoving him to the floor of the hatch with his gun arm pinned behind his back. There was nothing he could do to stop the remote-piloted shuttle, though, already taking off while the other two scrambled aboard. He shoved the Decepticon into the ground, then jumped over him. Someone was shouting, but he didn’t hear the words. If he could catch the underside of the ship—

He missed. The thrusters fired just as he leapt and sent him hurtling, skidding across the plateau. He tumbled end over end, plating banging against the solid ground, until at last he came to a stop on his back, staring at the open sky.

He struggled to sit up. The pain wasn’t bad, but vertigo had him misjudging the weight of his frame. He heard the shuttle flying away before he could see it, followed by gunshots. He started to roll over, a delayed evasive maneuver, before he realized that the blasterfire was coming from the ground. Rodimus and Ratchet had retrieved weapons and were shooting at the retreating shuttle while their own sat idle.

“Go!” Drift shouted. He hoped that was what he’d said. “Don’t let them break atmosphere.” He swayed onto his feet, looking around for the sword that had flown from his grasp.

A pulse flew by his helm, singing the air itself, and he turned around to see the Decepticon crumple to the ground, gun falling out of his hand.

“Not leaving you behind,” Rodimus said.

“Not like we’ve had great luck chasing people off world anyway,” Ratchet added.

Above their heads, the shuttle’s thrusters pulsed as it prepared for the final push to break atmosphere. Already it was receding from view, the planet’s smog layer rolling in to cover its retreat, and Drift knew it would be off his own ship’s sensor range long before he got it airborne. He tried to gauge how far a ship like that could travel before it needed to stop for fuel.

“You okay, Drift?” Rodimus asked.

Drift shut off his comms.

He picked up his sword on his way back to the shuttle. The Decepticon was lying on the ground, clutching his hip; warm energon seeped from between his fingers. Drift doubted he would die from the wound, but the bleeding was enough to make anyone panic, which was exactly what he needed right now. He pointed his blunted weapon at the Decepticon’s throat, allowing the curve of the blade to cut a hair-thin line in the plating housing his central energon line.

“What’s your name?” he asked. “How important are you to Grit?” Voice trembling slightly; good. Most Cybertronians knew the difference between shivers of fear and barely-concealed anger.

“Spur,” the Decepticon squeaked, trying to back away from the sword while keeping both hands on his hip. Drift noted the dent in his helm where Rodimus had shot him earlier. “We were stationed on the same moon. We’re business partners.”

“Are they coming back for you?”

“Yes!” Spur nodded his head, optics bright and wide. “They’re coming back with reinforcements, and they’re going to be mad if something happens to me.”

Drift would have groaned, had he the energy. Even if Spur was lying (most likely) the possibility of Grit reaching out to other rogues put Vitrious in a much riskier situation than it had been in before. Suddenly, it was no longer a matter of stopping a single slave trade operation: now there was information on the line, harder to predict and much more complicated to contain. Once he had the immediate threats neutralized, he was going to have to determine whether the Galactic Council should be tipped off to the vulnerability of this sector, a question of whether safety from Decepticons was worth the Council’s brand of planetary defense.

That was a problem for the future, though, one he was able to brush aside as he sheathed his sword and leaned down, hoisting Spur with his good arm while he used his bad one for balance.

“What? Hey, wh—”

“You know where they’re going,” Drift said. “Give me the coordinates.”

“N-no! What would I—”

“You want to get back together with your crew, right?” Drift asked, dropping Spur back into the ruined cell. “Give me the coordinates and I’ll make sure you’re still online when we drop you off.” It was a bluff, of course, but Drift had always had a talent for making bots think the worst of him.

He received the packet over a broadband comm frequency. After scanning it for viruses, he diverted it to the ship’s navigation system, then popped open one of the panels in the wall and retrieved a pile of stained rags. He crouched beside Spur and dropped the rags so he could catch one of the Con’s desperate hands and pry it away from his wound.

“Wait—”

“Relax,” he commanded, deftly retrieving his cuffs so he could clip one end around Spur’s wrist and the other to the lower frame of the cell where it extended slightly from the floor. It would make for a less comfortable trip, but that was what he got for breaking Drift’s things: Grit had shorted the locking mechanism and brute forced the failsafe. It would be a time-consuming fix, both whatever patch job he could throw together and the eventual repair stop he would have to make at a legitimate mechanic.

Satisfied Spur was secure, he pulled away Spur’s other hand and started to mop up the spilled energon with one of the rags. Already, the flow had slowed, but he wanted to see the damage for himself before he trusted self-repair.

“Here,” he said, pushing the pile to Spur. “Pack the wound with that to slow the bleeding. I’ll take a closer look once we’re airborne.”

Spur stared at the rags like he had no idea what to do with them, which Drift doubted. One did not make it through a war like theirs without learning the tricks to keep a body from dying.

“Why?” he asked.

Drift received a ping from the navicomp and waved off Spur’s question, retreating to the pilot’s console to confirm the flight path. As he had suspected, the destination was not far. Even doubling the computer’s estimated travel time, which had become necessary since the last time he’d wormed his was into the engine, it would still barely be enough time to prepare for a conflict. He hit a button to raise the hatch and input the commands to prepare for takeoff. Faint voices were buzzing through the ship’s comm system, and he entertained the idea of shutting that off, too.

“Gonna get that?” Spur asked, optics angling to the speaker.

“Don’t know,” Drift said, playing with the volume control. The sound dipped so low he might have mistaken it for a piece of his thoughts, too indistinct to even be called nonsense.

“It’s your team, right?”

“No, not really.” He shut it off, the sound of the engine filling the space so immediately he didn’t have time to miss it.

“I would’ve killed you, if it hadn’t been for them.”

Drift glanced back. Spur had taken his suggestion and was packing the wound, and there was defiance in his posture now that he was not stooping to keep himself from bleeding out.

“No, you wouldn’t have,” Drift said. “You were aiming for my helm, right? The finials make me look taller than I really am. Your shot would have missed my cranial casing by less than an inch. A blow like that would knock me down, make it look like you had hit, but I would have received more damage from the fall itself than the gunshot. Provided I landed with my palm down, I would have retaliated before you got your finger back around the trigger.” He turned back to the viewshield. Ratchet and Rodimus had disappeared, the Decepticraft’s hatch was shut, and the engines were coming online.

Spur huffed.

“Autobots are weird.”

“I’m not an Autobot.”

“Nah, but they are.” There was a clink of metal, as though Spur had tried to gesture with his bound hand. “Never seen them give a scrap about a bot like you.”

A notification came up: shuttle primed and ready.

“Listen,” Spur said. “You’ve clearly got some sort of history. I don’t care what. But in my experience, there’s no bigger nuisance in the universe than an Autobot who decides to care about something, especially if it happens to be none of his business and all of yours. So, in the interest of not getting shot again, can you at least make sure you have those two under control?”

Drift leaned his head back to look at the ceiling. He wasn’t an Autobot. Not anymore, Rodimus had seen to that, and he’d never really wanted to be one, anyway. Did he care about things in a fundamentally different way from how Ratchet and Rodimus did? Had the divides in their species been driven down that far? Or had they been the reason for the war in the first place? He didn’t have an answer for that. But maybe Spur had a point. Without looking, he turned the comms back on.

“—on’t go yet, just listen, we—”

“What.”

“Drift!” Rodimus said.

“What’s your fuel pump pressure?” Ratchet asked. “Feel anything loose or out of alignment?”

Drift shook his head. There was a twinge in his shoulder and the usual weight of his body, but those were manageable.

“I’m fine,” he said. “Grit’s collecting reinforcements. I’m going to intercept. You two should head for the nearest Council-aligned planet and wait there; if you hear even a rumor that Cybertronians have started moving in, let the local enforcement division know.” They would alert the Galactic Council security forces, and then Vitrious would be out of their hands.

“We’re coming with you,” Rodimus said, though the tone was all wrong. He sounded like Ratchet.

“No.” Commands had never suited Drift’s voice; even now, it came out sounding like a demand. “I can’t help you, and I sure as slag can’t protect you. What happens if the Decepticons find you? Or worse, get onto the ship and find the—” he glanced back at Spur, “—the you-know-what? Then it’s not just Vitrious: everyone’s problems get so much worse.” His fingers were drumming the console, an anxious non-beat. “I’m sorry that you wasted so much time coming out here and that you’re having to live through this. Really, I am. But I need you to let me do this.” Once Grit was taken care of, he would regroup with them and do what he could to help their situation, what little it was. But his list of debts was long and this one came first.

“We don’t need your help or your protection,” Ratchet said. “Believe it or not, we’re more than capable of taking care of ourselves, and we can recognize when someone else’s problems are more pressing than our own. We’re coming to help you, Drift.”

His hands wrapped around the yoke.

“I’m not going to—”

“We’ve still got a tracker on that shuttle,” Ratchet went on. “So, you can either ping us the coordinates now and let us strategize on the way there, or you can wait for us to catch up in the middle of—of whatever this is. Your call.”

Drift’s engine growled. He heard a hiccup from behind and turned his glare on Spur, who looked inappropriately unrepentant for a mech cuffed to the floor.

“I hope you know I hate you both.”

“Hey!” Rodimus yelped, but Ratchet laughed, and a moment later Rodimus’ nervous chuckle floated through as well.

#maccadam #transformers #dratchrod #drift #ratchet #rodimus #my writing #longfic #fault lines

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neon-junkie · 4 years

Note

Prompt #2 w/Kieran? 👀

oh??? OH?? here we go ;:) female reader!

You're still unsure why Dutch chose you as a suitable member to attend the Mayor's party, especially since you weren't allowed to cause any trouble - no robbing folk, all you were allowed to steal was information, and you didn't seem to get much. You gave up after an hour in, deciding to engulf yourself in the free snacks and champagne. It tasted cheap, that cheesy flavour to it, but booze is booze, and it's always better when it's free.

"You alright, Miss?" Kieran asks you as he sees you attempting to climb out the carriage, swatting away Arthurs hand for the tenth time.

"She's real drunk," Arthur chuckles, informing Kieran. "Cmon, ___. Just let me help ya," Arthur puts his hands out again. Despite your blurry vision, you manage to swat his hand away yet again on your first try.

"No no, I've got this. You men are always so eager to help us women. We can do things ourselves, you know," you sarcastically respond, slurring some of your words.

"Just pull her out, Morgan," Bill huffs from behind you, still stuck in the carriage. To no ones surprise, Bill had forgotten about the other exit directly behind him.

"Right, come on," Arthur says. Before you can protest, you find yourself on the ground. Arthur was quick to lift you by the waist, pulling you from the carriage.

"Finally," Bill grumbles, exiting the carriage and storming off into camp to rip off his undersized suit.

"You need a hand?" Kieran asks you. Your eyes finally lock onto him, noticing the man in front of you, his index fingers pressing against each other as he nervously approaches you.

"Kieran!!!!" You grin, lifting your dress ever so slightly so you were able to run over to him, eagerly pulling him into a hug. "Oh, are you coming to the party too?" You ask him as you break away.

"We just went," Arthur tells you, making you look over your shoulder. He notices your confused expression, "we're back at camp, you moron," Arthur chuckles, shaking his head.

"Oh?" You question, looking at your surroundings. "So it seems we are," you say as you notice the camp in front of you. "Well, why don't we go back? We did leave early." As you speak, you grab a hold of Kieran's hand, pulling him back over to the carriage.

"The party's over," Arthur tells you, putting his hand out to block the entrance to the carriage, a very confused Kieran following behind.

"No it ain't," you scoff, shaking your head and rolling your eyes.

"It is. A errr... a shoot out happened," Arthur tells you.

"It did? Hmm. I don't remember leaving, to be honest," you shrug, Kieran's hand still in yours. You had subconsciously locked fingers with him, and the poor man looked like he was going to pass out from the physical attention he was receiving.

Everybody in the camp, minus you, knew of the blatantly obvious crush Kieran had on you. Despite the amount of camp members directly telling you, you had always brushed it off, saying Kieran was just being friendly with you. The two of you were extremely close, you taking a liking to him the second you saw him tied up in the stables back at Colter. You'd fed and watered him when no one was around, sneaking a blanket over him whenever you could, and spent countless hours just getting to know him.

All your acts of kindness had softened the man, and despite how much he tried to hide his feeling, everybody else had clearly picked up on them. He'd had a few camp members approach him in private, threatening him, saying they'll shoot him on sight if he does anything to hurt you. "Don't worry, I would never do anything to hurt her. Hell, she wouldn't go for me anyway," Kieran had told them.

"Come on, why don't we go get you some water?" Kieran asks you, managing to slowly walk you away from the carriage.

"Water? Phfft. No thanks, Kieran," you protest.

"Okay, erm, a beer?" Kieran suggests. Arthur is glaring at him from behind you, shaking his head, warning the other man not to feed you any more alcohol.

"Sure, lets go!!" You grin, dragging Kieran into the camp.

By the time you reach Pearson's wagon, the usual crate of beer left on the table had mysteriously disappeared, making you pout. Arthur had managed to, without you somehow noticing, sprint past and hide the crate.

"How's about you go get changed into something more comfortable whilst I go look for the beers?" Kieran suggests, making your eyes sparkle.

"Okay! I'll go get changed," you repeat, letting to of Kieran's hand and making your way across the camp, practically falling into your open tent. You close the flaps behind you as you begin to undress.

Kieran lets out a sigh. How did he get into this mess? You'd practically picked this man out to be your drunken babysitter, but Kieran doesn't protest. You've helped him many times before, the least he can do is help you now.

Arthur approaches him. "Here," he says, handing him an open bottle. "It's full of water. She won't know the difference," he chuckles, then gives him another opened bottle, "and this ones for you. This ain't water, and you'll probably need it."

Once Kieran's taken the bottles from him, Arthur gives him a pat on the shoulder. "Good luck," he says, before heading into Shady Belle, probably off to bed.

Kieran sighs once more, then takes a big swig from the beer, walking over to your tent. He waits outside, not wanting to walk in on you changing.

"You decent?" Kieran asks.

There's a few moments of silence before you huff "no."

"Oh, I'll wait," he says.

"No, I mean... I can't get this damn thing off," you huff again. Kieran can hear the struggle in your voice.

"Erm, I can see if any of the women are awake to come give you a hand?" he offers.

"They're probably asleep, don't disturb them," you tell him. "Could you come help?"

"A-are you alright with that?" Kieran nervously asks, a slight stutter in his voice.

"Yeah, come in," you tell him.

"Alright," Kieran sighs.

He enters your tent, surprised to find you still fully dressed. Kieran places the bottles down on your desk then turns to you.

"Can you unzip this?" you ask, turning your back towards him, looking over your shoulder. "Please?"

"Alright," Kieran gulps though you don't seem to pick up on his nervousness.

His hands are a little shaky as he takes hold of the zip, slowly managing to unzip your dress. The zip's halfway down when Kieran suddenly stops.

"You ain't wearing a corset?" he squeaks, sweating out from the sight of your skin, the small of your back appearing the further he goes.

"Why would I? I wanna be comfortable," you tell him, facing forward, unaware of the nervous mess of a man behind you.

"Oh, okay. That makes sense, I guess," Kieran sheepishly replies.

He continues to unzip you, the zip stopping just above your tail bone. Kieran definitely wasn't expecting this turn of events - to help you undress, to see your hidden curves, to blush even heavier as you turned around to face him. You're holding the shoulderless dress up in one hand, covering your cleavage. If you were to let go, the dress would quickly fall to the floor, grazing over your hips and pooling beneath you. That's all Kieran can think about.

"You alright, Kieran?" you ask him in a soft voice as he didn't respond when you thanked him.

"Yeah... yeah, I'm alright," Kieran stutters, his eyes quickly moving off your body to meet yours.

"You ain't ever helped a woman undress before?" There's a seductive tone to your voice. You've picked up on the way Kieran's looking at you, with his rosy cheeks and damp forehead.

"N-no ma'am," Kieran swallows.

"Do you want to?"

"...Yes please."

#rdrwriting #kieran duffy #prompt #female reader #fem reader #f!reader #reader insert #kieran duffy/reader #kieran duffy x reader #kieran duffy/you #kieran duffy x you #red dead #red dead 2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #rdr 2 #Anonymous #writing prompt

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basicsofislam · 3 years

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BASICS OF ISLAM: Fasting: The Month of Ramadan

Ramadan is the ninth month of the Islamic lunar calendar. Every day during this month, Muslims around the world spend the daylight hours in a complete fast. During the blessed month of Ramadan, Muslims all over the world abstain from food, drink, and other physical needs during the daylight hours. As a time to purify the soul, refocus attention on God, and practice self-sacrifice, Ramadan is much more than just not eating and drinking. Muslims are called upon to use this month to re-evaluate their lives in light of Islamic guidance. We are to make peace with those who have wronged us, strengthen ties with family and friends, stay away from bad habits — essentially to clean up our lives, our thoughts, and our feelings.

The Arabic word for “fasting” (sawm) literally means “to refrain” – and it means not only refraining from food and drink, but from evil actions, thoughts, and words.

During Ramadan, every part of the body must be restrained. The tongue must be restrained from backbiting and gossip. The eyes must restrain themselves from looking at unlawful things. The hand must not touch or take anything that does not belong to it. The ears must refrain from listening to idle talk or obscene words. The feet must refrain from going to sinful places. In such a way, every part of the body observes the fast. Therefore, fasting is not merely physical, but is rather the total commitment of the person’s body and soul to the spirit of the fast.

Ramadan is a time to practice self-restraint; a time to cleanse the body and soul from impurities and re-focus one’s self on the worship of God. Ramadan is a period of fasting, reflection, devotion, generosity and sacrifice observed by Muslims around the world.

The word “Ramadan” comes from the Arabic root word for “parched thirst” and “sun-baked ground.”

It is expressive of the hunger and thirst felt by those who spend the month in fasting. As opposed to other holidays, when people often indulge, Ramadan is by nature a time of sacrifice.

Through fasting, a Muslim experiences hunger and thirst, and sympathizes with those in the world who have little to eat every day. Nowadays people of Africa need not only sympathy, but also actual food by those who experienced hunger.

Through increased devotion, Muslims feel closer to their Creator, and recognize that everything we have in this life is a blessing from Him.

Through increased charity, Muslims develop feelings of generosity and good-will toward others.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once said,

“A man’s wealth is never diminished by charity.”

Through self-control, a Muslim practices good manners, good speech, and good habits.

Through changing routines, Muslims have a chance to establish more healthy lifestyle habits — particularly with regards to diet and smoking.

Through family and community gatherings, Muslims strengthen the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood, in their own communities and throughout the world.

Through restraining themselves from pleasures of the world, muslims realize the values of the blessings of God. There are countless blessings that as human we don’t even realize their values. Sun comes up every morning, and it is free. Air is free water is free. Since we have an easy access to these blessings we don’t really value them. Absence of these blessings makes us realize the value of these blessings.

Ramadan makes muslims also realize how weak and needy we are before God.

Ramadan is total submission and obedience to God Almighty. We are experiencing long and hot summer days. At the end of the day, we are really thirsty and hungry. There is water and food on the table. We are in need, but cannot eat. Because, the owner of the blessings does not let us. We are not the owner, God is. And we are waiting for his command to start eating.

Every Ramadan is a new beginning for Muslims.

Like a great scholar says:

“Every sound during Ramadan resonates with a promise of a new start, just as every breath gives us a glimpse of a hope for salvation. Iftar dinners (breaking the fast) appear on our horizon with implications for the “grand meeting,” while whispering some secrets into our soul.”

Ramadan is a very special time for Muslims, but the feelings and lessons we experience should stay with us throughout the year. In the Qur’an, Muslims are commanded to fast so that they may “learn self-restraint” (Qur’an 2:183).

This restraint and devotion is especially felt during Ramadan, but we all must strive to make the feelings and attitudes stay with us during our “normal” lives. That is the true goal and test of Ramadan.

May Allah accept our fasting, forgive our sins, and guide us all to the Straight Path.May Allah bless us all during Ramadan, and throughout the year, with His forgiveness, mercy, and peace, and bring us all closer to Him and to each other.

Prayer for the end of the fast during Ramadan

O God, we thank you for the countless blessings that you have bestowed upon us.Especially, for friends whom we are sharing our food today.

O God, you have prescribed fasting to us so that we should realize the value of your blessings, to teach us patience, to accept our weakness and need to you, to discipline our evil soul with hunger, to experience hunger to understand hungry. Now, we have better understanding of those who are suffering with hunger in Africa and all over the world. Do not test us with hunger. Help us to become your embodiment of your mercy to those who need it.

Dear God, bless those who are in need of your blessing as we are blessed today.

God of mercy, we have fasted to seek your pleasure, we believe in you, we have entrusted ourselves to you, and now we are breaking our fast with your food .

Forgive our past and future sins.

Show us the real blessings in afterlife that you let us taste the samples today.

Please do not let us go astray in this life and afterlife.

Ameen

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kylieswesting92 · 3 years

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The Healing Power Of Breath

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. Consult your healthcare provider before use.

The symptoms of stress can often be sneaky, making it difficult to pinpoint exactly what is out of balance in our body. With stress and anxiety, our breathing becomes shorter, our muscles become tighter, and our minds become busier. There is a very good chance that stress can be directly affecting your health. The good news is, you hold the key to your own, natural stress relief.

Breathing is part of our biological nature. Something we hardly have to think about, and that our bodies do naturally on their own. However, when our bodies become stressed, overworked and anxious, our breath becomes shorter, shallow and restricted. Oftentimes we don’t even realize that we aren’t taking in a full complete breath, but the effects that it has on our bodies, is very real. The simple act of breathing in and breathing out, doesn’t just keep you alive, it provides our bodies with a vast array of immediate and long term health benefits. When you add the practice of mindfulness (holding awareness) to your breath, you are practicing an art known as breathwork, that is centuries old, and is extremely therapeutic.

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

– Unknown

Have you ever just sat and watched a newborn baby breathe? They breathe in deeply from their diaphragm, their little bellies expand and contract with each cycle. Their whole body is immersed in the breath itself. Most of us in this day and age, with the triggers and stresses of daily life, have forgotten something so innate within our DNA. We now find ourselves detached from diaphragm breathing, and we often breathe from our chests. This can create excess tension in other parts of our body. When we breathe from our chests, instead of our diaphragm, we do not reap the full benefits of the breath itself. We use the muscles in our shoulders, necks, and chests to expand our lungs, which can result in neck pain, headaches, and an increased risk of injury. As our bodies compensate, this can also cause our posture to change as well, as our shoulders begin to slump forward. Shallow breathing also robs our bodies of vital oxygen, stress relief, and pain killing endorphins.

The Science Of Breath

When we take in a deep healing breath, it supplies our bodies with much needed oxygen. Your body’s cells need oxygen to live and carry out their basic normal functions. Our lungs are also responsible for getting rid of carbon dioxide, which is a waste product of our cells. The simple act of breathing, supplies our whole nervous system, muscles and organs with vital life force and anti-inflammatory properties. When our breathing is constricted, our bodies can suffer from a surprising wide range of ailments.

“When we breathe in a shallow way, the body remains in a cyclical state of stress—our stress causing shallow breathing and our shallow breathing causing stress. This sets off the sympathetic nervous system, the branch of the autonomic nervous system that primes us for activity and response.”

– Headspace.com

Essentially, our bodies then become more likely to contract acute illnesses, irritate pre-existing medical conditions, and extend the duration of healing times.

“Shallow breathing doesn’t just make stress a response, it makes stress a habit our bodies, and therefore, our minds, are locked into.”

– John Luckovich, an apprentice Integrative Breathwork facilitator in Brooklyn, New York.

Did you know that there are many different types of breathing techniques that are beneficial to our overall health and wellness? These conscious breathing techniques that we will get into more in a few, help us tune into our bodies and offer a holistic approach to natural stress and pain relief.

Origins of Breathwork

We can trace the practice of breathwork back through time, to our ancestors and their sacred daily rituals. Throughout history, breathwork has been referred to by many names, depending on region, religion and language. The Chinese call this lifeforce energy qi, and Hindus call it pranayama or “prana” which literally translates to “controlling the breath” in Sanskrit. Many yoga practices, ancient and current, feature Pranayama technique. There are over fifty Pranayama methods out there, some more notable than others. Buddhist Monks from all over the world have been practicing the art of Anapanasati (mindfulness of breathing) for centuries. “Ānāpānasati is now common to Tibetan, Zen,Tiantai and Theravada Buddhism as well as many Western-based mindfulness programs. Anapanasati is to simply feel the sensations caused by the movements of the breath in the body, as is practiced in the conditions of mindfulness, meditation and grounding. Simply put, mindfulness is the art of holding awareness, within whatever activity you are doing.

In more recent times, there was a German psychiatrist by the name of Johannes Heinrich Schultz. Johannes had developed what is known as “autogenic training” in the 1920s as a method of relaxation. The practice is based partly on slow and deep breathing. It is still probably the most-known breathing technique for relaxation in the Western world today. Although there are many different terms to describe breathwork, they all have the same defining principle; mindful awareness of the inward and outward breath. While in the past, breathwork has been closely tied in with meditation and yoga, today the art of breathwork has evolved into a more modern practice that can be done all on it’s own. Many holistic practitioners and teachers have now begun to practice and experiment with different patterns, lengths, and repetitions of inhalation, exhalation and retention (holding your breath).

“Sometimes, the most productive thing you can do is relax.”

– Mark Black

Connecting The Mind, Body, Spirit

Breathwork has a unique way of balancing and connecting our mind, body and spirit. This connection allows us to think clearer, relax easier, and live healthier, more harmonious lives.

Body:

Breathwork has been known to relieve pain and inflammation, due to the release of endorphins

Stimulates your lymphatic system by releasing carbon monoxide. Breathing is actually responsible for 70% of toxin cleansing within your body

When your body has plenty of oxygen, the better your organs perform and function. This also allows for more efficient digestion, and even an improved immune system

Can help lower blood pressure. When our bodies relax, our blood vessels dilate which improves circulation. Deep breathing also slows and helps regulate your heart rate

Our posture can even benefit from breathwork, allowing us to breathe in from our diaphragms rather than our chest, which puts strain our neck and shoulders

Mind:

When we become stressed and anxious, our brains release a chemical called cortisol, which is known as the “stress hormone”. When we take more complete breaths, our heart rate slows, bringing in more oxygen and more endorphins- which play a direct role in our mood and our pain levels

There are more and more studies emerging that show how breathwork can help treat depression, anxiety, and PTSD

Mindful breathing can help you access and bring awareness to the deeper parts of your mind. The areas of your brain that hold trauma, triggers, and buried emotions. This allows you to make a connection to possible layers that need to be healed and released

Spirit:

Breathwork can feed your spirit. When you practice the art of conscious breathing, you can move beyond your physical body and brain, to connect with your core, your spirit, the essence that is YOU

Simply being in the moment, focused just on your breath, allows you to tune out all distractions, and be fully present to the sensations within you. Allowing for a calm connection to spirit and all that is

Gratitude. Many find that practicing breathwork offers an opportunity to be truly grateful for the incredible capacity and ability our bodies hold, to heal, release and acknowledge anything that no longer serves us.

“What consumes your mind, controls your life.”

– Unknown

Techniques, and Apps To Support You On Your Journey

Since breathwork has become more mainstream, there have been quite a few apps and websites that have been created to support you on your breathwork journey. These helpful apps and websites also offer meditation techniques, blogs, mindful practices, and other helpful stress management tools. Some of our favorites that we encourage you to check out are: Headspace, Breathwrk, Calm, MindBodyGreen, iBreath, and Waking Up, by Sam Harris. If virtual support isn’t your thing, there is a wide range of skilled practitioners and teachers all over the world, that can help guide you through your journey. We encourage you to research practitioners with several different healing backgrounds, and find someone that you really resonate with.

Are you eager to start your breathwork journey right this instant? Although breathwork can be practiced literally anywhere, it is helpful to find a quiet place, where you can sit comfortably or lie down with no distractions. So whether it is a quiet room, out in nature, or you are sitting in your parked car, relief is just a few breaths away. Here are three breathwork techniques that are perfect for beginners, courtesy of MindBodyGreen.com:

When you feel overwhelmed: The 4-7-8 breath

The traditional way of doing 4-7-8 breathing is to empty the lungs of air, breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, exhale out of the mouth for 8 seconds, and repeat at least 4 times.

As you breathe in, imagine the grounded and nourishing energy of the earth, mountains, trees, plants, flowers, fruits, vegetables, and herbs coming up into your body. As you hold your breath, visualize the breath spiraling up the center of your body (through the seven chakras) and pulling any energy or thought that does not serve you. Then as you exhale over 8 seconds, imagine that excess energy releasing out of the mouth, and visualize light pouring through the top of your head back down to your feet and the earth below you.

When you need an energy boost: The 4-4-4-4 breath

To practice this technique, start by releasing all of the air from your chest, and hold your breath for 4 seconds, then breathe through the nose for 4 seconds, then hold your breath for 4 seconds, then exhale out of the nose for 4 seconds. Repeat this cycle for 5 minutes to feel the effects.

As you are inhaling, imagine the earth element of the north rising up and nourishing the physical body. As you hold your breath, imagine the breath swooping through the mind like the wind element of the east, clearing out any thoughts that do not serve and keeping the thoughts that do serve you. As you exhale out of the mouth, imagine the fire element of the south that resides in the center and heart of our body, burning any thoughts and feelings in our emotional heart and belly to release through the mouth (traditional box breath exhales out of the nose, but I like to exhale out of the mouth to incorporate the heart energy).

As you hold your breath for the last 4 seconds, ask the loving higher self, the gentle feminine water element of the west, to come into your presence and be with and guide you through the waves of your life.

When you feel yourself getting worked up: The 5-5 breath

To start, focus on the natural rhythm of your breath to obtain a baseline length of each inhale and exhale. Then for 1 minute, breathe in for 4 seconds, and exhale for 4 seconds. Then repeat for 5 seconds, then repeat for 6 seconds, and if you want to, gradually expand to 10 seconds. Start with 5 minutes total and work your way up over time to 20 minutes. Imagine the earth energy rising up into the body, and then the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations in the body that you no longer want to hold on to, releasing out of the body through the exhale.

The best way to know which technique is right for you is to first identify what you are struggling with and what you are seeking. These are suggestions, but as with any healing modality, it is best to experiment with each form to see which one feels most aligned with where you are. Remember, your breath is your inherent healer and guide inside of you.

There are many different breathing techniques out there, and it usually takes some time and practice to find the ones that really resonate with you. We encourage you to have some relaxing fun, and experiment with different methods until you find the right fit for your needs.

“Breath is the power behind all things… I breathe in and know that good things will happen.”

– Tao Porchon-Lynch

Full-Spectrum Hemp Oil, CBD Can Help Bring Balance Back To Your Life

In a world where stress is running rampant, it is important to have more than one tool in your toolbox. Meditation, earthing, journaling, physical activity and yoga are all beneficial ways to help support your healthy lifestyle. In addition to these practices, there are also other ways to support your quest for calm. Hemp Oil and CBD are quickly becoming popular amongst people in search of holistic, natural ways to combat stress, pain and anxiety. Using a Hemp Oil product to start your day, and even prior to your breathwork practice, may offer a wide range of stress relieving support. Although we have a long way to go with research, there are many current studies that support the possible benefits of adding a Full-Spectrum Hemp Oil that contains CBD to your wellness routine.

CBD (found in Full-Spectrum Hemp Oil) has shown promising results, to help alleviate and possibly diminish symptoms of stress and anxiety, by working directly with your Endocannabinoid System. The main function of the ECS is to aid in the balance of all other bodily systems, including our immune system. The Endocannabinoid System is a universal regulator composed of enzymes, endocannabinoids, and endocannabinoid receptors. Endocannabinoids within the body interact with endorphins, hormones, immune cells, and cell regeneration, among other biological processes. The ECS was officially discovered during a 1988 study which revealed that these receptors, the most abundant neurotransmitter receptors found in the brain, reacted to cannabis compounds similarly to its own compounds. Endocannabinoid receptors exist throughout the brain and body, with CB2 receptors being present in high quantities in the immune system.

“The endocannabinoid system, though relatively newly discovered, is extremely important and is responsible for two basic activities. The first is to modulate pleasure, energy, and well-being. The second is to slowly nudge the body back to health in the face of injury and disease.”

– Dr. Michael Moskowitz in his book CBD: A Patient’s Guide to Medical Cannabis.

It makes perfect sense, that when our ECS is out of balance, the effects can be felt, and it can begin to take its toll on our bodies. Synchronicity

aims to bring your mind, body and spirit, back into balance, and back into sync. We have lovingly crafted the most efficacious, Full-Spectrum Hemp Oil on the market. Never using harsh extraction methods, and utilizing the entire hemp plant to bring you the full potential and full effect. Our Full-Spectrum Hemp Oil is a welcome companion to any wellness routine. We carry a wide range of capsules, aromatherapies, tinctures and topicals for you to experiment with, and find what works for you. After all, your body knows best. We encourage you to reach out to our team of customer care experts, that are here to help answer any questions that you may have. At Synchronicity

we believe a balanced body, and a healthy mind is the secret to a happy, fulfilling life.

The post The Healing Power Of Breath appeared first on Synchronicity.

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floraone · 4 years

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What do we mean when we say “sex positivity?”

With Smutember around the corner, and because this is SADLY nothing sex ed talks about consistently around the globe, I want to take a bit of time to about sex positivity if you’ll allow me. Specifically, what we mean when we use the term, and what it doesn’t. Does sex positivity mean you have to like having sex? (Spoiler, it doesn’t). Does sex positivity mean it’s wrong to not be open about doing certain practices? (Nope, it doesn’t either.) Does sex positivity mean I have to either love or hate porn, or erotic literature? (No, again.)

Since I’ll talk about this for a little longer, AND you because get to decide if you want this topic on your dash*, read ahead after the cut. (*and, while we’re at that, with smutember coming: all posts on this blog will be tagged with the hashtag #smutember2020 henceforth. If you don’t want to see this content, please feel free to block the hashtag.)

Forthose who don’t want a long post, here is the TL;DR:

Sex positivity is defined in many, many different ways, but ultimately spans attitudes regarding how we perceive sex and sexual conduct both for ourselves and others. It sees sex as a healthy expression of ourselves in which all consensual expressions of it are valid. In which shaming each other for sex or sex practices or shaming each other for the lack of experiencing sexual desire and having healthy sexual boundaries is not sex-positive. Sex positivity is about embracing all expressions of sex and sexuality (as long as they are between consenting people) as something positive that embraces open communication about personal limits and desires, and encourages exploration. Consent here is the most important prerequisite requirement: That all people involved are of an age and state of mind and consciousness where they are able to willingly consent, as well as have the perceived power to willingly consent to participate in the action.

So, to preface this shortly, this isn’t actually a term that is super easy to define. Which is why scholars (among them feminist, psychologist, social studies and sexual medicine scholars and many others) have not yet agreed on a universal definition. In fact, there are papers solely focusing on comparing definitions to find their common ground. It is, thus, definitely not something that goes without saying.

Before I can speak about what sex positivity is, we have to talk about the most important ingredient, though: Consent.

What is (and isn’t) consent?

Consent is the explicit agreement to participating in any action, and here, specificially, sex. It can be verbal and non-verbal, but it means everyone involved really wants to do all sexual actions that are being done, no exceptions. It means no one is being coerced against their will, no one’s concerns are being ignored, their desires and boundaries are known and being listened to and respected. It means no one is doing something they had no chance to reflect upon if they want it or not, and no one is doing something they don’t want out of obligation or a sense of duty. It means no one is having sexual contact with someone who isn’t able to consent in any form: be it because they can’t consent because of their age, or limited consciousness, or because of perceived verbal or nonverbal threats and/or consequences. The latter, in its most base terms, means (non-exhaustively) that people below the (culturally differing) ages of consent - meaning children and young teenagers - cannot consent, that people who are intoxicated, under the influence of drugs, asleep, in a state of trauma or shock, in a dissociated state of mind or any similar states cannot consent, and that people who feel they have no power to say no cannot conset - i.e. someone who fears consequences to their physical, social or psychological well-being (or those of others) if they say no, which can range from, say, an employee feeling like they can’t decline an employer’s physical advances that they don’t want without negative consequences in any form in their work-environment, or a person in a romantic relationship fearing a break-up if they don’t “deliver” sex even if they don’t want it, or a person who feels they have to “deliver” sex they don’t want in order to prove their personal worth or love or affection or to avoid ridicule. These are of course non-exhaustive. A person who says yes even though they don’t want to because they feel they can’t say no, as well as a person who is too young and/or unable to say no, isn’t consenting.

And because this is so important, here, have that brilliant Tea of Consent by Emmeline May, quoted and photographed off my copy of “More Orgasms Please: Why Female Pleasure Matters” by the Hotbed Collective.

What Sex Positivity Is

Most of us are very intuitive about what sex positivity is, but the fewest of us have ever discussed it at length in any way or form, and thus the edges are very often hazy!

First and foremost, sex positivity is a set of attitudes that forms personal beliefs regarding sexuality, how we perceive collectively shared sexual norms, and how we view sexual autonomy and sexual expression both in ourselves and others. So what does that all entail, and how does that look?

A basic view of this is: sex is good! Sex is, as long as it’s consensual, something healthy, and a valid and enjoyable way to express intimacy, affection, love and desire. It’s not just a means to an end (satisfaction, babies, etc.) and it should not be shrouded in shame or pain or discomfort, and instead be communicated about openly and respectfully. This is of course, in direct answer to sex-negativity: The belief that sex is bad, shameful, sinful, and having it makes you just as sinful.

Here is one of many scientific definitions for the term: “[Sex positivity is] the belief that all consensual expressions of sexuality are valid.” (p.289)

That means if you’re, say, really into having sex while wearing stockings (actually something that comes up very often when you ask people of their fantasies in surveys!) or maybe wanting to be tied up for it (also a VERY frequent fantasy) and do it ONLY with people who are into it, too, and not against their will, then it’s a healthy expression of your desire and no one (no parents, no society, no church or institution or anyone) is entitled to shame or sanction you for it.

As Justin Lehmiller, a social psychologist and sex researcher says, society (including its medical and psychological history and authorities, sadly!) has had a very narrow and restrictive view of what is “ok” to be desirable when it comes to sex in the past and sadly sometimes still the present, and that “they’ve pretty much told us that we shoudn’t do anything other than put penises in vaginas and even that, ideally, should only take place within the confines of a heterosexual, monogamous marriage).” (p.vi) Bringing with it the dogma of immorality and crime, among else.

Sex positivity aims to be the antithesis of this. It means all forms of consensual sexual expression are valid. Not one form is better than another. If you live and love monogamously or heteronormatively, it isn’t better or worse than living in any other form. From polyamory to kinks, or having any kind of consensual fetish that don’t hurt anyone else or their free sexual expression when sharing them with others, all of them are valid, none of them are better or worse than any other individual choice. It means celebrating and validating all forms of sexual expression (or lack thereof!) as well as all forms consensual practices, while having any form of sexual identity and any placement on the wide spectrum that is gender identity.

What Sex Positivity Isn’t

Because sometimes it is easier to thoroughly understand something by outlining what it DOESN’T include, this is more imporant than many might think. And because I’m obviously not the first person to think about this, there is this really great article by Everyday Feminism about what sex positivity isn’t that is written in a very clear and straight-forward way, that I’ll urge everyone to check out, but I’ll also outline some select few of the (more numerous) basics they’ve described here:

🚫 Sex positivity means liking sex

No. Just because someone really, really enjoys sex, that does not mean at all they are sex-positive by default. Sex positivity isn’t synonym with being overly enthusiastic about having sex or surrounding yourself with it. It can! But that’s not at all the point in the slightest. Someone who really likes sex can still be disrespecful about someone else’s sexual expression, or feel entitled to someone else’s sexual acts or interest in sexuality, or that they can judge someone’s sexual identity or form of expression. Sex positivity is about respecting others in all their forms of sexual expression, even if those forms don’t represent your own. Likewise, someone who does not themselves like or enjoy sex can still be respectful of other’s expression of it in any form and with any other person or persons, and see sexuality as a healthy form of self-expression even when it is their choice to not engage in it for any span of time or reasons.

🚫 Sex positivity means everyone should have and like sex because it’s healthy

No. There are uncountably many reasons why someone might be repulsed by sex or simply not interested it. All of them are valid. None of them are to be shamed. Sexual trauma, sexual exploitation, a lack of feeling sexually empowered, pain during sexual intercourse, lack of desire, internalized shame that prevents sex from being enjoyable, the feeling of being in an environment where your sexuality is coerced or objectified and not feeling comfortable with it, being touch-repulsed or simply feeling no inkling of “lust”. All of this is valid. Sex positiy means respecting boundaries in consentual sex. It does not mean you have to have sex if it is unpleasant for you for any number of reasons. Of course, if you want sex and are suffering under any number of reasons that make you not enjoy it even though you would intrinsincally WANT to enjoy it (Anything from pain to sexual trauma to shame), then there are professionals out there qualified to help and counsel you. But they, too, are not entitled to dictate sexual action for you. Only you decide if you want to have sex or not. No one else. You are the master of your sexual expression in any form and are entitled to decide how, when and if you (and only you) want it, and no one else. That is an expression of sex positivity.

🚫 Sex positivity means being open to all forms of sex

No. Being sex positive means you respect the healthy expression of your own and someone else’s sexuality, and this includes their boundaries. You can believe that sex is healthy and enjoyable and should not be shamed in the least, and still not like anal. It does mean however that you still respect someone and their sexual expression when they do like the shit out of anal (pun intended lol, thank you very much.) This person is not entitled for YOU to like anal or to get it from you if you don’t enjoy it, and you are not entitled for them to not desire it. And this of course goes for any sexual practice. Judging and shaming someone for enjoying giving blowjobs is not sex-positive, just like it isn’t sex-positive to expect someone to inherently WANT to give blowjobs. Sexual boundaries are very healthy, and an important form of self-reflection and the root of true informed consent. Knowing what you like and don’t like and that these things will most likely differ from others in their unique expression is an important path to a most healthy sexual expression.

🚫 Sex positivity means always being ready, available, and interested in sex, with anyone.

No. Sexual expectations wear heavily on people from any gender or sexual identity. Many queer or nonbinary people suffer, among else, under sexualisation and being made the stuff of fetishes or being ascribed heavily sexualized attributions. Many men, among else, suffer under normative stereotypes, myths and sexual scripts that say they always want sex and are unmanly when they don’t feel desire 24/7, that they’re always up for sex and never not in the mood. Likewise, the 70s brought women and their sexual freedom into a position heavily reinforced by porn scripts in which they are expected as ‘sexually freed’ beings to be sexually available, ready, interested, and orgasmic at all times, and if you are not, you are a prude, and if you do it too much, you are a slut. These are all (non-exhaustive) forms of sexual shaming and dictated sexual expectations. If you are generally enthusiastic about sex and enjoying it, you are allowed to have phases where you feel less desire. And whether you are someone with a generally smaller libido that sometimes spikes, or you’re someone who has never felt any sexual desire at all, or someone who wants sex a lot, you are sex positive when you respect other’s free expression of it, and this includes the frequency in which they want it or with whom they have it. You get to pick what sex you have and with whom or how many you have it, no one else. Anyone who tells you otherwise under the mantle of ‘sex positivity’ is, as everyday feminism so eloquently put, employing “sexual coercion cloaked in faux-progressive language. If someone is calling you a prude or sex-negative for not having sex with them, they’re violating your consent and their opinion of you is invalid. And just because you want to create a world in which everyone is empowered to make the sexual choices they want doesn’t mean that you personally have to be interested in casual sex.”

🚫 Sex positivity means sex is healthy, so that means I am entitled to sex.

No. It means you are entitled to WANT to have it, but not to have it. In sex as in every other need involving other people (from receiving oral, to boardgames, to conversations, to a hug or affection): Just because you are entitled to want something or even very validly need something, that does not mean someone else is obligated to give it to you. Just because someone needs comfort and company, you are not obligated to give it. Just because someone wants and needs attention, it is not your job to give it. Just because someone wants sex and feels they need it, even if they are your partner, you are not obligated to give it. This can be frustrating, of course. But NO: Just because you want sex, you are not entitled to have it. Ever. From anyone. No one owes you sex, not even if you’re married to them. Everyone has their own sexual agency, and everyone needs to respect it. In fact, feeling entitled to sex lies at the base of sexual aggressive behavior of all kind, and the idea that your own desire for sexual activity rates higher in priority than the individual needs of the person you’re coercing it from. It’s at the root of rape culture, and something we must all internalize to overcome it: Despite you wanting something and it being healthy to have it or to get this something, no one owes it to us or is obligated to give it to us.

🚫 Sex positivity means you have no problems with sex.

No. The term positivity of course often brings overtly positive connotations with it: something easy and happy. Of course, sex positivity doesn’t require you to have an easy or happy relationship with sex and sexuality. Sex can be traumatising, uncomfortable, regrettable, awkward, unpleasant, confusing, or plain boring and uninteresting to you. Even if it isn’t traumatising or painful, it can still be hell of a lot frustrating navigating it and your own desires. Body image issues or and religious restrictions that can be important to you or not, never having orgasmed but really really wanting to, the feelings of not ever having encountered sex that’s truly fun for you, all of these and many, many more are the giant maze that can arise when navigating sexuality in our lives. None of these means you aren’t sex positive. It’s here for survivors of sexual violence and aggression and those who want to reclaim their sexual agency, sexual empowerment and self-expression, just as it is here for asexuals, demisexuals, aromantics, or anyone else. It’s the belief that we have a right to a healthy sexuality without being shamed, violated, sanctioned or discriminated for it, and that we have a right to our boundaries as well as our fantasies.

So, I’m guessing most of you knew this intuitively all along. I’m preaching to the choir. However, seeing it written down often helps us in expressing ourselves, and in the way we confidently navigate our own sexual empowerment.

And, with smutember on the horizon again, when we once again try to incorporate sex positivity in our writing, too, it might serve as a good reminder that we help along the normalisation of sex positivity whenever we portray it in media in general, and fiction specifically! I hope one day we will take all this fully for granted, and everyone around us, too!

#smutember2020 #sex ed #on consent #on sex positivity #celebrating sex positivity together #long post #🍋

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paganchristian · 3 years

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Early Homeschool Is A Guide For My Adult Lifestyle. Slow, Trickling, Creative Practicality.

We do a Waldorf-based homeschool, Waldorf inspired. There is fun and play and creativity, warmth and love and interactive relationship and time outdoors and studying nature and its symbolism. And there’s cooking and basic chores, to get the child ready for and adapted to the basic, simple habits of real life, in this kind of mindful, relaxed, playful, reverent, meaningful, interactive way, even with the chores too. And, all these aspects are tied in to everything we learn. In different phases we do different of these things, at different points during the day, in a rhythm.

Hands-on, and physically active, artistic things, all these things are permeating all the subjects we study, and to be so in -depth in those ways, we must go very slow and do only a little at a time of the more practical, measurable things. But in these early grades, it is possible to do that and still get all the basic criteria met for all she needs, and I don’t know how it’s going to go in the later grades, so we’ll see.

But I want to base my adult life on this model. I feel like it gets so much that modern, practical world aims miss. Not even modern world, any world, any culture, well, maybe, .. maybe not any culture. I think that in some cultures there is an emphasis upon ease, rest, taking breaks, being creative. I don’t know of it much, but have heard brief mentions about things like this, with regards to certain Southeast Asian cultures and traditional Native American cultures, for two examples that I’ve heard mentioned about that, when I read things, anthropological and spiritual writings influenced by their cultures.

But still, I feel like that really, the world is too productive and too hard-working, too rushed and too eager, too urgent and too panicked. It thinks there is somewhere to arrive to, like you’ll be ok, and safe, significant and valid if you have achieved this or that in life, ... Or maybe not always that, ..

Other times, people think that we are rushing against time to try to make up for some debt, to try to right the balance, to right the scales of justice, to save the world. But it’s not that for everyone,...

And for others it could be they are continually striving to right the wrongs we have done by being born into sin, and make ourselves more right with God, or hope to do so, through formally defined spiritual practices,... And to always strain towards that,... And those people are always overly spiritual in this formalized way to try to prove in some clearly definable measurable, socially agreed upon way that they are being spiritual enough.

But I feel like even God and spirit are also sometimes, and for some people, better served in this more light, flowing, ease-filled, creative way that is not all about reciting continual prayers for everyone, but in some cases can be things like creativity, play, and so on. No productive value, and no spiritual overt obvious purpose, yet it’s reaching to God if you keep God and God’s prayers in your heart, in the middle of all of those other things and God’s values in the back of your mind, right in the middle of the playful and silly and creative and active things that serve no purpose, towards saving the world, or being productive or be overtly spiritual.

And I really want to remember how so much of what the world rushes and strains to accomplish or to correct some perceived imbalance or stave off some perceived disaster, I think is wrong. Because I don’t think there is nearly as much any kind of impending disaster or terrible imbalance that need to be corrected, ... or some spiritual height that needs to be ascended to with narrow formal spiritual rituals, ... or some need for so much productive hard work, ... I don’t feel any of those things are as big or real or great of needs as what people think. We can get by on much less and it’s good enough, but it’s not just good enough,... It’s better because in creativity, play, and imagination we approach spiritual joy and intuition, wherein God can speak to us through a language that no formalized religious prayer or practice can take its place. In creativity and free-association thought God can say things that can’t be said any other way, and he gives us signs and ideas in that. It’s deeply needed, and grossly neglected, misjudged and shunned, as being a waste of time, useless and selfish.

Humble, low aims, low productivity, low level of achievement or impressiveness, low quality of practical things altogether. Just enough. And slow, slow, bit by bit, we get things done.

With any breaks, we get it done. With creativity, and fun, imagination and playfulness interwoven in every little thing we do.

And this is how I really want to remember to live my life and if I do then there is so much more leeway and instead of feetlong guilty, silly, or unproductive or not fancy enough, I accept this rustic, slow, playful, fun life of homey activity that revolves mostly around me and my child and on one more than that, but God is there in the prayers I say all the time, in the back of my mind and my heart,... Maybe this is maybe what God really wanted me to do with my whole small, humble life anyway. And even if I strove to do more, be more, be more practical, more religious and more giving to society and so forth, it would be this tiny drop in a bucket of water that no matter how much I gave it won’t matter. The world doesn’t want or need much of what I have to offer and the more I pour into it, beyond a basic minimum of what it truly needs from me, the more I’m wasting my energy. It’s a situation of diminishing returns. The more time you spend trying to make your body strong, you may be wasting your time. You don’t have to exercise all day, only a little bit each day, and you don’t have to strive to make your life so practical, only a little practicality each day, and beyond that is just wasted effort. Well, for me, for some people. Some might need and do more practical things, but for me, I feel it’s really pointless and counterproductive.

If a frail and fragile plant wants to live, maybe it has to live in a delicate ecosystem. Maybe it needs a sensitive gardener. Trying to grow it in a tough, hardy climate might be bad and make it die. A tough, practical gardener might not have any patience for such a frail, time-consuming plant that needs so much care. So as for the practical people balancing me out, oftentimes they are like this tough, hard-working gardener that has no patience for my delicate needs. I really need someone, my group of wild weird people who are equally delicate or sensitive to that delicate, light, creative, intuitive, slow, flowing kind of way of life. I hope that God can let me find them someday. Yes I still need to learn how to care for my practical needs. Sometimes practical people take up the slack where i am unable to be strong enough to care for myself, and I might die without them. But one day I hope I can do better and go where I belong better. Maybe or maybe God is strengthening me through these challenges to be where no one understands, where almost the whole world, culture and society where I live, and even almost the whole modern world, every culture everywhere it seems, all over the world, are mostly the same. Through suffering and struggle and challenge and conflict we can often grow and heal and learn so much. So I don’t know where my life is going. But I just hang on for the ride, I just pray. It seems to be working well enough, so far. I pray it always does.

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k-writer1998 · 4 years

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Rebel Hours (16/18)

Kwon Jieun always fit her parents’ image of the “perfect” daughter… at least to their knowledge. Away from prying eyes she was like any other girl living life to the fullest doing what she wants. When a little someone named Bang Chan comes into her life priorities are changed, mistakes are made, and her life finally becomes her own.

Fluff

w.c: 1.9k

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I, in fact, did not go home after that. Instead my body carried me around the busy streets, drowning my ears in the cacophony of the city and taking in every flash of light or subtle movement. Anything to distract from the twisting in my chest and the struggle to breathe. By the time I reached the apartment it was dark and a worried Seungmin turned to look at me from his perch on the couch. He asked something but the question didn’t register in my mind. The only thing I could do was give him a broken smile and a soft apology before I ducked into my room and locked the door. It wasn’t until my body collapsed onto my bed did the tears leak from my eyes. I struggled to muffle my sobs, trying to bury my face into my pillow so Seungmin couldn’t hear. The last things I remembered were endless tears, gentle knocking, fatigue, then black.

Morning blurred into afternoon which faded into evening and jumped into tomorrow yet if anyone asked me what I did I could only recall one thing. My mind fighting the reality that my way of protecting my relationship may have been the one thing that ruined it. By the time Seungmin was back I was safely tucked away in my room, silently sitting on my bed with the lights off. I should text Seunghee before her brother tells her but I don’t want to know her reaction… it’s my fault anyways, no need to hear it again from someone else. Alas I knew better than to keep her in the dark so I grabbed my phone and shot her an explanation text, luckily it was late and it was unlikely she was up. Bzzt. My body stilled at the sound…

To: Daughter

Your father and I have something to say but it's getting close to exams so let us know when.

They were the last people I wanted to hear from. I knew the argument wasn’t their fault but for now I didn’t want to face them. Why did they even confront Chan? What did they talk abo- No. Don’t dwell on the thought, it leads to thinking about him and I didn’t need a new wave of pain to hit. Thankfully the weariness in my bones lulled me into a dreamless sleep. Bzzt. Bzzt. What the? What time is it? Forward to voicemail. Only problem, the caller was persistent. It was forwarded about three times since I woke up before I groggily answered.

“Hello?”

“Yes sorry to wake you but what the hell happened? First I get a text from you then I get a call from Seungmin. What’s going on between Chan and you?”

“... He’s rethinking the relationship…”

“What?! Why???”

“You know that plan I was telling you about? When I said fighting fire with fire I may have meant to threaten them with the press...”

“Jieun are you crazy?”

“I never meant to go through with it,” I hissed, “I needed to get them to butt out especially with the engagement. I didn’t know a faster way!”

“And this ties to Chan because…”

“My parents backed off, the rumor went away, but apparently my parents went to talk to Chan and they told him about it. We argued because there weren’t supposed to be any more secrets and now… I don’t even know.”

“Well rethinking and breaking up are two very different things, so why are you moping about?”

“I don't know I just- He hasn't spoken to me and I'm giving him space so I'm not reaching out to him. I guess I'm just preparing myself for the inevitable and starting on the heartbreak now so I can get over it faster...”

“Hey now. Slow your roll. Nothing is set in stone and I doubt a breakup is coming. Trust me I can vouch for the other boys on this too, he has as much heart-eyes for you as you do for him.”

“I’m just scared, you know I figured out something recently? I love him Seunghee… I’ve never felt this strongly before and I’m scared,” I say weakly.

“He’s just trying to understand the situation. He’s not from our circle so he doesn’t get that we work differently. Plus it is the whole thing that you guys promised no more secrets and although you told him about it, the fact you left out the major details probably reminded him from the beginning. Like your relationship was set back rather than progressing.”

“But he hid when he went after Kyunghoon and I forgave that but to rethink our relationship…”

“There was nothing to lose with Kyunghoon, especially since he was confident in my skills that he wouldn’t get caught. It’s different for you. You went in knowing that there was a strong chance that you could lose your parents and to him, that was a price too big to pay.”

“Seunghee I can’t lose him… I don’t think I can bounce back from this one.”

“Jieun, listen to me. You aren’t losing him, he just needs time. Just calm down a bit and breathe. He’ll call, you’ll talk things out and everything will be better. Just wait.”

“You think?”

“Yes, now I need you to pull yourself together until then. You can’t be a mess when you see him again. Plus Seungmin’s really worried, although he won’t admit it.”

“Okay,” I chuckle softly, “Thank you. You’re the best.”

“Just take care of yourself yeah? I know it’s an ungodly hour right now so go back to bed.”

“Good night, love you.”

“What was that? Hold on, say it again so I can record it,” she teased.

“Stop it, I’m going to bed you weirdo.”

“And the brat is back. Good night.”

I really don’t think I could do anything without Seunghee. After the call my shoulders felt a bit lighter and a whole lot calmer. The next morning I greeted Seungmin, it wasn’t much but he could tell that it was the best I could muster for now. I’ve moved past my shut down and I started to act like a human again. A week flew by with me taking care of myself… enough… and drowning myself in school. There was still nothing from Chan and I needed to stay distracted before I started spiraling again. It was also a week before I answered mother’s text because I finally felt enough of myself to face my parents. After exams they wanted to treat me to dinner, and of course it’s an upscale restaurant. I got dressed up in a plaid dress with a white off the shoulder button-up underneath and headed out. Dropping my father’s name with the host, I was escorted to a private room. They both smiled and greeted me warmly as I took a seat, returning the smiles and greetings. It wasn’t until after we ordered and the food was brought out, meaning there will be no more interruptions, did we drop our fake pleasantries with each other.

“So is there something else I need to attend? Is that why I was called out?”

I know I was being a bit jaded and I shouldn’t but like I said, I was only “enough” of myself… manners haven’t really kicked back in yet. Mother seemed antsy, balling the fabric of her napkin between her fingers and rolling it around. Father, on the other hand, seemed tired with a distant look in his eyes. What was obvious though was there was a hint of guilt in their actions and they should be… or maybe it was me who should be guilty, if I could feel anything other than sadness right now. Mother cleared her throat and my mind zoned back in.

“No, we just felt we needed to have dinner as a family…”

“I’m considered part of this family again?”

“Jieun, you’ll always be our daughter.”

“It didn’t seem that way from our last conversation mother.”

“You know she can be a bit… dramatic,” father added, earning him stink eye from mother.

“Sure… because it was just mother who was saying it,” I rolled my eyes.

“We were just concerned. When you were home you behaved oddly so we thought it was best to look into what you have been up to. The dyed hair, revealing outfits, and the people around you… it worried us,” mother defended.

“Well mother, you should have looked past physical appearances before you made any conclusions on if I was making “concerning” choices in my life. My grades are still impeccable and I had done nothing incriminating or harmful to myself in any way, shape, or form.”

“We realized our haste to judge. When we saw the photos on the flashdrive you looked… happy. We haven’t seen that kind of smile on your face in years. We’ve been trying to sell the image of a happy family that we didn’t realize that we were trying to convince ourselves too.”

My heart softened at father’s words. They watched the flash drive… That means they know about Kyunghoon, but that means they also knew how important Chan is to me. Is this just some game to get me back? Secretly drive Chan away then speak to my desire of wanting everything to work out? Am I making my parents too evil? I don’t know…

“It’s not like I wasn’t happy to campaign with you, it’s just the rules became too much. There were a lot of times I couldn’t hang out with classmates and it was hard maintaining friendships at school. Somewhere along the way happy wasn’t a feeling but an act.”

“The rules can be disregarded and your father’s campaign can be changed but we don’t want to risk your happiness anymore. We’re glad that your major was a choice you made and not something you thought we wanted. We also went to meet Chan-”

“To ruin our relationship?” I cut.

“No! I mean yes we met him to see what kind of boy had our daughter’s heart but we didn’t do anything to harm your relationship. He’s well-mannered and seemed honest with his intentions.”

“If that’s so, what was the reason for bringing up that you practically disowned me?”

Father side-eyed mother who looked down at her hands. Her mouth seems to have caused an unintentional mistake… again. They’re trying and that means a lot, but their intentions are still doubtful in my eyes.

“Your mother got too invested in talking and may have let it slip. Why? Did it cause an issue?”

“He’s a family-oriented person so he didn’t want to be the reason I lost my family. I’m giving him some space to process everything and see if he still wants to be with me.”

“That was never our intention Jieun.”

“Wasn’t it though father? You did it with my last boyfriend,” I bit back.

“... I admit back then I was being childish. I didn’t want your relationship to affect decisions for your future but it was only ever to scare you. We wouldn’t ruin another child’s life. We should’ve put more trust in you but every parent wants to protect their child from making mistakes.”

“Have you thought that of us these past few years? Maybe we should’ve worked on communicating our intentions better because we only want the best for you.”

“Well it didn’t help your case when you got me engaged behind my back.”

My mouth ran before I could stop it. At the word “engaged” father’s jaw tensed and mother’s reserved manner cracked ever so slightly. Kyunghoon was definitely a land mine I wasn’t planning on stepping on so soon but too late. Mother pulled an almost terrifying smile as she spoke through gritted teeth. Oh boy.

#stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz imagines #skz scenarios #bang chan #bang chan imagines #bang chan scenarios #rebel hours #my writing

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mikumanogi-blog · 3 years

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2017-03-05 “Stagnation” Kubo Shiori Blog #7

Is there anybody who thought “today is Kubo’s blog day?”!

It’s Shiori’s blog~ (I didn’t make you wait did I…)

I thought I would try changing up my usual introduction.

Hello everyone, Thank you for work hard again today. I’m Nogizaka46 3rd generation member Kubo Shiori.

My hair is curled.

The other day something fortunate happened.

When the makeup artist was finished hair spraying my hair the can (big size) was empty. The last person that giant can of hair spray was used on was… me. Isn’t that lucky? It rarely happens (‘._.`)

Hehehe

First off, I want to look back at what has happened recently. Thank you so much for the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live.

Hito ha naze hashiru no ka?

Tsuyogaru tsubomi,

Hane Kioku,

Harujion ga suku koro,

Shiori kumo ni note,

Hause!

The 3rd generation members all stood on that stage while considering the significance behind why we were given these songs to perform.

The emotions and the scenery I had from that stage is something I will never forget for as long as I live. More than anything, seeing all the 3rd generation member towels, pen light colors surprised me...I was overjoyed. I’m a very fortunate person. Thank you.

We also did a recording for the 3rd generation song 「sanbanme no kaze」off the 17th single. Surprise…and joyfulness… (You’re probably thinking that those are the only two emotions I have, I do have a lot of other ones…) At any rate this is something I’m thankful for. The wonderful lyrics and melody, this song will forever by important to me.

I was also nervous because this was my first time doing a PV shoot, but I thought that each shoot was done with care. I received the help of many people and as my first ever shoot I was able to make it an extremely meaningful experience. Thank you very much. I want to see all my fans again. Please wait for me. (TL note: I am assuming this is for the individual PV’s and not the music video PV)

And now… Q&A time!!!

Because I wasn’t able to do a Q&A on my previous blog I will also be answering questions asked for that blog (‘._.`)

· Which do you like more sweet or spicy?

I like food. Recently I’ve been enjoying sweet foods!

· Are you good or bad at physical exercise?

You probably thought I was bad at physical exercise didn’t youuu~ but that not true at all! I’m average. This year on my first sports test I was awarded an A rank!

· Do you cook? What food is your specialty?

I may look like I do and I doo~ It makes me happy to hear my family say “delicious” after they finish eating my food.

My specialty food is…it’s hard to say, when I was younger it used to be omurice (‘._.`)

Currently my specialty is probably a type of sweet… I’m always making sweets.

· In your middle school club, what was the toughest club activity?

Most likely the stairway dash (‘._.`) I was always sore the next day. After that was the zoo warm up (‘._.`) Duck, Bear, Seal, crocodile, , , nostalgic memories (‘._.`)

· What are some events made a lasting impression for you from Nogizaka under construction?

There are a lot of events but, Hori Miona’s「ikimana onna」line from her version of Wakatsuki Yumi’s Hashi kun was funny! (TL note: you can find an ENG sub version on YouTube).

Speaking of Miona san, at the concert she came to talk with me. She also put up a picture of me on her blog…thank you so much. Yamazaki Rena also posted one on her blog. Thank you very much (‘._.`)

(TL Note: Kubo and Rennachi & Kubo and Miona)

Honestly, I feel shy when meeting new people, when the senior members came to talk to me, I got tongue tied. I feel guilty… I wonder if that’s why people may think things like “Kubo is hard to approach isn’t she” I’ll continue to reflect upon my weakness from the shadows.

I honestly couldn’t speak. I also have a quiet voice… Ever since I was born I’ve been a lost cause…Despite my flaws the senior members are still nice to me. I want to talk more with the senior members about various things but because of my personality it’s probably won’t be enjoyable for them…My personality is something I need to change (‘._.`)

· I burned myself…

Are you alright!?!? Please make sure to treat it properly so it doesn’t leave a scar (‘._.`) Pain, pain go away~ While I was saying that I um… also burned myself (‘._.`) I was half asleep and I…burned my neck with a hair iron… out of all the places it could’ve been why in such an obvious spot…I will reflect upon this mistake.

· Are there times where you are picky or obsessed about your fashion?

Umm… well, I wear what I like without fussing over the brand. Recently I’ve been liking unique clothing~ Heading into spring I’ve been buying yellow and pink colored clothes. Renka told me “You’ve become more stylish lately” I’ve decided I want to wear more and more different types of western style clothing. I’ll do my best!

· Can you see the towels and penlights from the stage?

Of course I can see them! Every time I spot one it makes me happy. I have some good news! Because my eyesight has gotten worse my contact lens strength has gone up, this means that I can spot everyone even easier than before! Allllright, from one end to the other I’ll find you all!

· Show me a picture of you with twin tails!

Sure, here you go!

I knew it was no gooood!

Oh no, my hair is covered by my hood and the picture is bluury isn’t it~

…I’m sorry. Self-reflection. Self-reflection.

· Why were you crying together with Nakada Kana san in the dressing room?

On a silent Friday, my name was brought up by Nakada Kana san. Thank you very much (‘._.`)

First of all, she did not make me cry!!! There is a reason for why I was crying… The first time we started practicing for Principle was a time where I had anxiety over how things would turn out going forward. Then Kana san came and talked with me… we talked a lot about her personal stories from her Principle performance and the future. The details are already….. I’m crying. I wonder if I can become stronger…Can I really keep at it…What should I do…. These are the insecurities I showed in front of my amazing superior. (‘._.`) I am extremely grateful to Kana san (‘._.`) Thank you very much.

· Are you someone that eats a lot?

Yes I am! One of my favorite phrases is, I want to eat____. Just the other day, for lunch, I ate bread, rice and beef stew. For dinner I ate 30 gyozas. After that I had waffles and strawberry daifuku. Oh I also had ice cream. I have a bottomless stomach. (from the title of my blog two blogs ago ‘There is no limit’)

· Do you like bread?

I do!!!! For a while I was addicted to bread crusts, and I ate them plain. I would eat them while waiting for practice to start!

· What is something you’ve been addicted to lately?

Yogurt with soy flour on top!!! I’ve been way too addicted this pairing. I could put roasted soybean flour on anything.

· Favorite ice cream flavor?

Matcha!! After that is Soy flour!! Eastern style ice cream flavors are ◎ but as expected I can’t choose between them (‘._.`)

For this blog I am going to end the Q&A here!!! I’ll being doing it again in the future!

What been going on recently? Speaking of which, I’m going to start with some of my worries. My shyness has gone too far, so far that I’ve had troubles taking pictures with other members. However, I know that a lot of fans are waiting and saying “post pictures with the other members!”… For my fans I plucked up the courage and I took my first ever three-person selfie since joining Nogizaka46.

This should be a commemorative picture. Miichan, ririan, Tsuki Taro san. Thank you so much. I hope we continue to get along.

(TL note: I’m not sure what 月太郎 (tsuki taro) means. After some research I found that 太郎月(taro dzuki) mean first moon of the new year, so she might just be calling herself a newbie).

Next, in Manatsu san’s blog, she was asked about which member she would want to be her little sister… In her answer she wrote about me…Thank you so much, Manatsu san is so kind. On the day of the 5th Year Anniversary Birthday Live I apologized to Manatsu saying “I’m really sorry for doing ‘zukkyun’ in Girl’s Rule during Principle” and Manatsu san said “no no, it’s completely fine! If anything, I’m glad that you did! Thank you so much!” Manatsu san is so kind isn’t she (‘._.`) Thank you so much for being nice to someone like me.

Guess what, guess what, Because I I was completely sold out for the handshake event another time slot has been added. Thank you very much! I am very, very, very, VERY happy… For everyone that will come see me I’ll make sure to give you a good time.

“I’ll never be able to forget this! I want to go again! I’m cheering for you!” I’ll do my best to give you these kinds of feelings. More than anything let’s enjoy ourselves. I’m really excited to talk to everyone! I wonder if I’ll see the people I met at the meet and greet again? I’ll be waiting for you!!

Today, for the first time in a while something happy and enjoyable happened. I was also able to make unforgettable memories.

There’s so much I want to say but this blog has already gone on for so long… I have been told before that I really like photography and I really do. That’s why when everyone gets a hold of the new magazine I’m in I hope to bring enough interest for them to say “wow who is this girl?” I’m making sure to not slack off in order to be the kind of person that stands out in a crowd.

Just because you work hard doesn’t mean everything is going to turn out the way you want it to, but if you don’t put in the work then it definitely won’t.

I don’t want to be someone who is all talk and no action. I want to be someone that even though they say big things they can make them into reality. Yet even though I say that I don’t have enough confidence to talk about my own dreams. I’m a coward. I will change. I will change even more.

In the last blog I received a lot of comments giving me advice and so I based my writing for this blog on that. The opinions that I saw most in the comments were “don’t be so stiff! Relax a bit!” Thank you very much. That’s why I decided to try and make a more relaaaaxed blog this time. What do you think?

Finally one last question from the comments!

· Out of all the 3rd generation members, which member pretends to remember something the fastest?

That person is Tamami! Wow! Tomorrow is Tamami’s blog! Make sure to give it a read!!!

Kubo will write again.

(In Minachan’s blog I was temporarily recruited for a group called Nabepa (Nabe party). It doesn’t look like we can meet up often… Maybe we should try recruiting. What do you think would be good? The members are Tamami, Minachan and Ayati, and me.)

(TL Note: Minachan is Umezawa Minami)

Kubo Shiori

https://blog.nogizaka46.com/third/2017/03/037204.php

(TL note: trying to find a good translation for a blog title was difficult, the word used in japanese is 渋滞 which can mean either ‘congestion’ ‘delay’ or ‘stagnation’, I decided to go with stagnation because after reading this blog I got the impression that she feels like her growth as a person has become a little stagnant)

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elysmi · 4 years

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Something there // Zuko x Y/N

Based on ‘Something there’ from Beauty and The Beast

Warning: Zuko being aangsty

I recommend listening to the song as you read.

Also, the gif is not mine.

~~~~~~

Something there

Y/N rested against a tree, her eyes glued to Zuko as he sparred with Aang

‘There's something sweet, and almost kind’

Her mind and heart seemed to be at war with each other as she watched him gracefully move his body to dodge Aang’s fire.

She remembered the night before, when she remained outside after everyone went to sleep, keeping herself warm by the fire as she thought about her home.

“You mind some company?” Zuko smiled as he sat down next to her.

She smiled back at him.

“Not at all.”

His eyes met her e/y ones, and a blush appeared on both their faces.

“What’s on your mind?” He asked her.

She sighed, looking down. “My parents. I left them after the eclipse, they told me to go, that it’ll be safer for me.

I’m worried about them. I mean, I’m glad they’re not at the Boiling Rock, of course, but I have no idea where they are and it’s killing me inside.”

Zuko turned his body towards her, and placed his hand on hers. She looked up, her cheeks turning red as he gave her a soft look.

“Your parents are strong and capable, and I have no doubt they are still alive, pridefully fighting. When this is over, we’re going to free them, and you’ll reunite with them.”

He gently brushed his thumb over her hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“They’ll want you to not worry about them. And I’m sure that wherever they’re right now, they’re so proud of you. You’re helping the avatar restore balance to the world, and you’re fighting against everything the other side of the war throws at you. They’re proud of you.”

He gently lifted her chin up, his golden eyes shining brightly as he stared at her as if she was the most beautiful person he ever laid eyes on.

“I am proud of you.”

She snapped out of it, watching him direct a fireball at Aang.

She frowned slightly, remembering the first time they met.

‘But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined’

It was during the time that Katara stole the water bending scroll from the pirates.

A week after Y/N left Omashu to help Aang and his friends, Zuko found them during the night while Y/N was watching Katara practice her water bending.

Since her earthbending skills weren’t that great back then, she didn’t really stood her ground against the pirates and Zuko with his guards, and ended up tied next to Katara.

“I’ll save you both from the pirates.” He tried to blackmails Katara to tell him the whereabouts of the avatar with her mother’s necklace.

“Go jump in the river.” Y/N spat at the prince.

He turned towards her, as if he noticed her for the first time.

“Well well, another peasant joined your little group.”

Y/N only rolled her eyes at him. “Strong words coming from a scarred banished prince with no honor, don’t you think?”

Need less to say, it didn’t went nicely from that moment on.

She worked hard with her earthbending from that day, swearing she’ll never be as useless as she was that night.

And every single time they met after that day, it was her that fought him. He always noticed that she was getting better each time they fought, and that’s when he truly paid attention to her.

She wasn’t much of a peasant after all.

‘And now he's dear, and so unsure

I wonder why I didn't see it there before’

But those days were in the past. He was a different man now. A strong, brave, kind man, who left his nation behind to join team avatar and fight against his father.

And she’d lie to say she didn’t have feelings for him.

He was handsome, inside and out.

Of course, he was still very insecure and had anger issues, but she knew he was working on that.

And she was proud of him.

She came out of her thoughts as she saw Zuko shot a huge fireball at Aang.

Poor Aang couldn’t firebend back in time, and used airbending instead.

The air blast was so strong, it sent Zuko flying two meters in the air before landing on the water.

He shot out of it after a few seconds, tangled in sea weed.

He yelled angrily as he tried to untangle himself, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

Even in these situations he managed to be just as handsome.

‘She glanced this way, I thought I saw’

His eyes widened when he heard laughter, not knowing Y/N was watching them. He finally untangled himself and turned to face her, and the sight of her giggling in amusement made his heart skip a beat.

How could someone be so perfect? He found himself asking.

‘And when we touched, she didn't shudder at my paw’

Memories of the precious night appeared in his mind, remembering how they watched the stars together the entire night, and he told her about his childhood, his mother, and his scar.

How embarrassing it was for him to realize he was crying. He thought she’d be disgusted by this gesture, that she’ll think he was weak and pathetic, just like his father and his sister thought.

What he didn’t expect was for her to slowly embrace him in her arms, softly leaning his head on her shoulder.

He gasped as her hand softly caressed his cheek, slowly going up to touch his scar.

He pulled away in fear; why was he afraid? Was he afraid? What if she thought he was as hideous as a monster? She must have thought this way, it was completely normal.

He was weak, pathetic, and hideous.

And she knew it, and he knew it.

“I know what you think of me.” He tried to say coldly, but his voice came out in a tremble, as if he was facing his worst nightmare. “You think I am hideous. As good as a monster.”

Y/N gasped in shock as he spoke, and she immediately took his hands in hers and brought them to her lips. Zuko blushed at her gesture, and watched her in surprise.

“I think your scar proves that no matter what you went through, no matter what people threw at you, you came out stronger than you were before. I don’t think you’re a monster, Zuko. I think you’re brave and honorable, and I am so happy you joined our group. I am glad to be around you, because you inspire me so much.”

His eyes widened, his lips trembling.

“I- I inspire you?”

She chuckled softly at him, placing her hand on his right cheek again. “You’re the living proof that we can learn from our mistakes and become the best versions of ourselves. That we can all change for the greater good.”

She leaned in slowly, and her lips rested on his scar softly, making him feel something he never felt before.

“And I don’t think you’re hideous, Prince Zuko. I think you’re the handsomest boy I have ever laid eyes upon.”

Zuko shook his head as Aang asked him if he was alright.

Of course he was.

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about her?

Every since he joined team avatar, there’s hasn’t been a moment he didn’t think of her.

Whenever the group gathered around to eat, it wold physically hurt him if he didn’t sat directly next to her. It would pain him in various ways if she didn’t talk to him or acknowledge his presence.

But she always did. Sometimes he felt as if he was the only one she noticed at all.

‘No, it can't be, I'll just ignore’

He couldn’t let his feelings get to him. She couldn’t possibly like him, of course?

Why would she?

She was the most intelligent and beautiful girl he knew, and she always knew exactly what to say. She was mature and responsible and she wanted the best she could have in her future after the war would come to an end.

He was just a scared banished Prince, hated by his own family and nation. What could he possibly offer her that she’d want?

She could barely tolerate him, anyway.

His eyes widened as she slowly walked towards him as Aang decided to take a break, trying to look away from her hips as she swayed them gracefully on her way.

‘But then she's never looked at me that way before’

Her eyes met his, and a smile appeared on her face as he noticed her.

Several thoughts clouded his mind.

If she truly didn’t like him, why would she act this way around him?

“How was training, Prince Zuko?”

And she always called him by his title, as if it held any meaning at all. She probably did this to tease him, but he honestly thought that his title and his name never sounded as good as they did when it was her to say them.

“Wet.” He muttered, and blushed as she arched a brow in amusement at him. “I mean- seaweed.”

Seaweed? Seriously?

Could he act more like an idiot around her?

He almost sighed out in relief as she giggled softly at his words, and blushed as she took his hand in hers, brushing her thumb over his hand, making sparks lighten his body.

‘New, and a bit alarming

Who'd have ever thought that this could be?’

She blushed as well, but pushed her awkwardness away.

It’s now or never, she told herself.

“Listen, I spotted a nice dining place around the nearest town, ten minutes away from here. Would you like to go out with me there?”

He almost fainted right there and then.

“Are yo- you- a-asking me- you’re asking- you want to- are you-“

‘True, that he's no Prince Charming

But there's something in him that I simply didn't see’

She chuckled at his attempt to form a sentence. “Yes dummy, I’m asking you on a date. So? What’s your answer?”

He stood frozen to his place for a minute, and she shook him gently.

“Hello, Zuko there?”

He finally seem to step on earth, and his face formed a smile bigger than he ever did before.

“Yes! I mean...yeah, I’d love to.” He tried to play it cool, but ended up blushing and leaning in to her touch as she placed her hand on his cheek.

“Then let’s go, shall we?”

He kissed her hand, and took it in his.

“Yes, lets go.”

‘Well, who'd have thought? Well, bless my soul, Well, who'd have known?’

Unknown to them, Katara and Sokka were watching them leave, widening their eyes as they spotted them holding hands.

“I can’t believe it.” Katara gasped.

‘Well, who indeed? And who'd have guessed they'd come together on their own?’

Sokka grinned.

“I can’t believe it took them so long.”

“They are so perfect together.” Katara smiled.

‘It's so peculiar, wait and see, we'll wait and see a few days more’

There may be something there that wasn't there before’

“They truly are. They’re perfect for each other.” Sokka admitted.

“Who’s perfect for each other?” Aang asked as he stepped next to them.

His eyes widened and he let out a gasp as he saw Y/N and Zuko smiling at each other, walking hand in hand.

‘Here's a thought, perhaps there's something there that wasn't there before.’

Aang smiled brightly as his friend.

“Well, it’s about time!”

“What’s about time?” Toph asked as she stepped next to them as well, confused by Aang’s statement.

“What’s going on?”

Aang and Katara smiled at each other and walked away as Sokka turned to Toph.

He ruffled her hair and grinned.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

~~~

This is my first one shot on tumblr and I’m quite satisfied with how it ended up. If you have a one shot or short story request, you can leave it here or message me.

#zuko imagine #zuko x reader #zuko x oc #Zuko #avatar: tla #teamavatar #avatar one shots #sokka #Katara #Aang #Toph #Azula #zuko x you #zuko x y/n #something there #beauty and the beast #love one shot #avatar imagine #Spotify

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adyo34 · 3 years

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How to Love Yourself: 15 Tips for Developing Self Love

Do You Really Love Yourself?

Do you think that loving yourself is selfish? Many of us have been taught that tending to our own needs first is wrong. The truth is that learning to love yourself is not selfish, it is in fact the key to a free and happy life.

Do you want to discover how to cultivate a deep sense of love for yourself? Do you long to radiate confidence and security in your life? It is so easy to fall into the trap of self-doubt, procrastination and negativity. Once we start comparing ourselves to others we find it even harder to find self love.

Why is it Important to Develop Self Love?

Many people do not realize how linked the law of attraction and self love are. You know that everything is energy and vibration in this universe, so doesn’t it make sense that through love you will flow pure energy? When you feel good within you feel good about everything else too. Everything is a reflection of your perceptions, beliefs and vibrations.

It is not selfish to love yourself first, it is essential, and we’re not talking about arrogance or telling people how awesome you are! We’re talking about accepting yourself on a deep human level and treating yourself with respect.

When you love yourself you create self-confidence, self-worth and compassion. One of the biggest problems we all face in this age of Instagram and facebook is about validating ourselves through the approval of others. When we are constantly comparing our lives to other peoples or have worth tied up in their opinions of us, we are setting ourselves up for misery. The answer is to have that sense of self so cemented that nothing anyone can say or do can knock you from your knowledge of who you are and what you are worth. That deep place of self-love is the starting place for all miracles!

We’re going to show you some simple ways to incorporate self love into your life and grow your self esteem for a happy life.

When you learn how to love yourself, the law of attraction will suddenly seem to work to your benefit much more. That’s because when you fuel your desires with optimism (because you just 100% know that you are worthy!), you allow positive things to flow to you with much more ease.

How to Love Yourself: 15 Tips for Developing Self Love

1. Train Yourself Positive Everyday write down 3 positive things about yourself. These can be anything from achievements in life to friendships you value or physical/ character traits you admire in yourself. The reason this helps is that it trains you to look for and appreciate the positive over the negative in your life. Imagine what it would feel like to praise instead of criticize yourself!

2. Take Yourself Somewhere New Instead of waiting for the right moment or person to come along, why not just go to the movies or try a new restaurant on your own? When you can break through insecurities you have about doing these things solo, you deepen that connection to your true self. You discover the part of you that loves who you are unconditionally.

3. Travel Setting off on a trip alone is a wonderful way to cultivate self love and get to know yourself. It’s even better if you also take in a new culture or unknown destination as you will be forced to strip down any preconceptions you may have about others and yourself. Throwing yourself into the unknown is brave and takes confidence, you will find out a lot about yourself on a deep level.

4. Journal Writing is a proven therapeutic way of releasing tension and negativity. It is amazing to process your feelings and emotions about yourself and your life through journaling. You can also go back and see how you worked through challenges and learned from any bad experiences.

5. Mirror Work Every morning go to the mirror and look straight into your eyes and say to your reflection “I love you, just as you are and I want to be your friend.” You can choose your own words of course, but the effect of this is incredibly powerful. Some people may find it very challenging at first, but keep at it and feel your self esteem and confidence soar.

6. Create a Vision Board When you don’t love yourself you don’t believe you can have the things you want in life. Creating a personal vision board of everything you dream of is a wonderful way to get excited about your future. Why not include images of things you already have that you love and are proud of? This can help you to identify with your vision and not see it as just an unattainable dream.

7. Meditate Every Day Meditating on a regular basis is like food for the mind and soul. We all know it by now, but how many of us actually can say we do it enough? When you get into a healthy practice of calming your mind you start to feel who you really are on a deep level and how you connect with everything else in the world.

8. Listen to Your Gut Another benefit of meditation is being able to recognize your instincts for what they are and listening to them. When you develop the ability to trust your own intuition, you foster self love. Knowing how to trust your gut is to stand in your own power and own it.

9. Regular Self Care Self love is much more than getting a haircut and a mani-pedi, however taking the time to respect and honour your physical body with loving gestures that make you feel good is highly recommended. Confidence and beauty do start within, but sometimes looking good can help you feel better on the inside when you are struggling with self-esteem.

10. List Your Accomplishments

Don’t be too shy to give yourself a little credit where credit is due. Write a list of everything you are proud of, whether it’s an educational or work achievement or simply learning a new recipe or deciding to master a yoga position. Big and small accomplishments are all worthy of praise, no matter what they are.

11. Practice Forgiveness Forgiveness is vital to your mental and emotional health. Holding onto resentment towards others only hurts you in the long run. Equally, identify where you beat up on yourself for choices you regret or whatever toxic thoughts you have about your past, and then decide to let them go. Tell yourself you are just another human on a journey of life and love yourself through all your mistakes.

12. Don’t be Afraid to Say No A lot of stress can be avoided when you realize it’s ok to say no sometimes. If you don’t feel like going out or feel overwhelmed, listen to that and take it as a sign to spend some time alone getting grounded again. You cannot please everybody and you need to make sure you are being true to yourself first.

13. Leave Your Comfort Zone On the flip side of the above point, say yes occasionally when you normally say no. You can tell (if you’re listening to your gut) whether your ‘no’s’ are coming from a place of fear or a genuine desire not to do something. Try saying yes to something out of the ordinary for you and see how it feels to challenge yourself in new ways.

14. List Positive Traits in all Your Friends This is a fun one to do in a couple or with a friend. Sit down together for 5 minutes and list the strong qualities and positive aspects that you each identify in the other. This can be an amazing way to bond in relationships and also has the uplifting effect of raising your own self esteem.

15. Be Childlike

Find a photo of yourself as a child and really study it. Try to remember what that little person dreamed of, what they believed and wished for. See the innocence and light in your young eyes and find that place in you now, that place of purity and playfulness. Self love never went away it just got pushed aside. When you remember your childlike innocence, worries seem to fade away.

You might find some of these suggestions scary at first, perhaps you shy away from some of our tips because they threaten your normal way of thinking and behaving. The bottomline is you will feel so much happier and more positive in your life if you work on developing love for yourself.

Once you master some of the ways to create self love you will realise how crucial it is to own who you are and shine your authentic light in the world.

Bonus Tip – Try using love to create the things you desire. For example, tell yourself that you are going to love yourself into the best version of you. You want a bigger house? A soul mate? A new job? A dream vacation? Love them all into existence. You can draw them, write about them, dream about them, whatever you choose, just as long as when you think of them you feel the vibration of love not lack. Love the life you desire into existence with your unfailing belief in your own magnificence.

Click on the link here to discover more about how “Manifestation Magic” can help you

#law of attraction #manifestation magic #personal transformation #law of abundance #love yourself #love #advice #universe #manifest #appreciate #frequence and brainwaves

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