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denimbex1986 · 10 months

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'Before the bomb, the destruction of humanity was strictly the purview of the non-human. Whole civilizations told stories of floods or plagues sent by the gods designed to wipe everyone out. People could imagine mass weather events or catastrophes that might end the human race, but in those stories, our role in our own destruction was indirect, at most. No person could just push a button and end it all for everyone.

That changed when the world realized how nuclear power could be harnessed. Now, we could level whole cities, or more, in the blink of an eye, and scientists knew there was a chance we could accidentally light the atmosphere on fire. For the first time in human history, the power to destroy the planet was in our hands. There was no stuffing the evils back into Pandora’s box. (Following the Trinity test, which proved the capacity of the bomb he’d spearheaded, J. Robert Oppenheimer famously quoted the Bhagavad Gita: “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” He didn’t just mean himself.)

Oppenheimer is an audacious inquiry into power, in all its forms The discovery that any of us, theoretically, can annihilate the whole of humanity — perhaps by accident or on a whim — induces a whole new level of existential angst. There’s the fear of sudden death, of course. But then there’s a deeper dread, the sense that something in the balance of the universe has shifted. With a deity, you can petition and hope for forbearance. But look, we all know what humans are like.

Even if a person can push that threat of total destruction out of mind for a while, it provokes an ambient anxiety, a permanent mental load. The movie industry has always been both a shaper of fears and a reflection of them, a means for dealing with reality at arm’s length, through a big screen. The bomb, and the world that brought it into being, has flooded back into pop culture in recent years, from Manhattan to Asteroid City to Oppenheimer. But that’s just the continuation of a long history: no wonder that in the Cold War years just after the bomb was dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, filmmakers were obsessed with the events that could turn “mutually assured destruction” into just “destruction.” The movies understood the grave danger and the pitch-black farce of it all.

Which is how we got movies like Fail Safe (1964), a somewhat plodding but haunting Sidney Lumet drama in which a technology failure sets off an international incident that ends in mass destruction. Characters throughout the film espouse varying and somewhat academic views on whether a nuclear war, and the mass deaths that would ensue, would be a necessary evil to exterminate Communism. Yet rubber meets the proverbial road when a computer issues an erroneous order to strike; by the end of the movie, we’re watching ordinary people get exterminated in a nuclear bomb explosion.

There were many movies like Fail Safe during the Cold War, somber dramas that understand the weightiness of the destructive power now in the hands of fallible humans. The 1966 pseudo-documentary The War Game, for instance, portrays the effects of an all-out nuclear war on ordinary citizens — most notably, by the end, children whose futures have been obliterated before their eyes. Nearly a generation later, films like The Day After (1983) and Threads (1984) were still at it. Meanwhile, Japanese filmmakers dealt over and over with the grief and psychological trauma of a country that saw the bomb firsthand, developing everything from the Godzilla films to Barefoot Gen (1983) and Grave of the Fireflies (1988) to process the complexity of the ongoing wound.

While many movies took an appropriately grave stance, there was a bleak comedy to it all, a sense of total absurdity that shone through perhaps the most famous nuclear film of the Cold War: Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, Stanley Kubrick’s 1964 barnburner. In Strangelove, doctrines of mutually assured destruction and the wielding by powerful men of powerful weapons are cast in slyly phallic terms, suggesting that if humanity wipes itself out it will be mostly because of some horny, insecure men. The film once more ends with footage of detonating bombs (for which it uses footage of actual bomb tests, including the Trinity test). A less satirical but still light touch pops up in WarGames (1983), about a teenage hacker who accidentally gains access to a DoD mainframe computer that simulates nuclear war and almost starts World War III. (Ronald Reagan was reportedly obsessed with WarGames.)

During the Cold War, the threat of nuclear war in films was literal, not a metaphor (Strangelove’s phallic fixation notwithstanding). Mutually assured destruction was something you just knew about, as an average person on the street; it was something you could both fear and joke about, fodder for gallows humor and nightmares. A couple of generations of kids had been trained in how to hide under the desk in case of a nuclear blast, just as their children and grandchildren would participate in active shooter drills decades later. The president was on TV proposing policies to shoot weapons out of the sky from space. The ability to wipe out humanity felt concentrated in a couple of words: A-bomb, H-bomb, thermonuclear warfare.

Yet somewhere in the last few decades, “nuclear warfare” has fallen out of most people’s consciousness, at least on a daily basis. I was in the second grade when the Soviet Union was dissolved, and I never learned to hide under my desk. Activists, military strategists, and people whose jobs depend on thinking about nuclear warfare know that the threat is hardly gone, but the ordinary person on the street, when asked what worries them most about the end of humanity, is thinking of different matters.

There are always exceptions to the rule, of course; several guys living off the grid on the fringes of New York City in the new season of How to With John Wilson cite “nuclear war” as one of the things they feel safe from. (Nobody could accuse them of perfect logic.) But even the movies have abandoned nuclear warfare as the scary way to raise the stakes in a blockbuster. Now it’s comic book villains or climate change, or (as in the recent Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One), sentient AIs gone rogue.

Curiously, though, as a culture we’ve started to circle back around to the Manhattan Project — perhaps, you might say, as a way to process the present. We live in the world that Oppenheimer and his team created, a world that seemingly would have eventually been created by someone, whether American or German or Soviet scientists. It’s a new stage in human history, in which we have the power previously reserved for the gods. And plenty of us are thinking about it all the time. The feeling of doomsday lingers thickly today; the real question isn’t whether you feel as though the world is ending but how you think it will end and why, and what you plan to do about it.

In the midst of this, the origin of this power is worth reexamining, both as a moment where the cat permanently escaped the bag and a metaphor for a lot of other “bombs,” some that are slowly detonating. There was, for instance, the excellent TV drama Manhattan, which premiered in 2014 and explored the lives of the scientists and their families at Los Alamos. The Hiroshima bombing was the backdrop for a painful (and controversial) sequence in Eternals (2021); the question of atomic destruction and the survival of man is threaded throughout Alan Moore’s Watchmen comic (1986) and its adaptations as a film (2009) and as a TV series (2019).

Even more recently, Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City presents a story of Cold War-era dread, with bomb tests occurring in the background every so often. The feeling that destruction could be around any corner is what powers the film, which ultimately is a reflection on how we use art to set ourselves apart from existential angst and grief and process it at arm’s length. And then there’s Oppenheimer, Christopher Nolan’s R-rated juggernaut that’s less a biopic and more a movie about power and its production, from the atomic level to the geopolitical.

Part of the reason Oppenheimer is so successful, and so brilliant as a document of our time, is that it latches onto exactly this fact about the detonation of the atomic bomb in Hiroshima and then Nagasaki. These were not events that stand in isolation as acts of war. They are events with long, long fallouts, decades of people whose lives and health and families and existence are scarred by having been targeted, and others whose geographic separation from the events allowed them to pretend a psychological separation, too.

Yet the stories we tell about the nuclear age betray us. We are afraid. At best, we learn how to avoid thinking about it too much. Any apocalypse, however, is a moment of unveiling, and since then we have lived through wave after wave of new apocalyptic discoveries, to the point where we’re just waiting to see which one will be the big one. The stories we tell evolve a little, but what they tell us is all the same. We have become gods, and also, the bringer of death.'

#Oppenheimer #Bhagvad Gita #Manhattan #Asteroid City #Dr. Strangelove #Stanley Kubrick #Fail Safe #Sidney Lumet #WarGames #Christopher Nolan

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tenderlady · 4 months

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(Phantom Thread anon again) Yes exactly, that's J&Y! I can see it with the Master too, that same desire or need to hand over the reigns to someone else, something that John has alluded to in pretty much all the major relationships of his life (Mimi, Stu, Paul, Yoko). I think any good Beatles film would have to focus on just a fragment and my top choice would depend on what the angle was, but PTA would be a great choice for anything delving into their psyches not just because he's a top tier director but because so many of his films deal with Fucked Up relationships seemingly without judgement. He doesn't sanitise, but his characters are allowed to come across as charming despite the focus on dysfunctional elements.

Also while there's the obvious mommy issues thread, but a lot more that could be explored and isn't much about John's relationship with power in general, especially in the 70s. How he seemed to want it less the more he had it, especially from about '67 when he appeared to make conscious efforts to be less manipulative and even assertive. His old friends say he had to be the top dog in the early days which certainly isn't the John I saw in the Get Back sessions. That thing Harry Nilsson mentioned him saying about "powerful men" wanting to "swallow the world" and how he related it to his own physical appetite was very revealing imo. And how he often talked about "fat kings" (and Elvis specifically as the "fat king" fate he feared most) - I wonder how much of his disordered eating and preference for looking what most would consider too thin was rooted in those kinds of thoughts. And well, put all that together and the appeal of submitting to Yoko is blindingly obvious to me without the need for some evil witch magic to put him under her command!

Hey, bestie, welcome back! Always a pleasure to talk shop with a fellow Understander.

I totally agree with all of this, and I think you did a better job of picking up what I was attempting to put down with The Master than I did. The Master, while often read as a film about Scientology, is at its base a film about masculinity and control and power, which I think is what PTA is alluding to with the title. There is a real homoeroticism between Philip Seymour Hoffman's character and Joaquin Phoenix's character (I haven't seen the film in a hot minute, apologies for not remembering their characters' names), and a kind of Freudian taming of the id with Phoenix's almost animalistic lust and violence being tempered (and channeled) by Hoffman's superegoistic control. The scene where Hoffman essentially does Auditing on Phoenix reminds me a bit of Janov's primal scream therapy, with the idea that you have to completely break someone down to nothing in order to remake them in a stronger image. I also totally agree that PTA does a great job of portraying characters with complex psychologies in a way that neither demonizes nor exonerates them for their behavior, which are both problems that I think a lot of Beatlemovies (particularly focusing on John) fall into.

The thread of John and power/consumption/fatness is also really fascinating to me. The "fat king" archetype obviously seemed to stick in his craw, and I think Maureen Cleave comparing him specifically to Henry VIII really bothered him. Henry VIII was fat, but he was also violent, lascivious, and myopic in his understanding of the world around him. As with a lot of contemporaneous Beatles commentary, I think that John perhaps thought this hit too close to home and decided to course correct but, being John, overcorrected HARD. Like George, I think John had a real interest in asceticism and transcendence. At a point in time, John was probably the most powerful non-political figure in the world, and I think the trauma of that experience led him to desire a place where he could relinquish some of that control. Janov in particular seemed to place a lot of stock on being controlled by your desires (didn't Yoko pitch PST as a way to stop smoking?), and I think we see that fear of desire manifest in the life John built with Yoko in New York (macrobiotic, highly restricted diet; minimalistic decor; rarely leaving the house). I think the AKOM girls did a great job of looping that fear of desire re: Janov's work back to Paul, and I think you alluded to that as well in your original ask, but I think all of that coalesced into John's disordered eating, or pulled on the thought patterns that started this behavior back in the 60s. John wanted to be cared for, but especially in the 70s, I think we can see a distrust that he felt in his own desires, and a longing to be rid of them. George attempted to do that with Krishna, and John attempted to do that with Yoko/Janov/disordered eating/etc., etc.

This answer kind of got away from me, but I do want to say that you're totally right. Yoko was not practicing evil pussy magic; I think she just correctly spotted what John was looking for and stepped in to provide it, even if it was ultimately not good or healthy for either of them.

I need to go rewatch The Master, apparently.

#thanks again friend!!!#there is so much to chew on here and we need to big juicy brain of pta to distill it all down into something watchable i think #would be very intrigued to know who else you think would be qualified to make a beatlemovie btw #bugs in film

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lilyrizzy · 2 years

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First off, I want to say that in that iron ground is an amazing fic I can't believe you're out here writing this for free for all of us to read! Second, I just wanted to talk about the one scene that I keep thinking about which was when Max and Daniel were in the cab after Daniel was a jerk and Max smiles back and holds his hand - Did Daniel truly realize how much of a jerk he was being? What was he thinking? I know Daniel was wondering if "one afternoon is enough to unravel years of hard work" but I just want to know more!! How did Max deal with a mean Daniel? I understand his circumstances are terrible rn but I honestly don't think I would be as emotionally strong and capable as Max while Daniel was being like this! Was Michael like ???? I also loved the scene where Daniel and Max talk about marriage and forever ... everything about this fic was 1000000/10

thank you so much, i am so glad you enjoyed it. it is probably the thing i am most proud of ever writing so asks like this honestly make me giddy! Answers under the cut<3

cw: mentions of max's relationship with his father and the way i percieve that. please don't read if you won't like that.

i think, max's ability to deal with daniel's meaness is due to the way i see max as a character, which is to say he's somebody who is very resilient and capable of incredible compartmentalisation. like not to get too deep into like controversial subjects, but he's well practiced in forgiving or overlooking questionable behaviour from people he loves (j*s).

so i think in this particular situation, where daniel is having the worst day of his life, he would be able to recognise that as the reason for his beahviour and forgive him quickly. Daniel is his man, you know, why wouldn't he be forgiving of him? in a sadder way, i think max is quick to take responsibility (and even blame) for other peoples emotions (see: 'it cost a marriage' about his first championship) so i also don't think its that much of a reach to think that he would like, offer himself up to be a place where daniel can put this irrational anger. but remember, max does call daniel out in the previous scene by telling daniel bluntly 'you are being an asshole,' so hes also not totally self sacrificing. and in the cab, when daniel reaches for him, this is enough in max's eyes, like he takes it as a 'sorry,' because he knows daniel doesn't totally have the capacity for an apology right now, when he feels like hes been so wronged (not by max, but by the the loss of his father) and everything is so unfair. he's just shocked because he was thinking maybe he'd have to deal with daniels anger a little longer, but he's happy he doesn't.

basically, i think in a way his trauma has made him kinda emotionally mature in some ways.

& because i'm a romantic at heart lol, also this fic, they love each other a lot and have been together for a long time too, so max is also thinking 'if daniel is feeling these emotions, id rather him share it with me than go through it alone,' so if he's gotta be the person daniel gets mad at to do it, so be it. if that makes sense (not claiming any of this dynamic is healthy, but then emotional responses after grief rarely are and the whole point of the fic is to explore that lol so pls dont come for me in my ask box lol).

then onto daniel, and "one afternoon is enough to unravel years of hard work". For starters, this phrasing is pretty uncharitable to max, but on purpose bc as discussed, daniel is going through itTM rn. but i think this is fundemental to the thought process daniel has throughout the fic where he is has seen himself as the protector, the person who reshaped a lot of the things his father had taught max about what it was to be a man, to be gay, to be a race car driver, he's tried to get max to a healthy place, where is doesn't feel the blame and guilt and shame that his childhood left him with, but more than anything, he's trying to be a safe place for max. somewhere where he never questions that he's loved, and never experiences the pain he did as a child, that results from anger. but now *he* is the person causing this pain and he's worried that max is going to lose faith/trust in him for that.

while like i said, max rn is just like, "daniel just found out his dad died, of course he is going to be angry, but it is okay because he touched me nicely so i know things are fine now."

michael is just like, eyes forward, nothing is happening, lah lah lah lol, like he is not interested in getting involved in the ins and outs of their relationship.

#thank you for this #i worry i didn't articulate this well but i hope it answers your questions #feel free to send me another ask or dm if not #in that iron ground #cw child abuse #<just to be safe #ask me things

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awigglycultist · 1 year

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Random How the Grunch Cribbed Christmas thoughts/fav things/live blog/ect. Look you know the drill probably.

"Jinkles Christ what an embarrassing way to start!"

"shake your asses!"

Also Esther with the lights on them djdjjd

*farts into mic* "L'Chaim"

Why is Gwen flossing oh god

The applause sign nddbbd

Esther showing everyone a qr code for everyone to give them money ndjdn

"I can't believe you trust the internet with your money, I keep mine where its safe, irl in the unlocked glove department of my van parked out front... Theres cameras! Jesus Christ!"

"in your hometown where you would revice no attention or fame :)"

"and we're out!" "glad I don't have to listen that" "oh you know what sorry now we're out"

"I got an appointment out back with Jolly Ol Saint Dick"

The whole bit with Scrags interrogating Rudy nfjdd

"she knows we have a special bond. And I think her husband knows that too"

"Keith Swanson you puckish imp!"

"yeah we all agree she's trying to pig out on that Keith beef in thr sheets right?"

I think I would die if I was Ace

Poor Scrags

"it's also a waste of my stage time"

There he is. There's the grunch.

"I do not want to look like one of those amateur shows where there's a long blackout and people judt stumble around like idiots"

Ah yes non denominational Santa

"how old are you supposed to be in this song?" "six" "six?"

"Santa" "what?" "boner" "fuck"

Buddy they seem like they wanna fuck you bc of the song

"baby J, papa G, and... The third one"

"or join us on the naughty list" "I totally fucking will" "Keith"

"project"

Esther not being able to read the card is so funny

I love how fucking excited Esther is the moment they see Kirk

Rip Scrags

"my absolute. Best. Friend."

The Esther and Kirk handshake is incredible

I immediately absolutely love Kirk also so I get where Esther is coming from

"happy... Christmas everyone!"

Orlando's entrance is absolutely wonderful

"oh hey uhmm" "it's like the reindeer" "reindeer"

"and that's my childhood trauma.. Being privileged."

"do what my family did, celebrate both" "pft okay. You can do that!?"

"aren't you a sight for whore eyes"

I'd love to know if this would take place before or after ep1 of sisbib bc of Rhoda's Ark being one of the sponsorships

The absolute tension between Gwen and Lisa

"move on!"

Scrags has no idea what he's doing

"will the squad ever come to Florida?" "absolutely not"

"as the only Christian in the squad uhm... It me" "okay, holy spirit doesn't equate to holiday spirit dipshit" "oh my god can Christians just come out on top for once?"

Omg Nick Gage could write an awesome rock song about Christmas

The bit where Esther is on the floor seemingly about to fall asleep only to go right back into the song is great

Honestly incredibly rude if the grunch to knock everything over after Scrags just cleaned up, I don't even care about him stealing presents or....pissing into the diffuser

"if Gwen was giving anyone a handjob I would know about it!"

"do we have any fuckable singles in the audience?"

"I'm joking! I'm half joking"

So who's gonna do the math to figure out how many lawsuits he has against him and how many years he was in prison

I love Orlando

Also. I shout this out all the time but absolute shout out to the background acting in this show

Are they allowed to use this song?

Keith absolutely ROCKING OUT

Scrags screaming omh

"oh I don't know maybe a vengeful monster wHO WE JUST BEETLEJUICED INTO EXISTENCE"

"OH YEAH EAT SHIT ACE!"

Ah finally. Brian playing a women

"multi-generational ogies with the neighbours"

No he's right Pirates are super cool

:( Scrags <3 beloved poor guy

Joey saying bye to that person getting up in the middle of a song djdndkdb also that person left for the bathroom at the wrong time. Like they left right around the start of the song and then came back at the very end of it when everyone was absolutely going crazy applauding for the song, they really missed the best song

We definitely need more Joey and Corey duets

"what do you want Scrags?" "DAAADDD"

"Scrags what were you thinking?" hey it's not his fault you went live right as he had an emotional song with Orlando about his daddy issues

Omg didn't know Brian could play violin

Scrags just. Sulking. In the background.

Scrags putting up the applause sign for the show getting cancelled ndkdndnd

Keith having these signs prepared to ask for a threesome. Omg.

Brian quick changes!!

Honestly tho what a fun uplifting song

Their step forwards djdndn

"to get over this whole sad boy routine..."

"a threesome with her and who else?" *gets down on one knee and presents himself*

"this is a really long black out"

Joey nearly knocking over the mic sjdndj

"hide your kids hide your wives hide your presents!"

"maybe finally this year the grunch will finally take me and this nightmare will be over"

"he thinks moses is like the Santa of Hanukkah and I thought it was too funny to correct"

Yeah this really is terrifying

Keith you idiot

Yeah go off Gwen

Scrags and Esther doing hand motions in the background for the notes and make faces while Gwen misses her notes kdnddn

"his stink glands you see... We're.. So... Fucking bad"

Wonderful accent Scrags

The slow no fighting ndjd

Oh boy there's three grunches now!

Scrags finally held the sign up right :)

How dare they not give him a song

"Orlando, you remember!" "absolutely not."

Keith yelling "this is what I do when I'm happy!" when Esther tells him to stop flossing sjdbdn

Rip Rudy

YEAH WOO ESTHER

"some random y2k spy wear I had lying around"

"EFFECT ALTRUISM BITCHES" FUCK YEAH ESTHER

YEAH THEY SURE ARE THE MIRACLE

The fact Keith's first wet dream was too one of Esther's parents....

"yeah I got a lot of guilt" "ah yethe one thing you Catholics and us Jews have in common" "pretty sure the Jews call it 'gelt'" "nah that's chocolate coins" "no it's not"

"how many nights of Hanukkah are there??"

Reprise time!

WOO ACE!!

This show really is great and I Iove the music and really wish more people were watching it and talking about it

#tin can bros #tin can brothers #how the grunch cribbed christmas #htgcc #solve it squad #solve it squad returns

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gralunaisland · 2 years

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I just wanted to ask,

Is it okay for me to be a J///erza Anti?

I have my reasons for not shipping the ship, but at the same time I wonder if I'm just being difficult and trying to be "different".

One part of me is like, "J///Erza shouldn't be canon because the whole Jellal almost killed Erza, and has been the cause of her trauma ever since she was a child." But the other part of me is like, "But the fans ship it, they see that Erza has forgiven him and they have official art, even their potential future son has been drawn."

It's Okay to Be a Jerza Anti (Coming from a Jerza Shipper)

Thank you so much for coming to me with this ask! I'll give you my opinion on the subject to try to help you out.

It's completely okay for you to be Anti Jerza!

Really, everyone has a right to hate whatever ship they want to! That really comes down to personal preference, and it's very subjective, not objective.

But even beyond that, you have very understandable reasons to not like it, don't worry. I totally understand where you're coming from. The trauma Jellal inflicted on Erza at such a young age will probably never completely heal. He enslaved "willing" workers to work for him after manipulating them to think Erza was the one who had cut off their chances at escape. He killed Simon. He brutalized Erza and banished her.

Those aren't easy things to forgive. And it's really completely fine for you to not forgive those things. I'd say it just shows your empathy for what Erza had to endure, which is a good thing!

For me, the reason I ship Jerza is that I attribute all the horrible things he did to Ultear manipulating him into doing them with her magic. He thought he was doing the right thing in a dark and twisted way. I also appreciate the following arcs where Jellal is on a mission to atone for his sins and to better himself in repentance. Honestly, in my opinion, it's one of the best things Mashima has written.

But that doesn't mean you have to take that perspective! Because even though I don't blame him, it doesn't change the fact that he did commit all those harmful acts, so it's easy to see why people wouldn't like him regardless of his redemption arc.

I hope you won't feel pressured to like a ship just because other fans ship it. Fandoms seldom agree on most things, so it's natural to disagree with even a large portion of a fandom. I for one am a part of a smaller subgroup of fans who hates gr///via and all that it is (clearly haha) but there's a reason why gr///via, and Jerza, are a part of the Big Four--most people ship it. Doesn't make them right whatsoever, which is something I try to prove on this blog of mine.

I also would take official art as well as drawings of potential children as inconsequential. We shouldn't care if Mashima likes a ship or imagined their futures together. Manga authors are just as imperfect as the rest of us, so he could (and does) very well promote terrible, toxic ships. ( I talk about this topic in this post actually, I recommend checking it out!)

I hope this reassures you that your opinion matters. Don't be swayed by the masses; stand strong in what you like and dislike! >:D You got this, I believe in ya!

(Thank you for your patience!)

#i feel bad that nowadays fans are pressured into having to go along with what the majority of fans like #minority fans have just as much right to dislike ships as majority fans #i've noticed the theme of big four shippers bullying those who ship rarer pairs or who don't ship their big four ones #it's really disheartening #i try not to bully anyone but give my perspective on why i dislike gr///via #in the end you can't force anyone to agree with you or to change their mind #askgraluna #ask #anti gruvia #anti juvia #anti juvia lockser #fairy tail #anti juvia loxar #anti gray x juvia #anti jerza #anti mashima #anti hiro mashima

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twdmusicboxmystery · 1 year

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Sometimes I can just never understand the hate that Beth receives from the GA. I’m always reading posts and comments about how Beth was a useless character or a brat or whatever, but they don’t really understand how important her character is. We don’t even have to view this in a Bethyl way—even if she did cause Daryl to burn down his past and become the character we all love and know now. Beth was just the epitome of good and hope and yeah even if she was a tinyyyy bit stubborn with getting a drink, she was able to drag Daryl out of his catatonic state and change him for good. Also hello—she was literally a surrogate mother for Judith and that was an extremely important role she had to play but she NEVER gets credit for it. She saved Carol at the hospital too and we all know just how much the GA cherishes Carol, yet the GA still calls Beth useless. Idk, it’s a bit frustrating and it’s so obvious people hate her mainly because she was paired with Daryl and like, kinda stole his heart..lol.

I have so many responses to this, lol. First of all, obviously I totally agree with you. I loved everything you said here.

The thing is, I don't think most of the GA hated Beth or still does. I think it was mostly the other shippers, especially the Carylers. For exactly the reasons you said: it was obvious they were setting up a Bethyl romance and that really threatened the other ships. Even though many of those shippers are very loud online, they truly are a minority. Most the GA either really liked Beth and Daryl together or at least didn't hate her. A lot of them probably had a meh-whatever-as-long-as-Daryl's-happy mentality about it. But again, they didn't hate her. It just seems like it's a lot of people because the online shippers are so loud about their beliefs.

As to her getting a drink, people's reaction to that has always bothered me. Because we've seen similar storylines with other characters. Maybe not the drink exactly, but what she did here to deal with her grief wasn't terribly different than Rick going to crazy town for a minute after Lori died. People might possibly wonder why Rick was like...frolicking with the butterflies in the yard when his family--including a newborn--needed him. But no one really said anything like that. And then there's Daryl in Find Me, who was so depressed for months and months that he hung out with the woods and didn't go back and see his family at Alexandria or the other communities for the better part of 2 years. Why doesn't anyone criticize him for that?

And don't get me wrong. I'm not being critical of either of our favorite heroes here. It's called trauma, people, and everyone deals with it in their own way. Beth dealing with it by looking for a drink probably sprang from what had already been established about both her character and her family (Hershel was an alcoholic in his youth).

So, all I'm saying is, keep in mind that the people who hate on her for that and think she's useless are being extremely hypocritical and exercising a truly shocking double standard. And the truth is, that kind of hate comes way more from women in the fandom than men. Think about that.

Obviously I also agree with you about Beth's affect on Daryl. That's been well established in our fandom, and I don't think I need to go into too much detail about it here. (Plenty of other metas already written about that.) But even outside of Daryl and their magical dynamic together, Beth's own arc was so much more than the haters make it out to be.

It's funny that you mention her taking care of Judith. My fellow theorists and I have been talking about the storyline, mostly in Fear right now, though I think the Maggie/Negan spinoff will get wrapped up in the same thing, of the children being kidnapped. From the very beginning, we saw children and babies around Beth, and we firmly believe Beth will be a big part of that storyline.

And what that means, is that the writers didn't have Beth taking care of Baby Judith back in S4 just because it was convenient or because they didn't know what to do with her character. They did it, at least in S4 and on after Gimple took over, because they were already setting up an arc for her that is just now playing out.

I get that most of the GA doesn't know or see that. Even so, these two arcs--Beth taking care of children and now children being taken by the CRM, when it's so obvious Grady was connected to the CRM--are so clearly linked over time. Believing that Beth was nothing more than a "babysitter" is severely short-sighted.

I could probably say more, but I'll stop there. Thanks for your thoughts, Nonny! As I said, heartily agree! Xoxo! 🍀💕

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethyl

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ace-the-fox · 1 year

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I read the new chapter of Two Little Kitties and gosh I have things to say.

First off, Misao's dad is a jerk. Misao herself doesn't want to confront the Kira family, her dad just want some money of 8000¥? That's 60 US dollars lol

The backstory of Haruka using her stand ability for the first time interest me alot. Poor Haruka, having to stuck in the car while dad kira here is being a hand predator. He really thought it would end smoothly. Kira was probably like

"OK sweetie, daddy is gonna get that girl's hand and we all have dinner together :)"

"🧍‍♀️"

*a few hours later*

"Well sweetie, looks like you know what your stand powers are.. haha... Good job..."

"😧🤮"

Momo's side of the story is my favourite part. She's just like me fr when that scene showed up when you're watching a movie with your parent lol. Out of three dads in the chapter, Kosaku is the most normal one, when he gave that sweet piece of advice to Momo aww. Also love you made Kosaku a closeted man, he sure is, wonder who was Kosaku's old lover was? I bet Momo's reaction is just like that tiktok audio

"I sank to the floor, completely dazed. My dad was... GAY? My dad was GAY."

OMG I love to hear your thoughts on these things. It's very encouraging lol.

Misao's dad is a total jerk. It's £50 here in the UK lol, which is actually how I decided it. I just kinda sat there like "Hmm, what's a large amount of money you could ask for to cover up your child being beaten up by her classmate that isn't too absurd? 🤔" And then I just converted it into yen lol.

Yeah, Haruka's backstory has been in the back of my mind for a while. She always just needs more trauma lol (she really doesn't, god love her-). And that was totally Kira's whole thought process lol. Please sir, that child has ANXIETY now...

And I'm glad you loved Momo's side. Kosaku is totally closeted, but I will note his lover won't be important past this chapter, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Unless I pulled a real wildcard and made it Dio or someone lmao (/j). That tiktok audio sums it up a lot lol.

#jjba #jjba oc #haruka kira #momoka kawajiri #misao machida #fanfic #fanfiction #tbf i wouldn’t put it past dio with his history-

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emmythespacecowgirl · 1 year

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hello! if you do not mind, may i request a band of brothers ship?

i am very introverted and shy. i am a very quiet person and i often do not feel safe around people i do not know because of my past trauma and anxiety. i might look like a cold person to some who do not know me. but once i meet someone who makes me feel safe, i tend to talk a lot.

i am a very emotional and sensitive person and i care a lot, sometimes to a fault.

i get excited and find joy and beauty in the littlest things. i love kids and animals. i am a complete homebody but i love going on adventures and doing different things. i like hiking and spending time in nature. i want to learn horseback riding someday and maybe try skydiving.

i have a lot of hobbies. i like to write stories, ballet, baking, archery and playing a couple of instruments. i am obsessed with space, science and history. i also like to read a lot and i spend too much time researching random things so i have a lot of random knowledge about things.

i want to be an astronaut in my next life.

i am a very loyal person but once you hurt me deeply, i take a step back and i become quiet. or i disappear from your life altogether. i am learning to communicate my feelings more with the people i am really close to and trust. i tend to feel like my feelings don't matter but they do.

i just graduated nursing school and i am very nervous about my first job 😭

i also need to be well dressed when i am around people. cookies are my most favorite food and i absolutely despite bugs.

if you took the time to reply to this, thank you so much!!! 🥰

ok ok ok i had to do a double take bc i thought that i wrote this for a sec haha srsly tho we sound a lot alike!!

I ship you with:

Dick Winters from Band of Brothers!

ship theme song: Warm Foothills by Alt-J

an emotionally intelligent KING right here!

honey, this man is perfect for you!

he will stop at nothing to make sure that you're safe, protected, and full of cookies :)

ugh imagine it: you go horseback riding on your first date!

damn i'm so jealous

i think at first, most of Dick's friends would be like

"ayo she's so quiet"

but Dick would be like "ayo shut your faces respectfully, she's so interesting tho so i gotta know more"

and being the emotionally/interpersonally intelligent guy that he is

he'll find some way to your heart :)

and over time, he'll softly get you to open up to him

Dick adores your caring and sensitive side

also your ability to find beauty in anything

it's what gets him through the war

he's so glad that a person like you exists in the world

eventually he figures out the root cause of why you might be labelled as shy or quiet

Dick has seen firsthand what ptsd and anxiety does to people during wartime

and it breaks his heart that you deal with it as well

but he also thinks that you're the most strong and resilient person he's ever met

this man is super protective of you

he would never dare to shake your loyalty in him

and Dick is very loyal in return

if he's away from you for any length of time he will definitely plan a phone call to hear your sweet voice

or write you the most sappy sweet love letters

srsly i'm gonna cry

Dick also loves kids and animals!

it's why you two definitely own a big farm after the war

lots of horses, cows, goats...

i can assure you that if/when you decide to have kids together, he will be just as protective of them as he is of you <3

while you're stationed together in Austria you definitely go on some breathtaking hikes together

he thinks you're so dang talented, too!

he loves when you're playing your instrument

and you think nobody's listening

but he is

he loves that

he's kept the tiny little stories you wrote him for birthdays or holidays

they're kept in his upper left hand desk drawer ;)

it's on his bucket list to take you to the Smithsonian Air & Space museum one day

he thinks it would be so cute to see you staring up at all the planes in total wonder

when he has a spare minute Dick also loves to read as well :)

Dick totally thinks you could become an astronaut!

he agrees to take care of the kids and feed the dog while you circle the moon a couple times ;)

but seeing you work as a nurse during the war, Dick knows that you are totally competent

and the care that you give to your patients makes him so happy

the first time he sees you out of uniform, he was like

"dang! this girl sure knows how to dress! i like that ;)"

pro tip, Dick's favorite cookie is a chocolate chip cookie so please remember that ;)

#enjoy #my work #ships #the pacific ships #bob ships #dick winters

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peakysanakin · 3 years

Text

a bit about Elain's trauma and why it correlates with her rejecting her mating bond with Lucien in the future, a thread:

(WARNING: this post isn't about ships, except Elucien because Lucien is a key factor in Elain's trauma. )

Everyone deals with trauma in their own way and that's totally okay. Some are destructive, some shut people up and others want to not feel anything. Elain, just as Nesta, went into the Cauldron and those moments were horrific for her.

She is literally dragged and shoved into the Cauldron while she cries, struggles and kicks to escape the guards' grasps. The guards and the King keep laughing at her during the whole time.

Elain is used as an experiment for the Queens.

She is used as if she was a mere object.

Her body has been changed forever and she is practically naked, completely terrified and in shock from whatever she has gone through inside the Cauldron. (We know how terrifying and horrible it can be because of Nesta's experience.) Everyone is looking at her, some are even laughing.

Do you know how violating this could feel? To be left naked and vulnerable in front of people who have just terrorized you? How would you feel?

We don't know what she goes through inside the Cauldron, but it was probably very painful and terrifying. Then, she is thrown off it and she experiences this horrific scene, and her mating bond with Lucien snaps.

Another thing has been decided for her.

Not only has her body and life been changed forever without her consent, now her romantic relationship has been decided for her as well. And it's with a man who participated in the plan that made this horrific moment happen.

Lucien is an accomplice of that. He isn't a bad person, but he is CLEARLY an accomplice. (GO NESTA!!)

Elain is dealing with her trauma and she doesn't own Lucien anything. She suffered so much, she was broken and traumatized by what happened to her.

And Lucien and their mate bond are a BIG reminder of the day her body and life were changed against her own will.

We don't know much about her, but we have seen enough of her suffering and how traumatized she is in the books. Feyre always admired Elain's strength, because being kind and gentle in a world so dark takes balls, you know? Later on in the books, Elain is still kind and gentle but more reserved and quiet because she is dealing with her own shit.

Strength doesn't equal to physical force. A big example? Queen Elizabeth I of England was strong and she never fought in a battlefield, but she was intelligent, cunning and brought a Golden Age to her country. She made a place for herself in a patriarcal society and that's how strong she was.

Elain's strength differs from Nesta's, Mor's and Feyre's. She isn't an active fighter like them, but yet she had the guts to fight in the war and stabbed the King on the neck to protect Nesta because she loves her sister and would die for her. Look at this.

No one wanted her to fight, but she chose to. SHE CHOSE TO! This is important. She is scared in the battle camp and doesn't know how to fight or wield a sword, yet she trusts her friends and wants to fight alongside them.

She might die in the battlefield, but at least she will fight fighting and not be a pawn.

She will enact revenge for what the King did to Nesta, to Feyre and to herself.

MOREOVER –– Another big trauma (aside from happened inside the Cauldron and the dramatic changes in her life), it will probably be center around her body.

Her clothes, body and beauty are mentioned all the time. ALL THE TIME. Elain, who was a very proper and modest lady (and didn't want to talk about periods even with her sisters), was seen naked against her will by everyone and she probably felt violated.

Feyre mentions Elain's reaction when she sees her and Nesta wearing Illyrian fighting leathers. She mentions how Elain was offered something less scandalous and more proper.

Imagine how someone so proper would feel after being used and seen all vulnerable and naked by so many people? To have been ogled against your will? To be seen as an “object” to see whether the Cauldron worked?

Nesta is a sexual assault survivor and she also suffered because of their youth, Feyre's sacrifice to provide for them and Elain suffering from the Cauldron incident. She dealt with her trauma in her own way, just as Elain deals with it in her own way. And that's okay!

In Elain's book, her choosing who she wants to be with and how she wants to live from now on will be important. She will turn down Lucien, as it is obvious from what I explained above and because of the following: Feyre and Rhys comment on how being mates doesn't equal to being right for each other.

Sarah J. Maas said this as well.

She also said that a mating bond is something rare but that some people might be lucky and end up having two. But the main thing is:

Elain will reject Lucien because they aren't right for each other and she will chose whomever she wants to because she loves that person. That's big and it will be key to the plot.

Elain might end up being lucky and while falling for another person, a new mating bond might develop. But at the end of the day, it will be her choice.

Not the Cauldron's choice, not society's choice or anyone else.

Hers and hers alone.

You think she is boring? Well, we will learn more about her and we will see her heal from her trauma. Her body and her choices have been violated, but she will heal and grow for that and gain ownership over herself once again.

Rhys, Amren and Feyre believe there is more to her than just the kindness she shows.

“Maybe she was never given the chance to be that way.” “You think I stifle her?” “Not you alone. [...] But I wonder if everyone has spent so long assuming Elain is sweet and innocent that she felt she had to be that way or else she’d dissapoint you all. [...] With time and safety, perhaps we’ll see a different side of her emerge”

“You think Elain is boring?” “I think she’s kind, and I’ll take that kindness over nastiness every day. But I also think we haven’t yet seen all she has to offer.”

“Don’t forget that gardening often results in something pretty, but it involves getting one’s hands dirty along the way.”

“You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

“Including Elain, who is more than capable of defending herself against the darkness of the Trove, if she chooses to. Don’t underestimate her.”

Being a seer gives you many powers, but it would take me too much time so I recommend you to read this LONG AND AMAZING list of powers a seer might have posted by @miru5llec and you will be shocked and hyped.

If you like mythology and fantasy literature, you know seers are feared and respected. Kings have killed for having a seer in their ranks. They can reach levels of divine status and their ability as a seer gives them many more powers than those I have mentioned before.

Elain might not be physically powerful like Nesta or Feyre, but being a seer makes her more powerful than both of them but IN ANOTHER WAY. Look at the list above (linked) if you don't believe me.

Her being on the Night Court makes Feysand's court the most powerful in Prythian.

That's why Elain is not boring and her trauma is valid. There is much more to her than what little we have seen. SJM has said so. Rhys, Feyre, Amren, everyone has said so in the books. We will learn about her, see her heal and chose who to love in her book.

“Why?” Elain demanded. “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” When Nesta flinched, Elain said, “You can’t have it both ways. You cannot resent my decision to lead a small, quiet life while also refusing to let me do anything greater.”

“But Elain said, “I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

We will see her develop her powers and learn how to use them. She is possibly the key to killing Koschei (the big bad villain) because she might have visions of where his heart is hidden in that fucking box and guide the IC to find it.

Furthermore, stop saying “I want Elucien to happen so Lucien can be happy.” or “Azriel deserves better than Elain because she likes to garden and is mated to Lucien.”

Elain doesn’t belong to Lucien.

Elain can garden, bake and walk around on her hands while singing La Macarena and that doesn’t make her any less strong than Feyre, Mor, Nesta or any other female character.

(Also, in this stupid ship war I have seen people pointing out how she wouldn't be able to give Azriel children because her body isn't Illyrian. This is disgusting. You are basically saying that all her worth lies in whether she can give someone children or not.

Do I remind you adoption exists? Rhys, Cassian and Azriel are brothers by choice, not by blood and they are BROTHERS. You can adopt and be a mother. And you can chose to not have children and that would be okay too. A woman's worth isn't in her uterus.

And that’s it.

(I posted this thread on Twitter as well, so if you liked it you can go there and RT it or hit a like.)

[og post]

#acosf #acosf spoilers #elain archeron #nesta archeron #feyre archeron #elucien #elriel #nessian #feysand #acotar #acomaf #acowar #a court of mist and fury #a court of wings and embers #a court of thorns and roses #a court of silver flames #gwyn berdara #gwynriel

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kdramaxoxo · 2 years

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Hi there! 😃 I was wondering if you could give me a few recommendations of pure good-hearted kdramas.

I made the error of watching Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo, Never Said Goodbye (very sad Chinese movie with Lee Joon Gi and Ethan Ruan), and then Silenced with Gong Yoo, all back-to-back. I'm now in need of the fluffiest, happiest shows ever.

You always seem to give out good recs to others, so I was hoping you (or perhaps your mutuals or followers) could lead me to some good ones. Thanks for all you do! 💓😄

Awww HUGS anon!

I know what it feels like when what you need is the lightest and fluffiest of fare! I have an older light and fluffy list but I'll pair it down so that it won't even include ones with long forced breakups which 99% of kdramas (also, I highly recommend the starred one at the bottom you're open to watching j-dramas).

Light and Fluffy Pure Good-Hearted K-Dramas:

Shopping King Louie: The perfect example of a k-drama. It’s super trope-y and totally ridiculous but really funny! Seo In Guk plays a rich dude who loses his memory and ends up being taken care of by a poor girl from the country. Forced cohabitation, amnesia, chaebols, all of it.

Touch Your Heart: A sweet, silly and very mild rom com about a serious boss and his hallyu star secretary. This show was an obvious response to the chemistry that Lee Dong Wook and Yoo In Na had in Goblin so it was nice to see them together again. Yoo In Na is such a fun person to watch!

Her Private Life: Park Min Young really knows how to pick dramas. I loved this one about a museum curator who is secretly a fangirl obsessed with an idol. It’s fun and fluffy but does have a very mild childhood trauma thing with his mother but I mean, 99% of dramas like this do? If you like this one, Touch Your Heart and Why Secretary Kim are by the same person and have similar vibes.

Light On Me (web drama): I absolutely adored this simple and sweet drama! One of my favorite korean BLs EVER! Because it’s longer than the average Korean BL, it actually has: *cues triumphant music* Character development!

Eulachacha Waikiki / Laughter In Waikiki: I hope you’re ready for a crazy amount of unlikely situations and nutty hijinks because this show is probably one the most silly ones I’ve ever watched. It follows a group of friends who own a hostel so it’s a slice of life drama. At certain points I was like “this is TOO silly” but I’m glad I stuck with it cause it was so hilarious. Plus, the baby is a star!

Have a Nice Dessert (web drama): If you’re looking for low angst and a super soft boy, this is your drama!! It’s a web drama about a girl who loves photographing desserts and the boy who likes her. Like all web dramas, it’s short, and there’s really no time for angst and breakups :)

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo: A K-drama fandom favorite! Adorable college romance about a female weightlifter and a super hot swimmer dude. I mean she’s hot too. Anyways, two cuties!

Top Management: Adorable mini drama about a girl who can see the future and becomes the rookie manager for a kpop band. Fun and easy (plus they seem to be setting it up for another season…)

Terius Behind Me: FBI agent goes under disguise as a babysitter! While there are some intense parts of this drama because it’s a crime thriller, the characters are super funny and all work perfectly together to create a comedic element. Honestly this show was almost perfect for me, and I’m very picky.

Light and Fluffy Pure Good-Hearted J-Dramas:

***Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!: If you’re used to k-dramas were everything could go wrong at any time, you’re in for a real treat! Cherry Magic is my absolute favorite drama of last year and this year combined (even with a silly name like it has!) - It’s the ONLY show I’ve ever given a 10/10 rating to. An introverted guy finds out a seemingly popular and confident co-worker has a crush on him. This drama is so so soft, so so sweet and it has not one but TWO ace characters and a lot of gay panic! I’ve rewatched it recently and smiled the ENTIRE time. Plus there’s a valentines day special that’s really fun.

Pretty Proofreader: Sweet little j-drama about a fashionista who ends up becoming a proofreader. There’s an adorable boy and she’s legit the prettiest girl eve - seriously you’ll die watching her style all of her outfits! There’s not a great romance, but if you don’t care about that, each episode features a little story where she works on a project and helps the people involved. Very sweet though episodic.

Kieta Hatsukoi (My Love Mix-Up!): A fluffy love story between a bi panicked boy and the guy he has a crush on. It was a bit cartoony but it’s sweet and fun, and how often do you see a Boy’s Love where the guy crushes on a cool female friend and then realizes he ALSO likes a guy in class? I really appreciated the nuance of that experience plus it’s pretty wholesome and fluffy.

Happy Healing Anon!

#kdrama recommendations #jdrama recommendations #kdrama recs #cherry magic #my love mix up #light on me #out of breath #shopping king louie #ask #i love a list

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tf2fansderogatory · 2 years

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My queer tf2 headcanons because look at them. That is not heterosexual.

Scout: defiantly bisexual but is in total denial about it, and unironically say's stuff like "it's not gay to find men attractive" and "all dudes check out other guys, it's normal".

Sniper: gender apathetic, doesn't care about what gender is or what gender people see him as, or what pronouns people use, and is biromantic, asexual, but not currently interested in relationship. I imagine him to be sex-neutral, not particularly interested in it, but not repulsed.

Medic: multigender and genderfluid, mostly identifies with masculine, neutral and androgynous genders, and if pronoun fluid. He mostly uses he/xer pronouns, but occasionally she/her. Xer's gay and bi-lithsexual (he's romantically attracted to non-women, and sexually attracted to all genders, but doesn't want his attracted to women to be reciprocated; lithsexual to women and fem-IDing people). Non-monogamy is the only thing he's ethical in.

Demo: genderflux non-binary man; he fully and always identifies as a man, but how he identifies as a man changes. Sometimes he's an androgynous man, sometimes he's agender but socially a man, sometimes he's apathetic about his identity as a man, and so on. He's pansexual and polyamorous, and loves the idea of having as many partners as he can.

Spy: super straight and Fr*nch /j

Heavy: orientated aroace and gay. He's demi-graysexual and demi-grayromantic, and doesn't like the idea of a traditional romantic relationship, but enjoys having deep and intimate connections with other non-women. He's sex-averse, but enjoys non-sexual forms of physical intimacy such as kissing, cuddling and holding, sleeping together (like actual sleeping), etc.

Engie: binary trans man, bisexual and placiosexual. He doesn't have a gender preference, but he prefers to be with other ace-spec people. Being placiosexual, he enjoys preforming sexual acts to his partner, but doesn't want any sexual acts done to him, which is why he'd prefer an ace-spec partner. He'd rather have no sex in a relationship then to disappoint a partner who wants to preform sexual acts on him.

Soldier: Soldier has a gender for every occasion. He feels like his current situation requires a man? He's a man. Does it require a woman? He's a woman. Someone just asked what his gender is? Gender is for cowardly Europeans. His gender is sort of fluid, sort of indescribable, but defiantly not cis. Also, he lowkey doesn't know what pronouns are. He's generally uninterested in sex or relationships, but if he were approached by someone for a one-night stand or to go on a date, he'd probably say yes.

Pyro: trans masc, non-binary, genderfluid, enboy, girlby, carnelian, opalian, panromantic, hypersexuality (caused by it's depression), aegosexual and objectum. It uses all pronouns, but prefers it/they and neopronouns. Their gender identity changes, sometimes it's more masculine, sometimes it's more feminine, sometimes it's genderless, etc. They have a strong sexual preference for men, masculine-aligned non-binary people and neutral non-binary people, but romantically likes all genders. They developed hypersexuality to cope with their trauma and depression, though are aegosexual; never wanting to act or preform their attraction or fantasies. Xe also loves objects, seeing different objects with different personalities, names, genders, etc. and has a deep emotional connection with cute and "childish" things, like it's massive collection of plushies, figurines and toys.

Sorry that this was so long, I just really love the TF2 team >:) /g

Wonderful.

Also I appreciate the spy's gender is french. Be proud of yourself 🇫🇷

#answered by heidi #scout #medic #spy #engineer #soldier #pyro #demoman #heavy #sniper #s42isrotting

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thetaoofbetty · 2 years

Text

it's below the cut, anon💜:

I wonder if BAs (no, I actually don’t) and the so called J*bitha shippers realize that they are framing Jughead’s commitment to Tabitha as an obligation and not as something he genuinely should feel. He doesn’t own Tabitha to be in love with her because she helped him with his trauma and gave him a place to live.

—okay but from the way they speak (at least the way they speak to me about it even tho i've literally never asked) they really seem to think having a crush on someone entitles them to you.

uh. no?

what's the bets they wouldn't be into the ship if it was the exact same only without bughead history if they loved tabitha so much and jughead acted the same way he does with her now? gonna relive history at saying this (again), i can feel it, but jughead isn't exactly the most amazing bf to her. and jessica and he weren't good for each other but he also wasn't amazing to her either? look at the way veggie was written or the way b/a is currently being written. jughead isn't the exception to the "sort of not great to their current gf when it's the wrong girl" club on this show. it's a shallow drama, tbh, so i didn't expect any different.

the women aren't an exception to this either.

That’s not how it works. You aren’t nice to a person expecting something in return. You are asking him to force feelings for her as gratitude and this is the same people that claim to love her? The only thing he owns her is honestly about his feelings for her. That’s it. He doesn’t own her a relationship or love if he doesn’t actually reciprocates those feelings.

—if jughead has feelings for her, great. if he's feeling confused, that's his business until the feelings are known enough to make it her business. he owes her respect, kindness, and honesty. he does not owe her a relationship or to work through anything if he doesn't want to.

and i have no doubt they think it's because of bughead that we're side eyeing the way they said that but no. no one said he was obligated to stay with betty if he didn't want to be with her. he didn't owe it to her to stay and work out his complicated feelings towards betty kissing archie if he didn't want to did he? of course not.

tho it is sort of entertaining how they've decided that those memories are going to make jughead fall back in love with betty. guess that's the only possible conclusion if riverdale is totally normal and legit and nothing weird at all is going on, just random superpowers and witches, guys.

Also, another part about J*bitha shippers is how apparently Jughead is in love with her? Please, someone tell him because he doesn’t seem to know he even likes her at all. Same goes for Tabitha. "J*bitha is strong enough to help him deal with his past" truly, the same J*bitha that doesn’t speak on traumatic or important moments in their life unless they are forced to do so by the consequences?

—i think, and i'm just throwing it out there, they're going by what happened in the vale. even tho the vale is a totally different thing? then again, they also say that b/a is in love but we haven't heard any love declarations yet. which, again, they didn't actually talk about anything and i think that was the point? they sort of just covered it all up and ignored it.

and i know, i know, symbolism. but uh, jughead kneeling over the typewriter, devastated at her having broken something betty had given him isn't actually the symbolism they wanted. shout out to that screener who started that tho. pretty sure it's also the one who started the whole thing about them not being in the same room while filming back in s5. kudos for perseverance on that.

i'll say it again but i really think them giving tabitha this cryptic oracle role with the time travel so the plot doesn't get given away too quickly is a major hinderance to her storyline both alone and with jughead. maybe that's on purpose, i don't know. without even the audience knowing what's happening, her information is only helpful if she shares it and her not sharing it or showing/telling the audience why that's a bad idea is just going to make her frustrating as a character.

The same Jughead that didn’t tell his own girlfriend he could read minds until like 2 episodes ago? The same Tabitha that forgot to mention she’s been time traveling and might have possibly seen situations that she hasn’t told him about? Everything that J*bitha apparently is has never been shown, except for season 5 with their interactions being platonic at best (except the rushed episode in which they got together) the so called intensity of their relationship has never been shown.

—if this were any other show, i would 100% believe the narrative of tabitha being upset at him reading her mind vs betty asking him to go into her deepest, most repressed thoughts was on purpose. she wasn't even bothered that he was skimming surface stuff, she was fine with it.

but it's riverdale. still, the contrast to 6x12 and showing the memory of jughead telling her she's not like her dad also felt stark so who knows?

I don’t care what people that ship J*bitha think that relationship is – but claiming Jughead 'owes' Tabitha certain things are being relationship in a fucked up way. You don’t owe anyone anything expect respect and honestly, which is why I’m sure they’ll break up.

—maybe they'll bring in the problems from the vale (seems more likely now, tbh). tabitha bottled up all the issues she had with him in that episode and he didn't exactly make it better. we're seeing bigger, more real life issues of those in the vale it seems. so it has the potential to get messy but riverdale side steps that when possible so who knows?

#besos!#anonymous #anti j*bitha #i be thinking this anon no like this situation so much #that's fine #it's a dumb situation tbh

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maddiwrites · 3 years

Text

Precious Life

Pairing: JJ x reader

REQUEST (From anon): could you write a jj maybank imagine where he and the reader are together, but she pushes him away due to her mental health. she has insecurity issues after her last boyfriend and her bestfriend passed a few months ago leaving her horribly depressed. finally, she opens up to him and its just super fluffy and he showers her in love and support.

Note: Thank you so much for the request and I’m so sorry it took me a while to write, but hopefully you like it. I kinda suck at fluff, so I’m sorry if it’s not enough fluff. Let me know what you think!

Word Count: 5k

Warnings: mentions of death of a friend, mental trauma from a past relationship, depression

You don’t know when it happened - whether it was overnight or throughout the past few weeks. Unlike everyone else who was excited about the summer finally beginning after what felt like the longest school year of your life, your days felt darker as you dreaded the upcoming season. You use to love summer - hell, you thrived during the hottest months of the year. You loved outdoor dining, surfing, beach parties, going out on the boat in the marsh with your friends. But now the thought of doing those activities made you want to vomit.

After your best friend passed away only a few months ago, you lost interest in all those activities. Because they all reminded you of her. She was the one who brought you out of you shell and pulled you out of your dark place when the world felt too unbearable to live in anymore. And now she was gone. Just like that. Life is so precious, you remember people telling you that at her funeral. They weren’t wrong. But you never thought your life could compare to the one of your beautifully made best friend.

Her birthday is next month in the early weeks of July. Her mother wants to hold a small party as if she was still there to celebrate. Of course she wants you there, but you don’t know if you’d be able to handle it. A birthday party for a dead girl? What an obvious reminder that she’s not there. It’s going to be the first birthday you spend without her. The tradition of getting smoothie bowls and going to the local zoo and finishing the night off with a bonfire and beer cans you stole out of your parents fridge is completely destroyed. Gone just like she is.

The only person making your miserable life a little more bearable is your wonderful boyfriend, JJ Maybank. Despite only being together for about two months, he became your closest friend. Your best friend would have loved him and would even be impressed that you went for such a bad boy. Your type usually consisted of stuck up boys with egos bigger than their daddy’s bank account. Sometimes you picture a life where your best friend and JJ knew each other. They’d probably be best of friends. Your friend would be weary of him at first, but JJ would work his usual charm and win her over in seconds. It’s what he did with you.

You met him after getting really close with Kiara when her dad hired you as another waitress at the Wreck. You remembered the day he first walked into the restaurant with his friends. You felt his eyes on you the entire time. Feeling bold, you walked over to his table and asked to borrow his phone. You opened his snap chat app and took a selfie with the two of you and said, “Here’s a picture if you want it to last longer.” And that was how the love story of JJ Maybank and Y/N Y/L/N started. JJ still has the picture saved as his Lock Screen. It makes you smile every time you see it.

Your life with JJ was nearly perfect. What started as a flirty banter became something serious. Kie knew JJ was in deep because he never complained about how slow you wanted to take the relationship. Aka sex. Usually JJ is the kind of guy who will go get what he wants. And if that’s a quick lay, that’s what he’ll go searching for. Someone that won’t make him work too hard for it. But with you? It was different. Sure he wanted to explore that part of the relationship with you, but only when you were ready. It was hard for him some days, especially when you wore his hoodies or kissed him so deeply that he swore his skin was on fire.

Although JJ has been nothing but a respectful KING about your decision to wait, you can’t help but feel guilty about keeping him waiting. It’s not that you didn’t want to - because god did you want to. But it was hard for you to give someone all of you like that. Part of you blames that on your own insecurities and the other part knows it’s trauma due to your past relationship. You never told anyone the kind of vile and disgusting things your ex boyfriend would say to your face. Well, you confessed to your best friend on the night he broke up with you. You physically had to hold her back by her hair to keep her from setting his house on fire. She tried to make you see that everything he said about you was wrong. Dumb, fat, whore, useless, poor, ugly. You wanted to believe her, but it was like your ex had physically tattooed the words onto your skin and it was hard to see anything else. When things were getting heated between you and JJ and you felt his hand dip under the thin material of your t shirt, you would pull away, afraid that he would feel the rolls on your stomach. You never let him see you without makeup on. And even wore baggy clothing so you wouldn’t have to worry about showing too much skin. You didn’t want him getting the wrong impression.

JJ tried asking Kie about it. JJ is smarter than people give him credit for. He had a feeling that your choosing to not have sex ran deeper than just not being ready. Which is totally fine but he wanted to be there for you if you needed help. Of course Kie had no idea. But just like JJ, she noticed you pulling away from the group slowly. She thought maybe it was the stress of finals as the end of the school year wrapped up, but then summer came around and the less you did.

“She’s been off, right?” JJ asks Kie. His legs bounces up and down anxiously and he chews on the nub of his thumb nail. “Do you notice it too?”

Kie doesn’t know how to answer. Of course she wants to be honest with her best friend, but she also doesn’t want to hurt him. “I mean, she’s been kind of distant with us. Maybe she’s been busy. I mean she’s gotten a few of her shifts covered in the last two weeks.”

JJ shakes his head. “I don’t know. I can’t shake off this feeling that it’s something more than that. Something I’m missing. I mean...” he sighs and takes his fingers through his hair. “Do you think it’s me? Did I do something? Maybe she feels pressured by this whole sex thing-“

“No. Of course not.” Kie says. She knows JJ would never make you do anything you don’t want to do, and he would never make you feel guilty about it. “You should talk to her about it next time you see her. I mean, I could bring it up too but I think it would be best coming from you.”

JJ nods and accepts this answer from Kie. It doesn’t make him feel any less anxious about the state of your relationship but at least he’s not crazy for thinking you’re pulling away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He doesn’t see you for another week. You claimed that you’ve been busy with work and college prep. JJ didn’t buy it but he also didn’t push it. He saw you when you showed up at his window at the Chateau.

You’d come after having one of your episodes - one where you can’t sleep or eat or even focus on one thought. You don’t know why you came to the Chateau. You knew JJ would be here but you didn’t think he’d be able to help you. No one ever can.

“Hey,” JJ flicks on the lamp from the bedside table as he watches your figure squeeze through the window. “What are you doing here?”

You shrug. “I - uh. I don’t know, exactly. Just wanted to see you, I guess.”

JJ tilts his head and narrows his eyes at you. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” You lie.

JJ nods, but he doesn’t believe you. “Then come here.” He opens up his arms for you to fall into. When you do, he pulls you in close with your head laying on his bare chest. You focus on his steady heartbeat and his warm arms around your body. You miss this. Being with JJ whole heartedly - mind and body. Recently it’s only been your body - your mind off somewhere else.

“Did I wake you?” You ask softy.

JJ kisses the top of your head. “No.”

When you close your eyes, you picture your friend again. Her smile and laugh. Things that should have made you happy. But they don’t. Not anymore.

You don’t remember when or how it happened - how you ended up being below a hovering JJ as his lips peppered your skin. You remember starting the heavy make out session, hoping to distract yourself from the depressing thoughts of your dead best friend.

However, the deeper you got into it, the deeper you got in your own thoughts. First about your friend and then about your ex. What he would say if he were the one above you - “I thought you were going to the gym?” “You didn’t shave?” “You could use some sun.” - His voice rang in your head like a screeching record and you couldn’t do it anymore.

“Stop,” you mumble softly enough that JJ doesn’t hear it until you physically push him off of you and say more loudly. “J, stop!”

As his back hits the mattress again, he holds his hands up in surrender. He didn’t realize he was doing anything wrong and his heart races with the thought that maybe he hurt you or had gone too far.

You quickly pick up your tossed shirt and bag while avoiding all kinds of eye contact with him. You felt embarrassed. It’s not his fault that you can physically feel every skin roll on your body or think you can smell every bad odor radiating off your skin. JJ has never been anything but a prince to you since you started dating. You felt bad that you couldn’t give him what he wanted. Sex should be a normal part of your relationship yet you couldn’t seem to give him your all just yet.

“I’m sorry. Did I-“ JJ starts to apologize but you cut him off.

“No. I’m sorry. I should go. I should have never come -“

“Hey,” JJ sits up and tries to reach for you, but you yank your hand closer to your body when his fingers graze your skin. JJ frowns. “You don’t have to go. We can just go to sleep. Or I can sleep on the couch.”

You pause at the bedroom door with your back to him. You squeeze your eyes tight to stop the tears from cascading down your cheeks. You hate this. Feeling like another burden to someone else. Not being able to give the one you love everything they want. It’s not fair. It feels like everyday your days just keeping getting darker and darker as if the sun never rises. And you don’t know how long you’ll be able to take it.

“Y/N...” JJ softly calls out for you. He can see the tension in your shoulders and your knuckles turning white as you clench around the door knob. He knows something isn’t right. That there’s more than meets the eye when it comes to what you’re going through. He’d never force you to tell him anything. But he wants you to feel comfortable enough that you know you have the option to talk if you wanted to.

“I’m sorry, J...” your voice cracks which makes JJ’s heart break a little more. Still with your back to him, you shake your head. “I can’t be what you want me to be.”

“Y/N -“

You finally turn to look at him. “You deserve someone who will give you everything you want. Someone who makes you happy - someone who is happy.” You sniffle back the tears. “I’m sorry. That’s just not me.”

Tears prick at JJ’s eyes. He wishes he can say he is surprised, but he honestly saw this coming. You’ve been distant and hard to read. He thought you were falling out of love with him for weeks. But that doesn’t make this any less hard to hear.

“Don’t do this,” JJ shakes his head. “We can work this out -“

“I can’t do it anymore,” you shake your head as one lone tear falls down your cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

You rip the door open and stumble through John B’s house before JJ could say anything else. You throat feels on fire as you bite back a heart wrenching scream from what you’ve just done. You probably ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to you. No surprise there, you think. Nothing in your life seems to ever go as planned.

You run home until your legs feel like they’re literally on fire. By the time your back hits the mattress of your own bed, your muscles feel like jello, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to walk again.

You cry into your pillow until the world around you fades to darkness.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Its been about two weeks since you last saw JJ and the Pogues. You didn’t think it was possible, but without them, your life somehow felt even emptier. Days feel like years. Your body feels so heavy, it’s hard to get out of bed most days. You can’t remember the last time you showered. Your skin on your face feels dry from all tears that have been shed. Some days you want to pick up the phone and call JJ or Kie, just to hear their voice. But you don’t. Because you don’t want to feel like a burden to either one of them. You broke up with JJ. You’re not their problem anymore.

With your head tucked deep into your pillow, you feel the corner of your bed dip as if someone had just sat down. You figured it was just your mom checking in on you again for the hundredth time. She doesn’t say anything and you don’t acknowledge her either.

Your phone beeps with another text message from JJ. You peek your eye open at your phone and slowly reach for it. You hesitate opening the message, afraid that whatever he has to say will only break your heart and make you feel like an even worse human being.

“You’re seriously not going to answer that?” The person sitting on your bed says, making you snap around to face the girl who is for sure not your mother, but your best friend. The same best friend who’s buried in a cemetery fifteen minutes away from your house.

She looks exactly how you remember her. Long beautiful hair that frames her perfect jawline. Tan almost glistening skin that radiates off the sunlight that shines through your window. Eyes sparkling with life and mischief.

You look at her with wide eyes and an open mouth. You were truly at a loss for words. Confused was an understatement. It didn’t make sense.

She laughs at your reaction and shakes her head. “Do you need a minute?”

“I don’t - how - am I - am I dreaming?” You stutter.

“No I’m just the prettiest zombie you’ve ever seen,” She says sarcastically and holds her grin. You blink at her. “Yes, you’re dreaming. Well, kinda.” She stands up and faces you. “You’re definitely dreaming but I’m in control of visiting you in your sleep. Kinda cool, right? It’s a ghost trick I recently learned.”

“I’m officially going crazy,” You say.

“You’re right. You are going crazy,” Your friend rounds to the other side of the bed to come face to face with you as you sit up and rub your eyes. “But not because you’re seeing me. Because you’re not seeing JJ.”

You drop your hands at your side and glare at her. “You don’t even know him.”

“I know of him,” She says. “He’s a Pogue. A hot one too. And he’s head over heels in love with you. What else do I need to know?”

You shake your head. “It’s complicated.”

“Why? He loves you and you love him.”

You flip your comforter off you body and walk past the girl who loves sticking her nose in other people’s business. You always told her it would get her in trouble one day. But you secretly loved that she was so nosy. Because she cared and always gave the best advice.

You walk towards your dresser and stare at yourself in the mirror above it. The bags under your eyes are dark and your skin pale. Your hair is greasy from your lack of washing it and you’re starting to realize you’re beginning to smell.

Your friend sighs and sits back on your bed. “He’s in your head,” She says glumly.

You scoff, “I think if anyone’s in my head, it’s you.”

She glares back at you. “You know what I mean. Y/Ex’s/N. He’s still tormenting you after almost a year of not seeing him.”

You shake your head. “No I’m -”

“Come on, Y/N. You can’t lie to me. You’re still hiding your laugh behind your hand because he called it obnoxious. You hide yourself under baggy clothing and you won’t have sex with JJ because Y/Ex’s/N said you were bad at it -”

“Stop.”

“Clearly you weren’t bad at it since he got to come every single time. If anyone was bad at it, it was him.”

“Y/BFF’s/N.”

“What? It’s true,” She shrugs. That’s what you always loved about her. She was unapologetic. She meant what she said every time no matter what. You wished you had her confidence. She sighs and moves over on the bed so she’s closer to you. “Y/N, you deserve to be happy,” she says more softly. “And JJ makes you happy. Why are you pushing him away? Why can’t you let yourself be happy?”

“Because you’re not here!” You finally kick down the wall that’s been building in your head since your friend’s death. You never talked about her with anyone. Not even with her own family. She was your person - the girl who was going to stand by your side at your wedding, be the god mother to your children, your shoulder to cry on, and your therapist when you needed to rant. And now she’s not here and it feels wrong living the life you were supposed to live together. “How can I be happy when you’re not here?”

“Y/N...”

“No,” You cry. “It’s not fair. You’re supposed to be here. I can’t pretend like everything’s normal when it’s not. This was supposed to be the best summer of our lives and then you just left.” You snap your fingers. “Just like that. Out of nowhere. And if that can happen to you then it can happen to -”

You cut yourself off, afraid to say what you really were thinking. You didn’t want to put that kind of energy into the atmosphere because the thought haunted you every night when you were alone with your thoughts. You never thought you could lose someone like you lost your best friend. You didn’t think that would ever happen to you. But it did. And it put life in perspective for you. You don’t think you’d be able to live through another loss like that so falling for JJ was scary to you. Because if something ever happened to him, you wouldn’t know what to do.

“Hey,” She stands up to embrace you in a hug. You sob into her shoulder and squeeze her tightly against you. You don’t want to let her go. She feels so real. You’re actually touching her. “Look at me.” She eventually pulls away to look at you. She offers a sad grin and pushes your hair out of your eyes. “I’m sorry I died. But you get to live! You know how jealous I am that you have the ability to eat smoothie bowls every day and go surfing and date cute boys and go on road trips with your friends and family? You don’t even know how good you have it. And on top of that, you have the hottest guy on the island fawning over you and you’re too sad about me to even realize it. I don’t want you to live this way -” she motions to your messy room. “I want you to take advantage of the life you have. If I can’t live it, then you have to live it for me.”

“I don’t want to do it without you,” You cry.

She shakes her head. “You’ll never be without me, chick. I’m always going to be with you. Besides, I like JJ. You’d be stupid to let him go.”

You bite your bottom lip and feel a rush of heat climb up your neck to your cheeks. “He is really good to me.” You knew your friend was right. She was always right. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” She says. You both turn when you hear someone knock on your door. She looks back at you and smirks. “That’s my cue.”

“Wait -”

“Don’t worry, chick. Remember what I said. I’m not far away.”

You gasp awake wrapped in your sheets with dried drool stuck to your chin. You sit up and look around frantically for any sign of your best friend. But she’s gone. So is any sign that she might have been here. You rub the dried saliva off your chin with your fingers and sigh up at the ceiling. It felt so real.

Your mom lets herself into your room and smiles at you. “Oh, good. You’re awake.”

“Yeah...” You say slowly. You think back to everything your best friend said to you in your dream. How lucky you are to live a life that she can’t. For the first time ever, she was jealous of you. For a life you’re taking for granted. Although it was hard to be happy without her by your side, you knew she didn’t want you sulking around for her. Some days are going to be hard. That’s just the inevitable. But you have the ability to make it easier. It all starts with you. “I think I’m going to take a shower.”

“Really?” Your mom says, surprised by the effort you’re making so early in the morning.

“Yeah,” You grin and walk past her to get to your bathroom. Today is going to be a new day, you say to yourself as you let the warm water rain over you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Two days later was your best friend’s birthday. A day you’ve been dreading for weeks. Your heart felt heavy and your mind clouded as you moved around your room getting ready for the day. As much as you wanted to stay in bed, you knew it wouldn’t be what she wanted. You haven’t spoken to her since that night, but you knew she was quietly watching over you.

You throw on a pair of sports shorts and a long sleeve t shirt. The day is cold and foggy so you knew the cemetery would be cold. Your parents offer you a small smile as you walk out the door with a bouquet of flowers and a blanket.

You slowly come to a stop as you’re walking to your car parked on the street in front of your house when you recognize a familiar truck parked behind it. JJ steps out of the driver’s seat and approaches you with his hands tucked in his short pockets. He smiles sheepishly at you and glances down at the flowers.

“Hey,” He says.

“Hey,” You shuffle awkwardly on your feet. Why did he have to look so good? He’s dressed in a Coors Light tank and cargo shorts. His golden hair is perfectly quaffed and his skin perfectly sun kissed. “How are you?”

“Good, good,” He nods. He hates that your relationship has resulted to this. Awkward small talk. “I’m sorry. Am I catching you at a bad time?” He motions to the flowers.

“Um,” You glance between the flowers and him and shrug. “No. I was actually just going to see a friend. Would you like to come?” You remember all the things your friend had to say about JJ. How he loves you, you love him, and he makes you happy. You messed up by breaking up with him, but maybe you can make it right by explaining everything to him.

“Oh,” JJ looks surprised that you’re offering time to hang out. He was afraid you were going to push him away and shut your front door in his face. He didn’t know what was going to happen. He just wanted to see you. “Yeah. Definitely.”

You smile. “Great. But we have to stop for smoothie bowls on the way.”

JJ laughs. “No problem.”

Surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward being alone with JJ after all this time. The two of you spent the car ride talking about the other Pogues and what they’ve been up to in the past couple of weeks. It was bittersweet talking about them because of how much you missed them, but you hoped that they would accept you back into their friend group after you explained to JJ why you’ve been so distant.

“Uh, Y/N.” JJ says when he parks the car.

“Yeah?”

“This is a cemetery.”

You can’t help but giggle at his apprehension. “I know. Come on.”

JJ carries the flowers and you carry the brown paper bag that holds your three smoothie bowls and a blanket. You lead him through the wet grass, past dozens of tomb stones until you find where your best friend peacefully lays.

JJ stays silent as he looks between you and the tombstone. The years etched onto the tombstone indicate that someone your age is buried here. He quickly puts the puzzle pieces together and tries to read your facial expression. Your sadly grinning at the tomb stone when you feel JJ’s eyes on the side of your face.

You lay the blanket down and offer half of it for him to sit next to you. He does but stays quiet, waiting for you to explain whenever you’re ready.

“This is Y/BFF’s/N,” You introduce her. “She was my best friend.” JJ nods and lets you continue as you stare at the tombstone. “She died a few weeks before we met.” You pull out the smoothie bowls and pass one to JJ and place the other one in front of the flowers placed by the grave. “Today’s her birthday and we had this tradition that we would get smoothie bowls every morning of our birthday.” You pop open the lid of your bowl and push around the berries laying on top with your spoon. “I know I owe you an explanation.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to...”

“Trust me,” You smile at him, “I do. She would kill me if I didn’t.”

You told JJ about the mental toll her death had on your life. Even with JJ by your side, you felt her missing presence heavily all day every day. It wasn’t that you weren’t happy in your relationship with JJ, it was just that something was missing and it was something you couldn’t bring back to your life. Because of her loss, you fell back into a depression you once experienced towards the end of your last relationship. You told JJ about the mental anguish your ex left you with and why you don’t feel comfortable opening yourself up to him, both physically and mentally. You promised it wasn’t because of JJ but because of your ex and the things he said to you. With your friend’s birthday coming up, everything was weighing you down mentally and you didn’t want to hinder JJ’s life any longer. You told him you thought breaking up with him was best for him so he didn’t have to deal with your problems and he can find a girl that makes him happy. You regret ever walking away from him that night. Your friend was your person, but now so is JJ. You want him to know everything about you. Good and bad. He deserves to know the truth.

“She would’ve liked you,” You brush your fallen tears away with the back of your hand. “You guys are alike in a lot of ways.”

“Yeah?” JJ smiles at you. “How?”

“She made me laugh and always pushed me past my comfort zone. She challenged me to do more with my life. And she never gave up on me,” You grin up at him. “I’m sorry for pushing you away.”

“You don’t have to be,” JJ says. “I get it. No one deserve to lose a friend like this. I don’t know what I would do if this happened to John B or Pope or even Kie.”

“I still love you, J. And I want to give you every part of me. I just...need some help opening up.”

JJ sets down his smoothie bowl and turns to face you. His hand caresses the side of your face and pushes your hair back behind your ear. “Hey....we can take it as slow as you want. I’m not going anywhere.”

You smile at him. “So, you wanna try this again?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely.”

JJ leans in to kiss you on your lips. Butterflies erupt from your stomach and fireworks shoot across every nerve in your body. When you eventually pull away, you’re smiling because even when your best friend isn’t here to physically push you, she has her own way of getting into your head and making sure you don’t take the life you have in front of you for granted. And you couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Unbeknownst to you, your friend watches from a far with her arms crossed and a smirk on her face. Slightly shaking her head, she says to you, “You’re gonna be just fine, chick.”

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