oh you know it's all latestage capitalism but the thing is. how are you supposed to be a person inside of this. a person trying to be a better version of yourself.
oh, you started working young, which was kind of hard, but it's just the way stuff works sometimes. and it was 2008 and your family couldn't afford heat. but it's fine, you grow a spine and get used to the professional world and besides it was the suburbs we're talking about here, like, your life could have been actually hard, so what if your father lost his job and you can't afford to move or turn the lights back on. and once you start making money, it's good. you keep doing that. because now they're relying on you. so you have to do that.
oh you were in thousands of dollars of debt at 17 years old so that you could go to school, because you have to go to school if you want to get a "real" job. you even did it "right", you worked parttime and attended community college before you transferred to a public school. you were under so many merit scholarships.
which is fine. you pick yourself up and you say like, okay. i graduated college. i'm holding down a job. i'm doing the Adult Thing, which looks and acts like this, according to all the books i've read. you start with the shitty job and then you climb that corporate ladder.
but the shitty job doesn't cover rent and you stretch yourself too-thin so you get sick. good luck with that. the shitty job no longer pays for your meals. everyone asks why you don't just move, but there's nowhere to move to. and with what money are you going to be moving? and then the loans come back, because they were never going to forgive them, because you were 17 and trying to do the right thing, which was stupid. people are now saying you shouldn't have even gone to school.
which is fine. but because you have no other option, so you do the shitty job, and you apply every day for like 5 new ones, and despite the fact everyone says "there's no one who wants to work!" it's actually just that nobody is fucking hiring so you can either work for 13 dollars an hour in the shitty place you know (where at least you have a passingly friendly relationship with the manager) or you can start from scratch again with a different 13 dollars an hour without knowing how much abuse from the new job you'll be taking.
and if you quit you lose your insurance. if you quit you lose your housing. if you quit, you'll be another burnout kid. the lazy ones. these assholes, look at them!
and you come home to a family dinner and you hear from your father the same old thing. how he worked hard at his job and yes it sucked for a while but he was able to provide for the family and then the house and the dog and the rest of barbie's dream vacation. how the insurance did cover some of it. how you just really need to start speaking up more in manager conversations so they know you're a go-getter. you want to tell him - did you know we're actually doing more now hourly than any previous generation? - but you can't remember where you heard that statistic, and you're far too tired for the fucking argument. and then he starts in on his usual bit. where's the house? where's your kids? where's your ambition.
the same job the same money the same hours doesn't do it anymore. the same nose-to-the-grindstone now just shreds your face off. there's no such thing as upwards mobility, not really. and as far as you're aware, the money certainly is not trickling. you do the soulless stupid shit you signed up for because you fucking have to or else you literally risk your life (food, the apartment, the insurance), but it's not getting you anything. you download the stupid "save more" app and you budget and you do every right thing and then the price of eggs is 7 dollars and you say - oh great! another thing i have to fucking worry about now!
and you go to your stupid job and everyone in your father's generation just tells you to be better about being an adult. they have their homes and their savings account and their bailout and they say. well have you tried not drinking starbucks. well your generation just spends too much on clothing. well you might just be too addicted to travelling. and you - because you need the job - you bite your tongue and don't say i am being held prisoner and you're suggesting i stop pacing my cell if i don't like the scenery and you don't say what the fuck do you think i've been doing with my money and you don't say i haven't spent a cent on something nice in literally forever much less coffee you arrogant asshole. you open and close your bank app and check your loans and check your credit score and check fucking zillow and ziprecruiter and apartments.com just one time more. and still they give you that demeaning little grin and say - see, what you need is -
what you need is for your meds to stop being so fucking expensive. what you need is for the housing bubble to explode into dust. what you need is for billionaires to choke on their wealth. what you need is actual help. what you will get is more economic advice from people who are older-and-wiser.
and above you, almost in a glimmer, you can see the wedged smile of your debt getting toothier, wider.
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Obsessed with the idea of Gortash superimposing his memory of Durge on them only to be left reeling when confronted by the smallest of changes. What do you MEAN your favorite color isn't red anymore? that you would rather walk boldly in the sun than observe from the city's dark corners? Your perfume is different, your way of laughing is different. It shouldn't be a big deal but it is, and he still treats them in all the same ways he used to treat his Durge. He tries to trigger their memory by relying on what he knows they used to like, but the information is old and the reception isn't the same. Don't get me wrong I LOVE the idea of an amnesiac Durge that is unsettled by all the intimate ways that Gortash knows them but I also can't resist the idea of Gortash being unsettled by all the ways he doesn't anymore.
It drives him mad.
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genuinely though i love that the critique that gets lobbed at tng sometimes is that it's boring because the characters sit and think and talk and many of the episodes resolve with very few explosions, and yes! that's the point!!!
like the whole ethos of tng was "space (and everyone in it) is not a threat once you understand it" and sometimes you have to get quiet about it for a minute or have a productive group discussion or do some pontificating to reach that moment of understanding and communication, but at the end we warp away having made a friend or gained a greater understanding of the complexity of the universe and maybe it was a little bit silly or a character learned how to be a better version of themself along the way and that's why i love it!!
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HoW fandom: "Bo clearly manipulated Vincent! He never wanted to kill; only to please their Mama that Bo clearly must have lied about! He's nothing like his pos brother!"
*Vincent recording how he impaled a pipe through Paige's head to remember it. Vincent not even snapping Wade's neck to put him out of his misery while waxing him when it holds their head in place anyways. Vincent having the most kills. Vincent going after victims in the woods without telling Bo. Script Vincent being the one to viciously kill the opening beauty pagent girl on the old back road and chase her down. Vincent having his own special knives for killing he's extremely skilled with / uses frequently while Bo had a tiny lil knife in his back pocket, nippers and rely's on a shotgun as a last resort he can't aim.*
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