#this is an exception bc they are 16

[inkskinned]

im having a particularly terrible night with urges and imagery that i dont know how to handle. i gave in to some things. held back on some others. but im barely holding on, dear internet stranger.

you do not owe me your time or your words.. but if you could write some hope into existence for me.. i would be unendingly grateful to you.

please. tell me how you do it. tell me how you survive. because im not so sure i can get through the fifteen days it'll take to get to my seventeenth birthday.

could you please give me something to place my faith in? i dont think the universe is watching out for me anymore.

i don't usually answer these, because i am not a professional, and you deserve professional help. when i was 17 i was terrified of the idea of professional help, because my household was extremely unsafe, and made it clear that if i ever chose to get help, i would be punished for it.

i hope this is not your case. i hope that you can call someone, and they can take you where you should go.

but i will give you the advice that i wish i got, when i couldn't get help at 17, when i was so bad that years later, i literally don't-know-how-i-survived it: what you want is peace, not death. your brain is sick. it has romanticized an ending where there are no consequences. where effort isn't necessary. where you can just... forget.

you want peace. that is a normal, human thing to want. maybe it feels more like you want quiet. or just... to take a break for a second.

here is what i will say: to end yourself means you never get to experience what it's like to actually be happy. i thought i knew what it was like, and i was bitter about it. i'd say - i've been happy, it's not worth it, because i didn't know what i was missing. i thought that happiness meant having a partner or having a job or money or a college degree. it sounded like effort. it sounded like something that had to happen to me.

for the first time in my life, just this week, i was able to go to a concert and just-enjoy-it. no liquor, no drugs. just stomping my feet and getting caught up in it. i didn't feel nervous or self-conscious or overwhelmed. i just had a good time. these days have a lot of these firsts for me - it is the first time i can eat cake without crying. it is the first time i can be around an exacto blade without supervision. it is the first time i have too many people to call when i am crying.

i can't tell you where you'll run into happiness, only that, for me, it started once i was out of that fucking house. it started once i figured out where the pain was coming from. once i figured out that i was not possessed, something medical was wrong with me. that i am not stupid or lazy, i have depression and adhd. the first few years were difficult. at 19, during my efforts to recover, i actually got worse by a considerable margin. and then, with time and patience - i got better.

happiness doesn't feel like what you think it will. in movies it's so golden and all-encompassing. but it doesn't fly into your hands when you buy your first car nor does it arrive in the arms of a partner nor does it require passing your classes. happiness came to me on a tuesday in the form of a red-winged blackbird, and i looked at her, and she looked at me, and i said - oh. the whole world suddenly filled itself in with color. like i had been forever-asleep. like every corner of every room was suddenly glistening.

it ended quickly, back then. it just stopped in to check in on me. but it was enough - this thing i had never experienced, but that i knew (logically) could happen. before that, i was only staying because it would make my mom sad if i died. that was my only reason. and then the happiness came, so strange and brilliant and lovely that for years i couldn't even look at it directly.

these days, things are so different. life is so much easier. i don't wish for death because so much of what i have is already at peace. my boss understands when i need a mental health day. people in general are less prone to high school drama. entire communities hold my hand and have my number. i have a car and a dog and a little apartment garden and candles on all available surfaces and today i bought myself a little cake just-to-celebrate-nothing. my body is my own and we are both dancing.

there are so many things i've gotten to taste in the last 10 years. i know, for you, that is an eon, because it's more than half of your life. but if it helps? in the 5 years between 17-21: i filled myself with laughter and love. i got to be a lead in a ballet and got my first tattoo and then my second and pierced my ears the way i'd wanted to (one of them professionally the other over a hot stove with a potato) and i discovered hozier is my favorite singer (i know. he was new back then) and i got my first real job and my first real paycheck and i hadn't ever been seen as smart but then i started to actually treat my adhd as a condition rather than a burden and people started saying you're like the smartest person in the room and my best friend met her husband who i will one day stand next to as maid of honor when he is her groom and i got to help people and make a stupid blog called "inkskinned" and find out that writing is actually my passion and that maybe i'm actually kind of good at it if i just practice and i got to meet my parents' dog (his name is kaiju) and i slept on couches and kissed people and tried new things and learned how to breathe without feeling my chest tighten and that peace is here, on this planet, that peace echoes everywhere, it is in my hair and my homework and my houseplants, it is quiet and divine and mine because i fought for it and i built it and yes i lost hair over it but holy shit the whole world feels like it is shifted through a sunbeam

recently someone asked me if i could go back in time to 6th grade, with all the knowledge i have now, would i? and without thinking, i barked absolutely not. i know i should say it's because i wouldn't want to risk losing any of this stuff - but really it's because i would never survive being a teenager again. it sounds incredibly lame and impossible, fake - but being a teenager was the hardest thing i ever did. i had no voice, no control, only fear and hatred.

but i did survive it. nothing about me is special. nothing about me is stronger than you or better prepared or more efficient. i didn't survive it perfectly. i made a lot of mistakes and lost a lot of friends and harmed myself in ways that i'm still recovering from. but i did survive it. and there is a part of me looking at you in the past and saying - i'm you in the future.

and holy shit. every day. every goddamn day i'm glad we survived to see the rest of it. because you hit 18 and everything changes. like, everything. and holy shit, it is infinitely worth it.

#i hope you are okay #i wish i could help more #i hope the pain eases soon #and i hope that you stay #ps . to those of you reading this thinking i should help you too: please just dm me #it makes me really #really really scared when it's anonymous #bc i cant check in with u #i am not a professional and i am not actually good at helping ppl through their troubles #this is an exception bc they are 16 #not the rule #ps if u misunderstand ''being a teenager is the hardest thing i ever did'' when i mention briefly that i was in unsafe housing... #trust me. it was worse there. by like A HUGE margin #every person raised in unsafe housing nodding their head like . oh yeah worse stuff TECHNICALLY happened after but leaving that home was #legit the hardest thing i ever did

[haunted-xander]

Been seeing people make these and finally managed to find the site to make them with!

Banana <3

#her name was like a half-joking one bc i didnt initially think id get so invested in the game #so now i have to retro-actively make up lore for why shes called banana #i decided that what happened was that when she was brought to aldenard she went 'hey i want a Western Name' #except she doesnt know how western names are structured and since there arent really many au ra in aldenard #she kinda just went eith watever #she heard some lala names and went 'hey that sounds cute' and based it off of that #the other peppers (aka her and my family) didnt have the heart to tell her #and it wasnt until she was like 16 that she realized what shed done lol #but at that point she was too used and attatched to it to bother changing it so she kept it #it didnt cause problems aside from a bit of teasing anyway lmao #banana pepper #warrior of light #wol #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv

[yanderemeganekko]

"Thistle is 15" "Thistle is 1000 years old" "Thistle is a child" "Thistle was 40/60/80/100 at the point where he" shut up shut up shut up elves don't mature the exact same as humans do and he has no confirmed canon human age plus people can be immature at literally any age especially after being forced to shoulder insane responsibilities from a young age just let people do what they want. We're not doing this to the Dungeon Meshi fandom ffs.

#what is this post about? thistle fans will know #(I say we're not doing this delusionally bc it's already happening) #I don't even ship him with Laios (except for jokes) or Delgal but I don't care I have better things to worry about #he can be 15 he can be 16 or 18 or 25 he's still clearly immature regardless of age #because he got a massive responsibility suddenly thrusted upon him and had no one to turn to for help. I promise this would fuck up anyone. #idc what your opinion is of shipping him just be honest about your actual reasons and don't pretend he's a little kid to prove a point. #it's demeaning to his character to pretend he had no choice or responsibility in his actions. in all the 1000 years he kept doing it. #if he had no choice then mithrun and marcille didn't either. but y'all don't wanna open that can of worms do you.

[pumpkinrootbeer]

sorry for haymitch posting constantly but the funniest thing to me is in his games there was nothing outwardly suggesting everything was poison but his paranoid ass saw fresh water and went "it's a trap" and the hilarious part is he was right

#:v #haymitch abernathy #the hunger games #Like his survided the hardest most dangerous games by not trusting anything #except mayslee and then you know. she dies bc he figured out the forcefield #The focus on forcefields in cf does drive me a little bit insane #in a good way I like the imagery of something used to trap being used as a weapon against the captors #does make me go a little crazy thinking about what this says abt haymitch tho #sure drunk 40 yr old who had his family murdered and was forced to watch 46 kids die isn't going to trust anyone #but why does a 16 yr old kid expect something horrible at every turn #to the point he only trusts someone after they save his life KINDA LIKE KATNISS HUH . #sorry those two drive me insane........... #Like yeah haymitch is also just incredibly clever to figure out the tricks but it says a lot abt his upbringing #healthy kids with healthy families don't expect everything to kill them is all I'm saying

[lovesickeros]

Hiii just popping out to say thank you for feeding my sagau reader x furina brainroot by small interactions in "Even the Gods bleed." (Sorry if I wrote it incorrectly, I didn't get proper sleep.)

They way reader tugged at Furina's cheek— hell yeah your Grace I understand you.

i am always down to feed other furina enjoyers. at some point i need to give furi her own solo fic with reader but i know im gonna make it like triple the length of everything else..favoritism at its finest!! and proud of it. furina gets priority in everything.

#asks #anon #stares at my pending package. i bought a $55 furina plush i am Dedicated #if no one else got me i know i do. self indulgent furina/reader is my new specialty #i think abt pre/post archon quest furina all the time like #pre aq shes still very bubbly and dramatic but internally her anxiety is 10x WORSE bc now she has to compete #with ACTUAL archons on earning your favor and shes probably had 16 breakdowns in the span of 3 days over it #please give her a hug and reassure her she is like a cat w seperation anxiety sitting at the door waiting for u to come home #post aq shes a lot more mellowed out but also. once again. worse!!!! #because now she cant even say shes the hydro archon and have an excuse to be allowed to see you whenever she wants #shes just. a human now. so she kinda resigns herself to just never getting to see you again except maybe in passing #once again Please Give Her A Hug SHE DESERVES IT 💔 #sorry i ranted too much um. runs. #never ask me abt furina sagau i think abt it too much #dont know if ill be continuing the series unfortunately so no more furina on that front uhh. oops.

[dracupie]

Ok i just finished watching The Marvels at home.

I didnt have faith in this movie at all bc

1) im an mcu slanderist (as if i wasnt a marvel slanderist in general)

2) i reaaaaally didnt know what they were going to do with my girl Kamala after what happened in the show

But i was pleasantly surprised!! I went to sort of hate watch it but not really ,yknow curiosity killed the cat and whatnot but then i just?!??? I enjoyed it!!! Quite a lot!!

I started to watch it as a film person first and a Ms Marvel stan second and i was pleased as both but also very pleased as a girl (gn) its just. . . Idk man. Its an INSANE movie i laughed very hard at it at times, the music killed me , I loved the colors, the emotional beats, the chemistry,the characterizations, even the B plot felt fun. It was a nice watch.

I say its a cute movie to watch w the girlies (gn) and just enjoy.

#Shadow talks #SHADOW???TALKING ABOUT MS MARVEL?!??? Unheard #Not mcu slander for a change #I think ill start doing proper movie reviews here #I always enjoy them but never quite post them anymore #Spoiler free #the marvels #ms marvel #captain marvel #Photon #kamala khan #carol danvers #monica rambeau #Tbh and pls dont judge i did like the captain marvel movie quite a lot . . . I watched it 3 times im theatres and i genuinely dont know why #And now i feel vindicated bc this is actually a solid fun movie #Yknow i could be smart and cultured like my bestie and be into sophisticated stuff but no!! APPARENTLY I have to like captain marvel #And its only in the 2 movies i really never liked her in the comics (except when Carol was Ms Marvel) #16 y/o me 🫂20 y/o me

[inhidingxoxo3637]

Not the MotoGP men's size S shirt being bigger than the women's XL

#ok it was funny when the mens M was bigger BUT THE SMALL?? #rip the actually skinny men who want fitted gp shirts bc i am a midsize woman and i fit the size S #its like a womens 14-16 #and mind u am not just chubby am really broad too so double rip skinny mini men #^^^^ womens 14-16 UK! #anyways guess who got a new mir shirt 💅💅 #now my curtain rail is just my suzuki stuffs except my wdc mir shirt bc there's no space<//3 #but it looks so slay 💅 #oh also w the rins n mir suzuki tops i knew the rins shirt had orange stripes on the sleeves #but i thought the mir didnt have yellow stripes n thats why i got rins first BUT THAT MF DOES HAVE STRIPES !!!! #motogp

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[bookworm-2692]

After the absolute carnage and chaos of Session 3 and 4, I desperately wanted to see a graph of everyone’s life left compared to each other, and this is the result of that. I will include close ups of each session below the cut, as well as screenshots of the full (colour-coded!!) data. Updates: Session 5, Session 6, Session 7, Session 8.

Note that I’m using the times that everyone should have based on their kills and deaths, and not what was actually shown (since I know Tango was accidentally given 1.5 hours for his boogey kill instead of just 1 hour, and Skizz hasn’t yet received his 30 minutes for killing Tango), so we’ll see if these times are rectified for Session 5, or if I will adjust my graph to show what is actually used.

Before I show the close ups, I just want to explain the colours used. I picked a base colour for each team and then used a different shade of that colour for each member of the team, to make it easier when looking at a mess of lines. TIES are red because Tango made the bowtie on the tower red (and also because of the red tie in Skizz’s skin, and also Tango’s skin is red). The Bad Boys are green because of all their crops (wheat and potatoes and carrots so far). The Nosy Neighbours are purple because of Watcher-related reasons. Mean Gills are teal because of the coral reef and the warm water colour (and also Scott’s hair). Clockers are orange because Minecraft clocks are gold, and orange is the closest colour to that. Below is a screenshot of all the colour choices I had, and I labeled each one with the player I picked for it

Now for the close ups of each session, with labelling for where each player is at at the end of each session. The grey squiggly downward line is simply the average of all the players’ times at that instant, and the green, yellow, and red horizontal lines mark out 24, 16, and 8 hours respectively. There are no markings for the number of hours, but each gridline is an additional hour, so you can count up and down from the colour-coded lines.

Session 1 close up

Session 2 close up

Session 3 close up

Session 4 close up

So as you can see... there’s less than three hours between the bottom nine people, and a much larger gap from them to the top five. And all three of Skizz’s teammates are amongst those with the most time, so I don’t think Skizz will be first out if TIES play their cards right.

Next I am going to show the data tables I used to generate the graphs! I colour coded them so you can easily see green lives vs yellow lives, and also how often some people switched between them (and you can also see the single second Scar technically turned green during Session 3 before dying, which is also the weird orange vertical line on the graph).

There’s a new row every ten minutes, and every death created two new rows, the first of which is the times a second before the death, and the second is after the death, in order to create the sudden vertical drop.

Deaths are marked with red borders around the box, and time being gained is marked with a green border. All times are in hours and only display to two decimal places, but were calculated down to the second (and the times in hours, minutes, and seconds can be seen at the very left.

Without further ado:

Session 1 data

Session 2 data

Session 3 data

Session 4 data

I find this is a super good visualiser of all the green and yellow switches during the session.

And to visualise the absolute chaos of a specific ten minute segment during Session 3... below shows how much space the chaotic ten minutes takes up in the data due to all the deaths... compared to the entire two hours before it (remembering each row is a new ten minutes or a new death... so for a single ten minute segment to take up almost as much space as two hours, really shows a lot)

Anyway, I had an absolute blast putting all this data together and I’ve spent so much time since the weekend just staring at all the pretty graphs and data. I hope this helps other people keep track of all the death and carnage and times and so on, like it helped me.

#limited life smp #traffic life smp #24lsmp #limlife #i cant remember what other tags people are using for limited life lmao hopefully that works #anyway i love numbers and data and i made this and then couldnt show any of my friends bc none of them had seen session 4 yet #and then i remembered tumblr exists as a place to show things ive made #since my friends werent available yet #anyway follow me for more nerdy maths things or whatever #anyway :D this graph makes me so happy #the only illegal kill that was awarded time was joel in session 2 #no one else has counted #except for tango's extra 30 minutes #which got me thinking bc like tango had 42 minutes left when skizz killed him #but he was supposed to only be on 12 minutes #and i cant help but wonder. if he was on the correct time (16:12:xx) would he have tried to hide for another 12 minutes and go down to #go down to yellow naturally? rather than brute force lose an hour? #because obviously tango didn't think he'd be able to run and escape for another 42 minutes #really makes you think #also i hope they gave skizz his bonus 30 minutes from killing tango when they recorded earlier today #anyway i should stop rambling in the tags so i can actually press post and you guys can see my cool graph haha #also its 11pm i need to go to sleep too probably #edit: my sister wants me to mention that she helped me pick the colours lmao #thanks sister i appreciate it #altho i think i made most decisions and you just agreed with them but whatever #my spreadsheets

[toxicrevolver]

BL WRAPPED 2023

Tagged by @loveable-sea-lemon

you watched 1 bl this year. that's about 16 hours!

you primarily watched bls from Thailand

you spent way too much time thinking about these characters: Vegas Theerapanyakul, Pete Saengtham, Kinn Theerapanyakul, Tay (idk his last name. Does he even have one?)

your favorite show was Kinnporsche. you kept thinking about it all year. (I have nothing to compare it to yet)

your overall bl mood was angst? (Idk honestly. Kinnporsche was a fuckin roller coaster)

you read the most fanfiction about VegasPete. like way Way WAY too much.

another of your favorites from this year was love in the air. they captivated your gay little heart. (I’ve ONLY seen the gifs but it applies. I need to watch it. I like the ponytail guy.)

your favorite acting pair was Boss & Noeul. there was just something so mesmerizing about them... (I know almost nothing about them. But the gifs. THE GIFS. I need to watch them act okay. For science.)

here's to another year!!

(Blank version)

Tagging: @boysbeloving and anyone else who wants to participate! Idk who follows me that watch’s BLs I’m sorry.

#tag game #hi my VegasPete friend!!! #about the weirdo who runs this blog #bestie I have failed you I’ve only watched one BL #IM WORKING ON IT THO I PROMMY. ITS JUST HARD WHEN I REFUSE TO PAY FOR STREAMING SEVICES AND IDK WHERE TO FIND SHIT #services* #anywho #I guessed 16 idk how long kinnporsche is #plus I watched like 10 minutes of the first episode of pit babe #I cut out some questions bcs they didn’t apply I hope that’s okay #like I don’t really listen to soundtracks so like. idk. #I’m so bad at picking gifs so pls except my small amount of effort #I hope like fuck that’s boss and noeul. if it’s not I’m sorry I’m stupid.

[artisanalpeanutbutter]

Pros to ffxvi:

-gay party member

-pretty game

-combat is brilliant

-apparently the thesis of the game is about different kinds of love, which is an idea I really like bc I love love

Cons to ffxvi:

-my friend said he skipped over half the cutscenes in the demo bc it felt like the kind of fantasy novel that feels vaguely racist but you can't quite pin down why, and he didn't even know about the shit yoship said about not having black people in the game for "historical accuracy"

-same friend (who is straight) said it's excruciatingly heterosexual & very vanilla with its approach to writing both the romance & the plot

-i personally think the character designs are a HUGE step back from the often costume & musical performance-inspired characters of literally every other ff game except maybe 12, 11, and 14. (Yes im including 1-5. Look at the art for them. They're super glam rock (not quite as glam rock as 6 but still) and even the designs that aren't have a certain flair and grace to them!!!) And those games still have like, queer vibes & at the very least dont feel basic as fuck

-my mother (who loves hallmark) says the characters look and feel like a bunch of hallmark actors (this was an insult, she was clear about that)

-the shit that yoship said about "historical accuracy" and the pervasive whiteness of everything I've seen in the game

-no turn based elements at all ;_; but that's a super personal criticism

-no lesbians :( (though this was expected and also an extremely personal criticism)

-potentially no chocobos?!?!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?

#ffxvi spoilers #final fantasy 16 spoilers #i really dont think im gonna play it #makes me sad #ive been disappointed since rhe first trailer tbh because the art direction felt so BORING #i was cautiously optimistic that maybe it was just bc new trailer blah blah #but the more ive seen the more disinterested ive been which is sad for me bc i love almost every ff game #i get that theyre like trying to make it as dissimilar to 15 as possible but they decided to go about it in the most uninspiring uncreative #way possible. unfortunately. also like whats up with the racism shit #like why #why did they think that was a good move or even like an ok move #whats the point #it does nothing but make me think poorly abt yoship and the art directors #terrible move #makes the game bland as hell #a lot of these points are extremelt shallow (except the racism thing) but idgaf this is my post make ur own if u disagree

[evansbby]

possibly controversial opinion but…

#coming from an older gen z… #a lot of the younger gen z ARE really lazy #they just are #I remember when I worked as waitress and all these 16-18 year olds started #I was around 22/23 #and this whole ‘minimum wage minimum effort honeyyy 💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼’ stuff is all good except #they’d literally do nothing and rely on the rest of us to do EVERYTHING #like they are fuckinf lazy and don’t know how to work #and listen when I was 19 and started work for the first time #I DID NOT KNOW HOW TO WORK EITHER #but I had hard work instilled in me so I’d actually TRY #and guess what the managers don’t want you to be perfect or amazing as long as you’re trying #listen we are all getting paid minimum wage here #but you still need to put in some sort of effort so we can all get home on time #instead of you doing nothing and us doing everything #and not all!!! bc I remember there were two 16 year old girls #only 16 like literal babies #but they worked so hard #or not even worked HARD but like they TRIED and they were helpful #I’m sorry but kids these days have such bad attitudes and are lazy as fuck #99% of teenagers today and idec if I sound old when I say this #it’s true they just haven’t been raised right or something #look I also always say minimum wage minimum effort but that doesn’t mean I’m lazy and not helpful at all #idek y’all i remember coming out that job like… wow… so this is how people are raising their kids #my younger brothers do not act like this it’s genuinely insane #badly behaved lazy ass IDEC IF I SOUND OLD AND BITTER #it’s the truth lol

[tavina-writes]

HERE I have thoughts about Huang Yaoshi and Huang Rong and Huang Rong's childhood because I am ALWAYS brainrotting about how like, HYS had SO MUCH trauma re: the death of his wife Feng Heng. But he has never once blamed his daughter OR traumatized her in any way. Huang Rong is quite literally the last (1) shred of his sanity and the only reason he's still alive! (The narrator even tells us this at one point.)

Originally, Huang Rong was the Peach Blossom Island Master Huang Yaoshi's only daughter. Before giving birth to her, her mother had a turn for the worse, which caused her to be physically and mentally exhausted, leading to her death soon after a difficult labor. Huang Yaoshi had a fit afterwards, expelling all his disciples from the island, leaving only the father and the daughter alone there. Huang Yaoshi was called the Eastern Heretic because of his peculiarity of conduct. He often said that the etiquette and customs of the world were all nonsense. His love for his daughter was excessive and he naturally did nothing to control her, thus allowing her to become arrogant and willful. Although she was intelligent, she was not willing to focus her mind on learning martial arts. Her father was actually very proficient in the ying yang five lines, learning these methods from several classics. She was able to learn when still very young but even though her father had already reached a divine level, she was nevertheless unable to go beyond the Peach Blossom Island martial arts basics. One day, she was playing in the island when she came upon her father's enemy imprisoned in the cave. Feeling lonely, she conversed with that person, talking for almost half a day. The person's words were interesting to her so that she often returned, seeking him out only to speak with him, finding relief in that exercise. Afterwards, Huang Yaoshi found out and reproached her severely. Huang Rong had never been beaten or scolded by her father so she reacted with anger and self-pity. Her cunning and unreasonable temperament manifested itself suddenly and she took the boat to escape Peach Blossom Island, thinking that no one cared for her there. Thus, she cut all wish for it and disguised herself as a poor, miserable youth, going in all directions, dissolute, though in her heart she was still with her father. She thought angrily, Since you don't love me, then I will make the world feel most pitiful for a young beggar!" However, she did not expect to meet Guo Jing in Zhangjiakou. At first, she went to the wine shop with him to spend his money and cause a disturbance, intending to lay on him her resentment towards her father. Who would have thought that he would be so dumb with no idea at all, talking with her as though they were old friends and even giving her his horse, showing his concern? She was bitter and lonely, thinking about how she deceived him but he continued to treat her honestly. She was touched. Since then, the two of them became good friends.

When we DO see HYS on page for the first time Huang Rong's internal thoughts go "oh no, I haven't seen dad in a few months but he looks like he aged a decade worrying for me 😭." NOW, HYS had been mad for like maybe (2) days that Rong'er ran away, but then he'd been searching for her for the entire rest of the time. (This also builds on my theory that this man is good at everything in the world except asking for directions bc Rong'er had been running around in the same region as their home (Jiangnan) with a giant painted sign "HI I AM HUANG YAOSHI'S SPOILED CONWOMAN DAUGHTER" for months on end as well.)

At a completely different point in this book, the narrator tells us that HYS built a suicide boat to sink himself and his wife's jade coffin to the bottom of the ocean and he repainted this boat every year, but could neither bear to leave Rong'er to be raised by servants OR take her onto the boat with her parents so he kept putting off his suicide boating and vowed to go boating only after Rong'er was grown up and married and didn't need a dad anymore. (At one point during the novel he is lied to and told that Rong'er died at sea and this man has a full on hysterical mental breakdown while screaming at the sky.)

There are SO MANY lines in this book where it's like "because he was looking at his beloved daughter, he could not help but be happy anyway!" and "oh the huangs are hugging again" and "Guo Jing (erroneously) thinks that Rong'er's dad must be the best guy on the planet bc Rong'er is so wonderful."

(also lolsob uh, in HSDS we learn that he finally DID go suicide boating after hearing that his daughter's entire family died at Xiangyang. Guo Xiang comes to her grandfather's house on Peach Blossom Island and there's a line of "and the docks were empty, all of the boats had gone.")

#i'm forever brainrot about them #now #people would not be that wrong to think that HYS is my favorite loch character #considering how he has og blorbo status #and how I keep yelling about him #BUT #no my favorite character is Huang Rong bc Rong'er is the most wonderful baby conwoman princess to ever grace the page #it's just that her dad is so important to why she's like that! #this is a girl who ran away from home bc she's NEVER BEEN YELLED AT ONCE in 15/16 years #and when her father DOES yell at her #(for talking to the prisoner he'd been torturing every night for 15 years btw) #she PACKS UP her rucksack and RUNS AWAY #Oh! Oh! Dad yells at Rong'er? #Dad does not LOVE RONG'ER ANYMORE? #JAIL! JAIL! FOR DAD! JAIL FOR DAD FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS! #I just love her so much #I think she's a lot like Jin Ling except MORE spoiled #rs: daughter and dilf #huang yaoshi #huang rong

[enlichened]

they really made the corvo and jessamine romance explicit in the same game that they made it canon he met her when she was 12 and he was 18

#i HATEE this shit dishonored 2 was a fucking mistake #finally playing as corvo and damn its genuinely disgusting. and u all are worried abt the outsider whos like 4000. #dishonored #grooming mention #implication at least #AND SHE WAS LIKE 16 WHEN THEY STARTED DATING? MAN I HATE THIS #i preferred in dh1 when 1. they didnt have a timeline with awful fucking implications. #and 2. they kept it vague whether or not corvo and jessamine were dating #i did NOT know it was this bad bc ive never played corvo in dh2 before and as emily you dont get any of this except the book w the timeline #like no confirmed romance #edit: apparently the timeline was the same in the dishonored 1 artbook #but god at least there was a possibility they werent in a relationship #if i write corvo its the corvo that lives in MY head and not whoever that bitch in dh2 is