#this is from two years ago i am just so behind on uploading here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theblue6ook · 2 months

Text

Other Lovers PT 4

Summary: After, Y/N’s ex-fiance cheated on her, she is in a state of depession and acceptance. Her ex is in the stage of bargaining.

Pairing: Bruce Wayne x fem!reader

a/n: Hello everyone. I’m back. Sorry, these were up later than they were supposed to be and thank you for being patient during my personal emergency. I also have two fics coming out soon! We’ll be back to our normally scheduled uploads ;) [B (23) Y/N (22)] [Eventual slow burn with Bruce] [Y/N/N is your nickname]

Y/N was typically the early bird at the office. It was normal to see her trotting in around 6 am. She was a classic worker bee with a never-ending workload. Today was different. She officially arrived at the office around 4 am, still sporting her silk red gown. Mud and rubble hung from the wet hem. Blotchy and swollen from crying, her eye makeup barely clung to her cheeks.

Not sure where to go, or what to do, she lay on the Wayne Enterprise balcony, Level Fifteen. The sky was a deep, silky black. Y/N stared up into the dark void. She saw nothing. Honestly, you could never really see the stars in Gotham, not with the thick smog, but still, she stared, lying on the cold concrete.

If anyone saw her here, she was sure she would get fired. Or should be.

Y/N couldn't even remember what prompted her to come here. After catching Russ at Mary Anne's, or I guess catching him in his new apartment, she just started walking. It was completely on impulse. She didn't have a destination in mind, and yet, somehow, here she was. At the office, bathed in sweet darkness.

Her bare back pressed against the gritty concrete, hair fanning around her head. She slid her fingertips over her bare ring finger. It felt freeing. It felt lonely. My best friend of nine years. Gone. Sighing, she squinted up once against, trying to find the tiny lights behind the clouds. They were there. Somewhere.

Bruce perched on The Waldorf, one of the nearby buildings, and stared at Y/N, who lay emotionless. The black Gotham sky moved above her, surrounding her in inky darkness. She stopped crying a little over two hours ago but still did not move from her spot on the balcony. Bruce sighed, stepping off the rooftop to move in her direction.

He swung up onto Wayne Enterprises and moved into the penthouse. Still covered in his cowl and leather, Bruce moved toward his bedroom to grab some clothes. His goal was to get her off the balcony and out of the office before the morning workers started showing up. You can only keep employees off a closed level for so long, and he didn't want to raise suspicions.

Grabbing a plain black sweatshirt, Bruce swiftly tugged off his armored leathers and pulled the soft material over his head. He could blame his sweat on a morning workout. Throwing on some grey joggers, he took his personal elevator down to level fifteen. It only took him a few steps off the elevator before he could see her through the window panes. She laid still. Bruce would have thought she was asleep if it wasn't for her wide eyes still staring at the sky. Sliding the door open, Y/N sat up quickly and covered herself with her arms, shocked. It was almost as if she had just realized she was still wearing her silk gown.

Quickly and embarrassed, she asked, "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What are you doing here?" Bruce leaned against the doorframe, waiting for a response. Y/N turned away from him and huffed, laying back down. It didn't seem like she even knew the answer. "No one knew where you were. Not Carrie. Not Alfred. I was upstairs, so I figured I'd see if you were here."

"What were you doing at the office at 6 am?"

"At my penthouse, Y/N."

"Oh." Honestly, she had forgotten he had a penthouse. Bruce's richness tends to allude her. Hesitantly, she flipped her phone over, flicking the screen on. Six missed calls from Carrie. Seven from Alfred. She was so fucking screwed. "Shit."

Finally, Bruce walked over to her and bent down beside her. He tilted his head, looking at her. She sat in a damp dress, and her makeup had run down her cheeks, but she was still Y/N. He put his hands around hers and said quietly, "C'mon, let's get you upstairs. I'll let Alfred and Carrie know I found you."

Y/N finally looked up at him and lightly nodded. Pulling her off the ground, Bruce embraced her, rubbing his hands up and down her cold arms. Finally, he led her inside the office and up to the penthouse.

The penthouse held a different vibe than the office. Y/N's eyes widened at the sight of it. While the office had been consistently updated to balance the flow of working people, the penthouse seemed frozen in time. It held a gothic charm, something that could only be described as Old Gotham. Large, cathedral-like windows covered the living room wall, and jewel tones littered the surrounding area. It was similar in wood tone and style to Bruce's office now that she thought of it. Y/N couldn't help but wonder if this is what Wayne Enterprises had looked like in its heyday.

Placing his hand on the small of her back, Bruce led her to one of the plush leather sofas. He placed his hands on her biceps and spoke softly to her, "I should go tell Alfred and Carrie that I found you, but if you want to wash up, there's a bathroom in that room over there, okay?"

Y/N nodded once again, seeming to have lost all interest in talking. How could she talk when she was just so embarrassed? Not only did she call her engagement off, but now her boss had to take care of her. As Bruce walked off, she threw her head back groaning, and stood, heading towards the bathroom.

It's probably not employee etiquette to shower at your boss's house, but Y/N needs one. So she turned on the water. Hot. So hot, it almost burned her skin. She felt like she needed to scrub violently. Wash every cell Russ had ever touched, caressed, loved. The water pattered against the tile floors, but it still wasn’t enough to drown out her thoughts. What Russ had done had finally, really sunk in. It was branded into her mind. The way he thrashed against Mary Anne. The way he raised his hand to her. It was engraved into her bones.

She lifted her head to the faucet, letting the water run down her face. It was all getting so overwhelming. The fan. The water. The silence. The thoughts. Knocking. There was knocking. She quickly shut the water off. Wiping her face with a towel. How long had she been in here? “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving some clothes out for you. I have to go run down to the office. There’s a meeting.”

“I can come with you-”

“No. Stay up here.”

Throwing a towel around her, she approached the door and cracked it a decent amount. “I can seriously change and come with you.”

“I think you should stay up here," he argued, "Mental vacation.”

“I don’t want a mental vacation.”

“You’re taking one.”

“Fine,” she sighed.

“I’ll be back in 30," his eyes quickly darted to her bare legs, "Just get comfortable and hang out until I'm back."

She watched him look back at her one last time before finding his way out of the bedroom. Turning toward the bed, she noticed a pair of sweats neatly folded. She picked up the sweatshirt, folded it in her hands, and slipped off her towel. You never realize how tall a person is until you try on their clothes, and this pair of sweats swallowed her whole. She had noticed they looked worn well. Curious, she brought the sweatshirt up to her nose and breathed in. The scent could only be described as Bruce.

There was a light hint of cologne, something expensive, surely, but overtop of that, she could smell rain. Gotham rain and leather. These were no back closet finds. These were his. She wasn't sure why she felt surprised. It was his penthouse, and they were his clothes, but the sentiment made her grin.

Stepping out of the bedroom, her pants dragged against the ground. She stepped over to the leather couch once again and buried herself into the pillows. Staring up at the ornate ceiling, she grabbed her phone off the coffee table, ready for the insane amount of calls that awaited her.

She turned her phone in her hand and finally switched off the Do Not Disturb. She expected calls from Carrie or Alfred, but immediately a call from Russ came through. She denied it. Another call from Russ. Denied. Looking through her phone history, he had now called seventeen times. Lighting up her screen once more, there was another call from Russ. Frustrated, she answered it.

“Usually when someone is denying your calls it’s because they don’t want to fucking talk to you.”

“Babe-”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not anything to you. Clearly.”

“It wasn’t like that. It was a mistake. After, all the things we’ve been through Y/N-”

“That’s what makes it so much worse. All of that and still you find someone else-”

“It wasn’t like that-”

“You were moving in together, Russ!” She sat up, angrily.

“I made one mistake. One fucking mistake, Y/N. I don’t think that’s worth giving up on us.” She rolled her eyes. Here he goes again, saying the same shit.

"Maybe it's you, Russ. Maybe you're not fucking worth it," she spat at him, tears in her eyes again. She didn't mean that, and she knew it, but some part of her hurt, and it wanted him to hurt too.

“You think it’s been easy with you? You think you’re a cakewalk, Y/N. I just needed someone who’s not all about work all the time. Someone who makes time for me.”

“Great. Hope you got her.”

“You’re not better than me, Y/N. You’re not.”

“I never said I was.”

“No, but you’re acting like it,” he said. “Besides your job, what do you even bring to the table?”

“What table, Russ? You can’t afford one.”

She heard him promptly cut the line. Angrily, she chucked the phone into the couch diagonal from her. Russ was always like this. A glass canon. He could dish it out, but the minute it came back around, he could never take the heat. Hearing a ding come from the elevator, she turned with a frustrated look on her face.

“Woah,” Bruce raised his hands, “I’m back early I know, but let's take a breath.”

Y/N rubbed at her eyes, and looked back up at him, “You went down to the meeting in sweats?”

“I said I was going. I didn’t say I was looking nice," he defended himself, and for the first time in fourteen hours, Y/N began to chuckle. Gradually, her chuckle turned into a deep laugh, and she laughed hard. "Oh god. What is my life? I can't believe you went down there like that."

“I look better than you did earlier,” he said, plopping down beside her. “Besides, I didn’t really sleep last night. I’m tired, cut me some slack.”

“Yeah, same,” she whispered.

Silently, Bruce sat thinking. He looked over at her one more time before opening his arms to wrap around her. She let him wrap his hands around her waist, but she didn't expect him to pull them down onto the couch. Pushing up onto his chest, she looked at him bewildered. He glanced at her with a lazy grin, “Let’s just take an hour-long power nap. Right here.”

“You do know you have like seven beds up here right?” she whispered to him, like they were the only people in the world.

Bruce grinned at her once more, opening her arms to give her a chance to escape. Instead, Y/N grinned back. Just this once, she was going to cut herself some slack. Slowly, she leaned down, placing her cheek against his jaw, and tucked her head into the crook of his neck. Their bodies easily slid together, legs molding, arms wrapping around each other. The scent of leather and rain flooded her senses. She had never felt so safe. @pank0w @moejoeflow @padsfirewhisky @maxinehufflepuffprincess

#batfam #bruce wayne x reader #batman #batmom #bruce wayne #batboys x reader #slow burn

140 notes · View notes

minniethemoocherda · 14 days

Text

Washing Machine Heart

A/N: This is set after my previous Morpherine fic "Can I Lay by Your Side?" but you should be able to read this as a stand alone. Tried something different here by doing Logan's POV instead which was a challenge but I hope you guys liked it! Thank you so much for everyone's likes, reblogs and comments on my last two Morpherine fics! I am so happy I am not the only one craving for more about these two! I don't know if I will have time to upload another Morpherine fic for a while because I am busy with IRL stuff and this other big fic I've got going on rn. But if the inspiration hits again then I will ride it! Xxxxxxx

Ao3

FF.net

Logan hated galas. He hated stuffy rooms full of rich arseholes and stupid social conventions and food that wasn't actually designed to make you full. But since the event was a fundraiser to help support mutant kids, he didn't have a choice in not going to this one.

Logan had tried to argue that his costume counted as a suit, but Jean had threatened to force him change if he didn't do it himself.

So reluctantly he had on an old scratchy black and white suit. He was currently waiting in the hall with the other guys whilst the girls and Morph finished getting ready and if Scott didn't stop telling him how to tie his tie, then he was going to strangle him with it.

"How do I look?"

Focused on trying to not kill Cyclops, Logan hadn't noticed that the other's had arrived until he heard Morph's voice from behind him.

Logan turned around only to find the breath punched out of him.

Ever since Morph had come out a few months ago, (some that Logan had been completely accepting of it because he had been around for over a hundred years and Morph was far from the person he'd met who was like that) they'd said that they wanted to experiment more with their clothing.

However, whilst Logan had seen Morph in a suit, outside when they'd shift into a female mutants costume, he hadn't seen them wearing much feminine clothing yet

Until today.

Leaning against the end of the banister, Morph was wearing a long red dress, pretty similar to the one in that film they'd watched with how it hugged their body before flaring out at the bottom. Their chest was still relativity flat in their usual form, but the low cut of the dress, enhanced what was there. Logan felt that animalistic nature inside of him growl with want.

Which was new.

Logan recognised the feeling of wanting to hang out with Morph, to protect them, to hear them laugh. But that was a different kind of want... right?

Distracted by their thoughts, Logan hadn't realised that he had never actually replied until he heard Morph let out a nervous laugh.

"Don't tell me, my clutch doesn't match?" Morph said, gesturing to the small white bag in their other hand that Logan honestly hadn't even noticed.

"It's fine." Logan replied, not that he was any authority on fashion. "You look good."

"I know." Morph smiled, striking an over the top pose, but with his enhanced senses, Logan could pick out the blush under their friend's grey skin.

"However, I wish I could say the same for you." Morph teased, pointing at the tangled mess of Logan's tie.

Before Logan could grumble a protest, Morph tucked their bag under their arm and leant forward to fix it themselves.

Logan found himself frozen as impossibly smooth hands, brushed against his neck as Morph fixed his tie. Logan was not one for physical touch, he couldn't remember the last time another person had touched somewhere as vulnerable as his neck, one of the few places on his body that if too badly damaged would be an injury he couldn't walk away from. But he found himself completely trusting under Morph's gentle hands.

This close, Logan could feel the overwhelming smell of whatever perfume Morph had doused themselves in. Logan was sure that it objectively smelled nice. But it his over sensitive nose, it just smelt of chemicals. He preferred Morph's normal smell because it mean that he knew that his friend was still alive.

He could also hear the slightly quickened pace of Morph's pulse, that appeared to beat faster with every moment.

"There," Morph smiled as they finally smoothed out his collar over the newly fixed tie. "Now you shouldn't get us kicked out for looking like a savage again."

Morph took a step back, probably to admire their handiwork, but before Logan even realised what he was doing, he had reached out to grab their hand to keep them still touching.

Thankfully, Morph didn't seem offended, just confused by the action.

Logan shook his head. He didn’t know why he'd just done that. The chemicals from that perfume must've messed with his head.

He corrected himself, dropping his hands before offering out an arm like he'd seen them do in that movie.

He watched as Morph blinked for a second, as though not entirely believing what they were seeing, before a devious grin spread across their face.

"Oh my dear Wolverine, I thought you'd never ask!" They cried, a hand clutched dramatically over their heart as though this was all some big joke.

"Are ya gonna take it or what?" Logan grumbled, for some reason feeling suddenly annoyed.

Rolling their eyes, Morph placed their bag in one hand and looped the other through Logan's arm.

"I bet I can down more free drinks than you can." They faux whispered into his ear, their breath sending shivers down his spine.

"You're gonna loose that bet bub." Logan retorted, falling back into their usual banter after whatever the fuck had just happened.

After a few last minute toilet trips and loosing an argument with Jubilee about her dress being too short, they all piled into the limo waiting outside.

It was a cramped fit for all of them. The low ceilings, darkened windows and close quarters reminded Logan of when he was trapped in that damn cage.

Hunched in the back corner, the other's hadn't noticed his agitation, too busy arguing over whether Jubilee could try any of the free champagne.

All except for Morph, who stroked their hand down his arm and kept up a continuous chatter for the car ride, tethering him to this reality.

Thankfully it was a quick drive to Town Hall where the gala was being held.

Unfortunately, word must've spread about the fundraiser, because the Town Hall was swarmed by a bunch of anti-mutant protestors.

Even out of costume, their group was pretty recognisable and suddenly most of the abuse was getting hurled at them.

Security was doing a decent job keeping the crown contained behind barriers, but there wasn't much they could do to contain to hurtful jabs thrown their way.

Morph faltered on the steps, their sudden stop nearly tripping Logan over.

"Do I really look okay?" They asked, clutching onto his arm even tighter.

"You're a knock-out." Logan replied in honesty. "And if anyone says otherwise, I'll stab them."

Morph snorted.

"I don't think Summer's will be impressed if you cause another international incident."

"Then I'll shove my claws up his ass too."

Logan couldn't help the swell of satisfaction at the sound of Morph's signature cackle.

As the others headed inside, Logan paused at the top of the stairs.

He had fought mad scientists, sentinals and Sinister. Going to some fancy party filled with rich people should not feel like going into battle. Yet it did.

Morph squeezed his arm and Logan glanced up to see that familiar determined smile gazing down at him and Logan couldn't help the grin that spread across his face.

Because as always the two of them had each other's back. And whatever battle was waiting for them on the other side of those doors, they would face it together.

#morpherine #logan #wolverine #kevin sydney #morph #morph x men #james logan howlett #logan howlett #james howlett #jubilation lee #jubilee #scott summers #cyclops #jean grey #x men #x men 97 #morph x wolverine #morph x logan

67 notes · View notes

just-my-type-x · 2 years

Text

The Other Way Around - Colby Brock Imagine

Warning: ok so i obviously wrote this before Bower's Mansion, so please note that what i say and imagine here is strictly made up, it's not made entirely to match the video the boys ar uploading this Sunday.

Pic not mine

Colby rolls his eyes as i step out of the car. I turn my head towards Sam and hug him tightly.

Sam, Colby and i have been friends since high school and the reason why we actually met was because, at that time, Nate and I had just started dating. Since the boys didn't really believe him, Nate started showing me off to his friends, to prove them i actually am real and not just a story. Things ended between us two years ago and because the relationship was pretty much long-termed, it provoked a lot of sudden changes. I stopped talking to the group, hanging out with them, Nate also backed away for a few weeks. I had Kat tho, thankfully. Sam and her started dating and we became really close friends and i could never let go of her, turned out she didn't want that either because she hung out with me almost every day. After a few months, Sam and Colby picked me up from my house to grab a bite at a taco bell restaurant close to my place. There, Nate was waiting for us to get there, but he was as surprised to see me as i was to see him. Turned out they did that because they wanted us in good terms from that point on and it worked. We all started hanging out together again, hung out at each others' houses, i would have movie nights with Colby when Sam would be out with Kat, even went exploring ghost places for their youtube channel. After some time tho, things between Colby and i became annoying. He wouldn't want to invite me to parties, but Sam would, so i would've come no matter what Colby really wanted. He stopped wishing me happy birthday, text, call or want any other movie nights. All of a sudden i was no longer a part of their videos, choice that I've hardly accepted, because a lot of their fans also enjoyed my presence. I've never got the chance to ask what's wrong, but he hasn't talked to me at all, just turned around or walked away, brushing my shoulder with his. It's been like this for a year now.

"It's so great to see you again, y/n!", Sam says and holds my wrists in his hands, checking me up and down, which made me laugh. "You didn't change at all"

"It's only been a year and something, i wouldn't have changed even if you saw me every day."

I hug Nate tight and longer than i hugged Sam, earning a few comments from him like get a room and oh you look so great together. I back away from Nate. "Nice moustache. Identity crisis again?" We both laugh and he answers with a yes.

"Let's go inside, we don't have the whole day.", Colby grabs his suitcase with the paranormal devices and walks in front of us.

"Don't we actually have the whole day? It's 10 am.", i ask confused and hurry to catch the boys

"Ignore him, i have no idea why he acts like that. ", Sam opens the door for me, as Nate was already hurrying to catch Colby from behind.

"It's something serious if even you don't know.", i accentuated "you" and he only raised his shoulders.

"I don't know what's wrong with him. I don't recall anything happening between the two of you. Or it did and none of you mentioned it?", he raises one eyebrow and licks his lips, intending to something else than just a fight. My eyes widen and i almost choke, trying to answer him.

"No no no, never. How could you think of something like that? Now shut up, they're coming.", i look towards the floor, feeling my cheeks all red. Sam didn't say something so outrageous that made me blush, but i got caught off guard, not realising this would ever be an option.

"What's up guys, it's Sam and Colby, back with another haunted videooo", Colby does the opening of the video and Nate and i smirk, holding back our laughs because it's funny seeing the guys in action.

"In today's video, we're exploring the haunted Bowers mansion. We have our best friend Nate with us today-"

"What's up guys", Nate waves at the camera

"And our beloved friend, y/n"

"Heeeey. Thank you for bringing me", i look towards Sam and Colby, Colby's eyes locked to the camera, shaking his head in a no motion, signaling he wasn't really into it.

"It's good having you back, are you excited?", Sam continues asking me, while intertwining his hands together. Colby glances towards us and for a split second, we lock eyes. He turns his head immediately and o just swallow hard. This night will be hard to get through.

"I'm mostly stressed because i want to rise up to the sam and colby level. I kinda forgot what it feels like, but you know me, i love a great challenge", i smile and look at the camera.

"Great, let's get started", Sam stops the recording and we start booking our rooms.

A few hours go by and Nate and i wait for the boys to stop filming the storytelling. It was nice talking to him and catching the last few months, it was nice hearing about how his new relationship came around. I realised while talking to him that i pretty much wasted my youth. He laughed at me, but he also knows that it's partially true.

"Have you talked to Colby about the trip?", he asks all of a sudden. I open my eyes wide at him.

"I'm sorry, what trip?", i ask confused and he looks at me even more confused.

"The trip to Bali that we talked about a few weeks ago? He said he was going to ask you specifically. Did he forget?"

"He purposely did, yeah.", i sigh

"What do you mean? He enjoyed the idea. My girlfriend is coming too, Kat also.", Nate keeps giving me insides about the decision of the trip, but i feel like he's joking. "Why would Colby want to announce you about a trip and never actually tell you?"

"Because he doesn't want me there.", as i realise, i see Colby exiting the bedroom he and Sam booked. "You asshole! I would've called you something else but your mom is really sweet and i love her!", i take a few steps to meet him in the middle.

"Good thing i stopped filming", Sam says shocked, looking at us. Colby's eyes widen at how i called him, anger filling his eyes. For a moment, i feel like i overreacted, but he's in no position to take decisions in my place.

"What did you call me?", Colby asks and i frown at him.

"Asshole, you're an asshole. Why don't you want me in Bali?", i ask, throwing my hands in the air. "What have i done to you? Why have you been avoiding me all this time?", i raise my voice, but swallow hard when i realise that. It's not a habit of mine to raise my voice at people.

"I forgot, that's all.", he wants to walk pass me, but i grab him by the bicep and stop him in his tracks. He turns his head, facing me. He looks deep into my eyes, lips parted in disbelief of what just happened and his look falls on my hand, which is squeezing his muscle.

"You didn't answer the rest of the questions." i point out, but he's gently getting out of my grip.

"Hey, man, don't be dick-ish. She was my girlfriend for a long time, don't forget that. At least treat her with some respect.", Nate points out and Colby's pupils almost disappear behind the blue irises.

"How could i forget?", Colby gives Nate a fake smile and turns to me. "I'm sorry i could no longer feel like being friends with you, ok? We weren't on the same path anymore.", he makes a fake reverence and walks away from the three of us. "Now, if you'll excuse, i need some fresh air. Feel free to join me.", he says to all of us, while closing the front door with a loud bang. We look at each other, all shocked about what just happened.

"Sallie's up his ass, not mine.", Sam tries to make us laugh, but we just smile at his intention. "It's gotta be the place giving him all these bad vibes, he wouldn't purposely talk to Nate like that, nor disrespect you, y/n", he tries to defend his friend and i get it, but it's not like he has to make up for his mistakes.

2 hours go by and we're investigating downstairs. We spent an hour or so in the guys' bedroom, talking through flashlights and rempod touches. It was quite an experience. A ghost also has a crush on me apparently, which made me feel a little bit more comfortable, even tho it is weird.

"We should do the Esthes Method now, don't you think?", Sam suggests and we all nod.

"I'm gonna go grab the spirit box and headphones.", i say and start moving towards tge staircase.

"Y/N, let me go. You've been up and down the stairs all night.", Colby offers and i show him the way with my arms, murmuring a be my guest and he takes off the stairs after giving me almost a smile.

The music box starts beeping right after Colby gets to the end of the stairs, but he doesn't hear it go off.

"It went after him", i say, goosebumps forming on my whole body. All of a sudden, loud steps are heard coming down and we all look up to see Colby, but we're met by nothing. "Oh my fucking God", i move myself from the staircase and bump into Sam as i try to get as far away as possible.

"Colby? Colby come downstairs now", Sam shouts at his best friend, who we see stepping hesitantly in ohr direction. His face is all white, obviously scared of what just happened. Colby's body is shaking uncontrollably and i grab Nate's arm out of fear. Instead of letting me hold him, he puts his arm around me to make me feel more protected. "What happened, why are you shaking?", Sam asks concerned

"i heard those footsteps right behind me when i got up. That was fine, it didn't bother me. I just saw a person walking into the room when i was just about to leave. When it saw me, it turned around and left down the stairs, when you heard them."

All of a sudden, Colby's eyes get on me. His shaking stops and his face expression becomes worried.

"Y/N, are you ok? Why are you crying?", he leaves Sam and approaches me fast. Until he mentiones it, i did not realise i was tearing up and shaking, feeling nauseous all of a sudden. "Hey, say something", he demands with a soft voice, holding me by my arms and rubbing them, studying every feature of my face.

"I'm so sorry, Colby. That should've been me", i take a deep shaky breath. "I wanted to go upstairs first, i should've gone. You wouldn't be this scared now if it wasn't for the change.", i brush away a tear and Colby pulls me in for a hug. Shocked, i don't wrap my arms around him for a few moments, but i feel his body shaking again, because of how terrified he is. I wrap my arms around his waist, my face buried in his chest, his bicep almost suffocating me.

"No, no, it's not your faul, y/n, it's ok. I want to see stuff in order to believe it, ok? It was a great piece of evidence.", i nod my head and he pats it with his left hand, while the other in is still wrapped around me.

"Let's take a break and go outside for a second", sam stops the camera and we all run out the door, going across the street where we saw a small park. We all sat down in silence for a few moments, until Colby started talking again about the incident. I got up and chose to sit on another bench, glad i couldn't hear much from there. A few minutes later, after being alone in my thoughts, i jump when i feel someone sit next to me. I look up and see Colby. The color in his cheeks came back and he looks more alive now than earlier.

"You ok?", he asks me and i almost make a sarcastic remark about how concerned he is about me after a year of ignoring the shit out of me. But i keep my mouth shut and hope the magic doesn't disappear in the morning.

"I'm fine.", i look straight, ignoring his presence. "How are you?"

"I'm fine", from my peripheral view i see he copied my position, staring straight at nothing. "Stop blaming yourself",he sighs and rubs his thighs, nervously. "It was fun", he smiles and turns his head to me

I scoff. "I bet". A moment of silence falls between us. "Why are you nice now? Did i earn your mercy when i started crying?", i cross my arms at my chest and look him dead in the eyes. His look became serious, yet hurt.

"it was your crying, yeah, but there was no mercy to earn or to give. I was concerned of what happened, i thought something happened to you too."

I shake my head.

"When i saw you so vulnerable to that place, i got scared, ok? Everything came back when i saw you like that", he continues, poker faced when he realised what he said.

"What everything?", i ask, turning my body to face him more, resting my arm on the back lf the bench. Colby copies my move.

"You asked me today two questions", he sighs deeply. If you did anything to me, why have i been avoiding you and why don't i want you in Bali. " he pauses for me to confirm that these were all the questions and i nod. "you never did anything to me, on purpose. I mean, you never said anything or did anything that would make me not want to see you again. The answer to this question is the same as the answer for the next one. I have been avoiding you because i thought this is the smartest thing i could do. Y/N... You know what, forget it", Colby gets up, but i grab his hand in mine. I blush at the sudden mistake of grabbing him like that, but he laughs and shakes his head.

"Please give me an explanation. Its the least i deserve from you. I won't bother you anymore." i plead and Colby's eyes spark with sadness. He sits back down and keeps holding my hand in his.

"Please bother me, every day, like you used to. Come to our place again, five times a day, cook for us and let's fall asleep in the theatre room like we used to."

"I'm so confused right now, Colby. I thought you didn't like all this, that's why gou you letf everything behind.", i frown at him

"i did that because i slowly started to feel things for you. There were no more friendly thoughts when thinking about you or you and me. I couldn't let myself fall in love with you. You dated my best friend and in the past year, it was brought up many times, counting today. I took it as a sign to back off, especially because i don't mess around with my friends' exes. But with you... It wouldn't have been messing around and i knew that. That's why i ignored you and it has been so hard not returning your calls or texts, or not having you at out place anymore. I couldn't do that to Nate. ", he breathes in and let's go of my hand

"You said I've done something to you but not purposely, what was that?", i ask, completely stunned by his honest confession.

"You came up to our table, holding his hand, being introduced as his", Colby gets up from the bench again, walking away, leaving me alone to process his words. That was high school, that was such long time ago.

I get up and head to the mansion, following the guys. When Sam and Nate get inside, i call out for Colby, who was far behind them. He turns around, eyes rolling and waiting for me in the middle of the street. I jump in his arms and he's quick to embrace me, tightening his arms around my body. I hold him tight as possible, one hand in his hair. We pull away and i kiss him hard on the lips, my hands around his neck. His hands find my waist and pull me closer and he licks my bottom lip for access, which i grant him in a heartbeat. I bite his lip, he bites mine and i slip my tongue in his mouth, the sudden control change taking him aback. He smiled into the kiss and gave me a few more pecks before breaking the position we were in, but he keeps holding my hands.

"As much as i loved it, i really wish there could be a chance for us, y /n...", Colby kisses the back of my hand, letting it go

"What if there is?", i hurry to ask

"Like what?"

I point towards the mansion and Colby turns around, seeing Nate in the doorframe, arms at his chest, watching us with a big smile.

"Bro, you could've just asked. You don't think i realised why you started dodging her?", he comes down and pats Colby on the back.

"I'm so sorry, man, i didn't mean it for it to happen.", Colby shakes his head

"Didn't you find it a little weird that i kept bringing her up? I knew you felt something, i just had to make you admit it. You're like stone", we all laugh and i hug Nate, who gets back into the house.

"So, you wasted a year of friendship for nothing.", i laugh and intertwine our fingers

"I wasted a year of having the best person in the entire world in my arms.", he kisses me hard, biting and pulling at my hair. Out of breath, i pull away and tell him we should get inside. He hardly agrees, but we start walking into the house.

"Movie's on me this weekend", he says while holding the door for me.

"You don't say"

#colby brock #colby brock smut #colby brock imagine #sam and colby imagine #sam and colby #sam and colby smut #nate hardy #nate hardy imagine

1K notes · View notes

frodo-with-glasses · 10 months

Text

25 Questions with Phil Dragash: YES, SERIOUSLY!

So y'all know how I was reviewing Phil Dragash's audiobook of LotR last year, but kinda fell off somewhere in the middle of Rohan?? Well, guess what! A couple weeks ago, I received a tumblr message from the man himself, saying he'd read through all my reviews, had really enjoyed the little blast from the past, and was open to answering questions if I had any!

So of course, I had LOTS of questions.

The first one being: "Are you actually the real Phil Dragash??"

But I'm delighted to say that after exchanging emails with the work email listed on his website, I can confidently say that it is the real dude, and I've had a blast chatting with him! So for those of you who urged I listen to this audiobook—especially @laurelindorenan for her glowing recommendation—and for everyone else who likes the audiobook and/or enjoyed my reviews: I am delighted to present, ladies and gentlehobbits, this peek behind the curtain!

But of course I'm putting it all below the cut, because this man rambles like I do 🤣

Obligatory disclaimer: All opinions presented by Mr. Dragash are his own, I am not necessarily condoning any of them; please do not come after me for his opinions regarding pineapple on pizza.

25 QUESTIONS, LET'S GO!

1. Tell me how you got into Lord of the Rings!

I was ten years old when my dad took me to the library, and found a VHS copy of Ralph Bakshi’s 1978 animated Lord of the Rings film. I was already a fan of the “Chronicles of Narnia” and my dad just handed the tape to me and said “Look, C.S. Lewis’s friend made this”. I watched it, and had no idea what was going on. It was so hard to understand.

Fast forward to the year 2002 when “Fellowship” was out on DVD, and we had a movie night at my older cousin’s place, and watched the film for the first time. My 13 year old self was enraptured by it. Dad bought the DVD first thing the next day, and I’ve been a fan ever since! I, my brother, and our dad watched “Return of the King” in theaters four times, which was saying something, considering we only ever saw a movie once in cinemas. Between “The Return of the King” opening in December ‘03, I picked up the books and read (as well as I could) through them. A lot of friends kept joking “tell us how the damn story ends!”, good times.

2. When and how did you decide to make this audiobook? What’s the story behind the entire project?

I was a very ambitious lad, and my first and biggest interest was filmmaking. I used to direct short films with my friends ever since my 11th birthday, and was the youngest in class at the filmschool I attended a few years later. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that I had massive ambitions to direct “the Hobbit”, which is silly in retrospect considering I was 16 years old at the time. I even sent my portfolio and DVDs of my films to Peter Jackson’s manager (who actually got back to me with a wonderful response, despite not being able to accept my ‘completely reasonable’ offer) When I was heartbroken and torn to pieces knowing I wouldn’t be directing the movie, a few more years went by, and I decided to reread some chapters of the “Lord of the Rings” books. I remember really well that this was late at night, laying in bed, and going through “King of the Golden Hall” and seeing how close to the movies it was, but also far more expanded. I thought “my extensive home-made short movies experience with sound design and sound mixing could work here, and I could just read a few chapters and try to make the soundscape as realistic as possible. Why not try it?”

So, the next day I tried. The first two chapters I tried were “King of the Golden Hall” and “A Journey in the Dark” (which partly answers your other question about that chapter). I was so absolutely surprised by how well it was going, that I decided to upload them onto YouTube in March 2010 I think. I got a fairly good response, and I was planning on doing a few more random chapters. I never intended to do the whole thing. But this one comment on YouTube I’ll always remember, it said: “I think you should go from start to finish, because you’ll probably get used to the characters and sounds and people can also follow along in the story gradually”.

Taking that suggestion to heart, in August 2010 I went from Chapter 1 onward.

3. Were you inspired by any other audiobook versions of LotR (such as the BBC radio drama)?

I was not, I actually haven’t listened to the BBC Radio drama until far ahead into the project I was doing. I did some research on what other audio productions anyone did with LOTR, from The Mind’s Eye edition, to the ‘60s Hobbit Radio Play; so I felt pretty confident. I just fell in love with the way the films brought Middle-Earth to life and seeing their incredible dedication for authenticity (from the props department, to the music), you really couldn’t do any better than that visually or audibly - at least in my opinion. I just wanted to hear Tolkien’s text but with the realisation of the films.

However, if you listen to Chapter 1 of TTT, and hear how Legolas laments their absence from not being there to help Boromir at Amon Hen, you can clearly hear the inflection from the BBC Radio play’s version. I just lifted that because I thought it was a fantastic way to deliver the line.

4. Did you have any rituals for “getting into character” before recording?

If I were to show you the raw unedited recording sessions, you’d probably be surprised at how underdeveloped it is! I had no real rituals or warmups, I just went for it. Usually went in cold, and tried reading the entire chapter and doing all the voices at once. Then I’d be exhausted, and afterwards start cutting all the mistakes, and separating each character into different tracks – and then re-recording 50%-70% of it, as I was laying in the sounds.

I think any character just needs a few words for me to say in their voice, and that helps for the rest of their dialogue. For Aragorn it was usually: “You cannot wield it! None of us can.” for Pippin it was: “Sometimes”, just random things that make things ‘click’ in my head. If I got lost or didn’t feel like the performances were working, I’d simply just watch scenes from the films to hear the real actors again!

5. Who was your favorite character to voice? Who was your least favorite? And why?

People who know me, know I love doing the villains. Sauron, the orcs, the Nazgûl, etc. I just love the idea of personifying things that scare you. Something completely the opposite of who you are. Always a fun time! Any character I can nail extremely accurately always makes me happy, but I’m always very critical of my own work, so it’s a rare thing.

My least favorite characters to voice are: Imrahil, Denethor, Arwen, Celeborn, Galadriel, Erestor, Lindir, Haldir, Goldberry, Gildor… I think the pattern is pretty obvious if you realize that I am incapable of providing a satisfactory voice that feels unique enough. They just sound to me like “I wish I had a broader range. They weren’t done justice.” I have feelings for most of the characters in this situation, but I’m a mere mortal. I can’t do all of them as well as I wish I could. I wish Aragorn was more like Viggo Mortensen’s voice (I tried with the nasally yells you mentioned!), I wish Gandalf had a richer tone, I wish Saruman sounded more majestic, and I wish Frodo was - in retrospect- more older sounding, too. There’s so much I wish I could do better, but to hell with it, I tried.

Fun fact: my least-favorite to voice are also Orcs because they destroy my throat after a while. Which is ironic, because of my first statement.

6. I noticed that you gave the men of Rohan and Gondor slightly different dialects! Are you pulling from any real-world accents to make that happen?

I did try to listen to Anglo-Saxon, and ancient norse but I just tried to make Rohan and Gondor slightly distinct in any way I could. I never really tried to make things too obvious, but admittedly, I think I just used my intuition (smoothing the R’s for the Rohirrim, making the Gondorians more ‘proper’, etc.). I do want to emphasize that this was a one-person project and keeping things together or consistent is definitely an extraneous exercise when you’re just trying to get something finished by yourself!

7. Some characters (like Beregond and Quickbeam, to name a couple of my favorites) aren’t in the movies, so they don’t have an actor for you to imitate. How did you decide what they would sound like?

Well, in the case of Beregond, I realized he was just “your ordinary guy”, and seeing Minas Tirith through his eyes (and Pippin’s) is such an amazing and interesting opportunity. It made the city feel so real, and I wanted to take advantage of that. I think I started with a ‘generic’ voice, but when I re-recorded him knowing more and more of the context and what he was saying to Pippin, and as a result who he is, made me adjust what I felt were more his personality. But still that ‘ordinary guy’ idea was the bedrock, and it’s been years since I heard that chapter, but I hope it holds up! (I just remembered Bergil is in that too, another voice I wish I could have done better)

Another fun fact: when Pippin scares the kids in Minas Tirith, the audio was from something I videotaped when I was 10 years old with my friends, it had the perfect “kids-going-aaah!” sound.

If I had it my way, I’d have a cast of dozens in this Audiobook, so a lot of times I never felt like my voice was enough to truly capture the “We’re in Middle-Earth, we just have microphones to record it” idea. So I have to make compromises since I was the only one doing the voices. That being said, Quickbeam was a fun surprise because he felt like, as you said “young treebeard”, and these things just worked out through experimentation! I think Quickbeam turned out pretty nice. I like Quickbeam.

8. HOW—I ask with great enthusiasm—DID YOU DO TREEBEARD’S VOICE? How did you get that resonance and woody sound? Did you send your voice through a wooden box and re-record it on the other side like they did in the movies?

It’s really great that you know all the behind the scenes stories from the films! Especially what Ethan Van der Ryn, David Farmer, and the late Michael Hopkins have done with their incredible creativity. I had no such resources to produce Treebeard’s sound. What I did was a digital facsimile: a special ‘room’ reverb, with some other equalizing effects to boost the bass and (maybe, I can’t remember) another higher pitched track of the same voice faintly in there.

You won’t believe this, but I was not going to do The Two Towers audiobook unless I could do a good Treebeard voice. In 2011 after finishing “Fellowship”, I was on the fence about continuing, and only committed once I knew I could do Treebeard right. Treebeard was the key to all this. This should come to no surprise to the ones who played the game, but I used a lot of sound effects from ‘Battle for Middle-Earth’ which contained a lot of clean sounds for ents, trolls, the balrog, the ringwraiths, and other monsters from the films. I used the ent’s footsteps from the games, and recorded my own foley for some of the trees snapping and leaves rustling as well. The “fart” sounds were the low creaking of tree branches, and - as they stated in the making-of for the films - very pitched down cow moos.

9. Tell me about the foley work! Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always been that nerd who watched the Behind The Scenes featurettes for fun, so I’m very interested to hear how you made the sound effects for footsteps and whistling arrows and jangling horse harnesses and such.

I’m glad you are! I’ve collected sound libraries (ripped from video games, and finding and buying sound packs) for a literal decade, because I always needed sounds for the short films I made when I was younger. I just kept learning about how to mix sounds together, and it’s very creative and very enjoyable! That being said, the foley work itself is mostly recorded by me. If I can’t find a sound in the library I have, I will record it. Clothing rustles, and touch are all recorded while I listen to the audiobook playback and ‘perform’ each character. It’s a really arduous process, but I think it adds so much life into the sound.

I went out into the woods (or backyard) with my mic to record footsteps, sometimes I would listen to the audiobook with headphones while performing the footsteps. When I would have traveled somewhere with different terrain I would be sure to record more foley (rocks being moved, or pebbles being stepped on) knowing I’ll use it for certain chapters. I do not want to reveal a huge secret about the predominant foley for the character's clothes, but an old backpack I used were 90% of the characters’ ‘movements’. Some wingflaps of the fell beasts were just my jeans. It’s a really creative process trying to find things that ‘sound’ right for an environment or action. The magic is putting them all together and hearing the result. Also, yes Sam’s pan is my grandma’s frying pan, and I know it’s sometimes annoying, but - look - Sam has a lot of stuff to carry.

I start with the background sounds (wind, tree rustles, water if there is any, etc.) lots of layers of them just to make them sound unique and not the same. Then I move to selective and nearer environmental background sounds. Then, the ‘hero’ sounds, the effects that are integral to the story (if it’s sword clashes, or an explosion, or who knows what), and finally the foley (footsteps, clothing rustles, breaths, etc.) - I had a friend record her own horses breathing and moving for a lot of closeups of the horses in the audiobooks. I think even if you can’t really hear some of their low breaths, their presence is still ‘there’. I personally think I got a lot better by the end of LOTR than when I started!

I wanted to add, the sounds for little Elanor in the very last scene of “The Return of the King” (the baby sounds), I was not happy with the stock baby sounds I had, and asked my older cousin (an audio person too!) to send me recordings he made of his then-1-year-old daughter in a studio. So, my first-cousin-once-removed is Elanor! She’s 22 now. I feel old.

10. Do you have a favorite sound effect from this project? Mine is the “pat-pat” against cloth that’s used to denote a hug.

Absolutely, do you remember the two “watchers” before the tower of Cirith Ungol? The vulture-like statues that block the hobbit’s path out? The alarm sound is a wholly original sound design I did, and I’m really happy with it. It’s just ugly sounding, and that’s the point. I always wished I had more Nazgul, and I think the worst moments I had with mixing were the battle scenes. There’s just too much to handle and make it sound good. But I really tried.

I’m very glad you heard the ‘pat-pat’s. I try my best to perform every character when recording foley, and want even some of the sounds to convey something in the telling of the story.

11. What's the thought process behind your use of the various musical motifs from Howard Shore's score? (Read: Why do you use the Shire theme so often, and why does it get me in the heart every single time?)

I want everyone to know that this is a really important and valuable question, and one I never really get to talk about: To me, Howard Shore’s music is one of the very best things to come out of the films. He truly made an opera out of the story, and all his leitmotifs and orchestrations are a stroke of genius. They work on their own, and when reading the books as well, and as a nerd for films and all that stuff, I wanted to put a lot of care into how I’m placing the score, and for what scene, emotionally and leitmotivically, if that’s a word.

The Audiobook I did is obviously a ‘standing on the shoulders of giants’ situation, so I can’t credit myself for the majority of the Audiobook I did, but I wanted to use all my filmmaking intuition to properly use the music to enhance the telling of the story. So, just like the filmmakers had to change and mix lines from the book, or make changes to make it work as a film, I felt like a lot of instances happened with the music for the audiobook. Obviously, I used the score when applicable to the intended scenes, but there are very often cases where they won’t work. I read as much as I could in the past about what the motifs were and where Shore used them in the movies, so I followed that trajectory for the most part. Gondor is Gondor, Rohan is Rohan, Mordor is Mordor, etc.

Changes happen when I feel the emotions for a scene in the books do not match up to the ones in the films, and then there are brand new scenes and characters not in the movies at all, that I have to figure out! Take the pause from music between Gandalf falling into the chasm with the Balrog, and the fellowship successfully escaping. It’s perfect in the film, but I knew I couldn’t put the lamenting heartbreaking music in there yet, since the descriptions all drive the idea that escape is paramount. So I treated it as a ‘shock’ moment. No music until they’re completely out of the mountain, then the grief comes in. Things like that, a lot of fun creative thinking to get those emotions working!

I recall you mentioning the ‘Gimli / Legolas drinking game’ statement and how I used the hell out of it throughout the Audiobook, which is a good example. I pitched it up and down, for different moments, and it just has that hobbit mundane and jolly quality to it. So, in it goes to fill moments from the books.

I also edited and modified existing motifs for completely different scenes and ideas. One of my favorites is when Treebeard talks about the Entwives. I needed this melancholy yearning sound that was really essential, and found it by reversing Eowyn’s theme, and pitching it down so the violin sounds like a cello/bass. To me it just felt extremely appropriate for the sound of a long-lost relationship while portraying a larger-than-life creature.

Let’s also say Bombadil. I made up the idea that the last statement in the credits for “Return of the King”, was Bombadil’s theme. It’s actually just a reference to Der Ring des Nibelungen by Wagner, a very verbose beautiful crescendo, but I thought “I’ll pretend like it’s Bombadil, he’s last in the score even though he’s the first in Arda”. So I used that musical progression in his songs, that’s his leitmotif now (to me, anyway) He sings in that wavy up-and-down melody. Which is why you hear a lot of that in those chapters.

I also try to use recordings not from the original score: I looked far and wide for alternative recordings, predominantly the album by the Royal Prague Philharmonic, and the “LOTR Symphony”, just to make the Audiobooks feel different. I pitched down and moved and reassembled a lot of different cues for different scenes as well.

There are not a lot of instances of music from other movies, however, they do exist! I used music from “Battle for Middle-Earth”, the game “War in the North”, and for the last few chapters, “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” since it just came out at the time. I used a lot of music from Howard Shore’s “Seven” and “The Game” during Shelob (I think), and for the Barrow-Downs. I used a tiny bit of underscore from the brilliant Don Davis’s “The Matrix Reloaded”, it had a really eerie choir which made me feel like it would be perfect for the fatigue and dizzying unreality of Mordor when Sam and Frodo were on their last leg, trying to get to Mt. Doom. Lastly, I used a little bit of music from Howard Shore’s “Twilight: Eclipse” for some dialogue scenes during Return of the King! And music from the independent film “Mongol” by Tuomas Kantelinen for the Woses when Theoden has to get help from Ghan-Buri-Ghan. Also the ending of ROTK has a few cues from “The Lord of the Rings musical”, lovely stuff.

It may surprise you that there is a small amount of score I actually ‘wrote’ with help from my brother (he’s a musician). It’s in the coronation of Elessar. It’s not very good but I needed something. There is also a cello version of “to the edge of night”, which I kindly asked permission to use by YouTube celloist, but I sadly don't think that video is up anymore.

Lastly, I use the Shire music so much because - just like Howard Shore said - it becomes a ‘hymn’ or an ‘anthem’ for the hobbits as they leave their comforts behind and are in a wide and unfamiliar world. Every little bit that reminds them of home, or relates to each of them, usually deserves a little ‘shire’ statement here and there. I feel if it’s in the characters’ hearts and minds, it has to be expressed in the music!

12. Out of all the chapters I’ve listened to so far on the Internet Archive, “A Journey in the Dark” is the one most plagued with editing issues; Sam’s temper tantrum over leaving Bill the Pony is cut out entirely. Which is a shame, because I was really looking forward to hearing your take on that. (Is it strange to say that I wanted to hear you break down into blubbering tears? Probably. Let’s ignore that and move on.) Is there any chance that you have a cleaner edit of that chapter somewhere?

I think you’ll be very unsurprised to know that “A Journey in the Dark” is the first chapter I ever recorded. I think you’ll also need to know that I did FOTR when I was 21 years old, and my grasp on doing better sound mixing or even getting the characters right was still a work in progress. I learned so much going chapter-by-chapter and felt that each succeeding one improves from the former. As a demo-run, I did “King of the Golden Hall '' and “Journey in the Dark” in early 2010 (in fact, I did only the first half of “JITD” back then. Stopping right after they are barred inside the mines, as the Watcher destroys the gate. I did the second half once I caught up with the story going chapter-by-chapter.)

There are so many issues with it, and I haven’t listened to it since. If you have headphones you’ll also notice that none of the voices really pan from left to right, or feel like they’re ever anywhere else except the dead-center. I was lazy back then.

When I read the chapters, at the time, I was sharing an ‘office room’ with my younger brother, and as a teenaged younger brother does - continues strumming his guitar no matter what the other brother is doing. It was really fun, and funny and I was extremely sloppy with editing things out, and taking it too seriously. So, for sure you can hear ‘someone’ in the background during the early parts of FOTR, and I was too lazy to re-record or edit out the noises that weren’t supposed to be there.

Forgive me if this part is a lot longer, but now that you mention it, I want to get on my soap-box and rant about how many things I agree with about the Audiobook’s shortcomings and how many things have changed since the wee days of 2010:

I didn’t really get a grasp on the characters, and I had no idea I was going to do the entire book. I did not take enough care with sound mixing (it’s a highly technical and rigorous practice, I’ve discovered. Even now, ten plus years later - it’s too technical for me to fully understand yet), and I did not thoroughly re-listen to the chapter when I was done with an edit or a sound-effects pass. Therefore there’s always been mistakes still in there, and just unpleasantly careless placement of sounds and music. I have often thought about re-recording it to get it up to scratch, but it’s been over a decade and I haven’t properly preserved all the sound stems without having to re-sound-mix the whole chapter again, and there is that little thing called ‘burnout’ which is hard to ignore. So, I apologize to everyone who has to suffer through that huge drop in quality with “A Journey in the Dark”. It quite literally was my first attempt, and it definitely shows.

The good news is that a fan asked me the same thing about the missing piece in that chapter (the one you mentioned! With Sam and Bill!), and I’ve heard the same comments about it throughout the years. Why is it missing? I don’t know why! I recorded it, but in my loose run-and-gun past when I was a wee lad, I was careless, and just had the mp3 with that part missing. A rendering error, perhaps! Stupid 21 year old Phil just hodgepoging everything.

A Few months ago, I did get another email about that missing piece. I thought “okay, once and for all, I’m going to find that missing part.” - and I searched my old harddrives for some kind of archival copy with that part in it. Amazingly, it was a lot harder to find than I thought. Every rendered version of JITD either stopped right before that scene, or had it omitted. I actually found one half of it as a ‘demo’ piece I rendered years ago for a ‘sound trailer’, and then I finally found the original YouTube video I made - which had it intact! Now the hardest part was stitching it together with the rest. Took longer than I thought, but I finally amended this horrible incompetence. And yes, I will share the link to you! And be prepared to be disappointed at the 2010-era quality!

I don’t know if anyone knows this, but with the mp3s circling around, I have taken the liberty of re-recording and re-working some chapters from their original versions. I try my best to preserve the originals, but I also wish people to listen to the re-records. I have actually re-recorded and re-mastered “A Long-Expected Party” three times. 2011, 2013, and 2014. I re-recorded “King of the Golden Hall” in 2013, and “Shadow of the Past” in 2014. I usually try labelling the dates on the mp3 files themselves. The one I’m most proud of re-recording bits of, is “The Pyre of Denethor” as the first time I had Denethor say his last words he was mildly raising his voice, but I listened to it again one day and went “this man should be at the edge of sanity.” - so he absolutely yells now, and it’s such a night-and-day comparison.

Another addendum: I completely understand the complaints about ‘the sound/music drowning out the dialogue’. It’s been the #1 complaint over the decade. I completely understand. I never had professional sound mixing gear, nor did I have proper mixing headphones or speakers or a proper studio (most of the audiobook was recorded at my grandmother’s house!). The balance of the audio making it sound immersive, (like you are there!) and having clear dialogue to hear is - like I said - an extremely technical and complex process that I’ve never had the ability or tech to master. Let alone for a book that’s 48 hours long, and has so much sound and music to it. Nothing would bring me more joy than to work with an experienced sound mixer, and find all my audio stems, and for us to work together to clear up any and all issues. But as this project was a simple fan-made work, and I haven’t distributed it myself for a decade, who knows?

This is also why I never went on to do “The Hobbit”. Burnout is real, and I’ve never recovered from LOTR. The burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

13. What was your favorite scene to record and mix?

Mount Doom. Can’t get better than trying to make the climax as horrible and eucatastrophic as that. It all led up to this, and it was such a rush to work on. I remember how I was at the edge of my seat watching ROTK in cinemas for the first time, and how amazingly they pulled it off, and I wanted to definitely imitate that, but using Tolkien’s own writing. Just so cool.

I have two favorite chapters: The first one is “The Scouring of the Shire”. I remember well, when I was working on it, I realized this has never been ‘dramatized’ before. At least not in full. I felt so special being the first one (probably) to do it. I could imagine the entire chapter in my head like a film, and I could bring it to life with very little outside influence. Such a poignant and shocking chapter.

I don’t think I would have done it as well without the experience I gained doing the rest of the Audiobook. Showing the strength of the four hobbits, portraying the dignity and resolve of their kind, giving that pathetic yet dangerous authenticity to Sharkey, and the ruffians, illustrating the battle of bywater with sound… this was done in 2013, so we all were able to listen to new music by Howard Shore (for The Hobbit), and I would be able to transpose motifs from that, into “Scouring”, and honestly I wouldn’t know how it would have worked out if the Hobbit films didn’t come out just at the right time. I think the score fits so well with the events of “Scouring”, there is a ‘mordor’ theme but it feels ‘unfinished’, like the remnant of an old defeated foe; there’s that wily progression for Radagast in the films, that I used for the hobbit’s rebellion and the conflict, and there’s a new ‘hobbit/shire’ motif that worked so perfectly for a ‘wounded, but recovering’ Shire. I feel so silly talking about decisions I made for this, but I always wanted to share some thoughts I had!

Fun fact: I had a wonderful person ask if she would be able to play Rosie Cotton back in 2013, and I asked her to perform her lines. She was great, but I realized a very strange thing: when I put her in the audio mix, it would actually break the immersion, because you can hear a voice that wasn’t mine, and as a result - I couldn’t help but keep thinking - my voice for Rosie’s mother sounded like a Monty Python skit in comparison! And thus her lines had to be unused. It kind of just opened the fourth wall, breaking the illusion. Which is a shame, because I always dream of having a fully-cast LOTR Audiobook, maybe someday officially.

The other favorite is “The Tower of Cirith Ungol” just because I listened to it one day in 2014, and heard no errors. I was so proud. I couldn’t think of anything I wanted to change substantially. No one dislikes all the errors more than I do!

14. What’s your best memory from this entire project?

My late dad drove me and my brother out into a clearing at midnight in the forest. The sky was so clear and starry. And we were here simply to just yell at the top of our lungs to record material for “Helm’s Deep”. All the clear yells: “Elendil!!!” “Gúthwinë! Gúthwinë For the Mark!”etc. Etc. - I lost my voice, it was a fun time. He held the microphone for me as I splashed around a stream (for Gollum), once again at midnight since there were fewer background sounds.

I also tell this story a lot: A friend of mine who was listening to the chapters as I finished them - she hated the sound of knuckles cracking. And hated spiders. So, obviously, Shelob would have to have knuckle-cracking sounds for her limbs. So I recorded my own knuckles cracking and tried using it as much as I could for Shelob’s legs moving about. My friend was soooo ecstatic to know this fact.

15. If you could do it all again today, what would you change?

I would consider doing a ground-up re-recording of everything. With a budget, with a cast, with a lot more understanding of the story and intentions behind them. With VR sound options. With extra original music. That’s the dream.

If we’re back to reality, I guess I’d just re-record a bunch of chapters since they could always be better, and tighten all the technical errors. But that would require a lot of assembling of the raw archived files, and re-building of sounds, and re-recording of lines. Also, as I stated before, I do not want to distribute my unofficial fan work just because I know that it’s a copyright nightmare. And burnout… “it’s never really healed, Sam.”

I like taking other people’s opinions to heart, such as the issues with Frodo’s youth or inflections and intonations for certain scenes that I didn’t quite fully grasp the first time. I would love to adjust things and make it closer to the book now.

- - - - -

And now! The Silly Questions Lightning Round!

(With thoughts from Lady Glasses in parentheses and italics!)

1. In Fellowship, long stretches of dialogue would often have someone randomly cough in the background. Tell me about the Cough. Why is the Cough there?

No one hates the coughs more than me. That’s either my brother minding his own business in the other end of our ‘office room’. I think you now know I was 21, I didn’t care, so these things are just left in because I was careless. However, sometimes there are intentional coughs to make it feel more realistic. It’s been years since I listened to it, so unless I somehow do a massive commentary stream someday (thinking about it), your guess will be as good as mine! The coughs heavily subsided once I did Two Towers, since I was by myself.

2. During the dinner scene with Farmer Cotton, someone burps. Who was that?

Mine. I have no regrets with that one. Or Pippin. I guess it could be Pippin.

(Darn! And here I thought it was Farmer Cotton, LOL)

3. How did you manage to make Bill Ferny’s voice so perfectly obnoxious?

I imagined Bill as an obnoxious guy. The image in my head gives me a good idea of what he’d sound like, and I’m so glad he’s so obnoxious that you had to mention it.

(He sounds perfectly punchable. Thanks, I hate it.)

4. Did you crack yourself up at any point in the recording?

Oh yes, in fact I have a whole outtake reel just for you!

(Warning to anyone who clicks the link: the April Fool's audio had me ON THE FLOOR)

5. Voice acting aside, who is your favorite character in LotR and why?

If you asked me in 2002 it would be the Balrog, if you asked me now it would be difficult because so many of them mean so much to me, and each of their aspects have something to aspire to. Gandalf, Aragorn, Sam, Frodo, Galadriel, the list goes on and on.

(That's beautiful, and so true. The story really grows with us, doesn't it?)

6. What’s your favorite color?

Blue. Always has been.

(Blue is a good color! 💙)

7. Political question: Pineapples on pizza, yes or no?

Yes, I still don’t get what the fuss is about

(Oooh, controversial)

8. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

No, it’s a hotdog!

(Counterpoint: A hotdog is a taco.)

9. What’s your opinion on geese?

They’re racist

(Racist against the entire human race, apparently)

10. How much would I have to pay you to say “I love boats!” in Merry’s voice? (It’s an inside joke with my friends.)

Nothing, it’s on the house!

(HOLY CRAP I LOVE YOU)

- - - - -

Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us! What are you working on nowadays?

I’ve actually had a few people ask me if I’ll ever do more audiobooks like this, and I seem to have tapped something. Yes, in fact! I’m working with a few creative collaborators on a small company to do the exact same sonic experience with other books! Since we’re very small, we are starting with stories in the Public Domain, and have successfully kickstarted (and finished) “The Jungle Book” by Rudyard Kipling. Which will be out (hopefully, officially) by early September! I’m really excited and hope this will lead to more projects, and - hopefully- back to Tolkien someday, in an official manner. Please follow my Instagram or Facebook for more info about it. (I also have a Twitter and Tumblr and more, but they’re all completely unrelated to LOTR and are just me drawing doodles and being a nerd, very unlike the Audiobooks I did, which is a bit confusing, I admit.)

- - - - -

And that concludes our interview! As I told Phil, it was so much fun to discuss a fellow fan's passion project like this. The more I read about it, the more I realized just how similar it was to my own experiences as a fan creator. We all start out as just a noob with a few unpolished skills, making something because we love it, and we learn and grow and hone our talents along the way. It's legitimately inspiring.

Needless to say, I am stoked to finish listening to the rest of this audiobook! Is it a bit weird knowing the creator of the thing might drop in and read my reviews?? Yes. Yes it is. But I'm gonna do it anyway. No holds barred! If I hear another cough, you're gonna know about it, Phil!

Also I may or may not do something with that audio of Merry because I'M STILL DYING OF LAUGHTER HELP

Anyway! If you made it to the end of this, you deserve a cookie! Everybody say thank you to Mr. Dragash, and go check out the other stuff he's doing nowadays! Namárië!

#phil dragash #audiobook #lotr audiobook #interview #CATCH ME SCREAMING ABOUT THIS FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS

88 notes · View notes

ya-zz · 1 year

Text

The first half of the "200 Words A Day in May" challenge is here! Please note that I am a day ahead just in case I cannot compete a day due to uni work. Also this has not been beta read, so I apologise for any errors... final part to be uploaded at the end of the month!

AO3

Closure (pt1)

Ramattra x reader (gen) Word count: 3,200 ----

His hatred for humans was known by many… Too many, in fact. However, it never deterred you into getting to know him. You would always find him in the same places; the library, the courtyard, sometimes in his room when you passed by. He would always be doing something, whether that was reading, meditating or sparring with other omnics - he was always busy.

You never approached him though, wanting him to approach you first. Of course, whenever you two happened to cross paths you would greet him like any other. A friendly “hello” with a smile. Ramattra would barely pass a glance at you at first, but over time, he expected your greetings and that smile of yours.

He never admitted it, but he was growing used to having you around in the Monastery. He followed his routine effortlessly, much like you did, and each morning there you would be, walking past, greeting him and going on about your day. It was the same in the afternoon and the evening.

There was a day however that he broke the routine ever so slightly and it caught you off guard.

“Would you care to meditate with me, [y/n]?” He asked.

You look at the omnic, eyes slightly wide.

You must’ve been staring for a lot longer than you had thought as he broke the silence, voice robotic and low.

“Well?” He cocks his head, eyes on you.

All you could do was nod, still surprised he had asked you to meditate with him.

Ramattra started walking without saying anything and you followed behind just as silently. His routine was back to how it was, but this time, you were in tow.

The pair of you reached the hallway before entering a large, dimly lit room. Seven other monks were already seated and meditating. Ramattra headed for the back corner and you followed as quietly as you could, watching where you were stepping.

The omnic sat down, crossed his legs and sat with a straight back, head down. You put a human width gap between you and him and sat down next to him, following his posture. Your hands sat on your knees as you closed your eyes.

You could hear the soft hum of his chassis, fans slowly whirring and his chest rising and falling, imitating a humans breathing. You wondered what was going on in that head of his.

Except from the hum of robotics and your breathing, the room was silent. Of course, this was nothing new, the Monastery was always quiet, save from a few conversations between the monks. Nothing exciting was happening. It was peaceful. It was something you had grown used to ever since you had arrived, it was an escape from wherever you had come from over a year ago.

The surrounding area was full of life, truly a place worthy of calling home. The trees were shades of pink in spring, always green in the summer, and the mountains were covered in a blanket of snow throughout the year. When it was dark, the village below would glow yellow with life. As the minutes passed by, the lights would slowly get dimmer as stores closed. The bakery would close it doors and start preparing the next days bread and cakes. The flower shop would put its display inside and then hand out some singular flowers to those who passed by before locking up for the night.

The Monastery would glow all year round. While some residents when to their rooms, others would stay late to clean, others turn to roam the halls alone.

The hum of Ramattra’s body got slightly louder, or maybe it had always been that loud. Your ears picked the noise up rather quickly. In the time that you had your eyes closed and opened them back up, two monks had left and one was just getting up to leave.

They look over at you and nod gently, the rise and slow fall of their shoulders made it seem apologetic, as if he disturbed you from your meditation.

You smile back at them, shaking your head, dismissing their worry before looking back down at your hands. You fidgeted slightly before finding some comfort on the stone floor. The footsteps of the other monk faded and it was back to near silence. It was peaceful.

Ramattra tilted his head to the side, pondering some thoughts. His optics looked up for a moment, a silent sigh leaving his body. Something caught his attention next to him. He looked over and saw you slowly bobbing your head.

You had accidentally dozed off, truly a deep meditation.

The omnic next to you shifted, moving to sit next to you, and it was as if you could feel something pulling you to rest on him.

Your body slumped against the omnic, instantly finding comfort. A content sigh escaped your lips as you fell deeper into sleep.

Ramattra turned his head to you, watching the rise and fall of your chest. Something inside of him felt warm, his fans picking up speed to cool him down. He had never felt this before, and it’s with a human of all things.

He looks ahead, eyes scanning the room. The remaining omnics were still quietly meditating, head bowed and cross legged. Ramattra straightened his back before returning to his own meditating, however he had begun thinking about your breathing, the slowness of it, how in rhythm it was.

His mind started thinking about how fragile human life was, how weak they were to him, how he could crush anyone without thinking twice. He turned and looked at you again, wondering how fragile you really were. He wondered what you thought about him and his kind, whether it was possible to coexist peacefully.

The omnic paused in thought. You were here in the Monastery, with him, surrounded by other omnics. You had already made your choice. It brought some comfort to him and if he could smile, he would.

You shifted slightly on the floor, head resting on Ramattra’s arm. Your ears picked up the inner workings of his body, louder than they were before. It was almost soothing to you.

Time seemed to pass slowly, but it was a comfortable speed as the two of you remained seated in the room, the lights illuminating your features with a soft, warm glow.

The other omnics had left, and Ramattra’s personal schedule was behind as he refused to move your sleeping body. He stayed seated far longer than he had initially planned, but he didn’t want to disturb you.

For weeks he had watched you run around the Monastery, you would always be doing something, but never really keeping a schedule apart from waking or sleeping at the same time. There were always the moments that would always be on time though, and that was when you would greet him with a smile before walking away. He would always wonder what you thought of him, if you were somewhat scared and only friendly from fear.

He looked down at you, pondering these thoughts. The soft breaths you released were like another meditation to him. He was contempt in that moment.

Time passed by and Ramattra had refused to move. A few more omnics came and went, but the two of you remained.

He had been keeping watch of the time, his schedule now completely out of whack. He placed his hand on your head which made your body flinch in reaction. You stirred awake, blinking slowly.

You shifted before sitting up straight, your neck was sore as you gently rubbed the back of it.

“I suppose you were tired.” He stated, matter of factly. His head turned to you.

You look back at him, eyes widening slightly. “I… I am so sorry!” Your cheeks warm up as you realise you had fallen asleep on the omnic.

His gaze was still on you before he stood up.

“Perhaps, you should go to bed.” His voice was cold. “I have time to make up.” Ramattra left you in the room alone. Part of him was annoyed that he didn’t keep to his schedule, another part of him was annoyed at himself for saying what he had when he left, but another part of him was grateful for the time he had spent with you, granted you were asleep for most of it.

You slowly stand and exit the room, cheeks warm. The Monastery was quiet as you walked the empty halls to your quarters, a cold chill passing through the open windows.

As you turn a corner, Zenyatta passes you.

“Hello, [y/n].” His voice was quiet as he spoke, a certain charm to it.

“Hey, Zen…” You stop to chat with him for a few minutes.

“What seems to be troubling you?” He asks, head tilted to the side.

You look at him for a moment before speaking. “Nothing, really. I’m just tired.”

“I see… I don’t suppose you have seen my brother around here? Ramattra?”

“He, uhm, he left me a few minutes ago.” You look away.

“Left you?”

You nod. “Yeah. I fell asleep on him while we were meditating.”

Zenyatta chuckles. “He did not mind?”

“I don’t know… I woke up and he left, saying he had ‘time to make up’.” Your eyes widen slowly. “How long were we there?”

“I do not know. I shall ask him when I find him. Go, rest up. You clearly need it.” Zenyatta puts a hand on your shoulder.

With a small nod, you leave the monk, your room in sight.

Ramattra finished his duties two hours after his initial schedule had ended. He let out a low sigh as he made his way back to his quarters.

He hummed quietly as he sat on the edge of his bed, thoughts returning to his mind about you. He wondered where you had come from, what your past was like…

Something clicked inside of him. He had seen you before, many years prior to the pair of you meeting at the Monastery.

Back when Null Sector was rising, Ramattra and his team would gather any human that was still alive after they had attacked and transported them back to headquarters for questioning. Many died on the way, some in the middle of interrogation, others would die after one round of torture. He felt guilty remembering this, but then he remembered - you were one of those people taken . You had survived the journey, survived the countless interrogations, and multiple rounds of torture.

You were, at the time, one of the strongest humans Ramattra had ever seen. Strong through will and by god you were strong enough to last his beatings.

He, as much as he hated to say it, admired you back then.

As much as he tried not to, he couldn’t help but think about what he did to you;

Countless days and weeks went by, yet you still hadn’t given up and died. He would beat you, kicking and punching every part of your body. He vividly remembered your screams as you cried out in pain over each onslaught. Of course, you spat back at him any chance you had, the blood spattering on his cloak, chest or feet only angered him more.

Despite everything he had put you through, you never gave up fighting for your own life. He admired you to the point he became lenient, offering food and water to keep you breathing. He ordered some of his men to treat your wounds before he would abuse you once more a week or so after. He tortured you to the very brink of death, and yet you somehow survived.

Null Sector was attacked a few months after you had been captured and taken there, but nobody was searching for you. Nobody knew you were even there. You laid under the rubble until you had enough strength to pull yourself out and you ran as far as you could.

Ramattra never saw you after the attack, and he shook the feeling of you being dead away. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he missed you back then.

Of course, it has been a year since then and he had long since tried to forget the whole ordeal and was trying to better himself. He had found peace even though somewhere deep inside of him, he still hated humans for what they did.

He slumped on his bed, head low as he thought about everything. He couldn’t shake the screaming from back then and he feared he was spiralling back into his anger. He placed his hands on his head, the metal tapping against his face plate. He let out a low growl, irritated at himself for bringing everything back up.

When he arrived at the Monastery, his brother only said that there was a human living amongst them and that they meant no harm to him or to the others. Yet, despite Zenyatta saying this, he still believed otherwise and was cautious of you from the very first day. It took him this long to figure out that you were his prisoner all those years ago.

Ramattra wanted nothing more than to go over to your room and apologise for what he had done, but did you even remember? Do you remember what he did to you, he thought. What if you did remember but he brings it back to the surface and traumatises you again?

He had long since changed his ways, wanting nothing more to do with Null Sector and to find peace within himself, but there was that turmoil inside of him again that he had only just gotten rid off.

It pained him deeply, far greater than he would like to admit.

The omnic let out a low sigh, body deflating as he fell to the floor. Meditation was the only way to get rid of these thoughts… at least, that’s what happened last time.

He crossed his legs, the hum of his body filling the room.

No matter how hard he tried, the screaming returned and it only got louder, his fists tightening in response. His head tilted slightly as the red lights on his forehead flickered.

Erasing his memory was one thing he cannot do and he hated it. All he could do was remember the past and the pain

The following day was nothing but cold and rainy. You stayed inside as much as you could, only running down to the village to pick up some books you had on hold that weren’t originally in the Monastery, and running through the garden to deliver a package to another monk.

You shook off your jacket before hanging it up next to the door before heading to your room for a towel, however, you turned the corner and Ramattra was stood in your doorway.

“Everything ok?” You asked, approaching from behind.

Ramattra turned to face you. “I was wondering where you were.”

“I was out delivering a package.” You stand in front of him. “Can I?”

He nods and moves to the side, letting you into your room.

“Thanks.” Just as you enter, you sneeze.

“You’ll catch a cold-”

“I know. That’s why I came to dry off.” You grab a towel from the bathroom as you dry yourself off.

Ramattra froze when he saw the back of your neck when you turned away from him. He didn’t say a word but his mind was racing with too many thoughts and screams.

There, scarred on the back of your neck;

‘ZERO’

“Hey!” You wave your hand in front of Ramattra’s face. “You still on?” Ramattra shifted his head down lightly, looking at you. “Yes.”

“Ok, well, I need you to move so I can leave my room.” You step back, looking at the omnic in front of you.

“My apologies.” He steps aside, but before you completely go past him, he grabs your arm.

You turn and look at his hand, then up at him, your face showing no emotion.

He knew, but he wasn’t sure if you did.

“Your neck. What happened?”

“I don’t know. I don’t remember.” You take your free hand and rub the back of your neck, the scar raised slightly.

“You don’t remember?” He asks, his voice was low.

You nod in response. “I don’t remember much before coming here. I didn’t realise I was scarred until Zen pointed it out when we were cleaning together.”

Ramattra releases your arm, his hand falling by his side. He didn’t say anything for a moment.

“What do you remember?”

You completely turn and face him. “Being on a train coming here. Anything before that is fuzzy. Look, I have to go. We’ll talk more later, ok? I promise.”

He stared at you for a moment before nodding. He followed you out of your room before leaving in the opposite direction.

Part of you wondered why he wanted to talk to you. You truly had forgotten about the past but never really questioned it. You were happy in the Monastery and didn’t want that to change.

Zen gently tapped you on the shoulder, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Is everything ok, [y/n]?” He asked, his head cocked to the side.

You nod. “Yeah. Ramattra noticed my neck… Seemed troubled by it.”

“Oh?”

“He asked if I remembered anything.” You look away.

Zenyatta just looked at you, face expressionless as always.

“As I said to him, the last thing I really remember is being on a train coming here… Anything before that is fuzzy…” You look back at your friend, a small awkward smile on your face.

“Would you like to remember?”

“What?”

“Would you want to remember?” He repeated.

“I heard you.” You look at him, examining his features.

“Talk to him.” He places a hand on your shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze before leaving.

“You know, don’t you?” You watch as he leaves. “Please, tell me!”

Zenyatta completely ignored you as he disappeared further into the Monastery. You stare in his direction with endless thoughts running through your mind. If he knew this entire time…

You spent the rest of the day wondering what had really happened in your past and how did Zenyatta know? Why did he not tell you before? The scar on the back of your neck itched slightly which only irritated you more.

Ramattra’s schedule was just about to end when he saw you walking by. His fans sped up slightly, the nervousness now settling in his body.

“[Y/n].” He called out to you. He kept his nerves pushed down.

Instantly you turn and look at him, forcing a small smile before following him to his room. A slight warmth filled your cheeks.

He sits down on the chair, leaning forward, gesturing for you to sit on the edge of his bed. He looks at you, not knowing what to say or even how to start it.

“Zenyatta knows… Doesn’t he?” You break the silence.

The omnic nods, tilting his head slightly. “I asked him not to say anything.”

“You know my past too?”

Ramattra nods slowly.

“You were my prisoner…”

Part 2

#ramattra #ramattra x reader #overwatch #overwatch fanfiction #zenyatta #ramattra x you #overwatch ramattra #ow #fanfic #ramattra fanfic #reader #200 words a day in may #fanfiction #yazzfics

98 notes · View notes

callsigndragon · 1 year

Text

A Rebel in my Soul [2023 ver.] | Ch.1 New friends and old enemies

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x fem!pilot!reader (Call sign: Rebel)

Word count: 2.6k

Warnings: mention of Goose and Carole’s death, mentions of death, Jake being an asshole, mentions of drinks, Fanboy being a literal sunshine, you know the deal.

A/N: WELL WELL WELL. do i have self control? no. am i uploading this bc it is fun to sit and read my first series and think ‘i should’ve done this differently’ and changing loooots of things? yes. it is easier than just write a new fic? yep. And i’m loving every second of it. There’s gonna be major changes, i’ll be showing more rebel x dagger squad interactions and maybe this version will have more chapters than the original one.

A/N 2: reuploading this bc i realized MORE MISTAKES ugh

Tagging the usual people, if you want to be added, comment down below!

Masterlist

“Rebel shouldn’t be here”

Those were Maverick’s first words when he saw your face among the profile pictures of all the aviators called for the mission. He knew that the survival rate on this particular mission wasn’t exactly high; that's what they called him. He was an expert at going against the odds.

That's one of the many things you two had in common.

“Any particular reason why, Captain?” Cyclone inquired, already regretting following Iceman’s advice to call Mitchell.

“You know who she is.”

Cyclone pressed a few times on his tablet, making your picture occupy the whole screen. “That’s why she’s here, Mitchell. She’s as good as you, but not so prone to breaking rules.”

“Do you know where her call sign comes from, right?” Maverick hinted, not sure if he understood what was the meaning of ‘rebel’.

“It’s not because of you, Maverick. She never told anyone about her father,” Cyclone explained with a tired voice, wanting to end the meeting. “Look, you have no choices left. You either take this job or say goodbye to military life.”

How was he supposed to reject the mission? Not only because of his daughter, but also because Goose’s son, Rooster, was part of the team. He couldn’t risk the life of his best friend’s son. He swore to Carole before she passed away that he would take care of her kid. He followed his friend’s death wish, and the only thing he managed to get from it was losing the only Bradshaw left in his life and his only daughter. Maverick knew he was in no position to ask for Rooster and Rebel to be taken off the team, but he wished he could. Actually, no, that was a bad idea. He had interfered in their careers long ago. If he wanted to have a relationship with either of the two ever again, he couldn’t do that a second time. He had learned it the hard way.

Rebel was only a few years younger than Rooster. And, as if he hadn’t learned the lesson the first time, he tried to pull his daughter’s papers. He didn’t want her to become a pilot and risk her life every time she was in the air. Of course, when she found out, Rebel swore never to speak to her dad again.

Maverick knew that he had no choice but to join this mission as an instructor, to train the two of you, his kids, and pray that nothing went wrong when the time came.

This was Maverick’s hardest mission to date.

It’s been a while since you’ve been at the Hard Deck—at least two years. From what you’ve heard, Penny is now the owner of the bar. She is an old friend of yours, and having been in a complicated relationship with your father, you once dreamed that she would become your mom. Little Rebel was a very innocent girl.

Looking around the bar, searching for familiar faces, you spot Coyote and Hangman playing at the pool table. These two being here can only mean two things: one, the mission is really complicated, and they need the best aviators out there. Hangman is the only aviator you know with a confirmed air-to-air kill. And two, Rooster will be here, too.

“Rebel?” You hear a surprised voice behind you.

You could recognize that voice anywhere, so when you turn around to see the smile on Nat’s face, you can’t stop yours. “Phoenix? Oh my god, it is so good to see you. Are you here for the super secret mission?” you say while getting close to hug her.

“You thought that they could call the best of the best and leave me out of it?”

“Fair point,” you agree, hugging her again. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you, too. Hey, let me introduce you to my friends,” she turns around to introduce you to the two tall men standing behind her. “Rebel, these are Reuben Fitch, call sign Payback and Mickey Garcia, call sign Fanboy.”

“Fanboy?” you look at him, “Quite the call sign.”

“Guess that’s what happens when you have a bit of taste,” he shrugs.

“Hmm… which fandom?”

“Trek,” he smiles proudly.

“Trek is the best,” you agree.

“Look at that, if it’s my new best friend,” Fanboy says, putting a hand around your shoulder and looking at Payback. “See? Someone with taste.”

“You’re not getting rid of him now,” Payback warns you.

“What would I want to get rid of him for?”

Mickey hugs you closer, almost choking you in his embrace. “Oh my, I found my soulmate.”

Phoenix looks around the place until she sees Hangman, then she sighs while rolling her eyes. “They really need to be desperate to bring an asshole like him.”

“Nat, he’s an asshole, but he’s a talented asshole. He’s really good.”

“Please don’t talk like him, I will throw up.” Fanboy and Payback laugh at Phoenix's antics. “Come on, let’s mess a bit with the cowboy.”

You and your new friends approach the pool table, with Hangman raising his eyes as you get closer. “What do we have here? If it ain’t Phoenix! Oh, well, well, good little Rebel is also in the building! And here I thought we were special, Coyote”

“Special like you? No thanks, I'll pass,” you retort, making Fanboy and Payback laugh.

“Fellas, this here’s Bag Man,” explains Phoenix, standing right in front of the blonde.

“Hangman” he corrects.

“Whatever. You’re looking at the only Naval aviator on active duty with a confirmed air-to-air kill,” says Phoenix. You look at her, wondering why she decided to say that to the new guys. Wasn’t she trying to mess with him? Why is she praising him?

"Stop," Hangman responds, his ego inflated.

“Mind you, the other guy was in a museum piece from the Korean War.” There it is. Phoenix is roasting the shit out of Hangman. That’s your girl.

“Cold War,” adds Coyote, as if it could make Hangman look cooler. There’s something you never understood about Coyote and Hangman’s friendship. Coyote is a better person than Hangman could ever be. Why would he be attached to an idiot like him all day?

“Different wars, same century,” says Payback.

“Not this one,” adds Fanboy. You’re really beginning to like these two.

The look in Hangman’s face is priceless. See, Hangman got on your nerves every time you two were in the same room. But Phoenix was always ready to mop the floor with him because ‘nobody messes with my girl’. She was like the sister you never had. And by the looks of it, Payback and Fanboy will be joining Hangman’s roasting squad soon.

“Who are your friends?” asks Coyote, trying to change the subject and always defending his friend.

“Payback.”

“Fanboy.”

“Hey Coyote,” you say, looking at Hangman’s friend.

“Hey.”

“Who’s he?” you ask while signaling with your head.

“Who’s who?”

Your little group turns to look at the blond-haired man, who has been eating the whole time. He raises his head, looking surprised at all the attention he is suddenly getting. He is cute.

“When did you get in?” asks Coyote, noticing his presence for the first time.

“Oh, I’ve been here the whole time,” answers the man, smiling. He can’t be a pilot. Pilots are cocky little shitheads. He seems like the type of guy who brings your daughter home one hour before the agreed time just so he can earn her father’s approval.

“The man’s a stealth pilot,” jokes Hangman, always trying to be the funny man of the hour.

“Literally”

“WSO, actually,” he clarifies. A wizzo, of course. He kind of looks like it.

“With no sense of humor,” Hangman gives the pool stick to Phoenix and leaves.

“I’ll get us something to drink,” you say, approaching the bar. It seems like Hangman had the same idea.

“Penny, my dear. I’ll have four more on the old timer," you hear him say, looking at the poor guy who surely had made the bell ring before. You feel your stomach turn when you see the face of your father. Why is he here? What is he doing at Top Gun? Is he coming back as an instructor? That didn’t work the first time he tried; he didn’t have the free will he needed. And he couldn’t break the rules in good old Maverick fashion. Penny looks at you with a little pout in her mouth, knowing how this whole situation is making you feel.

You don’t make eye contact with him. Instead, you choose to converse with Hangman. “Need help with those?”

He glances your way with an eyebrow raised. “What, you’re afraid I’ll let them fall?”

“No, I was just offering,” you mutter, mentally scolding yourself for even trying to be nice towards him.

Hangman looks at you like you’ve grown a second head.

“What?” you grumble, not understanding why he is looking at you like that.

“...you okay?”

Wait, is he joking? Is he really interested, or is it just a joke? You decide to just follow. “Yes? Why?”

“Because you’re being nice to me,” he deadpans.

Before you can answer, you see Rooster walking through the doors of the Hard Deck. He’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt and his aviator glasses. He’s tanned, more than usual. You know the moment he sees Maverick, hell is going to break loose. You need to avoid the confrontation. As long as you can, at least.

"Roos!" you yell, sprinting towards him.

“Look at that, my favorite Rebel!” He catches you in his arms, hugging you. “Did they call you too? You didn’t tell me.”

“Well, it is a secret mission; how am I supposed to say anything?” you ask, stealing his glasses and putting them on.

“Fair enough,” he says, while letting you down on the ground. “The others are here too?”

“Yeah, even your best friend”

“Phoenix?”

“Bag Man,” he rolls his eyes and pats your shoulder.

“Let’s go with the rest,” you say as you walk away from the entrance, ignoring the feeling of your father’s eyes following you around.

“Bradshaw, is that you?” calls out Phoenix. You two get closer to her. “This is how I find out you’re stateside?”

“Yeah, I just thought I’d surprise you.”

Phoenix leans into the pool table, aiming at the next ball, before pulling the stick in the opposite direction and hitting Rooster. He bends in pain, and you can’t contain your laughter. Just like the old times. He looks up to her, smiling “It’s good to see you”

“Good to see you too.”

Hangman comes back from the bar, beers in hand, looking directly at Rooster. He gives one to everyone except you and Bob. Great, now you have to come back to the bar again.

“Bradshaw. As I live and breathe,” he says while stealing the stick from Bob’s hands.

“Hangman, you look... good.”

“Well, I am good, Rooster,” he says, hitting one of the balls, his aim never failing. “I’m very good. In fact, I am too good to be true”

You can see the rest of the aviators looking at each other, shaking their heads in disbelief. Fanboy looks at you, mouthing ‘what the fuck?’. Yeah, you stopped being surprised by Hangman's ego long ago.

“So, does anybody know what this special detachment is all about?” Payback asks.

“No, mission’s a mission. They don’t confront me” Hangman cuts in, always needing to say the last word. Sometimes you just wish someone punched him in that stupid face of his.

“As if he can care about something else that is not himself,” you whisper to Rooster.

"What I'm curious about is who will be the team leader. And which one of y’all has what it takes to follow me?”

“Oh, I can already hear the news, ‘Team leader Hangman leaves everyone behind,’” you declare, while taking off Rooster’s aviators.

“Hangman, the only place you’ll lead anyone is an early grave.”

“Whoo!” Fanboy says before sipping from his beer.

Hangman approaches you both with a smirk on his face and mischief in his eyes. The guy’s an asshole. Hot and good at his job? Sure, but you're still a jerk.

“Well, anyone who follows you two is either gonna run out of fuel," he says while looking at Rooster. “Or get themselves kicked off the team.” Hangman looks at you as he finishes his sentence.

It is true that you aren’t one to follow the rules to a T. You got Rebel as your call sign because of it. Your father always told you that sometimes you need to stop thinking and start doing. You have lived up to it ever since. It got you in trouble several times, but you were the first of your class, and even Hangman had trouble following you. You were really fast.

Iceman told you once that you were just like your father.

You really hope it’s not true.

“But that’s just you, ain’t it, Rooster? You’re snug on that perch, waiting for just the right moment that never comes. At least she has more balls than you.”

The group stays silent, Hangman’s words echoing in the air. Some of the aviators avoid your stare by looking at the ground. Seriously, what’s wrong with this guy? You walk closer to him, raising your head to look at him straight in the eyes.

“Well, at least we have people willing to follow us. Have you looked around? Nobody will follow you as a team leader,” you point out; not even Coyote tries to argue with your point. He knows you’re right.

If looks could kill, you would probably be dead by now. He leans over you, his face so close that you can feel his breath on your cheek. Green eyes piercing your own. If this guy were a bit less of an asshole, you wouldn’t mind having something with him. But hell will freeze over before you even consider being around him for more than ten minutes.

“I would never follow someone like you,” he reiterates, not moving an inch.

“Remember when I asked for your opinion? Oh yeah, me neither," you say, as you step aside, taking the stick from his hands and giving it to Bob.

Hangman goes to sit with Coyote, with Phoenix getting close to you and Rooster.

“Well, he hasn’t changed.”

“Nope,” Rooster adds, agreeing with Nat. “Sure hasn’t.”

“You know, everyone’s entitled to act like an asshole once in a while, but he sure does abuse the privilege.” Both of them laugh; you stay with Phoenix while Fanboy nods in the direction of the other aviators entering the Hard Deck. You don’t recognize most of them, but the ones you do are excellent pilots you’ve met on other missions.

“What the hell kind of mission is this?”

“That’s not the question we should be asking. Everyone here is the best there is.” Phoenix is right. These are the best of the best, actually. Hell, Hangman is one of the best, even if it’s hard to admit. You two are fast as hell; with you being the faster one and him having aiming skills out of this world. So, if you have been brought here to learn...

“Who the hell are they gonna bring to teach us?” Phoenix asks the question you were pondering. You were taught by the best and are now the best. Who can possibly teach you more than you already know? And then it hits you.

“Oh shit.”

The person who is going to teach you is the same old man who is going to pay for this round of beers your friends are having.

Pete “Maverick” Mitchell.

@xoxabs88xox

@pono-pura-vida

@shrimping-for-all

@purplevortexx

96 notes · View notes

vynegar · 1 year

Text

marius 3rd birthday card excerpt

happy birthday marius!!! this excerpt includes the (HEARTBREAKING!!) flashback scene as well as a short scene that continued that storyline of the von Hagen family. i really loved this card and i hope you’ll enjoy this excerpt of it too!

disclaimer: this is a fan translation and i am not fluent in chinese, so keep in mind that there will be mistakes. feel free to let me know if you have questions, concerns, or comments.

do not repost without explicit permission. if you want to quote this or reference parts of the translation, credit and link back to me.

check my masterlist for more translations.

timestamps go along with the card video here. it’s not mine, please support the uploader Hikari Sherry Gaming by liking/commenting/subscribing.

Title: Fireflies and Darkness (萤影同归)

Context:

Lately, Marius has been busy at Pax with a project that Giann had been planning before he disappeared. Meanwhile, MC is planning Marius’s birthday celebration and wants to do it the way he would celebrate when he was a child. Marius describes how they would celebrate privately as a family at the von Hagen estate. Also, every year Giann would fill up a room with fireflies, which he said represented their mother celebrating Marius’s birthday. MC suggests they go to von Hagen estate to celebrate his birthday.

At the estate, MC and Marius end up cleaning out a study room. MC finds a box of Marius’s old exams, but among all the scores of 100, a 59 stands out. Giann’s name is signed at the top of the paper [where the parent/guardian is supposed to sign the exam, to show that they’ve seen the score and most likely went over it with their child]. All the answers would be correct though, they’re just off by one question. Marius eventually explains:

[16:23]

Marius smiled as he took the yellowed midterm exam from my hands. Nostalgically, he traced his finger over the unsightly number.

Marius: Before I talk about this exam, let me first tell you a story about a foolish little brother who protected his older brother in a childish way.

MC: ...

Marius: A long time ago, there was a family of a father and two sons. The matriarch of the family passed away when the younger brother was born. As a result, they were especially loving toward this younger brother who had never had a mother, and always reserved the best things for him.

MC: (This story...)

Marius: When the little brother was seven, the father transferred all of the assets left behind by the mother to the boy’s name. This sparked widespread discussion from the outside world, as they believed the marriage between the boy's parents was a dirty transaction. Otherwise, how could they force the mother to give birth to him while she was severely ill? Everyone could see that the young brother was more similar to his father, in both appearance and personality. For a short time, practically everyone believed that the father would leave the role of heir to the younger brother. Even though the younger brother thought that was ridiculous, the rumors still impacted his older brother.

MC: How could that happen...

Marius gently squeezed my hand in reassurance, indicating that I should continue listening to his story.

Marius: The younger brother noticed how much pressure his older brother was under at that time, how he often had sleepless nights. So the boy wanted to disqualify himself from becoming heir. That way, his older brother would be his father's only option.

He looked up and smiled, as if thinking it were funny, but my heart couldn't help but ache. The younger brother in the story was probably Marius himself. He was only seven years old, yet he had to deal with this kind of situation...

MC: So your silly solution was to get the questions wrong on purpose, to make everyone think you were dumb and unqualified to be his heir?

Marius knew that I guessed who the story was about. He smiled and pinched my cheek, nodding.

Marius: Yeah. But my brother was smart enough to catch on immediately.

MC: What did he do when he realized?

Marius: Well, he was angry of course. When we got home, he furiously dragged me into the study to ask me why.

As Marius recounted the story, it was as if I returned to that past along with him...

[flashback]

... and saw the seventeen-year-old older brother drag his seven-year-old younger brother through the long hallway, slam open the door, and "confront" him in the study. The misunderstood boy was forced in front of the table by his still-adolescent older brother, who was holding the exam paper and questioning him.

Giann: Marius, why did you answer the questions wrong on purpose?

Marius: ...

The boy gripped his sleeves and clenched his teeth – silent, as if that could let the incident pass by quietly. In reponse, Giann knelt down so he was eye-level with Marius, then sighed helplessly.

Giann: Marius*, as a child of the von Hagen family, grades have never been the number one priority. But there's a difference between not being gifted at something and getting it wrong on purpose. I know you're smart, and you got all the right answers. Something must have happened to make you do this. Am I right?

Marius: ...

Giann: Tell your big brother why you did this. If you just stay silent, I'll worry.

When Giann was angry, little Marius was able to hold back his tears. But when he was softly comforting him, the boy's tears finally overflowed.

The tears poured out before Marius might have even realized it. He hurriedly wiped them away, but the more he did that, the more the tears came. In that moment, all the fear and worries that he had been enduring during that time burst out.

Marius: I'm sorry, Giann... *sob*... I'm sorry...

Giann: ...

Marius: I made things so hard for you. It's my fault... that they won't let you be heir. I... I don't want those shares, I just want you and Dad... *sob*...

Marius stuttered out the feelings that he had been holding inside the whole time.

Giann: Marius...

Possibly because he had never seen Marius cry so grievously before, Giann hesitated when he reached out to wipe away Marius's tears... Then, he finally gave an aching sigh. Having grown up in the von Hagen family, he quickly guessed what Marius had experienced. And this was only the beginning. In the future, they would encounter more situations like this, which was burden they had to bear. But as long as their family trusted in each other, no rumor could shake the strength of their relationship.

Giann: Marius, Dad actually asked me for my opinion before giving the Pax shares to you.

Marius: You... already knew?

Giann: Yeah. And I agreed.

Marius: But... why?

Giann: Obviously because... my little brother is the best little brother in the world. And… you've never had Mom to take care of you. The funds used to establish Pax Capital** all came from Mom. So transferring the shares to you was probably Dad's way of making up for Mom not being there to protect you.

Giann thought that his words would make Marius stop crying, but didn't realize that it would make him sob even harder.

Giann: Huh? W-why... why are you crying even harder now...? Marius... Don't cry... Is it because I was mad at you earlier? Hey, I was just pretending, how could I actually be mad at you...

Seeing his brother's self-reproach, Marius shook his head while wiping his tears.

Marius: I've... always felt like I was the one who killed Mom. Because of me, Dad was misunderstood, and you've had such a hard time. It's all my fault... Giann, should I have never been born?

Marius gazed tearfully at his brother as he spoke his greatest fear aloud. His young mind didn't even know what answer he wanted to hear, but his doubts over his life had made him unable to endure it any longer.

[END PART TWO]

[PART THREE]

[22:29] Study

Giann pulled Marius into a hug. The boy's small body shook uncontrollably as he sobbed in his brother's arms.

Giann: What kind of a silly idea is that? You have no idea how much Mom was looking forward to you back then. She even made me promise that no matter what happened in the future, I would always protect you, so that you could grow up happy and healthy.

Marius: R-really?

Marius sniffled, like he still had his doubts. After all, the role of "Mom" had always been empty in his life. Giann, understanding how his brother felt, let go of Marius, turned and gripped Marius by the shoulders, then nodded his head seriously.

Giann: Yes, really. Do you remember the fireflies that are there for your birthday every year?

Marius: ...Yeah...

Giann: That was Mom's idea.

Marius: Why?

Giann: She said that if you can see the fireflies, then that was her celebrating your birthday.

Marius: ...

Giann: So Marius , you don't need to blame yourself. You're my precious little brother. No matter what happens, your big brother will do everything he can to protect you. Got it?

Marius: Got it.

[end flashback]

Marius: My brother always kept his promise to our mother to protect me. Even if he was pressured or wronged, he would always prioritize me.

The memory of the exam paper reminded Marius of Giann's disappearance and the stalled project. No matter how well he hid it, I could still sense his worry and disappointment. I hugged him gently. He stiffened for a moment, then patted my back like nothing had happened.

Marius: You don't need to feel bad for me. Yes, there were things I didn’t have before I met you, but I was well protected too. In a way, I really did grow up happy and healthy like my mother wanted. That's how I became the excellent person that you met.

MC: Yes, thank you for becoming so excellent.

[…]

[jump to 36:01, at the von Hagen Estate]

As for the remaining time, I shifted my focus to preparing for Marius's birthday. Everything was pretty much ready, and all that remained was the last step: the devices for attracting fireflies. I found many methods online that were simple and harmless for the fireflies, but...

MC: (Where do I go to find fireflies? Maybe I should ask Mr. Payton. After all, he's familiar with the von Hagen Estate.)

Just as I was about to look for Mr. Payton, I saw him return from the garden.

MC: Mr. Payton, you're back! I happen to have something to ask you.

Payton: By all means, what can I help you with?

MC: Do you still remember when Marius was a kid, how every year there would be fireflies on his birthday?

Payton: The fireflies? Yes, I remember. Those were a surprise that Master Giann would prepare for Master Marius.

MC: Do you know where the fireflies were from?

Payton: They live in the small forest behind the von Hagen Estate.

MC: Whoa, they're that close?

I had a feeling that the fireflies wouldn't be too far away, but I didn't think they'd be right at von Hagen estate.

Payton: It’s because those fireflies were all personally raised by Sir and Master Giann. Back then, Sir put quite a bit of effort into hiding it from Master Marius.

MC: So you mean, Uncle Austin knows about that story too?

Payton: Yes. When his mother departed, Master Giann was still just a child. He couldn't have done all of that by himself.

It turned out that everyone had put in so much work in order to protect Marius. However, growing up in such a loving environment was what allowed him to become who he was today.

MC: Are those fireflies still there?

Payton: They are. This ritual has been on pause ever since Master Marius left to study abroad, but Sir and Master Giann still work hard every year to maintain the forest and ensure the fireflies can survive.

MC: ...

Mr. Payton's words made me realize that it had been a long time since Marius celebrated his birthday at home. He went abroad at a young age, leaving his home to pursue the path of an artist, and then returned to bear his responsibilities when his brother disappeared... He was forced to grow up from a doted-on young master to an independent acting CEO. He protected his family members in his own way, but always forgot to protect himself.

Well, I could protect him.

MC: Mr. Payton, I want to recreate this birthday ritual. Could you help me?

Payton: Of course.

* Translation note: Giann uses 小和, which is a way of making a nickname out of Marius’s name. I originally had it as “Mar” but changed it for consistency with “Will of the Trees” SSR.

** Pax Capital is Pax’s investment firm. We actually already knew that it was their mother’s legacy; this was the branch of Pax that we saw right at the end of chapter one (1-17), when Marius (still without a full face and name) chewed out the managers for investing in a shady business with his mother’s legacy. So with this card, it seems like our first glimpse of Marius was of him protecting the first piece of Pax that he ever got.

#marius von hagen #tears of themis #giann von hagen #tot marius #lu jinghe #tot translation #LOVE IT when i can put giann's name in the tags. such a thrill

61 notes · View notes

ut-versotale · 11 months

Text

A Trip Down Nostalgia Lane

This AU's been in existence for so long, and the most current iteration is so wildly different from the rest. As such, I felt it'd be kinda cool to show you guys how the AU's progressed over the years. I don't think it's too big of a problem to reveal what the initial plans were for each iteration, what I liked and didn't like, and my thought process behind forgoing the old ones

If you don't particularly care for all that, here's the iterations' major characters lined up. (Iteration 4 I only have revealed Asriel and Undyne, so the rest I've designed so far are silhouetted)

Iteration 0.5

Oh boy, where to begin with this one...?

I number it "0.5" and not "1" because there were only two parts that never even officially released on this Tumblr blog. I did upload Part 1 for an April Fool's joke a while ago. But really, it was only ever present on the TS!Underswap Discord server over half a decade ago.

To put it bluntly, Versotale at this point was just a reskinned Undertale roleswap AU. The personalities, while I tried to keep them intact, were not the main driving force. As such:

Asriel is a silent protagonist (And not in a cool clever way like Kris; I mean just straight-up silent)

The only difference with Undyne as a narrator was noting that Frisk was a human at the first save point

Flowey had a more formal speech pattern but was otherwise barely affected despite carrying Chara's consciousness. They weren't even named Asthana yet.

Frisk... well, I can give my past self this, he certainly made an effort to differentiate Frisk from Toriel. I can't say he did a GOOD job at that, but they certainly were different. Awkward dialogue, though, and not much sense behind why they were the mayor of the Ruins at 13 years old

Overall, you can 100% tell I made this as a young teen. Awkward dialogue, barely any effort put into the concept, unoriginal...

It's pretty easy to see why I forewent this version of the AU. Only two parts were ever made. I must thank @beethovenus who gave me a lot of very helpful critiques, such as giving Asriel a voice and making original sprites rather than using sprite edits, as well as encouraging me to make this Tumblr blog for it. Thus, brings us to what I'd like to consider the first PROPER attempt at this AU...

Iteration 1

Ah, this one... this ALSO lasted only two parts. Can't remember why. But I made a lot more headway on this one. Quality aside, I am happy that I had the guts to try and make original sprites of my own back then, even if they aren't particularly good compared to now.

This was where I really attempted to make the characters act noticeably different. Though there were still quite a lot of problems, some that would even persist all the way up until Iteration 4.

I wanted to give Asriel a combination of his regular and Flowey personalities. A cool idea on paper, but the lore doesn't support him acting like that well enough. Thus, I refer to this version of him as Sassriel. This was one of those problems that persisted up until Iteration 3.

Undyne having this snarky back-and-forth with Sassriel. Again, cool idea on paper, but it is not supported by her personality in Undertale, nor the altered circumstances in VT Iteration 1. Also, with Undyne being a disembodied consciousness, it means she's merely an observer of the story and not an active participant, meaning her dialogue got very boring very fast. Undyne in canon was always an active character, so putting her in a role that basically FORCED her to be a passive character was maybe one of the worst decisions I could've made that lasted way too long, all the way until Iteration 4.

You'll notice a whole bunch of characters that never actually saw the light of day in the comic. In the bottom row, starting from left to right, there would have been Pepper (Who DID have a design but I've lost it), Donavan, Dr. Aakil, Lily, and Queen Alice. There's not much to say about them story-wise since I mainly just got the designs down, and you can probably guess what the plot was gonna be like given this was the early days of the AU where it was still very much following the Undertale formula. I think the only UNIQUE things I should mention are that Aakil's version of the amalgamates would've been cyborgs.

Iteration 2

This is the one that's lasted the longest (so far), managing to push its way into the Cold West. I tried to break out of the Undertale formula a tiny bit with this one, to varying degrees of success. There's not much history I can recall or find with this iteration, but I suppose I can give a character rundown of the ones you never saw, ironically enough all positioned on the bottom row again.

Donavan... not very unique compared to Undyne. The main gimmick that separated him from her, I think, was that he had gloves designed by Aakil that were soul-powered.

Valencia... a new character who was meant to be an expanded version of Napstablook's role. Fun fact: Valencia's hooded trenchcoat design there was originally Pepper's Iteration 1 design.

Everyone else was... about what you'd expect.

Looking back on this version, I am... honestly very embarrassed by how badly I butchered the Cold West. I wanted to do so many cool things, like a bounty on Asriel's head and all. But my God... Spade and Pepper sucked so much. Especially Pepper. For characters who at this point were meant to be this AU's replacement of Sans and Papyrus... what poor substitutes.

And honestly, I think that's why I scrapped this one; because I hated the Cold West and how I did it. It felt rushed, awkwardly-written, bad characterization, horrifically-bad puzzles, etc. Thus, Iteration 3 was made.

Iteration 3: Hybrid

I nicknamed this short-lived one "Hybrid" for multiple reasons.

It's where Deltarune became an extremely prevalent influence in Versotale's universe. So no longer is Versotale just an Undertale AU, it can also be considered a Deltarune AU as well.

Many characters could be considered hybrids at this point. Asriel and Undyne shared determination and a body. And, more interestingly, the Mettaton role also shared a body with Mettaton. More about that in a bit

When I was making Part 10-B of Iteration 2, Iteration 3 was meant to flow naturally into it, effectively replacing all of what had came beforehand. That never worked out.

Ultimately, I abandoned this version because it just simply wasn't doing it for me. By this point, the project was beginning to feel stale and boring. Despite my attempts to make a new unique storyline, it just kinda... felt like it was still following in Undertale's footsteps far too much. I mean, you've got the protagonist kid, an old fallen member of their species, the double-crossing flower, a mentor who's lived in a secluded area all their life, a chef who wants to join the guard, a tough grizzled guard captain, a morally-dubious scientist, a celebrity, a monarch... you see how I became dislliusioned with the quality of what was supposed to be my "Unique Undertale storyline." The most unique thing at this point WAS probably Spade. But still, many elements of this version of the story were very fleshed-out. I tried to turn Pepper into a character who wasn't just a bargain-bin Papyrus clone, I had come up with a more unique Hotland area, and it probably could've turned out really nice.

I think the thing I genuinely really liked from this old version was that Shella (This iteration's celebrity character) actually was also possessed by Mettaton. There was this huge backstory thing where the scientist character had monster dust and was injecting humans with it, and since Mettaton was a ghost, his consciousness became attached to Shella's and served as her sort of "assistant." He gave her all the tips and confidence to become famous and gave Mettaton the opportunity to indirectly entertain humans like he always wanted. While a cool idea on paper, having... well, essentially Mettaton technically in the same place as canon Undertale again just felt cheap and lazy. Not to mention it only continued my disillusionment with my "unique story" being far too similar to Undertale for comfort.

But the Surface shenanigans this iteration... man, for as weird as Gaster being king was, I had such a cool thing planned for all the Ebottobia characters. It's something I wanna carry over into Iteration 4 to a certain extent.

Iteration 4: "King Asriel"

This one's really freaking cool. Going back to the drawing board completely, the story resembles almost nothing like Undertale's, with the sole exception of the main premise: People underground, free them from imprisonment through peace or violence.

I'm so proud of these ideas so far, you have no idea. The new Ruins area I'm excited for, the new Cold West feels like an actual proper flowing storyline now, the other areas have way more uniqueness, the characters feel like their own characters with their own stories now (Even the ones that appear in canon), the plot feels completely different... I think you all are really going to like it

That's all. Just felt like taking a trip down memory lane and share some ideas and designs the public never got to see.

#undertale #undertale au #versotale

47 notes · View notes

olderthannetfic · 1 year

Note

Hi! So I have a rambling explanation that’s going to lead into a genuine question about making a website somewhat like a03 or finding alternatives to a site I will mention (it’s not a03 don’t worry)

I am a non/disney editor, crossover artist, amv maker and deep faker and any other term for “make videos of characters in canon or au type scenarios to music”. I’m also a fanficcer. And I remember when being wary of Anne Rice and Archie Comics and DC was a thing. A teacher, to cover his ass for an assignment of mine, taught me how to write an apology letter to a company on the offhand my hand written basically Batman fanfiction, made it’s way online or was heard about. I was in the tail end right before A03 but I am extremely grateful that the site exists. Okay. So now I need to talk about the Owl House. In season three episode special one, Luz Noceda makes an amv coming out to her mom.

Editor friends in a private discord were both happy and worried. Luz is one of us….but also Disney knows about us, to some level. Nothings happened I’ve just been stewing and I’m just worried something might hit the fan for the community given many of us use Disney media (hard not to when 80% of things put out is by them) So I’m asking how one would make a platform like A03 but for video media. Or if there’s things you know like that. YouTube is getting more and more difficult for anyone nowadays too.

Again, nothings really happened yet, I just can’t get it out of my head

Video is worlds harder than text, but you know that.

There are a couple of approaches here: First, more is more. The more sites you have your stuff on, the smaller the chance that Disney can nuke all of them. Second, if you're not just using youtube and getting good at playing the algorithm, you need some way for people to find you or to keep track of all your alternate hosting.

Vidders of the oldschool sort have taken to using AO3. It doesn't have native hosting, of course, but it provides a stable URL and useful fandom-based tagging without algorithm bullshit. It's also a decent way to get vids out there if you only have download links and no streaming (though, of course, that means fewer views). You can embed a bunch of different copies of the same thing in the same work.

I don't know of a ton of fannish attempts at video hosting that are open to everyone. The only person I can think of who's heavily working on that is the guy behind Vidders.net who has a few different projects going.

For other hosting options, I'd see what AO3 currently has whitelisted for embedding. Two obvious ones are Critical Commons and Archive.org.

Broadly, yes, fanvids and AMVs have been subject to even more disastrous mass deletions than fanfic has, and far fewer of them have been saved by other fans because video files are huge.

Oldschool AMVs in the strict sense (i.e. Japanese anime and not Disney) are catalogued and sometimes hosted on animemusicvideos.org. Oldschool Media Fandom has some vidding archivists, and really old stuff was released on tape and then disc, and people still have their copies of those. But online-only fannish video stuff from the 00s and 10s has massive gaps in the historical record already.

Disney is quiescent now, but they haven't always been, and neither have other rights holders. Worse, a bunch of hosts vidders liked just up and deleted their entire sites, wiping out eras of videos and commentary.

Your stuff is in less danger than it would have been 10 years ago, as far as anyone can tell, but video is always in massive danger of disappearing.

If you actually succeed at video!AO3, more power to you! I'm just skeptical that you'll be up to the technical and financial challenge if you don't already know more than you currently do, you know?

Hosting video has, among other problems, the issue that people trading actual abuse materials will upload their videos to your service. Hosts often play whackamole with illegal and traumatizing content. I've known people whose jobs exposed them to this shit, and they were... not okay.

I guess you could make things slightly easier on yourself if you restricted video to cartoons only, but then you'd have the same issues amvs.org does where people who start as one kind of editor start working with other footage and keep trying to upload the wrong thing.

It's often not really viable to host unless you make everyone pay and/or you're authorizing a few dozen accounts of people you've vetted, not running a service just anyone can sign up for. Hosting a hundred videos for friends that you have reviewed and know to be fanvids/amvs is a lot easier than hosting enough stuff that you can't personally review it all.

If you or anyone else is interested in trying to start a site, I'd go check out the various writings by Denise (who runs Dreamwidth). She has some twitter threads and posts on enforcement and running a platform. I remember she talked about the tech people use to detect CSAM from known law enforcement databases.

I don't want to be a downer here, but there are serious legal implications to being the actual host as opposed to just running a discord or something on someone else's platform and reporting some fucker if they try to post illegal shit.

If I were you, I'd get my buddies together, embed all our works on AO3, and then maybe make a collection or tagging standards so we could find each other's stuff.

For hosting, I'd add the Internet Archive, Vimeo, Dropbox, Google Drive, etc. to Youtube and do a periodic audit of AO3 works to make sure links were still working.

AO3 already has a lot of tags that have been made filterable, like Fanvids, AMV, Video Format: Streaming, etc.

83 notes · View notes

paalove · 8 months

Note

prompt? 😇 akk always being moody when aye doesn't give him a good morning kiss and it ruins his whole day. But he is a bit shy and insecure to communicate that. Because this whole boyfriend thing is new to him but damn does he want his good morning kiss.

HI thanks for prompting this [mumbles length of time] ago, ily anon

NOT POSTING ON AO3 UNTIL TOMORROW bc i want to do a couple of simultaneous uploads. for khao's birthday!

“Would you just pay attention,” Akk snaps.

Kan drops his pen and blinks at him.

At least it stops the little song Kan had been singing himself about matrix calculations, but Akk starts to sink in his seat as soon as he thinks that.

Brow furrowing, Kan leans over the table to squint at him before saying, “Are you okay?”

That question is relevant but Akk doesn’t want to answer it.

He’s aware not wanting to talk about his feelings has caused problems before, earlier this year. Like, a couple of months ago, it nearly ended with him getting expelled-

Anyway, Akk doesn’t want to tell the truth.

He mumbles, “Worried about the maths one,” and then, “Sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Kan says, shrugging easily and returning to studying.

But Akk can see the side-eye he’s getting from behind the suddenly-raised textbook and the way Kan’s face is suddenly illuminated means he’s definitely texting someone.

Could be just about any of the others – he talks to Thua most, of course, but Aye is the obvious go-to for any gossip about Akk, and he definitely has suspicions about Kan and Aye conspiring to make their own clingy-boyfriend-stuff seem more reasonable, and of course Wat and Kan have been texting behind Akk’s back for longer than anyone else (but it’s fine – he texts both of them behind the other’s, after all) so it could be-

Is Aye the obvious go-to for Akk?

Well, he’s obvious to the others, but he might not want to be anymore.

This is stupid, he reminds himself. I am being stupid about this and Aye isn’t breaking up with me.

He’s wearing the hoodie that has to prove it, of course, which might be the one bought for him or the one Aye already had – they swap, every so often, for reasons he cannot admit to the others, and indeed had once had to cover Aye’s mouth for an entire lunchtime to stop him from explaining, how they had to smell like the other person – but Akk’s stupid brain keeps doing it anyway.

Aye wanted to, it was just the timing, he tries to convince himself.

Kan’s still watching him from behind the textbook.

It’s not like Akk can criticise him; he’s not studying either.

They probably look silly, just the two of them pretending to study at this table, and Akk can’t remember what the others said they were going to do. He was probably focused on his stupid thoughts.

About Aye, and the timing.

But it can’t be prefect stuff, because Aye and Thua are gone too, and Akk doesn’t remember them even being here at the start of this study period, and he doesn’t know what else it could be but he can’t ask Kan.

He’d sound anxious.

And Kan would know he was spiralling.

Probably other people too – the same ones he and Kan look silly to now, in their pantomime of studying, because of course they’re looking. People haven’t stopped looking at him at school, since everything happened.

It’s Akk’s fault of course, he knows that.

The eyes still burn.

Not always – when Aye’s with him it actually feels kind of good, moving past everything and proving to himself that being looked at, being seen won’t kill him, but…

First of all, Aye isn’t here, which is the root of all of it today apparently, but it’s still fine because when his friends are here it’s fine and Kan is here.

But then, also, maybe not.

Because the other thing is that he’s clearly relying on Aye more than he thought. He feels uneasy, on-edge, like the hoodie has something crawling on it and so does the table and so does the ground, and Akk knows why.

That’s what makes it all so stupid – that he knows why.

He and Aye slept in separate buildings last night, which isn’t that weird for them, no matter what their friends say. But then Aye was a little late, in the morning, so when they actually reunited there were like, three teachers in sight of them, and two of them were vaguely-recognised members of the faculty but Teacher Waree was the third – she likes Aye better now, but it’s not like she can be either of their favourite teacher so it would have just been weird.

They’d moved on quickly, moved into the grounds where their friends were, but all that meant-

“The printer just tried to eat Thua,” Aye announces, throwing himself onto the same part of the bench where Akk is sitting and, incidentally, throwing one leg over Akk’s.

He’s balanced precariously, that being a stupid way to sit on a picnic bench, so Akk steadies him with a hand on his waist. While they’re smiling at each other Kan says or does something that makes Thua put on an exasperated voice, so they’re flirting too, which makes the interruption totally reasonable.

Namo steals Akk’s textbook and lies down on the table, so as to wave his hands in all their faces at once and say, “I also exist, actually.”

“Hi, Wat,” Akk and Kan reply in unison, ignoring Namo to look at the only person still standing up.

Wat waves and tries to pull Namo off the table.

Thua breaks off from whatever he was murmuring to Kan to look confused and ask, “Wait, what were you guys doing before we ran into you?”

“Oh,” starts Wat, “I was actually in the computer room on the second floor, checking my emails, and-“

Aye pokes Akk’s knee.

Akk tilts his head to look at him properly – they’re cuddled up pretty tightly.

“-helping me double check my note about the,“ Namo’s saying, now sitting on top of the table. “What was it? You know, the-“

Aye gives an exaggerated pout and Akk really does try not to stare at his lips, which has always been a difficult task.

They’re very smooth.

And shiny.

One mystery that was finally solved after they started dating was the shininess – Akk never suspected lip balm, he always just thought Aye was kind of… inherently shiny-lipped.

Case in point: when Aye isn’t helping him, Akk is stupid.

“-Yeah, we were looking at Namo’s notes but I still needed to check my email, and-“

The pout slowly slips into an actual frown, and Akk feels his own eyes widen. Aye is frowning at him and it’s probably confusion but the stupid, unsettled part of him that’s been waiting since they met up insists that it’s more than that-

Kan claps once, loudly.

At least when they turn their heads to look at him, they’re synchronised.

“Everyone’s being weird,” announces Kan. “Akk yelled at me about studying better and you two are talking funny.”

The you two indicated seems to be Namo and Wat, who immediately look at each other.

Over their disagreements – or perhaps explanations? – Thua speaks in that unexpectedly-carrying tone he’s always been so good at, voice deceptively soft, saying, “You should study better, Kan. We’ve got a week left to study.”

Pausing for Kan’s whine and the way he dramatically lets his head fall onto the desk, Thua visibly suppresses a smile.

It’s quiet for a moment.

“And that’s making everything weird, of course people are acting like it. Nobody’s being weird,” he adds.

Akk feels more than sees Aye nod in agreement.

Which seems like Akk’s cue, so he leans forwards as much as he can without disrupting Aye (only barely not sitting in his lap at this point) to shake his head at Kan and say, “Stop being a dick to everyone, Kan.”

“Yeah,” jumps in Namo, “Stop being a dick.”

Kan is failing to defend himself against their ganging up on him, probably because his boyfriend is also giggling and Akk knows Kan likes it when Thua’s kind of mean to him, when Aye starts poking his leg again.

“What?” he whispers, not wanting to get the rest of their attention.

Wiggling and tipping his forehead onto Akk’s shoulder, Aye is equally quiet when he asks, “You yelled at Kan?”

Akk freezes, which is his main mistake.

He tries, “I just snapped because he was being annoying,” but Aye felt him freeze and Aye knows how to read him.

There’s a moment when Aye frowns at him again, and this time the overwhelming fear isn’t of the stupid thing – Aye leaving – but of the actual threat, which is Aye figuring out what he’s upset about.

Akk isn’t surprised that Aye stands up.

“What’s up-“

He doesn’t hear the rest of Wat’s question, because it’s better to just go, when Aye starts trying to drag him somewhere.

They don’t go far.

Actually, he’s pretty sure the others will hear them even if they whisper, here, but Aye places him with his back against a wall and boxes him in, so Akk really has no choice to comply.

And get distracted by staring at his lips again.

Only briefly, this time, because Aye quickly takes his hand and says, “You weren’t upset Kan was being annoying.”

“It’s nothing.”

There’s no point insisting on the Kan story – Aye can read him.

Of course, Aye also knows the kind of feelings Akk prefers not to admit to, and he knows their outcomes, so it’s definitely not weird that Aye’s face goes all worried and urgent.

Guilt makes Akk panic and blurt it out.

In a mumble – their friends can still hear them – he says, “When we met up Teacher Waree was there and then our friends were there and we didn’t see each other last night so you didn’t kiss me hello this morning and I’ve been sad about it.”

Eyes now scrunched closed, he has to convince them to peel open, even though he knows Aye won’t be making any of the worst faces he’s picturing. He won’t be disgusted or angry or, like, guilty because it was on purpose – no, at worst, Aye’s going to be suppressing that Akk’s-so-cute smile-

No, wait, there’s one worse, and it’s this.

Confused, Aye says, “Huh? I couldn’t understand you.”

“You didn’t kiss me hello this morning!” Akk repeats; he knows immediately that he was too loud.

None of their friends are making a sound.

Quietly, he adds, “Oh no.”

Aye’s eyes light up with exactly the Akk’s-so-cute look he’d been afraid of, and the hand on his squeezes tight, and he opens his mouth to say something mortifying and-

“Wat,” asks Namo, loudly. “Did you just hear something?”

Oh, fuck.

At least Aye kisses him on the cheek before dragging him back to the table. It’s the only upside to what follows.

#akkayan #the eclipse #the eclipse the series #robfic

15 notes · View notes

hazelplaysgames · 16 days

Text

uuuuh since the SD card port went and just stopped, i really haven't felt like uploading clips. so. bleck. i think i can already chalk it up as a mixed year for me.

that said, i feel like i should make at least something now that the queue is unquestionably emptying, so. how about them phone games? i'll just make it one big one under a Keep Reading because, fair warning, they're all gacha games. on that front alone, i can't advocate for anyone getting in all willy nilly. keep in mind, i haven't spent anything on any of them. i got "luck" in my usual username for a reason.

let me start with the only one i've played since... ah, last august, actually, Blue Archive! it's going well, i just hit level 87, the level cap for the time being, a couple days ago.

i'm still having fun with that one, so. nine months of fun with that one, story that kicked me like a mule, definitely more out of my time with it than i thought i was gonna get. we're in the middle of new stories now, and to fill in the event void, we're getting this mini-event featuring a girl named Aoi, who basically just shows up for that event. been a while. as you might guess by me bringing her up unprompted: a minor character who doesn't show up often? she stole my heart. it's honestly kinda impressive. something about her voice, mainly.

also, good news from the JP servers: they're putting the twin catgirl gamers in maid outfits! well, i mean, that event is a repeat, those two already were, but we'll be able to take them home this time!

additionally, a few months back, they started this system that grants a 10 pull ticket that's good for a month.

it has been working out for me. didn't get any bunny girls for the collab after Cunifest, so i missed out on comedy, but i at least got the two collab girls in a pity pull's worth. the actual bunny event is coming up just after my birthday in June, and. well, i won't argue with bunnies for my birthday. probably post about that tuesday/thursday if it's REALLY good, or split it 100 pulls per those days?

nah, at most it's 20 screenshots, lets not drag that out. it can be done in 1 post.

next, i got into Nikke far more recently- a couple months is accurate- and like. i get a lot of sniper rifle users in that one. Frima was the first, Red Hood(who is widely considered by the userbase as one of if not THE strongest unit. i can believe it), Alice(who is still considered damn good with Red here. the loaned version makes me believe it), Trony, D: Killer Wife(i actually pulled D and her alt costume at the same time), Harran, Maxwell- why am i a sniper rifle magnet? is it 'cause i like to play Heavy? am i just an easy mark?

you know i just realized neither of those pages show the girls names. be amazed i got Kasumi and Hiyori in the BA ones, please please. at the very least, the numbers on the bottom left can tell you those were actually the first pulls of those two banners.

anyways. since it was after i got through the final chapter in BA, i kinda figured it'd have a good story as well, and, yeah, absolutely better than i first thought. but the story is gated behind levelling, and while this was a point against BA too, it's far more prominent here. like, i got through all of BA's plot once i hit the 60s back in like, January or so, the grind to get into the story is practically constant with Nikke. also, the main story is 30 chapters in, and they're now calling it the prologue. i don't really want to witness that unchecked growth.

that all said, the main reason i got into either in the first place was because of the music: lotta good stuff in these two. no one set style, no one set tone, sum of it all is great. it is hard to suggest a place to start.

uh, as for the only gun gacha game i dropped right now, Arknights. just never meshed even after a few months, and if i remember right, the story has a similar issue as Nikke in being levelling locked. that all said, Nikke is probably the one i'll drop once phone space gets scarce. i enjoy it, but for the fact it's still the largest of the lot, eh... sadly, the best choice.

oh, and speaking of bunny girls, looks like that's also gonna be the next event for Nikke. hilarious. Alice is finally gettin' a proper alt!

in any case, i don't wanna go ditchin' the two rhythm games! i'll talk about the two side by side, kinda, if you wanna call it that. the first of which, Bang Dream! Girls Band Party!, commonly just called Bandori, and the second, D4DJ Groovy Mix. they both got a good selection of songs, though i do have to admit that if Bandori didn't have Butterfly, the song from Digimon, i probably would not have got into it these two as much as i did. here's two pages for that one:

they recently made a push for 500 songs in it, so i'm only missing about 80. i feel quite proud for clearing all those Hard songs, i was barely kicking past medium when i first started in December. unfortunately for me, this kinda also stems the flow of free stars, i think i'll get at best, one or two more pity pulls within the year. for birthday banners. those are like, 1/3 of normal banners. it's a harsh star economy here. anyways, D4DJ:

it throws a lot more currency types around, and the story... it might be timing about the whole xross wars arc, but what it is now ain't hitting what i'm looking for. ain't saying bad, just that i was kinda expecting more mundane. the gems in this one are also fairly consistent, so unless i want a lot ASAP, i feel like i can get a good, healthy enough amount within the rest of the year, even if the pulls are pricier than Bandori. might be going a little harder than i need to for some birthday banners.

if i could give shorthand preferences, i'd say: i give D4DJ props for the gameplay and modes that can be played, as well as overall difficulty curve and even accessibility, while Bandori i'll give the characters and story. while i like Rika(the redhead in the bunny suit up there) and Rinku of D4, i can fill out several lines of characters i like from Bandori, so. most of them, actually.

above the rest, easily, Kokoro, the blond one up there, she's just so happy like a ray of sunshine, i adore her. whenever a Hello, Happy World! song demo starts playing, it's usually her on vocals, and like a moth to a flame, i wanna play it.

i feel like both have great song selections, but what they each encompass is a bit different: Bandori only has originals and cover songs, all lyrics, all the way, and i think most of them are good. meanwhile, D4DJ, while obviously having ori's and covers, also has some original songs from other artists, instrumentals, and game music straight from either the source or a remixer like Camellia, who made a few songs in Mad Rat Dead, and i really appreciate having those as well.

ok, i am underplaying Camellia's full efforts there, fella does a lot of good remixes and originals. i mean, a lot a lot. you can't go two rhythm games without seeing his name, and for good reason: he's that good.

also, i know both series have youtube channels with animated seasons to them, but i haven't given either a watch yet. i learned those channels existed like a week ago, never considered the possibility before.

also.

love these birthday banners! D4DJ even gives you a few free pulls once a day while the banner is up to celebrate, which i find nice.

i guess i did also try Love Live 2, but, by download size, that was actually bigger than Nikke, and it relied entirely on its original songs. it felt hard to get into, aaaand... it is shutting down in a couple days now. still, got Snow Halation in, Rin was cute, Nico Nico Ni, Nozomi Tojo, David Schwimmer, guest starring the "SKULLS" parasite unit. to explain the joke, Triple-Q's Friends Halation. i like most Snow Halation mashes.

all right, anything else i want to mention here and now... nah. i think that's good, i feel talked out.

#hazel talks #eh. it's fine.#i am tired and worried about the whole switch thing still but i can't really do too much until i get a new one so. juuuust waitin'.#the talking and rambling helps take my mind off it a bit.

3 notes · View notes

hiddenendings · 9 months

Text

i confuse instinct with desire - isn't bite also touch? (Blanktember Day 22)

A/N: This is meant for Day 22 of Blanktember and I just forgot when day I was supposed to upload it! I wrote this a very long time ago for @quicken-silver and I am now posting it here for you all to hopefully enjoy! If you haven't read "eat your heart out" yet then I HIGHLY recommend it. It's still a work-in-progress, but goddamn is it good. (As well as all of their other works. Go read them! Also, check out some art Ventigh did for this same AU for "eat your heart out" it's so good!! I took the title directly from their post, so, uh, hope you don't mind ventigh!!)

Summary: After a long separation, Ingo and Emmet, along with their deamons, have finally been reunited. Ingo wants Emmet to feel just how much they missed him.

[title and deamon names+AU inspired/taken from quickensilver's "eat your heart out"]

Notes: Post-PLA reuinon with the twins being in an established relationship before the separation. Deamons!AU

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/50293963

Check out my writing commission info here!

***

[Setting: Quicken-Silver’s “eat your heart out” AU. Daemon!Blankshipping in Hisui with Emmet having found Ingo a few days ago and the two are now waiting for Akari/Rei to finish the Pokedex and go home. It is winter and Ingo, Emmet, and their Daemons are in Ingo's tent in the Highlands. It is night and a snowstorm has begun.]

Carefully shutting the door, Ingo made sure any seams were tightly sealed before he shook his head. "It looks like the storm might be worse than initially expected. It's possible we'll be here for a day or two until the cliffs are safe to travel again." Turning to look back at everyone, Ingo saw Sayoko and Jayla gleefully chasing each other around the tent and over furniture and causing a ruckus — not that Ingo could blame either of them. He hadn't seen Jayla so lively in years, although he supposed much could be said for himself as well.

Thankfully all of their pokemon were resting in their pokeballs, not willing to deal with the cold. Much of the same could be said of his brother, who was sitting on the bed and whining loudly, “Why is it so cold! You said this was the Highlands, not the Icelands. I am Emmet and it is cold.”

“I told you it was still cold up in the mountains,” Ingo said, more amused than frustrated. It was so nice to see his baby brother squirming around on his bed and whining and complaining, playing up the act of brat even with flushed cheeks and breathless little giggles that slipped out between words.

If he had any doubt of Emmet’s true good mood, they were wiped away as he saw Sayoko trill in delight, her and Jayla tumbling past in a mix of fur and feathers.

“Big brother doesn’t care anymore,” Emmet ‘huffed,’ trying to hide his grin behind the Pearl Clan hoodie Ingo had given him to stay warm. There was something overwhelmingly nice about Emmet tucked away in Ingo’s clothing and Ingo’s bed and looking at him with those flustered cheeks and dazzling eyes. “He’s going to leave us to freeze, Sayoko!”

As if to spite him, Sayoko wiggled her way under Jayla, poking out from under warm fur and purring loud enough to drown out the howling winds outside. Ingo felt as if the snow and wind could never touch him again as his baby brother collapsed into giggles and shouted about his ‘traitorous daemon.’

Shaking his head, Ingo moved to tend to the fire. As reluctant as he was to look away from Emmet’s warmth and joy, he’d rather his baby brother stay warm. It would only get colder as the night went on, after all, and Emmet deserved to be comfortable and frankly, in Ingo’s opinion, pampered, after all he had gone through.

Getting ready to stand back up, Ingo froze, almost literally, as two hands wiggled under his tunic and undershirt and pressed against the bare skin of his back. Really, they were less hands and more blocks of ice. “See! I told you it was cold, Ingo!” Oh, so baby brother wanted to play the brat, today, huh?

A quick tussle and Ingo managed to get Emmet pinned to the floor, unable to help the twitch of his lips as cackling laughs turned into a breathless whimper that sent Emmet’s cheeks flushing a beautiful pink. While Ingo had only intended to tease Emmet for just a while… it had been so long since he had seen Emmet pinned underneath him and squirming, cheeks flushed pink and giggles tumbling out of him as he cried up at him, “Big brother! You’re being verrry rude!”

“Am I, now?” Ingo’s lips twitched as Emmet quieted down with a small whine, still squirming, but only in a way that drew him in closer, everything about him open and soft and willing-

Ingo glanced up briefly to see Jayla had pinned Sayoko to the ground, paws on both of her wings and tongue lapping at the feathers around her neck. Sayoko was limp and content under her, trills as loud as Jayla’s purrs. At least he wasn’t the only one who had given in.

“Big brother?” Sitting back, and delighting in the whimper that earned him as he pulled away, Ingo let Emmet pout for only a few moments before he was scooping his brother into his arms. A quick readjustment and they were sitting in front of the fireplace, Emmet melting into his arms.

“My baby brother is cold, is he? I suppose I would be irresponsible if I didn’t correct the situation,” Ingo mused, tugging at Emmet’s arms and lifting them into the air until they were straight. Emmet made a questioning noise, starting to lower them before Ingo gripped him harder, something like a growl leaving his throat, “Stay.”

Emmet froze at the same time he went limp, his baby brother loose and willing in his arms, absolute trust in that gaze that looked up at him. “Good,” Ingo chuckled, grinning as Emmet shuddered. “Did baby brother miss hearing his big brother praise him and tell him how much of a good boy he is?”

Oh, it was still so easy to break Emmet down. Still, he had a plan he was intent on fulfilling before he went too far off the tracks. Working his hands under Emmet’s tunic and shirt, Ingo pushed them up until he was pulling them off completely, lowering Emmet’s arms after he did so. “You know, Emmet, there’s a very quick way to get warm. While these clothes can keep in heat, they don’t generate it.” As he spoke, Ingo ran his hands down pink skin that was quickly warming up thanks to the fire they sat in front of. “Fireplaces, however, are very good at warming a body up quickly.”

Ingo took both of their hats off and set them aside with the other clothing, not resisting for even a moment as he nuzzled his way close to Emmet’s scalp. A deep breath brought in the scent of his baby brother, still with that lingering scent of shampoo he always loved using. So long apart and his memories still so scattered and broken and yet that scent… It was so familiar. So good.

Emmet whimpered, Ingo directing himself back onto the tracks as placed a quick kiss to Emmet’s temple. “Of course, it’s no good if the body gets too warm too quickly.” Hands sliding back down Emmet’s body, Ingo lingered in every place he could, rubbing warmth into the shivering body and pausing at places where his sweet baby brother had grown so thin… He would definitely be fixing that.

“So first, we have to remove everything else.” Ingo took his time in divesting Emmet of the rest of his clothes, caressing each inch of skin revealed to him and lingering until he remembered each sensitive spot that turned his baby brother into a squirming, broken mess in his arms. “Big- Big brother please-!” Oh, he had missed that.

“No need to beg, baby brother,” Ingo chuckled, bending down to kiss at the side of Emmet’s neck, the whimper turning into a shocked moan when Ingo bit down. As he did so, he removed the last of the clothing, Emmet naked and warm and excited in his lap. “I’ll give you everything you need, after all.”

Catching a glimpse of Emmet’s hand dropping to touch himself, Ingo’s hands shot out to grab Emmet’s wrists and hold them still. “Relax, baby brother. You were cold, after all, weren’t you?” Ingo chuckled at the whimpering complaint, kissing at Emmet’s temple again.

“This is cruel!” Emmet whined, trying to squirm and move. Ingo didn’t let him, pressing down and curving over him to lock him further in place, tangling their legs together until Emmet’s were pushed down. “Ingo-!”

“I missed you, you know.” Emmet went still in his grasp and Ingo hummed appreciatively, pulling Emmet back into his grip fully, lowering their arms, but still keeping his grip on Emmet’s wrists. “Every day, trying so hard to remember anything about my life, and always feeling such an empty space to my side.”

Emmet managed to squirm enough to look at him properly, face cloaked in understanding and empathy. “I know.” Ah, but of course he knew. Emmet’s side had been empty too, after all. “I know, Ingo.”

“I know you do.” Ingo blew out a sigh, letting the dark feelings go with it. He nuzzled at the side of Emmet’s head, pressing kisses to the skin until he heard giggles. “Almighty Sinnoh I missed you,” Ingo muttered, trailing the kisses down until he was playing with Emmet’s neck, his sweet baby brother groaning and tilting his head to give him even more space. Dragons, he wanted to drive him to ruin.

Emmet had been so good for him, searching and working so hard to find him and tirelessly running forward just to get back to his big brother’s side. He wanted to pay all of that back. He wanted to spoil him. To pamper. To protect. To indulge. He wanted to devour.

“Emmet,” Ingo whispered, pulling Emmet in towards him, always closer, as close as he could get. His clothes were still in the way, but that could come later. To let go of Emmet now would be the end of him. “Emmet.”

“I missed you,” Emmet whimpered, shuddering in his grasp, still so warm and yielding, no defense at all against his big brother’s hungry grasp. He was as pinned beneath him as Sayoko was under Jayla, unable to move and yet there so voluntarily. “I missed you.”

Ingo wanted to tear his baby brother apart. To dig into him and devour every inch, claim him until every part of his sweet baby brother was his. He wanted him limp and crying and collapsed in his grip, dizzy with pleasure and filled with love. Ingo wanted to indulge and there was nothing to hold him back. After all they had been through, after how long Emmet had been kept from him, there was nothing to hold him back.

“I want to feel it.” As soon as Ingo said the words, the desire sunk in with claws and teeth. “I want to feel it,” Ingo repeated, nipping at Emmet’s skin and grinning at the startled whimper. “Let me feel you, darling.” Ingo didn’t bother to raise his voice, feeling the brush of warmth and fur against his back as he simply repeated, “Darling.”

They were both so hungry, and Ingo knew they had reached the very end of whatever patience and propriety they had left as Jayla fluidly twined through their arms and settled in Emmet’s lap.

Emmet gasped and jerked forward, Ingo holding him tightly in place and closing his eyes at the rush that flowed through him. This was no brief touch or loving reunion. This was Emmet squirming and moaning in his grip, euphoria flowing through him as he whimpered and whined and was filled with such love.

Ingo could feel every piece of him, overflowing with love and devotion and desire, a blazing heat that swept through him only to be followed by jolts of lightning, hot flashes of heat and lust and that resounding, echoing call of hunger. His baby brother’s soul was a predator as well, after all.

Ingo loosed his grip on Emmet’s wrists, groaning softly as Emmet shot forward to wrap himself around Jayla, hands burying themselves into her ruff and face burrowing against that warm fur.

His darling ocelot purred and chuckled, pressing closer to their sweet star and licking at the few tears that had rolled down his cheeks. “Oh, my sweet, how we missed you,” she cooed, nuzzling close and letting Ingo feel every scrap of his brother.

“Shall we show you?” Ingo asked, panting around the words and just barely registering how out of breath he was as Emmet only moaned, hands clutching closer at Ingo’s soul. “I want to show you, Emmet. Let me show you. I want you to feel me, baby brother.”

A whisper, the barest edges of a voice, almost lost in the distant howling winds that Ingo had all but forgotten. The softest please.

“Dearest,” Ingo crooned, placing a kiss against that flushed skin that was now so warm and soft. He spoke to both of him, shifting a leg only far enough away to provide a perch. Sayoko was there in a flash, Ingo wasting not even a second as his fingers dug through warm feathers, angelic and soft. He didn’t dare let go of Emmet, his shaking baby brother who was crying and gasping, but he moved enough to bring Sayoko closer. He moved enough to wrap an arm around her, clutching onto her feathers and placing a kiss between her eyes. “Oh dearest,” he whispered softly, just for her. “How we missed you.”

More, Ingo decided. He needed to give them more. Releasing angelic feathers and moving his hand away, Ingo shushed Emmet quickly at the sob that left him. “Just a moment, my love, just a second sweet thing, my dearest star, hold on just a moment.”

Even as he soothed his sweet baby brother down, Ingo was quick to rip off his own shirt and tunic, uncaring for once if anything teared, simply throwing it away before ushering Sayoko closer, letting the sweet thing hop and flap until her talons were braced on his shoulders, her body limp and melting against him, wings touching as much of his skin as she could. So much like her human, he mused.

As soon as she had pressed against him, Emmet had gone just as limp and melting, panting sharply and caught between him and his darling Jayla. “Do you see, baby brother?” Ingo asked, groaning softly at the emotions that flowed through them both, caught and lost equally between breathless purrs and melodic trills. “How much we missed you two? How much we wanted you back.”

He knew what Emmet would feel. He would feel his big brother’s obsession with him, that possessive, protective urge that made him want to lock Emmet away until the world could never find him again. Until he was Ingo’s and only Ingo’s. He knew by the way Jayla had pressed closer, teeth pressed around his neck like she so often did with Sakoyo, this time sharp enough to draw pinpricks of blood. He knew Emmet felt every part of those dark, hungry urges as he gasped and cried out, squirming between them and looking up at Ingo with an expression that was already wrecked. It was wrecked, but it was euphoric, filled with awe and want and the same consuming hunger.

He felt talons dig into his shoulder, piercing the skin and gripping to where it felt like he would never get away — as if he wanted to. The pain was nothing compared to the euphoria that was given to him. He never wanted to leave this spot.

“You found me, baby brother,” Ingo chuckled, hands returning to sliding across warm, flushed skin that now carried a sheen of sweat. He wanted. He wanted. He kissed lightly at the back of Emmet’s shoulder, holding him still as Jayla’s teeth dug in more, pulling out a wailing cry. “And now I won’t let you go.”

He was going to devour.

#blankshipping #blanktember #blanktember day 22 #i had a lot of fun with this when i first wrote it #showed it to silver eons ago and they also enjoyed it so hoping yall will too

9 notes · View notes

holdmeclosertinytaron · 1 year

Text

RHW: Chapter Five

Story Page / Playlist / Wattpad / AO3

A/N: I've just had such a weird moment of 'how am I already uploading chapter five?' and now I feel so weird. This chapter was so fun to write, and the sprinkles of Liliana's friendship with Evelyn and Jacob is so fun. It's absolutely how my two best friends and I am. I hope you love it as much as @brayndilyn and I do!!

Word Count: 7.1k

Warnings: Explicit language

December 25th, 2021

It was clear as soon as Liliana opened the door that she’d been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and they weren’t tears of happiness. Taron wanted to pull her into his body and tell her that he was taking her to his house where she’d be okay. But he knew she wanted to spend the day with Matilda and that she wouldn’t let him.

She looked at him curiously, not sure why he was at her house instead of his with his family. He was slightly out of breath and had his hands stuffed in his pockets. When he went to speak, Liliana stepped out of the house in just her socks and pulled the door closed behind her.

Taron wanted to ask what happened and why she was upset but it was clear that if he asked her, she would immediately fall into fits of sobs and he didn’t want to upset her anymore than she was already upset.

Liliana watched as he pulled a velvet box out of his pocket that had a bow on top of it, thanks to Tina insisting that it needed to look like a gift rather than just a box.

‘I saw this a couple of weeks ago and I knew I had to get it for you. It’s not much.’

Liliana was speechless. So speechless that she didn’t even open the box. She wanted to have him wrap his body around her while she told him everything that happened that morning but she couldn’t burden him with it, not on Christmas.

He looked at her with concern and she smiled at him and said, ‘Thank you, Taron.’

His arms wrapped around her and pulled her in for a hug that she needed more than she liked to admit. He smelled like Christmas, warm and comforting with hints of sweetness from the chocolate he’d had for breakfast.

‘You’re welcome,’ he said into her ear, her hair tickling his nose. ‘I mean it, Lil, I’m here for you whenever you need me. If you want to talk about it, let me know.’

Liliana gulped loudly and pulled away from him with a nod. She thanked him again before she walked back into the house and closed the door. It wasn’t a day for her to be around people and Taron understood.

Inside the house, Liliana escaped to the bathroom, the one room in the house where she wouldn’t be disturbed by her family. When she was safely locked inside the tiled room, she sits on the edge of the bath and opens Taron’s gift, cursing herself for having forgotten to give him his gift the day before.

She gasped when she saw it. A beautiful gold necklace with the letter ‘M’ on a textured circle. Her fingertip brushed along it as she broke down crying again.

She couldn’t believe how much attention he paid to her and how much thought went into the gift. Taron told her it wasn’t much but it was everything to her. After the worst Christmas morning she’d ever had, seeing Taron and the gift he’d bought for her broke her heart even more. She knew that he would go home to a happy home filled with noise and laughter and love while she was stuck with the opposite.

Every year, Liliana hoped that going home would be different than the last. Especially as Matilda got older and she could chat to her and take her places. But it was still the same as it had always been. It wouldn’t ever change.

Liliana continued to stare at the necklace in her hands, even when her eyes were so full of tears that she couldn’t see anything. Her chest went tight as she struggled to breathe and she had to slide onto the floor and put her head between her legs to try to calm down.

She could hear her mum, Hudson and Matilda laughing together downstairs and she cried more knowing that she wouldn’t be welcomed down there by anybody but Matilda. If she went downstairs, the air would turn sour and she refused to ruin Christmas for Matilda. So she moved to her bedroom and climbed into bed where she pulled the covers over her head and tried to drown out the thoughts she’d fought off for so long.

***

A few hours later, the bed dipped beside her and Matilda peeked behind the covers. Liliana had fallen asleep at some point and woke up with the worst headache and a dry mouth. She moved over so that Matilda could sit next to her but she didn’t sit up herself.

‘Mum’s put leftovers out for dinner if you’re hungry.’

‘I’m okay, thank you though, love bug. I think I’m going to go back to sleep to be honest. I’m really tired.’

Liliana tried to put on a smile for Matilda but she was too emotionally exhausted to pretend that she was happy. All she could think about was going back to London and locking herself in her flat with a bottle of tequila and a pile of books.

Her phone buzzed on the bedside table but she ignored it. She’d only been on it once that day to answer Evelyn’s yearly Christmas message and to check train prices in case she decided to head home early. There was a high chance that Taron had texted her but she didn’t want to talk to anybody, let alone Taron.

As much as she felt about him, the emotional baggage was too much and she knew that the inevitable message of him telling her that he couldn't be friends with her was due to come. Her family had a way of ruining all the good things in her life.

Matilda looked down at her big sister with big eyes, and Liliana wanted so badly to whisk her away forever.

‘Who was at the door earlier?’ she asked as she toyed with the corner of the duvet. ‘Was it Taron?’

Liliana nodded. ‘It was.’

‘Why didn’t he come in?’

‘He had to go be with his mum and sisters. He came over to bring me a gift. It’s on the bedside table if you’d like to look at it.’

Matilda grabbed the box and opened it. Her eyes went wide and then she looked at it. ‘Did you get him a gift?’

‘I did,’ Liliana said as she started to sit herself up. Her back hurt and she groaned as she tried to find a position. She wrapped an arm around Matilda and pulled her into her side. ‘He had to leave before I could give it to him. I’ll let him have it when I see him next though.’

Matilda ran her finger over the necklace the same way Liliana had and it made Liliana think to the night before when Taron told her that it couldn’t be a bad thing if Matilda ended up like her. But it could. If Matilda grew up to cry herself to sleep in the middle of the day on Christmas, she would have failed as a sister.

‘This is so pretty,’ Matilda whispered. ‘Why is there a ‘M’ on it?’

‘For Matilda,’ Liliana replied. For the first time that day she smiled. A real smile that made her eyes glisten. She ran her hand down Matilda’s cheek softly. ‘He knows how much I love you so he brought me something special that he knows I will cherish forever.’

‘I love it,’ Matilda said.

I love him, Liliana thought.

December 26th, 2021

Hey, T. I’m headed back to London this afternoon. I can’t stay here anymore. It’s suffocating. Thank you again for the gift, it is truly so special and I love it so much. And thank your mum for the other night for me please. It was really so lovely of her to let me stay x

Liliana had woken up that morning with another headache. Matilda had crawled into bed with her in the middle of the night and was curled into her back. It had been years since that happened and Liliana had stayed there for ages enjoying the comfort that it gave her.

When they were all awake, Liliana braved going downstairs so she could see Matilda’s gifts properly and play with her for a few hours before they headed to Hudson’s parents’ house for a few hours.

Eliza had woken up in a mood, which wasn’t unsurprising, and had taken it out on everyone in the house. She’d made a comment about nobody helping her to clean up from the day before despite Liliana having cleaned the kitchen after Christmas Lunch and Matilda putting her wrapping paper in a bin as she opened her gifts.

The air in the house was stale and thick, and Liliana needed to get out. Leaving the house wasn’t enough, she needed to go back to London. So she booked a ticket, not paying attention to how much it cost, and texted Taron to let him know.

While packing her things, Matilda went to her room and looked around sadly. ‘You’re leaving?’

Liliana looked up at her and had to fight back the tears. Matilda’s lips quivered and her eyes grew wet. In two strides, Liliana got to her and wrapped her into a bone crushing hug. The hardest part about leaving Aberystwyth and going back to London was saying goodbye to Matilda. They both cried without fail and it chipped Liliana’s heart more each time.

‘I’m sorry, little bug. I have work,’ she lied. One thing she’d promised herself when Matilda was born was that she wouldn’t ever let her sister know how strained her relationship with her mum was. She didn’t want Matilda to feel the way she did. ‘I’ll come back as soon as I can though, okay?’

Matilda cried into her chest and held her tighter. ‘I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay. I miss you.’

Tears tracked down Liliana’s cheeks as she bent down to scoop Matilda into a bigger hug. ‘I miss you too, Tilly. So much you have no idea. My heart hurts so much because I’m not here but I have to go to work.’

Her phone buzzed on the bed but she left it a little while longer, letting Matilda hug her for as long as she needed to. Her heart hurt and her head pounded but she didn’t care. Matilda needed her and she would be there for her.

‘When do you go?’

‘This afternoon. So I still have time to play with you for a bit. Maybe we could make one of your perfumes together and then when you’re sad you can smell it and pretend I’m here with you?’

Matilda nodded and wiped her eyes. ‘That sounds nice. I’ll go get it ready?’

‘Okay, little bug.’

When Matilda left the room, Liliana collapsed on the floor and cried more. Her phone’s incessant buzzing almost tipped her over the edge into a full blown sob fest. But she wiped her tears and took a deep breath and grabbed her phone to see Taron calling.

She answered and put the phone to her ear. He was somewhere with a lot of people because there was Christmas music and laughter and shouting. It made her sad because she wanted that.

‘Let me drive you back,’ he said instead of greeting her. ‘It’s a five hour train ride to London and then you’ve got the tube ride which is forty ish minutes on a good day. Plus by that time it’ll be dark and sketchy. Let me drive you back, it’ll be quicker.’

‘And once you dropped me off you’d do what? Miss out on family time because of me, again? You’ve done enough of that already this week.’

She sat with her back against the bed and held the phone to her ear.

‘I’ll come back here after. It’s no bother.’

‘You’re saying that a five hour train ride and a forty minute tube ride is a long time but you’d be looking at a ten hour round trip,’ she said matter of factly. ‘I refuse to take you away from your family over Christmas again, and I refuse to let you do that for me. I promise I’ll be okay. I could do with the time to myself anyway.’

Taron sighed on the other end of the phone. ‘Lil, are you sure you’re okay?’

‘I will be,’ she said, ‘once I’m home.’

‘I’ll see you soon, yeah?’ Taron asked, voice full of hope. It almost made her cry again, how much he hoped to see her again soon. After everything that had happened that week with her mum and the number of times she’d messaged Taron to complain, she was sure that he wouldn’t want to see her again. But there he was, on the phone willing to spend even more time away from his family to help her, not a trace of resentment to him. ‘When I get back to London, I mean.’

‘When you get back to London we’ll do something fun. I still have your gift anyway.’

‘You didn’t have to get me anything,’ he said.

‘You got me something,’ she defended. ‘And I promise it’s not much. Just a little something to show my appreciation.’

‘What time is your train?’

‘At three, why?’

‘What time are you leaving for the station?’

‘At two, why?’

‘Just wondering. See you soon, Lil. Merry Christmas.’

‘Merry Christmas, T.’

***

The train ride home was long and Liliana struggled to keep herself still. Her body was riddled with restlessness and no matter what she tried, she couldn’t keep herself from thinking about things she wanted to forget about. One of those being just how sweet Taron was.

Just before she was about to call a taxi to take her to the train station, a car beeped its horn outside and Liliana opened the door to Taron smiling at her from his car. She rolled her eyes at him and shook her head but smiled just as widely as he smiled, something that made Taron breathe in relief. She was going to be okay.

‘What are you doing here?’

‘You wouldn’t let me drive you back to London, which I still will if you want me to, I thought I would at least drive you to the station.’

‘I’m getting the train. But thank you. You’re very sweet.’

When he dropped her off, he got out of the car and gave her a long hug, telling her that he had a nice time seeing her. He thanked her for making his Christmas all the more special and she held back the tears as she thanked him for everything he’d done.

He offered to stand on the platform and wait with her but she told him that he didn’t have to do that, even though she would have liked him to. The last time they’d both been at the train station, it had been the last time they’d seen one another. They stood on the platform saying their goodbyes and crying. Liliana didn’t want to think about that time and him waiting at the platform would have brought back memories they both wanted to forget.

On the train, she’d put her music on and stared out of the window until the conductor came and checked her ticket. He walked away after wishing her a Happy New Year and left her alone again.

The first part of the train ride went by so slowly she thought they must have still been in Aberystwyth. She’d tried to read a book but couldn’t concentrate for longer than two minutes. She must have read one paragraph five times before giving up and putting the book back in her bag.

When she tried to write out how she was feeling, she gave up in frustration. She didn’t actually know how she felt so there was no way that she could put it into words. There were too many emotions fighting one another in her mind that she gave up and put her laptop away with an aggravated sigh.

Just before she hit Birmingham, she opened her texts with Taron and started to send him a text. But each time she typed something she deleted it. Words were working against her and she thought it better to not text him and to sit with her music and let the world pass by.

For hours, Taron had checked his phone constantly, hoping that she would have texted him. His heart pounded every time he saw the three tiny dots in their text chat, but it stopped when they disappeared. Tina had tried to distract him with a game night with his family but his mind was elsewhere. It took everything in him to not get in his car and drive to London to be with her. The only reason he didn’t was because he’d been drinking throughout the afternoon.

His family left one by one until it was only him and his mum left. There was a Christmas film playing on the TV and they both ate from a tin of chocolates. Tina had poured them a Bailey’s and they sat in silence for a little while.

Taron grabbed his phone from the arm of the chair when it buzzed, and Tina looked at him with her usual, knowing smile. Taron’s lips curved into a shy grin when he saw Liliana’s text.

I’m home. Thank you again. You have no idea how much you mean to me x

He texted her back to let her know he was glad that she was safe, and that she had nothing to thank him for.

‘She got home alright, I gather?’ Tina said to him. He nodded and put his phone down. ‘Good. She could have come here if she wanted. We would have made space for her.’

‘I think she needed to get as far away as she could,’ he whispered, tears threatening to spill. ‘I know it’s different this time but this all feels too familiar. The last time she ran away like this, I lost her.’

Tina moved to Taron as fast as she could and held him to her body just as he started to cry. ‘I can’t lose her, mum. I can’t.’

‘Shh, you won’t lose her. Do you hear me? Things are different this time. We won’t lose her again. If you need to go home earlier than normal, that’s fine. I understand.’

Taron shook his head. ‘She’d kill me,’ he chuckled lightly. ‘If she texts me and asks me if I can go be with her then I’ll go but unless she does, I’m staying here with you guys. She wouldn’t let me drive her back because she thinks she took me away from you all too much already this week.’

Tina sighed softly, rubbing his back gently as she rocked him. ‘Oh sweet boy. She’s always been stubborn, the silly girl. I’ll tell you what. Why don’t we make a hot chocolate, put on another film and then get some sleep? Then tomorrow we can see what the best plan of action is?’

Taron nodded, mumbling that it sounded like a good idea. Tina kissed the top of his head and went to the kitchen to make them a drink while Taron texted Liliana again.

How do you feel about movie night when I’m back in London? You could come to my flat and we could order in and get snacks and watch movies? Let me know if you’re down x

The reply came almost instantly.

That sounds perfect, T. As does the pot noodle I’m about to eat for dinner. The classiest Boxing Day meal there ever was. And then I’ll probably watch Netflix in bed with chocolate so if I don’t reply, I’ll speak to you tomorrow x

The necklace Taron had bought her sat on the coffee table in front of Liliana and she stared at it for what felt like hours. She’d wondered if the feelings she’d had for him were simply because they were together a lot in Aberystwyth and if they would go away when she was at home. They didn’t.

They were just as strong in London as they had been in Wales. They consumed her completely, wrapping around her tightly and not letting go no matter how much she begged them to. The necklace stared back at her and she wished that she could stop feeling the way that she did.

Everything in Liliana told her that she wanted him. But how could he ever reciprocate those feelings? There were so many other women far better suited to him. Women who didn’t come with emotional baggage heavy enough to sink a ship. Women who didn’t feel useless at everything. Women who grew up in a loving household and who knew how to love somebody. He could have anybody.

Liliana was just a girl who spent most of her day at her laptop, hair messy and still wearing yesterday’s makeup. She only got herself ready when she went to the office, and even then she barely made an effort anymore. She was clunky and frustrating, and Taron deserved more.

They were in two different universes and she knew there was no way for them to intertwine into the same one. No matter how much she searched Pinterest to find ways to be a better human.

When she climbed into bed, she sent him one last text message before she turned her phone off for the night. She needed to escape from her life until the morning but she didn’t want him to worry.

She fell asleep to the image of Taron holding her, telling her that he loved her and kissing her lips ever so gingerly. A tear fell down her cheek knowing that she’d never know that.

January 16th, 2022

Her phone buzzing on the bedside table woke Liliana up. Taron’s name being on screen was the only reason she answered it, her eyes falling closed again as soon as she did.

‘Hello,’ she said. Her voice was groggy and sleepy, and she heard Taron gasp quietly.

‘I’m sorry, did I wake you?’

‘It’s fine,’ she chuckled as she put him on speaker so she didn’t have to hold the phone to her ear. She sat up in bed and stretched her body, moaning happily at the feel. ‘I didn’t sleep until late writing so it’s my own fault. What’s up?’

‘I was going to ask if you wanted to go for coffee but if you’re tired we can do it another day. I have an event tonight so won’t be able to do our usual call but still want to talk to you properly and not over text.’

‘Coffee? Coffee sounds so fucking good right now,’ Liliana guffawed, already headed to the bathroom to get ready. She turned the shower on and stepped away from the bath so that she could hear Taron properly. ‘Were you thinking of anywhere specific?’

‘There’s this small place on Oxford Street called Kaffeine. They do coffee and light breakfast and lunch food. We could do coffee and breakfast if you’re hungry? And if you want to meet soon?’

Liliana peered back through to her bedroom to see what time it was. Nine thirty. ‘Breakfast sounds good. I’m going to need a minute to shower and get ready so if we meet in an hour? Is that okay?’

Taron nodded before he realised that Liliana couldn’t see him. ‘Yeah, that’s perfect. I’ll see you soon. Sorry again for waking you.’

‘Taron, it’s fine,’ she chuckled. ‘It was better than my usual alarm clocks. I’ll see you soon.’

After a shower, she brushed her teeth and threw some light makeup on so that she didn’t look as tired as she felt. She wanted to be comfortable but still look cute, both for herself and also for Taron, so she wore her black, leather-look leggings and an oversized Queen t-shirt. She added a grey plaid shirt and her big chunky boots and pulled her bag over her head so that it sat across her body.

Since Christmas, they had met up a couple of times for coffee or lunch, and the movie night that Taron had promised her. And every day they texted or called one another. Most of the time they texted through the day and then called on an evening when they were winding down.

Liliana loved having him back in her life and she loved that things weren’t sour after Christmas and everything that happened with her mum. She’d asked him multiple times if she’d been too much and he reassured her each time that she hadn’t been and that he would do it whenever she needed it.

The coffee shop was quieter than she had thought and she was thankful. It took her two seconds to spot Taron in the corner facing her, his lips already turned up. She walked over to him and he stood up to pull her in for a hug.

‘Hey,’ she said, holding him tightly.

‘Hi. I didn’t order yet because I wanted to wait for you.’

‘You didn’t have to do that. Come on, let’s get some caffeine in us,’ she chuckled as she pulled away.

In a fridge next to the counter were numerous different food options, from sweet to savoury. The coffee shop ordered more food that couldn’t be left in the fridge but that didn’t matter because both Taron and Liliana grabbed a ham and cheese croissant.

‘What coffee would you like?’ Taron asked her, taking the sandwich from her hands.

Liliana’s head fell to the side as she eyed him. ‘We’re not doing this today, Taron. Give me my sandwich back.’

‘Actually, it doesn’t matter. I remember your coffee order from last time, and the comment you made about it being the only thing you ever ordered so it’s fine.’

He turned to the employee and put the food down. She took them both and asked someone behind her to heat them up while she took their drinks order. It was obvious that she recognised him but she did a good job at hiding the excitement building behind her eyes.

‘Can we get a medium vanilla soy latte and a medium regular latte, please?’

‘Yep, no problem. Altogether that will be sixteen pounds when you’re ready.’

Taron tapped his card on the reader and turned to Liliana who scowled at him. ‘You’re so evil.’

‘Yeah but you love me.’ She grew quiet and Taron cleared his throat.

‘We’ll bring it all over to you when it’s ready,’ the girl behind the counter said, watching as Taron and Liliana walked back to the table in the corner.

‘Is this the last time we’re going to be able to see one another before you go away?’ Liliana asked as she preemptively grabbed two sugar packets from the basket to the left of her. Taron nodded, cracking his knuckles. ‘Oh.’

Taron wanted to bring up what happened at Christmas and how she left the way that she did, but he knew that it was still raw and he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Even though he really wanted to find out how she felt.

He opted to talk about his upcoming work trip instead. ‘I finally got my itinerary for filming.’

‘Oh yeah,’ Liliana asked just as their coffees got to the table. ‘Thank you.’

‘Yeah. I leave next week and come back at the end of next month. It’s a good job I love New Orleans. A month and a bit there.’ Taron watched Liliana stir her sugar into the drink and take her first sip. Her eyes fell closed and he smiled at the bliss that washed over her face. That was his favourite part of Liliana, the part that was so unapologetically herself. He wished he got to see that part of her more often.

‘New Orleans sounds fun,’ she said as she put her mug down. ‘I’ve always wanted to go there. It will be weird being in different time zones for a bit though.’

Taron nodded in agreement. After two months of texting nonstop and getting a reply pretty soon after, it would be strange to go hours without a response. He worried about how much he would miss her.

‘It is,’ he agreed verbally. ‘But you don’t wake up until late anyway so it’s not like there’ll be much difference.’

‘You are so mean.’ Liliana threw her head back and laughed and Taron watched in awe.

Since getting back from Aberystwyth himself, he’d noticed more about Liliana than he would have before he realised how he felt about her. Whenever he saw something on the corner of her mouth, he wanted to reach forward and wipe it away with his thumb, but always had to refrain.

He noticed that her smile always grew a little bit wider when she saw him, the corners of her lips almost reaching her eyes. He noticed her perfume more, and basked in the scent of the warm vanilla that attacked his nostrils.

Liliana had noticed things about Taron too. Like how he would crack his knuckles a certain way. He always started on his left little finger and worked along until he got to the little finger on his right hand. And how he made sure they were really cracked and not just half cracked.

She noticed that if they were out in public and somebody walked into the building they were in, his leg would bounce under the table. She always wanted to put her hand on his knee to ease his anxiety but never did, not wanting to overstep a boundary.

‘So this event tonight,’ she continued. ‘Tell me about it.’

Taron’s eyes brightened as he went into telling her about the premier he’d been invited to. He told her about the Armani suit he’d been loaned and how he had a room at a hotel near Leicester Square booked as a base for his team to get ready. She listened to every word he said, enchanted by the way he spoke so freely, and so proudly, about his work.

***

January 29th, 2022

Liliana wrapped her cold hands around the mug of coffee she’d bought on her way into the office. It was lukewarm and tasted bitter so she didn’t plan on drinking it but she was so cold from her walk from the tube station that she would try anything to warm up.

The conference room was far too big for the four of them. Them being Liliana, Evelyn, Jacob and a member of the financial department whose name Liliana couldn’t quite remember. Liliana sat at the end of the oval table, her elbows resting on the fake wood and her head craned back to try and ease the crick in it from sleeping funny the night before.

She’d spent most of the night trying to come up with an idea for her second book while also talking on the phone to Taron. He’d only been in New Orleans for a week by then but she missed him more than she thought she would. They would go hours during the day without speaking but once Taron had a break he would text or call her.

Liliana always loved when he called, and would try to stifle her yawns if he called late at night. She wanted to talk to him and know all the things he was doing in New Orleans, which meant that for four nights in a row she hadn’t gone to sleep until almost two in the morning and had woken up just before seven to get ready to leave for the office.

Early morning meetings were her least favourite and she often tried to get out of them. But these meetings were about her so she had no choice but to attend. The book had been released in the US two weeks before and in the first week hit a company record number of 35,000 copies bought.

She cried when she found out. Like actually sobbed, in the middle of the conference room surrounded by everyone who had been involved in the book and who had waited painstakingly with her to find out the numbers. The mascara she’d carefully brushed onto her lashes that morning had leaked down her cheeks, and the concealer she’d used to attempt to hide the bags caused from staying up late with Taron had disappeared and left her looking like a raccoon.

But she didn’t care. Not only had she published her own book, but Liliana was a New York Times Bestselling Author. The first person she texted had been Taron who sent so many confetti cannon emojis her way that she laughed through the tears. By the time she got home, a large bouquet of flowers, a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine were waiting for her.

To my NYT Bestselling best friend. I’m so proud of you. T x

She sent a photo of the gift to Taron and thanked him profusely. He responded in the way of a phone call where he let her gush about everything to him before he told her that he was so insanely proud of her and that he wished he could be there to celebrate with her. They made plans to have dinner when he got back and he let her go to sleep ready for her first early morning meeting.

Then she texted Tina who told her just how proud she was of her and how she knew she was destined for great things. That made Liliana cry even more.

The final person she texted had been her mum who simply said ‘well done’. It wasn’t that she expected a big fan fare at the news, but Liliana would have loved to hear that her mum was proud of her. She didn’t have time to dwell on it though as she was immediately thrust into talks about a US book tour.

They hit five cities in the space of a week on her UK tour, including Edinburgh where she and Evelyn visited their old university and the cafe where they’d spent hours writing together. They had dinner at their favourite Italian restaurant and introduced Jacob to deep fried Mars bars which he hated.

It had been nice to go back to Edinburgh while not running away from life. She texted Taron the entire time she was there, giving him a guided tour of the city through photos. Her favourite was the little alleyway near a pub she’d found by accident one day. It was a small pub, with a handful of seats that were often filled by older men, but it was quiet and she could get work done while having a drink. Taron thought it was sweet and she was grateful she got to share it with him, even if it was years too late.

Taron had been texting her throughout the meeting, updating her on his scenes and lines he’d messed up. Every now and then he would send a photo of himself pulling a funny face in the makeup chair or a video of him and his costars dancing in their trailer. She loved how happy he was at work and how much he very clearly loved it. She’d been replying to his texts sneakily, not paying attention to what everyone around her was organising despite the fact that she should have been.

‘So we’re headed to the states for three weeks, hitting six cities slash states?’ Evelyn asked, pulling Liliana back to the room. ‘There’s Boston first, then New York City, Philadelphia, LA, Seattle and then Chicago. And from there we fly back to New York and then through to London? Wouldn’t it be easier to fly directly from Chicago? And cheaper?’

Liliana sat upright and sipped her coffee. She grimaced at the taste and almost choked. Everyone looked at her and she smiled sheepishly. ‘I second what Evelyn just said.’

The financial guy, who she vaguely remembered introducing himself as Liam, looked at them as though they had two heads. ‘Yes, technically it would be cheaper, and easier to fly straight from Chicago. However, there are no first class seats from Chicago on the date we would need them. There are from New York.’

‘First class?’ Liliana choked out, eyes wide as she looked at Evelyn for confirmation. Evelyn shrugged her shoulders. ‘We don’t need First Class. Stick me in economy and be done with it. Saves so much money and it means we’re not taking too many flights.’

‘Unfortunately, Liliana, I’ve been put under strict instructions that any flight you go on must be First Class as per the instruction of Martin. It was supposed to be a surprise but you guys are so money savvy that I should have known you wouldn’t understand me putting you on so many flights. Martin’s email to me entailing everything he wishes you to have on the tour include First Class seats paid for directly by him. And he said he knows you will have an issue with that and if that’s the case then you take it up with him. He wants, and I quote, to treat the person who’s changed the trajectory of Between the Lines to the highest class flights on her first US book tour.’

Liliana was lost for words. ‘Well, I’ll be sure to speak to Martin this afternoon.’

‘Very well. Now, onto the last thing. Hotels.’

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. Liliana hadn’t travelled out of the country since she was six and when she had, she travelled economy and wound up being squished between her mum and a random stranger who didn’t want to give up their window seat. The thought of travelling First Class hadn’t ever been on her radar but she knew she would spend the evening at home looking at Youtube videos of First Class travel so she could see what she was in for.

‘Lili, did you hear anything I just said?’ Evelyn said at the end of the meeting, nudging her arm to bring her back to Earth. ‘Oh my god, did you hear anything in the meeting other than that we’re flying First Class?’

Liliana remained silent, pulling her lips into her mouth to try to stop herself from laughing. Evelyn threw her arms up in the air and let out an exasperated sigh with a smile on her face. ‘You are so predictable. Let me guess,Taron? You haven’t stopped texting him since the book launch.’

‘Wha-ho-how did you know?’

‘Like I said-’ Evelyn pulled Liliana out of her seat and pushed her towards the door so they could go up to Liliana’s office, ‘-predictable. Let’s get you back to your office and I’ll give you a rundown of what’s going on. We leave in two weeks and I swear if you’ve no clue what’s going on I will personally flush your phone down the toilet.’

Liliana feigned hurt but laughed at Evelyn. Her best friend would always have her back and she was thankful that she had someone like that on her team. They weaved their way through the cubicles on that floor and headed to the lift to get to their floor. Jacob met them in Liliana’s office with a box of donuts he’d stolen from the reception desk on his way up.

‘They’re so good,’ he mumbled over a mouthful of one, icing sugar on his nose and jam on his lip.

‘You are disgusting,’ Liliana laughed, grabbing a donut for herself before she sat at her desk. Since the book was released, she’d been moved into a slightly bigger office. One with a window overlooking the city, a sofa on one side with a coffee table, and a counter on the other for the coffee machine Martin had gifted her as a congratulations for getting the bestseller title. She’d decorated the office perfectly to her aesthetic, warm and cosy with lots of 1970s inspiration. ‘But these are so good. So tell me, Evelyn, what exactly did I miss in this meeting?’

Jacob looked at Evelyn in disbelief. ‘She didn’t.’

‘Oh but she did,’ Evelyn responded, shaking her head. ‘If she isn’t staying awake until the middle of the night talking to him, she’s texting him in important, career altering meetings and getting so distracted that she missed the entire thing except the fact that she’s flying first class.’

‘She’s so predictable.’

‘Exactly what I said. What should we do about it?’

‘You guys aren’t my parents. You can’t do anything about it but tell me what I missed. And remember,’ Liliana said, wagging her finger at them, ‘I can request other people come with me on this tour and leave your sorry arses here in rainy old Blighty while I have the time of my life in America.’

Evelyn lifted her hand to her chest and sighed dramatically. ‘But how would you know where you are in America if we aren’t there to remind you what you missed?’

‘You two are bullying me. I’m going to go to Martin and tell him that I am being bullied by colleagues.’

‘Fine,’ Jacob said, throwing himself down on the sofa and putting his feet up on the table in front of him. ‘Basically we’re headed to six cities over three weeks. We’ll have roughly three days in each city, with the first and last day being travel days. We’re in Boston, Philadelphia, LA, Seattle and Chicago for three days and then we have four days in New York City. We hit three book stores in each city and you’re being asked to read the first chapter of the book in each place before signing books and meeting people. Martin wants us to meet one of his contacts over there for dinner but other than that and the book signings we basically have free reign in New York, including a full day of no commitments so we get to be tourists.’

Liliana had been jotting notes down on the notebook on her desk and looked up when she heard the last word. ‘Tourists? You mean I get to do all the things I’ve always wanted to do in New York like go to Central Park and Times Square and the MET? I get to walk on up the steps and pretend that I’m at the Gala, or pretend I’m Serena or Blair? I get to go to Target and Trader Joe’s and be an actual tourist? Oh this is so fun. I can’t wait.’

Evelyn chuckled softly, putting the last half of her donut back in the box and walking behind Liliana to hug her tight. ‘My little tourist. I’m so fucking proud of you, babe. America!’

‘America!’ Liliana and Jacob repeated, holding their donuts in the air as though they were champagne glasses.

#rhw #right here waiting #lilianaesme #taron egerton #taron egerton au #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton fanfic #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton writing #taron egerton fluff #taron x reader #taron david egerton #taron egerton blurb #my writing

11 notes · View notes

darwinquark · 10 months

Note

Heyyy girl, I have been thinking about the last chapter ever since it was uploaded and I am kinda confused, does tony tell jug that veronica was there when she heard or does she choose not to mention it at all? Also in the sequel will jug know about how betty treated veronica in the hospital? And will barchie still be talking to jug (I don't think they will be talking to veronica still) and will they know about the (hopefully inevitable) jeronica getting back together

So I had a whole scene written between Toni and Veronica that I ended up taking out because it felt like too much that I'll add beneath the cut, but basically Toni is caught between knowing something feels off about how Veronica left/the way the Ghoulies conveniently took credit for everything, and knowing Veronica has been a shitty person before and could very well have just left because she didn't care enough to stay. And I think her major goal is just getting Jughead to heal and move on, regardless of what happened. So she's definitely being guarded with what she's letting Jughead know - he knows Veronica came to the hospital the night it happened, but he doesn't know how badly she lost it, and she's also keeping the scene I've added below from him (if I decide to keep it as a headcanon lol) because she's torn over how real it was or wasn't.

Betty and Archie do end up forgiving Jughead, and sadly on Betty's half it's somewhat born out of feeling like Jughead was just another victim of Veronica like she was, which sucks. Archie probably would've forgiven him regardless. That said, their friendship is never quite the same and they definitely drift after senior year ends. I'm not actually sure if Jughead will know what Betty did at the hospital, but both Jughead and Veronica go back to Riverdale at one point for a book signing thing in the sequel and Archie and Betty are both there. Veronica and Betty will have a scene where that's confronted.

Here's the scene Toni/Veronica scene I ended up taking out, which would've come right after the hospital scene - let me know if it helps flesh Toni out a little more. I was just going for mystery! Leaving you guys as confused as Jughead 😂

-----------------------

The knock on the door came three days later.

Veronica glanced up from the box she was taping shut, squinting through the mess of hair that’d fallen loose from her bun. The movers weren’t supposed to be there for another few hours.

Besides, only a handful of people knew to use the back door, and of those handful, two hated her guts and one was in a coma.

Unless.

Her hands stilled.

“Yes?”

“It’s Toni,” came the muffled reply, and her shoulders loosened a little. “I tried the front door but it was locked and no one answered.”

She abandoned the tape dispenser and made her way over to the door, wincing at the blast of sun that hit her eyes as it opened.

“Hey,” Toni greeted with a cautious smile, stare flickering a little when it took in her appearance. Admittedly, a stringy bun and yoga pants wasn’t her typical aesthetic. “How are you?”

Veronica blinked at her.

She’d had rum for dinner three nights in a row.

Toni shook her head. “Stupid question—did you get my texts?”

“Oh,” Veronica said, pushing some of the hair out of her face, “I switched number a few days ago, so no, sorry.”

“Well, definitely give me the new one because there’s been a ton of upda…” she trailed off, frowning at something behind her.

Veronica followed her gaze to the boxes scattered in the foyer. She cleared her throat. “Sorry for the mess.”

“Are you moving in or something?” Toni asked, stare tracing over the sprawl of half-packed clothes and personal items.

“Moving out,” Veronica clarified, an upside to her tomber en disgrâce being that she couldn’t care less who knew she’d lived there anymore. “Been here since May, actually.”

Toni’s stare flicked back to hers. “What?”

“Yeah.” She turned away, plucking a discarded sweater off the floor. “Came with the whole disavowing my parents thing.”

Toni blinked. “I—” she shook her head briefly, “I mean, where are you going, then?”

“The city.”

She felt Toni’s eyes on her shoulders. “Like for good?”

She’d never thought about how strange that expression was before, ‘for good’. “I guess, yeah. The movers are going to be here in a few hours, though, so I should probably finish up packing.”

“When are you leaving?” Toni pressed, and Veronica’s jaw tightened a little.

“Tonight.”

Silence met her back.

She carefully folded the cashmere, ignoring the words hanging unsaid between them.

What about Jughead?

“He woke up, Veronica.”

Her hands froze around the sweater.

Her heart leapt into her throat, thunderous and pulsing.

“Sorry, I know I should’ve let with that, I just—” Toni lapsed into a laugh, hope flooding into her voice. “It was only for a second, but he nodded yes and no to some questions before drifting back out, so the doctors are feeling optimistic.”

Veronica stared hard at the fabric in her hands.

Her vision was hot and blurry.

“He woke up, girl!” Toni repeated, lapsing into another joyful laugh, and Veronica nodded stiffly, forcing her hands to resume folding.

“That’s great.”

She blinked rapidly to clear the tears from her eyes.

“It’s more than great, it’s incredible!” Toni laughed, though it petered a little when she noticed her enthusiasm wasn’t fully shared.

Veronica placed the sweater in a box and reached down for another one.

Started folding it into neat little squares.

“Are you,” Toni faltered a little, “I mean, you’re going to go see him, right?”

Veronica’s jaw flexed as she folded the sleeves across the chest.

She’d known this part was coming.

“I think it’s better if I don’t.” She reached over and dropped it into the box, topping it off. “I don’t want to give him the wrong impression.”

A stiff beat of silence followed. “And what impression is that?”

She drew in a steeling breath before turning around, pulling her face into a mask of indifference. “Jughead knew what we were, Toni. He knew I was going to New York. None of this is a surprise.”

Toni just stared at her, visibly thrown. “Think he probably assumed you’d wait for him to come out of a coma first.”

She forced a shrug. “That’s on him.”

She turned around and reached for the tape dispenser as Toni broke into a scoff. “Okay, what’s going on here, Veronica? Because I watched three security guards carry you out of the ICU while you were screaming your fucking lungs out to stay, so this whole ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ routine isn’t really landing.”

“It’s not a routine, Toni, it just is what it is.”

“Look, I may not have been able to make out the details of your screaming match with FP,” Toni pressed in a hard voice, “but I know something went down there—something you’re both not telling the rest of us.”

Veronica’s jaw tightened as she kept packing.

“And now three days later you’ve packed up your life and you’ve changed your number and no one can get a hold of you and it’s almost like—”

“Like what?” Veronica snapped a little, tensing under the line of questioning.

“Like you’re trying to disappear,” Toni steeled right back.

A stiff silence followed the accusation.

Veronica merely stared down at the box, fingers tight around the tape dispenser. Struggling to drum up the stomach for what she knew had to come next.

“What happened with FP, Veronica?”

She couldn’t leave loose ends. She couldn’t leave any thread of hope or misunderstanding that he could follow back to her, otherwise what was the point?

He’d follow you anywhere—New York, prison, his fucking grave—and you’d let him.

She loosened her jaw and shrugged on the skin of the absolute cunt she’d been in prep school.

“Toni, everything about this fetid menstrual stain of a town is miserable.” She eased around to face her with a cold expression. “I sleep in a diner. There is a sex tape of me getting fingered by a townie. I spent Christmas being questioned by the police about gangs that sound like reject Hogwarts houses, I mean,” she gave a hollow laugh, “this macabre comedy of errors was never supposed to be my life. And Jughead getting shot five minutes before picking me up? Pretty thunderous wakeup call that I could be next.”

Toni’s eyes flickered in naked appall at the selfishness of the comment. “Is that all it was?”

Veronica’s shoulders tipped up coolly. “I’m not dying here, girl. It was a fun social experiment while it lasted, but I’m done pretending I have anything in common with any of the frankly incestuous people that live here, or that my life was ever meant to be as small as theirs. So yeah, I’m going back to New York, and yeah, I don’t want anything about this mortifying stretch of time following me there, and yeah, that means my coup de grâce is essentially a disappearing act. That’s it.” She shrugged again, pointblank. “That’s why I’m leaving. FP and his latent syphilis have nothing to do with it.”

Toni eyed her for a long, silent stretch before turning wordlessly toward the door. She paused in the doorway, hand catching the frame. “This will crush him. You doing this. Regardless of the reason. You know that, right?”

It took her a second to look up at her.

Veronica stared back vacantly.

“He’s a big boy.” Her mouth took on a horrible slant. “Surprisingly big, actually.”

Toni’s face flooded in disgust. She took a final beat to take her in, as if searching for any last shred of her that was worth knowing, before shaking her head and shoving the door open. “Have a nice life, Veronica.”

“That’s the plan.”

The door swung shut behind her, and Veronica waited till the sound of her car pulling away had fully faded before slowly sliding down to the floor.

--------------------------

#reply #tkof #idk I just thought I was overexplaining which I do all the time in my writing #hence the 15k chapters #so I cut it out 😂#should I put it back in?#I WAS TRYING TO BE MYSTERIOUUSSSSS #wbbs

16 notes · View notes