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rivalsforlife · 3 years

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Phoenix Wright: The Truth Reborn: Oh No We’re Doing This Again

hi.

Nearly two months ago, I wrote an essay summarizing and making very wild conclusions about the second Takarazuka Musical. I did this about two and a half years after watching the first Takarazuka musical. As such I did not have the full context for many things from the musical and was relying mostly on my memory, which blocked many things from this musical for my own safety. However, just this week, I decided to rewatch it, because I enjoy tormenting myself. I said I wouldn’t write anything on it. Here I am writing something on it.

Here’s the youtube thumbnail so that you know what you’re getting yourself into. And here, of course, is the link. This is the HD version which may be slightly more pleasant to watch. Maybe.

It was not quite as cringe in a funny way as the second musical to me, and therefore this essay may be less funny, but I feel like I’m doing a disservice to people by providing a summary of the second musical while completely neglecting the first. Quite possibly doing this is even more of a disservice. I just eagerly await the day that the third musical is translated because *that* will be the day that I finally shuffle off this mortal coil. Either way, I want to write this stuff down so that I never have to watch the musical again out of curiosity.

The following essay will contain major spoilers for both the first and second Phoenix Wright Takarazuka musicals, as I will be using many points from this musical to argue my thesis of the second musical. ... like you were going to watch them anyways.

This one broke 8k. I’m dead inside.

Introducing The Director

Again another disclaimer that I don’t have anything against the actresses or the theatre troupe. I DO have something against Suzuki Kei, who I recently learned is the writer and director of all three of the Ace Attorney Takarazuka musicals, and is quite possibly my mortal nemesis.

This man is the one who brought this monstrosity into the world.

This man, allegedly, cleared the first four ace attorney games *seven times* before sitting down to write these musicals. He played these goddamn games seven times and did not take in a single word. The man clicked through them mindlessly while watching a badly written legal romance drama in the background and got them completely confused. I genuinely have no idea how this man could have played these games more times than even me and yet managed to get so many characters (MAYA!!!!) completely and utterly wrong. This haunts me every day, truly.

This man played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Justice for All, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Trials and Tribulations, and Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney seven times. SEVEN TIMES EACH!! and was told to create a musical based on the series. He played these games seven times each and you know what he said?? You know what he said?? “This sucks, I’m getting rid of all of Phoenix’s backstory, butchering half the characters, and writing Phoenix/Lana fanfiction, but also rewriting all of Lana’s backstory so that she was Phoenix’s childhood friend, and you know what, I’m changing her name for good measure.”

I think this man played the games seven times each and then hated it so much and was so sick of it he tried to write something that destroyed as much of the series as possible while still being vaguely recognizable. And then somehow it became a massive hit because people like me see this and go “what the actual hell” and watch it, or people who haven’t played the games see this and go “wow what a great musical!” and then he wrote TWO MORE, destroying EVEN MORE every time in his wake, until finally, finally, he stopped after making Edgeworth straight and time traveling into the past to face off against a corrupt Gregory. I guess that was the last straw.

I have to issue a disclaimer here that for legal reasons this is a joke. I don’t actually hate this man and would not punch him in the face if I met him because that would be rude, and he is entitled to his wrong interpretation of the games. I don’t know what his thought process was. But allegedly he did play the games seven times according to the wiki. This whole essay here is satire and not slander and I don’t want to offend this guy if he somehow stumbles across my nonsense tumblr post. At the same time: Suzuki Kei blink twice if you need help.

Anyways half the reason that I’m making this essay is because I want to share my fake ao3 page for this musical. The other half will become apparent later.

Sorry if that’s illegible because of tumblr quality it’s not really important. All you really need to know is that it’s a fake ao3 screenshot for the musical. Also in the author’s note I said he played the games four times but it was actually seven I just remembered wrong because I didn’t want to believe it.

at this point you may be like “Grace shut up and get to the actual musical” and okay, fine, let’s start this nonsense. Also note that I may be referencing things from my essay on the second musical very frequently; I’m not going to force you to go read that though because the fact that you’re reading this is enough of a torment already.

The Musical Begins

Unlike the second musical, this one opens with some narration from Phoenix.

Transcript:

Phoenix: I’m reviewing a particular case at the moment. To me, this case... is one I’ll never forget.

Immediately I think this is important because it establishes that this whole musical takes place in a flashback that Phoenix is reflecting on. Why is this important? Because we know, by the time of the second musical which takes place three years later, Leona is dead.

Knowing that Leona is inherently doomed to die of her Sad Woman Disease paints this whole musical in a different light. It’s not Phoenix reflecting on how he got back together with his lover; it’s Phoenix dwelling on their past together, and the opportunities they had, before her life was so cruelly and inexplicably taken away. We don’t know if Phoenix’s reminiscing takes place before or after Leona’s death... but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was after.

Phoenix, still in the present, starts to sing. “A wave appears on the horizon like a mirage, it trembles, then vanishes. Your voice, carried upon the waves, fades upon the shore, erasing the splendor of the past.”

This line actually shows up in the second musical, sung by Lucia about her imprisoned fiance quite possibly. It’s kind of hard to tell what the meaning of these songs even are. They’re too abstract for me I think. But this line appears very frequently in the first musical when Phoenix is thinking about Leona.

Then we enter the flashback time.

Phoenix inexplicably yells at a newspaper saleswoman. This is not relevant to anything whatsoever. Then Larry barges in to the office, looking for Maya. Phoenix describes him as “A real trouble maker, but you just can’t hate the guy”, the latter part of which I think many people would disagree with.

Well, afterwards, Maya comes in. Phoenix describes her like this while making exaggerated “can you believe this shit” gestures.

Transcript:

Phoenix: She’s as ditzy as they come. Oh, and about the outfit... Apparently she comes from a family of spirit mediums. Try not to make fun of her, okay?

Suzuki Kei personally has it out for Maya and I can never forgive him for it. Maya in these musicals is here for pure comedic relief but it’s not even comedic because I just get so angry. How can you play the trilogy seven times and think this about her?? The girl who figured out DL-6?? The girl who told Phoenix to sacrifice her life in order to find the truth?? The girl who put on a brave smile in order to try and cheer up her younger cousin even after she saw her own mother murdered right in front of her eyes?? That Maya Fey?? Ditzy as they come??????

Ugh. Moving on.

Maya and Larry run off, leaving Phoenix to watch the American Broadcast.

Important things to note here are the Godot mug, the little line up of what I think are the messed up little ace attorney figurines beneath the screen, and the fact that while this broadcast is supposedly from and to America the screen is actually not at all showing America. Like literally almost everywhere in the world except North and South America.

The broadcast says that Leona Clyde, age 24, was arrested for murdering the senator Robert Cole! Leona Clyde -- that’s Phoenix’s ex-girlfriend! He runs off to the detention center.

She is not happy to see him.

Leona: Mr. Wright... I’m not the woman you once knew.

Let’s Play A Matching Game

Sorry for the abundance of screenshots that are going to be throughout this section. Phoenix convinces Leona to let him defend her. Some of the conversation seems... familiar.

Leona: No one would defend someone who admits to killing a senator. I’m waiting for a court-appointed attorney.

Edgeworth: Every defense attorney I’ve talked to has turned me down.

Phoenix: In that case, let me defend you.

Game Phoenix: Let me defend you.

Leona: Don’t be ridiculous!

Edgeworth: Don’t be ridiculous.

Phoenix: I’ll never accept that you’re a murderer. Let me prove your innocence!

Game Phoenix: Huh? Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to prove that Miles Edgeworth is innocent.

Leona: I’ve already confessed my guilt.

Gumshoe: He confessed that he did it! In court!

Leona: It’s foolish to think you can win this case.

Edgeworth: My case is near hopeless, Wright.

Leona: (in response to phoenix offering to defend her) No you won’t! Don’t ever come here again.

Edgeworth: Look, just go away, and leave me alone!

Phoenix: You of all people should know. Once I decide to do something, I see it through to the end.

Edgeworth: Once you start on something, you always see it through, don’t you?

Leona: I never thought that you’d be representing me.

Phoenix: Ah, who could have guessed this day would come?

Edgeworth: Not me.

Phoenix: You believed in me. You saved me. And this time, I swear... I swear I’ll save you!

Game Phoenix: Edgeworth believed in me, and I believe in him. I’m the only one who knows the real Edgeworth. I’m the only one who can help him.

I could’ve done a few more, but tumblr is already threatening to murder my laptop.

So long story short, Phoenix manages to convince his lover to let him be the defense on the case. Then immediately after swearing to save Leona, he starts singing a song, which I’m not screencapping because this is enough:

“As long as there are people in this world, there’s only one path I will follow! As long as there is love in this world, there’s only one path I will believe in!”

Edgeworth sings this in the second musical after saying that he returned to California because of Phoenix. Phoenix sings it now after swearing to defend Leona. You draw your own conclusions.

And then we finally get the opening credits. Eleven minutes in.

Just Pretend This Is Narumitsu Fanfiction

Following the credits, we see a beautiful beach. Couples (exclusively heterosexual, of course,) dance and embrace in the background for some time, before revealing Phoenix and Leona, in the Even Further Past, before the LSATs or whatever the ace attorney universe’s excuse for law school exams are.

Phoenix establishes his absolute hatred of change, an important characterization moment.

Phoenix: The view here never changes, huh?

Phoenix reminisces on when they were kids. Leona’s parents were both lawyers (they’re both lawyers) and sometimes they would be like lawyers with her when she was a kid. This inspired her to also become a lawyer after their tragic death of Sickness. They never specify what the sickness is that caused two people who must be relatively young to die while Leona was in her early twenties at the latest. It may be whatever sickness claimed Leona’s life later. Sad Woman Disease. (Sad Man Disease for her father, I guess?)

Phoenix also talks about why he’s becoming a lawyer.

Phoenix: Watching you chase your dream inspired me to become a lawyer too.

So, it’s not “my childhood friend looked sad in a newspaper” because I guess that makes no sense or is too gay or something. But this is another important piece of Phoenix characterization. His entire life so far has been focused around Leona. They’ve been friends since they were kids, and then Phoenix decided to become a lawyer solely because Leona was becoming a lawyer. Not even to try and get back into contact with her after she moved away or anything; just because he’s so obsessed with her that he wants to have the same career as her, then they can run a Mom & Pop Law Firm or something, years in the future, after years of happy marriage and a few children or like whatever the hell.

Well, there’s a few steps they’ll need to get to that. At this point Phoenix still hasn’t confessed his feelings for Leona. He does so here, on this beach.

Leona tries to protest.

Leona: But I’m pushy, selfish, and only care about my goals... You’d get fed up with me.

Phoenix: That’s what I’ve always admired about you. That’s who I’ve been chasing all these years. That’s the only person... I love.

Sooo, Phoenix, your type is pushy selfish people who only care about their goals...? In the first, older lower-quality video translation it was “only care about my work”, too. Hm. Things to think about.

They sing a little duet together. Then we go back to present-day of what’s technically still a flashback. Whatever. Murder is happening.

Back To The Murder

So some plot things to establish: Leona is the legal counsel of Governor Miller, who is running for president in the AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION. After the flashback so that Phoenix has some time to change clothes, they show an interview of him talking about the murder.

Governor Miller: I vow to forge a peaceful country with my own two hands, and to prepare myself for whatever may lie ahead.

Reporters: Through thick and thin, he’s a friend of the people!

The Takarazuka musicals are not very good at hiding their killers.

Phoenix: Oh yeah... It’s almost time for the presidential election, isn’t it?

NEVER FORGET, WRIGHT. THIS IS AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE! god what even was that line.

Anyways, we meet Gumshoe, who is incompetent once again. Maya runs around the crime scene, picks up the murder weapon, puts her fingerprints all over everything, moves things around, all while Phoenix is like “lol get a load of the world’s stupidest girl” or whatever. But who cares about that.

It’s time to get to the only valid part of this musical.

Edgeworth’s Gay Little Villain Solo

You may have seen this one before.

Edgeworth arrives, but not really. It’s like Phoenix heard Edgeworth was prosecuting and immediately entered a dream-like state, where Edgeworth is heralded by the sound of trumpets in Great Revival. He’s played by a different actress than in the other two musicals, since I think she retired in between the six or so months from this musical to the second. She still plays the role well, though, or as well as can be when you’re written in an ace attorney Takarazuka musical.

Shrouded in scarlet solitude... it’s Edgeworth.

Yes, those are six Edgeworths. Yes, they pick Phoenix up and carry him around and dance with him. Yes, it was probably not meant to be at all homoerotic.

He sings a song that’s called “My rule”. I only figured this out later, but it’s loosely based on a “catchphrase” of his in the Japanese version - in game 1 he says something along the lines of “All I can do is get every defendant declared guilty! So I make that my policy.” In DD in his dramatic anime introduction before the trial, he says “I intend to question the defendant with all I have. For that is a part of my creed.” “So I make that my policy” and “For that is a part of my creed”, to my understanding, are both translated from the same line, which I think is like, “sore ga watashi no ruru”, “That is my rule.” (If I’m wrong, please correct me.) In this song he sings about how he’ll reduce all criminals to ash and such, basically talks about his game 1 prosecuting strategy as “my rule”.

It’s very fun and probably if you want to only watch one number of this musical, it can be this one. It starts about 26:10 in the video I linked.

Once the musical number is done, Phoenix and Edgeworth stare at each other, and the background fades into the courtroom, so court begins. I feel like I should note that Phoenix has not picked up any evidence or talked to any witnesses in this investigation except for Gumshoe, since Maya just moved some things around and then Phoenix had some weird fever dream about Edgeworth which presumably took up the rest of the day.

The Trial, Day 1

Edgeworth: Consider it a prelude to the poignant Greek tragedy that’s about to unfold.

Maya: The real tragedy’s your pompous attitude!

Those are the only screenshots I took of this trial day. Here’s a summary, though:

The trial starts off with Leona confessing, Phoenix says “no I think she’s innocent”, and since ace attorney doesn’t care about the defendant’s wishes he’s allowed to proceed. For some reason Leona lets him do this without complaint.

Gumshoe is the first witness, he claims to have caught Leona red-handed at the scene of the crime, standing over the corpse. Phoenix tries to claim that since Gumshoe didn’t see Leona committing the crime, he didn’t actually catch her red-handed, to which Edgeworth responds “What do you think being caught red-handed means?”

Once Gumshoe is dismissed, Lotta takes the stand. She has a photo of the actual moment of the crime, where Leona is holding a knife in the air in front of the victim.

The Takarazuka musicals like to do this thing where the image is blurry and zoomed out, but then Phoenix will go “I’VE NOTICED A CONTRADICTION” and it zooms in really far as the resolution increases drastically in order to show you the contradiction that is impossible to spot for yourself, because they don’t want people figuring out the mystery in this musical based off of a video game where you have to solve the mystery yourself. Anyways Phoenix zooms in on this photo and sees that there’s blood on Leona’s hand, presumably before she stabbed the victim. How did it get there?

Edgeworth suggests the victim was stabbed multiple times. Phoenix says the autopsy report contradicts that. Edgeworth, uncharacteristically, does not update it to suit his argument.

Phoenix concludes that this photo is not showing the moment Leona stabbed the victim, but the moment Leona removed the knife! ... Which somehow casts doubt on her having been the one to stab the victim. Because as everyone knows, anyone wanting to kill someone would never remove a knife, it’s not like they’d bleed out faster that way, or anything.

And this whole contradiction is confusing because presumably if the victim was stabbed and then the knife was removed, they’d know that happened, because then the knife would not be found stuck in the victim’s body, since the victim was only stabbed once. So this shouldn’t be news to the prosecution that someone removed the knife after stabbing. But the investigation was headed by the most incompetent version of Gumshoe ever, so. sure. I guess no one knew.

That at least manages to extend the trial another day.

This Totally Has To Be Illegal

After the trial, Phoenix goes to talk to Governor Miller, aka Mr. Totally The Real Killer. Phoenix asks him why he decided to hire Leona as his legal advisor.

Basically, it’s because her parents were both renowned lawyers. Her father was a Chief Prosecutor, and her mother was a defense attorney. ... a prosecutor and a defense attorney couple... who does that remind us of...

Phoenix points out that just because her parents were good lawyers, it doesn’t mean she’d necessarily be one. Miller says that, sure, but she is actually really talented, and her law school marks were spectacular. Phoenix says “WHY WERE YOU LOOKING AT HER LAW SCHOOL MARKS”, like it’s somehow? suspicious? for a government official hiring legal counsel to look at their law school marks?

Apparently it IS suspicious because Governor Miller freaks out and asks if this is an interrogation. Before Phoenix can press much further, he gets a phone call, and leaves Phoenix alone in a big room.

So naturally Phoenix behaves like a fully grown adult running a law firm.

If all he did was sit in the chair, lift up a desk lamp, and poke his finger on a pen, that’s one thing. But then he leans over, OPENS THE GOVERNOR’S DESK DRAWER, and finds a knife that’s just sitting there casually. It looks like a butter knife. It’s not anything major. Maybe the dude just wanted to butter his toast?

I mean I know Phoenix will dig around in stuff whenever in the games, but he has no reason to suspect Governor Miller at all, much less dig through his drawer probably full of confidential government documents to lift up a knife that he thinks is suspicious. It’s not even covered in blood or anything?

Naturally Governor Miller’s assistant comes in just then, and Phoenix puts the knife. in his breast pocket.

bud. It may look like a butter knife, but putting knives up against your chest is not a great idea. Much less stealing a knife from a governor?

Well, in his panic, he accidentally knocks over a bunch of books on the desk. The governor’s assistant helps him pick them up, and they find a photo. Look a little familiar?

The photo has the assistant, the victim Robert Cole, Governor Miller, and the victim’s brother who died in an incident two years ago. He’s the “Neil Marshall” of this musical, and he died in what was essentially the SL-9 incident. Same general premise, except it occurred in the courthouse, and the names are different.

AND FINALLY WE REACH THE END OF ACT 1. They do a musical number here which is a weird sort of mashup of the main opening credits song, Edgeworth’s Villain Solo, and the love duet between Phoenix and Leona. They are all such different songs that it sounds a little weird.

ACT 2, FINALLY

The act begins on a sour note with Maya playing with the knife and showing off her characterization, which is one of the most infuriating Maya characterizations you’ll sometimes see around the fandom by people who don’t like Maya.

Maya: Let me whip up my special spirit channeler hamburgers!

sigh.

But then we’re saved (?) by the arrival of EDGEWORTH, who is presumably just here to chat. He asks Phoenix if he’s defending Leona in hopes of winning her back, then says to keep out of it, since it’s a very important case and he can’t understand the gravity of it.

Then Phoenix says this.

Phoenix: Would you be saying that if you were the one on trial? The defendant is in a dark prison, reaching out for hope... Can you imagine the loneliness and sorrow of being ostracized?

CAN YOU IMAGINE IT, EDGEWORTH? CAN YOU IMAGINE IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD DEFEND YOU AND BELIEVED IN YOUR INNOCENCE??

Edgeworth responds to this by essentially rehashing his speech in Turnabout Sisters about how he needs to find all defendants guilty because he can’t guarantee their innocence and all that. Maya gets upset and leaves so that Phoenix and Edgeworth can talk about their childhood in private.

Phoenix once again complains about how people change since nine years old.

Phoenix then says that he has something Edgeworth doesn’t: the POWER TO BELIEVE! Then Maya comes in and tries to spike Edgeworth’s coffee, so he leaves.

The Class Trial

Phoenix explains a bit about Edgeworth and his backstory to Maya. Namely, the class trial. Phoenix was accused of stealing lunch money, Edgeworth stood up for him, but instead of Larry, Leona stood up for him. I guess Suzuki Kei thought “oh the class trial, if Leona stood up for him, it would be so romantic, because she’s a woman, and he’s a man”, or something like that.

Edgeworth wanted to become a Great Lawyer Like His Father! But then he turned cold as ice.

Phoenix: His father got too deeply involved in a case... and paid for it with his life. Edgeworth saw him murdered. He was never the same again. I bet he couldn’t forgive the criminal.

Yeah I bet he couldn’t ever forgive the person he thought killed his father all these years, Phoenix. I bet he really hates that person, Phoenix. I bet he has nightmares about that person killing his father or something, Phoenix.

Phoenix: He vanished, then returned without his mercy or compassion. He had become a monster. When he lost his father, he also lost the ability to believe in others.

So like... one of the most chilling things about this musical is that they never actually solve DL-6. This probably roughly takes place 15 years after DL-6, since they were about the same age when the class trial started, and at least Leona is 24 now. The next musical takes place three years from now, and in it, Edgeworth refers to von Karma as his mentor, implying he’s still around and doing things.

So, in addition to everything else going wrong with this musical, DL-6 still happens, but von Karma never frames Edgeworth for it fifteen years later. The statute of limitations runs out, and von Karma forever gets away with his crime. And Edgeworth has no idea.

What changes did they make to DL-6, though, you may ask? I’m desperate to know as well. In the third musical, which I’ve watched because I hate myself but am unable to fully understand because I don’t know much Japanese, there is a scene where Miles flashbacks to DL-6. It’s abstract, but he makes gun-throwing motions at Gregory, followed by a gunshot sound.

Therefore, in this musical’s internal canon, either Miles Edgeworth shot his father, or he believes he did for the rest of his life.

... moving on.

Phoenix: But he still has his humanity. It’s still there, deep down inside!

At least, if nothing else, Phoenix still believes in him. Even this Takarazuka Musical couldn’t touch that.

The Feenie Sweater

Right after this, Larry barges in, and Phoenix leaves him alone with Maya. The musical tries teasing Larry/Maya, but fortunately, Maya’s having none of it.

Maya: You’re barking up the wrong tree.

Props to this musical for not being as bad as it could have been.

After this, the two sit down on the couch, and Maya asks for more gossip on Phoenix and Leona. Larry launches into a story, which turns into a flashback that ends up being narrated by Phoenix halfway through. This one’s about Phoenix and Leona’s relationship.

This is an interesting line in here, “I’ll guide you to the future”, for it loosely referencing the sort of love ballad Phoenix sings with Lucia in the second musical which is about “I’ll take you to that radiant future”, and he later sings to the memory of Leona right around the time of his big spiral into despair.

I’m sorry if you haven’t read my other essay and just said “wait what” to what I just typed.

Leona was getting ready to move to New York to defend the weak “in the big city”. This is rather strange wording because it implies that California does not in fact have a big city. She says some things in her conversation with Phoenix that probably plant some of his later issues.

Leona: This is the first time we’ll be apart since we were kids.

Leona: We promised we’d always be together.

Leona: I’ll be waiting. Waiting for you to come to me.

Haha. Sure would be a shame... if something were to happen... and they wouldn’t be able to be together anymore...

So some dancers wearing black come in and take off their outer jackets, to symbolize the passage of time. They circle around Phoenix and Leona. In this, you can just barely see, Phoenix is wearing a pink sweater beneath his jacket.

“Oh,” I think to myself, “Is that the Feenie sweater? Are they including it here as a reference to the games?”

Then the dancers keep moving.

THAT IS NOT THE FEENIE SWEATER. That is a pink sweater with a sexily drawn woman on it.

This is the other half of the reason why I decided to go through with making this essay.

This is so incredibly funny to me. Suzuki Kei Who Has Played The Games Seven Times has seen the hand-knit bright pink sweater with a giant red heart on it seven times. The sweater Iris, Phoenix’s girlfriend, lovingly knit for him that he wears all the time even though it is one of the tackiest, cheesiest items of clothing to ever exist. And so, when the costume designers were designing the clothes for College Phoenix Wright, they asked themselves: “Should we include the Feenie sweater?”

and “NO,” someone must have shouted, “NO, we can NOT include the Feenie sweater, it is PINK and it has a HEART on it and it’s TOO GIRLY. Phoenix Wright is a MANLY MAN. He would not EVER wear something PINK with a HEART on it.”

“BUT,” someone else said, “it’s a REFERENCE to the original games, where he DID wear a pink sweater with a heart on it! We MUST include it to pander to the fans!”

“WAIT,” a third person interjected. “I have a BRILLIANT IDEA. We can keep the pink... But to make it VERY CLEAR he is a heterosexual, masculine male... we put a sexy woman on it.”

And Person Three Got A Raise.

Thank god we’re finally halfway done this musical.

We Just Have To Go On With Our Lives Now

There’s plot or something happening. Leona breaks up with Phoenix inexplicably over the phone. Probably because of that freaking sweater. Imagine wearing that. God.

Eventually we go back to Phoenix talking to Leona, and he asks about the Jack Lyon case, which is the rip-off version of the Joe Darke case. Leona is pretty cagey about it, but Phoenix proves that she was there in the gallery that day. Leona refuses to answer, claims again that she killed the victim in her case, and leaves.

This makes Phoenix sad, so he starts singing.

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

If this sounds familiar, it’s the part where I started absolutely losing my mind in the second musical because this line had never shown up before then, I’d forgotten it was in this musical, and Phoenix was screaming it alone in a red room, so I thought he was like desperately resorting to a necromancy ritual in hopes of bringing Leona back to life.

Instead, this line actually has CONTEXT, though it does just end up enforcing my theory. This is Phoenix mourning what he used to have with Leona, wanting to bring the “old her” back, because he’s devastated that people sometimes change. There are several flashbacks of their college days where he’s wearing his Sexy Woman Sweater. He does succeed in winning her back at the end of this musical. Before she dies, of course.

Phoenix in musical 2 still believes that he can bring back what he used to have with Leona... even beyond death. That’s something affirmed by this musical. I’m very grateful to it for somehow managing to enforce my nonsensical theory.

Doctor Ema

After this, Phoenix returns to his office, and meets with someone new.

That’s right! Only now, halfway through the musical, do we actually get to meet the Ema-equivalent to Leona’s Lana-equivalent. Her name is Monica Clyde. She has little rainbow heart stickers on her briefcase, which is the closest thing this musical has to acknowledging that gay people exist.

But what does this little briefcase contain, you may ask? Scientific investigation tools? No.

A full surgical toolset. Because you never know when someone’ll get sick, or when someone will need an entire operation in front of you. I guess.

So yes, Monica Clyde is not a forensic scientist in training, but a doctor! She decided to become a doctor because of her parents, who passed away of The Sickness, and so became a doctor in order to save lives like theirs.

Once more this has much darker and deeper implications than the musical is even aware of, because Monica is so anxious about treating sick people that she carries a full surgical toolset around with her at all times, scared to lose someone like she lost her parents... and then sometime in the next three years, Leona, her big sister, is going to die.

Of what? The strange Sickness that claimed her parents? A car accident? A botched spur-of-the-moment surgery? Whatever it is, Monica was unable to save her, even when she’d been training her entire life for it.

Monica is not mentioned at all throughout the second musical. It’s as if she does not exist.

Because unlike Ema of Rise From The Ashes, Monica is not at the heart of this story. She is, primarily, a plot device here to make Leona not trust Phoenix so that he can angst about their relationship.

What a mess this world is.

The Trial, Part 2

Rather than try to prove Leona’s innocence, Phoenix wants to link the current case to not-SL-9, the Jack Lyon case. He does this by showing this picture.

Senator Cole, the victim, is in this picture. His younger brother whose name I’ve forgotten, the victim of not-SL-9, is also in this picture. They are brothers. It is apparently novel that they are in the same picture, and somehow makes their cases linked.

As well, Governor Miller is in the picture. I guess you could say like... Governor Miller’s legal counsel is the defendant, so that’s another link? Even though the Governor would presumably know a Senator, so this isn’t an unusual group. Right now Phoenix has absolutely nothing to prove that these two cases are linked other than “hey, these two victims are brothers”, but apparently it works. So they spend a lot of time talking about not-SL-9, since Leona has confessed to the murder on day 1 and there is absolutely nothing indicating that she can’t be immediately declared guilty.

They hid the fact that Monica was a hostage in this not-SL-9, meaning that some of the case records were forged. Here’s Edgeworth’s reaction when this comes out.

Edgeworth: This is an outrage! I’m the most influential prosecutor in America! There’s nothing I don’t know!

In RFTA, when Edgeworth learns he’d been using forged evidence to give a man the death penalty, he is devastated, his entire worldview is shaken, he sees himself as a monster who could end up becoming horribly corrupt if he isn’t stopped.

Musical Edgeworth goes “I DIDN’T KNOW SOMETHING???”

It’s certainly strange characterization, but I guess Edgeworth is further behind in his character arc than in RFTA, so... ugh. Fine.

Phoenix calls Monica out as a witness to prove she was involved in the case. This causes Leona to panic, and try to dismiss Phoenix as her attorney, like Lana in RFTA, but Edgeworth interjects to call Monica in anyways. He and Phoenix have a little moment.

Edgeworth: You said to believe in others. I suppose I’ll try believing in you. Try to keep up.

Phoenix: Edgeworth!

So Monica comes to the stand to testify. We get to see this picture of Monica being held hostage, and not-Joe-Darke’s incredible eyeliner.

Lots of it is very similar to the actual RFTA, except instead of the victim being stabbed on the knight with the giant knife, he’s instead stabbed with a regular old knife. Leona still refuses to admit to what really happened, until Edgeworth convinces her to believe in Phoenix.

Edgeworth: Your attorney is a runaway train with a one-track mind. Yet he placed all of his faith in you. Believe in him. You owe him that much.

Leona testifies, and says that when she found the victim, he was stabbed with a scalpel.

Here is where things get weird.

Scalpels Can’t Kill People

So basically earlier in this trial, they talk about how Leona knew that the knife that stabbed the victim was double-edged despite being buried in his chest. The judge questions if this means Leona killed him, but Phoenix is quick to say no, she was searched when she entered the courthouse and couldn’t have concealed a knife.

Yet, Monica was able to bring in her surgical toolkit which contains several sharp knives, scalpels, scissors, etc.

This is the first major contradiction.

Leona continues to say that when she found Monica, and the scalpel stabbed in the victim, she also ran into Governor Miller, who if you haven’t been able to tell yet is the Gant-equivalent of this musical. He offered to help her with the cover-up, etc.

The next bit goes a lot like RFTA. Phoenix accuses Governor Miller, who barges in, says Phoenix has the decisive evidence in his pocket. This is the “butter knife” that Phoenix took from his office when he dug around in confidential documents and stole it for no particular reason. It has Monica’s fingerprints on it! ... And Phoenix’s and Maya’s too probably because they were handling it without gloves, but they don’t mention that part.

Leona cries about how she shouldn’t have trusted Phoenix because he was apparently now blaming Monica, Monica looks terrified, she and Leona have some good sister moments but it’s not as good as it could be if the story was actually about Leona and Monica like how RFTA was about Lana and Ema. But Phoenix has the decisive piece of evidence that can turn this around.

It is this:

Phoenix: Scalpels are made for medical incisions, not stabbings. So how did it stab the victim?

...

... What?

So like. Yes, scalpels are made for medical incisions. Medical incisions often involve cutting through flesh, very easily. As a result, they are sharp. Extremely sharp. As in: their purpose is literally to stab people, very specifically.

Yes, they’re easier to control, so that surgeons don’t regularly stab people how they’re not supposed to be stabbed, but it’s not like, impossible to stab someone in a killing way with a scalpel? Admittedly, I have never tried to kill someone using a scalpel. And I do not have experience using a scalpel for surgeries because I am not a surgeon. But I’m pretty sure, if you take a sharp scalpel, and you stab someone in the chest with it with a reasonable amount of force... they die.

Like, is this a particular kind of scalpel that is not very sharp? Is the problem that the blade doesn’t match up with the initial wound? But even then, we don’t have the original unforged autopsy report or even a picture, so how would Phoenix know what the original wound looked like to say it didn’t match up? And even then why wouldn’t Phoenix say that instead of SCALPELS CAN’T STAB PEOPLE???

This is his decisive contradiction and it makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE TO ME!!!

Well Darn I Guess Scalpels Can’t Kill People

This is such a decisive piece of evidence, that scalpels can’t kill people, coming from the man who thought “caught red-handed” does not involve being caught standing over a corpse with blood on your hands, that it causes Governor Miller to confess.

Unlike Gant, who created the murder with Neil Marshall both to ensure that there was decisive evidence to convict Joe Darke, a serial killer who had not left any decisive evidence behind, and gain control over the prosecutor’s office in order to pull similar stunts to get criminals convicted using false evidence, Governor Miller does not have that as his motive. After all, he’s not a police officer. Instead, he ended up accidentally killing not-Joe-Darke, and then set up the incident in order to get Leona on his side. As her parents were both influential lawyers and very respectable, having her and her parents’ reputation on his side could help him become President of America Where This Takes Place.

So, let’s just take a moment to run over some of the things that made the original Rise From The Ashes great, in my opinion. Just for fun.

1 - The heart of the story between the Skye sisters. Lana closing off to protect Ema, Ema wanting to get through to her sister and get back to the way things used to be. Phoenix, in this story, is more of a bystander to this plotline rather than in the heart of it himself.

2 - Edgeworth’s Character Development. Basically RFTA creates an interesting transition between Turnabout Goodbyes and JFA. It causes Edgeworth to re-evaluate everything he knows about being a prosecutor. So quickly on the heels of Turnabout Goodbyes, it crushes the last bit of hope in him. It compares him to Gant, who also hates criminals, and forces him to wonder if his hatred of crime will one day lead to him being a criminal himself. He’s already convicted one person on forged evidence; how many others could there be?

3 - The Ends Justify The Means. ... wait come back, don’t leave. What I found neat about this case was also Gant’s motive. At one point he was presumably an honest person who hated crime and wanted to stop criminals. But over time in the police force, he became corrupted. He wanted to have all criminals convicted. So what do you do when you don’t have the evidence to convict them? Joe Darke was a serial killer who has killed several people and may have killed more if he’d gone free. The only way to stop and convict him was by using forged evidence. Other criminals could hide evidence to get away with their crimes, so people like Gant would make it up to catch them; but then when do you stop? What happens if there’s no evidence because someone is truly innocent? When does the line between “this person is a criminal and I want to stop them” and “I just want to convict everyone I’m dealing with” become blurred? This is also something he shares with Edgeworth and helps to advance his character.

All three of these things are either lessened or outright ignored in this musical. Leona and Monica’s story takes a backseat to Phoenix and Leona’s Love Story, with Monica only showing up halfway through, and mainly as an excuse as to why Leona is withdrawn. Edgeworth doesn’t seem to blame himself for the forged evidence he used, and doesn’t have a crisis questioning his morality over it. And Governor Miller’s motive is purely power. Unlike Gant, who would have become Chief of Police whether he solved SL-9 or not, Miller needed Leona to win the presidency. And instead of asking her to help him with his campaign like a normal person, he just blackmailed her instead.

... How do you play the games seven times and miss this much?

The Case Finally Ends

god. we’re almost there.

The case ends, Leona is declared not guilty but will still face trial for covering up murders and such. Probably less of a sentence than Lana because she was not involved in ongoing police corruption? Either way she’s dead in three years, so she’s got something a bit more concerning coming up.

She’s led away. Phoenix sings a bit about Leona before being interrupted by Edgeworth... who has something important to tell him.

Edgeworth: You awakened within me those once-cherished emotions I had discarded. I see visions of a distant, nostalgic past.

So basically this is the unnecessary feelings of the musical. Something along the lines of “seeing you again and fighting for my former ideals is making me question many things about myself.”

How does Phoenix respond?

Phoenix: Edgeworth... Try talking normally for a chance.

Sure, we were all thinking it, but that’s a little cold, Phoenix.

Edgeworth tries a smooth recovery.

Edgeworth: I don’t do... idle chit-chat.

This doesn’t accomplish much. So he leaves to allow Leona to visit with Phoenix alone. He’s got to go change for something more important coming up.

Leona and Phoenix decide that they’re going to get back together once Leona is done her sentence! They make a promise that is very funny if you know she’ll be dead in three years.

Phoenix: I’ll be waiting. For you.

There are a lot of hugs here, I’m not screencapping them all. There are also several moments where their faces get very close together and like, their nose brushes the other’s cheek or something, but they never actually kiss. Is it because the actresses weren’t comfortable with it (valid), or they thought kissing would be too much for the musical (sure, whatever), or since both characters are played by women the show staff did not want two women kissing on stage (probably the real answer)? I don’t like watching kisses, but I kept bracing myself for one and then it never happened, so.

Phoenix ends the main part of the musical with one last musical number starring my personal favourite piece:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I like to think that at this point, this is present-day Phoenix, after finishing his reminiscing, still desperately wishing he could bring Leona back from death.

But alas, he cannot. And so, after one last daydream of them dancing together on the beaches of California, singing about their love, the musical ends.

Dance Time!

This starts at exactly the two hour mark, if you’re interested in watching what is, once again, one of the only fun parts of this musical.

Seriously, Edgeworth’s actress kills it here, when I first saw this I went “oh, this is why I saw so many people being gay for her on twitter.”

Edgeworth’s song is an encore of “My Rule”, so it’s lots of fun. Afterwards Phoenix gets another fun piece.

Then we get to the love ballad part, which I can probably overanalyze, I feel like I haven’t done enough ridiculous over-analyzing in this essay in comparison to the other.

Uhhh so the fog represents how Phoenix feels lost in this world without Leona. You can see it in the second screenshot separating the two of them, representing the barrier of death between the two of them. Idk it’s midnight I’m getting worn out from having to think about this musical for so long.

But his mourning over Leona’s death becomes even more apparent in the credits, where Phoenix sings that one line again:

Phoenix: I want to bring you back! I believe in you.

I’m not fixing that screenshot, I think it’s oddly fitting, in a way. That’s me right now.

Then at the very end, he sings this song.

Phoenix: I’ll spend... this eternal life... soaring through... the heavens!

Technically, this refers to his name Phoenix, but let’s dig a little deeper. He spends the rest of his life soaring through the heavens... the heavens that Leona went to after her untimely death, perhaps?

Overall, the musical becomes much more interesting when you just see it as a prequel to the second musical. This musical establishes many core concepts of Phoenix’s character: his refusal to believe in the concept of things changing, for one, and also his extreme dependency on Leona who he was never separated from since they were kids and where he based his entire life around her dreams and ideals. All he can think about is her. And in the end, he promises to wait for her in California.

Yet, to paraphrase Miles Edgeworth, all that is waiting for him is her death. Their dream of opening up a Mom & Pop Law Firm will never come true.

Thanks again for bearing with me even though this wasn’t as funny!

#ace attorney #phoenix wright the truth reborn #idk maybe someone wanted to know what the first musical was like without actually watching it?#my essays #my posts #i'm TIRED i'm going to BED goodNIGHT #this is less funny jokes and more actually criticizing the musical #because so much of this is like. wow. you really thought that was a good idea huh #just skip to the feenie sweater part honestly that's the funniest part of this musical

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grittyreadsfic · 3 years

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hello my friends, one singular person asked for this weeks ago so i’m here with my most unhinged rec list yet: tk and nolan.

now, this one was hard to reign in, so i really didn’t. this pairing had maybe 230 fics in the tag when i first started reading hockey fic, and it’s now over 900, and i’ve read far too many of them, and that makes it so hard to parse it down. so i just...didn't!

so with that said, please enjoy so you want to get into tknp: a beginners guide to a classic case of idiots to lovers

i told myself that i couldn’t rec an author’s entire body of work but then i remembered this is my blog and i do what i want, so i did some consolidating. here’s a list of the quintessential authors for this pairing, you can start at any of their profiles and pick any of their fics at random, and it’ll be one of the best ones for the pairing, hands down.

therainbowsedge: i’d start with the summer camp fic, or the sex toys one, as both beautifully capture the true idiots to lovers nature of this pairing, but just top tier writing all around

manybumblebees: the wedding fic is so tender and port stanley is a classic, but literally pick any single fic and you’ll have a perfect tknp fic. i’m not kidding

jamesvanriemsdick: their tknp fics in their series are some of the hidden gems of this pairing (the tk heartbeat fic makes me LOSE it) but the delaware fic or the seattle fic…..there’s really something for every mood

catchascatchcan: start with era of gods because i could write literal essays on how it’s some of the best fantasy worldbuilding i’ve ever read, but then just read everything else on their account, including non tknp fics. you won’t regret it

hackysack: ao3 user hackysack has written one of two timeloop fics that i absolutely adore, and i thought about just calling that one out in particular, but all of their work deserves the attention

canary: nothing to prove was the first tknp fic i ever read and i was immediately hooked. all of their fics are a good starting place for the pairing, and just really give you a feeling for the pairing

and now, for the fic recs!

to be, despite it all by smudgedfreckles

summary: or, nolan patrick’s gender thesis, by travis konecny.

why i love it: there’s not a lot ofo nonbinary characters in media, even in fic, but this fic’s treatment of nolan and their path to figuring out their gender just feels so real and made me feel so seen. tk’s characterization is also just top notch, and it’s just a super sweet story about two people who love each other

last ones standing by makeit_takeit

summary: If you’re committed to finding your future spouse, reads the last line of the ad, and are ready to look at yourself and your love life in a whole new way, apply now.

At the bottom of the ad there’s a link, and Travis finds his finger hovering over the screen, lip still caught between his teeth.

“I mean,” he says very reasonably, speaking out loud to his empty apartment like some sort of possibly-crazy person, “just applying doesn’t mean anything. Maybe I just fill it out, and see what happens. It’s not like I’m really gonna get picked to be on TV, come on.”

He snorts out loud, just to show his apartment he hasn’t lost his grip on reality or anything; he fully understands how ludicrous that would be.

Then he clicks the link anyway, because yolo or whatever.

why i love it: what part of a married at first sight fic doesn’t make you want to immediately dive right in? the concept is fun, the execution is absolutely flawless, and it captures their dynamic so well while letting it develop naturally

motivation by connectknee

summary: Kevin knows when to back off, the article said. He knows just when to shut up and leave Patty alone, something Travis has never known how to do.

why i love it: the thing i love about this pairing is that tk is loud and in your face, and nolan’s more reserved, a little quieter, a little harder to read. this fic does a really great job of exploring how tk could feel like maybe he’s just a bit too much and is one of my favorites in terms of miscommunication

a tenderness grows by rusesdeguerre

summary: Nolan wouldn’t say that landing a job as the Philadelphia Flyers’ psychotic and probably clinically insane mascot was a childhood dream of his. Maybe tangentially: playing pond hockey in –30°C weather and pretending to be Sidney Crosby is practically a rite of passage when you grow up in Manitoba. That, and experiencing the distinct displeasure that is thousands of mosquitoes sucking your blood out when your father drags you on a father-son camping trip into the backwoods of the northern Canadian Prairies.

why i love it: this was the first fic i recced on this blog, and i stand by that decision. a fic where nolan is not only not a hockey player, but is in fact the person in the gritty suit? absolutely perfect, and so charming from start to finish

meet me at my window by springsteen

summary: Travis has lived in Philadelphia for a few years now, long enough to know there isn’t a major city in America where superheroes don’t destroy an entire city block trying to save humanity or whatever. He can deal with all the super-shit, but Travis did not sign up for getting woken up from a deep sleep because some fucker’s trying to break in through his window.

(5 times the super-villain known as "The Cat" breaks into Travis's apartment, plus 1 time Travis invites him in.)

why i love it: there’s a lot of things to love here, but the concept is just absolutely one of my all time favorite aus ever. it’s fun and charming and the perfect glimpse into a world where heroes and villains exist, and what it’s like just to be a run of the mill kind of guy existing in it. tk and nolan’s back and forth in this make it so engaging, and it’s such a top tier fic

body’s in trouble by cloudsandpassingevents

summary: “Oh, sorry,” someone says. “Didn’t know anyone else was here.”

Nolan freezes, then turns around very slowly. When he looks up, Nicklas fucking Backstrom is standing behind him in a hoodie and baggy sweats, holding the biggest bag of Swedish Fish Nolan’s ever seen in his life in one hand.

“Uh,” Nolan says around the pop tart between his teeth. “Yeah.”

What the fuck, his brain helpfully supplies.

why i love it: from nolan’s inner voice, to the way the author explores all the dynamics within the team, to the way they write the unexpected but actually, it kind of makes sense friendship between nolan and backstrom, is just absolutely fantastic. there’s a lot of moments that circle back and build on each other in a way that really just makes it super compelling

rhizomatic foundations by lighthousetowers

summary: Twenty days after he moves in with Kevin Hayes, twenty days – three months, five months, depending on how you look at it – after not talking to TK, TK shows up at the front door with a plant the size of a basketball in his hands.

TK grins. "Patty, meet Reginald." He lifts up the plant. "Reggie, meet Patty. He's going to be your new - caretaker."

"What the fuck," says Nolan, not moving a single muscle.

Or: That Nolan can hear the plant talk might as well just happen.

why i love it: this is probably my favorite magical realism fic just about ever. it’s fun and charming and a little weird, but in the best possible way. there’s such a wonderful narrative in it, and lighthousetowers always has such beautiful writing, and it really shines in this one. the dialogue and nolan’s characterization are also part of what set it apart for me as one of the best tknp fics

in the dark of any town by mengetpegged

summary: If the voice has an accent at all, it’s a flat prairie Canadian, with none of G’s French-Canadian softness at the edges. But mostly, the accent is just ‘pissed off,’ which TK believes is a default setting for ghosts.

“Who are you?” TK asks, and he doesn’t like how strained his voice sounds, doesn’t like the tinge of anxiety tinting the rise of his question. He tries to regulate his breaths—in through his nose, hold, out through his mouth—but it feels like he’s not getting enough oxygen, which makes him panic even more.

“Someone with a fucking migraine, dickhead,” the voice says. “So keep the lights off and shut the hell up.”

(or: Nolan Patrick, Hotel X Ghost)

why i love it: i’m usually not super into ghost fics, both the spooky kind and the nonspooky kind, but this one is a rare exception. it’s charming and fun and tender and it’s got some of, in my opinion, the best characterization of tk and nolan in any fic. the way the author writes their dynamic and their dialogue is just unmatched

lets_make_this_moment_a_crime.mp3 by honeydripping

summary: Travis meets Nolan at a Midtown show in 2002 when he punches Nolan in the face. He can’t help it, “Like A Movie” just goes off.

But he does feel guilty about it.

TK and Patty work at a bakery together. They go to punk shows to pass the time.

why i love it: idk if anyone asked for an early 2000s emo/punk/alt au but wow! i sure am glad it exists! really the vibes of this fic, as silly as that sounds, are absolutely unmatched. i love the structure with the music, the development of their relationship, and just everything about how the author wrote the setting (there’s this whole thing with tattoos in it that makes me feel absolutely insane)

you’re ripped at every edge by you’re a masterpiece by conformityissuicide

summary: “Ugh, look, this yoga teacher has it out for me, man. And I can’t go back there without at least having some of the basics down. I’ve got to win this battle.”

“Yoga isn’t really something you win at,” Hartsy starts.

Travis cuts him off, “You can win at anything if you try hard enough.”

+++

OR that time Nolan's a grumpy yoga teacher and Travis realizes he wants to bone him and prove him wrong about Travis' non-existent yoga abilities.

why i love it: listen, if you want tknp, at least one of them has to be an idiot, and this tk absolutely captures the obliviousness i love to see in him in fic. it’s such a great characterization of them both and such a great concept (and even better execution)

you form a terror pack (and i’m aware of that) by dalmatienne

summary: “Can I help you?” TK snarks, both eyebrows hiked up in a way that has earned her many elbow checks to the ribs.

The chick looks down her nose, long thick eyelashes fluttering. Red-bitten lips part to blow a florid pink bubble and TK can smell the chemical sweetness when it pops.

“Yeah,” she says in this monotonous voice that seems almost at odds with her bubble gum and neon skates. She jams her stopper into TK’s thigh again, literally inches away from where it’d really hurt. “Tie ‘em.”

why i love it: to be honest, i generally don’t read rule 63 within hrpf, but this one is just absolutely knocks it out of the park. the concept (i fuckin’ love roller derby), the characterization of nolan, the pacing, the rituals, the tone of the entire fic, it’s just all around a perfect read from start to finish

thrills and grills by bitter_leaf

summary: Travis can’t even begin to wonder what he did in a previous life to incur the wrath of this fucking cook. Travis thinks he’s a nice person, doesn’t conduct himself in any way that could be considered particularly dickish, and unless this guy has some sort of issue with hockey bros or people from the boonies, he’s not sure how he started shit without even knowing.

Patty has a vendetta. Travis just wants to eat his eggs in peace.

why i love it: honestly this is the enemies to lovers fic i’ve been waiting for. i remember seeing the reddit post when it first went viral and thinking it would make such a great fic premise, so stumbling across this one was just so wonderful. super engaging and fun and so hilarious to read!

nothing but room for you by fightingfuries

summary: When his agent tells him he’s going to be traded to the Devils, Nolan isn't sure how he feels about it. Might be easier if he was going somewhere farther away, like California or fucking Florida. Somewhere sun-soaked and foreign. Someplace so different from Philadelphia that he can forget he ever played for the Flyers, forget everything that happened there.

Or Nolan fucks up, gets traded, gets his shit together and falls in love. Not necessarily in that order.

why i love it: i cannot stress to you how much i love trade fics, and this one is one of my absolute favorites. the trade to the devils-so close to philly, still, but there’s more to distance than physical miles-was such an excellent choice and the split timeline adds so much to the narrative, and the emotions are real and messy and complicated in the best way

a couple of runaways (i’m glad you stayed) by overturnedgoal

summary: The person in the video he’s watching is super annoying. Some obnoxious holier than thou granola type who keeps talking about their environmental impact as if they aren’t driving a gas guzzler around, but the basic idea of living in a van, driving around wherever, camping all the time, just going hiking and swimming and seeing the whole country? It sounds pretty dope, honestly.

why i love it: i like to watch tours and conversions of vans/buses into tiny homes as a self soothing method, and this fic has the same impact that watching those do. it’s such a fun concept, and it’s so fuckin’ soft, and the dialouge between tk and nolan is just *chef’s kiss*

all candor and style in the crook of your smile by p3trichor

summary: It’s a photo of Nolan on his knees with someones’ fingers in his mouth, lips slick with spit. Travis flicks by it almost too fast and he’s only got seconds to decide if he wants to screenshot it, if he wants to just give up the ghost right then and there. Except Travis’s phone freezes momentarily and then the group refreshes, sidcros87, Bert59 and 14 others took a screenshot!

It’s gone before Travis even has time to process it and he already wasted his replay of the day on a stupid video of a stupid fish that Hayes caught.

Can you send me that screenshot Travis texts Bertuzzi before he can overthink it, his dick already stirring in his sweats. Tuzzi sends back the cry-laughing emoji and then the screenshot before Travis can be too annoyed at him.

Or, Nolan is being weird about Travis's break-up and TK is maybe not straight.

why i love it: i genuinely don’t think i have words for the amount i love this fic. it took me forever to actually read, but it’s absolutely one of my favorite fics, and it’s an absolutely riot to read. carter’s meddling and the presence of tyler bertuzzi both make it extra fun, in my humble opinion

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lilydalexf · 3 years

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Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Rachel Nobel / Rae Lynn

Rachel Nobel, aka Rae Lynn, has 2 fics at Gossamer, but she’s written many more X-Files stories than that. You can also find fics by her at AO3 and various other archives. She’s one of the rare, special authors who’s posted numerous fic during the show’s original run and again in recent years. Big thanks to Rachel for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? Absolutely. I joined a Facebook group for fanfic writers where someone recognized my name and asked about some of my stories that have disappeared from the Internet, and I almost fell off my chair. On the other hand, I go back and read original-run fanfic all the time - the Wayback Machine is my best friend for all the late great fanfic archives. Like fine wines, they get better with age! What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? I was fairly young during the peak of the fandom - I was only 12 when I started watching the show and discovered the fandom online. A few years ago, right around the time we learned the revival was coming, I wrote an essay I called "How 'The X-Files' defined my adolescence," in which I wrote: "If you think about it, 'The X-Files' is a lot like adolescence: You start out thinking it's going to be a little hokey, NBD, and then you end up in its thrall, captivated and occasionally hugely let down. A lot of people behave strangely, and no one gets out unscathed. Mulder, in his own weird way, is the perfect mirror for an adolescent: He doesn't fit in; his life careens between being utterly consequential to the fate of the known universe and being completely pointless; he's socially awkward and can't quite nail it down with the girl of his dreams."

So for me, the fandom is inextricably bound up with adolescence, that feeling of vacillating between desperate loneliness and being on the verge of something enormously significant. Take romance: I was a bit of a late bloomer, and when all my friends were exploring their first relationships I was watching Mulder and Scully navigate this beautiful, complicated, soulful relationship without ever even kissing. That was deeply affecting for me as a teen.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? I started out on mailing lists - there was an EMXC mailing list and one that I think was called X-Angst. [Lilydale note: There was a mailing list called XAngst Anonymous.] This was back at the dawn of the Internet when I only had 10 hours of AOL access a month, and I remember using what AOL called a "FlashSession" to log on, download all the fanfic from the mailing list and log off to read it. I vividly remember the excitement of watching all that new fanfic flood my inbox! Later on I was on atxc. During the long summer between "Gethsemane" and "Redux," it felt like fanfic was at its peak. There was a group of about a dozen women who got together (virtually) to discuss a work in progress by Lydia Bower called "Primal Sympathy." We called ourselves the "Primal Screamers," and we had our own website with fanfic recommendations and other discussions (it cracked me up to locate us as an entry on Fanlore.org). I was still in high school at the time and I was the youngest member; I felt like I had been accepted into a cool underground club. I worshipped these women, who were fanfic writers themselves. They taught me everything I knew about how to be a decent, respectful, enthusiastic consumer and writer of fanfic and fandom. [Lilydale note: I’ve talked enthusiastically about the Primal Screamers here before, including their fanfic primer.] What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? In the '90s, I would have been embarrassed to tell anyone I read fanfic, let alone that I was writing it. Now, I look back on it and realize how talented and smart and passionate we all were. It's something to be proud of. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? The first episode I ever saw was "Shadows," which was on in reruns between the second and third seasons. I don't think "Shadows" is an episode that anyone today would consider thematically significant, but something about seeing those office supplies float spookily through the air - it wasn't like anything I had seen on television, and I wanted in. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic? I've always been a person who, when I am interested in something, seeks to learn more about it. So I guess I got online as a 12-year-old with this new interest and discovered fanfic. It was thrilling to find out that so many talented people were taking characters I loved and bringing them to life for me. When the screen faded to black each week and I wondered, "That's it? What next?", fanfic was always there to fill in the blanks and take Mulder and Scully to the next level. As a teenager, I was self-indulgent enough to think I had something to contribute, too. Most of what I wrote in the '90s would today make me cringe. I remember literally paging through the dictionary in search of erudite words I thought Mulder and Scully would say! But occasionally I'll feel brave enough to read an old story and I feel encouraged to see a spark: a turn of phrase or a fragment of dialogue that I still feel proud of. I write professionally now, but I've never written fiction that isn't X-Files fiction, so it's something that has really allowed me to hone my creative juices in a different way. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Sometimes I feel like the Statler and Waldorf of the fandom, like I'm sitting up in the balcony grousing "Back in my day...!" Because the fandom is remarkably robust, and I've gotten involved with it to an extent on Twitter and AO3, and now all these young whippersnappers idolize Mulder and Scully just as much if not more as I ever did! Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? Not really, no. I've of course consumed a lot of media since The X-Files that I wanted to discuss with others - I'm a huge "Harry Potter" nerd, and I was outraged when Netflix canceled "The OA" - but strangely I've never had the urge to read or write fanfic about anything other than "The X-Files." Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Every Thursday night! I watch a chosen episode with a group of fans on Twitter and tweet about it - #tbtXFiles. That's great fun. There are episodes I've seen dozens of times over the years and episodes I think I only ever watched once, and it's always enlightening to watch them again with a certain critical eye. When I was a fan during the original run, I really idolized Mulder; I loved episodes where we saw him in all his cracked genius glory. Scully was a trailblazer of a character, of course, but I think the fandom has evolved over the years to give Scully her due. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I was fairly stunned when the revival came around and I realized that people were still writing X-Files fic, and that a lot of it was so good. So yes, I do read fic on Archive of Our Own. But my heart is always with the early days of fanfic. In the revival when Mulder says "I've always wondered how this was going to end" - that felt to me almost like a love letter to fanfic authors who had been trying to answer that question for 25 years. Surprisingly, I've never had the urge to read fic in another fandom. Every time I try, it just feels like I'm cheating on Mulder and Scully. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors? My favorite author back in the day was Kipler. Her stories were just like real episodes of the show I could vividly imagine in my mind. I adore syntax6, particularly "20" and "The Birthday Stories," because of the way she perfectly and poignantly captures vignettes that span the entire series. Another favorite is Dawn and her "Blood Ties" series - I started out as a "NoRomo," and Dawn was one of the authors who made me believe Mulder and Scully could have a romantic relationship that really worked. And I always had a soft spot for Profiler!Mulder stories, so to this day I mourn the unfinished state of the great Kronos fic "Ascent to Hell." One fic I always come back to that captures profiling Mulder really well is "Domination of Lies," by cslatton. And then there are stories that I consider classics: "Corpse" by Livengoo, "Oklahoma" by Amperage and Livengoo, the "Revelations" and "All Hallow's Eve" series by Windsinger. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise? I have a soft spot for a story I wrote called "Human Credential." I was attempting, a quarter-century after the first season of the show, to set a story in the very early days of the partnership (which these days is one of my favorite kinds of fanfic to read), and I felt like I nailed it. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? I have been doing both of these, as a matter of fact! Or in my case, they are oldies that made it online but vanished when Geocities went belly-up, for example, that I sometimes go back to and reshape. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work? As the swallows return to Capistrano, I seem to always return to writing fic at periods of transition in my life. The first time I "retired" from fanfic, I wasn't even in college yet! If one can be nostalgic at 21 years old for something one gave up at 17, I was nostalgic for fanfic, and I picked it back up again in grad school. Then I became a teacher and a wife and a mom and years passed, and the revival seduced me back into it again. But the vast majority of fanfic I've written is firmly planted in the first seven seasons of the show - poor Mulder and Scully never seem to get to grow up in my stories. What's the story behind your pen name? I wrote under a lot of pen names over the years! When I first started writing fanfic, no one knew anything about Internet safety and it didn't occur to me that it wasn't wise to use my real name. There was a period when I would have been mortified if anyone discovered my stories under my real name - now, at least I can write it off as a youthful indulgence! When I finally grew into a more mature writer, I started using the name Rae Lynn, which is almost-but-not-quite my real first and middle names. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? As far as I know, unless my friends and acquaintances have done some sleuthing, only my husband knows I still write fanfic. And he's never read it, though he's kind enough to give me a glazed-eyes indulgent smile if I ever talk about it. Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? I am xraelynn on AO3! I have about a dozen stories there - some of them I wrote 15 years ago and some of them are brand spanking new. Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Fanfic is a true labor of love. Fanfic authors don't write fanfic for money or fame; they do it because they love it. Sites like AO3 and Tumblr have made it so much easier to show your appreciation to writers (::gruff reminiscing voice:: back in my day, you had to send them an email, and now you can just click the "kudos" button!). I can only speak for myself, but I really thrive on that feedback - otherwise I'm just Mulder in his cramped hovel of a home office waiting for Scully to nag me to shave my beard. Every so often I think about the fact that there is so much high-quality writing about these characters I've loved for decades just available on the Internet for free and it feels like a true gift.

(Posted by Lilydale on May 4, 2021)

#old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #rachel nobel #rae lynn

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boomboomjaz · 3 years

Text

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕥𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘

kuroo x reader

genre: angst

word count: 1666

summary: a red string appears when you are lost but what happens when it breaks?

warning: major character death

author note: this is my second fics for a collab/event with @yacoka and haha sorry i wrote this when i was stressed for my finals

Lost.

According to the Merriam-Webster Thesaurus, lost is an adjective. No longer possessed. Gone, mislaid, misplaced, missing. In sum, nowhere to be found. Not only that but a person can feel like they themselves are lost. Not physically lost, but emotionally or mentally. Not knowing what to do next or what was the meaning behind them living. One tiny word holds so many meanings. And to a sense, you understood them all.

Fresh out of college, with a degree, you can’t even use it at a dead-end job. With limited options in a city that is supposed to be filled with opportunity. It was all supposed to be going great, not in a cramped apartment with rent that needs paying. All of it was overwhelming but at least you didn’t have to worry about any more essay deadlines.

The stress, the feeling of everything trying to tear you down, to bring you to your knees and yell your heart out. You can feel it all taking a toll on you. In all honesty, you wished you were physically lost and not knowing where your life was going.

Thus, this is how you found yourself at the public library. You haven’t been there since your last research paper but now you were there for two different reasons. The first reason was that you wanted to check out your favorite book. The second was that you wanted to do research on the urban legend you heard so much about. The one that says when you feel lost, a red string would appear and lead you to your soul mate.

So at a table, you sat down with a pile of books all relating to the subject. You were hoping that learning more about it would make it feel real. Because if you could find love now, maybe your life wouldn’t feel as numb. Maybe you would feel like you found yourself.

That is how you read books upon books, but with each paragraph, you started to feel more and more hopeless. What even were the chances that you would find your soulmate? Are soulmates even real? For all you know, it could mean that soulmates were for people who felt like they belonged. For the believers. You just wanted an easy fix to your life.

WIth more frustrating feelings building up, you laid yourself down and just stared at your favorite book. Your eyes scanned the title and you let your mind wander about any old fairy tale. You weren’t asking for a prince charming or the main character. You would be happy being town person B that is married to town person A.

Found.

‘I lost my way all the way to you and in you, I found all the way back to me.’ -Atticus

That quote. It replayed in your mind for a while, remembering a poetry book you found in the library. You had only read it to forget all the research you had done before. But now it was all you could think about as the clouds grew darker outside.

That is where you stood, outside the library with the poetry book in hand. Your heart aching with sadness knowing life would never go the way you wanted. But… there was something inside of you that held hope. It just didn’t take long until you squashed the idea and continued your way to the subway station to go home.

With all the stress you were feeling, you wouldn’t be surprised if you found a grey hair or two. It seemed like with each passing moment you felt more and more feel lost. That is until you felt a sudden urge. You no longer felt like taking the subway home. Instead, you took a sudden detour through a nearby park. It confused you as to why you decided to take a different route back to your small apartment. For sure it was a long way home.

As you walked through the park, you couldn’t help but wish you were still a child. You were never this stressed before but carefree. The only thing you would worry about at a young age was what was on tv or if you were getting ice cream for dessert.

And then it hit you.

Literally, it hit you. A volleyball had went flying and managed to hit you in the head. Just your luck. You rubbed your head and looked around, trying to see who was responsible for your sudden injury.

Standing there before you was a guy around your age with the worst yet most unique looking bed hair you’ve ever laid your eyes upon. You could feel the second urge, to ask him for his name. But you were left without words.

“Sorry about that! Can you toss the volleyball back?” the boy with the bed hair asked.

His hands were out, ready to catch the volleyball. Quickly, you picked the ball up and turned back to him. Then you noticed a bright red string tied to his finger. Your eyes followed the string and noticed that it connected to your own pinky.

You tossed the ball back to him and watched his eyes scan the ball’s return. He then turned and tossed it to his group of friends.

Turning back in your direction, he began to walk closer.

“Again, sorry about that. One of them is still learning how to receive. Let me make it up to you since it was my fault. I’m Kuroo Tetsurou.”

He was quick with his words, leaving you in shock. You smiled knowing that you found the one. He was going to help you feel like the person that you once were.

“Ln Yn.”

Learning.

With every new thing that you find, you must learn something about it. That was your interpretation after meeting Kuroo. It all started with one hang out at a cafe. That is where the two of you got to know more about each other. You learned that he had a huge love for science and volleyball. That his high school years were filled with practices and growing into a stronger and better person.

It was that one meet up that made you want to learn more about him. And it looked like he felt the same way because the two of you exchanged numbers. Every night you would stay up late talking about the smallest things. What you did that day, a memory from years ago. He even told you about how he was in a volleyball club in high school and that they were some of his proudest moments in life. In exchange, you told him about your accomplishments in life and all the hopes you had.

“What about now?” Kuroo asked over the phone.

You sat up in bed in silence. What were your accomplishments so far? Managing to have a roof over your head? How do you tell a man that was on his way to success that you were struggling to make ends meet so you didn’t have many accomplishments?

“I guess my accomplishment was meeting you.”

“Oh.”

Broken.

“Being hurt to the point where you feel broken… I don’t like this feeling,” you told your best friend over the phone.

“Where did it all go wrong?”

“I don’t know. I thought everything was going fine but I guess that was my fault… I feel lost again,” you replied. You hung up soon after and reflected.

Where did it all go wrong? Why did Kuroo start avoiding your phone calls?

You looked at your hand and noticed the red sting you used to take pride in was still tied around your finger. You pulled the string closer to you to see the end of the sting. It was cut, broken even. The sting that connected you to Kuroo as your soulmate was gone

It shouldn’t be a surprise. You noticed when he stopped hanging out with you. When the nightly phone calls turned into weekly phone calls until they stopped. When the text messages slowly started to give out until you were left on read. Even then you were soon left on delivered. And it was impossible to ignore the feeling that you felt a piece of yourself break when the sting was cut off.

Maybe the universe wanted to get a final laugh in because your phone flashed with Kuroo’s name. You opened the text message and felt your heart drop.

You were acting childish before. There was a reason why Kuroo was falling off the grid. Why over the course of many months he started to disappear. He was dying. Around the time you noticed the sting was cut was around they announced him to be gone. And according to his family, he left one final message for you.

Quickly, you opened the video message.

Kuroo looked very pale and weak. So fragile that if you touched him, he might fall apart. He smiled weakly at the camera. Trying to show you all the love he secretly had for you. When he spoke he quietly explained that a month after meeting you he got sick. It started as a small cold but then it turned into something more deadly. That he never wanted to ignore you but something he would so tired that he couldn’t reply. He loved talking to you and you were his motivation to keep fighting until he couldn’t anymore.

If he could turn time back. He would. He would go back and meet you sooner and do the things he wanted to do with you. His one dream for the both of you was to go to a carnival and kiss you at the top of a Ferris wheel.

“I love you, Yn.”

“Kuroo… I love you too,” you whispered back as tears fell into your lap.

The string broke cause of death. Never to feel connected to him again. Even if you rode a Ferris wheel every night, it’ll always feel empty without him.

#kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo testuro #kuroo imagine #kuroo x you #kuroo x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! au #haikyuu au #haikyuu!!

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thehuns-bubble-tea · 4 years

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So guess who finally wrote the SaiZon essay I promised months ago! @there-is-a-carrot-in-my-ear’s post was the last bit of encouragement I needed so thanks for that lol.

I am going to go episode by episode to talk about all the SaiZon scenes. I am using the official LineTV episodes and some of the translations are a bit weird so I will have to occasionally make assumptions with the dialogue, sorry in advance for that. If I happen to assume wrong or make stretch conclusions forgive me for I only have one brain cell and it’s currently bouncing around my head like a window’s screensaver. I am also going to mention some of the behind the scenes episodes so if you haven’t seen those you might be slightly confused, but I don’t have international links for them so I apologize! Also this ended up being 18 pages long- I AM SORRY.

So let’s start with part one of episode one shall we? The beginning starts off weird as hell, honestly I had forgotten how crack this show was after the last few episodes were so- normal? Anyway we are dropped off in Zon’s dream(???) where he sees Tutor and Fighter being cute, and then an absolute precious Saifah- except it is really weird to start off here. This dream doesn’t seem to belong at the beginning because nothing that sets up this dream has happened yet, which I only realized as I rewatched it. Zon doesn’t know about Tutor and Fighter’s relationship until episode 11 and he doesn’t actually know Saifah yet, so to have Zon have this dream as the literal introduction to the show is a bit of either foreshadowing or referencing the idea that this whole show is a dream/Zol’s novel which I think is quite interesting. I don’t have much else to say about this besides I am incredibly impressed with how well this scene garners interest- it’s like I’m watching for the first time again and I /need/ to understand what is going on. Also the animated Zon freaking out about Saifah getting too close? Mood.

There was no SaiZon part in part two so moving on to part three of episode one! This part starts off with Saifah playing the guitar surrounded by a bunch of girls and Zon walking up from behind, seeing him. As much as I would like to say “love at first sight” this is definitely not that- in fact Zon straight up tells the girls they don’t like each other. Which is fair honestly, these two at the beginning don’t seem to have anything in common. Saifah is an engineering student while Zon is a english(literature???) student so they wouldn’t be able to get close through classes and they don’t seem to share many face value interests (Sai with guitar and soccer, Zon with writing and generally “nerdy” stuff) so it would be easy for them both to write each other off. Definitely not a “I hate him” but more of a “I don’t know him and I don’t want to” kinda situation where unless outside forces brought them together they wouldn’t have even considered entering each other’s lives. So shout out to Tutor and Soda for being mvps! This part also gives us the iconic moment of Zon literally standing on a table to fight Saifah and like??? Hello??? The tension already here is so much- but here’s the thing! Why R U has set up their relationship to be that of “enemies” up to this point, so when you first watch it you’re like “hm Sai is trying to get a rise out of Zon because he thinks it is funny because they hate each other” but what Sai says isn’t necessarily mean. Yes Sai does tease Zon about being bad at everything, but after that he just flutters his eyelashes, calls himself cute, and does that cute little smile up at Zon. There is no real hurt behind his words, if that makes sense? It is very much a teasing jeer at Zon to get a reaction, and the second Zon stands on the table Sai smiles and seems to take pride at the action. He isn’t doing it out of hatred or evil, but more like the joy of seeing Zon riled up. Sai blames his actions on disliking Zon because of reasons they’re currently only alluding to but like- bro get over it? There’s no reason for Sai to act like that if that was his only motive so I call his bluff, he has to already be somewhat interested in Zon. Even if it’s not a crush yet he definitely enjoys Zon’s reactions enough to keep pressing buttons.

Finally the end of episode one with part four. Finally! The, also iconic, punch to kiss scene! Sai is smooching the girl Zon is pursuing, it’s upsetting for Zon and Sai is kinda rude about it- then WHAM. Zon, the absolute unit that he is, just fucking decks Saifah. When I tell you I screamed- This is especially important because the thing that finally makes Zon snap is Saifah’s “no one can like you” comment which is so hurtful and man he’s gonna eat his words you can just /feel/ it already. And the punch is completely valid because what Sai did was shitty and honestly Zon had every right to be mad so great moment 10/10. Then we have Sai try to retaliate and first off he misses like a huge dork and then he kinda trips into Zon which leads to them accidentally kissing. Logistically I don’t know how this happened, but who am I to complain? This is of course also Sai’s first experience with a Zontm reaction and that I think is what causes the shift in Saifah’s head. After that huge exposition piece we have Zon dreaming about Saifah in his bed talking about them being together. All I’m gonna say is- is it gay to dream about your not bro wanting to kiss you? The answer is probably yes.

No SaiZon for parts one or two of episode two, but part three gives us a bit to cover! First off- the elevator line scene where Saifah literally stares at Zon with the absolute best puppy eyes and lovesick smile is peak cuteness, like?? Hello??? This is the perfect example of what I mean when I say SaiZon were never enemies- like I can’t imagine hating someone and then letting them shoulder bump me with a “hi”. That’s not how enemies act, this is more of a “well we haven’t always gotten along but I’m willing to move on, here let’s try again” type of situation and it’s fucking adorable. Sai seems confident in his own teasing way and Zon is confused as heck, which is so valid. Mind you this is also several months after their accidental kiss so any hot blooded emotions surrounding them has definitely dissipated which means there is now room for them to grow and initiate a friendship, which is what I assume Sai is trying to do. This is also the first time we get “my Zon” and I swear everytime I hear it I astral project into another dimension, so there’s that. Also Sai fulling embracing the fact that these girls ship them is peak bi confidence (I read Saifah as a bi character don’t @ me lmao), that I can only wish to have. Like Sai seems to already genuinely like being around Zon, lightly teasing. I say this because nothing he said was a dig at Zon harshly but more like something I would say about my friends to get them to give me a funny reaction and he gets exactly that. Zon gives him a reaction and then as soon as he’s gone Sai has this very pleased smile on his face. It really feels like Saifah has already decided that he wants to have some sort of relationship with Zon, at this point I wouldn’t call it a crush yet but more like a casual friendship. Then we have Zon daydreaming about Sai asking him to be partners for the music competition thing and again I’m going to ask- is it gay to daydream about your not bro pouting and wanting to be partners? The answer is probably yes.

Part four of episode two gave us no SaiZon so we move on to part one of episode three! We get a tiny bit of animated Sai talking about flirting with Zon, Zon freaking out you know- the usual. But then we get the stair scene that haunts me. Sai has committed to calling Zon “my Zon” already and I am here for it. His fucking smile after he says it too- boy is enjoying himself. The two fight over whether or not Zon will play with Sai or not and progressively lean into each other’s spaces as they bicker back and forth. Which is valid- Zon doesn’t even know how to play and then to be asked to play with someone he doesn’t really know or get along with, I’d say no too. Anyway Tutor breaks them up drags Sai to class, but not before Sai can say goodbye to “N’Zon” which just really threw me and Zon to be honest. I love that Sai is fully committed to these nicknames and I love how flustered Zon gets because of them- they’re already starting to fall into an ease with each other. Quick note here Saifah tells Tutor that he likes teasing Zon because it makes him happy, which is kinda cute? We see Sai play around with Tor and Day a bit but the way he is with them is vastly different then when he’s with Zon. Again I wouldn’t quite call it a crush yet- but we’re getting there. For now it seems more like an enamoured fascination with this dork of a human. (also real quick side note but I love Soda and would gladly let her step on me--)

Part two of episode three gives us yet another iconic scene- I have dubbed it the gay painc shower scene for obvious reasons. First of all, props to Zon for even grabbing Sai’s towel for him. Like they might not be close, and Sai might tease Zon relentlessly, but Zon is a genuinely good person and I really like that about his character. He doesn’t even hesitate to ask “which one” so he can do that for Sai. But of course Sai has to be a little brat and try to pull Zon into the shower stall with him, causing Zon’s first almost heart attack. Then he crowds Zon up against the wall with the most sensual look and teases him by attempting to remove his towel, giving Zon almost heart attack number two- Sai is seriously a brat and I love it. The funniest part is that this, from my experience at least, is common locker room teasing which Zon clearly wouldn’t know since he’s not in the soccer club- so having Sai do this to him is clearly a point where Zon’s single working braincell goes into gay panic and just short circuits his system and once again that’s valid. Zon tells Sai no matter what he won’t play with him, man these two eat their own words a lot huh, and Sai tells him it’s really up to him. Also side note here I know Junior did this in hopes of getting Sai to convince Zon to do the talent show thingy but I fully head cannon that Junior realizes there’s /something/ going on between them and forced them into this position, do with that what you will. There is also behind the scene footage of this scene (I can’t find an international link to this specific one rip) but it shows Jimmy and Tommy fake biting each other’s fingers and it’s so cute and weird- anyway all this to say I think this is where we start to see a shift in Saifah’s attitude. He’s the one who mentions being partners, mentions kissing, and Zon being a shy Korean drama lead- he’s a huge romantic so this is where he steps up a bit more. Instead of being just a tease in the way Zon acts it is now a tease about them together, being together, testing waters almost. It’s a huge shift if you really think about it, the only thing that stays constant is Zon’s flustered reactions.

Part three of episode three once again delivers with panic gay Zon being a fucking dork. This is where we get that ridiculous moment in the bathroom when Zon thinks two dude are doing the do in a stall and presses Saifah into a wall, you know casually. This scene is so weird and just ??? why??? Saifah takes in all in stride though, this kid is seriously getting whipped quick and I relate. Zon just has such chaotic energy that it’s hard not to play along, no matter how mortifyingly embarrassing he is. Also can we talk about how every time Zon leaves an interaction with Saifah, Sai gets the biggest smile? Like that is so precious I can’t handle it, boy is WHIPPED and doesn’t even know it yet!

Part four gives us a little bit of SaiZon. Zon is distracted by his text conversation (this is not translated so I have no clue what’s being said or who he’s talking to rip) when Saifah comes up behind him. This looks so domestic- like you don’t just do that to someone you barely know, right? Also the fact that Sai can lean over Zon so far when Zon is just sitting is stressful to me. Who gave him the right to be /that/ tall? Anyway Zon goes to stand and Saifah scares him, causing him to trip backwards and have the first of many time where Sai holds Zon up and it’s romantic as heck- They both instantly know where to hold each other, and then gaze at each other’s faces I just ??? I’m short circuiting honestly. This is also the first indication to me that Sai is developing some form of feelings because he keeps looking at Zon’s eyes and lips, and that’s valid. Of course Zon ruins the mood by pushing him away but they both look hurt this time. Sai looks hurt even asking if Zon’s serious about not playing together and it’s the first time we see Sai be any bit vulnerable. He seems to genuinely hurt by the idea and it makes Zon shuffle a bit before leaving. Even when he’s gone Sai looks upset and even comments on how Zon falls easily- which is really cute. This is our first glimpse at the Saifah that seems a bit more like the hopeless romantic we get towards the end of the series, a stark contrast to the overly confident perfect boy persona he uses around the campus.

No SaiZon in part four of episode three or part one of four so on to part two- We get the music partner reveal! And to Zon’s credit he doesn’t immediately turn around and leave. Instead he is actually committed to this and Sai, to his credit, doesn’t make him feel weird. They take the fan page photos and they’re both clearly out of their element here, they’re shy and awkward and it’s precious. They’re both coming to this realization that they’re really doing this- being partners and committing to each other basically. They both seem determined but also terrified of what that means. I love it- because this isn’t about them just yet but more of their shared responsibility to Soda now that they both can’t back down. It’s a good foundation because right now they’re on equal footing, neither really has the upper hand. Soda, my queen, to her credit is trying to get them to see that their arguing isn’t going to help anyone here and it’s a fair point. They’re going to be stuck together for two months (why was I under the impression this whole time it was much longer?) and they both agree to at least attempt. I love how genuinely awkward these scenes are because like I’ve said before they were never enemies but also never friends, they don’t know much about each other yet so it’s weird. What do they talk about, what are their boundaries, they don’t know and I love it. It is the perfect foundation for a fresh start for both of them to learn about each other and build a strong bond. We get a bit of Sai trying to teach Zon guitar strings and it’s a nice moment. They’re both getting comfortable with the other and then Sai plays the love song for Zon- you think Zon’s going to be set off by the moment but instead he teases Sai! He confidently both compliments Saifah and teases, it’s growth! Then Saifah settles to help Zon learn to strum, a moment where they’re very intimately pressed together and have an almost kiss. This is the first time they do the lip bite thing that I noticed they do when they think about kissing the other- and this is the first time that I think they realize their feelings aren’t just basic acquaintances. For Zon he feels something but he is also hung up on the idea that this is all Zol’s book. He is scared because he doesn’t know if these moments, these feelings are real or not. For Saifah I think he is really starting to understand how he feels for Zon, but thinks that Zon doesn’t and will not feel the same. But Sai isn’t the type to push so he just lets it go for now. Then we get the cute montage of them getting closer and teasing in more of a friendly way- again this is just solidifying in our minds and theirs that there is something growing between them. Right now it’s just a natural friendship, but is also hinting at more deep feelings. This is the part that I love the most about SaiZon- this was never a love at first sight relationship, it is one born out of something incredibly natural. They grow into each other and themselves. We start to see Saifah get more comfortable with his dorky side, and Zon gets more confident in himself because of their time together. It’s a breath of fresh air how easily they settle into the other’s presence. And of course we also get the gay pining bed scene and I, for the third time shall ask is it gay to daydream about your new bro laying in bed with you? The answer is probably yes.

Part three of episode four gives us the iconic guitar pick date (yes I understand I keep saying iconic but with SaiZon what isn’t?). This entire scene is just the cutest thing? They fall into each other so easily and they seem to have tons of fun goofing off. It reminds me of my friends and I going to shopping centers just to window shop and be together. It’s so incredibly natural and shows that they’re becoming so much closer then what they started out as. Nothing is over the top or unrealistic, instead it’s effortless and an absolute joy to witness. There’s even a deleted scene where two girls come up to ask for a photo (which is weird but whatever) and Zon gets so lost in his head about how close Saifah is- it really is a defining moment in my mind that Zon is torn. Torn between believing that his feelings are real and that this is all just being a dream from Zol’s novel. I kinda wish this scene hadn’t been deleted because it takes away from Zon’s internal struggle. When they have their little heart to heart and Zon admits that Sai is actually a good person my soul leaves my body. It is so cute and demonstrates that these two have started to grow past their initial judgements of each other and more into learning the intricacies of the other. Anyway it’s cute and I love them, moving on.

Now on to part four of episode four. This gives us the scene that fully convinces me that Saifah is just a big softly. Sai walks into the practice room to see a mess and Zon is asleep on the floor. Instead of being a brat and waking him up, Sai quietly goes around and cleans everything up because he is peak soft boy he just won’t admit it. When he does accidentally wake Zon they’re both just absolute cuties- the way Sai’s face falls when Zon said he was just kidding about wanting to wait for him- my boy is WHIPPED. But here’s the thing, and I’ll come back to this point in a bit but, the way Sai never pushes Zon on anything. It’s clear that Sai is really starting to crush on Zon the way he treats him and acts but any time Zon pulls away Sai just lets him. That’s so refreshing, especially in contrast to the way TorFight act in parallel to SaiZon. There is never an expectation for Zon to meet Sai’s desires and Sai takes only what Zon is willing to offer, and I appreciate it so much. Anyway their little collective panic when Sai tries to take Zon to his room is hilarious they’re both on such different pages and they really are just dorks. And then we have the typical in the rain sequence- oh my gosh- I love some good classic tropes and this is one of them. Once again we see Saifah just be an absolute romantic, he doesn’t even hesitate to take off his jacket to cover Zon and himself. I just- that’s peak romance for me my dudes. Both me and Sai are whipped and that’s just facts. Then Zon (somehow??) forgets how to stand on two legs and trips yet again and we have another close contact scene, but this time there noses touch and Zon’s reaction isn’t nearly as visceral as it has been- it’s almost like he likes the attention up until his mind thinks it’s too close to a novel and he gets scared.

On to episode five’s part one! Zon is finally in Sai’s room and we get the cute hair drying scene that Zon doesn’t appreciate as much as I do- anyway Zon is freaking out and Saifah doesn’t fully understand what he’s babbling on about but still gets his chance to tease. It is once again cute and effortless, I crave more of this (SaiZon special episode I’m looking at you). Sai is getting a bit more confident with his advances but always pulls back the moment Zon freaks, it’s completely them. And then we get them waking up in each other’s arms, the screaming, Zon being an absolute moron. This is why these two are /the/ couple for me. Like no one else could pull this scene off nearly as well as them, it’s great. Also Saifah pulling a 2Moons2 Kit and just yeeting Zon off the bed? Iconic, that’s it that’s the analysis.

Part two of episode five has a moment that’s not a SaiZon scene but I do feel like it’s important in their relationship- Zol tells (well lies but Zon doesn’t know that-) about changing the story after their promise/wish/curse. This is the point where Zon can finally take what he has been experiencing and feeling in for the first time with a clear head. It’s no longer “possibly” influenced by supernatural forces because of Zol. This is when Zon decides “oh this is real, these feelings are real”, and you can tell that the way Zon acts around Saifah is considerably more calm and open to Saifah’s advantages to a point. Occasionally he still talks about it everything being similar to a fiction but he isn’t held back by it nearly as much. Then we get SaiZon practicing in the music room again and being interrupted by Natee and Junior, they kinda make Zon nervous about the show- until Saifah steps in. He confidently tells Zon he believes in him and that he will be there for him and I just- oh my god?? That’s so soft and I swear Saifah is the biggest soft boy ever who is willing to do anything to lift Zon up and that’s precious. They really are slowly starting to get on the same page.

Moving on to episode six part two (this is where we start to see less SaiZon due to the pandemic limiting their filming time)! This episode gives us Zon asking Sai on a guitar buying date. And lemme tell you the way these two act? WHIPPED. They both get so shy and tease the other the perfect amount, they really have grown into each other in ways I don’t think any of us expected. The cute little happy dance they do when they agree and hang up? Boyfriends, just like ??? hello??? Mind you they agree to go the Saturday before the show so they have now spent almost the full two months together- I can’t even believe it. They have had this relationship grow for two months and we’ve only been able to see glimpses, just imagine what we don’t get to see! Anyway we see Saifah being peak baby all bundled up sharing headphones with Zon- which is like peak romance for me I won’t even apologize. And then the pure excitement Saifah has when Zon suggests he stays over at Saifah’s- WHIPPED. He even suggests that there might be something between them when Zon questions their closeness, but the moment Zon wants to change the subject Sai follows his lead, like I’ve mentioned before Sai is not one to ever push Zon for more because he respects Zon so much.

Part three of episode six gives us the rooftop scene! The lingering looks! “The stars are beautiful.”, “It is beautiful-” as Saifah looks at Zon with those soft eyes! THE GAYS ARE PINING. And then them playing together. I am crying??? I can’t even form sentences, I can’t analyze, I just am going to sit here for a moment and think about how this romance is goals. That’s it.

Part four is full of SaiZon just being huge teases. Saifah confidently pulls Zon into him, asking if Zon is afraid of falling in love with him and I just- the way Zon looks at Sai? He’s already in love, and no I don’t take criticism. That’s it, that’s the analysis.

Part one of episode seven is the scene that made me want to write this essay- we have Zon and Saifah in the most intimate scene yet for them. It really is just a back and forth between them that is simple and wholly them. And then it shifts- Zon is looking at Saifah so softly, and is easily going along with what Saifah is doing with no hang ups. Saifah is looking up at Zon like he’s hung the stars and it’s the perfect moment. “You’re being so obedient, be like this more often. I like it”, “I like it too”, even the music is just perfect, but right at the last second Zon looks away. “I didn’t mean I like you.” and Saifah clearly looks disappointed, everything leading up to this was pointing in this direction and it didn’t happen. Saifah very clearly has feelings, he isn’t even trying to be subtle anymore, but not once does Saifah push for more. He backs off and settles down into a level that matches Zon’s comfort zone, because he cares about Zon’s comfort more than his own feelings. They have a moment for the comfort to level out once again and then they’re back to their usual selves. They’re back onto an equal field where they’re both just being themselves together- and they have another almost kiss that Sai does try to play off. Zon is still a bit spooked but it is still another testament to Saifah’s respect of Zon’s boundaries. This is where yet another deleted scene happens that I desperately wish they kept- it shows Zon fast asleep grab at Saifah until he’s completely draped over him. Saifah holds him, very similarly to a scene we will get to shortly, and the smile on Sai’s face? This boy is so in love but also so careful with Zon’s limitations, that just being able to hold Zon is enough to put him at ease. And we were ROBBED of it. Why R U editors turn on your location, I just wanna talk-

Part two of episode seven gives us the most cursed scene that, like Zon, I wish I could forget. There’s nothing inherently wrong with it but the second hand embarrassment is excruciating so for the sake of my sanity I’m gonna kinda gloss over it? Zon sees Sai’s boner, it causes Zon’s single brain cell to explode, that’s it- MOVING ON. On the bright side it also gives us SaiZon’s first public performance together. I assume this is to hype up the actual show, I don’t really care, all I care about is how earnest Saifah is with Zon. Zon is terrified of performing and Saifah is there to cheer him on. He is willing to let Zon leave if it means Zon will be more comfortable and he genuinely doesn’t want to push Zon into anything. Zon finally calms down enough to agree to stay and sing- and then Saifah starts rubbing his hands to give some comfort. The dialogue in this scene will forever go down as one of my favorite exchanges ever- “Are you okay with having me beside you?” SAIFAH HONEY. This one sentence holds everything in it. Is it okay that Saifah tried to kiss him? Is it okay that he got turned on? Is it okay that Saifah clearly has some sort of feelings for Zon? AND ZON SAYS YES. I just, I will never recover. It’s a very cute moment that they share, a sort of understanding that they share now that doesn’t really change what they have already, just gives some clarity to their current situation. And then the performance they give? It’s wonderful. What more can I say?

And now we’re getting to the good stuff- episode eight, part one. Sai is able to sneak read a bit of Zon’s writing, Sai trying to make himself look not suspicious is so funny, but the absolute angle Zon lets him get away with it. Then they have a cute back and forth about Sai wanting to sleep over at Zon’s place, it’s precious and shows that since the last time Zon seems a bit more comfortable with the obvious flirting and even does some himself. “Otherwise I’ll kiss you.” Saifah being bold as fuck and Zon not running away? That’s what we call growth! Then when Saifah is actually at Zon’s home and they’re telling his parents about the music show they are in full support, Zon’s mother and Saifah both teasing him about his name’s meaning. It’s light hearted and fun and I appreciate how cool Zon’s parents seem to be with their son’s and Saifah’s relationship (thus far). But them being so okay with his joining the music show compared to how unsupportive about his writing hurts, both me and Zon. When they’re in his room Zon is visibly upset with how his parents have handled his passions and Saifah is doing his best to cheer him up. Giving him some comfort, and this is where he admits to reading a few chapters of Zon’s fiction and Zon looks shattered. He is so afraid it’s bad because no one will support him, encourage him until Saifah tells him he actually liked it. That if he wants to keep writing he can count on Saifah to read it and it’s so touching because Zon finally has someone who believes in him. They have this really longing moment of just staring into each other’s eyes and it’s so soft and just full of pining. EXCEPT once again there’s a deleted scene we were ROBBED of. (Why R U’s editing team is out to hurt me apparently) In the deleted scene there was supposed to be a kiss to end the longing stares, this would be their first real kiss. And as much as I would have /loved/ that I can understand wanting the other scene being /the/ moment, but it doesn’t make me wish this scene hadn’t been cut any less.

The next three parts of episode eight I’m going to talk about in one piece because it is basically one long scene that’s just cut into parts. (Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) We have finally gotten to /the/ moment they’ve been leading up to this entire show, the music performance. When we start Zon is asleep and Saifah has arrived with food, trying to wake him up and only successful when he manages to kinda kiss Zon. They bicker a bit in their normal way, Zon whines about wanting an egg and Saifah gives his up happily. It's freaking adorable and the quality content I signed up for. Soda puts them in their performance outfits. They have a weird little fashion show that just makes me love Tommy and Jimmy with all my heart, you know the usual. And then the time gets closer to their performance- Zon is, rightfully, nervous and is having a little breakdown in front of Saifah who is trying his absolute best to calm him down. It’s a touching scene because you can tell that Sai doesn’t really know what to do to help but is seriously trying, and then Zon asks for some encouragement. Saifah wrapping his arms around Zon and hugging him is a scene that I will never recover from. Saifah is so confident in Zon’s skills and very clearly wants to perform with Zon that he’s willing to just hold the nervous kid in his arms until he calms down. It’s really touching and romantic and just perfect. It does the trick and they’re able to perform without a hitch. (I would like to say at this point I have been working on this essay for two days and have decided to throw alcohol into the mix so if I start going off the rails- whoops?) The actual concert is super lovely, like Tommy can sing don��t even @ me because I could listen to these two sing and nothing else and I would be completely happy with that, and when they go to do their thank you speeches my heart swells. Hearing Zon heartfully thank Saifah for doing this with him and then to hear Saifah ask every one to cheer for “my zon” one more time, it’s the pinnacle of romance. I don’t even think that they know how it looks to an outside viewer because they’re so lost in their own world. To them this wasn’t about the concert anymore but them proving themselves to each other, something so meaningful to them because without this moment being the huge lead up they would never have been anything more than people who shared mutual friends and “hated” each other. Without this concert neither would have taken steps to bring them closer, to this peak. And that is exactly what the concert is, it’s their peak because it’s the tipping point for their relationship. Any hesitation from either at this point would break it all down. And so when the two of them head backstage and they have this magical moment- this is it. Zon is complaining about the strings hurting his fingers so Sai softly blows on them to soothe the pain, it’s simple, quiet, and breathtaking. “Why are you so nice to me?” It's such a simple question, Zon’s eyes are filled with stars and he might not thinking that he’s going to get a good answer. “Because you already have my heart.” That’s it. Nothing Saifah could have said would top this. It leaves no questions, this is it for Saifah- he is throwing in everything at this moment and Zon just stares at him. He doesn’t flinch at the kiss Saifah leaves on his forehead, instead he puts his hands on Saifah’s cheeks and pulls him closer so he can kiss his nose. It’s not words that either need now because they just understand. They’ve taken the chance and it’s real now. Them just brushing noses in comfort is enough, but then they go all out. They /finally/ have their first /real/ kiss and it’s a culmination of everything they’ve been through and felt up until this point. I’m sure everyone has seen the behind the scenes clip of the pd calling them out for not following the script. Supposedly it wasn’t supposed to be so passionate but more of a quick peck, but this- what they gave us was nothing short of perfection. This kiss is a solidifier for everyone, especially Zon who has struggled internally this whole time about whether this is real or not. This is a confirmation that Zon’s feelings, now I might be reading a bit too into it/self projecting onto Zon, are valid. Zon and Saifah, as far as we know (I haven’t read the novel either btw), are presumably perceived as straight hell they may have thought they were straight up until they developed feelings for each other. Saifah develops his feelings confidently, he isn’t ashamed or shy about them. Like everything else in his life he takes it and makes it his own and that is completely valid. But for Zon it is a struggle the whole way through. He’s scared and he overthinks, over analyzes everything, and shys away from Saifah’s advances until now- a common theme found in many unsure/closeted queer kids. And THAT is also valid. They’re both so completely different and yet they fit together in ways that I don’t even think they knew was possible. The way they play off each other, can read the other, knows what to do or say- it’s the perfect amount of them.

Episode nine is purely TorFight and part one of episode ten gives us only crumbs of SaiZon, but they are crumbs I would die for. It’s a couple of minutes of a sleepy Zon being cuddled by Saifah. Nothing fancy, nothing overly sexual, just the domestic bliss of these two holding each other. Once again it’s a testament to how made they are for each other. In any other drama (and I say this with affection to all the other bls I have consumed) this wouldn’t fly- this slow progression isn’t the norm for these types of shows and that’s why it’s so damn refreshing. Saifah in all his suave bad boy persona, is truly just a hopeless romantic that wants to hold his boyfriend in his arms for as long as he wants. Zon for all his shy avoidance of anything romantic, just enjoys having Saifah by his side. There is no one party pushing for more, no one party aggressively making moves that are unwanted. It’s just these two content in taking it slow and basking in the warmth of it,

Again for episode eleven we only get a little bit of SaiZon in part four, but that’s fine. It’s especially fine because it’s like every good sick fic I’ve ever read put into canon. Need I say more? It’s soft and cute, Saifah being a whiny sick baby while Zon takes care of them is peak devastation. I really have nothing to say here except thinking about this scene gives me a hundred and one fic ideas and melts my cold dead heart. Moving on.

Episode twelve has a bit of SaiZon but outside of them being totally whipped and wearing matching outfits to the beach I don’t have anything to say? Like I could just scream about the fact that they’re cute but if you’ve made it this far I would hope you already know that, so I’m gonna carry on to episode thirteen- hope you don’t mind!

The finale- episode thirteen. Once again I’m going to just talk about it as a whole rather than split it up because this episode also follows like one central moment in time rather than having huge time breaks in between. (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4) Now we can get into the quintessential moments that define why I think SaiZon is one of the most superior relationships in media I’ve ever consumed. We are thirteen episodes in, we know these characters. They have grown into each other in front of us and this episode shows it in such a poetic way. When Sai and Zon get to their room at the hotel Sai is quick to tease Zon about his “duty” (for future reference if I ever hear someone say duty in reference to sex I might just cry) that night and of course in typical Zon fashion he gets a little antsy. But it doesn’t stop there like it would have earlier, instead Zon uses his nerves to turn the tables. He initiates a kiss with Saifah! Leaving both Saifah and I stunned in the process before teasing and dragging him out for their cute little beach date montage. Now mind you I am gay and love the beach so this shit hits hard for me. Like they’re being your typical love sick characters, Saifah stealing a few cheek kisses to Zon’s surprise, they goof off on a boat(?), they have those dumb couples clothes on- it’s really over the top cute like what else can I say. You want proof love exists? Here you go. Anyway they’re cute, it’s lovely, moving on. They have, I can only imagine this as a very strange double date, dinner with TorFight some bickering happens- again your typical drama moment it’s not too special. Until we get back to the bedroom. Now I have seen a lot of queer media in my life and with that comes your natural tropes (I say tropes fondly because I tend to like most tropes), and that’s what I was expecting. But no, I have never seen anything so purely born out of natural instinct and emotion in my life. Saifah sitting at the edge of the bed strumming a nameless song out of nerves, Zon trying to get his attention in the dorkiest way possible. Once again this is so totally and utterly /them/. I can’t picture anyone doing the way they did, selling that natural awkwardness that comes from your first time with someone you love? Fuck man. Saifah is finally all out of the confidence he normally has, instead he’s avoiding Zon and the prospect of the night by playing the guitar. It makes sense too because this is his first time doing this with someone that he loves, and his first time with a guy which is another added layer of nerves. It’s a lot for both of them, but Zon seems to be actually interested now- finally starting to make moves himself because he knows for a fact Sai isn’t going to push in fear of spooking Zon. And then we get the real moment that really changes everything, “You have music in your heart, don’t you want to have Zon in your heart?” This is it- this is the moment they’ve both been waiting for. Zon already has Saifah’s heart, he has for a while I believe, but this question is what tells Sai that Zon is ready too. They want the same thing, each other. Now we get one of the best build ups I have ever experienced. If you're watching just at face value it might seem a bit strange but every action is deliberate. @spookshowenilorac and I have this running theory that Zon doesn’t close his eyes during some kisses because he is afraid that if he does it will all disappear, it’ll be just a dream from Zol’s fiction (and anytime one of us mentions it I tear up). He’s been so afraid for so long and this moment does feel like it’s out of a dream, it’s overwhelming in passion and over thinking. But the moment Zon accepts it as real it progresses. Mind you, as I’m sure you already know, the tongue in these kisses was not scripted. This is purely Tommy and Jimmy giving this scene and these characters everything they had. It just feels right, after everything these two have been through, and to not have that level of intimacy would have left this scene hollow. The passion and dedication Mii2 gave SaiZon is unparalleled. But that’s not it is it? No, they take it even farther. The promises they make each other? “I promise that I will only have you.” “I’ll give in only to you.” The unscripted tears and voice crack? Nothing can or will top that. I’m sorry but that is /love/. This isn’t based on lust or desire or just purely passion, what Saifah and Zon have is so palpable you can almost feel it. I don’t think any words in our universe can explain the raw emotion that just envelopes this scene in particular. And to know half of it was unscripted and Mii2 just felt like this was what was needed, what the characters would have done is so validating? Just knowing that both Tommy and Jimmy see it too, how this scene needed to play out this way in order for Sai and Zon to have their story complete is unprecedented. Again I wish I had the words to describe it better but I just don’t, so I hope you can understand at least the surface level of what I’m trying to get at here. Anyway let’s move on before I combust by the pure emotions in the bed scene to the next bed scene! This is where Zon and Saifah wake up the morning after, and when I say this is yet again peak devastation I am not kidding. They’re so bright and loving with each other in their typical teasing manner. Saifah steals a cheeky kiss from Zon and demands a kiss on his cheek, of course Zon tries to mess around refusing, then kissing, then refusing when Sai asks for more. It’s light hearted and the emotional levity we all needed. Especially with the dazed look Zon has, I think here is when he fully understands and accepts that Saifah and this feeling isn’t a dream. This is real and his to keep. The passion between them hasn’t died down but their relationship isn’t solely based on it being so aggressive either. They excel in these in between moments, the give and take of both a teasing joke and a desire to be together. It’s not as primal as the love TorFight have, but that doesn’t make either any less valid. It’s the fact that they’re such vastly different relationships that makes me admire this show more. The contrast between the two really highlights that no two relationships are the same, just like no two people are the same and that’s a wonderful message. Moving on from that very domestic scene we get the beach kissing scene (yes I’m skipping a tiny bit because I have nothing to say about SaiZon walking in on TorFight besides gay solidarity baby!). First of all I wanna point out that their outfits are peak gay culture, like I can see @travelersmindpalace and I wearing the exact same outfits during our next beach date and it /hurts/. This is also where I point out that I have a weak spot for height differences and holy shit does SaiZon deliver. The way Zon has to kinda tippy toe to kiss Sai or have Saifah lean down a bit- I’m whipped. They also thank each other for coming into their lives and I had to pause for a good few minutes to have a nice little cry over that. Like??? How??? How are they so pure and sweet after everything- I really can’t fathom it. And they do that soft little nose bump thing before they kiss- my gay heart can really only take so much of this without crying over them. They truly are the pinnacle of relationship goals. I don’t know how else to say that? They really just are so encouraging of each other, the boundaries they set up are respected, there’s never a moment of an imbalance of power, they just have a healthy relationship that’s based on trust and understanding. I hope in the in the future we get more shows depicting a relationship like this.

This was a lot and I am sorry for the word dump?? If you made it this far I love you and I beg you to scream about SaiZon with me- and with that I’m done!

#why r u #saizon #saifahzon #THIS TOOK FOREVER I'M SORRY #this is almost 8000 words of me crying over my love for saizon episode by episode rip #boba!wordcollections #it's 1am I'll deal with the consequences of this when I wake up :3

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totallyjazzed · 4 years

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Analysing Copaganda (or "I watched seven seasons of Brooklyn 99 so you don't have to")

Introduction:

Several months ago my parents approached me asking if I wanted to watch Brooklyn 99, not knowing anything about it, my first instinct was to say no, but then I thought it would be interesting, to watch it and write a proper analysis for exactly what makes it propaganda and why it gives liberals brain worms. If you've spent any amount of time engaging with politics online for the last few years, you've likely already heard of Brooklyn 99. It's a sitcom written by Michael Schur, who previously wrote The Office (I'll get to that later), Parks & Recreation, and The Good Place. The show follows the lives of a squad of police detectives in Brooklyn and the wacky hijinks they get up to.

Brooklyn 99 has become famous, or arguably infamous, on Tumblr (and potentially other social media websites too) for being used as a "retort" to anti-cop sentiments (namely ACAB and any variation thereof), mainly taking the form of "the only good cop is Raymond Holt". In this essay (to use a funny Tumblr meme phrase) I will provide a brief overview of the show and the main characters, and analyse how the show, and each character individually, is pro-cop propaganda (copaganda).

The Show:

Brooklyn 99 is The Office, at least from what I understand about The Office. It’s a sitcom based in a workplace in which characters often pull pranks on each other and have wacky adventures pertaining to their job. The main thing that sets it apart from The Office is that the workplace in question is a police station, this makes it a cop show too. However, unlike more “classic” cop shows like CSI, Law & Order, The Wire, and so on, B99 doesn’t seek to glorify it’s characters as action heroes, but rather paint them as normal people living normal lives. This is far more insidious than the picture of the gnarled man of action who doesn’t play by the book, and by making the characters relatable the show gives viewers people to project onto, making them more vulnerable to the propaganda of the show.

Occasionally, in a break from the antics of Relatable Immature Prankster Archetype and Funny Overly Attached Best Friend Archetype, the show will attempt to say something about racism, or homophobia, or misogyny, or something like that, and while it usually feels well-meaning it often falls flat as it’s a watered-down safe-for-TV version of whatever the issue du jour is.

In S4E16 (“Moo Moo”), Terry is harassed by a racist cop while he doesn’t have his badge, and is almost arrested until he manages to prove his cop status, the rest of the episode revolves around how racism is bad and that one singular racist cop is a problem, in the end Terry submits a complaint to the NYPD higher-ups and gets his job application denied, and the racist cop gets away with a slap on the wrist. Throughout the show, Captain Holt tells stories about how he suffered from racism and homophobia, and still does. Transphobia is mentioned once (presumably for brownie points) in a throwaway line about Ace Ventura.

At the end of Season 4, Jake and Rosa are framed for a series of bank robberies and sent to prison, and the first two episodes of Season 5 work to show that prison is bad and prisoners are mistreated, they also make abundantly clear that everyone in prison is a menace and deserves to be there (Jake’s cellmate is a literal cannibal and he’s shown to be one of the nice inmates), once the duo are released from jail, there are a few lines here and there about how prison is bad, but they’re only throwaways used to serve as one-off jokes and never again used as an actual critique of the prison system.

Police Brutality is never mentioned, the closest it comes to bringing it up is in S1E19 (“Tactical Village”), where Rosa is introduced to a sonic-blast weapon and aims it as Charles, this is clearly supposed to be a very harmful piece of equipment, but it's only appearance is treated as a joke.

There are also recurring gags about Defense Lawyers being “the enemy” because they only defend guilty parties (the show heavily implies that none of the squad has ever arrested the wrong person), which meshes with the harmful stereotype in cop shows of only guilty people saying for a lawyer or a warrant or whatever, which has been documented before by others.

The Characters:

Jake Peralta (played by Andy Samberg) is the Relatable Immature Prankster Archetype I mentioned before, he’s the office funnyman and usually responsible for the majority of the goings-on and goings-wrong in the show, while he does mature and evolve through the show he never grows out of this character. He’s the closest the show gets to the “gnarled man of action who doesn’t play by the book” character I mentioned before, not because he is that character but because he wants to be, his favourite movie is Die Hard and it’s the reason he joined the police, so he could be like the cool bruce willis man. He’s also the most unlawful character on the show, in S1E7 (“48 Hours”), he arrests a man with no evidence and the squad is essentially locked down until evidence can be found, in the end it turns out the man is guilty. Jake is scolded for this, not for essentially breaking the law, but for wasting everyone’s time when they had much better things to do that night. Jake’s character is propaganda because he’s the zany relatable one with a heart of gold.

Amy Santiago (played by Melissa Fumero) is the overly-organised hyper-nerd archetype, in direct opposition to Jake. Her dream is to be the NYPD’s youngest female captain, and she’s very “I want to keep the people safe” in her approach to policing. In S3E3 (“Boyle’s Hunch”), she is used as the face of the NYPD’s poster campaign, only to have her image vandalised, which is painted by the show as being very bad and sad. Amy’s character is propaganda because she’s the uptight peacekeeper who sticks to the rules.

Charles Boyle (played by Joe Lo Truglio) is the Funny Overly Attached Best Friend Archetype I mentioned before, often depicted as bumbling and naive, he’s an incredibly competent detective, arguably more so than Jake. He’s usually polite and friendly, and has moments of childishness that compliment Jake’s character. Charles’ character is propaganda because he’s the nice guy who just wants what’s best for everyone.

Raymond Holt (played by Andre Braugher) is probably the character most people are aware of, he’s a somewhat stuck-up man who embodies a lot of the same characteristics as Amy, he’s highly-educated, incredibly smart and quick-witted, and emotionally restrained. Originally presented as an outsider, being the new guy to the pre-existing friendgroup, he learns to relax and let go over the course of the show, and acts almost as a father figure to the other characters, primarily Jake and Amy. Raymond’s character is propaganda because he’s a black gay cop.

Rosa Diaz (played by Stephanie Beatriz) is tough, aloof, and often scary in the eyes of the other characters, she is shown to have problems with engaging with people socially, particularly romantically, and while her exterior is rough as uncaring, she’s shown to be fiercely loyal and have some not-so-tough secrets. In Season 5 she comes out to the squad as Bisexual. Rosa’s character is propaganda because she’s the no-nonsense tough cop who secretly has a heart of gold.

Terry Jeffords (played by Terry Crews) is a kind and caring man with a firm-but-fair attitude, acting as Holt’s second-in-command he also acts as a father figure to the other characters, he has two (eventually three) children which he is often seen gushing about. He is the most mature of the group, on-par with Holt in some respects but sometimes more so, refusing to take part in hijinks to focus on his job. Terry’s character is propaganda because he’s the physically strong and imposing, yet kind cop who just wants to provide for his family.

Michael Hitchcock (played by Dirk Blocker) and Norm Scully (played by Joel McKinnon Miller) are an inseparable pair of bumbling, lazy, oafs. Scully is fat, lazy, and old, Hitchcock is lecherous, lazy, and old. They’re propaganda because they’re the lazy incompetent cop archetype.

There are plenty of minor recurring characters, as well as Gina Linetti, a main character who left after Season 6, however as she’s a liaison and not a cop I won’t be analysing her in detail.

There’s a lot more I could have mentioned here, from the dirty cop that sense Jake and Rosa to jail, or the police commissioner who wants to spy on everyone’s phones all at once, Holt even says the line “I don’t want to live in a Police State”, but I’ve left them out for the sake of brevity.

Conclusion:

Brooklyn 99 is copaganda to it’s very core, this much everyone already knows, but unlike serious cop dramas and high-stakes high-action cop shows, Brooklyn 99 offers viewers an escape to a world where the police are the force for good that people want them to be. The premise of “The Office but police” suckers people in with nostalgia for the late 2000s/early 2010s back when things were “good”. Given Michael Schur’s previous work I imagine he and the other writers didn’t explicitly set out to make copaganda, but it’s undeniable that this is what was achieved. And now with the political climate being what it is and the threat of a potential Season 8 addressing this year’s BLM protests, it’s now more important than ever to be able to identify and root out police propaganda, no matter how unassuming, no matter the source.

#long post

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desdemonafictional · 3 years

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2020 Fanfic Year End Summary

Hey ho let’s go

Nev does these every year and I think they’re interesting, so for the first time I’m gonna give it a go too. I feel like this has been the longest fucking year--the Zine feels like it was two years ago and last January feels like it was ten years ago.

I’m gonna answer some questions and do a little reflection on the year

This year I technically finished Icarus with 2k words of a 36k story, and after that I went on to produce 197k words not even COUNTING the stuff from GPAU which I do not know how to divide up for 2020.

That’s 23 fics in one year, 8 of which were cowriting projects. This year has been, objectively, insane. By comparison, in 2019 I produced 17 fics and at the time I thought THAT was doing pretty impressive work. Now it’s not my best year by sheer number of titles--2018 was an oil boom while I was into JTHM and I actually put out 25 fics that year, some of which were short oneshots and some of which were two- or three-shots. But in terms of words? 2020 knocked them all out of the park. Which is absolutely something I owe to my amazing friends who let me ride around in their brains like the parasite I am.

In 2018 I started cowriting with Chokopopo, in 2019 I started cowriting with Neveralarch, and in 2020 I just did a fucking ton more of that with no looking back. It’s so incredibly motivating to have someone to show your progress to! And to have someone to hand the project over to when you’re stuck. If I hadn’t had Nev to bounce off of, most of this fic wouldn’t have been thought up at all, let alone finished. And don’t even get me started on GPAU! Choko and Zephyr and me have done such amazing things with “Welcome! Everything is fine”, and I can’t wait to be able to wrap that up and leave it for posterity.

I switched job positions around July of this year, and it’s changed the way I produce fic. Not sure if it’s good yet or not. I was never actually under a stay at home order this year because I work for a state agency, so to a degree I’ve missed out on the ways that quarantine affected other writers. I think I was fortunate?

Best Title

Ahhh this is tough, I put a lot of effort into my titles this year--I promised myself in 2019 I was going to stop using song lyrics for fic titles because they make songs loop in my brain and it’s self inflicted torment, which is a promise I... mostly kept. “Dress Your Idol in Gold and Ashes” is the one I put most effort into probably, because I kept toying around with it trying to find something that was evocative of the right pagan imagery, and also the idea that got me started on the fic was a passage in a text book about the daily dressing of an idol statue in ancient Egypt.

“Broke My Last Glass Jaw” gets special mention because I named it after an essay that I wrote in undergrad for my African American Lit course, in which I broke down themes of the spoiled american dream via the lens of 90′s rap.

Worst Title

“Take one for the Team” is definitely my laziest title. It’s just super self indulgent kink fic, no character arc or anything, so I couldn’t find a good image or phrase to bring in for the title. Also I remember I really wanted to post it quickly, since it was a response to some art I was looking at, and I wanted the artist to see. I’m sure I could have done better with the title.

I did end up titling “Fear and Delight” after a song but I forgive myself because I literally only wrote the fic because the song existed first.

Best Summary

Some of these summaries I wrote and a some I did not, but of the ones that I wrote I think.... “ I'm All Full Up on Yesterdays, Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is the best one. It launches you directly into the action, while preserving the surprise reveal at the end of chapter 1. I actually wrote chapter one with this summary in mind, so it was baked in there from the start.

Jazz turned in his seat, cube at his lips, just in time to spot the white pursuit vehicle steaming and panting in the doorway. “Jazz of Staniz,” the enforcer shouted, “surrender the matrix and come quietly!”

Jazz knocked back his drink. “Well!” he said to the open-mouthed bartender, “time to split!”

Worst Summary

I mean, summaries are hard for everyone, right? That’s the thing we all universally struggle with, I think? I usually end up liking mine, and this year I was less afraid to just let a section of the story speak for itself. Anyway the worst one is “ Broke My Last Glass Jaw” by virtue of the fact that I had to come back months later and add another line because I wasn’t satisfied with how it was reaching audiences.

After the war, Impactor is at loose ends.

(They were friends once, weren't they? After all this time, Impactor wonders if Megatron hasn't managed to forget.)

I really wanted that one line to say it all, but honestly it requires a lot of trust in me as the author and most of the people who pass by the fic in the archive aren’t gonna know me from adam. The second line clarifies what kind of story it’s going to be in terms of tone and theme.

Best First Line

I’m pretty ambivalent about most of my first lines. Since Nev already pointed out the first line in “ Apotheosis”, I have to admit, it is pretty good. It gets off to a real jaunty start.

“Excuse me,” Starscream said, striding down the steps of the senate chambers with his cape flaring out behind him, “get your cowcatcher out of his face, you tin-plated amateur despot, he’s with me.”

I also like the audacity of a run on sentence that is the opening to “ Desecrate You”

Ratchet clicks the video because it was auto-recommended, and because First Aid is always dropping hopeful hints that he wants her to watch his show when he’s supposed to be grading papers, and because something about the title (“This is Definitely a Hoax! None of this is Real! Short Cut Footage Episode”) makes her wonder why the hell someone who runs a Ghost Hunting youtube channel would bill their own hard work as a hoax right out of the bag.

Worst First Line

Definitely the least interesting is from “Tantric Sex, and Other Mysteries of the Divine”. I guess it’s another fic where I was really eager to get to the meat of the fic, and so I just went back after I was done with the fic and wrote a paragraph of bare bones setting context so we could move on already.

It’s game night at Swerve’s, and Nightbeat is out in the thick of the crew for once, getting the lay of the land.

I have the same problem in a few fics, which probably arises from the fact that when I read a fic, I often skim the first paragraph or so to see if I really want to commit to the read. So I sometimes write like I’m expecting the audience to do that too. I probably need to work on that. Man, I even did it in Sexy Staycation.

Best Last Line

I like endings! I usually have a good gut instinct for where stories should end, and how to pace that, and what image I want to close the fic on. Often times I’ll be writing a story and feeling really lukewarm about it, and then the ending will come to me, and I’ll feel totally won over by it. That happened with my Suicide Squad fic years ago. So this is for the most part me picking the best of the things I already like. “Broke My Last Glass Jaw” has a good pithy one; I like how it isolates this moment as a moment of choice, and how it’s also ambiguous whether he will change because of this or whether he’s doomed to go back to his predetermined pattern.

And despite the unguarded door and the empty inviting streets beyond, where no one wants or expects anything of him but his feterless bitter trog onward into the next waiting prison cell, Impactor lays down, and Impactor does.

Special mention goes to “ The Sky Dark in its Eclipse : Orange Light Remix”, because the ending section is one of the big changes I brought to the remix, and I’m really happy with how it alters the shape of the narrative and also how it changes the focus of Rung’s arc. Most of the actual words in this fic were written by Choko in 2018, so this is like a collab in slow motion--I changed loadstone moments mostly, some of the framing, all of the backstory, and updated the setting for Cybertron. But the ending is all me.

On the morning of Intro to Psych finals, while Hot Rod hums and taps and scrolls back and forth through his test on the front row of the testing hall, Rung will sit behind his desk and brush the dust from the rotors of his fateful archetype, and start the long process of putting the pieces together once and for all.

Worst Last Line

Again, I like my endings, so this is really the worst of the best. The original ending line I wrote for “ All Our Urgent Restless Sighing” was:

Deadlock’s finials twitched. “...I am a reasonable amount of interested,” he said, “in this topic.”

And in the beta process, Nev came back in and added the line about Ratchet and cuddling, which was a big hit with the readers it seems like. So clearly I benefitted from some help there haha!

Looking back, did you write more or less than you thought you would this year?

you know what, I definitely wrote more than I thought I would. I didn’t see “Don’t Sing Me No More Blues” coming at all, and that was once a month for most of the year. I was hoping that I would be able to write a few things outside of Transformers, because I always worry that my long spans of hyperfixation are driving away my longtime readers... and I did manage to get one hxh thing written that was good, and one hxh thing started that is mediocre so far. So I guess I’ll call that good enough.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, just your favorite.

hmm I’m really proud of the Pharma chapter me and Choko put together for GPAU--the body horror, the tragedy, the lotus eater machine plot. But even though that felt like a whole ass story of its own, I guess it’s only a chapter at the end of the day. So my favorite story would be “Apotheosis”. It’s just SO much, and we had SO many things we wanted to do, and somehow we managed to do them ALL. Corpses! Children! God! It’s got everything! The only thing it doesn’t have is the idea that literally started us plotting out the fic. And that was “ritual public sex with Starscream and Rung”. Oh well. Maybe someday. Probably not.

Okay, Now your most popular story

Ha! I tend to view the success of a fic more based on its bookmark ratio than its hit count, but by the numbers, unsurprisingly, “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” is my most popular fic of the year at a whopping 3k hits and 113 bookmarks. Well, it is jazz/prowl which means it has a built in audience of considerable size, and it also updated seven times this year which increases its net range, so no surprise. But I think people also just really vibed with it--it’s very much a product of the times we are living in, and I don’t think it could have been written in any year except for 2020.

“Dress Your Idol” has 58 bookmarks, by the way. I’m extremely proud of that fic for having such a high bookmark to view ratio. I guess the people who did read it liked it a lot.

Story most underappreciated in its Time.

Okay nothing is as under-exposed as the stuff I produced in JTHM, so I’m definitely not complaining. It’s hard to think about leaving TF because TF is such an enthusiastic community. That said, “ Neggnog Cozy” did not get eyeballs. I’m not surprised, it’s short and it’s gen, and Thundercracker doesn’t have the built in audience of say Starscream. Still, I thought it was really funny and cute and I would have liked it if more people would have given it a chance.

Story that could have been better

Oh, “ Melusine Among the Tombs” for sure. I went into that with only the first chapter planned and immediately after realized that I had no idea where the fic was going and also I had lost my grip on canon characterization after a couple years going rusty in other fandoms. I plan to finish it eventually, but I need a better plan than “wing it???” first.

Sexiest Story

I wrote SO much weird kink this year. Like. Shout out to past me for writing some pretty spicy JTHM fic, but this year I really leaned into how weird you can plausibly get with an all robot all alien cast.

“ The Sensual Machine” is the most unabashedly horny because it was written specifically for a weird kink themed zine that I was an editor on. “Desecrate You” is also quite horny but I almost exclusively wrote the frame device for that, so I don’t get sexy credit lmao. “Fear and Delight” was a big hit with all the hxh readers and I think it has an element of sexiness more so than pure horniness--its has a kind of glamour and style to it.

Most fun story

“Starscream's Sexy Staycation” is by far the most unabashedly comic and sexy and silly and low stakes. It has one of my favorite kinks, a beautiful stupid moment of Ratchet suffering, and Rung calling safeword which is something new and fresh and I want a lot more of it in the world.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

“ Lacunae” was given to me as a yule gift prompt with the express intention of explaining who the fuck Carmilla’s mother was, and what the deal is with Carmilla as well. This would have forced me to reevaluate my understanding of the novel except for the TEENSY insignificant fact that I realized I had never finished reading Carmilla, somehow, and ended up reading it for the first time in December in preparation for yule. So uh. Hmm.

I think “ Don't Sing Me No More Blues” made me think about Prowl in a different way. I wasn’t really expecting him to be this hard-edged idealist when I started out on the fic. He was originally going to be much more like the autistic coded Prowl of “The Cop and the Cryptid,” one of my favorite fics ever. Also, I started writing the fic about a month before the riots and police protest kicked off in America this year, and it really caused me to zero in on how Prowl being part of a system like that affects his relationship to the world and other characters.

Hardest Story to Write

“ Elegy for Actaeon of the Hounds” took me a total of six months to write from start to finish. I don’t know why. Well, It’s partly because there are three involved sex scenes and sex scenes are actually very difficult and time consuming for me to write. It’s also partly because I kept wanting it to have a character arc, and I kept getting stumped on how to handle that. Beauty and the Beast plot lift? Have Rodimus be a rabbit? Eventually I settled on the version that kept the cast tightly cinched down around Megatron and Rung, and I’m happy with the result.

Easiest Story to Write

When we were writing “Apotheosis” it felt like we were on FIRE, we were so productive and we started three other projects between us while it was in motion. But “Take One For the Team” was absolutely the most fun to write, it basically wrote itself

Most Overdue Story

“Champagne in the Final Days of Rome” was based off a conversation I had with Nev pretty early on in our friendship--Discord says it was June 2019, so that’s uhhh ten months between discussion to actual writing? And it still didn’t turn out to be the fic we were originally outlining, haha.

Oh god you know what was really the most overdue? The last chapter of “Icarus; or, Look Who's Digging His Own Grave”. It was literally a year, January to January, between chapter 12 and 13. For a while I thought maybe I was just going to have to leave it there, without resolving the time loop problem at all.

Did you take writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing for the zine was a big risk. I remember Nev had to reassure me at least twice that what I was writing wasn’t too weird or off-topic or embarrassing to be part of the project. Now, of course, I’m very happy with it. But my god I was nervous to post something that was like.... straight up actually bimboification applied to one of the most popular toy characters of all time.

What I learned from this is that people love horny shit, are READY to take a chance on a weird fic when its in the right wrapping paper, and when in doubt you CAN sell people on a kink they’re not really into by making the kink actually a reflection of a character arc. Are you writing this down?

Do you have any goals for writing in the new year?

Finish GPAU!!!!!!

I’d like to FINALLY sit down and do some hard work on my original fiction. I’ve been kind of waiting for the tf hyperfixation to wane so I could move forward, and I think that process is in motion now. But who knows. If Rung shows up in the new comics I might get nerfed again.

Other than that I’d like to write at least one fanfic that isn’t TF, and I would like to get this really crunchy Rung/Pharma fic off the ground so I can make some people CRY

#2020 retrospective #fanfic

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tipsydipsydo · 5 years

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Study Break 📚 [M]

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Gender of the reader: female

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: !Mature Stuff! A bit Dirty Talk, Fingering, Vaginal Sex (In General Vanilla Stuff)

A/N: I got this Idea when I wrote on my Exposé for my following "scientific work" in January/Feburary. I'm still in High School but we should learn how to write these kinds of things when we graduate and go probably to a College or University. 🤗

Summary: College wants to kill you in the moment. Exam Phase and then you have to write a 20 pages long scientific work! Jimin and you barely see each other, you gave yourself completely to your studies. Until some specific needs wants some attention again...

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

Sometimes you wonder why you want to go on and if you really need a college certificate for your dream job.

For fifteen minutes, you've been looking at the eleventh page of your twenty-page assignment that your most hated professor gave your seminar class.

Deadline? Next week. It's not like there's the written exam phase right now and you also have a side job to cover your expenses.

Sure, your boyfriend Jimin would pay all your living expenses without batting an eyelash, but you vehemently objected and wanted to pay your part of the cost yourself since moving into your shared apartment. You are a autonomous and independent woman, of course you can accept when Jimin wants to pay for your dinner here and there but you can definitely stand on your own two feet.

That's why you also rejected his suggestion that you could take at least a leave of absence for these two weeks in your part-time job, so you have time to study and write your chores. But in the end, your guilty feelings of living on somebodys money and your pride keep you from doing so. And now?

Now you're sitting in front of your laptop, with tired and swollen eyes and an oppressive sense of panic in your stomach. You're surrounded by any kind of useful literature for this scientific short-term work, dirty plates and empty coffee and espresso cups sitting there in the table too. You've only taken the food and drinks that your boyfriend brought to you this whole Sunday. Concerned that you may have been thrown off your writing flow, you have refrained from cooking for yourself or at least making a sandwich. Too much precious Time you'd be wasting for that. Your goal is to finish this damn task today because you just don't have time to finish them in the following days. Tuesday and Wednesday are two important exams and you need to study for them, plus you'll have to go to the bar every night for your shift. For a million times today, you're counting on how fast you have to write the last nine pages tonight, so you still be done somehow tonight.

Meanwhile, Jimin has slipped away into your bedroom and binge-watch a few shows on Netflix. He doesn't want to disturb you, he knows how important your studies are for you and to be able to realize your dream job afterwards. Only on tiptoe he scurries through the apartment, trying to be as quiet as possible.

He takes care that you take food regularly and drink enough. You are ambitious and keep your promises, no question. Yet he misses you, even if you are only a few feet apart.

The last weeks have been exhausting and stressful for both of you, you're in your exam phase and he spends most of the week either shooting the new MV, doing practice or recording new songs in the Music Studio. Actually, you have hardly been aware of each other for the last three weeks, you two just lay down to sleep for a few hours at night, wrapping your arms and legs around each other half asleep.

You haven't really done much together lately, your last date was two months ago, because before all of this happens, there was one month where he has to film abroad for special scenes. And to be honest, the last time you had sex was three weeks ago.

You both had neither time nor strength for even intimate things. But the more your thoughts stray from your real job, namely, continuing to write this scientific essay, you'll realize how urgently you actually needed to be close to Jimin.

He would just hug you right now, without asking why and for which reason. Without reminding you that you actually wanted to continue writing your task. He would hold you close to him, put countless kisses on your forehead and cheeks, caress your back. He would just be there for you.

Without you wanting to, your fantasies continue, remembering the last time you gave yourself to Jimin in a sensual and loving way. How he was panting and groaning above you, sinking with deep but slow thrusts into you while softly whispering your name like a mantra. His body glistened with sweat in the dimmed light of your bedside lamps, damp strands of hair stuck to his forehead and the biceps of his arms tensed and relaxed rhythmically to his thrusts in your tight pussy.

Your breathing becomes hitched at the thought, you feel your body getting hot. You cross your legs to make the throbbing sensation between your thighs a bit more bearable.

"Dammit, concentrate!", you say quietly to yourself, shaking your head to get rid of those annoying thoughts and to return to the really important things in life and not these sexual fantasies. You know, in this moment, you don't need sex right now, you just have to get that damn writing done.

But you didn't have that deal with your sexual needs. Once they've licked blood with your sensual memories of Jimin, they kept throwing delicious images of his god-like body into your mind. His parted swollen lips, the way he always tenses his thigh as you ride him and how his abs contact with each other, even keeps your strong ambition from working.

After some unsuccessful attempts to start your next subtopic, you sigh loudly, close your laptop and stand up.

Slowly you go to the bedroom and want nothing more than to fall straight into Jimin's strong, but also incredibly gentle arms. You open the door and stand with hunched shoulders in the middle of the room, completely exhausted and wanting nothing more than that Jimin pamper you a little because you feel so pointless and helpless right now. Sometimes you just need a strong shoulder to lean on.

Jimin looks up from his laptop in surprise, then closes it immediately when he sees you. He doesn't need words to understand what you need right now and why you just came here. Your tired eyes with dark shadows under them show everything. He opens his arms invitingly for you, it will not take long for you to cuddle up to his chest and curl up on his lap like a cat.

You don't know exactly how long you spend time in this position. Jimin just lovingly massages your head and places butterfly-like kisses here and there in the crook of your neck and holds you with his other hand, presses you close to his chest. This silence is good. This silence in which you can only hear his steady heartbeat with your right ear on his chest is relaxing.

"Jimin?", You say softly, breaking the silence in the end.

"Yes, Mrs. Superwoman?" , He answers in a gentle tone and raises your head with one finger under your chin so that you can finally look at each other. Thanks to the nickname a smile creeps over your lips.

"... can you please make love to me?", you ask quietly, barely audible.

A smile lays on Jimin's lips. "Whatever you want, my dear..." he replies and slowly pushes his warm hands up under your sweater.

He puts his hands on your bare waist and pulls you even closer, so that your lips are only a few inches apart. "Let me kiss you, my beautiful queen," he whispers breathlessly.

"Please Jimin ..."

And your lips already touched, the first move of them is tender until you deepen the kiss and he becomes more and more sensual and passionate. Jimin's grip on your waist gets tighter, ask you to straddle his lap between two kisses.

"You're beautiful, I hope you know that. And to be honest, I'm glad that you're taking a little break, I was seriously worried about seeing you in front of the laptop for days.," he mumbles against your lips and looks with absolute honesty into your eyes.

"I missed you, even if we slept side by side every night."

He scatter soft kisses on your face. "You look so exhausted, please let me make you feel good again..."

Gladly you give in without a word on his offer, hum in agreement and lay your forehead against his. You literally feel his gentle smirk, so a smile creep on your lips too.

He pushes his hands up slowly, notes with a groan that you don't wear a bra under the top, which is underneath your sweater. Where normally the clasp should be, he finds nothing.

"All comfortable bras are in the laundry," you explain simply.

"You're so sexy, even when you're completely done with everything. God, I love you for that."

You giggle lightly, but immediately lift your arms at Jimin's intuitions to pull your hoodie and top over your head in one motion. He exhales shakily as he sees your naked torso in front of him.

"Damn, how can anyone be so beautiful? Please tell me, you look like a Greek goddess."

Even if you were actually used to Jimin's exuberant compliments, your cheeks blush again.

You feel like trash, with unwashed hair and blemished skin after you've stuffed your mouth with sweets in the last few weeks. And Jimin still loves you.

Even after three years of relationship, it's a mystery for you until now. Slowly, his hands slide up to your breasts, gently cupping them with his palms and rubbing your nipples until they're hard.

A small moan leaves your lips. Jimin needs only a few, targeted moves to make you instantly wobbly on your knees.

"Hm, you like that, right?" He doesn't even need an answer, instead his lips wander into the crook of your neck and begin to leave little bittersweet lovemarks on your skin.

"Oh god, fuck ..."

Why does your boyfriend always know so well which buttons he has to press on you. Almost automatically, you roll your hips against his, whimpering softly as you feel his prominent erection in his sweatpants.

"P-Please ..."

You barely recognize yourself, how you could be so turned on in such a short time? Probably because you haven't had any kind of sexual release for the last three weeks and all sexual frustration and tension has build up to this point.

Otherwise, your panties couldn't be completely wet within seconds.

"I know, I know, Honey ... I need you as much you need me, just give me a moment, we have to slow down a bit...I don't want to ruin the moment with my lack of self-discipline. I want to take my time with you..."

Before you can respond, his one hand slips into your leggings and finds his way directly between your thighs. His lips kiss their way down over your collarbone to your left breast, sucking your nipple into his warm mouth.

An electrical shock goes through your body, which isn't used to this stimulation after such a long time. You didn't even take the time to touch yourself. That's why you're so hypersensitive and totally reliant on any touch of Jimin.

"Oh my god, you're so wet ..." groans Jimin against your hard nipple as his warm fingers brush over your folds and wet them with your arousal. With a little devilish grin, he lets his index finger circle around your clit a few times before slowly and carefully letting it sink into you.

"O-Oh Gosh ...", escapes your lips.

"You're so fucking tight, Angel ..." growls Jimin.

This bulge in his pants is hard to miss. He seems to be just like you. If you imagine how sensitive you are to one of his fingers alone, you can only guess how fast you will come when his cock is in you.

Only the thought makes you clench around his finger.

"I want you so bad, sweetheart ..." he gasps, already dipping his second finger into the wetness between your folds. Your moaning and whimpering as well as his groaning fill the room as you begin to ride his second finger.

You cling instinctively to his shoulders, rewarding his actions with those sweet sounds that almost drive him crazy. He can't remember at that moment ever wanting you so much.

"Please ... please ... I-I'm ready ... I need you in me ... now, please!"

You whimper in his earshell and before Jimin can think about it, he tears your leggings with his bare hands in two pieces. You squeak in surprise, your boyfriend throws you an apologetic glance, but is too busy removing the annoying stuff from your body.

"Sorry, Jagi ... I know I ruined the moment anyway... I just need you so freaking bad! I'll buy you new leggings soon!"

You shake your head giggling and in disbelief as you grab his waistband and free his almost painfully hard erection. His cock lays proudly against his muscular stomach and impatiently waiting to finally get his turn of attention.

Jimin looks so good with his fucked out look, lips swollen by all this kissing, the first strands of hair stick to his forehead like in your imagination and only his gaze tells you how much he just wants you.

With a cheeky grin you grasp his cock and pump him a few times until you position yourself over him and slowly let you sink down on him. The stretch is delicious, so filling. Almost a bit painful because you haven't had sex for a comparable long time. Otherwise, Jimin and you have a very active sex life ...

Jimins rolls his eyes in pleasure, biting his lower lip, trying his best to not immediately pushing into you. The tight grip of your pussy almost kills him, he has to suppress his instincts to make it as pleasurable for you as it is for him. It takes a few moments for you to get used to this sense of fullness and start moving, riding him.

In these moments, he really wonders if you aren't the Cleopatra of the 21st century, so sensual and majestic you move on him, your breasts swaying gently to the rhythm, your Lips open to a silent moan.

While Jimin watches you breathless, you completely lose yourself in the pleasure. Your eyelids flutter in surprise as Jimin thrusts into you for the first time and you are completely overwhelmed by the sensation.

Searching for support, you lean on his chest, trying to get as much as possible of his powerful thrusts. His hands lays on yours, you open your eyes for a moment, see the smile full of love on his lips.

Holding hands in this moment makes the moment even more intimate. As you tense and relax your walls, Jimin let slip the most erotic and sensual sounds you've ever heard in your life. Despite all the years you've been in a relationship, you didn't know that his voice could reach these kinds of octaves.

"I'm so sorry, darling ... but ... I can't hold much longer ..." he whispers, his face telling a story of pure ecstasy.

You also notice how this fireball in your abdomen is about to burst. The moment when he interlock his fingers with yours it's too much. Only this gesture will make you come.

Your entire body tenses, a silent scream leaves your lips, showing Jimin that you have reached your high. Just that sight take his last bit of self-discipline, cum spurt into you and coat your pink walls white.

The silence returns to the room, Jimin wraps his arms around your upper body, enjoy the feeling of being so close to you what has been denied for both of you for so long. Your thoughts linger for a while until your voice breaks the silence.

"I think I've just build the perfect sentence for the beginning of my subtopic, Jimin!"

[Links]

My Imagines!

My Masterlist!

#bts x reader fanfic smut #bts x reader fanfic #bts smut #bts x reader smut #jimin x reader #jimin x y/n #jimin smut #jimin x reader smut #jimin x reader fluff #jimin x reader fanfiction #bts x reader fanfiction #jimin moodboard #jimin aesthetic

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wincore · 3 years

Note

AGREEEE, WORKING OVER THE WEEKEND IS THE WORST esp since im in uni full time and i work 9-5 on the weekends which means... no breaks for me ever.. 🥲

MASSIVE CRUSH ON OIKAWA OMGGG I SUPPORT THIS!!!!! but i am unfortunately much older than 15 and still enamored by 2d men 😔 life’s rough like that HDJWKDJ YES ATSUMU CAUSES PROBLEMS ON PURPOSE.. HES THE WORST!! btw.. ive heard that the oikawa to atsumu stan pipeline is very real... so if u get to s4.. u may develop atsumu brain rot like me 👁_👁

OOO alright run on, extracurricular, vincenzo, true beauty, love alarm, & perfect crime. NOTED!! ive actually been meaning to watch extracurricular for a while now, it looks so interesting!! now that it has the wincore seal of approval i must watch 😤 OMGG SAKURADA DORI I SAW HIM IN ALICE IN BORDERLAND!! super good show but really gore heavy at some points 👁

ahh ok thank u for the reccs, ive been thinking about starting demon slayer too!! shoplifters sounds really interesting :oo crime??? i havent watched a full movie in a while so i will def check it out!! THESE R ALL GOING IN MY NOTES APP.

NEXT YEARRR omg it sounds far away but i know time passes so quickly nowadays so I WILL WISH U LUCK ONCE AGAIN 💛 i hope u update us when the time comes!!

UGHWHHD EVEN THIS SYNOPSIS IS MAKING ME MISS UR WRITING?!? I LOVE THE WAY U WORD IT... “given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear” AHHHHHHH omg “he’s in a relationship and doesn’t rlly care about the soulmate system” THIS IS ALWAYS SUCH A PAINFUL SCENARIO IN SOULMATE AUS PLSS!!! Wait is the soulmate of yn gonna be an oc/vague character or another member :O EITHER WAY... PAIN! THIS IS GETTING ME SO EXCITED AND U HAVENT EVEN MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT JAEHYUN’S LIKE IN THIS FIC YET

RUNWAY CHARACTER CAMEOOOS YESS I LOVE RUNWAY YN!!!! i actually reread it last night and ugh i was reminded how much i love yns personality... just the process of experiencing all tht self doubt with them!!! so real & makes u root for them :’)

“if jeno plays edward i need him to that apple scene like taemin did” WHHHHHWJDJJWJDBW THIS MADE ME CHOKE ON THE WATER I WAS DRINKING LMFAO

GODDDD THESE TROPE/MEMBER PAIRINGS, HARD AGREE HARD AGREE!!! HAECHAN AND RENJUN ARE E2L 100%!!!! i think bc the ppl in the bff2l category cant convincingly hate yn back LOL

“gets complimented on his lyricism often but like every song’s about you” STOPPPPP HES SO PERFDCT FOR THIS TROPE!!!!!

OMG I SEE EXACTLY WHAT U MEAN ABT SICHENG IN ROYALTY/CHAEBOL AUS... i think like u said it’s because of his poise & the way ppl are generally in awe of him but also bc of his reluctance to open up!! more reserved until he trusts u... funny and kind but sometimes perceived as aloof... those r some prince tendencies! “what are corporate businesses but modern day kingdoms” LMFAOOWJDJ SERIOUSLY THO

“mans really said i will not give you any onscreen idol personality to work with” HDJWJDJWJSJ LITERALLYYYY this is why i have trouble reading jaehyun fics sometimes bc sometimes they can feel “inaccurate” but its mostly just bc there’s no Standard Personality Stereotype to go off of. but a random & uncommon trope i think he’d pair well with is exes to lovers!! Yes im basically just a jaehyun + angst advocate.

“i think most of them would pair well with bff2l??” FACTTTTTTT and no im not just saying this bc its one of my favorite tropes.. heh... i think i told u this before?? but ur like the main reason i started enjoying e2l!!! i didnt like it before bc i love the PINING in bff2l but then i started reading ur works n was like OH SHIT! THERES LOADS OF PINING HERE TOO...

i think yangyang is not bff2l or e2l, he is in his own category which is Annoyer2Lover HDJWKDJ ex: troublemaker, wasted nights

OMGGGG I DID NOT EXPECT ROYALTY AU TO HAVE SUCH A LARGE LEAD IN THE SURVEY??? and cryptids is so low 😔😔 cmon guys, vampires r fun!!!

WE R LITERALLY WRITING ESSAYS TO EACH OTHER RN BUT I LOVE IT 🥺🥺 its a such a nice break to read ur response when im burnt out from studying!!

OMG IM GOING THROUGH #moonwrites AND IM LITERALLY AN IDIOTTTT IVE BEEN OFF TUMBLR FOR SO LONG I DIDNT REALIZE THAT ROMEO ROULETTE HAD A PREVIEW OUT????

“And I get what out of this?” “Me?” IM IN LOVE WITH THIS CHARACTERS PERSONALITY ALREADY LMFAOO

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.” ?!?!???? THE WAY JAEHYUN IS A LITTLE SHIT! THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE BOTH SO FUN PLSJWJDJEJ IM MORE EXCITED NOW!!

pls disregard the part in my last ask where i asked abt romeo roulette.... i had no idea all of the information i needed was sitting right in front of me 😔😔

- tata

WHAT 9 TO 5 ON EVERY WEEKEND???? the system has failed you this honestly feels like a villain origin story 😭 when does it get better???

ALSO let me answer the other asks separately for better readability lol we really out here writing essays GOOD THING i have practice writing but like. this is infinitely better to write 🥰

PLSSS SOMETIMES I WILL SEE AN EDIT/TIKTOK OF OIKAWA AND BE LIKE DAMN I REALLY NEED TO CATCH UP I MISS THIS MF also are you daring me to ruin my life for 2d men bc i will do it without hesitation. wait till i watch hq again and get that atsumu brainrot with you he seems annoying enough for me to like ^_^

AND YES PLS I WAS SO ABSORBED IN IT!! extracurricular was the most gripping show i’ve watched in a while like yes enough teen romance give me two unhinged teenagers doing crime 🤩 AND OMG??? THAT’S WHERE WE SAW HIM TOO and although niragi was literally vomit-inducing human trash, sakurada dori is like. a good actor. except i hated coffee&vanilla which starred him it was literally so cringe i couldn’t 😭 i blame the writers for that though. IM EXCITED FOR S2 OF ALICE IN BORDERLAND THO i really like horror (and i can tolerate gore if ive been desensitized enough) and like i read the manga too!!! the games were really interesting (although morbid).

😭😭 MY NOTES APP IS FULL OF RECS FROM FRIENDS ALL OF THEM HATE ME FOR NOT WATCHING THE SHOWS BUT LIKE. i binge 3 or 4 at a time and strike them off and then go 6 months without watching a single tv series hhh.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I SURE WILL UPDATE !!! it’s so exciting to think about grad school sometimes :33

AHHH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THE PREVIEW TOO SGSDJKDS there’s a few differences in the actual fic i think bc i changed up the language (and i dont remember what else bc i refuse to look at my writing) JAEHYUN RLLY IS A LITTLE SHIT he’ll be like hm yeah im pretty chill :) and then proceed to beat yn at her own game at times. (she wins mostly dw) the fact that i made her soulmate cha eunwoo like girl if i were you i’d crash their relationship 🥱 (jk) but like. jaehyun too is 🤩 despite being dry af

ASDKDSKDS YOU REREAD ALL (ALMOST) 19K WORDS ??? IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE THAT FIC SM AAAAHHH IM FEELING LIKE AN ACTUAL AUTHOR 🥰 i loved runway yn too they were like boss attitude with 20% anxiety.

LOOK JENO BETTER BE PULLING MOVES LIKE THAT TO IMPRESS THE GIRLS 😤 if he hits himself in the forehead with the apple, bonus points bc that was true comedy (as invented by taemin)

AND YES. LIKE I KNOW MARK HATED DONGHYUCK SO MUCH HE WANTED TO LEAVE SM BUT LIKE HE’S TOO NICE WITH EVERYONE ELSE 😭😭😭 i cannot picture him pissed off apart from that summer fight </3

thinking about dejun getting rejected by a girl he wrote a song for. rip brother.

IM GLAD YOU PUT THAT INTO WORDS BC THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT IT IS!!! he’s got all of these regal qualities but he’s still human ykyk so it makes for the most amiable person on earth 😌 i love this characterization of him!!

oof exes to lovers with jaehyun... i had a similar idea a while ago (with theme song sincerity is scary by the 1975) that i discarded bc i don’t think i’m cut out to write that 😭 (YET) so i will keep this is mind. u r so right about jaehyun feeling inaccurate bc it’s like he’s very mild in personality onscreen sometimes?? so him having strong personality traits makes me go 🤔🤔 that man is overreacting. (jkjk but like you get the idea)

WAIT RLLY OMG BC OF ME???? i would never enjoy e2l irl bc irl dudes are 🤢🤢 and if they annoy me i will end them. but in fiction the mutual pining and initial disgust at yourself for liking the other??? helllooo 🤩🤩🤩 especially if it’s in a romcom style <3 bff2l is also better in fiction bc if the relationship doesnt work out irl and the person become uncomfortable with me i will just get annoyed jskshdl

LMAO YOU ARE SO RIGHT ABOUT YANGYANG HE’S JUST THAT™ DUDE skgkhs he feels like someone fun to hang out with but he would annoy you the whole time. also he is cute 🥰

AND EXACTLY!!!! IM HAPPY FOR ROYALTY AUS BUT CMON. LOOK AT THOSE VAMPIRE TEETH. feel like media ruined vampires for people 😔

THIS IS SUCH A NICE BREAK FROM STUDYING HONESTLY!!!! im like working on two semi-large projects AND studying course and out-of-course material simultaneously so my brain is a little fried. thank u for this 😘

#tata 💖#anon #answered

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leotssukinaga · 4 years

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Out of Reach- Mattsun x Reader, Makki x Reader

Chapter Four: Makki’s Ending

Series Masterlist

Summary: You’ve been friends with Mattsun, Makki, Iwaizumi and Oikawa since first year, and you guys are an unstoppable team. But your crush, and Makki’s, might just bring everything tumbling down A/N: I couldn’t get the sad ending to work on paper I literally spent like 3 hours trying and it just wouldnt. So this has two endings now, sorry! Both of them are gonna have an epligoue too. Those are gonna hurt you.

Watching you and Makki grow closer, as you drifted away from him, hurt Mattsun deeply. There'd been a time when it was him you asked to proof read your essays, him you baked good luck brownies for when he had an exam or a game. A time when you called him when things were bad and you needed a shoulder, or when it was raining and you forgot your umbrella and needed someone to bring you one. He'd never have imagined a day when that changed, and yet it came. He watched out the window of the library as Makki made his way towards you, umbrella in hand, and slung an arm round your shoulder as the two of you began to walk home. Maybe Oikawa had been right about this one. He hated to think it, but he couldn't deny that the evidence was there.

He'd never know that you thought Makki was just being a good friend, nor that the reason you'd drifted away from him was because you felt like you were drowning every time his girlfriend came up.You'd noticed, though, that slowly things had gotten easier. Nishiyama's name no longer made you feel sick, but Makki's hugs made butterflies bloom in your stomach. You hated your luck. Why couldn't you fall for a guy who wasn't your best friend?

• • • • • • • • • • "Okay, what's wrong?" "Nothings wrong, Makki." "You know I can tell when you're lying, right?" You sighed, looking up from your books and meeting his gaze. "I'm just thinking, is all." "What about?" You. "Nothing important." "You'd tell me if something was up, right?" "'Course I would." That's a lie, you thought, I'm catching feelings for yet another guy I can't have and this time it's you. Something had to be wrong with you. First Mattsun, now Makki? And it wasn't like you had anyone to go to, this time. Iwa was focused on school and volleyball right now, bothering him would be a shitty thing to do, and Oikawa would just be insufferable about this. Mattsun had been your first friend in high school, and going to your first crush to talk about your new crush felt wrong, especially considering you weren't entirely over Mattsun anyway.

But there was so much you wanted to tell Makki, so much you could never say, that you had nobody to relay to. You could never admit that it'd been a while since you'd felt the need to run away when Nishiyama came up, but that you'd still made excuses because the times when you and Makki sat alone in a classroom, eating together and talking about anything that came to mind, made even your worst days bearable. You could never admit that the framed photo of you and Mattsun on your desk was now a photo of you and Makki (the Mattsun photo was still in your room, but it was on the wall with all the other photos of you and the squad now. You considered the desk sacred ground, where you put your most cherished memories,) or that you hadn't actually forgotten your jacket for a while now, you just liked when he gave you his. You couldn't tell him that every playlist you'd made in the past month had him as the icon, that every character in every book you read bore his face when you imagined them. He'd never know that when you stopped writing in class to stare out the window, you hoped you'd see him walking by, despite knowing that he was in class too. Nor that every poem in the notebook you kept under your pillow was written for him, that you'd bought a new one especially for that.

Likewise, there were things Makki could never tell you- though both your secrets could be spilled if even one of them left your mouths. He'd never tell you that he had alarms set for the middle of the night, just in case you needed company; that his favourite hoodie was only his favourite because it was the one he always gave to you; that he didn't even have a favourite colour until you told him yours in first year and suddenly it was his, too. Nor that he had an album on his phone of pictures he'd taken of cats to send to you when you were upset; that when his teacher asked him to write about love he wrote about you. You didn't know that if he never got into heaven, he'd still spend eternity happy enough, knowing that he got to hold you in his arms just once while you slept (you'd gotten the flu, and he got it too because he refused to leave your side.) How could he ever tell you that he understood now, why people gave up everything for love, because he would pull the stars from the sky and arrange them around you if only to see you smile for a moment? That he'd never felt closer to understanding himself than when you looked into his eyes? You both had your secrets, and neither of you knew that they converged on the same path. But perhaps, one day, you'd find out.

• • • • • • • • • • "Hey, Y/N?" You turned to see Mattsun jogging to catch up with you, and waited. "Oh hey, whats up, Mattsun?" "I need to ask you something." He couldn't help but think how cute you were as you cocked your head slightly in curiosity. "What is it?" "Are you and Makki together?" Your face flushed, and you looked away. "I-ah...no. We aren't." "But you want to be, right?" "H-How'd you know?" "You're not good at hiding when you're flustered, Y/N." You smiled a little. You remembered why you'd fallen for him, how could you forget? Even as the feelings faded, he'd always hold a place in your heart. "You should tell him." It broke his heart to say it, but he wanted you to be happy. Makki could do that. "I can't, Mattsun." "Why?" "Because, I'm tired of falling for guys that don't like me! If I ignore it maybe it'll go away." "You know it won't." You groaned and buried your face in his shoulder. Things were so much easier when you liked Mattsun, because you knew he didn't like you. With Makki, you had no proof, just your own insecurities. That just made everything worse. "What do I do, then?" "You know what I'm gonna say." "I hate this." "I'm about to be the worst friend ever." "What d'you mean?" "He likes you." "Mattsun..." "I'm serious. Middle of first year, on a training camp, he told me he thought he was in love with you.Honestly, I thought he was kidding, but looking back I don't think I've ever seen him that serious. And it makes sense, you know? Just... you should tell him." "You're sure he meant it?" "Yeah, I'm sure." He hoped Makki wouldn't be too mad at him for telling you. This was for the best, right? You'd date Makki, he'd move on from you and be happy with Nishiyama. Things would be good. Yeah. Things would be great.

• • • • • • • • • • Makki rounded the corner, excited to see you. At least, until he actually saw you, and you were talking to Mattsun. You were blushing, and his heart broke a little as you buried your face in his shoulder. Of course you still liked Mattsun He was stupid, really, letting himself dream. Letting himself hope that you didn't, that you'd developed feelings for him instead. He should've learned, back when you first told him about your crush. Why hadn't he learned?

• • • • • • • • • • When the doorbell rang that evening, Makki ignored it. His parents had late visitors pretty often. When someone knocked on his bedroom door, however, he couldn't ignore that. He hadn't expected you, though. Honestly, you looked like you'd run a marathon, and you were biting incessantly at your lip. You were still perfect, but he wasn't sure you could ever not be. "Y/N... somethings wrong." "No there's not... I need to talk to you. Can I come in?" "Always." He stepped aside and you walked into his room. You immediately began to pace. "Whats got you so worked up?" "I must be going insane, I'm not actually gonna do this, am I?" "Do wha-" You interrupted him, certain you’d never get the words out if you didn’t say them right there and then. "I stopped liking Mattsun like, a month ago. At least." That piqued his interest. "Why didn't yo-" "Because you're the reason. I don't know when I started to like you but God, everything I feel for you is so much stronger than any thing I've ever felt before. Every poem I've written has been about you, every thought I have has you buried in it somewhere. Mattsun was- I don't know. Maybe I was infatuated with him? I genuinely don't think it matters anymore because all I fucking think about is you, Takahiro. And I wasn't gonna tell you, I was just gonna pine for you for eternity because I couldn't handle the idea that you might not feel the same. But I'm just tired, Makki. I need to know. So could you maybe get a readable expression on your face before I have an anxiety attack, please?" And he did. His mouth dropped open. "You..." "Yes." "Christ alive." "You know, that's so not helpful." "Sorry I just... I spend nearly 3 years convinced you'll never like me and you wait a month and decide to tell me anyway?" "I'm impatient." "Well, I know that.” "Wait- 3 years?" "About that, yeah." You smiled, and reached out to take his hand. It was warm, and rough- calloused from years of volleyball- but he was gentle as he slipped his fingers between yours. "You know, I like it when you say my given name." "I'll have to do it more often then, Takahiro." The smile he gave you could've melted your heart. Everything about him could, if you were being honest. You didn't mind. It was his to melt.

#my writing #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu imagines #matsukawa #matsukawa issei #mattsun #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei x reader #mattsun x reader #hanamaki takahiro #hanamaki #makki #hanamaki x reader #hanamaki takahiro x reader

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sciencespies · 3 years

Text

Our Ten Most Popular Stories of 2020

https://sciencespies.com/nature/our-ten-most-popular-stories-of-2020/

Our Ten Most Popular Stories of 2020

SMITHSONIANMAG.COM | Dec. 30, 2020, 7 a.m.

The year 2020 will go down in history as one of the most extraordinary in modern recollection. A devastating pandemic dominated conversations and our coverage, which detailed why the race for a coronavirus vaccine runs on horseshoe crab blood, explained how to avoid misinformation about Covid-19 and drew lessons from the past by examining diaries penned during the 1918 influenza pandemic. This summer, when a series of protests sparked an ongoing reckoning with systemic racism in the United States, we showed how myths about the past shape our present views on race and highlighted little-known stories about the lives and accomplishments of people of color. Toward the end of the year, amid one of the most bitterly divisive elections in recent history, we delved into the lengthy debate over mail-in voting and the origins of presidential concession speeches.

Despite the challenges posed by 2020, Americans still found reasons to celebrate: Ahead of the 100th anniversary of women’s suffrage, we profiled such pioneering figures as Geraldine Ferraro, the first woman nominated as vice president by a major party, and Fannie Lou Hamer, who fought to secure black voting rights. In the cultural sphere, the discovery of dozens of intact Egyptian coffins thrilled and amazed, as did the reemergence of a long-lost Jacob Lawrence painting. From murder hornets to Venice’s new inflatable floodgates, Catherine the Great and the Smithsonian’s new open-access platform, these were Smithsonian magazine’s top ten stories of 2020.

Our most popular story of 2020 underscored the value of skillful art restoration, presenting a welcome counter to the many botched conservation attempts reported in recent years. As the National Museum of Scotland announced this December, experts used a carved porcupine quill—a tool “sharp enough to remove … dirt yet soft enough not to damage the metalwork,” according to a statement—to clean an Anglo-Saxon cross for the first time in more than a millennium. The painstaking process revealed the silver artifact’s gold leaf adornments, as well as its intricate depictions of the four Gospel writers: Saint Matthew as a human, Saint Mark as a lion, Saint Luke as a calf and Saint John as an eagle. Per writer Nora McGreevy, the cross is one of around 100 objects included in the Galloway Hoard, a trove of Viking-era artifacts found by amateur treasure hunters in 2014.

Curators used an improvised tool made of porcupine quill to gently clean the cross, which features engravings of the four Gospel writers.

(National Museums Scotland)

While most of England was on lockdown during the Covid-19 pandemic, archaeologist Matt Champion unwittingly unearthed more than 2,000 artifacts beneath the attic floorboards of Tudor-era Oxburgh Hall. Highlights of the trove included a 600-year-old parchment fragment still adorned with gold leaf and blue lettering, scraps of Tudor and Georgian silks, and pages torn from a 1568 copy of Catholic martyr John Fisher’s The Kynge’s Psalmes. Detailing the find in an August article, McGreevy noted that British nobleman Sir Edmund Bedingfeld commissioned the manor’s construction in 1482; his devoutly Catholic descendants may have used the religious objects found in the attic during secret masses held at a time when such services were outlawed.

In March, when the world was just beginning to understand the novel coronavirus, researchers learned that the SARS-CoV-2 virus—the pathogen that causes Covid-19—survives for days on glass and stainless steel but dies in a matter of hours if it lands on copper. (In later months, scientists would find that airborne transmission of the virus carries the greatest risk of infection, rather than touching contaminated surfaces.) The metal’s antimicrobial powers of copper are nothing new: As Michael G. Schmidt, a microbiologist and immunologist at the Medical University of South Carolina, told writer Jim Morrison this spring, “Copper is truly a gift from Mother Nature in that the human race has been using it for over eight millennia.” Crucially, copper doesn’t simply dispatch unwanted pathogens at an incredibly fast rate. Its bacteria-combating abilities also endure for long stretches of time. When Bill Keevil and his University of Southampton microbiology research team tested old railings at New York City’s Grand Central Terminal several years ago, for instance, they found that the copper worked “just like it did the day it was put in over 100 years ago.”

The Asian giant hornet, the world’s largest hornet, was sighted in North America for the first time.

(Washington State Dept. of Agriculture)

Another unwelcome surprise of 2020 was the rise of the Asian giant hornet, more infamously known as the “murder hornet” due to its ability to massacre entire hives of bees within hours. The first confirmed sightings of the insects in North America occurred in late 2019, but as Floyd Shockley, entomology collections manager at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History, pointed out in May, observers need not panic, as the hornets don’t realistically pose a threat to human health. Honey bees are more susceptible to the predators, but as Shockley said, “[I]s it going to be global devastation? No.” Still, it’s worth noting that officials in Washington state have since found and eradicated a nest thought to contain about 200 queens. Left unchecked, each of these hornets could have flown off and started a colony of its own. Efforts to contain the invasive species are ongoing.

In October, an engineering feat saved Venice from flooding not once, but twice. The barrier system of 78 giant, inflatable yellow floodgates—known as Mose—can currently be deployed to protect the Italian city from tides measuring up to three-and-a-half feet high. Upon its completion next year, Mose will be able to protect against tides of up to four feet. The floodgates’ installation follows the declaration of a state of emergency in Venice. Last year, the city experienced its worst floods in 50 years, sustaining more than $1 billion in damages and leaving parts of the metropolis under six feet of water. Built on muddy lagoons, Venice battles both a sinking foundation and rising sea levels. Despite the floodgates’ current success, some environmentalists argue that the barriers aren’t a sustainable solution, as they seal off the lagoon entirely, depleting the water’s oxygen and preventing pollution from flowing out.

While Hegra is being promoted to tourists for the first time, the story that still seems to get lost is that of the ancient empire responsible for its existence.

(Royal Commission for AlUla)

Desert-dwelling nomads turned master merchants, the Nabataeans controlled a broad swath of land between the Euphrates River and the Red Sea for some 500 years. But in the millennia following the civilization’s fall in the first century A.D., its culture was almost “lost entirely,” wrote Lauren Keith in November. Today, little written documentation of the Nabataeans survives; instead, archaeologists must draw on clues hidden within the empire’s ruins: namely, two monumental cities carved out of rock. One of these twin settlements—the “Rose City” of Petra in southern Jordan—attracts nearly one million visitors each year. But its sister city of Hegra remains relatively obscure—a fact that Saudi Arabia hopes to change as it shifts focus from oil to tourism. As several scholars told Keith, the Middle Eastern nation’s renewed marketing push represents a chance to learn more about the enigmatic culture. “[Visiting] should evoke in any good tourist with any kind of intellectual curiosity,” said David Graf, a Nabataean specialist, archeologist and professor at the University of Miami. “[W]ho produced these tombs? Who are the people who created Hegra? Where did they come from? How long were they here? To have the context of Hegra is very important.”

The May killing of George Floyd spurred nationwide protests against systemic injustice, acting as a call to action for the reformation of the U.S.’ treatment of black people. As Smithsonian Secretary Lonnie G. Bunch wrote in a short essay published in June, Floyd’s death in police custody forced the country to “confront the reality that, despite gains made in the past 50 years, we are still a nation riven by inequality and racial division.” To reflect this pivotal moment, Smithsonian magazine compiled a collection of resources “designed to foster an equal society, encourage commitment to unbiased choices and promote antiracism in all aspects of life,” according to assistant digital editor Meilan Solly. The resources are organized into six categories: historical context, systemic inequality, anti-black violence, protest, intersectionality, and allyship and education.

Human relationships can be difficult, but at least they don’t involve copulating until your inner organs fail. Yes, you read that correctly—death is the unfortunate fate for the male antechinus, a pint-sized marsupial that literally fornicates until it drops dead. Take similar comfort in the fact that humans don’t need to drink urine to start a relationship, as is the case with giraffes, nor inseminate each other via open wounds, as bed bugs do.

youtube

Today, stories of Catherine the Great’s salacious, equine love affairs dominate her legacy. But the reality of the Russian czarina’s life was far more nuanced. Ahead of the release of Hulu’s “The Great,” we explored Catherine’s 30-year reign, from her usurpation of power to her championing of Enlightenment ideals, early support of vaccination and myriad accomplishments in the cultural sphere. As Meilan Solly wrote in May, “Catherine was a woman of contradictions whose brazen exploits have long overshadowed the accomplishments that won her ‘the Great’ moniker in the first place.

For the first time in the 174-year history of the Smithsonian Institution, the organization released 2.8 million images from across all 19 museums, 9 research centers, libraries, archives and the National Zoo into the public domain. This initial release represents just two percent of the Smithsonian’s total collection, which boasts 155 million items and counting. It was part of an ongoing effort to digitize—and democratize—the Institution’s collections.

• An excerpt from Jennet Conant’s new book, The Great Secret: The Classified World War II Disaster That Launched the War on Cancer, in which she details how an investigation into a devastating Allied bombing of an Italian coastal town eventually led to an innovation in cancer treatment.

• A time-capsule story from the end of March about how and when we thought the pandemic might end. We were too optimistic about how long Americans would need to “flatten the curve,” and unmentioned in the story was how soon a vaccine would be developed.

• Another entry in our “True History of” series that looked at Tom Hanks’ World War II film from earlier this year, Greyhound

• An exploration of new research that rewrites the demise of Doggerland, a prehistoric land bridge between Britain and Europe

#Nature

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historyofshipping · 4 years

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Something personal: my child is 100% formula fed

For whatever reason, I’ve seen a lot of lactivist (people who are hardcore breast is besters) pop up over the last few days so I feel like saying something. This is directed to anyone who ever dares shame someone else for how they feed their baby and to anyone who has ever been shamed.

Let me start by saying: fed is best. Fed is always, ALWAYS best. Not only do I support one’s decision to breastfeed, combo feed, or formula feed but I will continuing fighting like hell to make sure that governments, employers, and society support your decision. No one should be forced to choose based on anything other than one’s desire to breastfeed, formula feed, or combo. This is also ONLY applicable to places with clean water and a generally well-developed supply chain. In places that do not have access to these things, breast usually is best. For the vast majority of us in the US and Europe (the two places I study, I cannot speak for other parts of the world simply because I don’t research there), fed is best and fed is formula, breast, and/or combo.

That said, I have exclusively formula fed since my baby was born in March and I am not in any way ashamed of that fact. Some quick background on myself: I have a MPH (masters of public health) in Maternal and Child Health from one of the top PH universities in the world. I worked in MCH and sexual and reproductive health for a while. Now, I am finishing up a PhD and one of my fields is reproductive health and justice - past and present. I literally do academic research for a living. I’m not someone getting my information from youtube.

Before giving birth, I extensively studied the most recent literature on breastfed vs non-breastfed babies. You know what they show? What we’ve known for years: when controlling for socioeconomic status, there is no long term differences between BF & non-BF babies.

“But breast is best! All the MCH orgs say so!” There is a huge political history behind this that I’m not really in the mood to get into. Instead, I will just tell you why the breast is best “evidence” is bullshit - very rarely do researchers control for demographic factors and socioeconomic status (ie - income, race, educational level of parents, etc). Study after study after study shows that breastfeeding is correlated with high SES. People who breastfeed tend to be white, mid to high income, well-educated, and healthy. People who tend to not are the opposite of all of those. Unsurprisingly, children who are raised in high SES households have better health and economic outcomes than those raised in low SES households.

And yet, studies repeatedly do NOT control for these factors when trying to determine the benefits of breastfeeding. So what are almost certainly SES factors are conflated with breastfeeding but incorrectly attributed to breastfeeding.

One of the only studies that attempt to control for this found the following (this is an abstract and the study is here -> x

Breastfeeding rates in the U.S. are socially patterned. Previous research has documented startling racial and socioeconomic disparities in infant feeding practices. However, much of the empirical evidence regarding the effects of breastfeeding on long-term child health and wellbeing does not adequately address the high degree of selection into breastfeeding. To address this important shortcoming, we employ sibling comparisons in conjunction with 25 years of panel data from the National Longitudinal Survey of Youth (NLSY) to approximate a natural experiment and more accurately estimate what a particular child's outcome would be if he/she had been differently fed during infancy. Results from standard multiple regression models suggest that children aged 4 to 14 who were breast- as opposed to bottle-fed did significantly better on 10 of the 11 outcomes studied. Once we restrict analyses to siblings and incorporate within-family fixed effects, estimates of the association between breastfeeding and all but one indicator of child health and wellbeing dramatically decrease and fail to maintain statistical significance. Our results suggest that much of the beneficial long-term effects typically attributed to breastfeeding, per se, may primarily be due to selection pressures into infant feeding practices along key demographic characteristics such as race and socioeconomic status.

It’s not just one study. Another shows that INTENTION to breastfeed is what made the difference in child health for this study, not whether or not the parent actually did breastfeed. Again, since those of higher SES are more likely to and intend to breastfeed, this is absolutely not surprising.

Now, as for why I personally didn’t breastfeed: frankly, I just didn’t want to. I can tell you all about the health and medical reasons (of which there are many but were not high on my list of reasons) and about how I am the primary breadwinner with a stay at home partner and it just didn’t make sense. I can give you a whole slew of reasons, but the only one that is important is that I didn’t want to and it didn’t make sense for my family.

Whatever is right for you and your family is valid and exactly what you should do whenever possible. And I will fight to make sure you’re not restricted by external factors.

Now why the hell did I write this essay? Well first of all, if you’ve made it this far - kudos. I appreciate you. I wrote it because I don’t give a shit what people think of me and my parenting BUT I’ve been called a child abuser, accused of neglect, and essentially accused of ruining my child’s life by choosing to use formula. These things don’t affect me but they do affect the mental health of MANY parents. It’s bullshit that anyone dare shames anyone else.

Second reason - I was exclusively formula fed nearly 30 years ago and sometimes it feels like I’m being personally attacked and written off because I was formula fed. I believe in data, not anecdotes, but ffs I’m almost 30, have two masters, finishing up a PhD, have a wonderful family, own my house, and all of this while I grew up poor. Lactivists make it seem like someone like me is impossible.

My child is thriving. He’s 2.5 months old (after being born nearly a month early), has already rolled over, is almost double his birth weight, and is just generally proving to be a bright, healthy child. I sleep 8+ hours a night because my partner does night feeds and we’re generally just a happy, healthy family. This was far and away the best choice for me and I am thankful that I live in a time and place where I can safely make the choice to not breastfeed.

#personal #not the 100 #fed is best #long post #long #text post #reproductive health

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camillemontespan · 4 years

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can we talk about georgiana, the duchess of devonshire?

So, a few months ago, I asked my followers who would be interested in following a side blog about historical figures. I’m a huge history geek and I thought that if I started a blog about the people who interest me, I could add it to my CV and also just get back into my interests. Quite a few of you were down for it and I was so pleased!

I’m yet to make the side blog but I’m posting this as a test to see if you guys like it. If you do, I will make the side blog.

@jovialyouthmusic @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @moonlightgem7 @walkerswhiskeygirl @rainbowsinthestorm @saivilo @pug-bitch @katedrakeohd @gardeningourmet @mskaneko

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Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire (1757-1806)

I love history for its people. I am not interested in battles or treaties; I am drawn to the people behind these events. I like discovering what made them tick, that drove their decisions and what impact their lives have had on future generations. If you ask me to date a certain event, I can’t do it, but I can give you a spoken biography of historical figures that interest me.

When I moved to Devon two years ago, I was nervous but also excited for one reason: I believed I would be able to visit Chatsworth House, the home of the Duchess of Devonshire. Imagine my irritation when I realised that Chatsworth is actually based in Derbyshire, which is hours away from Devon itself. My ideas of weekend jaunts to Chatsworth as I admired the architecure and strolled around the gardens were ruined by this realisation.

You may have heard of Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire. A film of her life starring Keira Knightley was released in 2008 which first brought her to my attention. Now, I’m not a Knightley fan - ‘I’m Keira Knightley, look at my jawww,’- because I find her quite wooden, however I was pleasantly surprised when I watched her performance. She brought a human element to this historical figure who was known for her fashion sense, crippling debt and controversial marriage arrangement.

Georgiana is also the ancestor of Princess Diana. Many people compare their tragic stories and can see a mirror image. Married to man they didn’t really love, later forced to watch their husbands fall in love with another woman and say nothing, all the while maintaining dignity and poise on the world stage.

So, without further ado, let me introduce you to Georgiana.

If Georgiana was your friend, she would be the one who would come over with a bottle of wine, over which you would put the world to rights and drunkenly proclaim, ‘I love you sooooo much!’ to each other, before deciding to have a spontaneous night out where you dance on the bar and pound shots. She would visit you the next day – you would be horrifically hungover, she would be fresh as a daisy.

Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire, was known for her charismatic and bubbly personality; her ability to make any outfit look beautiful (4 foot long peacock feather in her hair springs to mind) which made women everywhere try to emulate her - she literally set trends. She was also known for her passion for politics and her private life.

On the surface, she had it all. But in reality, she didn’t. Underneath this larger than life facade was a tragic figure.

For one thing, Georgiana was addicted to gambling and racked up an eye watering debt. She borrowed money from her friends but never repaid them. Her mother warned her to be careful but to no avail. Her mother also had a gambling problem and wasted money while playing faro. She didn’t want her daughter to continue her mistakes. Georgiana hid her debts from her husband for as long as she could, but eventually she had to tell the Duke, who paid off her debts and never mentioned it again.

She had been expecting to get a bollocking but he stayed silent. To be honest, this made it worse. It’s like being told by your mum that she’s ‘disappointed’ in you, when you’d prefer her to shout at you for a few minutes and then forgive you. She struggled with gambling for years.

Second, and most importantly, her marriage was an unspoken controversy. This is the thing that makes Georgiana an incredible character to study. I read her story and I just couldn’t work it out in my head - why would you put up with this? But then, you have to remember that divorce wasn’t an option for women in those days. Women were property. They were commodities. Leaving a marriage because your husband preferred another woman was not an option.

It was the worst kept secret in society. Everyone knew that her best friend, Elizabeth ‘Bess’ Foster, lived with them and that Bess was her husband’s mistress. Georgiana had asked for Bess to live with them after she discovered that Bess’ sons had been taken away from her and she was living in awful circumstances. Georgiana was too good, too kind – and Bess took advantage. Trust me, Bess is the villain in this story, no matter how often she tried to set her story straight. Diary accounts from Georgiana’s friends show that nobody trusted her. They could see her for what she was -a schemer, a leech. But Georgiana couldn’t.

Bess stayed at Chatsworth and conducted a secret affair with her husband, which soon became public knowledge. Did Georgiana say anything? No. She let it carry on under her roof, without saying a word. In the film, she stands up for herself which is how it should have played out. But according to Amanda Foreman, the historian and writer of the book, this didn’t happen. Georgiana kept silent.

Although I wish I could shake her and tell her she deserves so much better, in a way I feel she shows a huge strength of character to put up with that. She continued her daily routine with dignity and carried on being a queen.

Now, this is when things get interesting and draws in another historical figure who I feel isn’t really known? At least, I didn’t know him, all I knew was that there are tea bags named after him.

The rumour is that she later fell in love with Charles Grey, a Whig politician (later Prime Minister - I KNOW RIGHT? YOU GO GEORGIANA!) who had dreams of a bright, new world where all men had the vote. They were like minded and they could talk about these dreams together. I adore how political Georgiana was and that she spoke publicly about her political associations in a time when women were expected to stay at home and mind their business. She actually brought about the trend of canvassing, where you go out into the streets and campaign for a party. Having Georgiana on side meant the Whigs became popular quickly - if anything, she became their figurehead. Anyway, I digress, but let me just say that she has so much depth. She is genuinely interesting.

Right, Charles Grey.

They had an affair and she became pregnant with his child. In short, she asked the Duke if she could leave him and be with Grey. After all, he was fucking her best friend and not giving a shit about her feelings. But, of course, the Duke refused. Hypocrite, yes. But the time period was different and he couldn’t risk the humiliation of being deserted by his wife – nor could she. Women who left their families were ravaged by society. She gave birth to Grey’s daughter, Eliza, in secret and the baby was raised by his family as Grey’s niece. Again, that is a testament to her character. I’m sure many women would have felt broken after that. But she wasn’t – she visited Eliza frequently (who, when she grew up, named her daughter Georgiana after her mother. I think she knew by then) and she continued to partake in social engagements.

What I love about her, aside from her strength, is how she challenges the stereotype of women of that time. In fact, she was way beyond her time. She was the one who started the trend for getting outside in the streets and campaigning for the Whigs. She was a WOMAN who was out in the streets campaigning, despite not even having a vote or even thinking her gender would one day have one, and she was so much more than just fashion and money. She was an intelligent badass who cared about how the country was run. She didn’t let gender stereotypes and restrictions hold her back. I love how no matter how shit her home life was, she didn’t let that bring her down. If anything, politics was her escape. It was where she could feel valued. She made friends with the Whigs, such as Charles Fox, and they wanted to hear her opinion. They needed her on their side because her opinion mattered. She mattered.

She was ahead of her time. She had a hard home life but she carried on, trying to make a difference and prove her worth. Georgiana is my home girl and I will stand up for her because no one else did.

I know this wasn’t a coherent piece. It was all over the place, right? But that’s what history does to me. I get excited. If I’m talking to you about Georgina, my hands will be all over the place and my voice will be rising in volume because I get so passionate about the subject. I wrote essays at uni for my history degree and they were so proper, just the way university dictates you write. All I wanted to write was ‘read how amazing this person is! Give me an A for enthusiasm!’ I once got a lower mark for an essay because I made the mistake of being too enthusiastic, writing a really in-depth profile on the historical figure, but forgot to answer the question… My tutor said he could tell I really enjoyed writing it but I didn’t actually fulfill the point of the essay. It wasn’t a harsh criticism - he was happy I enjoyed writing it but obviously, couldn’t grade me a high mark.

But that’s how I approach history. I could sit here and try to write something proper but I think that is one reason why history is often a disliked subject. It CAN be boring if taught badly.

I remember my history teacher in high school, Mr Pia, who was the best teacher I’ve ever had. He scared all the young students because he was so serious and never smiled and I tell you, I was scared when I found out he would be teaching me when I was in my final year. But, when I joined his class, he surprised us in a lesson about Austria. He played Mozart and said, ‘I thought I would try to evoke the right atmosphere!’

I fell in love with his teaching then and there.

THAT is what makes history a good subject. You need someone passionate, who looks at it differently. That’s how I would like to approach it. It may not be for some people but it works for me.

If Georgiana has peaked your interest, you can read the biography by Amanda Foreman which is incredible. I couldn’t put it down. Even give the film a go - Ralph Fiennes plays the Duke and Dominic Cooper (babe) is Charles Grey. It’s on Netflix. Spend your Sunday watching it. It’s a great adaptation.

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