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phoenixyfriend · 1 year

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Those Economics/Architecture Videos I've Been Bingeing

But eating less bandwidth than the previous version of this post.

This post has 100 links, because that's how many tumblr lets me add before it refuses to save the post anymore. (Legacy editor allows up to 250, but then I would have the colors.)

A lot of these are about NYC, because that's my personal main focus, but there are a few others. Also, I have absolutely no training in this field and only started watching these a few days ago but Ya Girl Is Bingeing and Really Loves Edutainment. All the descriptions are my own, btw. I'm not looking to gain clicks or references, I want you guys to know what you're getting into.

I was not involved in creating any of these videos, but it did take me over a week to watch them all and decide which ones to include, how to organize, and how to describe the contents.

I cannot speak to a lot of the deeper issues touched on, and do not agree with all the political or economic points brought up in these videos (as this is a wide range of people and topics), but they are by and large a good look at much of an industry that most people, myself included, don't know enough about, considering how crucial it is to our lives.

I'm open to channel/video recs but there are a few I ran into that seem well-done but have an audio quality I can't work with, so that's... unfortunate.

Stewart Hicks - Chicago-based, professor of architecture at the University of Illinois

Why Skyscrapers Are Losing Their Tops - Stewart Hicks - The general history of architectural styles for skyscrapers from the 1930s to the near future.

Why Do Architects Insist on Using Flat Roofs? - Stewart Hicks - Compares and contrasts the strengths and weaknesses of flat vs gabled roofs.

How Buildings Changed After the Eiffel Tower - Stewart Hicks - Thirteen minutes of history on structural engineering in bridges and skyscrapers.

The Bewildering Architecture of Indoor Cities - Stewart Hicks - Goes into the planned and unplanned variants of this phenomenon, which ranges from giant buildings intended to act as an entire community, to the unplanned network of underground tunnels or overstreet enclosed walkways that let people cross blocks upon blocks of a city without having to step outside.

How This Tower Barely Touches the Ground - Stewart Hicks - Addresses the engineering behind 150 N. Riverside in Chicago, and the zoning laws that caused its rather unique Y-shaped base in the first place, along with the requirements causing things like custom giant I-beams and necessitating a barge to host the crane since they had nowhere to anchor one on the ground.

How Chicago is Being Unbuilt: Back to Nature - Stewart Hicks - Explores the ways in which Chicago is undoing prior urbanization, and implementing some new eco-friendly infrastructure and various projects.

Why We Should Live in Our Office Buildings - Stewart Hicks - More and more office buildings are standing empty. With movements towards more mixed zoning and the return to walkable city models, some of those office buildings are getting retrofitted to be livable spaces and mixed-use locations.

How Architects Design for Less Lonely Living - Stewart Hicks - In a lot of places, like the US, the way we interact or avoid other people is impacted heavily by the organization of the buildings we live in.

House Sizes Are Getting Absurd - Stewart Hicks - Just a fun romp comparing the range of sizes (from the bare minimum of capsule hotels to the absurd mass of some modern estates) for various dwellings. Lots of very deliberate visualization.

Shopping Malls are Getting Desperate - Stewart Hicks - Discusses the decline of shopping malls, and the 'tricks' they employ to try to keep people happy and coming by.

The Architecture of Curb Appeal - Stewart Hicks - There's a lot that goes into making a house look good in a way that gets it sold. A lot of people hate it.

The Controversy Over Accessory Dwelling Units - Stewart Hicks - In many places, it's illegal to build a smaller livable space in your backyard. You know, places you put an adult child who wants their own space, or your mother-in-law, or just rent out to college students for the next ten months. But, at least in a few places, it's not going to be illegal much longer.

Toilets Need to Change - Stewart Hicks - Plumbing is such an important part of our daily lives, and it's still evolving!

The Hidden Meaning and Logistics of Fountains - Stewart Hicks - This one is just fun. 😊

The Genius of 2x4 Framing - Stewart Hicks - So apparently the US is a bit odd in how much of our architectural/construction industry uses light wood framing as a standard.

The B1M - Hosted by Fred Mills (British), more generally about construction, rather than just architecture

Why America Is Tearing Down Its Highways - The B1M - Explores the history of the interstate highway system, and how much of it was used for redlining and general segregation, along with the challenges faced by the plans to tear those highways down.

The $1.2 Trillion Plan to Rebuild America - The B1M - NGL I'm like. Ludicrously excited about this one. There's a lot going on! I hope it works out!

Why a Billionaire Tried to Stop This Bridge - The B1M - There's a new bridge being built between Detroit, MI and Windsor, ON. This bridge is going to help with the ongoing trade between the US and Canada; these two cities are already a major hub for one of the largest trading partnerships in the world (the largest where one side is not the European Union), so building another bridge is a reasonable undertaking. However, the new bridge will be just a few miles down from an existing bridge that is currently owned by a billionaire who makes a killing over his control of a major portion of this bottleneck of the trade route. (Also, more engineering challenges!)

The Statue of Liberty: Building an Icon - The B1M - Someone actually asked me about this recently and anyway you should all go learn about how the Statue of Liberty happened, she's a gem.

Why New York’s Billionaires’ Row Is Half Empty - The B1M- The usage of NYC luxury housing as a semi-liquid asset used as investment by the megarich, along with the rights acquisitions that led to their building in the first place, the gentrification they contribute to, and the tax write-offs they get for it.

Why Our Cities Are So Expensive - The B1M - How infrastructure investment by governments can and does frequently lead to gentrification. Focuses on London's Battersea Power Station revitalization plan.

Why New York's Skyscrapers Keep Changing Shape - The B1M - This is actually an exploration of more than just New York, covering much of the same topics as the above 'history of skyscraper design' video, with a great focus on the Chrysler building.

Why No One Wants This New York Skyscraper - The B1M - Investigates the ways in which the development of Two World Trade Center has been delayed over the past decade and change, along with a handful of other projects in the area.

The Wild Story of New York’s Abandoned Skyscraper - The B1M - There's a half-finished skyscraper on the western shore of Manhattan, and due to the errors in laying the foundation, there's an 8cm tilt in it. The parties involved in construction are duking it out in court about who's at fault, and until they're done, that thing is just... sitting there.

New York's Latest $3BN Skyscraper Explained - The B1M - Another stupidly tall skyscraper for midtown. You know. Because we need another one.

The $7BN Plan to Save New York's Most Hated Train Station - The B1M - Explores the history, current state, and planned upgrades to Penn Station of NYC.

New York's Most Hated Highway is Falling Apart - The B1M - The issues hitting the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, and the difficulties in repairing it.

The Secret Subway That Could Save New York - The B1M - Hey do you want to hear about how we might finally be getting that Queens-Brooklyn line that doesn't need to pass through Manhattan first?

The Tunnel That's Failing New York City - The B1M - The tunnel that handles a massive amount of the human traffic between NJ and NYC is starting to break down due to age. This one included a line that actually gave me feelings: "Look, it's a 110-year-old system, you know, it's done its job. Like, we really can't ask any more of it." It did its best! For a long time! Thank you!

The US Government Wants to Destroy These Towers - The B1M - The federal government just wants to demolish some Historic Skyscrapers in Chicago, no biggie.

The Secret $4BN Tunnel Network Under Chicago - The B1M - Since the 1970s, Chicago has been building an absolutely massive set of tunnels hundreds of feet under the surface to handle regular flooding from storms and the climate crisis.

The Fight to Fix the Tilting Millennium Tower - The B1M - There's this skyscraper in San Francisco that's leaning a few centimeters to the side, which doesn't sound like a lot, until you learn that just a few more will mean the plumbing and elevators stop working.

The £100BN Railway Dividing a Nation - The B1M - Goes over the political, economic, and environmental arguments and concerns behind the highspeed rail intended to connect London to the North of England.

Inside London's £19BN New Railway (and its Nightmare Station) - The B1M - Genuinely fascinated at the number of Train Problems that England seems to be having.

Why Europe Doesn't Build Skyscrapers - The B1M - Explains the historical and modern reasons that limit the addition of supertall buildings across most of Europe.

The Insane Scale of Europe's New Mega-Tunnel - The B1M - Explores the engineering and environmental challenges of the Fehmarntunnel, a passage from Germany to Denmark of terrifying size.

Why Europe is Building a 57KM Tunnel Through a Mountain - The B1M - No, a different one. This one is between Italy and France.

We Went Inside the Largest Nuclear Fusion Reactor - The B1M - It's in France, there are over 35 countries involved, and it's just a Lot.

Inside The Lab That Tests Elevator Free-Falls - The B1M - There's this active mine in Finland where they test elevators for safety and it's pretty cool.

Finland Might Have Solved Nuclear Power’s Biggest Problem - The B1M - Finland has a new way of storing nuclear waste.

Nord Stream 2: The $11BN Megaproject That's Dividing - The B1M - It's an oil pipeline and it is causing problems for Everyone.

Why Russia is Building an Arctic Silk Road - The B1M - Russia is taking advantage of the melting ice caps to set up a new trade route through the arctic so shipping can go up through the north instead of down around South Asia and through the Suez Canal.

The $10BN Railway in the Jungle - The B1M - Mexico is building a new, very long high-speed rail line, and it's incredibly controversial.

Hong Kong's $11BN Underwater Railway Explained - The B1M - Hong Kong is putting in a new underwater tunnel (as part of a larger network expansion) for its subway system, and it's. Difficult.

China's Skyscraper Boom is Officially Over - The B1M - Just learned that China is outlawing most skyscrapers. There are a few cases where you can still maybe make one happen, if you can convince the government it's needed, but in most cases... nah. They're cutting you off.

The Unstoppable Growth of China's High-Speed Rail Network - The B1M - [insert gif screaming about trains here]

The Insane Engineering of Tokyo's First Supertall Skyscraper - The B1M - While the focus is ostensibly Main Tower, the video covers a lot of ground regarding earthquakes and the necessary engineering to resist the incredibly frequent occurrence. (Warning: Came out shortly after the Feb. 2023 Turkey-Syria earthquake, and contains references to the event, urging people contribute what they could to help. The video was already almost finished when the Turkey-Syria earthquake happened, and rather than delay it for fear of it being in bad taste, they decided to use it to encourage people to help the victims.)

Japan’s $64BN Gamble on Levitating Bullet Trains Explained - The B1M - Let's talk about maglev, pros and cons.

Is This Asia's Next Financial Capital? - The B1M - Malaysia is building a lot, and it might herald a new financial superpower for the continent and the world.

Why India Doesn’t Build Skyscrapers - The B1M - The short answer is 'zoning laws that didn't achieve what the legislators hoped,' but it's changing.

The $4BN Railway Reshaping Delhi - The B1M - What it says on the tin.

The World's Most Extreme Construction Site - The B1M - Antarctica!!!

Egypt Built a Supertall Skyscraper in the Desert - The B1M - Egypt is straight up building an entire city in the middle of nowhere, primarily as a new seat of government, because Cairo is overcrowded... and a frequent site of protests.

Top 10 Projects Completing in 2023 - The B1M - Some impressive, expensive, and possibly unnecessary projects that are happening.

Tomorrow's Build is a second channel under The B1M, also hosted by Fred Mills. It's more focused on hypothetical, future projects than ongoing ones.

Barcelona’s Car-Free Superblocks Explained - Tomorrow's Build - Barcelona is planning to block off entire parts of the city from most car usage, excepting local delivery, mass transit, and emergency services.

The Hidden Crisis With Renewable Energy - Tomorrow's Build - Storage of energy from renewable sources that are not consistently available (e.g. solar is only available when the sun is out) is difficult, so here are a few options.

This Nuclear Plant is Built in 3 Months - Tomorrow's Build - Mail-order nuclear power is going to be a thing.

Greece is Turning its Olympic Ruins into a Casino - Tomorrow's Build - [good for them dot gif]

This Could Stop Construction Everywhere - Tomorrow's Build - So it turns out we're running out of sand. Which is important, because we need sand for concrete, and the easiest stuff to get (desert sand), doesn't work for that, which is why Dubai has to import sand for construction. So uh. Kind of a crisis. Sand pirates are a whole thing.

Architectural Digest - channel for the architectural magazine that dates back to 1920

Architect Breaks Down 5 of the Most Common New York Apartments - Architectural Digest - Just what it says on the tin! An architect explains brownstones, classics, railroad apartments, and loft/studio apartments. Lots of history, specifically that of the late 19th century tenement buildings and the art community and subsequent gentrification of SoHo.

Architect Breaks Down 6 Luxury Apartments from Billions, Gossip Girl & More - Architectural Digest - On the other end of NYC housing, we got the Rich People Places.

Architect Breaks Down Secret Details Of The Chrysler Building - Architectural Digest - An exploration of the external details of the Chrysler, with commentary on the historical context of art deco and related art movements.

Architect Breaks Down 3 Demolished New York Landmarks - Architectural Digest - Goes over the original Penn Station, Madison Square Garden,and the New York Herald building.

Architect Breaks Down The Evolving Skyscrapers Of New - Architectural Digest - I'm... not going to pretend I'm less than obsessed with NYC videos. Sorry! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Covers setback/wedding cake tiered, glass curtain wall, plaza towers, expressed structures, and the (hated) supertall.

Architect Breaks Down NYC Subway Stations (Oldest & Newest) - Architectural Digest - And we continue on NYC infrastructure history because I am insatiable.

Architect Explores New York City's Greenwich Village | Walking Tour - Architectural Digest - What a beautiful and inconvenient neighborhood, full of so many dead bodies.

Top Luxury - Despite the name, is about construction in general, including critique of megearich projects, so don't go in expecting it to be About The Luxury

World's Most Useless Megaprojects - Top Luxury - Did you know there are entire cities lying around empty? I already knew that, but there are just. So many giant projects that never got finished, ate up a lot of money, and are just kind of sitting around now.

5 Skyscrapers that Never Existed - Top Luxury - Some of these never got past the concept stage, and some ran out of funding, and at least one got turned into a fish farm by locals after it was abandoned.

Biggest Megaprojects in the World - Top Luxury - Exactly what it says on the tin! Guys, there are so many giant projects happening, and so many of them are controversial As Heck.

Why these Megacities are Still Empty - Top Luxury - Not entirely empty, but yeah, there are some megacities designed for one purpose or another that are more Ghost Town than Bustling Metropolis. Other than Naypyidaw, though, most of them are expected to gain larger populations soon, particularly Nusantara (which is being built specifically due to the sinking of Jakarta).

The Most Terrifying Bridges in the World - Top Luxury - Like half of these are in a specific region of China that just has. So many mountains.

Most Expensive Construction Mistakes in the World (Part 3) - Top Luxury - Have you ever fucked up so incredibly that it cost six billion USD to fix?

Not Just Bikes - Canadian living in Europe; city planning with focus on N. American car-centric zoning

Why City Design is Important (and Why I Hate Houston) - Not Just Bikes - Do you want more ammo to show people when they try to argue with you about walkable cities?

America Always Gets This Wrong (when building transit) - Not Just Bikes - How zoning and city planning needs to adjust in order for mass transit to actually work for people.

Suburbs that don't Suck - Streetcar Suburbs (Riverdale, Toronto) - Not Just Bikes - So there actually are good suburbs in the US and Canada, we just can't build them anymore because zoning laws make it impossible.

Stroads are Ugly, Expensive, and Dangerous (and they're everywhere) - Not Just Bikes - So there's this really popular and horrible form of street/road in the US and Canada that is bad at its job.

Would You Fall for It? - Not Just Bikes - 1950s pro-highway propaganda (which is referenced in many other videos from this channel), and the ways in which it was misleading and effective.

These Stupid Trucks are Literally Killing Us - Not Just Bikes - This video actually did numbers on tumblr a few months ago. You know those stupidly big SUVs and Pick-ups? Yeah! They suck!

Cities Aren't Loud: Cars Are Loud - Not Just Bikes - With a few small changes, you too could live in a city that doesn't make you want to wear noise-cancelling headphones every moment of the day.

IT'S HISTORY - Various historic places... mostly NYC

Why can't you visit the Statue of Liberty's Torch? - IT'S HISTORY - Has some confusing image choices (photos from the early 20th century while talking about events from the 18th), but delivers on a fun history of the Statue of Liberty (and includes some facts that the other Lady Liberty video didn't get around to).

What's Left of New York's Lost Reservoir? - IT'S HISTORY - Apparently it turned into Bryant Park.

When Chicago built the Tallest Building in the World | The story of Sears Tower - IT'S HISTORY - Just what it says on the tin.. Big building, big history!

The Secret Tunnels Beneath New York - IT'S HISTORY - NYC has lost so many tunnels? Lost track of, forgotten, rediscovered... it's ridiculous. Half of these are for TRAINS. Those are HUGE. Led to me making this post (which contains a meme or two, but also a very important trigger warning).

Other

The lost neighborhood under New York's Central Park - Vox - Explains the history of Seneca Village: a primarily-black community of newly wealthy, often first-generation-freed peoples that was destroyed to make way for Central Park.

The Rise and Fall of American Malls - Bloomberg Originals - Covers the factors that led to malls becoming so common, and the many things that are contributing to the move away from them.

Megastructures: Building the Burj Al Arab | Dubai Engineering - Reel Truth Science Documentaries - This is fifty minutes of engineering and architecture, and really well done/presented. Mostly steers clear of the larger political controversy in favor of focusing on the math, though it can't entirely avoid the political and economic conflicts due to direct influence on the design by a the Crown Prince.

Why Venice is Europe’s Worst Placed City - Real Life Lore - We all know Venice is sinking, but this explains why and how (it's not just global climate change).

Why Wyoming is VASTLY Emptier Than Colorado - Real Life Lore - More of a general history lesson than architecture, but still fun.

Why Engineers Can't Control Rivers - Practical Engineering - I've had a few classes touch on this topic, but it was mostly back in high school. This video has some really good visualization on the main elements, and addresses that there are some places working on actual fixes!

Why Construction Projects Always Go Over Budget - Practical Engineering - Goes over the process by which costs are estimated, the limitations of those processes, and the risks that inevitably force the budget higher.

Czechia's Incredible 1960s Supervillain-Lair Hotel (And Why Its Architect Got Banned By The Regime) - The Tim Traveller - There's this really cool hotel that recently got refurbished.

Why Egypt Is Building a New Capital City - neo - Another video on the new city in Egypt, but with more in-depth exploration of the specific planning choices (where certain buildings are, especially).

The Forgotten Story of Modulex: LEGO's Lost Cousin - Peter Dibble - LEGO had a brand called Modulex that was used for architecture and city planning for a few decades. These days they mostly do signage.

Why Airplanes Are Still Worth Millions After They Stop Flying - CNBC - The various ways planes are broken down, sold for parts, and otherwise recycled.

#architecture #construction #phoenix recs #phoenix liveblogs #industry #green movement #technology #current events #I'm allowing tips because this is a recommendation list that took me several days to complete rather than derivative/transformative/repost #Kind of like a blogger getting paid to do rec lists for local restaurants or something #that said I've gotten tumblr tips MAYBE twice so these tags are only a preventative measure for 'why are they allowed'#as I don't actually expect any money out of this #product reviews #kinda

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eleanorfenyxwrites · 1 year

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Why Not Me?

At last: the LQR raises LJY fic from my WIP Wednesdays has a name and proper chapters. My baby has been AO3 legitimized lol (the title is a link to it on AO3).

This whole idea, by the way, was sparked by this post by @korpikorppi about how Lan Qiren and Lan Jingyi seem to be really comfortable/familiar with each other during the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds, so I took that and ran with it while also shamelessly committing to my “Jingyi’s un-Lan-like behavior is actually at least partially because of ye olde ADHD because I say so” agenda.

-/-

“You.”

Jingyi stumbles to a guilty halt. Lan-xiansheng hadn’t called him by name, but he didn’t have to for Jingyi to know he’s the one being addressed. After all, the other children are all behaving exactly as expected as they walk from their classroom to the dining hall -- only Jingyi can’t resist bouncing on the balls of his feet and swinging his arms as he walks. They just had to sit for so long today! His limbs are tingly and restless and he needs to get the feeling out before he has to sit and be quiet for lunch, but he’s not allowed to wander somewhere more secluded to do it.

Which just means that he’ll get in trouble for it.

Again.

He decides to save Lan-xiansheng the trouble of trying to recall his name. Instead, he simply ducks his head and approaches him much more sedately. Once in front of one of the three most intimidating people in the Cloud Recesses, Jingyi dips into a bow and keeps his head down, eyes lowered.

“The way you were walking --“

“Is unacceptable,” Jingyi interrupts before he can stop himself and he winces, though he manages not to break his bow to clap his hands over his mouth. It won’t turn back time to 5 seconds ago before he’d interrupted anyway, so there’s no point.

“Do not interrupt,” Lan-xiansheng reprimands as expected, though he doesn’t sound any sterner than when he’d begun. Jingyi nods and dips a little lower in his bow briefly. He really doesn’t mean to be bad, but no matter what he says it always ends up the same. There’s no use trying to defend himself anymore.

“Yes, Lan-xiansheng.”

“Do not cause further disruptions.”

Jingyi hesitates but nods again. At least he’s not getting a punishment this time -- his last one had been for a few different things and it had taken forever to get all the copying and handstand-ing out of the way. He straightens up again in time to see Lan-xiansheng wave him away and he turns quickly, eager to go get something to eat -- and immediately smashes face-first into someone’s knees.

“Ow!” he yelps and rubs ruefully at his nose, his face blanching when he catches sight of the boy accompanying whoever he’d run into. It’s Lan Yuan, which means --

“Ha..Hanguang-Jun,” Jingyi barely manages to stammer. Hanguang-Jun came out of seclusion a few years ago now, but he still barely ever interacts with the rest of the Sect (at least as far as Jingyi can tell). His son is nice, but Jingyi feels ugly things that he know he shouldn’t whenever he sees the boy, and so it’s with the twin guilt of having run into Hanguang-Jun and for not liking Lan Yuan, Hanguang-Jun’s pride and joy, that Jingyi hurries to bow again.

“Move carefully,” Hanguang-Jun instructs, his voice deep and slow. Jingyi nods in a rush and is finally allowed to make his escape from what is now two of the three most intimidating people in Cloud Recesses.

Jingyi walks slowly to the dining hall, scuffing his heels all the way. He knows that it’s not fair of him to not like Lan Yuan. And an even tinier, even secreter part of him doesn’t like Hanguang-Jun either. Or Lan-xiansheng. Or Zewu-Jun. He respects them, of course he respects them! And he knows he shouldn’t feel this way, which is why he hasn’t said a word of it to anyone. But any run-in with any of them always puts a sour taste in his mouth.

Jingyi sits down with his rice and starts eating glum little bites. He usually can’t get the food in his mouth fast enough, cramming his cheeks full of rice and vegetables until it feels like they’ll split open. He’s always reprimanded for it, though never actually punished since he never eats more than the proscribed amount. Today he eats like he’s supposed to, and he pouts down at his rice feeling not very like himself at all.

The thing is, Jingyi knows that he’s related to them. He’s a Lan too - a clan one, with the cloud ribbon and everything - but he doesn’t get to have a family. When he was little, he used to cry for his parents and the aunties in the children’s house would tell him that they’ll be back soon, just sleep Yi-er, your family will come back for you.

Only they didn’t, because the aunties said one day that they were actually gone forever in the war that took a lot of kids’ parents. And Jingyi had cried and cried, wanting them so badly it hurt all the way down to his fingertips and his toes. The aunties would try to comfort him, but then they left and new aunties came in, and they didn’t know him at all and he just became another kid in the house.

And then the other kids started leaving. The sect was getting bigger again, and people were able to take in kids that weren’t theirs and give them a home and a new family, but no one ever came for Jingyi. And then one day he heard the aunties chatting amongst themselves that Hanguang-Jun had left the Cloud Recesses completely and come back with a son. He claimed the boy for his own, but the aunties thought with the way the boy was so sick that he’d been a war orphan that Hanguang-Jun wanted. Well Jingyi was a war orphan too, but Hanguang-Jun hadn’t wanted him. He’d gone all the way to Somewhere Else to find a son he wanted more.

It just doesn’t feel fair sometimes to be a Lan but not a Lan. He’s not the only kid in the children’s home, of course, but the others are all children who were sent here to live by their parents so they can become disciples. Sometimes their parents are even allowed to come and see them, and they can send letters every season. Sometimes Jingyi wonders if he’s maybe the loneliest kid in all of Cloud Recesses. Maybe the whole world.

Jingyi finishes his first bowl of rice and doesn’t reach for a second, his belly too knotted up and full of his sad mood to eat any more.

Every time he sees them he’s reminded that they don’t want him. They have to know he exists, even if they don’t know his name - he wears the ribbon, after all, and he’s in all the right classes for his age. Don’t they care? And Lan Yuan never leaves Hanguang-Jun’s side, which means he gets to be around his dad all the time! Jingyi wants that! He wants someone who will hug him and let him run around the house and play with him and take care of him - just him!

He’s never allowed to do that in the children’s home. The aunties tut over him and ask him what they should do with him and they give him extra chores to keep him out from under their feet while they take care of the others. They tell him he’s a lot to handle and he needs to be better behaved if he wants to be allowed to become a cultivator. Jingyi wonders sometimes if that’s why his family doesn’t want to take him away from the children’s home -- he’s too much, and at least there he’s someone else’s problem.

Jingyi’s mood follows him for the rest of the week like a big cloud over his head that he can’t get rid of. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t have to see Hanguang-Jun and Zewu-Jun all over the place, but for some reason he sees at least one of them every day as he walks to and from class or his chores or the dining hall. Every time he sees them he has a foolish little flash of hope that they’re out and about looking for him, but they never are and each time it feels like a fresh rejection.

He skips class.

He skips class all week long the next week to go hide in the woods, near enough to hear the bells and the occasional hushed chatter of disciples on the other side of the trees but far enough away that no one can find him perching in branches or sitting on soft patches of moss.

It takes ten whole days for someone to find him and tell him he’s in trouble and to report to Lan-xiansheng. Even though he knows it’s to be punished, it almost feels like a reward. If they won’t notice him on their own, it seems he can make them notice him if he acts badly enough. He doesn’t want to be bad, and actually he wasn’t even trying to be, but if doing things to get in trouble will get him noticed then maybe it’s worth it.

“Your teacher informed me you have not been attending class,” Lan-xiansheng remarks once Jingyi has knelt in front of him across a table stacked with essays from the older classes. Jingyi dares a glance up at his stern gaze and immediately falters, dropping his eyes back down to stare at his fists on his knees instead as he shakes his head. “Where have you been instead?”

“The woods,” Jingyi manages to reply, still addressing his own lap. “There’s a nice clearing off the path to the sword grounds.”

“What makes this clearing better than attending your classes?”

Jingyi shuffles uncomfortably and immediately reprimands himself for fidgeting, the voice in his head a strange mixture of the sternest auntie and his teacher.

“I don’t know.” It comes out easily, almost desperately, and Jingyi can’t decide if it’s a lie or not. He doesn’t know why he didn’t want to go to class, but the thought of going made him sadder than the thought of sitting by himself in the woods so he’d just…done that instead. But he already knows from experience that that isn’t the sort of explanation anyone wants to hear when they ask things like this, so “I don’t know” is safer. They can’t be mad at him for something he can’t explain, right?

“Perhaps you will think of the reason while you do handstands until the evening meal.”

Dinner?! It’s only just after breakfast now! Jingyi’s head snaps up and a protest forms on the tip of his tongue; he quickly bites it back along with the sudden frustrated burning in his eyes to nod instead.

“Yes Lan-xiansheng,” Jingyi replies with effort. He was wrong -- this hurts worse than being ignored. Not worth it at all.

And yet he can’t seem to stop. He serves his punishment and lasts a few days before he acts out again and is once again delivered to Lan-xiansheng for punishment. Sometimes he does chores around Cloud Recesses, sometimes he does handstands, sometimes he copies, sometimes he copies while doing handstands -- it all makes him feel about as big as an ant getting poked with a stick, but he can’t help it.

It goes on for months, and Jingyi develops a reputation for being a troublemaker. Other children avoid him, adults watch him closely waiting for him to slip up, and he’s more miserable than he’s ever been.

Today he’s meant to be fetching water for his chores. The Cloud Recesses has running water, but Lan-xiansheng is running out of new ways to punish him so Jingyi is fetching water. He decides to go all the way up into the back hill for it, just because, and stumbles upon a secret place that’s way better than his old clearing in the woods. It looks about the same as that one, except this one is full of rabbits!

Jingyi drops his buckets and hurries into the clearing with a gasp, something happy lighting up in his chest for the first time in a long time to see the fluffy little things gamboling about in the grass. That little spark fans itself quickly into a desire to join them so intense he can’t possibly keep it under control, and so without a second thought he begins jumping and running around with them, giving chase and laughing when they all scatter away. He lunges for them and tries to catch them, wanting desperately to find out what they feel like.

He can’t help but scream in sudden fear when he’s yanked to a stop by a hand in his collar. He looks up and feels the happiness in his chest burst like a soap bubble as he finds himself staring up at a glaring Hanguang-Jun.

“Ah…” he tries to start, but terror has closed his throat.

“Do not chase them,” Hanguang-Jun intones, his voice cold and inflectionless. It somehow feels just as bad as when people are angry with him. “You will hurt them.”

Jingyi struggles against Hanguang-Jun’s grip with a sudden burst of anger and the fear closing up his throat turns into a lump that he can’t swallow away and a burning in his eyes. He gulps down big, shaking breaths and scrubs at his eyes while Hanguang-Jun releases him without another word. He should leave, he knows he should, but it’s not fair! He just wanted to play and there’s yet another rule! Another ‘do not’ that can be used to make him bad!

“I didn’t mean to hurt them!” Jingyi protests, finally finding his voice again. He glares at Hanguang-Jun’s feet through the warbling of his tears and scrubs at his eyes again. “I wanted to play! I’m s’posed to be doing another --“ he hiccups -- “another punishment for being bad but I found them and wanted to play instead! I’m sorry Hanguang-Jun, I don’t want to be bad but - but - but -“

Jingyi trails off into sobbing as he curls up in a little ball on the ground. Why couldn’t he have been born a bunny? Bunnies don’t have rules, bunnies can be soft and fluffy and have a million-billion siblings and be safe in meadows. They can run and hop around and no one will tell them they have too much energy, that their behavior is inappropriate, that he’ll never be allowed to become a proper disciple if he doesn’t learn to control himself and not lose face for the Sect.

That must be why none of his family want him -- embarrassment. He’s not like the rest of the Lans, even Lan Yuan who’s his age and a war orphan too is quiet and nice and all the right things that the teachers want to see. Jingyi’s just a nuisance.

Jingyi isn’t sure how long he cries, but it feels like he’ll never be able to stop. At some point through his heartache he hears Hanguang-Jun greet a new set of footfalls with a quiet, “Shufu,” and Jingyi tries to pull himself together. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Lan-xiansheng too, not when yelling and crying in front of Hanguang-Jun is bad enough. He uncurls with an effort and stands up to offer a bow to Hanguang-Jun and then to Lan-xiansheng at the entrance to the little meadow.

“I’m sorry,” he says thickly. “I didn’t carry the water.” Jingyi leaves a wide berth between himself and Lan-xiansheng as he returns to his discarded buckets and picks them up, one in each hand. They already feel as if they weigh a thousand pounds, exhaustion and sadness dragging at his limbs before the buckets are even filled.

He’s nearly to the path when Hanguang-Jun calls for him. “Jingyi. Come back.”

#the untamed fanfic #Lan Qiren #Lan Jingyi #Lan Qiren raising ADHD baby LJY like 'I have failed my nephew so I will not fail you'#LQR looking at a blood Lan who is too distant to be in the line of succession unless something drastic happens #and saying 'I do not have to raise you to lead so I can raise you gently'#and LWJ looking at this boy who reminds him so much of WWX and looking at his very quiet and serious perfect Lan little son like #'please. Sizhui needs to be kind and laugh and be a kid in a way I wasn't allowed to be'#and Jingyi looking back at all of them like 'YOU GIVE HEAD PATS AND BUNNIES OF COURSE I'LL DO ANYTHING'#ANYWAY - this fic is not going to be anything new for a While for anyone who's been keeping up with it for WIP Wednesdays #It's literally just reposting what already exists only with proper chapter breaks and stuff #but it's at least something I can post regularly while I'm working on my other projects behind the scenes

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