#traumatag

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

i think an aspect of poor selfcare as self-harm that goes overlooked a lot is that it can be comforting, when you're in a shitty situation that's out of your control, to have a fallback: i feel shitty because of this thing i am neglecting, and i could feel better if i took care of it. there is a way in which i have the power to tangibly, measurably improve my situation and how fucking awful i feel. no matter how bad things get, there's always an uphill from here.

......if you take care of yourself to the best of your ability, you are forced to face the fact that there isn't an uphill. there's nothing else you can do. however bad things are, this is as good as it gets.

sometimes this is true, and sometimes it isn't. and sometimes that fallback is, genuinely, what you have to hold onto for a while to survive. but when you're in the thick of that kind of despair, it's easy to forget--or block out--the fact that the selfcare you can do can keep you treading water, or at least slow your descent. and it's easy to forget that sometimes those few inches you manage to make it uphill can be the difference between staying where you are, or being able to reach the ladder that's thrown to you, when you're lucky enough for help to arrive.

#moogletalks #braintag #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #self-harm cw #idk this is something i think about a lot #especially with chronic health condition that has been continuing to deteriorate for reasons largely out of my control :')

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

sometimes i see people complain about 'ruining fandoms with Dark Edgy Adult Content,' how ml/p fandom was The Ultimate Example of this

and i think about how, as a sheltered, isolated homeschool kid in an abusive home, with my socialization and media intake heavily monitored for Purity, if not for ~cringy~ grimdark ml/p content and the community it was part of at the time i would probably not have made it through high school alive.

sometimes i think about how the show itself was fun and all, but it was actually fairly empty of the real substance i needed by itself. it was the community, and the fucked up fictional shit, that helped me survive after the reason to live that i'd clung to for years dissolved before my eyes right when i'd finally gotten my hands on it again. the Cutesy Candy Colored Ponies aesthetic was partly the cover i needed to avoid suspicion, and partly validation that the things that were aimed at people like me--cartoony, ~girly~ things--were allowed to be taken seriously, and have love and effort put into them, and have weight. by hundreds of thousands of people who were or weren't like me, not just tv execs trying to sell toys, or the occasional showrunner who managed to sneak it through here and there because they actually cared.

sometimes i think about the grief of having the fandom and community that meant so much to me and probably saved my life overrun by fucking nazis. and when i do, i think about how every time someone agrees that that was a horror with untold damage on the internet, it's always sneering at the people who ever cared. and their first priority to complain about is always, always the dark and adult content. the nazis are an afterthought to them.

sometimes i think about that. i really do. and sometimes--often, really. more than anything else on this list--i think about how many people, then and now, would and do glance at my blog and think it'd be good riddance if i'd killed myself when i was fifteen.

sometimes i just sit there. and i think.

#whosebaby talks #the salt files #negative #nazi mention cw #suicide mention cw #abuse mention cw #antis cw #even back then the fandom was not remotely above criticism #and i'm not going to pretend it was #but damn dude #god damn. #anti survivor cw #death wishing cw #suicide baiting cw #anyway this is like 90% of this blog is just character tagging nowadays lmao #because looking at a piece of actual fandom content and thinking 'i wonder exactly how much this person wishes i'd killed myself' #absolutely wrecks my mental health! #as it turns out #traumatag

[mxmacabre]

survivor? i’m not even sure if i’m still alive.

[don’t delete caption]

#abuse #trauma #ptsd #actuallyptsd #actuallytraumatized #vent art #dissociation #unreality #my art #original #traumatag #500

[acrosc]

doodles about the dynamic between me & the voice i hear. idk. [don’t delete caption]

#mental illness #hearing voices #psychotic #ptsd #suicidal ideation / #violence / self harm / knives / idk it was vague // #auden arts #ask to tag..? #original #traumatag

[hailtheheroes]

-Date for these little ladies? 👀-

Nothing in the World Feels Better Than Your Hand in Mine

           Send me “Date?” and I'll answer...        

Who asks for it:

[ ] Your muse asks mine

[xxxxxxxx] My muse asks yours (Lyra is ALL ABOUT that pretty sinnoh lady)

Type of date:

[x] Platonic Date

[x] Romantic Date

[x] First Date

[x] Double date with: Archer & Giratina (HAHAHAHA COULD YOU IMAgINE)

Location for the date:

[ ] Movies (Hikari doesn’t seem the type to care about movies and although I bet she’d go with Lyra if asked, Lyra would pick up on that and not ask in the first place lol)  • [ ] Romantic Comedy  • [ ] Adventure Movie  • [ ] Animation (Pixar/Disney)  • [ ] Horror  • [ ] Drama  • [ ] Buddy Movie  • [ ] ___ (other options)

[x] Restaurant (Lyra gon’ make you eat whether you like it or not)  • [ ] Expensive/High Class  • [x] Small and familiar  • [x] Fast Food

[xxxxxxx] Nature • [ ] Beach • [x] Park • [x] Forest     • [x] …and having a picnic (Seriously 90% of Lyra’s personality is eating with her friends)

[x] Visiting a Museum

[ ] Visiting an amusement park

[x] Visiting a haunted location (Spoopy protags in spoopy places)

[x] Staying at home • [ ] Watching movies • [x] Playing Video Games (You’re getting a controller, Hiccup, deal with it!) • [ ] Reading

[x] ___ (other options) (The city! If they were walking together and Hikari just kinda... started aimlessly wandering places, Lyra would definitely follow without saying a word! Let my girls get lost togetherrrrr.)

The date might hopefully end with…

[x] …holding hands (hhhhhhh)

[x] …a kiss (HHHHHHHH)

[x] …in bed (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA in all seriousness though Lyra would probs be like... “this girl seems troubled, not just shy but legit troubled“ so she would be super gentle and careful and probs just not initiate and be happy with being the big spoon)

[x] …knowing each other better

[xxxxxxxxxx] …sleepover between friends

[ ] …a marriage proposal

[ ] ___ (other options)

Should you reblog this?:

[x] Yes. I want to send you one.

[ ] Yes.

[ ] No.

#littlesilverplatinum #i die #best girls #best girls are best #soft spoopy protags #traumatags #Trauma Shipping #LMAO #shipping

[creepsuggestions]

I hate myself he’s the sweetest bf I could ever ask for he doesn’t have a bad bone in his body

I hate being paranoid I hate the effect my abusers have on me I just want to love without fear is that too much to ask?

#traumatag #not a suggestion

[sevensyllablespell]

when i think of me as traumatised i see myself as hyperfeminine. soft and quiet. made not to weep.

#milk.txt #traumatag

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

something i'm starting to have suspicions about and that i wish i had ever seen discussion of in disordered-multiplicity spaces: the idea that executive dysfunction, combined with the way certain neurotypes respond to it and the unique kinds of sustained, repeated trauma associated with that process, can result in DID (or its variations/cousins).

for a long time i thought it was just a matter of my having shitty memory in general, and i don't doubt that's contributed, but like. 'this is Too Fucking Much. for the sake of self-preservation it is going in the memory hole/happened in a Different Plane of Reality/happened to Someone Else. there are a lot of the latter, and being able to go 'hey who's in charge of this bit/who was around when it happened and was relevant' makes me function much better when i do,' among many other things, sound...... familiar lmao. and i'm starting to feel like the shitty memory is a contributor to that because the part of my brain that's Inclined to Do This has a quick and convenient way to dump this stuff somewhere and hide it from me.

i really, really wish there were more discussion of this kind of thing out there. and i wish it were easier to find resources and tools for working through the disordered part which come from sources i trust (more) not to be ableist, overly pathologizing, and wildly uneducated about this shit in the way that only psychiatric institutions can be. augh.

#moogletalks #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #this isn't even getting into how; as mentioned; it's not just identity/personality stuff my brain does this with #it also does it with Places and Reality #and basic everyday concepts and tools and routines i use to function #i really desperately need help with this and there just plain is nothing i can find beyond 'you might have this' #if anyone who has experience working through this stuff; and can maybe point me to some resources; has input i will be incredibly grateful #ableism cw

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

i keep going back and forth between 'i feel okay' and 'i wanna fucking throw up'

#moogletalks #venting cw #really feeling that deep utter 'keen awareness of last threads of one's lifeline to cope with The Horrors rapidly thinning' despair gents #just. Everything. god. #i have also been at the level of executive dysfunction lately where getting out of bed to heat up food and make tea #takes writing out an itinerary 30+ items long #it is. bad lmao #traumatag #adventures in mental illness

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

forever torn between 'USAmericans have a huge problem with geographic americentrism and it's valid for people to be frustrated with that,' and 'i experienced severe educational neglect in most areas as a homeschooled child (in tandem with educational and other abuse i was trying to survive); sociogeography in particular was dead last on the list of things my household considered worth making sure i learned, and i was only taught through half a geography textbook period my entire growing up; and this happened during my formative years, which means that keeping geographical info straight in or out of the US does not come naturally to me at all now and it's a huge struggle even remembering the names of most states.'

like man it makes me feel real fuckin shitty as a homeschooling survivor to hear how people talk about this shit sometimes lol

#moogletalks #negative #abuse cw #neglect cw #anti-survivorism cw #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #it is deeply humiliating when this kind of thing comes up and i draw a blank and have to admit i have no idea #and even worse when i thought i *did* know and remembered wrong #i try to go 'oops! right yeah that was it' and move along but it makes me shrivel up inside every time #and people have a history of giving me shit for it and going 'wait wait hold on you're telling me you didn't know where [X] is lol' #'how the fuck did you not know that let's put the spotlight on this and keep it there to shame and humiliate you for it because it's Funny' #and like again i get it sometimes but also some of us were fucking neglected susan maybe allow for a tiny bit of compassion here #ugh

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

i found this playlist in the first few weeks after it happened, during the long dark nights after everyone had gone home. i listened to it a lot over the next month, as i sat up and sipped the caramel tea she had left behind--told me i should try it, once, it was special--and waited for the sun to come up.

it's coming up on the time of year to listen to it again. sharing it this time in case it brings you what it brought me; whether for her, or for your own who will never wake up again.

#moogletalks #death cw #grief cw #parent death cw #traumatag #courage dear heart

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

#moogletalks #braintag #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #Youtube

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

There was no way his imagination could feel the impact of the whole Earth having gone, it was too big. He prodded his feelings by thinking that his parent and his sister had gone. No reaction. He thought of all the people he had been close to. No reaction. Then he thought of a complete stranger he had been standing behind in the queue at the supermarket two days before and felt a sudden stab: the supermarket was gone, everyone in it was gone! Nelson’s Column had gone! and there would be no outcry, because there was no one left to make an outcry! From now on Nelson’s Column only existed in his mind. England only existed in his mind. A wave of claustrophobia closed in on him. He tried again: America, he thought, has gone. He couldn’t grasp it, He decided to start smaller again. New York has gone. No reaction. He’d never seriously believed it existed anyway. The dollar, he thought, has sunk for ever. Slight tremor there. Every “Bogart” movie has been wiped, he said to himself, and that gave him a nasty knock. McDonald’s, he thought. There is no longer any such thing as a McDonald’s hamburger. He passed out.

Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

#hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy #moogletalks #traumatag #this has been just. a mood #a big; big mood #it's the little things that keep getting me #thank you douglas adams for putting this concept into words

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

barbara streisand would be SO proud.

#moogletalks #traumatag #the salt files #8^)))))))

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

https://youtu.be/XoQvbDROucQ

#moogletalks #traumatag #adventures in mental illness #courage dear heart #Youtube

[the-moogle-of-your-nightmares]

https://youtu.be/kGywdXC8jWM

#moogletalks #mood of the last few weeks #traumatag #courage dear heart #be better tag #Youtube