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secretlywritingstories · 5 years

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You have to believe me, Virge | Sanders Sides One Shot

Summary: Thomas had the ability to materialize aspects of his personality, which was a rare gift indeed. Recently, Virgil had begun to feel at home standing side by side with the three core Sides - Logan, Patton and Roman - and he had started to feel love and accepted. Until Sides from his dark past start to follow in his footsteps and appear in front of Thomas. It drags up bad memories for Virgil and he feels like he fails tremendously in protecting Thomas. At the same time, seeing the old faces of Sides he'd rather forget, he can't exactly ignore his past anymore. He has been keeping it a secret for Thomas ever since he first talked to him but it was not fair, to either of them. The truth needed to come out.

Word count: 17.5k

Warnings: All warnings from the video applies, anxiety, self-doubt, emotional hurt

**All dialogue is from the Sanders Sides video Dealing with INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS - watch it here**

Read the other one shots in this series here

Read on AO3 or below

He was no better than the rest of them. He tried so hard. He would do anything to help Thomas in just the simplest way. He’d lay himself bare to any world of pain if it meant that he should shield Thomas just a little.

Virgil would do anything to protect him.

From anything and everything.

Most importantly from the otherSides. He hated that they had been dubbed the Dark Sides for so many reasons, but he couldn’t exactly blame Thomas for the association. It was a rather apt description after all. They were the bad, they were things that attached themselves to Thomas in a way that Virgil still saw as different to how the core three Sides related to Thomas.

Logan, Patton and Roman had always been the trueSides in Virgil’s eyes. They had been his three musketeers, the ones that had emerged first and fought tirelessly for Thomas to strive for success and happiness. They were fundamentally good. They were brimming with light.

Patton was a legitimate sun. Roman shined like a constellation of stars. Logan was the alluring and steady moonlight.

Most of the time, Virgil wasn’t sure why they had decided to accept him into the little group, but they always included him now. It was becoming a core four instead of a core three and Virgil wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

On one hand, it made him so endlessly happy that he couldn’t even express it in words. On the other hand, it terrified him that they had let down their guard and allowed him to be at the forefront of Thomas’ mind.

It was a much more powerful position than being suppressed in the darkness, like before.

The three of them knew about his past, but they had never brought it up to Thomas. It wasn’t like they legitimately couldn’t but there were some restrictions in place that Virgil didn’t even properly understand. Thomas had to be ready to open his eyes to a darker part of himself to understand.

He hadn’t been able to even do that when Virgil had first manifested. If Thomas had been more ready, Virgil knew that Roman would have been the first one to throw him under the bus. Instead, the light creative Side had only muttered something about disliking him.

But things were different now. Deceit had showed himself for the first time. Virgil had hated every moment of it. He hated that the Side had gotten strong enough to manifest as one of his friends. Speak with his mouth, his intonation, nearly perfect in imitation. It was a rude reminder that everyone around you could be an imposter.

But mostly it made Virgil feel bad because it hit too close to home. They do say that it takes one to know one.

Thankfully, Deceit had been dealt with and even if he reappeared, Virgil knew that the other Sides were more adept at handling him now. They could work together as a team. The other three hadn’t shunned him away, even if he might have argued that they should.

But then the intrusive thoughts started to become worse than before. They had been in Thomas’ head for years, popping up now and then, only to be filed away in the forbidden category. They were usually horrible but mostly fleeting and never really taking proper hold of Thomas’ thoughts. Unpleasant in the moment but manageable.

It wasn’t the case lately, not since Thomas had been made aware of how he was a bigger liar than he thought. Tonight had been particularly bad. Virgil had been up all-night screaming alongside Patton for the thoughts to go away.

This wasn’t their Thomas. Their Thomas would never do such things. He would not even dream about doing them, imaging them because having the visual in your head could maybe led to it becoming reality. It made Virgil’s anxiety spike, all the possibilities driving him frantic and as usual it shot right into Thomas.

Between himself and Patton, Thomas had hardly gotten a wink of sleep and he had a video to film first thing. He would be delirious and dead on his feet and Virgil felt so bad.

Thomas was hurting and he didn’t know what to do. How did he protect the human from that Side? That Side that had gotten stronger and stronger lately. Virgil tried to believe that he wouldn’t follow in Deceit’s footsteps, but he couldn’t believe it.

An appearance was inevitable, but that didn’t mean that Virgil wouldn’t fight with every fiber of his being to assure that they postponed it as much as possible.

*******

Virgil is lurking, just under the surface as Thomas stumbles down the steps and sets up his camera. He looks exhausted. Virgil tries not to take too much note of the dark circles under Thomas’ eyes and how strikingly familiar they are.

Sure, all the Sides chooses to physically look like Thomas as a default, since that made them feel comfortable in their skin, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have slight differences in their appearances.

Virgil wears dark eye shadow under his eyes, but it is partly to somewhat hide the fact that he had natural dark bags under his eyes at pretty much all times. It is easier to explain it off as choosing an aesthetic and embracing his inner emo.

Without any make-up, he looks very much like Thomas did right now. It cuts into Virgil’s heart and tears it right open.

“Everything is going wrong in my life. Even my thoughts are starting to go wrong,” Thomas says, still rambling and Virgil is manifesting before the final word left his lips.

He sounds so lost and so tired. Virgil knows that both of those outward appearances hides an innate fear. Patton had sensed the distress too, since the pair of them had been up all night and watched him. He is quick to follow Virgil.

““Come on! No… No, what are you talking about?” Patton says, and he does a very poor job of pretending that the three of them don’t know the nightmare that had been the last eight hours.

Virgil would see the flashes if he just thought about it too much. He stuffs his hands into his hoodie’s pocket and squares his shoulders as if that would help with the unease settling on his skin.

Thomas clearly doesn’t want to talk about it either. “Sorry, let’s talk about something else.”

“Yeah. Let’s,” Virgil agrees, hands in tight fists hidden from view.

Of course, Roman chooses this very moment to arrive. As usual, he is too loud, too dramatic, too demanding. He is practically oozing Roman-ness and normally Virgil might have cracked a smile at this, but he doesn’t want to deal with the creative Side right now. Not when something so similar had been what had kept Thomas awake all night.

“Here comes the noblest Roman of them all. What up, plebs?” he asks and strikes his usual pose.

“Oh hey, Roman. We were just talking about something else.”

Virgil shoots Patton a distressed glance, which he can feel Thomas mirroring. Roman doesn’t know about last night’s troubles. He had been pushed aside for them, forced into a momentary slumber, as someone else pushed forward.

Roman could not know and Thomas doesn’t need the pain of it being discussed out in the open like this. He just needs to put those thoughts behind him.

But then Patton has always been a terrible liar. He sucks at being deceitful, even when he gives it a good honest try. He is just too easy to read, too good to be deceiving anybody, even if it is for a good cause. Virgil has always liked that about him. Maybe because Virgil is too comfortable with secrets himself.

“Hmm? What?”

“What? There is nothing else. Nothing else,” Patton says, clearly panicking. “Err, we were just talking about something and… never anything else.”

Virgil lets out a sigh. All of this would only entice Roman more.

“Was that okay?” Patton tries to whisper in Virgil’s direction, either forgetting that Roman was actually standing closer to him and perfectly able to hear or the fact is just overwritten by Patton’s need for reassurance, especially after such a tough night.

Virgil lets out a sigh again. He can’t even be mad about it, not when Patton is trying so earnestly.

“Wait, are you all seriously not going to let me in on what’s going on here?” Roman asks, and he is very clearly offended.

Virgil tries to pretend to flick something off the stairs, just so he can turn away from the heated glance he can feel on his back. Roman hates being excluded, and Virgil can sense a fight incoming. He is just too tired for it.

“Patton already said. We were talking about something,” Thomas says, and his voice sounds so tired.

“Singing to myself because I’m not uncomfortable at all,” Patton sings awkwardly, somewhat under his breath, while his eyes are shut.

Maybe they are all very good at just looking away from things that they don’t want to see today.

“Secrets, secrets are no fun. Tell me now or else we’re done,” Roman says, truly dramatic at heart. Still, Virgil has to give it to him. It is some solid rhyming.

“Look… you don’t want to know,” Thomas says, trying to spare Roman’s feelings. He is always trying to do that, look after everyone else, even when the someone isn’t even a real person but just a fragmented manifestation.

How could someone who acted so considerately have such bad thoughts? They had already established that Thomas could and did lie. Maybe he was good at being deceitful in his actions too…

“Unless you want to be deeply troubled,” Virgil adds, hoping his drop in his voice would do something to deter the Prince.

“I do. Mystery loves company.”

Virgil squints. What? “Hmm, it’s misery loves company,” he corrects.

“For me, it’s not. I’m not feeling any love or misery because it’s a mystery for me alone. I have yet to receive my invite to the pity party. Thomas, come on. You can’t have a bawl without a prince.”

“Just leave it alone, Roman,” Thomas asks, voice bordering on begging.

“Seriously,” Virgil growls out. Now was not time for a dramatic temper tantrum.

Roman looks seriously offended, as if someone had spat him in the face instead of just withheld some miserable details to spare him pain.

“Ah! I can’t believe you’re making me do this,” Roman complains and then lifts his hand to summon the one Side that always brought a sense of calm to their discussions.

Logan has hardly stopped moving from being pulled up before his mouth is moving.

“What do you need?” he asks, sounding a little apprehensive but even so ready to help. The eyeroll is a clear indication about how he much he doesn’t appreciate being called in by Roman.

“Logan, do you know why everyone is so Moody B. Moans?” Roman asks and if Virgil weren’t been so on edge, he might have appreciated the pun more.

“Oh goodness. Are they still disconcerted?” Logan asks with an adjustment of his glasses. It is the smallest tell that he isn’t as unaffected as he was pretending to be. Logan had listened to Virgil and Patton argue for the first hour or so before declaring that he could do nothing against this illogical discussion, and he told them to stop fretting over it so much. Repression would do it nothing good.

“That’s putting it a little lightly, Logan,” Virgil hisses, both frustrated and a little jealous that Logan hasn’t been able to feel something akin to the sickening feeling that had been in the pit of Virgil’s stomach since Thomas had tried to go to bed. It meant Logan couldn’t put himself in their shoes, but it also meant he was spared the torture and Virgil couldn’t help but want that for his friend.

“Or your reaction is a little too extreme,” Logan says, and his hand goes to adjust his tie. It is the second time he is fixing his appearance in such a short space of time. Virgil focuses on that, his very slightlydisheveled state, rather than the way the dismissal stings. Maybe not entirely unaffected then.

“Well, that’s easy for you to say,” Patton says tentatively, and Virgil feels a surge of something pleasant in his otherwise upset stomach. Patton worships Logan, he absolutely adores and admires him, so to speak out against him was a big thing and he is doing it for Virgil’s benefit in part.

“Why wouldn’t it be easy to say? It’s an eight-word sentence. That’s not exactly laborious,” Logan says, clearly confused.

It is a breath of normalcy after a long and exhausting night and Virgil embraces it. Logan’s affinity for taking things literally has always been comforting and entertaining.

“What he means is that you’re not a good judge of what is and isn’t an overreaction,” Virgil clarifies. “Your most extreme reaction is an eyebrow raise.”

“FALSEHOOD!” Logan shouts. Virgil is unpleasantly reminded of all the other times he’d been subjected to those outbursts. He isn’t sure how he could have forgotten until now.

He snaps his fingers by his left ear, checking to see if Logan had managed to damage it but the clicks comes through well enough.

“I stand corrected,” he admits.

“There is the one for today,” Patton says, smiling at Logan like he hung the sun.

“Logan! Put on your blinders or in this case take of your glasses…” Roman says, smiling like he is proud of himself.

“What are you talking- What are you talking- What are you talking about?” Logan asks, as if stuck in a loop out of sheer confusion.

“Look, I barely got any sleep,” Thomas says to defend himself. “That’s the best joke my creativity has got.”

“But seriously, ignore them for the time being and explain to me what is going on here,” Roman complains, and he was on the verge of legitimately whining. Normally, Virgil would have delighted in the sight but right now he just wants to sleep and avoid this discussion at all costs. It could not be a good thing to continue to linger on those intrusive thoughts.

“Well, last night Thomas struggled to fall asleep due to persistent troubling thoughts about-“

Both himself as well as Thomas and Patton shout noises of protest and Logan looks baffled at being cut off.

“Stop what you are saying,” Patton song-sings.

“Woah. You guys are acting fishier than the Kraken’s crack,” Roman says and looks them over.

“Alright, so I’m acting fishy. So sushi. I mean, sue me,” Virgil says, cringing a little at the pun. It hadn’t been a premeditated decision, but he’d thought of it as he was speaking, and he hoped that maybe it would cause a bit of a distraction or maybe even a smile on either Patton or Thomas’ face.

He hasn’t expected Roman of all people to call him out on it or sounding so soft when he does so.

“Don’t act like that was an accident,” Roman says, the ghost of a smile in the corner of his mouth.

“Everybody, Virgil. Let’s give it up for perp man,” Thomas says and actually applauds him. He must really be out of it from lack of sleep.

Virgil lets out a sigh. This is not going well.

“Just tell me! Blurt it out if it’ll be easier. Like ripping… the sword from the stone!” Roman exclaims.

“That was canonically not easy,” Thomas argues.

“Yes, only Arthur was able to remove the sword,” Logan adds.

“May the odds be never in our favor,” Patton mutters under his breath.

“But this isn’t the sword in the anvil,” Logan says.

“You mean the sword in the stone?” Virgil corrects.

“Why don’t you read the book and see if you still need to correct me?” Logan replies sharply.

Ouch. Virgil doesn’t like being caught out making the wrong assumptions.

“Ohhh!” Thomas says but then drops it immediately “Sorry…”

“I guess Disney was more faithful than we all thought,” Roman says with a smile.

“Huh,” Patton voices and he smiles too.

“What I mean is that talking about this shouldn’t be as impossible as liberating the sword from its ferric prison. I don’t understand why we must prohibit any and all discussion about the intrusive-“

Virgil and Thomas jump in again to shut up the logical Side.

“I really don’t want to think about it,” Thomas pleads in protest.

Virgil’s words are a little harsher. “I’m going to prohibit you if you keep this up!” he threatens.

“You know exactly why we’re not talking about it,” Patton says softly, trying to appeal to Logan’s softer side. If anyone could do it, it would definitely be Patton.

“But he’s-“ Logan tries to argue but Virgil cuts him off before he gets anything more out. They all know how closely related Roman is to the issue that had kept Thomas awake last night. Everyone but Thomas himself.

“Logan, if you continue to push this…” Virgil says, and casts a quick glance at the rapidly deteriorating Thomas to confirm it, “we’re going to end up in really dangerousterritory.”

“Push what exactly?” Logan asks.

“I’m sorry but I can’t condone any more of thatkind of thinking. Please just…” Patton practically begs. He has always been the most sensitive of them to this kind of stuff. He naturally takes everything to heart both the bad and the good stuff.

“Just listen to us this time?” Virgil asks and his own voice is bordering on pleading too. “We’re going to talk about something else now, okay? Patton, what are we talking about?”

Patton seems a little thrown at being put on the spot, but he quickly comes up with a conversation topic, even if it is not what Virgil had imagined.

“Ahh… 2005’s Just Like Heavenstarring Mark Ruffalo and Reese Witherspoon?”

“Sure,” he agrees anyway.

“Oh! Great flick,” Thomas says and starts to flick his fingers repeatedly. He does not look good. “I’m really out of it.”

“The very same Just Like Heaventhat won the Teen Choice Award for Best Chic Flick?”

“You ruffle know it,” Patton says to Roman’s question, already looking a little brighter now that they have managed to make Logan and Roman drop this dangerous avenue.

“Where there any other Just Like Heavenfilms released in 2005 starring Mark Ruffalo and Reese Witherspoon?” Logan asks and Virgil would have cracked a smile if he wasn’t so tense.

Roman chuckles. “If they got married, then he’d be Mark Withhisspoon.”

“Am I delirious or is this the funniest video I have ever made?” Thomas asks.

His words worry Virgil a little and they make that old anxious feel creep up his skull. It has almost taken residence there since being repeatedly activated for too many consecutive hours. It still doesn’t make it feel any less unsettling.

“That’s ridiculous, Roman. Have you ever heard of what’s mine is yours? They’d be Mr. and Mrs. Withtheirspoon,” Patton jokes.

“Patton, that was my joke! You hijacked my joke. You hijoked it!” Roman complains.

“You know what I never got about that movie?” Virgil asks, trying to engage with the conversation so his thoughts doesn’t wander off back to the topic they are all avoiding.

“Why it won Best Chick Flick? I love Just Like Heaven and I’m not a chick!” Roman exclaims.

“Of course, you’re not a chick. You’re a metaphysical human being. A chick is a newly hatched bird,” Logan explains.

The anxiety suddenly intensifies, threatening to pull him under and if Virgil hadn’t been so focused on keeping the door to Thomas’ mind shut then he would have gotten a proper warning. As it stands, he is holding it firmly shut while he battles with containing the anxiety within his own being instead of releasing it on Thomas. He had done that enough during the night already.

“How is she a ghost if she’s not dead?” Virgil asks, which is always something that had bothered him whenever Thomas had watched that movie. A coma and being dead is two very different things.

“Perhaps she was accidentally and unknowingly astral projecting?” Logan states.

“Oh, or maybe it was an out-of-body experience,” Patton suggests.

“I thought astral projecting was an out-of-body experience?” Roman asks.

“I don’t know. I’m just glad the movie had a happy ending that is what makes good cinema,” Patton says, smiling to himself.

“So, there wasn’t really a ghost? Talk about ghost-baiting,” Virgil says with a scoff.

“Of course, she wasn’t a ghost. Ghosts are evil, except for Moana’s grandmother,” Roman argues, and it makes Virgil frown.

“Well there’s one thing I know. Reese Witherspoon isn’t evil,” Patton says and his voice cracks on the last word. Virgil doesn’t pay attention to it, but he should have.

“I resent that,” Virgil argues. “Ghosts aren’t evil. They just scare people because you never know when they are going to show up.”

He sees him and he is stunned into silence after emitting one demonic nothat slips out from his own lips out without permission. No, no, no. This couldn’t be real. He has never been able to do this before. He has always just been inside of Thomas’ head. He’s never had the ability to manifest in the real world.

It requires a whole lot of practice and a heavy presence in Thomas’ mind for any Side to be able to do this. You had to push the others aside and gather up your strength to come out here. Virgil knew how draining it had been on himself to do this. Heis here and he is about to attack Roman who is still a clueless moron most of the time and he hasn’t noticed that his brother is planning a sneak attack.

“Okay, okay. I take back what I said about ghosts,” Roman manages to get out before he is knocked to the ground.

Virgil doesn’t startle out of his paralysis before both Thomas and Patton’s screams bring him out of it.

Roman remains on the ground, maybe because he is being dramatic or maybe because the new arrival is pushing him halfway back into Thomas’ consciousness, despite his body still being present. Virgil wouldn’t put it past him to do something sneaky like that.

“You killed him!” Patton shouts, distraught and Virgil wonders if he had time to explain that they couldn’t be killed. At least not like that.

“Ah… it’s the Duke,” Logan says, too calm for the situation that is making Virgil almost break out in hives.

Another one of them is out here now. First Deceit and now the Duke. This could not be a good thing. They were never meant to follow in his footsteps. They were never meant to seek out Thomas to properly speak to him. Virgil had not thought that they would be able to follow him, or he might never have left.

“Boo!” the Duke says before he elegantly leaps over the television and shoots Thomas a menacing grin that brings up too many bad memories for Virgil. He shudders.

“The Duke? Okay?! Care to explain further? Who is he? What is he doing here?” Thomas asks, panic in his voice and in his chest.

Virgil feels the reaction in himself, him and Thomas feeding each other in an unhealthy loop of anxiety. Everything that Virgil has tried to keep a lid on had briefly been released at the appearance of the Duke. He can’t hold it down, not in this company and Thomas as usual was suffering because of Virgil’s shortcomings. He is desperately trying to shove it back in.

“Oh, I just love showing up where I’m not invited,” the Duke states and it is entirely too true.

“Can someone tell who he is?” Thomas demands, his eyes searching for help with all of his familiar Sides.

“It’s kind of hard to explain?” Patton says.

“What? No, it’s not. You just lack imagination,” the Duke says, and Virgil feels the room around them shift but he can’t do anything before the Duke finished speaking and it is too late. “Let’s start from the beginning.”

They are all pulled back into Thomas’ head, only it isn’t the usual shared space that Virgil now resided. This place is void of light and the familiar but sickening feeling makes Virgil want to scratch his skin off. He has not been here for so long; he had left this place behind. He had changed.

He thinks that he had changed at least but back here, with no restrictions and not being able to lean on the positivity of Roman, Patton and Logan, he feels like maybe he was still the same bad dude that he had been in the first place. Maybe he has just been kidding himself.

The Duke is circling Thomas, pulling him along and wrapping him up in his song. Virgil tries to fight against him, but his punches are weak. He doesn’t rule in this domain anymore. He has not fought like this for a very long time, but he tries anyway.

He tries so hard, even when the Duke makes Patton puke and knocks Roman back unconscious deeper this time when the prince tries to come to the rescue. They have no chance. Not here. This is the dark playground and you have to embrace those sides of yourself fully to be in control here.

“You have to stop this guy from singing!” Virgil calls out, a meek attempt at forcing Thomas into action. Thomas is the master of all of this. He is the only one who can stop something, because every single Side came from a part of him.

He has the power to shut down parts of himself and do the right thing.

Though… the Duke is part of Thomas. The invasive thoughts are a part of Thomas and for some reason he is allowing them so much strength that the Duke could actually manifest himself. Maybe Thomas isn’t as good-hearted as they all liked to believe?

The doubt and anxiety intensify in Virgil and he curls in on himself, even as the song keeps going. It is this place’s fault for rendering him vulnerable and shaking his beliefs. He can feel the dark edges and he wouldn’t have been surprised if the darkness around his eyes had deepened.

The song ends and they are thrown back into the living room but Virgil feels like his insides have been all messed up.

“That was… horrible!” Patton says and he looks more unsettled than he had been by Virgil’s spider curtains.

“And horribly unhelpful!” Thomas shouts, undoubtedly both weighed down by anxiety and intrusive thoughts after that ordeal. “Look Mr. Duke. I’m really stupid right now. Just tell me who you are. Simply.”

“Why I’m your creativity!” the Duke proclaims proudly.

Virgil suppresses a shudder. This cannot be happening. He glances at the unconscious Roman at the Duke’s feet. Virgil hadn’t expected them to be so different and he had a lot of prejudices when he first met Roman because of what he knew of the Duke.

“No…? That’s, that’s Roman,” Thomas argues.

“Yeah. Also me, though,” the Duke says.

“What?”

“Roman is sort of like Netflix Kids and Family. He’s the option you select if you want to…“ Logan explains but blanks on the word he is looking for.

Unfortunately, the Duke is very happy to help.

“Block out all the juicy stuff,” he says with a little shoulder dance.

“Don’t say juicy in that context,” Virgil says with a scoff.

“Ah… juicy butthole?” the Duke says again.

“Less okay!” Thomas says, shocked and horrified all over again.

“Yeah. Your… B-hole needs to stay zipped up in your pants where it belongs,” Patton says, ever the innocent bean and Virgil wants nothing more than wrap him up in a blanket and protect him from the Duke’s presence. Something so pure and something so vile should not be standing side by side.

“Why do you want to stifle your own creativity, Thomas?” the Duke asks.

“I’m sorry I don’t see the creative merit in juicy buttholes,” Thomas answers.

“Oh, come on, Thomas! There are different kinds of creativity,” the Duke says, and Virgil feels all of his skin crawl at the reminder of the things he’s seen because of the Duke’s particular brand of creativity. “Just take Jeffrey Dahmer. I mean, acid-brain sex zombies.”

“Let me stop you right there. Jeffrey Dahmer was not creative. He was destructive and I’ll thank you to never bring him up again,” Thomas says firmly.

Virgil sees the way the Duke cranks his head to the side, and he can feel the pulses coming off the darker Side. Whatever Thomas had just done has only intensified the Duke’s power. It is almost like he had fed him somehow. Virgil isn’t sure if he is the only one of the other Sides that are picking up on the dark energy that the Duke is emitting but he doesn’t like it one bit.

“That’s right, Thomas. Just shut it down!” Patton says, ever the encouraging cheerleader for Thomas.

“You should do no such thing. You cannot force the Duke to retire a topic of conversation,” Logan says, ever the voice of reason.

“Yeah, repression can be… very bad indeed. I mean, just take Jeffrey Dahmer. He used to have these pretty funny thoughts about torturing animals. But you know? He hated them. He thought they were horrible, and he tried to force them out. Lot of good that did him.”

“It didn’t do him any good,” Logan says, caught out again by not picking up on sarcasm.

“Yeah? Right.”

“In fact, thatkind of repression don’t do anybody any good because it doesn’t work,” Logan continues, undeterred. “In the 1980s, Virginia psychologist Daniel Wagner performed the White Bear experiment which demonstrated that more one tries to force out a thought the more intrusive and or repetitive said thought becomes.”

“Jeffrey Dahmer!” the Duke shouts.

“Stop!” Thomas shouts back and Virgil feels the giddy pulses from the Duke again.

“I will begrudgingly… forego the scientific method for a quicker simpler replication of the experiment,” Logan says, and it is clear to see that it really does pain him. “Patton?”

“Hm?” Patton mutters and looks up to meet Logan’s eyes.

“We will need you to talk about anything you want for the next minute,” he explains.

“Alright…” Patton says and sounds a little unsure, but he soon brightens again. “But hold onto your ears because I’m about to talk them off.”

The Duke takes that comment a little too literally and unlike Logan, this Side is most definitely misinterpreting on purpose. He rips of his ears and stands with them proudly in his hands.

“Hold onto my ears? Done and done.”

Virgil should maybe have been a little worried that he isn’t more disgusted, but he has been dealing with the Duke the longest out of everyone here.

“Great!? Great. Ew!” Thomas says and Virgil can sense the waves of disgust coursing through him. Undoubtedly, the Duke thrives on that.

“You put those back on right now, Mister!” Patton insists, looking mildly horrified at the whole thing.

“I can’t hear you!” the Duke taunts, and it sends a shiver down Virgil’s spine.

He had forgotten how obnoxious the Duke could be. How intrusive and vile he is in his element and Thomas is continuing to allow him to be out here in the open.

“I need you to focus,” Logan says, calmly as ever. The unshakable Side indeed.

“Oh right. Uh, okay. So, do I just start talking whenever?” Patton asks, his eyes closed, either to concentrate or block out the unwanted Side next to him.

“I will cue you but before you begin don’t think about err…” Logan says but then falters at the example.

“A goldfish in a condom!” the Duke ‘helpfully’ suggests.

“Okay…” Thomas mutters, and sounds more and more dejected.

“That works. Go!” Logan says.

“Once upon a time there was a gold…en girl,” Patton says and stumbles over the word.

“Good save,” Virgil mutters, rubbing his eyes at the building tension.

He is brimming with anxiety right now, especially after having been thrown for that loop by the Duke. Virgil knows that he is doing such a poor job of holding it in, but he still can’t stop trying. With both him and the Duke manifested and in front of Thomas, he doesn’t know what would happen if he stopped putting a dampener on his potential projecting.

“Who lived in a con… condominium. Okay. Logan, has it been a minute yet?” Patton asks, and he sounds entirely too upset to continue.

“Not even close but you did exactly what I needed you to do,” Logan says and there is a hint of a smile, not there but almost, as he did so.

Patton’s mood instantly lifts, as it always does whenever he is praised. Even so, it always seems to mean a little more to him coming from the serious and logical Side who doesn’t dish out praises so easily.

“Patton did a real good job,” he sings to himself as he thrusts an arm in the air and the image is too sweet, too nice and Virgil lets himself focus on the heart of the group and the tender moment of joy.

“You know you took some creative liberties, but I give you my blessing,” the Duke says and of course he shatters whatever joy that Virgil had been trying to focus on.

“In Wagner’s experiments, subjects were asked to speak about whatever they wanted with only one caveat. They were not allowed to think about a white bear. Despite that rule, according to Wegner, subjects mentioned the bear once per minute,” Logan explains.

“Okay?” Thomas says and Virgil is spiraling out with him. He is only a few nudges away from being thrown into a panic attack. “So, I can’t stop him. Awesome news!”

Sarcasm does little to hide the ripples under his skin, threatening to erupt and tear him open.

“It is, isn’t it?” the Duke says while clapping his hands.

“But-“ Logan tries to say, only to be cut off by Thomas.

“But either way, you are not creativity!” he shouts.

“Yeah! That is the brave, handsome, unbeatable Roman,” Patton agrees.

Brave, handsome and unbeatable Roman is still lying on the floor, currently muttering some nonsense about mashed potatoes. He must have been pushed so far out because of the Duke that he could only really say anything when forced to the foreground by one of the others. Patton’s mention brought him back just a little.

The Duke and Roman has always circled each other, from the moment they both had been developed and it seemed that only really one of them could be at the wheel at a time without it requiring immense effort.

“Creativity is about butterflies and magic. That’s not you. You’re-“ Thomas argues.

“Stinky?” the Duke suggests, and he goes a step further and dunks himself in actual garbage.

“Scary,” Thomas mutters, and Virgil freeze.

His voice sounds so small and fragile. He is so vulnerable, and Virgil can do nothing to protect him. Virgil feels his eyes turn hard against his will as they settled on Thomas. It is pure instinct.

When Thomas is feeling scared, he is more open to influence. Virgil can push him over the edge so easily. It would take nothing to have him crumbled on the floor, shortness of breath, cold sweat, shaking hands and thoughts running amok in his head.

But Virgil could never do that. He doesn’t want to do that.

He never wants Thomas to be scared of him. Never again. Virgil knows that Thomas had feared him before. Before he had gotten to know him and that they both had realized together that Virgil is capable of being more than just a dark ball of anxiety and paranoia.

“Me? Scary? No, no, no, no. That sounds like a youproblem or a himproblem,” the Duke says, pointing his finger directly at Virgil.

Virgil swears internally as he turns his hard glare at the Side. It stings, like a thousand needles digging into his skin. He is right to a degree. Virgil feels scared of the Duke. He has always been so scared of him, of the potential he had to bring out in Thomas. It terrifies him and he is pushing it onto Thomas.

He is always pushing shit onto Thomas.

“Thomas, like it or not, the Duke doesencompass a portion of your imagination,” Logan argues.

“Imaginative sure is a kind word for him,” Patton says, tension heavy on his shoulders.

“I agree. How about demented?” the Duke says happily, never one to let get pulled down by anything.

“Why are you defending him?” Virgil growls at Logan.

He has come to count on Logan to be a steady pillar of facts and truth. He isn’t supposed to side with the Duke. He most certainly isn’t supposed to be defending him. Thomas listens to Logan; he trusts Logan and Logan is taking that responsibility entirely too lightly if he is ready to redeem that intrusive Side.

“I’m not. I’m just trying to intellectually honest with Thomas,” Logan argues, and Virgil’s glare turns colder.

“Yeah, sounds like bullshit. This dork is Deceit in disguise!” the Duke argues.

Patton and Thomas, ever gullible, easily jump into the trap. Virgil just balls his hands up to fists.

“No!” Patton exclaims, horrified that his beloved Logan would be the victim of the lying Side once again.

“What? Again? Deceit, show yourself!” Thomas demands.

“No, um, it’s actually me,” Logan says, his voice clearly sincere.

“I knew that,” Deceit says with a laugh. “I don’t know if you guys can tell but I’m a little silly.”

Logan might not be Deceit in disguise, but he is most certainly taking a stupid page out of that bastard’s book.

“Then why are you lying?” Virgil argues.

“Lying?” Logan asks.

“You just said that the Duke is Thomas’ imagination,” Virgil says.

Sure, Roman and the Duke might be interconnected but Roman was the imagination. He is the butterflies, glitter, unicorn farts and all that stuff that Roman ruled over. The Duke is a by-product, something that can’t have come from core Thomas but something that has grown like a cancer beside the healthy organ.

What Thomas has called the Dark Sides has to be fundamentally different from the core three. It was one of the reasons Virgil always felt just slightly out of place.

“Yeah, unlike a certain potty mouth in this room, imagination is good,” Patton argues wholeheartedly.

“Did you guys know that dork means whale penis. I called Logan a whale penis is what I’m saying,” the Duke says but everyone pointedly ignores him.

“Thomas, you have to understand that life is not so black and white as they say,” Logan says.

“But the Duke and the Prince literally wear the black and the white,” Thomas says in a confused mutter, pointing back and forth from the two who take up the corner of the room by the TV.

“Yes, but they are yourSides. That’s how yousee them,” Logan argues, placing his emphasis heavy on the words.

“That’s not the only way he sees me,” the Duke argues, shape shifting into Joan who is chewing on a human arm. Cannibalism. Great. How is all of this going on in Thomas’ head? Isn’t he supposed to be a good person?

“God, please leave Joan out of this,” Thomas begs.

“Oh? What’s that?” the Duke as Joan jokes.

“That… is something Joan would do,” Thomas says with a sigh. “Why would I even have two creativities anyway? Why isn’t Roman all-encompassing?”

“Because of your view of creativity and imagination as a purely good force. At a young age, you filed away products of your imagination as either welcomed or forbidden. This led to the development of two separate Sides of your creativity,” Logan explains.

“Wait. So, my creativity split in two?” Thomas asks, clearly still having a tough time with it all.

“Into what?” Patton mutters in a question.

“Into a butthole,” the Duke suggests, again unhelpfully.

“Into two parts during your development, yes,” Logan clarifies. “Like an ovum. The Duke is like Roman’s twin. The embodiment of ‘bad imagination’, which is primarily experienced by you via intrusive thoughts.”

“You made me this way, Thomas,” the Duke argues, and Virgil wants to rip his spine out for saying Thomas’ name like that. “I was the unloved brother from the Genesis. Roman and I are Cain and Abel and that cane up your butt makes you unable to explore more mature ideas in your content.”

“What is it with you and butts?” Thomas asks with a shake of his head.

“Hey prude. Your art is bad,” the Duke says, defiling the iconic melody from Hey Jude.

“You’re attacking my livelihood now?” Thomas asks and Virgil feels the shift closer to the edge as a little more of the light in Thomas’ eyes dims.

“Thomas’ friends and family are one thing but his work? Is nothing sacred?” Logan argues.

“Yeah!” Thomas shouts in agreement until he hears the rest of the words. “Wait, what about my friends and family?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you forget the part where I’m your creativity? Obviously, I have opinions on the matter,” the Duke argues.

Virgil wants to shove those opinions up a place where the sun doesn’t shine.

“But are they opinions that matter?” he growls out, glaring daggers at the Side he has known for longer than any of the three whom he had come to see as his friends. To Virgil, his question can only be answered with one clear answer and that’s a loud ringing no.

“Especially if they’re hurting you,” Patton says and the wave of concern he emits settles right into Virgil’s skin, making him feel even more on his toes.

“For someone who prefers salty flavors, your videos are rather saccharine. What will your legacy be? Will you even have one? How about this? You get buck-naked and self-immolate to Taylor Swift’s Shake It Off. Now that’llleave an impression,” the Duke suggests.

Frankly, Virgil has had quite enough of his damned suggestions.

“Woah! I hate him. I hate him,” Thomas says, truth spitting from his every word.

Of course, he would. He should. He should hate all those types of Sides. All the Sides with so much potential to bring him harm.

Every single one of them…

He would and should hate every one of them because could you ever run away from your past? From your origin?

“Haters gonna hate, hate, hate,” the Duke sings and Virgil hates how nothing ever seems to bother that guy.

“I wouldn’t want my legacy to be subjecting people to things they didn’t want to see,” Thomas argues.

“Why not? That’s life! People seeing, hearing and experiencing things they’d rather not see, hear or experience,” the Duke says, as a matter of fact.

“Maybe so but I,” Thomas says and points to his chest, “don’t want to add to life’s unpleasantness.”

“Oh, so you’re going to baby them? You’re going to rock the cradle, daddy, rock the cradle in the treetops?”

“Why is the cradle in a treetop?” Logan asks, as always narrowing in on illogical statements.

“No one knows,” Patton answers softly.

“Irresponsible parenting,” Logan mutters.

“Or do you want to be the wind that causes the cradle to fall and then the baby dies,” the Duke says.

“That’s horrible!” Thomas screams.

“Look pleasant metaphors aren’t really my strong suit,” the Duke argues.

“You have a strong suit?” Virgil asks and he has a feeling that he is going to regret it.

“I do! My birthday suit!” he answers.

Yep, he regrets it.

“Err, okay,” he mutters and tries to force that imagine out of his head.

“Okay! New metaphor. Nudging the baby bird to leave the nest and take flight,” the Duke tries again.

“Okay! There. Yeah, that’s it. Oh, maybe there’s hope for you after all,” Thomas says, and hope flares in his chest. He is entirely flooded with it for a beat, always so kind and looking for the good in everyone. It would only hurt so much more when it all comes crashing down.

“Wait for it,” Virgil warns, with a raised finger.

“… and the baby bird immediately flies straight into an unseen jet turbine and causes the entire plane to come crashing down,” the Duke says and dissolves into a bout of maniacal laughter, “and no one survives,” he adds, laughter growing louder.

“What is your deal?” Thomas hisses.

“What is mydeal? Uh, bitch, what is yourdeal? I’m yourcreativity. What does that say about you?” the Duke counters.

“My deal?”

“Thomas doesn’t have a deal,” Patton says in Thomas’ defense.

“If I have a deal, then Thomas has a deal. Deal or no deal,” the Duke says.

“Roman is Thomas’ creativity too so-“ Patton tries, he really tries, but he is interrupted by a much darker and currently stronger force.

“Do I need to remind you of what Thomas was thinking about last night?” the Duke says and even with the verbal warning, Virgil still isn’t been prepared for it.

He flinches, closing his eyes, hunching forward, clutching his head, as the unwelcome images flashes across his mind once again. You’d think he’d have gotten some immunity for them, after a whole night spent with them coming again and again but it still feels as bad as it did the first time. His whole body feels like convulsing and he can barely remain upright.

“I just did what I do as one of Thomas’ Sides. If I am awful,” the Duke says and blows a kiss at Thomas, “then so is Thomas.”

“Not all thoughts have some profound meaning behind them,” Virgil argues and then casts a very pointed glance at the Duke. “Some are worthless.”

“Virgil…” the Duke says and Virgil cringes at how easily he speaks his name, “you’ve never been one to soften the truth. Why would you aspire to be so boring?”

Virgil clenches his jaw and he wondered if Thomas picked up on the words, of the implication of them. If he recognized the familiarity with which the Duke spoke to him. He hopes not because Thomas can’t know. He’d hate him. Just like he hates Deceit and the Duke.

Virgil hates how the accusation of being boring ignited the imaginary flames across his skin, licking and burning their way across his body. Virgil was not boring. Being helpful, wanting to protect Thomas, properly, instead of illogically crippling him with too many fears is not boring. It is a happier existence, for the both of them.

“Those thoughts weren’t Thomas,” Patton says, and it is clear he is still placing Thomas up on that tall pedestal, even as Virgil is beginning to have his doubts about Thomas’ purity.

“So what? Thomas thoughts someone else’s thoughts? Do we have ourselves a classic case of brain swap?” the Duke asks.

Patton hesitates, clearly unable to give the confident answer that he wants to. Instead, he just speaks softly and full of insecurity.

“… maybe?”

“He’s right,” Virgil hates to admit. It practically burns on his tongue to utter those words.

“Really?” Patton asks, and Virgil wants nothing more than to be able to agree with Patton right now, to hide away from the realization, but he can’t do that.

“Not you. The Duke,” Virgil admits, and the moniker feels like a curse word.

“Oh… What?”

“The reality is… you thought those thoughts, Thomas,” Virgil says.

Him and Patton had been dancing around that truth all night as they had tried to help. None of them had wanted to entertain the idea but they could only live in denial for so long.

“Oh, no. Oh, no. Is Thomas a bad person?” Patton asks and it triggers something in Thomas.

“Why do you keep asking that?” Thomas asks, voice in despair and Virgil’s control on himself slips a little further away.

Now anger is mixed into the building panic because lying, even by omission, is not something that Thomas should so readily indulge in. It would only cause another certain someone to show up and Virgil feels like he had quite enough to deal with already. He needs the truth. He needs an honest answer from Thomas.

“We still haven’t gotten an answer,” Virgil says, anger flaring through. “He hasn’t acted on any of the thoughts he had so at leastthere’s that,” he mollifies because he feels the wave of guilt and hurt in Thomas.

“Okay,” Logan says, clearly gearing up to say something but Virgil isn’t done.

“But there’s definitely something wrong with him and unfortunately he is not the naturally good person that you wish he was, Patton,” Virgil begrudgingly admits, and he hates himself for painting that pained expression on the face of Morality.

“But Thomas always tries to put others before himself. We’ve all seen it,” Patton argues, not quite ready to give it up, even in the face of the evidence.

“Yeah, he can act like a good person, just like Deceit can act like you,” Virgil explains. They could all pretend. Most of all himself. “But we’ve also seen that doing what he thinks is right can be pretty difficult for him.”

“Okay, you two are blowing this way out of proportions,” Logan interjects.

“Logan, I’m sorry but Thomas can’t logichis way out of this one. Facts are facts. And the fact is that Thomas had twisted thoughts that a stable person would never have,” Virgil says, his hold slipping almost entirely on his control and on his tongue.

“Actually, a stable person, as you put it, could absolutely have those thoughts,” Logan says, which surprised Virgil.

Was Logan lying again or had Virgil become so unstable himself that he wasn’t thinking clearly? He sees how the Duke shoots across the space between the group that none of them generally crossed.

When they were out here, manifested in the real world, they were more sensitive and lingering close to each other felt a little weird like buzzing. If the Duke is making the effort to do so, then something specifically triggered him to make that effort.

Maybe Logan is truly onto something to help bring him down, Virgil lets himself hope, just for a moment.

“Shut your mouth or I’ll tear off your nipples and shove them up your nose,” the Duke threatens, and Virgil knows in no uncertain terms that he is entirely willing to go through with his threat.

He’s seen it before. He’s felt it before.

“Okay, so we just have to fake it ‘til we make it?” Patton suggests.

“Oh, like Thomas is going to imagine making a sand castle out of Joan’s ashes until he actuallygets to do it,” the Duke says and Virgil is so close to making a sock appear to stuff it into his mouth to shut him up, even if just for one goddamn second. He would do it if he wasn’t sure it would make the Duke break into that horrible laughter.

“Stop!” Thomas begs. The Duke looks delighted.

“No! Like how you fake being good at something until you are. And this something is being a good person?” Patton explains but his lack of confidence is clear. He isn’t sure that this will actually work. He’s just trying his best to come up with something to help Thomas.

“But how do you fake not thinking about something?” Thomas asks.

“Yeah, didn’t we try that earlier when we talked about Just Like Heaven?” Virgil asks and then regrets it deeply when the disturbing flashes come back. He winces this time, feeling a little more equipped for some reason but both Thomas and Patton flinch, as hard as last time.

Virgil catches the intrigued hum from Logan and the way his eyes shift in the way they always do when he observes something he thinks needs to be pursued.

“Why?!” Thomas asks for the umpteenth time.

“In trying to distract yourself from those unwanted thoughts you seem to have created a mental connection between 2005’s Just Like Heavenand last night’s intrusive thoughts that wouldn’t otherwise have existed,” Logan explains.

The Duke clearly sees this and uses it to his advantage because moments later, a recreation of both of the main characters are standing by his side and Virgil is getting massive creeps by the way he lingers so close to them. So possessively, even if they are not real people. Thomas’ mind might still be fooled.

“Uh oh, I’m here with the main characters from Just Like Heaven. David Abbott and Elizabeth Masterson and I can do with them as I please,” the Duke says with a shit-eating grin.

“No! Not David Abbott and Elizabeth Masterson,” Thomas says, genuinely distraught.

“You bastard,” Virgil growls as he feels Thomas predictable panic go through him again.

Patton gasps.

“Okay, you can’t pretend that thatisn’t happening,” Virgil says, pointing, even as he isn’t looking directly at that train crash.

The Duke licks on David Abbott’s cheek, entirely without remorse. “I’m about the smash the Hulk.”

“You can pretend on the outside?” Patton suggests weakly with a shoulder shrug.

“What does that even mean?” Virgil asks and he isn’t sure if he’s representing his own confusion or Thomas’ right now.

“As long as these kinds of thoughts stay in Thomas’ head-“ Patton says.

“Turn into a ghost!”

“-then that’s good enough for now,” Patton finishes.

“Turn into the Hulk!”

They try to ignore the chokeholds that the Duke takes on both characters in turns. It feels a little better when you’re not looking directly at it but it doesn’t make the sensation go away at all.

“Patton! Of course, they would stay in my head,” Thomas says, focusing entirely on convincing Patton of his innocence that he doesn’t notice that the Duke has manipulated a knife and a baby into his hands as he has been speaking. “Why would I want to do any of this in real life?”

Thomas notices the objects in his hands now, and his first instinct is to toss them as far away from himself as he possible can. Virgil interjects dissolving the imaginary baby before it starts to cry as it was bound to hit the floor. The knife on the other hand clatters against the floorboards and Virgil can feel the Duke looking at him with entirely too much interest.

“You tell us! You’re the one who is thinking about it,” Virgil reasons.

“Yeah, I didn’t make him throw the baby. I merely gave him a baby and… a large sharp knife,” the Duke says, like that makes him entirely innocent in this whole thing. It’s all his fault. He is not good for Thomas and he should not be allowed to stick around for this long. Thomas should have heeded Virgil’s last warning when Deceit had popped up.

“Not acting on every thought that he has isn’t faking anything. I can’t think of how one would fake not doing something other than by doing something and hiding that they’re doing it,” Logan says.

“Oh! How fun. You know who could help us with that?” the Duke asks with a little shoulder wiggle.

Virgil feels the atmosphere in the room change and how it’s poised for another summoning. He can even hear the faint music that usually follows that snake.

“Oneof you is enough,” Thomas says with a strong pout and an accusing finger. He cuts through the atmosphere in that second, as the one who is truly in control of all of this.

If he only knew that there is already more than one in the room, Virgil thinks, and he wants to sink down. One of them is quite enough and frankly he’s not sure if he’s messing everything up more than he’s helping.

“You guys aren’t understanding me. They would stay in Thomas’ head because he would pretend that he never had the thoughts in the first place,” Patton clarifies.

“So, we’re back to repression then? Logan said that that doesn’t work,” Thomas says, his voice growing higher and more unstable.

Just like Virgil feels.

“That’swhat repression is?” Patton asks, dumbfounded.

“Well, what other options do we have?” Virgil mutters bitterly.

He feels like they have nothing to fight this guy with. He’d counted on Logan to come up with something but so far, he hasn’t managed to save the day with his logic.

“Virgil, I don’t want to do what he says,” Thomas says while his eyes shift from Virgil to the Duke. Virgil wonders if he sees the similarities. He wonders why Thomas can’t seem to hold his eye contact.

“You mean that youdon’t want to act on what youthink,” Virgil accuses, pointing finger and all. His control is lost, and he knows he’s emitting anxious vibes all over, it’s almost pouring out of him at this point. Thomas will soon be drowning in it and the other Sides around him will be able to feel it too.

“Virgil, enough,” Logan says, and it feels like it cuts into his very core.

He always knew it would be Logan who would be able to force him out. Shut him out. He can reason his way out of almost anything and he can surely bring down Virgil if he wants to. Anxiety is so much illogical fear and worries that he can be entirely pulled apart by the logical Side. He’d come back, in fragments and flashes because through the years he’s tainted so much of Thomas that he can never truly be erased but he could be brought down.

He could lose the parts of him that he’s worked on. He could cease to exist as Virgil, as an almost-person. He could be reduced to what he was before.

At least Logan’s harsh tone quells a little of the overflowing well of anxiety and Virgil manage to stabilize himself a little again.

“Here we go, Virgil. Looks like Logan has reached his listening to others limit for the day,” the Duke says, clearly wanting to drive a further wedge between them.

If he had come along earlier, when him and Logan were still outrightly fighting then those words would have been more than enough for Virgil to snap back into hostility. But they have been through so much, especially lately and he can’t give up just yet. Logan respects him as a discussion partner, and they are on good terms.

“This is not about me wanting to be listened to. You all are not listening to Thomas. What he is saying is worth noting,” Logan says.

“But what if he’s lying?” Virgil asks and he hates how raw and vulnerable he sounds but he cannot be lied to. He was too used to it and he can’t have Deceit’s puppeteering hands pull Thomas’ strings right now.

“I can assure you; he is not. You’re just para-“ Logan starts to say and Virgil flinches.

He feels like his heart plummeted into his stomach. Logan didn’t say it. He caught himself but it was right on the tip of his tongue. They know. The Sides has always known, which is why they were so hesitant towards him in the beginning.

Patton looks concerned at Logan, who looks a little shaken himself that he almost called Virgil out like that.

“-expressing an unhealthy amount of concern,” Logan corrects it to instead. All of them can sense Thomas’ gigantic waves of confusion at this whole exchange. “Thank you for being on guard but for now you must listen.”

Logan had called him vigilant before and now he did so again, only without stating the actual word. It helped a little because Logan’s words made it clear that he isn’t trying to alienate Virgil, call him out or pull him apart. He is still just learning. He could be too harsh with his words, too blunt but he’s come a long way too, enough to recognize when that sharp tongue of his cut deep without meaning to.

Still, Virgil feels a little insecure and exposed and crosses his arms across his chest as if that would do anything to protect him.

“You have to believe me, Virge,” Thomas says and he’s practically begging him. The use of the nickname hits him square in the chest. He had told Thomas he could call him that, back when he had first revealed his name. Still, Thomas didn’t use it often and right now it is spoken in the softest pleading tone that Virgil had ever heard from Thomas.

“Patton,” Thomas continues, appealing to both of them. “I’m not at all enticed by anything the Duke is saying. I do not identify with anythingabout him!”

Remus changes into the outfit that Thomas is wearing.

“Dress me up however you want, Thomas. I can be covert if you’d like,” he says with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Thomas balks, eyes scanning over the Side as he mirrors his clothing. Thomas doesn’t look like he likes what he sees in the reflection.

“Psychologist Dr. Norman Epstein once said: If a thought like that pops into your head but you’re not bothered by it at all – that could be a problem.Does Thomas seem bothered to you?” Logan asks.

“He does,” Patton says.

“But what about Jeffrey Dahmer?” Virgil asks, realizing too late that another voice is speaking in perfect unison with his own. He just spoke in alignment with the Duke of all people.

This cannot be happening. It should not be happening.

“He was pretty bothered too,” the Duke says.

Virgil can feel the panic crawling all over him. It’s not just on his skin more, it’s everywhere. It’s in every shift, every minute breath, every blink of his eyebrow. How the hell has he become in sync with the Duke in terms of thinking?

This is not good. Clearly, they should not be out here in the real world like this, side by side. It’s messing him up in a way he’s not even sure how to explain.

“He certainly wasbothered… as a child, and he outgrew those feelings. Thomas is still distraught by his forbidden thoughts as an adult. Furthermore, Jeffrey Dahmer went onto murder innocent people. Say how many people have you murdered, Thomas?” Logan asks.

“No one,” Thomas says but it’s weak, barely audible.

“That can’t be where the bar is,” Patton argues.

“Patton, you of all Sides should know that it isn’t,” Logan says to reassure Patton. “Thomas, you’re a religious man, correct?”

“Uh, yeah, but there has been plentyof bad religious people throughout history.”

“I cannot argue with that,” Logan says. “Religion is not perfect but when it is not abused piety is just as valid as the innumerable other ways to live a principled life. To the best of your abilities, you try to live your life based on a moral code set by your faith, correct? Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Love thy neighbor as thyself, etc.”

“Um, yeah?” Thomas says and he looks a little unsure where Logan is going with this.

“Thou shall not kill is one such, but it certainly couldn’t be said that that’swhere the figurative bar has been set,” Logan says.

Virgil has a bad feeling about this. If Thomas can make an association to something as relatively harmless as a movie from 2005 then he certainly can make connection to other things as well. Maybe it’s not a good idea to involve his faith in this.

“Couldn’t all this talk of religion create a connection between Thomas’ beliefs and his intrusive thoughts?” Virgil says in warning.

“Careful, Virgil,” the Duke says, looking thrilled. “You’re giving me ideas.”

“Actually, Virgil, Thomas’ faith and his relationship with the Duke are and always have been inextricable,” Logan explains.

“I don’t know about all that,” Patton says and looks unconvinced.

“Thomas’ Catholic upbringing has instilled in him that thought is a precursor to action. Consider some of the seven deadly sins: Greed, pride, envy, lust, wrath,” Logan says, and Virgil closes his eyes. That one feels a little too close to home. “Five of the seven deadly sins are committed in your head. There is a reason why the Duke has continuously used religious language. He is playing to your sensitivities. It’s fine if you disapprove of toxic thinking but you can’t banish any and all unpleasant thoughts when there’s a constant stream of thoughts going through your head at all times. The Duke was right.”

“What?” the Duke asks, while picking his nose immodestly.

“Not only does repression not work but it can be very bad indeed. I understand that your natural human reaction when you see something disturbing is to look away but if you let me examine the Duke’s contributions then I could expose him for being unrealistic and figuratively dress him down,” Logan says.

“Oh well, if that’s what you wanted, Logan, you could’ve just said so” the Duke says, already starting to disrobe. He’s halfway pulled down his pants before Logan has a chance to stop him.

“Uh-uh,” Logan says firmly. “I said figurativelyand that is why I say it. That. Is Why. I. Say. It,” he says, clapping along to the words, clearly proud of himself. “The real problem here isn’t the disgusting drivel coming from the Duke.”

“Oh! Thank you for the alliterative regards, Logan. I love being given two D’s at once,” the Duke says suggestively.

“Okay, then what is the real problem, Logan?” Virgil asks. He’s tired of them talking in circles, even if they usually end up working through the issues. He’s tired, on edge and entirely too panicky for this to go on longer than it has to.

Logan hesitates before he answers and it fills Virgil with a sense of dread, even if it only lasts a minute.

“It’s you,” Logan says to Virgil.

Virgil is just staring at him. He can’t comprehend it. He can’t believe Logan sincerely means it, but his tone leaves no indication of falsehood in his words.

Virgil must be the problem then. He always feared that he would be, but he somehow still hadn’t been prepared to outright hear it. It hurts. So much.

“Oh, it looks like the cat is out of the ballbag! Despite his best efforts, Virgil could never stop being the bad guy,” the Duke says, and it sends chills over Virgil’s spine.

He feels called out. However, they quickly disappear once Logan opens his mouth again and he becomes too confused to pay attention to much else.

“Oh, and Patton.”

“Record scratch?” the Duke comments.

“Patton?” Virgil asks, because surely that can’t be right. He doesn’t come from that place. He’s a core Side. He doesn’t share Virgil’s dark past. How can they both be the problem?

“How?” Thomas asks, looking as confused as Virgil feels.

“He’s being too strict. Oh, my goodness,” Logan says, and it looks like a realization dawn on him. “Patton is being too strict. It’s not me for once? What does that mean? Am I cool? Does this make me cool? Am I being cool?” Logan is babbling adorably, and Virgil can already feel himself start to smile at the pure glee in the logical Side’s eyes until it’s all ruined by the Duke yanking out Logan’s two front teeth and shoving them up his nose.

“Oh my gosh!” Thomas exclaims and cringes in disgust.

“My teeth?” Logan asks.

“Yeah,” the Duke says with a shrug.

“I thought you said-“

“I changed my mind. I’m unpredictable like that. I bet that really gets to you, huh, Logan?” the Duke taunts. “The oppositeof rationality. There is no rhyme or reason to what I do. I just do and what I do is wreak havoc!”

“I’d say that you just reek. Figuratively,” Logan says.

“Also, literally, though,” Virgil says with his best side-eye.

It makes Thomas laugh and Patton bounce on his feet and Virgil felt like he at least did one right thing today.

“Oh! What you do you have to say to that, Duke?” Patton asks.

“Thank you? Reek is what I was going for,” he replies.

“Well…” Patton mutters dejected.

“I mean my deodorant’s flavor is pickled poo logs,” the Duke continues.

“Flavor?” Logan asks.

“Deodorants don’t have flavors. You don’t eat deodorant,” Virgil argues but then turns to see something he rather wished that he hadn’t.

Granted, that’s generally how one feels around the Duke. He’s munching on a stick of deodorant like it’s a great snack.

“Maybe you don’t,” he says with an entirely straight face.

“Okay, I got one, guys,” Thomas says, gearing up for a joke. “Since we call Roman Princey, does that mean we should call you Dukey?”

Virgil chuckles under his breath at that one. Roman would have loved it as well.

“Dukey? I love it. Please do,” he says happily.

“Okay, well, there really is nothing you can say to him,” Thomas discovers.

“Or you could just call me by my name,” the Duke says and does a little bow with his hand on his chest. “Remus.”

“You told me?” Thomas asks, confused. “Right off the bat? Just like that?”

“Of course, I did, Dr. Seuss,” Remus says and quickly glances in Virgil’s direction. The implication is clear. “Iwould never hide anything from you.”

The guilt comes back stronger, like it tends to do for him. It’s in ebbs and flows, emerging its ugly head whenever certain topics are mentioned. Virgil’s name was something it took him so long to share and he knew he made Thomas wait for it. He was just scared. He never expected any of this to happen. He never thought that Thomas would even want to associate with him, let alone know him well enough to be given him his name.

It was one of the first things he hid about himself, but it was far from the biggest. That secret is still between them and Virgil is pretty sure that Thomas has no idea.

“The truth is, Remus,” Logan says, turning back around to show his shining teeth, back in their rightful place, “you don’t get to me in the slightest.”

“Woah!” Patton gapes at Logan, completely in awe.

“Object impermanence renders you pretty unintimidating,” Logan says, voice firm and confident and Virgil feels the visceral reaction from the Duke.

It manifests like a breeze, slapping him across the face, instead of nausea like it does for Virgil when he’s pulled down a peg. He would feel bad, because it’s not pleasant at all but he’s all for Logan pulling out this dirty trick to show Thomas that he is not entirely powerless to fight back against the sides that hide in the darker parts of his mind.

“What is so frightening about something with no real-world impact?” Logan continues.

“Oh, shut up, nerdy Wolverine,” Remus growls.

The nickname indirectly passes some control and power over to Roman who mutters, still with his eyes closed and his body lax. “How about you shut up?”

“You wouldn’t know impact if it hit you in the face,” Remus says and manifests a ninja star in his hand that he expertly throws so it imbeds itself into Logan’s brain. Logan stumble back, momentarily dazed in the wake of the attack.

“You killed him!” Patton shrieks and he sounds utterly devastated though he should know better.

“Hedoesmake an impact,” Thomas says.

Logan turns back towards them, fixing his jostled tie, and having no indication that a weapon had just been in his forehead. “Does he?”

“Yeah, I would have gotten a full night’s sleep if it weren’t for him,” Thomas argues.

“Hmm. Lack of sleep can negatively affect your memory; it weakens your immune system and it increases the risk of heart disease and that’s only some of the potential side effects.”

“Right. Exactly!” Thomas replies.

“Uh, maybe I ama little scary,” Remus says and looks entirely too thrilled about that.

“However, your lack of sleep last night was the result of Virgil’s reaction to Remus, not Remus himself,” Logan explains.

Virgil cringes a little and folds in on himself. He’s pulling his shoulders in, making himself physically smaller as if that would help with anything.

“So?” Thomas prompts.

“So, the Duke only has power over you because Virgil and Patton believe that he does. Because you fear him. Without that, he’d have a much harder time hurting you,” Logan explains, and the gust of wind to Remus’ face is back.

It’s stronger this time, hitting him when he’s already been figuratively punched once.

“So… what do you think? Can we logic our way out of this one?” Logan asks.

Virgil starts to nod hesitantly; Patton is already nodding enthusiastically, and Thomas looks hopeful and excited as he begins to speak.

“I think we can-“

“Not really, no. There’s no way to force intrusive thoughts out of your head. Please pay attention,” Logan says.

“Shit,” Thomas swears, and he does that so rarely, especially when the camera is out and on and it’s a clear indication of just how lost and frustrated that he is feeling at the moment.

“That said, you canlearn to better deal with intrusive thoughts,” Logan says.

Just as he finishes speaking, Virgil feels the drop in the atmosphere, and he hears the demonic sounds and the vibrations before he looks over to see how the Duke is shifting his body and pulling just a little bit of the darker parts of Thomas’ brain into reality.

Virgil grins his jaw shut with force, as it reminds him too much of the few times that he’s let his own dark and commanding voice out while being in front of Thomas.

Remus laughs as they all flinch. “My devious plan was a success. You were all momentarily distracted.”

Momentarily being the key word because Logan picks up entirely unaffected as soon as the intrusive Side is done.

“Anyway, this issue extends-“ Logan continues.

“Extends. You remember that erection medicine,” the Duke interjects, and he is collectively ignored.

“This issue goes beyondtaking Remus seriously. Another major concern is when you try too hard to make sense of everything,” Logan says.

“All of those horrible thoughts. I mean, they have to mean something,” Patton says. The expression on his face is heartbreaking, like he’s started to lose faith in Thomas and in himself by extension.

“No, they don’t. Virgil was right,” Logan says, and Virgil wasn’t sure if he’d ever hear those particular words come out of the logical Side’s mouth. “Not all thoughts are meaningful. Remus said it himself and I’m sure he’ll say it again.”

“There is no rhyme or reason to what I do. I just do a-skoodily-boo. Maybe there is a rhyme,” Remus says with a giggle. Virgil wants to punch him again.

“If you aggressively interrogate Thomas about why the Duke said or did something then you’re only going to hurt Thomas. I mean, look at him now!” Logan says and points to Thomas who definitely looks like one whole mess. “He barely got any rest, in large part due to you two chastising him all night.”

“I acted like a real… B-hole,” Patton says, forcing the words out.

“Wait? Is he gone?” Thomas asks, looking at the spot where Remus stood which is currently empty.

He shouldn’t have done that.

“No, don’t-“ Logan tries to warn him but it’s too late.

“I think he’s gone,” Patton chimes in as support, as he always does for Thomas.

“Nails on a chalkboard,” the Duke says as he reappears, and the imagery is forced into everyone’s heads.

“Oh God,” Thomas mutters.

“Ahh!” Patton cringes.

“Geez,” Virgil mutters, digging his fingertips into his eyes in a fruitless attempt to remove that nuisance from his brain.

“Literally. Like finger nails nailed to a chalkboard,” Remus says, forcibly changing the image into a different, more horrifying one.

“Oh my god, it got worse. I didn’t think it could get worse,” Thomas says and groans, and Virgil don’t have the heart to tell him that this is unfortunately just the tip of the iceberg.

“Don’t do that. Never check to see if you’ve successfully gotten rid of him,” Logan says.

“Why is Remus becoming such a… nuisance right now?” Thomas whines.

“Well… how are you doing right now?” Logan asks.

“I don’t know,” Thomas says, clearly lying. “I’m fine…”

“Virgil, how is he doing?” Logan asks and it’s like the dam breaks.

Virgil feels all of Thomas’ anxieties, worries and fears at all times. He is made in part from them as well as his ability to create them. He rattles everything off too easily.

“He recently realized that he’s a bigger liar than he thought he was, he doesn’t understand himself, he’s committed to skipping a big callback and he’s sleep-deprived. So yeah, he feels like a piece of dirt who has no control over his life,” he summarizes.

“Okay, yeah. That’s… yeah,” Thomas says, not capable of rejecting any of the true words that Virgil had just spoken.

“Andthatis precisely why the Duke feels like such a threat, in part at least. The feeling that you may be a bad person, who doesn’t have control over yourself or your destiny causes you to fear that you may actually act on these thoughts,” Logan explains.

“What if you sniffed your dog’sbutt?” Remus interjects.

“Shut up,” Thomas mutters with a frown.

“I guess that makes sense. I mean I sound the alarm whenever Roman suggests Thomas talk to a cute guy,” Virgil says, recalling just how many arguments he’s shared with the bright creative Side about that topic in particular, “so… it follows that I would have even more of a reaction to Remus’ suggestions.”

“Speaking of suggestions, when are you actually going to jump out of a moving car? I’ve been bringing it up for years. Still nothing,” the Duke asks and looks disappointed that it hasn’t occurred yet.

Like he didn’t know that Virgil had stepped in every single time to remind Thomas just what would actually happen if he did jump out of a car. It was autopilot by now.

“Yeah, I’m actually pretty used to that one,” Thomas reveals, and Virgil allows himself a brief moment to be happy that Thomas can say that so calmly.

“But to view the Duke’s… contributions as ‘suggestions’ is almost exaggerative. This issue is more of a matter of over-control than impulse control,” Logan says.

“So, it is okay to jump out of a moving car?” Patton questions, looking a little confused.

“No, but it is okay if the thought of jumping out of a car happens to cross your mind,” Logan explains.

“Okay, well, we’ve heard a lot about what notto do. What canwe do?” Patton asks and looks at Logan as if he holds all the answers in the universe. Granted, he usually did.

“Well, I’d imagine that you will now recognize many of the Duke’s contributions as intrusive thoughts, which is actually really important. You must accept that these thoughts just… happen. And again, the substance of these thoughts typically provides no insight into your truecharacter.”

“Poopy!” Remus shouts but it seems weak and it gets no reaction.

“It’s like if you had a child who despite all of your best efforts refuses to stop screaming on an airplane,” Logan says.

“Poopy!” Remus shouts again and his lack of a full sentence says something clear about his waning strength. He can no longer from proper cohesive thoughts when he interrupts, despite having done so repeatedly up until now.

“There is no out. Just accept it. They’ll tire themselves out in time and you can better address the issue later. There is no rush for you,” Logan continues calmly.

“Poopy…” the Duke mutters.

The air in the room shifts again and Virgil runs his hands over his face. The headache has been burning beneath his eyes for hours and hours, almost to the point where it was just there but it’s coming in full force now. Maybe, it’s because Logan is shutting down Remus and inadvertently shutting down that primal part of Virgil too, just because he’s in close vicinity.

“It’s okay. Just keep doing whatever you were doing before. The other passengers on the plane might become frustrated and that’s okay too. Everything is okay.”

“Wow,” Thomas exhales.

“That was amazing, Logan,” Patton praises with a bright smile

“And you can always talk to someone. Wagner, who I mentioned earlier, as well as psychologist James Pennebaker found that subjects that talked about their thoughts often felt better emotionally and physically,” Logan says, and Virgil is sure he’s not justtalking about Thomas opening up about his thoughts anymore. “According to one study, in the United States roughly 1 in 50 suffer from intrusive thoughts so you’re not alone. And if you can’t find a personal friend who will listen or understand then you should consider seeing a professional if the thoughts are really troubling you.”

Virgil isn’t sure about that and he hums quietly in his disagreement. Therapy is scary and looking for a therapist is extremely anxiety-inducing. He knows he’s bleeding the insecurity right over into Thomas.

“I don’t know,” Thomas mutters, insecure nerves palpable in the space around him.

“If you have joint problems, you see a rheumatologist, if you have stomach problems you see a gastroenterologist, and therefore if you have mental health problems you see…”

“A therapist,” Thomas fills in, hesitantly.

“And or a psychiatrist. When something is hurting you or inhibiting you, you seek someone who can help,” Logan says. He’s not strictly sharing anything the others don’t know but the way he phrases it and how sincerely he says it, makes the words resonate all the same.

Remus is tugging on his shoulder, which is probably aching as his strength starts to slip more away as Logan coaxes Thomas back into a healthier mental state.

“I didn’t realize what an impossible standard I’ve been setting… I can’t control every little thing that pops into your head. This may be unnecessary… but it’s okay if you sometimes think some… icky thoughts, Thomas,” Patton says and it’s so evident how much he hates that he’s been the source of Thomas’ pain. “You have my… permission.”

Thomas blinks a couple of times, clearly processing Patton’s words.

“Actually… that does kind of help, Patton,” he says with a shy smile and Patton return the smile as easy as breathing. “And as for you!” Thomas says and points accusingly at the Duke.

“That’s really not necessary, Thomas,” Logan says, reading the room just like the other Sides.

Remus, the Duke, has no control right now. It’s been fading gradually for the past few minutes and he’s being pushed out of the driver’s seat. Soon enough they’ll have Roman back in the place where he belongs. Virgil didn’t realize just how much he’d miss the Side, even if he is technically just knocked out and lying on the carpet between them.

Roman is so much better than Remus and Virgil can’t help but feel happy that he got to know that Side of the set. Even if he isn’t sure anything ever will be the same after today. Too much has happened to them all and Virgil’s secrets are weighing him down too heavily.

“Why don’t you just take a breather, kiddo?” Patton suggests, parental tone gently commanding him.

“Yeah? Yeah, I should do that,” Thomas says with a yawn and walks back over to the sofa where he promptly slouches down. He’s not quite sleeping but his consciousness is fading little by little. Soon they’ll be called back into his head. Virgil knows his eyes are sad, but he can’t do much to hide the worry for Thomas when he is this exhausted himself.

The atmosphere is different now. With Thomas at ease again, almost drifting off to sleep, it’s like everything has been slowed down around them. Virgil never feels entirely free of anxiety, he can’t, but he does feel how much it has lessened with Logan’s careful words to Thomas. Once they started to take hold, and the Duke’s power was minimized, Virgil stopped feeling like he was one step away from peeling his skin off with his fingernails.

Now he looks over at Remus and he doesn’t know why he was terrified of him for such a long time. He had him all wrong. He’d built him up to be this huge petrifying entity but he’s just a minor inconvenience.

“You know it’s funny. You used to really unsettle me,” Virgil says, casting a glance at the Duke who corrects his posture and stands a little taller, even though he doesn’t have the imposing air around him anymore. Maybe he never did. “I thought that you were some terrible illness. Now, I can see that you’re just… a common cold. A mild inconvenience that’s gone before you know it.”

As Virgil speaks, his eyes study the Duke. He hates that he’s allowed the other Side to have so much power over him for so long. He hates himself for being the one that caused Thomas pain by reacting so poorly to something that isn’t so scary when it’s been dressed down and disserted. It was both Remus and Virgil’s fault that Thomas was suffering. Maybe he can’t leave the past behind.

Remus laughs. “You tickle me, emo,” he says, and Virgil fights the tightness in his jaw at the nickname. A nickname that only really Roman calls him. “Well, I enjoyed this! Good seeing you again, Virgil. It was just like old times.”

Remus sinks out with a little wave, but he might as well have socked Virgil in the face. He can feel the frustration and worry coming off Logan and Patton respectively. They know. Of course, they know about his past. When he’d first begun hanging around, he’d been sure that one of them might expose him to Thomas. At least, he’d thought that noble Roman would but all of them held their tongues.

He still isn’t sure if it was Thomas unwillingness to hear it or if they respected Virgil enough not to out him. Now he just knows that despite all odds he’s become part of this little group, this little family as Patton would call it. He still had trouble seeing them as anything but the core three Sides and then himself as an attachment, but he knows that the others and probably even Thomas referred to them as the core four.

He isn’t sure he deserves that he thinks as he looks over at Thomas, who just groans in exhaustion, clearly not paying attention to Remus’ words. His secret is still safe.

It should have made him happy or at the very least a bit content but instead it just leaves a slow and uncomfortable burn in the center of his chest. How could he protect Thomas when he continued to keep secrets from him? Did he even have the right to do that?

With Remus properly gone, at least for now, Roman is able to finally pull himself off the floor. He does so with a groan, rubbing the back of his head and he looks exhausted, just like Thomas, just like Virgil himself.

“I can see now why everyone was reluctant to tell me what was going on,” he says, casting glances around on his fellow Sides and a bit of judgement in his voice.

Virgil doesn’t want to know if he’s sporting that goofy half smile that has an annoying tendency to break out around Roman. He most definitely is.

Thomas looks up at the sound of Roman’s voice and he’s jumping up from the sofa and running over faster than a man running on no sleep should be able to. Virgil can understand it though. Thomas has always had a huge soft spot for Roman, he treasures what he does so very much, which might have been one of the reasons that it shook him so much to know that the Prince has a shadow side.

“Roman!” Thomas says cheerfully.

“You’re alive!” Patton says, still not fully grasping the concept of object impermanence.

“I love you,” Thomas says, so easily, and Virgil hates that he knows how Thomas just said the opposite to another Side. A Side that Virgil is much more similar to than Roman.

“Are you… good?” Virgil asks, hesitantly.

Roman and Remus coming to blows cannot be a good thing. He’s never seen it before himself, but he’s heard Remus talk about it sometimes. On top of that, Roman has been a little off for a while, which he always tries to cover up before anyone can notice.

Virgil notices it all the time. It’s his job to pay attention to the little details and he hasn’t missed how Roman sometimes hunch forwards or mutter something under his breath that cannot be a healthy way of thinking. They say that it takes one to know one.

“I don’t know,” Roman confesses and that’s a big step for him. He’s never really been one to admit to his shortcomings or feeling less than perfectly fine.

“Aw, are you hurt at all?” Patton asks and he looks like he’s ready to materialize blankets, hot beverages and puppies in the blink of an eye.

“My head is fine,” Roman says, even as he rubs the back of his head. “More than anything I feel like I was struck by a realization. Like Einstein with the apple.”

“You mean Newton,” Logan corrects.

“Oh, shut up, nerdy Wolverine. No! I mean,” Roman says, hesitating and Virgil wonders if the Duke might be a more tangible thing to Roman, someone he has to fight with more than any of them know. “I’m sorry, Logan. I didn’t mean that.”

Roman has tried to dial back the insulting nicknames. He still slips up from time to time but by now he always catches himself. It’s hard work to shake old habits but he’s trying his best, even in this surreal and weird situation.

“It’s quite alright, Roman. However, the more pertinent question is, is Thomas alright?” Logan asks.

“Err… yeah,” Thomas says, and Virgil lifts his head, reading the atmosphere around Thomas. “Yeah, I’m, I’m alright.”

He’s telling the truth. His emotions have stabilized significantly. He’s not going to get over it all just from one conversation but he’s in a much healthier mind space right now than when he stumbled out of bed to film this video.

“Alright, alright, alright. Am I right?” Patton says and it makes Virgil’s head hurt.

“That was not alright,” Thomas says.

“That word has been said so much now that it sounds all… wrong,” Virgil says, feeling a little like he’s at end of his rope.

“Well, I believe I was summoned to help address this matter and it seems to be settled now. Your next course of action should be settling into bed for the night to revitalize your immune system as well as your short-term memory. You wouldn’t want to forget everything you’ve just learned,” Logan says. Virgil smiles a little at him, Patton looks at him completely starry eyed and gratitude wells up around Thomas.

“Logan, thank you. So much,” Thomas says.

“Oh, please don’t mention it. Just another day’s work,” Logan says dismissively, not one to expect praise for what he considers to be his job as Thomas’ logical Side.

“No, seriously. You’re really… cool,” Thomas says, and everyone can feel the impact of that bit of praise.

It looks like Logan doesn’t know how much he needed to hear those words until Thomas had said them. It’s not often that Logan is rendered speechless. Frankly, Virgil isn’t sure he’s ever seen him legitimately speechless, but all Logan can manage is a soft huff of surprise and gratitude before he calmly sinks out. He looks a little overwhelmed and Virgil wonders if he has emotions swirling in his chest. He has never been the best to deal with those, sometimes even insisting that he cannot feel anything, but they all know that’s not entirely true.

“Yeah, I’ll try not to pester you too much tonight, kiddo. Now I can’t promise that I’ll never have another knee-jerk reaction,” Patton says and Virgil knows he’s mad at himself for playing a part in hurting Thomas too, even if his part was smaller than Virgil’s, “but I can try to make peace with whatever thoughts dance through your head. Whether they be sugar plums or-“

Remus reappears in a flash, clapping his hands together. “Smelly bums!”

Virgil lets out a hum that would have been half a growl if he hadn’t caught it in his throat. The Duke would continue to pop up from now on. He’s mastered how to materialize undoubtedly thanks to Deceit’s help and none of the other Sides can force him out. Repression doesn’t work on intrusive thoughts after all.

“Or that,” Patton says not entirely amused before he sinks down.

“This was fun! A Thomas sandwich hold the Roman lettuce,” Remus says, and it is clear that Roman is not comfortable standing so close to the other part of imagination. “You should really make that the usual because Roman will make you sick.”

“And yet as soon as I was removed from the picture, Thomas had a Dukey problem,” Roman sneers and Virgil is a little surprised that he hasn’t pulled out his sword yet and driven it through his brother. Even if it wouldn’t make him go away, it might feel good.

“Thomas already made a Dukey joke. Bye!” Remus says before he sinks out again.

Now it’s Roman’s turn to growl. “I don’t like him.”

Virgil knows. Roman never liked any of the others. He said something similar the first time he encountered Virgil outside in the world. The words had stung a little then and Roman’s new words about his brother brings back the bad memories.

“So… you have a brother?” Thomas asks hesitantly.

“Yeah? It’s a little like looking into a funhouse mirror but instead of a giant head or like long legs and a tiny torso, it shows you… everything you don’t want to be,” Roman says, and the words looks like they pain him. It’s a small admission but not an insignificant one. Roman is allowing himself to be more vulnerable and it scares Virgil a little. Roman always puts on a brave face but right now it looks like his mask is cracking.

“That doesn’t sound like a very fun house,” Thomas says cautiously.

“Yeah… but oh, well whatever, you know? He’s gone now and he’s never coming back!” Roman says and he’s back to his usual self of ignoring the things that don’t suit him. It’s not a very healthy path to be on and Virgil wishes that he wouldn’t do that. He might be scared what will happen when Roman steps out from behind his carefully placed shield, but it doesn’t mean that he can’t worry.

“Oh, I don’t thinks that’s how-“ Thomas tries to explain but it falls to deaf ears.

“Bye!” Roman says with fake glee, as he sinks out with his usual pose.

“Okay,” Thomas says, clearly deciding that battle to be lost, at least for now.

Virgil is the only one left. He should have sunk out earlier, but something kept him rooted in his spot. He isn’t quite sure what it is yet. He just knows that he has to talk to Thomas. He has to apologize, for bringing him pain, for being unable to protect him, for not being honest with him, even though they have come so far.

He needs to talk to him, even if it scares the crap out of him. He clears his throat, wondering if that will give him courage.

“Virgil? You okay, buddy?” Thomas asks, concern so evident in his voice that it makes Virgil feel like crying.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I just… I’m a little disappointed in myself,” he says and scratches the side of his face before pocketing both of his hands and balling them up. His nails are biting into his palms as the nerves flit across his skin. “I thought I would be able to protect you from them.”

It hurts a little to say it out loud. He’s never told Thomas it before but that’s the reason he even started coming out here in the first place. He wanted to protect Thomas. He’s always just wanted to protect Thomas. He wanted to do good. To be something good for the first time in his existence instead of only bringing bad in his wake. He’s not sure if he’s managed everything that he set out to do.

He couldn’t protect Thomas when Deceit came out to play. He couldn’t protect Thomas when Remus decided to pop by uninvited. He can’t protect Thomas against any of them it seems.

“The Dark Sides?” Thomas asks and Virgil hides a wince.

He doesn’t like that name and he can’t make himself say it. It feels too much like an admission. He doesn’t want to belong in that category, but he does, and he hates it. He wants nothing more than to wash that part of his existence away but he fucking can’t.

“The others,” he says instead and reaches up to dig his fingertips into his forehead. The thoughts are too loud and he’s too anxious, too broken and he’s barely keeping it from rolling over onto Thomas. “I thought… I thought I knew how to handle them.”

The admission hurts and Virgil feels a little like a child who wanted to go on one of the crazy rides with the older kids only to find out how overwhelming and terrifying it really was.

“Well, I think we’re all trying to figure them out for now. It’ll take some time to figure everything out,” Thomas says and he’s really too kind and forgiving for his own sake.

He wouldn’t be if he knew the truth though. He would never look at Virgil the same. He’d look at him like he does Deceit and the Duke and it would be fair. Virgil isn’t all that different from them after all. He’s just out here playing pretend, trying to become something more, something better but he thinks that he’s just been kidding himself.

“Yeah, but I should know better,” he says, and he can feel it building now.

He can’t go back from this. He has to tell Thomas. It’s not only because he’s afraid that someone else might tell him. That’s only a very small part of it. He just doesn’t want to be lying anymore and keeping secrets. Roman was right. Secrets are no fun. They can burn a hole through you if you carry them around for too long.

Virgil has been harboring this one ever since he first talked to Thomas.

He never expected that they would end up here. He never expected Thomas to allow him a place out here. He never expected to care so much for Thomas, to have an actual real relation to him outside of his head.

“Isn’t that kind of unfair? Why should you be held to a different standard than any other Side?” Thomas asks.

Virgil hesitates only for a beat. This is the first time he’s been somewhat in control when revealing something to Thomas. Back when he first told him his name, he had to blurt it out, so he didn’t chicken out. And that had just been his name.

This is so much bigger. Maybe that’s why he can feel the unwelcome wetness in his eyes. His vision goes just the slightest bit blurry and his jaw is tight as his heart starts to hammer rapidly in his chest. It’s oddly familiar, like the run up to a panic attack, except Virgil feels surprisingly calm.

He’s resigned about what he is about to tell Thomas. He has a fairly good idea of what the reaction will be. He knows that it will change everything between them. He knows that it means that he will lose this spot in the little family that he has been creating.

Still, he cannot keep lying. It’s not fair to Thomas. He deserves to know the truth; however ugly it may be.

“Because I was one of them,” Virgil says, voice eerily calm, and Thomas just stares at him.

His expression is unreadable, calculating and cold. He looks overwhelmed. It’s what Virgil expected. Thomas is too kind to yell and scream like he should be doing.

But Virgil hates that little part of himself, tiny but so strong, that hoped that maybe Thomas would extend his acceptance. Just maybe he wouldn’t cast Virgil aside, even if it would be the right thing.

Maybe Thomas would still care about him.

But he says nothing.

Virgil’s heart plummets and he wants to sink away to the darkest parts of Thomas’ mind again and hide until it stops feeling like someone is twisting his heart in his chest, again ang again.

Virgil allows the smallest twinge of his mouth, teeth clenched together so hard that it’s painful and he just shrugs. He has no right to be mad at Thomas and he isn’t. He’s just sad and he has to get out of here before he starts crying properly. His eyes feel too wet and it’s only a matter of time.

He has to get out of here. He had to hide, at least a little while he tries to process this. He’s thought about it so many times. How Thomas would react when he inevitably found out. Virgil has run so many scenarios through his head and almost all of them turn out bad. This isn’t the worst it could be, but it was the most likely.

Silent condemnation.

He sinks out without another words and he can feel how one tear spills out of his eye as he does so. But Thomas doesn’t see, the viewers don’t see it and Virgil is back in his room. It’s a place that used to bring him comfort but right now it just feels wrong.

He’s unstable and the room is shifting around him. Back in the real world, he can vaguely hear Thomas address the audience. He’s slipped back into his role to wrap this video up despite feeling far from okay. He’s probably offering reassuring words and telling them that it’s okay.

Part of Virgil would like to rip his own influence away from Thomas because some of the hurt he is feeling is bound to come through too, but he knows he can’t do that. Last time he did that, the other three Sides and Thomas himself had to come and get him. He can’t just disappear.

Thomas can’t function properly without him and Virgil will continue to diligently do his job as part of Thomas. He just won’t speak to him. He won’t manifest in front of him anymore. He’ll keep his head down and let Thomas move on.

The other three will be able to help him to deal with the others. They have always been the better at protecting him. Roman will fight tooth and nail for Thomas, even as he is the one who is pushing him out into scary adventures. Patton might get a little carried overboard but his heart is always in the right place and no one loves Thomas more. Logan will continue to be come up with logical solutions and get Thomas to understand his predicaments.

They will do fine without Virgil.

Thomas will do fine without him.

He knew that he was living this life on borrowed time. It was too good to be true. Too good for someone like him. It had to end. At least, Virgil got to be the one to tell Thomas. It was more than he could have hoped for and he will always treasure the experiences he’s been allowed to be part of.

He has changed. Thomas and the other Sides changed him.

It’s not enough to erase his origin but it is still something. Virgil cannot go back, so he must stay here. Stuck in limbo between being bad and good.

Virgil sighs.

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