#trying so hard to stay alive

[wr0wn]

When I wake up, I'm afraid

Somebody else might take my place

#leon kennedy #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy fanart #re2 leon #re4 leon #leon resident evil #art #digital illustration #illustration #fanart #resident evil 2 remake #resident evil 2 #resident evil 4 #resident evil #love him #love this song #my babygirl #trying so hard to stay alive #im proud of this one #artists on tumblr

[abitofboth]

no HANG ON the fact that original timeline loki sacrificed everything to save the universe against thanos. and this timeline’s loki saw himself die saving his brother, his universe, in that time theatre, and he did it again. he sacrificed everything again to save the multiverse.

in both timelines, he went from having nothing, to having everything- a love for thor, for asgard, the universe, and a love for mobius, for the tva, for the multiverse- and his love for for everything was the very reason he sacrificed himself and went straight back to nothing again.

Loki could never be a villain again. his heart is too big for that

#loki spoilers #do you see what I mean??!!!! #og timeline loki fought so hard to stay alive #he finally found a home with thor and with asgard #and the second that was put under threat he sacrificed himself trying to save everyone #tva timeline loki found a home with mobius and the tva #he admitted he never want to be alone again #that he couldn’t part from his friends. he didn’t want to #and he saw that all under threat. the entire multiverse #and he sacrificed everything #he let himself be completely alone again to protect the ones he loves #DYOU SEE WHAT I MEAANNNN!!!!! #loki #mcu #marvel #millie talks

[purplebehittindifferent]

Someone give him a cookie or something-

( hi 👋 @lilybug-02 hope you don’t mind I keep drawing your guys-:))

#he’s trying so hard #but no #his sibling refuses to stay alive #the chara timeline #oh hi Lily!! #I wanted to draw you guy :) #cause idk- I wanted to? #finished the update today so I wanted to do something fun #fanart #deltarune #dr #I swear every time I draw your charachters im like “OH SHE PUTS SO MUCH INTO THOS #so talented 💜💜💜

[rockbottomwithashovel]

I'm trying so fucking hard guys. Anyway, I highly recommend writing a "I can't die until..." list cause it's making me feel a little better. Here's mine (I've taken down the picture and rewrote it) (I might add more idk)

1. Can't die until I see Green Day live

2. Can't die until I've tried every Monster flavour

3. Can't die until I've hugged 2 of my besties (who live on the other side of the world)

4. Can't die until I can play an MCR song in full on guitar (preferably and a pierce the veil one, but idk I can ever do that lol)

5. Can't die until I've made out with a girl (I'm bi)

6. Can't die until I've dyed my hair

7. Can't die until I've had a full bowl of sugary cereal (maybe my biggest fear food, but one of my favourites too) in my pj's watching a cartoon like I did as a kid

8. Can't die until I've at least attempted uni (I didn't spend $400 just to die first)

9. Can't die until I've finished writing the book I've been planning since I was 14

10. Can't die until I know what's wrong with my body

11. Can't die until I've been to Italy, Japan, Korea, Spain, Greece, all of Britain (England can suck my dick, I'm counting it) and other countries

12. Can't die until I see Fall Out Boy live (2023 doesn't count cause of the Incident and they had to leave)

13. Can't die until after my and my twin's 21st birthday party, it's gonna be EPIC and I'm not ruining her year of planning

14. Can't die until I've finished my drawings

#rock rambles #delete later #Tw sui #Suicide prevention #Im trying so fucking hard to stay alive guys #If you are too i believe in you and you're not alone

[azaracyy]

today, cupimon prays for your happiness too.

#digimon #cupimon #oc:elise #made myself draw more personal oc art when not working on comms haha #tbh the motivation behind this was a moment of weakness. like. wanting people to tell you you have done well and everything will be ok #but i also want to heal others that way. it's complicated. the world only seems to get harsher and harsher #holy or angel type digis are good picks for such and cupimon are adorable #imma be realistic this is a pretty tough time to be alive. let's not even try to compare with past eras or the like #the truth is so many of us are struggling so friggin hard we don't even know it anymore bc it's become so routine to our life #but it's honestly? really twisted? if you think of it that way. we're so used to suffering in life. it's so sad. #can only hope things get better someway. somehow. may good news even a little arrives to each of yall this week #btw really sorry folks. after the ai fiasco this site has gotten itself into i'm gonna post even lower res version for my newer works jic #artists writers creatives. do stay safe. keep yourselves and your work safe as much as you can #do what you need to do regardless it matters to you or not ok! #png

[cienie-isengardu]

I remember scrolling MK reddit and a post basically asked why Bi-Han let Sareeena live and consensus was basically Bi-Han thinking with his lower head and feeling bad for her, though a lot of people leaned towards Bi-Han being horny unironically and sparing her because he thought she was pretty and because he didn't seem her a threat.

Like lmao, I get Bi-Han is not socialized that great and I can see where people are coming from but I'm hoping he's not that shallow lol.

Nah, Bi-Han is not that shallow. The man does not comment on women's beauty - or anyone’s for that matter, the way the clearly horny characters do, like Johnny, Erron or Kano. His intro dialogues also has no sexually creepy undertones, the way Kano and Mileena sometimes imply things. So I think it is safe to assume that Bi-Han in general is not a sexually driven type of person. 

It would help a lot if the game or tie-in material gives us more direct reasoning for his action, however even the provided basic knowledge allow us to see the main difference between Scorpion and Sareena and it’s not about gender (though that may play some secondary role), but the fact that Hanzo, presumably, wanted to kill Sub-Zero, not for rivalry over the Map but because he was a Lin Kuei, an sworn enemy of Shirai Ryu clan, while Sareena was doing just her duty - following Quan Chi’s orders and there was nothing personal about their fight. So in a sense, Bi-Han could feel some kinship with the woman even despite her attempt at stopping his effort to save Earthrealm and trying to kill him, because he understood well what it means to serve merciless masters, as he himself, no matter how praised, was ultimately just a tool in Grandmaster’s schemes. Sareena has never been anything other than another obstacle in his path to beat down Quan Chi and steal the amulet back, so I can see why murdering her could feel pointless as it didn't serve any real goal of his.

Hanzo on other hand was tipped by Quan Chi about Sub-Zero’s mission - something the sorcerer did not deny at all 

Quan Chi: Greetings, I see the ninja has been successful in retrieving my map... as I have forseen.  Sub-Zero: Let's get something straight... I am not a ninja. I am Lin Kuei. Scorpion was a ninja!  Quan Chi: Ah yes, your Japanese counterpart. It's unfortunate that you happened upon him in your battle with the pesky Shaolin monks.  Sub-Zero: Scorpion was tipped off... he knew I was breaking into that temple, and if he weren't there - there wouldn't have been a battle! You are responsible for this sorcerer!

and as the game shows, Scorpion managed to get inside the Shaolin Monks Temple before Lin Kuei. But instead of quietly stealing the man and getting the hell out of the place while his rival was busy fighting Shaolin Monks, Scorpion literally was introduced as a man who mocked and provoked Sub-Zero  (“You will fail. Hahahaha”) and challenged him to fight over the Map ("The map is mine Sub-Zero. Fight!").

When the both men met again in Netherrealm, Hanzo accused Bi-Han for killing him in cold blood to which Bi-Han responded he had no choice. 

Warrior: I am a dead man. But somehow you have retained your mortality, which would mean you are vulnerable to death.  Sub-Zero: Wait... I know your voice.  Scorpion: Yessss... I am Scorpion. You killed me in cold blood.  Sub-Zero: I had no choice. If I had not stolen that map I would be the dead one.

Maybe Sub-Zero did not trust Scorpion to not attack him again as he did not believe Shirai Ryu would respect the act of mercy. Maybe he figured out he must kill his sworn-enemy, because Lin Kuei tradition demanded that and if Grandmaster learned about Sub-Zero sparing Scorpion’s life, he would be severely punished. Whatever was the reason, Bi-Han took no pride in killing Shirai Ryu, as he did not boast about that. When returning to Lin Kuei Temple, Bi-Han greeted the leader with “Grandmaster, in honor of the Lin Kuei, I bring you this sacred Map of Elements.” but there was no as a bonus, I also killed the filthy Shirai Ryu dog. Instead, he was clearly angry at Quan Chi for creating the whole situation in the first place by hiring the second assassin of the enemy clan (“[Scorpion] knew I was breaking into that temple, and if he weren't there - there wouldn't have been a battle! You are responsible for this sorcerer!).

So to my understanding, killing Hanzo was dictated by unfavorable circumstances and long-termed enmity between Shirai Ryu and Lin Kuei clans that forced Bi-Han’s hand while Sareena was just a demoness doing her job the same way as he was doing his. Frankly, Fujin too was not killed by Bi-Han, nor I don’t think sources implied he attempted to murder any Gods of Elements or Shaolin Monks on purpose - otherwise I think Raiden would be much more angry at the Lin Kuei assassin. Or at least mentioned that, in similar fashion to intro dialogue in which Liu Kang said "The Shaolin's losses have left many angry" to past!Scorpion, who took part in murdering Shaolin Monks in MK11.

Also, when Sareena came to aid Bi-Han in his fight against Quan Chi, Sub-Zero was understandably surprised by demoness’ action:

Sub-Zero: Why did you help me?  Sareena: You are still mortal... that means you can escape the Netherealm.  Sub-Zero: There won't be anywhere to go if I don't get the amulet back.  Sareena: Take me with you... I've waited an eternity to escape.  Sub-Zero: You don't understand. I can't leave without the...

but there is literally zero implication he finds Sareena sexy or hot or trying to pull the card “I spared your life so you own me” to get a “reward” from her. I repeat, a relatively sexy/beautiful lady just asked Sub-Zero to take her with him and Bi-Han’s mind was solely on the mission - getting back the amulet before Shinnok destroys his realm. 

Dunno about you all, but that interaction for me doesn’t sound like Bi-Han was thinking with his dick or in any way ever was smitten by Sareena’s beauty; he was a man on a mission and there is a chance he may be just more merciful than people want to give him a credit for. 

The last one brings me back to MK9, in which I still think Bi-Han's head gesture was a voiceless support for Johnny to not kill Baraka, the same way Raiden did for Cyrax. He may not have any love for strangers, he may mock Hanzo, but I don't think he is the cold killer that takes pleasure in killing like some characters do.

#mortal kombat #my replies #bi han #sareena #sub zero #hanzo hasashi #scorpion #quan chi #hanzo was unlucky but the question is if bi han saved his life would he respect that? #while sareena there is a chance they had some mid-fight talk that gave bi han the sense it is not personal for her she is doing her job #so the threat was less than letting the sworn enemy to stay alive #i'm trying hard to remember if original bi han even made any comment about women's beauty and nope nothing comes to my mind right now

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[8rujaa]

i feel so happy i have the urge to get on my hands and knees and worship something

#i’m emotional because i feel like recently i’ve been actually like genuinely happy #i thought i was going to feel broken forever. i thought i was going to feel like half a person forever #i’ve made so much progress #looking back i don’t know how i got through certain things i really don’t #i was being traumatized while also being severely tortured daily by my body pain #i hadn’t talked to my family or friends in months #i lost my mobility and i lost my independence and i lost everything i worked hard for #i felt like a dog and my nightmares still make sure to remind me how terrible it was #and the healing journey afterwards was somehow even worst because i was reliving it constantly. i feel like i fought so hard for my peace #i know i thought about offing myself multiple times #i don’t know what kept me alive… #i think i stayed for all the wrong reasons/people…. but either way i’m glad i stayed #i’m struggling with letting myself be happy because life has a way of taking everything from you just as you were getting comfortable #and i know bad things can and will happen wether i worry or not so the only thing i can do it try to savor and enjoy these beautiful moment #as best as i can and maybe these moments are what will keep me alive in the future #this year i don’t ‘want’ anything per say…. i just don’t want to lose anything…. like god i don’t ask for anything else…. just don’t take #anything from me that i love please 😭😭😭😭😭 #brain vomit

[maggi-cube]

What can you even say to this?

TWs for death, child death, blood, and things of that nature. I’m not sure what other tags would help

#There are so many stories here so many tragedies some I didn’t hear about before now and some that have stayed with me. #i think about Reem when I try to sleep #And I have to do the little I can and continue to live while there’s so much happening daily #every second another life is lost and when we are crying out for the world to see their humanity they go aww :( so sorry we must kill them #i am in a warm bed and they are not #i have food and they do not #i am safe and they are not #my friends are alive and theirs are not #my family can find me and they don’t know where theirs is #i am not trying to make this about me but it’s like. living is a reminder that others aren’t even surviving #and when I ask what could possibly merit this kind of horror there’s no reason that makes sense #i feel like I’m going insane #i am donating i am boycotting i am buying secondhand at best #i spent my last bit of money on esims #i just. god why is there such suffering for a people who have done nothing but live why is there always pain for those just trying to live #why is it so hard to live quietly? why can’t we make things right right NOW #tw death #tw child death #free palestine

[hybridkilljoys]

I've been an absolute emotional wreck since last night due to my narcissist father making me feel less than human so can i..........ask for some reassurance that i'm not an absolute failure of a human being

or pictures of your cats, that would help a lot too

#its been months of dealing with his abuse and last night it left me feeling worse than ever and i am just #really exhausted and mentally broken rn #and i hate asking for reassurance because I always feel like a bother and I should just deal with shit myself until it passes #but when i say last night was bad it was bad and i feel like i am not even meant to be alive that is how that man made me feel #so i just wanna be selfish this one time #and ask for spare kindness because i could really use it right now because my feelings arent going away #no matter how hard im trying to distract myself today and i dont have the strenght to stay like this for a week or more #so yeah #gomen for rambling in the tags im just really #idfk embarrassed and ashamed i dont like asking for help i feel dumb even tho i know its not dumb but yeah #txt

[twpsyn-who]

OMG I I wgehejej I was writing a post about some soulmate AU and and while writing it just occurred to me-

Both Jean and Marco lost their gear during Trost. They both got in a situation where a Titan was going to kill them while having nothing to protect themselves.

Marco was there to help Jean get hold of a gear and survive. Jean wasn't there for Marco aka why he died.

Omg. I'm not crying you are

#I know is obvious but for some reason it hit harder this time #I actually can't remember whatever or not Annie helped too. I know she and Connie were there cuz yk Marco asked them where's Jean #But yk with the assumption that Annie helped... Like damn man. Annie helped Marco save Jean and she helped Reiner kill Marco #THE PARALELLS MAN #i love parallels #The fact they are both good leaders but in their own unique ways <3 #I think... I think there's no way for them both to stay alive. One of them must die for the other to research his full potential #Yes it goes both ways Marco's wake up call can only be Jean's death sorry no sorry #Anyway something lowkey happier : in a universe were Jean dies in Trost not Marco during the fire when Marco sees Jean in the fire he sees #the moment Jean mocked him over his reason for joining MP. And yk maybe that makes Marco want to prove Jean wrong so he joins SC. Or maybe #He thinks he can no longer join MP not without Jean. Maybe he sees Jean in the smoke and feels guilty for not being there to help him #Ok but Eren probably has such a hard time trying to decide who to keep alive between the two man (everything would've worked out with #either of them) he truly wanted Marco to survive Trost but damn who would've looked over Mikasa yk. It truly hurt him #Gosh is 4 am I am TIRED don't mind me #aot #Aot JeanMarco #aot jean #aot marco #jeanmarco #jean kirstein #jean kirschstein #marco bodt #marco bott

[lilyflxwers]

it’s okay to feel like a burden. it’s okay to feel like you’re not going to make it out of this alive. it’s okay to hate everything around you. you’re okay. if hate and anger is the only thing getting you through the day, it’s okay. i am still proud of you.

#I think you’re trying so hard to stay alive #and I see it #im proud of you

[head-empty-river]

can we please talk about raphael's final act bc holy hells it's my favorite song in the game now.

they really went all out with this song, and it fits the character so well. like he's so extra, of course he has a whole diss track with pipe organs and shit.

it's kinda silly when you cast hold monster bc i just imagine him still singing with so much sass while not being able to move.

yeah, i hate him, but also i love the dedication to the bit.

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 raphael #bg3 boss music #boss battle #bg3 soundtrack #bg3 ost #trying to keep her (staying vague on this) alive is so hard but i did it lol #Spotify

[crazy-lazy-elder-sims]

Recovering from a massive art block that lasted years is literally making me extremely sad cause like while im patient with myself when im by myself and i know im Gonna struggle before i get back to my full prime and i gotta give myself the time and space to recover that its not gonna be an enjoyable process from the get go etc i still get so fucking disheartened with myself when i log on to Tumblr and people are making such beautiful art so fast and are having the time of thier lives with constant flow of new ideas its sometimes too much like i just went into the bathroom and had a cry cause of this

How in the world am i gonna recover if it all just makes me sad :(

#dont tell me to stop making art if it makes me sad that makes me feel even worse like proper suicidal worde #am i impatient or am i doing somthing wrong or is this normal #idk im alone here in this i cant share with anyone around me because #the people around me would rejoice if i give up art completely #im tierd of trying so hard to live and stay alive but it all just makes me sad that its requiring me to spend so much energy like that #like no one els summons this huge amount of energy just to keep themselves alive idk its disheartening and makes me question if i even #should keep going

[soldier-poet-king]

Tbh developing a zero tolerance policy for online bullshit and rancid religious opinions this June bc it hasn't even started yet and I'm Tired. I'm done effacing existence and apologizing for being and feeling sorry for kindness and hating the cruelty of it all, and I already have to deal with that irl where I Can't Escape It

#franposting #im genuinely extremely upset #but that's fine. im upset enough to know there is a boundary and distance here #and i can simply. cut it out. it sucks. but i dont have to listen #i guess its a good sign. my ocd is enough under control that i can ignore religious ppl spouting bullshit #and can do that w/out thinking im damned #bc im not buying into cruel bullshit #and think there is so much more to the world than we can ever know #and that there are more ppl out there who agree with me and believe like i do #that its not just me. and its not just a faith filled with cruelty and lipservice #it is mostly filled with those things maybe. but there are goodnesses and kindnesses too. as small as they are #faith tag #just gonna start. blocking. i cant do it anymore #it isnt even personal hatred. i dont really. hate? i hate opinions and beliefs and cruelty. but i cant hate people #i just. ache. and I am trying so hard to stay hopeful and alive and sometimes all there is is spite #and my head hurts so so bad

[zekkopunks]

me saying something is funny and then looking back at it later like girl!! that wasn’t funny that was upsetting!

#the genloss headcanon that ranboo tried to fight hetch before getting dragged to the box #i take it all back thats upsetting #him trying so hard to stay alive and eventually getting hit or knocked out so bad that he went unconscious #the mask being broken… he probably was in pain alongside the wires going through their skin