#ugh wife I hate you for making me feel way too many intense emotions all at once | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zackcrazyvalentine · 3 years

Note

Hi! Can I request all the dorm leaders confessing to their male crush who is their first male crush? Maybe some panicking about reader not accepting his feelings but he does?

I hope this is good… some bits are intense

may have gotten very carried away writing this... be ready for some angst

-- -- --

OVERVIEW

Some boys get over the initial shock sooner than others

Others take a while to fully work out their internalized problems and doubts

Vil and Kalim are ones to settle with their feelings quickly (though Kalim does have one doubt cling to his mind)

Followed by Riddle and Leona, both had a realizations that made them snap out of their doubts

Malleus struggles more with understanding that what he’s feeling is love more than struggling with how he likes a guy

The two who struggle the most are Azul and Idia

Azul due to the past bullying he sustained, and how he feels he isn’t being honest to the boy he fancies because his personality isn’t exactly his true self, but one built to appear powerful and capable

Idia… Idia feels this is some sort of joke fate threw at him. His self hate and internalize prejudices make it hard for him to accept his feelings

🌹 Riddle Rosehearts 🥀

The moment Riddle realizes he looks forward to have this boy present in any future Unbirthday Parties, and how the dorm head tries to show off when tutoring him, is when it clicks

And he feels such an immense happiness, feeling like he’s floating on a cloud, while his face develops a bright red flush paired with a soft smile

But it crumbles when one thought haunts his mind: “What will mother think?”

There’s a mess in his mind and heart, and a heavy feeling in his chest that makes it hard to breath

“What mother thinks… what she would say…” Sudden unadulterated rage fills his body, “What mother has said and done until this day led me to Overblot, to almost lose my life…”

It’s between tears that he decides not to give a single care about what his parents think of his feelings. It’s his life, time to finally live it as he sees fit

What were those tears of, sadness or happiness? He knows not, but most probably it was a mix of both

Sadness for letting go years of strictly following his mother’s rules and fulfilling her expectations, and happiness to finally fight for what he wants

Still, Rosehears will make sure to eventually speak up to his mother about this and reach middle ground where both are happy (she’s still someone he respects and wants approval from)

You know this boy take to research in order to understand his emotions better, and learn ways to approach his crush

Understanding and considerate to the other boy’s feelings, will approach him when he thinks it’s appropriate

“[Name], I have something to confess. First off, I want to tell you that you’re a dear friend and I understand if you wish for some distance.” The redhead would take a deep breath before looking deep into his eyes, “[Name] [Surname]... I… I’m in love with you and… and I want to fight for our feelings, in case you feel the way I do.”

“Riddle..! That’s- I- Woah, you really-! I-It’s just..!” The boy babbled, brows furrowed at his own nerves.

“Ah! Uh… Don’t pressure yourself, I understand.” Rosehearts put on a strained smile, “If you need distance, I understand, as well.”

“No no, Riddle! What I mean is that-! I-...UGH! I LOVE YOU TOO, YOU LITTLE QUEEN!” The [hair color] blurted out, blushing furiously once he realized what he did.

Riddle himself blushed, too. “Oh? O-OH!” He snickered adorably, “So, uhm… How about you pass by Heartlabyul for a cup of tea? Maybe… we could schedule a date?”

🦁 Leona Kigscholar 💛

We all know Leona respects women and sees everyone for their potential, disregarding prejudice

At first, the beastman thought this was an amazing friendship. Both making each other surpass their previous accomplishments, become better

One day, when that huge dumb happy smile was directed at him, his breath hitched

“What the fuck?” (yup, this was definitely his first thought)

Leona isolated himself for a good while, and every night he would remember Fereena’s tales of how he fell in love with his wife. All those mushy feelings and tender words… it all made sense now, as much as it irritated him to admit

A single laugh tore through his throat. Man, what a life, huh?

But it’s exactly that what helped him say Fuck it and push through

They made him a second son, unworthy of the throne, even more so now that there was his brother’s brat as future heir

He was not about to let his family ruin this for him too

If there’s anything lions will always have is their pride, and Leona would proudly show his crush off to his whole dorm… in his own way

Everyone at Savanaclaw was surprised to see their dorm head share food with this one boy, even allowing him to disturb his sleep and crash with him whenever

Ruggie caught up rather quickly and got to investigate things behind Leona’s back

“Hey, Leona-san, why don’t you just come out and tell him?” “Huh?” “He doesn't understand your courting, go on and spit it out already.”

“Stop it.”

“W-What?” [Name] asked in confusion. He just wanted to share a tonkotsu sandwich with the lion. Seems like waking him up this time was a mistake, he had you pinned under his tall frame.

A growl rumbled through the 3rd year’s chest, “Stop… Looking so stupidly cute.”

[Color] eyes widened, “Huh? What do you-?” His inquiry was cut off by a pair of rough lips on his.

Leona smugly smiled down at the stunned boy, but the silence quickly made him roll off. “Shit… I’m sorry, just… go, leave me alone.”

“Leona”

“Leave”

“...Leona” He tried with a firmer voice this time.

With a roar, he tried to intimidate, “Just go already! I don’t want to-!” It was the beastman’s turn to be silenced by a kiss.

They looked at each other for a few seconds before [Name]’s face colored red.

Leona snorted, “Feisty little herbivore, I see… Not bad…”

It felt nice to feel his own heart beat rapidly after such a long time of feeling numb.

🐙 Azul Ashengrotto 💜

Oh, he knew the feeling well

He had it a couple times before when young, albeit more airy, not as serious. Still, the fear of rejection and mockery led him to forcefully remove the emotion from his repertoire

So, once he felt the tendrils of love grace his heart, Azul panicked

Completely isolated himself from everyone, pretty much. Piling as many mountains of work as he could onto himself so he had no real reason to leave his office or room.

“How will [Name] love someone as fake as me? As pathetic as me? As-” The flashback of his compliments in the underwater museum interrupted his train of thought. Tears fell down his cheeks as he coughed up ink from the stress.

Then he realized how much he missed spending time with his crush. How the buy would occasionally visit Mostro Lounge to share a drink and catch up… How those [color] eyes remained trained on his, how close he would sit to him, how the [ x ] year would accidently sip the mermen's drink--

Wait… “Does he like me back…?”

“AHAHAHA NO, OF COURSE NOT! YOU’RE OVERANALYZING THINGS, AZUL! ...unless 👉👈”

That’s when he slowly tries to interact with the object of his affections again

Man… MAN… THERE’S NOTHING AS AWKWARD AS THESE TWO

When one tries to act suave and flirty with the other, an accident happens

Be it spitting a drink on the other’s face… or ink

That, or it completely flies over their head (both their heads, the nerves are too much… I’m sure they could power the whole Isle of Sages with their anxiety)

Eventually…

“You’re leaving already? Aww, I wanna be shellfish and keep you to myself~” Azul sighed dramatically, playing his typical theatrics.

“Oh, worry not! For you octopi my thoughts all day, Azul~!” [Name] answered back.

Azul choked on his drink (while a pair of twins snickered some ways away at the awful flirty puns). “Wha-wha-wha-wha-! What?!” This was the first time flirting was return when either party started it.

“Ahaha… Well… Haven't you been flirting with me?” He looked at Octavinelle’s dorm head with a light blush and worry on his face. Maybe he was interpreting his comments incorrectly?

If Ashengrotto doesn’t take the leap here, he will lose the chance. “Have been… for a while now, yes. Ahem, thank you for noticing.”

“So… Does that mean we can-?” “Stop with the sea life puns, yes”

The boy pouted, “I mean...sure, but that wasn’t what I wanted to say.” (No, he was definitely going to say another pun). Regardless, he threw a soft smile at the octomer, “Can we go out some time? I enjoy your company a lot, Azul. Let me see all different sides of you, yes?”

☀️ Kalim Al-Asim 🦂

This is one thing he need no help with. Once he felt that distinct fluttering in his heart and how his whole body buzzed after his crush touched him, he knew

And he LAUGHED

Laughed the merriest laugh, danced around the entire room (or all of Scarabia, if they were at the dorm), and hugged everyone in his path (first victim being his crush, followed by poor Jamil)

I can see him blurt out his feelings right then and there

“Kalim, Kalim! What is wrong with you?” The [color] eyed boy snickered. Kalim could be so cute~

“[Name]!! Do you- Did you feel it too?! The sparks?! The butterflies?!” The white haired male held him by the shoulders, bringing him so close to his face.

“It feels...magical! Like I-! I-.! [Name] can I… c-can I… kiss you?” Round garnet eyes shone with intense happiness, the [ x ] year found it difficult to speak (his breath was stolen away~).

At that, Kalim gasped, letting go of his friend. “Oh, sorry! That was p-probably very, uh, sudden.” He chuckled awkwardly.

“No, you dork! Please!” Now it was [Name] who brought the 2nd year closer, “Kiss me!”

And so the Asim heir did~! The blushing boys shared their first kiss surrounded by high energy and happiness.

Otter boy would want to tell his parents as soon as possible of his fortune, but one though stopped him on his tracks

As the first son of the Asim family, his parents will surely want him to have a kid, a future heir

“I know they will be happy for me, but… Will they fully accept the relationship?”

No one has ever seen Kalim so determined to study the Land of Hot Sand’s history

He was set on finding an example for his parents to understand that, regardless of who he chose as his future spouse, their family can have a future heir

There’s many ways to bring children into the family! Why only be tied by blood?

Whatever their answer to his relationship and example is, Kalim is fully prepared to push on and not give up on his love

They make it together or they give it up together. Kalim knows the implications of this, of probably being disowned and whatnot; while it breaks his heart, he will want to go on with it. “What’s the point of being with them if they won’t accept and love their son for being happy with who he loves?”

Kalim’s love for his boyfriend runs deep, and his for Kalim runs equally as profound

They will make it through any hurdles and obstacles in their path

👑 Vil Schoenheit ❤️

The one that takes it most calmly

Sure, he’s happy and excited there’s someone he fancies, but he’s Vil Schoenheit: Cool as a cucumber, elegant always, rising sta; a crush won’t make him lose his composure, in public

In private, though... boooyyyy you bet he’s dreamy sighs and fantasies, love songs and talks with the pillow

It doesn’t fully shock him to like a guy. Love is love, there’s nothing wrong in loving someone with your whole heart, outside opinions are irrelevant

Maybe he’s delved into what the LGBTQIA+ community is due to fellow actors and people in the industry he looks up to, one or two (or more) identities called out to him in his research

(can totally see Vil as an Ally that later on discovered his own identities the further he advocates for the community��s rights)

Still, he will take his time to fully register and unravel his feelings towards the guy. He would absolutely detest getting both their hopes up when no real feelings exist between them

Will occasionally throw coquettish comments and carefully invade his crush’s personal space with playful touches to see his reaction.

I believe he knows how to read people well, so this is a key element for him to know if the boy’s interested too or not, and Vil’s next plan of action

Don’t think Vil tells anyone about his crush, but the ever observant Rook catches on and encourages him to pursue his feelings

If they get in a relationship, it will become public only after approval is given by his partner. Privacy should always be respected

“Vil?” [Name] poked his head through the door after knocking on it. The letter said to meet him here, along with other very sweet and heartfelt words.

The blond signaled him to come closer, “Do close the door behind you. Take a sit.”

“Vil, I-” The words he practiced so many times failed to come out.

Pomefire’s dorm leader smiled into his cup, “Don’t worry about it, [Name], I understand. However,” Amethyst eyes look into deep pools of [eye color], “I hope we can remain as frien-” A folded piece of paper slid his way interrupted Vil.

Eyes shifted from the hastily made card to the student across him. Slowly, Vil took the paper and read the words inside.

A gentle smile shaped his painted lips, “Aren’t you the sweetest?” Giggling lightly, Schoenheit took the other’s hand and placed a tender kiss on his knuckles.

💀 Idia Shroud 💙

Alright, take it as you will…. but I think Idia would have some internalized homophobia problems

With how into anime, manga and games he’s into, of course he’s heard of same sex couples and the like

Doesn't react much to them, but maybe the parts involving them he passes quick in his media & games

He’s sorta indifferent to them

The typical boy that imagined his future with a nice girl that loves him as he is, but

The way this one friend of his makes him look forward to his next visit, how he interacts with Ortho and the way they play together, the gentle way he coaxes Idia out of his room to share a meal or drink in the cafeteria or Mostro Lounge

Then they accidentally brushed hands. Idia’s face flared up and his heart did a somersault

“I liked that” followed by “But [Name]’s a guy”

His brain is very much confused, and so is his heart. He believed himself straight, and very not attracted in other irl people, to have this revelation has his world made a mess

At first, he’s denying it, telling himself it was an overreaction… But that breath stealing sensation happened again once the guy smiled at him in greeting

Proceeds to isolate himself and fall into a hole of self loathing

“This can’t be happening” “Humans are disgusting” “Same sex couples are shunned, looked down upon” “I knew fate wouldn’t let me be happy ever in my life” “I have a prestigious family’s image to uphold, what will everyone say if they see me with a boy?”

“Love is disgusting”

His world is even more shaken after that thought crossed his mind… Is love disgusting? Up until few days ago, he was hoping for a future with love in it…

It then morphs to “I am disgusting, for feeling this towards a boy”

Doesn’t help when said boys actually shows up on his dorm and (quite literally) kicks down his door to know what is going on (Ortho helped with the door thing, after all, he’s also very worried about his brother)

“What are you doing here? Came over just to mock me, did you? Yeah, of course you did.” Idia immediately began his attack.

“What? Idia, what the hell is wrong with you?! I’m here because I care about you and I’m worried! It’s been more than a week! You haven’t even attended your classes through the tablet!” The [color] haired retaliated.

“I don’t want you here, I don’t want anyone here,” There was a strange glint in his eyes, “Especially you.”

“Idia, what?!” That hurt.

“I want to forget, I want to get purged from you!” His flaming hair bursted for a second. “I want you out of my life, out of my mind! Out of-! Out of my-!” Words choked in the older Shroud’s throat.

[Name] was scared, and very much hurt. “Idia… what is going on? Why are you saying such things?”

“Because I-! I-I..!” The 3rd year student felt like throwing up, this sadness, anxiety and unjustified rage did not sit well in his stomach. “Because I don’t want to feel this way! I-I don’t want to be in love, not like this!” Panic rushed through his blood, making his breathing erratic and vision blurry with tears.

The [hair color] rushed over to his friend’s side, carefully taking one of his hands and calling for his attention. “Idia, Idia, let’s do this together.” He placed the hand on his chest and took deep breaths. He kept repeating the breathing exercises until he saw the sapphire haired male repeat the motion, albeit shakily. “Now, tell me, what do you see on my jacket?”

“A-...A-A color… [fav. color]”

“Texture?”

“Sm-smooth”

“Keep breathing, don’t stop.”

“I see… a white shirt… a-and [color] skin...warm…” Idia continued describing, until his eyes crossed with [color] orbs. “A-And I see…” More tears welled up, pointy teeth biting harshly on his bottom lip to muffle the sobs, “I-I see… The friend I love most… The friend…. I love… love…” He finally rested his forehead on the other’s shoulder, silently letting his tears fall.

Shroud cried until he could no more, voice hoarse and head pounding. “I… Sorry, [Name]... I fell, fell for you and… don’t know how to… what to do…”

Gentle hands lifted his head, “It’s fine, it’s fine, Idia… If you allow me, we can work it out.”

🐉 Malleus Draconia 🖤

He took it as calmly as Vil, but with some bumps in the road (by bumps I mean long periods of time for him to realize what was happening)

All this time, he thought the feelings he held for his friend were purely that, platonic

It wasn’t until he spoke out to Lilia about how his insides tickled curiously whenever he walked under the skies with the boy that Lilia made him realize what it truly was

“Young Malleus, I do believe those tender feelings are a sign of you falling for the male” “Fall? No, We walk carefully through school grounds.” “No, Malleus, not literally.” “Ah, could it be the famous expression used when describing love? I’ve read it before in novels.” “Indeed, My Lord, you’re falling in love with [Name].”

Silence…. “Hah! Oh Lilia, your jokes are ever hilarious.” He just brushed it off, and continued to do so for a while.

While novels and books described the magical feeling in many different exciting ways, love wasn’t exactly something Malleus sought in his life

What he wanted most was company, friends, to never be alone again

And he certainly never felt alone when with the boy he fancies

Many months passed by rereading romance novels and reading new books for the little seed to sprout… maybe he was indeed falling for his friend

“Lilia, I have a question.” “Yes, My Lord?” “Why are same sex couples so rare in human literature?” “That, Malleus, is something not even I can fully comprehend… Humans can hold senseless hate in their hearts, and these couples are unfortunate objects of such hate.” “...They should learn from faefolk” “Indeed they should, indeed they should.”

He prods Lilia further to quell his curiosity and learn more, but the old bat eventually gets tired of it and leaves him with a “Dear Malleus, just explore the emotion you’re feeling right now. That’s better than asking an old man like yours truly to answer your questions. Explore and enjoy life!”

And that he does. His night walks with his crush become more frequent, he invites him to his dorm room to enjoy tea, info dumps about gargoyles, and starts his courting

Little useful (and random) gifts, Malleus even gives him some pieces of jewelry and gems from his own treasure (the biggest show of respect and affection between dragon fae)

“[Name], I have something special to give you.” Malleus broke the silence.

They had been sitting, looking at the stars for some time.

“Oh?” The boy outstretched his palm, where the taller male placed a single object.

[Color] eyes examined the smooth, dark object, awed at the hardness of it.

“It appears my previous gifts have been misinterpreted, so I will take to explain this one.” The crown prince began, “That is one of my very own scales. For us dragon fae, gifting jewels, precious metals, and scales is a great show of respect.”

“Oh! Well, thank you for thinking so highly of me! I certainly hold you in high regards, too, Malleus.” A bright smile appeared on the [ x ] year’s face.

“And they are also great displays of affection… tremendous, I would say.” Draconia added.

Silence.

And then…

“Oh my! Malleus, I am…!”

Silence once more.

“I see....” The dragon exhaled, “It is fine, apologies for not explaining things earlier. You’re, of course, welcomed to keep the gifts… They are gifts, after all.”

“Malleus… I’m just… Blown away-!” Shining eyes looked into his lime ones, “All your gifts… You were courting me without my knowledge… Sorry, I-I promise to make it up to you! If you allow me, of course…”

“Oh?” Shock and excitement pierced the dorm head’s heart, “Very well. Next time, come out in your best drapes. I wish for us to dine the finest of meals.” He could feel the tips of his fangs poke his bottom lip from how wide his smile was at that moment.

-- -- --

UEFHIRGOPEK THIS WAS SO LONG AAAAAAAA

Sorry if spelling mistakes sneak here and there 🙇‍♀️

Hope this was enjoyable! And sorry if I strayed from the original request (bc I definitely feel like I went in a tangent orz)

Thank you for the request!! This was very fun and interesting to imagine :D

960 notes · View notes

brave-clarice · 3 years

Text

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episodes 5 & 6

Since these are extraordinarily late, I tried to keep them more concise/focused than before. I’m sorry for how long it’s taken me to (almost) catch up. And to the handful of you who’ve enjoyed these and encouraged me to do them: thank you!

Episode 5, “Get Right With God”

the music at the beginning of this episode might just be in the maintenance guy’s headphones(!) but it was still a…Choice.

there’s something so tragic about watching Clarice be unable to use her legs… :’(

this whole scenario feels like a twisted parallel universe version of the end of Hannibal.

glad to see Ardelia finally has her priorities straight and is going to fight for her best friend! let’s forget her Episode 4 subplot ever happened.

good: the warrior finding a weapon even in the direst of circumstances!

bad: those damn moths are back. at least this time they might be drug-induced.

“she worked Bill alone” no, she didn’t. not really. (Hannibal: I’m right here.)

stop trying to make Likable Paul happen, it’s never going to happen!!!

I HATE the “Reesey” nickname, y’all. HATE. IT.

plus, we know that her dad called her “Baby”?

her father’s appearance doubles down on the end-of-Hannibal vibes...Not Sure If Want.

wow, Clarice is being literally tortured? thanks, I hate it!!!

really doubt that Clarice’s Pinto used to belong to her father (who drives a truck in the books??)... weird flex.

and how would she even have gotten it? her mother would either have driven that car into the ground out of necessity or else have sold it for the money the Starlings needed so desperately.

Pintos also weren’t super high-quality cars and were definitely not built to last ~20 years.

Clarice already being able to chat with her father whenever she needs to really undermines the therapy Hannibal will eventually give her, but…I guess they’ve already accepted they’ll never make it that far?

“you’re trying to get in my head” yeah, and she’s doing it, too–’cause she learned from the best!

“you get an answer, I get an answer, Felker.” she’s Hannibal’s girl all right.

this episode’s had flashes of brilliance before diving back into…whatever tf watching one of your favorite characters of all time being tortured is.

I really wanted Ardelia to say that no, but Clarice was like a sister to her.

it took FIVE episodes to get some lamb imagery, but we’ve been looking at moths for the entire season?!

oof, Clarice voicing her own insecurities about her childhood abandonment and using them to twist Felker’s arm...painful but smart.

HANNAH!!!

I would die 4 baby Clarice

after all that, Clarice is going to apologize to Ardelia about last week? this episode SUCKS.

Good: Clarice playing mind games with Felker like Hannibal did to her; Ardelia going to bat for her bestie, lamb flashbacks, baby Clarice, and HANNAH!

Bad: So much. Clarice being medically tortured multiple times, moth hallucinations, the several-years-premature (imo) Daddy-as-Guardian-Angel plot device, “Reesey”...did I mention Clarice getting repeatedly tortured?!

Ugly: Krendler backstory + making out with his wife. Ew.

Wow, this episode was a hot mess, and I kind of hated it. I loved Clarice’s really Hannibalesque approach to Felker, and I’m so thrilled that Hannah got mentioned at all (tho...did they need to be so heavy-handed with the helmet and gun and everything?) Also nice to see Ardelia behaving much more in-character. That said, it was sickening and imo totally unnecessary to further traumatize Clarice the way they did. To make her almost helpless.

Clarice, and by extension Rebecca Breeds (who is fantastic and deserves better), has been given very little range so far. She’s frequently been shown as miserable, afraid, desperate, traumatized, angry, resentful, but I also want to see her joyful, laughing, silly, relaxed...something else that will give her depth. Her life wasn’t miserable 24/7, 365. It was just unfulfilling. We got glimpses of this in the first two episodes. PLEASE bring it back!

And rn I’m questioning how Clarice’s career can possibly drag on for another six years after this. Her apparent PTSD is already interfering with her job performance as it is--this experience is only going to make it worse. Her “body count” in Hannibal was around five, iirc, and that was enough to slap her with the “Death Angel” moniker. In the show at least four people have died in close proximity to Clarice in the space of like...a week. How does she come back from that, even as the savior of Catherine Martin? It’s a PR nightmare for obth Clarice and the FBI.

They’ve also sort of forgotten that the Martins existed while continuing to flesh out Krendler’s (?!) character? It’s weird.

I almost don’t even want to watch Episode 6 after that. But here goes...

Episode 6, “How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful?”

the freaking MOTHS again, I hate them!

frankly, yeah, Clarice should be on leave.

Clarice’s nondescript monochrome suits and constant ponytail are just so boring. in the book she’s described as never having to put effort into making her hair look good--so why is it always pulled back in this show?

I’m not sure it’s very in-character for Clarice, at this point in her career, to go over her boss’s head to get out of admin leave (one she really needs to take tbh) even for the sake of solving a case

lol what the actual hell @ AG Martin guilt-tripping Clarice, who was very recently tortured and almost died, for not calling Catherine back? Clarice is not Catherine’s therapist!

THIS is what my Vogue-reading heroine with burgeoning great taste wears for a night out? so disappointing.

never in my life did I think I’d be sitting through Krendler’s personal drama in a show ABOUT CLARICE STARLING.

her costume sucks and her hairstyle’s from years in the future, but dang does Clarice look gorgeous.

and I love thinking of her getting a taste of the luxury she’ll enjoy with Hannibal. :)

you know what? I think I was actually fine with them forgetting that the Martins were in this show.

whyyy is Krendler being made so sympathetic?!

now Catherine Martin “loved to sew” just like Frederica Bimmel? hmm. (tbf, maybe this is in the novel, and I’ve just forgotten.)

her gift for Clarice is sweet, though.

so beautiful, indeed

Christ on a cracker, that confrontation between the Martins was painful to watch (not a criticism). this show’s AG and her daughter are very much two of a kind in terms of emotional manipulation.

I stan one (1) doofus

now either Catherine’s gaslighting Clarice...or Clarice’s trauma (over BILL! again with this!) is so pervasive that it’s twisted her memories. either way, I hate it.

so Krendler’s lawyer is dirty and that’s why he’ll (probably) turn against Clarice? but WHY? why can’t Krendler just suck?

Good: Clarice looking gorgeous, Ardelia continuing to fight for Clarice, female characters in positions of authority everywhere

Bad: Clarice’s underwhelming costumes, Clarice’s primary/worst trauma apparently STILL being Buffalo Bill & having Clarice break down crying again (and NOT over what happened last week, which would tbh make a lot more sense).

Sad: Shaan’s backstory about his wife, everything involving Catherine

Ugly: Krendler subplot. Ugh.

I just don’t know how I feel about this installment. Wish I cared more about the overarching conspiracy plot, but I’m really only here for Clarice and Ardelia. And while no show can stand on the shoulders of a single character, for a show about Clarice, there seems to be quite a bit of screentime devoted to her bosses, Martin and Krendler, and even to her team members. And all without Clarice herself getting much character development. They don’t seem to be exploring much of her character other than her traumatic backstories, and I’m no longer very hopeful that she’ll be much more fleshed out in the last four episodes, either. It’s a bummer. I really think Rebecca could shine like Jodie did if she were given a chance.

Most of the scenes with the Martins were visceral and felt so real that it was hard to watch. That said...the AG Martin/Catherine content all strikes me as being somewhat detached from the rest of the show, as if the writers are making it up as they go along with no real end goal in mind.

Man...these two were rough going. Very little humor or warmth and absolutely no joy. Of course the source material is dark, so a somewhat dark crime drama is to be expected, but I really think the show needs a slightly less intense, bleak and (dare I say it?) unpleasant episode. But they writers have really dug themselves into a hole by zeroing in on Clarice’s PTSD. And unlike in Hannibal, there’s no love interest with whom she (and by extension, the audience) can flee her misery and pain.

I'm cautiously optimistic about the rest of the season. A lot of the ingredients are there, and despite my many criticisms, it’s been great to spend time with a character I love. Fingers crossed that they finish strong!

#Clarice Starling #cbs clarice #clarice #rebecca breeds #spoiler warning #bc I know a few of you haven't quite caught up either #long post for ts #media [cbs show]#actor [rebecca breeds]#char [clarice starling]#char [the night watchman]#char [paul krendler]#char [ardelia mapp]

17 notes · View notes

raziroo · 3 years

Text

3. Demon Child (Pt. II) - Remus Lupin

Pairing : Remus Lupin x Reader

Genre : Angst all the way. Hint of fluff.

Warnings : Abusive home conditions, mentions of death, graphic descriptions of death, descriptions of torture, mentions of sexual activity.

Word count : 7,200

~~~~~

"What?" I asked Potter and company.

"N-nothing, just, you know..."

"You think me kissing your best friend is strange."

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Well... Because you seem to hate humans in general, and it physically pains you to smile?" Potter asked, sarcastically. "Oh, and also because you're incapable of feeling emotions," Black chided.

"Is 'ugh' an emotion? Because I feel that all the time," I retorted, then turned to Lupin. "I don't feel 'ugh' now, I feel actually happy, but that's an occurrence that's rarer than a Parseltongue, so..." I shrugged.

"It's OK," he replied.

After a painfully awkward moment, I exclaimed, "Well! I... Guess I should get going, uh, I need to... get fired," I said, removing my hands from Lupin's shoulders.

"Fired? Why would you get fired?" he questioned, furrowing his brows, looking adorable.

"Oh, Moony! Why are you surprised? Miss I-only-wear-black-and-it-physically-pains-me-to-smile scared her boss, so now she's about to get fired," Black commented. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Well, Mr. It-is-my-mission-to-get-in-bed-with-every-breathing-organism-in-existence, I am about to get fired because I was on "holiday" for two whole weeks, and because I bunked my five minute break to come visit your best friend who you're practically married to, and because my boss is a-!" and that was the moment, witches and wizards, when the Golden students of Gryffindor had the fortune of hearing my artistically colorful vocabulary. "Oh, and also," I added, "I don't wear just black. I wear inky black, metallic black, leather black, jet black, jade black, obsidian black, onyx black, charcoal black, midnight black, coal, and raven. And also, grey, burgundy, violet, blue, and green." I flashed a smile at Black's bewildered face, and with a kiss to Lupin's cheek, apparated out.

•••••

Ever since the kiss, that had occurred two weeks ago, Lupin frequently visited me. He often brought me food, and coffee, and we would sit and talk about anything and everything for literal hours. Things had become comfortable between us, we had even discussed about the kiss, and what it meant. I had made it clear that, now that he finally knew what I felt towards him, he was in no way forced to return the feeling, and that it was alright with me if he ever felt uncomfortable or forced to reciprocate my feelings.

Of course, he had always replied with a remark that assured me that he wasn't feeling forced, and it was all fine. I, of course, wanted to believe him; it wasn't my fault that I couldn't. Because even though I knew Remus Lupin was a good person, one who'd never lie to me, I was also aware of the fact that I wasn't typical crush material, and people would have no problem leaving me, even if they were scared of me, quite like my father.

And so, strictly out of the fear of being left alone, a quite rational fear of being left alone, I asked him the question that had been bugging me for days now. Or at least tried to.

"Gryffindor," I said, to the person sitting opposite me, who was sipping coffee in the secluded corner of the coffee shop.

"Hm?"

"I... wanted to ask you... something," my hesitance abundant in my voice. Perhaps my unusual reluctance was the reason that led Lupin to look up at me.

"What is it?"

"I... Have been thinking..."

"Hm, go on," he urged.

"I just... " I couldn't do it, it was way too difficult. So I twisted my words around, in order to make the Gryffindor aware of what I meant to say, without actually saying it. "Look... As a kid, I didn't have the greatest childhood. I- I had one of the worst... possible scenarios you could possibly call a childhood. I was a... Mistake, as my parents kept reminding me every other day; they had me when they were teenagers, you see," I raised my eyebrows a bit, but not meeting the man's intense gaze.

"So, my father didn't... he wasn't very- keen on the idea of supporting a family, and neither was my mother. She did, however, take care of me as a child, if you could call feeding a person regularly taking care. My father, he dropped around to our apartment... from time to time, and that was also just a formality. I mean, until I was seven, he did say "Hello" to me, called me a name I hated, but it was a pet name nonetheless; after that... he just stopped caring. Kept having affairs, would get involved with problematic people, ignored me and my mother. Mum, obviously, had slipped into depression. I, as an eleven year old, had to witness my own mother transition into a drunkard, and my father didn't care," I sighed.

"After I received my Hogwarts letter, however, I had to leave, and so... my father left as well. Because, well, why should you care for your dying wife? Your mistake of a kid will now be fed; she wont have to arrange food herself, and that's all a father's role is, isn't it?" I looked up to a face filled with sympathy and pain.

"After my second year, though, I knew that my mother's condition was worsening; she'd gotten into drugs, she seriously needed a rehab. I visited my dad a few times, asked him to get my mother treatment. He just called me by that nasty pet name, gave me a cookie, and sent me on my way. My mum's condition kept worsening and worsening and worsening, she even resorted to hitting me and stuff; I had to lock her in her room. I... just think about it. I had to lock my own mother in a room, and listen to her sobbing- a- and banging on the door, begging me to open the door. But I couldn't, because well, self-survival was a thing."

One day, I returned home from my muggle job, and I called out to my mother; check if she needed food, or- or if I could read her a story. I pulled out a card from... my bag, because it was her birthday. And I go inside, hoping to see my mother in a better... mood than usual; she hadn't been locked up in her room, so." I chuckled, as I tried to blink my tears away.

"And then, I go into her room, and you know what I see? My... my mother's bod-" I sucked in a breath. "She was laying... on the ground, and her eyes, they had no life in them, she- my mother had died. I got her admitted in the nearest muggle hospital, and, a few days later, in her postmortem report, it said that she died because of a... drug overdose. I, was obviously so confused, because I made it sure that I always threw all the- the drugs and alcohol out, I destroyed it. That... Was the reason she was able to live on her own in the first place, obviously. And all the abuse, mental, and... And physical... That wasn't because she was drunk. It was because I wasn't giving her the alcohol. She had so many attacks, and even a couple seizures, but a visit to the hospital, and she would always be able to survive. So when, after my fifth year, I see my mother dead, it was devastating. I wasn't able to find out who really gave her the drugs; I had to suffer jail time. Got out because my father bailed me out after the first three days."

And then, in her funeral, he didn't even make an appearance. I was alone, at her funeral. And then, one month later, a few days before school started, he makes an appearance, with his newest girlfriend," I sniffed.

"An he's like, 'Hey, kid,' and at that moment, I hated my father. I truly hated my father at that moment, because I knew that he had really stopped caring. He didn't even call me that nickname, didn't even call me... 'Demon Child', didn't taunt me for being magical like my mother. He didn't try to even show his loathing for me, and that's when I knew he really stopped caring. Because if you hate someone, you dislike someone, you care about them. But..." I swallowed the lump in my throat, not wanting to let the first sob out.

"Everyone, Gryffindor, every single one of the people who I cared about, they left. My mother, my father, Cynthia. And, I know it's not even been that long, but I like you, Gryffindor, a lot. More than I feel comfortable with, this is uncharted territory for me. And I just, I don't want you to go, or leave, because I don't know how much longer I can go around with this bitchy persona, because it hurts. It hurts to kn- know that I don't deserve getting cared about. And I-" I couldn't even say what I had to, I burst in tears. Lupin didn't waste even a fraction of a second to envelope me in a hug, allowing me to cry my sorrows away.

I had truly never felt more cared about, and safe, than I did in that moment.

•••••

Honestly, my life could have been a teen drama. Four months, four very hectic and possessed months later, after I officially became Remus Lupin's girlfriend, the Dark Lord and his goons found out about it.

And purely because of my knowledge and intellect on dark magic, the Death Eaters had sworn to forever follow me, and give me zero privacy. They often turned into ordinary civilians, I could just tell that they weren't ordinary people going about their ordinary routines; these people were Death Eaters.

So one day, while I was in the old Coffee shop, alone, after a long period of time, my irritatingly impulsive self confronted one such Death Eater in disguise, who just so happened to be one who could not-so-easily overpower me. Yep, you guessed it, none other than Bellatrix LeStrange.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Bellatrix, who was in disguise of a frail woman with curly ginger hair and big blue eyes.

"Me?" she asked, sounding surprised, and very fake.

"Yes," I replied. "Bellatrix, yes, you," she looked surprised. I don't know what for, though, because her acting was pathetic, and the way her eyes had been trained on me throughout my visit to the cafe was hostile and creepy enough for any normal person to suspect danger.

"I don't know why you and your Death Eaters are stalking me, but I don't like it. So if you could please leave me alone, and let me live my life, it would be heavily appreciated."

The woman, however, only sneered at me, and before I could even snatch my wand out, I had been apparated away.

•••••

Being back at Malfoy Manor was certainly not a pleasant experience; the dungeons of the manor stunk badly, and the fact that there were now more prisoners in it wasn't exactly homely. On top of that, Voldemort seemed adamant on making me one of his Death Eaters.

And he had been successful.

Staying in the same rotten cellar, with its putrid stench and disgusting puddles for an entire twelve days, as far as I'd managed to count, was a tedious task on its own. But when I received torture sessions from Bellatrix LeStrange everyday, where my body would end up feeling sore until the next day, when I had to get tortured again, the twelve days felt to be as long as a century.

Whenever I asked the Death Eaters why they were doing this they would just chortle and leave. So one particular day- or it could have been night, as far as I was concerned - I said something that I would have never, ever said in such a situation, because in all honesty, I wasn't keen on dying. How, or why those words spewed from my mouth, I was unaware, but the damage had already been done, and the Dark Lord had taken offense personally. And so the situation had spiralled out of my control.

"Why doesn't your Dark Lord come here to greet me personally, huh? Why does he send his minions to deal with an innocent prisoner?"

Bella scowled. "It's because the Lord doesn't wish to spend time on half-breed filth such as you; he expects us to take care of people of your likes, and I would be damned if I don't."

"Ha," I laughed, a spiteful, emotionless laugh. "He doesn't want to spend time on half-breed filth like me? Well, tell him I'm not going to subject to his torture. He can hurt me all he wants; I will never become a Death Eater," I sneered at Bellatrix.

She spat at my face. I moved it out of the way. "Well, thank you then. The Dark Lord will be pleased to know that you have already surrendered," and she strutted off, before I could even think to question the meaning of her sadistic grin and the cackle she let out on her way.

••••

Why do I have to be so damn dumb?

I should have let them torture me, hurt me. But no, little miss bad bitch had to go ahead and question the Dark Lord's intentions. And now, I had messed up. Bad. Real bad.

Why? Oh, because this was the question the Dark Lord had posed when he'd come to check my cellar late that same night.

"If you do not wish to be a Death Eater, a devoted follower, then that is fine. But know, that I do have other methods... Forceful methods to get you to submit to me," the Dark Lord had said, in his ominous, whisper voice. "If you are confused as to why the Darkest Wizard of all time is so determined to have you under his wing, then, you may not be as clever and cunning as I expect of you," he'd snarled, his vicious eyes on me.

"I know why, I'm not...," I had sighed, because I had been dumb. "You want me to become a Death Eater because of your brother's soul that resides within me. Maybe... Because I'm into darker forms of magic as well," I had said, straining my voice.

"Hmm, you do, indeed, possess sense. I thought you didn't, for you had very easily given into Bellatrix, a trap... Of sorts... But then again, I expected you to. You may be cunning, but you do not know the full extent of my command and power on people... You couldn't possibly have expected to be aware of your ...relations, with the half breed."

That was when my head had jerked up, looking at the Lord with wide eyes; he didn't even glimpse in my direction.

"I do know, I know... Lord Voldemort knows all... If you do not submit to my will, then, unfortunately, I will have to... attend to the werewolf personally. I will make him feel homely, but yet I assume you wouldn't want me to keep your little lover as a guest..." he'd trailed off, finally stopping his pacing and looking at me, staring down, at my fearful eyes, panic-stricken face, and shaking body.

"You, you- you can't-"

"I can, foolish child, you know that as well... It would be best, then, if you bid your alliegance to me, to the cause... To the Greater Good... Or we can always pay the werewolf a visit..."

"I-" I had looked up at the Dark Lord's merciless slits-for-eyes, and then instantaneously looked down, closing my eyes, but shedding no tears.

"Fine..." I had barely managed to whisper, shaking my head. I had known this was selfish; I should have been fine with sacrificing the Gryffindor for a better world; I would have certainly sacrificed either, or both, of my parents if I had to. But even though I'd met the Gryffindor only about half a year ago, I suddenly realized that I cared about him more than I could've ever imagined. I didn't just love the Gryffindor anymore, no, I was in love with him. And that realization alone was so startling that I had missed hearing the Dark Lord give me instructions on how to dress and when to appear in the Malfoy living room for the ceremony.

For my Death Eater initiation.

•••••

I was currently situated in the centre of the Malfoy Manor's living room, dressed in my usual color, black. Though this time, I was dressed in clothing belonging to Bellatrix LeStrange. My left arm was stretched out, forearm bare, as the Dark Lord approached me, his wand in hand, ready to carve in the ugly stain that would forever bind my alliance with him.

"Hmm... My dear followers," the Dark Lord said, addressing all the Death Eaters that were surrounding us; most of them looking nervous and having a sense of nostalgia to them - not-so-pleasant nostalgia. A few others, and I mean really few others, such as Bella, were grinning. Charming.

"Today is the day... The day when I initiate a Death Eater who's only reason to become a Death Eater, is love, " The Dark Lord taunted and laughed, and his followers chuckled too. "Love for a werewolf, at that... But fear not! She will not betray us... Won't even think about it. Why, might you ask... Because she has the soul of Richard Riddle in her... The soul, of my deceased brother." Although the Dark Lord paused, his followers didn't laugh. "And she's aware that I just have to greet him to cause immeasurable pain to her... She's smart... But above that, she knows that her werewolf will be in danger if she betrays me... But then again, she may go behind my back without me noticing. Like I mentioned earlier, she has great levels of intellect... So, after the Death Eater initiation, I will bind her in an Unbreakable Vow."

What?!

"Don't look surprised... It was expected... Even if the scarcest bit," he said, words aimed towards me. "But first, you will be initiated. And to be initiated, you have to kill someone..." I wasn't aware of that.

"Bring her in!" the Dark Lord said in a higher voice, and soon the lump body of a girl was levitated inside the room. The girl, brunette and with blue eyes, looked painfully familiar, but due to all the panic and dread swirling around my gut, I just couldn't place it. It was the kind of feeling you got when there was a word, right on the tip of your tongue, but you still couldn't place it.

As the spells were removed from the female's body, she fell to the ground, her hands supporting her fall, hair messily framing her face. She could be clearly heard sobbing. I watched, scared, as I pondered on how I was going to kill the poor girl. Said girl looked up and around, and when her eyes fell on Voldemort, she started sobbing even louder, pleading to anyone and everyone.

Her cries and pleas were blatantly ignored, however, as the Dark Lord turned to me. He didn't need to say anything, I knew what I was supposed to do. And so, knowing that there was no way out, I raised my wand at the girl, who screamed when she saw me go through the motions. She shook her head, crawling over and grabbing me legs, howling, wailing, begging for me to spare her.

I knew that maybe, maybe I wouldn't have to murder anyone in the end, if the spell fell short. It obviously was a tricky spell, the Avada Kedavra, so I might be spared of murdering someone.

So I raised my wand, fully confident that it wouldn't work, and meeting the girl's eyes, muttered the spell. Except my fantasies didn't come true. Perhaps, it was because of the other, very powerful soul that inhabited my body, alongside my own soul, but it worked.

The spell worked.

The Avada Kedavra worked. I had just committed a murder.

And just as the gravity and guilt of that situation fell upon my shoulder, I realized something else as well.

Those striking blue eyes, they could belong to only one person. And that was Crystal Hollander. The face shape, the body, the eyes, everything was same except the hair. I had not just murdered someone, I had murdered Crystal Hollander's sister.

But I wasn't given time to hate myself, though. The Dark Lord let out a low chuckle, swished his wand, and the dead body disappeared. I looked up. "Killing someone for the first time can be traumatic; more so when you do it against your will. But we'll, it does not do well do dwell on the past. Bring out your arm." I did.

The Dark Lord wandlessly cast a spell, and the skin on my left forearm begun to burn, and not just tingling burn. My skin was getting scarred, and then it was being cut through, albeit in the shape of the Dark Mark. I bled, and finally, an inky black hue covered my scarred and bleeding skin, and when it cleared, only smooth skin and the Dark Mark was left behind. The pain hadn't stopped, though.

The Death Eaters all remained silent. The Dark Lord then held out his left arm, and looked up at me, right in the eyes. It felt like he was piercing through my soul, and considering who we were talking about, he probably could. At first, I just stared right back at him, confused as to what his want was. But then it clicked, and so I joined hands with him. He then ordered Rudolphus LeStrange to come forward and carry out the vow.

After the Dark Lord turned to Rudolphus and conveyed the vows to Rudolphus through his, what I could only assume, mind, using legilimency, Rudolphus nodded out of his daze and started speaking, whilst casting the spell.

"Do you forever vow your services, as well as allegiance, to the Dark Lord?" he asked.

Nervously, and after taking a breath, I replied, "Yes." A thin golden tendril of magic came out of his wand and wrapped around our joined hands.

"Do you vow to never break the Dark Lord's trust?"

"Yes." Another tendril came and wrapped it around us.

"And finally, do you vow to swear on your life, that you will always bear the Dark Mark, and to serve your Lord, die for him?"

I swallowed. "Y-yes."

The golden tendril burst into sparkles, and then someone spoke. It was the Dark Lord this time.

"Well, welcome... To the ranks of a Death Eater."

.....

3 more months had passed since that initiation, and I was miserable. I had constantly been asked to carry out Death Eater-esque tasks; taking part in attacks, killing and torturing people, the likes. I was also being trained. And I wasn't aware why I'd been surprised in the first place, because it was painfully obvious that such tasks were part of being a Death Eater.

My relationship with the Gryffindor, if you could still even call it that, was going as strong as ever. We still hung out all the time, read books together, and visited the quaint little Cafe.

It had been one month since I'd confronted Lupin about his furry little secret, and he had looked as scared as I could've possibly thought. I'd quickly calmed him down, though, but still he wouldn't listen. He'd apparated away. I'd followed. We had both ended up in different places; knowing Lupin's address, I'd apparated there later, and found said man messing his room up.

Sparing the details, one thing led to another, and we both had ended up taking each other's clothes off, and me telling the man that I loved him; my feelings were reciprocated. Thank Salazar I'd been using a cosmetic spell to cover up my Mark, or things would've gotten messy. Little did I know, they were soon about to.

Sooner than I was comfortable with.

.....

I was sat in the Gryffindor's bed, inside his apartment. Said Gryffindor was currently preparing tea in the kitchen, while I was engrossed in a book about lethal magical creatures.

I had arrived about an hour ago; Lupin had invited me yesterday, but I couldn't come due to a Death Eater attack that I'd been involved in. My injuries and bruises had all been covered up by cosmetic spells and my usual form of clothing: long sleeves. However, I hadn't covered my Mark, because there there was a gash going through it, and there was a bandage wrapped around it; I simply had been too lazy too use a cosmetic spell, even though parts of my Mark were still visible.

I was just about to reach the end of the Vampire chapter, when I heard a distant crack, and the opening of a door. My eyebrows furrowed as I closed my book without even marking the page; who would separate here, at this time? It was probably the Gryffindor's friends, Black and Potter and Pettigrew, but Lupin had said that he'd informed them he was busy today.

Ignoring all the questions in my mind, I swung my legs around the bed, and walked to the living room.

"Lupin, who is it?" Only I needn't ask, because the golden-blonde hair and the Boston dress was enough proof. Crystal Hollander.

I immediately grew nervous; even though she didn't know I killed her sister, I still had an uneasy knot in my stomach.

"Hollander? What ar-"

The girl whipped her head around, looking livid. Lupin peered at me from behind her.

"You!" she exclaimed, pointing one of her sharp nails at me, nostrils flaring. "You filthy Death Eater!"

I tried not to show my surprise, but still my eyes widened a bit, and my brows raised. It was often that people mistook me for a Death Eater, courtesy of my interests in Dark Magic and fashion sense, but I had never ever felt as queasy as I did at that moment.

"What?"

Lupin and I asked at the same time.

"Don't 'what?' me!" Hollander exclaimed. "You know exactly what I'm talking about! You were there, present at the Death Eater attack yesterday!"

"I... Know that," I said. "I was present at the Death Eater attack yesterday. That's why there's all this," I pointed at my split lip and the light bruise on my cheekbone, "on my face."

Hollander let out a frustrated groan/scream at the same time. "Could you stop being so irritating and ju-" the girl's eyes fell on my left forearm. Oh no. "Show me your arm."

"What? Why?"

"Because that's where the Mark is, isn't it? Huh? That's why you're so-"

I let out a typical forced breath of mine, and rolling my eyes, said, "Look, Hollander. I understand that being the reason for my friend's very gruesome death, you're traumatised, and probably have PTSD-"

"What's PTSD?"

"-but that doesn't give you a right to harass me. I know that you want to reduce your guilt, even though I'm pretty sure you don't even have a guilt complex. But I won't have it. Get out," and with that and a sharp glare, I turned on my heel, all ready to walk away, when a voice stopped me.

"Stop..." I turned around at the Gryffindor's voice, looking at him incredulously. "Just show the arm to her... and me," he said, looking stern.

I opened my mouth, trying to say something, but nothing would come out. I probably looked like a fish.

Clenching my jaw, hard, I put a hand on the sleeve of my left arm, ready to lift it. I already was ready to take out my wand.

Closing my eyes, I pulled up my sleeve, and as soon as i was done, I whipped out my wand. It was the right time, too, as Hollander pointed her wand at me at the same time. However, before she could do anything, I Petrificus Totalus-ed her.

My head then swiveled towards Lupin, who was now staring at me with a blank expression. But even though his expression was blank, I knew he was broken inside. His eyes said it all.

"Remus, I can explain, plea-"

"Stupefy! " I took a step to the side, but instead, Lupin got hit.

"Remus!"

"Gryffindor!" hearing the other call of his name, I turned around, meeting the furious eyes of Black, Evans and Potter. Apparently, through all this drama, those three had also made it here. How, I didn't know, because I was sure Lupin had asked them not to. But that didn't matter. They were livid.

Before I could even breathe, they were shooting spells at me, and I was shooting spells at them.

I did the only thing I could possibly do. Which was also incredibly stupid. I pressed on my Mark, and called the other Death Eaters. I was so dumb.

After a long and complicated duel, I finally mustered the courage to cast a spell that I was never able to carry out before. "Prorsus Defixit!" it was just a stronger version of the petrifying spell.

Thankfully, maybe due to the adrenalin in my body, the spell worked, and all three Gryffindors fell to the floor, rigid.

I then turned to look at Lupin and Hollander, who were both also passed out. Well, that was great, but what was I to do about the Death Eater situation? I had acted foolishly, and in a panic, invited Death Eaters here; I guess my reflexes acted out - I had just grown used to calling other Death Eaters when I was in a tight situa-

Crack!

I was too late.

They were already here.

.....

I hoped the Gryffindors were doing well in the Malfoys' dungeons.

It was yesterday when the Death Eaters came and abducted them, and since then they'd been chained up in the cellars.

I hadn't been allowed to visit them, though. Not yet. The Dark Lord though it'd be better for me to be part of a few 'missions'. Why he thought so, I was unaware.

But one thing was clear. I had landed myself in deep shit.

I had been the reason for four people to be held prisoner, out of which three were Order members, one was out for revenge on me, and one was the man I loved.

Wonderful.

.....

Two days later, I was asked to visit my... those Gryffindors.

I was nerve wracked, and rightfully so, too. It wasn't everyday you got to visit your captive boyfriend.

As I made my way through the ominous hallways and staircases of the Malfoy Manor, I thought. The Dark Lord had said that he wanted me to be part of his ranks due to my cunning and cleverness, and knowledge; he'd said a contributing factor was the fact that I was possessed by the soul of his deceased brother. But that was the thing though, he hadn't really even conversed with his brother after I was turned a Death Eater, only a couple times at most. Even then, the pain hadn't lasted that long. And about the intelligence part, he hadn't really tested my wit, or cunning.

It was all so strange. It felt so... normal, now. It always had, even though it never should've. I was literally demonically possessed, but that issue felt so insignificant amidst all my other issues. For example, the fact that the person I'd become a Death Eater for was now hostage, that too because of me. And then, what Dumbledore said. Richard Riddle's soul would never really leave my body; not until the Dark Lord had really died. As in, even his soul was no more. But Dumbledore had said that that wouldn't be possible; not until all parts of his soul were destroyed. Not until the horcruxes were destroyed. And that was near to impossible.

I had asked Dumbledore why the soul just took home in me, why it didn't really possess me, as in control me. He'd said it was because Richard's soul was too weak. He just had one horcrux.

I didn't even realize when I reached the dungeon. I had almost barged into Magnus Fawley; thankfully, I caught myself.

He smirked at me.

I glared at him.

We went our separate ways - me into the cellar, him out of the dungeons.

As I walked in, I noticed that the people chained were all huddled close together. It wasn't really a very important detail, just a mere observation.

My footsteps indicated the prisoners of my arrival, and they looked up. Black, Potter and Hollander glared. Evans seemed as though she was trying to glare, but she couldn't because she was weak. And lupin - oh, his reaction broke my heart - he didn't even have a reaction; he was blank, not meeting my eyes.

I met all of their eyes, and masking my hurt, sat opposite them.

Hollander was already at it.

"You! You Death Eater scum! You're the reason we're all here! What did you lot do to my sist-?"

I groaned. "Hollander," I looked her dead in the eye. "Shut. Up. "

"You can't ask me to shut up! What did you do with my sister, huh? I always knew you were shady, reading those nasty books! You killed her, did you? I'm sure you did! Had fun doing it too, I reckon," she spat at me, her eyes seeing red, nose breathing fire. "And then- then you betray Remus! You loved him, didn't you? Bet it was all a plot, a, a grand scheme! " Her nostrils flared.

Before the Blondie could start again, I Silencio-ed her. She looked comedic.

"Why'd you do that, huh? Death Eater? "

That hurt.

I then mustered up all the self control and braveness I had, and spoke up. "Black, what do you take me for-?"

"-A death Eater, perhaps?"

"-,I'm not just going to sit here and let her blame me for something I very clearly did," I rolled my eyes. Lupin looked up, but looked down again almost instantaneously.

"So... You did kill Hollander's sister?"

"No, I didnt-"

"Oh, don't be modest. You did," Rabastan drawled, smirking, as he strolled in. I snapped my head at him, glaring venomously. Hollander's jaw dropped.

"She looked disgusted with herself; should be, too. Considering the Dark Lord had her in his ranks just because his dea-"

"If you don't shut up now, LeStarnge, I will castrate you."

"Oh, does little miss halfblood even know the spell for that?"

"You wanna see? Don't try me." I raised my brow at him, as his smirk faltered. He then drawled out monotonously, "The Dark Lord needs you to take care of our guests."

"I already am."

"You need to torture them," my jaw clenched. "Bellatrix will help you," and with a devious smirk, he sauntered out.

Although i didn't wish to, I really didn't, I knew the Dark Lord would do it himself and make me watch if I didn't do it. So standing up, I walked to the prisoners, standing in front of them.

"You really are-"

"Filthy? Scum? A git? A prat? A backstabbing cockroach? Thanks so much," I said uninterestedly to Black. "now, who would like to go first?"

"Look, you can't torture Lily."

"And why is it so, Potter?" I looked down at him.

"She... She's pregnant."

My eyes widened and brows raised. "You both thought it would be a good idea to bring a new life to this world during such times? You had sex with your wife in the midst of a war, and got her pregnant? How did you even have time for that?" I looked at him incredulously. He was turning scarlet, while his wife was too tired to even notice.

"You should always use protection." and with that, I pointed my wand at Evans, casting a spell. It wasn't Crucio, though, even I wasn't that heartless. It was imperio, and I forced the woman to writhe and thrash and scream, looking expressionless, all while the others, even Lupin, shouted and cursed at me. Soon, I was done with her and moved onto Black.

Him, though, I used cruciatus. I couldn't afford being caught.

I was done with him after a good ten minutes, and then as I moved to Lupin, Bellatrix entered, cackling.

She immediately went for Evans; she was the mudblood.

"I'm done with the mud blood, you attend to Hollander and Potter."

She went to Hollander first, and tortured her. Tortured her so badly, it was difficult to even look at. Even worse, she'd been cackling through it all. As I moved to Potter, I asked her to stop. She didn't. I asked again.

"Stop it, Bellatrix, that's enough." no response.

"Stop it, Bella." Nope.

"Bellatrix, please, you're going to hurt her more than necessary," My pleas rang out between all the Gryffindors'.

"Enough, Bellatrix!" I exclaimed. I just knew that Richard had taken over; that was clear by the looks everyone was giving me. "Thats... Enough. Just, go out, please."

And she did. Without a question.

.....

It had been after 4 days of the Gryffindprs as our prisoners, when there was a break in at the Manor, obviously by the Order.

I rushed to the dungeons; however on the final stair, collided with the Gryffindors. Immediately casting a shield spell around myself, I took a step back.

I then removed the spell.

"You can go," they looked suspicious, so I dropped my wand. "I... Go. Just be careful, Potter. Prophecies... " I decided not to tell them too much, as even I wasn't fully sure of what was happening.

"Be careful." and with that, I stepped back, making way for them.

As the group walked past me, wands aimed, still suspicious, I called after them. Also, could you, maybe... Make me pass out?"

.....

It had been fifteen years. Fifteen years since I let those Gryffindors elope, most of whom had dreadful fates. Fifteen years since I'd seen Lupin.

You see, maybe it was just destiny being cruel, but up until Voldemort's (yes, I call him that now, I'm brave) downfall, me and Lupin had never crossed paths. After the Potters' deaths, I'd left the country, becoming a wanderer. I changed my name and past each time; sometimes I was a hippie, sometimes a businesswoman, sometimes a struggling artist.

But now, as I set foot inside Grimmauld Place, my nerves wracked again. I would see Lupin, and maybe he wouldn't even remember me.

But I, however, was still nervous. I was about to meet the boy who lived. I was about to meet Black. I was about to meet all those Order members I said I didn't trust. And I was going to be helping them.

The papers in my hands were quite important.

I knocked on the door. A chubby woman opened the door; that was probably Molly Weasley.

Her face fell. "You're here... The meeting got over-"

"I'm aware. I was... A bit busy," I held up the papers. "Could you please...?" I motioned inside, and Molly moved aside. I walked in, following the path I knew led to the dining room.

"Dear, they're having-"

"Dinner? That won't be a problem." I smiled at Molly as I turned the knob of the dining room's door, and all eyes turned to me. Among them was a pair of light greenish-blue eyes that I'd craved to see, bit I couldn't meet.

I raised an eyebrow. "Well, isn't this a pretty sight." I smiled a sickeningly sweet smile and entered, everyone still gazing at me. Black was clutching his fork so hard his knuckles were going white, while. molly still looked troubled.

"Greetings," I scanned the crowd, "Gryffindors." my eyebrows jumped. I dropped the papers right in front of Black.

"Here is your information. You're welcome. I now must leave, because I have work to att-"

"Who are you?"

"-end. You should never interrupt," I said, looking pointedly at Potter Jr. "Even if you are the boy who lived."

"I-" Potter was cut off by Black.

"He asked something, why don't you answer him?" Ugh. And they say Slytherins are evil.

I thought a bit. Then, "I'm the reason you even got the chance to be born." The Potter boy looked confused, but before he could ask, someone spoke up. Go to hell, Black.

"How so?"

"Could you not interrupt in between? That's what I just told the boy, but then again, you are excruciatingly dumb."

"I'm not dumb. I just pointed something out. And you're one to say; Miss-I'm-So-Edgy."

"Oh well, Mister-I'm-an-adult-but-still-a-child, you could maybe not have interrupted in between of a conversation?"

"You're so difficult."

"You're dense, and a literal man-child."

"You're evil, and nutty."

"You're annoying, and a pathetic drama queen. I'm a hundred percent sure that when you met your Godson, who thought you were a murderer, and confronted that rat, you said something along the lines of," I cleared my throat, " 'Only one shall die tonight.' and then went off behaving immature."

Judging by the look on his face, I was right.

I smirked, and then, to Potter, said, "Potter Jr., there was once a time when your parents, along with a few dear friends were locked up in the dungeons of the Malfoy Manor, and I was tasked with taking care-torturing them, if you will," I raised an eyebrow, "And your father had been dumb enough to have se-"

"Stop-"

"-Could you please not interrupt me, Black?" I said, frustrated.

"Well, you were about to-"

"-Tell the boy that his parents had sex? Well, Black, he has to be really thick to not know about that-"

"-He's just 15-!"

"-just 15?" I scoffed. "You had bedded half the Hogwarts population by the age of fifteen, Black, and then some." That made him shut up. I smirked again. He narrowed his eyes.

"so, mini Potter, your mum was dumb enough to have sex and get pregnant amidst a war, and she was pregnant in the Malfoy dungeons. And do you know what? If I'd tortured your mum, you would have lost your life in her womb. There would be no 'The Boy Who Lived', and Voldemort would've reigned. But I didn't. Because there were prophecies involved, and spirits, too."

I knew that was way too vague and cryptic, but that was all I said.

And as I turned and left the room to apparate away I could faintly hear the conversations inside.

"Who was she?"

Lupin sighed. "My ex-girlfriend."

I smiled, and then was engulfed in smoke as I apparated away.

28 notes · View notes

leigh-kelly · 4 years

Text

I’m Saving All My Love For You

Some 80s AU

As much as Santana hates the snow, she thinks it’s possible that she hates the rainy winter even more. Everything is cold and damp and she feels like she just can’t get warm ever. The cold seeps into her bones and every night when she gets home from work, she crawls under as many blankets as possible, just trying to feel better. It’s been months since she’s spoken to her parents, her mother hasn’t tried to call her since the incident with Brittany and instead of feeling anxious about it, Santana is just calm. Her stomach doesn’t hurt thinking that they might call to stop over, her head doesn’t ache remembering the cruel words that have been said in her presence.

It’s one of those cold, rainy nights that January and February of 1985 seem to bring and Brittany is working late. Santana sits upstairs in the office, poring over her ledgers and sipping a glass of wine. The sound of rain in the roof is oddly comforting and she relaxes in her chair, feeling the most at peace that she has in a long time. When she hears footsteps downstairs, she smiles, knowing that Brittany is home, knowing that it’s Friday, knowing that they’ll have three days to spend together since Monday is President’s Day and the bank is closed.

“Hey.” Brittany peeks in the office door, hair dripping wet from the rain. It’s an odd sort of feeling, but suddenly, in that moment, Santana feels something shift in her very being. It’s just a ‘hey,’ it’s just a smile, but Santana feels this sense of knowing deep within her chest.

“Hi.” She smiles back, her eyes crinkling softly. “You’re home.”

It stays with Santana all through the weekend. She’s shaken by the feeling that the simplest thing, Brittany dripping wet and standing in her office doorway, brought out in her, but it’s there, and she knows that there’s no going back. So she plans. She thinks. She obsesses. She talks to Mercedes when she goes back to work on Tuesday and she knows that it’s going to happen. Mercedes agrees to meet her after work on Thursday at a store way out in Brooklyn, a store in a place where no one will know her and she can feel safe doing the biggest thing she’ll ever do in her life.

“So this is real?” Mercedes asks when Santana gets out of her cab.

“It’s really. It’s crazy, I know...and I don’t even...I don’t even know what she’ll say.”

“You know what she’s going to say, I think you’ve known it from the first day you met her.”

“The first day I met her, I never thought I’d do this. ‘Cedes, I didn’t even think I’d do this three months ago. It’s crazy.”

“You keep saying that it’s crazy.”

“It is, I know it is. It’s just like...everything us stacked against us.” Santana sighs. “My parents, the world. But all it does is make me want to do this even more.”

“You really love her.”

“She changed something in me. It’s like...my chemical makeup is different ever since I’ve known her. I’ve never known what joy was until she brought it into my life. She looks at me and the fear and the shame and the hate I feel for myself just fades away. When I’m with her, I feel whole in a way I never have before. And she just...she doesn’t ask for anything from me. She understands me and accepts that as much as I’d give her the world if I could, there are some things I just can’t. And she doesn’t expect I’ll ever do this, but that’s why I want to. I want her to know all that she means to me, I want her to have this one normal thing in a world of things that aren’t right and aren’t fair. I...I just want her.”

“Then let’s go do this.”

Though Santana is so nervous the whole time she’s in the store with Mercedes, the trip is a success and she breathes a sigh of relief on the cab ride home. Brittany is working late, she’s been teaching a 7:00 class and she won’t say no to doing it, wanting to give Carl every reason to promote her when her year is up. Santana goes home and she puts her purchase away before changing into her pajamas and settling in on the couch. She has some work to do, but she’ll leave it for another night. The day was emotional for her and she knows the next night will be even more so, so she just wants to veg and watch TV and get in bed with Brittany when she comes home.

“That was the longest day ever.” Brittany kicks off her shoes and leans back against the door. “I’m so glad to be home.”

“I’m glad you’re home too.” Santana smiles and moves over a little on the couch, knowing that Brittany will want to sit. “Charles in Charge is on.”

“Ugh, good.” She stops in front of the couch to kiss Santana’s lips, then sinks down beside her. “I’m all sweaty.”

“Do you want to shower and then relax or are you good?”

“I just want to hang out with you for awhile. I hate hating my job.”

“What can I do?”

“Build a time machine so the year goes faster? No, but really, nothing. Just being with you makes me feel better.”

“I feel the same way, you know.”

“I do.” Brittany grins, resting her head on Santana’s shoulder. “And tomorrow is date night.”

“It is, and I’m really excited about it.”

“You’re cute, you know that?”

“Britt...”

“You are. I like looking at your face.”

“It’s not going anywhere...”

They spend the night relaxing and when Santana gets into bed, she feels butterflies in her stomach. Everything feels so big and intense and she just kind of breathes, trying to center herself. For the first time though, she doesn’t feel that throbbing in her stomach. The butterflies are good, they’re a reassurance that the way she feels is real. Brittany falls asleep first and Santana just watches her, loving the rise and fall of her chest, loving the sound of her breathing. It’s late when she finally falls asleep and she knows the next day will be long, but then it’s the weekend, then she’s with Brittany.

The next morning is rough. Hudson screws up big time and Santana spends hours fixing his mess. She wants to fire him so badly, but she’s scared. No, more than scared, she’s terrified. It haunts her that he might know something about her, might suspect by the way she defends Kurt. It’s an awful feeling, but there’s nothing she can do. Sometimes she wonders if she should ask Mike to come to a work function with her, draw away some suspicion , but she doesn’t know him well enough to ask something like that of him and...she feels like she would be betraying Brittany if she did.

It’s pouring again when Santana leaves work. She’s in a bad mood, but she doesn’t want to be. Once she sees Brittany, she’ll be better, she knows she will. Date night will be a quick dinner and a movie, that’s what Brittany said she wanted. Santana would have done something fancy, but she knows that Brittany prefers simple and that she’s been dying to see The Breakfast Club, so that’s what they’ll do. Brittany still isn’t home when Santana gets to the house but she sheds her work clothes and changes into jeans and a cashmere sweater. She wishes the rain would stop, give them one night of reprieve where they don’t have to fight for a cab, but it seems unlikely.

“I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!” Brittany cries out as she bursts into the house. “Give me ten minutes, I’ll take the fastest shower of my life.”

“It’s fine, Britt, the movie isn’t for two and a half hours, we’ll have plenty of time to eat.” Santana stands up and gently kisses her lips, feeling those butterflies again.

“Are you okay? You’re like...weirdly calm.”

“I’m good.” Santana smiles. “Go shower.”

Once Brittany is ready, they decide to just go to the diner. Santana is really in the mood for Chinese, but after Brittany’s stint at Chang’s, she hardly ever wants to eat it and Santana gets it. Brittany tells Santana that she’s half-starved and inhales her burger while Santana just smiles and eats her club sandwich. It’s a good kind of date night, Santana decides. It’s the kind where they’re just relaxed and comfortable and Santana thinks it’s a good lead up to later.

After the movie, Brittany is positively buzzing. Even Santana enjoyed it and since the rain stopped, they walk home. Santana feels a little like she’s going to throw up, but she knows she’ll survive. She’s with Brittany, everything is better with Brittany and she just keeps telling herself that as they walk.

“You’re weird tonight.” Brittany comments, echoing what she said earlier. “Did you have a bad day at work?”

“I’m fine, I promise. I’ve just been...thinking a lot. Mostly about how I acted at Mike and Artie’s wedding.”

“Santana, that was months ago. You don’t have to hold guilt in all this time.”

“It’s not guilt...it’s...just. I didn’t understand it, you know. I’ve spent my whole life listening to people talk about when I’m going to marry a man, when I’m going to have children, when I’m going to stay home from my job. My parents...marriage never looked like love to me. It looked like something you check off a list. Then I met you, and I finally knew what people were talking about when they talk about love. But the thing is, for the first time I could reconcile marriage and love, the whole world is against it. Britt, there’s a lot I can’t give you. I don’t think I’ll ever be out like you are and maybe that makes me a coward, but I can’t do it. I can’t give you children. I could give you the house in the suburbs, if you really wanted it, but I’d feel like we’d have to hide what we meant to each other even more. But there are some things I can. I can promise to love you for the rest of my life. I can be your greatest supporter, the one you lean on in good times and in bad. And I can give you what Mike and Artie had, I can stand up in front of my friends and promise to love you in sickness and in health. I can dance with you at Holly’s. I can give you this.” Santana reaches into her pocket and slides out the ring box, carefully opening it. “I can be everything to you that a wife should be, if you just say yes.”

“Santana.” Brittany gasps. “Are you...oh my God.”

“I’m asking you to marry me, Britt, because all I want is to spend the rest of my days with you.”

“You don’t have to do this...”

“I’m not doing it because I have to, I’m doing it because I want to. I don’t care if it’s legal or not, I want you to know that my heart is yours forever. But if you—“

“I want to. I so want to.” Brittany doesn’t even bother to wipe the tears from her eyes, she just lets them fall. “Yes, yes I will.”

Santana feels like she’s looking at the sun, looking into Brittany’s tear filled eyes and her heart flips in her chest. Right in front of her is the one thing she never thought she’d have, the thing she never thought she deserved to have. She knows she’ll spend all of her days trying to be good enough for Brittany, trying to prove that she’s worthy, but in this moment, everything feels good and right and real. She gently slips the ring onto Brittany’s finger and Brittany launches herself toward Santana, pulling her close and kissing her.

“I love you.” She whispers against Santana’s lips. “I love you.”

After Brittany spends a good ten minutes staring at her ring, she insists on taking Santana to bed. For Santana, everything feels different, good different, and afterwards, she lays with her head on Brittany’s chest just taking it all in.

“You okay?”

“I am.” Santana nods. “Just...hoping I’m enough for you.”

“You’ve always been enough, Santana. What I want most of all is for you to be enough for you. You’ve had so much hurt in your life, you deserve so many good things.”

“I’m not going to see them anymore, you know.”

“I won’t hold you back if you change your mind. I’d understand.” Brittany promises.

“I won’t. I’ve wanted them to love me for so long...”

“I think they love you, I think they just have a terrible way of showing it.”

“They love who they think I should be. And if they knew about us...I’m so scared all the time.”

“I know.” Brittany runs her hand through her hair and sighs. “I wish I could take that away.”

“Do you think it’ll ever be any different? Do you think there’ll ever be a day where I can just be me?”

“I...don’t know. If I could, I’d promise you that some day I could walk into a work party with you and you wouldn’t lose your job, or we could spend Christmas with your parents and they wouldn’t shun you. But I just don’t know. The one thing I do know though is that I’m always gonna be right here. When you have a bad day, I’ll hold you in my arms until you fall asleep. I’ll kiss you behind closed doors. I’ll love you until the end of time.”

“I never thought I was lucky until I met you. Everything I have, it came from hard work. I’m a Hispanic woman In a world of white men, but I’ve worked a hundred times harder to get where I am. But you...you made me think that luck exists because I’m so lucky to be with you, to know that you want us to last forever.”

“I don’t need a big spectacle, just so you know. If you wanted this to be it, for me to wear this ring and to know that we’re married, that’s okay. No one else has to watch.”

“No, Britt. You deserve more than that and I want more than that for both of us. We’ll make plans, we’ll have everyone here if that’s okay and we’ll stand up in front of them all and vow to love and cherish each other. It won’t be a wedding like my parents had, but it’ll mean so much more.”

When she falls asleep, Santana feels calm in a way she never has. Being in Brittany’s arms, touching her left ring finger, it just fills her up. She knows she’s not permanently cured from being terrified all the time, but in her home, she feels so much love that it makes all of the outside stuff feel bearable.

She’s so glad the next morning is Saturday so she can wake up and not rush out the door. Brittany is still sleeping so she gently kisses her forehead and slips out of bed. Because she can’t bear to stay in her pajamas, she washes up and gets dressed and she goes into the kitchen. She’s surprised to find Millie standing over the counter with a bottle of bleach in her hand, but then she remembers that she’d taken a day off earlier in the week and wanted to come in to finish up the house.

“Morning, sunshine.” Millie smiles, putting down her sponge. “I don’t think I’ve ever known you to sleep this late.”

“Millie, can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“If I had a wedding, would you come?”

“You know I’d be there with bells on.”

“Even if...”

“No matter who you were to marry, I’d be there.” She nods and Santana’s breath rushes out.

“I asked Brittany if she would marry me.” Santana whispers, knowing this is the first time she’d openly acknowledged it to Millie.

“That’s just wonderful. Come give the a hug.”

Millie opens up her arms and Santana steps in. Before she knows it, she’s crying in big ugly sobs and Millie just squeezes her a little tighter. It’s a cathartic release, she thinks, feeling that embrace after she’d confessed something that scares her so much, so she savors the physical contact and keeps right on crying.

“Are you alright, honey?”

“It’s just...you mean so much to me and to know that you support this. My parents...”

“They don’t deserve to be part of it if they don’t think you’re something real special.”

“When I was little, I used to play wedding with my grandma. I always thought when I got engaged, they’d be the first ones I told, but it’s you, you’re the one who’s always supported me.”

“Blood doesn’t necessarily make a family. The way you’ve been good to me and my Marley, I consider you like a second daughter.”

“Really?” Santana wipes her face and sniffles.

“Really. And if I can be frank, I think you and Brittany both got really lucky. I can’t imagine how hard it is.”

“It’s easier for her, I think. She is proud to be who she is and I’m just...everything is behind closed doors.”

“I don’t think there’s a right way to be you. I tell Unique this all the time. I know she has a hard time of it, having to pretend to be Wade all day, but until the world changes, you all have to do whatever feels right to survive.”

“Some times I feel like I couldn’t do it without Brittany. She came into my life just when I needed her most.”

“She’s good for you.” Millie nods. “She helps you relax a little. You were always so high strung and had every reason to be, but you’re softer now, like you feel safe.”

“That’s the thing, I do. I get to come home and feel like...I don’t know, I’m protected from the world. I don’t want to do anything to mess it up.”

“I know we’ve never talked about it before, but I can see by the way that girl looks at you that it’d be pretty hard for you to mess up.”

“Thank you, Millie. Just...thank you.”

“I’ll get everything done quick so I can be out of your hair.”

“It’s alright, stay as long as you want.”

By the time Brittany wakes up from their late evening, Millie is long gone but left Brittany’s favorite banana bread in her wake. Standing at the counter, Santana cuts two pieces and brings them over to the table with her fresh cup of coffee. Brittany is just marveling down at the diamond on her finger, twisting it in the light, and Santana can’t help but smile. Seeing Brittany so happy just makes her want to make her even happier every day for the rest of her life.

“Do you want a ring?” Brittany asks, looking up from her diamond. “I can’t afford something like this, but if you want something, I’ll get it.”

“I...” Santana bites her bottom lip, thinking hard on that. “I think when we’re married, I’d like some kind of simple band. Nothing that...I’m sorry...”

“Nothing that makes the people at work ask too many questions, I totally get it babe. And if you didn’t want to wear it out of the house, that’s okay.”

“I do. I’m going to be married to you. I don’t need to share my personal life with anyone. They can make their assumptions about the gender of the person I’m married to.”

“You’re really brave, I hope you know that.”

“I never feel brave.” Santana shakes her head. “I feel like a coward.”

“Don’t ever say that again.” Brittany frowns. “You’re not a coward, you’re practical and I get it. You have to keep yourself safe.”

“I’m so proud to be yours. I really just...need you to know that.”

“I do. I promise, I do.”

#brittana #80s AU

60 notes · View notes

idlecreature · 3 years

Text

the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?”��

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?”

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold.

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s…

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen.

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’)

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#fic review #mayormurdock #what the fuckkkkkk tony when are you getting your sainthood #long post #submission

4 notes · View notes

bladekindeyewear · 4 years

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-08-23

More homestuuuuuck

I’m a little tired today so I don’t expect much intelligent analysis out of myself, but if anything classpecty happens I doubt I’ll be able to help myself regardless.

oh, always

(EDITS: added note on horn colors, link to ask on potential Blood powers reference)

> CHAPTER 12. Really Convoluted Metaphorical Horseshit

cuuute

In the bowels of a different ship, at a moment in time that is not pinpointable in either direction from the previous interaction, another Dave raps quietly to himself.

another dave raps quietly to himself. i am glad that phrase exists it brings me joy

(LATER EDIT: A friend on Discord pointed out that throughout this entire update, Karkat's horns are #FF0000 red. They were normal candy-corn colors in previous glimpses at the ship crew, though they used a dark single-color shortcut typical of old Homestuck at one point... but THIS time it stays STARK red even when we zoom in close later. Is this just artistic liberty? Did Karkat color his horns for fashion? Does this happen to red-bloods like the Sufferer after a certain age? Just how much time has actually passed, here? We might have to wait for the commentary for this one.)

KARKAT: I WAS SAYING I THOUGHT WE MIGHT GO, I DUNNO, ANYWHERE ELSE ON THE ENTIRE SHIP WHILE THE CLOTHES WERE WASHING. KARKAT: SEEING AS THIS DECREPIT MACHINE WE WERE SO BLESSEDLY PROVIDED WITH MAKES A WHIRRING SOUND SO PANCHAFINGLY ARHYTHMIC THAT IT THREATENS TO ERADICATE THE ENTIRE CONCEPT OF TEMPO FROM THE UNIVERSE.

Karkat really has chilled out hasnt he? like this is surprisingly level for him, and that fact is hilarious.

KARKAT: AND YET SOMEHOW BASICALLY ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED SINCE WE STARTED THE LOAD IS THAT YOU’VE BEEN USING IT AS A FUCKED UP BEAT TO WHISPER TO YOURSELF ABOUT FLOWERS TO.

oh gosh that’s why he’s rapping

> ==>

DAVE: kanaya was telling me this kids story the other day about this dude who didnt cherish a flower enough until it peaced out to do flower stuff idk its not pertinent to the story DAVE: except the flower was a person DAVE: because it was a metaphor

Oh right, coming back to the Little Prince stuff I was too lazy to metaphor-deep-dive into, and literally asking the same questions we were asking about who the Little Prince’s story applies to mapped here if anyone at all, like Dirk and such, or what biases were in the retelling of it and the way Kanaya phrased it. So now we’re practically mocking it by deep diving it here, hence the last page’s “DAVE: i was just thinking through some really convoluted metaphorical horseshit”, which means we’re both about to further explore AND shit all over the existence of this story metaphor until it doesn’t mean anything and most of the meaning we drew from it earlier is made a joke~

well, not “we”, cause I was too lazy, so... y’all

DAVE: anyway what goes down in the story is that once the flower lady is out of the picture DAVE: the main character goes around making all these connections between her and everything else in the universe until every damn thing feels like a symbol for how much he fucked up and how much he will never see her again KARKAT: THIS SEEMS PRETTY FUCKING INTENSE FOR A KID'S STORY DAVE: yea thats pretty much what i said

Oh holy shit. That’s yet another way to put it. Are we doing a whole moral takedown of the Light aspect today? cause it sounds like we’re taking a dump on the Light aspect and RoboRose getting too obsessed and immersed in it, which would be excellent

DAVE: but i guess its not so much what the story was technically textually about but more like the version of it kanaya internalized and then told me when we were talkin about how she misses rose

exactly

DAVE: so like now im taking the story she told me she was projecting her feelings onto and projecting my feelings on top of that

yes absolutely, you just rephrased it a different way with that exact same bias

DAVE: this is just one big game of emotional projection telephone so feel free to go paraphrase it to roxy later and make it about whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing

perfect. i need an emoji for that Italian thing for when you pinch your thumb and forefinger together and kiss it

ah this’ll do:

its like the expression “choice” but in nonverbal form

[...] whatever fuckin thing youre currently missing KARKAT: YOUR ABILITY TO GET TO THE POINT DAVE: gotem DAVE: anyway you’re not gonna have to miss that skill of mine for long DAVE: get ready for this shit because i am about to slap you with the point so hard youll fall ass first into the washer DAVE: just scrambling around in there getting all sudsy DAVE: but your brain is gonna be so blasted from the mindfreak of a point im about to make that there wont be anything left to clean

Anytime dave is told to get to the point he is contractually obligated to spend at least 20 seconds talking about how he’ll get to the point in a way that is not getting to the point

DAVE: so its genuinely cool that kanaya can go around creating meaning that may or may not be actually present in every little thing DAVE: connecting every feeling she has to the idea of her wife existing out there DAVE: so i told her she should keep that shit up DAVE: but im having the opposite issue where im struggling to find anything to be that kind of tether because every single thing i could possibly consider about what it is were doing just reminds me of yet another thing to be afraid about

Great examples of Light being good and bad! Attaching strands of connective meaning to everything. --though, in Dave’s case AND Kanaya’s case you could argue it’s both bad in terms of effects. That it’s great for Kanaya to care, but that she should be able to divest herself and live on her own terms without idealizing Rose literally everywhere she looks, personal growth which would be useful in helping bring Rose back to her in the first place. The struggle they’re looking forward to is largely philosophical, not just physical, and until Rosebot acknowledges that she was wrong it’s not over.

DAVE: everything fuckin sucks huge cosmic donkey sack and im terrified KARKAT: OK, SO I FEEL LIKE YOU SKIPPED A COUPLE NECESSARY STEPS IN YOUR POINT CLARIFICATION PROCESS.

Pretty sure Dave was on the same page as most Epilogue and start-of-HS2 readers. This situation is pretty bleak to dump our heroes into, no matter how much we believe will be resolved in the long run.

DAVE: ok but were you going with sweet or savory please give me that much at least KARKAT: YEAH IT WAS GOING TO BE SUNDAE-BASED. DAVE: nice KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA WATCH MORE GBBO AFTER THIS? DAVE: absolutely

--ah, Great British Bake-Off, can’t say I’ve indulged

do they still have that?? did they save it from old Earth? or did they go where unflooded Britain used to be and say hey, new show reboot

KARKAT: GREAT. ANYWAY, LIKE I WAS SAYING, FOR THE LOVE OF SWEET HUMAN CHRIST, PLEASE BACK UP TO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU’RE ACTUALLY SCARED OF. KARKAT: ALSO COME HERE, IDIOT.

That last line is like, exactly as fucking sweet and awesome as we imagined their relationship to be. :)

> ==>

OH MY GOD THAT’S ADORABLE

DAVE: ok yeah this is a better position to unleash all my inner fears n anxieties from

indisputably.

DAVE: those times its like my mouth was saying words about the situation wherein our friends are AWOL and maybe dead but my brain wasnt fully letting me experience the emotion that goes along with them DAVE: man its like i cant even start genuinely thinking about how afraid i actually am for rose and john without my brain flippin its wad and whiting out DAVE: like haha fuck i hope theyre ok DAVE: now i better make a fuckin joke before i succumb to the gaping mouth of despair waiting for me to fall in it as soon as i look down and acknowledge that its there ogling how juicy my ass looks as it trembles with terror

I really hope that the writers of HS2 know full well that this feeling? the one Dave is describing here? is what many of us who got way overinvested in the well-being of Homestuck’s surviving characters felt reading the Epilogues and Homestuck^2. So I really hope they’re working through it in a way that will result in a preponderance of GOOD THINGS happening and hope-filled situations. Cause that “can’t even think about X” feeling is too familiar, and if they understand it as well as it LOOKS like they’re getting to, I’d really like them to give us a helping hand healing.

I think that’s what they’re going for? Seems hopeful for me to think so, but they HAVE been doing better as HS2 has been going forward, from an emotional standpoint anyway; definitely better than the Epilogues. And I’ve worked through some of that stuff with the help of that, because it’s MUCH easier nowadays to think about Homestuck without my gut clenching.

DAVE: i guess im just fucked up about how to worry about dirk and be angry at him at the same time DAVE: because if i get as unholy pissed at him as i sometimes wanna be i also gotta admit to myself that maybe i coulda done something different there

Mhmm, Karkat’s potentially a pretty good person to speak with here since he’s done so much work trying not to feel responsible for everything that’s ever gone wrong.

DAVE: also like DAVE: and this by the way adds a whole other layer of guilt on there that i dont really know how to fuckin reckon with but DAVE: even with all the shit hes pulled and the fact that we are more or less heading toward having to take him down DAVE: whatever that is gonna mean and whether or not he planned it like that DAVE: i just DAVE: me and him had come so far with each other and it was really cool for a while to have him and i DAVE: ugh DAVE: i dont WANT to hate him

Yeah, Dirk and Jane’s heel-turns were really shitty for anyone who was a fan of them in the fanbase, as well.

KARKAT: WELL THEN QUIT FUCKING PICKING AT THE SEAM ON MY SHORTS AND SPIT IT OUT. THEY'RE BARELY HANGING ON TO THE DEFINITION OF "SHORTS" AS IT IS.

That is an adorably real boyfriend-laying-in-boyfriend’s-lap thing to do

DAVE: the part i mentioned before about how we really have no goddamn clue how long this trip is even gonna take DAVE: i cant help but feel like its barely getting revved up DAVE: and for me and roxy and jade and callie and kan thats normal shit at best and boring at worst but we all have our immortality to thank for that DAVE: we can just dick around in space for near-eternity waiting to catch up to our friends who may or may not be our enemies now and itll be fine DAVE: i mean no itll be categorically miserable DAVE: but well survive it KARKAT: HOLD THE FUCK ON. DAVE: but you KARKAT: DAVE. DAVE: no lemme say this

Oh god damnit. Karkat’s limited lifespan. As if we hadn’t ALREADY covered a nauseatingly extensive gamut of disheartening topics of conversation. We really have to confront every shred of misery in their past, present and future one after the other after the other in the Epilogues and HS2, don’t we? >:(

I guess it had to be discussed, though.

DAVE: we dont talk about it much and i got shit to say about it DAVE: its not like i never thought about how youre mortal before but i just thought wed be able to figure it out before it mattered DAVE: come up with some kind of plan DAVE: i was just distracted being happy with you i fucking guess and so i didnt think up a way to fix it DAVE: and now thanks to dirk we have to work it out right the fuck now DAVE: because i cant spend this trip just sitting around watching you get old and die

Jesus. I mean, WE know(?) that it’s not gonna be THAT many years, but THEY don’t know that.

Unless it really IS going to be that many years and HS2 is going to shamelessly take a fucking sledgehammer to our feelings for no goddamn good reason. Which it won’t! Right??? >:T

> ==>

Dishwasher ding

> Dave: Grapple with the clean, soggy consequences of the passage of time.

Hey, don’t make it a metaphor here. --though, fuck. I suppose we are dealing with everyones dirty laundry. God damnit. SURE, deal with it all story but then GET IT OUT OF THE WAY AND PUT SOME SERIOUS FUN AND LAUGHS IN HERE so we don’t feel like we’re wading through an entire garbage dump!!! *click*

Karkat’s eyebrows-only mouthless frown is really cute.

> ==>

okay Karkat explain the nope you’re lodging

> ==>

*put*

> ==>

*foot*

> ==>

DAVE: ok go on

I mean I at least appreciate the time investment in adorable boyfriends. That’s definitely something of SOME good value they’re giving us in exchange for this misery

> ==>

That Karkat image makes me wanna do that red-shaky-gif-thing with it

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE I'M NEW TO THE PARTICULAR MOOBEAST WRANGLING EVENT OF SOMEONE I PREVIOUSLY LOVED BRUTALLY TURNING ON ME AND LEAVING ME TO TRY AND CRAM MY FEELINGS ABOUT THE SITUATION BACK TOGETHER ALL ON MY OWN.

True

KARKAT: HE DID THAT ON HIS OWN. AND WE MADE THE CHOICE TO GO AFTER HIM ON OUR OWN.

Yes, and you’ll possibly convince him more of that over time, though not in this short conversation

KARKAT: I WAS FOLLOWING YOUR LITTLE TRAIL OF COOKIE CRUMB FEARS UNTIL IT LEAD TO THE BIG SNACK FINALE OF WORRY ABOUT MY FRAGILE MORTAL MEATSACK. KARKAT: IF I HAVE SOMEHOW NOT BEEN CLEAR ABOUT THIS WITH YOU YET, LET ME GO AHEAD AND RECTIFY THE SITUATION RIGHT THE FUCK NOW. KARKAT: HANGING OUT WITH YOU ON THIS LONG TRIP TO WHO THE SHITTING FUCK KNOWS WHERE IS QUITE LITERALLY THE HAPPIEST I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE MEAGER EXISTENCE. KARKAT: I'M SO ABSOLUTELY BLISSED THE FUCK OUT OF MY MIND TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AT YOUR STUPID IMMORTALLY SMOOTH HUMAN FACE SKIN EVERY DAY AND NOT HAVE A COMPLEX ABOUT IT.

D’AWWW

And with that darkly angry expression too, that’s PERFECT

I mean it’s true. What exactly would they be doing DIFFERENTLY on Earth C other than enjoying each other like this? It’s pretty fucking great.

...hm. Isn’t this journey-not-the-destination stuff pretty Breathy? Karkat’s proving more balanced by the moment.

KARKAT: AND I'LL BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU. IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SOME COMPLICATED GUILT, MYSELF. KARKAT: THE FACT THAT I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE JUST FUCKING CHILLAXING AND BEING IN LOVE IN SPACE IS A CLEARLY INCONGRUOUS WITH THE REASON I'M ACTUALLY HERE CHILLAXING TO BEGIN WITH, AND I'M NOT LETTING MYSELF FORGET THAT, EITHER.

Pff. He feels guilty for ENJOYING IT so much. <3

KARKAT: BUT I RESENT THE IMPLICATION THAT MY HAPPINESS IS REGISTERING FOR YOU AS YOU HAVING TO JUST "SIT AROUND AND WATCH ME GET OLD," BECAUSE I KNOW YOU KNOW IT'S MORE THAN THAT.

I’m glad Karkat knows that DAVE knows somewhere in him that it’s more than that, because yeah, if Karkat thought he DIDN’T know that at some level that’d be a reason to take MUCH MORE SERIOUS offense.

KARKAT: LIKE, JESUS, DAVE. YOU KNOW I'M AFRAID FOR YOU, TOO, RIGHT? KARKAT: OR DID YOU FORGET THE WHOLE HEROIC DEATH THING? KARKAT: I WORRY ABOUT LOSING YOU FAIRLY FUCKING REGULARLY.

Hah!!! Point taken. Karkat must view Dave as practically more fragile than HIM.

KARKAT: ONE: WE'VE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA THAT I REFUSE TO NOT ENJOY THIS SHIT WHEN I FINALLY FUCKING GET IT, NO MATTER HOW LONG IT MAY OR MAY NOT LAST. KARKAT: TWO: IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE DOING NOTHING. WE’RE MOVING. WE’RE WORKING. WE’RE HEADED SPECIFICALLY TO A PLACE WHERE WE WILL UNDOUBTLEDLY ENDURE YET MORE FUCKING HELLACIOUS PANWARPING TRAUMA. KARKAT: AND THREE: WE'RE DOING THAT BECAUSE WE HAVE FRIENDS WHO WE CARE ABOUT THAT NEED US. THAT IS OUR FOCUS, HERE. NOT OUR FEAR. IT'S ABOUT THE PEOPLE WE HAVE TO SAVE. KARKAT: SO DON'T FUCKING WORRY ABOUT ME, DAVE. I'M FINE.

Okay, this is great and wholesome. I am now retroactively GLAD that this topic got brought up. :)

> ==>

Dave is still afraid. There is a part of him that will always be, he thinks. He has accepted this about himself. There is another feeling coursing through him too, though. It’s something he's felt before, though never quite so intensely. He looks up at Karkat and understands, viscerally, the simple power his words have. They pump through Dave’s own body, alive and warm and true.

He wonders if Karkat realizes it, or if he’s just, as always, saying what he feels as he feels it. Dave doesn’t attempt to dissect it further. There will be time for that later.

Every really loving moment like this is sort of undercut by the fact that it’s also, in some senses, part of alt!Calliope’s narration and, by extension, her fanfiction.

EDIT 2: There's also either a hint to potential Blood powers or even an explicit Blood power use here that I didn't recognize. I'm leaning towards it's-laying-the-groundwork-for-future-use-of-Blood-powers-but-isnt-magical-in-this-case.

> ==>

Smooooch!

That was nice. Still gonna wait on doing any commentary til next time or a Bonus update or two, cause I’m beat. See y’all next time!

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #spoiler #spoilers #Breath and Blood #Light and Void

26 notes · View notes

calliecat93 · 3 years

Text

Top 15 Star Trek TOS Episodes (Part Two)

(Part One)

Continuing from the last post, here are the remaining seven episodes~! Also picking Number One was SUPER hard. I was stuck between it and two for a long while. But I finally picked, so here we go!

#7. The Trouble With Tribbles

Up to this point, I hadn’t been crazy over some of the goofier episodes of Star Trek. Shore Leave was a mindscrew that left me uncertain about what was even happening by the end, though my opinion has lightened up upon looking back. The Squire of Gothos had a villain that I found far more annoying than entertaining and it remains one of my least favorite episodes. The only more silly one I did like was I, Mudd which remains an utter laugh riot once everyone acts as illogical as possible, including Spock. But then this episode came along, and Dear Lord it is hilarious. Our heroes stop at a space station, but it’s also occupied by Klingons. But wait, it gets better! A sleezy guy convinces Uhura to buy a Tribble, these little puff ball things that are kind of cute... until they begin to reproduce so rapidly that they infest the ship and base. To put it simply, it’s not a good time for Kirk. Honestly Kirk is the best part just because of how much he LOATHES every single thing about this episode. The scene where a whole bunch of Tribbles just topple over him and he just resigns himself to his fate and later his epic death glare at Bones when he orders him to figure out what killed the things. And then there’s what makes him come aorund to them, their shared hatred of Klingons. Seriosuly, Kirk is just So Done in this episode and it is amazing~

But seriously, it’s a very entertianing episode. Far more than I thought it was going to be when I read the description. It’s not an episode taken seriosuly, but not in the ‘they just gave up’ kind of way like in certain S3 episodes. The cast seem to be legit having a fun time with this one. The brawl between Scotty, Chekov, and a few other guys against the Klingons was super fun as was Kirk sulking when Scotty revelas that he got provoked over the Enteprise being insulted and not the captain. Poor Jim XD Cyrano Jones was also just a fun delight with how scummy yet amusing he is. The scene with him and the drinks during the brawl had me laughing so much XD Seriosuly there’s just so many good moments. Spock not being immune to the Tribble’s comforting effect and being embarassed at this revelaiton, Spock and McCoy’s snark, the Klingons utter horror at the tiny little furballs, it’s just an entertaining ride from beginning to end.

Not anything to really note flaws wise to justify the ranking. It doesn’t have that emotional or philosophical umph that I normally seek out in shows like this, so it’s here at seven. But that ain’t a bad thing at all. Not every episode has to have deep meanings or complex stories. Sometimes it can just be something fun and amusing, and the effort was still there to make it entertaining. It’s one of those episodes that I would watch above the others on a bad day just so I can laugh. Probably the most fun episode I have on this list, and that’s nothing to snuff at~!

#6. The Doomsday Machine

Our heroes find a Starship where the only survivor is Commadore Decker, his crew having all been killed when he beamed them to a planet that a planet destroyer... well, destroyed shortly after. The destroyer is still active and now the Enterprise is in danger. As Kirk remains on that ship, Decker is determined to destroyt he doomsday machine once and for all, including taking command of the Enteprrise and risking their lives to do so. Yeah, this is a pretty intense one. Decker, while his sucicdal actions were wrong, is VERY sympathetic. His crew was killed through no fault of his own, the machine that did it is still loose, and the losses have left him utterly broken. He’s very much traumatized but as he is the highest ranking officer and they can’t officially prove that he’s too mentlaly unfit to be relieved (which imo is idiotic cause even someone who isn’t a psycologist can tell he’s mentally unfit, but whatever), they can’t do much to stop him. Spock DOES finally manage to do so, and it leads to Decker’s ultimate choice that leads to his tragic end.

This one really gripped me. There’s this tension throughout. We have an unstable, suicidal man taking control of the Enterprise and willing to get them all killed to stop the doomsday machine. It’s scary to see how broken the man is. Again, he’s wrong to be willing to sacrifice everyone on The Enterprise to destroy the thing even though none of them want to die, but you understand why. I mean imagine if that happened to Kirk, he’d probably snap too if his actions in Obsession is any indication of how he handles major losses like that. Then we have Decker’s final act. Once relieved of command, he steals a shuttle and goes at the machine himself. He knows that he’s going to die and accepts that fact if it means some chance, any chance of destroying the machine once and for all. While he fails to destory it, he DOES give Kirk the opprotunity needed to do so with the ruined ship. A move that almost gets Kirk killed, but still Decker’s act was not in vain. It’s a very interesting character study with themes of guilt, trauma, and desperation. Kind of like in Obsession in a way, only Kirk manages to survive and pull himself together before it was too late. Decker’s only goal was to take down the machine that took his crew’s lives, even if that meant losing his own.

As I said, these are the kinds of episodes I live for. I guess self-sacrifice is also genetic consideirng what happened with his son in The Motion Picture, haha. Flaws... ugh... I guess McCoy disappeairng after the first half sucked? But that’s a me thing that doesn’t affect anything. I just remember watching it wide-eyed despite fully well knowing that everyone I cared about were going to be perfectly fine. It really gripped me! A great episode with great character exploration and themes which for a one off character, is pretty dang impressive!

#5. Journey to Babel

Meet the parents epidsode! Yay! The Enteprise is transporting various ambassadors of various planets to the Babel Conference. This includes the Vulcan Ambassador Sarek and his human wife Amanda, aka Spock’s parents. Yep, it’s time for some good ol’ fashioned family issues! Sarek wasn’t exactly happy with Spock choosing Starfleet and their relationship has been strained ever since. But when Sarek has severe heart problems, the only way to save him is via blood transfusion with Spock the only one compatible. But to make it worse, Kirk gets stabbed and put out of comission, forcing Spock to take command... at the same time that his father needs the surgery. Yeah... it sucks to be Spock in this episode. I know that Sarek is a bit divisive, but I like Spock’s parents. Sarek comes off as good at his job, but not great as a parent. He’s far fromt he worst and we do see that he does seem to still care about his son, he’s just God awful at admitting it and his previous mistakes. Like father, like son I guess. Amanda was a delight, especially when she tells McCoy about the sehlat aka giant teddy bear. Anyone who can make Bones smile that big deserves our thanks. Spock trying to make it less embarassing only made it funnier XD But back on topic, they come off as interesitng characters. They ain’t ideal, but they seem to genuinely be in love, which is nice.

Spock was just great here as we see him in one of the roughest spots he’s been in. He’s naturally not happy about being around the father that cast him aside again, though after his heart issues it’s clear that he IS concerned. Leonard Nimoy once again does such a fantastic job at having Spock express so much but without breaking character. It’s all in the eyes and the strained tone of voice. Then when Spock is more than willing to go through with the tranfusion, Kirk is injured. He has no choice but to take command, knowing that in doing so his father will die. While he COULD give command to Scotty, with the VERY intense circumstances of an assaliant on board and a ship ready to attack wit a number of ambassadors on board, he’s the best bet in handling it. Amanda is of course upset and even smacks him which IS overly harsh, but she’s about to lose her husband and her son, despite clealry hating the fact, has to place his duty above all else. Sarek dying is the least worst outcome to everyone else being killed. It’s the most logical route. Fortunately Kirk is able to pull himself together long enough to take over and the transfusion goes through perfectly despite the fight making it more difficult. Which again, McCoy is the true MVP here for managing to pull that off successfully under those conditions and Thank God that the episode rewarded him by letting him finally get the last word. He earned that one!

It’s such a great episode for me. Family drama, Spock conflict, political tensions, and just some relaly fun bits. Seriosuly, the teddy bear bit will NEVER stop being funny. Hoenstly these last five were all pretty tight and this ende dup here cause the other four had just a little bit mroe to keep me invested for reasons. Spock and Sarek don’t really reach a resolution but we do see that it has the chance to improve, and the movies do show that Sarek DOES truly care about his son and even admits that he had been wrong. It takes a lot for a man, even a Vulcan man, to do that. Although I DID double take when I realized that Sarek is played by the same guy who did the Romulan Captain in Balance of Terror. Guess he was that good XD. But yeah, a really great episode and very much my favorite Spock-centric episode.

#4. The Empath

TRIUMVIRATE FEELS BABY~! Our heroes end up trapped by a duo of aliens and encounter a mute empath woman that McCoy names Gem. They try to figure out how to escape as the aliens known as Vians plan to use them for an experiment as they have others. Shenanigains happen while elad to Kirk getting totured p, and then given the ultimate sadistic choice in having to decide if either Spock or McCoy get tortured to the point of either death (McCoy) or permenant brain damage (Spock). Now the episode has it’s issues, like why the Vians needed to do this to decide that Gem’s people were worth saivng is..l really baffling. But I’m also not a Vian so what do I know anout their mindset? But due to those kinds of plot holes, it landed here at four. It also kind of reads like a hurt/comfort fanfic, which isn’t a surprise when you find out that this was written and submitted by a fan. Which is freakin’ awesome and I can’t complain tbh cause it’s a good hurt/comfort fic. What it fails in some plot tightning it succeeds at in emphasizing the relationship between the main trio and it’s themes of emotion and self-sacrifice. Because OF COURSE that would be relevant for these three numbskulls at some point!

The second half is really what sells it. Kirk of course can’t make a choice like that, so Bones hypos him so that he’ll be spared of it. But that means that Spock is in command and he fully intends to hand himself over to the Vians to spare the two. Just the scene where he looks at Kirk, knowing that it’ll likely be the last time he sees him and Gem touching him to feel his emotions. Her smile sums it sll up. Which sidenote, the actress for Gem was freakin’ fantastic in how she displayed so much emotion and character without saying one word. Excellent acting. Anyways, Spock’s plan seems full-proof... except that he forgot that he’s dealing with McCoy, who promptly hypos him as well and sacrifices himself to the Vians. That was when McCoy became my favorite character, the moment he chose to be tortured to near death to save his two best friends and an innocent woman and even took the time to try and comfort her before being taken away. When we see the ifnal result and are greeted to DeForest Kelley looking at the camera with the most dead expression that he can muster... yeah the image STILL haunts me. Then Bones is dying with the two unable to do anything but try to give him some comfort and Gem is just so distraught and... heah this episode mad eit this high simply because it hit the emotional beats perfectly. That’s not even going into Gem trying to heal him to drive home the themes of the episode, also done VERY well.

This episode really shows how much the three care for one another. They’re all willing to be tortured and die to spare the other two. Ultimately McCoy gets the ‘honor’, but Kirk and Spock were absolutely ready to throw themselves to the fire. The characterization, interactions, and dynamic are just done so well that it’s why I can forgive the plot issues. I’m a sucker for feelings okay?! So yeah it’s not perfect but what it got right it got right. As such, it managed to land here at Number Four with only those plot holes keeping it from Number One. And trust me, I was tempted.

#3. The Tholian Web

Season 3 hadn’t been doing it for me with only one or two episodes really getitng my attention up to that point. This one though? This was the best episode in the seaosn bar none. Our heroes end up in a subspace where they find a starship and it’s crew all dead. Whien they teleport back to The Enterprise, it disappears... and takes Kirk with it. Okay, doesn’t sound liek anythignt hat new right? Kirk goes missing, the crew have to deal without him and find him as quickly as posisble. But this one has a bit of a twist... they cut Kirk out completely. Yeah, from the moment he vanishes in the first act to the very end he is out of the episode. Not only does the crew not know what happened to him, but neither does the audience, this ramps up the fear and emotional weight big time as the longer the crew is int hat space, the influence of it drives them to insanity. Bones wants to get out because of this, while Spock is unwilling to leave Kirk if he is alive. Needles to say, things go off the rails quickly.

With Kirk out of the equation, we keep our focus on Spock and McCoy. Their arguing is probably at the most personal it’s ever been with Kirk seming dead, the crew losing their minds, and it looking more and more uncertain that they can both treat the crew and ge tout alive. While one can say that McCoy may be too harsh here, I think along with the space affecting him in a less intense way, he’s also stressed from all the patients as well as his grief about Jim. Spock is the only one that he can take it out on, especially since his chocie to not leave is why they’re now int he mess that they’re in. Spock is trying to perform his duties despite the hostilities and his own grief that he’s trying to keep a grip on with all the responsibility of the crew and whatever happens due to his choice firmly sititng on his shoulders. What finally starts to get them to resolve this? A tape that Kirk made for them in the event of his death. He gives them his confidence that they can perform their duties withiut him, but that they need to lsiten to and support each other. They CAN go on without him. It’ll hurt but they’re now all that they each have and they need to work together now more than ever. It’s a sobering moment for both with McCoy realizng how ovelry harsh he had been and Spock expressing genuine grief. They do still bicke rone more time, but McCoy catches himself before it goes too far, apologizes, and Spock simply says what Jim would: “Forget it, Bones”. Cue Bones fainting like the Southern Bell that he is, haha!

Now of course Kirk is alive and they manage to save him and get out of the situation fine. But I just loved this because of the focus on Spock and McCoy without Kirk. Why? Because Kirk is the one thing that can unite them. It’s not the only thing, but if anything can make them get over their disagreements quickly, it’s Kirk. So what happens when it looks like he’s gone and never coming back? How will the two deal with it now that that balance is gone? They don’t deal with it well, being at each other’s throats until they see that tape. But it DOES show that if they did lose Kirk, they CAN work together and go on. Like I said, I adore these two’s relationship and while not as slashy as All Our Yesterdays, this is such an excellent one for that relationship as we see that yes, they will bicker but they will also be there for each other when it all comes down to it. It’s such a great episode for that reason and the plot was just well done. Like I said, casitng out Jim and leaving us unsure of what happened to him was an excellent move for this one and I enjoyed the exploration that it allowed.

#2. The Immunity Syndrome

Out heroes are scent to investigate what caused a whole solar system to disappear just as they also receive a message from a Vulcan science vessel. Unfortunately, Spock senses he vessel’s destruction and the Enterprise finds itself against a giant space amoeba that will devour everything unless stopped. That may not sound like much, but it leads into what I think was the most intense situation that the Enterprise has been in. Everything, and I mean everything, is pushed to their limits here. This amoeba can outright destroy galaxies and utterly mindless, so there’s no reasoning with it. But it gets especially tense when, in order to understand exactly what’s going on, Kirk has to send someone in the space shuttle to observe, but in doing so, he’s sending someone to most likely die. And his choices? Either Spock or Bones... yeah.

This is what makes this episode great. Spock and Bones are already on rockier than usual terms due to McCoy treating the Vulcan deaths more like a statistic while Spock sensed all of it outright. That itself is an interesting observation on how we treat these kinds of things, not really understanding how horrific it is unless we’re involved in it outright, otherwise it’s sad and unfortunate but just another number. But then we have the suicide mission. Bones originally volunteers himself, after all he’s a doctor and would have the knowledge to make the necessary observaitons and likely the most fit for it. But Spock is not only also perfectly capable even if not specialized in medical science, but he’s also more fit physically and emotionally to undergo the risk and come out alive. In the end, Kirk picks Spock and McCoy ain’t happy about it. The scene with Spock about ready to go with McCoy still unhappy even when Spock asks him to wish him luck. He does... once the doors have shut and Spock can’t hear him anymore. It’s a very strong scene and it only gets more painful when it looks like Spock is truly going to die and his final words are that McCoy should have wished him luck. Bones’ face says everything.

The episode is just excellent. Great character moments. Great emotional weight. Great stakes that keep going up and up and it truly feels like the darkest hour for the crew. Kirk and Spock outright begin to record their respective final words. Even they’re convinced that this is most likely the end, which is just... dang man. I couldn’t look away during this one. They hit everything perfectly with pretty much everything. If I have any issues, none of them come to mind. It’s just an excellent episode and the best of Season 2. I had a REALLY hard time picking between this and my Number One for the top slot. The top one just had a little bit more emotional impact to get it, but it just barely topped this one. Regardless, it is still an excellent episode and one of the best by far. But what is Number One? Well...

#1. The City on the Edge of Forever

Yeah, yeah, obvious pick I know. I normally don’t go wth popular opinion... but sometimes it’s that way for a reason, and this one I can’t argue about. When McCoy gets badly drugged on accident, he goes into a derranged state and beams onto a planet. The crew is unable to stop him from entering a portal known as the Guardian of Forever that sends him into the distant past where he does something to change histry. In order to figure out what changed and to stop McCoy, Kirk and Spock travel into the 1930’s a few days earlier to cut him off and must now navigate their way though the time period where they end up at a soup kitchen run by a woman named Edith Keller. Which Edith is an excellent character. She’s kind, optimistic, charming, hard-working, ad caring towards those who need it. Kirk ends up falling for her, and... it’s legit really cute. Kirk isn’t being forced to make out with a woman or doing so for information. We see how Kirk is when he genunely likes someone, having been drawn to Edith’s optimism and hopes for a better future. A future that he is from and knows will be reality. He’s really sweet and it’s just cute... which makes what happens at the end all the more tragic.

The 1930’s were fun with Kirk trying to come up with an excuse for Spock’s ears having me dying from laughter. The acting was excellent with DeForest Kelley as drugged!Bones especially being both crazy and scary. I quit doubting that he played villains in Westerns after this episode, haha. But of course Spock soon discovers that the change that McCoy is to make is saving Edith form death, and in doing so she leads a pacifist campaign that delays America’s entry into World War II and... well, things go badly. They are in a time where sadly optimism and peace are simply not options, which is even crueler. In order for time to be restored, they have to let Edith die. Kirk is horrified by this and when the time comes (sidenote, the Triumvirate reunion is utterly adorable), he just grabs Bones, keeps his back turned, and can only listen as Edith screams and is killed via car colission. Whatever grievances I have about William Shatner, he absoluteley nailed Kirk’s utter heartbreak and pain as Kirk just looks utterly boken. His final wordds after they return to the 23rd Century simply being a bitter “Let’s get the Hell out of here” sums it all up perfectly. Bones’ horror at it, especially since he DID have to watch it and him being upset at Kirk is also heartbreaking as he asks him if he knows what he just did. Spock can only somberly inform him that yes, he does.

It’s one of those cases where I wish serialization was more of a thign cause DAMN this is some major emotional baggage for everyone but as per usual. It happens and they go on from there with no lingering development. I guess if I had to complain, that would be it but that’s jut the nature of these shows at the time. Kind of feel like Bones getting as bady overdosed as he did pretty much got forgotten after they enter the 1930’s, but I also know nothing about 23rd Century drugs so... ah well. But the rest of the episode is so good that I can forgive those issues and they clealry did nothing to impact the placing. It had a storgn story, great emotion, great acting, great pacing, and a heartbreaking but fitting ending. The episode has a LOT of history behind it’s making that could be a post all it’s own, but no mater how this episode came to be, it is very much the best of Star Trek TOS. It was fun yet sad and had me gripped form beginning to ed and just htinkign about it now still makes me sad. Thus, it earns it’s place as my favorite episode of Star Trek TOS.

And we are done! There were a lot of really good episodes and some i REALLY did consider. A Piece of the Action, The Enemy Within (that was skipped for... certian reasons), Is There in Truth No Beauty?, This Side of Paradise, and plenty of others that I enjoyed. There were others I.. well, didn’t, but I can’t recall outright hating anything. Regardless I came in apathetic at best, and I left a fan for it’s characters, interesting ideas, and I just had a lot of fun. It’s outdated in many ways, but still relevant in others. Overall, I’m glad to have finally watched it, and I hope that I enjoy TNG just as much. But if not, I’ll always have this~!

(Image Source: TrekCore TOS Gallery)

#star trek tos #callie reviews

2 notes · View notes

soojungstal · 4 years

Text

Morning Call

Warning: Smut, GxG, KrystalxFemReader

Krystal woke up when she felt something crawling inside the blanket and her night pajamas. She's feeling tired since you and her made love last night.

She then start feeling kisses on her nape and neck. Her breathing became ragged at that.

"Soojung?" You mumbled while kissing her neck.

"Y-yeah?" She can't even talk properly and she's already breathing heavily.

"I love you..." You said making her blush. Krystal don't want to hear that words since the day they you became lovers because it's making her blush and she's hiding it through rolling her eyes that's why you always call her "mean" but not now.

"I'm tired... We just made love last night." She told you.

"Then I'll make you more tired and sore till you can't walk anymore. You have no schedule this week anyway."

Krystal can't really believe how you became sexy and wild when it comes to bed, because when it's just a normal day, you don't look like someone who can ravage her in bed and make her feminity sore.

"I have a practice tomorrow for our 1st concert..."

"Really? Alright then, I'll go with you tomorrow." You mumbled as you left hickeys on Krystal's shoulder.

"I hate you." The other girl said.

"And I love you more."

You skillfully unbuttoned her night pajamas from behind. Krystal is not wearing a bra when sleeping so it's easy for you to just massage her healty twins after unbuttoning her pajama tops.

Krystal bit her lower lip as she was engulfed with your flame and starts feeling the pleasure you're giving her.

She released a throathy breath when she felt your fingers playing with her nipples.

You harshly pull the thick blanket covering both of your clothed body and threw it somewhere before crawling on top of Krystal. You brushed your lips to Krystal's lips teasing her to kiss back. Krystal obliged and kiss you slowly and passionately with her eyes closed. Krystal felt your smile throught their kiss that made her heart flutter.

You pulled off and looks at Krystal who's now slowly opening her eyes. You look straightly through Krystal eyes seeing the happiness she have in those cute yet deadly eyes.

"I feel cold, you threw the blanket away." Krystal whined as she find her way through your neck and wraps her arms around it. You lowered your head to kiss Krystal's neck and the other girl tilted her head to the side for you to have a better access on that certain part of her body.

"Don't leave marks there, they'll wonder where I'd get that." Krystal mumbled.

You trail kisses from her neck to her collarbone.

"D-damn..." She mumbled as she bit her lower lip when she felt her your teeth bit her skin and felt a stinging pain and suck it afterwards surely living a visible mark there.

You move down to her chest and continues trailing kisses between the valley of her breasts before proceeding in sucking Krystal's little soldiers.

Krystal arched her back and slams her hand on both of her side before gripping the bedsheet hard as she feel the sensation and too much pleasure.

"F-fuck..." She cursed and closed her mouth to prevent releasing such seductive moans. The aircon is not much of a help since she's feeling so hot and beads of sweat are forming on her forehead.

When you're making love, Krystal doesn't want you hearing her moans as much as possible but it's hard to do it when her you're giving her so much to feel. Excitement, contentment, happiness and intense pleasure.

"A-ahh..." She moans lowly and gripped the bedsheets on both of her side.

You slide your finger inside Krystal's underwear and touch her clit making the latter gasp.

"What do you want me to do?" You whispered on her wife's ear while rubbing her clit. Krystal didn't espond as she was focusing on the pleasure she's feeling, eyes closed while biting her lips, it was the hottest look of Krystal at the moment.

You rubbed her clit faster and Krystal's hips is also moving, trying to ride on the rhythm.

"M-more..." She said between gasping and moaning quietly.

"What? I can't hear you" You teased.

"P-please... I need m-ahh!" She didn't get to finish her words and instantly moans when you stuck two fingers inside her and starts to thrust in and out slowly.

She wrapped her arms around your neck and buried her face on the crook of it, muffling moans she's trying not to release.

"P-please... please..." She whispered on your neck while panting, her legs wrapped around your waist, constantly moving her hips to feel more pleasure.

You kiss her shoulder before asking, "Tell me what to do Krystal and I'll gladly obliged." your seductive voice sent chills down her spine and made her aroused more.

"M-make love with--ahh... me" She hardly said. You fasten your pace inside her walls that made her insane.

"Don't s-stop... please... please!" Her walls suddenly tighten around your fingers indicating that she's going to cum.

You hissed when she bit the skin on your neck pretty hard and suck it leaving a hickey, she did it few times on your neck to prevent herself from moaning loud and you can't do anything but take all the painful bites. Krystal can be dangerous at times but you also love when she reacts like this.

"I'm cumming..." She said with her eyes focused on you, biting her lips as she saw those beads of sweats forming on your forehead, she thought that it was the hottest thing she ever see that morning.

"I-I can't hold any l-longer..." She said in almost a high pitch. A few more thrust and she bucked her hips for the last time, body convulsing as she cum on your fingers.

You just smirked at the sight of her closing her eyes, panting while her chest heaves up and down trying to breath some air. You started moving your fingers again and she flinched.

"H-hajima... I'm still s-sensitive! Aah~!" She slapped your arms and held your hand trying to stop you from moving inside her.

"I'm g-gonna cum again." She slammed her other hand on the bed and gripped the bedsheets hard. She arched her back and notntoo long when she cums on your finger again.

"I'm e-exhausted..." She said in between her pants. You looked at her face and smiled at her sight.

Messy hair, eyes closed, red face and lips swollen from constant biting and kissing. You pulled out your fingers from her making her moan again, she still manage to glare at you after the exhaustion you made her feel.

You stood up to fetch the blanket you threw earlier before going back to lay doen beside her and cover her half naked body with the blanket. She switched her position to face you and just stares at you. You stared back straightly to her eyes and wipes off the sweats on her forehead before kissing her there. She find it sweet when you do that after you made love because it made her feel lovable.

"Aww! What was that for?!" You whined when she pinched your arm in the most painful way.

"Unfair, I was almost naked while you're fully clothed. And, we just made love last night! I feel so sore down there! Were you aroused just this morning?" She asked while glaring at you, you rubbed the part of your arm she pinched before pouting.

"I don't know, atleast I made you moa--aww!" You once again felt the pain of her pinch. Her face blushing but hiding it with her usual annoyed face.

After that you two became quiet when you felt her tracing something on your neck.

"It's pretty dark, I think it'll stay for atleast a week. This can be spotted easily, ugh just why do you have to- nvm." She whinned, still her eyes is glued on your neck.

"Yeah, that's because you bit it pretty hard. It stings you know?" You said. You know that it's not just one but many. She just smirked and looks at you with the visible emotion in her eyes.

'Love'

"I love you" You whispered but it's enough for her to hear.

"I hate you" She said rolling her eyes, her usual reaction.

You held her hand that's tracing on your neck and interwines it with yours. Krystal just stares at you weirdly before spotting the smile plastered on your face. She look at your hand and hers and instantly knew the reason why you smiled. It's a promise ring that nobody knows except the two of you, the fans have been noticing the ring Krystal's wearing but they don't know the meaning of it since there's no other idol that's wearing it so they thought that it's a promise ring for herself and not anyone else.

She smiled but hides it instantly. She doesn't know how to express how she loves you so she intend to act cold when it comes to sweet things but you know more than anyone that she loves you too.

"Come on, let's sleep. I know I made you tired again." You said before sliding your arm under her head and made it as her pillow before kissing her forehead once again.

You just smiled when you glance at her and saw that her eyes are already closed.

"What a sleepy baby."

[Note: This is my first time writing smut soo-- nvm please follow me on my instagram fro more kpop/krystal content (@cessy_jng) thank you!]

#f x #jung soojung smut #kpop #krystal #krystal jung scenarios #smut #fxkrystal

71 notes · View notes

nomattertheoceans · 6 years

Text

My thoughts on Kingdom of Ash

Ok I just finished the book (and yes, I slept no more than 5 hours since Friday night, but hey, what are you gonna do?) so all my thoughts may still be a bit raw, but I need to talk about all of it!!!! All of this will be extremely random though.

Ok so first of all, thank you thank you thank you Sarah J Maas for giving us once again a very well crafted story that satisfied me so much, that allowed us closure for every storyline and character arc established in the books. I loved every second of it.

So, where to start?

Lysandra disguising as Aelin: Ever since the end of Empire of Storms, I knew it wouldn't work, and it was likely to fall apart at the first battle because of Aelin's power (and the lack of it in Lysandra), and I was hoping Maas wouldn't find a weird reason for it to hold when it was destined to fail. She didn't, and the disbelief and betrayal the soldiers felt was very realistic and very sad.

Speaking of Lysandra: her relationship with Aedion was... I have very mixed feelings about it. I'm very glad of how it developed (honestly I never saw much development between them before so that felt good). Aedion was... such an ass. Like, I get he's pissed and all, but come on, you don't throw someone naked in the snow because they lied at you, that was such a dick move. But this allowed for a development I loved, the dynamic between them throughout the book: Aedion being an ass even though Lysandra tries to explain, then he realizing how wrong he was and going to her, and then her being all "are you kidding?" And refusing him because he was such a dick. I loved it, Lysandra held on to her pride and didn't crawl back to him the second he wanted her to. Instead they rebuilt a mutual trust together. So in the end I managed to be happy about their love, and I know I wouldn't have been if she'd accepted his first apology, because he wasn’t worthy of her affection at that point.

Aelin in the coffin: ugh every second of this broke my heart, it was awful all along.... the idea of her suffering so much that they had to rebuild her body was... oh everything was horrible. The worst, I think, was when Maeve told her Rowan had been spotted in Terrasen, and Aelin admitted to herself that she'd hoped he would come for her. I literally was talking to my book going "noooo he's coming, don't lose hope!" It was so painful. But the way they freed her was amazing, the fact that their plan allowed her to free herself at first and then they helped her, all this was the best way it could’ve happened. Also, the scene where she yelled to take off the mask and the chains was... again heartbreaking but necessary I think.

Her relationship with Fenrys was EVERYTHING. The fact that they supported each other for all this time, the bond it built between them through their trauma, I loved it all. The scene in the cave when they say they'll be here to listen if the other needs to talk about it, it was great. Also, I loved the fact that it helped them in the end, with her helping Fenrys against Maeve. Amazing, all of it. And Rown wasn’t jealous or anything (maybe a bit hurt at first because he thought Aelin might not want him again, but then it got resolved quickly enough to not ruin anything).

Rowaelin. Oh these two gave me ALL THE FEELS. At first when Rowan is low-key afraid that Maeve broke their relationship, but then Aelin gives him the wedding bands 😍. And then their entire conversation about Lyria and the mating bond was perfectly crafted. But oh my god did my heart break when Aelin was on the verge of dying and Rowan felt the mating bond slowly disappear... awful. I loved it haha. Rowaelin always made me feel a lot, and this book was no different.

I have too many thoughts honestly, I might forget a lot xD

Aelin losing her scars and then later her human body was so sad.... Rowan describes her as haunted and it's heartbreaking.

I can't remember in which chapter it was, but can we agree that we had a scene where Fenrys describes being raped by Maeve whilst his brother’s blood was still on the ground? It wasn't that explicit, and I can't remember when exactly it was, but it was awful and made me cry.

Oh and I don't understand how Dorian's shape-shifting power works? Like, Lysandra always swaps back naked, but he somehow manages to keep his clothes and his sword and all? I don't get it. Maybe I missed some kind of information?

The wave of power in Anielle: I loved the whole scene, Aelin's power was amazing (I saw it coming from far away but it was still good. I'm generally surprised by Maas' twists but this one I knew was going to happen ^^)

Oh Anielle makes me think of my lovable married couple chaorene: the pregnancy thing was... very cliche, but I didn't mind it. I want them to be happy and hey, if they're happy with getting married and having a kid this fast, I'm fine with it. I'm a sucker for fluff anyway so I loved it even if it was cliche 😂 I was low-key terrified that they would survived but she would lose the child somehow... thank God that didn't happen!

Another thing I'm once again very happy with one of Maas’ books: she is not shy around the idea of her characters having healthy, enjoyable, sexual relationships. In this book, I loved the way she described Manon and Dorian in particular. Throughout the whole first part, they sleep together just because they want to, they're not in love, they're not involved in any other manner, but they enjoy each other and they both want it, so yeah, they have sex and nobody blames them or demands they be more "serious." It's great.

Dorian deceiving Maeve so easily was soooo satisfying XD

The King of Adarlan being able to replace his son because he'd been cursed to forgot his name was a bit... far-fetched? But it allowed to save Dorian's life so I'm not complaining ^^

Aelin trying to exchange Elena against Erawan annoyed me. I know we're probably supposed to consider it this grand noble gesture but... Come on, Elena died literally a thousand years ago, and destroying Erawan has the potential to destroy his whole army (and as we see in the end, it does), so no, saving Elena's soul was not a good idea from Aelin's part. And we don't know if the Gods wouldn't have betrayed her anyway and not upheld their end of the bargain even if she hadn’t asked for it, but I totally get why the khagan royals are mad at her. It was a reckless move and she's very lucky it ended well after this particularly bad decision.

Completely change of subject, but.... Nox was back!!!! I'm so glad we got to see him again even if it was a small role!! Great callback to the first book!

Speaking of cameos..... Feysand!!! I loooooved it XD Mainly because I’m in love with every little mention of Feysand because they’re perfect 😍 But also because it definitely disproves any possibility of their story happening in the same world but at different times. I never very much liked these theories personally. But the idea of them in different worlds connected was so good. Plus, it gave me this new headcanon that maybe this happened during Starfall in the Night Court, and that the spirits might be indeed travelling like Aelin was in that case. There’s no evidenceof this but I love the idea (and it would strenghten the reaon why Amren prefers to stay alone during Starfall...), so I’m keeping it ^^

Manon once again was amazing. Her character proves once more that she's not perfect, she's willing to sacrifice some witches to gain their trust, but she still grew into a better person in the end and she does manage to reunite the clans. She learns to feel even more than in the previous books and I love it. Her letting Dorian hold her and telling him that she misses the Thirteen was a perfect moment of sadness.

I kind of knew some of the Thirteen would die but.... all of them?!?! I cried during the whole thing.... All of them looking at one another, Asterin smiling and saying goodbye, the collective yelding while Manon shouts for them from the city, and then the whole homage... all of this was so emotional....

I was also very sad when Gavriel died.... less emotional in a way because we know he died proud of his son and happy that Aedion accepted him, but ugh still so horrible when you understand he's sacrificing himself.... right in the feels :(

On a happier note, this book was so full of love, it was like an giant balm to my heart. Chaorene are the sweetest; Rowaelin are the most intense and perfect couple; Lysaedion were just the right amount of angst I need, with Lysandra being a badass; Nestaq was awesome through and through. I'm glad Manorian didn't exactly go canon in the end, the future is open for the both of them and I love it. Elorcan... I never cared much about their relationship so I would have been fine if it had been only left as a possibility, but hey, I'm still glad they found each other in the end.

Yrene is such a great character. She's soft, she loves her husband very much and needs him when she's afraid, she's very happy to be having a baby and to build a home for her family. And yet she's an amazing healer, she's not easily afraid, she's strong and willing to risk her life for the greater good. And those characteristics are not in contradiction to one another, they fit perfectly well. I love her, I think she might be my new favorite character.

Chaol telling her "Go save the world, Yrene" gave me life. Before the release of the book, I saw a lot of posts criticizing Chaol, people being sure he would ressent her for taking away his ability to walk when she worked, and not wanting her to risk her life. Those posts annoyed me a lot because Chaol is (was haha now it's his wife) my favorite character, and though he deserves a lot of criticism, I feel like a lot of people hate on him for no good reason, and will take the opportunity to hate on his character even if it forces them to criticize things completely out of character for him. And him resenting his wife or prohibiting her to do anything would have been so out of character. Anyway, I'm glad Maas included this awesome line for them!!!

Also, the two Valg royals being killed by the powers of the healers was amazing. But I was glad Fenrys got the first blow at Maeve. God knows he deserves it.

Ok I'm going to stop here I think. I'm sure I forgot a looooot more but I can't remember everything ^^

EDIT because I already have more to say xD

Dorian mourning Sorcha was so on point, it felt strange to me that he seemed to not think about her in EoS but his grief in this book was very well written.

And also

The scene at the end with only Dorian, Chaol and Aelin. THAT was perfect.

Overall, I'm very, very happy with this book. The happy ending was just amazing, it made me so happy myself (and honestly that's all I'm looking for in a book, to all the characters to get their HEA after all their sufferings). Some small points gave me mixed feelings but honestly, the rest was so satisfying that I don't even mind.

I loved it.

Don't hesitate to tell me what you thought, I want to talk about this book so much!!!! I would love to hear what you all thought so if you want to write to me about it (by ask or by message) I will be thrilled!!!!

If you want to read my other thoughts on stuff

103 notes · View notes

tallskinnyvanillalatte · 7 years

Text

Castle Episodes (Season 7)

Season 7 it is, I’m almost done. The previous posts can be found here.

7x01 Driven: Let’s be honest - the moment they arrive at the scene, seeing Castle’s car up in flames, could be way more intense. Beckett is freaking out, yes, but there could be more emotions as well. Also with Alexis and Martha. I mean, they think that their father/son is in that car, they should be freaking out more. I understand that they can only focus on so many people - but still, this didn’t even take a minute. Great, now Beckett’s pretty dress is ruined. .. just imagine if they had made the title card say “Beckett” instead of “Castle” omfg. The moment when Espo gives Beckett a cup of coffee and she thinks it’s Castle for a split second. “When Alexis was taken” like, we can mention that two years later but we can’t deal with it properly back then. Two months go by. And I wonder how Alexis and Martha dealt with that. If you just think about it.. they woke up every morning with Castle still not being home. Went on in their days. Went to bed not knowing if he was still alive or what was going on, hoping for news the next day. For TWO MONTHS. How did Castle react when he woke up? How did Alexis and Martha react? I have so many questions that aren’t answered and it’s frustrating. “To my amazing mother, my wonderful daughter, and the love of my life.” I’m frustrated by this storyline already because there’s so many unanswered questions and I know that this is stretched out over so long that it’s hard to keep up.

7x02 Montreal: I’d mention that Lanie and Esposito are back together but they’ve been on and off in the past that I wouldn’t bother to mention, so. Castle kissing Gates like that is not that cool - a kiss on the cheek would’ve been fine. “What just happened” yeah Gates, same. Martha mentions that she went to grief counseling while Castle was missing. Just let that sink in. “It’s Canada, how risky could it be” the way he says this and Alexis’ face is too priceless because it’s one Canadian saying this to another, both playing Americans on the show. While Castle was gone, he’d recorded videos for Alexis, Martha and Beckett saying goodbye, saying he loved them :( The scene with Castle and the guy, Hollander’s Woods, Castle in tears, oh boy.

7x03 Clear & Present Danger: Eight minutes in - the devil was the killer, case closed. “Clearly, our killer is the invisible man.” Martha walking into Castle’s .. trap was hilarious.

7x04 Child’s Play: Alexis’ behavior is weird but that is explained at the end of the episode. Twenty second graders? Only twenty children per class? Oh my God, that sounds like heaven. Castle at school is hilarious. “Mister Castle, we do not make faces in the classroom” “He started it!” :D Castle slurping out of the juice box and then coughing, hilarious. This little girl Emily is adorable, and Castle with her is so cute. And how perfect is that fairy tea party scene. At the end of the episode, Castle talks to Alexis about her weird behavior. She tells him that it’s because she thinks something terrible will happen again, that she’ll lose him again. And Castle tells her that he knows exactly how she feels, that he wouldn’t have let her out of his sight after Paris (why didn’t we see any of that though). <3

7x05 Meme is Murder: It’s funny how they pronounce ‘Fuchs’ (fyoux) because that name happens to be German for fox. “I’m German” ah, so the name isn’t random after all ;) Ryan has a blog called “The Ryan Report”. I wonder if someone made a tumblr with that name. Okay I just checked, yeah the blog exists but no one is using it. Someone just saved the url. The webcommercial at the end is gold. Hi, I’m Critchard Ratchel.

7x06 The Time of Our Lives: Matthias, a Swiss guy. Last episode Germany, this time Switzerland. It’s a “what if” episode. The intro has a different sound. Beckett is captain, Lanie is pregnant, Martha redecorated the loft, Alexis has black hair and lives in LA with her mother, Ryan isn’t with Jenny, Espo isn’t with Lanie. Martha’s huuuge self portrait in the office is hilarious. And the scene with Alexis and Castle with the hug is so adorable. The wedding is squeezed into the last 4.5 minutes. The wedding itself is beautiful. The vows are perfect, they dance to their song, Beckett looks gorgeous (and she’s wearing Martha’s ear rings), the venue is gorgeous (so cheesy but beautiful, with really crappy CGI). I just wish they had used a little more time for it. And I hate that Lanie, Ryan and Espo weren’t there.

7x07 Once Upon a Time in the West: Lanie, Ryan and Espo aren’t too amused about that, either. “You guys suck”. Five minutes later “You still suck”. The intro is super cool, Wild West style. Their outfits in style are hilarious.

7x08 Kill Switch: “You still remind me a little of Hooch” aww that sentence came up again <3 It’s the episode with Javi held hostage on a subway train. It’s funny how the “hidden message in the pizza carton” trick always works. Like, shouldn’t they be more careful now and check the box? That trick is so old. I don’t like how the drama is written. Like, it’s so anticlimactic. It’s about to get dramatic when Espo and the woman cop take down the guy but it happens so easily. Then “It’s not over, the guy was infected with a deadyl bacteria” - dramaaaaa. Until three minutes later, they’re all in the hospital, giving an antibiotic and they are safe. “Come on, let’s take the subway. .. too soon? [...] Am I on the wrong track here?” lol Castle

7x09 Last Action Hero: The sound of the intro is different again. I’m not too interested in the episode, I’m barely paying attention. The ear recognition thingy reminds me of that CSI New York episode where Aiden Burn was killed and left her earprint in the car for the others to find, so that they’d know it was her. Ah, I can’t wait to watch that show once I’m done with Castle. Awww how sweet of Beckett to carve my initials into her apartment <3 ;)

7x10 Bad Santa: Javi is about to meet Lanie’s parents who think that they are engaged. The title card in Christmas style is hilarious. Javi meets her parents and so do we, we haven’t seen them before. “When the time comes, I hope you call me”. We’ll see if Castle calls Dino. Is that... are Lanie and Espo breaking up with each other? “You are no longer permitted to work with the NYPD” Were these two scenes just a huge “fuck you” from the writers/producers to the fans? Like .. merry fucking christmas to you, too?

7x11 Castle P.I.: Castle is a private investigator now. “YOu can make this a lot easier for me, Perlmutter.” “Oh, because that’s what I live for.” Perlmutter is gold. Beckett and Castle trying to figure out what the other one knows is hilarious. “Oh, we’re definitely on top of [Castle]” omfg. Halfway through the season and I’m not too impressed, can you tell?

7x12 Private Eye Caramba: “So pleasant to see you. And not see Castle.” Bless Perlmutter.

7x13 I, Witness: Castle witnesses a murder but when they get into the house the wife was murdered in, there’s no blood. It reminds me of that episode in season 5 I think where they staged that murder for Castle’s birthday. They later find Eva’s body, but Castle is convinced it’s not her and that she just staged her death. Turns out it’s actually Eva.

7x14 Resurrection: “Where are you off to?” “Oh, I signed up for an escort service and have to meet a client.” “What, a what?” “I just wanted to see if you’re listening. I’m going to the library to study.” “not cool.” The look on his face was priceless. Plot twist, 3XK isn’t dead after all (who would’ve guessed). “Mister Castle works on this case only” oh please, Gates, are you even listening to yourself. The ending is really creepy with Beckett answering a call and the creepy “we will meet again, one day” music and then she’s abducted.

7x15 Reckoning: Uuuh, Castle surprising Tyson and closing the door to talk to him alone. Reminds me of that season from .. wow exactly two seasons ago where he talked to that guy who had driven the van Alexis was in. Oh, Castle. “I get to kill you over and over again” - he kills Beckett, then takes Martha, kills her, then Alexis, kills her, like Castle would be so dead. “Castle, he’s calling from your house”. The angst when he gets home and asks for Alexis. The relieve when both Martha and Alexis are okay. He sends them both to Europe, so that they are safe. Oh, I wish he’d abducted Alexis, too. Jeez that moment Castle thought Beckett had been shot right in front of his eyes. “I need a new face and I’ve chosen yours.” It’s so disturbing and wrong and ugh. So, is 3XK dead for real this time? Beckett deals with Nieman all on her own, with a scalpel. Aaaand Castle is back at the precinct, working with Beckett.

7x16 The Wrong Stuff: Aww it’s laser tag at the Castle residence again. Wait a minute... Alexis is playing with some dude instead of Castle. I’m offended. And then Martha walks down the stairs with some other dude wearing Castle’s pjs. Like, what the fuck is going on - “The Wrong Stuff”, yeah big time. omfg the Mars themed intro is hilarious. Are you my mummy? How cool would it have been if Castle had made that reference. Why did Alexis open the door when neither of her friends left? Like, what was the point? And her “get a room” comment wasn’t too great. Tom Richwood. Torchwood. Close enough.

7x17 Hong Kong Hustle: Ah that badass lady, taking out Ryan and Esposito single-handedly, disarming both of them. “It’s a girl’s night out, there won’t be competition” and then we see Zhang and Beckett in that shooting area thingy that I have no idea what the official word for is,

7x18 At Close Range: Um... Ryan???? “Uh, Ryan, is it One Direction? You’d tell me if they are in town.” “No, they are in Hong Kong.” “Right.” Ah, Castle and Espo are little fans of One Direction? We meet Ryan’s sister Gwen.

7x19 Habeas Corpse: Alexis’ outfit is so cute. And I love that she studied with Beckett. Ryan and Esposito practicing their performance in the interrogation room is hilarious. How did Alexis’ exam go? Can we get an update, please? I would’ve loved to see both performances, though (the Caskett one dressed though).

7x20 Sleeper: Castle’s been having nightmares about his disappearance. He’s seeing Beckett’s therapist. “So you were in jungle combat? With Chuck Norris?” this whole thing is so bizarre already, like... “I was in Thailand, getting shot at, with Chuck Norris?” I’m not buying it? This storyline is so.. off and bizarre already, I’m not that interested in it anymore.

7x21 In Plane Sight: Ah, I love this episode. “Are you okay?” “Alexis is on this flight.” <3 Alexis helping and examining the body, so badass. “Because my daughter is on this plane and I’m not gonna let anything happen to her.” <3 Alexis was so badass, disarming the woman <3 There are so many great Castle/Alexis scenes in this episode, I really miss this aspect of the show, we’ve been getting less and less of it.

7x22 Dead in New York: “I don’t know if we should be flattered or offended.” Well, I just think it’s plain stupid. Carly Rae Japson has an appearance in this episode. And she performs “I really like you”. The performance feels so staged. Like, it is staged, but it shouldn’t feel that way if it was done well, you know? It just feels out of place.

7x23 Hollander’s Woods: Castle with the head puns though. I don’t know which one I’d go for. The serious one looks better but it’s a bit too serious. The smiling one just looks creepy. Something in between should be right. Aww Ryan and Esposito are celebrating ten years of marrriage working together. We find out about Castle’s past, about what happed in Hollander’s Woods when he was eleven years old. He had watched a murder and the killer had worn a creepy mask and had threatened him to never tell anyone about this. He had later called the police but they never found the body which made him wonder if that had actually happened. In this episode, the body has the exact same marks as the body he had seen and a witness described a man with a mask - exactly the same mask he had seen. What happened to Castle happened 30 years ago which would mean that he’s 41 now. Which... seems a couple years too young. “You are going to be amazing. [..] Because you already are.” <3 Awww there’s Hodges from CSI. Turns out he’s the killer :( Ah, it’s so creepy, I love it. “Mother, you will always be a star in my eyes. And Alexis, you amaze me every day. You two are my redheaded pillars of unconditional love.” <3 The ending with Castle’s speech and everyone together at the round table was beautiful. It could have been the series finale. If I’m not mistaken, by the time they had filmed this episode, they didn’t know whether or not we’d get an eight season. So, they probably did this ending on purpose.

#personal #k watches castle #castle episodes #castle season 7

2 notes · View notes

rhina988 · 7 years

Text

Indecent Proposal - Chapter 11

Read from the beginning

Read Chapter 10

Jared’s POV

Great performance? Seriously? Is that what she thinks that was back inside? An act, a play pretend? I’ve never been more honest in my life, and this is what I get? How could she not have noticed that the kiss was more real than any other in her or my life? You can’t fake that kind of emotion. Let alone chemistry that was more than obvious. I could feel it, the moment I locked my lips to hers that day when we were leaving the restaurant, and she must’ve felt it too. Or maybe she actually hates me so much that she can’t see the true. Now I really don’t know how to feel about all this. I guess if she thinks that was an act, I won’t try to convince her otherwise.

“I actually did get an Oscar you know, and a couple of dozen other awards,” I pulled out a role of a smug as she thought I was.

“Yeah, I’m quite aware of that, ” she said obviously irritated as she continued to walk towards the car.

“So, when should you go and try out your wedding gown?” I asked Melody as we started driving home.

“Later today. Emma’s coming with me and hopefully it won’t take any alterations,” she said as she watched through the window leaning against her arm that was resting on the edge of the door.

“Excited yet? For the whole married life I mean,” I asked with no cruel intention, just trying to get her accept the thought of our life together more easily.

“More like petrified,” she said and sighed like she was seriously worried, “You know this is not how I imagined to get married. No woman dreams about her wedding to be like this.” She said and rubbed her eyes a bit. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me with the saddest look in her eyes.

“You shouldn’t worry too much. It’ll be over before you know it, we’ll get caught up with all the media attention and chaos that you won’t even notice a year has passed and you’ll be free,” I tried to make her feel better as much as I could, without making her angry again. The last thing I wanted was for us to fight once more.

“Yes, and a year of my life will be gone forever. I’ll never be able to get that time back,” Melody kept being devastated and apparently there was nothing I could to do make things bearable.

We just kept silent for the rest of the drive, because she closed her eyes and napped a while until we came home. I guess everything she’s been through for the last few days had a huge impact on her, and she looked tired day in day out.

Melody’s POV

Of course he acted everything out. Why did I even think he could actually be honest about this? I’ve spent so much time around him and yet I never payed attention to his behavior or ponder over it. It’s killing me that I can’t figure him out even a little bit. That kiss felt so amazing, and it started so many warm and fuzzy feelings inside me. Suddenly I felt safe and comfortable around Jared, which I never thought was gonna be possible. I even felt like he enjoyed and wanted to kiss me again, but apparently I was so wrong. I really wish the next year will fly by as Jared says it would, because I don’t know how much more I could take.

“Hey Em, we’re back” I said as Jared and I walked into the living room. Emma was sitting at the table working.

“Hey bride-to-be,” Emma said and giggled.

“Ugh… just don’t, please,” I rolled my eyes and approached to her to sit at the table, “What’s new with the plans? Any progress?”

“Absolutely,” she said and turned the lap top towards me to show me the flowers she had picked out, “What do you think?”

“Wow, I love them,” it was a mixture of white roses, and white lilies that was meant for the reception centerpiece, “they’re beautiful,” this was the moment when the idea about the wedding started to sink in. I’ve picked out the dress, now the flowers, and it wasn’t long before I was gonna walk down the aisle. I started to shiver all of a sudden, probably from all the excitement and anticipation to go through the day.

“Hey, are you OK,” Emma looked at me as I rubbed my arms to calm down a bit, and came closer to hug me.

“Yeah, I’m just a bit overwhelmed,” I said putting a fake smile on my face.

“Stop babying her Emma, she’s a big girl,” Jared said as he was coming towards the table to check out the flowers. I looked at him spitefully, and he just winked at me.

“Well, big girl, then calm down because you’ll need to be calm for what comes next,” Emma said, closed her lap top and stood up offering me a hand to hold.

“What,” I asked and stood up.

“We’re going to pick up your dress,” she said and wiggled her eyebrows.

I stood up took her hand and she pulled me closer to her putting her arm over my shoulder. She rubbed my upper arm to make me feel better. We went to the salon that she had ordered the gown at, so I could try it out and see if it needed any quick fix. We didn’t have much time before the wedding, so we could only hope it would fit perfectly. After I had put the dress on, got out of the dressing room and stood on the pedestal, I looked myself in the mirror and my heart started to race. My palms were sweating and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everything became fuzzy and I heard Emma rushing to me to prevent me from fainting.

“Whoa, honey, are you OK,” Emma was so scared she almost started to shake herself.

I sat down on a sofa, and buried my face into my hands trying to calm down. I felt Emma’s hand rubbing my back, which did make me feel less anxious. I took a deep breath and lifted my head up.

“I’m fine. This was just so surreal. It was an unbelievable feeling… I mean, you remember how you felt when you got married… not that this is anything as close to your story, but…”

“Actually I had the exact same panic attack you did,” Emma interrupted me, and I was shocked at her statement.

“You did?”

“Yes, and my mom told me it was perfectly natural. I was getting married for the man I loved and seeing yourself in a wedding gown only makes the fact real and final. That’s the moment you became fully aware of the situation,” Emma said and had the weirdest smile on her face.

“I know, but I’m not marrying the love of my life. And I’m definitely not excited… more like petrified,” I said and huffed.

“Are you sure you’re not?” Emma asked and raised her eyebrows.

“You’re kidding right?” I stood up in shock, I couldn’t believe what she had asked me.

“I know he’s not the love of your life, but are you sure you don’t have any feelings for Jared?”

“I do,” I said and started pacing across the room, “I hate his guts, he’s arrogant, pretentious, he thinks he can boss everyone around … and I can’t wait for all this to be over,” I said and looked at myself once more as I paced through the room.

The dress looked really amazing. As if it was tailored exactly for me. There was nothing on the dress that needed alterations, so we could take it immediately. Emma stood behind me and we both looked at each other in the mirror, as a slight smile appeared on my face.

“There’s a fine line between love and hate,” Emma said and tapped my shoulder. She was right. I hated Jared for putting me in this situation, but at the same time, he made me feel like I’ve never felt before. Sometimes confused and devastated, other times aroused and safe when he was close. It was one of the most intense relationships in my life.

“I know, but I don’t plan on crossing that line,” I said and went back to the dressing room to take the dress off.

We got back home and found Jared at the studio recording. Finally some alone time.

“Hey, Em, I just remembered Jared was supposed to fly to New York on Sunday and then to Milan. Is that still on, or should I reschedule the flights?”, I said as I was sitting on the couch going through this weeks errands.

“Oh he’s going. I just have to make sure you’re flying with him too,” Emma said and chuckled.

“What? Why?”

“You’re going to be his wife on Saturday aren’t you? You have to be there with him,” Emma said and started to look for available flights online.

“Do I really? Why can’t I just wait for him here?” I asked nervously.

“Because I’m not going on our honeymoon alone,” suddenly I heard Jared coming out of the studio.

“Oh great, you’re here again,” I said and rolled my eyes.

“Did you really think I’d let my beautiful wife stay here alone on her first day of marriage,” Jared asked, leaned in to rest his arms on my shoulder, slightly wrapping them around me as I was still sitting on the couch typing. I instantly flinched and turned my head to face his, as he looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“That would be perfect, if you asked me,” I said and pulled away from him.

“Well, since I’m not asking, you’re going,” he pulled me back and forced kissed me on the cheek. I felt shills going down my spine and I shook a bit. I looked at Emma sitting on the other side of the couch giggling to herself.

“What?” I asked irritated.

“Nothing…” she smiled and waved her head.

“Emma?” I insisted.

“You two are so adorable,” she continued to type and didn’t even look at me. Jared was already gone and I was so irritated by this comment.

“You find that adorable?”

“If you could see yourself from my point of view, you would think the same way. Trust me,” she said and got back to her work.

I didn’t say anything back, I’d waste my breath anyway. We were both working for a couple of hours and Jared went back to the studio. In the late afternoon the caterer showed up to bring us a couple of samples we should taste. He couldn’t make it earlier, but since we were at the house the whole day today, Emma told him to drop by whenever he was available. It had to be today because the wedding was in 4 days and we were in a lot of hurry.

He was tall, dark, handsome, and he made some amazing canapés.

“Wow, this is amazing,” I sad as I took a bite, “I think we should go with this.”

“Great choice,” he said and smiled at me, “shouldn’t we ask the groom-to-be what he likes?”

“He’s too busy right now, we could decide for him,” I answered and smiled back. He didn’t take his eyes of me, and I came closer to him to ask about some other treats. We started talking about the food, and he swiped in a couple of cheeky comments, which made me giggle. I tasted another canape, and as I smeared a bit of cream on my lip he started laughing.

“Um, you got some of the…”

“Oh, where,” I started licking my lips, but I couldn’t get the cream so he reached to get it.

“Here,” he swiped his finger over the corner of my lips, and I smiled.

“Thanks,” I could barely finish the sentence when I heard Jared clearing his throat from the other side of the room. I had no idea for how long Jared was standing there.

“Oh, you’re done,” I looked at him as I ate the canape.

“I’m not interrupting anything, am I,” he asked with the biggest frustration in his voice and started coming towards us.

“We were just… I was actually tasting the food for the wedding.”

“And he helped you by putting it in your mouth?”

“Jared?!” I was shocked by his statement.

“Um, no sir, I’m so sorry if I…” the caterer tried to excuse himself but it was in vain.

“I’m sure we won’t be needing your services,” Jared said and pointed at the front door, sending the caterer a clear signal he should get out.

“I apologize if this seemed inappropriate, but I was just trying to help.”

“By hitting on my future wife? You call that helping?” Jared’s voice got higher, and he approached the guy quite offensively.

“Jared please, calm down. He didn’t do anything wrong,” I tried to ease the things up a bit. Jared looked at me and his eyes darkened all of a sudden. He took a deep breath and looked back at the caterer.

“I will say this one more time, and you better listen. Get. The Fuck. Out!!!” Jared yelled and pointed to the door. The caterer picked all of his stuff and disappeared in a few minutes. Emma bumped into him on her way back from the backyard. She was talking to the tour manager on her phone, and she wasn’t here so she was shocked when the caterer ran outside.

“What happened?” Emma asked in shock.

“Em, stay out of this and just go,” Jared said and walked towards me. She listened and went to her office.

I started going backwards, feeling scared that he’s gonna attack me or something. Suddenly I was cornered by the living room wall, and Jared leaned in, placing his hands on the wall preventing me from escaping.

“Jared, what are you doing,” I started to panic. He grabbed me, and looked deep into my eyes.

“Don’t you dare do that again. Got it?” he said with the angriest voice.

“Do what?” I started to shiver.

“Flirt with someone else. Especially in front of me,” he said never breaking an eye contact.

“I wasn’t…”

“Yes, you were. Don’t try to make the fool out of me, because you’ll regret it.” he threatened me with no shame.

I would usually back down and burst into tears, but now it was different. For some reason I felt powerful and the shiver was gone. I pushed him away and he was baffled.

“What gives you the right to threaten me like this, huh?” I asked as he tried to wrap his head around the thought that I actually confronted him.

“The fact that you’re gonna be my wife. I won’t be ridiculed by anyone.”

“Just because we’re getting married, it doesn’t mean I’m in any way yours. And stop acting like the jealous fiancé. It doesn’t suit you.” I said arrogantly, and rolled my eyes. I could feel the sparks flying around as both of us felt enraged. I started walking towards the backyard, when Jared grabbed my arm and in one swift move turned me to face him. He grabbed me by both arms and pulled closer to him.

I gasped and felt his warm breath on my face. We were both breathing heavily, and my heart raced like crazy as I looked into his lustful eyes. Jared licked his lips, squeezed my arms tightly and leaned in to kiss me. I wanted to fight him so much, but I couldn’t. My knees felt weak immediately after his lips touched mine, forbidding me to move even an inch. He was savoring every breath we exchanged and our tongues rolled over each other’s as we were enjoying every second of this unexpected kiss. Finally his grip wasn’t as tight, and he slid his right arm at the small of my back, trying to pull me as close to his body as possible, while his left hand cupped my face, and his thumb caressed my right cheek. I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling my knees slightly shaking.

“Did this feel like an act,” Jared asked as he broke the kiss, looking straight to my eyes.

I was still breathing heavily, and I tried to catch my breath. I opened my eyes and slightly sighed.

“Not really,” I whispered.

“Good. Because it wasn’t an act,” Jared said and let go of me. He went back to the studio leaving me all confused and flustered.

Chapter 12

Feel free to comment and leave feedback.

Let me know if you’d like me to tag you in the next chapters.

Hope you enjoyed it.

You can read the story on Wattpad too

https://www.wattpad.com/story/106715450-indecent-proposal

@legolasothranduilion @chris-evans-whaaat @woohooargentina-blog @nikkitasevoli @wolfgirl1074 @snewsome756 @leto-madness @iamthejaredleto @notjanelle @spaceshipteam44 @sanellv @lanfear619 @iridescxntsolitude @bradlea23

#jared leto #jared leto imagines #imagine jared leto #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #fiction #celebrity imagine #story #fan fiction writing #love story #celebrity fiction #30 Seconds To Mars #Indecent Proposal

69 notes · View notes

crimsonrevolt · 7 years

Photo

Congratulations Arya you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Marlene McKinnon!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Wow -- let me tell you that it was a struggle figuring out the right Marlene for us -- given that we had some amazing applications for her. But ultimately yours won us over because we could feel you breathing life into Marlene with every word you wrote about her. Every section of your application was so well-crafted, with new information scattered around everywhere until we got a grasp on exactly how you saw her and were planning to write her in this roleplay. We’re so excited to see her on the dash and for you to explore all of the various complications and imperfections that make her Marlene! She’s going to be an amazing addition to our roleplay and we’re so excited to see you write her! *your faceclaim change has been accepted

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hey I’m Arya and I’m 21. I live in beautiful California so I’m from the PST timezone. My preferred pronouns are she/her.

ACTIVITY

I’d say I’m a solid 8. I work about 30 hours a week and when the school year starts again I will be a full time student, but I’m still on my computer for a few hours a day.

TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Stalking the tags for a new rp.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Ugh, okay, so my dad used to read me the books every night and I remember falling in love with Hermione. I know, so did everyone else, but I was so thrilled to see a bookworm who loved being a bookworm and didn’t really care what anyone else thought. I also loved Luna, but I didn’t really identify with her much. Towards the end of the series I started identifying and sympathizing with Draco and how he was always trying to keep up with his family’s expectations for how he should be. I definitely got that same vibe from my family so seeing a character struggle with it was great.

ANYTHING ELSE?

This app contains some triggers, namely addiction and PTSD. Please read with caution, health always comes first.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

full name : Marlene Audie McKinnon  Marlene - A mix of Maria and Magdaline, which mean “Star of the Sea” and “of Magdala”. Marlene has always been a little unimpressed with the lack of deep meaning in her name unlike like the Black’s constellations or the Carrow’s mythology. Even Lily has her flowers. Marlene has never really been a fan of her plain name. When she went to Hogwarts and people started calling her Marls and Marly, she fell in love with the nicknames.

Audie - Meaning “Of noble strength”

McKinnon - Meaning “Fair born” or “love”. She’s also been called McKitten, McKnockers and McKnickers. Most warrant a slap.

FACE CLAIM

Freya Mavor is my preferred FC, but that’s totally negotiable. For alternates I’d say Candice Accola or Teresa Palmer

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Story time: I first applied for a Marlene character about two years ago for my first time in the Marauders fandom. Her traits were something along the lines of being wild and passionate and a bit aggressive which is right up my alley. So I got accepted and on a whim went to look for some aesthetic things and was absolutely horrified because her name came up. I didn’t know she was actually a cannon character and thought the admins had stolen her from another RP. I freaked out to a friend because I thought I was playing a stolen character and he finally told me that she existed and had just gathered a fan base on tumblr. Brilliant.

Since then I’ve fallen in love with Marlene as a character. Because she’s a canon character that there’s very little known about, it’s easy to have her plot lines go in all different directions and I love the amount of versatility I get. It means that every RP has a different vibe. Either she’s in a different house, or a different blood purity, or has family conflicts or different friend groups. I adore every aspect of it. Playing out so many different possibilities makes everything extremely unique and bring out different development aspects from the character.

Admittedly, there are certain Marlene skeletons I don’t really vibe with. I’m not a fan of playing her as a stone cold bitch or some sort of ice queen, it’s just not my preferred portrayal, though I still think it’s really cool she can be played in so many different ways. Personally, I’ve always played her more as a bubbly, sarcastic bitch when she wants to be, who doesn’t really recognize she’s upsetting others until they’ve drifted away. She’s hyperactive and passionate about everything in her life with an intense devotion for her friends, family and the causes she believes in. Overall, I’m just a huge Marlene fan.

Mini rant time: I know some people in the fandom don’t really like the character of Marlene because they see her as a cheap romantic partner for Sirius or a fifth Marauder that never was (these are the most common complaints I’ve heard). I understand how that can become frustrating, but it also breaks my heart a little. A lot. I don’t think it does justice to most Marlene players and their characterization choices. I firmly believe she can and should be played in a way that is inclusive and balanced with as many ups as she has downs. End rant.

Speaking of downs, she sure as heck has some. I love that she has an addictive personality, kind of a “I’ll try anything once” gone wrong. She’s the kind of girl to take a handout at a party, not caring what’s in it as long as she’ll be having a good time. She rejects authority unless the authority works in her benefit. Having a wild child character who is equal parts bold and terrified, extroverted and insecure, comforting yet comforted by substance, and supportive but envious is my dream character and I’ve been able to find that in Marlene.

I also love her stance on the war. Marlene is obviously fighting the war, passionate about rejecting the mentality of the Death Eaters. However, Marlene hates the war and hates the fact they have to fight it in the first place. She doesn’t want to be a child soldier, doesn’t want to see her friends being picked off. As someone who believes in the good in everyone, she’s often tried to sway Death Eaters away from their side, but often the conversations end up frustrating both parties to the point where it just turns into a fight. If she was any less emotional, I could see Marlene being a neutral party, someone trying to get both sides to just chill and love everyone. However, because that’s not possible, she’s gone in full force to defend people’s ability to exist how they want.

Being a character that embodies happiness and compassion, but struggles with the cruelty of the world and her own intensity, I’ve fallen in love with Marlene and totally dug her skeleton, so here I am, babble-writing about why I think she’s an incredible character. Marlene’s a force of nature and if nothing else, is willing to tear the world down while sweeping up and bringing everyone around her into the chaos.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Alright, I’m about to go in because I have some pretty strong opinions on this one. To state it simply, I play Marlene as pansexual and demiromantic. She’s cisgender and uses she/her pronouns.

I’ve always seen Marlene as an extremely affectionate character, especially when it comes to her friends. She’s that one who’s going to be sitting on laps because she feels like it, giving cheek kisses to say goodnight or insisting on piggy back rides. Part of this is because she’s a very physical person so it’s a physical outlet for her to show her affection and love for her friends. Another part is it makes her feel validated, wanted. She needs that affirmation

Romantically, Marlene struggles. She doesn’t like the thought of being contained to just one person she’s allowed to be affectionate towards. Additionally, she struggles with coming to terms with romantic feelings and rather than working them out, just shoves them down and ignores them, preferring to stick to herself. She hates the culture of “Grow up, get married, have kids, live happily ever after”. Admittedly, some of this stems from her fear she’d make a terrible wife and mother. Okay, a lot of this stems from that fear. Especially as she’s watching her friends coupling off one-by-one, Marlene feels like she’s being left behind, which only makes her more resentful of relationships.

Sexually, Marlene is adventurous. She doesn’t care who you are or how you identify, if she finds you attractive, that’s all there is too it. Marlene sees sex as just another form of intimacy and doesn’t quite understand why people shame casual hookups. Of course, she’d never consider shagging someone like James, he’s like her brother and that would be gross. But Dorcas? Remus? Sure, if they wanted too, she’d be interested. That doesn’t mean she has romantic feelings for them (clearly, given the above paragraph), it’s just fun.

In terms of ships, I’ve never really had a particular ship for Marlene, considering I do play her heavily disliking romance. I have been interested in testing the waters with ships like Marlene/Fabian or Gideon, Marlene/Dorcas and I have a guilty pleasure (but not really guilty) for Marlene/Death Eaters. It’s still always been weird to ship Marlene for me since her attitude eventually seems to turn most people off anyway.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

-A MOODBOARD

Tagged on this blog as { Miss Moody } http://mckitten-marlene.tumblr.com/tagged/{ Miss Moody }

-AN AESTHETIC

Tagged on this blog as { Aesthetic } http://mckitten-marlene.tumblr.com/tagged/{ Aesthetic }

-A MOCKBLOG

http://mckitten-marlene.tumblr.com (the account this is send from) is my mock/muse blog for Marlene. Some of the content is inconsistent, but it overall encompasses my characterization. The tag { Thoughts Can Consume } is general muse stuff and { Delve Deeper } has more to do with character development.

-A PLAYLIST

Tagged on this blog as { Chained to the Rhythm } or Playlist. http://mckitten-marlene.tumblr.com/tagged/{ Chained to the Rhythm }

-EXPAND ON TRAITS

✓ Open-minded: Marlene falls in and out of love with everyone she meets. People are fascinating. Their energy, their flaws, Marlene wants to learn everything she can about people without looking down at them. Not everyone shares the same beliefs and she’s okay with that, to an extent of course. She believes that the world is constantly changing and people should be willing to change along with it. Never one to make judgments on how others choose to live their lives, she seeks to learn from the differences she sees in others rather than reject them. Perhaps the slight exception would be the mentalities of Death Eaters. Marlene hates prejudice, but she hates it because it shows exactly how close minded people are. However, she’s tried to understand them, to find out where their hatred comes from. When she came up with nothing, she’s decided to firmly reject their discriminatory mentality.

✓ Eager: For adventure, for a rush, to learn, to fight. Marlene is always looking towards the future with excitement. She’s a bundle of energy and can’t stand to simply be sitting around and doing nothing. Rather, she’s always looking for the next big thing, whatever is waiting over the hill or around the corner. Always grinning, bouncing from person and person, she wants to experience everything she can. Life is short and with the war, she’s almost certain her life will be short as well, so she might as well do everything she can while she’s still here. If she can pull a few others along with her as she goes, even better. There’s always something waiting ahead and Marlene wants to be the first one to find it.

✓ Forgiving: Marlene believes in the power of honesty. When she was a child, her parents told her it was kind to always accept apologies when they were given and that mentality has remained with her. However, Marlene is not one to say she accepts apologies, but does not trust other after they’ve crossed her. Instead, Marlene forgives others wholeheartedly and accepts them back into her life without a second thought. Though to many it may seem a weakness, to Marlene it is one of her greatest strengths. People deserve second chances and she is more than happy to give them out to those who seem to genuinely seek them.

✓ Intelligent: Though an outsider would never make the assumption, Marlene has always been exceptionally intelligent. She would’ve made a great Ravenclaw like the rest of her family, but shaped her intelligence into something different. Rather than simply reading and becoming book smart, Marlene learned how to be clever, to wiggle in and out of situations, to manipulate. It’s a subtlety, something that has become naturally ingrained into the blonde. She left behind the idea that intelligence existed in black and white and has devoted her time into developing her own kind of brilliance.

✕ Aggressive: Fists first, talk later. Marlene got into her first fight when she was in her second year at Hogwarts when a kid taunted her family during an argument. Since then, getting into verbal and physical fights became a norm for her. Going hand in hand with being too emotional, Marlene is extremely aggressive. She doesn’t like to talk out what she’s feeling, most people don’t understand and don’t want to, so she pushes it into her attitude. Snappish, competitive and willing to fight her way out of any situation, it often is misconstrued for her being a mean person. Marlene’s far from mean, she’s just intense and doesn’t know how to manage her anger.

✕ Emotional: Marlene feels too much of everything. There is no such thing as experiencing emotions half way for her. She is ruled entirely by her heart rather than her head. However, Marlene rarely sees this as a negative (despite the fact it almost always is). In her mind, she’d rather be every emotion bundled into one person that barely be able to feel anything at all. However, given exactly how ruled by her emotions she is, it’s a source of conflict for her in many of her relationships. If she’s angry, she’s complete fury and rage. If she’s upset, it’s as if the world has fallen apart and slipped through her fingers. Managing someone with such intense emotional reactions is a daunting task for any of her friends.

✕ Clingy: It’s ironic, given how easily she pushes people away with her brashness. Marlene doesn’t like to let go of people, nor does she like to ever be alone. If she likes the people around her, Marlene attaches and does everything she can to keep them in her life. It makes her overbearing, obnoxious and frustrating to deal with when she feels like she’s being rejected. Being alone is boring and brings forth the fear of being alone permanently, one of her greatest fears. In an attempt to counter it, she’s desperate for attention and doesn’t let go of people easily.

✕ Self-deprecating: Despite her cheery demeanor, Marlene has deep seated insecurities. Some stem from her family, specifically the constant competition between her brother and her. She often feels second best, leading to her believing that she’s the problem. Then, there comes the people around her. Pushing people out of her life was a common occurrence, but one she has always despised herself for. Again, she takes this all internally, knowing she’s the issue behind it, but unable to change her attitude. For someone who puts on a convincing front of being carefree and confident, internally she’s constantly battling herself and her insecurities. Any sort of failure weighs heavily on her mind and it’s not easy for her to let them go.

-A FEW HEADCANONS

Marlene makes her first kill when she’s 21. On a mission for the order, her group ended up separating from each other and being ambushed by death eaters. With the command to immediately fall back if something went wrong, she found herself stuck in a duel with another. After being injured severely, she speaks the killing curse for the first time before apparating away. Since that day she constantly wakes up with nightmares of what she did and until her own death, was never able to entirely get over the guilt, though she goes on to kill several others.

Since she was young, Marlene has felt that she existed in her brother’s shadow. He was perfect, everything any sensible parent would want from their child. Marlene was anything but. Despite being a naturally intelligent person, at school she was constantly compared to her brother academically, so she learned how to hide her intelligence. In her opinion, no one cared to notice anyway so there was no point to her bothering with putting in work for school. In her mind, she was always going to be second best and despite having a close relationship, there has always been strain in their family because of it. All Marlene has ever wanted to be was individual, but an individual who was recognized for who they were, not who their family was. As a kid, it’s why she acted out as much as she did. Now, as she’s grown older, she’s begun to internalize the belief that she is the “second best”. It’s one of her largest insecurities and something she regularly berates herself over.

When Marlene watched the kidnapping of the Minister of Magic, she was fascinated. Initially, she joined the Order to be a fighter, make a difference in this war. But they seemed to be stagnant, always held back by some idea of what proper justice was. Aversio was different, they acted boldly and apologetically. Immediately, she knew she had to find a way to join them in their cause. Of course she loved being in the Order, it was where her mates were and they acted with a high standard of morality. However, she needed something more than that, needed to make progress rather than just talk about it. Consequentially, she found her way into the folds of Aversio and hasn’t looked back since.

Marlene loves cats. The little shits have an attitude similar to her own and she identifies with them. Cats and Marlene are aloof, keeping to themselves most of the time, but not opposed to a friend or two joining them. They’re only sweet when they want to be and half the time it’s fake. If they like you, they’ll let you pet them, though they’re still prone to swipe you with a paw. If they don’t like you, they hiss and spit until they’re left alone.

As an affectionate person, Marlene always wondered what it would be like to have a normal life after the war. Growing up, she’d rejected the thought of getting married or starting a family. However, as she gets older, the desire to settle down like so many of her friends only grows. Convinced she would be a terrible wife and mother, Marlene is never able to bring herself to get married, or even entirely entertain the idea.

Marlene is a baker. Much to the surprise of her friends, the hurricane of a girl loves being in the kitchen, particularly if she’s making sweets. It started when she was younger. The kitchen was where she and her mother had their own time and place. She grew up preparing family meals by hand, rather than using magic, and continued to do so throughout her time in the order. Some home cooked food might provide comfort to the war ridden, or so she hoped.

She’s always been smart for her age. Most people would consider Marlene a bit of an airhead with a ditsy grin, but you don’t wiggle your way out of as many situations as she has without being exceptionally intelligent. When she was younger, it was easy to see she was nearly as gifted intellectually as her brother was. However, as she got older and made strides towards becoming her own person, she pushed down her “book smart” side. Instead, she applies her intelligence through being clever, manipulating conversations and people without them knowing she’s aware of what she’s doing.

When she was sorted into Hufflepuff, Marlene was thrilled. Most of her family was Ravenclaw and they had some Slytherins and Gryffindors in the mix, but Marlene was the only Hufflepuff. It fit her, she was a bubbly bundle of energy who fell in and out of love with everyone she met. They were loyal and so was Marlene, as long as you could tolerate her ups as much as you could the downs. Everyone praised the snakes and lions, but have you ever met a badger? Sure they’re cute, but they’ll rip your face off the second you try to mess with them or their family.

Marlene is currently a barmaid. Initially, she wanted to be an auror, someone who can openly fight for justice. However, her grades were too low to get her into the auror program, despite her tenacity and constant pleading with ministry officials. Rather than simply take another ministry desk job instead, Marlene went to one of her favorite bars and begged them to hire her. Fortunately, the owner eventually agreed after taking her up on one of her offers to make him a drink. Though it’s far from her dream job, Marlene is content enough in the position for now. There she’s able to work as she pleases, make enough tips for her to get by and meet fascinating people. Since joining the order, it’s also become an amazing opportunity for her to gather intel.

On the MBTI test Marlene is an ESTP. ESTPs are outgoing, enthusiastic and excitable. Blunt, straight-forward risk-takers, they are willing to plunge right into things and get their hands dirty. ESTPs have an uncanny ability to perceive people’s attitudes and motivations. ESTPs use this ability to get what they want out of a situation. Rules and laws are seen as guidelines for behavior, rather than mandates. However, the ESTP tends to have their own strong belief in what’s right and what’s wrong, and will doggedly stick to their principles. The Rules of the Establishment may hold little value to the ESTP, but their own integrity mandates that they will not under any circumstances do something which they feel to be wrong. They typically make things up as they go along, rather than following a plan. They love to have fun, and are fun people to be around. They can sometimes be hurtful to others without being aware of it, as they generally do not know and may not care about the effect their words have on others. It’s not that they don’t care about people, it’s that their decision-making process does not involve taking people’s feelings into account. The ESTP often has trouble in school, especially higher education. The ESTP gets bored with classes in which they feel they gain no useful material which can be used to get things done. The ESTP may be brilliantly intelligent, but school will be a difficult chore for them. ESTPs have a natural abundance of energy and enthusiasm, they get very excited about things, and have the ability to motivate others to excitement and action. They are not usually so good at following through, and might leave those tasks to others.

Marlene is a whopping 5′1″. She’s always been petite and stopped growing around her fourth year. As her friends became long and lean, she remained…well, little. A source of teasing from others and a hidden insecurity, she let her personality speak louder than her size and embodies the idea of “tiny but mighty”. Still, it bothers her more than it should that she has to look up at most people if she wants to look them in the eyes.

Despite her love for them, Marlene’s boggart is not her friends or family dying. Instead, it’s a reflection of herself, all appearance of happiness gone from her face and on her forearm sits the dark mark. It’s worse than death. Beyond anything else, Marlene is terrified of turning her back on her family. She’s always been loyal, it was a trait she carried with pride. The thought, or image rather, of her so blatantly betraying everyone she loved is her greatest fear. On top of the horror, it means she disappointed them, that she went against everything she’d spent years fighting to defend.

-A FEW POTENTIAL PLOT POINTS

Sugar We’re Going Down Swinging - Oh my gosh I’m in love. Before the Marlene skeleton was posted, I knew that if she wasn’t already in it I was going to request she be a member of Aversio. A group that wasn’t seeing progress quickly enough so they decided to go in harder than ever? Yes. Right up Marlene’s alley. I’m incredibly excited to see what her activities in the group cause in her character development, especially if they come in conflict with the Order. Considering the mess of Aversio attacking the Death Eaters attacking the Order all together, being on more than one side makes things complicated and interesting.

I Got Issues, But You’ve Got ‘Em Too. So Give Them All To Me - I’ve always headcanoned that Marlene is linked to some of the death eaters as she grew up a pureblood. While she certainly doesn’t believe that people are inherently good, she does think she can sway the side of the war they’re on. Playing out her relationships with characters that follow the Dark Lord is one of my favorite things to do because, really, Marlene just wants to stop the hate. She doesn’t necessarily want to kill everyone involved (although she will if she has to).

One Hit, Bad For Me, But I Give In So Easily - Addiction is rough. Marlene has always had an addictive personality, meaning she slips into very real, dangerous addiction easily. Especially given her trauma (as indicated below), I see Marlene slipping more quickly into legitimate substance abuse beyond just drinking or taking a handout at a party. Obviously, being as stubborn as she is, she’d try to hide it or insist she was in control. But no one is in control of addiction. It consumes the user and their loved ones without giving anything in return.

I’m At An All Time Low - As someone who suffers from PTSD myself, I’d love to explore that side of Marlene after her kidnapping experience. I imagine her doing her best to shove the trauma down and act as though it doesn’t exist. However, ignoring your emotions doesn’t stop random panic attacks from happening or eliminate night terrors. It’s also a misconception to say individuals suffering from PTSD become victims. Instead, some decide that they’re going to do everything in their power to tear down whatever it was that tried to hurt them.

Not Ready To Make Nice - In general, exploring how Marlene tries to find balance in her life during war is fun. She’s a fighter to the core, but also wants to be a positive light while dealing with an ever-darkening world. Exploring her struggle to maintain her drive for the cause while her friends and family are disappearing around her is always a good time (not for the character, but for me). She’s desperately trying to maintain her positive demeanor, despite her struggles.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“A spell that lets you talk to creatures.” There was no hesitation when Marlene answered. “I’d use it to talk to animals, obviously. Don’t underestimate it’s significance,” Crossing her arms over her chest defensively, she pursed her lips. “Think about the uses! You could have a cat just hanging out picking up information for you if you give ‘em some milk after. Or being able to talk to dragons!” Leaning forward with wide eyes and a grin to match, she rambled on.

“Can you imagine being able to talk to dragons? They seem angry all the time, but maybe you could make friends with one and they’d let you ride ‘em. No one I’ve ever heard of had a dragon animagus.” Then, she sat back. “It’s not fair that only one in a trillion people are able to talk to snakes and animagi don’t count cause they just become one animal. With this, you could talk to any animal you wanted and they’d be able to talk back. Best spell ever, honestly. I’d name it…fuck. Um. Maybe animustalkus. Something like that. Or someone who’s better with Latin can name it for me.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“Can I pick alone? I’d love to go it alone. Tried during school but the groundskeepers were always one step ahead.” There was a ring of bitterness in her voice when Marlene spoke of the groundskeepers, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared. “I can’t? Well that’s no fun. Not Marcus, he’d be too insistent on going back to the school with a stick up his ass the whole time. Maybe Caradoc or Dirk, they’re alright blokes. Or maybe,” Suddenly, her head snapped up.

“Dorcas. I’d bring Dorcas along. We’d kick so much ass in that forest together. As for an item,” She trailed off for a moment, her eyes going to the ceiling while twirling a curl around her finger. When she focused again, she was grinning. “A muggle record player, so we could listen to rock while we explored. Can you imagine it? Someone should make a movie or write a book about this.” Clearing her throat, she did her best radio voice, “Two women go into the forest alone at night. The forest…is forbidden. With them they only have a wand and a record player. It may get messy but one thing is certain: they’re going to have a blast.” She finished, before breaking into a fit of giggles at her own shit humor.

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“Uhmm,” Chewing on her bottom lip, the blonde’s brows furrowed and she stared down at her hands. “Well, everyone’s always saying I don’t think before I do stuff, so I don’t make that many decisions in the first place.” She said with a laugh, ruffling a hand through her hair. “But, I guess if you were to ask something like ‘if you had to save your mum or dad, who would you choose’, that’d be a tough decision. I don’t think I could make it.”

The crease between her brows disappeared as she straightened up and grinned. “So, that. Choices to do with family. Those are really hard to make. I don’t want to upset them, y’know? I mean, I do, but never on purpose…okay, rarely on purpose.” Her grin faded away, the line between her brows reappearing. It was an expression she was becoming more familiar with as of late: worry. “I wouldn’t want to make any decisions that’d hurt my family.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

Rolling her eyes, Marlene leaned back in her chair. “Nothing. Honestly, if you spend your life worrying about what people might say about you, you’re never going to have the chance to live.” She chided with a shake of her head. “I don’t care. Let them say what they’d like. If it’s the truth, that’s that. If not, who cares?”

Marlene would never want to be called a traitor, even in jest. It’s too real of a possibility and something she’s still insecure about. She’s loyal, that’s her Hufflepuff thing and she takes great pride in it. Since the war begun, she’s seen how easy it is for people to turn their backs on friends and family. Marlene never wants to be like those people and would loathe for someone to ever refer to her as such. Unless they’re calling her a blood traitor, that she’s entirely fine with.

WRITING SAMPLE

Note: This is actually a drabble from an ask meme “A situation where our characters kiss” from a past RP. I think it sums up a lot of Marlene and how I portray her and is one of my favorite pieces. If you’d prefer something tailored specifically to this RP, please let me know and I’d be more than happy to write something up.

Marlene absolutely positively with all of her heart and soul hated this. Her family had “broken away” from the other pureblood beliefs and yet there she sat, right in the middle of what must have been two dozen pure blood families. She wanted to scream, to rip her hair out and thrash the stupid mansion they had decided to hold the bloody cult gathering in. Most of the adults, and especially their children, glowered at where she was seated, half under the table with her arms tightly across her chest. And she scowled right back, meeting them eye for eye until they broke away to go spew shit at someone else who treated their words like gold.

She hadn’t realized she was literally snarling under her breath until the shuffling of clothing sounded from next to her when someone sat down. Like hell Marlene was going to spend the rest of her night breathing in the fumes from some rotten perfume or cologne. Her stance should have been enough message that she didn’t want company. Whipping her head around, more than ready to give them a piece of her mind, Marlene stopped herself before a sound could escape when she met Peter Pettigrew smiling meekly back at her. Letting out a sigh of pure relief, Marlene dropped back with a groan and rolled her head onto his shoulder.

“Oh thank the gods you’re here, do you want to bail with me? Please tell me you want to bail with me.” She breathed out quickly, looking up at him with her best impression of puppy dog eyes. When he nodded in response, Marlene was standing in a heartbeat, not giving Peter any chance speak before she was trying to pull him through the crowd of people. Freedom. She would finally be able to breathe air that wasn’t choked full of egocentricity and narcissism. As melodramatic as it would have sounded, the thought of getting away was pure paradise for Marlene and they were so close, so close to escaping when a thin figure stepped in their path.

Marlene could have sworn she felt Peter laughing at her choked back sob. She didn’t even remember who this woman was or why she was asking how their year was going and even more so, Marlene didn’t care. It was a miracle she hadn’t run off already. She was trying to be good. But from the corner of her eye, she caught her father’s gaze and the message in his expression was as clear as day. Behave. And who would Marlene McKinnon be if she did anything but the exact opposite. “Is anything new with you, dears?” Who did she think she was, their grandmother? Sure as hell looked like it. Smiling, Marlene shrugged her shoulders lightly and reached back to take Peter’s hand in hers, giving it an affectionate squeeze.

“Well, we’re expecting our first born next year, so we’re quite thrilled about that, aren’t we love?” Marlene could have sworn Peter gagged on his own spit as the woman before them very clearly did with her glass of wine. Batting her eyelashes up at him, Marlene waited for her friend, her one ally in the room, to either back out now or play along with the blonde’s games. Much to her enjoyment, he did the latter, though it was a barely-managed nod rather than full affirmation. But it was good enough. It seemed that Sirius and James really were wearing off on him. “But other than that, the doctor recommended I take it easy and you know my Petey, he’s just been like a mother hen. And here I thought I was the one giving birth.”

Every move Marlene made was exaggerated, making it clear that she was supposed to be telling a joke she thought was brilliant, and she died a little with joy when the woman tried playing along with a broken laugh of her own. “I’m sorry, but we were just headed outside due to a stomach ache. I guess those glasses of wine weren’t such a great idea after all! Now if you’d excuse us, I’d hate to ruin your shoes. But please, feel free to pass along the good news for us!” Marlene chimed, slipping around the woman, her hand tightly clasped with Peter’s while she basked in the look of horror on the stranger’s face.

Not bothering to look back, Marlene finally let out a laugh when they stepped out into a massive garden. Even walking side by side, Marlene didn’t bother releasing his hand, but began to swing it between them, giggling under her breath. “Your family is going to kill me.” Marlene rolled her eyes at that, but caught the edge of humor in the words and grinned up at Peter, shrugging her shoulders slightly. “Maybe. Doesn’t matter though, they’ll forgive it. That’s what families do. Put up with the bratty kids and try to focus on the good ones.” She chimed, coming to a stop at a bench.

While Peter took a seat where any rationally minded person would, on the actual bench, Marlene plopped straight down onto his lap and threw her arms around his neck. Without warning, Marlene took his lips with her own, light and slow. Really, it was a habit most of her friends were probably used to. She liked kissing, liked being physically close to others. There was nothing sexual about it, not to her. It wasn’t about getting the other riled up or turned on, it was just comforting, one of the few ways the blonde found to relax. She needed the affirmation.

And bless his heart, Peter must have felt like indulging her erratic behavior that day. Marlene could have cheered when there was no refusal or rejection to be found in the other. For all she knew they could have been out there for minutes or hours, occasionally breaking into light conversation before their lips would find rhythm with one another again and Marlene let herself sink into the warmth of the hands on her waist and figure far broader than her own before her. Though it was rare, there were times like this when Marlene just let herself be. The hurricane of a girl found her clam in the touch of others.

But all good things must have come to an end for her sooner or later and she groaned when they were interrupted by an intentionally too-loud clearing of a throat from behind her. With a scowl on her face once more, Marlene leaned back from her spot in Peter’s lap and twisted her head until she could smile sarcastically at her brother. “Yes, hello, can I help you or are you just determined to ruin every shred of happiness I can grasp in this cold, cold world?” She drawled, blinking blankly at him. “We’re leaving.” He spoke back and Marlene was half tempted to just cling to Peter and declare that she was never going to leave. Instead, she stood with a dramatic flourish of her dress and stomped over to him before dropping like a dead weight.

Luckily, as much as she wished he didn’t, her brother had good reflexes and grabbed her before hauling her up over his shoulder in a fireman carry. Reaching out dramatically, she called back to Peter while her brother carried her off. “My love! I’ll care for our child until we meet again! Remember me, even in your darkest hours!” From behind some bushes, Marlene could hear Peter’s laugh ring out. It was fine, it was okay. Even stuck in the middle of a quickly brewing war, that made the night worth it.

#marlene mckinnon #hp rp #literate rp #lsrpg #mature rp #accepted app

3 notes · View notes

janeykath318 · 7 years

Text

Closure 8

Jamie and Allison were able to get away for a weekend trip to Colorado the following week. It was an emotional visit, but good for all three of them. Pops welcomed them with open arms and was very worried upon seeing how thin Jamie was and it took much explaining of what she was recovering from before he stopped fearing she was dying of a broken heart. “And I know my boy wouldn’t want that, no sirree.”

He told her the same old stories of Chris’s youth she’d heard before (but never tired of) and Jamie was reminded where her husband got his deadpan humor from.

Soon after she returned, Ally and Winona had to go back to their ships and Jamie herself was ready to go back to duty and dragged out her new gray dress uniform in preparation. (The old one had to be replaced due to its bloodstained condition.) She ignored the churning of her stomach as she remembered what happened the last time she’d worn the grays.

Thus attired, she went first to Bones to be officially cleared. “Here I am Bones.” She said cheerily to her good friend. “Back to work at last.”

“Not so fast, hotshot. I’ve got to clear you first.” Bones began his examination, questioning her thoroughly while going over her with a fine toothed comb– er, tricorder.

“You’ve been following my instructions for once. I never thought I’d see the day,” he exclaimed, looking almost pleased.

Jamie looked as innocent as she could.

“Come on, Bones, that’s stretching it a bit. I don’t ALWAYS blow you off.”

He gave her a look very familiar to her: the eyebrow raise that said “yeah, right.”

A few minutes later, his approval was sent to the higher ups and Jamie was on her way to Admiral Barnett’s new office for a meeting with the new head of Starfleet.

Many of the buildings were covered with tarps, and scaffolding, especially the heavily damaged Daystrom building which was surrounded by a force field to keep staff out.

She waited tensely to be admitted to the spacious office which was where Marcus had convinced the still in shock widow to hunt down her husband’s killer and she’d agreed all too readily in her compromised state.

When she went in, though, she found it had seen plenty of remodeling and barely resembled the airy room Marcus had used.

“Welcome back, Captain Kirk!! It’s good to see you back on your feet again,” greeted the Admiral, rising out of his hair to shake her hand.

“Thank you, sir. I’m glad to be here. I’ve been going stir crazy with nothing to do.”

Sure, she’d been cleaning out closets and packing up Chris’s stuff, but that was mostly finished and it was good to busy her mind with other things now.

“I imagine so. Well, Captain, you’ll have plenty to do for the next five years. The Enterprise has been selected for the five-year exploration mission. Of course, she needs some more work done to get her space worthy, but when she goes, we want you in that chair. Do you accept?”

Jamie didn’t feel the surge of triumph she had imagined when given this honor, but a quiet sense of relief and gratitude. Suddenly, the drifting pieces inside began to fall into place and she felt sure about it at last.

“Yes, Admiral, I do,” she said confidently.

“Excellent!!” Barnett said warmly. “It might be another eight months or so, but we wanted you to have plenty of time to pick your crew. I know you’ll make the Federation proud.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jamie said quietly. “And I also wanted to thank you for the kind words at the funeral. I saw the recording and it was a wonderful tribute to Chris.”

Barnett’s face softened.

“You’re welcome, Kirk. I can tell you that’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. He was one of the best friends I had in the Fleet and one of the best men I knew, period. But I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that.”

Jamie nodded proudly. “I’d be dead or in jail right now if he hadn’t come along when he did and convinced me I was made for more.”

“You’ve certainly lived up to his confidence in you.”

“Not always,” Jamie said with a pained expression, thinking of the Nibiru dilemma that resulted in her demotion.

“And you’ve clearly learned from that experience,” the Admiral noted shrewdly. I actually offered to do the dressing down thinking it would be awkward given your relationship, but Chris insisted. After you left, he locked himself in and refused to talk to anyone. That had me more uneasy than the rule-breaking. Starfleet marriages are challenging, especially when it’s with your direct superior. Forgive me if this is too intrusive, but did you have a chance to talk as husband and wife?“

"Yeah, we did, and I’m very thankful,” said Jamie and proceeded to relate the story of what happened post chew out.

********** Jamie had left Headquarters in a state of hurt and anger: anger at Spock for telling all and failing to understand why she’d saved him, anger at the admiral for taking away her ship, and anger at herself for being too darn arrogant.

She went home and shed her uniform as fast as she could, changing into comfortable clothes and escaping the apartment long before Chris was due home, not in any mood to deal with him in admiral mode. She left a brief note and went to a favorite bar, one that many Starfleet officers frequented and was somewhat more classy than most of its ilk.

As she sat sullenly at the bar, nursing a drink and a pity party, a dark haired guy a couple stools down tried to strike up a conversation.

“Trouble in paradise?” He asked genially, nodding at the ring on her hand.

“You might say that,” she hedged coolly, careful not to look inviting in the slightest. Conflict or not, she was most definitely taken and still hoping Chris would come find her.

“Ugh. Marriage.” The man replied with a shudder. “Don’t know why anybody does it. Hope you figure it out, though.”

“So do I,” she said with a bleak smile and turned back to her very fruity drink that she’d bought partly because she wanted it and partly because Chris hated them.

She took a nice sip and daintily licked her lips, relishing the flavor on her tongue.

“I don’t know how you can tolerate that crap,” said her husband, sliding silently onto the stool beside her.

Jamie didn’t look over, dreading seeing that look of frustrated disappointment in his eyes. It haunted her to know she’d disappointed him, much as she felt she’d been right in saving Spock’s life.

“It’s because my tastebuds haven’t been destroyed and pickled with whiskey,” she shot back, taking a long sip from the martini glass and smacking her lips in an irritatingly self-satisfied way.

“I seem to remember our meeting in a place like this,” Chris said conversationally. “You were getting your butt kicked.”

“I was not!” She protested.

“You were flopped over a table with blood gushing out of your nose.” He reminded her.

“Okay, so I wasn’t unscathed. But I gave as good as I got! Cupcake still avoids me after I cost him one of his front teeth.”

A low chuckle came from Chris and she dared to look over at him, relaxing when she saw his amused smile replacing the former tension.

“What’s going to happen to the Enterprise, Chris?” She asked anxiously after a minute of awkward silence. “They’d better give her to someone who appreciates her.”

Another enigmatic expression crossed his face.

“No worries about that. They gave her back to me.”

Jamie’s mouth hung open. Well, that was a twist.

“That’s great, Chris,” she said at last, mustering a supportive smile. “But if we’re separated……” she couldn’t finish the sentence as a lump had choked her.

“That’s not going to happen, Jamie,” he said. “Regulations say married couples can’t be separated without their consent and I’m not giving consent. Besides, I want you for first officer.”

Jamie nearly choked on her drink.

“Really?” she spluttered. “I thought you were mad at me. I thought I’d destroyed your trust.”

“Look at me, honey,” he said earnestly, grabbing her hand and holding it tightly. She obeyed and was was once again captivated by those intense eyes. Evidently he was in husband mode now and that was very comforting.

“You had to learn that such serious rule bending actions do have consequences, even if the motivations were good, but every young captain does. I believe in you, Jamie, and you’ve got a fantastic future ahead of you. Trust me, I hated having to say what I did this afternoon.”

“Then, can we go home and not talk about work for a while?” She asked hopefully. “I need to know we’re still okay, despite my problems with rules.”

“Of course,” he said, reaching out a hand to caress her cheek. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.” She leaned into the touch and tentatively smiled as the last of the uncertainty left her.

“Then let’s get out of here,” she said, rising from her stool. “We’ve got better things to do. You know what they say about making up..”

With a saucy wink, and a certain naughty smile, that had its intended effect, she let him pull her out of the bar, shooting a thumbs up at the stranger who gave an approving grin.

********** Of course, she didn’t give all these details to Barnett, but yes, Jamie and Chris had managed to have some quality time together before everything turned into a nightmare.

“So, I’m always going to be glad I didn’t let my hurt pride shut him out. I shudder just thinking about the possibility that he would’ve died while I was still mad. Being Chris was the best three years and ten months of my life. He made me a better person.”

Admiral Barnett nodded knowingly.

“It worked the other way, too, you know,” he said with humor in his eyes. “Chris was a lot less mean and ornery when he had someone to go home to. All his aides were extremely thankful for you softening the man up.”

Jamie laughed in spite of herself. Oh, she knew all about that. When it came to being stubborn and temperamental, the two of them were champs.

“It’s been good talking to you, Admiral,” she said at last, “but I do believe I have a ship to inspect.”

“That you do, Captain, and I won’t keep you from her. Happy tinkering. Dismissed, captain.”

She saluted him and left the office, eager to check on her silver lady. It was wonderful to be back at work again.

#pirk #my fics #closure

2 notes · View notes

xistentialangst · 7 years

Text

The problem with Mary, and now John - Post TLD Thoughts

This is a meta about my thoughts on the show post TLD. I had super high hopes going into the episode, mostly resting on “John’s alibi theory” (that the portrayal of Mary’s death in T6T was a lie invented as an alibi for John, who killed Mary) and also hoping we’d get something real on the johnlock front, at least a confession or an admittance that Sherlock is gay or John is bisexual.

I came out of TLD feeling rather gutted. While it’s a brilliant episode in its own right, and Ben and Martin were phenomenal, I was still deeply disturbed. I think 8 hours later I can start to understand why.

Let me preface this by saying that in Buddhism pain comes from failed expectation. If you expect something to be a certain way, and it fails to live up to that, then you are hurt. But the problem is not that the thing is what it is, but rather that you had unreasonable expectations. So I readily admit that, yes, I had unreasonable expectations, apparently. But some this runs quite deep to the core of the show and the core of me, and the main issue comes down to abuse.

The problem with Mary

In HLV, Mary shoots Sherlock, point blank range, for no other reason than to prevent John finding out about her double life. Sherlock literally dies (doctors give up on him in hospital) and only superhuman effort brings him back.

To me this is an unforgiveable character moment. Full stop. Any bullshit about it being “surgery” or Mary calling the ambulance is irrelevant. She shot him. He died.

Since that point, we've been forced to accept this murderer’s presence in the rest of HLV (John forgives her at Christmas, she’s at the tarmac), in TAB, and, worst yet, her bubbly, manipulative yet chirpy and loving persona in T6T. I HATED that.

I tried to keep the faith by relying on various alternative theories. After TAB, many thought it was EMP (a mind palace projection of Sherlock’s) or that John had a secret plan to take Mary down. Then in T6T it appeared John really was still married, and Sherlock constantly treated Mary like a valued friend. I kept waiting for the shoe to drop, for Mary’s “real” face to be revealed, for a plan to be revealed. Instead, we get Mary leaping unrealistically in front of a bullet and making a half-assed “sorry I shot you that one time” dying statement. So then after T6T we all said “but that was all so fake! no way was it real!’

Now we have TLD. I’m afraid there’s no way for me to come out of TLD without drawing the following conclusions:

* John really had gone back to Mary, tried to forgive her and make it work, and had loved her enough to be extremely devastated at her death. Probably he’d still had issues with their marriage (hence the girl on the bus), but he was trying to make it work.

* John did not have a secret plan to take Mary out or watch her. By now we would have seen that. That would be, in fact, inconsistent with everything we saw in TLD. John shows intense real emotion and opens up about what was going on with him and Mary. His worst secret was that he'd texted the girl on the bus, not that he was secretly working against his wife. To me, this episode puts the idea of “John’s plan” to bed for good. He had no plan.

* Mary really died the way they portrayed in T6T. This blows my mind, because it was just so unrealistic and sloppy, even contradicting the realism of Sherlock’s shooting in HLV. But apparently, we are supposed to buy it. If Sherlock or John had been in cahoots on some other version of her death (such as John shooting Mary), it would have been clear in TLD. We had John sobbing because he’d cheated on Mary, talking constantly to her ghost. If he’d KILLED Mary, yeah, pretty sure that would have come up. So she really did die that way. I suppose it’s always possible Mycroft had a plan that Sherlock and John were ignorant of, but at this point I’m done reaching for excuses.

* Sherlock also had no other plan regarding Mary either, and really had taken her back to his breast as a dear friend. Talk about self-loathing!

I have so many problems with this. I honestly want to... quit the show in disgust? As a writer, I can’t understand the logic behind the forgiveness of Mary. As a viewer, I was really excited to see chortlingly evil villain!Mary. Now I’m just.... honestly bewildered.

And they still keep Mary in there, constantly on screen, this goodie goodie fucking fairy godmother presence. Ugh.

No, I don’t believe at this point in EMP. They’ve gone down way too far along character arcs and the whole Eurus path to just take all that back. That doesn’t make sense to me at all. Everything we’ve seen is, unfortunately, real. Yep. This is the actual story.

The problem with John.

So coming back to John. I’ve been the biggest John Watson fan girl forever. I love BAMF!John. And I loved how focal he was to TLD, how bad ass, and how brilliant Martin was. And, also?, John looked hot af.

BUT. ... ? Like... John really forgave Mary for shooting Sherlock? John’s a doctor. He was there when Sherlock was shot. He saw the wound. And he’s OK with that? Here’s a clue writers: if you really expect us to buy John forgiving Mary, how about not making Sherlock literally die? Or how about a scene where Mary is actually sorry and actually repentant before John takes her back? No? That will ruin the suspense of the “is she isn’t she?” connundrum? I see. Well, fuck you. Because you just made everyone on the show irrational and abusive (self or otherwise).

OK. I could see that the Watson marriage wasn’t the happiest. John had reservations. He thought about cheating. I guess that’s something. I guess John wasn’t totally whitewashing Mary. And yet, he stayed with her. He loved her enough to be devastated at her death, to keep conjuring her presence all through TLD as some sainted ghost.

But wait, there’s more! No only do we have John still with Mary, but he’s emotionally cheating with the first woman who flirts with him. I can accept this as a sign that John wasn’t entirely happy with Mary. But it also emphasized his “no homo” ness. Also, I have a hard time squaring that cheating with any kind of John Watson who is secretly in love with his best friend. No, not seeing it at this point. If there had been any of that going on in John’s head, we should have seen it in TLD, when he’s at his most open and vulnerable. For example, if he’d said to Mary’s ghost “I never loved you the way I should. I couldn’t let go of....” but we never saw that. Nothing like that. I don't think it’s there. The writers don’t see John that way. It’s time to accept it.

And then we have exhibit #3: John beating the shit out of Sherlock in TLD. I’m not one who insists on every show being PC, but... I do have a real problem with physical abuse. I understand the John Watson character (like Martin himself) has a lot of pent up rage. I understand he’s hurting because of Mary’s death and maybe there’s still (?) anger over the Fall. BUT. To repeatedly punch and kick Sherlock until he only stops because a SERIAL KILLER thinks it’s too much... When Sherlock is sick and off his head and putting up no resistance. No. Nope, nope, nope. I’m not okay with that. I could forgive John eventually, I suppose, but I’m extremely disappointed in his character.

Johnlock

I’ve lost a lot of faith in johnlock becoming canon. The ending of TLD was so “no homo”. We have John truly in love with Mary and then cheating with another woman. We have him urging Sherlock (seemingly honestly) to take Irene up on her offer. We have the perfect chance for Sherlock to say “for God’s sake, I’m gay”. Instead he admits that he’s only human and he texts Irene back sometimes. (to me, this implies he sometimes gives in to urges of a het variety). And we have Mycroft and Lady Smallwood on top of that.

I’m not going to make any predictions because we’ll know for sure in 1 week, but right now, I’m feeling like they’re not going there. At this point, we have John and Sherlock (and Rosie) back together again at a new depth of emotional honesty and friendship, and that’s great. But its not the ground breaking show I thought it was.

Everyone on tumblr is posting the hug over and over like that’s something amazing. And yeah, it was nice. Honestly it was! But? To me, it’s an extremely dull consolation prize given the other problems (see above) and all the “no homo” on top of it. <shrug> That’s the way I feel right now.

I think I’m in mourning for the show I wanted this to be.

The Final Problem

Granted, there’s one more show this season and it may turn some of this stuff around. Will they have evil!Mary reappear, having been a Moriarty agent all along? Well, if they do, they will have made a mockery of TLD and John and Sherlock’s feelings for her. So I doubt it at this point.

So. Apparently they intend to delve into Sherlock’s family history and bring Moriarty back, <shrug> Okay. But... I don’t really care? I was watching teh show for the characters and the relationships, and a lot of that has been spoiled. I’m sure it will be thrilling to casuals. As for me, I’ll wait and see.

#sherlock #tld #meta #mary watson #john watson #johnlock

845 notes · View notes