#FBF News From Yesteryear
Image: Arthur S. Tompkins, courtesy Wikicommons.
August 4, 1923 – 100 YEARS AGO
Excerpt from the Nyack Evening Journal
TRIBUTE PAID TO LATE PRESIDENT BY GRAND MASTER
Justice Tompkins Says His Life Will Strengthen the Noble Purposes of Men Everywhere
President Harding was to have taken the thirty-third degree in Masonry on September 18 in the Scottish Rite Temple in New York City in the same class with Justice Arthur S. Tompkins, Grand Master of the Grand Lodge of Masons of New York State.
Justice Tompkins issued the following tribute to Mr. Harding last night:
"The Masonic fraternity, of which President Harding was an ardent, honored and active member, is bowed in sorrow as we mourn the death of our dear brother. He was an exemplar of our Craft and consistently exemplified the Masonic spirit –the spirit of fraternity and brotherhood, toleration, charity, peace and good will.
On many occasions, in public addresses, he emphasized the things for which Free Masonry stands, and manifested Masonite doctrine by his loving and unselfish service to his fellow men. Our Fraternity has lost its best known, and most prominent, and one of its most faithful and useful members. Our country has lost a safe and sane leader, at a time when we most need that kind of leadership, and the world is infinitely poorer today, because a great advocate of universal peace, justice and good will has passed on; but the influence of his character and consecrated life, and patriotic service, his innate kindness, and gentleness, and his gracious manner will abide to cheer the hearts, and bless the lives, and stimulate the patriotism, and strengthen the noble purposes of men everywhere."
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HEADS OF HEADS OF STATE
As far back as Your Humble Narrator can remember, I've loved PEZ. What's not to love, after all? It's a delicious candy--you may recall that Vern, in Stand By Me, had no doubt that he could subsist on nothing but cherry flavored PEZ for the rest of his life--and it's a toy. It's a toy that gives you candy.
Invented in Austria in the 1920s and originally marketed to adults as a substitute for tobacco, PEZ--the word is a compression of the German pfefferminz, or peppermint--began to sell dispensers with character heads for children in the 1950s and became an international brand. Of the many PEZ dispensers I had as a kid, I particularly prized the Halloweeny skulls and ogres, so I was delighted when The Wife found these Halloween mini-dispensers...
...to hand out for trick-or-treat this year.
As an adult, the first item I ever bid on and won on eBay was an old-school PEZ Easter Bunny with a curiously grave and sober expression; I've always referred to him as "Frowny Bunny," and he still lives on my desk...
This coming Friday, October 21, a documentary called The PEZ Outlaw, chronicling a particularly strange episode in the history of PEZ collecting, debuts on VOD; it's also slated to play at the Alice Gill-Sheldon Theatre in Sedona starting on October 28.
More on that remarkable film in a later post, but with all this PEZ-iness on my mind, the time has come to discuss my monument.
That's right, my monument.
A few years ago, in the depths of the previous Presidential administration, I hit upon an inspiration one day for a piece of public art. Not little piece, a big piece. An epic piece. A monument, carved into the side of a mountain. I'm not saying it would have needed to be on the scale of South Dakota's Mount Rushmore, but maybe one third the size, or one fifth. Maybe poor North Dakota could find a hillside somewhere, and offer an alternative to tourists.
Then one day, haunting a junkshop, I found something that made me revise my grandiose plans. Why allow a modern-day Gutzon Borglum to vandalize another perfectly lovely natural rockface, after all, and spend millions of public dollars and many years, when I could realize my idea on my own, for a few lousy bucks worth of PEZ?
What I had come across, you see, were a few random PEZ dispensers that I didn't know existed, depicting the Presidents of the United States. They were from a "PEZ Education Series" launched about a decade ago, issued in sets of five POTUS Dispensers at a time, starting with Washington and culminating with Obama (Obama's successor, mercifully, has not been officially PEZzed at this writing). So between that original haul and a bit of eBaying, over a few months I was able to obtain:
Franklin Pierce (served 1853-1857); who opposed the Abolitionist movement, signed the Kansas-Nebraska Act, enforced the Fugitive Slave Act, made a failed attempt to annex Cuba; the first and to date the only elected incumbent President not re-nominated by his own party...
James Buchanan (1857-1861); who continued Pierce's bungling and opposition to Abolition (despite claiming he was personally opposed to slavery), leading to the Secession of the southern states and making the Civil War inevitable...
Warren Gamaliel Harding (1921-1923); who filled his administration with crooked cronies that were implicated in multiple scandals, most famously the Teapot Dome oil lease affair which resulted in the conviction and imprisonment of Secretary of the Interior Albert B. Fall...
...and our own era's George W. Bush (2001-2009); who ignored security warnings about terrorist attacks before 9/11 and lied us into interminable wasteful wars in Afghanistan and Iraq in that tragedy's wake...
My fellow Americans, I give you...
MOUNT RUSHMORE COMPARED TO 45!
Dismal as they were, any of these four men, and any number of other Presidential hacks and bums and paranoids, would have been preferable to President 45. Decidedly preferable. Harding's offenses, most of them possibly unwitting on his part and only revealed after his untimely death in office, seem particularly quaint by 45's standards.
Thus my MRCT45 Monument stands tall--albeit only about 5 inches tall, and only on my desk--in symbolic tribute to all those who, though they may be inept clowns or moral cowards or shady creeps, still have some consideration, some tiny modicum of regard, some vague sense of responsibility, for their country, for the world, or for any human being other than themselves. It's a (dimly) shining memorial to the barest minimum in human decency.
Just so there's no misunderstanding, I should hasten to note that when I say these guys would be preferable, I mean that they would be preferable, as men. I'm not remotely suggesting, of course, that the social conditions and norms of the times in which they served would be preferable to the social conditions and norms of our times.
The toughest of these dispensers to find, by the way, was W. Bush; perhaps because he was part of the same set as Obama, and I wasn't willing to pay the upwards of $100 that this set goes for online. Finally I hunted him up, along with the other two non-Obama members of that set, presumably from a split-up set on eBay (the fifth dispenser in that box is of the Presidential Seal).
While scrounging to complete my grand vision, I did also accumulate a good bench of other Presidential mediocrities and rascals. I'd still like a Nixon, in case anybody wants to know what to get me for Christmas. But I have scored William Henry Harrison, Zachary Taylor, Herbert Hoover (a close also-ran for Harding's spot), Bill Clinton and W. Bush's Dad H. W. Bush...
Compared to 45, I need hardly say, they all seem monument-worthy...
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In just 882 days in office, Harding and his administration negotiated a formal agreement to end the Great War in Europe, bring home U.S. troops from the Rhineland in Germany and from parts of the Caribbean, improve relations with Mexico and Latin America, initiate and exhort the World War Foreign Debt Commission to find a solution to the mounting problem of crippling war debt, send food to starving millions in Russia, and call the first disarmament conference for the purpose of reducing the world’s most dangerous weapons. Yet these achievements are lost in what is labeled a failed presidency by the so-called experts.
Ryan Walters, “Warren Harding and FDR” (August 1st 2022).
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