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ilylovelyz · 10 months

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slow burn kiyoomi x reader 🥹

⍣ ೋ what is love?

˚ · . sakusa x afab!reader

: ̗̀➛ slowburn, angst w happy ending, heartbreak/rejection, mutual pining, denial is a river in egypt sakusa, slight jealousy and possessiveness, none of these are in order btw, sakusa is such an asshole, this is kinda all over the place </3, literally my longest story ever, my terrible attempt at my first actual slow burn, this is split into two parts because my phone cant handle it, prt 2.

we met for a reason. i'm still trying to figure that part out.

romance is something that sakusa didn't think was necessary in life.

he didn't deem it a serious issue, nor did he want that issue of "falling in love". whenever he heard his friends talking about their girlfriends or just romance in general, he had to hold back an aggressive eye-roll because he didn't see the hype of it all.

too busy with volleyball, he could barely make time for his own friends and family. he was okay with that, he didn't want to be distracted anyways. he didn't need that dumb "romance", he didn't need someone to hold his hand while he cried or whatever.

he didn't need to have someone to love, all he needed was himself, and himself only.

but, he couldn't help those vast, deep feelings late at night. the clock would read a wee time in the morning, but he couldn't sleep. his mind was purged with thoughts, questions, and curiosity.

what is love?

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

he didn't expect his question to be answered so soon.

he remembers it in extreme detail, the day he met you. the air was getting colder, the trees getting more bare and leaves falling with every slight breeze. it was the beginning of his third year of high-school, his last year of high-school. he wanted to savor his last year before he finally graduated into adulthood, often admiring the crunch the orange-brown leaves underneath his feet.

he would find himself taking a different route home, walking through a park with many trees and plants. he thought the view was nice. the park was very popular when he was younger, but now, it was considered unordinary to even see a stray dog walking nearby.

the once beloved park was all but forgotten, giving a nostalgic yet liminal feeling. but it seemed it wasn't forgotten by all.

he was near almost exiting the park when he saw a bench ahead, with a figure sitting on it. the closer he got, did he realize it was a girl around maybe his age. when he was maybe 10 feet away from the bench, did he see that the girl was wearing his school uniform.

he was going to just leave the park, but of course, you heard his footsteps and acknowledged his presence, causing him to halt his steps. "hello! i didn't know that anyone was still visiting this place. you're wearing my school's uniform too! what's your name?" you eagerly said, almost blinding him with your energetic and bright energy.

he wonders how differently life would've been if he hadn't given you his name and engaged in small talk with you. although the conversation was short and almost awkward, he found an odd pleasure talking with you.

from the way he was so standoffish and cold, he, for some reason, thought you wouldn't be there the next day, maybe scaring you off from coming there again. and of course, the next day, you were there. you were sitting up on the bench, almost like you were awaiting him.

once you saw him, you harassed him with more questions and excited small talk, asking him little things and what grade he was in, etc. he was, like always, stiff and almost resistant, but that didn't seem to stop you from trying to make a conversation with him.

it was like that for the next few days, just you engaging random conversations with him as soon as he within 5 feet of you. at the beginning, it was almost exhausting because you were persistent and almost pushing information and communication with him. at some point, he would resist the urge to run away or telling you to simply shut up and leave him alone, or even just wondering if he should go back to his old walking route.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

within a few weeks it was like talking and seeing you become apart of his routine. the weather was much colder, and the days became shorter. after practice, an unaware komori would ask him if he would like to go with him to convenience stores or karaoke, but sakusa would immediately decline. he didn't even think about it before declining, nor did he think of a reason behind it.

to a logical sakusa, the sun was setting quickly now that it was the cold seasons, and with every minute, the air was getting colder, so he had to be quick and walk home. but, to a subconscious sakusa, he was quick to walk home because he knew you would be waiting for him. it would be rude to keep you waiting.

everything was good like that for a while. he came to accept your persistence and conversations, seeing you as nothing more than the chatty person on the bench, at the forgotten park, who has near 10 keychains on her school bag. he found himself conversing with you without a thought, almost talking with you until sunset, sometimes having to run home because he got carried away in conversation with you.

after he acknowledged your presence, he began to see you everywhere at school. whether it be walking to school (after deciding to take the park route for the mornings as well), at lunch, or even in the hallways. as usual, you would smile at him, bright and welcoming as always.

he remembers the day in great detail he acknowledged maybe you were a little more than "the chatty person on the bench, at the forgotten park, who has near 10 keychains on her school bag". it was in mid-november, when they had a particularly good and hard match held at their school. it felt good to win, and it felt even better that they didn't have to travel for it.

it was when he looked at his phone's time, exiting the locker rooms did he realize that he was forgetting something important. he didn't realize what is was though, but he tried to shrug it off by joining komori to go to a convenience store to get some celebration snacks, particularly umeboshi filled rice balls.

it was when he was paying for the snacks did he see a cute pink bear keychain, did he remember what he forgot about. within a second, and almost scaring his dear cousin, did he quickly pay and practically dash out the store, running down the sidewalk to the way to of the park. he ignored the oncoming rain clouds and sounds of thunder, almost slipping and running into many water puddles, almost falling his way down the stairs of the park.

he only stopped running when he was 10 feet away from the bench, chest heavy and rapidly moving as he tried to regain his breath. the sun was already setting, the sky in a shade of bright red to a solemn cloudy blue. he walked closer to the bench, eyes guilty as he took in your rain-soaked uniform and wet hair.

"why didn't you just go home." he asked, though it didn't sound much like a question, more like a demand. you stayed quiet for a minute, and during that minute, did sakusa's mind be purged with similar questions of why didn't you just go home. he just couldn't understand you.

"because i just wanted to talk with you, is all."

he mentally facepalmed at your response. are you serious? his eyebrows visibly cringed, mouth slightly agape at your nonchalant, almost brain cell-degrading response. no way this is real. no way you are real.

suddenly he found himself coming towards you, grabbing you from the bench with your wrist, forcing you onto your feet as he dragged you along with him to walk home. he didn't know where the hell you lived, but that didn't stop him from dragging you with him. on the way, he scolded you so intensely at some point he was just blabbering about how you piss him off so much, and that he just can't seem to understand how stupid you are.

for what reason did you do all of that for?! just to talk? unbelievable.

his almost insulting words and near-degradation just seemed to go in one ear, and out the other though, as you found yourself giggling and making mischievous remarks to his verbal abuse. your non-serious responses without a care in the word just seemed to make him angrier, the veins in his neck almost prominent because he was just that angry.

after a lot of walking around, he somehow found where you live without your help because you seemed to enjoy his suffering, and after a especially crude and almost bewildering response from you did he just have enough of you. before you could even laugh, he was spinning around to face you, grabbing you roughly by your shoulders, and shaking you intensely. almost as if he was trying to shake some common sense into you.

after condemning you to the hell, he roughly shoved two umeboshi rice balls and the pink bear keychain into your chest before storming off home. you ignored the way he basically assaulted you, only smiling at the fact that he had obviously thought of you when buying two umeboshi rice balls. he said it was his favorite food one of the first few times you had talked with him.

walking into your empty house, where you had no siblings, and two very hard-working parents. sitting down onto the floor's ledge to take off your shoes, you grabbed your school bag, adding the 11th keychain to your collection.

you blushed intensely at the seemingly little detail. how cute of him to note your little obsessions.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

yet another day that left sakusa laying awake at night thinking about the day's nonsense. particularly, your nonsense.

he was closing his damn eyes! he was somehow getting a headache from it. the "useful hack" his mother always told him on school nights when he seemed to have a hard time sleeping wasn't working. he found himself sighing in defeat, eyes wondering to the clock besides his bed every 5 minutes or so.

2:44am. massaging his temple, he laid his palm over his forehead. you're going to be the death of him. for the past few weeks, you've been almost plaguing his life. you've plagued his park, his school, his volleyball, hell, even his dreams.

could he even call them dreams? more like nightmares.

his hand traveled down to his mouth, covering it in denial.

his eyes were low with resistance and exhaustion, softly fluttering as he deeply inhaled, preparing himself as he sought out for reasoning and "maybe"s to explain your stupid actions and the way you've become such a distraction to his once peaceful life.

except, there were no "maybe"s. only one truth, that he doesn't want to accept

he let out the breath he's been holding back for the past minute or so for a sigh of defeat. his other free hand comes to lay against his chest, feeling his heart beat rebelliously against his will.

he finally feels the need for sleep, eyes closing to escape from his thoughts. he's had enough for the day. he's had enough. before he lulls asleep, he thinks back to the question he's only asked himself during the similar times when he wasn't able to fall asleep due to mindlessness curiosity.

what is love?

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

the day after that, sakusa hesitantly makes his way to the park.

it's cold as hell, he might have to start taking the much shorter route home, but he knows he won't.

he's slow with his walk in the park, knowing that towards the end, he'll have to pass by you, and engage with you like always. when he does walk past you, you don't engage with him as quickly as you usually do.

he doesn't know if it's because today, the weather is shit, or if it's because he looked almost disturbed at the sight of you after yesterday, or perhaps.. no. he shakes his head at the "maybe"s, it's best to be logical. he thinks that you're stupid enough to not have connected the dots.

he stands, again, away from you, almost as if he's ready to just walk away from you. but today, unlike his usual 8-10 feet distance sway from you, he's gotten closer. he's instead 5 feet away from you, how cute of him to try to try to be closer today, even after you put him through hell yesterday.

he puts his hands into the pockets of his trousers. you chalk it up to him being cold because he wasn't wearing gloves, for a matter of fact, he hasn't been wearing gloves for a while now. he used to have a pair, black, but he seemingly has lost them.

you stay observing him for a minute, eyebrow raised and mouth in a fine-line. he cowers his head into his black scarf, a little nervous due to your sudden stoicism.

you observe him even closer now that he's physically closer to you. he has nice hair, quite fluid and bouncy curls that move with the sharp wind. he has nice cheekbones, nose tall and great. it's cute how his one pale feature are now twinged with a light redness due to the cold.

you think he looks better in the winter, his dark and mysterious aura blends in with the subliminal background. almost like a model. with his dark coat and scarf, he looks snug and cozy, you're jealous.

suddenly, you're smiling at him mischievously. "'omi.." you coo, arms reaching for your school bag. at first. he used to scold you for addressing him by his first name, heartlessly telling you that you're not his friend, and that it's disrespectful not to use honorifics with someone you barely know. but now, he finds himself somehow softening at the nickname you've given him. somehow. but he's more nervous at the way you're smiling at him, smiling at him the way a teacher with no empathy does after they gave their student detention after being late by one minute.

he's prideful at the way he was able to hide he was about to turn blue from holding his breath as he wrote up your unusual behavior as you point out the newest collection to your keychains. "i really like the keychain you got me." you snide.

he silently nods at your words, not unusual due to his quiet nature. "i think it was really cute." you smirk. his head props up at the praise, "yeah, i got it at the little convenience store near the-", "no, i'm not talking about the keychain. i mean, i am, but i thought it was cute that you bought it for me." you interrupt, eyes crinkled up into a silly smile.

"were you thinking of me?" you say, covering your mouth in feigned surprise. his once stoic features turned almost annoyed. he finds that his face heats up, but chalks it up to the cold temperature.

his eyes blink a few times as you randomly start looking through the messy-ness that you call the contents of your bag, rummaging through crinkled up papers and candy wrappers before you seemingly find what you're looking for. with speeds that he swears he's never seen your lazy ass travel at, you whip out a pair of knit thick black gloves, holding it close to your face as you show it off to him before holding it them out for him.

"i made them for you. i noticed you haven't worn your black gloves in awhile, did you lose them?" with that, his annoyed expression soon softens with defeat.

usually due to the short daylight timing now, he would be heading home. the sun is close to setting, and the temperature is only getting lower. but, he finds sighing to himself slowing making his way closer to the bench before sitting down on it for the first time ever in the history of the past four months of talking with him.

you grin at this, mouth opening to start yet another mindless conversation with him.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

"yo, kiyoomi. do you have any plans for this saturday?" komori asks, "me and the team are going to go for karaoke and then something to eat. you should come." sakusa finishes wrapping up a knit black scarf around his neck before responding. "no, sorry, i have plans for this saturday. maybe another time."

komori is disappointed, but not surprised. "what do you have planned?" he asks, curious to as what his introvert cousin has planned. he takes note of the new scarf kiyoomi has, it's quite thick and warm looking. it's then does he connect the dots.

"are you going on a date with y/l/n-san?!" he teases, bringing a hand up to tug on the end of the scarf that was most-likely made by you, as, according to what sakusa said about you during the last family function after his mother pointed out sakusa has been seen "nonchalantly" texting with a girl and was all the sudden curt and annoyed.

it was during then that sakusa had admitted it was a girl, but refused the fact that it was in that way of texting, y'know, talking. but following that statement, he proceeded to privately talk to komori about you after he pressed him more on the matter.

one of the only few things sakusa said about it was him hesitantly muttering "she likes to knit, she's a grandma." before he refused to say anything more. it was only until a week later when komori finally met you after he spotted you and sakusa talking in the hallway.

he slapped his hand away from the scarf defensively. "it's not a date! it's just a casual hang-out." he scoffed coldly, hands trying to fight off his cousin's teasing hands, almost turning into a full-on wrestling match.

"congrats on getting a date!" one of his teammates said as he left the locker room, curly hair distressed from the assault he had just endured. he didn't have anymore energy to reply. he was slightly annoyed at his teammates making a big deal out of nothing. but why was he being so defensive about it? even to himself it was weird. overall, as he said, it's just a hang-out. not a date. nothing serious.

his hands fumbled around in his pockets, clad with the gloves you made him as waited at the intersection. his eyes stared at the road lights, counting down the seconds he could cross before eventually the light that was the pedestrian symbol lit up. he crossed with haste, overtaking those also making their way across. "mama, i'm cold," he heard a child say, clinging to their mother's warmth.

it is cold today. very cold, one of the coldest days so far this winter. he's lucky that you were kind enough to make him gloves and eventually a scarf, thick enough that it might as well be considered some type of cold resistant armor. his gloved hand mindlessly comes up to play with the ends of the scarf, it's become like a destresser for him when in large crowds like these.

he finds his anxiety dissipating as he gets closer towards the park, the crowds becoming more scarce before there's only one or two wondering souls walking around. he eventually comes to the main entrance, to the stairs of the sidewalk that leads into the low elevated park's grass. he makes sure to grab onto the metal handrail as he slowly steps down the now frozen-over steps before eventually stepping into the snow clad grass.

it's now december. almost 5 months of meeting you, and 5 months filled with meeting you after-school at this park. he makes his way towards the meeting spot, thick slow crunching underneath his feet with every step.

he sighs deeply as he sees you from across the field. you're just a tiny dot in the horizon, but he knows it's you. . the serene gentle snowfall and almost all-white background seems to be almost unreal as you sit back on the bench, eyes low and face the calmest he's seen as you wait for him.

you haven't seemed to have notice him yet, you have bad senses after-all. he takes this opportunity to just stand there and watch you, wondering if you'll do anything weird or unusual. but you don't, you just sit there, calm, awaiting him. it's not until the breeze picks up and his time of usual arrival has long passed do you start to look around.

much to your surprise, and for some reason, his surprise, do you finally see him standing 15 feet behind you, watching you.

you fluster and babble out obscenities as you connect the dots and realize he's been there all along, watching you. "you watching me this entire time? that's so rude y'know." you pout, arms crossing with feigned annoyance as he takes his place on the bench next to you.

he softly sighs at your whining, "i wanted to see if you would notice. you're not the brightest bulb out there y'know?" he says for-a-matter-of-fact. you proceed to give him the cold shoulder.. for two minutes before you're switching up your attitude and giving him a bright smile, turning your body towards him.

you ask him a question that you've been asking him for the past few days now.

"let's go to the plaza saturday!" you chatter, eyes wide with excitement as you tell him all the "benefits" of him going to the mall with you. "y'know, we can walk around, look at all the stuff, maybe buy some stuff, eat some stuff, and even go see the big christmas tree they put up!" he's quiet after, eyes looking to the side with feigned boredom.

you whine out defeatedly. "c'mon, omi.." the cry of his name has him softening once again. he was going to say yes eventually, just to torture you the way you love to torture him, but with the saying of his once-annoying nickname you chose for him, he gave in, slumping with a sigh.

"gee, fine. i'll go." he said, eyes rolling at your gleeful shouts. he tunes out your excited talks about what the two of you could do at the plaza when he realized that it's getting dark quicker than usual.

you stop talking when he abruptly stands up. "omi? you're leaving already..?" you cry out, eyebrows arching with disappointment. hands patting the snowfall off his coat, he turns to you. he's for some reason quick to soothe you. "we should start getting home, it's already getting dark. i don't want you walking home alone while it's dark."

you blush at his invitation, "you're walking me home..?" his eyebrow arches as he gives you a questioning look. "did i not say i don't want you walking home alone at night? it's dangerous."

"no, you've said enough, let's go!" you say, a hop in your step as you get up and start walking alongside him.

the walk home was unusually quiet yet peaceful. he walked a few steps behind you, whilst you were peacefully unaware, he was paying close attention to any shadow that moved.

at some point, a guy with a large black hood walked past the two of you, thus sparking a large spike of anxiety within sakusa. suddenly, the lazy walk turned into one of haste as his hands became glued to your back, forcing you to practically speed walk.

"kiyoomi! not everyone is an enemy!" you cried out, almost tripping over your own feet after a particular harsh shove when sakusa decided you weren't going fast enough for his liking.

much faster than to your liking, the two of you made it to your home. "better safe than sorry." he said stoically, opening your front gate for you while his eyes were still wandering around for anymore "suspicious" people. you pouted at this lame attempt of walking home together for the first time. "geez, you're such a scaredy cat." you mumbled.

he found himself lightly chuckling at your words. "goodnight, y/n-san," closing your front gate, making sure it was secure and locked, though, he didn't have much faith in it, as it was a simple stake bed latch. you yelled back a farewell goodnight, looking back to look at him as you unlocked your door before giving him a final smile and stepping into your house and closing your front door.

he stood at your gate for a minute before noticing your bedroom light come on, seeing you peek out the window. "what a creep," he hypocritically said to himself before finally walking back the way to his own house, once again passing by the same hooded guy, watching him with cold eyes.

except this time, the hood wasn't on. sakusa's eyes widened with embarrassment as he saw it was a simple, old frail man, almost old looking enough to be someone's great grandma.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

sakusa stayed close to you as the two of you walked around the crowds of people, making sure not to get too close to them for the sake of sakusa's sanity.

it was saturday, and here the two of you were, at the plaza.

sakusa was not big on fashion, but he did make it a point to not be lazy and at least try to look good. but since it was an outing, he made sure to try especially hard to look good. for some reason, he found himself wondering your opinion on some of his clothes as he picked out what to wear.

he sported a black oversized jacket a grey hoodie underneath and black trousers with white shoes. he made sure his curls looked extra tight and bouncy today as well. he also wore the scarf and gloves you made for him

he was relieved when his efforts didn't go unnoticed. "you really outdid yourself today. this is like, my first time seeing you without sweatpants, haha. oh, you smell nice too! did you get a new cologne?" you praised, hand coming to playfully punch at his shoulder.

"no, i wear this cologne, 'like', all the time, you look.. okay today too." he sarcastically said, pausing mid-sentence to eye you with feigned disgust. while you were whining and insulting him back, he took note of your outfit. you were wearing a beige wrap coat and large fluffy pink scar, with cream pants and white boots. he looked away quickly, looking everywhere but you. for some reason you're hard to look at today.

"so do you wanna eat first or-", before you could finish your sentence, you were interrupted by a call of sakusa's first name. you turned to see who called, eyes landing on the familiar face of sakusa's cousin, the rest being what you could only guess as sakusa's volleyball team.

"we didn't expect to see you here! what a coincidence?!" one of his teammates loudly boasted. before either of you could realize it, his teammates had practically surrounded him, separating the two of you. he could only quiver and shake with embarrassment as one of his worst fears could ever come to be. you stood there off to the side as you watched as they basically kidnapped sakusa and at the same time, pampered him like some baby.

you didn't know if you should laugh or just walk away. you know how it was for a guy and his friends. go big or go home.

you were deciding whether or not to fake an emergency before komori had suddenly called your name, catching the attention of his teammates. suddenly, you were the one who was kidnapped and pampered as you were bombarded with questions and introductions. you swear you even heard one of sakusa's teammates scold him for keeping a "big secret" away from them.

sakusa was about to proclaim his innocence and state it was a simple hang-out, not a date, before he literally almost snapped his neck at one of his unaware teammates calling you cute. that was his breaking point, as he found himself forcing a barrier between you and his teammates, practically condemning them to hell.

suddenly one of his teammates had the bright idea to bring what he probably thought was the best suggestion ever. "since we are now all here, let's hang out!" like unison, they all agreed as one, excluding a regretful komori and sakusa. he turned to you with a frightful face as you even agreed.

his worst nightmare, come true.

the next few hours were spent dreadfully as his you and his teammates practically dragged him alongside random places. arcades, shops, entertainment, food stalls, you name it, if it existed, it was visited.

"hey! let's go into this souvenir shop!" komori yelled, taking interest in a specific aesthetically-pleasing souvenir shop. "but we aren't even, like, foreigners.. we live here-", he said, trying to disagree before he was yet again dragged in.

he felt himself at wit's end. he just wanted this to be a relaxing day, with no distractions nor faults. he wasn't even able to talk with you that much, as this entire fucking time, his teammates were treating you like some damn celebrity. he somberly walked around the souvenir shop, nothing particularly special or eye-catching.

he was walking with a limp in his step before he suddenly nearly bumped into you. all the sudden, he had no limp and he wasn't dying of boredom. "aren't these cute?" you purred, eyes glued to silver keychains of various designs. he took note of the keychains, some of them gold, some of religious designs, some of animals, some mixed with stars and hearts.

he nodded to your question. "yes, they are." the sweet, finally quiet moment between the two of you was suddenly interrupted by a loud, grating voice of the same seemingly still unaware teammate from earlier addressing you by your first name. "hey y/n, what you lookin' at?" he cheerfully said, clearly not having a speck of awareness.

sakusa felt weird for some reason. almost a bit embarrassed. no, thats not it. he can't quite bit his finger on it. "oh, so suddenly you're on a first name basis with y/n-san? she's your senior, and you just met her didn't you?" he snided, almost growling at his blissfully unaware teammate.

his teammate frowned at sakusa's harsh words, "she doesn't have a problem with it. why do you care?" sakusa found himself almost fuming at that, only calming down komori finally stepped in, overhearing their conversation from nearby.

"hey, kiyoomi, y/l/n, we are gonna go back to the arcade, do you wanna come?" he asked, trying to diffuse the situation. thankfully, you declined his invitation, too fixated in the many keychains in front of you. sakusa happily declined, bidding farewell to his teammates.

as he watched them leave, he couldn't help but be so bothered by the whole situation. hand in his pocket, he frowned at the experience. he tuned everything out, only replying to your questions with short responses.

why is this so difficult? why is he even so mad? he can't just be mad at his teammate like that. but he is. but why? it was just small talk between the two of you. but then again, his teammate doesn't know you like that enough to be referring and talking to you like you're a good friend of his or something.

sakusa himself doesn't even refer your first name without honorifics, and he definitely didn't call you by your first name within three hours of meeting you too. his teammate doesn't know the way you have an obsession with keychains. his teammate doesn't know you like knitting. his teammate doesn't know the first 5 things about you like sakusa does, so he needs to stop with being all buddy-buddy with you.

mid-mental rant, he oddly found his hand coming up to his scarf, intertwining his fingers with the ends of the loose yarn. his eyebrows are furrowed intensely with thought as he tried to figure out whats bothering him.

he's distressed as his fingers fumble with the yarn, mind working as he tries to figure out a solution to this new issue of his.

"omi?" you coo out.

he's quick to look up at you, voice alluring and gentle. "omi, aren't these cute?" he takes a second as he regains himself to look at whatever you're cooing over.

two silver keychains. both imprinted of with a weasel, molded of exact shapes to fit together like puzzle pieces when forced together. little stars and hearts surrounding the weasels in question. two silver matching keychains of weasels that seem to be in love, meant for couples.

"omi?" you say once again, awaiting a response from him. he's yet to respond, eyes slightly wide as he realizes he's found the issue. he takes a minute before he's asking you a question that he's been longing to be answered.

"y/n-san," he hesitantly calls out. you finally look at him, acknowledging the odd tone within his voice. you tilt your head at him, plump lips tilted upwards in a pout.

"y/n-sa-.. y/n.. what is love to you?"

your eyes widen at his unexpected question. you stammer and awkwardly giggle at his question, "w-what?" he's quick to remind you of his question, "what is love, to you."

you blink a few times before your eyes soften and you turn back to look at the matching keychains. "to me.. love is when you just.." you mumble. sakusa cranks his head at that, still quite confused at your answer.

you take his obvious confusion to elaborate further. "..w-well, love can be different for many people. for some, y'know, it could be love-at-first-sight, like they just make eye contact with someone and just fall in love with them.." you check to see if he's still confused and listening before you continue on.

"..then there's unrequited love, which is kinda one sided.. theres platonic love, y'know the love you give to your family. compassionate is when you not only feel love, but also sexual desire. there's obviously self-love. there's also love where it's obsessive, which is less about love and more about control-," mid-blabbering sakusa had interrupted you. "but what is love, to you."

ah. you finally took the keychains off their rack, holding the cold silver within your palms, smiling down at them warmly. "to me, love is when you just adore someone so much.. like you wanna be with them all the time, wanna talk to them all the time. you'll try your best for them, even if they try to push you away. you can't help but think of them constantly, you get reminded of them by the tiniest things ever.." you paused for a second, cheeks a twinge of red.

"some call that unconditional love. when you love them no matter what. 'n omi.. y'know.." you took a deep inhale, preparing to face him. "i really don't know, it's a little too early to say.. but.. i really like you.." you confessed, voice growing meek towards the end, finally shifting your whole body towards him.

only, he wasn't where he was standing a literal five minutes ago. no, you looked around the store, occasionally calling out his name, still holding the two matching keychains within your clenched, nervous hands.

he was gone.

ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-

he was glad it was during winter break did he last see you. he wouldn't be able to face you if he had to see you so soon.

he couldn't sleep, it was now the day of new year's eve. he glanced up at the clock. 2:09AM

for the past week or so, he had you on mute, stomach dropping with guilt every time he saw the many unopened messages you sent him, the last one being sent earlier during the evening.

he brushed a hand through his distressed curls, hoping to alleviate his stress. komori and his teammates has also sent him messages as well, many of which along the lines of "hey, what happened? where did you go?" or even "where are you? y/l/n is all alone."

what made him even more stressed was when the very same teammate from saturday had texted sakusa asking for your number. sakusa didn't even respond to that dumb message.

sakusa sat up in his bed, giving up on sleeping. eventually, he'll have to face you, he can't hide from you forever. forehead crinkling at the obnoxious light of his phone, he pressed a hesitant think to your contact, heart regretting immediately when he saw your texts.

6:54PM omi where did u go?

7:00PM u okay? did u leave?

7:11PM i found komori and the others

7:15PM did i make you uncomfortable?

7:15PM im really sorry if i did

7:34PM ur teammate is offering to walk me home

7:36PM komori is walking me home too

7:36PM ur cousin is so nice! ur teammate is rllly funny too haha ヾ(^ ^ゞ

7:50PM just made it home

7:52PM kinda wouldve preferred if it was u who walked me home haha (≖͞_≖̥)

9:03PM goodnight kiyoomi ´･ᴗ･`

he couldn't help but furrow his eyebrows in distaste at the mention of his teammate, although slightly relieved at komori making so you wouldn't be alone with him. you texted him the day after a few more times after before you stopped texting all together.

the last text you sent this evening was you wishing sakusa a happy new year with a bunch of happy emojis. his felt swelled with what he now knows what he's been feeling these couple months of knowing you. the tender fondness he has for you has him chewing on his lip with anxiety.

before he could stop himself, his fingers began to tap against the screen.

2:20AM y/n let's talk.

with a regretful sigh, he lowered his elbow over his eyes in shame. he relaxed his body, heart steady. only, his heart once calm started to beat intensely once he saw the familiar light up of his phone.

2:22AM let's meet at the park for new years?

this is the longest fic ive ever written and it's only half of it i dont expect it to get a whole lot attention cuz its quite shit my phone is lagging as i write this im splitting it into two parts because my phone cant handle this PLEAE leave a like and repost 😭 prt 2.

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charmedreincarnation · 1 year

Note

Ya bitch got into the void state

Champagne anon here and your mf girlll got in the mf void state and manifested her dream life. This happened a week ago, and I’ve been chilling but I do wanna share my story to help others. Gotta give Thanks to Maya, and so many other bloggers and even anon. Y’all hoes will forever be in my heart, and I’m forever grateful 🥹 also Maya girl you told me when I succeed to get into detail and I got nothing to do for the next two hours so imaaa just share it all here in detail.

I also wanna especially thank all the black creators on tumblr!! I didn’t know there were so many of us using the law. It always seems the world is so against us, and there’s nothing we can do abt it but nahhhh!! we can all live our best melanated lives regardless. Periodt, as we should it’s about goddamned time after everything we’ve been though 😂

Anyways!!!! after reading this: https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/717864613626134528/im-your-bubble-anon-but-i-made-this-burner-to success story yesterday I got hella motivated. I read that shit and I thought I posted it on accident because it was everything I had been through, and had been thinking anyways. That anon ate your tumblr habits btw. If y’all haven’t seen my good sis’s sucess post go check that shut out rn, On god it will help.

At the end that anon (my mf dawg 🙏) included that they manifested for everyone. Now ion know if that shit actually work tbh. I’ve seen people say you can and can’t, but tbh the vibes were too high for me to doubt. I was like ight, okay fuck it, ima leave my dream life. Whether it me, that anon, or the devil himself ion give a fuck.

So that’s whatssss a bitch did!!! I just affirmed all day it was very fulfilling. People who hate on affirming are mad corny. I can’t lie that shit works hella fast even if you don’t believe it. Idk if that anon’s void manifesting helped or what but I didn’t do much and after 3 months of trying I entered the damn void state. I’m mad I thought I had to be on some ghandi shit to do this (no hate to him hes da man) but you rlly don’t y’all. BUT LEMME TALK MY SHIT ALL YOU NEED IS AFFIRMING AND PERSISTENCE.

Anyways I went go bed excited asl!! I wrote my script that was like 10 pages long I can’t lie I did the most… but it’s whateva. I woke up in the void state after waking up at 4 am or sum, and i was like oh shityyyt lemme manifest rq and skrttt out this hoe. So that’s what a mf did 😂😂

Anyways the part y’all’s is waiting for. This is what ya girl manifested

Desired face and body. I was in shock how all the details came to life. Y’all im a solid 100/10 it’s giving natural bbl and Aliyah. I swear to gahhh everywhere I go people be trying to peep. I’m not used to being treated like a fucking celeb everywhere I go, whole time it’s just my fat gyattttt

Being the hottest 16 yr old IT GIRL at my school, and having lucky girl syndrome. People call me a mini jayda wayda, but tbh I’m better than her now. No hoe is ever gonna cheat on meee like they did her…bye. She’s still gorgeous as fuck tho

Perfect school life. Your girl is set to be the Valedictorian when I graduate (my school has 4!) I’m also sophomore year President, captain of the basketball team, apart of some volunteer programs through my school, and so much more. My resume and college application is abt to be so fuckin fire in 2 years. As I should Columbia is a competitive ass school 😤😤 that aside everyone always tryna link, I got 3 guys fighting over me (whole damn love square), so many people tryna be my friends, teachers love me, and I excel in everything I do.

My Family being rich assss fuck. My dad got a Wikipedia now and his net worth is 22 million dollars. He owns a hedge fund company now, we love a man in finance 😍😍 AS HE FUCKING SHOULD. He got a material gurlll daughter. Two in fact now.

Fire ass crib. Bro it’s a 9 million dollar penthouse, perfect for ragers. I woke up here and my room is decorated to my personality, pintrest clothes all in my closet, I got an exotic pitbull and frenchie, and the house is just mad clean and fire, I’m obsessed with it. Rarely ever wanna leave now.

My mom not being strict. That bald headed ass hoe use to be mad annoying. Y’all know how Haitians are. Mad annoying as fuck and strict for no reason. Now I go out everyday and come home at midnight and no one gives a fuck. Everyone minds their own business as they should.

Having an older brother and younger sister. I was an only child, because I was a miracle baby bc my mom was infertile. Now she got 3 of us, so she can stop being only in my buisness. I’m just playin I love my mom regardless she’s just hella clingy. Anyways my brother is mad protective but also be wrestling mad aggressive for no damn reason. He gave me a bruise but it’s whateva Ima get my lick back. I also always wanted to be an older sister, bc I’d love to be a role model! My sister is 10 and adores me soo much it’s so adorable 🥹 lmfaooo, she’s mad spoiled by me and my mom but it is what it is.

Successful lip gloss business and being a successful drop shipper. Now you didn’t think a sista wasn’t gonna give herself a career just because I’m young right 🤨🤨 we’ll ya wrong. Ya girl is making 200k-400k a year. I barely even use my money cause I got an allowance from my parents… but still, financial literacy and wealth is so important to me especially as a black woman.

A pookie bae. Y’all know I wasn’t gonna deal with finding a loyal cute and funny guy in nyc. It’s like finding a needle in a haystack. Anyways I got me a fine ass boo. I just wrote down all the features I wanted in him like for exampleS finically secure so he can spoil me, handsome as fuck, tall, funny asl, kind, little clingy, deep raspy voice, nice hand, good hygiene and style,yanno yanooo !!! Plus some other shit and whewww the void did me so good. Nowww my boo bear is a lil cracker and I’ve never dated a white boy befuh but my am I surprised. I wake up everyday with some long ass appreciation texts and plans already made ! Y’all know I love me a dominant man who knows what he wants. He’s got some nice ass clothes, nice car and crib, made me a passenger princess and spoils me way too much. He doesn’t complain abt my mood swings and simps in the best way possible. Not to mention he’s fine afkkk he’s giving vinnie hacker. He’s also 6’1 and I’m 5’1 so that height difference is soooo hot I can’t lie I feel so so safe with him 🫣 I could go on all day but in short he’s more than perfect

+ so much more but this is what shocked me the most. Anyways I’ve been living like this for the past week and it just feel so natural. I keep forgetting I got into the void but whateva I’m the only who knows anyways. Anyways live yo best life and neva give upppp. I gotta go but I’ll probably eventually make a blog. My names angela so look out for it. I’m just mad lazy soo idk tho !!!

Angela out 🫡✌️

Girl this was so fun to read, I’m just as excited for you lmfao. I love seeing black women win, and thank you for sharing your methods! Enjoy your best life and come back if it resonates with your life bae !!!

#law of assumption #manifesation #manifesting #void state #law of attraction #void success

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pablitosgf · 10 months

Text

𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 ! — jb05

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 ! — jude bellingham x fem!reader

𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 ! — in which you surprise jude with a special vacation.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ! — nothing!!

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄 ! — this has been sitting in my drafts for MONTHS! even before i posted on this blog. so i hope y'all love it. btw i wrote this before he turned to the big 20 thats why it says 19. <3

𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓 ! — writing

As you sat in your office chair, you couldn't help but smile as you thought about your anniversary with Jude. You had met him back in grade 11, and now he was a professional football player while you were studying to become a pediatrician one day. You had always wanted to have children, but of course, not at the moment. You and Jude were only 19 and had graduated high school a year ago. However, you had it all planned out – from engagement to marriage, pregnancy, and kids – for the future.

But for now, you needed to focus on finding the perfect anniversary gift for your beloved boyfriend of four years. You didn't want to give him something too basic, but you knew that he had always wanted to visit the Bahamas. Unfortunately, with his hectic schedule, there had never been a good time to make the trip. As you brainstormed ideas, you couldn't help but feel grateful for the time you had spent with Jude so far and excited for all the adventures that lay ahead for the two of you.

"That's it!" you exclaimed, a grin spreading across your face. "I'll surprise him with plane tickets for a week in the Bahamas. He has the whole next week off, so it's perfect timing." You couldn't wait to see the look on Jude's face when you told him.

With the apartment to yourself for a few hours due to his training, you quickly went to your laptop and booked a flight from Dortmund to the Bahamas. As you clicked "confirm" on the booking page, your heart raced with excitement. You knew that this trip would be a lifetime experience for the both of you, and you couldn't wait to share it with Jude.

After printing out the tickets, you headed to the store to pick up a fancy box and some accessories to go with it. As you were putting the finishing touches on your surprise, you heard the doorbell ring. Your heart racing with excitement, you ran to the door to greet Jude.

"Baby, you're finally here!" you exclaimed, barely containing your excitement. "I know we were supposed to exchange presents after our date, but I just can't wait any longer."

Jude raised his eyebrows, intrigued by your eagerness. "I can't wait to see what you've got for me," he said, leaning in to give you a light kiss.

You took his hand and led him to the box you had prepared, a huge grin on your face. Jude looked at you with a mix of confusion and anticipation as you urged him to open it. "Just open it," you said, barely able to contain your excitement.

Jude eagerly unlatched the box to reveal the tickets inside. At first, he looked confused, but as he examined them more closely, his eyes widened in disbelief. "What is this?" he asked, his voice filled with astonishment.

"You're joking, right?" he exclaimed, unable to believe his luck. But as he looked at you and saw the excitement written all over your face, he knew that this was real.

“You've always talked about how much you wanted to go," you said, smiling at him. "So I thought, why not make it happen?"

Jude's response was immediate - he wrapped his arms around you and began showering you with kisses all over your face, murmuring countless "thank yous" in your ear.

“You're welcome, my love," you said, feeling your heart swell with happiness.

You woke up to an enthusiastic and energetic Jude. "Come on, babe, get up!" Jude exclaimed, pulling your arm. You groaned and tried to resist, but Jude's excitement was contagious.

"Ugh, I'm too tired. Let me sleep," you complained, sinking back into the bed.

"No way! We have to get ready," Jude insisted.

"I just wanna sleep…" you muttered groggily.

"What did you say?" Jude asked, looking confused.

"Nothing," you replied, shaking your head and trying to shake off your sleepiness.

You posted a story on your Instagram and now you were sitting at the gate, waiting for the plane. You let out a sigh of boredom, and Jude noticed. "Hey, do you want to play chopsticks?" he asked.

You looked at him quizzically, "What's chopsticks?"

Jude was taken aback, "What?! How do you not know what chopsticks is?"

You just shrugged, which earned a loud puff from Jude.

"Fine, I'll teach you," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. He explained the rules and how to play, but you made snarky remarks here and there, calling it "boring" and "not fun." Jude being Jude, responded with a sassy retort.

As Jude turned his head to you, he exclaimed, "We're actually here!" His lips barely missed yours as he spoke, and you couldn't help but smile at his excitement.

"Of course, my love," you replied, returning the almost-kiss with a soft one of your own. "I'm so happy we're finally here in the Bahamas together." You intertwined your fingers with his, feeling the warmth of his hand as you headed towards the exit, eager to start your week-long adventure in paradise.

#pablitosgf #football #football imagine #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham x reader #real madrid #soccer #soccer x reader #jude bellingham fluff #football oneshot

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bloodynereid · 1 year

Note

maybe like one with karen and reader where its like the one you did for warren but like how karen and readers relationship was while living with the six. ohhh or like you could do the beach scene with karen and maybe its just karen and reader or like they also tag along with graham and the blondie. lmao im dying for more karen fics

Echoes of Pain & Love

pairings: karen sirko x fem! reader & karen sirko x graham dunne (for plot purposes)

a/n: hiii anon! hopefully this is up to standards cause i really enjoyed writing this fic - even if it is really sad (i'm sorry about that btw). i didn't add the second part of the request cause i didn't feel like it fit in naturally with the story if that makes sense. i love writing for karen (we are in desperate need of more karen fics) so i hope you enjoy this. used a different perspective with billy on this one cause i thought it would be interesting to look into that avenue of family ties. also i promise my next karen fic will be fluffy instead of the whirlwind that this is.

tw: drug addiction, mentions of cigarettes, swearing, religious trauma (slightly mentioned), abortion, pregnancy, period typical homophobia mentions, mafia mentions (? honestly it's like a comedy point so not really a tw), angst angst angst, kissing, drinking, rehab mentions, mental health problems kind of mentioned, overdose

description: the rise of the biggest band in the world and the cloud of pain and love that surrounds a particular member and the love of her life.

Y/N Dunne: Hi? Is this on? Okay yeah great. We ready to start?

You were born in a small town called Hazelwood, Pittsburgh. Around 2 minutes before your twin, Billy. From that moment on you two were inseparable so when he wanted to learn guitar, you also learned guitar. When you took up your strange art hobby, he also started bringing a sketchbook everywhere along with him. So when your little brother Graham convinced him to join his little band, Billy also dragged you along with him.

You took the band almost as seriously as Billy, even if you still had some aspirations for going to university (which you never told Billy). Over the years until little Graham graduated high school you guys didn’t practice as much as you practiced the year after graduation. After each session your fingers were stinging and calluses upon calluses started to form.

You guys were playing gigs upon gigs and it was going incredibly well. Until you had to play a wedding, a wedding where your father was in attendance.

“Billy, Y/N what the hell? Are you guys okay?” You had rushed after Billy when you noticed that the creep dancing with the girl ages younger than him was your father. Currently you were holding your twin in your arms as unbridled rage filled your very being. You could feel that same rage radiating off Billy.

“You noticed the creep with the combover?”

“Yeah…”

“He’s our dad.” You responded, that made Billy unwarp himself from your arms and go thundering back into the wedding. You quickly followed him in and stood by his side as he confronted your father before smashing his guitar and storming off.

“Do you remember me?” You asked your absentee father after Graham punched him and walked off.

“Of course, girl. You have grown into quite a beaut huh?” A grossed out look overtook your face before you kneed that stupid little man right in the balls. As he kneeled over in pain you took the opportunity to spit on him and walk off in the direction of your brothers.

Warren: Y/N was and still is a badass. Never and I mean never underestimate that woman.

After that incident, life calmed down a bit. Practice continued and Camila appeared in your life after somehow Billy miraculously whisked her off her feet at a laundromat. You were happy to have another girl around and you would constantly tease Billy about how in love he was with her.

“You are such a softie!”

“I am not!” Billy had just gotten back from the dinner with Camila’s parents and he had found you watching tv and painting your nails in the living room with Graham napping on the other side of the couch.

“You know when you find someone I’ll be reminding you of these moments.”

“Shut up!” You threw the pillow that Graham had his head on towards Billy’s face which caused Graham to violently wake up to find his grown up siblings having a pillow fight in the middle of the living room.

Y/N: The night we opened for the Winters… right. Fuck that was night we all met Karen. *strained laughter* Graham was so in love with her. Oh! And Chuck right yeah that’s how I became the bassist. Billy nearly gave it to Eddie.

Chuck had basically rushed back inside his house, probably intimidated by all the very judgemental looks you all were giving him. Who would leave the band just like that? And to go into fucking dentistry?

“Okay how the hell are we going to play next week?” You asked as you stamped out your cigarette harshly.

“Eddie, you're going to have to be on bass.” Billy said with his usual commanding tone.

“Like hell I will.” Eddie responded with a scoff.

“Look we need-”

“I can do it.” You piped up, Eddie and Billy’s fights never ended well; it was as if a cloud of tension just permanently lived between them.

“What?” Your twin turned to you with a confused look on his face.

“Well I worked on the bass lines with Chuck cause he’s a mediocre player anyways so I pretty much know them front to back. Plus we don’t really need another rhythm guitarist anyways.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. You guys want to come over to practice at our house? I’m pretty sure mom went out with some of her friends.”

“Yup.”

“Sounds good.”

Y/N: I was lying about those bass lines by the way but someone needed to diffuse that situation.

Eddie: Fucking hell Y/N was a saving grace that day. She always was when the band was still together. I think it’s cause she knew Billy the best. They had this way of communicating that was downright creepy. Twin telepathy and all that crap.

The day you opened for the Winters started with cramping fingers and a slight tickle in your throat. You had barely been sleeping. Billy always called you a perfectionist and it was probably the worst trait to have when you were trying to prepare for the biggest night of your life. Then you saw… her.

The venue for one was stunning and huge. But what really lit up the place was the blonde on the keyboard. She was like an angel. So deeply entranced in the music and so fucking confident.

Men never really interested you. Sure they were attractive in the objective sense but whenever you thought of who you wanted to walk down the aisle for it was always a woman you envisioned. It had been like that since childhood. What made it worse was the church. Your mother wasn’t particularly religious but you always went to church on Sundays and the priest always spoke about homosexuals being part of the devil’s work.

You thought you needed to be fixed. Which is why you had tried throughout high school to date men or rather boys. But it never worked out. Whenever they got too close to kissing you you ended it with them or got Billy to help.

After that you just stopped trying to pursue that idea and just decided to live for the rest of your life alone. Or… with a woman if you ever found her. But living in Hazelwood, Pittsburgh had its challenges in that department. You would become the town pariah if you told the wrong person. And… you had no idea how to even start to mention it to your brothers.

But she was like an angel. Radiant under the stage lighting.

“Ooo somebody’s in love.” Oh fuck. You quickly spun around trying to see if Warren’s voice was directed at you but thankfully it wasn’t. Instead it was to your little brother who was staring at… her. Your heart clenched and your grip on your bass case tightened. The sharp pain sent through your aching fingers brought you back down to Earth. Of course she would never go for a girl, hell she’s probably straight. You briskly walked away from the pair and through the backstage door.

If you had turned around you would have noticed the girl’s eyes staring at you as you disappeared behind the swinging doors.

Y/N: I think I played okay that night. I mean the atmosphere was electric and I guess you could say that it was the night that marked the beginning of everything.

Billy: Y/N was incredible that night. She always downgrades her playing skills but it was as if she was born to play guitar. And no I’m not just saying that because she’s my twin.

Karen: I was stunned by Y/N when I first saw her play. When she told me, years later, that she had learnt all those riffs in less than a week I was blown away.

Y/N: Anyways after that night we headed off to the city of angels. Fucking Rod Reyes somehow convinced us. And well Billy also miraculously got Cami to follow us. Still don’t know how my imbecilic twin did it.

You were all gathered at one of the numerous LA diners as Graham made the phone call. The phone to that stunning woman that your brother (and you) had a big crush on. Her name was Karen. Karen Sirko.

You passed the cigarette you were sharing with Warren back to him as you watched your youngest brother flounder on the phone as he tried to talk to the supposed woman of his your his dreams.

“Look, just pass me the phone.” You said as you got up and took the phone from his slightly sweaty hands. Ignoring his protests you spoke into the receiver.

“Hi Karen. This Y/N Dunne.”

“Hi… Y/N Dunne. The bass player right?” Her silky British voice filled the phone and a slight shiver ran down your back.

“That would be me. Anyways what my idiotic little brother was trying to say-”

“Hey!” You heard Graham protest in the background.

“How would you like to join the band?”

“Oh bloody hell it’s burning. Guys it’s burning.”

“Uhh…”

“Sorry about that. Minor kitchen emergency.”

“You’re all good. So… what do you say?”

“To what?”

“Joining the band.”

“In Pittsburgh?”

“We’re actually in LA now. Gigs are lined up and we have a house in Laurel Canyon.”

“Hmm what do you think?”

“What do I think about what?” You asked as you leaned against the phone booth as everyone stared at you with anticipation, Graham most of all.

“Do you think it’s worth it?”

“You’re asking the wrong person. My mother always called my brother and I dreamers.”

“Hmm… you know what, yes. Send me the address and I’ll see you then.” Karen hung up the phone and you replaced it in the phone booth before turning around.

“Well?”

“We have a new member of the band!”

Y/N: I remember during those months that I had the strangest assortment of jobs. I worked at a movie theater, a bakery, an ice cream parlor, in a record store and I even think that I might have accidentally been working at a front for a mafia business. That was the secretarial job and it was the one I kept the longest. Employers let just say didn’t particularly like me. At least the mafia did so you know. That definitely says something about me. I had the secretarial job when Karen finally arrived.

You had had a very long and grueling day at the office dealing with a strangely large amount of angry Italian men. But you got through it and you finally came home… bearing the gifts that Warren and your twin always loved. Two slices of apple tart from your boss's mother who always appreciated giving them to you since he had a specific dislike of apples but a fear of his mother.

“Honeys I’m home!” You walked into the living room to find Graham, Warren and Eddie battling each other with the random things, a daily occurrence.

“Ooo did you get the apple thing?”

“Of course.”

“You are truly an angel sent from heaven.” Warren gave you a forehead kiss before he whisked away the white box in your hands.

“Yeah yeah.” You moved to go to your room which was quite literally the size of a broom closet but at least you had a bed. Even if it was crammed on top of a bunk with a desk under it. After you had changed out of your formal wear and into a button down and shorts. You slid into the living room with your pair of fluffy socks and snatched the blunt out of Eddie’s hands.

“Hey!”

“Oh shush I had to deal with a mob of angry Italians, this is the least you can do.” You slumped down on one of the couches and took a long hit that instantly relaxed your tired muscles.

“I don’t know how you’ve even held this job down for so long.” Eddie said as you passed the blunt back to him.

“No idea. It’s a fucking miracle.” You grabbed a random magazine from the pile and started to flick through the photos of really attractive supermodels.

“How many jobs did you have before this, remind me?”

“Probably like 20.” Graham said as he took a seat next to you.

“Fuck off.” You answered back as you blindly tried to kick him. “At least I tried to go get a job while the rest of you just idle around here like lazy dogs.”

“She does have a point there.” That was a new voice, you perked up and took a peak over your magazine as Karen took a seat on the couch in front of you and held out a glass of wine.

“Thanks. So are we ordering in or…”

“Nope, Billy and Warren said they were going to cook something.” That made you spin around and look at her with a horrified look on your face.

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“No? Cami went to process some of her film a bit ago and they just volunte-”

“Oh fuck.” You quickly handed her the wine and threw the magazine on the couch before basically flying into the kitchen. Trying to salvage whatever disaster the boys had decided to cook up. Some kind of alien monster most likely.

Y/N: *laughing* Those were some good months. I actually miss those days a lot. I guess everything changed after Billy met Teddy Price at a supermarket. Weird coincidence but I swear on my life that it happened. Well I’m actually trusting Billy’s word on this so who knows?

Graham: Y/N was really happy in those months. I mean she was always happy. Like a ball of fire and positivity.

Karen: I got to know everyone a lot more due to how close we were living together. Y/N and I bonded as well but she mostly avoided me. Probably because of work. She was really busy, even with gigs. Cami and Y/N were basically the ones getting the extra money we needed to pull through each month.

Y/N: Karen said I was avoiding her? I mean… maybe I was. It was a weird time for me. It was also the time I met Daisy. Oh she didn’t tell you? Yeah I met Daisy ages before she joined the band.

Daisy: Y/N told you we met earlier than expected? Well she’s only telling the truth. Y/N was a truly kind hearted soul, she actually was there the night I first played for a live audience.

The girl on stage, Daisy Jones, was absolutely dazzling. You almost felt like a kindred flame was lit up in your heart. So of course you decided to come up to her with a glass of whiskey and a smile.

“Hi sorry to bother you but I just have to say you have an incredible voice.”

“Aww thank you darling. I’m Daisy by the way.”

“Y/N.” The rest of the night was spent around a bottle of whiskey and you also got to meet Simone. The three of you created a comfortable atmosphere around you and so over the painful months of trying to get Teddy to produce the band you kept in touch with the duo. Going out for drinks when none of you were playing gigs or recording.

Y/N: Like I said those were some good months. But I guess every good thing has to come to an end. *A sad smile appears on your face and you turn your face from the camera to quickly wipe your eyes.*

Graham was obviously enamored with Karen. Everyone saw it, everyone knew except for her. Your heart stung every single time he sent her that puppy eyed look. How could you be jealous of your brother?! It’s not like someone as beautiful as her would ever go for someone like you.

You bitterly took another sip of your drink when you felt a presence next to you. Carefully turning your head you were surprised to see Billy. It was his night after all. The night of his wedding. Really you couldn’t believe it.

“Hey? You okay?”

“Yeah.” He most definitely wasn’t and you had an inkling as to why, so you just leaned your head on his shoulder and gave him a one armed hug.

“Just know I will always love you okay. Through thick and thin. I’m your twin so you sure as hell are never getting rid of me.” He let out a wet chuckle before burrowing his face in your hair and giving you a squeeze back.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be a father.”

“You’re going to be a good one, Billy. I’ll make sure of that and Cami will make sure of that.”

“I don’t deserve either of you.”

“Nope don’t you go on saying that Mr. Dunne.” He laughed before pulling away from you and taking a swig of his beer.

“Do you want to be the kid’s godmother?”

“What?!” You looked up at him with widened eyes and a surprised expression on your face.

“Well I kind of talked it over with Cami and well we want you to be the godmother.”

“I’m already going to be the aunt though.”

“So should I tell her you said no…”

“Oh shut up Billy of course I’m saying yes.” You both laughed and he hugged you again. Harder this time.

“It’s all going to be fine.” You said into his shirt, trying to reassure your anxious twin.

“I believe you.”

Y/N: *silence as you anxiously pick your nails* Umm the tour right. I think that was more of the tour from hell. I was basically watching my brother destroy himself and his family. And I was powerless to stop it. So when you feel powerless what do you think we did back then? I took up pills. A secret little habit no one ever knew about.

You carefully tucked Billy into his bed after throwing the groupies out of his room and throwing out all the empty beer bottles. The remnants of cocaine were also swept onto the floor, and just as you were about to close the door you heard a voice.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah Billy?”

“Uh… thanks.”

“Anytime.” You said with a sad smile as a tear ran down your face before closing the hotel door.

“Fuckkkk.” You slumped down against the door and buried your face in your hands. It was this exact same routine. Over and over and over again. What were you going to tell Cami? Would you ever tell her?

“Hey you okay?” You heard that British accent that never failed to make you feel butterflies in your stomach, even if you sat devastated in a random hotel.

“Fine. You?” Quickly wiping away the remnants of tears and standing up so you were at eye level with Karen.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, Karen. No need to worry about me. Have you settled in okay?”

“Right yeah everything is great. I was just about to go for a smoke on the roof care to join me?”

“Sure sounds good.” You dusted off your hands and followed Karen up onto the roof before lighting up one of your cigs.

“Okay now tell me the truth. How are you really feeling?” She asked after an awkward beat of silence.

“Conflicted I guess.”

“About the whole Billy thing?”

“Yeah he’s my brother but… I hate seeing him like this. I don’t know. Shit… this is such a messed up situation isn’t it?”

“It really is. Now just stop thinking about it and watch the stars. That always does the trick with me.”

“Thanks Karen.”

“Anytime.” She sent you a comforting smile and you laid your head in her lap. That constant weight on your shoulders already dissipating by just being around her.

Y/N: A few more shows in Cami came to visit. It was a surprise and honestly I’m pretty sure she knew something was up. I met up with her when I went to do my nightly check up on Billy since I had been at the record store all day.

Camila: I would never blame Y/N for what was going on with Billy. I think she was the one who at least didn’t let him slip off the deep end but I wish she had told me about it.

You didn’t know about Cami’s trip so when you went to check up on Billy suddenly the door swung open and a very pregnant Camila stormed out.

“Cami?” You asked in a strained voice.

“Y/N hey.”

“Look I’m so fucking sorry. I tried to get him to tell you or I would have called-”

“No no I get it. You’re his twin, you will always try to protect him. I gave him an ultimatum.”

“I’m assuming you’re letting him fuck around until the kid is born right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll try to make sure he gets better okay?”

“That isn’t-”

“No it is. Now come here. Let me hug my favorite sister in law.” You enveloped Cami in a hug and smoothed your hands across her back as she started sobbing into your shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay. Shhh, it’s all going to be fine. When is your flight?”

“Tomorrow morning.”

“How about you come stay with me until then? That way you don’t have to see Billy or pay for another room.”

“Yeah that sounds good.”

Y/N: Those shows were a disaster. Billy was getting worse and I had no way to stop it. I didn’t try to take away his drugs or the fucking groupies. The one time I tried… no okay he doesn’t even know about that. So the day Julia was born, that wonderful little bundle of joy, Teddy got Billy into rehab. And I became Jules’ godmother. I thought everything was going to get better after that and it did for a while. For everyone else.

Billy: I came out of rehab and I quit the band. I think Graham and Y/N were the only ones who understood why. Y/N got the brunt of my addiction though. She was like a shining beacon but I never realized how much it had affected her…

Y/N: I wasn’t fine.

That stupid green monster called jealousy invaded your veins each time you saw him with her. You should be happy for your brother but it was the complete opposite. Warren was even questioning you as to why he never saw you with anyone, you only brushed off those questions by telling him to fuck off.

Pill numbers were multiplying by the day and as you sat in the recording studio waiting for whatever miracle Teddy thought would save your band you could almost feel the chemicals moving through your blood. You took another swing from the coffee cup in your hand to try and distract yourself from how big Karen’s smile was as she looked at Graham.

Falling for a straight girl. What an fucking cliche.

“Can I get a glass of milk and a whiskey? Or just a whiskey if you don’t have milk. Or just milk if you don’t have whiskey?” Now that was a familiar voice. You perked up from your little alcove in the recording room to see that chaotic ball of pure energy which belonged to one of your best friends. Daisy Jones was in the house.

“DAISY JONES? Do my eyes deceive me?” You rushed up and enveloped her in your arms. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming?”

“Well I didn’t know until last night.”

“You look incredible, I love this shirt.” She smiled and did a little twirl to show off the buttondown.

“Stop, now you look absolutely stunning. Where did you manage to find a coat like this?”

Karen: I remember feeling a strange kind of anger the day we met Daisy Jones. It wasn’t directed at her, it’s just… I don’t think it really clicked that Y/N had a life outside the one I saw her in.

Graham: It wasn’t really a surprise, Y/N was friends with everyone. Did she tell you about that mafia thing?

“You guys done with this little reunion cause we need to get on with it.”

“Stop being such an asshole Billy. But yeah we should probably get this show on the road.” You made your way into the soundbooth with the rest of the band after giving Daisy one more squeeze and a comforting smile.

“So how do you know Daisy?” Karen whispered in your ear, making you jump. She was way closer than you had anticipated.

“Oh I went to one of her shows. We got to know each other after, that’s how I met Simone as well. Where do you think I disappear off to all these nights?” That response elicited a slightly guilty look on Karen’s face.

“I always thought you were in your room. I guess I’ve just never seen you sneak out.” Wow, you hadn’t realized how good you had gotten at hiding your little bad habits.

“Hmm.” You hummed back and then turned to look at your brother and Daisy, nervously picking at your nails. Oh god why did you tell Karen that. She now thinks you’re some kind of crazy party girl.

The rest of the recording session was kind of a mess. You suddenly realized why you had been so entranced by Daisy when you first met her. She reminded you so much of your twin. You had felt that instant connection because you had the same connection with Billy. Their personalities bashed against each other because they fit so well together.

Y/N: I think we all noticed the Daisy and Billy thing. But I was just scared. I was scared for Billy and for Daisy. I care for them so so much but I don’t think I could have predicted what all came next. I had an inkling though. And that is what scared me.

You had joined Karen when she basically dragged you to go to the record store with her. Ever since your admission about your nights out it seemed as if she wanted to spend more and more time with you. Not that you minded.

You stood next to her as you sifted through the rows of different music selections. You weren’t particularly looking for anything but were looking out for some new stuff. It was always interesting to hear new sounds when suddenly you heard the girl at the till.

“Is this the one with ‘Look At Us Now’?” You exchanged glances with Karen with giddy smiles starting to paint your faces. No fucking way.

“Oh shoot I don’t think I have enough.” Karen was about to pull out some money but you stilled her hand by grabbing her wrist. Winking at her you grabbed a 5 dollar bill from your jacket pocket and put it on top of the record. Your record.

“Here.”

“Oh thanks.”

“No problem.” You linked arms with Karen before heading out of the store letting out giggles.

You took a seat next to Julia as you fed her little pieces of food whilst cooing at her. Billy was once again complaining about the song and Cami was trying to calm him down.

“Has anyone looked through the mail recently?”

“Oh fuck sorry I meant to sift through those last night. Mia culpa and all that.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Karen sent you a soft smile before her face turned to shock as she stared at the envelopes. “Does anyone know what these are?”

“No way.” You quickly snatched the letter that was addressed to you from her hands and started dancing around the kitchen. “Look Jules, aunty has got some money now.”

Y/N: The first thing I bought… Karen tried to get me to buy stock. But no… I umm I bought a motorcycle.

Graham: Okay so one thing you need to know about my sister is that she has like zero self preservation.

Y/N: Graham said that?! Oh that little shit. That isn’t true. I got a helmet too. That bike basically became my baby.

You were sitting out on the balcony after Billy and Cami moved out. Which meant you could finally do drugs freely, well not that freely but that’s beside the point. You were lying on the floor staring at the stars as Warren went on and on about how he and the canyon were connected. It was strangely funny in your drugged out state that you burst out laughing. Pills and psychedelics might not have been the best combination.

In your defense you thought you were about to go to bed so you took a combination of sleeping and pain pills but then Karen dragged you upstairs to try out whatever this thing was. And all in all you were having a great time until it happened.

You peaked through your fingers to see Karen’s hand on Graham’s chest. It was just against his heart. Like she was metaphorically holding his heart in her hand but in that moment it felt like it was your heart that she had just crushed into a pulp.

So you just closed your eyes and let the drugs overtake your senses. Letting them all wash away that pain of heartbreak.

Y/N: Hawaii was incredible. Billy was an asshole. And Daisy shined. I think that’s about all I can remember from that time. *a tight smile appears on your face* People never notice things until they come to the surface. I hid things very well for a long time.

Cami had invited you to the housewarming party and when you were having a catch up with Daisy in her hotel’s pool you realized she was too. You hadn’t told her about the whole being a lesbian thing, not that you didn’t trust her but you didn’t want her to treat you differently. You were just scared of what she would see in you even if she had fully accepted Simone.

Simone had gone to New York because of a woman. Simone who was the only person who knew you liked women. Simone the glue that held Daisy together. You both missed her deeply and that is why you were hanging out with Daisy at the pool.

So on the night of the housewarming, Daisy’s arms were wrapped around your waist with a pineapple balancing in your lap as you sped through the streets of LA until you arrived at the house.

Daisy was the first to hop off before taking off her helmet and handing it to you. You did the same and took the keys out of the ignition before following Daisy inside. You weaved through the crowds with her arm around your shoulders when Cami spotted the two of you.

“Daisy you came! And with Y/N. Now this is a strange development.”

“You didn’t mention me before? I am offended.”

“Well it’s not my fault it’s so hard to describe someone so radiant. I’m going to go check up on Billy. It’s good to see you, Cami.”

“We need to see each other more often Y/N. Jules has been missing you.”

“Oh I bet.” You gave her a smile before bounding over and enveloping Billy in a bear hug. “How is my favorite twin doing?”

“Hi Y/N, it’s good to see you too. What’s got you so energetic today?”

“Wow I can’t just be excited to see my brother?” In reality, you had sneaked some of Daisy’s cocaine stash while she was in the bathroom. It was your first time on the drug and you suddenly realized how Billy got addicted to this stuff. You hadn’t felt this good in ages.

“No no that’s not at all what I’ve been saying. How have you been?”

“Good. I’ve missed having you and Cami around.”

“No you haven’t.” He said with a conspiratorial smile on his face.

“We haven’t been separated before Billy before I miss having my twin around.” That second the mask slipped, the mask that said I’m fine.

“Y/N?”

“I umm I’m going to get myself a drink. See you later Billy.” You slipped out of his grasp and grabbed a glass of whiskey and made your way to the living room where you saw Graham flirting with some blonde. Okay now that is a strange development. You took a seat next to a confused looking Karen on one of the couches.

“You okay?”

“Oh hey you came.”

“That I did. So what’s going on?”

“Did you know that Graham was in love with me?” That made you spit out the remaining whiskey in your mouth.

“What?” You said after coughing for a solid minute.

“Graham told me he wanted to be with me.”

“And you said?”

“No obviously.”

“Oh okay.” That stupid sentence shouldn’t have made you fill up with hope but it did.

“So you don’t have any comments?”

“I mean what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know.”

“Right I umm I’m going to leave you alone then.”

You spent the night at Cami and Billy’s house, they had already set out the spare room for you since Billy didn’t want you driving on that vehicle of death as he liked to call it in the middle of the night.

Y/N: The first day that we were officially Daisy Jones & The Six couldn’t have started anymore disastrously. I was finally starting to cut back on pills because after the cocaine inci-

Interviewer: Sorry to interrupt but uh what was the cocaine incident?

Y/N: *a pained look overcame your face* I don’t think you want to hear about this.

Interviewer: I want to know it all.

Y/N: Right so I guess you will be the second person to ever know the story about the cocaine incident. The first was the doctor who found me overdosing in a park. It had become a habit to swipe Daisy’s coke stash. So on that night I had been adventurous and took a little more than usual. That ended up with me on a park bench with foam coming out of my mouth. Mark found me after a shift, he basically revived me by throwing me in a lake and getting me to his house. There he was able to flush the drugs from my system. I made him promise the next morning to never tell anyone and that was that. I don’t remember much of the encounter but I stopped the majority of the drugs after that.

Interviewer: I’m sorr-

Y/N: *with tears rolling down your face* Don’t be sorry. I’m alive and yeah it was probably not a good idea to not have told anyone but I was one of those people who didn’t believe in weaknesses. Anyways, I was kind of going through a big withdrawal period during that first session. Teddy was a fucking saviour as always and got Daisy and Billy to go write a song. I spent my day cruising around the streets of LA on my bike trying to fight off a killer migraine.

You arrived home before Warren and Eddie did and what greeted you was the sounds of moaning. So you quickly slipped into the back and took a peek into the living room. The sight on the couch made your heart split in two. Karen and your brother…

You soundlessly turned and closed the backdoor before quickly wiping the tears that started to form at the sight of Warren and Eddie.

“Where have you two been all day?”

“We could ask you the same question.”

“Well I was at the garage for a bit and then I went to the hills and cruised around. And by the popcorn I’m guessing you went to see Rollerball again.”

“Damn right sister.” You laughed and followed them inside when you heard the phone ringing.

“Is anyone going to get that?” You asked as you walked into the living room, looking at Karen and Graham who looked very disheveled.

“Uh yeah.”

Y/N: That was the first time we heard Let Me Down Easy. And it was incredible… but Daisy and Billy. They realized that connection. And that hug at the end of the session. Well it said it all.

Interviewer: So did you notice anything different about Y/N around the time you recorded Aurora?

Billy: Uh not really? I was kind of immersed in the writing process of it all. Why? Did she say something?

Graham: She was more reserved I guess. I barely saw her other than in recording sessions and at home. I was kind of busy too with uh I guess you could call it love.

Karen: Yeah she was avoiding me. I wanted to be around her a bunch but Graham was giving me something I always wanted. And she was more tired. Like almost lethargic.

Warren: Not really? She spent a lot more time with me though. We discussed movies a lot together.

Eddie: She looked exhausted a lot of the time. Wait, why are you asking this?

Y/N: I was mentally drained during that time. I was avoiding Karen and Graham because of obvious reasons. I tried to date a few guys. That was a bad time. Me and men don’t go well together but uh I was grieving a lot and on top of that I was heartbroken. I wasn’t in the greatest place and it kind of fucked with me.

Daisy: I wasn’t spending as much time with Y/N as I probably should have been.

Y/N: After the album was finished and everyone went their separate ways, I went to a rehab center in Switzerland. The only person who knew was Teddy. I was an insanely secretive person but I needed to have someone know where I was. Teddy was like a father to me and he helped with everything.

Billy: I kind of freaked when I realized that no one knew where either Daisy or my sister were. Teddy had no idea where Daisy was but he told me Y/N went on a trip. That she would be back in a month and she was. But she was different. I think that was when I realized how fucking miserable she must have been while I was trying to deal with all my shit.

Y/N: Rehab was the best thing I could have ever done. I went back home and I moved out to this little apartment which was next to this secret beach. I finally felt so much better. I remember that day when I came to collect all my shit from my old room. I had bought a mustang when I left the airport. My beloved car.

You took a deep breath before cutting the ignition of your car and stepping into the house that held so many memories. So much heartbreak.

“Y/N holy shit you’re back.” Warren grabbed you and pulled you into a bear hug which everyone quickly joined once they realized who had stepped through their front door.

“Where the hell have you been?” Karen asked as she looked at you with a deep worry in her eyes.

“I uh went to rehab.” Their shocked faces made you burst out laughing. “Oh god I needed that, it has been a somber few days.”

“Why did you even go to rehab?”

“I needed to go away and get shit straightened out. Now how have all of you been?” You spent the rest of the afternoon catching up and drinking ginger beer while everyone drank regular alcohol. When you broke the news that you were going to move out it didn’t really faze anyone since Warren had basically permanently moved into his houseboat. That crush you had for Karen was still there but you were happy for your little brother. Wow, you could finally say that truthfully in your head.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice.” Karen said as she helped you pack up some of your valuables.

“Notice what?”

“How much you were struggling.”

“Karen, it’s okay. Plus I know you were busy having a boyfriend.” You forced out a smile before placing another one of your numerous trinkets into your suitcase.

“How did you know?” Karen had an almost guilty look on her face that made you look at her with a confused expression.

“I’ve known for ages. I’m not as clueless as the other idiots.”

“And how do you feel about it?”

“Well I’m happy for you of course. Graham really likes you.”

“Is that it?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“I… thanks.”

“No problem. Thanks for helping with packing.” After all that was finished you put everything in the trunk with the help of Warren.

“When the hell did you get a Mustang?”

“Well I needed an extra car since my bike wouldn’t hold all my stuff. I got her this morning.”

“I always did appreciate your taste in cars.” You both laughed and exchanged a hug.

“Take care of yourself Warren. I’ll see you at the meeting on Monday.”

“You too. You heading home?”

“Nah I’m going to check in with Billy first.”

“Okay. Bye Y/N.”

“Bye Warren.” You waved at the group who had collected at the front porch before speeding off in the direction of your twin’s house.

You stood in front of the door before finally having the courage to knock. The door was immediately swung open by Camila.

“Oh my god you’re here. Billy get down here!” Cami yelled into the house before grabbing you and squeezing you into a hug.

“Are you okay? Teddy said you were on a trip but we were worried.” All of a sudden Billy appeared at the door carrying Julia and having the most relieved smile on his face.

“Oh Y/N. Come here.”

“Yes, come in. I’ll get you some tea.” Billy put down Jules before he enveloped you in that familiar embrace. God you had missed him. Julia came over and hugged your leg, making you laugh as you picked her up.

“Hey there Jules. You’ve gotten so big.”

“Where were you?” Billy asked as you took a seat on the couch as Julia nestled into your chest.

“Switzerland. I wanted to tell you but I really didn’t want to disappoint you, Billy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to go to rehab. I know I should have talked to you-”

“No no, I get it. I’m so fucking sorry I wasn’t there for you. You deserve someone better than me as a brother. Cause I sure as hell don’t deserve you.”

“Shut up, Billy. You’re my twin and I’ll love you to the ends of the earth.”

The rest of the night was spent in tears and laughs. You finally spent some much needed time with your other half. Being a twin meant you had a companion for life but it hadn’t felt like that for a while.

Y/N: I spent most of the tour around Billy. We shared the separate bus with Graham but he usually ended up staying over at Daisy’s bus. And Nicky well Nicky was a horrible fucking person and I noticed how much of a hold he had over Daisy. I felt powerless all over again. I tried to talk to her about it but she wouldn’t listen to anyone. I understood that feeling. I was that person only a few months ago.

Daisy: Y/N and Billy tried. Y/N tried to help so much that now that I think back on it she might have been the only thing keeping me from really surrendering myself to Nicky.

Y/N: Billy found her overdosed in the bathroom one night. That kind of changed everything for Daisy. Oh and Karen and Graham became official.

You were snuggled up next to Billy as you watched a random movie. Ginger beer was sitting in front of you and popcorn littered the bus's couch. You had spent the past few nights crying yourself to sleep. As if that would change the fact that Karen was in love with your little brother.

Then the bus’s door unlocked and in walked Daisy Jones. You felt Billy instantly perk up and shut off the tv. Billy Dunne was in love with Daisy Jones and you were powerless to do anything. Billy couldn’t admit it to himself but you knew the truth. You had known the man since the second he was born.

“Would it be okay if I slept here tonight?”

“Of course Daisy. I’ll leave you guys to it.” You gave your brother a quick nudge before disappearing into the bunk section. Snuggled under the covers you drifted off into dreamland with the sound of their intermingling voices in the background.

Y/N: When Teddy nearly died, it felt like the world stopped. I even went to a chapel. I couldn’t have him leave us just yet.

You were kneeling in one of the pews of the hospital chapel. Praying and just begging God to let him live. You would do anything if you could just have him back.

When you got the news that he was going to be fine, you went into the room before Billy did. He understood the importance of that to you.

“Hey old man. I’m glad you’re not dead yet.”

“You ain’t getting rid of me that easily.” That was when Teddy noticed your tear tracks. “ Oh sweetheart.”

“Can’t have you dying on me okay?”

“I won’t. I promise you.”

Y/N: Pittsburgh never felt like a home to me. LA had become that. At least I didn’t feel judged in every corner of the town. But I missed my mother.

The night before you were meant to leave for Pittsburgh you heard a soft knock on your hotel room door. Rising from your position on the bed, you threw your journal and pen back into the covers and padded over to the door. And there stood Karen. As beautiful as ever but with tears running down her face.

“Kare? What’s going on?” She looked into your eyes and suddenly you knew. Oh she was pregnant.

“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” She visibly brightened a little before she delved into your arms and you held her through the night. Selfishly feeling happy that she was spending the night in your arms instead of your brother’s.

You awkwardly sat at the edge of your mother’s backyard. Taking sips of a glass of lemonade as you leaned your head on Karen’s shoulder.

“What’s going on?” You saw Cami walk up to the both of you with a concerned look on her face. You twisted your head to look up at Karen as she gave Cami a sad smile. Cami’s face morphed into something concerned before she gave you both a hug.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey I’ll leave you two to discuss for a bit, okay?”

“Yeah I’ll see you later honey.” Karen’s little nickname for you made your heart flutter as you gave them both a smile before making your way to where Billy was talking to Chuck. The fucking dentist. You put your hands over your twin’s eyes and leaned next to his head.

“Guess who?” You asked, trying to deepen your voice as much as possible.

“Hmm I don’t know. Who could it be? I’m thinking it’s Y/N.”

“Spoilsport. Hey Chuck.” You made your way to stand next to Billy as he let out a chuckle at your childish antics.

“Hey Y/N. You look good.”

“Why thank you. I’m wearing Dior.” You gave him a slightly cutting smile before taking another sip of lemonade.

Warren: Y/N could be incredibly cutthroat when she wanted to. One of the best things about her.

Y/N: The Pittsburgh show went well. It was weird being home again. But the crowd was insane and Daisy and Billy well… they were Daisy and Billy.

The next morning after the show you went to the clinic with Cami and Karen. You held her hand during the procedure and gave her a comforting smile throughout it. She didn’t want pity or sadness and you knew that. You were always going to be there for her. Even if it was only as a friend.

Y/N: In all honesty, I thought everything was going great. Obviously I could see the tension between Daisy and Billy, I was literally living with them. I felt like a third wheel a lot of the time.

You could feel the palpable tension in the air as you played through the set. Billy looked heartbroken but also fucking elated, Daisy looked like she was having the time of her life, Eddie had a black eye, Graham couldn’t even look at Karen, Karen looked devastated but she kept sneaking glances your way, Warren looked like well Warren looked normal and you just did what you normally did, you observed. You mostly observed Karen because she looked really fucking hot in that outfit.

Then the set ended. Billy ran off to chase Camila and Daisy kept on singing. You knew it was the end. So before you went backstage you looked out onto the crowd one last time and sent them a kiss with a sad smile.

You were packing up your guitar when you felt a warm hand on your shoulder. You turned around to see Karen. In all her glory with a bright smile on her face.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this. I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize it.” Then she pulled you into a kiss. A kiss that reminded you of all of the things you had gone through since the start of the band. A kiss that felt like that pulsating crowd. A kiss that felt like pure unadulterated love.

“Wow Karen Sirko I didn’t know you had that in you.”

“Well Y/N Dunne I can’t wait to live out life with you.” You laughed before grabbing her and pulling her into a deeper kiss than before.

Daisy watched on as one of her favorite people in the world finally got her happy ending. And she felt calm for the first time in a while.

Karen: I wasn’t being completely honest with Graham for our entire relationship. I was literally in love with his sister throughout most of it but I didn’t know that I was. Until that night she just held me while I cried about being pregnant.

Y/N: *entwining your hand with Karen’s as the camera pans to allow you into frame* Karen is the only person I could ever imagine a life with. We live out in the mountains and I became a writer. And this incredible woman right here makes some of the best music out there.

Karen: Now you’re exaggerating.

Y/N: Shh I’m having a moment. So yeah Jules that’s how this whole thing has come to pass. I wouldn’t have changed one bit, it all led me to being with this beautiful woman whom I love with my entire being.

Julia: You know I think you’re like one of the coolest people ever right?

Y/N: Aww I love you so much kid. You’re definitely one of my favorite nieces, don’t tell Graham’s kids. *the camera cuts as you and Karen let out loud laughs*

THE END.

taglist: @yesshewrites1

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strwbywrites · 8 months

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long live (eddie munson)

a/n: this is heavily based on the taylor swift song. i am indeed a swiftie and i thought the song fit the vibe. (and castles crumbling but it makes me wanna scream and cry) def not excessively proofread. pls enjoy though i tried a different direction than typical songfics :) (also i might start using gifs more so the post isn't bald, gif isn't mine btw i use google image search o7)

summary: eddie's gf plays the prom venue with an original that makes him fall even more in love with her. (probably ooc but its cute so i'll die on my hill of soft content)

wc: 3.1k (woah)

Prom season, April 1986. Prom season was perhaps one of the most important seasons of a teenage girl’s life. Every junior and senior in Hawkins, Indiana was scrambling to find the perfect date, the perfect flowers, and the perfect dress. And every seller of any trade was making sure to get into the prom market to make that profit.

Eddie wasn’t someone too concerned about the idea of prom. Sure, it happened and there was usually some hot gossip that hit the school the weeks before and after the event, but it wasn’t on the top of the priority list. After all, this is his second senior year. He never had an urge to go to the ones before and didn’t have the urge to go to this one now. He’d much rather spend his Saturday evening playing tabletop with his club, practicing with his band, or hanging out with his girlfriend.

His girlfriend, God he loved his girlfriend. Eddie swore that whatever higher force was out there made her special for him. They were so similar yet any difference they had was even more complimentary. They both supported each other non-stop and made time for each other during the busy senior year. Shit, thanks to (Y/n) he was accelerating his path to officially graduating. But that time was quickly approaching and although he couldn’t go immediately into college, (Y/n) swore up and down that she would be there for him no matter what.

Of course, Eddie’s perspective on prom immediately changed when (Y/n) came barreling into the trailer with a letter in hand and the largest smile he’s seen on her in ages. He loved her smile.

“Eddie, you won’t believe what I got in the mail!” (Y/n) exclaimed with excitement, almost colliding with his chest. She was an unstoppable force, and him, an immovable object.

“Mmm, you got accepted into Harvard?” Eddie asks with a chuckle. “I’m teasing you sweetheart, what is the news that you are so excited to share that you have to break my ribs in the process?”

“SO! The prom committee reached out to me and my band, right?” She started, the joy never once faltering from her voice. “They want us to play at prom! We get in free of charge and our dates get fifty percent off!”

Eddie made a sound of bewilderment and excitement for his girlfriend, immediately going to wrap his arms around her to hug, lift, and spin her all in one fluid movement. “Incredible! I expect nothing less from my dearest, my one and only star.” He smiled and gave her forehead a gentle kiss.

Once (Y/n) was let go by Eddie’s embrace, she started her little victory lap around the trailer. Her unbridled joy filled the entire living room and pierced Eddie right in the heart. The way her eyes lit up as she celebrated.

Although a small earwig in his head tried to feed him jealous thoughts, ones of anger for not being selected as part of the Hawkins High School entertainment, he shook them away. No jealousy nor anger would ever come out of someone else’s happiness. Now the real challenge was finding whatever formal wear he had left and making sure it was appropriate to make his girls’ dream come true.

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When (Y/n) got the letter from the Hawkins High School Prom Committee, she was over the moon excited. Letting her other members that they were so on for the occasion and to get prepared. Of course, at the next practice, they were learning more mainstream covers to appeal to the greater audience, but that wasn’t going to stop them from sneaking in an original. The committee was only allowed to give them an hour-long slot due to budgeting and because they knew those students wanted to enjoy the night too.

“I have a quick question.” (Y/n) spoke up during a break during their practice session, “How do you guys feel about Long Live?” she asked somewhat nervously. That song was one of her passion projects, something she really poured her heart and soul into.

“I think it's phenomenal.” Kat smiled as she answered honestly. “I can tell you worked hard on it, and you know where you want to go with it. And you’re also not a total bitch to either me or Bianca when it doesn’t sound like you expected.”

“You just want to perform it for your man.” Bianca giggled and teased (Y/n), tapping her gently yet playfully on the arm. “It’s beautiful.”

“I hope I tell both of you how much I appreciate you.” (Y/n) smiled brightly, pulling the two in for a one-armed hug for each. All 3 girls agreed that if they had even the smallest hint of an original song, they would share it and attempt to work on it. “There are still some missing pieces, but we have time. It’s almost done.”

Kat stood up and looked her dead in the eye, a stern yet loving look on her face. “You better not doubt yourself, because good god you are one of the most talented songwriters I have ever met.”

(Y/n) beamed with appreciation and pride. She was told before that she was a good writer, by her bandmates, mother, and Eddie. But sometimes that feeling hits different when it comes after achieving something huge. It was settled, (Y/n)’s hard worked love ballad was to be played on the night of prom.

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At the next Hellfire meeting, (Y/n) sat in her corner with her notebook. She never played the tabletop game herself, but it doesn’t mean she enjoyed the chatter of the boys at the table.

“Oh, go screw yourself! I totally had a good window to roll for stealth!” Dustin exclaimed to Mike.

“You take forever to decide what to do, and Eddie was already counting down before the hobgoblin would kill us all!” Mike retorted in defense.

“So immediately charging him straight on would’ve been the best tactic?” Jeff defends Dustin from Eddie’s left side.

The boys continued bickering until Eddie put a stop to it, continuing with part seven of their multi-part campaign. Although it was noisy, (Y/n) didn’t mind. It was a heartwarming kind of noise. A noise of joy, regardless of who rolled what. She stayed in her little corner, occasionally piping up with a joke towards whoever was the victim. Her thoughts, however, were focused on her notebook. The book she used to write down lyrics and ideas.

“You’re really enamored with that little book there, sweetheart.” Eddie teased her lightly, smiling at her.

“None of your business, dearest.” She responded with a chuckle. (Y/n) took her pen and jotted down a quick 'a band of thieves in ripped up jeans' and her eyes met Eddie’s gaze. “I’m serious. Let me plot and scheme in peace.”

“There shall be no peace for you as long as I live and breathe as your boyfriend.” Eddie quickly retorted, going back to the campaign that he worked tirelessly on.

“Evidently.” She giggled, also going back to the notebook she paid most of her attention to.

Nobody really complained about (Y/n)’s presence in the corner of the club room. Although it was at first off putting to have someone just watching them the entire time, they were soon warmed up after the first few weeks of her bringing snacks. Sometimes she’d even help them with how to proceed. She wasn’t a player at all, but at least she was familiar and respected their time and when they would go over. Essentially adopting a motherly role to the younger kids and being a damn good influence and person to the rest of them.

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The countdown to prom officially hit its 14-day mark. In 2 weeks time, every junior and senior would be lining up to get inside a stuffy gym to dance and try to spike some punch. (Y/n) already had her dress picked out. Something she could maneuver in. A sparkling purple ensemble that hugged her chest yet flowed out in a subtle manner. She never told Eddie what the dress looked like, only that he should get a purple tie to match. Lighter colors weren’t really his thing, neither was prom, yet he still searched the shops far and wide for the perfect color.

(Y/n) sat in a corner of Eddie’s bedroom on the floor, toying with chords on her guitar, humming the melody to her hardworking self-written song. She had sort of a blank stare on her face as she kept playing the same chord progression repeatedly.

“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” Eddie pipes up and sits across from her on the same floor.

She shook out of her trance and looked at her boyfriend. Sighing softly, she sets the guitar against the wall. “I feel like I’m stuck.” Her voice came out soft against the din of the air conditioning.

Eddie crawled over to her, his pocket chains jingling together. His arms enveloped her on the floor as he held her tightly in an embrace, her side to his chest as he moved his legs to either side of her body. His body slowly started rocking out of habit, allowing the two to sway subtly yet soothingly. “You know, babe, you are the most amazing, fantastic girl in the world. Beautiful, strong, a fuckin’ genius.” He whispered his compliment after he planted a kiss on the shell of her ear.

The kiss sent a quick shiver down her spine. “Well right now I feel dumb.” She huffed, “This stupid prom thing is stressing me out.”

“Screw the prom right now. You need to rest. Stress is just going to make you feel worse about it.” He spoke as he cradled her head to his chest, moving backwards to lay down. “I want you to be proud of where you are, and I want you to actually enjoy the night.”

The two of them laid on the floor, (Y/n) stared at the ceiling as Eddie stared right at her. This position allowed her to relieve the tension that she was holding in her body. “Why do you have to be right?” She spoke sarcastically.

“I want the very best for my very best.” His lips placed another peck on her head.

A comfortable silence reached the couple. The only noise ever heard within the room being the echo of the air conditioning. At some point, (Y/n)’s eyes closed as she fell into a light slumber. Once this was noticed by Eddie, he gently picked her up and set her in the bed while lying next to her. Covering the two with blankets, he shut his eyes and fell into his own rhythm of sleep.

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“It’s a meeting day and the yearbook crew needs photos for the yearbook soon.” (Y/n) told the entirety of Hellfire before they started. “It’s why I had Eddie get you guys here early.”

“And because she is way more organized and actually has a camera to take the pictures with.” Eddie chuckled and wrapped an arm around her, planting a kiss on her cheek.

The boys nodded in understanding. Since they were already in their Hellfire “team” shirts, it wasn’t too hard to plan. The setup was simple, a white backdrop pinned to the wall while they stood in front of it with various poses. Several group pictures and several individual headshots for the boys. Headshots including a smile and a smolder from each member. Some of the photos included were also some staged “action” shots of Eddie standing at the head of the table with the boys surrounded to stand over as if they were planning an attack.

Eventually, the roll of film was getting noticeably used up. (Y/n) wanted to keep some for natural shots within the club during the meeting, hoping that she wouldn’t be too obvious but honestly, it wasn’t an exceptionally big deal. Being able to capture a moment of genuine pleasure on the faces of the group she cared so much about was more important.

Later that week, (Y/n) and Eddie stood in the red room of the schools’ yearbook committee. The freshly developed photos hung on a string to dry. Both smiled at the multiple photos of the club just being themselves.

“It’s not fair how they treat you.” (Y/n) spoke bitterly. They were the same as everybody else, just more confident in what they enjoy compared to those same people.

“It is what is it, sweetheart.” Eddie sighed in response, but he agreed. “Not much we can do but hold our heads high.”

“At least you’re confident and passionate about what you love! That’s what makes you different. Something that makes you also incredibly admirable too.” She hummed and gave a peck to his cheek. “Still gives them no excuse for what they do.”

Eddie smiled small at his girlfriend, turning her to face him. “That’s good. I’m pretty confident that I’m in love with you.”

(Y/n) blinked at him, his infectious smile spreading to her. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she brought him into a kiss. Only breaking after a moment for air. “I am so very in love with you as well.”

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Here it was, the night of the Hawkin’s High Prom of 1986. The stage was already set up for the live act of the night but in the meantime, a large mix of tapes was selected to play over the sound system in the gym. The event had only started 45 minutes ago.

Eddie strolled in with other members of the Hellfire Club, fashionably late of course. For a bunch of presumed delinquents, they cleaned up real nice. Mike, Dustin, and Lucas were lucky to be there as underclassmen due to being invited by the other upperclassmen members of the club.

“So, when is (Y/n) gonna perform?” Dustin asks the group, sitting down at a table on the outskirts of the gym.

Eddie shrugged. “Not sure, was only told it was about an hour block.” He looked around the room for any sight of his girlfriend.

On the other side of the stage, (Y/n) was peeking behind a door to watch the Hellfire members sat at the table. They were late, it scared her. What scared her even more was that they were on within 15 minutes. Kat and Bianca were behind her and staring out of the same window on the door.

“What the hell is their problem? 45 minutes late?” Kat exclaimed pessimistically. “They would’ve been dead if it were up to me.”

“Hey, it’s not that bad. At least they missed Jason and his dumb ass entrance.” Bianca shrugged. “I did not need to see all that movement from him of all people.” She giggled. This made Kat snort with laughter and her hand quickly shot up to cover her nose. Which then forced all three girls into laughter behind the door.

Soon enough, it was time for them to start their set. The crowd was excited enough to watch the girls enter and play a few starting notes of a Tears for Fears song. Knowing the newer, more popular songs really paid off for the excitement of the crowd. While she sang, (Y/n) spotted the club dancing and slowly moving towards the front. Seeing the people she loved having a great time only made her want to perform even better. Just so she could see that happy expression shared through the group.

It was nearing the end of their set, just so they could also enjoy time at the prom. (Y/n), Kat, and Bianca all nodded toward each other. The drummer and guitarist paused as (Y/n) took the mic to start speaking to the gym.

“I just wanna start out and say, I hope everybody is having an amazing time. Everybody looks amazing, you all deserve to feel the same way too.” She started, earning a cheer from the student body. “But I did want to preface this next song by saying it’s an original!” Her somewhat nervous chuckle didn’t hinder her in the slightest. “I wrote it thinking about the people I really love. Especially the one who was the biggest help, even if he didn’t know it. This is Long Live.” (Y/n) finished her miniature speech, then gestured for Kat and Bianca to start the beginning chords and beat of the song as students were cheering, the cheering of the Hellfire Club being the loudest in the room.

The beginning was a hopeful melody, arousing feelings of happiness and celebration. The moment (Y/n) started singing the opening verse to her song, Eddie felt nothing but love and adoration for his girlfriend. With every lyric there was a mention of something they’ve done or said. At the first celebratory sung cheer of “long live”, followed by mystical references, he could tell the remnants of earlier campaigns littered her lyrics.

“You traded your baseball cap for a crown,” (Y/n) sang with a smile, pointing her finger at Dustin who was absolutely enamored with the song, cheering and dancing with Mike and Lucas as if nobody was around. The maternal love she felt towards those boys would never dwindle.

The one phrase that perfectly described the group and how they felt was simple, yet so unbelievably powerful. None of them would ever forget it, they are the band of thieves in ripped-up jeans.

After a moment, the song approached its final chorus. Finally closing with “we will be remembered” and taking their final bow of the night. All judgement seemed to cease with the song, students of all different cliques cheering and applauding for the girl group as they made their way off the stage and back into the crowd.

(Y/n) wasted no time in finding Eddie, running into a hug where he spun her around off the ground. He showered her with compliments and pecks all around her face then pulled her into a lasting embrace. Enjoying the moment he was able to feel and share with her. “You are the most amazing, beautiful, talented woman I know.” He said with a grin.

“Thank you, my love. But you are my inspiration.” She giggled and kissed him, bringing him out to the floor to dance with her.

“I’ve got to get you to write for Corroded Coffin more. With your genius we could sell out stadiums.” He chuckled, spinning her lightly.

(Y/n) held his hand tightly as he spun her, returning “Sounds like a plan,” when she was finally chest to chest with him. The couple continued to sway and dance with the pre-taped music over the loudspeaker. Right now, nothing else mattered but the two of them together. It may not be a kingdom, but the gymnasium lights really shined for them as they danced the night away.

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absolutebl · 1 year

Text

This Week in BL - All the endings

March 2023 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 3 of 8 - Only one of them is in a fuck buddy relationship, and it’s not King Moon-eyes Husband-material. This show is so damn good. I love it when high heat is used to serve the characters and the narrative, as well as us fans. (In other words, take away the sexualized part of this relationship and the whole story would fall apart.) I suppose we should pay attention to Uea’s rules since they will all be broken. Uea has a bit of a demanding spoiled prince thing going and I’m not mad about it. This may be the most neck-kissy couple ever, I’m so happy for them! Yet another installment in “Thailand, please get that boy to a therapist.” This ep likely has lots of extras so I might watch IQ as well. Child abuse trigger btw.

Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) eps 7-8fin - It was a good last 2 eps, and I ended up actually liking the complexity of the messiness more than I thought I would - disaster queer authenticity isn’t usually my thing. (Japan taught me that lesson the hard way). All in all, a stellar a little offering from GMMTV, in the Not Me or ITSAY vein of “I question whether it’s actually BL but like it anyway.” Full review and rating below.

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) ep 12fin - The climax was rather predictably climatic (as it were). I love that Chopper shot his dad. Better aim next time, sweetheart? The cousins making up was sappy. Chopper & Ben were fine. Frankly, I’m not sure about PerthChimon’s chemistry, a bit nervous for their series now. And then Kdrama separation nation strikes again. Yawn. Question: Did the cute girl at Palm’s bar ever get her coconut juice? Full review and rating below.

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 1 of 10 - ForceBook in an office set boss/employee highly camp rom-com. Babe is a bit too slapstick for me, boss is a bit too creepy, and Book is def over egging the pudding. Well meaning chatterbox idiot is not my fav archetype. Bathroom meet cute? Huh. I don’t know. I don’t hate it, I guess?

The Promise (Thai WeTV & YT) ep 1 of 10 - Popped into my YT feed so I gave it a try. Unexpectedly good! Phu & Nan are childhood bffs from middle school through college (almost lovers). Phu disappears just after graduation. After looking/waiting for him for ages, Nan gives up and self isolates, and the actual story takes place 10 years later. The arbitrary slapstick elements are unnecessary, disjoined, and rough. The show should have had the strength of its convictions just to be a serious drama. But it’s way better than expected (it’s about coffee, I love coffee) and no need to have watched the prequel miniseries Phupha | Nanfah. Phu’s granny and cohorts are THE BEST. Also elder queer rep. There better be a GREAT reason why Phu didn’t reach out to Nan or I will be seriously displeased.

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) 3 of 10 - I kind of love Ken’s slightly idiot gay couple friends. (I do love all of the queer family we are getting these days.) They better not betray him! Still, this is one of those shows where, despite his competency, we haven’t really been given a reason to like Ken all that much. I’m not super invested in his grief or his new romance. The captions are BONKERS but the sex scenes are good. I hope LueKen deliver as well as DinKen. Gotta say, despite my grumbling, I did enjoy it more this week.

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 10 - I am not a huge fan of the tsundere seme, especially if they are the older character. But this is a really good cast and for a pulp it’s actually okay acted and captioned. It’s cute. Campy. Old school Thai. I do like a flirty uke who knows what he wants. Lots of very prototypical tropes. Is it good? Well, no, but I’m still gonna watch it.

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - Terrible subs again. They a hot couple but Itt is a revolting character, asshole rather than brat. Day is VERY sexy tho. This one is messy and rough and will likely involve cheating AND the amnesia trope. I might put it onto the binge pile.

Our Winter (Thai & Korea YT & TikTok under ThaiMiniSeries) eps 8-9 of 14 - TutorYim are cute. And nice to have decent music with Thai actors for a change.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

All the Liquors (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) ep 1-2 of 8 - Oh my God, breaking up with a man because he picked the wrong restaurant for a holiday meal is v relatable, but the reaction ”how can you break up with me before we’ve eaten?” is the best thing ever. I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented. I adore how Korea is leaning into “out gay boys” these days. Love love love the gay bestie. This is on the New Employee end of the KBL spectrum, no bad thing. Not sure about the alcoholism angle tho. Still, this is a fun show! I don’t even mind the crash into me trope when combined with baby is a floppy drunk trope.

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) ep 10fin (or 19&20) - Not at all surprised that Vincent (Sam? How many names does this man need?) was pulling a double cross, because from the credits we knew the pairs get along. Couple’s necklaces and a sweet make up sequence for the sides. Nice sex scene and manufactured drama for the mains. Ultra cheese fest ending for all including random H4 couple. Full review and rating below.

Jack o’Frost (Japan GaGa) ep 3 of 6 - The first time sex scene from the past was sweet and well done. That said, a traditional BL romance is not what this story is doing. It’s about 2 people at different points in a romantic journey, one of whom has memories of a failed relationship (and associated baggage) and the other who does not (so is starting at fresh). It’s using high concept to explore this, but that means (this beaning Japan) HEA is on shakey ground. Also, still running a bit low energy for me.

It’s Airing But ...

Blue Sky Complex (Japan ???) 5 eps for VR - Kei Ichikawa's manga is getting a JBL adaptation. Weird distribution though, it started Feb 27 sequentially on 360 Channel (SHOCHIKUch) a VR video distribution service. Will inter-fans ever get to see this, and if it’s filmed for VR will it adapt without being overly dark and fuzzy? I have questions. But as usual, you do you Japan and we will wait (im)patiently to see if you remember the rest of the world exists. This is my preferred kind of live action yaoi, so fingers crossed:

Boyband (Thai) ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us.

Cafe In Love (Thai ???) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff.

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV Thailand) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. Same as above.

Heesu In Class 2 (Korea Thurs unknown, I check Viki Gaga iQIYI) - A gay(er) version of Sex Education. I’m still not sure this one is actually happening.

Finished This Week

My Beautiful Man 2 AKA Utsukushii Kare Season 2

These two have such a great DS dynamic. Only Hira would apologize for fucking and wanting to fuck his own boyfriend, but doing it anyway. Talk about a service top with a humiliation fetish. Sheesh. The masochism is strong with this one. (Since I do not deal with humiliation fetishists well, the cringe factor got to me a little.) Still, pouty jealous Kiyoi is the cutest. [One flaw: The photographer dude should have been played by Kenta. Just a little joke.]

SUMMATION

All in all, this 2nd season didn’t blow me away the way the 1st did. It was quieter and more uniform in its narrative and messaging - thus more predictable. The basic relationship misunderstanding remained the same - all about value and self worth and how that’s assessed. The result is a dialogue between imposter syndrome and a parasocial relationship. If these 2 only had the language and framework of BDSM to understand each other, than they would, but they don’t so the story is us watching them suffer for it. But that’s part of the fun. Part of their fun too, I think, as if the fighting and misunderstanding is just another one of their many kinks. An engaging and solid second installment that was so consistent, I’m going to keep the rating consistent too. 9/10

HIStory 5: Love in the Future

High concept of a man from the past traveling to Covid times and getting involved with a spoiled rich kid soon to be CEO that ultimately made for a dull story. Sides were stellar but intentional miscommunication as a narrative driver never works for me. Good chemistry, nice sex scenes, and a cheesy ending (90% of the time) is Taiwan’s BL brand. I expected nothing less. But there is a little part of me that hoped for something more. 7/10

Never Let Me Go

Bodyguard romance where poor boy must watch over rich boy for family obligation reasons. Simple premise well executed with a few bumps that made it feel like it was trying to tackle too much (when it wasn’t). Still, an enjoyable show that benefited from being handed to PondPhuwin who did a stellar job with their roles and chemistry. Is it going into permanent rewatch rotation? No, but a solid GMMTV offering. 8/10

Moonlight Chicken

I enjoyed this complicated little show, even though it’s spectacularly messy gay with lots of shrapnel and authentic pain. I thought EarthMix turned in their most compelling performance to date. But it was GeminiFourth who stole my heart. That said, the most interesting central relationship was that of Jim & Li Ming, their father-son angst mixed with evident affection made me tear up. This was more slice of life than it was BL, but it ended happily so I’m not mad at it. 8/10

Gossip

Apparently Pavel (my love) has been added to the cast of Pit Babe, a Thai BL series I thought was defunked (it was supposed to be out in Jan). So I’m happy. I also put it back on the 2023 tracking sheet.

Tia51 announced upcoming sampler pack Thai BL My Universe. Normally I don’t report on Thai announcements, as they are pure speculation, but this one is reported to feature 22 actors, 11 couples, 12 stories, and 24 episodes in August 2023. STOP OR YOU’LL GO BLIND. (FB page BLUpdate2020 has a full rundown of the 12 stories.) No MDL listing that I can find. Giving the War or Y peeps a run for their money? Or just epic Thai BL lever pulp-tastic insanity?

New Pinoy BL Stay announced, 6 eps featuring boys who unexpectedly meet in Los Angeles. More here.

In case you missed it

Jeff Satur is leaving BeOnCloud. Honestly, who tf didn’t see this coming? He just dropped a MV with SHAUN (Steal The Show). Jeff is one of the biggest Thai indies and Shaun is legacy Kpop indie. Jeff was and is always more focused on singing and that’s busted a pair before. Frankly speaking, he's ambitious and doesn’t need BeOnCloud. I’m a big believer in breaking from an agency if you have the platform to go it alone. And just because he’d not repped by them doesn’t me he can’t still work with them, sheesh calm down KP fandom. (Honestly this seems to be my mantra since that damn show aired.)

Next Week Looks Like This:

03/08 - Pastsenger (Thai Gaga) 12 eps- Stars Marc (My Gear & Your Gown) and Cooper (My Engineer) both formerly paired with others, in a time travel paranormal that smacks of HIStory 5. Sunshine 90s kid travels to 2022, goes to university, encounters grumpy nerd.

03/09 - Our Dating Sim (Korea unknown) - What happens when two men, friends since schoo, meet again at work to create a dating simulation game together.

03/12 Future (Thai YouTube & Gaga?) 5 eps - Based on a y-novel by Faddest (En of Love - yeah I didn’t know that was based on a novel, either). About, you guessed it, an engineering student and a dentist. Maybe this will be the FOTS we were all hoping for? Fuse (the engineering student) is played by Boom from the En of Love and is kinda the same character (Field). I think we can expect this one to be soft, it’s from the 21 Day Theory people. (maybe March 19 international)

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here.

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

This Week in Subs of Qua?

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I liked this scene in Moonlight Chicken so much I did a whole post about it.

Chains of Heart the past relationship. can’t wait to see if they do as well with the present one.

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Peacemaker by P1Harmony (I’m considering stanning this group because their rap line is insane, everyone can dance, Theo is beautiful, and Keeho is an adorable nut job with a great voice. Talk about a boy who should do BL, and probably would without a care in the world. Stop him though, these boys are gonna be the next Monsta X.)

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dameronology · 2 years

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Hey! Could you please do an Eddie Munson X reader where Jason tries to hit on the reader and ask her on a date. She doesn’t want to and keeps saying that she has a boyfriend (Eddie) but he says ��he’s not here now.” Maybe he gets annoyed and grabs your wrist or something but Eddie turns up and protects you from him

overprotective eddie fuck yeah (even tho this situation it's a v normal reaction so...regular protective eddie fuck yeah!)

you don't see jason for like a year after you graduate. mostly because you have no reason to because he's just genuinely just an all around asshole but also because he went off to some fancy ass university on a sports scholarship in illinois

you cross paths for the first time again over a year after you've all graduated; it's christmas time and he's home for the holidays

you're staying with eddie in the trailer; his uncle's away seeing family & all of your annoying relatives are over. it's just you and him and it's pure fucking bliss

that is until he accidentally blows the power w his guitar amp and you're left in the fucking cold

so he sends you packing down to goodwill one tuesday evening with 20 bucks in hand to buy whatever blankets you can find

eddie waits in the car because "he doesn't do well in the cold"

he's a terrible liar

anyways - you're crossing the street from his van when jason spots you. he's loitering outside family video; he looks the same as ever, just with slightly longer hair and a half-arsed attempt at a beard

he calls your name and it takes you a second to realise who it is. you give him a small smile and wave but the way he moves towards you implies he's about to make small talk

it's fine for the first two minutes. jason asks about work, your mum, the usual bullshit. it's not until he makes the suggestion of meeting for dinner the next day that you realise where the conversation is going

you know what he's getting at - according to his friends around hawkins, he has very little success with women

"my dad is friends with the owner of that new italian place down the street. we can get a few drinks and-"

"- i still have a boyfriend, jason. thanks for the offer though."

that's what jason's face falls: he had a crush on you for most of high school and it killed you a little bit inside when you started dating eddie in senior year

"c'mon, take a break from the trailer park trash-"

(that was when he took your wrist in his hand. hell fucking nO)

"- and spend the night with a proper guy. i'll treat you right."

it's at that point that you hear the door to the van slam and within seconds, a denim jacket and mass of curly hair is making its way across the road

"hey, man - didn't you hear them? back the hell off!"

eddie isn't overprotective by nature; he's chill as fuck 99% of the time but jason carver is the exception to the rule

he has an arm around your waist in seconds, chest puffed out as he pushes you behind him a little in an attempt to shield you from what he has deemed to be the worst man alive

"calm down, munson. i was just putting the offer out there"

and honestly it sort of boils eddie's blood a bit?? because he cares very little about how successful his classmates were, even less about what they think about him, but he has constantly thought about the possibility you might one day wake up and realise you can do better than a washed up musician

a guy like jason for example, who for all of his shortcomings, has a rich family, goes to a great university and will probably be in the nfl one day or some shit

but it's bullshit!! btw. because you literally would never even give another person a single thought. eddie is your whole life.

"you should go"

and surprisingly, jason does. he admits defeat, holds his hand up in defense and begins his walk home

which is when you press a kiss to eddie's lips and turn around to face your new enemy

"MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS, CARVER!"

#asks #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson imagines #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson headcanons #eddie munson #eddie munson reader insert #stranger things imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things x you #stranger things reader insert #stranger things headcanons

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my-castles-crumbling · 2 months

Note

This is an extremely bizarre thing to ask but I need advice so here I am

Me and my girlfriend went back to her home town to visit her parents. It’s both our last year of uni and although i’d met them over the phone it was my first time meeting them in person. (It went well btw, they love me).

Unfortunately a bunch of others were back from Uni too.

When we were in town in a coffee shop, four guys came over to us. Two of them stayed silent the whole time and the other two immediately called my girlfriend by her deadname and were using the wrong pronouns. She changed them halfway through school, and she’s passing, it was blatantly obvious they were doing it on purpose.

I told them to fuck off.

They asked me “What I am?” To which I assumed they meant “What’s my label?” So I answered, lesbian. Cause I am a lesbian.

Then they called my girlfriend a transphobic slur, called me straight, and left.

This obviously brought down the mood but she was so excited for me to see her town so I just asked a bunch of questions so she could put it out her mind and get all excited, and she did. We had a lovely day after that.

So we get back to her parents place and she tells me these were boys from her high school. As I said she transitioned halfway through so they should’ve known.

Anyway, the next day she’s doing something with her little brother (yearly tradition that’s just them, i didn’t wanna impose) and her parents have plans so I thought i’d go into town and check out the library (it was fire btw, amazing books, cool architecture- for a town anyway- and peaceful… well mostly).

So i’m there for like three hours and as i’m leaving this guy approaches me. He’s one of the four from yesterday. One of the silent ones.

So he asks if he can tell me something and I asked what he wanted. He said he just saw me here and remembered me and didn’t have the guts to say this to my girlfriends face but he needed to admit something.

I stay silent cause i’d rather he tell her but I know for sure she doesn’t want to see this guy and in my experience if guys like this just say what they want, they’re more likely to leave you alone.

So he admits that he and my girlfriend were close friends before she transitioned and he refused to talk to her after since his friends weren’t cool with it so he went along with them.

It makes sense, she found her old yearbook and pointed all the guys out the night before, in case we wanted to call the companies they work for or the police or something (they did yell slurs at us after all) and she seemed most bothered that this guy was there.

Then he tells me that his father was the principle and the day of their high school graduation he told the guy announcing (I think it was one of the vice principles or someone else important) to use her deadname when calling her up. Even though she specifically made arrangements beforehand to make sure they’d use her actual name.

I’ve heard this story from her before, but obviously I didn’t know this fucking guy was behind it. He said his friends made him do it.

Apparently he threatened the teachers job (he was apparently known to have had his dad fire ppl) so they did. Announce with her deadname.

I was fucking pissed when I heard this story.

I just walked off.

We were there a week and now we’re on a little trip. I haven’t told her yet. I don’t know how to bring it up. I know she has a right to know but i also think it’s bringing up old pain for no reason.

Anyway, sorry for the story Cas. I can’t decide how or when to tell her. If I even should. What do you think?

Damn, these boys sound terrible.

First, I want to say, you sound like an amazing person. Like...they way you support and affirm your girlfriend is super heartwarming. Keep doing you!

I do think your girlfriend deserves to know that happened. Part of me is like, oh, it's in the past, let's not reopen old wounds! But if she EVER found out you knew and didn't way anything? Just putting myself in her shoes, I would be devastated.

So I would make sure to tell her in a very intentional way. Not with ten minutes until you have plans, or something. Pick a time when you have a few hours to yourselves, and explain to her just like you explained to me. And tell her that you told her because she deserves the truth. And remind her that she didn't deserve to be treated like that and you're here for her. And then, listen. If she wants to talk about it, let her talk. If she wants to scream, scream with her. If she wants to move on, let her move on. Take her lead, you know?

I think it's also worth having a conversation with her (at a later date) to decide as a couple, do you want to tell each other these things? Like, if you find out people have done hurtful things to her or vice versa (talked behind backs, for example) do you WANT to know? Do you want to stay unaware? ASK her if you did the right thing by telling her. What are the boundaries there, if that makes sense?

But this time, yeah. Tell her. I'd want to know.

Hope that helps! <3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas

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storiesbyrhi · 1 year

Text

Bones and All - Chapter 1: Copper Fever

Eddie Munson/Reader Bones and All AU

Warnings: canon typical violence/gore, updated each chapter

Synopsis: What do you hunger for?

Author's Note: The first chapter of the fic is the setup, so Eddie will be introduced in the second chapter. This fic will make sense even if you haven’t seen the film/read the book. However, I have heavily used both the film and the novel by Camille DeAngelis (which are quite different btw). This fic is very much a love letter to those texts and if you’ve recently seen/read it then you’ll spot a lot of Easter eggs.

Chapter 1: Copper Fever 2453 words

The others were all so normal. They had youthful pimpled skin and homework deadlines and weekend plans. They suffered only growing pains and unfair curfews and parental expectations. Yes, some suffered cramps and dark alleys, and some a father’s belt or the mirror’s weight, but...

Empathy.

Empathy is what you wanted to feel. If not, then sympathy. Hell, you’d settle for apathy. Anything but the gnawing jealousy and constant migraine of loneliness.

You couldn’t take it anymore, retreating from the cafeteria out into the main building. The school was abuzz; end-of-year dances and graduation ceremonies had teenage hearts aflutter. And, if you could just keep your shit together for another month or so, you’d be joining your class in robes and diplomas.

Technically, it could have happened a lot sooner but with the way you and your mother moved around, some sacrifices had to be made. Real last names, for example. A legitimate learner’s permit. All normal adolescent rites of passage.

Through the hallways and into the library, there you sat. A twenty-year-old with someone else’s name, alone between the shelves of books.

A stack of paper slammed down in front of you suddenly.

“Are you a vampire or something?” Sherry asked as she sat on the floor opposite you.

“What?”

“Vampires hate having their photo taken. You’re not even in this, you know. Mr Essex kept telling you to go do it. Now it’s like you weren’t even here.”

You looked down at the papers, big red letters spelling out ‘yearbook – final draft’ on the top leaf.

“Yeah… sorry. Been busy,”

“Whatever. You’re coming tonight, right?”

“My mum will never let me,”

“So?” Sherry replied with a grin. “Just sneak out after she’s gone to bed.” She sensed your hesitation. “Just for a couple hours? Please? You’ve never come to a sleepover. We’re almost done with high school and I’ll be at Brown soon. This might be our last chance. Please?”

You looked at her. She smelled so good. Like the peaches she’d eaten at recess.

“Please,” she begged, stretching her hand out to take yours. So warm. Close.

“Yeah, okay,” you said quickly, taking your hand back and gathering your things. The faster you could leave, the better.

…

She’d never get used to it. The sight of you dazed and dripping blood down your shirt was forever etched into the darkness behind her eyelids.

“You didn’t… In the car in three minutes. Whatever you can take in three minutes,” your mother instructed, her voice a pained mix of panic and grief.

You walked to the bathroom and looked at your reflection. Blood.

Blood.

Your mother yelled your name, then, “Move! When the cops get here, we have to be good and gone.”

The sleepover had started well. Sneaking out was easy enough and Sheree’s friends were nice. It was comfortable. Normal. Nail polish and warm beer. Skirts made of tinsel and cheese pizza.

You had been laying on the shag rug in Sherry’s room. Kim, a Junior you hadn’t really met before, was next to you. She was kind, told you that her father had skipped out on her too.

“Try this,” Sherry said, painting Kim’s nails. “It’s called Copper Fever.”

Kim studied her hand. “It’s too orange,” she concluded, then stuck her hand in your face. “What do you think?”

Innocently, you’d held her hand and looked at the colour. It was too orange… or not orange enough. You breathed in the acidic smell of the polish, but it faded fast and all that was left was Kim.

You bit down so hard that when the other girls pulled you away, your teeth had degloved Kim’s finger entirely.

In the bathroom, your mother grabbed hold of your shoulders and shook you back into the moment. “Did you hear me? We have to go.”

…

The cockroach appeared from under the refrigerator. As it scurried around, you watched it. The hunger deep in you was a living creature, and even the small dirty thing mapping the kitchen floor made the creature growl.

It had been three days since your mother left you.

Two months after the sleepover, you thought everything was going okay. Then you woke to find yourself completely and utterly alone. She had not taken all her things, only the things that she loved most. And you had been left behind.

There was a folded piece of paper and an envelope on the kitchen table you had yet to open. The contents of the letter were predictable, as was the pain it would inflict. Instead, you had haunted the house. You had wailed and sobbed. You had broken glass and locks. You had sat motionless for hours on end.

When the cockroach made his kitchen debut, you were reminded of the hunger. You were reminded of who and what you were.

Picking up the envelope, you found it unsealed. Inside was cash and a certificate of live birth. The only piece of proof you were real and not an imaginary monster living in the storybooks of a child.

The letter began with your name.

You’re not going to see me again. I can’t help you anymore. I can’t turn you in to the cops. I can’t do anything someone like me would do in a situation like this. So, I have to go.

The first time it happened, you were three-years-old-

You stopped reading, folding the letter, and putting it in the envelope with the cash and birth certificate.

All your belongings fitted into one backpack. When it was full, you put on the jacket your mum left behind and headed out the door.

You had known the day would come when she would leave. There was only so much horror she could take. You knew she’d leave you a letter and some money. She wouldn’t say goodbye. The jacket was a surprise though. Your dad was its first owner, and your mother wore it like a widow’s veil. She was leaving you both behind, you thought. But you, you were moving forward. Toward your father.

…

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” the woman at the bus station asked.

“You’d think,” you replied dismissively.

“I don’t know what that means,”

“It means I’m twenty-years-old and I can buy a ticket if I want.”

The greyhound could take you part of the way, the rest would have to be hitching. The bus was old, cramped, and smelt stale. Sometimes prone to motion sickness, you felt queasy. To take your mind off it, you pulled the letter out and picked up where you left off.

Her name was Penny Wilson. I thought it must have been a satanic cult. All that gore. I was so scared they’d taken you and done unspeakable things. But then I found you in your crib, sound asleep. The blood was dried up on your face. I still didn’t see it though. I didn’t understand until I fished out of your mouth something you were chewing on. It was the hammer of Penny’s eardrum. It’s a small bone. The malleus. I looked it up. You were sucking on it like it was a pacifier. I knew then. I knew what you were.

The letter was rich with information. Succulent and filling. You could only read it a paragraph at a time before you felt too full, verging on ill.

The town you’d arrived in that morning was new to you, but the address circled on the torn-out page of a phone book was seared into your memory. Years ago, your mother got sloppy and left a Christmas card from her parents out on the kitchen table. It had a return address and you’d never forgotten it. She hurried to rip up the envelope and throw it away before you could get your grubby hands on it but it was too late.

You sat on the curb behind a car down the street a little. It was the right place because your mum’s car was parked out front. When she couldn’t parent, she returned to hers. Tears rolled down your cheeks and you burned with shame. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t ask to birth a creature like you. She wanted to be like the other mothers, playing with their children and cooking wholesome meals. But it wasn’t a dinner she served you each night, it was a sacrifice.

The walk back to the bus stop was lonely, but part of you felt relieved. If you couldn’t do it – be out on your own – you could always go back there and beg to be loved.

The Lord of the Rings kept you company while you waited. It would be hours before the next greyhound came through. If you finished Tolkien for the hundredth time, there were other adventures awaiting in your backpack.

“Well hello, little missy,” a strange voice announced themselves.

You startled, couldn’t place the sound until a figure emerged from the shadow of the building next to you. The man wasn’t smiling, but he looked at you with familiarity.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he offered.

“Do I know you?” you asked although you knew the answer.

“I guess not in the way you mean… I smelled you…”

He wore a suit jacket covered in pins, badges, and other things tacked to it. The top of his hair was neatly cut, but a long rat’s tail of a braid curled around his neck. His left ear looked mangled, the top entirely gone, which reminded you of an alley cat scrapping with the others to get his feed.

“You hungry?”

Before you could think, you were nodding. The stranger turned and began to walk up the road, throwing a look over his shoulder to see you apprehensively following him.

“I got rules. One, number one: never, never eat an eater… Think you can do the same?”

You nodded and took his invitation into a grand old house, marked 400 by a sign out front. Inside it was dark but homely. Floral wallpaper and a sign that read ‘bless this house and everyone in it.’

The stranger began to pull things from the fridge and cupboards in the kitchen. Sitting at the small kitchen table, you watched.

“You got a name, missy? I’m Sully. Life’s never dully with Sully!”

His accent was strange. It wasn’t that you’d not heard someone like him, maybe from rural West Virginia, it was that he spoke about himself like he was two people.

“You don’t got to worry about Sully. He never eats ‘em live,” he told you.

“I thought I was the only one,” you admitted.

“Not lots. More than you think…”

Sully told you that you’d probably come across other eaters. They would have given you a funny look or earned a double-take from you. Maybe you’d misread them as being creepy. He also warned you from seeking them out, though. When you commented on the hypocrisy of him inviting you into house number 400, he shot you a look that was equal parts disturbed and lonely.

“Tell me about your first time,” Sully requested.

You realised then that you remembered more about Penny Wilson than you had thought. Sully saw the guilt on your face, telling you, “Can’t help what you are, miss.”

That’s when he retrieved his satchel bag and pulled something wrapped in muslin cloth. You stayed silent as he presented a rope made of braids of hair. It was a rainbow of human life and death. Sully told you it’s how he honoured the eaten. You didn’t know something could be so grotesque and so beautiful at the same time.

You were touching the rope when you asked, “You said you could smell me?”

Eaters can smell eaters. And Sully, well he was extra special. He said he could smell dying. That’s how he avoided killing. He stalked people with numbered days. Your blood ran cold.

“Sully… Whose house is this?”

Suddenly details came into focus. The photographs on the wall. The homemade carrot cake sitting in a Tupperware container.

“Lydia Harmon,” he said with definity. “Can’t you smell her?”

Upstairs, after a fucked up game of hotter-colder, the smell of cooked vinegar and tangy mud lead you to Lydia. She was old, well into her late 80s. She laid on the floor of her bedroom, shallow breaths ready to cease at any moment. Thankfully, she was beyond consciousness.

“We have to help her,” you said.

“It’s gone by, that point… And whatever you and I got, it’s gotta be fed. And if the circumstances are good and if they’re safe… then eat!”

You didn’t move.

“Sully don’t eat the livin’… That just leaves this…” he told you.

You took the spare room and waited for Lydia Harmon to die. Sully told you that you’d be able to smell it happen. You were horrified to discover he was right.

Sully had stripped down to his dirty white underpants. His head was deep in Lydia’s belly and her head was almost entirely gone already. The sounds. Did you make those sounds? Is this what you looked like in the daylight?

You ate and ate and ate until all that was left of her was a pile of bones, some chewed on. Sully said he always ate the hair and nails and bones if he could. Said it was a sign of respect. He put the leftovers in a plastic bag as you licked the floorboards clean.

…

Sully made coffee and began to consume the carrot cake left in the kitchen. Flies had found their way inside the house and were sticking to the blood and gore that covered your faces and chests.

“It’s not hard once someone teaches you,” Sully told you about being out in the world. “You don’t need to be alone.”

That was the thing though. Maybe it was self-punishment. Maybe even a form of self-harm. You deserved to be alone. Deserved to suffer hunger and cold and isolation. You were a monster.

The flies that crawled over Sully’s face, forcing their way into his nostrils and mouth, didn’t seem to annoy him. There was a deadly stillness deep in the man. Lydia’s hair became part of the braided rope and you felt the danger screaming at you.

As soon as Sully excused himself to shower, you cleaned off in the powder room’s sink and fled the house.

On the next greyhound out of town, you went over all the information Sully had given you. How much of it was truth and how much fiction? Maybe that’s how stories start though. We tell them about ourselves like they aren’t the truth because that’s the only way anybody is going to believe them.

Next Chapter: coming soon

End Note: What do we think?! Are we excited about this?! I'm absolutely FERAL about it. I've seen it in the cinema twice so I could take notes, and I'm re-reading the book and taking notes. It's going to be so jam-packed with text-details. Yewwww.

Fic Taglist: @harrys-tittie @azydrateanatomy

All Eddie Taglist: @solomons-finest-rum @ruinedbythehobbit @munsonlives @sweetpeapod @depressooo-expressooo-blog @thorfemmes @hawkins-high @corrodedhawkins @grungegrrrl @lilzabob @mymoonisalways-in-scorpio @averagemisfit03 @ches-86 @ilovecupcakesandtea @onehotgreasymechanic @hazydespair @lacrymosa-24

#Eddie Munson #Eddie Munson Fanfic #Eddie Munson Reader Insert #Eddie Munson/Reader #Eddie Munson x Reader #Eddie Munson/You #Eddie Munson x You #Bones and All #Bones and All AU

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enchantinglyjade · 2 years

Text

✩ I Can Dream About You ✩ Part 1

Sebastian Kydd x OC

Masterlist | Next

Warning: Swearing Note: Y'all I'm so excited to start working on new stories(I will not be abandoning Milk & Honey BTW). But I have so many new ideas I'm excited to share. Hope you enjoy!

Castlebury High School.

I hated it here.

Honestly, I wished I would have just gotten bullied, at least that way I’d have proof that someone actually saw me, but instead, I was invisible, a nobody. When people passed me in the halls, it was as if they’d look right through me. I was a ghost, haunting the halls in my first year of high school.

But then, Donna saw me.

She saw me sitting at the lunch tables eating alone like I had always done. She felt bad for me, invited me to her table, offered me a spot in her circle, promised me the world. She trained me, taught me how to do makeup, dress nice, sneak out of class without my parents ever finding out. I felt confident and beautiful. People finally started looking in my direction, but not at me, at her, not that I would have known the difference at the time anyway.

Now,

I’m invisible with a leader.

I fell for it. Fell for dirty tricks and lies. I was vulnerable and she played to my weaknesses. She thought my ghostliness would be useful to her. She had me doing all of her dirty work that the Jens were too sloppy to accomplish. She’d make me fake her mom's voice to call her in and out of school, steal blush and lipstick for her at our local beauty store, and sit on lookout while she and her newest boy toy did unspeakable things in the locker rooms. All in exchange for what? A chance to stand within a 4 foot distance from the princess?

Donna was the most popular, prettiest girl in school, and I let her manipulate me into her perfect little minion.

I tell myself at least I’m not a band geek, but every day that passes, I can only envy them. I bet they have so much more fun than me. I can’t imagine being allowed to be openly smart and talented under Donna’s shadow. Damn, I wish I was a band geek.

After 3 long years of pink lipstick, hair ratting, and wearing the most horrendous of neon colors, senior year was upon us. I’m 18 now, graduation is so close I could practically taste freedom. 9 more months and I'll finally be able to kiss this school goodbye for good.

Then he showed up.

Sebastian, the bad boy that just transferred here. He practically dripped with charisma and experience, and quickly became the knew ‘it’ guy in the school. Donna, of course, had to have him.

“Ooo, check out the new hottie.” Donna blurts out, twirling her hair and smacking her gum, watching as a few boys from the football team talk to him. “He’s perfect. You guys are gonna help me get him.”

I admit, he was gorgeous, but he wasn’t anyone special, just another asshole trying to be the cool popular kid. Guess I can’t say much, that’s basically what reeled me in, but atleast I’m aware of my own shallowness.

“How are we gonna do that?” Jen 1 asks.

“I’ll think of something, don’t worry.” She says scheming in that evil head of hers. “Come.” She waves for us to follow in her direction and the 3 of us do so like the good little pets we are. She struts over, purposely putting an extra sway in her hips as she passes Sebastian, earning her a glance from him and the entire student body present in that area. She smiles, wiggling her perfectly pink polished fingers at him, before continuing forward without a second care in the world.

I follow only a few feet behind her and the Jens. For a moment, I peek up to see if this Sebastian guy really fell for such an old trick in the book, to see if he really is the chump Donna thinks he is. When my head rises, I accidentally make direct eye contact with him. He nods as a greeting to me, causing my lids to widen. I never had anyone look at me before, I feel almost shocked that he can even see me. Self conscious, I turn away, awkwardly pacing back over to my clique.

I can’t believe he looked at me. For that long too. And after Donna! I shake my thoughts away following Donna into our next period. Maybe he’s just desperate, looking for anything with legs. If he’s looking in my direction he must be EXTREMELY desperate. What a pig.

Lucky for me, I find out I have the privilege of sharing American History with the new king and queen of the school.

Donna, of course, snatches the seat right next to Sebastian. I settle for 2 rows behind her, close enough that she can call if she needs an extra swipe of lipstick, but far away enough that I won’t be in direct line of her bullshit.

The teacher goes on and on about boring nonsense while the class quickly wallows into sleep. Donna boredly taps her pencil on her desk, eyeing the man candy next to her. She leans over while the teacher turns his back. “Love the jacket. It’s so vintage!” She whispers, gracefully gliding her hand up the sleeve of his jacket.

He chuckles. “Thanks. My dad’s.”

A week goes by of shadowing Donna as she works her magic and he still hasn’t taken a hint. Her frustration only built up everyday that he denied her advances, which only meant it’s been a week of hell for The Jens and I. For a moment, I had hope. Maybe he wasn’t a pig after all. I mean, it didn’t take most guys a week to catch on to Donna’s clues and definitely didn’t take them that long to ask on their own, unless they were insanely out of her league and intimidated, which he is clearly not. I thought, maybe he’s a guy that respects himself and has actual standards for what he wants in a girlfriend. Or better yet, maybe he wants something stable and long term. But eventually, my hopes were diminished.

On my way to third period, I walk straight into them talking in the dark art hallway in the basement. It didn’t take a genius to see how private this area would be to ‘talk’. Guess he doesn’t take long to start getting busy.

I mutter an apology to them, and while avoiding Donna’s glare, I quickly scurry away.

“I’ll catch up with you later, Donna.”

“Alright, ‘Bastian. Don’t miss me too much.”

‘Bastian’. Please, I’m gonna be sick. They already have nicknames for each other? They’ve only known each other for a week! What kind of weird, phony-

“Hey.”

My soul nearly jumps out of my body. I twist my neck to see Sebastian jogging in my direction, before stopping in front of me. “You dropped this.”

Is he…talking to me? I stay frozen, hoping to stay out of the way of whoever he was talking to, but when I notice he doesn’t move, I glance over my shoulders, desperately trying to find the person that should be answering to him.

“I’m talking to you.” He chuckles.

When I turn back towards him, I find out he is in fact talking to me. He holds his arm out, an english notebook in hand with my doodles plastered all over the cover. I shyly take it from him, stuffing it in my arms with the rest of my books, and when I thank him our eyes lock for only a second time since I’ve known him. His stare puts shivers straight down my spine. He really does have some beautiful blue eyes. But before I allow myself to see anymore of him, I spin on my toes speeding towards my class.

“Hey, wait up! Where ya headed?” He says, jogging back over to my side.

I swallow, voice dry and groggy from being inactive most days. “Art.”

He continues to walk the same direction as me. “I have art too. Funny. Never noticed you in there.”

I sigh. Just another confirmation about how much of a ghost I am. “Most don’t.” I mutter under my breath, pushing open the art room door and sitting at my seat near the back of the class. Much to my dismay, Sebastian takes the seat next to me, slamming down his bag next to my leg. I take in a deep breath, ignoring the fact that I can practically feel him looking at me, before reaching over to dig through my backpack for my sketchbook. When I place it down on the table in front of me, he speaks.

“So…You a Jen? I’ve noticed you follow Donna around most everywhere.”

Why is he talking to me? None of Donna’s exes ever bothered to get to know the Jens, let alone me, so what does he want? Is he some sort of psychopath? Maybe he’s gonna try and manipulate everyone into thinking he’s some great guy so we won’t think he’s a suspect when Donna’s body gets discovered on the news or something…

I adjust myself in my seat, scooching over an inch away from him. “No, I’m an Alex.”

“Alex.” He repeats slowly in a way that makes heat rise to my cheeks. I guess I never really heard anyone but teachers say it. Damn, I really am a loser, aren’t I? “I can tell, you seem like you have an actual personality…and awareness.”

A small grin appears on my face from his comment, but I quickly force my cheeks back down. He’s a psychopath, remember!

He leans over the table in an attempt to peek at my face, but I snap my head away and hide myself behind my hand, completely embarrassed that he’s even acknowledging my existence in the first place. What is he doing? Why is he so weird!?

“Aw come on, don’t be like that. I saw that smile. No need to be so serious and guarded.” My smile can’t help but creep back just a little bit. I lower my hand peering curiously, but suspiciously at him over my fingertips. He leans back in his chair, lip curling when he meets my gaze for a third time. “You know, Alex, you don’t seem too bad.”

I drop my hand now, nervously fumbling with the rings in my sketchbook, while my stomach flutters with butterflies. Donna really bagged a weirdo this time. “Thanks…?”

With that, the bell rings and the teacher begins giving out instructions. While she speaks, I flip open my sketchbook and make a few last scribbles and smudges on my last drawing.

Sebastian slaps his forearms down obnoxiously loud and forceful, causing the whole table to shake. I pull my pencil away just in time before it smears down a dark and unerasable line in a place I didn’t want it and clench my teeth as I watch him inch closer to me and my paper. “So, why aren’t you taking a class with Donna? Aren’t you supposed to be bodyguarding her every move.”

I take a pause, ensuring he wasn’t going to move again, before touching the pencil back down on the paper. One of the Jens is in Math with her right now, assuming she’s not skipping. Donna wouldn’t get caught dead on this side of the school, art was my time. “Only moment of peace I get.”

He bites his lips together in thought while he smacks his hands down onto the table, pounding out some sort of rhythm, and once again making me pause my drawing due to the shaking. I place my pencil down entirely, figuring I was going to get nowhere with him near, and sigh in frustration, succumbing to a conversation with him. “Didn’t peg you as the art type.”

His head snaps back quick in my direction, surprised I spoke up. “Oh, I’m not. Required. Didn’t know you could draw.” He says leaning over onto my side of the table once again, eyes glossing over my still unfinished sketch. “Wow. That’s amazing.” He says in awe.

Let me guess, he can’t even draw a stick figure?

“I can’t even draw a stick figure.” He exclaims on cue.

Typical. I never got spoken to much, but one thing people could speak to me about was my artwork. But every time it’s always the same line. I roll my eyes, placing my head in my hand and boredly scratching at the wood chipping on the edge of the table. “I’m sure you can’t.”

He scoffs out a laugh, simultaneously furrowing his brows. “What? You think I’m some jock or something?”

Not what I was going for but, “Might as well be.”

He nods slowly, humming to himself while he sits back in his chair. He doesn’t say another word to me until the bell’s ringing to dismiss us. “It was nice talking to you,” as he walks out of the classroom.

6 words. 6 simple words that left my mind jumbled all night on their meaning. Was he being genuine or sarcastic? Had I said something really wrong? Made a bad first impression? I knew I shouldn’t have said that last thing. I’m such an idiot. I don’t know why I care so much anyway, it’s not like he was ever going to talk to me again regardless of what I said. Though, even that would be proven wrong.

The next day at school, I saw him again. It was one of those glorious times Donna decided to be too cool for school. He was at one end of the hallway, I at the other. He strides down the hall like it’s a runway, looking to charm anyone that dares to glance his way. He could mesmerize anyone with that charisma of his, and he nearly gets me every time.

I grip the backpack straps on my shoulder as he comes closer and closer, unsure if I should bother looking his way to greet him. He probably forgot who I am already. It’d be embarrassing if I waved at him and he didn’t know who I was.

To my surprise, he waves first. “Hey, Alex.” He enunciates, making sure I knew he was talking to me.

I wave back, barely having enough time to smile before he had already passed by. That one interaction was enough to leave my stomach swarming with light and bubbly feelings. My heart pounded loudly for him from that day forward and I just knew I was destined for trouble and disappointment.

He was Donna’s, she made that very clear, and she always gets what she wants.

I needed to get rid of these feelings as quickly as I could, but life is never that easy, is it?

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