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heavysoldat · 2 years

Text

lemonade

neighbor!bucky barnes x housewife!reader

devastated by the spreading talk of your husband’s affair, you’re desperate to find a way to get back at him— and who to do it with.

warnings: smut (cunnilingus, unprotected sex, dirty talk, manhandling, praise & light degradation, creampie, breeding) mutual cheating, insecurities, hints to abusive relationships

(highly inspired by this song)

“How is it?”

The incessant whirring of the washing machine is tunneling in your head, adding to the stress induced migraine you’ve already received. But the man in front of you is more than chipper, smiling as he takes in more of the pie you’ve prepared.

“Amazing.” James compliments, mouth full of cherries and crust.

You give him a smile; weak, barely breaching your smile lines- but if he notices, he doesn’t say anything.

“You just seemed hungry.” You muse. “Working outside all morning has gotta make you starved.”

“Well, I won’t turn down a fresh pie, that’s for sure.” He says, washing his mouth down with the lemonade you generously whipped up.

“Your husbands gonna be one happy man, comin’ home to this.” James wipes his face down with a patterned napkin, leaning back into the oakwood dining chair.

You stare ahead blankly, trying to push away the anxiety that’s eating into your stomach like termites— but nothing goes. You can’t explain what you’re feeling, what you’ve been hearing. The secret your husband has been keeping of his affair had no longer been kept, revealed to you by your best friend in town.

She told you about how she saw him, heard him with one of his female colleagues, noticed how much time they spend together daily. How often they both seem to be working late.

The pain you had felt had eaten at you rabidly. You spent days festering, barely able to clean the house without breaking down in sobs, thankful that your husband worked a nine to five and didn’t see the way he made you ache.

You couldn’t give him that. You wouldn’t.

“He’s working late today.” You say, smile deteriorating. “Probably won’t be home until I’m asleep. He’s not that big of a fan of my cooking, anyway.”

James’ eyebrows furrow, “Does he not have tastebuds? You’re a genius in the kitchen, I swear.”

That makes your cheeks heat up, adding to the warmth of the summer weather. “Well, thank you, James.”

“Friends call me Bucky.” He winks, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Bucky it is.” You say.

Bucky is a well-dressed, hard working man from across the street, always tending to his yard or making the exterior of his house fresh. You had always found him attractive. From the day he moved in a few months back he had been in the back of your mind, swirling.

You kept pushing it back, determined to be a faithful doting wife— but it seems that ideal was one-sided.

That gave you an excuse, and excuse to make your vaulted desires come forward. You won’t let your husband see you suffer, but you will let him see you thrive.

You even put on your nicest dress.

“You don’t work?” Bucky asks, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Oh, no.” You say, “I’m a homemaker.”

“You should be a chef.” He jokes, picking at his plate with a fork.

You giggle, “I don’t have the time.”

“Eh, well,” He says, cleaning off the rest of his dish, “Guess I’ll have to be your pie test subject, then.”

That makes you smile, but more genuine- a spread of butterflies flowing inside your stomach.

You stand up to grab his plate, picking it up and carrying it to the sink to wash.

“Oh, I would’ve gotten that.” Bucky says, sitting up.

“No, no, it’s fine!” You say. “You’ve been working. I got it.”

You bend down to get dish soap, making a show of letting your dress skirt ride up to air your white, lace panties. You linger for just a second too long, before coming back up and actually washing his plate.

As you head back, you wipe off your skirt, dusting off anything that had gotten on it. You don’t miss the way he stares at your thighs, nor the way his eyes drift to your chest as you lean forward.

“I should probably go. Gotta lot to work on.”

As he stands, you grasp his arm, stopping him. “So soon? I could make you some more lemonade.”

You watch as he eyes your hand on his arm, thumbing his flannel with rubbed circles, then gazing back at you.

“As much as I’d love that, I’m pretty behind. I’ll definitely be back, sweets.”

You smile, reaching to paw at his other arm. “I like your company. It gets lonely here, without my husband… having you around is nice.”

“I’m glad.” Bucky says, staring down at you. “I like your company, too, doll.”

You bite down on your lip, playing at the strings of his flannel. “Then why don’t you stay? Just for a little while longer?”

Bucky’s eyes narrow, taking a long, considerate pause.

“If I didn’t know any better-“ He notes, speaking slowly, “I’d say you had ulterior motives for invitin’ me over.”

You give him your best doe-eyed look, letting him sit in the silence.

Of course you did. You got up early, dawned on your nicest matching lingerie set and prettiest dress- just to bake a pie and lemonade for him. It’s pathetic, it’s desperate, but you haven’t felt this giddy since you first started dating your husband.

Bucky’s eyes widen just enough to expose the whites of it. He doesn’t know what to say, really, eyes flickering from to every point he can, debating every option that’s being presented to him on fucking porcelain.

“Your husband…” He trails.

“He’s not here.” You note. “He won’t be for a while. I told you he’s working late.”

“Doll…”

“Yeah?”

“What are you playin’ at here, exactly?”

You contemplate what to say, how to say it. You’re unsure if it’s even a good idea, if you’re more motivated by revenge or desire— but both are clouding your head.

“I want you to fuck me like he never could.”

Bucky can’t help the way his mouth opens. He can feel his cock throb in his jeans, already half hard since he saw you in that godforsaken dress. You’re like the devil.

“I don’t wanna be the guy who ruins a marriage.” He objects, despite his own desires.

“Trust me,” Your hand rises up to grip his face, “It’s already been ruined.”

Bucky’s hands move almost against his will. Sliding down your back, hovering over your ass under your dress, his breathing shaky.

“He doesn’t fuck you right? That it?”

“He doesn’t fuck me at all, cause he’s too busy fucking another woman.”

That settles it for him.

His mouth practically swallows yours, hands grabbing your ass with force while his tongue invades your mouth. You can do nothing but moan, whining into his throat as you hold onto him.

He turns, picking you up and placing you on the kitchen table. You clatter against silverware, but he pushes them off before they stab into your skin- letting them clammer onto the tiled floor.

He moves to press open mouth kisses on your neck, already pulling the cups of your dress down, followed by your bra to reveal your breasts. He wraps a hardened nipple into his mouth, sucking as he massages the other one, reveling in the way you moan above him.

Bucky’s pushing up your skirt, pressing kisses down your stomach and your legs. He mouths around your inner thighs, teasing to where you need him most.

“Please,” You pant, pinching at your own nipples.

Bucky sliiiiides your panties down your legs, letting them fall to the ground beneath you. He lets out a grunt at the sight of your pussy, glistening and wet. Just for him.

“Your husband make you this wet?”

“Mm-mm,” You hum, “Never.”

That makes him grin. A shit-eating, cocky, son-of-a-bitch grin, but god, is it sexy.

He presses kisses to your mound, before licking a broad stripe up your folds. That has you moaning, legs squirming- but he’s quick to hold you back down.

You’re gasping while he sucks around your clit, fingers catching in your wet hole and sliding in and out. He’s moaning at your taste, sending vibrations against your clit that have you reeling.

He’s practically buried himself inside your cunt, devouring you like cherry pie. His mouth moves to suck down, before his tongue slides into your hole, his fingers replacing his tongues previous placement at your clit.

“I’m- I’m close,” You whine, pulling at his dark hair.

You feel his movements get faster, urging you to teeter off that edge. The high he’s building is unlike one you’ve felt— it’s cold, lighting inside your legs and stomach, building up so tight you can feel it about to snap.

And when it finally does, Bucky has to hold you still. He’s moaning with you, letting you ride out your orgasm by using his face.

When you come down, you’re panting, watching as he comes back up with a glistening mouth. He wipes off the sides, sucking around his fingers to get the last of your taste.

You reach out for him, which he gladly accepts. He brings you in for another kiss, reaching down to unbuckle his belt and pull down his jeans.

“You want me to fuck you?”

“Mhm,” You moan, legs still tingling with a post-orgasmic haze.

“Say it, honey.” Bucky grunts, pulling down his boxers and stroking at his cock. You whimper at the sight— it’s thick, bigger than your husband’s, tip practically weeping.

“I need you to fuck me, please, I want it so fucking bad.” You beg, watching as he slides the head of his cock around your folds. “Please.”

Bucky’s cock catches in your hole, sliding into your wet heat with ease. You both whine at the feeling of him bottoming out, pressing kisses around every piece of skin on the other you can reach.

“Fuck,” He moans. “So fuckin’ tight, honey— he really doesn’t fuck ya, does he? This was all you needed, a good fuck, someone to make you cum hard, treat ya like the little slut you are. Well I’m here, honey, and I’m fuckin’- shit, I’m not leaving.”

He starts to fuck into you, balls slapping against your ass with the furious pace he’s already set. He’s grunting, groaning at the feeling of your warm cunt, head thrown back in pleasure.

“Yeah,” You moan, whining at the feeling of him using your pussy, “Fuck, just like that, please!”

“Yeah? You like that?” He moans, “Like me fuckin’ using your pussy?”

You can’t reply- too fucked out. You just moan, mumbling incoherently, pussy clenching around his moving length.

Bucky slaps at one of your tits; making you yelp, but then he sucks the nipple into his mouth with a groan. You tug at his hair, reveling in how it makes him borderline whimper.

You rub circles around your clit, desperate to get off, despite already coming so recently. He grunts at the sight, pulling off your nipple with a pop—

“Fuck, you gonna cum again?” Bucky groans, grabbing your hips to fuck into you harder, “It feels that good? Fuck, Wanna see you cream on my cock, be a good girl. C’mon.”

Another orgasm washes over you. It’s not as intense as the first one, but still leg twitching, making you curl into yourself.

“Oh god, that’s fuckin’ it,” Bucky groans, gasping, “Feels so good, baby, you have no idea.”

You whine in overstimulation as he keeps fucking you, whimpering when he reaches down to start rubbing your clit again.

“Need you to give me one more.”

“I can’t,” You whine.

“You can.” He rasps, “You fuckin’ will. Be a good girl, doll, gimme one more. Fuck, I need it.”

You’re clawing at his back, wetness practically drenching his cock. You know you’re leaving scratch marks, probably even drawing blood- but he doesn’t seem to care. If anything, it spurs him on.

“I’m coming,” You whine, “Oh god, I can’t-“

Your third orgasm rips through you sharper than the others, leaving you trembling under his hold. All you can hear his harsh groans and grunts, praising you for how good you did for him.

“Shit,” Bucky grunts, sweat dripping down his face, “I’m so fuckin’ close.”

You wrap your legs around his waist, bringing him in closer and locking him inside.

“Fuck, honey-“ He stutters, “I gotta pull out, I can’t- you gotta let go, I can’t pull out.”

You shake your head, whining, “Cum in me, please.”

That makes him whine. “You want me to come in you? Fill up that slutty pussy?”

You nod rapidly, clenching your legs around him tighter. You can tell he’s close by how his thrusts stutter, cock throbbing inside your cunt.

“Your husbands gonna come home today, not knowing his pretty little wife has a pussy full of another man’s cum,” Bucky taunts, “But you love that, don’t you?”

“Yeah- yes, I love it.” You moan, grabbing onto him.

“Oh god- beg me for it.”

“Please cum inside me.”

“Fuck, you can do better than that,”

“Please!” You shout, “Cum inside me, I want it- I want it so fucking bad. I need you to fill up my pussy, please, Bucky.”

With one last, loud, bellowing groan, he stills above you, pumping you full of every last drop he has. He almost fully collapses, both of you left panting and spent.

After a moment, he stands up, wiping the sweat off his forehead before helping you correct your clothing malfunctions.

“Hey, uh,” Bucky says, pushing your hair back out of your face. “You ever make another pie that needs testing, you know where to find me.”

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #sebastian stan smut #my writing #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 8 months

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ofmd s2e2 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post, not quite a liveblog. this post is gonna be unpolished and messy bc this is the only way i know to process my emotions abt these episodes enough that i can actually start talking coherently about them.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

did not notice the first time around that buttons is sleeping with his legs sticking up resting against the side of the ship. king.

WHY DID THEY USE A DIFFERENT TAKE OF THE YOU WEAR FINE THINGS WELL SCENE WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE. THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR DAYS.

oh god the face stede makes after he breathes out all wistfully is so pained... ogughuhg heartbreak......

why is the groom cake topper dirty ed were you kissing it. ed. edward.

hNNNG ed pushing the painted bride figurine closer..... im gonna throw up

ed!! rolling over and crying!!! TAIKA HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT LOOKING SO FUCKING SAD THIS SHIT HURTS ME

like i can literally feel the tears burning in his eyes. the way his chest starts shaking with sobs but he's managing to keep the sobs in for like one more second. he's trying so hard to hold it in and i've cried like this before and it physically HURTS

also oughg the song. run from me baby... run my good wife... run from me baby..... you better run for your life........ ED THINKS THAT'S WHAT STEDE DID!!! RAN AWAY FROM HIM!!!!! and he thinks that was stede running for his life bc like, he thinks he's inherently monstrous and unlovable and hnnnnnnnnngggg. ed teach go to therapy challenge.

the crew responding to zheng's wake-up bell is so relatable. me when my alarm goes off at 6am

ok so the running bit where stede's crew has never heard of China before. is kinda weird to me. and honestly it kinda runs back to what zheng said in the last episode "one thing i've learned in my time here: you people know so little" about nobody knowing how valuable indigo is. like the show is portraying your average caribbean pirate as really ignorant and only like, ed stede and fucking ricky are on par with zheng yi sao. and i mean knowledge doesnt equate to intelligence so like the indigo thing i didnt really bat an eye at but when it was played for comedy with olu not knowing how to pronounce china i was like... hm. but the season's just started so maybe im reading too much into it but idk. it's a weird writing choice to me.

loving how at the start of last season the crew almost mutinied bc stede was a soft captain but now roach is out here embracing how all of them are "tender as hell."

love how lucius and pete have their romantic reunion chat just. fully in front of an audience

stede looks. so upset. watching lupete kiss. this man misses his boyfriend so fucking bad

lucius not even trying to hide how much he Does Not want to be stuck with stede in towels

also hi the sky in this scene is so pink. it was blue when buttons was doing tai chi so i guess this is sunset. day one complete.

buttons confirmed sea witch one of the best scenes in s2 so far. intrigued by auntie saying "i have looked for you far and wide" like are there other sea witches and auntie only wanted buttons?? or is buttons literally the only sea witch in the world. i want the lore.

ed. eddie eddie edward. ed my beloved babygirl. i would fuckinggg die for you

ok but also there is literally no way frenchie didnt see ed when he walked in like ed is standing Right There. i love when directors do stuff like this tho it's so funny to me. "ok joel just walk in there and pretend like you dont see taika standing literally right in front of you"

just noticed ed was polishing the handle to the wardrobe (the main wardrobe) right there. he's tidying up. getting his affairs in order before he— *i break down into inconsolable sobbing*

i wont like tho it was very funny to me when we finally got this full scene and ed's "and no more stede" turned out to be "no more izzy." very fun for me

god i LOVE when we get pirate code shit. none of these rules ever make sense it's always just whatever works for the plot's sake. "that's the code of the sea: the new first mate always kills the old first mate. it's always been like that" i don't think it was literally ever like that i think the writers decided that making up this bullshit rule would add drama to the situation. it's like how pirates can win duels by rendering their opponent's sword inoperable (as if pirates ever had like ritualistic duels). or next episode when zheng yi sao is gonna kill them for mutinying against ed. i love how all the logistics of the plot are always some handwavy-bullshit bc the show just Does Not Care about this shit. this is the ed and stede show and everything else is just superfluous set dressing

we were all fixated on lucius living in the walls none of us predicted that it could be izzy living in the walls

"start with his leg see where it goes" frenchie what does this MEAN

archie thinking jim was asking which leg to cut off and just. answering the question genuinely. is so fucking real lmao me too girl

JIM PUTTING THEIR HAND OVER ARCHIE'S TO BRACE THEMSELF BEFORE THEY START CUTTING INTO IZZY'S LEG... the romances on this show are unparalleled

archie when izzy's leg starts gushing: aye yai yai!

stede telling everyone in laundry abt his whole romance with blackbeard. and stede telling zheng and auntie abt blackbeard when he thought they were just soup sellers. you KNOW stede's been telling literally everyone he meets abt how he's looking for his beloved ed.

lol ok but cuba was not written on the map in the one shot and then stede says "oh, hang on, he might be in cuba!" and it cuts back to the map and he underlines the word "cuba" which somehow mysteriously appeared on the map while stede was chatting. 10/10 no notes

also GOD do i relate to stede so hard sometimes. it did not even occur to stede to ask lucius how he's been until lucius points it out and then he's like "oh! right! how are you??" and he does genuinely care but he was just so absorbed in his own shit it did not occur to him to ask. like. ohhhh baby does that hit home

LUCIUS DRAMATICALLY PAUSING IN THE DOORWAY WHEN STEDE TELLS HIM TO WAIT. HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE DOOR AND HIS HEAD BENT. THIS FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN I LOVE HIM!!!!

LLOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER "oh, yeah. now you care?" AND THNE SHAKING HIS HEAD AS HE WALKS AWAY god i LOVE this soap opera

ok but buttons looks very confused when auntie says "i see you've adopted the humble form of a man" and then she hands him the book abt shapeshifting. like did she know that he doesnt know how to change form or what.

auntie asks buttons to bless their travels. anyway this is how stede somehow didnt get everyone killed in e1 despite the fact that they were at sea for a few months and he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

LOVE auntie's little... yell? whimper?? before shuffling away nervously. incredible performance.

also the spellbook thing is in chinese. pretty cool how buttons knows how to read chinese.

ed jumpscare 2!

frenchie's "fire away. not literally, i hope" I MISSED THAT THE FIRST TIME KJSGHKFJDGHJHK WHAT A GREAT FUCKING LINE

love how irl frenchie using the wrong hand for that throat-slitting pantomime would be unimportant but the show acts like that's something that could actually give frenchie away bc they need to really nail home the fact that Ed Is A Fucking Genius

another thing ed is: INCREDIBLY HOT. he is being intimidating and evil to frenchie rn and i am very very into it.

obsessed with archie casually picking some random gore off her hand

also obsessed with how jim is just poking at izzy's leg. they learned how to butcher animals as a kid tho so i guess they're not really grossed out by severed body parts lmaoo

also also obsessed with how izzy would absolutely have not survived this at all. i love this show

list part 2:

ok im sorry but "he's our dick" does not feel earned to me. like they use that fantastic shot of the whole crew in episode 6 last season but what's crucial abt that shot is izzy isn't hanging out with the crew. he's sitting away in the corner monologuing abt how he thinks maybe ed might not want to kill stede.

i do think it's significant tho that jim wasn't there for izzy at his worst aka threatening to withhold rations for laughing at him. like they weren't part of the vote to mutiny against izzy. but frenchie was and frenchie was like "start with his leg see where it goes" which does not seem like he's really that invested in keeping izzy alive.

also it's weird how we don't see fang at all for this bit with hiding izzy in the walls. like he would be the one i'd expect to have the strongest connection to izzy bc he knew izzy before the show started and he was hugging and comforting izzy last episode.

anyway imo jim keeping izzy alive is more abt them missing when they were on the ship with olu and the whole crew and the ship was like a family, not necessarily abt feeling loyalty to izzy specifically. i could be wrong tho who knows.

one thing i do know is that it is VERY important to point out how jim is struggling really hard with everything, archie is not. she wasnt there for the co-captaining era at all and she seems to be rolling with everything like it's all expected. this includes the wedding raid and ed pointing a gun at her last season and stuff. even now she's mostly just confused by why jim is bothering to try and keep izzy alive. but she acts like the amputation and the violence are all what she expected.

yay kissing!! with the shit stuffed up their nose and covered in blood and jim still holding the leg GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

hnng when archie says "you have... hope" jim's jaw tenses and they visibly swallow after the word "hope." god jim is going through it

"the wooden demon boy that thirsted for life" god i love this game of telephone that the show is playing with pinocchio it's so fucking funny

archie definitely still says a few syllables after "no i was cleaning up blood" while jim was leaning in for another kiss but none of it forms a coherent word. relatable.

ed's "ohhhhohoho. ohoho" is so funny to me. this man is so jealous that other people are getting to kiss ppl they like but not him.

hm archie and jim are not actually kissing when we cut to the shot of ed standing in the stairwell. i imagine this is an editing goof or something

jim and archie pulling away like two kids who got caught kissing under the bleachers during gym class or something. incredible. one of jim's nose plug rags is mysteriously missing now. i think archie ate it.

ed shushing frenchie. nothing to say here but "i need him carnally"

"take the fuckin leg" ed does NOT like mess!!!

"he was your friend" well jim. he might have been ed's friend. but he had a very strange way of showing it.

why does it sound like ed has spurs on his boots

OLU IS SO CUTE I CANT BLAME ZHENG FOR BEING LIKE "you're doing so good at filing thanks so much!!" WHEN HE'S ACTIVELY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP

also. i want to know about auntie's filing system. ahead of it's time, you say?? tell me more. hi my name is jess and i love sorting things

ah yeah olu mispronouncing china moment

olu and zheng are cute tho ngl

roach is having an orgasmic experience drinking soup. very relatable.

love that stede called the broth "insane" like fics so often get stede's voice wrong bc he will randomly say casual slang in a way that contradicts his general s1 vibe of stuffy frilly rich guy. but he's more like your average dad whose general grammar when speaking is pretty outdated but he's also trying to use slang to fit in with his kids

oh god stede is trying so hard with lucius it is giving SUCH awkward dad vibes. "when i was young and edgy" and "mr. cool" STEEEEDE

"my spicy little rat boy" im so sad that lucius hates that pet name bc this is the funniest thing black pete's ever said

aw nooooo the way pete jumps when lucius yells at him :(:(:(

yo wee john has like a wristband with all these sewing needles and shit stuck on it that's such a cool costume detail

the first thing izzy says after waking up is "my leg" and in my head im hearing it in the spongebob meme voice

first: very funny how ed responds "yeah!" like, laughing about the whole. amputation thing. and then secondly i am obsessed with "up in Leg Heaven" he is so fucking quirky. i love him.

"have you come to take the other one" yeah you'd probably enjoy that huh izzy.

love ed's dangly earring. gender.

smthng abt how izzy is instantly exhausted and dismissive when ed tells izzy to take the gun vs how ed was also bored and dismissive when izzy said "i have love for you." idk if there's anything there im just making tenuous connections in my head rn

help. ed clenching his fists when he's standing with his back to izzy. he really wants izzy to do it but also even deeper than that he really doesn't he wants to live

izzy starts to laugh the same way he started to cry last episode with like a really loud sudden gasp of air. also he laughs so weirdly jesus christ

also jesus this is so fucking dark. i mean obviously but im fucking reeling right now from ed trying to get izzy to kill him and izzy's response is just "do it yourself you fucking pussy." fuck.

more thoughts on this scene here

"i loved you... best i could" i actually dont have a lot of thoughts abt this at all aside from it just seems like a weird thing for ed to say. idk. i have a few metas abt this saved that ive been meaning to read so maybe that will help me deconstruct this but i think i'd need more time to figure out why this line feels weird to me. it could literally just be that i dont like blackhands at all but idk. probably not gonna unpack my feelings for a while tho bc in terms of everything i want to dig into from these 3 episodes alone this is at the bottom of that list lol

love how ed tells frenchie "go live" right before he steers them into a storm and tries to doom everyone on the ship.

"two messed-up kids probably" i know this is one of those things that some viewers are just always gonna have a problem with but it's so fucking funny to me how stede is like. never seeing his children again. and is like "yeah they're probably traumatized by how i was a bad father. well that's for mary and doug to deal with!"

lucius winking when he calls stede quite the fuck-up. i love this snarky gay

anyway for how fucked up the vibe is on ed's ship at least they weren't playing human puppet or making people catch rats with their teeth

shit this is longer than the last post. anyway list part 3:

ok i completely forgot abt this scene where the crew back on the Revenge is talking in the hallway before they go confront ed but i think it's rlly interesting how jim is the only one who says anything abt how ed's sudden cheery mood is NOT a good thing. fang is like "do we think he's better?" and jim's like "fuck no!" and frenchie's like "idk he seemed pretty calm to me." like this is so fucking juicy to me. jim knew this wasn't "better." i think this is because jim kinda gets it. they know what it's like to be told you're only meant for violence. and they know what it's like to want something softer. last season i probably wouldnt have said jim understood ed's suicidal tendencies but the way jim KNOWS that this isnt better makes me wonder if they understand this, too.

altho when they go outside and ed is like "it's a bad storm! and i took the wheel! and im gonna fire into the mast! we're all gonna die!!" jim yells "what do you want, you piece of shit!" (in spanish) so maybe they dont get the suicide bit of it. but they did understand that ed wasn't better.

oh ed's voice in "what do i want?" is so whiny and sad. babygirl is fucking going through it. good thing the rain is hiding his tears ahaha. ha.

"all love dies im just hastening the process" objectively this is fucked up but also it is so funny to me that he's like "i got dumped so now nobody else is allowed to be happy and in love." he broke up all the couples at the end of s1 and he raided a fucking wedding. babygirl i love you. you are so unwell

VERY RANDOM THOUGHT and i would have to go back to last episode double check but i dont think any of the background crew are women?? it's just archie??? which kinda bums me out a bit like i dont only want female rep in the main cast i want to see random background women too. i could be entirely wrong abt this tho just in this scene i only see dudes in the background

anyway archie being like "alright i guess we're fighting" bc this is archie's normal. archie is just kinda resigned to her life being shit.

stede crossing out "dead" and circling "alive" is so fucking funny to me hfjkhdjvgdfjk like. manifesting.

but also he does kinda manifest that in the next episode doesnt he?? he loves ed back to life ahaha oh god oh fuck *starts sobbing*

"looks like he's gotten back into arson" okay and??? wee john's an arson enthusiast also, cmon lucius dont judge a man for his hobbies

stede's fucking face when he considers what lucius said abt "maybe his time with you is the best it's gonna get for him" like i think he tries to think abt it and just. cant. he cant fucking accept that. god im gonna throw up.

HNNNNG THE RUN FROM ME SONG COMING BACK IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT

i cant get over how archie is like. yeah bro it's fine. it's cool just kill me im not gonna hold it against you.

jim's like "YOU WERE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY!!" and ed's like "teehee yeah :3 u got me"

oh bro some of the random background crew people just fully go overboard huh. damn. rip those guys.

ok so im choosing to believe that izzy fired a lucky shot there bc the man couldn't even shoot himself point blank in the skull but im supposed to believe that he got ed right in the arm from the other side of the deck in the middle of a crazy storm and the ship rocking like crazy and izzy's probably suffering from like, insane amounts of blood loss?? i dont buy it. i mean it doesnt matter at all but i think he was trying to hit ed's general torso area and if ed didnt have his arm held out izzy would've missed. like i said tho this makes no fucking difference. it's just a fun little headcanon hehe

love how ed laughs like an absolute maniac here. babygirl u are so unhinged.

wait it's fucking wild how in the middle of all this we to cut to auntie putting the map back together and then we see that zheng is bringing her fleet over land. anyway this is foreshadowing obviously but like considering the song choice and cutting this between ed's suicide attempt and then the crew mutinying. is a choice. and idk why they made that choice yet.

it is a pretty dramatic reveal tho. i didnt appreciate that the first time but holy shit. she's just pulling her ships all the way to the caribbean. girlboss.

and then the mutiny. the relief on ed's face hurts me so fucking much

other thoughs about this scene here

HOLY SHIT THIS POST CREDITS SCENE AHHHHHH

so first of all. auntie saying olu can be allowed to clean up random hairs around the desk and zheng being like "there's not that much hair" girl you know you're lying. her hair is so long and so gorgeous and you KNOW random strands end up making scary-ass hair spiders if somebody doesn't regularly sweep things up

second of all: olu pretending there's a carrier bird with a messege for zeng to give her a break is SO CUTE. OLU. OLU YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART.

#ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 #ofmd season 2 #edward teach #stede bonnet #crew of the revenge #archie #zheng yi sao #izzy hands #izzy critical #s2e02 #txt #mine #og #gentlebeard #ofmds2rwwiptjdmtaors

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violetsiren90 · 1 year

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4, 17, 18, 45, 46!! For the ask game!!

4. Awwwww maannnnn! Top 10 songs is haaaaarrrdddd *whiny whiny whining*...but also fun! 😁 Okay, so here we go in no specific order (accept for numero uno):

Mikrokosmos 💜✨

Love Yourself: Answer

Life Goes On

People (Agust D)

The Astronaut (Jin)

We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal

I'm Fine

Tomorrow (B/c it's Yoongi's favorite, and he is my favorite 💗)

Sweet Night (V)

*Special Mentions: Best of Me, First Love, My Universe (I have been a Coldplay fan since high school), Moon, and Blood Sweat and Tears

I really like songs that deal with love (love of self, other, etc) and human relationships, and I think this comes out in my favs. But this was me being really straight-up about which ones I play most often, my list could be so, so much longer lol.

17. Tae's, hands down. He has this really elegant aspect to his style that always underscores even his gaudiest and edgiest fits. His style also reminds me of someone whom I loved dearly and lost, and I think I connect to his fashion on a sentimental level as well (which I think he would approve of? lol). I wanted that bag he designed so badly!! Maybe one day...

18. I would say I have Tae's personality (predominantly) with Namjoon's interests! My mom always tells me (she's Army as well) that Tae and I would be able to understand each other without words, and that Namjoon and I could talk to each other to death! 😂 I could elaborate on this endlessly, so I'll just leave it at that I guess.

I also want to add that I think I am a lot like Jimin as a romantic partner (or what I would imagine he is like), and I'm an enneagram type 2 - so I feel like I share existential motivations with Yoongi.

45. Ooh, this is a toughie. Okay, Imma do my best here, because realistically I would think about this for WEEKS, but here goes nothing (note: these gifts are ones I would give the members if we were friends, they are way too intimate for fan gifts, lol😅) :

Namjoon: I would buy him a piece of art that reminded me of him. I would probably choose from the works of Yun Hyong-keun, and include a letter describing how the piece made me feel, and all the lovely ways it reminded me of the person he is. I see Namjoon as really valuing words of affirmation from those he loves, and as someone who struggles to see himself positively often, I would hope a gift like that would remind him that he is a beautiful soul who is deeply loved every time he saw it.

Jin: I would buy him a professional kitchen stocked with rare ingredients and attached to an intimate dining area. A place he could mess around with learning to make all kinds of dishes, and feed his many friends without having to actually run a restaurant. I feel like one of the reasons he loves food so much is that it brings people together. He'd be the host with the most!

Yoongi: I think I remember hearing him saying somewhere in an interview that his parents got rid of the brown piano he references in "First Love". If it was within my power I would hunt that thing down, have it refurbished, and give it to him if it was the last thing I fucking did. But I would have to, like, drop it and run. I couldn't see him receive it, because if he shed even one tear over it in my presence I would sob until I died of dehydration.

Hobi: I've noticed that Hobi, of all the members, seems most interested in mentoring upcoming artists. He watches the elimination shows and knows the contestants by name! I would found a dance school called "Hope on the Street" in his name. He would be the head of the board of directors. It could run independently and he could be as involved as he wanted so that during busy times, he wouldn't be faced with another thing on his plate, but he could still make all the decisions regarding its operation. I imagine he would love to drop in on classes and do surprise lessons.

Jimin: Is there anyone in the history of the world who longs to hear "I love you" (or likes to say it) more than precious Park Jimin?? I would collaborate with members on this one. Jimin likes to travel, so I would probably gift him a trip with the members. I know he said he wanted to go to Europe with them again. I would have all the members sign a lock and put it on that bridge in Paris that symbolizes eternal love. He also likes to party, so, maybe rent out a club with bottle service a la Dom Pérignon?

Tae: I would give him the biggest roaring 20's bash of all time. Like, a Gatsby style party where he was the man himself. A champagne fountain and a jazz band and everyone is wearing their flapper finest and a giant cake with pretty people popping out of it...

And each member would give a toast saying what they love most about him.

I would also wave a magical wand that made people leave him alone about his love life if I could, and just let him be happy 🤷‍♀️

JK: I would give him flying lessons so that he could get his pilot's license and then give him the chance to fly a jet. I feel like he would absolutely be doing loops and corkscrews through the sky in no time flat. He also loves Army, so I would compile a book of all the sweetest Army comments and dedications and put them together for him. Maybe submissions where he can see some first names and faces of those who were willing just so that he can see how many people adore him and are grateful for his love for his fans.

46. Hmmmmmm...I would love a Yoonjin colab, tbh. I love their friendship, and as Yoongi's styled has softened it would be so awesome to hear alongside Jin's. (uau, padada!🥰)

Thank you for the asks, @orchidyoonkook , ILY!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

#bts asks #ask game #sweet orchid #orchidyoonkook #i took so long to answer this i'm sorry lol

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raleighcat17 · 8 months

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My Eras Tour Movie Experience

Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one, so the saying goes. I'm an everyone, so I guess I have both. I saw the Eras Tour movie on Friday of the opening weekend, and here are some things I notices. As thousands and thousands of us attended shows and/or watched from home via social media, it seems foolish to offer a spoiler alert. But if you fixate on things like I do and haven't seen the tour movie yet, then maybe you don't want to read this.

Overall, I really enjoyed reliving the concert. It was nice to see the stage and background graphics from a different angle, and I honestly wish I had paid more attention to them. I felt like the all of the other performers on the stage got to shine as well, which was super cool.

Specific things I noticed (and made covert notes about on my phone):

I don't go to the movies much, but I felt that the theaters took advantage of having us as a captive audience - the previews seemed to go on forever!

I really really hated seeing Travis' smug mug in a State Farm commercial before the movie. All part of the story indeed. That sucked, and kind of soured my mood a bit before the movie came on.

As others have pointed out, some of the very first images on the screen are rainbows. Because of course they are (I'm old, southern, and getting salty - piss or get off the pot, T)

The vocals that they open with are a little rough. I know she had to have been pretty worn out, both physically and vocally, when this was filmed, but the some of the vocals are…yeah.

Every time I hear Tolerate It, I get a different vibe from it. I know songwriting isn't exactly a precision instrument (well, ok, it is in T's hands), and that our strongest emotions rarely have a single influence. I have seen people say that they think the song is about Scott B pushing T to stay in the closet. I know they were probably really close for a while, but this song just feels so personal to me, especially the way it's performed. It feels like her dad to me. I thought about maybe a grandparent, but it looks like they all passed when she was pretty young. I can't unsee her dad as the antagonist, and it's heartbreaking. Hope my interpretation is way off.

Let's just agree that Taylor's hair is practically it's own life form and just does whatever the hell it wants most of the time. Unfortunately, it did different things on the different days this was filmed. The humidity must have changed drastically or something, because the hair goes from flattened (her usual performance look) to fuzzy and back again, sometimes within the same song. That was a bit jarring, and once I saw it, I couldn't stop looking for it.

Folklore - ahh, one of my favorite sets. I never noticed before how her mike stand in the cabin is made to look like a branch. That was cute. Her 'lonely millennial' speech regarding quarantine made me snicker, because wasn't she supposed to have quarantined with Joe the beau? That made no sense to me…

Her hair in My Tears Ricochet is just out there wildin'. It is something else entirely, but I think it was at least consistent for the song.

Even though Taylor really puts on a show when she performs, she cranks it up a few notches when the cameras are around. Sometimes I feel like it's almost too much, but that's just a personal observation. This show is already so over the top with the costumes, props, and performances, though, I didn't think it needed more. At this point, I wonder if she's even aware she does this?

Sometimes the transitions between sections seemed a bit…choppy, maybe.

I loved the fans and errors stuff at the end credits, but could have done without the close-up crowd shots during the movie. I wanted to see Taylor and the performance, not pretty girls sobbing with happiness.

Overall, I enjoyed it, and I hope we get a longer cut, or maybe 2 parts to it, when it comes to video. Justice for the songs that got the axe!

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emeraldbabygirl · 2 years

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Demi Lovato is on tour I guess, I didn’t know that and one of the stops is Portland and that’s so close, only like one or two cities over and there’s never been an artist I like come to Oregon much less Portland and boy I would love to go but I can’t. I just love that she’s back and going on tour Demi deserves all the good things I’m so glad she’s back after all that and her new music is great I love Subtance, I love the nostalgic old Demi vibes you get from it. I’m happy to see her going on tour I hope she has fun and doesn’t work too hard. Also also loved her performance of Substance on the Jimmy Fallen show goes I guess you can’t cuss or something and so instead of saying “everyone’s fucking exhausted” she kinda paused or sigh in place and I think it def gives the song and tone of that lyric more meaning and I really liked how it worked out and love the performance.

It just feels so surreal? that Demi is back making music idk I mean I wasn’t in the loop the past like 5 years maybe but after hearing about what happened and then to have her come back from that and perform at the Grammy’s I was sobbing, girlie got the whole room in tears it was such a beautiful performance and it’s hard to believe that that was the last song she wrote before what happened and that it could’ve been her last song ever. I hope she’s doing well ugh I adore her she deserves good things and happiness and I’m excited for her for this tour and if any new music comes out.

#demi lovato #on a side note mfer been saying girlie too much now #I swear it’s my new tick #I hate that word almost as much as bestie #😬#and I’m calling coworkers that and bro that shit don’t translate #I’m saying it as often as girl and bro like I’m calling males girlie ugh

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eremiie · 3 years

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Hello there how is everything I am a fan of AOT and I wanted to ask you if it okay you can do a headcanon of eren and zeke dating a black s/o

dating a black s/o;

❥ hiii, i hope you enjoy, ty for the request, i’m a poc so this is nice :)

eren jaeger

first of all he fucking loves you, like he’s infatuated with you because you’re so beautiful and just everything you do is like wow.

let’s start with your hair, he loves it so much and he’s always trying to touch it even when you tell him not to lmao

he’ll sit in the bathroom with you while you do your hair and just talk to you while reading the labels of the products you use

he spritz the spray bottle at your hair sometimes just for fun too

one time you let him try to braid your hair and the braids weren’t terrible but he knotted a lot of your hair ngl😭

he gets so confused when you ask him to buy certain products and constantly comes home with the wrong stuff

“what do you mean this isn’t it? baby, it literally says deep condition creme!” “but it’s not the same, i wanted the coconut oil one!” “well this is the castor oil one, it’s basically the same thing.”

no eren. no, it is not the same thing.

he likes joining you in the shower for wash days sometimes, but he probably leaves halfway through the shower because you’re taking way too long

he hates that sticky feeling of lip gloss but just the way it makes your lips look he finds it so alluring, he’ll peck little kisses on your lips all the time and then wipe his mouth after

he loves your cooking. he really enjoys it and is always open to try new things, he swears he’s getting the most exotic shit even though it’s literally just baked mac n cheese or something...

“baby what is this? it is so good.” “eren it is literally fried okra.”

you put him onto so many songs and he can probably belt out the lyrics to some of your favorite artists because he’s heard their songs so many times

occasionally if you’re just dancing in the kitchen and getting down, he’ll join you for a few minutes even though he looks like a complete fool (i doubt he can dance, but he thinks he’s doing an amazing job💔)

sometimes he can ask a lot of questions when he’s bored to know more about your culture, heritage, etc because he thinks it is genuinely interesting

he def seems like the type to put #blm in his bio or something, or post a black screen to show his support

he brags about you all the time to his friends, he just thinks you’re so cool and not in like a weird way, just genuine admiration for you, and he has a lot of pride that he even had a chance with you, it’s endearing

zeke yeager

zeke automatically thinks you’re the baddest bitch he’s ever seen, i mean he’s all for you

i mean this dude was like AWOOGA when he first saw you— pls😭

and it’s not that he brags about you, it’s just more of a “you see her? yeah, she’s mine.” but he doesn’t say it audibly, he just flaunts you in a more physical way

zeke actively tries to help with your hair but it’s more to pester you than anything, like he’ll comb the ends of your hair carelessly and you’ll slap his hands away

not that he’s not trying or anything but he just doesn’t know what he’s doing LMAO

since i keep talking about the lipgloss thing since i find it funny, zeke out of these 3 doesn’t mind the lip gloss at all, he actually probably goes out of his way to kiss you, and ngl he probably licks the lipgloss you left on his mouth or something jokingly—

zeke lets you talk to him about anything, your culture, foods you want to try to make, issues that you have, and he’ll casually pitch in his own questions and stuff like that, he’s a good listener

if you’re at the store together looking for hair products and stuff he’ll just point to random stuff and tell you you should get it, even if he knows it won’t work for your hair

“what about this, sweetheart? i think this is pretty neat.” “zeke... that is tresemme... i need shea moisture shampoo.” “well i use this, it works just fine.” *cue a staring contest between zeke’s beard and you* “yeah... it’s working i guess.”

but in the end he probably understands why you use certain products and why you can’t use certain products, he just likes messing with you.

he really enjoys your cooking and probably tries to be in the kitchen with you and help you cook, he’s good company and he’s not to bad at cooking himself

he’ll also give you recipes you should try that he’s seen as well, he just thinks that if you cook it, it automatically tastes better LMAO

he’s like a little sugar daddy, if you want him to buy you a $300 lace front he probably will, or if you want him to buy you some expensive ass shoes he probably will

he probably put on your bonnet or wig just to make you laugh or something, it was actually quite funny—

he treats you like a little princess too, like he’ll probably check the weather and be like “honey, we can’t go out today it’s too humid for your hair.” and he’s really just pretentious about little things like that, he goes out his way to make sure you’re okay, and good, especially when it comes to things that are important to you

he asks you if you can comb his hair and oil his scalp and stuff like that for fun, and lets you braid his hair and beard for practice, he just sits back and enjoys😭😭

levi ackerman

i feel like levi doesn’t show his admiration as much but deep down it’s definitely there, he finds you interesting, and an amazing individual

he has probably stuck around once or twice to watch your hair routine but he’s not always there to watch, the funny thing is though he probably remembers it; you’ve had him help you with the routine before and you were surprised when he wasn’t even really listening to what you were saying cause he kind of already knew what to do

“so then you’re gonna— yeah, yeah... how’d you know?” “i’m not stupid, i’ve seen you do it before.” “yeah— like once!”

we love our educated king <3

he’s surprisingly gentle when he’s doing it too, like his hands are so delicate and light and he’s lowkey afraid to hurt you so you have to tell him to be a little rougher when trying to untangle/comb through your hair

he will not kiss you when you have lip gloss on. i’m sorry but he doesn’t like the feeling, and if you kiss him he’ll wipe it off of his lips immediately, he doesn’t like it at all

he rarely brings home the wrong items if you ask him to run to the beauty supply or something. it’s just not hard to get the right thing, he looks at the photo of the product you sent him and scavengers the isles. he hates going for beauty supply runs though because he doesn’t like getting stared at, he’d rather go with you instead of by himself

he thinks your cooking is good but he’s not that surprised to be honest, maybe the first time you could see in his face that he was enjoying it but he never really exaggerates how good it is like eren would.

he does ask for another plate though, and if you tease him about that he rolls his eyes😭

he doesn’t take racism, any of that lightly, i can definitely see him getting immediately defensive over the slightest things that could even come off racist to you. it’s not that he’ll immediately say something but he does get sus of the person and a little more protective of you

he probably secretly has so many pictures of you in his phone, and one of them is definitely his lock screen because he finds you so gorgeous

he probably would put your bonnet on your head for you if you forgot it before going to sleep, or wake you up to put it on

he probably knows some hair care tips because he does his own research for your sake, he wants to know as much as you do so he can be a help; so even if you already knows what he’s telling you, act like its new information, you’ll see his eyes light up a little bit when you tell him you’ll try that next time :’))

he complains about your hair being left everywhere though, i also think he doesn’t like to participate in your wash days because he doesn’t like seeing your hair everywhere

but despite this he still is usually the one to clean it up if you’re taking too long to, thank you levi<33

another thing is, if you have beads in your hair, he really likes it because the sound they make is somewhat relaxing to him + it lets him know when you’re around, it’s almost comforting sob sob

#eren x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren yeager x reader #attack on titan #eren jaeger #eren aot #eren yeager #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #zeke x reader #zeke yeager x reader #zeke jaeger x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman aot #zeke jaeger #zeke yeager

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yikesharringrove · 3 years

Text

It’s a book Steve’s actually read.

Well, Nancy kinda mostly read it to him. Which really just makes the whole thing hurt a little bit more.

His speakers were crackling and he had turned the bass up high enough that the song was distorted, vibrating through his car.

It was embarrassing. Scream-singing to Kate Bush while sobbing into your steering wheel in the high school parking lot.

He’s just got a lot of feelings, and Nancy dumped in that alleyway, he can literally see it and Heathcliff, it’s me, I’m Cathy. I’ve come home, I’m so cold.

Which, it’s all just bullshit. Pardon the word.

Because, Catherine and Heathcliff don’t even fucking end up together. There’s something about family difference and he remembers Nancy saying socioeconomic like that word meant anything to him and Catherine winds up dead of bad brain-itis and Healthcliff is a dick so they never should’ve been together anyway.

But, whatever.

He’s feeling very much like Catherine right now. Standing on the moors with a broken heart.

Because fuck Heathcliff. And fuck Nancy.

Kate Bush is the only one he can trust anymore.

Her and her red dress and Steve’s insides feel like that red fucking dress in a way he can’t explain and Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy. I've come home, I'm so cold. Let me in your window-

He just about jumped out of his skin when the passenger door opened.

One too-tan hand reached out to crank the volume down on the song, and a too-pink tongue slid across too-white teeth and

“Harrington, I’m obligated to tell you that you’re acting like a pussy.”

Hargrove.

Y’know, he’s the top of Steve’s Fuck List. Right there with Nancy and Heathcliff, and everyone else who sucks shit and makes people feel bad.

“Can it, dickhead.”

To be fair, Steve was ugly crying to Kate Bush by himself in his car, but he’s allowed to be a pussy by himself in his car.

Hargrove just gave Steve a look that Steve’s pretty sure meant I’m resisting the urge to punch you in the face right now, but was undercut by that stupid fucking tongue of his lolling around like some kinda hyper-sexual golden retriever.

Meanwhile, Kate Bush was still singing and Steve was still Cathy on the moors.

“I’m fucking sad, or whatever. Let me be a pussy.”

“Oh, come on, Harrington. You really this cut up about some prissy little princess? She’s not even the best this town has and that is saying something.”

“Y’know, for a guy that’s constantly calling all the girls in town ugly, you sure do fuck a lot of ‘em.”

“At least I’m getting some. When was the last time the princess put out, eh? Or was she savin’ it for marriage? I could see her bein’ one of those types.”

He said those types like he wasn’t wearing a saint’s pendant around his neck. Like Steve didn’t see his family all sitting uncomfortably silent together in the diner after mass every single Sunday afternoon.

It was weird, seeing Billy in a nice shirt. All buttoned up properly with his hair looking all respectful. Especially since Steve was usually high off his ass and slurping down a strawberry milkshake with cheese fries like he’d die if he didn’t.

“I’m not gonna talk about my sex life with you, Hargrove.”

“Aw, why not, Harrington. Don’t wanna compare body counts? You embarrassed or something?” Billy was grinning that shitty sharp grin of his, still waggling his fucking tongue as he leaned closer to Steve. “You still a virgin, King Steve?”

The song ended. Steve rewound the tape. It started up again.

He needed Kate now more than ever.

“Of fucking course I’m not. I’m just not some gross asshole that goes around telling everyone who’ve I’ve fucked. It’s called being a decent guy.”

“It’s called being a prude. Now, c’mon. Tell me who’ve you fucked. Maybe we’re tunnel buddies.”

Steve wanted to throw up. Kate was on the moors again.

“You’re disgusting. Tunnel buddies. How gross can you even get?”

“I hope that’s a rhetorical question.”

“I don’t know what that means and you’re a shithead.”

Hargrove tossed his head back and laughed, showing off those teeth that looked like they could take a chunk out of Steve’s flesh if Billy got close enough to try.

You had a temper like my jealousy. Too hot, too greedy.

“Seriously, though.” Billy had stopped laughing. “What is this shit?”

“She’s Kate Bush and she speaks to my heart.”

Billy just stared at him.

Yeah, that was a pretty pussy thing to say.

“I just got fucking dumped, dude. Let me be sad about it,” Steve backpedaled.

And then Billy did something very unexpected.

Well, he did something very normal for his character, and then he did something unexpected.

He lit up a cigarette.

And then passed it to Steve.

Steve filled up his lungs with a thick drag of smoke. He held it for as long as he could.

Which was really long.

Swimmer’s lungs. And that.

He blew out the smoke. Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy. I've come home, I'm so cold. Let me in your window.

“Is this fucking song based on Wuthering Heights?”

“Yeah, you dumb dumb. It’s fucking called Wuthering Heights.”

“Okay, dumb dumb, I clearly don’t even know this song.”

“Maybe you’d be less of an ass if you did. Dumb dumb.”

Billy lit a cigarette for himself, letting the smoke trail out of his mouth like he was some kind of dragon.

Billy probably fancies himself a dragon. Thinks he’s this big scary creature that just goes around breathing fire and ransacking villages for their gold.

Ooh, it gets dark, it gets lonely on the other side from you. I pine a lot, I find the lot falls through without you.

Really, he’s probably like a dog of some kind.

Domesticated.

“You’re staring at me.”

Yeah. Steve was staring at him. Watching him smoke while Kate Bush played loudly. The speakers still sounded like shit even though Billy had turned down the song considerably.

Steve didn’t know when he had stopped crying.

Probably right when Billy had let himself into his cave of self pity, but his face was still wet.

He wiped it off, not pointing out that Billy had been staring at him too.

“Why are you here so late? Practice ended like, an hour ago.”

Billy shrugged lamely. He kinda looked like a little kid.

Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy. I've come home, I'm so cold. Let me in your window.

“Bored. Didn’t feel like being home.”

“So you came to sit in the break-up mobile with me. How nice.”

“Mostly I just wanted to make fun of you for listening to this garbage. I could hear it across the lot.”

And sure enough, Billy’s car was parked a good ways down from Steve, about as far away as their two cars could be from one another.

Steve doubts Billy heard Kate all this way, but what’s he gonna do, bring that up?

No. He’s rather sit in this weird silence that settled between them, feeling awkward about himself and his body and listen to Kate.

I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering, Wuthering Heights

“She’s not worht it, y’know.”

Steve had to do a double take to make sure it was still Billy sitting in his passenger seat, and not some cheap imposter wearing a Billy-suit and saying almost nice things to Steve in a not-mean voice.

“What’d you say earlier? Plenty of bitches in the sea?” Steve would’ve laughed at that comment when Billy made it if they weren’t naked together.

There’s something things you don’t do while naked with another guy, and laughing just isn’t one of them.

Plus, he had been a little too focused on figuring out why Billy’s nudity had given him that same hot feeling that nearly seeing Rob Lowe’s dick in The Outsiders movie gave him last year.

“I mean, it’s true. Don’t sweat this break-up. She seemed like an uptight bitch anyway.”

“Hey.”

Steve was still a little too sore, a little too fresh from the split to trash talk Nance like that.

“Whatever. Get high. Look at some porn. You’ll be fine.”

Ooh, let me have it. Let me grab your soul away.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Silence again.

Kate was back to the chorus.

The song was almost over.

“You could always go on the rebound. get her out of your mind with someone that’ll actually put out.”

Hargrove had barely even said it before he was yanking Steve forward, giving him no time to prepare as their mouthed smooshed together in something that was very very awkward, and very very sloppy.

Steve still had tears on his cheeks, and his cigarette was getting dangerously close to the filter, threatening to burn his fingers, and Kate was still singing, and Billy was kissing him, and dear God Steve’s at least a little bit gay.

Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy. I've come home, I'm so cold. Let me in your window.

They drifted apart from one another just in time for Steve to rewind the song again.

“So, uh, yeah,” Billy said, and his cheeks were this wonderful shade of red, and Steve couldn’t stop thinking about Kate’s red dress and that fucking kiss and he was on the moors again, but this time he and Billy were making out in the grass and oh fuck, oh fuck-

“Yeah. Good.”

“Good?” Billy raised on of those dark eyebrows at him, his cheeks still burning.

“Good. Very good.”

Billy nodded a few times, sucking on his cigarette. Steve suddenly remembered he had dropped his on the floormates and tried to stamp it out before it got singed to bad.

“Okay then. Good.” Billy opened the passenger door, stepping out and flicking away his cigarette. He seemed to think for a moment, before turning around, leaning his upper body into Steve’s car.

Steve thought they were going to kiss again.

He was ready to go for it, ready to let his eyes close and maybe let it lead to more. He was Cathy and he was ready for some action.

But Billy just grinned again.

And skipped the song.

#yes i know when nancy and steve break up billys only been in town for like three days but its my fic and ill make up a timeline if i want to #yeah i call people dumb dumb all the fucking time so i had to put it in #this idea came from me listening to this song on a loop for fifteen minutes in the parking lot before work and crying before going in to wor #k #also i've never read wuthering heights everything i know abt it is from the song and this one fic i read that mentioned it #also the way that this is probably technically a song fic #i hate it #yikes writes #steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove #this is so self indulgent omg

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

–

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Next update: June 16th, 2021

#spencer reid #Criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #diwk #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds re write

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nanamikeento · 3 years

Text

tolerate it

Pairing: Jack Daniels x reader

Summary: Jack’s been acting different towards you lately and you fear the worst when you decide to take action about it.

a/n: will i ever write something not titled or inspired by a ts song/lyrics?? i guess we’ll never know!

Warnings: angst, so much angst, suggestions of sex, clueless Jack

Word count: 4.0k

masterlist

...

The decorated porcelain plates clink together as you pull them out of the cabinet. Carefully setting them on the table, you reach for the crystal wine glasses, smiling as you set them. He’s gonna love this. It’s not every night that you decide to make dinner for you and your husband, given that you’re both always so busy, but tonight you decided to make it special. You cooked his favorite meal, and put on his favorite outfit of yours. There’s no way he’s not going to like it.

Jack has been acting strange lately. He’s been distant, cold. Working late more often, staying silent all the time, spacing out when you two are together. He still talks to you, but he’s not the same Jack from before and you don’t know what happened. You want to believe it’s all in your head, you want to believe everything is okay. So, you’ve been trying hard to get his attention, going out of your way to bring back the man you married. You hate doing this, but you feel like you have to or else…

It’s another late night, as he told you. He’s taking a little longer to get home and, sadly, you’re already used to it. So when the sound of the door opening reaches your ears and you take a deep breath, turning the stove off and taking the lasagna out of it. He doesn’t call for you like he used to, but you speak anyway,

“In the kitchen!” Your voice bounces and echoes through the space, hearing his footsteps approaching. You smooth your clothes, eagerly waiting for him.

When he reaches the kitchen door, you give him your best smile and walk towards him.

“Hi, honey!” You lace your arm around him, pulling him to a hug. Jack touches your lower back, his eyes wandering to the kitchen.

“Hey, what’s all this?” He asks, after you give him a peck on the lips.

“Oh!” You pull away from him, “It’s been a while since I don’t cook for us, so I just figured…” You shrug.

The look Jack’s face falls to a sympathetic one as he looks back at you, shoulders sagging and a small sigh leaving his lips.

“Oh, darlin’, I already ate at the office,” he says.

Your heart sinks. “Oh,” you say, quickly brushing away any feeling of disappointment, “That’s okay!” You force a smile, delicately picking at the lapels of his suit, “We could watch a movie, then.” You suggest.

He smiles softly at you, but it looks more like a smile a parent would give a child when they’re upset.

“Honey, I’m a little tired today,” he says, putting a hand on your shoulder, “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll retire for the day.”

You try to hide your disappointment by swallowing your tears and nodding at him, “Okay, you go ahead,” you tell him, “I’ll just clean up here and be right with you.”

Jack presses his lips on your hairline and leaves the kitchen. He didn’t even comment on your outfit. Didn’t even realize how hard you’ve worked on that homemade lasagna. Your eyes burn with unshed tears, as you put everything back on place, debating if you should open a bottle of wine and eat alone. But your appetite is gone now, so you put the lasagna back on the oven and clean everything until there’s no trace you’ve been there at all.

One last time. You’ll try for one last time and then you’re done.

By the time you enter the bedroom, Jack is reading a book, hanging his head low. You can tell he’s already showered, the smell of his deodorant reaching your nostrils. You smile as you slowly climb on the bed, your hand searching for him as they touch his shoulder. Jack tenses and looks at you, taking your wrists gently as he pulls you away from him.

“Darlin’, I’m not really in the mood tonight,” he says.

Nodding, you swallow hard, “Okay.” You’re already turning your back to him, climbing off the bed and walking towards the bathroom, “I’ll take a shower, then we can call it a day.”

If Jack notices the tremble in your voice, he doesn’t say anything. You close the bathroom door behind you and muffle a sob with your hand on your mouth. You want to believe you’ve got it wrong. You want to believe it’s all in your head, but you can’t deny it.

After you turn on the shower and strip down, you spend the time under the warm spray silently crying until the water runs cold and you have to get out. You don’t know how long you spend inside the bathroom, but after you’ve calmed down, put on some pajamas and enter the bedroom again, Jack is already lying with his back turned to you.

Carefully, you pull the covers just enough so you can lie under them. Before you rest your head on the pillow, you turn the lamp off.

But you can’t sleep. You’re always careful not to toss and turn and not to wake Jack when you can’t sleep. Tonight is no different as you watch him sleeping peacefully, with his eyes closed. The hours go by and you can’t close your eyes to save your life. That glass of wine would go well right now.

Before you can change your mind, you get off the bed and silently leave your shared bedroom, making sure you closed the door behind you. During the night, you heat up some of the lasagna you made and drink half of the bottle of red wine you had bought for your dinner with him. You try to distract yourself by watching television or going through social media.

You fall asleep on the couch, at 3:37am.

…

“Darlin’?” Jack calls you softly, gently shaking your shoulder.

You open your eyes, sucking a breath and looking around your surroundings, “Jack?”

He laughs softly, running his knuckles on your cheeks. For a split second you think you’re dreaming. Jack hasn’t been that affectionate in weeks. But when you see where you are, on your couch, in your living room, you realize it’s no dream. You fell asleep on the couch last night because you couldn’t sleep on the bed next to him.

“Why did you sleep here, baby?” He asks, smiling amused at you.

“I–” You have a bad taste in your mouth from sleeping without brushing your teeth, “I couldn’t sleep last night so I came to watch some TV.”

He pulls his brows together, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“I, uh…” You rub the sleep from your eyes, “You seemed tired, so…”

The lie burns in your throat as you speak it and watch as Jack’s concerned look transforms to a softer one, “Well, next time, wake me, okay? I don’t like when you don’t sleep next to me.” He brings his lips to yours and it takes you by surprise.

Maybe it is all in your head. Maybe you’ve been getting it wrong lately. The affection warms your heart and it gives you hope.

Except his words don’t match his actions. Days after, he’s back to the cold, distant behavior you hate so much. And it crushes your spirit. You have no hope this relationship can get better. And you’ve done enough to try to restore it.

Maybe he doesn’t love you anymore. The thought makes your eyes water as you pack a bag with your clothes. You can’t do this anymore, you just can’t. Jack’s been on a business trip for a few days and hasn’t called you yet, only talking to you through texts and emails. So you took the day off to get your things and leave.

You’ve had enough.

You choose to stay in a hotel room for a moment, just until Jack comes back and you both sort things out. You know he’s going to freak out when he sees the sticky note you’ve glued on your bedroom door, but, honestly, you don’t care. You’re done caring.

What you weren’t expecting was for him to call you the first night at the hotel room. You let the call go to voicemail, and the texts began. You figure he's home early and read your note; sighing you put your phone on airplane mode, knowing the calls won't stop all night. You know Jack deserves more than a sticky note telling him you need a break, but you know that the moment you'd see him, you'd cave in.

The thing is, you feel bad about it. You feel sad and guilty. Jack is your husband, the man you fell in love with, the man you married. But as the night goes by, you start to think that maybe your feelings are one sided. Jack was sweet and a great husband in the first two years of your marriage, but you can't help to think he's fallen out of love.

You try to sleep, but it's a restless night. You toss and turn, unable to fall asleep. Funny. You can't sleep with him, but you can't sleep without him either.

…

Jack was desperate. When he got home and found the note you left him, his heart sank. Why would you do this? He thought everything was fine, that you were happy with him.

He tried to call you as soon as he read the note, but you didn't pick up or reply to his texts. The panic grew as the night went on and he didn't hear from you.

You don't know about his double life. Jack meant to tell you before you both got married, but for some reason, he never did.

Well, he had a reason. Kingsman's takes secrecy to another level. No exceptions, no one outside the agency can know about it, not even family members or spouses, like you. And lately, Jack’s been feeling weird. He’s tired of lying to you and living two lives, he’s tired of the secrectness and the danger of not going back home to you.

So he’s been thinking about quitting. Or, at least, telling you the truth. Because he knew sooner or later, the confidentiality of his job would end up costing his marriage. And, apparently, it was going to be sooner.

When Jack woke up from a restless sleep this morning, he knew exactly where to find you. You didn’t give him an exact location of where you stayed last night, but he knew where you worked. And the idea of showing up at your work demanding an explanation doesn’t really please him, but he doesn’t know what to do.

Will he tell you the truth once he sees you? He doesn’t know. All he knows is that he needs to talk to you. He needs to see you.

Jack is well aware of what he looks like, sitting in his car, across the street of the place you work at. He wonders if you’re already there, he wonders if you’re able to go with your day as if nothing happened. As if you hadn’t abandoned him.

No, he can’t think like that. You must’ve had a reason, he’s sure of it. You wouldn’t do that to him unless you had a motive.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, just lost in his worries and thoughts about you. Searching his memory for something he might’ve done, something he might’ve missed, but nothing comes to mind. It isn’t until he sees you leaving the building, that Jack sighs in relief. A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips when you spot the car and walk towards it. However, when he rolls down the window, he sees your tired eyes and his heart clenches at the thought of you not getting sleep.

You sigh deeply, heart hammering inside your chest. “The doorman said you’ve been sitting here all morning.” Your voice doesn’t tremble when you speak, so that’s a win. For now.

“Honey–”

“Jack.” You interrupt him before he can change your mind, swallowing the lump already forming in your throat, “I’m working.”

“I know, honey, I just–”

“Jack–”

“Why didn’t you–”

“Jack!” You raise your voice and look into his eyes. Wishing you didn’t, you see the heartbreak in his eyes and almost feel sorry for him. Lowering your voice, you clear your throat, trying to hold back tears, “I’m working now, you can’t stay here like a creep.”

He looks at you in disbelief, “Well, I think I deserve more than just a sticky note on our bedroom door.”

Shit, he’s right. You mull over his words and think, if the situation was reversed, you’d want a better explanation too. Jack doesn’t deserve this, you know it. But he’s also not innocent. He has let you down so many times in the past few weeks, he has broken your heart over and over and you were tired of it. As much as you want to go back to him, to throw yourself into his arms, you’re afraid he’ll shut you out again.

As much as you try to hold back the tears, they slip away from your eyes and roll down your cheeks. In a second, Jack is hopping off the car and holding your face gently between his hands, asking you softly what is wrong, are you okay, please tell me what’s going on. You take his wrists gently, missing this Jack, the Jack who used to comfort you when you weren’t okay, the Jack you feel in love with.

“You…” You sniff, pushing his hands away from you, “You really don’t know?”

Jack frowns, a confused look on his face, as you scoff, angrily wiping at your tears.

“Please.” He begs, “Just tell me what happened.”

“How about the fact you’ve been ignoring me for weeks now?” Your anger bubbles inside you, but you keep your voice down to not attract curious eyes at the street, “You come home every night and barely look at me, you barely talk to me, while I do everything for you! You don’t even–” A breath leaves your lips as you close your eyes and try to keep your posture, “You know what? I don’t want to talk about this now. I have to work.”

You turn your back to him and start walking away, but Jack gently puts a hand on your upper arm. When you turn around to face him, you see tears in his eyes and a heartbroken look on his face. The sight makes your heart clench.

“Darlin’.” Jack suppresses a sob, “Please, let’s just talk about it.”

The tone on his voice makes you pause. Maybe you’re being too hard on him, maybe you should give him an explanation instead of just fucking off of his life. It doesn’t mean your marriage will be saved magically with a conversation, but maybe you should’ve just sat down and talked to him from the start.

“Jack, I–” you clear your throat, trying to swallow down more tears.

“How about I cook you dinner?” He tries to give you a hopeful smile but it comes out as a sad, heartbreaking grin, “Been a while, huh? Then we can– Then we can talk about it, right?”

A breath leaves your lips and you finally cave in, nodding and telling him you’ll be home by seven. He nods and kisses the back of your hands before letting you go back to work. You try to keep your posture, pretend like you're okay, but you breakdown in the bathroom, crying with your hands in your face as silently as you can.

…

When you open the door to your house, your heart weighs heavy in your chest. The smell of food invades your nostrils giving you a sense of nostalgia. Memories of when you two moved in together and you'd get home to him cooking your favorite meal reach your mind and you feel good for a second. Until you remember why he's doing it.

Jack greets you with a smile, making a point of taking your purse and coat and he leads you to the dining room, where a plate of your favorite food is waiting for you. You swallow hard, feeling your stomach rumble and give him a tight smile.

“Made it just for you, darlin'.” Jack pulls the chair for you to sit and takes a seat right across him, “How was work?”

You stare at him in disbelief. He’s really acting like nothing happened, like he didn’t almost make a scene right in front of your workplace and like he’s the best husband in the world.

“Before or after you showed up?” You reach for the glass of red wine on the table.

Yeah, you’re still mad about it. You watch as Jack’s smile fades away and he swallows hard at your statement.

“You said you wanted to talk about it,” you continue, crossing your arms and leaning back on the chair, “Let’s talk about it.”

Jack sighs and slumps his shoulders with a sad look across his face. You’re almost certain he’s doing this just to make you feel bad.

“Darling, I–” He sighs, “I think we should eat first–”

“No, Jack,” you say firmly, holding back your own tears, “I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to make this work.”

“What do you mean ‘make it work’?”

“You know exactly what I mean.” Your voice cracks a little, “Jack, you’re not the same man I married to.”

A brief pause hangs in the air as he processes your words. Then, he looks at you with a soft frown between his brows.

“People change, honey. You can’t expect me to be the same person my entire life.”

You don’t know why his words hurt you the way they did. Were you in the wrong here?

“You once told me you’d be there for me. That you’d never give up on me, no matter what, that’s what you said. Now, I keep… begging for your attention, hoping every night that you’d hug me, kiss me, or even fucking look at me, but you don’t. You can say you’ve changed, but– but this–” You try to swallow your tears, but they end up rolling down your cheeks anyway. You wipe them angrily, trying to keep your posture. What you don’t see is the way he looks at you as you cry. It takes everything in him to not reach for you, to not hold you in his arms and comfort you, but he knows he has to let you finish. “This is not you. All these business trips, the silence you give me, you don't even touch me anymore, Jack. I wouldn’t be surprised if there was someo– someone else.”

At that, Jack stands up and reaches for you, kneeling on the floor and cupping your wet cheeks, heart leaping inside his chest.

“Listen to me,” he says adamantly, “I would never cheat on you, understand? You are the love of my life, my soulmate. There is only you.”

A sob escapes your lips and you don’t even bother to push him away as you cry. You're tired, you're just tired.

“Then why?” Your voice is laced with hurt, cracked and weak, “Why, Jack? Was it something that I did? Something I said?”

He sighs, feeling tears water his own eyes as he pulls away from you. He has to tell you. He has to, or he’ll lose you.

“No, honey, you’re– you’re perfect, you’re so good to me, I–” He lets out a shaky breath, closing his eyes. “I’ll tell you everything,” he says, rubbing circles on your hips with his thumb, “You won’t believe me at first, but you have to let me finish, okay? You have to listen first, ask questions later.”

You let out a shaky breath, “Okay.”

…

Cold hands snake under your sweater and touch your skin, waking up from the deep slumber you were enjoying. A whimper leaves your lips, silenced by soft coos and whispered words of apologies. When soft lips and hairs of a moustache brush on your neck, you shudder, opening your eyes and rolling to your back to see your husband beaming at you.

“You’re back already.” You croak, blindly reaching for him.

“Told you it was going to be quick, pumpkin,” Jack says, brushing his knuckles on your cheeks. You smile at the nickname.

“Been ages since you called me that,”

“Well, I figured if we're starting over, we could go back to old habits.”

You smile at that, tracing your fingertips on his face. It’s been nearly a month since Jack told you the truth about his real job. And he was right, you didn’t believe him at first. A secret service disguised as a distillery company seemed surreal to you, but you let him explain himself from the start. He told you about how they recruited him, how he became one of their best agents and how he wanted to retire. How he didn’t want to live a double life, hiding it from his own spouse, risking his life and not being sure if he’d get back to you.

The whole thing seemed stupid and you really thought he was lying at first. Then he showed you the whip and the lasso and other special gadgets he used on a daily basis. You were shocked. With time you got used to the idea, but in the first moment, you needed some time to digest it. Of course, Jack couldn’t let their superiors know that you were aware of Statesman’s Secret Service, so you had to promise not to tell anyone.

After he explained everything, he made a proposition: that you both start over, now being completely honest with each other. And he kept his end of the promise, telling you he filled a request for retirement and that they asked for one last mission before he left.

He promised it’d be quick. Three days maximum. Which leads to where you are right now, being awakened by Jack on a cold January morning.

It wasn’t easy to let him in again. You love him with every fiber of your being, but your trust in him was shaken the moment he confessed his lies to you. So it was a process, trusting him all over again, but it’s making progress and he’s definitely changed for the better.

“Is it done?” You ask, still looking deep into his brown eyes.

“Yes,” he answers, still caressing your cheeks, “I’m officially retired. I’m all yours now, baby.”

A smile curved the corner of your lips but it faded away too quickly and Jack frowned at that.

“What’s wrong?”

“I–” you hesitate, then sigh, “You wanted to retire, right? You didn’t do it just for me?”

Jack pauses for a second. In a way, he did want to retire for you, but he didn't do it just because you almost left him. What you did, leaving him for a night, was the push he needed to take action.

“I wanted to. I did it for us, darling,” he answers, “I want to be here for you, like I promised.”

Your smile grows back on your face as your hands snake behind his neck and pull him to press your lips on his.

“Thank you for being honest with me, Jack,” you whisper.

“Anything for you.” He smiles on your lips, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You mumble the words.

You feel like the old Jack is back, but better. Now he's more honest and upfront with you, and you feel like you’re finally getting to know the real him. It scares you a bit, you like it.

You like the real Jack better.

...

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creativeashproductions · 3 years

Text

What's a Knife Between Onscreen Family // Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Filming an emotionally wrought scene on the set of your current role as a regular goes very wrong very fast. Expecting the scene to be the most taxing of the day you find yourself in the ER getting a transfusion. It’s all fun and games until someone’s holding a sharp knife incorrectly, guess it’s just something in common with co-star Jared Padalecki.

Warnings: Swearing, blood, fear, injuries, hospital, needles, angst, and fluff

Words: 3.5k (including lyrics)

A/N: I watched a part of a panel from a Supernatural con and found it hilarious that Jensen accidently stabbed Jared. So I had to write that for a Charlie Gillespie fic. Link to the video talking about the stabbing is right below this message.

Jensen Ackles Accidentally Stabbed Jared Padalecki during filming From 1:00-6:00

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Masterlist

It had to be one of the most emotionally taxing scenes in your entire career as an actress on a physically demanding show. The scene had been incredibly mentally draining the daughter of a Winchester. It had been once season recurring, one series regular and now filming the third season. As the teenage Winchester, it threw a wrench in all the plans and the reckless character gave no shits.

“Okay, this is our last scene for the day!” Robert Singer, the director of his episode, called out from off stage. Standing at the top of the stairs in the Bunker, you jumped in close with a scrunched nose at the squishy sound.

Over the railing, both Jared and Jensen nodded their support from the ground level with concerned expressions. Ever since you joined the cast in season 13, they had become fathers to you. The sight of you drenched in stage blood was enough to churn their stomachs.

“I gave you the barebones of the scene so work with it. Briar’s traumatized after fighting for her life and has been gone for a while.” Robert explained, “Cas couldn’t find her. I want this to be a tribute like Dean in season 10 episode 14: The Executioner’s Song.”

Taking a deep breath in your emotions channelled into a hurricane in your chest, clenching your fingers on the knife.

“Action!”

Pacing the floor plan of the Bunker is two brothers bonded by sorrow, pain, sacrifice and love. Each throwing out locations on where Briar could be, Jack and Cas had been little help. Sam’s heart clenched tight bypassing images straight to torture. The kind of torture he had endured over the years.

Dean’s mouth opened to suggest another place when the Bunker door creaked open. The red converse appeared before the soggy jeans as the teen slowly made her way down the steps. Briar Winchester shook like a leaf staring off in the distance as the blood congealed on her face and hands.

“Briar.” Dean slowly spoke, moving towards the girl. His green eyes lit up in fury as the seventeen-year-old flinched back. Dean’s hand gently took the stained knife from the young girl.

“I-I didn’t mean to do it.” The meek voice appeared so unlike the usual confidence Briar talked with. In exhaustion, Briar’s knees collapsed, sending the teen right into Dean’s arms.

The stoic man gripped the youngest Winchester as his waist bearing her weight against his while Sam circled to be behind Dean. The choked sob echoed by another escaped the family huddle; one from Briar and the other from Dean.

“Dad.” Briar choked clenching her arms around the green-eyed adult’s shoulders, craving the safety of her father.

Ever since Dean could remember he had had a strict rule of always practising safe sex, he didn’t want a kid. Not in a world that had it out for Winchesters and not one where he might hold his child’s dead body in his arms. That all changed when Cas delivered Dean to a county jail where Briar was held just for a minor assault charge on a wealthy bully.

Dean never let himself want a future with the picket fence and the dog in the backyard but when Briar changed that. Dean would do anything for his family no matter the cost. Example: Selling his soul for Sam.

“Sh.” Dean spoke kissing the crown of her hair he savoured having his child safe in his arms, “I’ll help you to the bathroom to get cleaned up. We’ll heat some soup and toast.”

On autopilot, Dean helped Briar down the hall to the bathroom where she would freshen up and later burn the unsalvageable clothing. As Dean returned to Sam’s side, Castiel came with a sombre expression and an explanation.

“Dean. Sam.” Cas greeted them, flicking his blue gaze between the two brothers. The faint sound of the shower only picked up by the trained heightened sense of hearing from years of watching over their backs.

“Cas what the hell happened?” Dean demanded, “Why the hell is my little girl bruised and coated in blood?”

END FILMING SCENE

“Cut!” Robert called out to the large room with a big smile on his face, “I’ll watch it back. See if we need more takes.”

Jared and Jensen wiped the tears that fell from their cheeks just thinking on how wrought that scene felt. As fathers seeing a young adult in such a state severely agonized them. The duo jogged to see your back against the cold wall—a pinched expression marring your young face.

“How are you feeling after that?” Jensen asked, coming closer to squeeze your shoulders unfazed by the sticky fake blood. It was already all over his clothes from hugging you in character.

“You shouldn’t be allowed to have sharp objects.” You spoke glancing down at your knee that had been punctured by the knife. The dark jeans soaked in stage blood now concealed the real blood.

“Jensen, did you really stab another person.” Jared deadpanned his best friend referencing back a few years. Jared shoved one hand through his hair, receiving a nasty glare from the hairstylist on call.

The glare on Jensen’s face blistered the taller actor, “I didn’t stab you. You walked into the knife.”

The two bickered as they guided you back to the main stage where Robert had reached a final verdict. He had watched the replay twice along with his crew finding the raw emotion to be perfect. The little detail the three had added was well played. Dean unexpectedly consoling his daughter in tears; no threats to kill or push her to tell him what happened. The first time Briar referring to Dean as her father. Lastly, Sam’s unsure actions in consoling a young girl sucked into life like he was in his youth.

“We got a one-take winner!” Robert called out sending the entire crowd into loud applause and cheers. Jared taking most of your weight as you hobbled to the costume trailer.

The lovely costume designers helped remove the sticky shirt, jewellery and the red converse that had once been white. Only the jeans remained on your body to not mess with the wound. As much as you’d love to shower the blood off, it was near impossible, moving your knee stung and it was best to avoid aggravating it.

“Someone needs to ban Jensen from knives. Just wait till his wife finds out about this, she adores Y/N.” Martha chuckled from her sketches she designed on her breaks for a future in fashion design. Often in your free time, you would be her guinea pig with her designs using refurbished material.

Normally the banter would continue but not when your leg was bleeding, and Jared was taking you to the ER. To make time faster, Jared had scooped you into his arms to the black car their driver waited in.

“Towels are in place. Sorry, you got hurt, Kid.” Clif spoke, opening the door to the backseat where Jensen sat patiently. Unlike usual, he had seated himself in the front so you could stretch in the back.

A weak chuckle met air in the packed car from the blood loss that wasn’t overly bad but enough that Jared took the towel. His pressure on the wound caused a yelp that had Jensen flinching in guilt.

“The knife must have been sharp to cut a mouse in half,” Clif muttered turning towards the hospital close to set. Coincidently the drive took you passed the set your boyfriend currently filmed at.

“Might as well call me butter.” You retorted wincing at the throbbing pain, “You aren’t allowed any more sharp objects, Mr. Ackles.”

“Danneel already threatened to hide all the knives in the house.” The on-screen father laughed as the tension decreased in the small car. Despite the dizziness, it didn’t hide the guilt in Jensen’s green eyes.

Time flew by as you found yourself in a bed for observation and pictures for the knee. It came as a shock when the doctor requested one blood transfusion for the blood loss. The hope of being in and out had evaporated like water beads on a blistering summer day.

Julie and the Phantoms Set

Charlie adored his life as an actor where he was free to visit places, he might not have had the opportunity to do. He made friends with everyone he spoke to and even met the love of his life as an actor as well.

That being said today had been the longest one with a full schedule and barely time for lunch or snacks. Even a nap was unachievable, and he desperately wanted one for being awake for hours by now.

“Charlie! Did you know you’ve got missed calls?” Jeremy inquired, staring at the phone that went black once more. Charlie’s eyebrows came together at the mention. His family had the rough outline of times he would be unavailable to talk.

Stepping back from the craft table’s supper options, he lifted the phone from the table, bringing it to life. His lock screen showing multiple missed calls and voicemails from you, his family and two unknown numbers.

His jaw dropped further when Meghan called for the first time out of the group, “Megs?”

“Finally! Where have you been?” Meghan demanded pacing in the studio she had been using when she got the call. The pretty and successful young woman had gotten terrified at learning about Y/N.

“Filming? It’s the longest day of filming the show. It’s on the family schedule.” Charlie spoke, settling into one of the empty tables. His eyes watching the people entering and exiting the tent set up for food.

“Jesus. Mom called me when you didn’t pick up. Y/N’s in the hospital.” Meghan revealed sending the Canadian actor into a stiff posture. His hazel eyes blow wide and panic flooding his entire system.

“What?!” Charlie didn’t mean to shout nor turn paler than a piece of white paper, but it happened. The volume contracting looks from everyone in the vicinity. Owen even dropped the donut back in the box by the volume.

“She got stabbed with a knife. I sent the address earlier, and I haven’t gotten a lot of info.” Meghan told her older brother, “I know she’s getting a blood transfusion, but nothing else was released.”

Charlie couldn’t tell you what happened between Meghan telling him and reaching the hospital frantically. Nor could he figure out how Owen was in the back of the Uber with him guiding him through exercises; all thanks to Owen’s therapist for his anxiety.

His sneakers squeaked on the polished white floor in his mission to the receptionist transferring information from a chart to digital. Charlie’s painting brought him attention from the kind nurse acknowledging his presence.

“Just let me finish this one sentence.” The nurse hummed saving the information before turning their full attention to the frazzled male, “How can I help you?”

“What room is Y/N Y/L/N in? She was stabbed and needed a transfusion.” Charlie demanded deflating as Owen placed a hand on his shoulder. The Canadian’s eyes bright with panic and a deep fear

The nurse’s eyes softened, “I can’t give out information on patients unless your immediate family members.”

“I’m here-“

“Husband! He’s her husband, they eloped so she hasn’t changed her last name or updated her information.” Owen blurted out, rubbing the pad of his index finger on the black jeans he had worn for his role. The two hadn’t even bothered changing into their street clothing.

The nurse nodded their head-turning back to the computer to enter the name for the patient for the information. It took seconds before the nurse wrote on the miscellaneous sticky note of the ward and room number.

“My name is Riley. If you need any help, you can come back here, and I’ll do my best to give you answers.” Nurse Riley informed the duo with a kind smile nodding in the direction of your hospital room.

Owen’s long legs ate up the distance Charlie made in his sprint to the stairwell, “Shouldn’t we take the elevator?”

“My girlfriend is in a hospital bed. I can’t wait for an elevator.” Charlie rebuked the suggestion on the second flight. Owen’s sigh was the last sound made as the duo slammed into the door to the floor level.

Charlie and Owen appeared in the doorway of your hospital room panting from the exertion meeting the gaze of two actors. Charlie’s heart stuttered at the sight of the high volume of blood in your clothing and your hair.

The sharp gasp brought your attention to the shaking Canadian actor solely focused on scanning for wounds. His eyes barely staying on the two adult males you had been starring with for a few years. Schedule conflicts often led to no introduction to each other’s co-stars.

“What the hell?” Charlie choked stumbling to the chair beside your hospital bed next to the pole holding a blood bag, “Did you get mugged? Are you okay?”

“Char, take a breath, man.” Owen’s blue eyes shadowed with the worry as Charlie’s breathing shuddered. Owen could barely look at you covered in blood.

“Whoa! Charlie. I’m fine. This is stage blood. We had an intense scene, and there was a minor accident.” Your voice soothed the man gently taking Charlie’s hand to comfort him, “I lost a bit of blood. The doctor decided to give me a blood transfusion to bring my levels back up a bit before stitching it up.”

“How do you get stabbed accidently?” Owen questioned glancing at the two men standing silently in the corner. Due to contracts on the Supernatural set details of scenes and storylines was off-limits.

“Well, during filming, I took a knife from her, and she walked into the blade?” Jensen trailed off, shoving his elbow into Jared’s side at the scoff. It happened every time it was brought up.

“I-“Charlie blinked, shaking his head as he took a deep sigh in pushing that to the back burner to focus solely on you. His hand rubbed his face while he settled on squeezing your one hand in both of his.

The touch of your skin grounding him back to earth with the shattering visions of walking into the world without you. It would be both ways, the second his calloused warm skin brushed your hands; it was like the pain faded. Only a sense of content settled in your weary bones.

“Okay Miss Y/L/N.” Dr. Clancy walked into the room only halting to grab a pair of medical gloves, “I see your entourage grew. I’m Doctor Jim Clancy, and you must be Miss Y/L/N’s husband.”

Three pairs of eyes widened at the doctor’s words aimed towards the brunette actor turning a blushing mess. The words mouthed by Charlie to go with it gave barely any insight, but you did it. The moment you had a free minute with Charlie, you would interrogate him in the new title you had.

“Yeah, my husband.” You spoke flicking an expression to Jensen and Jared that caught on from the years together. They had taken you under their wing on your first day on set, and then you became family with their immediate family.

“I can confirm that my initial observation is that the wound doesn’t have anything that shouldn’t be in there. We stopped the bleeding, the x-ray came clean, we’ll set you up with IV fluid, and tetanus shot to be safe.”

“Nurse Gellar here will cut the rest of the jeans off, get you in a gown for a few hours of observation. Just a precaution for blood transfusions. We’ll have some scrubs you can wear when you can leave.” Dr. Clancy motioned to the tall redhead with a quiet demeanour.

Charlie’s lips lingered on your temple at the fear that flared in your expressive eyes, he would give anything to take your place. He softly sang your couple song as a whimper fell from your lips as the jean tugged the dried blood from the wound. The painful pressure felt as you guessed it had started to bleed again, the feel of liquid rolling down your skin, confirming it.

“I’ll sing anything.” Charlie whispered going through his mental catalogue of songs on your shared playlist, “Oh!”

I’m booking myself a one-way flight

I gotta see the color in your eyes

And telling myself I’m gonna be alright

Without you baby is a waste of time

The tears falling no longer came from the pain but the sheer amount of love you had for the man there. Eyes glittering with pure adoration as his voice came off absolutely heart-melting. So, lost in each other neither of you noticed Owen had been filming from the moment Charlie had said ‘oh’.

Yeah, our first date, girl, the seasons changed

It got washed away in a summer rain

You can’t undo a fall like this

’Cause love don’t know what distance is

Yeah, I know it’s crazy

Charlie’s hand slowly slid up your arms to cup your tear-streaked tacky cheeks in his warm grip. The hospital faded as it became just you and Charlie. Completely oblivious at the audience in the room.

“He loves her,” Jensen whispered to Jared out of the camera frame that the blonde-haired kid’s phone. It was such a pure moment it felt disrespectful to see this exchange but also honoured to see it firsthand.

“I’ve only seen the look in your eyes for Danneel,” Jared replied, cupping his hands over his face listening to the near inaudible wet chuckle you gave.

“As I have between you and Gen. They have the real kind of love.”

But I don’t want “good”, and I don’t want “good enough.”

I want “can’t sleep, can’t breathe without your love”

Front porch and one more kiss, it doesn’t make sense to anybody else

“Charlie.” You sobbed at the best part of your life serenading you in such a romantic moment at the odd setting—his hazel gaze greener in what would come to be a very dear memory to reminisce about.

The calloused thumb caressing your cheek wiping a teardrop away he continued to see as the doctor finished suturing the wound.

Nothing mattered other than the couple currently in a bubble.

Who cares if you’re all I think about,

I’ve searched the world and I know now,

It ain’t right if you ain’t lost your mind.

Yeah, I don’t want easy, I want crazy

Are you with me baby? Let’s be crazy

Charlie’s voice faded with the rest of the song bringing you back to reality with the nurse cleaning up around the wound. That’s how the rest of the day went on waiting for the blood transfusion and IV fluids to finish. You stuffed the tetanus shot while Charlie sang between different genres.

“Thank you.” You softly spoke with Charlie being the only one left in the room with you.

Owen had headed back to their set to finish a scene while giving the updates on you while Jared and Jensen grabbed food. J2 had been very clear they would get Martha to grab some clothing for when they came back. Jensen was determined to deliver you to your home as the first action to make it up to you.

“For what?” Charlie questioned as your index and thumb picked at the cuticles of the opposite hand. Your eyes were hidden from your boyfriend’s gaze.

“For dropping everything to be here.” The words were quiet in the room only filled with breathing and the heart machine you had to be hooked up to.

“My girl-“

“Don’t you mean wife?” You teased brushing a lock of his hair from his forehead taking in the man you had the honor of loving. Of waking up next to in the apartment, you’d been renting ever since you landed the role on Supernatural; overtime Charlie’s things had just accumulated there.

“It was the only way they’d let me in.” Charlie spoke sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, “It’s a little early to call you, but I’m excited to make you my last girlfriend and then my only wife.”

The chuckle fell from your lips, “So, you want to marry me?”

“In front of all our family and friends. Tucked away from the media to celebrate the love we have for each other.” Charlie spoke, “There’s no one else I’d like by my side for the rest of my life.”

A new flood of tears welled at the sincerity in his voice and the warmth laden in his eyes of kaleidoscope colours. Sometimes, depending on his emotion or his clothing, his eyes would be greener, or when he was happy, they had a blue tinge in the green in sadness or your favourite; brown with the swirls of green.

“How did I get so lucky to have the absolute honour to fall in love with you?” Your words created a swell of emotion in the Canadian’s heart.

“The same way whatever deities there are took pity on a boy from Dieppe by bringing him an angel.” Charlie words preceded the kiss on your lips with a grin as you chased his lips after. With one last peck, he leaned back with a fond expression.

“Seriously how do you get stabbed accidently?” Charlie chortled with that gorgeous smile lighting up the room more than the white lights.

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#charlie gillespie imagines #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie x reader #luke patterson imagines #jatp fanfic #charlie gillespie #caitsy and ash productions

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sunaswife · 3 years

Text

Summary: It’s been five years since you’ve seen your ex, Rin. He’s still not over you and you’re not over him. When he finds out you have children he thought he didn’t have a chance. Then he finds out they’re his? All of a sudden you’re teaching Suna how to be a single dad.

🔪: <3 thanks for all the support so far

Warnings: Fluff, angst I guess, drama, and cuteness twin overload

Previously Up Next Masterlist

Chapter Thirteen

“Kuroo-San I’m very flattered but in reality I’m seeing someone.” You chuckled awkwardly as you both walked to the lounge after today’s game. “Really?! Since when! About a month ago during the black Jackals game you just said you were a single mom!” He exclaimed. “Well..in reality..I’m trying to make amends with the father of my children. We were both dumb and immature but now since we’re older, we can have a decent conversation. And I still have feelings for him in a way and he’s already confessed..so...” you scratched the back on your head. “Have you accepted his confession..?” He asked. “Well..I mean I kind of changed the subject..” you replied awkwardly. “Poor guy..” he put his hand on his chest as if he felt the pain. “Well it’s not right to pressure someone into going on a date with them so I’m sorry. I was out of line. And I hope everything goes well between you and Rintarou.” He said with a soft smile. He patted your head and walked away down the other hall, you just stood there dumbfounded. How does he know Rin is the dad..?

You haven’t checked social media or sports news so you’re not sure if people already know. You made you way into the lounge and opened your small locker. You took out your purse and walked to your car, you tried walking as fast as possible to avoid talking to people and when you were in the comfort of your car you took out your phone.

Your eyes widened at the amount of phone calls and messages Rin sent. You didn’t even have a chance to read the messages since you decided to call back Rin and wonder what is going on. “It’s about time you answer.” He immediately gritted, he obviously sounded pissed. “Excuse me?” You immediately said with such confusion.

Does he seriously think he can get away with talking to you like that?

“I said it’s about time you fucking answered. Why weren’t you answering my calls or messages?” He asked. “I was obviously working.” You said in a duh tone. “Is something wrong?” You asked. “YES something is wrong! My son almost died and I didn’t know what to do!”

Your heart dropped. He almost...died..? “W-wait—“ you shook your head. “What do you mean he almost died?” You asked. “He had an allergy attack and I had to use an epipen. I didn’t know what to do at the hospital. I rarely had any information. You never told me if the kids had insurance or anything.” “Is Rini okay?” You immediately asked. “Yes he’s fine. But you didn—“

“I’m on my way. For the next eight hours, think before you speak, okay? Don’t say anything you’ll regret.” You warned. “Whatever.” He muttered and hung up. Immediately your heart clenched and you threw your phone at the passenger seat. You rubbed your face and leaned forward and gripped the steering wheel.

“What the fuck.” You sighed. Throughout the drive back to Hyogo your hands began shaking thinking about your kids and Rin. The kids went through something traumatic, and you weren’t there to help them or to protect them. What kind of mother are you? You wanted to slap yourself so hard, jump off a cliff. Receive some sort of punishment for being such a stupid mother and trusting Rin with your children.

After a few hours, your makeup needed a touch up, your hair was a mess for running your hands through your hair hoping your son is okay. Your eyes felt droopy. You’ve only slept a good six hours between drives and it’s way past midnight. The sun began to rise and you finally passed the billboard welcoming you to the hyogo prefecture. You went to the hospital Rin said they were at and you quickly parked and made your way inside.

The poor lady in the office seemed startled at your appearance, your clothes were wrinkled, and your shirt was untucked and unbuttoned from the top, you had bags under your eyes, you were a whole mess. When she gave the room number you slipped off your heels and began jogging to your location. The door was opened so you peeked in and saw your daughter playing with her fox plush on the uncomfortable couch chair.

It was like she sensed you so she looked up and you made eye contact with your little girl. Her eyes immediately watered and she hopped off the chair crying. “Mommy!” She sobbed and you immediately bent down to pick her up. You held her close and her grip tightened around your shoulders. “Rini doesn’t feel good..” she mumbled in your ear. “I know baby, I know.” You answered and dropped your heels by the entrance.

You made you way inside and saw Rin hunched over on the bed sleeping. He was holding Rini’s hand who was also asleep. He looked alright and you sighed in relief. “Have you slept, Akira?” You asked and she nodded. “I slept with Rini, but grandma wanted me to go back home with her. But Rini needed me. He’s my twin.” She wiped her eyes and slightly pulled away. You neared the other side of the bed and pulled the lounge chair closer so you can sit. Akira was on your left thigh with her head still on your shoulder. You looked at Rini sleeping and you brushed some hair out of his face. He slowly opened his eyes and he smiled lazily, “I missed you momma..” he mumbled. “I missed you too. I came as fast as I could.” You assured. “I was so scared.” He admitted. “I know..and I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.” Your eyes began to water. “Don’t cry mommy.... then I’ll cry..” Rini held your hand with his free hand.

Your wiped under your eyes with the sleeve of your blazer to stop the tears from falling and you smiled again. “Okay I won’t cry.” You said and released a breath. “Can you sing me a song?” Akira asked in your neck, “Yeah I want a song too, please.” Rini pouted and you nodded. They had a favorite song from a certain show that they enjoyed the most. You began to sing softly and Rini squeezed your hand and Akira began to fall asleep again.

I always thought I might be bad

Now I'm sure that it's true

'Cause I think you're so good

And I'm nothing like you

Look at you go

I just adore you

I wish that I knew

What makes you think I'm so special

You saw as Rini’s eyes began to close so he could fall back to sleep, you heard snoring right in your ear and realized Akira knocked out as well. “You have a beautiful voice.” Rin said softly as he rested his head on the side of his arm. “Sorry that I woke you up.” You quickly apologized. “No it’s fine..” he yawned and slowly sat up. He winced slightly, “Damn I need to see a chiropractor.” He muttered and you released a small chuckle. “Me too.” You said.

“So is Rini okay? What happened?” You asked and he sighed and looked into your eyes. “My mom got some burgers from a restaurant where peanut oil is used. She didn’t know Rini was allergic and I didn’t check the bag.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You raised your voice and his eyes widened. “Your mom almost killed our son and you blame me for leaving you without any information?” You asked and he looked down guilty. “She didn’t kn—“

“Of course she doesn’t know because all day she was acting like a conceited bitch instead of being a grandmother to her grandkids. She even called me a whore—“

“No she didn’t.” He immediately interrupted. “She didn’t because you stopped her. But that’s what she thinks right? I model for Hana’s company to support her and to build up my self esteem and now I’m a whore? And you had the audacity to talk to me so rudely when I didn’t do anything. If you’re going to be treating me like that then there’s the fucking door. You understand? Never again will I be disrespected by a man.” You said and he had no words.

“You make it seem like I did it on purpose. I was sleep deprived and scared. I felt like I was going to throw up.” Rin squinted his narrow eyes.

“Do you have any idea what I felt when I got a call eight hours away that my son almost died? Imagine how I feel when he calls out to me and I’m not there. I feel like I failed them as a mom, my chest hurts and I’ve always been there. Always. And now I leave them in your hands and something happens and I can’t get there soon? I almost had a panic attack on the drive!” You exclaimed and he stayed silent. He didn’t want to continue fighting. He’s sure the kids are awake and listening to everything.

“I’m sorry.” He said and looked at his hands. He felt defeated and disappointed. You shouldn’t be so hard on him, it’s been less than a month since he took on this role. “Hey look at me.” You called softly, he looked up and you made eye contact once more. “I’m sorry for going off on you like this, I’m just as upset and afraid as you are and I’m sure you haven’t slept much.”

“I could say the same for you, you look like shit.” He cracked a tiny smile and you rolled your eyes with a giggle. “So did your mom eventually decide to be a grandma or she still hates me so she’s not getting close?” You asked. “She went back home to bring some clothes and then to get us some breakfast. I sent her a screenshot of my notes.” He said and you nodded. You obviously still felt uneasy with her, but they deserve a grandma and if she’s being civil you have no reason to take them away from her.

There was a knock at the door and you and Rin immediately turned your heads. “Oh you must be mom..” the doctor said. “Yeah I’m mom.” You said. She explained that Rini stayed longer than usual because he is a child. After a severe allergic reaction there can be aftershocks hours after the person receives treatment and that can lead to a seizure. She praised Rin for quick thinking and following proper steps to insure his child’s safety.

When the doctor left, Rin’s mom waltzes in and she freezes when she sees you. You take a deep breath and release and decide that it’s best to keep quiet. You wouldn’t want a clique animosity between you and your maybe future mother in law.

“I brought Rini some spare clothes.” She said as she opened Rin’s old gym bag. “He doesn’t own that jacket.” You pointed out. Her face flushed slightly, “I know..but this was Rintarou’s favorite jacket when he was his age..I thought it would be nice to wear. I have a lot of Rin’s old baby and child clothes.” She admitted softly, almost scared that you would snap any minute. And you would, so she was wise to walk on eggshells.

“Okay that’s fine.” You gave in. You helped Rini get dressed while Rin was talking to the doctor and getting ready to check out. You walked barefoot down the hall with your pink heels in your right hand, while Akira held your left hand. Rini was holding hands with Suna and Rin’s mom was holding their stuffed animals. She trailed behind you four and saw how you and Rin swung akira with you arms, her little giggles filled the hall releasing serotonin to the patients and nurses nearby.

“Momma aren’t you gonna put your shoes on?” Rini asked, “My feet hurt and I don’t feel like falling.” “But it’s hot outside, you can burn your feet.” Rin spoke up, “I think I’ll be fine.” You assured. He rolled his eyes and let go of the kids. You were about to step on the asphalt of the parking lot after checking both sides and all of a sudden you’re being knocked back from your legs and carried bridal style. “RINTAROU PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT.”

“Nah.”

The kids giggled at their parents funny behavior, you kicked the air and squirmed but his grip tightened. “Do you really wanna get down?” He asked and you said yes. He pretended to drop you and you gripped onto his shirt for dear life and he started laughing. “I swear to God I am going to kick you where the sun doesn’t shine.” You muttered. He finally put you down but you were so distracted you were already at your car.

Karin took the kids to her car since the car seats are in there, so now it’s just you and Rin. “You give me a headache.” You told him. “But you love this headache—“ both your eyes widened and he stopped, “—sorry.” He immediately apologized.

You turned away to yawn and you muttered an it’s okay. He opened the car door for you just like old times, much to your dismay and he closed it when you entered. You put on your seatbelt and he fixed the seat and complained at how tiny you were. He was expecting you to fight back and bicker but you were already asleep.

He leaned forward and fixed your head so you wouldn’t hurt your neck. He started the car and began driving back home. He saw the two empty cups of coffee and some energy bar wrappers on the floor. The phone wasn’t playing any music but the volume was up to 20. You must have been so tired driving all last night and the night before for nine straight hours. No wonder you blasted music to keep you up and drank coffee.

He soon made it home and tried waking you up, but you didn’t budge. Not even shaking you work. You were a muttering unconscious mess when he helped you out and carried you bridal style once again. His mom let him in and he told Akira to unroll the futon in the living room since he couldn’t take you upstairs. He successfully placed you down and helped take of your blazer, he thanked god you were wearing an undershirt thanks to akira checking (no somnophilia shit here atm) and he helped unbutton your dress shirt so you wouldn’t feel hot. He put a light blanket over you. “Can’t believe I have to get you ready for bed like a child.” He muttered with a shake of his head. “Silence bottom, it’s mimi’s time.” You said in your sleep.

The kids ate their breakfast in the car as well as Karin. They were already awake and playing with Chewy outside again. “Mom.” He called, “Yes?” She asked from the kitchen. “Can I borrow your makeup wipes?” He asked. She smiled softly, looking out the window to check on the kids. “Yeah go ahead, they’re in the bathroom.”

Rin came back with the wipes and began wiping the makeup off your face. He didn’t want to press too hard to hurt you. But damn, this makeup was hard to take off. Finally you slept comfortably without makeup, without any interruptions. “Sweet dreams, love.” He smiled and moved the hair away from your face.

He stood up and grabbed the bag with all the kids school stuff and sat in the picnic table outside. “Alright you rascals time for school!” He yelled and the kids yelled an okay and went to join their dad.

“Hey dad..” Rini said. “What’s up?” Rin looked at his son, “I love you a lot. To infinity and beyond. Mama says that’s called unconditional love.” He said and Rin smiled with a nod. “Exactly, and I love you two unconditionally as well.” He said and Akira peered up from her work sheet. “Do you love mom unconditionally?” She asked Rintarou.

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

Fun facts:

Someone asked me to do fun facts and if I had any for future chapters so here I go

The song YN sang is love like you from Steven universe but this is my fav version.

‘Mimi’s’ means sleeping time, Akira didn’t know how to say sleeping when she was a toddler so she would say Mimi’s cuz uncle Oikawa would say “es tiempo de dormir.” Which means ‘it’s time to sleep’. So MIMIS is taken for the ‘mir’ in dormir. (Sorry that was a long explanation) (if you live in a Mexican household then u might usually hear this)

YN drives a Black Honda CR-V (nice mom van) ☺️ while Rin has a White Nissan GT-R but he’s thinking of trading it in for a four door sports car to take the kids and yn along

Rin still has his old black mustang in a garage rental back in Tokyo where he would drive with YN everywhere. He wants to fix it up and gift it to one of his kids when they’re older 🥺

Idk why I’m talking about cars

Rin was a blushing mess when he was getting yn ready for bed and his heart stopped when she snuggled into him

After he admitted he loved YN unconditionally, Akira called him a simp

🏷: @therealwalmartjesus @differentballooncollection @aaesuki @atsunflower @dope-squish @prettysetterboiss @june-phantom @tomo-uwu @austriasmariazelle @xrnia @katsulia @aprettyfruit @shut-your-eyes-kiss-me-goodbye @tvbiio @sun-daddy-yoriichi @kamenoyaki @ppangiiroo @loeyprivvv @kmskj92 @lovinnoya @sarahvvictoria @tris-does-stuff @mokkeguts @sunaluvr6969 @bara-rose-would @sempiternal-amour @volleybloop @leykyuu @bokutoichigo @stfucanunot @iloveanime691 @atsumusdomain @ohrintarou @shoutosimp @mqrinqcele @bokutosdivineass @anngelllla @toworuu @hidden-otaku-stuff @seijohiselite @caxsthetic @aquariarose @hhwanggu @bakuhoetoedoroki @yoozuku @osamus-onigiri @akaashi-todorki @donica95 @kakaokenma @airheadpillar

#haikyuu suna #suna rintarō #miya atsumu #miya osamu #suna rintarou fluff #suna x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu x you #Haikyuu au #suna rintaro x reader #suna x y/n

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mandoalorian · 3 years

Text

Stay With Me [Maxwell Lord x GN!Reader]

Summary: What if Maxwell Lord died after renouncing his wish...

Warnings: major character death, grief, descriptions of blood, typical Wonder Woman violence, description of illness, food mention, nightmare mention.

This is the saddest thing I’ve ever fucking wrote.

Rating: T for traumatic teen

Word count: 2500

Masterlist

In a way, it was nice. Bittersweet, almost. Alistair was so much like his father, more than you had ever realised before. He’d often come out with bold comments. He’d point and wiggle his finger when he talked to you. He struggled to sleep at night, just like you did, so you’d invite him into yours and Maxwell’s shared bed. It was a welcome change-- Maxwell’s side of the bed no longer being cold and empty, but instead inhabited by his son. It felt like, as long as Alistair was by your side, part of Maxwell was too. Alistair was a fidgety sleeper, and you pinned it down to the nightmares he’d been having. It was horrible, for a six year old child to go through what he was going through. He never spoke to you about his bad dreams. You knew he was trying to put on a brave face for you and pretend like everything was okay. Just like Max used to do.

Maxwell’s ex-wife wanted to sell Black Gold Cooperative. It wasn’t making money anyway, but… you wouldn’t allow it. That was Max’s business, a business he dedicated his whole life to. He had worked so hard and there was no way in hell you were going to let her sell it just so she could keep the money for herself. So you did some brainstorming and opted to turn it into something else.

A museum that was specified in geology. Maxwell always loved gems and stones.

Every Saturday morning you made pancakes because they were Maxwell’s favourite. You and Alistair weren’t too fussed on them yourself, both preferring waffles, but old habits die hard. He might not have been around anymore, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to break the tradition of making pancakes.

One Saturday morning, Alistair peppered on some frozen blueberries and syrup.

“Ali, I got you Nutella.” you furrowed your eyebrows together as you watched him decorate his waffles into a smiley face.

“Daddy always wanted me to eat more fruit.” Alistair mumbled as he concentrated on organising the blueberries to make a set of eyes.

As it turned out, financially, Maxwell didn’t have much, which didn’t come as a surprise to you. But what he did have, he left to Alistair. Obviously, Alistair only being six years old, the money was transferred to his mother, much to your dismay. Theoretically, Alistair should get the money when he turns eighteen but you knew it wouldn’t last a day in the hands of Max’s materialistic ex-wife. Luckily for you though, he left you the big house and the nice cars. Only-- was it really lucky? You never drove his cars and the house always felt cold and empty. Sometimes during the week, when it was just you in the house, you’d put on an Elvis vinyl and dance around the kitchen barefoot, pretending that Max was holding you in his arms.

It brought you comfort until it was time for bed. Time for you to cry yourself to sleep… sobbing into his pillow that still distinctly smelled like him. You couldn’t describe it but sometimes you felt like the ghost of him was still there… watching over you. Eventually you’d pass out, with tear stained cheeks and your hands bundled up in the blankets as you gripped them for dear life.

But in your sleep, you didn’t find solace. You only found more pain.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Max?” you cried the second you saw him on the floor, tears streaming down your face as you fell to your knees and grabbed his body. With all your strength, you pulled him into your lap and cradled him. His head was in the crook of your elbow and you began to smooth out his hair, just like you knew he loved so much. “Max can you hear me? Say something, please say something.”

His breathing was laboured and his chest was rattling. His brown eyes locked onto yours and he offered you a weak smile. “Hi,” he said meekly, raising a shaky hand to cup your cheek. His thumb grazed the height of your cheekbone and you found yourself subconsciously leaning into his touch.

Only, he wasn’t warm like he used to be-- he was very, very cold. His skin was pale and ghost-like, and his sparkling eyes were dull and blood shot. His white shirt was speckled with crimson blood and you began to rub your finger along to the stains. “Nose bleed.” he gasped out, as if the two words offered enough of an explanation.

You shook your head and felt another tear slip down your cheek, but Maxwell caught it in his hand. “Don’t cry.” he whispered.

“I don’t-- I don’t understand--” you croaked out, pulling his hand from your face and trying your best to squeeze some life into him. “I-- I thought-- I-- Max… what happ--happened?”

“I made a mistake.” Maxwell offered sadly.

“Can’t you-- fix it. With-- a wish. Or-- wait-- I didn’t make a wish-- let me fix it. Let me-- help you,” you sobbed, your grip on his hand tightening. “I have to touch you-- right? Okay… what do I say?”

“Nothing.” Maxwell said before erupting into a cough.

“No no no,” you chanted, and when he looked back up at you, his nose was bleeding again. You pulled down the sleeve of your t-shirt and wiped away the blood, even pinching the bridge of his nose to try and stop it. “Please, tell me how to fix it,” you begged him, but he just shook his head. You groaned in frustration, feeling completely annoyed. He always was stubborn. “I… I wish for everything to be okay. I wish that everything goes back to the way it did before the 4th of July. I wish for your health to be restored… good, strong health…” you waited to feel that familiar breeze gush through your hair. But nothing. “Why isn’t it working?!” you cried out once more.

“I renounced my wish.” Maxwell said quietly.

“Wh-- what? Why? Max… why-- but-- you’re still-- why are you--” Dying. Why was he still dying? But no matter how hard you tried to finish the sentence, you just couldn’t bear to say the word. “Can you stand? I can get you to a doctor. Come on.”

“No.” Maxwell said, his hand tangling in your hair.

“Stop saying no!” You screamed. “I can’t just-- leave you. I-- Max. We need to go now. We’ll get you to the hospital and they’ll make you better, okay? And then-- and then you come home and I’ll cook you your favourite dinner. And we’ll watch one of those black and white movies that I know you adore.” you tried cohersing but he didn’t move an inch. He just smiled.

“I love you so much,” he confessed. “I know I don’t say it much but I really do. I was always a skeptic when it came to love but with you… it was different. I’m glad I met you.”

“I love you too Max, I-- come on. Let’s go,” You said, trying your best to pull him up, but it was no use. Your gaze flicked across all the different televisions and broadcasting systems. “Is there a phone in here? There must be a phone. I can call an ambulance.”

With the last of his strength, Maxwell pulled you down on top of him. “Listen, you and I both know I’m not going to make it. So don’t spend my final moments crying, or panicking, or getting angry. Just stay with me. Please. All I want is for you-- for--”

“Max?!” your heart was hammering against your chest as you watched him splutter out a mouthful of blood. With shaky hands, he pulled off his gold signet ring that he wore everyday on his pinky finger, and slid it onto your wedding band finger.

“I love you,” he whispered, interlocking his fingers with yours. “You’ll make sure Alistair knows how much I love him, won’t you?”

“Like my life depends on it.” you promised, leaning in and nudging your nose against his.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you tried to help me, I guess this is my fault…” Max sighed, closing his eyes. His breathing wasn’t erratic anymore… it was more shallow and quiet.

“Shh,” you hushed him, gently smoothing out his golden hair. You began humming his favourite song and you noticed his lips curl into one final smile, until after only a minute or so, he stopped breathing. His body stiffened up. The bleeding stopped. He was gone.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He haunted you. He haunted you when you were sleeping, when you were awake, and no matter how hard you tried, you just couldn’t escape the memory of his death. The way his body felt in your arms. The way you saw him close his eyes for one final time, never to open them again. Ever since he died, nothing was the same.

His funeral stung. You didn’t expect it to be easy, but you had hoped that maybe by the day it finally came you had sort of numbed out. Alistair clung to your side the entire time, much to his own biological mother’s dismay. “Why don’t you go stand with your mommy?” you whispered, smoothing out his glossy black hair. “I’m sure she needs you right now. This can’t be easy on her.”

Alistair frowned and looked up at you, his shaggy hair falling into his eyes. “You need me more,” he acknowledged. He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world -- and in that sense, he was so much like his father. “Daddy wanted to marry you,” he admitted after a brief silence and you felt your blood run cold. “Remember the night you and him came to my piano show at the school, and saw me perform? Well, when he tucked me into bed, he told me that he was going to ask you to marry him.”

You shuddered. That was only a month ago. You knelt down to his level and flashed him your hand, the gold of his pinky ring sparkling under the sunset. “He gave me this before he…”

“That’s daddy’s pinky ring,” Alistair noted and you smiled, taking the hand of the little boy. You pulled the ring off your wedding band finger and slid it on Alistair’s pinky finger.

“Hm, small hands,” you giggled. “But when you’re older, I’m sure it’ll fit you. And then it can be yours.”

Alistair beamed in delight. “That ring was the first thing daddy bought with his paycheck.”

“I-- I didn’t know that.” you confessed and Alistair nodded along.

“Can you take me to McDonalds after the funeral?” Alistair asked and you couldn’t help but laugh at the sudden change of subject.

“Sure.” you agreed, as you took his hand and walked into the church.

You fought for Alistair, and you fought for him hard. It wasn’t an easy battle. You loved him like he was your own, and he loved you too. The courts granted you custody eventually, but only on the weekends. You weren’t mad at that. Maxwell only had him on the weekends too, so really, it was like nothing had changed.

You weren’t sure what was harder. The days or the nights. When Max was alive, you only really saw him on an early morning before work. He’d slip out of your shared bed trying his hardest not to wake you so he could get ready for another busy day at the office. So, you’d spend the days alone. Until of course, he’d come home in the evening, grinning the second he walked through the front door. You always had something cooking for him, and candles burning-- and the familiar scent just made him feel like he could relax. Like he was safe in your comfort.

People say ‘home is where the heart is’, but after Maxwell Lord passed, you found that wasn’t true at all. Home was where he was. So you visited his grave, every evening when the sun went down. You made sure it was clean and you brought him a rose. It was funny, really, because roses were the flowers he’d brought you on every single date when he tried so hard to win over your affection. You’d sit with him for about an hour and tell him about your day-- because when he was alive, he’d always ask. You told him about the simple things. Woke up at 8, done the dishes and the laundry, fed the cat.

But now he was gone, you noticed your routine had changed slightly. “Woke up at 1, done the dishes but dropped a plate and cut my hand, forgot about the laundry… I’ll do it tomorrow. No cat food but Lady was lucky there was a can of tuna in the fridge.” You made a mental note to stop by the grocery store on your way home for cat food.

“I still wait for you to come home every evening… but you don’t,” you sobbed, your fingers tracing his name in his grave. Lorenzano. “I miss you.”

When you got up to leave the cemetery that night, you noticed a cloaked figure standing under an oak tree, looking over at you. You passed her on the way out. “Can I help you with something?” you asked, clearing your throat and straightening your posture.

You noticed her smile under the shadow of her hood. Eventually, she politely pulled it down her revealing dark curls. “I never managed to get to the funeral.” she explained and you nodded understandingly.

“Were you a friend of his?” you questioned curiously.

“I must admit, I misjudged his character.” She confessed with a small sigh.

“Most people did.” you frowned, knowing just how bad the world had treated Maxwell Lord.

“I um-- was hoping to find you here, actually,” she said, folding her arms across her chest. She looked remarkably strong. “I know how it feels to lose a loved one.”

“Okay?” you shuffled your feet awkwardly.

“I never had a friend to get me through it, and I don’t know what your situation is like, but please know that you’re not alone. Give me a call, anytime, and I’ll be there.” She said, handing you a small card with her name on.

Diana Prince.

Before you could reply, she was gone. Just like that. You sniffed, shoving the card in your pocket and heading home.

You didn’t need a friend.

You needed Max.

Permanent taglist: @paintballkid711 @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja190 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie @harrys-stan @kennedywxlsh @cripplingmoon @cheekygeek05 @mrschiltoncat @rye-flower @theamuz @persie33 @sleepylunarwolf @martellthemandalor @pedro-pastel @steeevienicks @rrtxcmt

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #max lord #maxwell lord #alistair lord #maxwell lord x reader #max lord x reader #ww84 #diana prince #jose pedro balmaceda pascal

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charlies-gillespie · 3 years

Text

unsaid emily | charlie gillespie (part 2)

PART ONE

paring: fem!reader x charlie gillespie

summary: it’s been a year and a half since reader and charlie have seen each other, and both have never stopped loving the other

length: long

rating: PG

warnings: a little language, more upset!charlie, more emotions, angst, a lil bit of fluff

!! NOT MY GIF !!

MASTERLIST

author’s note: for the sake of the imagine and my sanity, the band name is going to be ‘sunset swerve’ because i’m not creative enough to come up with something better

another author’s note: i apologize ahead of time for typos. i wrote most this in the middle of the night when i couldn’t sleep. let’s blame any typos on my sleep deprivation

Your best friend shows up at your door at 5. They knock loudly and yell, “Y/N! Hurry up! We’re gonna be late.”

They invited you to see their favorite band live. You have never heard of the band ‘Sunset Swerve’ so you have no idea why you agreed to go in the first place.

Quickly, you grab your phone and your ticket to get into the venue before opening the door. Your best friend stands there in a Sunset Swerve t-shirt and jeans. You blink at them and say, “You’re going all in.”

“Of course,” they say in reply. “Anyway. Doors open in like thirty minutes. Let’s go. I want a good spot since we have general admission tickets.”

You’ve never even heard of Sunset Swerve. You probably should’ve listened to some of their songs before agreeing to go with your best friend.

Your best friend drives off to Times Square in New York. That’s where the concert is being held. It’s been a long time since your last concert, over two years. You used to go to concerts all the time with Charlie before you broke up.

Y/BFF/N finds a parking spot then the two of you find your way to the line. There aren’t a lot of people here yet and doors open in fifteen minutes. While waiting for the doors to open, you look up some of Sunset Swerve’s songs. They have a demo out but they sing a couple unreleased songs when performing.

The doors open before you get a chance to listen to one of their songs. Your best friend quickly pulls you inside. You get your tickets checked and you get wristbands put on your wrists for general admission. Your best friend practically runs to get as close to the stage as they can get. You follow them.

Both of you get close to barricade. You’re only about six feet from the barricade and eight feet from the stage. You hope your best friend is satisfied with the spot you both got.

“Y/N,” your best friend says. “Have you heard any of their songs?”

You make a face and say, “Only when you listen to them, I’m only here because you couldn’t find anyone else to come with you and you accidently bought two tickets.”

They laugh and say, “That’s true. Let me at least tell you a little bit about them. They’re based in Los Angeles and they formed maybe a year or so ago. There are three of them in the band.”

A red flag goes off in your head. A three man band from Los Angeles that formed about a year ago. That sounds too familiar.

You turn toward your best friend and ask, “Y/BFF/N, who are the members of this band?”

“Jeremy Shada, Owen Joyner, and-” Guitar chords are played, cutting your best friend off before she can say the name of the third member. The stage lights dim and drums are played. The thousands of fans around you scream in excitement. You stand there, almost frozen.

An all too familiar voice says, “Times Square, are you ready to rock out with Sunset Swerve?”

Your heart drops into your stomach as you watch Jeremy and your ex-boyfriend, Charlie, walk out onto the stage. Your eyes widen as you hear Charlie play the beginning chords to Late Last Night. Your best friend jams out beside you but your eyes are on Charlie.

His hair has grown a lot. He wears a cutoff tank top with jeans. It’s still Charlie in front of you. The lights are probably so bright that he can’t see you but you can see him clearly since you’re about ten feet away from him.

Once the song has ended, the crowd cheers.

Owen says into his microphone, “Who here has never seen Sunset Swerve before?” A bunch of people scream and your best friend raises your hand in the air, even though you protest.

“No no no,” you mumble.

Your eyes are still on the stage and you see Charlie look directly at you since Y/BFF/N put your hand in the air for you. You stare up at him and inhale sharply when you make eye contact with your ex. Charlie’s eyes widen as Jeremy says something along the lines of “you okay?” Charlie just nods and steps to his microphone. “It’s nice to see some old and new faces in the crowd tonight,” he says.

The crowd cheers again as Charlie smiles, looking around the New York Crowd. He waits a second before he says, “This next song is one I wrote about a year and a half or so ago when I made what was probably the worst mistake of my life.” He switches from an electric to an acoustic guitar. “This is called Unsaid Y/N.”

You take a deep breath and your best friend looks over at you. You sigh softly as the beginning chords are played.

First things first We start the scene in reverse All of the lines rehearsed Disappeared from my mind

“Y/N?” your best friend says. “You never told me that you knew him, or any of them.”

With a shrug, you say, “It’s not a time in my life that I was happy about.”

When things got loud One of us running out I should've turned around But I had too much pride

Yeah, he should’ve turned around. You were just heated in the moment when you told him to get out. When he left, he never came back.

You look back at the stage to see that Charlie’s eyes are on you. He’s practically singing this song to you.

No time for goodbyes Didn't get to apologize Pieces of a clock that lies broken

“I should’ve known since he named the song after you,” your best friend says. “It’s kind of cool how he wrote a song about you.”

With a sigh, you say, “He ran out the first chance he got. I don’t even think he wanted to be with me anymore at that point.”

If I could take us back, if I could just do that And write in every empty space the words "I love you" in replace Then maybe time would not erase me If you could only know I'd never let you go And the words I most regret are the ones I never meant to leave Unsaid Y/N

Y/BFF/N says, “Wait, you dated Charlie Gillespie and never told me? You knew how big of a fan I am of them.”

“I didn’t know he was in a band, Y/BFF/N,” you say. “He was distant from me for the last of our relationship. The band explains it.”

In that moment, a wave of guilt hits you. He was spending time with the guys and getting the band together. You should’ve been more understanding, but instead you acted like a child and threw a temper tantrum when he wouldn’t give you attention.

Silent days, mysteries and mistakes Who'd be the first to break? Guess we're alike that way He said, she said Conversations in my head And that's just where they're gonna stay forever

You feel tears well in your eyes and you make it a mission to find Charlie after the show was over. Charlie’s crying up on stage too. You can see the emotion in his eyes and his cheeks wet from tears that have spilled over his eyelids.

Your best friend looks between you and Charlie before saying, “You still love him.” It wasn’t a question.

With no hesitation, you say, “Yeah, I do.”

Then the song ends and you clap. A smile forms on your face and Charlie looks at you. He lets out a little laugh away from his microphone. Jeremy claps him on the back and the show continues.

***

Immediately after the guys leave the stage, you and your best friend walk off to find out where the band went. They have to be around here somewhere.

As you try to enter the backstage area, a security guard stops you. “Only VIPs are allowed back here, ma’am,” he says.

“Please,” you beg. “I need to talk to Charlie. You don’t understand. That song, Unsaid Y/N. That’s me. I’m Y/N. I need to talk to him.”

The security guard says, “I’ve heard that one before. Move along, fangirl.”

You look at your best friend and you’re about to give up when you hear, “Y/N”. The voice came from behind you.

Quickly, you spin around. In the thinning crowd, you see Charlie standing less than ten feet away from you. You stand, frozen in shock that he’s standing in front of you.

After the moment sinks in, you run to Charlie and fling your arms around him. “I’m sorry,” you sob, burying your face in the crook of Charlie’s neck. “I was the one acting like a child that night.”

Charlie wraps his arms tight around your waist and he says, “I was the one that walked out and just never came back.”

“I wish I could take it all back,” you cry. “I didn’t want you to go, Charlie. I wanted you to stay. I know that it didn’t seem like it but I did want you to stay.”

He says, “You threw a glass at my head, Y/N. It didn’t seem like you wanted me to stay.”

You pull back a bit and look up at Charlie. Both your faces are wet with tears as you say, “I didn’t want you to go contrary to what my actions said. Actions speak louder than words, blah blah, but I really didn’t want you to go.”

His hands move to cup your cheeks and you lean into his touch, sighing softly. “I had a surprise I was getting ready for you,” Charlie admits. “I was writing a song for you that I was going to sing to you when I proposed to you. I just needed one more day.”

“You were planning to propose?” you ask, half in shock of Charlie’s confession.

Charlie laughs and says, “I wouldn’t become distant from you without a good reason, Y/N. I just couldn’t actually tell you what I was doing or it would’ve ruined my surprise.”

A little laugh escapes your lips and you say, “Now I feel like an ass.”

He shakes his head and says, “No, you had every right to be upset with me. I understand how it looked now and I promise you that I will never become distant from you again.”

You stare up into Charlie’s pretty hazel eyes and you say, “I trust you.”

His thumb wipes away from fresh tears and he asks, “Can I, um, can I kiss you?”

You nod as Charlie leans into you, pressing his lips to yours softly. Your heart pounds in your chest as if it’s the first time he’s kissing you again. Both of you hear a “whoop” behind you but it doesn’t break you apart.

Eventually, Charlie pulls back and says, “Come back to Los Angeles. The house is empty without you.”

“Let me talk it over with Y/BFF/N,” you say.

Then you hear someone shout, “Go back to Los Angeles. I’ll come with you. I’ve always wanted to go to LA.”

You and Charlie both laugh before you say, “Looks like I’m moving back to Los Angeles.”

Charlie smiles and hugs you, lifting you up and spinning you around. You giggle and wrap your arms tightly around his neck.

He puts you down and he says, “I love you, you know that?”

“I love you too,” you admit to him. “I never stopped either.”

The smile on Charlie’s lips gets wider before you bring him down to you again, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

Owen says, “Okay, get a room. Before then, can we go get some food.”

Charlie laughs and pulls back from the kiss. “So, Y/N,” he says. “What are some good places to eat around here?”

#charlie gillespie imagine #charlie gillespie x oc #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie x y/n #julie and the phantoms imagines #jatp imagines #jatp imagine #imagines #imagine #charlie gillespie angst #charlie gillespie fluff #angst imagine #fluff imagines

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micasaessakusa · 3 years

Text

MSBY Black Jackals breakups (as song lyrics)

Characters: Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou, Miya Atsumu, Sakusa Kiyoomi Genre: Angst, Breakup Word Count: 2.305 words

B O K U T O K O U T A R O U

Bokuto Koutarou is a star.

That’s what he is to everyone around him, not just to you. He’s the kind of star who captivates everyone who so much as glances his way, and the more you get to know him, the more the thought keeps being reaffirmed in your mind.

Much like a star, he burns bright, and he also burns strong - something you only truly began to understand the more you stay by his side.

And true to himself, Koutarou’s love is also all-consuming. Intense. Wholehearted. Unconditional. So much so that in the process of being with him, you began to just… be consumed. You started to forget about yourself.

It wasn’t his fault by any means. After all, he was just being himself, but recently, you couldn’t say the same for yourself.

Everything changed. Not on his side, no - he remains the same loving man he is, but you… you changed. But lately, everything he does for you does nothing but annoy you.

Blindsided by just about anything, your sweet days together turned into nothing but fighting.

One day, you just suddenly find yourself screaming at his face because of a miniscule thing you found annoying. Something you don’t even remember anymore. ‘What happened to the two of you?’ is the running thought in Bokuto’s mind, but you just can’t get yourself to feel otherwise.

Lately, you’ve been so angry all the time. And in your blind anger, you blame him for what’s happening, not at all realizing that this rift in your relationship is no one else’s fault but yours.

With a second of lull in the air in the midst of you shouting at him, you collapse on the edge of the bed as realization dawns on you.

This couldn’t go on.

What you have, or what is left of it anyway, is doing nothing but hurt the both of you. All you’ve been doing is hurt him.

And as you sit there clenching your jaw as you try to stop the traitorous tears from falling, he slumps beside you. He rests his hand on top of your own, a gentle touch you’ve been missing for weeks, and he lets out a deep sigh.

The tears finally roll down his cheeks upon the unspoken thought that hangs in the air surrounding the two of you. He knows what’s coming, making him squeeze your hand lightly to get even a semblance of comfort from you.

“I’ve come to hate you, Kou. I’ve come to hate our relationship,” you mutter quietly as you clasp his hand between your shaky pair, running your thumb over his knuckles in your feeble attempt to soothe him.

“I’ve come to hate the way I love you, but even now-- even now… I still can’t put anybody else above you…”

Thick rivulets of tears cascade down his cheeks and he bites down the sobs that harshly crawl out of his throat, and he can’t fight it anymore, he embraces you one last time knowing full well what your next words would be.

“I still love you, Bokuto Koutarou, I love you so much,” you sob against his chest.

“...which is why I’m letting you go.”

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“i hate you, i love you, i hate that i love you don’t want to, but i can’t put nobody else above you” - i hate u i love u, gnash

H I N A T A S H O U Y O U

Childhood sweethearts, that’s what you were.

From elementary, to middle school even up until high school, you found yourselves always within an arm’s reach of each other.

With your similar personalities - your drive, your passion, your burning perseverance to reach for your dreams, it wasn’t exactly difficult for you to fall for him and for him to harbor the same feelings towards you.

You supported each other, and you overcame just about everything life has thrown your way as you remained together for so long.

And you were confident, as was he. You were both certain that despite the differing paths in your future, your feelings for each other could and would survive regardless of your decisions.

You should’ve known it takes more than love to keep a relationship alive.

“I have to do this, [Y/N],” he whispers as he holds your hands in his own pair. Each quiet sniffle you make claws at his heart like sharp blades, and he fails to hold back tears of his own.

He tries to gulp down the lump in his throat, but he finds that the longer he hears you cry, the harder it is for him to go through his plans. But he’s already decided. It’s difficult, yes, but he knows he has to trust his plans for if he doesn’t, he knows he’ll regret it in the future.

And Hinata Shouyou hates nothing more than lost opportunities.

He has to go to Rio, and he’s going to do it for himself, even if it means he has to break his relationship with you.

“Shouyou--” you say as you try to stop from sobbing out. “It could work, we could still work even if you’re goin--”

“[Y/N],” his quiet call of your name cuts off your rambling. Taking your hands close to him, he plants a kiss on your knuckles as he gently prompts you to look at him.

“You and I both know it won’t work.”

Letting go of your hands, he chooses to engulf you in an embrace, one that you know would be the last one for quite some time. As he pulls you impossibly close to his warmth, he utters the words you so desperately wish are false, despite knowing otherwise.

“We were just kids when we fell in love, and we didn’t know what it was. We used to think love would always triumph above all, but now… now we know it’s not always enough.”

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“‘cause we were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was” - perfect, ed sheeran

M I Y A A T S U M U

The moment the words passed through his lips, he immediately wanted to take them back.

Right now, you could see it on his face - the realization, the urge to take it all back, but in the end, he doesn’t. And that spells all the difference in the world.

He remains standing a few steps away from you. Close enough that you could easily see the way his jaw is tense and how his fists are clenched tight to the point where his knuckles are turning white.

As for you, you remain as still as a statue. You can’t move, can’t speak. You can’t even blink because if you do, it would surely cause the first of your tears to break free.

The persistent stinging in the back of your eyes makes you want to flee the room, but you don’t. You stay standing in the middle of the space full of air that’s heavy with tension so thick.

The silence fills the room for a couple of beats, but you will yourself to slice through it.

“... let’s break up then,” you push through the lump in your throat, voice cracking at the end.

“If I’m nothing but a ‘fuckin bother,’ as you said, then I don’t see the point why we’re still together,” you vaguely register the wetness pooling in your lids and spilling to your cheeks, but you make no move to wipe them away.

He visibly flinches when you throw his words back at him, but he still doesn’t take them back. He doesn’t move to apologize as he remains stubbornly rooted in his place, not even able to look you in the eyes.

You wait for him to say something, anything to show you he’s willing to fight for your relationship, but you get nothing. And only now do you really begin to comprehend just how alone you are in this fight.

It takes two to make a relationship work, so what use would it be to move forward when the other has already given up?

But it’s all your fault, you think to yourself.

They told you, but you didn’t listen. Everyone told you how Miya Atsumu has no space in his heart for nothing but volleyball.

His whole being is set only on one thing, everything else be damned.

Everyone around you told you the same thing, but you didn’t listen because you so naively thought you could stand by him, that it doesn’t matter if you’re not his top priority. It doesn’t matter if you’re not his number one, so long as he allows you to stay by his side to love him… only now do you see just how stupid you were in thinking he even wanted somebody to be by his side.

A low, humorless chuckle escapes you the same time your tears roll down your cheeks. You didn’t want to believe it, but now that you’ve been slapped with the truth, you begin to see just how little you matter to him - how much you don’t matter to him.

So you turn around.

You turn around to walk out the room, leaving your heart in the hands of someone who never wanted it in the first place. With your back turned to him, you tell him the words that weigh heavily in your own fragile little heart.

“They told me that only a fool would fall for you… that only a fool would continue to stay by your side doing what I do… then I guess, I’m nothing but a fool for falling for you.”

Each step you take towards the door is one step farther you distance yourself from him. Each step you take forward is one less chance he has of taking you back…

But in the end, he lets you leave. He doesn’t even move to go after you.

----------

“only fools fall for you, only fools, only fools do what i do, only fools fall” - fools, troye sivan

S A K U S A K I Y O O M I

Sakusa Kiyoomi is many things, but perhaps one of the things that makes you fall for him harder and harder everyday is his persistence.

When he sets his mind to something, he keeps his focus, pours in unbelievable amounts of effort, and makes sure to see it through to the end. He’s always so consistent, and you love that about him.

You love seeing your Kiyoomi always working hard to better himself. He always seeks to improve even in the littlest of ways, and that alone makes him so amazing in your eyes. And it’s what makes him one of the best in his field.

Sometimes though… sometimes his persistence goes a tad bit more than even his own standards. Which means most, if not all of the time, he settles for nothing but perfection. Unfortunately, Kiyoomi seems to think the same goes for you too.

You’ve always known about his bluntness ever since before you got into a relationship with him, but you never really expected to be at the receiving end of it.

It started off with him being supportive of your decisions. Then came his attempts to push you towards improvement, something you greatly appreciated. But recently…

‘I’m sure you could do it better, babe’ somehow turned to ‘do it better,’ until it became nothing but ‘you can’t even do it right.’

Day by day, each sharp word thrown at you slices through your heart, and over time, it just seemed like he viewed you as- as not enough. Someone who couldn’t even do things right. And over time, you started to believe it too. Then you began to think how you’re probably wasting his time because after all, how could someone like you possibly be worthy of the attention and time and care of someone like him, a successful, decorated elite athlete who’s still moving fast towards even greater successes?

Then one day, you just realized that spending time with him was killing you.

Once upon a time, you used to understand that Kiyoomi just wanted you to grow with him, but now… now, all that reverberates in your mind is how you’re not enough for him. That you’ll probably never be enough for him.

So as you stand in front of the man who used to be your greatest supporter, you will yourself to ignore his tears. You force yourself to ignore the urge to run into his arms as he breaks down in front of you-- as he sobs and apologizes for not seeing how his words and actions have done nothing but hurt you.

Even amidst the gripping pain in your chest, you know deep down that he just wants you to be by his side. But that’s just it… you know in your heart that you’re too different. You lead different lives. You have different goals. You have different ideas of success and ambitions. You move in different paces. It’s never going to work.

So as he begs you to not leave him, you hold his warm hands in your palm as you give him a tearful, bittersweet smile.

“I could be giving you towers of gold, Kiyoomi, but even that won’t satisfy you,” you murmur as you sniffle through your tears, fighting back the sob lodged at the back of your throat as you hear his endless apologies.

“My hands could be holding the world, but it would never be enough for you. It’s just never going to be enough.”

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“towers of gold are still too little, these hands could hold the world but it’ll never be enough, never be enough” - never enough, loren allred

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