#what a metaphor well done to me

[whysteri-a]

item of the day is the wounds that bleed harder when you pick the scab than when they were initially inflicted

#traumacore #what a metaphor well done to me #its defo been said before but i just picked a scab and was thinking about it and then i went. Wait. #something something theyve started healing over opening back up hurts more theyre already sensitive from the first time idm #what am i saying bri #bro #shut up morgan #spilled ink #why not #queued #trauma #mental health

[sesamenom]

Ar-Pharazon from the Reverse Gondolin AU and as Witch-King of Numenor - thanks to @who-needs-words for helping develop this idea!

#silm #silmarillion #second age #ar pharazon #reverse gondolin au #(well more like the aftermath of gondolin reversal) #this au has consumed my life #on the plus side inspiration for feanor is finally reemerging from under the metaphorical couch so i might get something finwion-y done soo #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa so much to draw so little time #seriously though golden nazgul is such a cool idea #whatever the mordor equivalent for the angband trio is (sauron pharazon and shelob maybe?) is going to look so cool in black and gold #black/gold black hole shelob!! #and prince elrond is super finwiony looking #also he has his wings & glowiness out a lot more so that'll be fun #but yeah basically in the au Prince Elrond realized via foresight what was happening/going to happen in numenor #so he went there and disowned ar pharazon (by extension removing him from the throne) and crowned tar miriel rightful Ruling Queen #then later when sauron showed up he came back kicked sauron out and outlawed the death cult #but between that time sauron secretly recruited ar pharazon by promising him kingship in exchange for his support #and anyways ar pharazon survived all the way to the TA as the Witch King #(mr. angmar here gets to be second in command of the nazgul sorry) #-imagine this guy showing up to be all 'bagginssss' though #the witch king of numenor is somehow even more dramatic #also the whole 'no living man can kill me' is. a bit different coming from a guy who has many enemies in the form of #a) his cousin the Ruling Queen of Numenor #b) his uncle the choice-of-elves-peredhel #c) a bunch of Faithful in the Halls #the dead guys aren't too much of a problem #but i wonder if he heard that prophecy and worried a whole lot more about the Ruling Queens #or Prince Elrond who in the au has very definitely embraced his maia-ness #and then imagine his surprise hearing 'but no living man am i' and it coming from. a random human lady.

[elfcollector]

you are never going to see me doing anything w ascendent astarion god bless <3

#seeing discourse abt how if u dont like that ending u hate victims of SA (??????????) #insane! anyway. as an SA survivor let me just tell u. not touching the whole 'The Way To Be Strong And Safe #Is To Become An Abuser Also' plot #to be clear its a beautiful plotline! its done rly well! i love that astarion is genuinely awful in it #i think its great at rly forcing the player 2 contend with what theyve done #and allowed someone to do. especially since so much of its done in the interest of resexualizing the guy #but im not doing it. and its DERANGED 2 see takes that suggest that #actually thats the Good Ending and if u disagree you hate abuse victims. like im sorry but UR INSANE #also the metaphor of 'the shit ur abuser does to u never goes away but u can still wrangle a good life out of it' is so. lovely.

[anastacialy]

AS CORAL DRAWS HIS FINAL BREATH

HIS PARTNER CALLED UNTIMELY DEATH

WILL STOP THE WORLD JUST TO BETRAY

IMPULSIVELY CAUSED TWO DECAY

THE BLOOD SHINES RED UPON HIS SWORD

AND SWEARS HIS LOYALTY TO HIS LORD

#limited life spoilers #limited life smp #limited life #i have not watched martyn's pov so i don't know what his watcher final poem is #so im writing this placing bets on what it might be like. if i stole a line i have the gift of prophecy #and just to be an annoying writer and clarify why the curtains are blue and all that #(listen. once someone told me on a public forum that they didn't understand my poem bc i worded it weird and im haunted forever ok) #coral is scott. his partner martyn is 'untimely death' but this metaphor also works for previous series' as well #as in double life when his partner was pearl and he killed himself with the explosion. you remember. #also on witchcraft smp where his plot is that his partner died an untimely death. you get it #stops the world = stops the time on their clocks #impulsively caused two decay = two puns here. one for impulse and two should be 'to' but he killed two people #and red blood. his lord. the red king. ok im done #theres more little bits in here but i feel like. i said enough. anyway #martyn inthelittlewood #scott smajor #life series #i think thats it for tags ok bye

[angry-roomba-army]

what if the journals ranging from jealousy to near worship weren't that bad what if it was just william's gay ass theater kid poetry about his crush that looked really bad to a divorced police officer without context. i don't actually think that's what happened its just fun to think about. like what if

#angry roomba whirrs #five nights at freddys #fnaf #william afton #william afton fnaf #fnaf william afton #do you think hes a cannibalism as a metaphor for love kinda guy or does he go for a more catholic guilty ohh my love is corruption angle #like i dont really know much about catholic gulit or catholicism in general cause im not a catholic but like ive seen the tumblr posts #and the gay religious fanart #oh shoot i forgot to tag willry #willry #willry fnaf #fnaf willry #ok done PHEW #so anyway like what would a divorced police officer know about romance? firstly hes a cop secondly hes divorced so clearly not much #and we all know william hes theatrical hes a romantic or at least he seems like the romantic type im kinda jumping to conclusions here #so he would write gay ass theater kid poetry about his crush! he would! #and then when some normie ass unpoetic cop reads his DIARY of course hes not gonna understand the poetic passages dedicated to his love #like HELLO????? thats not ““““raving”””” its a SOLILOQUY come on man #and! he read his DIARY. like idc that he was investigating a murder you! dont! read! peoples! diaries! #if i were will and someone read my diary i would be so horrified like im surprised that HE wasnt the one who built a suicide bot after that #also! if you picked a random ass average target goer probably likes golf or something and showed them cannibalism as a metaphor for love #poetry they probably wouldn't see the poetic devotion part of it i think that they might think that you're crazy #or maybe. im just severely underestimating the poetic literacy of the average golf playing target goer that could be true #but anyways maybe thats what happened between clay and will like clay saw his poetry and was like yeah this is weird #oh shit i just realized a lot of the contents of williams diary are just public knowledge now like at least a mention of the raving passage #has to be somewhere in the case file just for anyone to access. oh god they live in a small town too word travels fast ohhh crap #well he kind of brought it upon himself like idk maybe don't kill children and your diary won't be read #by poetically illiterate and romantically stunted divorced cops #sorry im yapping. im yap deprived i needed to yap cough cough yeah that's me coughing from how yap deprived i am cough cough cough

[tswwwit]

One shot idea,, maybe?

Dipper stumbling in on Bill's really evil and nefarious work personality and seeing him switch to seeing his mortal. (Also any demons around being confused and uncomfy)

I think that would be funny

Honestly I've thought about writing something like this several times, I've just never fit it in between all the other stuff I'm doing!

But I do love the idea of Bill cackling - nah, laughing maniacally - in front of a group of minions. Perhaps perusing a map showing the absolute devastation he's about to wreak, or on a interplanar zoom call with some hapless 'heroes' he's made a deal to destroy -

Then in walks Dipper, like. In pyjama pants. Drinking out of a mug that says 'Second Best Husband' (Bill claimed the #1 mug) and just. Raises an eyebrow.

Cue Bill breaking off to coo over him greet him with a big smile, and absolutely trying to coax him into a kiss.

(I think it's important to add that Dipper during all of this knows Bill's up to some nasty shit - but it's going on in the Mindscape, and they did settle on a moral 'live and let live' situation. Best just to not ask any questions.)

Dipper originally came in to ask Bill about something mundane - but now Bill's smug scheming is on hold for like, a full three minutes, as everyone present is forced to watch the equivalent of a supervillain bickering with his favorite cute young being, with extra visible embarrassment/disgust from the demonic minions. (Optional confusion/disgust from the Hero Team if the zoom call scenario is in play)

Then Dipper lets Bill know he's gonna go, and Bill insinuates that it'll be very easy to finish up his work super quick and they can meet back up later - and there's an overly long kiss which is incredibly awkward for everyone to watch.

And as Dipper leaves, Bill then sits back in his throne and clears his throat. "Okay, where was I?" Snap of the fingers. "Right!"

The scene resumes where it started - maniacal laughter and all.

#So that's the gist of how I would write it #An outline instead of a oneshot because the dialogue in this latest thing I'm working on is taking all my energy #Big cartoon supervillain breaking the mood of the scene for comedic effect energy #Cause they have a beautiful spouse they have to admire for a minute before going back to gloating over their eventual triumph #Which I mean is exactly is the scene in question #I feel like there's something I could reference that does this exact same thing #But said reference escapes me #I totally know this has been done before but that doesn't mean it's less amusing to me #Dipper probably very rarely gets contacted by someone like #'Please call your husband off' #Word has spread through the grapevine about how bad Bill has it #Dipper mostly hangs up the metaphorical call because he doesn't wanna get involved #He doesn't dictate what Bill does in his free time any more than Bill does with him #If there's a more amusing way to get Bill's plans done that also happens to be moral it sometimes works #Bill had to admit that was not only funnier but way less effort!! Good idea kid!! #Not the perfect solution but better #Good Job Dipper #You sure do know your husband well #You've saved more lives than you know

[bl00dw1tch]

more monkey thoughts. Dont look at me im just trying to explain/figure out More reasons why they (moreso LEMH) make me go crazy (again)

OKAY Full disclosure. this was spurred by some posts ive seen floating around and they are Objectively correct and i agree with them, but the wordage they use is what bothers me and makes me think--its about the general and growing frustration and dismay over LEMH's portrayal and like... increased Importance in LMK, at the expense of like, literally all the other characters new and old.

Again, objectively that is INCREDIBLY true and i feel it 200%!!!! Its frustrating because they just yoinked aspects of SWK's relationships with characters like DBK from the original JTTW and Shoved them on LEMH like theyre Tropes that can be shifted around without consequence--it seems fine and interesting when you first watch LMK with no context or background knowledge, but after knowing what his ACTUAL deal was in the book, looking back on LMK makes what they are doing with LEMH feel lazy and Genuinely poorly researched, rather than an intentional divergence from the original story--because as a general rule of thumb, even if the fans dont Like what you changed, you still want the things in your story to be done On Purpose, like you at least Tried to put effort into it! Its about showing the audience that you think they deserve a narrative that was crafted with Care, not just slapped together and thrown out for a quick Hype/Cash grab, yk???

Anyway So THATS the thing, and thats all cool!!! My issue (and i cannot stress this enough this is Me being Silly and Obsessed with the Six Eared Macaque im a chronic blorbo haver there is no Cure) is that those posts Also tend to talk about LEMH as though... he is a boring character. As though he's just kind of "eh". Or at least thats how my Admittedly biased eyes read them--no beef! Its just gotten me to thinking and now i want to try to write out What im thinking and Why, bc thats a helpful thing to do when you're struggling to figure in your head, obvs obvs

And im of course willing to admit that Yes, in the original text, he is just kind of There! He serves his purpose (aiding in SWK's character development) and then he dies and he doesn't come back again! Hes kind of a metaphor but hes also just an annoying guy! Hes not presented as anything special! I get that that is what is Canon, and thats theres no way to really like... read anything deep into it. Bc theres literally nothing there.

But my problem is that i cannot let characters like that just Be. Especially if the premise of said character could be absolutely FASCINATING if you take it all Completely seriously and At face value--if you try to see whatever is going on for them through their eyes, their minds. Its like.... You can buy a shirt from the store as is, and some might be fine Wearing it as is--while other's might see that shirt and decide it needs a bit of hemming and perhaps some embroidery on the sleeves. Altering it does not change the fact that the original design is what it is--thats just One altered shirt that one person is wearing and perhaps lending to a friend or two, yk???

I love metaphors l. Sorry that dragged on, back to monkey--

To me? LEMH exists in a nebulous state of inevitable connection with SWK--because i like to take the "LEMH is SWK's ~dark side~" thing seriously. In my eyes, they are literally the same person, the same qi, split into two bodies.

There are stories that exist today that explore this idea, characters with this kind of relationship--and i find them incredibly compelling! Because i adore stories that play with the question of what makes a person a person. What seperates you from your maker/origins? What is your purpose in life when you are intrinsically connected to another person, at your very core? Does that mean you exist For them? Do they exist for you? How does thinking that way affect a person, mentally and emotionally? How does it affect these characters, specifically, in conjunction with their personalities and the lives theyd led up until the point they knew about this connection? Have they always known about this connection? Only one of them?

How much more drastic would it affect you if you were essentially a nobody--and the person you are connected to is a public figure? Like Sun Wukong?

Id go crazy. Id go fucking insane? Can you imagine. Its about the potential!!!!! The potential of what knowing something like that would do to someone!!! Im losing the words im apologize i need to calm down--im Not done yet.

What i am getting at here.... is that LEMH would likely work Best as a character who's metaphorical aspects are taken Very Literally--especially so if the story also decides to lean into the idea of his hearing reaching through to the past and future, in any way. He is a character that would thrive on being portrayed in a way that allows him to be a bit Meta, if that makes sense

Yes, you Could just let him be a silly monkey who decided to start shit with SWK for giggles one day--that can absolutely have its merits! But that does not satisfy me, and that is why i am so passionate about him. I want to take my little guy so so fucking seriously because i think it would be SO fucking cool. And a very useful and convenient way to explore ideas about relationships with The Self--since in my eyes, that is what his relationship would be with SWK.

AND ALL THIS STUFF ABSOLUTELY HAS ANOTHER SIDE TO IT, HOW IT ALL COULD AFFECT SWK ON HIS SIDE??? LIKE HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHIT i dont know if i want this post to be That long so i might stop here and come back later to talk abt it from SWKs side in a rb or something--

anyway point is. I thank LMK for introducing me to the Six Eared Macaque, but upon further analysis the way they did him is actually pretty garbo, and im biding my time for till someone introduces me to or Makes a version of him that takes him to his full potential. thats all thanks for coming to my TED talk, get out of my house please

#horse.txt #jttw #xiyouji #liu er mihou #six eared macaque #sun wukong #god this is missing so many smaller thoughts and ideas and shit but i have no idea where to squeeze them in. #theirs lots of stuff going on in my head but its a pain to organize #lemh needs to be a tragic angry antagonist who feels slighted by the world for being dealed the unfortunate hand he was dealt. #even if the fact that he doesn't have what he wants is still technically his fault. kind of like a petulant child but more drastic #and of course SWK having to come face to to face with all that and recon with how lemh doesn't just remind him of himself #in a way he literally IS himself--just with some parts switched around or more prominent than others #he could still kill him or not--theres lots of ways to play with that (personally im curious about the angle of it being a metaphor for sh) #(and/or repression of the self in the Bad way--at least for a short time--because that seems realistic in relation to the original meaning #of that chapter) #with sanzang trying to get him to be less violent and cruel to their adversaries because it is detrimental for his spiritual development #the fact that him Killing lemh (a part of himself) is the tipping point for him to be less murder-happy is very interesting to me #and i like to think that while it was good for him in the long run it may have had very negative and Painful immediate consequences as well #because becoming a better person by Any method is never a straightforward one and done path--backsliding and mistakes are inevitable #itd be nice to see more stuff on the side of the fandom ive been in that explores that more #especially since that was like... the whole point of jttw in the first place #so much for not making this post any longer WHOOPS

[another-corpo-rat]

Does Johnny exist within Victoria or is she a separate V? I'm really curious because of Smasher!

Victoria is definitely a separate V - like non-canon to the point im like 'can i really call her a V still?' (the answer is 'probably not' but aw well)

i've yet to really plot out how things would happen with her, but the basic idea I have is that poor Jackie would be the one stuck with Johnny in his head while Victoria would be an antagonistic force very much on Arasaka's side.

Or I'd go for a total change; the heist doesn't happen. Jackie lives, T-Bug lives. Johnny's still in his little relic prison. Saburo still dies, but now there's no witnesses to it - if I do end up going that route (which I'm more heavily leaning towards tbh) the story would be along the lines of rising tensions within Arasaka, questioned loyalties, espionage, all that good stuff.

#cyberpunk 2077 #Victoria Crane #ty for the ask anon! #it was a delight to wake up to #tho that idea leaves me with a lotta stuff to figure out #like wtf did Yori want with Johnny's engram anyways #also fun in that i'd get to show that as loyal as Victoria is to Smasher #she'd stand against him in a heartbeat if she figured out what Yori was up to in trying to weaken/destroy Arasaka from within #she's done too much to stand aside and let everything crumble around her #and thats if Smasher even *knows* what Yori is planning himself #cos if not then i can wrangle in the Praetorian Guard metaphor for him that i love very much #since i imagine Smasher stands to lose quite a bit as well should Arasaka fall

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

hands and knees begging myself to be responsible tonight bc i have so much to do but i can feel in my heart irresponsible brain is going to win and im gonna end up drawing and making myself more behind and stressed but like i spent 8 hours researching and writing art history texts at my internship do i fucking want to research for my history class tonight even tho i should so i can let the professor know if my topic is viable? no i want to draw. and like even research aside i need to do dishes and laundry and pack

#which frustratingly the relevant articles are from a journal our school doesn't subscribe to and like i could just ask her to change my topi #but like if i wait until after thanksgiving that is pushing it too close UGH #i hate school #i hate how busy i am right now ugh i was on the phone with my dad and he was like you sound really unhappy and i was like well thing is i #am and like i just have to slog through the rest of this semester but it is a hard slog #call my schedule oatmeal the way its fucking GRUELING #they werent lying that 25hrs a week internship but 1hr walking there and back 5 days a week (so 30 hours time) is a fucking LOT on top of #classes and teaching like im physically sore im tired and burnt out im behind on grading #i love the work im doing at the internship and i love teaching it is just challenging to balance both #and like i knew grad school would be hard and I knew this semester would be hard and i can get through it and i will get through it #i dont even like complaining about it bc like i signed up for this knowingly and i knew what i was committing to and the internship is so s #so helpful for me career wise and i really enjoy it and like my classes are also important career wise #im just constantly treading water but im drowning a little #every like mental health problem i have is being exacerbated #i feel like i have two parts of my brain like rational logical brain that knows what i need to do to get the tasks done and then wild #impulsive fun brain that just wants to goof off and that part of my brain has the steering wheel most of the time and i have to wrestle it #away to get work done anytime im not like in an office #which like yes that is a metaphorical way to describe executive dysfunction but i have not had time to try to get any diagnoses even tho #we've been suspicious for 6 years now

[slippery-minghus]

ebery time i let myself doze off on the couch then wake up gasping, i tell myself i need to stop doing it.

but, reliably, every night, i get too sleepy and too comfy and can only convince myself to get up after i've dozed a little. i need a little sleep to give me the strength to get up. but then. i wake up. panicked and out of breath. i'm so fucking sick of it.

#it's minutes of sleep i could be getting properly. in bed with my nightguard in. if only i could get myself to bed ON TIME #but my bedtime routine is so long and complicated #it takes 20-30 minutes to get ready and i'm sleepy NOW. desperately sleepy. unable to keep my eyes open another second #i know it's just what happens when the melatonin gummy i took hours before finally kicks in #it's (thankfully) not a sign that my sleep apnea is so poorly managed that i'm not able to properly rest #but without the giant hunk of plastic i shove in my mouth every night #the instant my body goes slack with sleep my throat closes #and i wake up even more exhausted. feeling disgusting and rattled. #all because i greedily stole those few minutes of sleep #i just need to make myself deny the immediate satisfaction of dozing off when i Get So Sleepy #What's The Harm? i say every time. and every time i wake up gasping and full of rot #i can't deny myself the indulgence #i've been reading Dead Weight by Emmeline Clein and there's a poem or a metaphor here #somewhere in my fatness and my indulgence in things that hurt me and the way i must've done this all to myself by being fat #sleep apnea is a fat diseas after all right?? not the result of a genetic defect i inherited from my father #the very person who was the first to tell me i indulged too much #well look at me now paul. i indulge too much on sleep. i indulge too much on breathing. i learned from you but i still can't do it right. #you couldn't do it right either but it's still my fault that what you taught me is wrong. why didn't it magically work when it was me? #i may no longer be getting fatter—and this disease only started rotting within me after my weight stabilized in my early 20s—but i still #keep stuffing myself with indulgences i evidently don't deserve. they wouldn't hurt if i DID deserve them right? but i only continue to #cause myself harm. just like you said i always would didn't you dad? you're right that i'm doing this to myself #so desperate to give in to my body's needs. but those needs are Too Big. they take up Too Much Space.how could indulging them ever be right? #personal #okay i think my body has calmed down from suffocation panic now 🙃 #time to go through the grueling 30 minute process of getting ready for bed. maybe i'll even get to sleep on time

[lecliss]

Just realized Vincent's character can kinda be summed up as "i can fix her" and horrendously failing

#'i can fix her' bro she is actively being made worse as we speak!!!!! #okay i jest but this did make me think about some stuff actually #vincent's honestly a guy that seems so. not human. like literally in that hes kinda a zombie and can transform into monsters #and then metaphorically in that hes canonically a 'natural loner' as nojima calls him and comes off as cold and admits hes just like that #but hes So. Fucking. Human in that he was in love and chased after a woman with a million red flags #and who frankly didnt deserve him and he butted into a situation that actually should have stopped being his business #but he continuously tried to do 'the right thing' and got himself screwed over for it #and proceeded to BLAME HIMSELF and try to fix 'his mistake' #like. whats more human than 'its my fault and i should have tried harder and done the right thing' WHEN WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE DONE #WAS GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE ONCE HE WAS TOLD TIME AND TIME AGAIN THAT ITS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS ESSENTIALLY #the more and more i break down vincent the more i realize like #wow. he kinda sucks. like not even just in a loser way but in like. yep! thats a human! way #thats a person who digs himself deeper and deeper into a hole thinking if i just dig a little deeper itll get better #and now hes six feet under in a grave :/ metaphorically. well. he does end up in a coffin but like. unrelated actually. huh. #okay i actually shouldnt call him a loser and say he sucks actually cuz i think he acts very realistically in terms of like #guy whos in love and thinks he can save her if he just talks enough. guy who thinks maybe this time will be enough to fix the situation #GUY WHO THINKS IF I SAY THE RIGHT THING ITLL FINALLY GET THROUGH TO HER *proceeds to reword the same statement a million times* #hes too human really. ohhhh my god im gonna lose it. OH MY GOD HES JUST SOME GUY #HES THE RESULT OF JUST SOME GUY TRYING TO BE A PROTAG BUT THEN HES HIT WITH CRUEL REALITY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #personal

[newspecies]

hi. im normal about books. now everyone go read Lone Women by Victor LaValle

#rot.txt #personally i dont think it works super well as HORROR (despite being labeled as such on libby) but god its good. #okay spoilers now. the reeds being so performative makes me crazy #jerrine talks of women dressing as men to join a war but the moment she meets a “girl” dressed as a boy living as a boy she loses her mind #also from a writing perspective i liked how even after sam is outed the narrative still doesnt misgender him #hes still a boy. jerrine thinks hes a girl and put him in a dress but hes still a boy #the reeds being all “this town is a family!” but are so willing to slaughter all the people they dont want there at the drop of a hat #jack calling fiona a SLUR and barely realizing that its wrong. he only backs down because he knows fiona and bertie could beat him up #and like. him not stopping joab from killing delmus. the stranglers. they killed those wolfers without any proof of their crime #both of them put on this face of being perfect and kind but the moment theyre faced with something a little different they have to kill it #literally. #i was going to end it there but chapter 61 is making me abnormal. joab being faced with sam knowing this nine year olds mother #is being hanged in the building next door. so soon after strangling his brother and seeing his own mother die at the claws of a demon #and knowing his other brothers were picked off by the same demon. ough. and dont even get me started on elizabeth #im not done yet so i dont know but i was thinking elizabeth is a metaphor for disability being “shameful” to the family #and how family members face difficulty taking care of a disabled loved one and are blinded to said loved ones own struggles #adelaide does basically say this ^ to elizabeth. she was so caught up being angry about the isolation #that she didnt think about how elizabeth felt about the same thing but WORSE. at least adelaide had parents #elizabeth just had jailers #and yes elizabeth has killed and eaten several people (and horses) but what else can she do? what else has she been offered? #god. between the time i started this and now i finished the book LKDSJFDS #anyway its about adults failing children and the marginalized standing together and believing each other #the end was great. i loved how the Lone Women werent really alone at the end. they found a place to be happy and safe #as much as i like miserable endings this one was sweet. i liked it #i have more to say but these tags are long enough

[inkskinned]

the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.

the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.

friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.

if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!

what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!

people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.

you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.

your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.

#writeblr #i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat #and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity #1. i am 30. #2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months. #3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did #i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her #and secondly. #OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT #briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing

[moonlightfilly]

everyone recommending The Banshees of Inisherin to us because “you’re Irish! it’s Irish! you should watch it! it’s absolutely brilliant!” and so we did and we didn’t like it lmao...

#like hot take???? but looking pretty doesn't make a film good. and ~it's a metaphor~ doesn't make it deep #like ok it's a metaphor for the civil war going on the 20s. doesn't mean it was well done. but i guess if this is your 1st exposure??? idk #also acting like the people on the Aran islands have no clue what's going on on the mainland and have no stake in it... #not the worst movie ever but certainly not the best and not one i enjoyed. just kinda baffles me too looking at all its nominations #and ok like the director's parents are Irish but he was born and raised and still lives in England #so like i'm kinda just like *squints* at all the tropes he worked in there. he's more poking fun at us #specifically at the rural Irish. but if you know anything about this director you'd find that's his regular tack #also kinda grates when i see reviews that are like 'yeah the irish are just crazy like that lmaoo' #also seeing Americans being like 'you (the Irish haters) just didn't GET this movie like I Did' shut up Jim Bob #tumblring by moonlight #Evie watches movies #Evie watches #Evie watches The Banshees of Inisherin

[thatwitchrevan]

How did I not realize in the (checks google) over a year since Screen Violence released that Asking for a Friend is a DEEPLY Meetra song (probably deeply Exile in general)?

I could copy paste all the lyrics right here but like "I sunk some ships with selfish lips/and it all came back to me", "I cheated and I lied/but I meant it when I cried" "and the mess we made on Fridays gave me Sunday on my knees/but you still matter"

Even just the conceit of 'asking for a friend' when the song is clearly in first person and there's no question of covering up that all of this is a confession, but still there's that desire to deflect.

That's my (emotionally damaged and flawed) girl right there.

#dammit spotify #meetra surik #i swear that most chvrches songs are not somehow about kotor to me #that's definitely how it started but chvrches have definitely become their own thing in my mind #most of the songs I associated with revan / revalek are from the very first album #and with subsequent albums the evoke a lot more personal emotions and thoughts #it's to the point that i try not to put chvrches songs on character playlists unless they really really fit #but I'm watching a concert video rn and I'm just sitting here like damn. that's a meetra song #even the outro is just this chorus of 'home/can we go home?' #which is just relatable #i mean the whole song is #this is one of those things that i think happens with songs (and sometimes poetry and other writing) #where a very broad sentiment is covered by a figurative scenario #that just happens to be exactly what some characters have literally done #like sinking ships is a metaphor here that's not the part you're supposed to relate to #unless you're a star wars who uh. well. blew up a bunch of your own ships once #it's a bit hilarious

[steviesummer]

inspired by and as a direct follow up to this post by @strangersteddierthings:

Eddie is horrified. He remembers the day Steve is referring to, though clearly not as well as Steve does. He calls out as Steve raced up the stairs and hears his door slam.

“Fuck.” He stares blankly at the wall in front of him. He can’t believe things went so bad so quickly. He’s been trying to get to know Steve better, get closer and damn if he didn’t just blow the hole thing. He’d shown up early, told Steve he needed to prepare as an excuse to spend some time with him. Despite everything that happened over spring break, Steve had remained guarded, standoffish no matter what Eddie tried. At least now he knew why. He’d fucked things up before he’d known there was something to fuck up.

He feels even worse about calling him a bully. Sure, Steve had looked the other way and even laughed at some of the mean jokes others had made, but he was far from the worst. That dubious award went to Billy Hargrove, but even without him, there was plenty of people who did far worse than Steve did. Especially because Steve is right. He did hit first, metaphorically at least. He can justify it all he wants as trying to protect himself, but that doesn’t make it right. Steve all but admitted that as he said the same thing. He feels nauseous at the realization that maybe he was just as bad as those he decried. That for all his talk about accepting outcasts and defying convention, he was just as prejudiced. Swallowing hard, he heads back to the dining room and looks at the clock. There is no way he is going to be able to run the campaign today. He’s not going to be able to focus or even play without thinking about how things might have been if he hadn’t driven Steve off all those years ago. He grabs the phone and dials Gareth’s number. “Emerson house, Sheryl speaking.” “Hi Mrs. Emerson, it’s Eddie.” Eddie is proud that he manages to keep his voice even. “Is Gareth there?” “Oh, yes! Let me go get him for you.” “Thanks Mrs. Emerson.” Eddie focuses on breathing while he waits. “Eddie? Hey man, what’s up?” Eddie breathes out. “Hey Gareth. Look, I know its last minute, but we’re gonna have to postpone Hellfire. Something came up.” He could hear Gareth’s frown through the phone. “Postpone? What happened, did Harrington do something?” As if he couldn’t feel worse. “Nah. I’ll explain later, but can you call Jeff and Frank, let them know? I gotta call the freshman, too.” “Alright, but I’m going to hold you to that.” “Fair enough. Talk to you tomorrow.” Eddie promises before hanging up. He weighs his options for how to tell the Party. Eventually, he decides on calling Mike, know that the younger teen won’t push too much. He’s dialing the Wheeler home before he can second guess his decision. “This is Mike.” Eddie feels a rush of gratitude that Mike is the one who answered, rather than Nancy or one of their parents. “Hey Mike, it’s Eddie. Listen, Steve’s not feeling great and having Hellfire here isn’t going to help. Can you call the rest of the Party, let them know we’re gonna move it to another day? I’ll keep an eye on Steve.” Eddie knows Mike is a confused, given how adamant he’s been in the past about not canceling or moving Hellfire, but as he expected, Mike accepts what he says at face value. “Sure. Need us to bring anything?” “Nah, I’ve got it. Pretty sure he just needs some peace and quiet so he can rest. But thanks.” They say their goodbyes and Eddie puts the phone back on the hook.  With that done, he checks that the door is locked and faces the stairs. Now for the hard part. He’s not sure what he’s going to say, if there is anything he can say that will fix this, but he has to try. Even if doesn’t change things between him and Steve, Steve deserves at least that much. Every step feels like it takes effort, chest heavy with guilt, but it only takes him a few moments to get to Steve’s door. It’s closed, which doesn’t surprise him. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts before knocking. Nothing. “Steve?” If it wasn’t for the quiet sound of Steve’s breathing he could hear through the door, Eddie would think he had left. He glad that he at least didn’t drive Steve out of his own home. He rests his forehead on the door. “I’m sorry.” Eddie hopes Steve can hear how much he means it. “You’re right, I fucked up. I made an assumption and took out my anger at other people on you. And that wasn’t fair and it’s not okay. But I want you to know that I’m sorry. Even if it wasn’t you, I shouldn’t have done that.” He lets out a hysterical laugh as he realizes - “And despite that, you still humor the kids when they talk about D&D and agreed to let us play here and didn’t punch me in the face, which makes you a better man than I.” He falls silent, listens as Steve’s breathing slows. He isn’t sure how long he stands there. He wonders how many other people he hurt this way, without even realizing. Knows he wants to do better, be better. He sighs, feeling his shoulders slump. “Anyway, I canceled Hellfire for today. I told everyone something came up, don’t worry about that. I’ll make up some story, make sure they know its not your fault. And uh,  let me know if you want to hang out again or something. I know I’ve been around a lot; didn’t realize that I was making you so uncomfortable, which is probably another thing I should apologize for. Anyway. Yeah. I’ll see you around, okay?” He waits a moment for an answer, but when none comes, he backs away from the door and walks downstairs to gather his stuff. It hurts, but he knows Steve deserves space and to be the one to initiate contact. He has some thinking to do, anyway.

#steddie #my writing #fic #legit read that fic like 6 times in a row and had to write a follow up #have a handful of extra pieces as well #or thoughts anyway #like steve telling eddie about christopher #and eddie helping steve make a character and play in the future #after lots of talking and eventually getting together #his character is a dwarf paladin named after christopher #i haven't written in forever this felt so good #barely proofread so apologies for any mistakes