#whelp now you got an explanation as to why

[methoughtsphantom]

DP x DC

not me thinking about imaginary scenarios of ten year old Tim Drake in the ghost zone (pariah’s castle)

where Tim thinks it’s strangely soothing that despite being the only one whose steps connect to the ground, there’s not that eerie silence that befell drake manor

strange blob creatures chitter softly and nip at his hair and swooshes and wisps of wind betray the presence of an invisible ghost

which after following he realizes it’s almost like he’s trailing after the black dark shadow that is batman again

which gives him the idea that, maybe, just this one time, he can play the part of robin

that in mind Tim makes out a game of sneaking to the side of ghosts that look like they’re brooding and if they can spot him he loses

most just grunt in response (very in character) while others fuss over him and ask questions which Tim uses to infodump

he also politely asks the ghost that always asks him how he’s doing to instead say the word “report”

(the ghost looks at him weirdly but humors him and besides the answer would be the same anyways)

Tim also(!!)

gets on the case of why the walls lack tangibility when he is the one leaning on them (he doesn’t live down the time he wanted to look cool only to fall through the wall)

hyperfixates on how gravity works in the ghost zone because he couldn’t do a skateboard trick he has pulled off many many times and he’s salty about it

tries to figure out where they are getting human food from (cause it’s hot enough to be homemade but also there’s no kitchen —so how could it be) (also he wants coffee)

finds out the dude that often gives him a side eye when he finds that Tim knows how to do something (math homework), is next in line for the throne and yet doesn’t have a single “mingle and talk people up” bone in his body. (despite it his networking is a solid 7/10)

gets a ghost horse to adopt him what

discovers pretty quickly that there are rooms to which he can’t phase through (a.k.a. he’s not allowed entry) to which he begrudgingly backs off even though that stands in his way of doing a very thorough layout™ of the place (robin would)

sulks over the lack of extreme sports in the place

(Danny takes him to the Far Frozen where they go tire sliding in the snow and where tim learns how to use a skateboard skate and also that ghost ice cream is just as good as normal ice cream)

sulks again cuz he caught a common cold

also because there’s no sun or moon poor Timmy’s already screwed sleep schedule gets more messed up to the point no one knows when or where he will fall asleep

(ghosts find him in the most unhinged of places with a signature purple cloak draped over him every. single. time.)

overall, be a menace

see-> the time he threatened to build ghost weapons he’d somehow memorized the blueprints of cause Danny wouldn’t let him visit the radium girls factory but yes the renaissance period

see-> that time he went through the whole ghost energy and how to work with it book section in the library and half an hour later had a prototype of a star wars laser beam made

(note: bribing only works for hot chocolate, not for letting him keep cool-looking guns)

just tim having the time of his life

clockwork being no help at all (the ghost loves being a cryptid)

and danny trying not to get attached while he progressively gets more concerned over this chaos child he emotionally adopted as his little brother

(to fit canon cause i want it to this would just be until Danny finds the dimension little Timmy is from, then they can safely yeet the child back to the moment he first went missing)

anyways before anyone knows it’s been three months

#tim drake #danny phantom #dp x dc au #batman #dc #dp x dc #danny fenton #like this little guy practiced with ghosts #which don’t breathe #tim comes back to gotham and can sneak up to batman better than an assassin #don’t make sound on the floor if they don’t want #and have heightened senses #you are gonna tell me that in all the bats career they never saw the little tiny child that followed them around with a camara?? #whelp now you got an explanation as to why #also upon realizing Danny didn’t know anything about how to mingle Tim who has been going to galas for years self appoints himself #to teach him don’t frett #little headcannons in my own au #this in my head is fic #it’s more extensive but it was getting long #i was going through some mental hoops to find the correlation between his hobby and tim this time deciding to be robin #instead of the shadow chasing AFTER Batman #but basically it’s because this time tim had someone to make of Batman #he’s not alone #and he’s a kid #he wants to play #and now that he can play With someone of course Timmy is gonna chose his hero

[riddle-me-ri]

So we’ve already got daddy!Oz…how do you think the other Penguins would feel about their S/O wanting to call them daddy (or something similar) in bed?

a/n:  Whelp, looks like it’s time for the pengys to get the daddy treatment lol. This took way longer than it should have, my bad rip. Definitely wasn’t surprised when I got asked for this more than once lmao, some would be into it and some would definitely be confused by it lol. Sorry if some of these are repetitive that’s always likely with these headcanons rip

Content Warning: mildly suggestive dialogue and scenarios related to daddy kinks

The Penguins with a S/O That Has a Daddy Kink

Arkhamverse Penguin:

Oh, Oswald loves it. 

It's another means to show how powerful he is…in a more intimate way. 

He loves having his baby (boy/girl) perched up on his lap where you belong. 

Whenever you call out to him, he swells up with pride. 

He enjoys messing with you by correcting you. 

"Uh uh uh, now what do we say?" 

He acts annoyed but he loves it when you deliberately disobey…

Oswald enjoys punishing you just as much as spoiling you. 

Reevesverse/Farrell Penguin:

I mean…does he need an explanation?

The fandom has already blessed him with this title

As we should because asdfghh Oz is littered with daddy material

So he obviously, really, really enjoys it. 

A proud grin grows on his face every time you call him daddy.

He enjoys spoiling you, especially once he takes over.

You get a power high from being his partner

And he gets one from being your daddy.

Gotham Penguin: 

It takes him by surprise at first. 

Where-where the hell did that come from?

Oswald is genuinely unsure how to make of it. 

He’s all for power dynamics within your relationship…

He isn’t opposed to names like king, master, sir, you know?

It will take some getting used too for sure

The idea slowly grows on Oswald

Will most likely only have you call him that in private though

BTAS Penguin: 

Asdfghjj oswald.exe has stopped working. 

His face is as red as a tomato, stuttering over his extensive vocabulary. 

Oswald isn’t sure what to make of this more…provocative side of you.

He’s not entirely unsure of the concept, it just never occurred to him that he could take part in it. 

He is intrigued however, Oz is always looking for ways to please you. 

Ozzie enjoys spoiling you and praising you.

It takes time but he definitely gets into it.

Especially when it comes to correcting or chastising you for your naughty behavior. 

TNBA Penguin: 

He’s all for it. 

Oswald beams with pride every time. 

He takes to it much quicker than his BTAS counterpart. 

Doesn’t mind if you tease him by calling him daddy in public.

After all he teases you back relentlessly, daring you to retaliate. 

Oz enjoys it when you act mischievous around him and his colleagues…

Much like his BTAS counterpart he does enjoy the private sessions between you two.

Oswald relishes punishing you almost than he does spoiling you.

Telltale Penguin: 

Oh damn right, he’s your daddy.

Oz absolutely eats it up. 

He craves any attention and means to make him feel bigger and dominant (especially after you know…losing everything)

When you first refer to him as daddy, it’s almost impossible to wipe the smug grin off his face. 

I can definitely see him teasing you about it.

Even reminding you of what you call him when you two are in private when in public.

Don’t be afraid to tease back at him though.

Give him something to make him want to prove why he’s daddy in the first place.

One Bad Day Penguin: 

Honestly the best daddy, second to Farrell Penguin.

He adores the attention.

Ozzie likes having you around his finger. 

Oz enjoys praising you and showing you off with your arm linked around his. 

He loves giving you countless gifts; outfits, accessories, etc. and watching you wear them. 

He has no problem letting people know that you’re his baby boy/girl/ or just baby.

Ozzie has no qualms about the dynamic in the bedroom either, it definitely gets him going most nights. 

He’s always ready to tend to you and take care of you again like before. 

The Batman (2004) Penguin: 

Ohhh ohhh boy.

Also one of the pengys that are definitely into it.

He’s definitely aware of the term, but never once imagined it being applied to him in a relationship.

But he is almost delirously into it.

The first time you called him “daddy” his grin was so wide and it never faltered for a moment.

Like Telltale, he’s looking for anything to prove his superiority (albeit consensually with his partner) after losing his family influence. 

You calling him daddy is just the thing to get him going and to make himself feel bigger. 

Will likely refer to himself to you as daddy in third person in public, so hope you’re comfortable with that.

Batman Unlimited Penguin: 

Oswald.exe has stopped working #2

I feel like while this Oz pretends not to care about his age…

When it comes to your relationship, he’s very self-conscious about it. 

Anything that sort of highlights that fact he’s a little weary of. 

You’ll have to explain more about the dynamic and what you find appealing about it. 

Of course, Oz is game for anything that will make you happy.

It will take him a long time to adjust, his face will never not get flushed when you call him daddy.

Slowly but surely, he does grow to like it…it even makes him feel more confident in himself. 

#ri writes #arkhamverse penguin x reader #reevesverse penguin x reader #farrell penguin x reader #gotham penguin x reader #btas penguin x reader #tnba penguin x reader #telltale penguin x reader #one bad day penguin x reader #obd penguin x reader #the batman (2004) penguin x reader #batman unlimited penguin x reader

[artofmxmourning]

Whelp, this is the post that’s probably gonna get me exiled from the community.

Ah well. Anyways. Simple dynamic chart for how I interpret the cast (at least in the main PT timeline). With tiny explanations for why it is the way it is.

Peppino and Gustavo: Boyfriends. They've been together for an extremely long time, spanning all the way back to their high school years. Gus has always been supportive of Pep, being there for him for some of the toughest moments in his life. Pep honestly doesn't know where he'd be without Gus. That's how much of a positive impact he's had on him. Peppino and Noise: You know the drill. Classic Tom and Jerry esque rivals who can almost never see eye to eye. All of this stemming from the early years of NTV, when Noise decided to go a little too far with one of his pranks. Pep being the unfortunate victim. The public were outraged at Noise's actions, causing NTV to lose funding for a short while. This lead Noise to despise Pep for not being able to take a joke, meanwhile Pep disliked Noise for how much he pushed his buttons. Thus began a rivalry that'll probably last til the end of time. Peppino and Enzo: Given the similar trauma they have regarding their family, Enzo is almost like a son to Pep. He's extremely overprotective of him, and if anyone DARE to even hurt him, they'd probably get yeeted into the fucking sun. Enzo cares for Pep as well, and cannot stand seeing him suffer in debt. Hence why he does all this sketchy work. To make money to help Pep pay off his debt. Pep is completely unaware, although that's probably for the better.

Enzo and Noise: Soooo...these two got an interesting situation going on. While you think Enzo would be picky with what kinda guys he likes given his work, the reality is that all he wants is someone that can make him happy. That can make him laugh. And Noise manages to fit that role perfectly. Although he knows Pep would ABSOLUTELY not have it. And is kinda stuck in a state of pining. Noise on the other hand, has NEVER actually caught feelings for anyone before, so this is a first to him. Now, I know you may be thinking "What about Noisette?" Well.... Noise and Noisette: Ok so, technically. These two are married. BUT, it was a marriage under a contract. Noise never had romantic interest in Noisette. Her father is extremely wealthy, and was the one to reignite NTV after it fell. However, due to his daughter's crush on Noise, he decided that as an extra add on, Noise would have to marry Noisette. Noise, being young, extremely stupid, and not really having anybody he found interest in at the time, agreed. He thought that maybe, eventually, he'd catch something for her. But that never happened. Now, he doesn't HATE her. He just doesn't feel the same way she does. Still, he doesn't want to break her heart. Not only will he hurt her feelings, but her he knows her father might kill him if he does. Not to mention his career will be down the drain again, but that's the least of his worries. Noisette and Vigilante: These two get along extremely well. They'll talk for HOURS on end and not get bored. And While Vigi isn't exactly the biggest fan of Noisette's cooking, he has offered to help her improve. (Vigi may or may not actually be a decent cook in my HC). He eventually caught feelings for her. Still has them, but since she's married to Noise, he feels that it's somewhat of a lost cause. (Spolier alert: It's not.)

Well that's that. Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go confront the angry mob that's appeared on my doorstep. Bye.~

#pizza tower #peppino #peppino spaghetti #gustavo #oc #enzo #enzo romano #the noise #noisette #the vigilante #pepstavo #oc x canon #cheesecake #IDFK what to tag enzo and noise as lol

[jengajives]

I imagine Uncle Mae wasn’t very pumped abt the whole kidnap situation for a while

Maedhros glanced over when Maglor led two small boys past him, but it apparently wasn’t enough of a bother for him to stop cinching his horse, because he didn’t even spare a second look. “Kana,” he said as Maglor hefted the first of the boys into his saddle and tried to calculate how he’d fit himself and one other kid up there too. Maedhros didn’t seem to care how preoccupied with the dilemma his brother was, because he just went on talking anyway. “What are these?” Elros grasped at the hem of Maglor’s cape. “These are called children, Nelyo,” Maglor said calmly as he took Elros under the arms and set up behind his brother. The two of them fit rather nicely in the saddle together. He’d just have to sit behind. “Yes, brother, but what exactly are they doing here?” Maglor didn’t say anything. He pretended to be busy checking the girth, and then fooling around with the bridle, until he got a cold hand on his shoulder. It dropped a weight like a boulder right over top of him. “I sent you to look for it. Did you get lost?” Maedhros took the twins in his cold, tin-bright gaze, and both of them shrunk back. Elros covered his eyes. “You have to take them back.” He turned away again, as if unwilling to look at the boys too long. “Their kin can claim them.” When he took a step away, Maglor caught his arm. He spoke in a low, cautious voice, so it wouldn’t be overheard by little ears. “Their parents are gone, Nelyo. They were all alone, and they need help.” When Maedhros looked at the boys again, he won a soft squeal of terror. The scars across his face made it more difficult to emote properly, but he didn’t do much of that these days anyway; now, his expression was perfectly cold and still as he looked back to his brother and jerked his arm free. “This won’t bring them back.” Icy rage crept into Maglor’s mind and made the back of his neck prickle. “And your shiny rock will?” The emotion in Maedhros’s eyes when he turned was more than icy, and immediately Maglor regretted ever speaking at all. Tongues of white fire curled in the deeps and crackled like damp wood when he spoke. “You know how much we have paid for that stone. Do not speak treachery to me, or I will punish it. Do you understand?” Maglor stood trying not to look like he’d been scolded, and gave no reply until Maedhros repeated. “Take them back.” “I will not let more innocent sons die because of their fathers’ quarrels.” “These will not fix you!” Maedhros motioned to the boys as he swung into the saddle, and against that hid their faces from this gaunt-faced creature who was now shouting at them. “You think these whelps will make you whole again, but they won’t. Nothing can fix you, Kana- nothing can fix me. That big empty space you have will never go away. The Oath is the only thing left to us now. It is all that matters.” Maglor found himself trembling. He had more than that. He was more than just a hasty promise, surely? “Do we not have a duty?” he asked weakly, backing away from how still Maedhros looked. “An obligation to our kin? They came from Turgon. That makes them family!” “I am your family. There is no one else left.” He squinted out to sea and the lines on his worn face hardened into what Maglor knew was a frown. “We need to move. Leave them here.” Maglor’s fists tightened at his sides. “No.” “This is not up for debate.” “I’m not letting Eluréd and Elurín happen again!” Maedhros stiffened in the saddle. For a moment the horrible stillness on his face broke and an agony that was far worse to look at shone through, then he turned his head and it was gone. “If you keep them,” he said grimly, “they are your responsibility. I don’t want a part in it.” “I don’t remember asking you to have one,” Maglor replied as he walked over to reassure the boys; Elrond was apparently trying to decide whether he could make the fall to the ground and run away, and Elros hadn’t uncovered his face since Maedhros first raised his voice. Maglor put a hand on each of their little shoulders and spoke softly. “I’m sorry. I know he’s very scary. But he didn’t mean to frighten you, I promise.” Elrond stuck out his lip. “He yelled at you.” He gave Maedhros a scowl to make it abundantly clear he was not frightened, and then looked back at Maglor with his dark eyes all stormy. “Mother says it isn’t nice to yell.” “Indeed it isn’t.” “Then why does he yell at you?” Elros peeked between his fingers, curious to hear the answer. Maglor glanced back at his brother, who made absolutely no acknowledgement as he trotted his horse past, other than a clipped, “Don’t fall behind, Kana.” Maglor watched him go with the odd sensation he was looking at a stranger. “Maedhros is very lonely,” he said finally, because it was the only child-friendly explanation he could think of and it wasn’t even technically a lie. “And sometimes he yells because he’s sad and scared.” Carefully, he climbed up behind the saddle and wrapped his arms around the boys, more to keep them from falling off than to actually use the reins. His horse would know where to go without them. As they started up the hills away from the coast, Elrond looked back with a frown and pointed to the cliffside. “Our house is that way.” “We can’t go back to your house, little one. It isn’t safe.” “Then where are we going?” Ahead of them, the hulking, dark silhouette of Maedhros’s horse paused on the hilltop to make sure they were following. When Maglor looked back at the sea, he could glimpse the distant block of billowing white sails. The sight made him distinctly sick to his stomach. Almost on reflex, he curled his arms closer around the boys and turned his back on the horizon. “I’m going to take you somewhere I can protect you. Where no one will be able to hurt you again.”

#jenga makes junk #fic #maglor #maedhros #elrond #elros #uhhh these boys got kidnapped lol #elrond and elros

[kasienda]

The Five Minute Adventures of Snake Noir: Chapter 2 - Best Friends

Chapter 1: I Want it to be You

Chapter 2: Best Friends

Free running across rooftops as Snake Noir wasn’t as effective in easing the heaviness on his mind as he had hoped. And the more time that passed, the more Adrien realized that he was getting worse - not better. He came to a stop on a rooftop, and huddled against a chimney, clutching his head in both hands. His akumatized self had destroyed the world .

The whole world. He was capable of that.

He fought for air in shallow rapid breaths, but it didn’t work. The needed oxygen continued to elude him.

He needed help, and he needed it five minutes ago. He forced himself into a standing position, even as his limbs began shaking. He glanced around the skyline trying to triangulate his own position from landmarks. The mansion was too far away - he’d never make it in time. So it was either Nino or Marinette.

Nino was closer.

He called for his second chance right outside his best friend’s window without slowing down or coming to a stop. He jumped through the thankfully open window. Nino was sitting with his back to Adrien with his headphones snug over his ears clearly lost in a world of music. Adrien wasted no time in pouncing across the room and seizing Nino in a hug.

Adrien had never clung to anyone so hard. He was shaking like a leaf in an autumn storm, and salty tears came down over his mask in torrents.

Nino stiffened, turned around within Adrien’s embrace, and dropped the headphones around his neck. “C-c-chat Noir?”

“A-Adrien,” he choked out.

Nino’s arms immediately tightened around him. He asked no questions, he didn’t react at all except to hold him tighter as Adrien let out violent sobs. Nino just held him until the snake miraculous signaled Snake Noir was out of time.

Read on Ao3

“Second chance,” Adrien whispered. And he was outside the window once again, but he doesn’t do anything different in the next loop. He just throws himself into Nino’s startled embrace, tells him he’s Adrien, and every time, Nino’s arms tighten around him. And it got worse before it got better. Adrien would have lost track of how many loops he had gone through if the snake didn’t magically make it impossible to forget. But after twenty-six loops of Nino’s solid consistent response Adrien’s panic finally subsided a bit and he was eventually able to gain control of both his breathing and his tears.

“Dude, are you okay?” Nino asked. He pulled back a little, but his arms were still on Snake Noir’s shoulders.

“No,” Adrien said. Even that one word was hard to get out. His voice sounded shaky to his own ears.

“What happened?” Nino asked, and Adrien is grateful that Nino isn’t asking a million questions about his being Chat Noir.

“Today Ladybug told me why she’s never been able to tell me her identity or let me tell her mine.”

Nino nodded.

Adrien spoke rapidly, knowing he was on a time limit. “Apparently, our knowing each other leads to my akumatization. And as an akuma,” his voice broke as sobs choked off his air supply once again.

“It’s okay, dude. Take your time.”

Adrien sucked in a shuddering breath, and tried again. “As an akuma, I destroyed the world.”

Nino blinked at him. “W-what?”

”The whole freaking world, Nino.” Adrien rocked himself back and forth until Nino pulled him into another hug and took over the soothing motion. “I’m so scared, Nino,” Adrien cried into Nino’s shoulder, his whole body shaking like an earthquake. “I don’t want to be capable of that. That I could be responsible for the destruction of the whole world?!”

“You’re not responsible for your akuma,” Nino objected harshly.

Adrien tore away from Nino’s embrace, though he immediately regretted it. His transformed claws tried to tear through his hair, but were met only with the smooth cap of the snake half of his transformation. “But like, it makes me afraid of my feelings, which then just sends me into more of a panic and probably more likely to get akumatized! Nino, I don’t know what to do!”

His breathing sped up again. It was too fast - like a car headed for a tight corner on a cliff when the brakes were out. Adrien being aware of it did nothing to help slow his breathing back down. He was going to pass out and then he wouldn’t be able to reset the timer, and Nino would know everything. And even though Ladybug had granted permission, if someone knowing his identity could bring on the apocalypse, how could he ever risk it?

And did that mean he would never be able to share his identity with anyone ? Not Ladybug? Not his friends? Not even a future partner?

“Dude! Breathe!”

Adrien tried, but he just kept hyperventilating.

Then the snake bracelet started beeping again, and his panic sky-rocketed. It was too soon. Five minutes just wasn’t enough time.

Nino glanced at it, and then gripped Adrien’s hand firmly. “Dude, breathe in with me okay?” Adrien locked onto Nino’s golden eyes and nodded. Nino took in a deep slow breath and Adrien followed suit. “And out.”

And they did this for three more breaths.

“I’m not going to remember this, am I?” Nino said.

“I’m sorry, Nino,” Adrien cried. “Can I have your permission to erase your memory all the time? I know it’s not a fair thing to ask.”

Nino tightened his grip. “As often and as many times as you need, dude. Don’t ever hesitate. And don’t leave here tonight until you’re okay, okay?”

Adrien cried harder. “You trust me that much?” He could almost understand it with Ladybug. They trusted each other in life and death situations on the regular, but Nino too?! Adrien didn’t know what he had done to earn such friends.

“Yeah, man. Of course.”

Chat clung to Nino harder. He had some amazing people in his life. “Second chance.”

And this time when Snake Noir is outside Nino’s window for the 28th time, he doesn’t go in. He lets himself just sit on the window sill focusing on getting his breathing under control while Nino stays lost in his music. Just being able to see him, calmed Adrien down.

By the 31st loop, Adrien is able to swing himself into the room without immediately tackling his friend from behind. But he makes a point of landing with a loud thump.

Nino jumped ten centimeters out of his chair. Adrien almost laughed. Almost.

“Chat Noir! Is there an akuma? Do you guys need Carapace?”

Every muscle in his body tensed. Shit . “You’re a temporary hero?”

Nino paled. “Oh no! I thought that was why you were here. It meant that you already knew! Ladybug is going to kill me!”

“Nino, it’s fine.” And he was confident that it was. His lady trusted him as much as Nino did. It was only her identity he couldn’t know. He knew most of them at this point. Now, it was just hers, the new Queen Bee, and Rena Rouge that he didn’t know. “I actually came for a different reason. A personal reason.”

“A… uh… personal reason?” his friend stuttered, his golden gaze glancing nervously towards the cat themed hero who had landed unexpectedly in Nino’s bedroom. “I don’t know how to say this, man, but I have a girlfriend. And yeah, you’re hot as hell-”

Adrien’s cheeks were on fire.

“-but I love her and I won’t cheat on her. Not even… with a superhero.”

Adrien shook his head rapidly with his hands up echoing the gesture. “I’m super flattered, Nino, but I was not here for a hookup either.”

“Oh… umm…” And now it was Nino who was super embarrassed, his hands fiddling with his headphones at his neck. “Then, how can I help you?”

“I… uh… just came to talk.”

“Talk,” Nino repeated flatly. “With me?”

“Well, you are my best friend,” Adrien said, and then just waited.

Nino’s face went through a comical flash of expressions so fast that Adrien couldn't identify any of them. “A-Adrien?!”

“Hi?”

Nino buried his face into his hands.

“Are you okay?”

“Fine, dude,” he mumbled. “Just embarrassed.”

“I said I was flattered.”

“I can’t believe I thought you were here to proposition me.”

“I mean, you do look pretty amazing in green,” Adrien teased, pulling out his most charming Chat Noir smile.

“Dude!” Nino objected, burying his face in his hands. “Please erase the last three minutes of my life.”

Adrien took pity on him. “That can be arranged.” He held up the bracelet on his wrist.

Nino wilted at the sight. “I’m not going to remember this?”

Adrien barked a genuine laugh. It felt good. “So you do want to remember, then?”

“Dumb shit should definitely be remembered,” Nino told him, but then turned serious. “So, if we’re on a timer, did you have something specific you wanted to talk about?”

Adrien shrugged and took a seat on Nino’s bed. “Ladybug told someone her identity when she was having a personal crisis. She suggested I do the same.”

“But then why don’t you want me to remember?”

Adrien rubbed the back of his neck, looking for the words to explain. He didn’t have time for the whole Chat Blanc explanation and he definitely didn’t want to start crying and undo all the work Nino had managed to pull off in just a few hours even if he didn’t remember any of it. “I guess the identity rule has been drilled into my head so severely that it’s hard for me to break it?”

Nino grinned. “So you’re taking, like, baby steps!”

Adrien grinned. “Yes! Exactly! Testing it out.”

“It’s super cool that you’re Chat Noir! You have no idea how happy it makes me that you can escape your golden prison if you need to.”

The bracelet started beeping. “Whelp! It looks like my carriage is going to turn back into a pumpkin! Thank you, Nino.”

Nino smiled, and gave Adrien the head nod. “Anytime, mec. Anytime.”

“Second chance.”

Then Chat Noir was outside the open window again and Nino was once again lost in his world of music.

“One more time,” he told himself, launching himself over the window sill and into the room with the same loud thud.

“Chat Noir! Is there an akuma? Do you guys need Carapace?”

Snake Noir shook his head. “Not this time, Donashello. But your best bro needs ordinary Nino.”

Nino paled. “Did something happen to Adrien? Did his father hurt him? Does he need a place to stay? He can totally room with me if needed. I’ve already discussed it with my parents. They’re cool with it.”

“Y-you have?” Adrien stuttered, taken aback by how much Nino worried about him, but also apparently planned for him. And now Adrien’s eyes were burning once again underneath his mask, but for an entirely different reason.

Nino stood up and hovered awkwardly. “You okay, dude?”

“I’m fine, Nino.” Adrien managed a huge smile, and yanked Nino into a hug. Nino remained awkwardly limp in his arms. “I just didn’t realize you worried about me like this. You have it worked out with your parents that I can just... stay here? Like whenever?”

“A-Adrien?!”

“In the flesh!”

Nino finally enthusiastically returned his hug. “Dude! No way! You’re Chat Noir?!”  

“The one and only!”

“This is so cool! And then Nino paled and pulled away. “Why are you telling me this now? I thought secret identities had to remain secret. Are you okay?”

“I’m doing a lot better thanks to you and the snake.”

Nino glanced at his altered transformation. “Oh. I’m not going to remember?”

Adrien wilted. “I wish I could tell you. Turns out knowing my identity specifically might be really dangerous.”

“I get it, dude. I’m a target of Hawkmoth, too.”

Chat frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Hawkmoth has made a copy of me twice now. Once as Nino and another as Bubbler.”

Chat Noir winced. Right, the Carapace sentimonster was Nino. “I hadn’t even thought about how you might feel about that. I’m sorry. I’ve been too wrapped up in my own head. What does it feel like to be impersonated?”

“It sucks. I worry that he’ll do it again. And that my friends and family will trust the imposter. And then become hostages or worse!”

Adrien nodded. “Yeah, I don’t know what I’d do if Hawkmoth used my family against me like that.” And it felt good to be the one listening and supporting for once, even if Nino wouldn’t remember. “What can we do?”

Nino shrugged. “I don’t know man. Ladybug was able to catch my imposter because he didn’t interact with Alya the way I normally do.”

Adrien’s brain was whirling. He could definitely fix this - or at least mitigate it. He just needed to talk to Alya and she would get Nino set up with everyone in his life with some kind of password or something.

His bracelet beeped it’s first warning.

“Thank you, Nino.”

Nino’s eyebrows scrunched together in bafflement. “What for?”

“For tonight. We’ve actually gone through this same five minutes 32 times now.”

“Thirty-two?!” Nino repeated. “Dude! That’s like… what?”

“Almost three hours,” Adrien filled in. “I wasn’t in a great space when I got here the first time. That’s what I’m saying. You told me not to leave until I felt okay.”

Nino hugged him again. “I take it you’re doing better now?”

“Much better now. You talked me through the worst panic attack I’ve ever had, and then you made me laugh when you thought I was here to proposition you.”

“I did what ?”

“You thought I was here to sweep you off your feet!” Adrien teased.

Nino buried his face in his hands. “Please never tell me that I did that again.”

Chat barked a laugh. “Apparently, you think I’m hot as hell.”

“But you already knew that,” Nino argued.

“I didn’t, actually. But if it makes you feel better, I’m apparently no competition for one Alya Césaire. You would have turned me down cold.”

Nino laughed. “Oh man, I would get so many brownie points for turning down a superhero for her.”

“Either that, or she’d hit you upside the head for being an idiot.” The miraculous was now rapidly beeping. “I'm out of time. Thanks Nino, for talking me down tonight.”

Nino grinned. “Anytime, bro. Come by anytime. I mean it. Even if I won’t remember. Any time. ”

“Thanks man. I’ll totally take you up on that.”

...

Read Chapter Three

#Adrino Friendship #Miraculous Ladybug Fan fic #Hurt comfort #Adrien Agreste #Nino Lahiffe #angst #a bit of humor #friendship #time loops #snake miraculous #The Five Minute Adventures of Snake Noir #A Miraculous Reveal #My Own Content #ml spoilers #s4 spoilers

[vixenpen]

Can I request domestic life, black s/o with bakugou and hawks having 3 sets of twins(4 boys 2 girls) all with strong quirks and strong personalities like them. Ending with nsfw and them finally getting some alone time without the kids.

Everyday Hawks asks himself why the hell he had so many Damn children.

His answer? Because he loves kids and wanted to be a family man.

Let his twin flame tell it? Because he has a breeding kink.

To cap it off, they all had some combination Of both of your powerful quirks. All three sets of twins had Hawks’ wings in various colors. It seemed he was destined to birth all prodigies as all six of his children displayed their quirks early.

Hawks couldn’t have been more proud or felt more blessed. He loved all his chicks, but my lord...

THUMP!

“Keito! Kaito! What are you two doing?”

.........

“Kaito! Keito—“

“Nothing!”

It wasn’t nothing.

When Keigo went upstairs, the two (your h/c) twins had managed to knock over their entire toy chest.

Dozens of blue and red feathers hovered in the air as two pairs of wide (e/c) eyes stared back at him.

👉🏻“He did it!”👈🏻

Keigo just sighed and rubbed his forehead

“I don’t care who did it, just clean it up.”

“Yes sir!”

“Keigo!!!”

That was you calling for him.

Keigo flew downstairs to see you looking somewhere between exasperated and exhausted

You simply pointed at the ceiling where your infant twin daughters had floated up to the rafters.

“It’s amazing that they can already fly at one.” Keigo marveled proudly.

“Yeah they’re regular prodigies, just like they’re daddy,” you sighed, tiredly. “Just get them down, please.”

“Ok daddies’ little chickadees,” he flew up toward the ceiling To grab the giggling baby girls.

He nuzzled their blonde hair. “My little chicks. Please don’t scare mommy like that.”

“I told you we need to get baby leashes for them.”

“We are not putting our kids on leashes like dogs, y/n.” He passed you the babies. “Remember, there are no locked cages in our house.” He grinned, cheekily.

You shook your head with a small smile. “Why did I let you pump six kids into me?”

“Hmm,” he wrapped an arm around your waist, his amber eyes growing seductive. “Want me to remind you?”

You giggled. “Kei—“

“Mommy! Daddy!”

That was your second set of twin boys

You and Keigo glanced at each other, panicked, and ran outside.

Once you two made it to the back yard, you were met with your eldest two twins. Neither of you could believe what you were seeing. The humongous tree house—more like a god damn tree mansion—that Hawks had constructed for the eldest children was completely bottomed out.

The floor of half of it decorating the ground and two by fours hanging from the sturdy branches like Christmas ornaments.

“H-how,” you muttered in disbelief, “just...how...?”

Hawks appeared to be near tears.

“It took me almost a year to build that thing...”

The six year olds flew up to you both, talking animatedly over each other.

“Mommy, Kato and me were playin’ heroes, and-and Kaya was tryin’ to do Daddie’s feather sword move an-“

“Nah uh Kano! That’s not what happened, you were tryin’ to do uncle Enji’s moves, and then, and then-“

“And Kato, and..”

Their explanations overlapped into an incoherent mess that only served to leave you and Hawks with more questions than answers.

The two of you glanced tiredly at each other. Pretty much in a silent agreement that you both needed a break.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you think Mirko is ok?” You asked worriedly, as you removed yourself earrings.

“Trust me, if anybody has the energy to handle our chicks, it’s Rumi.” Hawks replied, snatching off his tie.

The two of you had just come back from dinner at one of your favorite upscale restaurants. Hawks had truly gone all out, getting you a room at an upscale hotel and spa.

Mirko had luckily jumped at the chance to babysit her favorite baby carrots, allowing the two of you a much needed evening out.

“I know, but I’m just worried. She hasn’t texted me in three hours...”

“Whelp, either our kids killed her or there’s nothing wrong,” Hawks quipped.

You shot him a withering glance. “Very funny, Keigo. I’m gonna call her.”

Just as you whipped out your phone, a tickle along you leg made you pause. Another ran down your arm. Then along your neck.

“Stop it, Kei.” You giggled, swatting his crimson feathers before they could make their way up your skirt.

“I can’t help it, babe,” hawks mumbled back, he reached to grab your hips. “You’re so fucking sexy when you’re in concerned Mom mode.”

He pulled you on to the bed until you were straddling his hips. “Those motherly instincts are what drew me in.”

You rolled your eyes, fighting back a smile.

“Well, that,” his amber eyes grew hazy with lust, “and how fucking sexy you are.”

Pinching your soft stomach, you shot back; “Oh yeah, six kids later, and I’m a regular Instagram model.”

In a flash, your husband had you flipped on your back.

“Nah, baby, you’re better than any IG model. ‘Cuz you’re real.”

His scarred hands slid along your thighs. You shivered as his avian golden eyed gaze held on to your own. The scruff of his goatee tickled your thighs as he kissed the soft flesh, kneading it.

“Ahh Kei~”

“This body,” he slurped harshly against the dark skin of your hips and pelvis, “has given me six of the greatest blessings in my life.”

His fingers danced it’s way towards your dripping womanhood. A sweet sigh slipped from your lips when you felt two of them enter your heat.

“You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, y/n.”

His thumb pressed against your clit, setting your body on fire. You were already clenching his pumping fingers. His tongue slipped around your nipples, tickling your nerves once more.

“So yes,” he glanced back up at you, “you are fucking sexy to me, Lovebird. And I haven’t been able to fuck this body proper in a long time. So fuck the phone, fuck calling Mirko, fuck everything.”

He hoisted himself on top of you, his erection gliding against your pulsing clit and wet lips. The fire in your womanhood was absolutely raging now.

Fuck, you needed him.

“Let me fuck the shit out of you,” he smirked down at you, “the way we used to fuck before the kids.”

Well shit, when he put it like that, who were you to protest?

You snatched off Keigo’s white button down in seconds. Your dressed was tossed aside and in seconds, your legs were wrapped around Keigo’s trim waist.

“I got you, babe.” He mumbled into your ear.

With a powerful thrust, he plunged deep into you. A sharp pleasure shot through your entire body.

He ground his hips hard, fast, and deep against the friction of your gushy grip.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck—oh my goddd..”

You cursed. The pain of Keigo’s teeth in your neck, juxtaposed with the sweet pleasure he was assaulting your pussy with.

“My baby,” he moaned against your neck, his breath hot against your skin. “Feels so fucking good, fucking amazing...”

“Don’t. You. Dare. Cum. In. Me.”

You managed between his powerful thrusts. You tried to glare at him, but he felt too good inside you to manage anything other than desire.

He pushed himself up to his knees and pulled your legs apart.

His sexy smirk aimed at your blissed out face.

“Make a pretty face for me to come on then, Lovebird.”

He slammed into you even harder. His thick dick hitting your g-spot with every stroke.

“Ah, god, Keigo!”

Your loud moans mounted into breathy screams.

“Oh yeah, that’s the spot isn’t it, Lovebird?”

“Right—fuck—right there, Daddy~”

“Yeah?” He groaned.

Somehow, even with his orgasm clearly approaching, he kept his eyes on you. You could barely hold your own open as Hawks’ strokes you to your orgasm.

His red feathers flared out, ruffling. That was it. That made you snap.

Your orgasm closed in on you, bathing you in ecstasy.

Hawks was right behind you. He slid out of your grip and shot his thick, hot load all over your panting lips and heaving breasts.

“Shiiit.” He sighed before sinking down on top of you.

The pair of you lie in the afterglow of your mutual orgasms. Hawks cradled you in his arm, wrapping the both of you in his soft wings.

“Do we have to go back?” You asked.

Hawks chuckled, kissing your kinky curls. “We do, and we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Yeah,” you smiled, “we wouldn’t.”

((This was a very difficult to do but it was also very cute. So thank you for that request I hope you like it))

#bnha headcanons #bnha imagines #mha headcanons #hawks smut #my hero academia hawks #my hero academia #bnha #my hero fanfic #bnha smut #hawks x reader #takami keigo #bnha scenarios #mha keigo takami

[moonflower-31]

Midnight Visits - Spencer Reid x Reader

Requested? No

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: None

If you were going to be honest, you seriously missed your boyfriend.

Not just ‘I haven’t seen him in a few days’. No. You hadn’t seen him in over two weeks due to the onslaught of new cases back to back. And to top it all off, your boss had made you take those two weeks off since you had so much vacation time built up. So you were bored, lonely, and without any sort of human contact. Sure, you had your roommates, but they liked to bring around frat boys who would do nothing but grab your ass and call you sexy. You weren’t a fan.

Finally, you had gotten the text that read

Just getting off the jet now from Manhattan, but you’re probably asleep. So I’ll come visit tomorrow. - Spencer<3

So now you had the dilemma of having to hear your roommate and the new guy she brought over going at it while trying to sleep while your boyfriend refused to come over.

While it was also true that you could just text him and tell him you were awake, you didn’t want to. Besides, who would ask their boyfriend to come over when there’s a very dick-headed alpha male in the other room? There would either be a pissing contest, or one would scare off the other. And you loved Spencer. You truly did. But you doubted that either situation would go in his favor.

You grabbed the (f/c) pillow from the side of your bed where you had kicked it and pressed it against your head in hopes of drowning out the god-awful sounds just across the hall. You knew you and Spencer weren't even that loud!

You stared down your phone from where you had placed it on it’s charging port hours earlier. You had already had 3 hours of restless sleep when your roommate decided it was the perfect time to start moaning her head off. It was now about 12:30 in the damn morning. And you wanted actual sleep so that Spencer didn’t scold you in the morning for not getting adequate sleep.

Unfortunately for you, the phone never buzzed. Nor did the sounds ever stop. In fact, they only got louder. You didn’t know how your other roommate even slept through the nonsense. But she did.

You threw off the pillow in anger and crossed your arm in a huff. This was stupid. You knew exactly where your boyfriend lived. His apartment wasn’t that far from yours. So you could take a quick trip down to his place. Any place that was quieter than your apartment currently was heaven to you. That and you wanted to see him. Even if you might be disturbing his beauty sleep. Ah to hell with beauty sleep. You wanted him and you wanted cuddles. And you wanted them now.

So in the moment you settled on this plan of action you grabbed your earbuds, phone, charger, and your shoes. You slipped on your soft flats and began to hurry to the door before you heard the tell-tale moan.

Your skin erupted in goosebumps as soon as you entered the cold, Quantico night air. You shivered and rubbed your arms up and down. You’d think the summer nights would be warmer.

But instead of turning back around in favor of warmth over comfort, you began your trek down the 5 or 6 blocks to Spencer’s apartment. It wasn’t that bad. And besides, you always carried a small taser on you. Good for zapping a creep in the balls and getting away quick. Yes, Spencer had given that to you.

 

About 15 minutes or so later, you finally made it to Spencer’s apartment building. It was a tall and quite frankly, large building. You wondered how he even afforded his apartment. But then again, he worked for the FBI, he’s probably got those luxuries. Lucky bastard.

You look up at the building and shiver from a passing breeze. Whelp. No turning back now. You look down and towards the sliding glass doors, and begin your walk inside.

Once inside you saw the lobby was basically empty. So you instantly found the elevator and pressed Spencer’s floor. When you got inside and the doors closed, the nervousness and the reality of what you were doing set in. What were you even going to say to him when he opened the door? If even that? Would he be annoyed with you? No. No, you and him had been together for two years. Thick and thin. He wouldn’t be annoyed. He was always happy to see you.

You took a deep breath, and by the time you came back down to earth from your worries, you had made your way to Spencer’s door. You swallow nervously and raise a fist to knock. Once, twice, thrice. You then began to fumble with the phone in your hand and it’s charger. Curse your anxieties.

But before you could chicken out and basically ding-dong ditch your own boyfriend, the knob turned and the door opened to reveal a very tired, but happy to see you Spencer. “Hey.” He greeted, his eyes already full of love at the sight of you.

You immediately feel all your anxieties and worries fall away at his gaze and incoming smile. There was nothing for you to worry about. “Hey yourself. I just… Uh… I couldn’t wait to see you. Sorry if I woke you. That and my roommates are assholes.” You explained. He let out an amused chuckle and shook his head as he smiled at you warmly.

“I’m sure they aren’t that bad. Though I will have to thank them for getting you so bothered as to seek me out.” He teases. “My bed feels lonely, you know.” You giggle.

“I’m sure it is, Spence. Why don’t I come join you? We can cuddle too. Doesn’t have to be just sleep.” You suggested, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively. He raises an eyebrow at your expression and smirks.

“You knocked on my door at 1:12 am, to cuddle?” He teases, giving you a questioning look.

“You complaining, doc?” you tease back. Spencer shrugs at this, finally giving in and opening the door enough to let you in. You grin childishly and race inside, your arms immediately wrapping around him and squeezing him tightly.

“Missed me, huh?” you nodded with a huff, puffing out your cheeks as Spencer put his hand on your head. Yes, you were shorter than him. And he liked to tease the ever loving crap out of you for it.

He chuckled in response, reaching down and picking you up. You let out another giggle and nuzzle closer to him. He carried you to his bedroom, in which you had definitely seen before. He laid you down on his mattress, pressing a kiss to your forehead after he did so. You felt a slight blush appear on your cheeks at the affection. Even after all this time, he still got to you.

Then he turned and headed towards the living room. You huffed and crossed your arms. “What? Are you willingly putting yourself in the doghouse, Spencer?” You tease. You hear a laugh from the other room before Spencer returned with a small, blue, and hard backed book that had small golden embroidery that you recognized. You widened your eyes in recognition and scooted back towards the pillows. You loved when he would read to you before bed. Especially Edgar Allan Poe’s poems.

“I still don’t understand to be put in the ‘doghouse’. I know it’s a metaphor for getting in trouble with a romantic partner, but it still confuses me. H-however the first writings of the saying originate from the Criminalese in 1926. The origin though is more prosaic than the peter pan theory. Meaning someone who is put out into the cold. But it still doesn’t fit.” He explains, taking a seat next to you on the mattress. You smiled up at him as he shared with you another fact that you didn’t know. You loved it when he rattled off on statistics and explanations that not everyone knew about. It was one of the many things you loved about him.

You snuggled closer to him without any interruptions, not wanting to bother his thought process. He soon after wrapped an arm around your frame and held you close. “Either way, I was just going to get this book. What poem were we on?” he asks you. You roll your eyes. He already knew. He’d memorized the whole damn book.

You gently hit his arm teasingly. “Spence.” You warned. He chuckled and kissed your forehead again.

“I know. Just teasing. I know you like this.” He reminds as he opens the small poem book in his large hands. He clears his throat gently and begins to read softly to you. You look up at him tiredly. Now that you didn’t have much distractions or noise, you realized just how tired you were. And just how tired Spencer looked. You laid your head on his chest and listened to his voice tell the short story of Anabel Lee.

“It was many and many a year ago in a kingdom by the sea that a maiden there lived whom you may know by the name of Anabel Lee.” Spencer began, his voice deep and soothing to your ears. His eyes moved down the page slowly so as to read it slow enough for you. “In this maiden she lived with no other thought than to love and be loved by me. I was a child and she was a child in this kingdom by the sea. But we loved with a love that was more than love, I and my Anabel Lee.” He continued, adjusting his arm a bit. His voice was still just as warm and loving as it was when he began, lulling you even closer to sleep.

“With a love that the winged Seraphs of heaven coveted her and me. And this was the reason that long ago in this kingdom by the sea, a wind blew out of a cloud, chilling my Anabel Lee.” He continued, his eyes tired and slowly drooping with stories of a case I would most likely find out more on tomorrow. “So that her highborn kinsmen came and bore her away from me to shut her up in a Sepulcher in this kingdom by the sea. The Angels, not half as happy in heaven when envying her and me. Yes that is the reason, as all men know in this kingdom by the sea, that the wind came out of a cloud by night, chilling and killing my Anabel Lee.”

You felt your eyelids closing tireously, although you fought back as you tried to stay awake long enough for him to finish the poem. But his voice was so calming, and you just felt so safe, warm, and protected in his arms. You wondered what it was like for him.

 

“But our love was stronger by far than the love of those who are older than we, of many far wiser than we. And neither the Angels in heaven above, nor the Demons down under the sea, can ever dissever my soul from the soul of the beautiful Anabel Lee. For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams of the beautiful Anabel Lee. And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes of the beautiful Anabel Lee.” Damn his voice was so soothing. You were already almost asleep. How did he even stay awake with a voice like that?

“And so the night tide I lie down by the side of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride in the Sepulcher there by the sea, in her tomb by the sounding sea.” Spencer finished, squeezing you tightly as he closed the book and placed it gently on the nightstand beside him.

“Hey Spence?” You ask tiredly, blinking up half lidded at your boyfriend. He turned his head and gave you a questioning look. You smiled and began to mumble. “Am I your Anabel Lee?” You asked sleepily. Spencer smiled at you and let out a happy sigh.

“Yes you are. Now sleep, (Y/N).” He insists, running a gentle hand through your hair as a relaxer. You smiled sleepily and snuggled even closer to him, happy with his answer.

He yawned and turned to the lamp, turning off it’s light before turning back to you and wrapping both arms around you. He was glad you’d stopped by for an impromptu visit. You made his bed less lonely. And he already had missed you terribly. He really had to thank those roommates of yours though.

Then the idea came to his head. If he was so lonely in his bed without you, why didn’t he just ask you to move in with him? You two had been dating for some time now. And he did want you around more. He would have to think about it some more but he was sure he wanted to ask you. But for now, he was going to enjoy the gift of having you nestled gently in his arms. Right where you belonged.

#spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader fic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds fandom #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #Spencer Reid Reads #spencer reid reader insert

[razzle-zazzle]

1356 Words; Divergent AU

In hindsight, maybe Cole shouldn’t have left the monastery.

Actually, no, he absolutely should have. Spending another day in those walls wasn’t something he could handle right now.

But he certainly should have been more careful. The ninja had made plenty of enemies, and more than enough of them were still out and about in Ninjago. Now, Cole wasn’t exactly gallivanting around or trying to announce his presence—

(He wasn’t sure if the others would come after him, or if they’d—

Well. Regardless, he didn’t really want to talk to them just yet.)

—but he hadn’t been discreet enough to avoid catching the attention of one annoyingly unkillable Anacondrai.

Seriously though, why did Pythor keep popping up? Did the guy never age? Would Cole ever live to see a Ninjago that didn’t have the bastard slithering around in it?

Either way, Cole had messed up, and now he was sitting on the ground in a cave, hands cuffed behind him with vengestone—and of course it was vengestone, it was always vengestone. And it wasn’t like he could just stand up and run off, handcuffs and all, because Pythor was a pragmatic little bitch and had hooked the chain around a stone column.

(The column had actually been formed by the unification of stalactite to stalagmite, which was something Cole could very much appreciate. What he couldn’t appreciate, however, was being handcuffed to it.

There were a lot of stalagmites scattered across the floor and an equal number of stalactites along the ceiling, a lot of which were towards the mouth of the cave, giving it the impression of a large, toothy maw overlooking the valley below. Because of course Pythor was extra like that and lived in the scary mouth cave.)

Cole kicked at a pebble in front of him, hoping that whatever stupid villain speech Pythor was going to use this time wouldn’t take too long. He did not have the energy to deal with Pythor’s theatrics.

He didn’t have the energy to deal with a lot of things, actually.

Cole’s prayers for brevity were answered; Pythor slithered into the cave from wherever it was he had gone and removed his cloak, hanging it delicately from one of the stalagmites before turning to Cole.

“Hello, whelp,” He grinned, and Cole sighed heavily, “Are you comfortable? I’d hate it if my accommodations weren’t to your liking.”

Cole made a face. “Do we really have to do this? Do you have to fucking posture or can we just get this song and dance over with, and let me go on my merry little way?”

“Oh, I could let you go.” Pythor mused, slithering around behind Cole. “But I don’t particularly want to.”

Cole scoffed.

Pythor continued, slithering back around to Cole’s left. “You present a very interesting puzzle for me, you see.” He made his way in front of Cole, leaning down to grab Cole’s jaw. “You’ve left the other ninja—” He angled Cole’s face harshly, clawed finger poking at Cole’s nose. “—And you’re not hypnotized, mind controlled, or otherwise under any form of manipulation.” Pythor let Cole go, rearing back to his full height.

“You left the ninja of your own accord, Cole.” His eyes glinted. “And I want to know why.”

Cole stared up at Pythor. “What’s there to say?” He asked, “I got tired.”

Pythor’s eyes narrowed. “You’ll have to forgive me for not believing you.”

“Yeah, well, it’s the truth.” Cole spat. “So forgive me for not having a more exciting explanation.”

If Pythor had eyebrows, one of them would definitely be raised. He stared at Cole for a moment longer, drawing out the tension.

And then he doubled over laughing.

“Wha—hey!” Cole’s face flushed red. With embarrassment or indignance, he wasn’t sure.

“I’m sorry,” Pythor said between giggles, “It’s just—” He managed to rear up straight, though he was still chuckling, “Out of all the ninja, I never pegged you as one who’d leave first. You’re the loyal one, the rock of the team—” He giggled rapturously, “—so how badly did they fuck up to make you leave?”

Cole huffed. “I—I was tired of always feeling like a background character.” He said quietly. “Whether they cared or not, showing it wasn’t high enough on their list of priorities. So I left.” There was something almost bitter in his voice, a soft edge that had Pythor listening intently.

He knew that kind of bitterness all too well.

Pythor hmmed. “They shouldn’t have done that.” He said softly. “Shouldn’t have chased off one of their strongest—even they can’t be that stupid.”

Cole scoffed. “Yeah, well, they were, and now I’m here.” He glared at Pythor. “You’ve got your answers, so let me go.”

Pythor shrugged. “Yes, I suppose I should.” He didn’t move to release Cole, “but I get the feeling you have a few questions for me,” his eyes narrowed down to slits, “don’t you?”

Cole gave Pythor a flat look.

Pythor returned the look.

Well, he did have a question. “What are you planning?” Whatever Pythor was up to, however he was plotting to fuck around with the ninja this time, Cole wanted to be as far away as possible.

Pythor barked out a laugh. “Planning? Dear boy, I was planning on going to the market to restock on food, but then you showed up and piqued my interest. I’m certainly not plotting anything more dastardly than stealing newspapers.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you.” Cole said, voice drier than a desert. His eyes narrowed. “You don’t just stop planning, Pythor—you’re too persistent. Always popping up and causing trouble.”

Pythor made a face. “Oh please. I haven’t bothered you since you became human again.” He gave Cole a meaningful look. “You do realize how long it’s been since then, right?”

Oh.

Oh.

Cole shifted uncomfortably. “Then why’d you stop?”

“Same reason you left, I suppose.” Pythor shrugged. “I got tired.” He slithered around behind Cole; with a click, the handcuffs were unlocked.

Cole stood up, rubbing gingerly at his wrists. He made his way to the mouth of the cave, only to pause. This was probably rude to ask, but—

“How did you of all people get tired?”

There was a pregnant pause.

Cole shifted awkwardly.

“The Devourer. The Overlord. The Preeminent. The Sons of Garmadon. The Oni.” There was something almost bitter to Pythor’s tone, a soft edge that, in parallel to earlier, had Cole listening intently.

“All those horrors you ninja have faced—and I barely hold a candle to any of them. I’m no longer the suave, dangerous Anacondrai I once was.” He flopped over dramatically, though his voice was sincere.

Cole raised an eyebrow. Could Pythor really have been called suave? Dramatic, maybe; petty, for sure. But not suave.

“I’m nothing more than a nuisance,” Pythor grumbled, “and I’m tired of it. Of plotting and failing and being little more than a laughingstock.” He snorted. “So I settled down here for a quiet life away from you ninja and all your nonsense.”

Cole frowned. “That sounds an awful lot like doing nothing and dying alone.”

Pythor turned back towards Cole. “And what are your plans, if I may ask?”

Cole shrugged, looking out the cave. “I don’t know. Just… wander, I guess. Maybe help people here and there.” He looked back at Pythor. “Maybe you’ll see me in the area sometime.”

Pythor scoffed. “I would hope not.” He hissed, though there was hardly any malice. “You ninja bring more trouble than you’re worth wherever you go.”

“I told you, I’m not a ninja.” Cole turned his gaze back outside, voice soft. “Not anymore.”

“Well, whatever you are,” Pythor slithered up next to Cole, “you've overstayed your welcome.”

Cole laughed. “Alright, alright, I’ll get out of your scales.” He moved to leave, making his way down the mountain with the sort of grace that only a master of earth could have.

Pythor watched Cole leave until he was but a dot in the valley, before turning around to go lay down.

He didn’t like the sense of worry blooming in his chest.

He didn’t care about the brat, right?

#ninjago #lego ninjago #divergent au #zaz writes #pythor p chumsworth #cole ninjago #not entirely satisified with the ending but when i backtracked and tried to get what i wanted it was not working #so cole & pythor don't join up just yet #also i have not written anything today #i just stumbled upon this while scrolling #and decided it was good enough for posting #idk i'm a lil tired #which is oddly fitting given the title of the first piece in this au #going to see if i actually do get any wrting done tonight

[honorable-wanderings]

Word of Honor - Episode 3 Part 2 - We’re getting INN to it now!

Meanwhile back with Scooby  and the Gang. B-characters realize that the Goldilocks is missing and it was only the 3 bears that were killed.

And we can hear them surprisingly well from this far away. Their voices must carry exceptionally well.

---------------

The spiderwebs of DEATH

Seriously though it’s been hours. How has no one either taken these wires down or run into them accidentally? You cannot tell me they have checked every bit of this place for ChengLing’s body if these are still up.

Someone has lied to you Mr. White ‘n’ Blue.

----------------------

No you fucking did not. If you were cleaning them up roughly you’d at least get the ones on the main doorways! goddamn.

-----------

Old ppl vs the Ghosts!

COME ON DOWN FOR THE FIGHT OF YOUR LIFE THE ALL DEAD VS THE MOSTLY DEAD THIS SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY BE THERE BE THERE BE THERE.

---------------

The Ghost Valley is a menace! It’s high time someone went in there and eradicated them all!

Huh... never thought of that before...

-----------------------

Eh. Old people chanting the children’s rhymes doesn’t have the same tension. It’s just not the right feel. It’s a no from me.

----------------

Yes. This is perfectly far enough away. No one could possibly overhear us from this distance! I am a genius!

-----------------

We are all very worried about ChengLing’s well being. Yes. That is all. Only his well being. Nothing else. No ulterior motives here. Nope. Purely just good will and worry. :DDDD

---------------------

Ah yes! Back to my boys! :D

------------------------

You big softie.

Seriously though. He is so considerate of not only Best Boy’s physical well being but really his emotional state and autonomy as well. He doesn’t expect ChengLing to act like a full grown adult but he doesn’t treat him like a little kid either. It’s great and I’m here for it.

---------------------------------

It’s not stalking if we got here first, right? Now you’re stalking me! :D :D :D :D :D

-------------

Some day soon I’ll get you to admit you like me ;)

-------------------

-------------------------------------------------------

Whaaaaaaaaaaaat you’re here to? At this random river?????? OMG what are the chancesssssss?!?!?

At this point I just wanna know fuckin how????

----------------------------------

A-Xiang deserves a fucking medal for putting up with this BS. For real.

----------------

A-Xu you make-a him sad D:

---------------

Zhou ZiShu! Look out! They’re stealing your boat!!

-------------------------

-Hey if the ghost valley peeps come up to wreck shit it’s gonna be our shit that gets wrecked too you know? -I don’t give a farting fly’s left ass cheek! I’m one foot in the grave already.

------------------

Glazed armor this glazed armor that give me a glazed donut and let’s call it a day. I don’t careeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

------------------------------------------

Are you inn or out?

----------------------

Sorry we’re out of space because for some reason we let ourselves rent out the entire establishment to a single person. Like I get he paid for the rooms but it’d still be bad for business?? Like no one wants to go to an inn if they won’t let you stay even though there are empty rooms. Like the fuck

------------

Look elsewhere? Shit you know this is the only inn in town (apparently)!! Where we supposed to go???

Um... why don’t you try looking at I don’t give a FUCK

----------------------------

Well well well. Who could have seen this coming?

-------------------

Zhou ZiShu is about read to add a few more nails

---------------------------

This old ragged beggar man is hot as fuck. Set him up in my room at once!

Just end my suffering. I beg you

-------------------------

ChengLing just gonna keep his mouth shut and stay out of it

------------------------------

-I gave you my own room! -My room now. Kindly GTFO -But I bought you clothes too! -Yeah no one asked you. GTFO!!

-How have my seduction techniques continued to fail??????????

-------------------------------

Love me pls D:

-----------------

If Oedipus invented a wire tap he’s gonna have to work harder to get past me!!

---------------

But he doesn’t look like he’s a bad person

Bad people rarely do.

--------------------

Take the bed? I couldn’t possibly!! No! You’re taking care of me and protecting me and you’re old! You take the bed! I’ll sleep on the chair! I’m the best boy!!!

Bitch did I fucking stutter?

--------------

You owe me no explanations. I’m sure you have your reasons and that they’re good ones. But don’t suffer needlessly. Treat your wounds and I won’t ask any more about it.

--------------

MY BOY DOESN’T DESERVE THIS. ALL THIS OVER A PIECE OF FUCKIN SEA GLASS??????????

---------------

Ain’t nobody dope as me I’m just so fresh, so clean (So fresh and so clean clean)

--------------------------

Daaate niiiiiight

----------

So I get that you’re like persistently stalking me and all that but like Why??

Because I know you cute as fuck. Why you hiding? Show me what your true face and I’ll tell you what I want. What I really really want.

You first bitch

-------------

Local man tries to pry secrets out of only human in a 10 mile radius who has no ulterior motives and is confused when it doesn’t work.

--------------

Das gay

HDU

----------------------

Clink Clink bitch

-------------------------

Master can you please keep it in your pants for 5 minutes? It’s all I ask. Just 5 minutes of peace! Please!

---------

Pop Quiz! Who is the second cutest person in the world?

I will settle for anyone who feeds me

Naw. Tsundere is where it’s at.

*Is unimpressed in tsundere*

---------------------

Then who is the mostest cutest?

A tsundere with long legs, slim waist, fat ass.

Heavens strike me down now. Please end my misery. Why did I sit here? Didn’t I know better?

Anyone have any more torture nails? Anyone? Please?

-----------------------------

*Insert Mii channel theme*

--------------------

We are the unwashed masses. Let’s go fuck some shit up

---------

Hey guys. Does this look like anime style to you? Someone said it looks like anime but I don’t see it.

I think it looks great! I can’t even draw a stick figure! hahahaha

--------------------------

Sleepy boi <3

----------------

How the fuck did I become the third wheel?

-----------

*mii channel theme continues*

----------------

Your honored uncle here wouldn’t let us eat anything until you woke up even though he sat at my table. D:

-------------------

-Stop acting like a little brat and start acting polite and demure like the other girls

-Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh gross

-------------------------

We’re doing found family and we’re doing it now!

-------------------------

Why aren’t you eating?

Yeah! We had to wait all this time for you to get here and you’re not even eating anyway!!!!!!

Well my home and my entire family died, and so did that random boat man who protected me. And also there’s a hole in my stomach. So I don’t have much of an appetite atm.

Oh My God. can you not???

But that’s how I show affection!!!!!!!! D:<

---------------

Shoving food in your face to hide your tears. A time honored tradition.

Also D: Best boy is sad </3

--------------------

Oh no. More people I’m supposed to remember.

JESUS FUCK REALLY???

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? HOW MANY? You cannot tell me they are all important. Please tell me I’m not supposed to remember this many people. I can’t handle this.

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG

THAT’S 11 PEOPLE AT ONCE! WHAT THE FUCK

---------------

Whenever this guy speaks it sounds like he’s trying really hard not to cough in front of the board meeting.

-------------

Okay so what I got from this is

There was a treaty between these peeps and the ghost peeps to say they’ll leave each other the fuck alone

The ghost peeps broke that promise by fucking with the mirror lake sect and so these peeps decided to retaliate

and they’re gonna retaliate by throwing a party? Like I guess they’re just gathering forces? But like it’s a weird way to do it.

-------------

Oh for the love of god.

--------------------------------

Pffffffffffffffff welcome to the circus

----------------------------

*sigh*

Okay y’all I can remember like 6 people. 7 Max. Y’all gonna have to be picky about who’s important here.

How many of these people do I actually have to know?

----------------------

Now what the fuck happened here and why are the twin jades here?

-------------------------

You two have a piece of the glazed ham. And even though no one is using it it’s really important that we keep it that way. No one must hold all pieces of the glazed ham. Or..... bad things?

--------------

Oh my. Pain o’clock already?

-----------------

SOMEONE GET THEIR ASS IN THERE AND GIVE MY BOY A HUG!

-----------------------

Hey! What do you see? Is he in there? I can’t see a goddamn thing.

-------------------

So I know that he’s like what, 15? And like grew up with a dad. But like you know they made him scream “A-Die” and then wake up to Zhou ZiShu’s comforting touch on purpose. You know that was planned.

Maybe not a father, but certainly a father figure.

(Also thanks, A-Xu for answering my request from earlier for someone to comfort the poor boy.)

--------------------------

What’s this? The sounds of a scuffle???

Whelp. Not anymore.

--------------------------

Couldn’t he have just ordered them to leave instead?

---------------------

The Ghost Valley seems to be following me rather closely.

Oh you have no idea. ;)

-------------------

Alcohol detected

-------------------

Let me call you a cute pet name and I’ll let you drink from my bottle of nectar. ;)

Oh my god this shit again?

----------------------

You know what?

Two can play at this game.

---------------------

You wanna see what lies underneath? Rip it off yourself.

Don’t worry! I’m patient! Sleep well! Dream of me! I know I’ll be dreaming of you! ;)

#word of honor #Shanhe Ling #wen kexing #zhou zishu #zhang chengling #Gu Xiang #Writing WoH #spoilers #episode 3 #long post

[anon-rebel-writes]

WIP Wednesday!

Hello everyone! I hope you are having an extraordinary Wednesday!

I’ve noticed a pattern in my posts; I feel like I always over-explain myself every single time I post anything. Whelp, today is no exception XD

So I don’t know if anyone realized that I didn’t post anything for “Six Sentence Sunday”, unfortunately that was not a mistake. I didn’t work much on anything for the weekend, so it didn’t make sense to post something.

My weekend was extremely exhausting and yet not productive at all XD I only managed to add about 300 words to “Potion Madness” (the title is also a WIP XP). Luckily, after a whole weekend (and a couple of extra days) of little progress, I finally worked on something!

Y’know, the more I write this story, the more I realize I may never be finished with it. A huge part of me wants to write a whole second act, but another huge part of me wants to work on the act I haven’t even finished yet XD

So... that’s my explanation for this post XD Does anyone even read these? I feel like I could say something here and no one would notice (Honestly that’s probably for the best, I read these posts days later and am always concerned for Past Rebbie XP) 

(Also quick side note before I move on to the good stuff, I want to quickly apologize for not being super active on here! There’s so much great artwork and fics that I haven’t been able to reblog or read or anything yet. I swear I want to, but college is starting up again soon and that’s been my main focus. Just wanted to keep everyone updated! Life is hard, so make sure to touch the grass every now and then! :D)

Anyways, the snippet begins under the cut! <3

The crystal ball finally cleared up and Juleka appeared, looking extremely bothered.

“Mari, you’re my friend and everything, but I’mma be honest, now isn’t a great time.”

Deep groans and sighs of pain could be heard in the background. A cold chill ran down Marinette’s back as she remembered the last time she interrupted Juleka’s spells. Her magic was a lot more dark than anything Marinette ever tried.

“Sorry, Jule. It’s just... well uh...”

Her eyes moved above the crystal ball and met Luka’s eyes. He quickly shook his head and moved his arms into an ‘X’.

“It’s what? Marinette-”

“You wouldn’t happen to have any hawk feathers lying around, would you?”

Juleka’s eyes squinted as her arms crossed over her torso. “That depends, what are you mixing them with?”

On one hand, Luka needed to be turned back to normal, and not just for his benefit. Having the guy you like wrap himself around you sounds a lot better in theory than in practice. She honestly didn't know how much longer she could take this.

On the other hand, Juleka was evil. Her finding out Luka got turned into a half-snake person would result in lots of intense tormenting. Juleka was extremely sly when she wanted to be. Marinette could already see the trauma Luka would go through if she found out.

All this to say, this made telling her the second ingredient very hard, it would be obvious what potion she was making. It didn’t take a genius to know that mixing a hawk feather with crab claws would make a simple curing potion.

“Wait a minute, wasn’t Luka supposed to be with you today?”

Marinette’s thoughts screeched to a halt. Her eyes snapped to Luka. His hands raked through his hair, making it look extremely soft and fluffy. If his dignity wasn’t on the line (and the situation wasn’t so strange) she wanted to run her fingers through those beautiful blue tips.

Honestly she almost forgot what was happening until Luka quickly started mouthing to her, ‘Change the topic!’ She stared back at Juleka and gave her best fake smile.

“Luka? Who’s Luka?”

Why was she like this?

“Uh-”

“NECROMACY! I’m trying to make a simple necromancy potion but Luka forgot to bring the hawk feathers needed for it! That's why I need you to send some over! No other reason!”

Juleka slowly blinked, it seemed like she was trying to piece something together. Her dark eyes turned sharp as her gaze wandered over the crystal ball, as if Marinette was being interrogated (which she kinda was).

“You, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, want to learn a necromancy spell? Huh... Honestly, I’m kinda offended you didn’t ask me to help you since I literally major in Necromancy. But fine, I’ll send over a box of Hawk feathers.”

Both Marinette and Luka visibly relaxed. At least now they were one step closer to fixing Luka. Marinette leaned towards to crystal ball to kiss the glass, “Thank you, Jule! You’re a life-saver!”

“Yeah yeah. Also, can you do me a favor? Tell Luka that if he was trying to hide the fact that he’s naga, he should’ve hidden his tail better.”

The crystal ball quickly dimmed as the connection cut off, leaving the two teens alone once again. Luka groaned and leaned against the back wall, covering his face with his hands. “I’m never gonna live this down.”

“Wait a minute, sneeple are called nagas?”

#wip #wip wednesday #magic au #magic shenanigans #potions #lukanette #pro lukamari #luka couffaine #marinette dupain cheng #I really need to finish this XD #sneeple #mage au #fantasy au

[mymadmedleyw]

Obsession / Instincts

(ao3), belongs under Certain Moment of Time, could be read independently, just as each for the days will be shorts, but all together forming a whole picture

---

"You're late. Again." stated an impatient voice, just at the same time he phased through the ceiling.

"Had a little business." Skulker described, hardly wanting to get into the details. And really, he tried to close out the frustration that each encounter with the boy left in him.

"That's the third time." was it noted, with a pointing raised up eyebrow. "I thought ghosts don't follow schedules." to that word, Skulker's artificial face twitched, and even under the suit, he grimaced. "Should I reschedule our meetings then?" looked to his employer to him, asking it almost as if it would have been a kind inquiring. But it was a mocking, an accounting for, not an actual offering, he knew that too.

Skulker took a narrowed look at the other (this time human-formed) ghost, but then shook his metallic head. "Nah, scalping the whelp could wait." he floated lower, putting down his neatly created legs to the floor, nearing the working table where the maps and drawing were prepared for the newest information to add to it.

"Whelp?" lifted up his head the man from one of his papers, confused by the use of the word.

"The boy," Skulker explained. "Didn't you hear about him?"

"I have a life here you know…" came the explanation, in a form of mumbling, like it would have been said like a thousand times.

"Noticed." Skulker acknowledged, this time, exceptionally not making any comment on the human outlook, or on the pyjamas… (but of course that didn't stop him sneering over the sight). It was always weird witnessing the (partly) ghost in human situations, but this- this now, was the cherry top on the dessert. If the man was prepared for the bedtime, then he indeed was late, which meant, he rather shouldn't have tested the other's patience.

"I'm not paying attention to the chattings anyway among you, obviously to pass your eternal time as the only entertainment." the other said, waving to him to come closer and drew out the latestly collected data. "Ghosts appear quite often, people die, I don't have time to follow every one of your murmurings. You're worse than a bunch of bored old woman." was it described.

"He is different." Skulker debated, giving the man the small card, hid behind his metallic ear which was somehow more important, than any part of him. Once he had been informed how it worked, but to tell the truth, he hadn't been really paying any attention, not until his suit worked shiny and greatly and he got the upgrades. Then, why should have any unexplainable part bothered him?

"How so?" the man asked, accepting the card, connecting it to the computer. The question sounded automatic, not as a real interest.

"Not like us." Skulker described, waiting until he got back the data-collecting tiny device. "Just popped out of nowhere. He not even belongs within the Zone, wasn't formed there." he added.

"Maybe you just missed it." commented the other, typing something on the keyboard, then looked up to the screen. "The modelling of your realm is almost ready," he reported. "A few more measuring and we'll be done."

"You never told why you need it." Skulker pointed, suddenly realising he never asked about it, or when he did the man always eluded from the answering. If soon there hadn't been any 'part-job', he never would get the reason.

"And you never thanked me for your suit." the other told. "Neither the upgrades. Still, I am tolerating you."

To that, Skulker rather didn't add anything, just silently clenched his metallic jaw, recognising his so used-to outlook could be thanked to the most of the time posing human ghost-like being. He abhorred when someone – anyone – was blackmailing him, or when his true appearance was on plain sight in a debate.

"The outliner in the ecto-readings from the last time …" asked all at once the man. "did you figure it out what it was?"

It needed a moment for Skulker to come back from the fear that if he wouldn't 'play nice' keeping his suit had been on stake, but then put together, now, it didn't occur the other to roust him like that. Maybe the pyjamas and the late time helped him to rather end this meeting fast, so then Skulker responded, feeling as his tensed up tiny little body got calmed down to. "I think that created him."

"Who?" was it taken, but then, after a beat, it sank. "Oh, the ghost boy, you are referring to."

"You should be interested," Skulker suggested, enjoying the advantages he had against the other. Oh, this would be good, fascinating to witness how the truth would come to the surface. The possibilities of how it could turn out made a smirky smile on his artificial face.

"I don't care out some mindless children who died at young age, obviously by a lame careless accident." was it shook off.

"You might be surprised…" Skulker insisted, only getting out as much information that could get the part-ghost's attention. "My sensors you created, it detects the radiations too, his emission is similar like yours. And he is a bit like you too, posing as a human, very lovely."

To that, the motion of the man stopped, almost keeping him frozen for an entire minute, but then he blinked, as if he didn't want his halting to be visible. "This ghost boy…" was it started. "keep on eye on him." he demanded with a strict voice.

"I don't like follow orders." Skulker commented, though this time, just as a used-to retort to every dictation.

"Still, you are doing it so great."

"Watch it, you still owe me to leading you out of the Ghost Zone. I still could recall how desperate and lost you were…" the memory created a wide grin behind the metallic skin on Skulker's face. Sometimes, when he wondered how much the things changed between them, to this current unbearable level, he came back to that picture, as the other had been begging pathetically for anyone who could know the exit from the endless realm.

"And I think I already paid for that." the man snapped. "Don't forget to keep in mind, I have access to your suit. Would you like me to override that stuck-in program? Follow the boy."

Skulker swallowed at the re-appeared demanding and expecting, but then remembered the last time he had been here, the man had been cursing about his old 'friend'. Presumably, this time it was skipped by the late hour and because of the human 'tiredness', but suddenly an idea appeared in Skulker's mind. He still had the advantage to be aware of some things…

"These Fentons you are always complaining about…" he started, not letting the other to cut in with a note to the word 'complaining' – because even if the other couldn't admit it, that was it, for a very very long time. "Maybe you should reconnect with them." he said, turning invisible and leaving the thought without any further particularising. And he knew, if once the so loathed Jack Fenton and the so cherished Maddie returned to the man's mind, he wouldn't be able to fight against it. Maybe some research work could mean a short-timed distraction, but knowing the part-ghost for nearly fifteen years, Skulker was conscious of what was about his true fixation, and now, he got a new part in that picture: figuring out the identity of the mysterious ghost boy. And learning who exactly was that undoubtedly would turn out very lovely. That made a challenged joyous smile on Skulker's face, oh that would be so good…

#going angst week 2021 #going angst week #skulker #vlad masters #danny phantom

[jafndaegur]

Noise of Rain | Chapter Five

These are Two Different Worlds, She Walks the Borderline—

Sesskag

a/n: we're coming to the close of the first half! Yay! I think this will probably have about five or so more chapters. Thanks for reading this guilty indulgence of mine~

...

Sesshomaru had taken Rin to a village about a day's worth of travel from the Burial Mounds. They had happened to be in the area, and while his ward went to shop for her supplies, he thought about their next step of travel. Particularly because a bothersome idea had crept into his mind ever since they arrived.

He wanted to go visit the miko in the mountains.

Since the last time he had checked-in on her, he'd noticed they were still struggling to put together their little crop fields. Humans, so fragile and needy that if they could not somehow pertain the correct soil for their crops, they would die. Hah.

So he'd provided lotus pods out of his magnanimous generosity… he was starting to sound too much like Jaken. 

Maybe he should leave the little imp behind for a while, refresh his mind and ears from the presence of the squawky toad.

Going to the miko's would generate that reprieve—

Before he indulged the thought any further, he squashed it with the sharp pinprick of his claws against his palm. 

Since her sudden change, something drew Sesshomaru to her. Curiosity is what he would like to name it, a strange girl with the power to suddenly obliterate the most dangerous hanyou this world had seen; obviously despite his anger that he wasn't the one to kill Naraku, her actions had caught his eye. Perhaps it was the sheer brutality of her powers, a miko easily and without pause tearing apart a living creature. While he enjoyed the sight with a great deal of satisfaction, that was uncharacteristic for the young miko. The daiyoukai huffed, if he didn't know any better, the resentful energy that the miko claimed to use was drastically changing her temperament.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. The girl should feel so lucky that he graced her with the constant barrage of thought. Under normal circumstances he would have never cared. Which ultimately brought him full circle again to the main question at hand.

Why did he care, now?

"Lord Sesshomaru!"

Rin's voice cut through the air as if she were standing right next to him. She knew better than to call him when in a town unless it was something important. He sped through the street, chasing the child's delicate scent like a marked path. Damn the humans staring at him, he didn't care. If someone had dared to cause a single scratch upon Rin's flesh. Well.

It'd been a long while since he'd razed a village to cinders.

Sesshomaru halted immediately though. 

Rin walked ahead with a skip, her arms full of gauze, salve, and food. She didn’t look for him however, she looked to the side—where a figure accompanied her. Not just any figure, the miko. 

He took in the sight of her, his eyes narrowing. Her hair was shaggy and unkempt. Her clothes too big and overly wrinkled, they hung off her body with an almost scandalous air to them and he wondered if she knew how to actually properly tie her yukata. It was her eyes though, that dawned the answer to his question.

Because a small smile worked its way on her face as she talked with Rin before eyeing her attention to him. And it was those blue wonders that had been so alive and vibrant before that were now dull and tired, hollowed by sleep circles and darkened bags.

The miko who'd had twice as much liveliness as Rin, the miko who stared everything down with joy and easy-going laughter, was now a husk of a human. And that bothered him.

Because there was no explanation for her change.

"Sesshomaru!" She waved with the hand holding her fife, and he had the sudden urge to grab it and chuck it into the heavens.

"Lord Sesshomaru! You came!" Rin pranced up to him with a proud grin. "Lady Kagome mentioned how nice it would be to see you."

"Rin." He narrowed his glance. "This one is not here for your beck and call."

"I know!" She chirped eagerly.

"I wasn't sure when the next time I could see you would be. It's already been quite some time." Kagome admitted with a sheepish look. "And Rin assured me you were nearby."

Sesshomaru hummed.

"Would you like something to eat?" She continued hurriedly, squeezing Rin's hand gently before pulling away from the child. "My treat."

He wondered if she should really be making such an offer. Still the youkai inclined his head.

His ward cheered and the miko seemed to relax. They wandered down a small path in the town that led to a patio restaurant. Fried fish and pork could be seen on the grills, and the smell of rice and soup filled the air. It was homely.

"Tea, sweet soup for the girl, and two spicy plates!" Kagome ordered before ushering them to a table at the corner. 

It was obvious the other diners were wary of the little group. The rumored Edo Matriarch and a daiyoukai certainly did not make for pleasant clientele. And yet Kagome seemed to brush aside the tense atmosphere for chatter. This was the first time in a long time that Sesshomaru had heard her so carefree and well...like her old self. He indulged her.

Their food was brought out quickly, a small bowl of soup and sweet smelling fruit was handed to Rin. Two bowls of rice topped with red-sauced beef were placed in front of him and the miko. She looked ecstatic.

"Things are slow going in the Burial Mounds but what can I say. That place is pretty inhospitable. It's taken a lot of energy to set up our living there, but it's coming along."

The demon lazily ran his fingers through his hair before giving his tea a delicate sip. "This one has noticed depleted demonic presences in this area. Would that be your doing, miko?"

She hid her giggle behind the back of her hand. "I have created a new tool to draw in and horde resentful energy. Without any malicious or evil just floating around willy-nilly, there's no place for lesser youkai to feed on that negative aura."

He felt a nerve twitch. Could she really do such feats without corruption? There were reasons why meager demons fed on prevalent evil atmospheres.

"Don’t look so concerned," Kagome's smile thinned and she went to absentmindedly twirl her fife. "I've got it under control."

He wondered.

She picked up her chopsticks, laughing when Rin eagerly thanked her for the soup, and started to eat the food with gusto. Sesshomaru felt a small twinge in his chest. Maybe he pondered ceaselessly over nothing. 

He would have thought that if it weren't for the sharp blast of yellow light that flashed from the folds of the miko's robes.

She hissed and withdrew one of her yellow talismans. The red writing glittered before the paper combusted. a curse flew past her lips and she stood immediately from the table.

"Sorry Sesshomaru, this is an emergency." She bolted then, haori fluttering as she fled from the patio. 

The daiyoukai pinched the bridge of his nose, gaze sliding to Rin. "Do you have any money left over?"

"Rin saved a few silver pieces," her little mouth twisted with concern. "Is everything okay my lord?"

He rose as well. "Pay for the meal, find Jaken. I will return later."

She nodded. "Be safe Lord Sesshomaru."

The wind seemed to bend around him as he sped after Kagome, ignoring her startled yelp as he wrapped his arm around her waist and sent them flying for the Burial Mounds. Her hair whipped around like tendrils of ink.

"Miroku is waiting outside of the cave at the center." She urged him. "You'll have to wait there if you want to stick around. There's going to be a massive lash of resentful energy and I cannot handle you transforming into your true form."

"Doubt in my self control is not a good look for you," he growled.

"Nonetheless," she muttered. "Two out of control powerhouses may be beyond my reach if that were to happen."

He wanted to ask what she meant. But the monk came into view and they touched down before he had the chance. Miroku rushed to them. Roaring could be heard from the cave along with the frantic shouting of the demon slayer.

Kagome shot a panicked look to the man before running inside the cave. Sesshomaru followed her without question or care to the monk's protest.

She had been right.

The amount of evil aura permeated the small space like a fog, and it weighed heavily on his baser instincts. He clutched Tenseiga, allowing the serene energy to calm his raging inner-self.

Kohaku fought his sister in a fit of rabid rage. His eyes completely rolled back and white, and hair strewn from his usual ponytail. Unlike pass times as Naraku's puppet, he had an unnatural and unrestrained power about him that thrummed like a barrier. Sesshomaru snarled.

Kagome's music filtered through the air and the dark energy flooded towards her, which she accepted with open meridians. Kohaku's fury diverted to her and he rushed her without mercy. Sesshomaru’s temper snapped and he'd enough. He lunged forward, claws intent on putting the whelp in its place.

The music stopped. "Don't hurt him Sesshomaru, he doesn't kno—"

That hesitation. One moment. And the mindless boy rushed past the dog demon and attack Kagome front on.

To her credit, she defended well. Her fife parried his first punch, body whipping around as she stoutly kicked him in the chest. He recovered quickly and barreled straight into her, head and shoulder pushing into her torso. Slamming her straight into the wall. The miko gasped out, blood flying from her mouth as she fell to the ground with a stagger. Sesshomaru yanked the boy back and sent him spiraling across the cave. He helped the miko up, eyes widening as the light in the cave flickered.

Her eyes bled red and her balance wobbled. The resentful energy seaped into her body in torrents and in that instant Sesshomaru realized that there was nothing he could do to stop the stream.

Kagome reached into her robe and drew forth a dark grey amulet in the shape of a phoenix. The energies spiraled into it. Her eyes flashed bright crimson, and the daiyoukai loathed to admit that his control waivered. But Kohaku fell to the ground, immobile and screaming. Kagome threw the amulet into the air and caught it with a chant. The dark energy stopped its movement and it became stagnant again. Sango ran to her brother's side, cradling him close while sobbing his name.

Kagome sagged.

"I thought," Sesshomaru grit his teeth. "You said everything was taken care of."

The miko looked at him with a bloodied and tired smile. "I've lied to you before, haven't I?"

"You will stop immediately." He growled. 

She hid the phoenix amulet back in her robes, and leaned against his side. He had the strongest urge to push her off and storm away. And yet even now, he found himself gravitating to her side.

#sesskag #sesshomaru x kagome #sesshomaru #kagome higurashi #au: mo dao zu shi #inuyasha #song of the chapter is grenzlinie sung by cyua

[stillchaoticlogic]

Stumbling: Chapter 4

Pairing: Raihan X Reader X Leon

Your life hadn’t gone exactly as you planned…

Which is why when an old rival walks into the coffee shop you work at he gives you an offer you just can’t refuse. Finally, a chance at the League. Suddenly you are thrust into the spot light and a world you thought you had left behind. Dreams aren’t always what they are cracked up to be though, especially when you find yourself the tangled up with the champion and a certain gym leader.

Has all your dreams come true?

Or is this your worst nightmare?

Read the First Chapter Here!

Read the Second Chapter Here!

Read the Third Chapter Here!

**Masterlist Coming Soon!**

The Journey Begins!

The next morning you end up running around Motostoke attempting to get everything you need. The last of your savings is spent on a Flash phone and luckily your able to get the Pokedex on there along with a map of the region and all your trainer and Pokemon information. You then head to the center and stock up on medical equipment and pokeballs before going to the department store and getting a set of camping gear. 

“How?” you ask as you gaze down at your pack which is already bursting at the seams. 

“That’s a little full…” you yelp not expecting anyone to be standing behind you. 

You whip around and are met with sight of Sonia and Nessa. 

“Oh hey!” you exclaim as you smile at the duo. 

“Getting ready to head out?” asks Nessa with a small smile. 

“Yeah… I had to stock up on some things before I left but this seems excessive…”

“I’ll help you sort through your pack! But first, how do you feel about lunch to catch up?”

“That would be great but….”

“It’s on me! That equipment is expensive!”

“No! Sonia I can’t let you do that!” 

“It’s okay! I want to catch up! You can just get mine next time OR after you take Leon for all he’s worth. That prize money is nothing to shake a stick at!”

“Alright deal…”

“Well if she wasn’t… I was… I heard you took care of some asshole pokemon abuser yesterday and that deserves a free lunch at the least!” says Nessa. 

“Oh! Yeah… I guess the guys told you about that?”

“Nope! You’re all over the news and social media. Everyone is talking about the gym challenger who saved a Jangmo-o!”

“What? Really? Why?”

They laugh before each wrapping an arm through one of yours.

 “Because your badass babe!” exclaims Nessa.

“Yeah! All the leaders and media outlets now have their eyes on you! You’re going to dominate this competition!” Sonia interjects. 

Despite not having seen Sonia in years, time just simply got away from the two of you, and having never met Nessa before, the three of you sit down like old friends at the local cafe. 

“So you’re going to have to tell me what happened…” Sonia starts after you all get your food. 

“With what?”

“All of this! You just disappeared! And now out of the blue Leon is endorsing you in the League! What happened?!”

“Well… I couldn’t find a sponsor…”

“That makes no sense… you were one of the best!”

“That’s what Leon said… no one was looking for what I had to offer I guess. I also got some bullshit reasoning too. I wasn’t pretty, cute, sweet or sexy enough. I was too smart… I didn’t have the right look… You name it, they said it… I tried for several years, the last one when I was eighteen… At that point I had someone tell me I was too old…”

“Seriously?” huffs out Nessa in anger. 

“Yep...So I moved to a small town that I could afford rent in and got a job at a cafe. That’s where Leon found me. He got lost and ended up at the cafe to get out of a storm. A week later I had a letter of endorsement.”

“I’m glad you’re finally getting your chance.”

“Thanks… I just hope he didn’t put his faith in me for no reason.”

“Oh stop that! You’re amazing. You’ve always been amazing. You’re going to kill this competition,” Sonia exclaims as she looks you in the eyes. 

“Thanks Sonia…”

“Of course! Besides at least you have a direction… I feel like a magikarp out of water sometimes…”

“Aren’t you working with your grandma?”

“Yeah… but I’m not sure if it’s what I want…”

“Why is that?”

“It’s overwhelming sometimes… plus that’s a pretty big pair of shoes to fill…”

“Ehh… you’re doing great! You’re just too hard on yourself,” argues Nessa. 

“She does great work, she just gets stressed out sometimes, mostly for no reason…”

“Oh hush!” Sonia exclaims in embarrassment at her friends praise. 

The three of you end up chatting for the next hour before you all say your goodbyes. 

“I can’t wait to see you at my gym! Go crush Milo for me girl!” Nessa yells as they watch you head down the steps into the Wild Area. 

“Oh don’t worry! He’s mine!” you yell back with a laugh. The lunch having significantly lifted your spirits and they helped you go through your pack, making it much lighter than before. 

“Oh boy…” you mutter as you gaze around the vast area before you. With a sigh you head off into the wild in search of your first new team member.

“Now… If I was a Bounsweet...where would I be hiding?” You gaze around the field before heading into the tall grass. You had never seen so many different types of pokemon in one place. Serenity took over most of the battling and after many run ins with several different types of pokemon that aren’t the one you’re looking for you find a...combee?”

You gaze in abject excitement at the honey bee pokemon with the little red dot. “A female combee…” you mutter as you approach her. She continues to buzz around a flower and you know that after the beating that Serenity has taken today you couldn’t risk sending her out. Gazing down at the only other pokemon you currently have with you, you pull it from your belt. 

“Davine!” you call as she pops out and looks up at you, “I have a favor to ask of you…”

Her Amber eyes are large and full of uncertainty, “Can you help me catch that combee?”

She gazes over at the pokemon idly hovering over a flower before she hesitantly nods. 

“Alright! Can you use headbutt on her?”

Nodding the tiny dragon approaches the combee, who doesn’t look perturbed in the least, in fact she looked more interested than anything. Gliding over she buzzes around Davine’s head and it’s almost amusing when Davine panics and just boops her on the head instead of using headbutt. The combee blinks in surprise before it almost looks as if she laughs before gently booping Davine back. The dragon flinches back but opens her eyes slowly as the bee just buzzes around her laughing as if she wants to play. 

“Whelp…this is my life now…” you say in exasperation as you pull a pokeball out of your pack and throw it at the combee. It shakes a few times before the red dot turns green and you pick it up from the ground. Letting the tiny bee out she blinks up at you in slight confusion before happily buzzing around your head. 

“Yeah… You’re going to be a great addition to the team,” you say with a laugh as the bee lands on your head. 

“We’re going to have to work on your confidence… but good job!” you say as you hand Davine a berry to eat. She gazes up at you in confused awe before hesitantly taking the treat from you. Holding up another berry you hold it while the bee, who has gotten quite comfortable on your head, nibbles on the berry. Calling out Serenity you hand her a berry as well and introduce her to the newest member of  your team. 

“This is...hmm… we’re going to have to figure out a name for you…” you say indicating the tiny bee before you. She just buzzes happily around investigating her new friends. The three seem to have interesting personalities, but you think they will get along. Serenity is pretty calm, if not stubborn, whereas Davine is timid, but you have a feeling that there is so much more to her. Jangmo-o are proud by nature and you can’t wait to bring her confidence in herself back. The newest member of your party, your little combee, is cheerful but very curious. You have a feeling she’s going to get herself into a lot of trouble. 

The sun is setting on the wild area when you find a little alcove of rocks away from the wild pokemon roaming as well shelter from the wind. Glaring down at your tent you heave a sigh and pull out the instructions.

“I should have been trying to figure this out an hour ago… I’m going to lose light!” you grumble as you begin struggling with the tent. 

“Hold this,” you say as you hand Serenity one of the poles for the tent, “I thought they said it was a pop up!” 

“Need some help?” questions a voice from behind you. “Ouch! Hey!”

You let out a scream of surprise as you whip around to face the dragon gym leader now doubled over in pain. Davine looking somewhere between terrified and remorseful after her surprise assault on him. 

You can’t hold it in and start to laugh, “Are you okay?” you ask between fits of laughter.

“Are you really laughing at me after your pokemon just attacked me?!” he exclaims, but the smile on his face says he isn’t mad. 

“You scared her! And me! You deserve what you get!” you exclaim as you walk over to Davine and pick her up. You press her into your chest and gently run your fingers over her head to soothe her. 

“Tell her you're okay, she’s upset that she hurt you,” you say indicating the baby dragon in your arms. 

He just smiles down at her, “You didn’t hurt me, I’ve gotten accidently hit by my friends way too many times for that to even leave a scratch! I know you didn’t mean it.” He takes her gently from your arms and holds her to his chest. He begins to scratch her under her chin and before you know it, she has relaxed against him. 

“Is that a Drager Tamer trick?” you ask as you regard the two. 

“I can’t reveal all my secrets but yeah that’s one of them. Think of dragons like giant cats.”

“Huh… good to know… How did you find me by the way?”

“Nessa said that she saw you off into the wild area, and I decided I wanted to head to the Lake of Outrage to pick up a new partner. Then I decided to see if I could find you...besides I’m not Leon you know? I know how to find my way around.”

You just laugh at his explanation, “So does that mean you know how to set up a tent?”

“So you think you’re going to beat me and you can’t even set up a tent?” he teases. 

“Beating you and setting up a tent are two different life skills, do not mock me!”

He laughs at your explanation before he puts Davine down and walks over to you. 

“Come on, I’m teaching you how to put up a tent, but you cook dinner alright?”

“Demanding aren’t we?”

“Oh come on! If you cook for me, I get to rub it in Leon’s face that you did! Besides I bet you’re amazing,” he says with a wink. 

“Fine… teach me how to set up the tent and I’ll cook you dinner.”

Raihan walks over to the tent, putting a couple of poles in the corresponding pockets and then just pulls. The tent springs up practically on it’s own and you can only sit and stare with an open mouth. 

“That was so easy…”

“Yep…” he says with a shit eating grin. 

You just huff before you grab the pot out of your bag and set it on the makeshift fire pit you’ve already got set up. He just laughs at your annoyance before he calls his team out consisting of Flygon, Goodra and Duraludon. 

“Don’t forget my boys okay?” he says as he walks over to you and bumping into your side as you sort through all your ingredients. Holding up a pack of sausage, “How do you like spicy food?”

“Love it!” he says with a smile.

You just nod as you watch Davine scurry over to you and hide near you, she’s watching the dragon’s carefully. 

“Why don’t you go say ‘hi?’” you ask gazing down at the tiny dragon.

She clinks her scales together nervously as she regards them. 

“Okay, that’s fine… you can when you are ready.”

She ends up staying glued to your side while you work, whereas combee and Serenity walked up to Goodra and they seemed to be fast friends. 

“So how did today go? I see you caught a combee?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t your conventional catch, but I think she’ll make a great addition.”

“So you want a Vespiquen?”

“She’ll be super helpful against Milo since I may or may not be able to find a fire type.”

“Vulpix are pretty common around here…”

“I’ve always wanted a ninetails! They are so majestic!” you say with a laugh. 

“You would look good with one too. I can just see you posing for some magazine, Ninetails looking all haughty!”

You laugh as you think about being in a magazine, “Yeah...we’ll see… I’m trying to find a bounsweet so I can start training her up to take on Nessa.”

“Thought about Kabu yet? He’s tough when you’re first getting started.”

“I’ll figure something out…”

“Yeah you will!”

You raise your brow as you watch Davine walk towards the other pokemon. Goodra notices her first and approaches slowly, obviously happy she wanted to join in. He cooed at her softly and slowly she joins the others. 

“She’ll be okay…” he says noticing the way you watched the interaction. 

You turn and gaze at him, “I know… I just can’t help but worry…” you mutter as you add the chopped ingredients and put the rice on to cook. 

“Dragon’s are resilient, she’s going to bounce back, all she needs is you, princess,” he says as he winks at you. 

 “Are we really back to the princess stuff?” you ask as you try to hide your smile. 

He shrugs, “What’s so wrong with wanting to call you princess? After all, there’s going to come a time when you are.”

“When I’m what?”

“My princess,” he says with a lazy grin. 

You roll your eyes and throw a berry at him, “Chop that up for me will you, Romeo?”

“See you already have a pet name for me too! It’s like we’re meant to be!”

He laughs as you throw another berry at him, “That one tooo!”

“Alright! Alright! So violent! Looks like you like things a little rough… I-”

“Raihan!” you interrupt him and he just bursts out laughing, but helps you chop up the berries anyway. 

“I thought you were going to make me dinner… Here I am helping you…”

“You want to eat tonight or not? Then chop the vegetables!” you ask as you add the sausage into pot and start stirring it. 

“Yes Ma’am! I love it when you take charge,” he growls out. 

You huff, but take the berries that’s he’s chopped and endeavor to hide your blush as you add them to the pot. 

You glance up at him and he’s watching you with a lazy smile, “Hey…” he muttered suddenly. 

“Yes?” you ask softly. 

“You made it through your first day.”

You smile at the thought, “I did…”

“Come on Princess… Let’s eat,” he says as he grabs plates and bowls out of his own pack and helps you divy up the food for the pokemon as well as yourselves. 

“Damn this might be the best curry I’ve ever had!” he exclaims as he takes his first bite. 

“You’re exaggerating it’s not that great!”

“What are you talking about? This is the best!”

You laugh quietly and thank him as you dig in yourself. You have to admit it’s really good and your pokemon seem to be enjoying it as well. You notice that Davine seems to be sticking pretty close to Goodra as the dragon chatters to it happily. 

“So you’re looking for a Bounsweet?”

“Yeah! I spent all day today looking for one, but had no luck…”

“They are usually in the Rolling Fields, check there tomorrow and I’m sure you’ll find one! Maybe even a vulpix!.”

“Thanks Raihan…”

“Yeah no problem...let me know if you need help finding another type-”

“No- I mean… thank you for that as well, but I mean, thank you for being here tonight. I can hardly believe I’m here, but it’s nice to not be alone out here.”

He chuckles, “No problem… do you want me to camp out here with you tonight? I can sleep out here if you don’t feel comfortable sharing the tent.”

“I don’t want to hold you up…”

“It’ll be fun! Like when I was on my journey, except now I get to play the hero if something happens.”

You shake your head and laugh at him, “thanks, and you can sleep in the tent if you want, it’s cold out here and I trust you.”

“Whatever you say princess…” he says with a smile.

Notes:

I hope you all like this chapter! I chose the nickname @narees17​ entered! I thought it fit so well! But thank you for everyone who submitted! Now we need to name the combee! Tell me your thoughts! Also if you would like to be tagged send me an ask! I love hearing from you all!

Taglist: @ichigokage​

#champion leon #leon x reader #Leon x Reader X Raihan #pokemon leon x reader #pokemon leon #raihan x reader #pokemon raihan #pokemon raihan x reader #gym leader raihan #pokemon #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh #pokemon imagines #pokemon fanfiction

[mythologyfolklore]

Trouble Earth-Born

(A/N: This fic is about the birth of Erikhthonios, one of the legendary kings of Athens. Contains mention of past attempted rape and attempt of indirect murder and insanity)

.

Athena wasn't quite sure of what to think, as out of nowhere a Protogenos manifested in front of her as a middle-aged woman holding a baby in her arms.

“Venerated Foremother”, she greeted the person in front of her.

“Daughter of Zeus and Metis”, the other returned.

To a mortal she would have seemed like your average chubby matron. But she radiated such raw and incomprehensible power, such cosmic and primeval might, that to a goddess like Athena there was no doubt, who she was.

Gaia, the Earth Mother.

The generous and the terrible.

The nurturing and the destructive.

The mother of the sky, the sea, the mountains, islands and the fair spirits of nature, also of the Titanes, the Hekatonkheires, the Elder Kyklopes … and the monstrous Typhon.

“What gives me the honour?”, Athena questioned the Protogenos.

The dubious honour. That she didn't say.

Gaia held out the baby she had been holding. “This is yours now.”

Athena's bright blue eyes grew to the size of saucers. “I beg your pardon?!”

“Do you remember that little non-consensual almost-tryst you had with the blacksmith god?”

Athena frowned. “As if a woman could forget something like that.”

“And do you remember, how you threw the cloth, which was soiled with his seed, onto the ground?”

“Oh … oh, holy shit, did I accidentally knock you up?! I'm so sorry!”

“I'm Mother Earth”, Gaia pointed out. “Do you have the faintest idea just how many children I have? I mothered half of the Kosmos, Ouranos included! That fucking arsehole”, she added, muttering. “Either way, this happens all the time. I'm used to it and I can't even say, that I mind. However, this baby here has a little of your essence within him. So congratulations, Pallas Athena, head-born daughter of Zeus – you are now a virgin mother.”

And before the goddess could protest, the Protogenos pressed the child into her arms.

Then Gaia sank into the ground and once more became one with … well, herself. Leaving a very flabbergasted Athena holding a godsdamn baby.

“Sooo …”, Athena sighed and regarded the child. It was a boy and he had jet black hair and big brown eyes, just like his father – but despite him being a baby, she could tell he had her aristocratic nose and her high cheekbones. “I guess you are my son now, huh?”

Whelp.

She might have been the goddess of knowledge and good counsel, but she was also a virgin goddess; she had no idea how to do this kind of stuff! This was something for … pretty much any other of the Olympians.

Oh well … she would just have to take responsibility and try to raise this child. After all, it wasn't his fault, that he had been conceived like that and there was no way she would approach the god, who had tried to rape her in his drunk delirium.

Somehow this troubling memory gave her the idea for a suitable name for the earth-born baby.

The baby cooed and stretched out his chubby little arms. Okay, that was cute.

Athena smiled: “Well, I suppose I will have to raise you in secret, so no one can find and tell the world about a virgin goddess having a child.”

And with the child in her arms, she flew away and off to her new city, the one that now bore her name: Athens.

.

“You want us to take care of this chest, Potnia¹?”, Pandrosos asked.

Athena, who was holding a small chest in her arms, confirmed: “That's right. I want you to take this wooden chest here to the chamber behind my altar and watch over it, until I come back in a few days. You don't have to do much, but always remember this: Do. Not. Open. This. Chest. Is that clear?”

“Yes, Glaukopis²”, the three daughters of Kekrops, king of Athens, replied in unison.

The bright-eyed goddess nodded: “Good. Now I need to tend to my other duties. See you in a few days. And I warn you, if I find out that you disobeyed my order to not look inside this chest, you will suffer a fate worse than death. Keep that in mind. Toodles!”

Then she returned to Olympos, before anyone there would question her absence.

.

A few days later, Athena was carrying a whole-ass mountain across Attica (how? Goddess strength, that's how!) for the Akropolis, when a crow joined her in flight.

“Oh, hello, Koronis!”, the goddess greeted the bird.

“Hello!”, the crow replied. “I'm sad to say, that I come with bad news.”

Athena stopped short. “What happened?”

“Well, you asked me to keep an eye on the Kekropides, if they would do as you told them, right? They didn't.”

Promptly the goddess dropped the mountain.

“They opened the chest”, she said blankly.

“Yes, but only Aglauros and Herse. Pandrosos doesn't know. I'm so sorry!”, the crow cried, “I tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn't listen!”

“It's not your fault, Koronis!”, Athena hissed, suddenly seized by wrath. “Oh, when I get my hands on those little bitches, they're going to get it! As for you, don't tell anyone of what you have seen, do you hear me?”

“My lips- I mean, my beak is sealed.”

“Good.”³

The wrathful goddess teleported herself to her temple in Athens, where she found Herse and Aglauros screaming hysterically on the floor.

With measured steps, Athena approached the chest. In it lay a baby, obviously none other than her earth baby, who was crying softly. A snake was coiled around him protectively and hissing aggressively, though it calmed down as soon as it saw Athena. The baby's upper body was normal, but from the hip downwards, his body was that of a serpent. As soon as he saw his adoptive mother, he stopped crying, bubbled happily and lifted his tiny arms.

“Hello, sweetie”, Athena cooed, completely ignoring the hysterical screaming behind herself. “Sorry for being away so long. But now I'm back.”

She picked him up and cradled him in her arms and he fell asleep in no time, while she was crying on the inside and desperately prayed to Khaos, Ananke and the Moirai, that she would be spared the shame of having to explain, why she was raising a child.

With blazing eyes and fury in her heart the war goddess turned to the mortal women, who were still having a mental breakdown on the floor.

And with a mighty, divine voice, she bellowed: “Go to the cliff behind my temple … and jump!”

The women, completely out of their minds, scrambled to blindly follow the goddess's order.

Athena followed them. She craved the satisfaction of seeing the ones who had dared to cross her fall to their deaths.

Imagine her surprise, when they jumped and she saw two flashes (one bronze, the other crimson) descend from the sky – and a second later, the two madwomen were caught in their fall.

“Hermes! Ares!”, Athena exclaimed.

“Hi, Athena!”, Hermes chirped, while struggling with a raving Herse in his arms.

“What's the meanin' of this?”, Ares demanded to know, as he was holding Aglauros in a vice-like grip (for a second Athena marvelled at his impressive pair of crimson wings, which he was beating to keep his stability against the wind and his struggling, screaming captive). “Why'd ya drive these two insane and make 'em jump off the Akropolis?”

Hermes nodded. “Yeah, we'd like an explanation. For that and for why you're holding a baby in your arms.”

Oh shit. She was still holding the little one in her arms and now her two half-brothers had seen him! Ares hated her and would be all too happy to rat her out, while Hermes was a notorious chatter box.

By Ananke, this really wasn't her day.

Athena forced herself to calm down and step back, so the two could land.

“Come inside my temple”, she sighed. “And I'll explain everything. And while we're at it, you could tell me, what you're doing here and why their worthless lives matter to you enough to save them.”

With a scowl she pointed at Aglauros and Herse, who were still winding themselves in the gods' arms.

“It's a deal”, Hermes accommodated her and he and Ares landed carefully.

“But first we gotta restrain these two”, Ares stated. “They're gonna hurt themselves otherwise.”

.

“So, lemme get that straight”, Ares said, as he nibbled at his ambrosia. “My brother Heph tried to assault ya, while he was drunk. You kicked his arse, because obviously. Then some of his cum got on your thigh, you wiped it off and threw it away, also because obviously. And then Gaia thought it would be hilarious to turn this soiled cloth into a baby and push it onto you, even though she knows, that you have sworn to remain virginal and childless forever.”

Athena nodded.

The older god scowled: “Yeah, that sounds like something that fucking arsehole Protogenos would do.”

The wisdom goddess almost chortled at that.

“And then”, Hermes jumped back to the original topic, “you put him in a box, asked the daughters of Kekrops to take care of the box and not open it. But they opened it anyway and went cuckoo. And you were mad at their disobedience, so you told them to jump off the Akropolis.”

“Correct”, Athena confirmed. Then her face darkened again. “And now it's your turn. How are you related to those two? Don't tell me you've slept with my servants!”

It was Ares, who answered: “Slept with them – no. Courted them – yeah.”

“Good”, Athena nodded. “Only virgins like myself are allowed to serve me.”

“Speaking of the two”, Hermes piped up, “can you please give them their sanity back?”

The warrior goddess's eyes narrowed. “Why? They had it coming! That's what you get for snooping and disobeying my orders.”

“Pleeeease”, Hermes begged. “We'll carry them far away from Athens and you'll never have to deal with them again! How are we supposed to get lucky with them, if they're insane?”

“Get yourself mistresses that aren't deal-breaking bitches?”, Athena deadpanned.

In that moment the baby kicked in his wrappings and began to whine. She sighed and picked him up.

“I was going to give him nectar and ambrosia, once he became immortal, because that's what I was planning to do. But now that he's mortal like any other human, I don't know what to do!”, the goddess lamented. “I'm the goddess of wisdom, but I'm also a virgin and I can't handle babies for crap!”

Ares frowned: “Yeah, that much is clear. Well, Daddy's Owl, how 'bout ya take some advice from an actual parent, who's got experience in bringin' up kids. First off: you're holdin' him all wrong. Do ya think the baby can hold its big head up by itself?”

Athena cringed and hurried to rearrange her hold.

But the war god just shook his head, came over and guided her arms to show her how to do it right, until she managed to do it to his satisfaction.

“Better. Secondly: he's hungry. He needs mother's milk. I suggest ya find him a nurse, 'cuz the way I see it, you're not the kinda woman to breastfeed a baby.”

“Right!”, Athena huffed. “You two don't happen to know someone, who won't go insane at the sight of him and his snake guardian and who can keep her mouth shut?”

“I could ask my mother”, Hermes proposed, albeit reluctantly. “She is silent, a recluse and has adamantine nerves. And once the nursing period is over, she'll just give him back to you.”

Athena thought for a moment, ere she consented.

“Alright, thank you. Now that this is settled, there is one more thing I have to ask of you, before I cure these two women of their insanity and let you take them away.”

“Whatever ya want”, Ares promised. “If it's in our power, we'll do it.”

Hermes nodded affirmatively.

Athena's face became stern. “I demand the most sacred oath. Ares. Hermes. Swear to me by Gaia, Ouranos and the freezing water that drips from Styx, that you will never tell anyone about this child. And Hermes, I want you to let Maia know, that I expect the same from her.”

The two gods didn't hesitate to swear this solemn oath.

The goddess of wisdom sighed: “I still don't understand what you see in those two. But whatever. A promise is a promise.”

She snapped her finger and the two mortal girls passed out. Really, the things she did for her family!

“There. When they wake up, they'll be sane again. I suppose this is your lucky day, because these two are so fired from my service! So, if they consent to it, couple with them as much as you want. I literally don't care what you do to them, as long as it isn't rape.”

“Of course not. Thank you, Athena”, Hermes smiled politely.

“One more thing!”, Ares requested. “Before we proceed any further, can I hold my nephew?”

Athena tilted her head. “Huh? Uhm, sure.”

With great care the god of terrible war took the baby from his half-sister's arms.

The infant didn't seem frightened of Ares at all, quite the contrary: it giggled and coiled its serpentine lower body around his wrist, when he made silly faces.

“Awww, you're such a big softie! I wish I had a camera!”, Hermes teased.

Athena smirked: “Yes, I never thought I would see that day! Look at that, the little one really likes you!”

“Don't make me stuff you two into the next best volute krater⁴”, Ares warned without turning his gaze from the little one. “I'm sure, I can find one big enough for you both.”

The other two chuckled, but ceased their teasing; they couldn't fight with a baby in the room.

Hermes addressed Athena: “By the way, what's the little one's name? You gave him one, right?”

“But of course”, she confirmed. “His name is Erikhthonios.”

.

---

.

1) Potnia - "Lady/Queen/Mistress" 2) Glaukopis - "Bright-eyed/Owl-eyed", an epithet of Athena referring to her bright eyes (which depending on the translation are either grey or blue). 3) In some accounts Athena punishes the crow - which up to that point is her familiar - for either telling the girls what was in the chest or for being an overzealous tell-tale, by turning its feathers black, giving it a croaking voice and banishing it from her company. That doesn't really make sense to me, so I didn't include that version. 4) Volute krater - a big ancient Greek jar, used for wine.

#Greek Mythology #Gaia #Pallas Athena #erichthonius #Hermes #ares #herse #aglauros #a crow #give milk to the half-snake baby #athena is no good at parenting #but she tries okay

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 26: The Deathday Party

Frank lay there for several moments before the screeching noise finally roused him from the stone cold floor. Shivering with every twitch of hands, he pushed himself into a sitting position and lethargically looked around to see who was being tortured. They turned out to be musical saws, and Frank counted his blessings when he banged his head on something and uttered a curse on the far side of the room, rather than being in the younger Black's condition of landing right next to these still going while no one was playing. Considering this only mild compensation for the way he'd acted in the last room, Frank rolled himself out from under the table just for the movement, as he was sure he was already turning blue from the cold, but stopped in surprise when he saw the papers he'd been holding from Lockhart's office had come along.

Eager and always willing to go find her, he hurried over to Alice's side, who was huddled up next to the door with a very put out expression in place. "Normally I love the cold," she happily told him. "'S my favorite time of year, with the beautiful snow and warm mugs, but I think I can pass on whatever this place is."

"A Deathday Party," Potter informed them, having not landed too far away, rubbing his hands together for warmth as well but looking quite pleased with himself as he quickly snatched up the book. "This is brilliant, can't believe Harry's going to one of these!"

"Must be Nick's, he usually makes a thing out of his," the more tolerable Black for now agreed as he came wondering over, hardly looking as if the cold was bothering him at all.

Potter was already flipping through pages to find his place as the two went near their other friends, while Frank eagerly turned to Alice and explained what he found.

"It's a good thing you weren't made Prefect," she couldn't help but laugh when he was done. "Going through a teacher's desk like that, what's come over you!" She happily teased.

"Don't let my mother hear you saying that," he tragically informed her. "She wouldn't stop going on about it all summer, rest of my life most likely."

Alice's smile lit up the whole room as far as he was concerned, hardly even noticing the puffs of air still visible for the warmth of her smile. "So you finally mention her, and that's what you come up with. We've been dating nearly ten months now, how is that the first time you've mentioned your family to me? I've all but introduced you to mine."

Frank just shrugged without comment for now, and as always Alice happily stepped off the topic with good grace. "Well, our theory of objects going into motion with us seems confirmed then, you keep hold of these papers and maybe when we finally stop spinning through this kids life they might just come back with us all together."

"You think that's possible?" He asked eagerly, looking around again and thinking of several advantages they could have of this. It would be quite something to find magic beyond their years, even books not even published yet, and take them back to the past of all things!

"I don't see why not at this rate, with all we've done," she sighed, looking far less encouraging to the idea, her mind clearly on whose timeline they could erase in all this.

Frank frowned in acknowledgment of that, and quickly kept on track. "Right then, I'll leave them in here when we leave and hopefully they'll go back to him."

"Best hurry up and let me read them then," she agreed, holding out her hand. Potter was already up to the explanation of why Harry was going to this Deathday Party, though neither of them had given much care at all for Filch haranguing another student about filth in the castle.

Lily had paused in surprise of hearing Filch was a Squibb, but apparently she'd been the only one not to be enlightened of this news. Must be a mudblood thing, her mind scathingly informed her as she went back to braiding her hair and pacing restlessly along the black crepe paper nearest the instruments. It wasn't at all pleasant, the sound harming her eardrums so much she hardly caught a word of what Potter was now saying in regards to Harry's own dissent coming down here. It was still better than the rest of the room. That younger Black had moved away from this area at once and had instead located over to the rotting food table with a blanket look of disgust, as well he deserved, she hoped the smell was atrocious. The Marauders were all located more in the center of the room, as if hoping to avoid all repellent things around them, while Alice and Frank stayed near the door and continued whatever they were chatting about. She had no wish to join them this time, she just wanted to be alone.

That wasn't even true though, she wanted Severus. Alice's defense for her had been heartwarming, she'd even grudgingly acknowledge under duress she admired the extreme reaction from Potter in his shout she be apologized to. At the very least though both were just pacing acquaintances in all this, at most Alice was turning into a genuine friend and Potter slightly more tolerable if he could stop bothering to hex the one person missing. She wanted her best friend here for her, to have him be the one to tell Regulus off for that, to offer her to tag-team the little whelp in retaliation for that remark. She could so easily envision what Sev would have done for her in that moment of need of a true friend she was almost smiling despite the circumstances.

"-Prongs, would you bloody pay attention! You'd be done by now if you'd quit gawking at her every other line," Sirius groused beside him.

"Eh?" He muttered, turning to him in surprise, before Sirius was proven right the very next second by his eyes again flickering to her. He loved it when she played with that long red hair, though he preferred it down than the tight braid she was putting it in. He could almost imagine it, that long mane sweeping around them between the pearly figures that should have been surrounding this place, possibly passing through several without a care, eyes only for each other. They'd sway to the tune of this awful music around them, but it wouldn't be so awful with her in his arms, the two keeping each other warm in this freezing room.

"J-J-James! I am b-b-begging you t-t-to-" Peter couldn't even get the full sentence out he was stuttering so bad from the cold, and Remus wasn't even trying, pressing himself so close to Sirius he looked like he was trying to jump right into his arms for any warmth. James released a gusting sigh, yet more visible air puffing out of him, as he grudgingly turned back once more to his lad having a miserable time at this party. He did suppose those two weren't as used to the cold, they didn't have to go out in Quidditch practices during it but instead spent their times up in the warm fires while he and Sirius became accustomed to this. Course on nights during these weathers they all had fur coats, so that wasn't a problem either.

"Oh yes, alright," he huffed as he went back to seeing Peeves taunt Myrtle, that was nothing new. He honestly would have skipped right past the Headless Hunt being such ponces to Nick, as they were every time he invited them. They'd only heard of his Deathday Parties once before, tried to sneak down here last year but been caught, but from what he'd heard inside the room before then had been similar. This bit was turning out to be nothing of interest at all, and his mind was just starting to wander back to clever ways he was sure he could convince Evans to just have one dance with him in here when Harry finally excused himself from this place, and heard it again.

His breath caught in his throat, he swore his friends even stopped shivering in surprise and went for their wands with nothing but a steady hand as they all again strained to hear a thing, but it was just too noisy in this room with that horrid background sound. He wasn't even sure if he'd caught anyone else's attention besides his friends, but he certainly did when he swore at the top of his lungs.

"What do you mean Harry went after that voice!" Sirius agreed while looking faint. "Prongs, I think your kid may well have a death wish!"

James did not disagree, reading on in a complete panic Harry would catch up to whomever this was!

Regulus was quite grateful he didn't, not even he wanted to hear of the murder of a twelve year old, but he did come across something just as intriguing as an icy voice in Hogwarts.

"Chamber of Secrets?" Alice murmured for herself. "I've heard of that, I think my cousin Flora mentioned it, but I hardly listen to a thing she ever says." She already wished she could go back to reading more pages of that strange interview Lockhart had given a man regarding a werewolf attack, it had certainly been better reading material than this tale.

"Me mum might have mentioned it once as well, more like an old wives tale surrounding Hogwarts and when it was founded," Frank agreed, scratching at the back of his neck as he tried to recall.

"Twice in one day, I'm flattered," she happily told him.

"Don't get used to it," he chuckled, wrapping an arm around her to draw her in as her shivers continued to increase.

The two froze, almost literally in these conditions, and it wasn't all for the cold anymore. "What's happened to Mrs. Norris?" She whispered so quietly beside him it was as if she feared whatever, or whomever, had done that were in here now.

Frank had no answer. Of all the things he'd seen the kids in this school do to each other, maiming a cat like that still ranked pretty high on his list.

Even now that the voice had gone, Potter clearly wasn't in any better of a mood. He seemed genuinely distraught at the arrival of someone, only to deliver another insult. No one got a chance to react again to that word being spoken as they were pulled once more from this room.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #reading the books #CoS #Alice Smith #Frank Longbottom #James Potter #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Regulus Black #Peter Pettigrew #Marauders #Wolfstar #Jilly

[popculturebuffet]

Battle of the Episodes: Celebrity Deathmatch: Rockstarmageddon Vs When Animals Attack

Hello all you happy people! And welcome to a minty fresh new segment on the blog cooked up by longtime fan and friend of the blog weirdkev27, named by me: BATTLE OF THE EPISODES! In this new segment I take two similar episodes from a show or franchise and put them up against one another and see which ones better. He pitched the idea to me for something he could do, he had two patreon reviews free so I suggested why not do it in April and here we are! 

Before I begin I will admit I’d forgotten PieGuyRulez had done a similar idea with his podcast ReCast, which I’d never seen and only vaugely heard of. However I feel what i’m doing here is still diffrent enough to keep doing, I have nothing but respect for the guy, and I promise to not do any topics he’s done. If you have any suggestions for this new segment, i’d love to hear them. I already have another one in mind for when I have a free moment on the schedule that I simply didn’t get around to next month.

But for our innugural contest, Kev being the one who pitched it picked the show and it’s a show i’m only passingly familiar with as I did see bits of it growing up: Celebrity Deathmatch. Celebrity Death Match was a late 90′s and early 2000′s tv show on MTV with a revivial on MTV2. It was born both out of a short done for MTV’s Cartoon Sushi, their equilvent of Oh Yeah Cartoons! and What a Cartoon, pitting Charles Manson against Marilon Manson, and that short was popular enough to lead to a special after the superbowl. Said special ended up being the highest rated progam MTV had broadcast at the time, so naturally it got a four season series.

The premise is exactly what it says: two celebrties battle it to the death in goofy claymation fights, one shall stand, one shall fall. Meanwhile our hosts Johnny and Nick banter and set up the fights, talk to interviewers etc. It’s essentially a combination of wrestling and celebrity mockery, and unsuprisingly given MTV’s teen audience who loved pop culture and a bit of the ultra violence it was a massive hit. 

The show later got a revivial a few years after it ended on MTV2, which fans often derided and which I saw more of as I was watching MTV2 at the time... look i’m not proud of the fact i watched “Where My Dogs at?” and i’m even less proud I watched “The Adventures of Chico and Guapo”. But with shows like that you can imagine how high quality the reboot was and how much fans flocked to it. Me I never took to either incarnation. I don’t HATE the show and do appricate it’s gorgeous claymation and copious use of Stone Cold Steve Austin. I love that beer drinking, hell raising, boss humliationg hellion, it’s just the combination of modern celebrity mockery, something that rarely ages well unless the joke is just funny on it’s own, and ultra violence never appealed to me as I was a pretty squeamish kid and teen.. i’ve grown out of that, but I just had no real desire to go back. It’s not a bad show but it’s not really one for me, but I get why i’ts well loved and popular. 

But being a death match fan, and given the similar premisses, Kev picked this to be our inagural contest. Pitting the original against the reivvial. For this he went with two death match time machine episodes: the original’s finale rockstarmageddon and the revivial’s when animals attack. Each episode has it’s own unique theme within the general theme of a dead person versus their successor... and a very much alive person one or both of the hosts thought was dead versus their succesor as a joke: the first is about rockstars and their supposed imitators, the second is about putting two animal themed people against one another.

Each Battle of the Episodes will have diffrent comparisons as every show or franchise is different, comics are also open for this by the by. So for this one i’ll be comparing time machine use, the person explaning the machine, individual episode theme, the joke about one of the “dead” combatants turning out ot be alive, and each of the three matches.  How many will also very, either 5 or 7 depending on how many talking points i have. So with that in mind LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE under the cut and see which episode walks away a champion and which episode walks away a bloody pile of clay on the floor. 

Doing the matches first as a lot of this stuff overlaps with the later bits. 

Round 1: Lenny Kravitz Vs Jimmy Hendrix VS Horatio Sanz Vs Chris Farley Whelp this was a bad start to BOTH episodes as these matches are the worst of each episode and all 6 matches period. So it’s less which is better as both are a black hole of comedy.. and more which one sucks slightly less. 

The Jimmy Hendrix vs Lenny Kravitz bout is just.. a black hole of comedy, It’s VERY clear the writers hated Kravitz but to me in 2020.. it just hasn’t aged well. I just don’t CARE about Lenny Kravitz. He had maybe one good song, are you gonna go my way, and that’s it. He was not good.. but he was an easy target for the time and an easily forgotten one now. It’s not smart, clever or even cathartic to watch him die. He’s also nowhere similar enough to Hendrix for the comparison to work: for one he had a vastly diffrent look most of the times and for another at most both played guitars and were not white. That’s it.  It just dosen’t work. 

The finisher here is just also... one of the objectively worst grossout bits i’ve seen in animation and i’m almost 30. That’s a LOTTTT of stupid gross gags that aren’t funny. The two vomit into each others mouths. Yes really. Not only is this really disprectful to hendrix death, as ODing on drugs is not something I really find funny nor the show makes funny, but it’s just.. horrifying to think about and gross and makes me want to , ironically enough, vomit thinking about. it’s just deeply unpleasant easily the worst thing i’ve encountered in my time reviewing so far, and it’s going to be a hard bar to clear. This match sucked and it left a bad taste in my mouth. 

Now as for the Horatio Sanz vs Chris Farley Match...

I honestly have never seen Horatio Sanz that i’m aware of and unlike Kravitz who at least is mildly memorable if not a very good musician, Sanz has just been.. forgotten. I don’t know anything about him and once again it feels like the show punching down, picking an easy target versus a legend. 

And speaking of easy targets the entire segment is just fat jokes. Just a ton of fat jokes. No really, it’s a battle of “Hog vs hog”, chris eats a lot and hte main joke is Chris Farley can’t stay alive long enough to fight. That being said while I find the joke in VERY poor taste, as Farley died of a heart attack and was a really good person and having his death be a punch line just bothers me.... I’ll admit it’s at least clever to have one of the death match time machine contestants come back again, and again, and again. It’s not Funny, it’s horrific.. but I can at least say they put in some effort ofr that one gag and given the horrifying lack of effort for the other match this one BARELY gets the W Winner: When Animals Attack: 

Round 2: Shaggy vs Bob Marley VS Christan Bale vs Adam West

This one’s a no contest... seriously the gulf between jokes is wide and deep.

The Shaggy Vs Marley bout is the best of Rockstarmageddon. It’s funny, the target actually deserves being made fun of as Shaggy was a talent vacum and is memorably bad in comparison to Kravitz, so I still like seeing him get roasted, and they find a lot of funny jokes to do with Bob Marley. I only have a passing familiarity with the guy and while they do the obvious weed joke, they also have him ask for a tiny hammer or a small axe, beat shaggy with his dreads and after using a ring post to kill him, MAKING HIS REMAINS INTO A BONG (hilariously called a “legal novelty smoking device by the commentators). This match shows me why the show was popular: not every match was GOOD.. but the ones that were were creative and a joy to watch. While I sitll feel it’s mildly punching down, it’s funny enough I don’t care. 

Bale Vs West just sucks both by comparison and just in general; The IDEA of having the current Batman at the time and the 60′s one duke it out is great.. but it’s very clear they didn’t like Batman begins nor have any actual christian bale jokes. While this was pre terminator rant and the much more iconic dark knight, if they didn’t have any good jokes , why do this. They just have nothing and are insulting a legitimately good movie instead of making anything funny and making cracks about everyone thinking Adam West is dead. More on that in a bit, but it’s just really not funny and really wasted my time... though West turning him into a batsignal of the cross was clever i’ll admit. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon

Round 3: Dave Matthews vs Keith Richards VS Jamie Fox vs Ray Charles

Another mistmatch.. but this time in the opposite direction.

Dave Matthews Vs Keith Richards sucks. While there are some good gags up top, we’ll get to that in it’s own section, the match itself just isn’t funny and I really don’t get comparing the stones to dave matthews band. the two bands aren’t remotely similar. The most clever it gets is Dave injecting Richards with his blood, which mellows him out but also revitalizes Richards. There’s a few good jabs at richards but otherwise just nothing of susbtance and like Kravitz Dave Matthews Band has been largely forgotten and unlike Kravitz or Shaggy, just doesn’t seem like as valid a target.

Fox vs Charles on the other hand was a great misdirect, changing his opponent and “punking” fox, forcing him to go from someone he was ready to throw down with to someone he rejects. There are way too many mr mcgoo style I’M BLINDDDDD gags, but Fox is a much more deserving target, and they had far more clever gags, with charles pulling out a cat o n grammys, and using a piano to finish Jamie. It’s nothing GREAT... but at least it’s actually funny and actually picked a good target for the time, if not one that has aged well. 

Winner: When Animals Attack. 1 to 2

Round 4: Who Used the Time Machine Better?

Narrowly .. rockstarmageddon. While it had the same justification for it, the original taking on an upstart attempted replacement, the keith richards gag we’ll get to in a second is better than the farley gag for not being grossly insensitive and unfunny. But neither really use it well; Rockstarmageddon just uses it to mock artists they like and Animals uses it because the first one did. Neither really had a clever idea for it other than “get it this person sucks compared to that one. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon. 2 to 2

Episode Theme: 

Similar to the time machine, this one comes down to which one had the better indvidual theme... and i’d have to say it’s Rockstarmageddon. It used the theme POORLY, but at least it both had an interesting idea, dead rock stars vs their successors in modern day, versus an easy one (animal matchups) it abandoned for the final match and used REALLY fucking insultingly in the first match. Seriously I don’t mind a WELL done fat joke, as an overweight guy myself, but this was just...

In it’s purest form. 

Winner: Rockstarmageddon 3 to 2

Special Guest:

Each episode had a guest for the time machine... and this one is again no real contest, Rockstarmageddon wins. 

For Rockstarmageddon the show brought back frequent guest star , wrestling legend Stone Cold Steve Austin, who I enjoy and was indeed part of my childhood and star of many video games and one of my brother’s all time favorite wrasslers. The show contrasts his blue collar hellion image with him having made the machine, getting quantum mechanics and unlike nick getting that Keith Richards is dead. Austin clearly gets the show, is fully on board playing along and has fun escorting Hendrix back to the machine and getting his revenge on Nick for doubting him that Keith Richards was alive. He just fits perfectly into the show. 

The revival.. could not get him, likely because he didn’t want to or saw the script and rightfully stone cold stunnered them, i.e. what he shoudl’ve done when Adam Sandler offered him Grown Ups 2. Seriously Adam why bring him in if he’s not going to do something wrestling related to you? This is why people don’t like your films. That and you keep giving your old buddy rob increasingly racist work. And david spade work. And nick swarsdon work. Please do keep giving Shaq work though he’s actually not half bad. 

So instead they bring in Einstein and the joke.. is that he swears a lot and drinks a lot and pulls his pants down at the end.> That.. that’s it. I mean the original , at least the episode given to me, didn’t make a GREAT impression, but at least it was creative. The Reboot came off as shockingly lazy and half assed, with lesser voice actors for our hosts and far less effort put in and this is the biggest emblem of that. Soooo

Winner; Rockstarmageddon 4 to 2

Final Round: Their Not Dead

The final round is a short one and while the winner is already decided, might as well. Both episodes do a joke about one of the guests NOT being dead.. but once again Rockstar is more clever about it. Nick is CERTAIN Keith Richards is dead, and forces Stone Cold to bring him to the present... only for Keith to show up, and there be two keiths. One fades away due to time travel stuffs, a REALLy damn good gag, and Nick’s dogged instance he’s not dead despite everyone knowing he isn’t is just damn funny. 

IN contrast all they have for the late great Adam West.. is insisting he’s dead. That’s it. that’s all they got. It’s not funny, it’s disprectful to Adam who while not an a list actor did a ton of stuff after batman. I mean the simpsons alone should shut them the fuck up...

This one short gag is a MUCH better one than that entire 7 minutes. It was also DEEPLY uncomfortable now Adam’s passed. So naturally

The Winner of this Segment and Overall; Rockstarmageddon. 

I wouldn’t say I LIKED either episode this go round, both had some pretty bad spots..but it’s very clear that while the original had it’s flaws, it was creative, had tons of energy, and a great voice cast. The revivial... has a good chris farley impersonator and that’s it. It’s very clear the people behind the reboot just don’t get the show and are doing the lazy bare minimum. While I didn’t LIKE most of the matches in Rockstarmageddon, I can at least respect the craftmanship: the animation, host jokes and energy is just BETTER. There’s a care and craft the revivial dosen’t have and the drop in quality is noticeable. 

So yeah overall the original wins.. but the episode chosen clearly wasn’t it’s best. That being said both had some good moments, and I would be open to watching more if any one wants to comission it. This experiment has been intresting so let me know in the comments if you want to see more of these and i’ll see you at the next rainbow. And please join my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. 

#celebrity deathmatch #lenny kravitz #jimmy hendrix #keith richards #dave matthews #shaggy #bob marley #adam west #christian bale #horatio sanz #chris farley #jamie fox #ray charles