#which idk feels like a waste

[gottagetgogottagetattahere]

Knives is such a hypocrite and a liar and he lies most of all to himself and i hate him but i also love it. Bro's so coked up on copium all the time.

Claims to be doing it all for the sake of Plants, then arguably takes away their agency and freedom way more than humans ever could. Claims to be doing it for his brother and literally ruins his brother's life in every possible turn. Claims humanity never learns from their mistakes and it literally takes dying for him to stop doubling down on his bullshit. the medical abuse done unto tesla horrified him so much and yet he is directly responsible to the same abuse being subjected to countless of children.

Given the chance, I would love to be his sleep paralysis demon. i do not think I could fix him, but I think I can drive him to early retirement from super villainy.

#millions knives #trigun #tristamp #trimax #i hate this man but also i adore him #or at least i adore grinding his psyche between my teeth #guy has so much crunch to him #the worst possible man to me i need to ruin his life #i gotta say that when i first got into trigun the overall tone coming from the fanbase did soften me up to get absolutely demolished by #literally all the fucked up things happening all the time #but i see less ppl horrified about the fucked up things knives does to the sisters he claims to be protecting than i expected?? #which idk feels like a waste #also saw someone who said who doesn't like a villain who just wants to protect his sisters and dude if that is what protection looks like #id rather be thrown to the wolves #he is so fascinating to me but also i understand him on a molecular level and thats why i hate him so much but again #crunchy guy #nai saverem #vash's mommy issues have nothing on knives i can prove it ( i cannot but i can infer and i can dream)

[gophergal]

Life on the farm

#gopher art #mortal kombat #subscorp #mk subzero #mk scorpion #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #mortal kombat legends #been holding onto this one for a bit! finished it more than a month ago lol #i was originally going to save it for subscorp week but then i was like. nah. that wouldnt be entirely fair lol #and besides. ive been wanting to share it for long enough and my resolve has kinda worn down #anyway - snowblind but AU'd! heres my concept of this (which i may use later on for something idk): king kano got his shit wrecked #like way before the events of the movie. by the revenants in fact. i want him torn to shreds. you still have random roving assholes #making trouble across the wastes. but its much less dire. kuai still retires to his farm. kenshi still falls for shang tsung's bullshit #and kuai mentors him. hanzo becomes warlord of netherrealm. BUT. he and kuai keep in contact. its long distance and they make it work #sometimes scorpion vacays to Kuai's farm. as a treat. thats what this drawing is #i cant deny that i literally just want them to be happy ok. thats literally all i want for these gay old ninjas #bonus commentary: at the time of drawing this i was still figuring out how i wanted to draw hanzo. he's so fucking hard to draw #when i draw him without his mask or beard he looks so fucking off. but if i draw him with the beard it feels weird too. #babygirl why are you so hard to draw?? dont you want me to draw you?????

[opens-up-4-nobody]

:-P

#how long ago did i watch pacific rim? i feel like it might have been last year but i finally drew this lmao #sometimes it just takes a while. newt specifically gets under my skin tho bc i think his research interests r kinda similar to mine #at least in a broad sense. but im dealing with cyanobacteria which is less exciting to most ppl lol but any fanfic i read thats like: newt #has 6 phds im like fucking what? what r they in? they have to be literature based right?! when would u have time to independently design. #carry out. write and defend for 6 independent projects in different topics by his age? #what as waste of time. i say as a person who would happily fuck around and collect degrees without ever having to get a real job #idk characters i relate to make me a little unhinged bc i do not like to relate to characters lol #pacific rim #herman gottlieb #newt geiszler #newton geiszler #tw blood #tw gore #also i agree with herman abt the numbers quote. physics is like literally understanding the fabric of the universe so like yeah #also i cant draw hermann and i cant see his face without thinking of owen from torchwood who i hated lol #pacrim

[evansbby]

I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…

#it makes my heart literally SINK like… #now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words???? #it will not get any interaction and I’m just done #like I just cannot post it #it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop #after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good #just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read #but what’s the point #like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore #omfg #I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying #like I’m complaining or whatever #honestly think what you want to think #I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy #like so fucking unhappy #like bummed the fuck out #that it’s come to this #I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol #idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore #I just don’t understand #but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction #like I just…. #I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely #bc I’m THIS close #I feel so fucking sad bro idek #like it makes me wanna fucking cry #how… a few months ago everything was fine #now it feels like everyone’s gone #and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read #WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME

[clay-pidgeon]

every day i think about feferi peixes

#krill chirps #my stuff #i feel like shes just. shes an Interesting Character to me #despite being not really any sort of focus character #she was the heiress to alternia and disagreed with the condesce thats Inch Resting to me #idk i feel like having her just be some sort of filler character on par with nepeta or equius was a sort of waste of Something #like. worldbuilding i Guess #iirc ah actually like. Mentioned that meenah is so cool and pretty relevant to sort of make up for pisces who got “saddled” with feferi #it just always struck me as odd that even tho she was like the princess and one of the nicest trolls (which is considered odd in alternia) #she barely had any time in the spotlight #ITS JUST. i think the hemospectrum as a Whole is pretty underdeveloped #its a v interesting piece o’ worldbuilding but not super expanded on when you get into specific castes? #BUT ESPECIALLY FUSCHIAS #bc like. it was just a weird move to say hello heres the Princess of this Fucked Up Murder Society and she Doesnt Want To Murder and also #her mom is an eldritch beast #and then just murder the gal #AND THATS NOT EVEN GETTING INTO HER RELATIONSHIP WITH ERIDAN #or the fact that the fandom boils her down to the sweet irrelvant fishpun princess #(classic fandom misogyny moment. btw) #when in canon shes got a MEAN STREAK! #she is RUDE SOMETIMES #stop flattening her fudusudueusifoekfjej #feferi peixes #homestuck #maintagging them bc i put a shit ton of stuff into the notes #look at my words boy #i dont think its wasted potential for feferi specifically as much as it is the Idea of feferi #its not like she got a whole arc that was abandoned #its more like. she Could have had an arc #it just never started. idk. i like feferi shes cool

[ciderjacks]

Can we kill the whole “no attention on artwork is sad and means it was a waste of time” thing? Like Seriously can we kill it. I put a fuckton of effort into my art and it usually gets like, 10 likes, and that doesn’t really matter to me bc I love making it. I’m grateful for nice comments, but I’m gonna keep making the stuff I make regardless.

Like ok I’m not trying to sound all holier than thou here, but the amount of artists online who say stuff like “this artwork was a flop, so I’m feeling really discouraged” is making me go crazy. Is that all it is for you guys? Content? When you’re making artwork are you just making content for an audience? No offence but I feel like that’s a huge fucking waste of time, way more than making art you like and getting minimal attention on it.

#art #discourse #i guess?? #Idk sorry I know I sound like an asshole but dude #the way people talk about art is crazy #Where’s your love for what you’re doing? Who cares if it didn’t blow up like you wanted? You still had fun making it right?? #“Ppl need to start rbing artists more all their effort is being ignored bc ppl hate art” is some hot steaming bs too #Like oh Were you creating for attention? I didn’t realize random peoples approval was that important to you my fault #It’s such an accepted mentality too like “well of course I want people to like my work that I put hours into” is #Seen as a completely reasonable statement which like. on the surface it is. But then u realize they consider 20 likes “no attention” #Is you liking it not enough? Are the 20 people who liked it not enough? Are your friends who gushed over it not enough? #Or do you not actually mean “people” when you say that #Do you maybe just want to feel an ego boost when you see a big number next to that thing you put hours into. #You feel like you’ve earned a big number for all that otherwise wasted time #It’s like a weird twist on consumerism #Where at some point for a lot of you I feel like you’re not making art. You’re making a product. #You’re just a commission artist except you’re not making any money #It’s sad I hate it and if you’re an artist who talks about their art like this then I don’t respect you #And I sure as hell don’t respect your “art”

[snzluv3r]

plot twist update on my gf catching my cold: turns out i caught her cold, and it’s definitely something a little worse than a cold but maybe not quite as severe as the flu

#continuing to test negative and i don’t wanna waste my time on a trip to urgent care bc i don’t /think/ it’s the flu idk #though it would put my silly little heart at ease if my gf went to urgent care and got checked out because she’s been sick longer than me #ugh #yearning hours honestly #also coughing and sniffling and itchy hours #kinda self obs #i forgot i have negative luck when it comes to getting sick LMAO #whatever #she’s worth it and i don’t feel that bad at all #which makes me wonder if maybe it is the flu and i just have immunity or something from having it last month ???? #i made that up somebody is gonna tell me exactly why that is stupid and how it actually works #but at first my brain was like i can’t have the flu again like six weeks later right…. #at least not the same strain #and she doesn’t usually get sick easily or this sick #while i’m the opposite but the poor baby is definitely worse off than me #rambling again see how i wander #who knows…who knows #realized i forgot to finish that thought up there ^ but by ‘immunity’ i mean like #maybe that’s why it’s not as severe lol little booster to the flu shot i got a month too late

[katabay]

Do you have specific fiction authors that you like to read? What aspects of a story make you want to really dig your fingers in it? Is it horror?

I’ve got a couple! Keigo Higashino for sure. anything Naoki Urasawa does: I will be reading it. Priest (Guardian and Mo Du are all time favorites). also KJ Charles and Andrew A Smith!

ngl I don’t really have a concrete list of favorite fiction writers, I spent several days thinking about this one: like, I have favorite books for sure, but I don’t often find myself considering an author to be a favorite just because their book blew my mind. I’ve only read three of Andrew A Smith’s works, but he’s here because he gave an interview years that changed my entire approach to storytelling, and I still revisit it whenever I start editing a story.

honestly the big thing is that I like character!! I like compelling characters (extremely varied definition of compelling, it doesn’t have to be much, but it does have to have something) I like it when something goes full throttle into whatever it wants to be. I’ll watch a slow paced slice of life romance with the same amount of enthusiasm that I had for Devil Judge, and the 1vs10 beat down in Ipman takes up just as much space in my brain as the ‘let’s not see each other from now on,’ breakup in the Heirs (but for extremely different reasons lmao)

however. if I have to pick something more thematically specific: I like seeing people in power get what they have coming to them, I like explorations and confrontations of political and social injustices. kingdom is one of my favorite shows, and the horror is great, but it was the political-class-power aspect of it that solidified it as a memorable watch to me. kamen rider build did something fundamental to the circuitry of my brain. etc.

#honestly if you give me imperial Japanese soldiers getting brutally taken apart I’ll eat that shit up #but mostly I like seeing people rail against oppressors and people in power and so forth #I also love junk food romances lmao I had an alert on my phone for dinosaur love and I’m not kidding about that one #idk. I also watched all of spn and the horror was fun but secondary to the other stuff u know #unfortunately everyone who analyzes spn is textually illiterate in their ability to examine the white supremacist-post 9/11 cowboy #cop aspect of it and that’s annoying but honestly considering the demographic of the fan base. unsurprising. #horror is like my favorite spice flavor and I gravitate towards it a lot but romance has my number and so does political thriller type stuf #murder mysteries too. whatever the hell you’d call OCN’s life on mars adaption. lives in my head rent free #ANYWAY I have no idea if this made sense. honestly I like just really like stories. I like spooky stuff a lot but variety is what #makes the world turn #ask tag #it’s probably easier/faster to list what I hate: which is feeling like my time has been wasted. If I read something that feels like #it wasted my time just once I’ll avoid everything from that creator/studio for ever after

[werebutch]

My life the past couple years has mostly been made up of waiting for people in the car. Or driving people someplace. It kind of agonizes me to no end :(

#it was a little worse last year but my god it actually sucks. #and I like driving. I actually kind of love it. but I’m going to be honest here I feel like I have wasted the past 2.. even 3 years of my #life completely. but that’s also from other factors 😭 #I just basically am so guilty all the time which hurts so much it angers me and then i have to drive multiple hours a day picking people up #and dropping them off. and them telling me the wrong times or when I pick them up they give me even more errands to run. idk #I do all this for free as well. I’m not someone who believes in charging family or friends for favors but if I’m doing this every day.. #I also can’t work because i don’t have time between doing all this shit for my family. so I’m broke. and not getting paid to waste my time 😭

[falling-hand-in-unlovable-hand]

the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous

#the stupidest part is that i'm so fucking stressed mostly about my fucking FILM class #more than any of my honors courses #i haven't done enough work in it at all and i'm so embarrassed about it so i don't want to start working on it and show how little i have #done so i get even more behind #i have a film i have to make and it's only half done and now i can't fucking find it in my files cuz i'd planned on working on it this brea #but i got sick and wasted 4 days of my already stupidly short break #i have TWO whole presentations on an actor and a director and i don't CARE or know about any actors or directors #i just feel sick #i wish i could drop it or just fucking fail it but i can't #it's so so stupid #i'm never gonna be able to take another class with that teacher from the fucking shame i feel actually horrible every time i go in her clas #and the worst part is that it's literally my fault i could have just done the fucking work and i didn't #kiwifae says shit #ugh okay this made me feel better i need to just figure out my actor director presentations (which are my fucking final btw 😭) #i accept the shit grade i'm getting on the film i can fix it if i make decent presentations i'm just mad i'm doing bad and getting so #stressed over a dumbass extra class like film production like what #i still don't think i can take another class with her she's really pleasant but i just feel so so sick whenever i go in there cuz i feel so #guilty #which is a shame cuz she teaches photography which i would really like to take #maybe senior year idk i might not care anymore then #also i'm aware this isn't a normal amount of shame and anxiety just for procrastinating i just feel super bad abt this for some reason #sorry for ranting but i'm just blehhhhhhh rn #ok i'm gonna get something to eat and take a shower maybe i'll feel less like i'm dying #👍

[campingwiththecharmings]

me whenever someone gives me unsolicited opinions about myself:

#thinking about the time a friend of mine did this #and she does this a lot bc she's older and ofc sees herself as 'more knowledgeable' or w/e #which hey sometimes she is #mostly i take her opinions with a grain of salt but she said something to me recently that just #idk it rubbed me the wrong way. and i keep thinking about it. #ider what we were talking about but somehow we got on the subject of romantic relationships #and i basically said i'm not opposed to one but i'm NOT looking. like at ALL. not even a little bit. #but if something happens someday great! #she proceeds to tell me literally right after i say this #that i should work on my appearance then because i'm 'a little plain'. not ugly or anything just...plain. #which hey i know already btw and it doesn't really bother me #i wear make up and am not against it at all. i think it's amazing to see what people can do with it tbh. #and if people wanna wear it i'm all for it #i personally don't like the way it feels on my skin so i use as little as possible #just enough to cover things like my acne scars or other imperfections that i feel self conscious about #i'd love to get to a point where i feel comfortable NOT wearing make up actually #and that's not even to say that i'd NEVER get dolled up or whatever #it's just not something i enjoy doing on a regular basis ya know? #and honestly? any future partner i have should be aware of that bc you're gonna get plain ol' non-makeup-wearing me 99% of the time #and if that's a problem with them then i don't even wanna waste my time on them #so yeah when she said this to me i was annoyed #bc fr wtf does that have to do with me not looking for a partner??? lol #*sigh* ik she was probably just trying to help in her own way but like #just don't k? k. #/rant #sorry i had to get that out somewhere lmao #it's been driving me crazy #ignore me

[p-p-panda]

Random art vent lol

I get tired of constantly pouring my heart out when asked about my stuff only for it to fall flat. Like why did they even ask me to begin with??? Just to tease me??? 😭 bruh

#this is very different than what I usually post #I don’t really like doing it but tbh this has been bothering me for the past couple of months in different places I’m active in #and it’s starting to become annoying #i listen to everyone’s lore and ocs or whatever the convo is only to end up with like one reply and they die on me. AND IT KEEPS HAPPENING #IN DIFFERENT Group chats #man I’m just so tired of even lore dumping all the time at this point 💀 #it seems like when I actually have the motivation to finally open up that’s when I get ignored the most :/ #I’m probably being a sensitive baby rn so I might delete this later. only wanted to get it off my chest #i can listen to other people talk for hours then the second I speak it feels like bore everyone 😔 #i only have like 1 or 2 people that actually listen to me when it’s my turn but most of the time I’m always listening. which isn’t bad but #man #it hurts and kinda makes me wanna cry lmao #and it makes me just half ass shit at this point when people ask about my ocs/lore since I don’t know if they want a tiny bit of info or #if they’re actually intrigued :/ I just give up now #ok I’m done this is way too long ahaha #vent #it’s not that I constantly want atteion because I don’t and I love listening to other people and sometimes when I ask they don’t talk to me #but will to someone els even when I’m super invested so idk at this point #😞 #i admit I have times when I’m shy but it mostly due to not wanting to wast peoples time anymore #ok I will shut to the up #gn #it’s like 1am for me #and I really don’t want people to ask only because of this post. trust me that’s not what I’m trying to do i swear. only getting out feels

[opens-up-4-nobody]

#i could add more but idk those seem like the worst. i hesitated to add karin bc her story is interesting and her actions make sense but #ya kno. for me its gotta b rin bc shes not even a character. shes a non entity. just a memory there to welcom obito into the afterlife #and i fucking hate that. but kushina comes in second for me. bc shes written as wanting to be hokage and then has to watch her husband #become hokage and then b happy abt it. that just feels mean. but. i mean. should the answer actually b sakura? #shes not even interesting as a character which is pretty bad. ok i think rin is the worst bc kishimoto forgot to make her a person #and then sakura for forgetting to give her literally anything interesting and useful to do. so much potential wasted #then kushina bc kushina is my baby girl #so so so much potential. oh god but theyre all so badly written. its an impossible question #naruto #naruto ramblings #polls

[kate-m-art]

Keep seeing Zelda movie news reactions and like feel like my only contribution right now is I'd much prefer live action to an illumination style animated movie...

#i feel like just the littlest bit its showing their target audience isnt *little* little kids which is somethingg #and idk guess like 4 years or so is still a relatively new loz fan for me but #feel like no matter what they do theres no way to please everyone #not even the games bave been able to do that #theres so many different tones they could aim for with it and w so many different mainline games who know which theyll pull the most from #just like #ofc id rather see animation #the art brain in me goes feral about the possibilities there #but idk... its always written off by vast majority of adults as kiddy stuff and like you dont have to tell me it shouldnt be #gosh do I know #but if theyre wanting to make money and be taken seriously #even find a new audience who arent prev loz fans #im not surprised really that this would be the direction theyre working towards #at the end of the day like we already have cartoon and cdi link and even they get love sometimes on this site #its just another link #and maybe one w wasted potential but that doesnt take away from all the amazing ones we already have so ajdkfkf #forgive the million typos my gosh #too lazy to try to fix them tonight but i promise i know how to spell TT

[polkadotpatterson]

okeydoke as I have not had much energy for working on stuff lately (but lots of motivation) I'm not gonna do proper NaNo with a wordcount or anything, BUT I am gonna make it a goal to get some amount of work done on a writing project every day (at least until I go away on the 24th). Main priority blaseball projects are, in no particular order:

Fic about the ending

Abner fic

Simon's Quest

secret fic(s) :)

get the Talkers exchange set up

Aside from that, I've been poking at more non-blaseball stuff, which is a good excuse for me to plug my writing blog @cyndakip! All my fics get posted there, so if you're interested in my writing beyond just blaseball (especially if you like pokemon), I recommend following me there, since I don't post non-blaseball fics here.

#I'm in a weird place rn where the end of blb is coinciding with me finally feeling ready to get back to nuzlockes #and I very much want to keep writing blb fics! it's just complicated by me getting smacked over the head with pokemon motivation #and separate from that I think it's just been hard for me to work on blb fics knowing that it's over #writing the ending fic in particular means confronting that. and I definitely haven't fully processed it yet and idk when I will #I really truly do want to keep writing blb fics for a long time but I worry there will be not much of an audience anymore #and I know that doesn't matter. I'm gonna write what I want and I know some people will still read it. but yknow. it's rough #also my relationship with pokemon and the nuzlocke community has been really fucking complicated these past few years #to the point where I stopped engaging altogether bc it was stressing me out too much and I had lost all confidence in my writing #this happened to be right before I got into blb. which came along at the perfect time and gave me the community & confidence boost I needed #now it kinda feels like we've come full circle. blb has changed me and now I'm ready to go back with a whole new attitude #I just don't want these two things to be mutually exclusive! I want both! but that's easier said than done #especially bc I haven't had enough energy to work on much of either lately! I want to say things are getting better on that front but #it's complicated. you know how it is with human bodies. treacherous things #the thing is I don't want to waste this. I feel ready for pokemon again and god I missed it and I'm gonna ride this wave of motivation #if I had more energy this would be less of a problem. ah well #gonna get all this done sooner or later #talking moistly

[charmac]

PLEASEE POST A NEW CHAPTER OF THE SUGAR DADDY FIC I AM ON MY HANDS AND KNEES 😭😭😭😭😭

Updating All These Nights tonight and then Sugar is next to be updated, promise promise.

#ask #sugar daddy fic #i have been in a writing rut that is known #so i needed to work out some more canon stuff to get the voices back yk? hence updating the other fic first #but also i still feel like the last chapter fell off hard cos i got like no comments #which i know is like 'who cares' but i think i majority switched the style (like for myself) last chapter and i really like it but #if people didnt respond to it #im a little stumped on where to go #(again not in the story but style-wise) #people do not respond to long chapters? people dont respond to the dennis chapters? too much time wasted on sex? idk im #yeah like just a little lost on what people enjoy in the story and what i should gut/cut down on i guess #cos last chapter is hands down my favourite ive written #content wise its close to 6.. #but style-wise i know its so fucking long but i thought it flowed really well and god i love exploring dennis' weird relationship with sex #but to me like only 4 people finished that chapter #to clarify. in my head there are literally only max 10 people who read this thing #and 2 of them are my random friends who arent in this fandom and just want to read what im writing #and neither of them bothered with a 27k chapter.. lol #so im stumped trying to pace the writing and rework how i thought it would go #cos i dont know what people enjoy in the fic!!! and seemingly did not respond to in what i thought was the best chapter so far.. lmfao #sorry you caught me on 30hrs awake and way too much coffee