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sports-on-sundays · 7 days

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marc and reader breaking up bc of too many arguments and him being super sad

arguments / Marc Guiu / Part 2

Summary: Marc x female!reader - Marc is devastated because of the break up.

Warnings: implied depression, foul language, angst, mention of screaming, anxiety, mention of crying, angst, nausea

Requested?: Yeppers

Author's Note: Link to Part 1. There was another request that led up to this really nicely so I decided to just connect them as a part 1 & 2.

Marc Guiu stares up at the ceiling of his bedroom at two o'clock in the afternoon with the windows closed and the lights off, feeling like it's two o'clock in the morning.

You can't keep living like this, Marc. What's done is done. You said what you said. There's no way to fix it. Just move on.

But I can't.

I can't stop myself from loving her.

Pathetically enough- and Marc would admit in an instant that it is thoroughly pathetic- ever since that fateful day when she cut it off, his days have been a haze of football, sleeping, every so often forcing himself to eat and drink water, and doing what he's doing right now: letting the two sides of his thoughts argue with each other.

No one cares if you love her. She's done with you. You messed it up; it's your fault; oh well.

There's no way to fix it.

Just move on.

But no matter how much he tells himself, over and over, to just do that, it's like he can't.

It's like the picture of your lovely face is imprinted on the backs of his eyelids, so every time he blinks, every time he sleeps, you're there, looking like the angel you are, reminding him of how much he messed up.

"Ah!" he yells, tugging at his hair. "You idiot! You ruined it! Everything! She was the best thing that ever happened to you, and you fucking messed it up!

"You pathetic bastard! Get up and live your life! It's done! She's moved on and is probably happier than ever! Why are you letting her control you like this?"

On top of it all, he's been avoiding Gavi like the plague, knowing that you one hundred percent likely told him everything, all from your perspective, and knowing because of that, now Gavi probably hates his guts, too.

So, yeah. He's been avoiding Gavi and anyone close enough to him to have also heard. So Pedri is also off limits, and Ferran and João are iffy.

It's hard when he trains or plays with these guys nearly every day!

The only person he's told is Héctor, mostly just because he pried it out of Marc enough. He got annoying enough.

Ah, you idiot. Quit crying.

You're not going to let that girl ruin your life like this.

"Maybe he's not the only one who was in the wrong."

"What?" you ask, looking up at your best friend, Gavi. "What do you suppose I did wrong?" you ask, not too happy with this sudden statement from him.

Gavi shrugs. "I'm just saying, maybe you should've heard him out before it escalated so much. I don't know, though. What do I know?"

But you frown. "Probably nothing, but it still makes me think."

"Gee, thanks," he says, rolling his eyes.

"I honestly don't care, you know. It's fine. I don't want him back."

Gavi's lips purse as he says, "Then why do you bring him up every single conversation?"

You don't have an answer for this.

"Exactly," Gavi comments with a slight roll of the eyes. "Listen, I'm just saying- Marc isn't himself at all since you guys broke up. He's a shell of himself, and refuses to talk, honestly, anyone but Héctor, if he doesn't need to."

You frown. "I know, but..."

"All I'm saying is maybe he had a point."

"What does that mean?"

"It means if you're going to date someone, you've got to give stuff up for them. Including time and attention. And you were giving far more of that to me. I'm not saying you should get back with him; do what you want. But I am saying it's probably best to make amends, and not just let the last note of the symphony be screaming at each other, yeah?"

You lick your lips nervously. "I'll think about it."

Marc can see Héctor is staring at something behind his head, but before looking leans over to ask, "What is it?"

"Um," Héctor smiles nervously. "Y/n."

Immediately, Marc's eyes widen, reminding Héctor of a frightened rodent. "Please tell me you're joking."

Héctor gives a short shake of his head 'no.' "With Gavi and Pedri," he practically mouths.

Marc leans back, trying not to look easy to notice. Trying to look discreet. "Is it safer to leave or stay?"

"I reckon stay," Héctor responds.

Marc softly blows a raspberry, before looking down at his food. "My luck, I tell you," he murmurs.

"Sometime soon, you knew you'd run into her."

"I hoped not."

Héctor sighs. "I know."

Marc feels his anxiety rise when he watches you walk pass. Tossing your hair, with the sway in your step, confidence radiating off you.

He sinks his head down lower, nervously curling his napkin.

And then, as you're walking back, it's like something else takes control of his body, and he can't help himself but look up at you.

Your eyes meet.

Yours widen for a moment, and your steps begin to slow.

Marc is suddenly hit with a wave of nausea, and he says suddenly, "Héctor, let's get going now."

And you watch Marc and Héctor walk out, away from you, just like that.

But there was something strange in Marc's eyes.

Sorrow.

Loneliness.

Confusion.

Defeat.

But most of all, regret and guilt.

And seeing him like that makes you feel... strange.

You're not sure if you like it.

Shadows, passing in the night. Wind, come and gone. These mysterious concepts. A lonely boy and a confused girl.

Hands in his pockets, head down. It's become the natural stance for him. His hair has grown out and shadows his inky brown eyes. So many emotions that they're gone.

Imploded.

She holds her head up and flips her hair. Sharp tongue, quick remarks. Little glimmer when she winks. Confidence is key, but there's one thing that nags at her.

She wonders if it was all a mistake.

Their eyes meet on a dark street in the middle of a cool night, when neither of them should be out.

They both open their mouths to speak, but sound comes out of neither of them.

He reaches his hand out to her.

If he could fall into her arms, he would.

But the shadows shift, and she's gone. The wind carries her away. Like a secret not meant for his ears. Like a promise broken. Like glass that shattered but never made a sound.

Never hit the ground.

On a concrete wall, the side of a building, he writes with a Sharpie:

I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I still love you.

I need you to come back to me.

On a bathroom mirror, she writes in blood red lipstick:

Why can't I forgive him? Why can't I let him forgive me?

Why can't I let myself love him?

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magicaldreamfox1 · 1 year

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Do you have any vegaspete fanfic recs for someone getting into the ship?

hi! i'm so glad u asked!! i famously love having opinions and have great taste so absolutely i would love to recommend some fics!

so i don't know exactly what u're looking for and since u mentioned getting into the ship i tried to give u a wide variety of recs to choose from!

let's get started!

Plain & Pleasure (Series) by @onstoryladders

fantastic tattoo parlor au. just trust me on this it's really good

Black Velvet (Series) by @kerrikins

black velvet is a canon divergence from the ep 7 torture scene until the end of the series and it is one of the most famous works of the fandom i think. like it is to me. u can read the first two chapters of black velvet the work as a standalone but why would u am i right. don't be intimidated by the length it's amazing!

i fill you up, drink from my cup by @petes-vegas

mmmmmmm pwp? pwp. post-canon vegaspete attend an event both pissed at each other and they start trying to make each other jealous. this might have u thinking uhmmm this is getting worrying they're really doing the most is this gonna go into cheating territory? and fear not the answer is no.

in your eyes, in your arms (series) by @pressignore

great post-canon series about vegaspetemacau bonding in the hospital. very cute very fluffy 10/10 would recommend.

Blood & Lust (Series) by @kerrikins

taking a dark turn after the last one this is a series abt. horny torture. honestly all u need to know. #justvegaspetethings and so on and so forth. might be ur cup of tea might not be. only one way to find out

Visiting Home by @raelle-writing

another fluffier turn. u gotta keep up here i move fast. so this is post-canon vegaspetemacau visiting pete's grandma. everyone is experiencing feelings. look me in the eyes. do u see the tears. it's fantastic. i especially love the buildup we get thru the whole fic and it pays off so beautifully in the end and it's just. an amazing fic i loved it very much

If You Had Something To Lose by @raelle-writing

now pay attention! this is an ONGOING fic. but it makes the list bc man. MAN. so it's an au. the theerapanyakuls are in the mafia, peteporschechay are not. one evening pete finds beaten up vegas in a back alley and saves his life. love at first sight? no u misheard. horny at first sight. shenanigans ensue. raelle plays with my feelings. now disclaimer i haven't read the most recent like. 4 chapters bc i'm depressed scared of sad cliffhangers i just can't deal with it 😭😭😭. but really this fic is fantastic it had me hooked from the very beginning and it just keeps going on amazingly and i have no doubts it will continue being great until the end.

discothéque rouge by @lu-sn

now i read this one recently and yeah YEAH. classic vp shenanigans it's such a good time. post-canon mafia shenanigans starring vp.

the weight of it's like hands around my neck by @wegathpete

now listen! i'm not a member of the peteporsche ride or die besties agenda but i know a lot of people like it and this fic is just so good. i hope op knows the babygirl paragraph lives in my head rent free. it's a post-canon introspection of vegaspete which also includes porn. aren't we lucky ❤️

Silly Secrets by @raelle-writing

have u ever wondered what vegas would do if he walked in on pete's preferred exercising.... routine. well u don't have to wonder any longer! it's exactly what it says on the tin! post-canon vegas discovers pete's silly secret! whatever will he do abt it!! only one way to find out 😌😌😌

Your Secrets And Lies by @kerrikins

another banger by kerri. post-canon vegaspete in the hospital. pete thinks vegas is holding back and decides to do smthg abt it. very simple very fun!

we've now arrived at the shameless self promo part of this post!

so i happen to write as well and i happened to have written some vegaspete fics!

best stranger by me

so this is more like. vegaspete adjacent but it still counts in my humble opinion. gotta promote myself! it's set post-canon in the hospital. arm visits to check up on pete. my armpete besties agenda ❤️

after the dust has settled we must pick up the pieces by me

my most recent series i've started! it's also set post-canon and contains oneshots of moments in their lives. they can all be read as standalones but in my mind they take place in the same universe (it's not an au this is just how my mind works. they're connected but they're not connected. u know?) it's not a finished series i will be uploading new fics so feel free to subscribe to it if u would like!

i hope this helped! if u liked one fic/series specifically and want more of that kind or would like more recommendations in general feel free to ask!

#i think i gave u reading material for the next few weeks algkskfs sorry i just couldn't decide i just like them all so much!#sorry for tagging everyone but ily thank u for writing great fics 🫶#i worked on this all night i'm going to sleep good night i hope this is helpful!#vegaspete #kinnporsche #bl shows #kp fics

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marimbles · 6 months

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Hope you don’t mind me asking lol, I stumbled upon your blog and I see you are in the throes of Ouran hyperfixation 😅 What are your opinions on each member of the host club?

yes im definitely in the throes thanks for noticing<3 lol. i'd be delighted to share my opinions on each member of the host club !! this will be LONG bc i have a lot to say about these binches (also this will have manga spoilers). so i'll put it under a cut

Haruhi—honestly what's not to love. she's scruffy and apathetic and grumpy and direct and 300% done with everything, including gender conformity. "these damn rich people" yes king go off. also you're so valid for being 90% motivated by food. it's such a perfect and fascinating idea to drop a person like fujioka haruhi into a group of ridiculous dramatic people like the host club and see how they fare. impressively well, actually. she cleans up nice and is surprisingly charming and intuitive underneath the apathy. but this is only what you find out in like the first episode!!! she grows so much over the course of the story, especially in the manga, and it warmed my heart so much and made me so proud of her 😭 how her relationship with the host club members changed her as a person and even enabled her to better pursue her lifelong dreams. ugh. i love how falling in love with tamaki gave haruhi such a beautiful character arc. first her resistance (which was both understandable and hilarious), because he's so STUPID and RIDICULOUS and in her mind is the last kind of person she'd want to be with, but then she realizes how much she has learned from him and how much he's opened her heart, and she's so inspired by him—to experience new things and understand people better and challenge her preconceived notions and grow to be a better, kinder person, which will make her a better lawyer too. she's actually so brave, to step out of her comfort zone, and connect with others, and to learn how to accept help, when she closed herself off as a coping mechanism when she was so young. she has so much patience to deal with the host club theatrics and a lot of patience with her dad, who is also rather theatrical lol. she had to grow up young and mature so fast and i like how through the host club she learned how to have fun and let other people support and admire her too. ugh i just love her! she has such a soft and good heart and she learns to love so deeply even though it initially went against her nature! she's soooo stray italian greyhound coded to me.

Tamaki—my favorite. one of my favorite characters of all time now actually. im just obsessed with him. i already have a weakness for blond boys with sad backstories and i blorbified him so so fast. as a longtime adrien agreste stan it was inevitable, once i learned about his existence. i saw the most pathetic drama queen loser in all of fiction and i went "yeah he's perfect." i loved him as soon as i watched an episode but i think it was this post that really sold me on him and convinced me to read the manga. i mean isn't he just the guy of all time. as a sillyguy myself i can't not adore him, because he is SO silly and SO dramatic and SO larger-than-life ridiculous, and i am just a big fan of that. but at the same time he has a surprising amount of depth, revealed little by little, that just made me fall even more in love with him as i learned more! cause the thing about tamaki is that everything about him is over-the-top and outlandish—including the size of his heart, and the way he cares about other people, and the lengths he will go to to help them. he's like incredibly narcissistic and incredibly selfless, at the same time. such a fascinating contradiction to me. he has such big feelings whether it's overwhelming grief over a stranger's sob story or unbridled excitement over a mcdonald's happy meal toy. i think all in all tamaki's character can be summed up with one word: love. he just loves everything and everyone to an incomprehensible degree, and that love is transformative. he loves his broken family to the point of wholenesss, and his lonely schoolmates the the point of chosen family, and haruhi to the point of courage—because he was just as confused and afraid as she was, and they both learned to be brave enough to love in a way they always thought was impossible for them. he just loves the whole world and it loves him back, because when you put that much love out there it's bound to be reflected back to you. i love how essentially tamaki annoyed all his friends into becoming his found family lol, because as stupid and obnoxious as he is, he cares SO much, and that's how he won each one over individually, to the point that they'd do practically anything for him. despite being pretty obtuse about himself he's very intuitive about other people and he is able to see them as they really are, in a way they couldn't even see themselves yet, and understand them to a degree that allows them to understand themself. anyway im always crying about him, cause. yeah.

Kyoya—man i love him. so calm and cool and collected and lowkey an evil genius. i love how he plays off tamaki so perfectly. they truly are a married couple lmao. but again!!! in signature ouran fashion, there is much more to him than meets the eye! they're all so much more than the "type" they are assigned! because yes kyoya is the "cool one," the genius one, the guy who always has a plan, the one who's constantly strategizing internally and weighing pros and cons and thinking 9 steps ahead, who only does things for his own benefit … but also underneath he is so passionate. he has all the emotions he tends not to show. fear and anger and grief and love. the anime did such a good job of portraying this because sometimes i think about that scene with him painting inside the golden frame and then it zooms out and he's made a giant beautiful work of art outside the frame, with every color, and i just sort of wanna cry about it. the hidden depths of kyoya ootori...i love that, like haruhi, he learned that it's important to have fun, and if your best friend is a complete idiot, it's good for you! (albeit sometimes detrimental to your health and sanity, lol.) again i loved how they handled it in the anime where in the end he shows his father how intelligent and powerful and in control he was, just to let all of that go, because he found what made him happy, and that was more important than any of it. i love a guy who forms unbreakable bonds first against his will but then puts his whole heart into them! who learns to defy expectations and forge his own path! who learns that happiness is its own end! MAN!! ok also the part in the manga where he spends his whole paris vacation searching for tamaki's mom and completely exhausts himself and falls asleep in the street because of it, just because he wanted to be able to report back to tamaki that she was alive and well. i might cry. im a tamaharu shipper but i have a very soft spot for kyotama.

Kaoru—i get emotional about him sometimes. he is sooooo 😭 ok because at first, the twins are identical both in looks and personality. but as the story progresses, their individuality becomes more obvious, and kaoru reveals himself as the more emotionally mature twin. i love the twins for being mischievous and silly and obnoxious and just a tiny bit evil sometimes, and for always making fun of tamaki (i mean SOMEONE has to), but they both have a lot a depth underneath that which makes them so dear to me 🥺 and kaoru. oh. baby boy. he's so intuitive, often seeing what hikaru is unwilling/unable to see, and so self-sacrificial, always willing to put his brother's needs over his own. the way he was developing feelings for haruhi the whole time, just like hikaru was, but he was the first to realize and admit it to himself, and he gave hikaru space to figure it out too. and then how he is honest with haruhi and confesses to her but in the same breath tells her that his relationship with hikaru is too important to jeopardize, so he bows out gracefully even as he speaks up. UGH! sometimes i just think about that part in the manga where he talks with haruhi about how he wouldn't know what to do if he and hikaru wanted the same thing and both couldn't have it, and then later they have a box of cookies and there's not enough for everyone so he saves his for hikaru, and then haruhi points out that he found the answer to his question, didn't he? about what he would do if they wanted the same thing? so then he ends up stepping back to let hikaru pursue haruhi instead of him, promising to support him, and helping him grow and mature into a better person. wahhhh...... he's a sort of tragic character to me honestly. like it makes me a little sad to think about him. but he just has a good heart, and he ends up happy because the change he was afraid would make him lose the relationships that were most important to him actually made them even stronger.

Hikaru—i think i have a slightly softer spot for kaoru, but i really really love hikaru as well, and i think his character arc is one of the best in the series. he's definitely the brasher/less mature twin in the beginning, who tends to let jealousy and anger get the better of him and he lashes out sometimes because of his frustration and confusion about his own feelings. he struggles with self-awareness and kaoru knows that, which is why he gives hikaru opportunities to self-discover and figure himself out. hikaru falling for haruhi and admitting that to himself and others, even haruhi, was so important for him as someone who always defaulted to keeping others out and viewed everyone but kaoru as an outsider. he really didn't trust anyone but kaoru with his thoughts and feelings, but being part of the club made him open up, examine himself, and consciously choose to mature. one of my favorite hikaru moments is when he dyes his hair dark to show that he's an individual who is separate from his twin and wants to be viewed as such, but at the same time he makes it clear to kaoru that being individuals doesn't mean they have to drift apart or be any less important to each other—and he's determined for them to stay just as close even as they pursue separate paths for the first time in their lives. i also love his rivalry with tamaki over haruhi and how that affects him and forces him to grow. another favorite moment is when he demands that tamaki open his eyes and encourages him to not let his trauma get the best of him. instead of letting tamaki stay ignorant of his feelings for haruhi, which would be to his advantage, he makes tamaki realize them so they could have an equal chance to pursue her. he has so many sweet moments where he feels conflicted about tamaki, wishing he was out of the picture but also feeling so much gratitude and affection for him. he just really loves tamaki, and really loves kaoru, and really loves haruhi, and that love that started out with so much hurt and jealously makes him grow into a more selfless and genuine and mature person, when he finally, like kaoru, bows out and chooses to be happy for tamaki and haruhi. ugh he's a good boy even though he acts like a turd sometimes. lol.

Honey—i don't have as strong of feelings for honey as the others i've gone over but he is still a great character! obviously he's adorable, and i just find him very sweet and enjoyable. and of course the fact that the sweets-obsessed boy lolita who carries around a stuffed bunny is actually a genius and also a martial arts master who can take down 50 guys singlehandedly...yeah it's pretty dope lmao. i love how he learned from tamaki the meaning of true inner strength—not pretending to be something your not for someone else's sake, but being unapologetically YOU and embracing what makes you happy! honey learns to comfortably live a seemingly contradictory life, because he openly loves his cake and cutesie stuff but he remains a strong and well-respected leader and master of the haninozuka martial arts. it's funny and but also very fitting to me that in the manga he ends up with the girl from the black magic club—someone who's different from him in what appears to be every way, but honey is not afraid of contradiction and appreciates people being themselves!

Mori—he's the host i least connect with, just because he doesn't get much focus and also barely speaks lol. but i still love mori! i really admire his loyalty—just the truest friend anyone could ever ask for. he and honey are such an iconic duo. his "lovely item" lol. it's really sweet how much of a natural protector he is—not just how he looks out for honey but also haruhi and the whole host club. he's a very compassionate person with strong principle. one of my favorite mori moments is when he demands a fight with honey just so he feels like he has the right to tell him what to do and remind him to brush his teeth when they're apart for college haha. also shout out to the part where tamaki desperately asks "do you ever think about kissing honey-senpai" because he's freaking out about haruhi and mori says no but later is shown worrying that he screwed tamaki up by lying, because he does actually think about kissing honey 😂

ok this concludes my Opinion Of The Hosts soapbox hour, thank you for asking and sorry i answered:) tldr i love them all lol

#ask #starlightbelle #ohshc

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uglypastels · 2 years

Text

Right

I thought this was over but then i saw it pop up in my notifications again and truly had a face crack moment

Because that's all you give by leaving these kinds of comments. A very sad and empty feeling in my chest that makes me want to scream. Of course, it doesn't help that the comment was left on a fic where these were literally all the comments before it

(The last one i cut off because it just was a suggestion of where the story should go)

Now, i removed the urls bc i do not have anything against these people. It's not about them. This type of stuff shows up in almost every fic of mine.

And yes, obviously I appreciate the thought behind the fact someone wants to read more of my writing but I also cannot stop the feeling of how little the work i actually have put out is valued.

Maybe it is a short fic of not even a thousand words (although I have also gotten these demands on fics reaching 15k in word count) but it still takes time and effort and energy. Especially with requests, its difficult to write something you know another person has thought of, has expectations for... There is always doubt in my mind when I post a request that I failed the person who wanted the story because it's not what they expected. It's nervewrecking. So yeah, seeing people enjoy the story and wanting more definitely dissipates that constant worry But (there's always a but y'all)

A writer has their own ideas of how a story should go. Even if its a request, you get to interpret that in your own way (previously mentioned anxieties follow up later) and hopefully those interpretations will be appreciated. That includes the plot. And the plot includes, you guessed it, a beginning and an ending.

As the writer, I decide when and how the story ends.

By getting comments such as the ones I put above, I just get constant reminders shot in my face that no one really cares. Not just about me- hell, i dont care about myself- but about writers in general. No one cares about the actual creativity of the writing or the processes. Yall just want your free content, which is understandable in this economy, and then move on.

I could blame this on the Story Time/Like for Part Two internet culture and maybe I am. Hopefully you can see the comparison, especially with how on Tiktok all content constantly seems to be accumulating into series and parts and just never ending. All a person has to do is comment "pt 2 pls" and like it and done.

Just consider that, you get to enjoy something that is given to you completely for free, no questions asked. So why dont you actually enjoy it? Why does there have to always be more? (And if so, why cant the "more" be the already existing catalogues of the writers on here? Or did you skim through all that already -sorry im getting pissed off now, sleep deprivation)

Anyway, i'm tired and dont make any sense. Besides, i cant and wont police people around on here. read the stuff you want, comment all you want, but dont forget that the people writing the stories you like are also human with their own ideas and emotions. Not machines who can print out words at any given command.

#didnt even get into that i have specified on several occasions that i dont take requests through comments #or that i dont do part 2 #or how some of these comments dont ask just Expect there to be more #like no sir #z rants #writing

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nana-kom · 2 months

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Oh boy, I have never talked to you before, but I really wanted to tell you that you are someone very creative, with a lot of potential and that I love your ideas sm, but It really makes me sad that you used AI for your last story (yes, I read the post of chubbydwaekki) Bc I feel that writing these types of stories is something really personal, that it requires certain types of thoughts that we only have in a certain mood And I honestly think that using AI makes it lose all the magic

Take this wherever you want, mainly because I'm a ghost reader but idk as a writer and a digital artist, I really feel that i need express my disgust of this type of AI's use

Hi !

First of all thank you for the compliment it makes me really happy that you like my ff 🥰

Now I think I need to explain why I made this fic like that, because I think people are missing something about it.

To start, I would like to say that it was my first time using chatgpt for a fic, and there is a context behind this. As @cutiedwaekki already said, it was because we were talking about it and it was making us laugh. So I was like « omg why not test it ? » and at first when this fic idea came into my mind it was only between me and ChatGPT. I gave the plot to the chat and I was looking at what it wrote, and it was fun for me to do it, alone and just like that, nothing more.

But then I was like « omg this fic is kinda cool » so I was like « why not rewrite it and post it after ? » but the fic was not good, because it was just write by the chat ! As you said, ai don't have that kind of mind. so i take some of the parts that I like, and then I rewrite all the other things myself ! as the dialogues, some description and stuff, and as I write it, it was more like a collaboration and not just some : copy/paste for all the fic, that’s not the truth.

The thing to know about THIS fic is that the point of it was the fact it’s written by me AND the chat, I will not use this in the future because it was just the point of THAT fic. Recently I didn’t have time to write or post, but I still have some idea and I was « why not test something for one fic to see what that can make and the conclusion is : ChatGPT is not bad, but it can’t write the fic in the way people (me included) like it. So yeah I had to modify things and that's why I posted it, because I wanted to make it in the way people would like it.

For the people who said that I was stealing the jobs of other artists, I totally understand that point for art, especially with drawings and animations ! Buut for this, I don’t get it, the point of it once again was just to test something ! And that’s all, I have been writing fics since I’m 13 or something, so I know how to write by myself, and the idea came from me and all that happened in the fic came from me too. It’s not the ai who created that, it’s not the ai who described everything not in a bad way without any help. And also, we are talking about kinky fic, we all know why we write that right ? So I think you can enjoy the fic by itself without thinking about chatgpt ! Who once again, didn’t write the fic in this kinky way ! That’s why I’m here 🤗 to make it cool for people to read it and enjoy, i told you at first it was written in my original language in a bad way so of course I had to make it for people !

I understand that it can really be interesting to talk about ai in the future, but trust me try to write a fic with chatgpt and not correct it. It will be bad and not kinky…

Anyway ! I love to write fics and I will continue to do that in the future because I like it, and I have been writing this kind of fic for a year now and I will not stop, and I will not use chatgpt because that’s NOT the goal of my fic. If I take an example when I write « Maknae on Top » that was the original idea of @cutiedwaekki and I made it for her. So what does this mean ? Does that mean she used someone to write a fic ? When people make a request and we write it, does that mean we’re stealing the job for the person who has the original idea ? I don’t think so ! I know it’s not the same but i think it’s a good point to illustrate what can be the point of the fic and why we write it.

So ! This fic was an attempt to create something fun, new and cool. But people didn’t like it, because everyone is thinking that this will DESTROY the kinky authors and fics, but that's not the truth. Once again, it was just to test, and have fun for me and for you. Nothing more. I sincerely hope that everyone will understand now that I talk about it. I hope this message is clear and that you will understand why this fic exists.

I really hope you understand now, we can still talk about it. I’m really sorry that people didn’t like it, and in the end, I’m sad too. Because I’m taking time for my fic, even this one, I take more time on this one that some others you know…so yeah I was a bit disappointed to have reaction like that, because I was just a test, but the fic still come from me in the end. So yeah, tell me if you have more questions, I will answer to it.

Have a good day ! And I’m really open to talk about it 💕

Thank you for reading all this 💜

#nana talks #sorryitstoolong

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swiftfootedachilles · 1 year

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Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

#if hea trying not to get tracked down he should probably get that tattoo covered up #i could go into my post-s11 headcanon of everyone needing to fake his death kinda like s1 frank but More. but i shant. i have to go to work #long post #wall of text #sorry yall but i dont want this to be under a readmore i want it to be all There!!#gallavich meta #shameless meta #shameless #asks #mickeysgaymom #will retead and edit if needed once i get to work and have a mfing break #ok to rb obviously #gallavichmeta

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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Any tips for writing great angst?

had 2 think abt this for a bit bc as i've said before my writing process is largely intuitive but!! here's what i've come up with:

1 - read angst <3

this might seem like basic advice but! i would be remiss if i did not mention that part of the way i learned how to come up with angsty situations was simply by reading a lot of angsty stories. now when i write if i'm trying to come up with angst i'll often find myself thinking about what stories have stuck with me in the past and what made them so heart-wrenching.

2 - muddy the waters

i find that when i'm trying to write a heartbreaking story, including a clear Wrong and Right character often diminishes the angst. for example--if two characters are fighting, but one is clearly framed as The Bad Guy and the other is clearly framed as The Victim, the story can of course be sad, but it sort of falls into an easy emotional logic to follow of sympathy for the victim and anger at the bad guy. the stories that i find stick with me much more are ones that include conflict with no clear right and wrong side, where you can understand where both characters are coming from and sympathize with both while also understanding that they are hurting each other. i also prefer these types of stories because i think they tend to be in conversation with the reader more, whereas stories with a clear Good versus Bad setup are kind of just feeding you a script of what you're supposed to feel much of the time. so even if you do have a clear antagonist in your story, i find it more compelling if there is more to the antagonization than just some Inherent Evil.

3 - make it unfair

when something bad happens, most people's first instinct is to look for a clear reason or for someone to blame. additionally, i think a lot of people will instinctively try to find ways to sort of "lessen the blow"--to make the Bad Thing that happened hold some greater meaning, or to say things like "they're in a better place now," etc. that is all perfectly understandable when seeking comfort in the wake of a tragedy--but if you're trying to write angst, take that comfort away! if you want to kill a character, make it abundantly clear to the reader that that character does not want to die, that they have so much to live for, etc etc. make bad things happen randomly, for no reason. make bad things happen to people who don't deserve it. make bad things happen that don't lead to any greater good, that perhaps even make things worse. make bad things happen that were so easily avoidable, but for whatever reason just could not be avoided in this instance. if you really want to twist the knife, a good way to do it is by leaving the reader going, "it's just so unfair!"

4 - leave problems unresolved

this ties into the last point, because again, what is goes back to is taking away the comfort that we seek when something bad happens. if your goal is to write really intense angst, then one of the best ways to do that is to leave whatever problem is causing strife unresolved, or at least to avoid giving a clear resolution/happily-ever-after.

anyway! hope that's helpful :) i'm happy to give like. more concrete examples of any of these points if anything wasn't clear or to try and elaborate more, but...yeah. i feel like these are just some overarching things to consider when you're trying to decide how angsty you wanna make something!

#ask #writing tips

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thisdreamplace · 5 months

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Hi dream. It’s 😵‍💫 anon again.

I actually haven’t been on here in a bit bc I was tired & embarrassed of spreading my misery lol. So much has went on with my life since my last message on Thanksgiving. It’s been going as it always does. I fell into the law of assumption trap again last week. I saw in a response to an anon, you said that a lot of us have trauma from the law, which is true. Every time I go back to it, I regret it again haha. It’s such a heavy subject. I watched Sammy Ingram. I tried to force it again. I just knocked some sense into myself an hour ago, “girl, what the hell are you doing?” I know how it ends every time. I’m caught in this place of not understanding if the magic truly is out there or if I’m wasting time. The last of my teen years were spent with trying with the law. I fell flat every time. Although I’m nowhere near okay right now, I still reflect on how painful the journey of the law had been for me. I’m just asking myself if I want to keep feeling the lows of it. I don’t, but without it, what will I do? I have some many dreams. If I were to cut it loose and say “I’m okay if this doesn’t happen”, it would never happen. I needed the law to work. I say NEEDED simply because it gets tiring. Tiring to a point that the desires feel bitter now. I think that is why the community has died down. It’s tired. I’m not sure what put it in some of our heads that we have to make ourselves miserable just to reach. It’s sad to think about. I was a child stuck in this loop. I found subliminals. I haven’t been normal since then. This is a sad tale, but I hope other people can break free from it. Too many are stuck, me included. In some way, law of assumption coaches are stuck too. Your page is a place to become unstuck.

After that coming to my senses moment earlier, I actually felt lighter letting go of the forced affirmations again. I’m not okay, but I think everyone can understand how heavy the law can feel on your back. Now….I’ve just sat with my negativity. I don’t know what to do with it all. I always look to find someone else who is feeling like I am, but I truly don’t want anyone to. I hope everyone who has been negatively affected by the laws can recover. It truly is crazy. I wonder if there will be a documentary on Netflix one day. “Surviving the Laws” lmfao.

I didn’t have a main point for this message. Your point just brought up some words in my mind…. like yeah, we’ve been traumatized. 😂😂😂

I hope you’ve been doing well, Dream. How’s life going? Happy New Year btw!!!!

hiii lovely 😵‍💫 anon

ahh i remember when sammy first blew up and uh.. yeah. def glad that didnt last hahahah i wouldnt ever rec her to anyone knowing what i know now, but i get it. sometimes we fall back and that's just normal and not a big deal.

this really stood out to me though, "if i were to cut it loose and say, "i'm okay if this doesn't happen," it would never happen." hmmmm this is very far from the truth. and the hard realization is realizing... you not cutting it loose hasnt made it happen either. :/ the law is extremely paradoxial and until we surrender to that fact, we continue to struggle and struggle. fighting and wanting and wanting and wanting. and never making it pass the phase of wanting, or even if we do, we quickly find ourselves back in the wanting phase again because that is what it is. if we cannot stop wanting, if we cannot stop hoping something will happen for us to finally be happy... then we keep waiting for that day we can finally be happy. this is maybe the hardest part in all of this. allowing the paradox. that when we actually cut loose and stop needing whatever to pass, that is when it happens. when we could enjoy life, even just a little, with the very little that we have in front of us, the thing we wanted most appears. sometimes we have to create our own magic, not continue waiting on life to bring it to us.

i understand you entirely when you say you get tired, and the desire feels bitter. because ohmygosh that was meeeee. at some points, i became entirely resentful towards what i had thought i wanted the most. i also agree this is why the community has died down, and many are moving to a more non dualistic lifestyle bc its much more freeing than the manifestation trap. everything you're saying is so relatable to me a few years ago, and thats why i have remained on this page. to be some sort of source of help, to share my own journey and hopefully it can encourage and inspire others. :')

LOL but imagine. i think that would be a great documentary, bc seriously so many people would be able to speak out and it would be so relatable. and it would show people that there is a way out. we truly didnt find the law for nothing, it leads us to something greater eventually. the law was always meant to lead to the promise, you know ? so for that, its not all terrible. but its true that a lot of us hurt ourselves and traumatized ourselves a lot in the process, and it doesnt help that so many loa coaches at the same supported that kind of suffering.

anyway, thanks for popping in again !! i've been doing really well tbh, the new year is going really well. i've made some big changes in my life, like moving abroad and i'm already loving it but having to learn how to live somewhere completely new. the days are so beautiful here and lately and its the small things like that which just make me happy to be here <3

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polaroidcats · 8 months

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It just hit me. For part 2 of assigning german/austrian songs to the marauders, this time with Remus:

Egoist by Falco.

You know it's true.

(This is the only Remus bashing you will ever get from me, he is my babygirl and he has never done anything wrong in his life ever)

Oh wow okay I didn't know I'd be coming home to Remus bashing in my inbox today but here we are! Why are you calling him an egoist? Just because he abandoned his pregnant (so very straight) wife (so very straightly) and didn't take responsibility for that until a 17 year old kicked his ass? Idk what you're on about, that's a weird AU, Remus would never do that.

I see your Falco and I raise you: Junge Römer. You know Sirius played that song on repeat for like a week and thought he was the funniest person ever because of Remus's name.

Also I should note, I'm a bit tipsy (ON REMUS WINE!) atm so this is NOT the official German Remus playlist, this is the shitpost version of the official German Remus playlist, here we go, no thoughts just vibes:

Okayokay I'm thinking abt austrian music now and since we're pretty much the only 2 people invested in these playlists anyways I won't worry about the musicians being well known or not (though I'd love to know which of these you knew and which you didn't!).

May I sugesst Wolfgang Amrbos' Die Kinettn wo i schlof as homeless Remus Lupin's crying song. I feel a bit bad about putting this on the list because the song is genuinely so good and emotional and it made me cry when I was a child (I grew up listening to Ambros) but yeah. Uhm. No further explanation, also idek if you'll understand the dialect lol

DIALECT! When making the german Sirius list one of my Remus thoughts was what the german equivalent to welsh/scottish remus is and I've come to the conclusion that the obvious answer is Vorarlberg. SO obviously Vo Melo Bis Ge Schoppornou has to be included on the list. No I don't understand much either but it's still german (and imho one of the sexiest german accents, I said what I said).

Ham kummst is toxic wolfstar divorce AU core!!!!

Okay this one is actually a serious (lol) suggestion I think Remus would actually really like and relate to Sie mögen sich by Kätpn Peng! ALso maybe Tier by Käptn Peng?

Meine Sonne by Grossstadtgeflüster as angsty REMUS POV either poa era or first war or sth

Also I know this is officially the inofficial Remus list but i had another galaxy brain idea - Aurélie by Wir sind Helden is a song about french Sirius in an AU of our german marauders AU.

oKAAAY ANYWAYS BACK TO AUSTRIAN MUSIC Ich Lebe by Christl Stürmer is also a Remus/wolfstar song now, because I said so.

sepp haT gesagT wir müssen alles anzünden is just pure chaos marauders vibes tell me I'm wrong.

okayyy back to remus Irgendwann bleib I dann dort by STS is also Remus. ANd Gö, du bleibst heut nacht bei mir is needy Remus in a werid fwb situation with remus or sth idk

ALso since I've given up any pretense of choosing things that make sense I also suggest 1001 Nacht is about wolfstar friends to lovers slowburn. YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE

Okay also I just wanted to add something by AnnenMayKantereit because why not, and I'm sure there are better songs but I decided on 21,22,23 purely because of the youth/death themes and bc Jily died at 21 and Remus and Sirius died in their mid-late thirties.

okay now i made myself sad i need one more nonsense answwer and then i'll post this glorious completely coherent masterpiece

I was going to go with LaFee for a tasteful last song but then spotify suggested Tokio Hotel and who am I to disagree?! you can't tell me angsty early 2000s german teenage werewolf remus lupin DIDN'T listen to them, I'm sorry but he really felt the lyrics of Durch den Monsun.

yeah idek what this is i'm sure it's EXACTLY what you expected (lol) uhm i blame the remus wine. Any thoughts on the playlist??

#iek what to tag this as LOL #remus lupin #german marauders agenda #neongreenllama #i look forward to doing an actual real version of this with you soon though!!!!#but doing the shitpost version was way too much fun to not do it #if you have any real or shitpost additions pls add them <3 #ramblings #just be glad i didnt put atemlos on the list it was a close call #also there isnt any EAV but i almost added some #you know this list couldve been so much worse even when i think of it #chaos posting

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nauticalnova · 4 days

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i saw your matchups were open and i just had to send in a request for a romantic twisted wonderland matchup! if possible, i'd prefer for none of the first years to be my match :]

i assume i'd best start off with the basic info so hello! you can just call me dango anon or something hehe i'm an enfj but im more shy when it comes to first knowing people ahaha i get loud afterwards trust me! i'm told i always seem super quiet but thats not the case bc i talk n banter alot with close friends

i like a lot of things creativity related! drawing is one of my favs, but i love trying new crafty things and i've been doing a lot of crochet lately! i also really like reading and im a huge night owl i like to just stay up reading.. i also love the rain

i guess i really dislike bugs. and as someone with ocd i can't stand really messy places or unclean places for that matter i'd have this impulse to clean all the time ahahah also not the biggest fan of vegetables but i will eat them

gonna include a quick what i'm looking for in a partner, probably just someone who i can be myself with, someone who i can treat as a friend as much as i treat them like my partner, ofc i love romantic situations but yeah just someone who i can be truly comfortable with, who i can just banter with since i think thats cute but also be vulnerable with sometimes.. also someone who places me first just as i will do them, i've always felt like a kind of second choice so yeah ksjsk also im a sucker for the small romantic actions, im not sure how to describe it but it doesnt have to be words of affirmation all the time, small acts of service are so cute to me (idt this last part is related with what i'm looking for in a partner but oh well)

3 positive qualities of mine are that i'm a great listener, so if said match needs an ear i'm always around — also i know when someone needs their space (i would think of myself to be the type of person who loves to spend time around their s/o in a relationship but also yeah they need their alone time too and so do i and i get that!) and third i express my affection in a lot of ways to like everyone, i'm huge on gift giving and quality time when it comes to friends but also i like physical affection from time to time (im kinda touch starved)

3 negative qualities would be i overthink alot, like a Lot, like i love bantering but if i think someone's upset at me i'll yeah and i tend to distance myself if that happens..i probably need constant reminders that i'm loved too, and i might get jealous easily but i don't really show it — when i get jealous i just get kinda sad haha, and idk if this counts but when i'm super burnt out i'll probably need a ton of care physical affection wise.. and i'll probably be super tired of everything and i wouldn't enjoy talking much i just needs hugs and stuff </3

im not sure about green flags but for me red flags would be the type to always make me apologise for something i didn't do, especially in an argument i hate to be the one always apologising if it wasn't me in the first place, and people so stubborn to a fault that they never listen to me or my suggestions sometimes. also people break my trust and keep like thousands of secrets even after we've been together for a long time and also those who get mad at me for the smallest things i'm sorry i've been through most of these before and i think i'd just explode and leave a relationship if this happens

++ i think green flags for me would be people who are open to listen even if they're not good at advice, and people who will be somewhat protective of me, but not overprotective, someone who cares enough about my health and all at least but trusts me to be alone and stuff sometimes too. i also think it's nice when someone notices and remembers the little things, and someone who likes to spend time with me and trusts me. someone who lets me have my own time when i need it but loves to spend time together too. lastly loyalty of course !

this is getting a bit long so i'm super sorry, my pronouns are she/her but you can go for she/they too i dont mind, and my favs are leona and jamil!!

tysm :)

Trey's this exact type of guy. He's super down to earth, willing to give you space while still assuring you that he loves you.

You know how some guys will cover the sharp edge of a table when their partner goes to pick up something they dropped? Yeah, he's that kind of protective. He's most protective about your care and health.

I feel like he might like extroverts a lot, just someone who's a little more out there and passionate.

If you offhandedly mention liking a certain flavour, he'll remember it. Sure, it'll be slightly hard for him to remember stuff outside of treats, since that's the main way he shows his love, but he'll make his best effort to remember.

With your problems about being blamed fully for a disagreement, Trey has the opposite problem. We saw how he is with Riddle, so it's clear he struggles to hold people accountable. That's something he's working on, sure, but it's likely that he won't confront you when you do mess up. At first at least.

Of course his love language is food. It's a mix between gifts and acts of service. That and quality time.

As for physical affection, there is a lot of it, but in a more casual way. A lot of quick hugs and kisses in passing. As a vice housewarden, he does tend to be rather busy, so expect a lot of just casual affection.

He also says 'I love you' a lot. Once it's said, he doesn't stop saying it. Literally every hour. Not a single day passes without him saying it. Sure, he does back it up if you tell him to, but expect to hear it at least once a day.

#twst x reader #twst matchup #trey x reader #trey clover x reader #a wish in the well

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annwayne · 1 year

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MUSIC ASKS

because it looked fun :3 bagheerita did this a while back and I wanted to do it too, so >P

Edit bc I forgot to also include the credit: originally from @benedictervention-deactivated20

1. A song you like with a color in the title: Blue Lips by Regina Spektor

2. A song you like with a number in the title: One by Harry Nilsson

3. A song that reminds you of summertime: Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood

4. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: The Plagues by Mick Byram and Ralph Fiennes Less a person and more..a cult lmao but I still love it

5. A song that needs to be played LOUD: Teenagers or Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance no, I will not pick just one.

6. A song that makes you want to dance: Kissing Strangers by DNCE ft. Nicki Minaj

7. A song to drive to: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

8. A song about drugs or alcohol: Gasoline by Halsey (?) It mentions getting high and drinking lol another song that was pivotal in my self acceptance while in the cult.

9. A song that makes you happy: Pompeii by Bastille during track meets we’d play this song off one of our phones and sing at the top of our lungs… some good memories.

10. A song that makes you sad: Love Like You from Steven Universe Ft. Rebecca Sugar less sad and more I always cry when I hear this song?

11. A song that you never get tired of: Saint Bernard by Lincoln lol reclaim religious imagery who?

12. A song from your preteen years: Radioactive by Imagine Dragons this was the first song I discovered completely by myself, not from tv, movies, friends, or family.

13. One of your favorite 80’s songs: Africa by Toto (Ninja Sex Party Cover is my favorite)

14. A song that you would love played at your wedding: Home by Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros

15. A song that is a cover by another artist: Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Ninja Sex Party

16. One of your favorite classical songs: This isn't fair I listen to classical music the most and I know so many by just like a couple notes. Like. man. I was a band kid you can't do this to me. Alright I'm being a basic bitch- Für Elise by Beethoven

17. A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: I'll Make A Man Out of You by David Zippel, Matthew Wilder, and Stephen Schwartz (Yes, the disney song I can always belt out a disney song)

18. A song from the year that you were born: Closing Time by Semisonic yeah I pulled a semantics lol.

19. A song that makes you think about life: Creature by Half Alive who asked for more religious iconography???

20. A song that has many meanings to you: Take Me to Church by Hozier

21. A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Eleanor Rigby by The Beetles

22. A song that moves you forward: Bells by The Unlikely Candidates

23. A song that you think everybody should listen to: Devil’s Train by The Lab Rats I just think it’s a cool song

24. A song by a band you wish were still together: Yeah I don’t know bands so I couldn’t say. Heard MCR has a reunion tour going on rn so good for them.

25. A song by an artist no longer living: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

26. A song that makes you want to fall in love: It's You (specifically the cover by Road & Ashe, at least the video title says its a cover but I can't find who the og artist is like at all-this was the song I listened to daydreaming about falling in love when I was a teen)

27. A song that breaks your heart (in a good way): Hurt by Johnny Cash

28. A song by an artist with a voice that you love: Say My Name from Beetlejuice the Musical Alex Brightman is one of my favorite voice actors and singers out there like I always can spot him in animated media and promptly lose my shit. I had the chance to see Beetlejuice the musical last December and I can't say how amazing and cool it was to see this musical after years of listening to the soundtrack.

29. A song that you remember from your childhood: Monster Mash by Bobby Pickett

30. A song that reminds you of yourself: Weak by AJR I loved this song when it first came out, listened to it constantly as it was something telling me I could make mistakes and didn't have to be perfect (something unacceptable in the eyes of the fundamentalist cult I was born into) and just a few years later I escaped that cult. Now it's a song that shows me I knew. I knew before I knew.

#ask game #kinda?#I did it without the actual asks xD #music taste #song asks #music asks #recovering band kid

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sunnnfish · 1 year

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Tagged by @aranarumei ! Thanks a bunch :D going under a cut bc i feel like it

1. Are you named after anyone?

I thiiiink my middle name is named after like a great grandparent or something like that? I forgot. My first name might be too but i also forgot. 👍

2. When was the last time you cried?

Like two days ago? I also cry easily when im frustrated …

3. Do you have kids? / recommend a song?

No kids so im gonna recommend People Become Ghosts by ive… specifically an English cover by UmbraticForest on youtube. Ive recommended it before ill recommend it again i love that song

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I dont… know? Maybe like. If someone asks an obvious question I’ll say the opposite answer sometimes. Maybe im like a medium sarcasm user…

5. What sports do you play/have played?

Growing up it was like. Soccer->softball->soccer->competitive cheerleading->soccer again until like 11th grade. Then no more sports bc i moved schools and there wasn’t any soccer nearby :(

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Hmm maybe like the way they move/hold themselves? If I actually talk to them then like their voice. ACTUALLY i will be immediately enamored if i see them wearing like a pin or a shirt or whatever of something i like. Locked on.

7. Eye color?

Hazel :)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

The only reason i watch scary movies is bc of my friends. I find them on a scale of boring to actually scary and i dont like either of those feelings mostly. But ill watch them if my friends want to and some of them turn out actually interesting. Just wouldn’t watch them on my own. So yeah happy endings i guess?

9. Any special talents?

I can make a really realistic water drop sound with my mouth 👍 i can also hum and whistle at the same time and i can snap with all my fingers :)

10. Where were you born / what made you make a tumblr account?

A hospital 👍 i actually dont remember when i started using tumblr or when exactly i made an account but i know i started posting January 2020 because of Bakugan and Danganronpa. Mostly bakugan because there was like NO art and it made me sad. And then i got obsessed with danganronpa </3

11. What are your hobbies?

Well uh. Art. Drawing. Yeah. I also do crochet :) and then reading + video games + anime etc etc the whole shebang. Non-media activities include puzzles and gardening :)

12. Do you have any pets?

We have like a billion cats. Seriously. I thiiink we have like 9-10 total? I dont keep track. Long story short one had babies and then two babies had babies and my sister didn’t let us get rid of them. I only care about one hes a huge black cat <3. Plus we also have a dog.

13. How tall are you?

…5 foot even. Tiny guy

14. Favorite subject in school?

Does art count. Also math though i looove math i love how theres only limited solutions unlike English where you get judged for having opinions. And i guess grammar n stuff. Anyways math and logic my beloved.

15. Dream job?

I’d love to illustrate a book… like any kind. Problem is i dont like writing :( and ive yet to know anybody who would work with me… but yeah like a children’s book or a comic book or like illustrated novel like please…. Im trying though 👍

Anyways thats it :] thanks again for the tag… not gonna tag anyone myself because thats so scary so. Open to anyone :]

#ask game #sunnfish.txt #tag game

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always-andromeda · 1 year

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hi! this is in response to your earlier post about inadequacy, mental health, etc. so absolutely feel free to not post this (or even read it) if you don't feel comfortable

I just wanted to say that I have had very similar feelings and when I read the last bit of your post where you spoke about finally changing those habits and not always trying to be accommodating to other people when it hurts you or when it's contrary to who you really are... whoo boy did I feel that 😭 I had never really thought about it that way before, so your post was so incredibly eye-opening and now I'm having a little bit of an existential crisis (but I good one, I promise!)

bc idk I just can't ever be mean or even like slightly contrary to anyone. it even got to the point where I was going thru some really serious mental health stuff and when I told people about it after the fact they were like "oh really? I never would have known bc you were always smiling and so happy all the time." and I think your post gave words to that feeling of incongruity in a way I couldn't.

when I was helping clean out my grandmother's house I found a letter she had written to her psychiatrist in maybe like the 60s where she basically said "I believe I'm a likable person and I can get anyone to like me if I try hard enough." and when I tell you I cried right then and there. just as you described, I felt like I've always been trying to make myself as "perfect" and "nice" as possible to that people like me and don't get mad at me. but it's both so comforting and so heartbreaking to know that my grandmother experienced something similar over half a decade ago. idk if that helps at all to make you feel less alone and/or isolated with your feelings about this, so sorry if that's too much!

I'm so sorry for just rambling, I really didn't want to make this too much about me but I just wanted to let you know that you are totally and completely not alone and I am so incredibly proud of you for healing and growing into the person that you've always felt you were.

my grandmother is about the sweetest person I've ever met, and I absolutely know that she would never want you or me to feel like we weren't enough, so I guess even though you don't know her, I absolutely know that she is so proud of you for fighting to be yourself in a way that she wasn't given the opportunity to

yeah again, sorry. I feel like I'm just rambling and I'm not sure if this is like helpful at all. so sorry to like have therapy in your ask box (I have a therapist, I promise) I just wanted you to know that you're not alone and that your words resonated with me very deeply. I hope you're able to continue giving yourself grace and space and warmth and love as you continue to grow and discover your truest self. sending so much love ❤️

Hey, anon, don't ever apologize for sending this kind of stuff in. I realize that when I open up online about things like that that are especially vulnerable, I'm opening myself up to potentially getting responses in that same vein. And I promise you, when I do get those responses, it's usually very gratifying. I'm including the rest of my response underneath the cut lol to spare my mutuals. Love you guys!! ❤️

Of course it's sad knowing that my feelings are ones that a lot of other people share. But there's a lot of comfort in knowing that while the human experience is vast and undefinable, when we do understand one another, I think that's when the magic of humanity happens. So, truly, I appreciate you taking the time to reach out and I'm glad my words could speak to you in any.

That being said, boy, do I get that bit about people just simply not knowing or not being able to tell when there's something going on with you. So often I faced that kind of isolation from friends? Like there were moments where I had people doubt that I was actually struggling that much because I simply didn't talk about things? And like, yeah, communicating with your friends is important but so are trust and understanding and compassion?

And another thing, it's so strange because sometimes I kind of forget that even people less than a century ago probably also felt a little bit crazy sometimes? Especially AFAB folks; not only because of misogyny but also the stigma around mental health. I think in that way we're kind of lucky. Like of course, just because we're in the here and now, it doesn't mean that the here and now is perfect. But sometimes I think back to the experiences that our mothers, grandmothers, and all of the grandmothers before them had? And how those experiences have only become more complicated as time and the world have both progressed?

I'm so sorry that you've held this burden for so long. And I want you to know that not being able to meet that impossible standard isn't a sign of any sort of failing on your part. You are allowed to feel how you feel. You are allowed to be human. You are allowed to be a fully fleshed human being with your own personality. You are allowed to like yourself as you are. And you are allowed to want to grow for yourself. You deserve to like yourself–to love yourself, anon. Thank you for sharing all of this. I hope you're taking care of yourself too. I love you and wish you all the best. 💞✨

#askmeda✨#anon ask✨

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tobesobri · 2 years

Text

Hi everyone. Sorry I’ve been mia for a bit. I decided to not respond to messages because it just hurt too much to dwell on everything that happened (since it was a super traumatic experience for me). But if you reached out, I appreciate you so so much. And if you have been through losing your best pet friend I am so genuinely sorry. I’ve been through this twice now and I don’t really think I will ever fully move on, but it has gotten a little better with some time (and lots of distractions). It just is actually the worst when all you want is your tiny bff and she’s not there, you know? I keep wishing I could go back and cuddle with her more and not push her off of me when she tries to sleep on my face. I get kind of buried in the regrets and the wishes though and I try to remind myself that I got to cuddle with her one last time on Saturday before she left and all the other good moments we had together are what matters (and I’m crying again so I will stop this train of thought now).

You don’t have to read any of this, it’s just been helping me with the Grief™️ to talk about some things. But I’ve kinda just had a hard time like enjoying anything lately which I expected bc I’m very much depressed rn but that’s why I haven’t even been on here to keep up with Harry because not even Harry has brought much joy back. I know it will just take time it just upsets me the most because I have my two dogs as well who usually always make me happy and still like idk I guess nothing is like filling the gaping hole in my heart that all of this left. I bought some plants though that I’m now taking care of so that’s helping a little. Might not have been the best move bc I have never taken care of plants and I will probably have a breakdown if I kill one of these succulents tbh lol.

Anyway, I just wanted to come on here and give a little update because I’m going to try to come back on here again soon and I don’t want to like have my last post be about a traumatic thing that happened and then bam! random photo of harry shirtless at msg you know jnfvf

Also, I have never done this and you do not have to at all but I thought I would ask if anyone would like to. I’ve been kind of putting together a little like memorial shelf in my room since I had her cremated. I don’t have the ashes or anything yet but I found this personalized urn I want to get for her. It’s very much out of my budget considering other bills I have to deal with so I just thought I would include my ko-fi if anyone would like to help with that. Again you do not have to! I will appreciate you endlessly if you would like to help me spoil my cat in her afterlife though, any amount is helpful!

Okay, this is super long I’m sorry! But yeah grief sucks and I hate it. Today was finally a somewhat better day for me though and I basically just hope you’re all having/had a good Thursday! (Sorry I made it kinda sad though) I’m going to continue rewatching stranger things now! Thank you all again for reaching out, sending you all my love ❤️

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vizthedatum · 6 months

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Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

my whole life I have felt like I couldn’t cope with things or do things in the way that ‘most’ people do & I am grateful that I have the things I’m really good at or enjoy but I still have times when I just can’t keep to the same schedules or cope with certain situations like others and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to. I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’ And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes 😅

Hey I sent you the ask yesterday but I absolutely don’t mind you just posting it normally on here! Sorry if this is really long <3

Hi!! I wanted to take my time with my response to be able to respond appropriately and to show myself care as well (I've had a rough week). I will respond in line to your message.

I don't mind long messages! I send long messages too haha <3

I think we often get bogged down with "how we should be" instead of checking in with ourselves with how we actually are.

Similarly, I have felt like I couldn't cope with a lot… and would kinda just struggle through it or force myself through it (burning myself out in the process). It wasn't until I got more support in adulthood from my therapist (and I've cycled through a couple!), psychiatrist (I am thankful I found a good one - I've been seeing her for the past 3 years or so), medical team (I have chronic health issues but assembling a good group of docs has been a challenge), my community (asking and receiving help is really important, I'm finding out), my NEURODIVERGENT community (it's been immensely helpful/validating to be vulnerable and to LISTEN to other people who have a wide range of neurotypes to observe how they do things or what they enjoy), spirituality practice (which is something I've been in and out of my whole life (was very atheist for a long time) but now I'm reclaiming this on my own terms), etc.

I'm glad that you have things you're really good at and also things you enjoy!!!

I think many schedules or even constructs of how to be human… can be really restricting because they're often not customized to your needs and abilities.

However, figuring out what your needs and abilities are (especially since they're dynamic) is NOT TRIVIAL.

and finding out this is directly because of autism is a relief honestly 😭 I know a lot of people don’t like the church or Christianity and for real, I understand why especially when I think of things for me lately but I guess you could say I found my own beliefs on my own and I want everyone to be included in everything and be loved, happy and supported & I found this church that seemed to go outside the box and want to help and include everyone (also I felt like I belonged somewhere) but the more I realised they were almost pressuring me into doing stuff that I didn’t want to do but would almost get weird or angry w me if I couldn’t make it or didn’t want to.

I'm happy you found a group and a set of beliefs that help you lead your life. Interpersonal relations within a community can be hard, especially if they do not understand or empathize with your needs.

I have often felt pressured by previous friends and family members into doing stuff… and then guilted/shamed about it if I couldn't do it or didn't want to. I think it is important to stand up for yourself and advocate for yourself in ANY SETTING… even if it disappoints others. Even if you're in the wrong. At least you're speaking up. (But I get that that's really draining, too... and sometimes not possible. I have often been non-verbal or didn't even know how to express what I was feeling)

I used to not stand up for myself because I assumed (or had a very unfair assumption) that people should just know! But people didn't know how to interact with me. And I think this is maybe autism because I felt like I was supposed to "know" unsaid rules of society for other people. I spent so much emotional energy trying to "intuit" what other people wanted… and didn't even realize how drained I was getting, how much I was masking who I was, or even who I was.

If things you can't or won't do disappoint a person or a group of people, then that could be a starting point for y'all (or even that person) to figure out why that's bothering them. A discussion needs to be had and reflections need to be made. If there is consistent harm or abuse that's being done (which I'm not saying there is, in this case, necessarily), then you may need to set some boundaries.

I have been really sick the last few months and couldn’t make it to literally anything or barely get out of bed some days and literally none of them reached out to me or would talk to me like I should make an effort even though I was so sick, sad and alone

I'm so sorry to hear that. I know what that's like. Long-term illness or chronic illness can be so isolating. And some people don't even know what to do to support.

Have you told your friends or community ways you'd like them to reach out to you when you're sick/sad/alone? It may help to say "Could you message/call me if you haven't heard from me this week?"

and the one day I actually felt good enough to attend, I signed up to help on the team and they deadass took me off and told me I’m ‘unreliable’ and can’t not be there for weeks and expect to just walk back in and be part of team after that. I was so hurt I felt like crying. I have tried to open up to people about things in the past there too and honestly most of the time I get a reaction like I’m to blame and like if I ask for help I get this weird reaction like ‘WeLL SHiT DuDE maybe you should just do this and not ask us?!!!!!’

Yeah that's highly inappropriate and ableist TO BE QUITE HONEST.

I feel like that's why we have to advocate and push back a little. Not a lot of people know enough about neurodivergence or disability needs. Or even human needs. I hate that the onus of that education and advocacy falls on us (the ones who need the help or support!)… :(

And it takes me by shock every time :( but yeah I’m so sorry for the rant but it makes me feel like I’m such a burden for struggling w stuff and now I don’t want to even bother offering up my time to help them especially speaking on autism bc they treat me like I should still be able to cope with things idk it’s just hard and it makes me wanna have a breakdown sometimes

I want to validate your shock and disappointment and hurt. That is a valid response to what you've been through.

You can rant and vent!! I do it on my blog and to my friends/partners a lot - but I'm trying to also be mindful of how much bandwidth they have for it too (my friends/partners are not my therapist or anything - and that's such an important line). Emotional expression is a really good way to help us regulate, in my opinion.

And your autism and neurodivergence is valid too. The way they can cope with "Thing X" is JUST AS VALID as you not being able to cope with "Thing X." I understand that a lot of people don't get that.

Final thoughts: Feel free to vent either to me or trusted friends/supports. I may not always be able to respond in a timely manner, but I'll try to let you know.

You shouldn't have to repeatedly assert your boundaries and needs in environments where you're supposed to have human connection and bond. That's not fair to you.

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