#yk what i think about else

[arugan]

Dream sweet in sea major ft. ssc

explanation below ⬇️

Second stage children are the most interesting characters to develop, drawing them was so fun.

i had an graphic designer assignement, it was about creating art, our path to create. but i didnt really understand the meaning of the assignement tbh so i gave this, with a silly explanation of how i create at the end lol. the song is Dream Sweet in Sea Major, from Musical Miracle. very good band i recommend.

i tried to give a meaning to each illustrations but to be honest my mind is not that smart, youll have shitty explanations and i hope i make it short lol.

"It feels like flying, but maybe we are dying" this lyric remind me of the whole group in general. second stage children have a limited life time, they have to make the most before its too late, their fightning style is compared to "flying" and their causes of why they do is because they are "dying" (ssc genes may dιε quicker since they dont live long (?)). i picked garo for this one, he is the one who fights alot

"A cosmic confluence of pyramids hologrammed" tbh i dont understand the meaning of the lyric 😭 i know it has a deep meaning in the song itself, but still. cosmic confluence symbolize the different timelines, all the ones that made saru forgot, which is the chalk trait he is tracing. he wanna make fey's head clearer as possible so he (fey or saru) can complete his mission. "pyramids hologrammed" remind me of all the hologrammed moments in cs, with el dorado.

"She knows you heard her" "Staging music murder". this time ill talk about the illustration. there is a part of the circle, it illustrate a clock, i was supposed to put "8" behind, why ? cuz they die at 20. sadly if i added a number next to all these typographies it wont come out great. instead i drew their logo team as clock hand. pointing in front of them. meaning time is going to kill them at "8". which explain the music murder.

"In line before the show began" that is so conceptual all the things i explain but bear with me 😭. in line -> zanark got enough talent/skills -> changed team everytime = reason why he appears 3 times cuz everytime he was in line to play again (show = match) (i drew him with braids because it PISSED ME OFF HIS HAIRCUT i had enough)

"To be where I am". "where" is pixelited because he is always looking for his place, he always moved on to other places, either its for matchs or looking for skills. and he only "found" his place when he miximaxed with clara j + joined chrono storm.

"Children born of one emotion", very basic and understandable. SSC were motived by one reason, people denied them the whole time, they grew up with one strong emotion : anger. (and saru is the only one to command the whole thing too, tiny detail)

"Our devotion's deepest ocean" this is one hell of a lyric but sadly i couldnt come up with a very nice illustration or meaning. their motivation is so strong they wanted to conquer the entire world.

anyway, sorry for the disappearance haha, i didnt have anything to post yk, homeworks and stuff. my first year end this 25th may, it went so fast

#yk what i think about else #about if some ssc didnt take the vaccine #this sht is sad asf #one day i remember i said imagine ssc just dιε randomly one day because their bodies couldnt take it anymore #anyway i hope all this make sense #inazuma eleven chrono stone #inazuma eleven #second stage children #セカンドステージ・チルドレン #inazuma eleven go

[todayisafridaynight]

journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit

#snap chats #im lying i physically could not marathon this i got school LMAO BUT IMAGINE #my god speaking of school i signed up for a japanese history class. because of course i did #i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn #thinkin i should get back into theater..... i got like two months to decide anyway #i was thinking about how im gonna play IW during streams... if the lord will let me i might stream for 2~3 hours or so #im putting such a small time limit due to Aforementioned School but also idk if my computer can record any longer than that #when i tried saving the video to my flashdrive it only lasted about two some hours right ? maybe 3 if i remember right #i decided to record to my computer's hard drive instead of the usb since it has more space so maybe i can record longer #ill prob do a test run later today and record a nonsense video. i WILL delete it i just wanna see what the limit is #cause my plan is to just Record One -> Upload It -> Delete OG yk. Lazy Susan type of plan #didnt mean to type out my whole gameplan in the tags LOL BUT HEY I WANTED TO TALK BOUT IT AT SOME POINT #my final message is that ive Hopefully preordered the ichi statue. i say Hopefully cause i am once again doing it through jp rabbit #and i didnt get the confirmation it was successful yet so I Will Simply Wait. #point is it was a lot cheapter than i thought it was going to be <3 yay <3 #ok im running out of tags tl;dr im gonna marathon IW until my eyes bleed BYYYE

[croakings]

i apologize for mithrunposting incessantly but honestly if any of you expected better of me you shouldn't have

anyway i get it and some of the failguy jokes are funny. i can tell that nothing i've run into is even malicious. but also it would be really cool and awesome if there were simply less posts calling a disabled person a failure or baby or a dog or whatever for needing accommodation or extra help, especially when like. hey did you know the source material very on purpose did not do anything remotely like that. critical thinking question: could there be some reasons these phrases are not great, potentially

#* #mithrun #dungeon meshi #people are being weird about laois and falin wrt autism also but this is a separate issue #the downside of rep outside of like Average Action Movie Protagonist #which is to say. rep at all. as we would think of it. #is that you get to see not in-group folks talk about those characters. also. #and sometimes. people have. let us say. unexamined. or unacknowledged. biases. perhaps prejudices. at times. #ANYWAY #DISABLED PEOPLE HOWEVER DISABLED ARE NOT INFANTS OR ANIMALS. THANK YOU. #ALSO JUST FOR THE RECORD NOT THAT IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE TO MY POINT #BUT MITHRUN IS SAID IN THE STORY TO BE FAIRLY SELF SUFFICIENT OUTSIDE OF DUNGEON CRAWLING. #his intelligence and strength stats are both extremely high. hey. hey. hey guys. what about him compels you to portray him #as weak or bumbling or unintelligent. quickly. #edit: #like look. if your whole joke is just ''ooooh he's so fucked up. he's so fucked up he's basically a goofy dog''. think about some things. #talking about/including a character's disability: 👍✅ #exclusively talking about how fucked up it makes them/how fucked up it is to be disabled: 😕❌ #double anyway. fucking. please for the love of god if nothing else. understand that real life disabled people see how you talk about #and portray those with disabilities. and sometimes! it does not feel good. thank you. #this isn't no fun alloweding. just THINK before you say shit PLEASE. #the only character ive seen get called a dog as much as mithrun is fucking laois. which. yk? ykwim here? would u call chilchuck a pursedog. #would that be fucked up‚ maybe. can you tell me why. are you reading me. #ok. i'm done. just. god. negative sims interaction bubble. JUST THINK ABOUT IT THATS ALL. #''its funny to ship mithrun with beautiful people bc he looks so fucked up now haha'' PLEASE CAN ANYONE HEAR ME. #actually i have more to say. rbing this. god. God.

[ineed-to-sleep]

Funny how all it takes is a couple of conversations with a cis straight man about gender to make me go "yup I'm definitely not cis"

#listen I adore my stepfather ok but he's got a pretty traditional view of gender #he's very respectful of others and doesn't enforce it on anyone else #and I think it's not that toxic all things considered bc he sees 'manhood' as being primarily about being hard working and protecting other #but it's still very gender essentialist #and he sees a lot of things as 'man things' and 'woman things' #and talks about skills and roles that are 'men's' #and I'm just like well but I do a lot of those things. but I identify with a lot of the things you describe. #and he tries to go around it like 'ahh well but you have personal history with that' etc etc #we get along really well tho we don't fight or anything but it's interesting to me #it makes me realize just how much I'm outside of the binary in the eyes of cis people #and how much 'trying to be a man' or 'trying to be a woman' are things that hold no emotional meaning to me(personally) #I could not care less what makes me masculine or feminine or if either of those labels are revoked for some reason #taking on the label of woman or man feels like a burden to me bc it always comes with a set of expectations #I just wanna be me yk. I just want people to see me through the lens of 'this is a person' #'this is what this person likes. this is how this person behaves' #I just wanna turn off gender. can I do that? like just flip a switch and no one perceives me as anything anymore #in a perfect world maybe #sleep.txt #I honestly still don't fully understand how I feel about gender but. I know that I don't like being put into a box #the box is Evil.

[coyotesinew]

Some recent thoughts about nonhumanity and my relationship to the community + my personal relationship with it that I cleaned up, my writing style is a bit disjointed, I would like to share more of my writing, if anyone would be interested in seeing that :)

#I have a lot of thoughts about nonhumanity that I don’t know how to share #feel like there is such a communal focus on misinfo and easily digestible “content” #that there’s no space to talk about anything else that no one would care to look. #Not that there is anything wrong with that focus and not to say that I am exempt from participating in it! #I just don’t want that to be what represents me and the only way I engage in this community yk? #I want to spend most of my time talking to people who I have similar experiences to #not explaining things to people that are new to the space or just coming into their identities #which again there’s nothing wrong with that! everybody starts somewhere #(again I’m not an exception lol!) #I also have some misplaced resentment that I need to sort out I think idk it’s hard to sort. #It’s also hard to be okay with caring this much about stuff like this at all #i try not to be embarrassed i am anyway. #It comes with the territory of having mental stuff I guess lol can’t help being a freak! #nonhumanity #therian #canine therian #therianthropy #otherkin #therian art #nonhuman #dog therian #alterhuman #therian community #nonhuman community #coyote therian #kin #coyote kin #canine kin

[jacksprostate]

Treatise on why No, the doctor just giving the narrator of Fight Club (full name) his requested sleep medication or sending him to therapy would not have Fixed Him

Firstly, saying giving him the insomnia meds would’ve fixed him ignores the reason he has insomnia in the first place. He is so deeply upset by his place in society that he literally cannot sleep. Drugging him to sleep would not change that. That, of course, is the easy, quick response.

But with regard to therapy? The biggest flaw is that it ignores a central tenet of the book. Part of what tortures the narrator and drives him to invent Tyler is that his feelings about this collective, systemic issue are constantly reduced to a Just Him thing. His seatmates ask what his company is. He’s the only one upset at the office. He gets weird looks if he says the truth of what he does. People will do anything in their power to pretend he is the issue, as an individual, because it is far scarier to consider the full implications of the systemic issues implied by what he is saying. Everyone treats it as if the issue is him, so he goes insane. He does anything to get someone to say, holy shit, that’s fucked up, what you’re a part of is wrong. In an attempt to feel any sort of vague sympathy and catharsis, he goes to support groups to pretend to be dying, because then at least people don’t habitually blame him for his anguish. 

Saying therapy would fix him ignores that his problems are not individual. They are collective. It’s the reason the entire story resonates with people! Something deeply, unignorably wrong with society, where people would rather blame you for bringing it up than try and address it, because it feels impossible. I don’t blame people for this, really, because it IS scary. It’s terrifying to sit and feel like you’ve realized there’s something deeply, deeply wrong, but if you say something, people will get mad at you since it’s so baked into everything around you. Or, even if they agree, it’s easier to deal with the dissonance by pretending it’s individual.

And it’s not like that’s not the purpose therapy and medications largely serve, anyway. Getting into dangerous territory for this website, but ultimately, the reason the narrator was seeking medication was because it’s a bandaid. A very numbing bandaid. For these very large, dissonance causing problems, therapy does very little. Medications do what they always have, and distract you with numbness or side effects. It’s a false solution. He is seeking an individualized false solution because he has been browbeaten with the idea that this is an issue with him alone, when it's plainly clear it's not. 

Don't get me wrong. Obviously he has something wrong with him. But it's a product of his situation. It is a fictional exaggeration of a very real occurrence of mental illness provoked by deep unconscionable dissonance and anguish.  There is a clear correlation between what happens and his mental state and his job and how isolated he is. 

The thing is, even if he were chemically numbed, I do think he would’ve lost it regardless. Many people on meds find they don’t fix things. For reasons I’ll get into, but in this case because even if numbed or distracted, once you’ve learned about deep, far reaching corruption in society, it’s very hard to forget. Especially if, in his case, you literally serve as the acting hand of this particular variety. He’s crawling up the walls. 

So why do people say this?  Well, it's funny I guess. Maybe the first time or whatever. But also, often, they believe it, to a degree. Maybe they've just been told how effective therapy and meds are for mental illness, they believe wholeheartedly in The Disease Model of Mental Illness, maybe they themselves have engaged with either and have considered it successful. Maybe they or someone they know has been 'saved' by such treatments. 

But in all honesty.... What therapy can help with is mentality, it's how you approach problems. For issues on a smaller scale, not meaning they are easier to deal with my any degree, but ones that are not raw and direct from deep awareness of corruption; these are things that can be worked through if you get lucky and get an actually good therapist who helps build up your resiliency. But when your issue is concrete, something large and inescapable? It's useless. At best it can help you develop coping mechanisms, but there is a limit for that. There is a point where that fails. To develop the ability to handle something like this requires intense development of a comfort with ambiguity and dissonance and being isolated and a firm positioning of your purpose and values and and belief in wonder and all the other shit I ramble about. The things that the narrator lacks, which lead him to taking an ineffectual death knell anarchist self-destruction path. Therapy, where the narrator is, full of the knowledge of braces melted to seats and all the people that have to allow this to happen? It fails. 

And meds — meds are a fucking scam. We know the working mechanism of basically none of them, the serotonin receptor model was made up and paid its way into prominence. We have very little evidence they're any better than placebo, and they come with genuinely horrific side effects. Maybe you got lucky. I did, on some meds. On others? I don't remember 2018. The pharmaceutical industry is also known for rampant medical ghostwriting, and for creating 'off-label' uses for drugs that have gained too many protests in their original use, then creating a cult of use to then have 'grassroots' campaigns for it to be made a label use (ie, legitimize their ghostwritten articles with guided anecdotes). 

The DSM itself is basically a marketing segregation plot. It's an attempt to legitimize the disease model by isolating subgroups of symptoms to propose individualized treatments for subgroups that are not necessarily all that separate. But if the groups exist, you can prescribe more and different medications, no? Not to mention, if you use the disease model, you can propose that these diseases are permanent, or permanent until treated, considered more and more severe to offset and justify the horrific side effects of the medications. Do you know why male birth control doesn't really exist? Same reason. They can justify all the horrible side effects for women, because the other option is pregnancy. For men, it's nothing. 

And they're not bothering to invent new drugs without side effects. When they invent new drugs it's just because the last one got too bad of a name, or they can enter a new market. Modern drugs don't work any better than gen1 drugs. They still have horrific side effects. At best, the industry will shit out studies saying the old one was flawed (truth) so they can say this new gen will be better (lie). They're doing it with ssris right now. 

Fundamentally, the single proposed benefit of any of these drugs is that they numb you. To whatever is torturing you. It's harder to be depressed if you can't feel it, or if you just can't muster the same outrage. Of course, there is people who find that numbness to be helpful, or worth it. But often, it's stasis. For the people who have problems that can be worked on, it serves as a stopgap to not actually work on said problems. The natural outcome of the disease model is stagnation for those whose need is to develop skills and resiliency. It keeps them medicalized and dependent on the idea that they're diseased and incapable. Profitable. Stuck in the womb. 

I’ve been there. It’s easier, to wallow, and resist growth because it’s difficult and painful and unfair and cruel and you can think of five billion reasons to justify your languishing. But don’t listen to anyone who tells you you’re just permanently damaged, no matter how nicely they word it, no identity or novel pathologization, no matter how many benefits they promise, especially if they swear up and down some lovely expensive medications with little solid backing and plentiful off-label usage and side effects that’ll kill you. Some days it feels like they want us all stuck in pods, agoraphobic and addicted to the ads they feed us to isolate the markets for the drugs they’ve trained us to beg them to pump us with. Polarization making it as easy as flashing blue light for go, red like for stop, or vice versa. I worry about the kids, for fucks sake. That’s a bit dark and intense, and I apologize. But I want you (generic) to understand, there is a profit motive. Behind everything. And they do not mean well. They do not care about your mental health or your rights or your personhood or your growth. They care about how they can profit off of you.

For those struggling with immovable, society problems, like the narrator grappling with how his job fits into and is accepted by society while his rejection and horror in the face of it does not, it can work about as well as any other drug addiction. Your mileage may vary. From what I've seen, recovering from being on prozac for a long time can be worse than alcohol. They put kids on this shit. They keep campaigning for more. Off label, again. A pharmaceutical company’s favorite thing to do has to be to spread rumors of someone who knows someone who said an off label use of this drug helps with this little understood condition. Or, in the case of mental illness, questionably defined condition. And like, damn, I know I'm posting on the 'medicalization is my identity' website so no one will like all this and has probably stopped reading by now, but yall should be exposed to at least one person who doubts this stuff. Doesn't just trust it. Because I mean, that's the thing right?

It's so big. What would it mean, for this all to be true? Yeah, everyone says pharmaceutical companies are evil and predatory and ghostwriting, but to think about what that really entails. Coming back to the book, everyone knows the car lobby is huge and puts dangerous vehicles through that kill people. What does it mean if the car companies all hire people to calculate the cost of a recall and the cost of lawsuits? No one wants to think about the scale that means for people allowing it or the systems that have to be geared towards money, not safety like they say. Hell, even Chuck misses the beat and has the narrator threaten his boss with the Department of Transportation. And shit, man, if every company is doing this, you think Transportation doesn't know? That they give a fuck? You're better off mailing all the evidence to the news outlets and hoping they only character assassinate you a little bit as they release the news in a way that says it's all the fault of little workers like you, not the whole system. Something something, David McBride, any whistleblower you feel like, etc. 

So I don't blame you, if your reaction is "but but but, that can't be right, people wouldn't do it, they wouldn't allow it" or just an overwhelming feeling of dread that pushes you to deny all of this and avoid thinking about it. Just know, that's in the book. That's all the seatmates on the flights. That's all his fellow officemates. It's easier to pretend, I know.

But think about, how the response fits in with the themes of the book. The story, as a movie too. What drives the narrator’s mental breakdown? How would you handle being in his position? How would you handle being his seatmate? It’s easy to say you’d listen. But have you? Have you had any soul wrenching betrayals of how you thought society worked? How about a betrayal by the thing that promised to be the fix of the first? Can you honestly say you wouldn’t follow that gut instinct, saying follow what everyone says, that person must just be crazy, evil, rude, cruel, whatever it is that means you can set what they said aside?

For a lot of people, they can do that, I guess. Set it aside. Reaching that aforementioned state of managing to cope with the dissonance and ambiguity and despair is very hard. The narrator made the Big Realization, but he couldn’t cope. He self-destructed. Even when people don’t make the big realization consciously, they’re already self-destructing. It’s hard to escape it when it feels easier than continuing anyway. When it feels like the only option,

Would therapy fix the narrator of Fight Club? Would meds fix the narrator of Fight Club? No. He knows too much. All meds will do, by the time he’s in the psych ward, is spiritually neuter him. A silly phrase, but really. Take the wind out of his sails. 

Is he fixed if he doesn’t try to blow up town? If he just shuts up and settles in and stops costing money? If he still can’t cope with the things he’s unearthed? Do you see how this is a commentary in a commentary in a commentary?

Fight Club is an absolutely fascinating story because of this. The fact that it addresses the fallout of knowing. The isolation. The hopelessness. The spiral that results from a lack of hope. This is, I think, what resonates most with people, even if not consciously. Going insane because you’ve discovered something you wish you could unknow. It’s a classic horror story. Should our society be lovecraftian evil? I don’t think so. 

Do I think changing it will be easy? No. Lord knows a lot exists to push people who make these sorts of Realizations towards feelings of individuality and individualized solutions and denial and other distractions and coping methods. And to prevent people who make One realization from expanding on it and considering further ramifications. Fight Club itself gets into this; the isolation of men being a strict part of the role society shapes for their sex leaves them very vulnerable to death fetishes, in a sense, and generally towards self destructive violence. It helps funnel them away from substantial change and towards ineffectual change. Many things, misogyny, racism, serve to keep people isolated from one another, individualized, angry, and impossible to work with. Market segregation; god knows even appealing on those fronts has become such a classic ploy that companies do it now, the US military frames its plundering that way, etc. 

I’ve wandered a bit but ultimately, my point is this: Fight Club is a love letter to the horrors of critical thinking, and the importance of not falling into the trap of self destruction and hopelessness in the face of it. The latter is why Tyler was an anarchoterrorist instead of anything useful. The latter is why it was a death cult. It’s important to work through the horrors of critical thinking so you can do it, and stand on the other side ready to believe in each other. It’s worth it.

#fight club #my writing #uh. sorta #If you disagree with me it's fine btw. That's a given for me but I realize that's not usual for this website #my big desire is always to provoke thought and get people to think about why they think things #not necessarily to get them to agree with me. though obviously like any person i enjoy that #it was nice to type this out #also #aside from the prozac withdrawals mention and my own experience w memory loss (hilariously not even the most major of my beefs with the #medical industry! or even just the mental health industry! but its an easy nonoffensive one so #anyway i kept it nonspecific because if you go specific it becomes easier for people to just go 'oh well its That that's the problem and i #dont need to reflect at all on my drug/condition/issue/etc' #which ppl will anyway ofc. but yk #maybe theyll find it easier to ignore without the horrific specific examples but i want to leave it broad because 1. doing research and #going past the first thing you find and confirmation bias stuff is good 4 u #second. it's better imo to leave it more open for people to try and apply it broadly #whew ANYWAY #a bonafide Rant #i shouldve put #anti psychiatry #in the first few tags. i havent really looked on tumblr to see what the community 4 that is like on here because it feels like an oxymoron #on this website #but im sure it probably exists even if its used for smth else #(please change)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hm ok so for a while i was thinking that Wally, for the most part, only perceives reality as "Home", the neighborhood. that's his entire world, it's all he knows

but then i slapped myself and went wait. the Live Interview. Wally has been outside of Home, and has interacted with humans (presuming that the interview did actually happen, of course). and through Wally's interactions - or rather, attempt at interactions with Us, the QA, and the WHRP, it can be strongly assumed that he knows that there's an Elsewhere. there are places outside of Home. maybe he doesn't quite understand that there's another reality of sorts, but there's no way he's unaware that there's more than just the neighborhood out there

(and then of course there's the fact that Clown has said that humans are deeply involved (not a direct quote, im paraphrasing) in Welcome Home. maybe Wally interacted with them / regularly interacted with them. there could have been an adjustment period after he gained consciousness where humans helped him learn how to walk/talk/fine motor skills - this could be why he has such a seemingly inherent / desperate trust in Us & the WHRP & the QA... humans made him and cared for him. it's possible he could view them as a sort of higher power to trust & have faith in

& maybe he's been off-set or could go off-set. i mean, the houses' rooms were all different sets - the buildings themselves were empty husks, right? who's to say Wally wouldn't physically walk to the individual set pieces whenever he went over to someone's house (but then that leads me into speculation on how the puppets' consciousness works and how multiple copies of them could co-exist and wondering which is the - im getting off track. but there's all of that and then the two part "you're okay!" art pieces of Wally & Eddie, which are technically canon - dont quote me on that - and that's Another ramble/theory post i could go on about & have strong feelings on. Anyway!)

"but wait," i hear someone protest, "what about Barnaby? he was in the Live Interview too"

but was he? was he really? was that Barnaby, or was that a person in a suit playing the character Barnaby B. Beagle? i mean, if it was Barnaby, there had to be some memory fuckery going on that prevented him from either fully comprehending/realizing the situation, or just made him forget as soon as it was over.

and actually wait, Wally has to be aware of the reality discrepancy. because it was certainly him in the Interview as himself. He had to have understood on some level that either that wasn't really Barnaby, or that Barnaby wouldn't remember the interview.

(there's a connection in my head between all of this & how he would view an apple pie. "it isn't the same anymore. something's different". but i can't pin it down for the life of me.)

and with the Talking Telephone calls, Wally explicitly tells Us that he's not going to tell anyone who was behind the calls. i remember listening to the "original" prank call audio tests, which while were very similar to the canon in-website ones, have a few changes. one of which was Wally - in the tests - saying that the others weren't ready to meet Us yet. now in canon that tidbit has been swapped out for "You have to go too. You have work to do" but i think it's still implied through Wally's purposeful withholding-of-information that he doesn't think the others are ready to know. or he straight up doesn't want them to know

i mean, one little theory i previously had is that Wally wants them all to catch on to the nature of their reality and situation, but he doesn't want to - or Can't - tell them outright. they have to figure it out. and that can't was either something keeping him quiet, or because if they learned too soon / inorganically, their little puppet heads would pop into confetti like Red Guy's in dhmis 4

However my views have Changed and i'm pretty sure Wally is purposefully not telling anyone to maintain the illusion that everything is fine and can continue on as it always has. maybe it comes from a place of protectiveness, of love? whatever the motive i think he wants them all to keep being unaware and dare i say, Complacent while he "fixes" their situation.

which is delusional, but we all know Wally is digging his metaphorical claws into a desperate bid to keep everything the same / return it to its original state, leaving bloody scratches in something already rotted. or something like that!

all this to say i think it's interesting how it seems that he's the only one aware of humans / an outside/other world, yet he's so determined to stay in his lane. he wants connection & communication yet he doesn't want to leave or change. he wants help in keeping things the same (some could say in keeping Our reality & his separated) but in the process he's dooming everyone/everything and tearing down those walls himself

(Wally: i'm going to stay where i am, and you're gonna stay where you are, and we're gonna help each other keep me and my friends where we're meant to be. anyway i wonder what this sledgehammer does)

#this is a very disjointed ramble but when are they ever put together! #i have to start at point a to get to point 36 yk yk #trying to write down my thoughts is like trying to keep a firm grip on a lubed up ferret #SOAPED!!! SOAPED UP!!! I MEANT SOAP yk that doesnt make it any better. anyway moving on dont look at me #its. its. the more i think about wally the more i go insane #like he's got neurosis stacked on neurosis stacked on- #there is something soooo wrong with him <3 #homebogging #welcome home speculation #wh speculation #i do think his heart is in the right place. i do think he's trying to achieve something he thinks is good & best for everyone #but... despite being aware of more than his friends... technically knowing more Truth than them #he's more trapped by that knowledge. he's ruled by it. and he doesn't really have the - #i dont want to say capacity bc i have to believe that he Can change. he just doesnt know how / currently doesnt want to / is too scared to #but he doesn't have the freedom the others have. bc in their ignorance they can ignore their confines #in a way they're more real than wally despite living in a fabricated world as fabricated people with fabricated lives #they're authentic in their ignorance #and ive said it before and ill say it again - wally was created as a blank slate while everyone else already had a Foundation #no matter how false their memories are they Have them. they have the tools to change and want change #they already perceive themselves as more than what they were made for. they think they're People (not humans - people) dont they? #so if they learn theyre trapped... they'll want out. meanwhile wally is already stuck bc while they have - in a way - More #the neighborhood & the show are all wally has. he knows there's outside but he doesnt have any reason to Want that outside #bc why would he want to leave home? why would he want anything to change? it's his sole purpose isnt it? #idk i just think wally would benefit from being told 'you dont need a purpose / you dont need to adhere to a purpose / you are enough as Yo #doing what You want. you can just Be' #but yk. what was i talking about again #oh yeah - wally is so so aware and yet so in the dark #he's got one half of the puzzle but they're all corner/edge pieces and he's trying to fill the inside space with Nothing #hm. i wonder if he'll end up needing the other neighbors to help finish the puzzle... who's to say who's to say!! #FUCK YOU TUMBLR I HAD MORE TO SAY. CUT OFF AGAIN AGH

[ottosbigtop]

I think its really funny that “he would not fucking say that” has become some sort of mini monolith for holding urself to a certain standard of writing a character “correctly” when the original post is literally cartman from south park saying he uses any pronouns.

Like yea sure its good to keep your characterization of a funny guy accurate, if you care about them and you want to stay true to canon, but if youre already applying the “he would not fucking say that” mentality to yourself, i promise you, youre leagues above what people used to be implying when they said “he would not fucking say that.”

#Something something. Thinking about collective defensiveness in fandom. Thinking abt accidentally inviting criticism on your own work #by trying to get to it before anyone else does. #idk . Maybe its not as widespread of a thing as what i see in my general circle but yk. #text posts :0]

[loverboybrightsideghost]

okay remaking this! since i'm not sure if it was ever canonically confirmed the "exact" (eh) nature of their relationship:

#rqg #bluebird.txt #i think queerplatonic personally but yk relationships can be complicated and not easily defined so im wondering what everyone else thinks! #what are relationships anyway #you love people you care about people #i don't even personally know the difference between romantic and platonic love half the time anyways what do i know #polls #rusty quill gaming #rqg vesseek #grizzop drik acht amsterdam

[franeridan]

weird incomprehensible dunmeshi post of the day but I was thinking about that one comic about marcille joining a support group for ex dungeon masters and mithrun saying that it's normal for them to miss the demon despite it all since there's no love as kind as the demon's love, and I was thinking about thistle and how they were able to keep their mistrust for the demon until the very last minute, and how they could seal it for a thousand years without ever thinking about releasing it once - about how you could think the difference between thistle and marcille is that the demon learned from its mistake after thistle and ate marcille's desire to resist first thing, but also about how this isn't applicable for mithrun and yet mithrun never doubted the demon until it was too late, and about how all other masters in the meeting seemed to have been forced to let go of the demon too. About how mithrun says that he and marcille were lucky to have people who loved them enough to fill in for the demon, and about how thistle didn't have that, but their own love for delgal and their desire to protect their people were so overwhelming and all-encompassing that not even the demon could love them enough to make them forget about them? About how all they needed to be really freed of the dungeon and the demon in the end was for delgal to thank them and apologise to them and tell them they could let go. I think mithrun might be right in saying there's no love as gentle as the demon's, but probably it's also true that in the whole story there's no love as powerful as thistle's

#thistle's end makes me extremely sad #their only sin was that they loved too much #I'm not sure what exactly happened to them in the end but i hope after all they didn't die #it's unfair they're the only one punished so harshly for something everyone else has been forgiven for #though tbf i think they'd just hate it if the were alive and found out that the delgal they spoke to wasn't delgal at all #i dunno #I'm just sad about them #they just loved their family yk #i think they deserved a little happy ending #though probably the best happy ending for them was to die thinking they managed to make delgal happy in the end #idk idk

[allthepresidentsmen1976]

have been thinking about this a lot lately and i do just want to say that i think a lot of people Online™ really don't realise how genuinely dangerous being gay offline is. and even when it isn't physically dangerous, how profoundly uncomfortable being gay makes straight people. i need you to understand that though the online world is part of real life, it is not the whole scope of things and i do believe that to forget that can be very very unwise both for yourself and for other people.

i'm not saying the world isn't getting better or that being gay is something you need to be aware of at all times, i'm just saying it is absolutely a disservice to yourself and everyone else by refusing to acknowledge that at this point in time, society even in more progressive spaces has not moved past cold hard homophobia. and even if you haven't experienced it yourself, you need to know that your experiences aren't universal. if you assume that they are, it will harm people in one way or another. i'm not saying be scared, i'm saying know that there are still many, many significant steps to take even in more progressive places wrt to lgbt rights, let alone places where that's not so much a thing. i just think it's essential to understanding the world you're living in as a gay person, to understand this.

#not any mutuals afaik but just the Online folks in general i think really need to know this #bc i KNOW why i'm stared at on the bus sometimes and i KNOW what the guy who says "oh. i thought i was p good at knowing who was a f- gay #but i didn't clock im ' mean s #*him' #and it means !!!! this isn't acceptable !!!!! #and this is minor minor minor stuff not even getting into physical violence and proper slurs and ESPECIALLY what ppl #outside of liberal-enough cities experience #idk i've been thinking about Some Things and idk to ME being a gay woman esp the more gnc i get is like being a Woman in the sense #that it IS something ur aware of when out in public bc it IS smth that is going to get different and potentially negative responses yk #hmm idk if i'm wording this right but whatever come chat 2 me abt it if ur interested i'd be curious to hear ur thoughts !!! #also this is okay 2 rb but someone else has prob written it nicer somewhere alkdnjskfhg

[self-spaghettification]

if viravos doesn’t come back and be canonized i will cry myself to sleep fr 😍

#the dragon prince #viravos #this is a joke bc i dont rlly cry but yk #idk what happened to me to the point that thinking about these men bring me joy when nothing else does but uh hyperfixation go brr ig #self spaghettification

[hsohangout]

sort of repost since i deleted the post yesterday (didnt like the other doodle) but ive recently been thinking about a clone au by @risesthemoons and decided. hey why not make some silly doodles. and so i made silly doodles.

(icantbebotheredtodetailthehakurenuniformimsorry)

#personal interpretation of the clone. basically it likes to fuck with atsuya #the first few days or even weeks w the clone was horrible for atsuya but eventually he just got used to it #also i like to think the clone can change its appearance depending on whos looking #so it just alters how it looks for atsuya (and to us as the viewers) #so to everyone else he looks like normal shirou but to us he looks. somewhat the same but theres Something Off yk #this au is so fun and i wanna slowcook it in my brain more. op you were so real for thus #like its such a scary but fun concept in so many levels. what if one day the brother that you looked up to and loved suddenly disappeared #replaced with this thing that shares his face. his voice. yet nothing about it feels familiar or warm anymore. #the only universe where these twin brothers are finally together and alive was somehow ruined too #so many thoughts #fubuki shirou #fubuki atsuya #inazuma eleven ares

[puppyeared]

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it #idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character #someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it #and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly #its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked #because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately #like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means #it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by #a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time #i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid #so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or #smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them #become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words #but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/ #a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened #especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that #need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta #once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it #circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it #actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt #i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me #that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly #mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them #have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP #IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL #yapping

[siriuslynephilim]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

honestly wally is stronger than atlas. if i had to constantly calibrate to the nature of my reality w/ full consciousness i would simply lose my fucking mind

#like babies dont Think while they learn how to exist #imagine straight up spawning fully aware and then everyone else is up to speed but youre standing there like #🧍‍♂️uh. hello. what is everything. what is this. huh???? #LIKE???? i feel so bad for him. dude got dropped right into the middle of the ocean and was told 'learn to swim' #and hes trying. but he doesnt know what drowning is so he cant sink either #i mean i get it at least a little bit! its the Autism Experience but w/ him the dial is cranked up to a thousand #you dont know what you dont know but life goes on like you should. fuck #wally i am mentally beaming you a thousand apples grown in the shape of hearts #i believe in you dude you'll figure it out #well. im probably beaming apples into the past if the time discrepancy is real but yk yk #cause if it is then Current Wally probably has a solid handle on things. from a basic standpoint #in a wider lens i am led to believe that he is Scrabbling #is this speculation??? #i think it counts. #wh speculation #homebogging #whenever i think about the tidbits we know - ex: wally learning about differences in size #internally i start howling. wally is just constantly dealing with things that would drive a person insane if they had to live it #how is he not Exhausted... it's all so much for someone who knows whats going on let alone someone scrambling to catch up #at least the other neighbors dont have to deal with memorizing physics and skills and behavior #and just Literally Everything That Comes With Being Alive #wally is a blank slate left to write itself. #ough. damn. fuck. i think i need to go stare into the woods for a bit...