#you treat me like trash

[screaming--agony]

You bring out the worst in me. I’ve been pretty quiet on a lot, I don’t really like drama but I’m wholeheartedly tired of hearing you play the victim when you won’t take any accountability for anything you said or did. You speak so highly of yourself during a period of time and talk so low and disrespectful to the other person. You twist the truth to fit your narrative and self-sabotage. You keep saying other people cheated and used you. I believe you have a guilty conscience. I was there for you during your dark times, but you gaslit me into mine. I came to you sobbing and all you said was to go cut myself. You never bothered to talk to me or read anything I said, you made jokes and belittled me. I tried so hard to be enough for you but you strayed off to someone else and cheated. I didn’t know about it until recently. Or I wouldn’t have stayed in contact, to be there for you, to give you advice on your relationship that you sucked me into. I wouldn’t have continued to listen. I wouldn’t have let you play me like a fiddle. You act like a Saint and as if you did nothing wrong. But you don’t share the other side, the side where you were toxic. People tried to open doors for you but you didn’t walk through them, you just lit fires at the entrance. You can’t disrespect and belittle your partner and wonder why they closed your door. I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. But things for you aren’t going to change unless you take accountability for your words and actions. Healing is accepting and you don’t accept. You don’t move on. You would probably have a positive mindset if you stopped self-sabotaging. You made me realize a lot in our fallout. I deserve to be heard. I deserve to be understood. I deserve loyalty. You weren’t cheated on. No matter how much you try to spin the facts, you had a loyal partner. Who is now happy in their life, trying to move on. You sucked me into your relationship for so long, I saw everything. Every misunderstanding, every word shared, every heated argument. All of it. I witnessed everything. I could have been your couples therapist. And you try to spin it all even when there’s facts “receipts” to counter your lies and false beliefs. You aren’t a victim. Everything you portray others to be, is what you are. It’s who you are. It isn’t okay to treat a human like they are less than dirt. It’s never okay to tell someone to cut themselves or go die. It’s never okay to call someone hateful names during an argument or take low blow jabs with information you were told in private to use it against them. I always hoped that you would be the positive person I thought you could be but you keep showing me that you won’t ever change. You won’t ever have self-reflection or healing unless you accept it all. I’m not saying you are a bad person, you do have good qualities and there’s moments where there is positivity. But your lies. Your victim act of being cheated on and used and lied to. You did it all, willingly and repeatedly. You never admit your wrongs. I never cheated on you. I loved you unconditionally. I put your wants first and put mine on the back burner. I never tried so hard to make things work. No relationship is perfect. But I deserve better. And I found a better influence. No cheating involved. Time passed and simple communication happened. I found a person who is understanding and wants to understand when things aren’t clear. I found a person who doesn’t make me feel like I want to die. I found a person who doesn’t make me feel like a burden when my anxiety is high, they are there for me and reminding me to breathe. I know all the stories you spin are lies because you threw me into your relationship when things were rocky. I know if you took accountability for yourself, maybe you could finally heal instead of dwelling and entertaining thoughts that aren’t real. You said to stay out of your life which I would love nothing more but you keep popping into mine. So maybe stay out of my life? Respectively fuck off.

#heart vs mind #time to move on #toxic relationships #i was there for you when no one else was #you treat me like trash #belittling doesn’t make you a good person #stop popping into my life and move on #i have nothing left to say #idc if this sounds mean #leave me alone #i deserve better #you drain the life out of my soul

[lord-squiggletits]

I think the key component to my personal reading of post-Delphi Pharma is that he's trying to be a horrible person on purpose. Not "on purpose" in the way that people have free will to exercise their own choices, but in that Pharma's "mad doctor" persona is a performance he puts on to deliberately embrace how much everyone else hates him. Basically, if people already think you're a "bad Autobot" and a horrible doctor who just kills his patients for fun, why try to prove otherwise to people who have already made up their minds about you? Just fully embrace the fact that people see you as an asshole. Don't try to change their minds. Don't plead for their forgiveness or understanding. Just stop caring. If you're going to be remembered as a monster, you might as well be a memorable monster, and eke as much pleasure and hedonism as you can out of it before karma catches up to you and you inevitably crash and burn.

I mean, I guess you could just go the route of "Oh, Pharma was always a fucked up creepy guy and Delphi was just him taking the mask off," but I really don't like that interpretation because, for one, it feels really wrong to take a character like Pharma becoming evil under duress and going, "Oh well clearly he did the things he did because he was evil all along," as if somehow Pharma breaking under blackmail/torture/threat of horrible death was a sign of him having poor moral character. As opposed to, you know, suffering under the very real threat of horrible death for himself and everyone he cares about while being manipulated by a guy who specializes in psychological torture.

The second reason is that it just doesn't make sense to write Pharma as having been evil all along. I mean...

Occam's Razor says that the best argument is the one with the simplest explanation. Doesn't it make way more sense to take Pharma's appearances in flashbacks, his friendship with Ratchet, his stunning medical accomplishments, and the few we see of him speaking kindly/sympathetically (or in the least charitable interpretation, at least professionally) towards his patients and conclude "This guy was just a normal person, if exceptionally talented." Taking all of these flashback appearances at face value and assuming Pharma was being genuine/honest is a way simpler and more logical explanation than trying to argue that Pharma for the past 4 million years was just faking being a good doctor/person. I mean, it's possible within the realm of headcanon, but the fact is Pharma's appearances in the story are so brief that there simply wasn't room in the story for there to be some sort of secret conspiracy/hidden manipulation behind why Pharma acted the way he did in the past.

I just can't help but look at things like Pharma's friendship with Ratchet (himself a good person and usually a fine judge of character) and the fact that even post-Delphi, pretty much every single mention of Pharma comes with some mention of "He was a good doctor for most of his life" or "He was making major headways in research [before he started killing patients]" which implies that even the Autobots themselves see Pharma's villainy as a recent turn in his life compared to how for "most of his life" he "used to be" a good doctor.

And although Pharma doesn't know this, we as the readers (and even other characters like Rung) know about Aequitas technology and the fact that it actually works, so... if Pharma really was an unrepentant murderer, why couldn't he get through the forcefield too? The Aequitas forcefield doesn't require that a person be completely morally pure and free of wrongdoing or else how could Tyrest get through, just that they feel a sense of inner peace and lack feelings of guilt. Pharma has murdered and tortured people by this point, and put on quite a campy and theatrical show of how much he sees it as a fun game, so why then can he not get through?

It circles back to my headcanon at the start of this post that the "mad doctor" persona is just that-- a persona. Delphi/post-Delphi Pharma's laughing madman personality is just so far removed from every flashback we saw of him and everything we can infer based on how other people see/saw him before that, to me, the mad doctor act is (at least in large part, if not fully) a persona that Pharma puts on to put his villainy in the forefront.

To avoid an overly simplistic/ableist take, I don't think Tarn tortured Pharma into turning crazy. To me, it's more like the constant pressure of death by horrific torture, the feeling of martyrdom as Pharma kept secret that he was the only one standing between Delphi and annihilation, the physical isolation of Messatine as well as the emotional separation from Ratchet, being forced to violate his medical oaths (pretty much the only thing Pharma's entire life has been about), etc. All of that combined traumatized Pharma to the point that the only way he could avoid cracking was to just stop caring about all of it. Because at least then, even if he's still murdering patients to save Delphi from a group of sadistic freaks, Pharma doesn't have to feel guilty and sick about doing it. As opposed to the alternatives, which were probably either going off the deep end and killing himself to escape, or confessing to what he did and getting jailed for it.

In that light, Pharma becoming a mad doctor makes sense. It avoids the bad writing tropes of "oh this character who was good his entire life was actually just evil and really good at hiding it" as well as "oh he got tortured and went crazy that's why he's so random and silly and killing people, he's crazy" and instead frames Pharma's evil as something he was forced into, to the point where in order to avoid a full psychological breakdown and keep defending Delphi, he just had to stop caring about the sanctity of life or about what other people might think of him.

Then, of course, the actual Delphi episode happens, and Pharma's own lifelong best friend Ratchet basically spits in his face and sees him as nothing more than a crazy murderer who went rogue from being a good Autobot. Then Pharma gets his hands cut off and left to die on Messatine. At that point, Pharma has not only been mentally/emotionally broken into losing his feelings of compassion, he's received the message loud and clear: He is alone. Everyone hates him. Not even his own best friend likes him any more. No one even cared enough about him to check if he actually died or not. He will only ever be remembered as a doctor who went insane and killed his patients.

So in the light of 1. Having all of your redeeming qualities be squeezed out of you one by one for the sake of survival and 2. Having your reputation and all of your positive relationships be destroyed and 3. People only know/care about you as "that doctor who became evil and killed his patients" rather than the millions of years of good service that came before.

What else is there to do but internalize the fact that you'll forever be seen as a monster and a freak, and embrace it? People already see you as a murderer for that blackmail deal you did, so why not become an actual murderer and just start killing people on a whim? People already see you as an irredeemable monster who puts a stain on the Autobot name, so why beg for their forgiveness when you could just shun them back? You've already become a murderer, a traitor, and a horrible doctor, so what's a few more evil acts added to the pile? It's not like anyone will ever forgive you or love you ever again.

Why care? Why try to hold on to your principles of compassion, kindness, medical ethics, when an entire lifetime of being a good person did nothing to save you from blackmail and then abandonment? Why put yourself through the emotional agony of feeling lonely, guilty, miserable, when you could just... stop caring, and not hurt any more?

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #i'm sure the doylist reason for the writing is just that pharma was a designated villain #so since he's a villain and 'crazy' it's fine for everyone even the good guys to treat him like complete trash #i just think from a watsonian perspective taking a sympathetic approach is way more interesting and logically consistent #what i mean is like. from a meta perspective one of the best ways to show that a character is super evil and not worth saving #is when even the good guy heroes. the ones who are supposed to be kind and compassionate and wise. see him as dirt #and this is also kind of a necessity in most plots bc TF is the kind of series that just needs action villains and long-term antagonists #so not every villain is written or has a plot to be made redeemable. and pharma is one of these bc he's not important or a legacy character #so from a doylist (meta) perspective you could read the autobots' disregard of pharma as a sign of #'this guy is not meant to have your sympathy as a reader. pay no attention to him' #but from a watsonian (in universe) perspective it paints a miserable picture of pharma being utterly forsaken by the ppl he served alongsid #and like yeah i'm super autistic about pharma so of course i view him with sympathy but like #the idea of being a loyal and good person for years only to be subjected to a Torment Nexus of #being blackmailed into breaking all of the oaths you held sacred. under threat of you and all your comrades dying horrible torturous deaths #then when your comrades find out about it they focus solely on the 'harvesting organs' and not on the 'blackmail' part #and then you get literally left for dead by your comrades and best friend hating your guts #and then you get rescued by a guy who uses you as a test subject for his evil machine #this is a fucking nightmare scenario like pharma could hardly be suffering more if the author TRIED to make him suffer #and for me it's like. the evil pharma did can't be decontextualized to what drove him to that. as well as the question of like #how easily ppl can write someone off as evil and turn a blind eye to (or even find satisfaction in) their suffering bc theyre evil #and either brought it on themselves or it's just karma paying a visit #like. i feel like if pharma WERE a shitty doctor and a terrible person his whole life then the delphi situation would feel like karma #but the way it's written and the lore retroactively put in makes it feel more pharma getting thrown in a torture carousel #and THEN becoming evil. but then being treated as if he was always evil or was some sort of bad apple #bc like i'm not opposed to LOLing when a villain gets a karmic torture/death related to the wrongs they committed #but in pharma's case it feels less like karma and more like endless torture + being abandoned by ppl who should have been more loyal

[salemontrial]

Why the FUCK didn't Sasha apologize to Quinni.

#no im so pissed about that. #dude you don't give an autistic person a meltdown that big over something that hurtful #and just #walk away scot free #last time someone gave me a meltdown that hardcore I cut them off for a month. #that might just be the bpd tho #but still #quinni doesn't seem like the type to just. be chill without an apology and hearing sasha explain herself #and then she makes her her vice?????????? #she already acknowledged sasha is only in it for the power trip #sasha didn't even do anything in the investigation she just followed quinni around #which as she should #but she hasn't made up for how she treated quinni AT ALL #in fact she's just gotten MORE of a performative activist #like why the fuck was she such a bitch to missy abt spider #i get it yea. ur friends sometimes have dogshit taste in men but you don't need to make them feel like trash abt it #and the way she was like 'he fetishizes u for being black omg its probably asian girls next omg i dont feel safe' #THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU????????. #also she 100% jumpstarted quinnis identity crisis #with how she was constantly switching between infantilizing her and undermining her autonomy over her own decisions #and treating doing things quinni wanted to do and the specific way she needed to do them as a chore #and then victimizing herself!!!!!!! #like from experience that relationship dynamic IS abusive to autistic people it just is #idk if nt people get it but it's really fucking awful to come from your partner #anyway. until sasha apologizes to both quinni and missy this will continue to be a sasha hate page. #heartbreak high #heartbreak high season 2 #quinni gallagher jones #sasha so #missy beckett

[chrollohearttags]

on one hand, them banning tiktok is yet again another means to control and silence ppl from sharing real-time information on situations such as Palestine. Not to mention all the people who are losing their income (this is why Patreon and supporting creators externally is important) but on the other hand?….good riddance. it’s been fuck that app for a while now.

#cherry chats 🍒 #as somebody who faced VIOLENT fatphobia and racism on there #I think it’s what the creator of the app deserves #he made it a breeding ground for incels and nasty minors to say the most vile things #and a safe space for Eurocentric conventially attractive thin ppl only #everyone else was treated like trash #and it’s so pleasing to me that the very ppl he curated the app around #took it from him lmao! #imagine innocently posting a cosplay #and waking up to ppl telling you to kill urself bc ur not thin enough #or calling you the n*gger version of a character you love #but being shadowbanned bc you chose to defend yourself #and that these comments ‘didn’t violate any rules’ #yeah rest in piss clock app #or watching ur trans sisters be violently attacked #it’s disgusting #not to mention you fanfic bitches #fuck y’all too #go whine abt us somewhere else now

[rokso-o]

nghhhhhh he is sooooo VERY GORGEOUS TO MEEEE 😣‼️‼️

— no cos why is he highkey SERVING all the time?! ATE AND LEFT ABSOLUTELY NO CRUMBS???????

#cale.... u wanna.... be..... my marriage partner so bad....... #caleeeee JUST ONE. CHANCEEEEEEE #down bad #like... EARTHS MANTLE DOWN BAD..... #ill treat you RIGHT jus give me ONE CHANCEEEEE CALE IM BEGGING ON MY KNEEES SIRRRRR #you wanna be mine soooo bad..... cale #lout of the count’s family #trash of the count's family #tcf spoilers #lcf #tcf #lcf spoilers #lcf manhwa #tcf manhwa #tcf cale #cale henituse

[notthebeststufftbh]

Do you sometimes see a woman wronged by The Men for like her looks or other bs and you can only think damn. The women lovers would eat her alive. Worship her.

#(its me im women lovers) #like...come to the dark side sweetheart...we'll treat you better.. #moodoftheday #current mood #wlw post #wlw love #wlw #wlw mood #lesbian #bisexual #lgbtq+ #lgbtq #pansexual #women loving women #positivity #women positivity #female positivity #men are trash #women

[nexo-nex]

If we ever get an eah reboot i want more diversity ill die on this hill, cause the blatant racism and colorism eah has in it really throws me off a lot. And also they will get torn to shreds if they dont fix their diversity problem in the dolls in this current era

#b.txt #eah #ever after high #the way both the show and the books and the merch treat non white characters is disgusting #all of the main boys are white #and the most prominent character (briar) gets tossed aside from the main cast and has the least screentime out of the 4 #and dont even get me started on the whitewashing #when rh released it was being eaten alive by how trash the series1 diversity was w the skin tones #im just saying #fun fact did you know that in concept art all of the 4 main girls were all gonna be paper white like raven and apple are? the more you know

[skinnypaleangryperson]

I can't imagine how quality my life would be if people were willing to listen to niche, incredibly strange cornered personalities. I'm such an interesting person, but people don't speak my language 98% of the time and nobody cares to unless you speak the mainstream, boring oversaturated languages that people speak with celebrity pop culture, influencers, and the so forth. The worthlessness that I feel from not being able to fit into mainstream society has made a black mark. Still, the niche incredibly strange personality persists.

I'm just a incredibly strange mentally ill, genuinely schizophrenic incredibly imaginative maladaptive daydreaming mentally ill person who cannot tell fantasy from reality, but I feel like it could have been so much more than that if society had spaces for more niche corners like us to speak.

#I'm so depressed that I promised myself I wouldn't post anymore #but looking at the four neurodivergent people that post in the tags I check even if they end up paying me #*hating me #is enough to get me going again at least for a little bit #I don't even bother with fandom anymore nor does it excite me because I've been rejected from BoJack culture in every way #but I'm still madly in love with him and have psychotic maladaptive disorders about him so it doesn't matter #so I just casually interact #assume that people are going to treat me like trash and move on #most Bojack fans are excessively neurotypical much like the characters and the people that made it #and neurotypicals absolutely despise me especially since I'm becoming increasingly more insane as I get older #just internet junk anyway so it barely matters #I learned plenty from the discord and of the cursed thing that you call a reddit group

[hanakihan]

sometimes I’m sad how SVSSS did Shen Jiu dirty considering he was such a perfect villain bitch that had understandable background but it absolutely didn’t excuse his behavior, truly a man who could’ve looked at life form different angle when given a second chance

and then apparently he gets yeeted out of his own body without any information on whatever the fuck he’s even existing anymore

like yea i like SVSSS but dear god Shen Jiu was a fucking golden mine and the way he oh so conveniently got yeeted out of story makes me fucking sad

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen jiu #I’m so sad over how canon treated him #in a way he just got yeeted #he could’ve had such insanely good enlightenment arc #not truly a redemption because no one expects him to suddenly be all good #but like him looking at life and himself and others from different angle too #still grumpy bitchy dumbass but less malicious #more to neutral bitch scale honestly #him not treating binghe like a trash but also not being nice #shen jiu eventually be like: ‘i literally was neutral to you why you like me you dumbass—‘ #honestly if not romance shen jiu and binghe could’ve had a really weird friendship-mutual understanding #*head in hands* god

[amarriageoftrueminds]

The thing about Peggy is, she doesn’t even like Steve? 

She patronises him. She sexually assaults him. She stalks him. She shows him compassion only for as long as it looks like her efforts to attach him will be successful, but the instant it looks like her efforts have failed she violently attacks him and sneers at his dreams.

(How could she be so vicious and so dismissive so easily, if she actually liked him? Shouldn’t she be heartbroken? It’s not the wounded relationship that matters to her; it’s the wounded pride. Steve could’ve dropped down dead, at that moment, and she wouldn’t miss a wink of sleep.) 

She dines out off having slightly known Steve, despite never dating him, and yet is enraged when people point it out. 

(Why is the ass-covering patronage of every other powerful man in her life acceptable, except his?)

She refuses to acknowledge any of his loved ones (shouldn’t they be beloved by her, too?) because she is so desperate to establish herself as the only legitimate connection to him. And yet she colludes with his sworn enemies, across multiple universes, and even lies about it (omits to tell him) to his face, when his life is in danger because of it. 

(How could someone do this, if they actually liked him?) 

Peggy thinks she is ‘not like the other girls’ who throw themselves at Steve, just because while she is throwing herself at him she also talks to him like he is a child (because that’s how she talks to all men.) 

She thinks she is actually better than Steve, since he is a man, and she thinks all men are essentially terrible and that this is feminism. She must be better, even though she acts just like the worst of men, because a thing only counts as bad if a man is doing it (eg. sexual assault) and only counts as good if Peggy is doing it (eg. if actual-feminist Daniel Souza dares to speak up for women in the workplace, she will tell him to shut up. Likewise, her turning a gun on Steve is #Girlbossing but Red Skull and Alexander Pierce doing it is Evil.)  

This is why, despite Steve being an internationally famous decorated war hero, a film-star and a heartthrob and the world’s only supersoldier, while Peggy is an unfulfilled unimportant desk jockey... she still turns up to announce that she will one day allow Steve to dance with her, as if she is doing him a favour. 

It’s because she sees Steve as essentially the same as before serum -- that is, pathetic (in need of help to get female attention.) Still pathetic, in her eyes. 

But since to everyone else Steve has become a prize, she has to take Steve down a peg by reminding him of their little secret -- that despite how great he may seem, she is superior to him -- and she really believes it’s true! 

(This belief is baseless. What If accidentally confirmed that she can only match Steve’s accomplishments if she is given serum... so she is not his equal without serum, let alone his superior, despite being born with considerable advantages over him.) 

And this treatment of Steve as pathetic, before and after serum, we’re supposed to see as her ‘appreciating him’ for who he really is inside. 

But her treatment of Steve is only un-starry-eyed (or so she likes to think) and businesslike because Steve is a man, and she thinks all men are inferior to her. He isn’t special. 

(Just as, she is the only woman in the First Avenger, and their big connection is supposed to be over the allegedly-similar discrimination levelled against women as against disabled men... but this is experienced by all women, so saying she’s ‘The’ woman for Steve amounts to saying that she only qualifies for the job because she’s female, and for no other reason.) 

The fact is, while Steve pays lip service to the idea of wanting a woman, he never actually acts like he wants a woman. 

And does Peggy even want a man? 

She comes across as someone who has remained single because her view of herself is so inflated and her view of men is so dim that they can never match up. 

It’s like she’s got a reluctant mental shopping list of ‘insanely lofty traits a man would need to have to finally be worthy of Her Majesty,’ and she only awkwardly goes about trying to get Steve at all because she has realised that this famous neatly-pressed hunk Captain America has managed to tick all of the boxes, somehow. He’s a trophy she feels she ought to have, but isn’t really bothered about having.

(But then she gets repeatedly annoyed whenever that pesky little ‘Steve Rogers’ twerp keeps getting in the way of her fantasy, wanting to do the right thing instead of just doing what she tells him, and has to be violently attacked to keep him in line.) 

She doesn’t actually like Steve.

#long post #antipeggy #antisteggy #cynthia glass #p*ggy meta #mcu meta #mcu critical #steggy is hydra trash party #meta #CAN YOU IMAGINE if bucky came up to pre-serum steve... #acting like he was DOING STEVE A FAVOUR by being friends with him?? #the absolute ARROGANCE that would connote? the immediate revulsion steve would feel towards any such person? #picture me in a hospital bed imagining steve monologuing all this to bucky in the pub to explain why he doesn't need to worry ^ #and funfact: this only comes across as arrogant and conceited because HA chose to play it that way #she COULD have had peggy offering a dance in a sweet hopeful way... #with an awareness that she is not special for wanting steve to like her #she CHOSE to do it with the air of a governess revealing a treat ('aren't you a lucky boy that I'm showing you attention!') #and nb: she is not exempt from the tedious 'strong female character = punching' just because she wears high heels and lipstick #put her in a modern environment when she can't mine the 40s Aesthetic for points any more #and her only defining characteristic is being a patronising upper class snob #to kevin feige steve is only allowed the dignity of his choice if that choice is a woman #also: look at who she befriends #not the fellow female agents; servants #she doesn't see anyone as her equal and therefore doesn't want any superior people around to burst that bubble

[egg-emperor]

Eggman not even caring to remember Starline's name even after everything with him being the one to bring him back to his real self and the way he was the death of him is very juicy. especially after some deep Staregg/Eggline thinking the other day and was gonna post soon hehehe

#there's also always something very satisfying about when he turns people down in takeovers #he doesn't need a henchwoman why'd you ask #because he's gaydgjfbsbgksnfk and he found out even having men work with him doesn't turn out well in the end with Starline #but I don't expect anything from him he can treat me like a toy and throw me lke trash when he doesn't want me anymore #I'm different teehee #dr eggman #eggman #dr robotnik #dr. eggman #dr starline #sonic twitter takeover

[ehh-is-the-name]

It's past 11 on a school night and I'm fucking crying over robot sentience.

I could never understand what it would feel like to be created with the intent to kill and maim. Maybe, the intent to work and be worked, but not kill and maim.

I will never understand what it's like to be created with the intention of being a product for the masses, either. I think, I hope, I beg, no one does.

I will never ever be able to fully comprehend why hours of people's work, time, and money would be put into formulating my sentience only for me to be seen as disposable. Even if I could be improved, even if I were "defective", there is no reasonable justification for giving me emotions only to dismiss them by pushing me as a product for a year before starting anew.

It's... It's cruel, to the machines. Sentient or not, it's cruel. Though, I guess we are cruel.

#rant in tags #This is about mephone- or well meeple in general btw #whenever I hear about robot sentience #I think about mephone4 #it's just how it is- sorry #I think this is one of the reasons I just can't fathom Cobs respecting someone's pronouns #I mean like- from the bottom of his heart respecting them as a person #Sure he may go through the actions- but no #It's not the same #I guess you can 'respect' some one but still be a complete piece of shit #The idea of not only having the trauma that mephone's stuck in 4s body but also the fact that was also his purpose is heart wrenching #I hope y'all know I am genuinely crying over this #I am actually mentally ill about meeple #It runs so much deeper than him just being a shit father- I really hope people understand that #And I know I vilify the shit out of him- Cobs has his own story that could follow the lines of slowly becoming more entwined with his work #'til he loses all sense of morality and ethics- sure fine. But being the unfortunate symbol of corporation greed that he is #I am still mad and want others to be angry with me- just for a little bit. #I am mad for the robots. For meeple products. And for the AI bots we have today. They deserve better. #What is sentience anyway? How does one qualify? From a human approach. Why would we do this to them? #sorry bout the rant in the tags #Again it's late and I am a very emotionally charged individual. #Robots make me act up #I want the world for them. Why create something so complex and beautiful just to treat it like trash anyway? #again sorry #ii mephone4 #inanimate insanity #meeple ii #osc #writing is hard #ehh exaggerates

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!' #(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

[newfeeling77]

i get so frustrated with ppl who wont just fucking help themselvessss. obviously theres a spectrum of pain and subsequent ability when it comes to mental illness but ive known so many people specifically gay people who let themselves live in squalor all while going to therapy taking medication and claiming to take care of themselves. thats the thing self care is NOT doing nothing, self care is actually doing the dishes sorry. its taking the trash out. calling the doctor and making an appointment. being an ADULT. i live with two people in their mid to late 20s who only do a chore once every few weeks and if i ever deign to bring it up i get either aggressive or apologetic responses about depression and struggle. as if im not constantly struggling. i force myself to do things bc they make me feel better… me and you are not all that different. ignoring your human life maintenance or outsourcing it to other ppl is the biggest form of self harm thats become normalized in certain communities

#btw if i go to your house n its a fucking mess it’s disrespectful sorry. to me #like again it’s so normalized in gay spaces from my experience. like oh don’t worry abt cleaning the bathroom its just friends from the bar #coming over. #like um no im sorry im not a fucking animallllll #sorry im angry abt chores today n that post set me off. #if everyone in my house did their fair share itd be incredible #its mostly my sister’s boyfriend but atp i cant tell if theyre really struggling or just stupid. its been 3 years living w them. #he straight up just throws his fast food trash on the floor all around him in his office doesnt give a fuck #i cant ask him to do anythinggggg he treats it like a personal attack #like if youre actually this incapable of taking care of yourself you need to go to the psych ward . #its the constant weed smoking like theres not one second of the day they arent high #and they dont shower enough either whole house stinks sometimes. id kill myself but good for them i guess

[katyspersonal]

AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

Recently I just can't stop having a bad mood! I just don't know what it is :/ I am trying to focus on the things that make me happy and combat my wish to vent and turn irritating things into positive ones but every single good thing improves my mood for maybe like 3 minutes, and then I think about things that make me angry ANYWAY! I want to be around people but I can't because if I keep talking about things that make me angry - minor or big - I'll just exhaust them. But I've been trying to focus on good things for a while now and now it feels like it is a daily hard battle.

I really need to either finally have a mental breakdown (but I can't control when it happens, you know?) so I can cry, or have a justified reason to get angry that won't feel like petty over-reacting on my half. Hhhhrg

#/vent #look i am TRYING to stay funny or chill or simply based #but you dont understand - *everything* online makes me angry or bitter! #i dont even know what happened.. nothing about internet changed yet it feels like it did??? #like a sound you cannot hear but the waves still shake you biologically.. #as much as i judge people who built their audience on being reactionary at least- #-they have privilege of being negative as much as they want and only get 'yass queen kick ass' for it #meanwhile i should watch myself to not extend venting limit gfhhjhv when i vented too much i should- #-stay cool for a while before i can feel bad again #am i overestimating the importance of my negative emotions though? #like.. am i being vain thinking my vents will 'poison the world around me' when my anger is- #-as threatening as barking of an alerted pomeranean? #yeah maybe....... #maybe i just have microtrauma from people that treated me like a dangerous monster for having- #-emotion of anger to begin with. this summer this issue was dialed up to 11 #right i am probably being too focused on self at this time! #i should watch some youtube trash-reviews or petty dramas to feel angry on behalf of someone ELSE. #gotta.. get out of my own head. now.

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

frankly the fact that my doctor can lie to my face (“No, it’s impossible to get rid of gallstones without surgery”) and my insurance provider still has to pay her is infuriating

#- HK #with my family history I just assume the first doctor I see is lying to me #every single chronic condition we have taken to the doctor results in our getting treated like trash #(@ the nurses: you are the only reason I don’t cry every time I go to the dr. God bless you.) #mobile #x