am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

It keeps spreading.

I won't get into the logistics of it at the moment, but let's just say "metastasized" is an evil, evil word. Right up there with cancer itself. It just keeps spreading, and I'm just plain scared. I feel like every time I turn around it's somewhere new. I greatly fear I'll end up one of those people that takes their own lives before this overtakes me to the point that I just can't do it anymore. And that thought terrifies me. And I don't want everyone that loves me and everyone that's counting on me to realize that maybe I'm not as strong as they think I am in this. I'm just going through the motions because it's what you do.

#cancer #cancersucks #fuckcancer #metastasized

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

And yes.

I recognize that's a bad one. There's just a lot going on right now. There's more I didn't get into. Partially because there's so much I forgot, and partially just because. But...letting stuff out.

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Chiiiiild.

never trust anyone who says all water tastes the same

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Government Secret #409

Donald Trump’s presidential campaign is actually the longest episode of Punk’d ever in American history

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Hello.

Accidental Adele reference? Checking in I suppose. I started chemo this week and have been meaning to post about that. Everything they’ve ever said about cancer treatment being rough and difficult is true. I had no idea what to expect or how it would affect me, but it made me feel like complete shit. Nausea, weakness, so tired, couldn’t eat…just felt like crap. I lost like eight pounds in just a couple days or so. Nothing I could say could do the experience “justice,” so I’m not going to try at the moment. It’s just so helpless. And when I was finally able to muster enough strength (just barely) to shower, it was like I had just had my surgery all over again. Barely made it out and slammed into the bed. It’s terrible. Aaaand the steroids I have to be on right now have completely trashed my skin and made my face puffy, so I look equally as bad as I feel. Great for the self-esteem. I finally ate a bit more today than the previous couple days and have at least felt better with each day though, so that’s good.

The sadness and depression are difficult. Maybe just sadness more than anything over attempting to accept that this is my life now, and that I just don’t get it. I feel so cheated. I see happy couples, happy families, happy people on TV all living out their lives, and I feel like I was robbed of the chance to do the same. And I just don’t know why. It all feels so pointless now. I don’t know where any of it’s going, and I don’t know how long I have. It’s terrifying. Why even bother to write? I don’t know that I have a legacy to leave anymore. Just a slow, painful death no one wants to see.

That guy I mentioned…I think I’m being catfished. But I don’t know. My gut tells me I am, and something’s just not right. So that feels nice on top of everything else.

And I don’t know if things will ever be the same with my best friend ever again. Because I have cancer. Do you have any idea how that feels? To be cast aside? Because I’m sick.

I’m tired, yet not. There’s really nothing else to do right now but either sleep or watch happy people on TV.

#cancer #cancersucks #fuckcancer #chemo #chemotherapy #chemosucks #chemofallout #catfish #catfished #sick #weak #tired #hello

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

And all these little things...

I’ve started to notice these last two or three weeks that menial tasks are getting to me more. After my initial surgery, it took quite a while to regain my strength, but I think I did pretty well eventually. Now I’m noticing that I’m getting winded again from the little things. I can’t help but think the cancer is affecting my body. I should have the latest pet scan results either today or tomorrow, too. I haven’t talked about this with anyone outside of all the nurses I see, and like…my mom. I’ll have to soon though. I think it might start to become obvious. My physical strength isn’t all there. God I hope these scan results aren’t too terrifying…

#cancer #cancersucks #fuckcancer

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

This is eye-opening and very sad. I want so badly for our world to be a better place.

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Happy little thing.

I'm binge watching Homeland. I don't binge watch like anything because I have the attention span of a mouse. It's because of a guy. So there's that. And it kind of makes me smile.

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

No big deal. Just goin’ places.

#friends #ross #phoebe #idrivewell

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Oh shit. Go grandma, it's ya birfday!

you’ve been visited by the ✨grandma of prosperity✨🍻 reblog for good fortune and mad cash 💰💸💥🔫💸💰

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

How can you not?

I love tumblr

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

More like lifelong husband material. 😍

Friends Merchandise: http://bit.ly/1hr0rsz

#friends #chandler #chandler bing #chandlerbing #BING

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

YES!!!!!! This.

my whole life is the one episode of Friends where Ross drinks all those margaritas and keeps telling everyone that hes fine when he clearly isn’t fine

#friends #ross #myfajitas #margaritas

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Baptized in the sea of Britney.

#britneyspears #britney #britney spears #bspears #workbitch

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Push please? Kthx.

[am-i-out-of-the-woods-blog]

Si.