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it’s hard to explain how you make me feel, but if i had to try i would liken it to a crisp autumn afternoon, the rays of sun jovially peaking between the warm foliage of the trees on a picturesque forest walk, leaves crunch beneath my feet as my breath clouds and i can smell the woody fragrance of changing seasons, and i am in awe of the beauty surrounding me.
i could also compare it to an invigorating spring morning with a playful dew and light fog hugging the grass, the air smells sweet as the charming bluebells and peonies on the kitchen table come into bloom, and i feel hopeful about life and all that encompasses it.
or i could otherwise liken it to waking up to find the garden covered in a fine powdery snow, heading outside in countless layers, frolicking around in the snow and laughing like a child, and the inevitable coddle of a hot mug of hot chocolate under a blanket, cosy on the sofa enveloped in a childlike joy and tenderness.
or i could also liken it to a warm summer day evening at the perfect temperature, i can feel the thick green grass under my hands and as i look up i can see the sun casting a delightfully affable array of colours upon the clouds as it sets, and i can smell the beautiful summer flowers as i sit in a meadow while the crickets chirp incessantly, and i’m the most content and at peace i’ve ever felt.
but i guess you’re all those things at once, just like a spectacular autumn walk through the forest i am in awe of your beauty, enamoured by every move you make, you are art that i could never stop appreciating. just like a cold spring morning you bring me the hope that true love exists, that you were brought into my life for me to love wholly. just like a snowy day you peel back the layers and tend to the kid inside, you find joy at my foolish and immature humour all the while providing support to the hurt kid deep down. and just like a perfect summer evening you bring a warmth to my heart that spreads across my whole body, to my hand where you hold it, to my face where you kiss it and to my mind where you softly cradle it, and i feel truly content and at peace. you are everything beautiful in life, no matter how infinite those moments are, personified and plonked down next to me.
so yeah that’s how you made me feel. but you are gone now.
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i think i’ve come to the realisation that life is a test. it throws pain, suffering and heartbreak your way and in the past i’ve let it overwhelm and consume me. now i realise the fact i feel these things so deeply is beautiful and is what makes me inherently human. i want to feel these emotions and realise what it shows me about myself and realise how i can affect positive change. if life is a test then i’m going to fucking ace it
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