batbusiness-schooldropout

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

So when quarantine first started, I was visiting my mom. I was just standing around talking and I say "I don't know why I'm still standing. I really should either sit down or leave."

And she doesn't even look up from her phone and goes "it's because you deal with your insecurities by trying to be taller than others"

"I'm not the first person you've done that to today am I?"

"No. I've already told your step-father all about his trust issues"

"Are you perhaps missing having brains to pick at?"

So imagine Hannibal pulling off something similar and Will being all "do you want me to pretend to have encephalitis again so you can influence a weaker mind?"

#hannibal #hannigram #therapist are weird yall #will graham #seriously weird

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Imagine having to explain the concept of cooks to an alien.

There is a group of people in the kitchen who have all come together to make food for others.

One human is in charge of supplying music. This is very important. The group cannot function to the best of their ability without music. The louder and more aggressive the better. The decision as to who supplies the music is a peaceful, often undiscussed one. This is the only peaceful moment of their day.

There will be swearing, yelling, and name calling. Threats to cook uncooperative persons or interlopers are not unheard of. Many have physical limitations that should make the work difficult and even more have mental health concerns. It is unclear if these conditions came before they became cooks or after.

The food will undoubtedly be good. But human tastes vary wildly. There will almost always be someone who complains about the food. If you value your life, don't let that someone be you. Complaints about the food are seen as severe insults to the human responsible for it and will be dealt with as such.

Complaints about the food containing an ingredient that is unsuitable for consumption for health or religious reasons will receive apologies and often a promise to do something different in the future.

#humans are space orcs

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

If I was ever a patient of Dr. Lecter's I would have either transitioned so much earlier or be a murderer by the second session.

"Kevin keeps being rude to me and I'd like to throw him in the stew and really eat my problems but I can't"

"Why not?"

"I wouldn't last in jail"

"Do you not think yourself smart or capable enough to evade capture?

"Shit doc, you right, imma try it"

#funny post #random stuff #hannibal #and then he ☠me because I talked like that #on the spot #I exposed the Ripper by being too casual

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

James tried to enlist Sirius' help convincing Lily, only to experience his first betrayal as Sirius wanted to name the baby Mark Hamill Potter

Remus was having secret tea time with Lily, trying to talk her into naming the baby after him

Super controversial hot take: I think that I should be in charge of the canon for the Harry Potter Universe. My qualifications are that I'm transmasc, have many good ideas, and I like giving people ideas that can turn into full blown stories.

I will provide a sample of the kind of canon I would introduce if I am placed in charge of canon.

Goblins have no obvious differences between male and female. They don't even have gendered pronouns in their language. The closest thing to gendered pronouns that they have are prefixes added to a noun to indicate if the noun is goblin, friend, foe, or annoyance.

#harry potter #guess who's in charge #the maruaders

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

Question:

So, according to Barbie Toy Lore, there are two Barbies and they are BFFs who have done literally everything together since the beginning of Barbie time.

Does that mean there is a second Ken somewhere or do they share the same ken?

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

What I'm saying is, Will could've exposed Hannibal as a killer at any time if he just spoke Cajun enough.

One well placed "sha" would've had Hannibal reaching for a knife and I stand by that.

#funny post #random stuff #hannibal #hannigram #will graham

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

My darling baby has a complicated relationship with the cat in the mirror. She wants to be the cat's friend but all the cat does is stare at her and yowl when she does

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

An update: Harry, Ron, and Hermione all have a new, unique to them, prefix that goes before their names. When a Gringotts employee was asked, they said that the prefix roughly translates to "You did what you had to"

However, when an American goblin was asked, they said an accurate translation would be "this bitch"

No, the goblins are not over the whole stealing a dragon thing

Super controversial hot take: I think that I should be in charge of the canon for the Harry Potter Universe. My qualifications are that I'm transmasc, have many good ideas, and I like giving people ideas that can turn into full blown stories.

I will provide a sample of the kind of canon I would introduce if I am placed in charge of canon.

Goblins have no obvious differences between male and female. They don't even have gendered pronouns in their language. The closest thing to gendered pronouns that they have are prefixes added to a noun to indicate if the noun is goblin, friend, foe, or annoyance.

#harry potter #guess who's in charge #thats right #im making the goblins nonbinary #their gender is goblin

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

For legal reasons that wasn't me.

The only good thing that came out of working overnight at McDonald's is messing with the stoners.

I can do a very good robot girl voice so at night I'd do my little speel on the headset and if they said anything about it being a machine, I'd hit them with the old "that's not a very nice thing to say now is it?"

This is the important part. Immediately after finishing the order you need to hand the headset over to the biggest guy there and ask him to say that he's the only one in the building and the machine took their order

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

I'm thinking about doing a monthly re-election to see if you guys think I should still be in charge of the Harry Potter world.

Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in

#harry potter #guess who's in charge #for now?

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

The only good thing that came out of working overnight at McDonald's is messing with the stoners.

I can do a very good robot girl voice so at night I'd do my little speel on the headset and if they said anything about it being a machine, I'd hit them with the old "that's not a very nice thing to say now is it?"

This is the important part. Immediately after finishing the order you need to hand the headset over to the biggest guy there and ask him to say that he's the only one in the building and the machine took their order

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

I said something that I think is pretty brilliant, so I'm giving it away for you to use

Good news: we're all on the same page

Bad news: we're all looking at the wrong book

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

I feel like a lot of my struggles with gender identity, sexual preferences, neurodiversity, health, etc. would've been dealt with sooner and be better understood if I didn't decide to think about these feelings for 10 years and just said something in the moment

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

@aroacejedi why would I ignore genius?

So you know how little girls are sadistic little monsters/ all about that evil witch stuff?

Some of Hannibal's early ripper displays were inspired by his memories of playing with his sister

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #barbie #little girls are scary #im also the guy who got framed for barbie murder #i was getting framed for murder #and sent to jail by people i trust #long before Will Graham

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

When I read Hannigram stuff and Hannibal says "My Will", I like to pretend that he's using the dictionary definition of will, not the name;

A deliberate or fixed desire or intention

Like he's not calling Will his person, he's calling him his reason that he's taking a specific action

#you feel me? #hannigram #hannibal #will graham

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

I'm remembering playing Doctor Barbie with my sister. The game always had the same plot. "Oh no! G. I. Joe needs x medical procedure! Too bad Barbie is an x doctor"

(Ex. Oh no! G. I. Joe needs a kidney transplant! Too bad Barbie is a vet)

So now Hannibal got inspired to be a surgeon from his memories of playing with his sister

So you know how little girls are sadistic little monsters/ all about that evil witch stuff?

Some of Hannibal's early ripper displays were inspired by his memories of playing with his sister

#hannibal #nbc hannibal #barbie #little girls are scary #im also the guy who got framed for barbie murder #i was getting framed for murder #and sent to jail by people i trust #long before Will Graham

[batbusiness-schooldropout]

⚡️Magic can have an odd side effect on some people. It can create or exasperate special interests or cause a dependence on certain objects. In people this affects, separating them from their interests or objects can cause flu-like symptoms and increase their chances of catching dragon-pox.

Examples include Mr. Weasley and his interest in muggle devices as well as Mr.Malfoy and his peacocks

It time to continue to fulfill my sacred duty

⚡️Nymphadora "Tonks" Tonks is nonbinary and uses they/her pronouns. They present as a girl because quote "girls have nicer shoes"

⚡️Muggle hygiene innovations are closely observed and brought into wizarding spaces regularly. If asked about it in the past, the Ministry would tell some lie about how modern indoor plumbing was a magical invention

⚡️Before the Regulations for Magical Creatures passed, house-elves used to have complete control over their own employment. They would pick a household to work for, what their job was, what hours they worked, and would often undo their own work if presented with clothes. The Regulations changed this after several house-elves became fed up serving prominent wizarding families and started showing up in muggle homes.

(As an example, a house-elf could pop in during your diner, feet in your mashed potatoes, say that they were going to be doing your dishes from now on, except for on Wednesdays and between the hours of 10-2, and your choices were to either give them clothes and hope they don't get too mad, or agree)

#guess who's in charge #harry potter #jkr treatment of house elves bothers me #because its such a ridiculous departure from the folklore #and for what #and now #its silly #again