blazinrainbo

[blazinrainbo]

The distain I have for words must confirm my place on the spectrum Say this or that or even this and everyone acts like you wreckt em. As far as I’m concerned words are used as a means to an ends Its the intended meaning you should put under your lens. The meaning of terms, words and phrases change with the ages it doesnt require extreme wisdom to comprehend all the sages. Go ahead and perpetuate your own insecurities the rest of us are forced to prove our maturities.

[blazinrainbo]

a world so divided, its already hell to survive it. everyones got their own labels to hide behind its impossible to unite it. everytime i go online im googlin new abbreviations. theres no way to keep up with the self imposed segregations. the farther we come the farther we go making such progress but we cant even show anything for the time we live in humanity's people are getting hard to believe in everyones struggling to find their identity lifes so much easier now theres amenities I think about the way life used to be enemies on all fronts wont stop harrassin me todays a new day we need to believe in it seems all our senses died and we dont have time to bereave them compassion wasted on fools who exploit it personal gain and profit

[blazinrainbo]

8 days.

here i am, at a place i honestly never thought i would be. sober. for more than a week. this doesnt mean i’ll never use again, it just means that for right now im not. it feels pretty good. i have money in the bank for the first time of my life, its not much but its there. this is my new chapter, perhaps one of my most important. tomorrow, i go home and face another test, to be around it again. i can do this, i am strong enough and its what i want to do. i’ve made it past the hard part, now i just have to keep it up, stay strong, fix my life. without drugs i can afford treatment for my back and replacement parts for my car. i’ve neglected so much over the years just to stay high, no more. i think im starting to love myself again, in a real way, a way that demands progress instead of stagnation. this is it, this is me, taking control of my selfishness focusing on the future instead of today. i know i dont really have a way with words so whoever is out there reading this, thank-you for taking the time. im actually quite proud of myself, not to get ahead of myself but i fell different this time around. its a choice not a necessity, and thats the big difference. im rambling now, but i cant contain this anymore. those who know me, know this is an absolutely MASSIVE deal and i dont take it lightly. catch yall on the flip.

#selfhelp #sobriety #progress #healing #drugs #one week #future

[blazinrainbo]

may 26 2016

cant help but feel the abyss these days

existential thoughts wont leave me alone

sunshine and blue skies escape my gaze

no place to me feels like home.

[blazinrainbo]

you are growing from this you are growing from this you are growing from this

[blazinrainbo]

[blazinrainbo]

[blazinrainbo]

everybody all making year in review posts and im just over here stuck in 2013 like a relic. maybe this year is the year.

[blazinrainbo]

wonderful read.

“Lonely Traveller”, by Sereno Sky

[blazinrainbo]

pain exists to teach us lessons. im learning that now. i have much more to learn. i need to remember this. i need to keep learning. this is just your own path to enlightenment.

#thoughts

[blazinrainbo]

step one

they say you gotta fake it till you make it son

step two

i put a faded smile on keep smilin away till the pain is gone

step tree

i can reclaim this life thats been taken from me

#words

[blazinrainbo]

i know i gotta write more but i dont know where to start

the people all around me say to start with the heart

it doesnt gotta be a work of art from start

[blazinrainbo]

im not heartbroken and i dont have any bones that need mending. i suffer from a condition far worse than these, im of a broken spirit, just waiting to die.

[blazinrainbo]

”If you could give the younger generation a word of advice, what would it be?” ”Stand up for your rights! I might be an old hippie but in my young days we protested against the violation of what we thought was right” ”What exactly should they fight for these days?” ”Well for example, they should fight for their privacy rights. These days it’s almost impossible to pay with cash money cause they want to know what you spend. All our mobile devices are being tracked all our information is out there for grabs. And we…we just stand there and watch . But then again I might just be an old hippie.”

[blazinrainbo]

lately ive been feeling the need to write. but it scares me how angry i am.

[blazinrainbo]

My therapist asked me to create something “motivating” so I made these.

lol.

[blazinrainbo]

guess its time to face reality. im not getting better. i wont get better. im crippled and thats life.