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instys plz I just wanna talk 🔫

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me

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Twitter didn’t care for my Cloud ngl. Maybe I’ll find FFVII fans here instead,,,

#cloud #cloud strife #ffvii #ffvii 25th anniversary #yo mama #illustration #final fantasy vii

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Good evening to my Wu Chang enjoyers

#identityv #idv #idv wu chang #xiefan #xie bian #fan wujiu #edgy #i hate my job #ouch the edge

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One eye open when i’m sleeeeeeepin’

#fe3 #dimitri #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fire emblem #on yo mama

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I never come on here oopsies

#identityv #galatea #mary #tbh this is old #like months old #but i still really like it #sculptor #bloody queen #identity v #yo mama

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Sir, that's my emotional support french grand opera about summoning the devil

#THIS this this #same boat dude #opera #faust is love faust is life

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Ballet from Gounod’s Faust, Royal Opera House, 2004

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#ohmygod #this #THIS #finallysomeonewhounderstands

Psychosis and loneliness

It’s not the paranoia that I have trouble living with. It’s being alone and feeling misunderstood. It’s seeing everyone around you share the same degree of connectivity while your emotions are so gray you can hardly connect with anyone. It’s seeing those same people hanging out together without ever inviting you. People making excuses not to be with you. Seeing everyone finding romantic partners before you while you are starved of love and affection.

While paranoia can be borderline unbearable, none of it is real. Loneliness, however, is the harshest reality of being psychotic.

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Having schizotypal personality disorder feels like getting slapped with a “Congratulations!! You will never have a chance at a happy normal life!! You will always be alone!! Have fun!!!!”

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Illustration from Shakespeare’s Hamlet by John Austen (1922)

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Psych Terminology: Words that begin with Schizo-

Schizophrenia - severe psychotic disorder that causes alterations in perceptions, thought, and behavior. This is the word you probably mean, as it’s the most commonly used.

Schizophreniform - a psychotic disorder that’s basically schizophrenia-lite. Not as many symptoms required, and you can’t have had it for more than 6 months.

Schizoaffective - basically schizophrenia AND a mood disorder (depressive / manic or hypomanic episodes) at the same time.

Schizotypal (Personality Disorder) - a personality disorder that involves difficulties with social interactions and odd & eccentric beliefs and behaviors. 

Schizoid (Personality Disorder) - a personality disorder that involves being detached from and lacking a desire for social relationships. 

None of these words mean having “split” or “multiple” personalities. That’s dissociative identity disorder.

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favourite female characters (3/?) → NASTASYA FILIPPOVNA BARASHKOV (The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky)

She is proud, she would never forgive me the nature of the love I bear her, and we should both be ruined.

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russian classics aesthetic

Brothers Karamazov: orthodox monasteries, deep woods, starry nights, the sound of paper being torn, dimly lit rooms, withered roses, an unfinished letter, piles of books, the sound of shattering glass, ticking of clocks in a silent house, heavy wooden furniture, the air before a storm, the smell of earth, a crowd of people dressed in black, distant murmurs, emptied streets, the fear of walking alone in dusk

Crime and Punishment: coldness of the skin against a blade, slender pale fingers and slightly shaking hands, a red stain blooming on white fabric, lonely steps in a corridor, the slow dripping of water, looking out of the window into the thickening darkness, a single dying candle on the table, listening to one’s breath and counting heartbeats, too many stairs, the desire to be invisible, a subtle memory of kind word

The Idiot: classical statues, wealth covered with dust, a dark house tainted with inherited madness, an unsettling feeling, long walks in a park, useless chatter, a silken ribbon forgotten on a bench, a melancholic face, an unexpected spring rain, the joy of reading one’s favorite book, the clarity of mind after fully perceiving the world around, looking at cloudless sky  

Anna Karenina: fields of crops, flowers brought from an early morning walk, the wind caressing a girl’s hair, a bowl of fruit, the smell of ripe pears, the clatter of a spoon against porcelain when stirring tea, children’s laughter coming from the garden, soft sunlight and white curtains, the sensation of velvet against skin, pearls from a ripped necklace spilling on marble floor, a sudden silence in a room full of people

War and Peace: a glass of wine, the brightness of  a crystal chandelier, white lace, a raging snow storm, the sound of a door being gently closed, the moment of holding one’s breath before walking in a ball room, indulging in looking at a beautiful earring against light, the sound of a saber being drawn, closing one’s eyes for a moment while dancing, the sweet smell of strawberries, a pair of gloves left on an armchair, light scent of powder

The Master and Margarita: the chaos of a lively city, ambient jazz in expensive restaurants, jumping on a moving tram, the sight of Moscow from the roof of a house, yellow flowers in a vase, leaning out of the window, shelves stacked with books, a small tin box with old photographs, strange shapes in the night sky, laughing in the middle of the night on a balcony, colorful posters for a surreptitious magician’s show floating in the wind

Eugene Onegin: a lonely mansion, reading a book in the parlor, faint piano melody lingering in falling silence, long evenings, passing seasons, discussing french novels of the moment, unspoken thoughts, leaning against the door frame, quickly averted glance, eating a peach absent-minded, bright mornings, footprints in snow, a loud gun-shot terrifying a flock of birds nearby   

A Hero of Our Time: byronic boredom, getting up late in the afternoon, the hidden unspeakable sadness of existence, shakespeare’s tragedy opened next to untouched breakfast, cigarette smoke, polished boots, walking with one’s coat wide open letting the night chill break through to the bone, carved wooden chair, fading warmth of the ashes late in the evening, the thought of farewell  

Fathers and Sons: birch groves, morning mist, moss covered stones near a  moor, scientific books, white roses, cheap champagne, shabby pocket-watch, light-hearted irony, a maladroit cello sonata, freshly mowed grass, leaving thoughts come and go, a slow yawn, picturesque plates and bowls filled with traditional dishes, drinking tea on the porch, longing for the future   

Doctor Zhivago: a strange feeling of loss, writing poems in a diary, traveling by train, the hesitation before touching someone’s hand, the gaze of one lost in thought, the warmth of cinnamon, a scarf brightly embellished with flowers, a glass of water, two people listening each on the other side of the door, a threadbare jacket, the tempting void, the evanescent serenity of yesterday  

Dead Souls: horses in a merry gallop, delicious smells mingled, grotesque and bizarre tragedy, luxurious attire cheap soul, masks, a perfumed love letter, the triumph of sarcasm, an unattached wheel rolling down a dusty road, the atmosphere of commedia dell’ arte, puzzling speeches, a baffling caricature drawn on a handkerchief   

Cherry Orchard: a lone chair in an empty room, falling blossoms, old samovar, the unsettling need for change, a mirror reflecting full moon, the disappointment of a glossy object turning worthless after second glance, a piano out of tune      

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 „I just want to talk“ //Hanna (2011) Moodboard.