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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Update

(Note: this is a long and kinda overshare-y post about getting demotivated. Tldr is I still love this project and am leaving the blog as is in case I want to return to it, but it may be another hiatus for the foreseeable future. Feel free to skim, but it's not under a readmore because it feels too important to hide any longer.)

I hate to say it, but I'm thinking about shelving the pollsim - and this blog project - possibly indefinitely. It's hard to say this, because I still adore Chaosbound with all my heart, and I wanted to see this blog through. We got so close to a few milestones I wanted to meet - like seeing the remainder of the cast, the reveal of a sister blog... I was hoping I could push through to those at least, have a chance to work with some of the cast I don't spend as much time with, help everyone get to see some of the plans I have in the works for the gang.

The problem here is, the operative word became "push" somewhere along the way.

I love Chaosbound. I still love its cast and the work I've put into it and the story I still want to tell. But after burning out in art college, art got harder for me to do. Chaosbound, and this blog specifically, became one of the few things I could put my all into - and if you take a skim through any character's tag, looking at the sprites I made, you can probably tell that.

But somewhere around the ghost event, I got really demoralized. The ghost event was an event meant to encourage a lot of interaction and engagement, something for blog followers to also try to puzzle out alongside the trolls. And maybe this is partially on me for how I presented things, I don't know.

But by this point almost all of my engagement, outside of likes and whatnot, was from the same few people - all of them my friends no less. People in the server I had for the blog at the time. And this is not meant to devalue their input in any way at all. I'm still very appreciative because without them, I probably would have abandoned the event altogether, and may have struggled to come back at all.

But I knew there were others following too. Others interacting, and at points earlier on I'd gotten some wonderful anon messages that I still have saved in my inbox.

But for whatever reason, everyone had gone silent. Watching quietly, waiting to see how things would play out. I was practically relying on prompting friends to send in responses just to move things along, and eventually was forced to give up and have the ghost reveal himself. I was like a puppeteer performing in the spotlight of an otherwise pitch black theater, wondering if I even had an audience to speak of.

I hated working through the ghost event. It was meant to be an exciting part I was building up to, from the start of the blog's inception I had the whole thing planned out. But between being burnt out irl and the passive reception I just. Didn't want anything more than to get it over with.

I went on hiatus. And Tumblr collectively got steadily worse about its responsiveness and support to artists.

When I came back, I thought I was ready. I'd missed Chaosbound and was picking up drawing again, incrementally. Pollsim was meant to be padding for my slow work process, so I could chip away at sprites and event art for my next big reveal. But of course, I signed up for too much. I got too ambitious with the idea, but then also found I was much shakier than I thought.

The votes to decide which troll we'd find were a good amount, though I highly suspect at least a few were just passerby who like to click buttons. But once we actually got things underway, Makkea's first choice poll saw a steep drop in participation. I felt the stress from the ghost event grip me once more. But, I reminded myself, things were just getting started. Maybe people who aren't interested in Makkea aren't voting, and will jump back in later. Maybe I'm not boosting the event enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But I also saw something else happen to me. Now I'm reluctant to pick up my tablet pen. And when I do, I'm always agitated. Angry. Asking myself why I'm even bothering, not just for this blog but at all. Each time I pick up my tablet, I'm suddenly reminded of all the times my art - and these blog events - flopped.

I never thought I'd become the type of artist who relied on the external validation online to do art. For a long time, I wasn't. But art college did something to my relationship with art, and I think creating an art project that intrinsically relied on that external validation was the final nail in the coffin.

I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want to give up art, or to only associate it with stress and rejection and being ignored. And I don't want to associate that with my audience here, either. That's not fair to everyone who's been here, past and present.

A part of me still feels bad for even writing this. For even thinking of posting it, behind a cut or not. I've felt bad for as pushy as I've gotten, about how people need to engage here more often. But keeping this locked up I think only serves to keep the lid firmly on the boiling pot, and I'm tired of it all threatening to explode.

So in short, I'm sorry that this is how things ended up. To those who have been supporting me, quietly, loudly and all the ways inbetween, I'm sorry I couldn't find that as 'enough' - but your support does mean everything to me regardless, and remains why I am still open to the idea of coming back.

The fate of Chaosbound is up in the air. I was hoping the ask blogs I started would be a sort of warm-up to eventually publishing a fan webcomic - a low-pressure venue for character exploration and a way to garner a little audience interest so that, once the webcomic dropped, I knew someone outside my social circle somewhere would be there to see it off on its first day.

I still pick away at Chaosbound, and I still have some assets for the blog that are as yet unposted. A close friend and I have some ideas for pollsim to lead to a potential game, second of its kind for this story in fact. I'd still like to see its realization, and to get the fantroll's stories out into the world, someday. But I have other projects I've been picking at too, so I may just have to give up on regular progress here in exchange for energy to post anything at all.

So, I may randomly post pollsims. I may answer one-off asks I get in the inbox. I may go silent for a year or more inbetween posts. But for now, I really need my art to be for me, and that means I can't hold myself to any external expectations, perceived or otherwise.

If you read this, thank you for doing so. Thank you for your patience, and understanding, and support. Despite how ungrateful I sound, it really has meant the world to me. I look forward to seeing you all where I can, and I hope anything I do come back with does not disappoint.

Sincerely, Mod Caspian

#modtalk #long post

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Sorry for the blog quiet happening so soon! Originally when I started pollsim, my plan was each post would be a poll, nice and quick and simple... But with how wordy I am, and how overambitious I'm already getting with the idea, that's definitely Not happening, haha.

So there's going to be pauses as I juggle writing the next parts with irl, but the blog is not going to go on another major pause if I can help it!

#modtalk #I want to write out the next section up to the next choice before I sort out how I'm breaking it up #ideally there will only be One exposition post and then the next will be a poll but we'll see!

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Pollsim has been a little delayed between irl busyness and my brain not being productive, so before we continue the next segment!

#modtalk #this may or may not be for a thing :3c

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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I've been busy the last couple days, so expect the next poll to drop sometime this weekend!

#modtalk #im busy on saturday so most likely sunday? unless I get writing juice today or tomorrow jsjfjsjfsnf

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Oh WOW that was a come from behind victory for 'take his hand', I'm glad I hadn't started writing for any of these yet ^^;

That said I may need a day or two to write this out, but I will update for the next poll asap!

==> The library.

You're not entirely sure what makes you think of it, other than your own countless hours spent at the library in your own hometown. The librarians were always so friendly, and more than willing to help, and the library itself always held a vast treasure trove of resources. A city like this must surely hold a similar hub of information and tools, and in a time like this that would surely be your best bet.

You leave the small familiarity of the bench, taking off in a direction further into the city, trying to follow your instincts. The buildings you pass are strange, almost reminiscent of ant mounds somehow, with signs and placards decorated in strange and often brightly colored squiggly shapes. You hope that's not writing. If it is, you'll never be able to pick out the library from the lot, if it's even called that.

As you walk, you're vaguely aware of the people you pass. They're humanoid enough, thankfully, but you find glaring differences in their grey coloring, their orange horns, their noseless faces and almost bulging golden eyes. They seem to largely ignore you, save for hard stares, giving you a warily wide berth, or the more bold purposefully shouldering past you despite there being plenty of room on the sidewalk. In a way, this treatment isn't too different from home, either, somehow.

You clearly were lost in your thoughts by this point, as you make a fullbody collision into a mass of teal in front of you. Admittedly you're not entirely sure how you missed that in a sea of greys and blacks, but you did. The teal coat gets knocked back, its owner grunting in surprise, but you're the one who ends up falling on your ass.

"Oof, sorry! Wasn't paying attention to where I was going, haha... Need any help?"

#modtalk

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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==> The library.

You're not entirely sure what makes you think of it, other than your own countless hours spent at the library in your own hometown. The librarians were always so friendly, and more than willing to help, and the library itself always held a vast treasure trove of resources. A city like this must surely hold a similar hub of information and tools, and in a time like this that would surely be your best bet.

You leave the small familiarity of the bench, taking off in a direction further into the city, trying to follow your instincts. The buildings you pass are strange, almost reminiscent of ant mounds somehow, with signs and placards decorated in strange and often brightly colored squiggly shapes. You hope that's not writing. If it is, you'll never be able to pick out the library from the lot, if it's even called that.

As you walk, you're vaguely aware of the people you pass. They're humanoid enough, thankfully, but you find glaring differences in their grey coloring, their orange horns, their noseless faces and almost bulging golden eyes. They seem to largely ignore you, save for hard stares, giving you a warily wide berth, or the more bold purposefully shouldering past you despite there being plenty of room on the sidewalk. In a way, this treatment isn't too different from home, either, somehow.

You clearly were lost in your thoughts by this point, as you make a fullbody collision into a mass of teal in front of you. Admittedly you're not entirely sure how you missed that in a sea of greys and blacks, but you did. The teal coat gets knocked back, its owner grunting in surprise, but you're the one who ends up falling on your ass.

"Oof, sorry! Wasn't paying attention to where I was going, haha... Need any help?"

#pollsim #polls #makkea uvishe #homestuck #fantrolls #ic #sorry this is later than planned I got stuck on what options to add snfjsjcjsnc

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Alright, buckle up, kids, we're taking a trip to the Library!! :)

Next poll should be up sometime tomorrow, keep your eyes peeled 👀

As you wake up, stiff and cold, you realize with some horror that you aren't sure where you are... Or when you fell asleep, for that matter. You last recall sitting at your computer, browsing around after dinner.... Or maybe you were scrolling on your phone, just before bed...? You can't be sure now. The memories escape as fast as they had come.

All you know is you're somewhere new. Somewhere strange. Foreign, and familiar, all at once. As you roll over onto your back, on the oddly-shaped bench you'd evidently decided to take your existential nap on, you see a lone pink moon glowing gently down on you. On you, and the alien city you seem to have found yourself in.

#modtalk #ngl I actually started writing the next piece preemptively since this was so distinct jefjdjfj so expect it sooner than later

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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I hate to call it early here folks, but we might already have a winner given they have literally half the votes

#pronouns not indicative of identity btw #modtalk

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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As you wake up, stiff and cold, you realize with some horror that you aren't sure where you are... Or when you fell asleep, for that matter. You last recall sitting at your computer, browsing around after dinner.... Or maybe you were scrolling on your phone, just before bed...? You can't be sure now. The memories escape as fast as they had come.

All you know is you're somewhere new. Somewhere strange. Foreign, and familiar, all at once. As you roll over onto your back, on the oddly-shaped bench you'd evidently decided to take your existential nap on, you see a lone pink moon glowing gently down on you. On you, and the alien city you seem to have found yourself in.

#polls #pollsim #fantrolls #homestuck #chaosbound #sorry im gonna add a lot of tags bc I want this event to gain traction snfjdjcjdjc #friendsim #it's inspired by that therefore it's relevant right /hj #alternia #but not entirely hehe

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Ok so! I'm officially starting the friendsim poll event later today or tomorrow! Before it starts though, I'm going to give a quick rundown of how it'll go!

Firstly, this is basically going to function like friendsim/pesterquest! You'll be given a narrative and a selection of choices, starting with the list of trolls (though not in the way you'll expect it!) And then limited options of how to interact with them! The only real difference here is that other people voting are what influence the winning option!

Mod's energy and public interest willing, once any given 'route' with a troll is finished, the troll selection poll will be brought back, minus ones already done, and we start the process over again!

However, to prevent this going on TOO long, each troll will only get ONE route focus*! So if enough people pick the 'bad end' options then that's all you'll get! Choose wisely!

*exception here being unless mod comes up with a KILLER alt route and just Has to show it off but as of rn that's not a thing

The events of this 'pollsim' as it'll be tagged are noncanon to the blog itself! What this means is, even if canon events and information are explored during this event, the trolls are unaware of the event! If you try to ask them about the event, they may not know what you're talking about! You're free to ask and confuse them, just don't expect straightforward answers!

This event is being written on the fly! This may lead to delays in updates or slapdash writing. This is being done this way so the mod doesn't expend a lot of energy on routes that won't get seen, and also perhaps so he can work on something else behind the scenes....

Polls will be set to expire within a day, so if you're invested in this event please check back on this blog as often as you can! If there's delays the mod will post updates accordingly to avoid silence. Audience interaction is what keeps this blog afloat, every little bit helps!

And that should be the important bits! Please vote, spread the polls if you enjoy the event, and send in feedback if you have any! But most importantly, have fun and don't stress over options too much! This is all in good fun!

Also, if any other ask blogs see this post and want to run off with this idea, all I ask is leave something in the inbox in exchange! Hell, even a single letter 'a' could be something for the kids to play with, so just drop whatever! And feel free to rb and say you're using this, I'll try to do the same for yours!

Enjoy, I'm looking forward to embarking on this event together with everyone!

#one last rb bc the poll will be dropping soon 👀#modtalk

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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shit - does /chrono not work on mobile or did I screw up my tags?? Edit: with one click I can already figure out it likely just doesn’t work. Hellsite.

#modtalk #guess I'll click through on desktop and find out!!#if I have to fix All of those for mobile though I'm gonna be pissed @ tumblr

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chaosbound-official · 1 year

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Character+Tags page [mobile edition]

CHARACTERS

(Unavailable characters will be marked with ?’s)

Zahyit Geiste (rustblood, he/him, prince of life)

Amygda Feliss (bronzeblood, she/her, knight of heart)

Quokka Frarer (goldblood, he/him, rogue of blood)

Lailla ?????? (Limeblood, she/her, prince of time)

Purrol Yaluli (oliveblood, she/her, page of space, derse)

?????? ?????? (jadeblood)

Makkea Uvishe (Tealblood, he/him, heir of light)

Belphe Guille (ceruleanblood, he/him, bard of mind, derse)

?????? ?????? (indigoblood)

Cilone Hednis (purpleblood, she/her, sylph of void)

?????? ?????? (violetblood)

Hiraeh Xexies (fuchsiablood, they/them and xey/xem/xeir, seer of breath)

TAGS

modtalk - for stuff outside of asks or rps

answered - answered prompts, asks etc. in which the trolls themselves answered!

plot - for plot-related asks! usually standalone from general asks

off-camera - After a glitch, it seems as though the camera has begun recording on its own! These will usually consist of posts where the audience is unaddressed, a peek behind the curtain if you will! Also covered by the unprompted tag!

Fascimlae Culture - tag for more about the world these trolls grew up in! Its mostly like Alternia but some significant differences that will come up from time to time.

prompts - catchall tag for prompts, feel free to browse for inspiration! (Just know if it’s old enough I may need more info than the prompt catchphrase or emoji itself)

unprompted - for ic posts outside of asks, where the trolls interact with each other instead of the people in the askbox.

hug train - boy you guys sure do like your hugs huh /lh

EVENT TAGS (chronological order)

Halloween Event - for the October 2019 Halloween-themed event on the blog, contains the trolls who are available in halloween costumes, lore on their “Halloween”, St. Rosa’s Morn, and so on! May be also used for future Halloween events since the event was cut short last time… ;)c

Makkea Fallout 2020 - an accidental mini-event that was unlocked by @shyyren!

Ghost Event (aka Ghost Post) - There’s an imposter among us! ….Just kidding. But there was a ghost wandering around and no one was aware, not even the ghost! Let’s just say it stirred things up for a while. (aka - the event that revealed Zahyit is a ghost)

pollsim - coming soon!

#modtalk #characters #tags