chaotic-dancing-queen

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

the best part of bpd is the constant feeling of being unworthy of love.

getting left on read and the instant dread and panic that rises in your chest.

being scared you’ll be alone forever while also being too afraid to let anyone in because you’re terrified they’ll leave.

#bpd #actually bpd #quiet borderline #bpd thoughts #bpd vent #bpd feels

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

Coca cola zero >>>

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

PSA

I think i speak for every ED blog when i say that even though i hate myself and my body - i do not think the same about any of my followers.

you could weigh 200lbs more than me and i still would not think you’re ugly, MY body dysmorphia and MY ED does not extend to you

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘food’ labeling some good, some bad as i assign moral value to this grain of rice i might say ‘numbers’ counting, measuring, tracking calories, sizes, BMIs allthetimecalculating everysinglething if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘beauty’ complete devotion, idolization of the western standard begging for others’ envy i might say ‘attention’ desperately needing someone anyone, to notice me at all to see that i am unwell, to care if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘control’ the sick, sick result of discipline gone sour a curdling obsession i might say ‘guilt’ over being too big too plain too comfortable too needy too me if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘anger’ hating the injustice of living hating everything, everyone including myself i might say ‘pain’ a way to transpose the scars of my soul onto the body aching for congruence if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘minimalism’ my mind whirls like a run-on sentence and i can’t stand being wasteful so no thank you i don’t need anything at all really i might say ‘self-righteousness’ i’m parading the streets, declaring my holier-than-thouness because hey look! i’m better at dying than you if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘expectations’ i’ve been naturally small my entire life and now, but now i lose myself when i grow i might say ‘childhood’ reverting to my prepubescent body no breasts and when sex was just a word muddled with giggles if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say ‘addiction’ a habit that can’t be kicked craving the buzz, the high of manipulating my insides i might say ‘death’ i’m not that happy anyway so why not drive my body to the edge, tempting it to quit? if you asked me what my eating disorder is about i might say nothing because i do not know it’s not like it matters because you don’t ask because you don’t know either

—i don’t know, you don’t know, no one knows // 01.22.18

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

diet soda is a cult

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

the outcome of my boredom, enjoy

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

my least favorite part of having an eating disorder is the constant arguing and bargaining in your head. racing thoughts all the fuckin time like, “okay I’ve had 75 calories today. I can have a banana and still be under 200. wait, 1200 is still considered restriction. how much would I lose this week with a daily deficit of 500 calories? I can do that. I’ll still lose weight. but not as much as if I fasted. no. just have nothing. you could lose 3.5 lbs. this week! just have nothing. people do it every day. just have a fucking banana. you won’t even be at maintenance. but what if it triggers a binge? think about your jawline. why don’t I just have everything I want and purge? what percentage can you get back up when you purge? hey google…” AND IT NEVER STOPS.

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

I’ll put my music on shuffle and be pissed if I don’t get the right song

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

i finish catching up with new content on tumblr super quick, so rb if you you're an ed blog active in april 2021 and i'll follow you <33

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

i love starving myself!!! it keeps me on my toes!!!

unless i pass out, in which case i’m on the ground

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

my thigh gap is getting wider 🥰

#thinsspi #meanspp #ana+safe+foods #anorecya #meanspir0 #ana fast #caloric intake #bullimia #eating disoder things #thin inspo

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

Waiting for my period to be over so I can go back to weighing myself everyday

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

“Anorexia doesn’t mean that you don’t eat. We all would be dead by now.

Anorexia means that every time you eat, you suddenly feel fatter.

Anorexia means that every time you eat, you feel a voice in your head that says “you should’t have eaten that”.

Anorexia means that every time you see someone skinny you feel like dying.

Anorexia means wanting to weigh yourself every hour just to see the numbers going down down down.

Anorexia means wanting to weigh yourself but being afraid to because you know you shouldn’t have eaten that piece of cake yesterday.

THIS IS ANOREXIA. So please, if you don’t know anything about it, don’t come to me with your bullshit, because I don’t wanna hear any of that. “

- sum random ana blogger

[chaotic-dancing-queen]

for anyone needing a change for supersize vs. superskinny just look up the worst food of bar rescue or kitchen nightmares, not really thinspo but makes food look real unappealing.....

#ana+safe+foods #meanspp #anorecya #meanspir0 #caloric intake #bullimia #ana fast #thinsppi