dndthedm

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the Big Bad of our campaign is an evil snake lady so our rogue was brainstorming ideas to kill her and came up with:

Cutting off her arms so she would revert to a harmless garden snake

Having our Druid morph into a mongoose and fight her, like nature intended

Dropping food in her path so that her tail grows too long and she runs into it and gets a game over

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Add a sense of the uncanny to your game by putting weird emphasis on random words“As you enter the room, you find an

✨ 𝒜𝓃𝑔𝓇𝓎  ✨

kobold brandishing a spear at you. What do you do?”

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DM: “Cleric, what’s your healing incant?” Cleric: “Get up you bitch.”

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“Snitches roll new characters”- Victor

When I (the DM) almost hit another player in the face with a pencil.

#shit my players say #rpg

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Steal the plots of shitty action movies and see how long it takes for the party to notice

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so, i just started to dm a new group and i introduced them all to a tavern where a supposed quest was to be shared upon them. here’s how one of the first interactions went.

DM: You walk into this small-looking tavern, in which there are a mass of brazen strangers pushing to the front where a disgruntled owner sits on a stool. The owner is a creature unrecognizable to you, and in front of her sits a dull gray orb seemingly made of glass. What do you do?

BARBARIAN: I push past the crowd and go to the owner.

DM: She looks at you and snorts, then asks in a rough voice, “did you come here for somethin’ or what?”

BARBARIAN: I ask if I can have some juice.

#shit my players say #dnd

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“They’re Fey gods of course they fuck.”

-our exasperated monk

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there’s a lot of evidence that the iliad and the odyssey were actually composed by a variety of poets through an oral tradition rather than just by one poet, so what if the homeric texts are actually just a very long game of D&D

#homeric dnd #achilles #dnd #classical studies

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So im running a game of Masks and the team had to wreck a grocery store trying to stop a monster thing. They didnt catch it but they chased it away before it hurt anyone.

Me: so they basically tell you “thank you, but please leave”

Player: Wow, i thought they’d call fhe police on us or make us pay for the damages.

Me: Dont worry, the civilians aren’t assholes. You’re not in the Marvel universe.

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Dice Sets

Dice Critters on Etsy

See our #Etsy or #D&D tags

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20 Dungeons and Dragons Asks

1. What was the first race you ever played as?

2. What was the first class you ever played as?

3. Have you ever been dungeon master?

4. How many times have you been dungeon master?

5. What is your favorite race?

6. What is your favorite class?

7. When was the last time you played d&d?

8. Do you prefer theater of the mind or minis and grids?

9. What is the funniest thing anyone has ever said in a d&d session you’ve played in?

10. What is the most annoying thing that has happened during a d&d session you’ve played in?

11. What is your favorite edition of d&d?

12. What is your favorite 5e book?

13. How many d&d characters have you made?

14. What is the longest d&d campaign you have ever been part of?

15. What is your favorite weapon?

16. What is your favorite spell?

17. What is your favorite armor?

18. What level do you usually start your players at?

19.What level do you as a player prefer to start as?

20. Do you like to play in big or small groups?

(drop a number in my box and reblog :3)

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #ask

[dndthedm]

When you have the kind of sesh when your cheering makes the table next to you go 'I don't know what just happened but I'm happy for you guys!'

#dnd #rogue shenanigans #rpg #unconventional tactics #my party is a party

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#literary devices #editor #dnd #dungeons and dragons #alignment

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#dnd #alignments

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“Today, you will be finding a mythical item, a item only heard in myths. Today, you will be finding sugar crisps.”

-Our DnD clubs DM on the last meeting, in which everyone died because our kleptomaniac rouge liked spoons way to much.

(There was a treasure pile that said you could only take one item. She took two spoons. The whole castle collapsed on itself)

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Depression kills

Context: I’m a 4'0 Drow bard and I will seduce and fuck anything. My Barbarian human friend and I are alone fighting this Bugbear and I’m on roughly 4 HP. Me(using vicious mockery): “You’re so unattractive not even I would fuck you! You’re just gross!” Bugbear: sadly grunts, drops mace he had previously been raging into my bard’s skull, and sulks away while my companion kills him with an opportunity strike. DM: you just… depressed him to death. Right out of a rage into crippling depression…. he rolled a nat 1… Jesus Christ.