elenajohansenauthor

[elenajohansenauthor]

the fact that we as a society have the muppets and they are not everywhere in our cultural consciousness is appalling. why aren't the muppets hosting the oscars. why aren't the muppets commentating the olympics. why aren't the muppets coming to a theatre near me every year with a new adaptation of a classic novel. genuinely what are we doing.

#i will always reblog the muppets

[elenajohansenauthor]

I love coming across a post that's clearly epic but somehow I've never seen it before; this is the enrichment I crave.

(1 note showing when I reblog)

I found this camera on the subway and look what was inside...

[elenajohansenauthor]

Reblogging would be a great help, but don’t feel pressured to

#2 is the lowest as i reblog this

[elenajohansenauthor]

let’s settle this shit but do NOT reblog if you’re gonna be modest about it like a little BITCH. anyway privilege check tell me which ones apply to you: hot, funny, can dance, can do math, can spell, can drive, can cook

#hot #funny #can do math #can spell #can cook #i enjoy dancing but i'm not good at it #i did learn to drive ages ago but i don't drive now so don't put me behind the wheel

[elenajohansenauthor]

Reblog so everyone can hear what they need.

[elenajohansenauthor]

if you are a dungeon master (or even a fantasy author/worldbuilder of any kind) and you don’t know about donjon let me make your life a million times easier

want to make a fantasy calendar with your own year-lengths, weeks, months, and lunar cycles? https://donjon.bin.sh/fantasy/calendar/

need to come up with some medieval town demographics? https://donjon.bin.sh/fantasy/demographics/

want to make a map and layout of a city/town? https://donjon.bin.sh/fantasy/town/

want a fleshed-out tavern complete with menu, innkeeper, patrons, rumors, and secrets? https://donjon.bin.sh/fantasy/inn/

leading your players through a dungeon and want to customize the size, treasure, layout, theme, etc? https://donjon.bin.sh/5e/dungeon/

tired of creating lists of magic items for different shops to sell, or hoards to be looted? https://donjon.bin.sh/5e/magic/shop.html and https://donjon.bin.sh/d20/treasure/

even a customizable initiative tracker! https://donjon.bin.sh/d20/initiative/

and that’s only scratching the surface! I really recommend all dms check this out. oh, and it’s completely free!

#writing resources #also new tag for me #ttrpg resources #because i'm working on a daggerheart mini run

[elenajohansenauthor]

Its me, your feral godmother

#how did i miss this? i'm not on tumblr enough anymore i guess

[elenajohansenauthor]

I'm turning 30 this month, and for some reason have become suddenly interested in material possessions. like what if,,,,,,,,my couch was nice. what if my sheets were nice. is this what happens to you??

#quality life advice

[elenajohansenauthor]

being a person is so weird bc i’ll be like “i wish my brain was kinder to me esp when i’m already having a hard time,” and then i remember that i’m my brain and i have to be kinder to me and that nobody else will do it for me

#truth

[elenajohansenauthor]

#this is funny to me because both are true #my husband once called me #our lady of the perpetually fluctuating temperature #and we're not even catholic

[elenajohansenauthor]

I am the entertainer I come to do my show You heard my latest record It's been on the radio Ah, it took me years to write it They were the best years of my life It was a beautiful song but it ran too long If you're gonna have a hit you gotta make it fit So they cut it down to 3:05

Billy Joel, "The Entertainer," 1974

(just in case anyone thought this is a new debate)

Stop! Releasing 2 minute songs!! Idc about TikTok!!! If it's a banger it needs to be at least 3:30.

#music #so rarely do i get to quote fifty year old song lyrics to make my point #so here we are

[elenajohansenauthor]

it fucking sucks how you can do all the therapy and self healing in the world and you still have to wake up living under a capitalist death cult that's killed community and crushes your soul

[elenajohansenauthor]

baby snoopy this, baby clifford that, baby gromit blah blah blah. what about baby kermit???????

#i will always reblog the muppets #i love how baby kermit and robin are so distinct from each other even though they're both tiny frogs with basically identical structure #but i guess the subtle differences are enough #i'm chatty in tags when i've been drinking

[elenajohansenauthor]

My favourite kind of fics to read and to write

#mood

[elenajohansenauthor]

It annoys me unreasonably when you want to ask people "what bird and what mammal would make the worst gryphon" as a fun thought exercise, and people with no joy and no imagination always interpret it as "a gryphon that sucks, is physically impossible, and would hate being alive", and - being predictable and lacking in imagination - always, always answer with "a hummingbird and a blue whale lol".

Like come on. Why do you have to suck the fun out of everything. Why not use a fraction of imagination and delightful whimsy. Imagine the combination of a mouse and a sparrow. That creature would be merciless, burtal, absolutely determined to get into your trash and has the power of both wings and hands to do its will. Or a crow and a cat - that thing is smart enough to fuck with people and not afraid to do it. Imagine the ungodly shriek of the noble fox-seagull, also determined to get into your trash.

A gryphon that is a combination of a kangaroo and a cassowary. The only proof we have of a loving god is the fact that those things do not exist. If hell is real, it's full of them. That thing can't fly, but it will run you down, it will kill you, and you will look stupid the whole entire time you're dying.

Why would the first thing that pops into your mind at the words "the worst gryphon" automatically be "a gryphon that hates being alive". Can you not picture a gryphon that fucking loves being alive, and has both the power and the will to make it everyone else's problem.

[elenajohansenauthor]

I'm just going to leave this here, because this woman said what I've been trying to articulate for ages much more effectively and succinctly than I've been able to

#us politics #we do not get to cherry pick our issues #we do not get to have ideologically perfect candidates #the system is flawed and it would be wonderful to fix it so that it's not just picking the lesser of two evils #but that would never happen under the gop because they actively benefit from all forms of voter suppression #so even if that's your issue #that the system is fundamentally broken #you still need to vote blue in order to ever have a chance at potentially fixing it

[elenajohansenauthor]

#i will always reblog the golden girls #seriously how did this show get made #so ahead of its time #except it would never get made now