foggy-tea94

[foggy-tea94]

Kinda feel like jumping off a cliff rn ngl.

I feel so alone and so lonely.

I’ve tried reaching out.

I’ve tried telling people I’m not okay.

I don’t know if they just don’t get it or if they just don’t care and I’m terrified of what the answer actually is.

I start therapy on Saturday, first time since I was like 23…and I’m scared.

It’s super hard to open up to anybody, and I feel like a dam about to break with all of my issues.

Right now literally not following my train of thought bc critical role is still airing and maybe it’ll give me the boost of serotonin that will get me through at least an evening.

Maybe I’m just being stupid and shouting out to the void in hopes of feeling less like I don’t matter to anyone in any way at all that matters

[foggy-tea94]

I don’t think Critical Role Campaign 3 is going to be over anytime soon.

I know there is a lot of talk going around that campaign 3 might be ending soon, and I am not in that camp.

Yeah, there is the one main over-arching story of Ruidus and Predathos that may be wrapping up at some point, but I feel like there is still so much left to explore in this campaign.

Keep in mind that as the campaigns have happened, they have gotten longer—115 episodes for campaign one, 140-ish for campaign two. Campaign 3 hasn’t even hit the 100th episode yet, so just personally I think it’s too soon to be saying that the campaign is going to be over soon.

#critical role #campaign 3 #bells hells #imogen temult #laudna #orym of the air ashari #fearne calloway #ashton greymoore #chetney pock o'pea #fcg critical role #dorian storm

[foggy-tea94]

More thoughts on recent Critical Role Campaign 3 recent episodes

Some of this might be hot takes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

People are all up in arms about somebody pressuring Imogen to do something she is afraid to do, and certain parts of the fandom and some of the characters themselves are all up in a tizzy.

I don’t recall ANYBODY being in a tizzy like this when over half the damn party was trying to pressure Fearne into taking the shard, which she said on multiple occasions over pretty much every episode since they got the damn thing until she took it in the Feywild, that she didn’t want it, that she was scared of what it would do to her.

Where are the people calling Imogen and Laudna out for pressuring Fearne to do something she said she was scared to do, on more than one singular occasion? Where are the people calling them bad and evil and awful for that?

But Orym telling Imogen that they need her here in this fight because they can’t win this without her, and pressuring her to use her connection to Ruidus, which she has been all gung-ho to do—even excitedly done, in previous episodes, is the ultimate bad guy here? 

The math ain’t mathin’ here people.

Either villainize all attempts at peer pressure within the party, or just maybe, look at things in the context of the situation. Don’t pick and choose which ones are acceptable and which ones aren’t.

If Orym is a piece of shit for pressuring Imogen, then so are Imogen and Laudna for pressuring Fearne.

Now putting that rant aside, I love all of the cast and I love all the characters of Bells Hells. None of them are perfect and they all have their issues, and I love it. I think it’s all so juicy. Let these characters become like people, let them feel like people!

I actually really like this campaign. Not more than I liked campaign one, but I feel like I get the story line more than what I did with campaign two. To me, campaign two didn’t feel cohesive until Eiselcross, Aeor, or heck just before the Somnovum. The story doesn’t get cohesive at least until they were in Xorhas at the very earliest. While with campaign one and campaign 3, their goals/purposes/linear story arc overall, has been way more cohesive from the start. Things tie back in at every twist and turn, leading towards the overall story.

So I’m all down for good inter-party conflict and found family. Whatever the cast of critical role wants to throw at us.

#bells bells #c3 ep83 #critical role #orym of the air ashari #fearne calloway #imogen temult #laudna #hypocrisy #hypocrites

[foggy-tea94]

Y’all met Jean Valjean….

okay this reminded me of the strongest human being (I use that label with some reservation) I have ever met and I still think about him like once a week because about 4 years ago on Thanksgiving night my sister, cousin, and I were going to pick up a friend about a 40 minute drive from home, and I got lost and tried to turn around on a little gravel pull-off on the side of the road, but my front tires got stuck in the snow.

we were in the middle of nowhere with no cell reception, and the only sign of life was a single, completely dark house across the road from us.

We all did our best to push the car out, and we’re strong people, but we couldn’t make it budge. Cold and stuck, we climbed back and wondered what to do. A car full of men pulled over beside us and asked if we needed help, but getting out of our locked car on a backroad at night with strange men felt like a bad idea, so we said a tow was coming and waved them along. We did that twice before finally deciding our only option was to accept the next offer for help and just risk it,

when a man came out of the house across the street.

He’d clearly been watching us and figured out why we’d been lying to people, which really surprised me & he said “it’s okay, you can stay in your car and keep the doors locked. Just start backing up when I say so.”

I had the window cracked and told him “it’s too stuck. There’s no way we’re getting out. Could you call a tow?”

And he said “just back up when I say so.”

So he walked around the front of the car, squatted, and said “okay back up,”

and I did, and

he lifted

the front of the car Into The Air. Off its front wheels, and we backed up while he essentially wheel-barrowed us back onto the road.

And we were honest to god yelling. We couldn’t help it. We just yelled until all four wheels were back on the ground and he was waving us off while we thanked him.

And then I looked at my sister and cousin & said “he REALLY told us we can KEEP our doors locked as if THAT WOULD’VE FUCKING STOPPED HIM!!!! As if he couldn’t have just RIPPED EM OFF THE HINGES.”

I later looked up the weight of my car, and it’s 3200 pounds without anything or anyone in it.

This haunts me.

#jean valjean

[foggy-tea94]

Exactly! People are treating Orym like he’s forcing people do do what he wants, and while yes he did say he was pressuring Imogen, pretty sure he was pressuring her about continuing the fight against Predothos, not about mind melding with it. People don’t understand the difference of the cast knowing what is going on due to Matt explaining what’s happening, and the characters knowing what��s happening, and how these are professionals who have had this be their career for several years, who are very good about keeping what they know as players separate from what their characters know.

None of the other characters know that Delilah is going to be back at that point. And while her eyes were glowing purple during the final Bor’dor fight moments, pretty sure that might be something that the rest of them overlooked or didn’t notice due to the tenseness of the situation.

Neither Orym or Ashton would have known that doing this would open Laudna back up for Delilah. For all they knew, Delilah was a thing of the past and not something to be worried about as Pike told them that she was not able to feel Delilah anymore.

Orym’s nod to her at Bor’dors’ end, was to let her know that he wouldn’t be angry if she killed Bor’dor or that he wouldn’t be angry at her for whatever she chose to do. Did he most likely lean to killing Bor’dor, absolutely. He’s a soldier, who is trying to get back to the rest of their party to fight the big important fight, and Bor’dor betrayed the group and is a part of the cult that murdered his family.

He nodded. He didn’t hold seedling to her throat and demand it of her, he didn’t yell at her to kill him. Laudna made that decision on her own—no matter how much you don’t like it.

And as to the Imogen thing, they are on a reconnaissance mission. They are there to find out what is going on with Predothos—if he’s close to being freed, what’s the Ruby Vanguard doing, the situation on Ruidus, etc.

I’m going to put another (longer) script piece in. Once again, holding important pieces that people overlook and it’s important for the context of what Orym is trying to actually say.

Orym: Imogen, I believe you, and I’m guessing you’re not wrong, but what they’re all gathering here to do, they’re going to make it happen one way or another, and you’re our best shot of getting close and understanding.

Imogen: You want me to go back in.

Orym: I need you here with us […]

Laudna: You dont have to do anything you don’t want to.

Orym: Of course she doesn’t have to, but you know what’s at stake.

Laudna: You’re still pressuring her though. […]

Orym: (to Imogen) What you just did was dangerous, and we know more now than we did ten minutes ago. But this is going to test you, and the risk, you’re right, it’s real. But I don’t even want to think of the alternative. (to Laudna) so does she have to do it? No. But I am pressuring her to do it.

In this scene, Imogen almost makes it sound like she wants to completely ditch the Ruidus mission and forget about dealing/stopping Predothos. To Orym, who has no clear context of what Imogen just faced; bc while Matt described it—none of the rest of the characters but Imogen truly saw or could comprehend what she saw, he is trying to make sure that their best chance of completing the mission stays. They literally cannot succeed in this mission without Imogen. And they all know the risks, and may have to take additional risks to prevent an even greater harm of befalling all of Exandria.

He’s not wanting her to fall to Predothos, and due to his deal with Nana Mori, he may feel that the danger is limited (by how much we don’t know). He is wanting to save the world, to take down the cult that murdered his family, all while still trying to make sure they all return.

Is Orym a perfect character? Absolute not. If he was perfect he’d be boring as shit. Which, despite what others on this else app say, he is not boring. But to act as if Laudna is some perfect little baby angel mew mew blorbo who can do no wrong and has no agency for her own decisions and Delilah being back, as all Orym’s fault, is a weak ass take and is looking at this campaign with lesbian flag colored glasses bc how can the lesbian do anything wrong?

The same thing happens with Imogen when Imogen wants to do things with and strengthen her Ruidus powers and talk about how maybe Predothos isn’t that bad, maybe the ruby vanguard has the right idea of getting rid of the gods in front of a man who’s husband and father in law were killed by those same cult members.

I don’t recall Beau and Yasha getting this short of treatment, and they were, I believe, our first main cast lesbian couple (not including Allura and Kima bc those are NPC’s—important NPC’s, but still not main cast). So what is it about our two Sapphic ladies that is causing this “my blorbo can do no wrong and anything they do is somehow somebody else’s (typically the finger is pointed at Orym) fault” please somebody explain it to me.

Essek from campaign 2 also got this treatment. Mans literally committed war crimes and people treat him like some poor baby meow meow, and not a super fucking capable wizard who is very obviously flawed but looking for redemption. Couldn’t understand it then and I can’t stand it now.

Have we heard Laudna say she blames Orym or Ashton, who could have been the ones who handled Bor’dor easily, for Delilah coming back? No! If Laudna knows that it’s her actions and her decisions alone, how can anybody state that it’s Orym’s fault. He didn’t make her.

Im going to bold certain parts of a direct quote of how Marisha is saying Laudna is feeling in that moment

“and feeling so helpless and out of control here recently, in this moment she has control. She has regained a sense of control and nothing else s going to stand in her way…….she gives into the darkness, she can’t control it anymore.”

This is all how Laudna is feeling. Laudna chose of her own free will to use something that she felt might awaken Delilah again when she chose to kill Bor’dor. Nobody forced her to do this.

I literally love all of their characters. I think that they are way more nuanced than what people want to give them credit for. I think their party needs a more solid reason(s) to be sticking together, to get on the same page as each other. Interparty conflict is fun and all, but the more loved moments across all campaigns have been when the party truly feels like family to each other. And while they feel like good work friends right now, they don’t feel like family yet outside of their beginning episode 1 groups, with Chet just being able to mix around with all of thems

When I watched Mightey Nein, it didn’t feel like the party got there themselves until freaking Eiselcross/Aeor/Somnom.

We got super lucky with Vox Machina as they had a whole thing established and felt like family before the show ever started.

I think this campaign will get there. I don’t think the whole Ludinus/Predothos thing will be the whole campaign. I could be wrong, it’s just my believe as each campaign has been longer than the previous one before (115 for Vox Machina and 141 for the Mighty Nein).

And I want people to stop glorifying their favorite characters/ships and look at them as a whole within the entire show up to this point.

I love Bells Hells and their weird background character vibes (other than Imogen who kind of feels to have main character esque things going on throughout this entire thing, with most of the rest of the casts backstories feeling unresolved/hardly touched—no hate, love Imogen for all her flaws), and I am excited to see where their story goes as things have been a wild ass ride so far.

To hear some of y’all tell it, you’d think Orym forced Laudna at knifepoint to kill Bor’dor.

Also Laudna had already used Hunger of the Shadows at that point. Killing Bor’dor isn’t what brought her back, knocking him unconscious was.

#critical role #bells hells #orym of the air ashari #laudna #imogen temult #fandom rant #fandom #these characters aren’t poor little meow meows #quit treating them like they are #let the cast have character agency

[foggy-tea94]

If you like horror/psychological reads and are a fan of Edgar Allen Poe— What Moves The Dead by T. Kingfisher is a good read. I read it in like an hour and I now won’t look at fungus or hares the same.

#books #book recommendations #just genuinely wtf did I read #it was good though. #I enjoyed it

[foggy-tea94]

[foggy-tea94]

[foggy-tea94]

I can’t do it anymore, fr I‘m so tired

[foggy-tea94]

[foggy-tea94]

If I had to try and explain it to people I would tell them that it’s like being stuck inside a maze where everything is shrouded in shadows. You know that there is light somewhere for the shadows to exist, but no matter how hard you look you can’t find the light source. You think maybe you find it at some point but just like a mirage, the second you get close it vanishes and moves elsewhere that is even more difficult to find. Eventually you just stop believing in the light at all. And all of the reasons you tell yourself to not give into the shadows stop sounding like reasons and more like excuses.

[foggy-tea94]

Can I just die please, I don’t care anymore, I just want this to be over

[foggy-tea94]

[foggy-tea94]

“I feel like I am so far behind in life that I will never catch up. Everybody is doing so many things with their lives and I am just here.. achieving nothing. I wonder if that’s all I will ever be, nothing.”

—

[foggy-tea94]

[foggy-tea94]

One of those days where walking in front of a bus or falling off a tall building sounds very attractive right now

[foggy-tea94]

-Henry Miller