ghostlyfeelings

[ghostlyfeelings]

there’s a misconception that grief only happens when we lose people. this is not true. we can grieve circumstances, relationships, missed opportunities. in fact, sometimes when you find yourself plagued with waves of emotion from sadness to melancholy you may be grieving yourself. the version of yourself that you might have been if things had been different, or if only you had said something, or if someone had stood up for you.

[ghostlyfeelings]

the self-hated pouring out of my being as some candid solution.

#p

[ghostlyfeelings]

i feel like i have a difficult time figuring out if im just depressed and that's why everything seems hopeless or if it's because things really (in the big picture) (emotionally, physically, financially) are hopeless and when im not in the big bad depression i can at least ride the wave of some desperate positivity until reality kicks me in the gut again

#personal #not asking for opinions #im pretty sure the trajectory of my life has been flat lined for awhile now 👍

[ghostlyfeelings]

Mary Oliver, from Long Life: Essays And Other Writings originally published in 2004

#w

[ghostlyfeelings]

— Frank Bidart, from “Half-light: Collected Poems 1965-2016; ‘The Third Hour of the Night’", published c. 2017.

#w

[ghostlyfeelings]

[ghostlyfeelings]

The lack of respect was the closure. The lack of apology was the closure. The lack of care was the closure. The lack of accountability was the closure. The lack of honesty was the closure.

[ghostlyfeelings]

#p

[ghostlyfeelings]

Your body is a good body because it houses you.

[ghostlyfeelings]

#art

[ghostlyfeelings]

kafka was so right i literally could have built the pyramids with the effort it has taken me to cling onto life and reason

[ghostlyfeelings]

[ghostlyfeelings]

i miss you its fruitless i will never hold your hand again never feel it rest on my thigh in your car on a summer night while im wearing nothing but a sundress the goosebumps will never creep up onto my neck making my heart jump into my head while i anticipate your fingers inching higher higher never lay bare on your bed watching you clumsily take your shirt off biting my lip the air thick with hunger without regret i will never walk into rose petals candles a bubble bath never get drunk on wine in your den never eat mushrooms chasing them with doritos slow dancing to elvis in your arms i will never again be so delusionally in love that i see nothing else

#writing #poem #poetry #spilled ink #24

[ghostlyfeelings]

Caitlyn Siehl, What We Buried; from "A Letter To Love"

#w

[ghostlyfeelings]

i was shut down so often when i used to vent & have spirals (as you do so frequently with bpd) that i have become so afraid of opening up or asking for help now, so i suffer alone despite knowing i have at least one friend i could call at 2 in the morning crying and she would pick up. the way that you talk to people, and the comments that you make to them (and behind their backs) about their emotional intensity (and how normal friendship venting is now deemed trauma dumping) can and will likely have a serious impact on their mental health. im all for setting healthy boundaries, but that isn't conclusive to making them feel like their too much. because they will start becoming smaller, at the cost of their well being. when in reality, all those people who made me feel that way, are no longer in my life and i am grateful for that.

#personal #just a lil vent/rant #a trauma dump if you will (ha ha ha)

[ghostlyfeelings]

Charles Baudelaire, from Modern Poets of France: An Anthology; "Hymn To Beauty,"

#kyla #🫶

[ghostlyfeelings]

you killed the better part of me, if you could just milk it for everything

#personal #lyrics #this has two different meanings to me now #i actually think this last heart break has broken the huge heart lover girl that i always was #now I'm just nothing and refuse to let anyone in #all those hours upon hours i spent crying on the floor alone feeling my heart hurting #has made me so closed off to a point where i no longer feel like me or what was the biggest part of who i am/ #so leave after they break your heart the first time #that would be my grand advice to anyone