i-want-docmartens

[i-want-docmartens]

we sit together at the kitchen table, me and vulnerability, and I kick her legs under the seat,

she still haunts me

thinking about how no matter how much I detach and grow past someone, everyone who ive ever shown vulnerability too will always have that memory if they choose to use it

I can't take my vulnerability back home with me, I can't take it out of your hands

#romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl

[i-want-docmartens]

when I have to decide to remember how awful it's been to preserve myself

[i-want-docmartens]

I miss him

#he feels like touching grass rn #and i need to touch grass #romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl #female hysteria #girl interrupted #academia

[i-want-docmartens]

im just shards of the mirror, you keep breaking while you're trying to, see (just) yourself better

and you turn red when the reflections don't match, turn it into a game, and break the pieces smaller

#mirror mirror #back on my poetry bullshit #romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #thinking abt any time anyone has hated on my poetry and invalidating all of u because my brain is actually very poetic thank u #starving artist #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl #female hysteria #girl interrupted #academia

[i-want-docmartens]

thinking about how no matter how much I detach and grow past someone, everyone who ive ever shown vulnerability too will always have that memory if they choose to use it

I can't take my vulnerability back home with me, I can't take it out of your hands

#ever again #even if you choose at times to forget me at my tender moments i cant ever take back crying in your arms #or telling you everything #or anything #i cant take back the years i trusted u #and thats so scary #lol im so silly lets get me a psychiatrist

[i-want-docmartens]

when I get tboned so he shows up to the sight of the crash to help me and expects my heart not to do some weird shit

#this is ? what are you doing sir #this implies you care? #gaslight gatekeep girlblog

[i-want-docmartens]

waiting for a man who won't be scared away by my copious tumblr accounts and the content on them

#im SORRY im just a GIRLBLOGGER #romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #literally just a girl(blogger) #girlboss #vanilla girl #female hysteria #academia #girl interrupted

[i-want-docmartens]

i really am not joking when I say that the last 7 years of my life have been insane

#like #maybe even ten tbh #gaslight gatekeep girlblog

[i-want-docmartens]

Cassandra core asf

Just want to let out a proper Fuck U to any and every foolish cunt who has fully tried to sabotage my bestfriend & I, or actually anyone at all. Ur really weird and delusional and should seek immediate mental help Bc that’s actually incredibly odd, out of the norm, and delusional behavior that you’re exhibiting and should be acknowledged as such, as well as actively worked on in everyday life so that U don’t become a genuinely mean person who lacks empathy in all quarters of life and begins to project every emotion U R feeling onto the only people left standing in Ur life and then refuse to acknowledge the actual damage and hurt you’ve caused and continue to cause by defending every horrible thing U did unprovoked onto someone who was simply surviving and doing their best to accommodate the ones closest to them, whilst figuring out how to be a person and going thru immense emotional turmoil (newsfuckingflash we all are U R not the only bitch W feelings, trauma, emotions, or reasons) im really over the innocence act when U were the ones being babied and taken care of while everyone else was actively experiencing traumatic uncontrollable environmental conditions that were inescapable for a long time and U were beating them to the ground about it any chance U got while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge every traumatic experience they had that U were probably a present character in their life for, during the time it happened. Maybe U should learn to Shut the Fuck Up, come back down to earth for a sec, and care about anyone other than Urself and maybe U wouldn’t feel so confused as to why nobody can stand to be around someone like U. It actually blows my mind that anyone can sit back and pretend that something they saw so severely debilitate their friend/sibling/s/o in every aspect didn’t happen,, after there’s some sort of fallout. And then proceed to blame every insane bullshit decision or Thought in Your Literal Head on them and U get away with it because it’s so easy to discount and invalidate isolating trauma on an actively traumatized individual. Recognize where U R in life and Ur actual emotional state and then look at your loved ones and consider them for a moment, what they experience daily, and if they R emotionally stable enough to actually be doing whatever light U R forcing them into. Chances are they aren’t and if Ur not going to FUCKING ASK THEM then U don’t get to decide in Ur head that they are evil and doing everything to spite U. (when that is what U actively do and say U do)

#ttpd the anthology #ttpd era #ts ttpd #taylor swift ttpd #ttpd #ttpd tracklist #the tortured poets department #cassandra ttpd #my boy only breaks his favourite toys #gracie abrams #feather sabrina carpenter #sabrina carpenter #folklore #folklovermore #taylor swift is a genius

[i-want-docmartens]

Alexa play I bet you think about me by taylor swift

#🤭🤭🤭 #teehee #romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl #female hysteria #girl interrupted

[i-want-docmartens]

when I was younger I started watching this show called Raising Hope randomly one day on Netflix, the plot was literally that this virgin lands a baddie but she ends up being a criminal, and he ends up getting her pregnant. and by criminal, I mean highly wanted, gets caught and gets sent to a high security prison right, so this unprepared awkward dude who lives with his parents (who were country hick teenagers when they had him) ends up with this baby that he has to figure out how to raise after her mother gets the electric chair.

anyway- there's this scene later on in show as the plot is progressing into love interest territory where this guys like perfect match of a girlfriend has to tutor this other guy in a college course or something like that and he keeps noticing that everytime this other man comes to be tutored miss love interest gal would have to be looking her best, like hair done, all of the things. so he steals her contacts so that she is forced to wear her glasses for this tutoring session because she's so blind she can't tutor without her glasses, obv. miss girl refuses to wear the glasses and look bad and stumbles around all Velma from Scooby-Doo style and ends up making a fool of herself anyway.

so anyway- all of this to say, at the end of this situation after this man has been successfully scared off by the Velma behavior, the original guy 👦 launches into a monolog about how he understands that she just needs that backup for some sense of security (this is just one example but there were a lot of things like this, like always needing a second option in case the first one falls through type beat) and that he will LET HER HAVE IT if that's what she needs because he knows it's lowkey a trauma response and he loves her anyway and even more because she needs to feel it extra.

anyway- I pretty much eternalized that immediately

#are we still following along? #does this make any sense? #is this a girlies who get it moment or am i just cray #female hysteria

[i-want-docmartens]

the prophecy just ruined my life btw

#she literally wrote it for me and the girlies who get it #taylor swift #the tortured poets department

[i-want-docmartens]

OH MY GOD? ROBIN?

#the tortured poets department #she said POETRY!!!!! #romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl

[i-want-docmartens]

I'm "the bolter" btw

#she literally wrote it for me and the girlies who get it #romantic #ttpd #all her fucking lives #taylor swift

[i-want-docmartens]

mother mothering so extremely incredibly hard

taylor swift for the tortured poets department, album, photographed by beth garrabrant ★

#the tortured poets department #taylor swift #romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl

[i-want-docmartens]

you even hate on the things you "love" and I wonder if you will ever feel wholeness in that way

#does love feel stale on thursdays? #red wine #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl #female hysteria #academia #girl interrupted

[i-want-docmartens]

enemies to lovers, but instead sometimes we're enemies and sometimes we're lovers

enemies to lovers, but instead, we're always enemies, I just for someone reason decided to want u

#romantic #gaslight gatekeep girlblog #girl interrupted syndrome #girlhood #girlboss #vanilla girl #female hysteria #academia #girl interrupted