jellyfishinthedark

[jellyfishinthedark]

I’m really sad it’s over

But gosh I had so much fun

#we kissed #we confessed #we won’t date #and I’m okay with that #I think #I’m just happy #with the time we spent together #:)

[jellyfishinthedark]

I remember smoking weed with her in my back yard,

A little glass pipe, tilting the lighter down, the fire licked my fingers,

It stung, I didn’t stop. I drew a long inhale,

She encouraged me to cough, I didn’t, much.

She laid her head in my lap, I ran my fingers through her hair,

And pulled up a song on my phone, one that I recently discovered,

She laughed at the lyrics. Called them cheesy,

I defended them as best I could, it was my first high though.

Her laughter subsided into a sigh and she told me, yeah, it’s a good song

thank you. I smiled and looked down at her, my hair fell around my face

She wasn’t looking at me, but out into the darkness of night,

I was okay with that.

The spring air was cool on my skin, but I could feel her warmth.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been okay with that.

#poem #sappho #sapphic #wlw love

[jellyfishinthedark]

Nobody else has seen me in the ways that you’ve have

And nobody will ever hurt me the same way you did

[jellyfishinthedark]

When I was younger, my mom likened me to a dog in my loyalty,

You call my name, I come running over to you, my tail happily swinging back and forth.

You leaned down and cliped a leash to my collar, oh how I loved my collar, and you opened the front door.

You walked out to your truck, me joyfully trotting behind you, not minding where we were going, as long as it was with you.

We drove, we drove for a while, you rolled down the window and I stuck my head out, smiling in the wind.

And when we finally rolled to a stop, we were in a field, and for a long time it was feild, speckled with spottings of trees, and in the distance, a dark forest.

You opened the door and I hopped out, my toes meeting the damp ground. I looked up at you and you looked down at me. I couldn’t tell what that look meant.

You unclasped the collar around my neck, I was confused but didn’t mind too much as I watched you remove my favorite yellow ball from your pocket.

You reached your arm back, not looking at me anymore, and threw it, as far as you could. I watched the ball fly through the air before I darted off, not waiting for it to hit the ground.

When I finally reached the ball and scooped it up into my mouth, I turned around, ready to dash back to you for you to throw it again. Instead I saw the form of your retreating truck, growing ever smaller.

I sat. Confused. My ball fell from my mouth. Why did you leave me? Please, please come back.

[jellyfishinthedark]

It’s noon on a hot summers day

My curtains are drawn, my room is still bright

I lay in bed and my dog is circled where my hips bend

I curl into myself but she stops me from going further

Past a point I could not return

[jellyfishinthedark]

I would sit there, on the floor,

And hand feed you every meal,

You are a good dog

[jellyfishinthedark]

I cut the flesh of my thighs

For you to lap away the blood

You don’t see my pain,

or maybe you ignore it

You only seek sustinace

You only see what I offer

Sticky and staining

Atleast lick it clean

Wasteful

#self h@rm #self h@te #vampire #sad poem #metaphor #yeah idk #it stings

[jellyfishinthedark]

young, vacations

listen to the song while you read or i'll fucking gut you like a fish.

sero x reader angst :)

hanta loved his unif sweaters. not loves, but loved, because it's hard to love something with so many now painful memories inside it. he can't hate them either. too many happy memories there. memories of sweeter days. the sweaters are dingy, but homey. lived in, even. vintage finds from that thrift shop you used to take him to, the one by the movie theatre that still sells glass bottles. he still has the one from your first date, back when you could barely speak japanese, and were just about as shy as a mouse because of it. that was months, no, years ago, he thinks, face crinkling in discomfort as your sleeping body shifts closer to his warmth.

he softly smiles, something sweet yet painful, bitter, as he realizes what this means for him, and for you, of course. he thinks back to a few weeks ago when you shared the news about the agency that made an offer for you back home. hanta would never tell a soul, but he cried that night, because he knows you. it's a pain, he thinks, knowing you, but i'd rather not forget either. because he knows what you'll do. and what you'll tell him as you leave.

you'll say, "japan just isn't ready for a hero like me," and you'll be right, because no one could be ready for you. hanta knows that. he's okay with that, but not okay with you leaving. but you're not leaving yet, so there isn't much to worry about, at least not now. time permits hanta a little breathing room, just this once. until it doesn't anymore.

it's a dreadful thing, time, is what hanta believes, because time stops for no one and nothing. not hatred, not passion, and definitely not love. not the love cultivated of a almost thousand lifetimes to want a single being, you, in his presence. time doesn't give a damn, space doesn't give a damn, no one does, so its no surprise to hanta when time starts moving a bit faster than he likes.

three days. three more godforsaken days until the love of his life, the only one who chose to understand him, the only person in this city who saw more than a plain face and a bag of unsolved insecurities leaves, taking his heart with them. taking his sweaters with them. taking his motivation with them. he wakes you out of your slumber as he sobs, muffled cries hidden in the sleeves of a brown sweater that smells of coffee, book paper, and now, the wet tears of an emotionally exhausted boy.

"hanta," you had whispered, "why're you cryin'," rubbing the sleep from your eyes, concern growing on your face as he cries harder.

"you're," he heaves, "two days, you're leav-" he breaks into more tears, breaking his promise to himself. that hw wouldn't make you pity him, becuase this is for you. you're going to be an adult, you can do what you want. you want to go, so you should go.

"all things come to pass," you sigh, tears springing up almost out of nowhere, "with time."

you grab hanta with a vengeance, holding him like you'll never let go, like you're not leaving him behind in less than 48 hours. he sobs harder into you chest, muttering apologies that you silence over and over with kisses.

"but," he takes a deep experimental breath to ground himself, to keep from falling apart entirely,"but i want everything, now, to be alright." the tears didn't stop falling.

[jellyfishinthedark]

I’m cleaning out my childhood bedroom right now, I just opened a box and found it absolutely filled to the brim with hot glue sticks, like well over 100 sticks. Why did I have so many glue sticks? Why do I have no recollection of my horde of glue sticks?? What was I planning on making???

[jellyfishinthedark]

I’m no longer a child who needs her mothers help to untangle her necklaces,

I wish I was

[jellyfishinthedark]

I know loving and loosing is part of being alive, but why does it have to hurt so bad?

[jellyfishinthedark]

It’s sad really, that no one will ever know how much you truly loved her

[jellyfishinthedark]

I bought a dress today, it’ll be here before my birthday.

I want to wear it to the aquarium, I would like him to think I look pretty.

He probably won’t, I don’t think it’s a date.

#poem #uncertainty

[jellyfishinthedark]

Its funny, I’ve grown up, I am no longer who I used to be, but I still occasionally go back to the things I once loved, in different ways. I know I am no longer that little girl, but that little girl is still me

[jellyfishinthedark]

I burnt my tongue on my pastry

It stung but I paused

How human it is, to experience this

How universal to be so excited for a treat that we eat it before it’s cooled

That im not really alone in my painful experiences

[jellyfishinthedark]

I’ve found it is quite hard to be sad while sitting in the warm sun listening to the birds singing

[jellyfishinthedark]

Sometimes, I think

I have nothing to add to this world

I am barely existing,

Barely alive

Barely a person.

Someone else deserves the opportunities I’ve been given way more than me.