jesses-life-updates - Tumblr blog

jesses-life-updates · 20 days

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I'm like beyond desparate for validation but also I need someone to beat the shit out of me so I get sensible and act my age but also i need someone to hug me and tell me it wasnt my fault and im still a person worthy of admiration and love but also i need someone to come into my room and give me a tub of ice cream and tell me its okay if i dont throw it up after and they tidy up my room and get rid of the mugs full of mould and throw away the rubbish while i go take a shower but also I need to be cool and wear all black and leather jackets and do drugs and drink and be reckless and kiss girls but in a guy way and be a little bit unpleasant but feel so alive but also I need to be in an underground rock band with three other dudes where im the lead singer with a slightly raspy deep voice and ive hooked up with everyone in the band at one point and I'm in an on and off relationship with one of the members but we insist there's nothing going on between us and we're just best friends BUT ALSO I need a healthy, long term relationship with someone gentle and kind and we go out skateboarding late at night and watch the sunset together and go to a big field to talk about life and catch up and maybe vent to each other a little but we've never fought and we're always there when we need each other but also I think I'm just really depressed

#drinking camomile tea and going on walks and taking regular showers isnt working chat #tw ed implied #tw ed

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jesses-life-updates · 6 months

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people tend to think trans people are special snowflakes who get pampered by society so here's being trans from the perspective of a transgender 14-year-old who has no adult support in his life. please boost this message to transphobes, it might not change their minds but it could at least make them consider the real children they're hurting.

• when I came out at 13 I was yelled at by my parents until I cried

• according to transphobes it's somehow my fault that I was born with a female body

• people at school ask me what my pronouns are as an insult and call me slurs and nobody does anything about it, not even teachers care

• I came out to these people I thought I could trust and their response was to push me out of their circle of friends and harass me, constantly calling me a lesbian even though I'm not even a girl

• life seems to have lost its colour and I can't remember the last time I felt actual strong emotions

• actual grown ass adults complain about trans people on the internet just for clout and argue with each other about whether or not we deserve rights, as if that isn't the most dehumanising shit

• I've been told that my feelings don't matter by a teacher at my school because "people in countries at war have it worse"

• the prime minister of my country was on national television spreading hate speech about my people and everyone is acting like he's a saint for it, completely ignoring the other bad things he's done for this country because "he hates trans people and that's good"

• I have to stand idly by while trans people my age are committing suicide and I am so scared I will end up adding to that statistic

• there's bad apples in every group of people and just because I'm trans I have to be grouped in with every bigoted/hateful trans person when I'm just trying to keep myself alive and I'm not bothering anyone

• I am too scared to bring up my queer identity around anyone because I don't want them to think I'm shoving it in their face, it might as well be a secret even though I've been out for over a year

• i sometimes forget that I'm not physically a boy but then it hits me again when I see how much taller/deep voiced my male peers are

• I had to resocialise myself as male and change so many things about my behaviour that it's constantly at the forefront of my mind

• my chest constantly feels tight, I can't breathe deeply, my breathing is shaky and I get random rib pains every few hours

• I'm told that my gender is a "protected characteristic" but adults are doing a piss poor job at protecting me, I feel like I'm in danger because of being queer

• people at school harassed me so much for being trans that I practically forced myself back into the closet by telling them I don't care what they refer to me as (I most definitely do care)

• my identity is so normal to me but it's not normal for anyone else, I'll be talking about a girl crush I have thinking what I'm saying is normal but someone chimes in with "oh are you a lesbian?" and it brings me back to the harsh reality that being queer isn't normal

• I used to feel so much pride as a queer kid but now I just hate everything about being queer and I wish so badly that I could be just like everyone else

• more and more laws are being put in place against my people and one day I might not even be able to get gender affirming treatment

• the chemical imbalance in my brain is considered a political stance rather than just a rare condition a group of people have that shouldn't be a big deal

• I, a 14 year old boy, am more mature about gender than ACTUAL GROWN ADULTS who go on PUBLIC TELEVISION TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME WHEN I AM JUST TRYING TO EXIST IN PEACE

• I keep being hit with the realisation that I still need to wait four years just for the chance of merely beginning to transition, which will cost me thousands of pounds and probably take more than ten years to fully transition, whereas my peers are just handed it at birth

• trans people are seen by society as "annoying" and "shoving it down people's throats" and "looking for an excuse to be special" for some fucking reason

• I have to juggle all this shit with trying hard in school and balancing life, all while my brain is not even fully developed yet. my cognitive and emotional processing skills aren't even close to being developed but i have to deal with suicidal thoughts, media pushing the idea that I'm mentally ill, internalised transphobia, constant harassment, transphobia from almost every single person in my life, feeling like a fucking freak for a chemical imbalance in my brain, and yet I STILL have to deal with normal teenage things like feeling ugly or struggling in school, and further yet I CANT TALK TO A SINGLE ADULT ABOUT MY SITUATION BECAUSE NOBODY BELIEVES ME OR SUPPORTS ME

• the cherry on top: there is absolutely nothing I can do about my situation until I turn 18, my only option is to suck it up and deal with it until either get actual help or end up killing myself

if you're an adult who thinks trans people are groomers/snowflakes/annoying/criminal, think about how your actions are impacting youth who are just trying to stay alive. you are not protecting children by making us wait longer for treatment or shielding us from supportive outlets. grow the fuck up. you're an adult, act like it. find something else to do with your life than attack an astronomically small minority of people.

#transgender #transgender youth #lgbtq #lgbtqia #serious post

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