kilieit

[kilieit]

did you know. I am on pillowfort. And actually active!

Let me know if you need an invite! I can dispense them. ✨

#original #link

[kilieit]

anyway if youre the kind of person who likes to see concrete action taken to alleviate bad things, instead of trying to guess which of the 3 or 4 currently hot groups/people my post is about, instead try this thought exercise:

what do you think an FC disciplinary system could look like if it was designed to be robust against abuse by bad faith actors - such as abusers engaging in victim reversal, or drama llamas looking to escalate and “win” no-fault disagreements (such as incompatibility of personality)?

share your thoughts with your FC mates and friends. discuss, test, implement, improve. make your local community better for the next autistic person who comes along and needs people to understand their behaviour - *before* telling them off for it and impressing a stigma onto them, which they will inevitably internalise.

#reblog #text #kilieit

[kilieit]

i forgot i wrote this, here is a longer and more detailed account that was written closer to the time

impulsive post that i had been avoiding making for months but like, fuck it, i have no followers and i’m pretty much resolved that i’m done with public rp now anyway since it hasn’t been any fun since this happened:

so in 2018 i got pushed out of the group i was RPing with for being autistic.

out of the blue one evening, the leader approached me and i was told that i had been reported by multiple people to the leaders for being too abrasive, personal, and longwinded in chat. i was even told that one person had *left the group* because of me.

the leaders understandably felt they had to take some action, but when i asked - explaining that as my behaviour was symptomatic of my developmental disability, it wasn’t exactly something i was consciously doing, and i needed a little help pinpointing the issue - could not pinpoint specific incidents in which i caused an issue.

the conditions i was permitted to remain in the group under were that i was not to talk about myself, i was not to talk excessively, and i was not to raise or participate in any discussions of any negative topics. i was told these probationary conditions would last for a month.

you have to understand. i am an ordinary person. i don’t have any huge ego or grand scheme of narcissism. my self esteem took a humongous knock and i honestly believed i was some kind of inherently bad person because of what i’d been told about myself by leaders i respected and trusted. i withdrew from many ep projects and felt the need to warn others that i had been issued a conduct warning for my abrasive behaviour.

and not one of those people knew what was meant by that… even after i tried, in good faith to those respected leaders, to explain why i was a problem… even after i showed chatlogs.

i never heard from the leaders again, btw. they never bothered to contact me to let me know my month was up. in fact, all but on3 of my rp friends from the group stopped contacting me too, even if we’d previously talked nightly.

it’s may 2019 now and i still have absolutely no idea what on earth i did wrong. after talking with many confidants, including my therapist, and even going so far as to try and convince them that i really am a Problem Person who needs to learn how to behave… they have consistently told me that they have genuinely no idea what the conduct warning was about…

…except the fact i am autistic. the fact i get overexcited and infodump about topics at hand. the fact i can’t always read a mood and will say what’s on my mind without the context available to me which would allow an allistic person to work out when not to. the fact i jump straight to feeling alienated and upset when someone tells me i Did Something Wrong, and that i isolate myself when that person then fails to provide any kind of solution or comfort.

anyway, i finally quit in late 2018 after realising it had been a good 7 or 8 months since anyone had reached out to me at all. i was clearly not missed.

today i learned that the group in question were, at the time i received my conduct reprimand, somewhat embroiled in what would become the seed of the longrunning tangle of messy roots and gnarled branches that breached the surface lately.

i guess i’m wondering if one of the Genuine Problem People in that particular tale was one of the people who reported me for, essentially, annoying them. because what i recall of their attitude to me, and the timeline, would match up.

im not expecting anything, not even reblogs, bc this doesnt matter. im done. ive had enough. the balmung rp community is not, in my experience, welcoming of autistic rpers; lesson learned, move on. and i don’t expect an apology either, as evidenced by the fact i did not write any names; doing so would achieve nothing, as it was long enough ago now that the damage is long scarred over and i’m sure everyone else has forgotten that it even happened. so i just wrote this to get it out of my head without, you know, being too abrasive, personal, or longwinded in any of my groupchats 🙃

#original #text

[kilieit]

fun yearly reminder with moen’s writing challenge coming up that they still never bothered to check up on how i was doing after they guilt tripped me for an hour for being autistic, forbid me from participating in their fc until further notice while simultaneously promising me that i wasn’t being kicked out, then never spoke to me again

oh yeah btw the hot weather robbed me of any remaining f*cks to give so i named names on twitter and i should probably do so here as well

maelstrom command balmung pushed me out of their group for, in essence, being autistic. they’ve never reached out to apologise or even to end the probation i was only supposed to be on for a month but ended up technically being on for a year before i got fed up and quit.

shofie and rhen of balmung bullied and gaslit me after i asked one of them not to use a slur in my server. they invited me to a DM, alone, with both of them, while i was busy (and had told them i was busy). then proceeded to spend three hours repeatedly telling me that i, a person in their mid 20s, was too immature to be running a server and that i should hand over leadership of it to them.

and apparently it imploded shortly after i left but just for good measure, in 2018 the xaela/steppe tribal rp server pushed me out because i refused to allow someone to refer to my character in a racist manner. if anyone saw that go down and remembers specific names feel free to publish them because i do not care any more and, like with maelstrom command, they’ve never reached out to express any regret.

more longwinded versions of these on twitter but holy shit yall am i glad i am not bothering any more. all of this still stings but at least i’m not racking up any fascinating new experiences to add on top of them.

#original #text

[kilieit]

oh yeah btw the hot weather robbed me of any remaining f*cks to give so i named names on twitter and i should probably do so here as well

maelstrom command balmung pushed me out of their group for, in essence, being autistic. they’ve never reached out to apologise or even to end the probation i was only supposed to be on for a month but ended up technically being on for a year before i got fed up and quit.

shofie and rhen of balmung bullied and gaslit me after i asked one of them not to use a slur in my server. they invited me to a DM, alone, with both of them, while i was busy (and had told them i was busy). then proceeded to spend three hours repeatedly telling me that i, a person in their mid 20s, was too immature to be running a server and that i should hand over leadership of it to them.

and apparently it imploded shortly after i left but just for good measure, in 2018 the xaela/steppe tribal rp server pushed me out because i refused to allow someone to refer to my character in a racist manner. if anyone saw that go down and remembers specific names feel free to publish them because i do not care any more and, like with maelstrom command, they’ve never reached out to express any regret.

more longwinded versions of these on twitter but holy shit yall am i glad i am not bothering any more. all of this still stings but at least i’m not racking up any fascinating new experiences to add on top of them.

#original #text

[kilieit]

anyway if youre the kind of person who likes to see concrete action taken to alleviate bad things, instead of trying to guess which of the 3 or 4 currently hot groups/people my post is about, instead try this thought exercise:

what do you think an FC disciplinary system could look like if it was designed to be robust against abuse by bad faith actors - such as abusers engaging in victim reversal, or drama llamas looking to escalate and “win” no-fault disagreements (such as incompatibility of personality)?

share your thoughts with your FC mates and friends. discuss, test, implement, improve. make your local community better for the next autistic person who comes along and needs people to understand their behaviour - *before* telling them off for it and impressing a stigma onto them, which they will inevitably internalise.

#reblog #text #kilieit

[kilieit]

hey haha remember when i got pushed out of the rp community i was part of for being autistic

because i was just like “oh i haven’t been on tumblr for a while i wonder what’s going on” and within 10 minutes of reading my dashboard i remembered why i stopped (aside from the platform itself being mismanaged into the ground)

no one who was responsible has ever tried to apologise to me or even reach out in any fashion so i guess i should finally unfollow them all, given it’s now been two years of “maybe they’ll finally realise they hurt me and drop me a line but i don’t want to bother them in case they’re still upset/angry with me”. that way i can finally browse my dash without running into the names of people who apparently all posed as my friends for months before unanimously deciding to blank me (but not before telling me off for annoying everyone by having developmental disability!)

when i heard last year they were being bothered by bad faith actors at the time i thought maybe their bad treatment of me was a result of that and now all that was out in the open, i’d get dropped a “hey we’re sorry you got caught up in everything” line, but nope...

#original #text

[kilieit]

Sou Seta, Warrior of Light

painted back in July

#reblog #picture #otter mckilbourne #queue

[kilieit]

In honor of Shadowbringers, I’ll try to make you have feels with an excerpt from the Warriors of Darkness.

#reblog #picture #wasshoingmachine #queue

[kilieit]

galikittens!!!

#reblog #picture #seraphinalux #queue

[kilieit]

anyway if youre the kind of person who likes to see concrete action taken to alleviate bad things, instead of trying to guess which of the 3 or 4 currently hot groups/people my post is about, instead try this thought exercise:

what do you think an FC disciplinary system could look like if it was designed to be robust against abuse by bad faith actors - such as abusers engaging in victim reversal, or drama llamas looking to escalate and "win" no-fault disagreements (such as incompatibility of personality)?

share your thoughts with your FC mates and friends. discuss, test, implement, improve. make your local community better for the next autistic person who comes along and needs people to understand their behaviour - *before* telling them off for it and impressing a stigma onto them, which they will inevitably internalise.

[kilieit]

impulsive post that i had been avoiding making for months but like, fuck it, i have no followers and i'm pretty much resolved that i'm done with public rp now anyway since it hasn't been any fun since this happened:

so in 2018 i got pushed out of the group i was RPing with for being autistic.

out of the blue one evening, the leader approached me and i was told that i had been reported by multiple people to the leaders for being too abrasive, personal, and longwinded in chat. i was even told that one person had *left the group* because of me.

the leaders understandably felt they had to take some action, but when i asked - explaining that as my behaviour was symptomatic of my developmental disability, it wasn't exactly something i was consciously doing, and i needed a little help pinpointing the issue - could not pinpoint specific incidents in which i caused an issue.

the conditions i was permitted to remain in the group under were that i was not to talk about myself, i was not to talk excessively, and i was not to raise or participate in any discussions of any negative topics. i was told these probationary conditions would last for a month.

you have to understand. i am an ordinary person. i don't have any huge ego or grand scheme of narcissism. my self esteem took a humongous knock and i honestly believed i was some kind of inherently bad person because of what i'd been told about myself by leaders i respected and trusted. i withdrew from many ep projects and felt the need to warn others that i had been issued a conduct warning for my abrasive behaviour.

and not one of those people knew what was meant by that... even after i tried, in good faith to those respected leaders, to explain why i was a problem... even after i showed chatlogs.

i never heard from the leaders again, btw. they never bothered to contact me to let me know my month was up. in fact, all but on3 of my rp friends from the group stopped contacting me too, even if we'd previously talked nightly.

it's may 2019 now and i still have absolutely no idea what on earth i did wrong. after talking with many confidants, including my therapist, and even going so far as to try and convince them that i really am a Problem Person who needs to learn how to behave... they have consistently told me that they have genuinely no idea what the conduct warning was about...

...except the fact i am autistic. the fact i get overexcited and infodump about topics at hand. the fact i can't always read a mood and will say what's on my mind without the context available to me which would allow an allistic person to work out when not to. the fact i jump straight to feeling alienated and upset when someone tells me i Did Something Wrong, and that i isolate myself when that person then fails to provide any kind of solution or comfort.

anyway, i finally quit in late 2018 after realising it had been a good 7 or 8 months since anyone had reached out to me at all. i was clearly not missed.

today i learned that the group in question were, at the time i received my conduct reprimand, somewhat embroiled in what would become the seed of the longrunning tangle of messy roots and gnarled branches that breached the surface lately.

i guess i'm wondering if one of the Genuine Problem People in that particular tale was one of the people who reported me for, essentially, annoying them. because what i recall of their attitude to me, and the timeline, would match up.

im not expecting anything, not even reblogs, bc this doesnt matter. im done. ive had enough. the balmung rp community is not, in my experience, welcoming of autistic rpers; lesson learned, move on. and i don't expect an apology either, as evidenced by the fact i did not write any names; doing so would achieve nothing, as it was long enough ago now that the damage is long scarred over and i'm sure everyone else has forgotten that it even happened. so i just wrote this to get it out of my head without, you know, being too abrasive, personal, or longwinded in any of my groupchats 🙃

[kilieit]

Little Sun and Little Moon Minions

So, fun fact for people who didn’t know this, because I sure didn’t until I stumbled across this guy on Isle of Umbra (at nighttime): 

If you go to this location (see flag), right in the veeeery corner of the area:

You will be able to purchase TWO minions from the Magic Pot guy for an Elixir, and a Hi-Elixir. The two minions are: 

I’ve played FFXIV for years, and didn’t know this guy existed. So, in case anyone else didn’t know, here you are! The sun and moon minions can adjust their positions/height too when you interact with them!

#reblog #text #halloftherestless #queue

[kilieit]

Ohohoh :O I've heard recently that Midgardsormr is totally different in Japanese?? Is that true?

the answer to this basically is… “yes and no” LMAO

basically, the localization team went HARD on making midgardsormr this wise and ancient being, so sometimes his lines are extremely vague and difficult to understand even for advanced/native english speakers! by contrast, in japanese, he talks in a pretty old-fashioned way, but not to the point where it’s actually difficult to understand what he’s saying and doing. it was especially bad when he was introduced as a new character, and people couldn’t tell if he was on the wol’s side or trying to kill them…

someone else did a pretty fantastic translation/comparison of his lines on reddit at the time, so i never actually covered it myself on my blog here… it’s probably the best way to see how midgardsormr’s character was handled, and i wouldn’t really add anything to the discussion if i were to translate it myself now

(edit; if i were to translate it myself all i would add is that the reddit translation is, as the translator themselves said, not really adherent to the writing style of the game, so all i would do is make it more old and ancient so you get the gist of what midmid is like)

i believe (and i might be misinterpreting this, i didn’t hear it firsthand) that what koji or someone else eventually said was that they deliberately made midgardsormr’s lines kind of short and blunt and vague because his speech is actually supposed to be mentally translated dragonspeak for the wol, or something like that, so from an IC perspective the wol is getting the google translate version of dragonspeak? and that’s why his english text was intentionally written in an obfuscated way?

i can’t really remember. to put it as politely as possible, i would not have adopted the same line of reasoning, but that’s what i remember of the situation

#reblog #ask #haillenarte #queue

[kilieit]

Commission for @pineapplepirate - Thanks so much for commissioning me ^^

If you are interested in commissioning me for something similar check out this post and or this website.

#reblog #picture #echoes beyond darkness #queue

[kilieit]

#reblog #picture #echoes beyond darkness #queue

[kilieit]

i got btn to 70 just for the glams. god bless.

#reblog #picture #seraphinalux #queue