kittieklawz

[kittieklawz]

starving is not an option, it is the way out.

[kittieklawz]

I love so many clothes that look like shit on my body. :(

[kittieklawz]

balancing depression and ed is so hard like everyone else is exercising to burn extra calories but i can’t even get out of bed to shower lol

[kittieklawz]

i developed an ed when i was 15. i lost around 20 kg in the process and was around 40 kg, it got worse and worse until one day i woke up and decided to eat again?? after that i actually started eating somewhat normally and it went on like that for a while. although my diet definitely got healthier, the thoughts never went away. it was always there. the habits kept lingering and i still heard its voice every now and then, it just wasn't as strong. around 1.5 year ago my depression got worse than ever before. i couldn't enjoy anything anymore so i lost my appetite. it wasn't an ed at first. i just wanted to die and do nothing else, including eating. i didn't think about it and i didn't care if i lost weight or not. i was literally fighting to live another day, i couldn't care less about thigh gaps, hipbones, ribs... it went on like that for a few months, until people started commenting on my weight loss. the ed thoughts started coming back, slowly but steadily. first i started to keep track of my weight, actively restrict my eating, count calories, exercise, purge... before i knew it i was deep in an eating disorder again and much worse off than before.

my ed kept getting progressively worse until around a month ago my depression got so bad that my ed wasn't as big a threat anymore. i stopped exercising, stopped going to classes altogether -which means i don't get out of my house at all anymore- and stopped putting any effort in anything, including losing weight. i still keep restricting but i don't move at all so i visibly gained weight.

i'm tired of this cycle of eating disorders and depression. i hope i end it all soon and save myself more suffering and misery, cause god knows miserable is all i've ever been.

[kittieklawz]

people say that eds are terrible and terrifying, but I've been in mine for so long that it's comforting more than anything else. there's something safe about scrolling through thinspo, something about body checks that feels like a hug, something about the empty feeling that feels like home. idk. i just know I'm not ready to let go of that yet.

[kittieklawz]

i hate you fad diets i hate you skinny teas i hate you detoxes i hate you meal replacements i hate you ‘carb-free’ i hate you fasting i hate you body checks i hate you stupid fucking internet repackaging the habits that ruined my life over and over and over again

[kittieklawz]

this is all i want.

@kanashkova.lera on instagram

#tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #4norexi4 #tw restriction #disordered eating mention #thinsp0 #thinspo #thinspø #th1nsp1ration #ana #tw eating issues #tw ed #eating disoder trigger warning #anorex14 #anorexia #anorexcya #b0dy ch3ck #thinner is better #i wanna be skinnier #i want to be skinnier #bonespø

[kittieklawz]

the plateau is so mentally draining.

you don't eat, you work hard and your life is all about food, calories, your body, your weight... you gave in to the sickness with everything you had. days, weeks months go by and even though you've worked your ass off you see no change in the mirror nor the scale; the sole reason your life is a living hell.

and how are you supposed to break the plateau? by eating and shocking your useless fucking metabolism into working, right? wasn't not eating the whole point? what if i lose control? i don't trust myself enough. nothing about this is fucking fair. i'm so done istg.

#tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #4norexi4 #tw restriction #disordered eating mention #tw #tw ed rant #tw ana shit #ana rant #disordered eating thoughts #eating disorder #tw eating issues

[kittieklawz]

[kittieklawz]

my period's a month late 😭 and no, i'm not pregnant or anything. have i lost my period? even though i'm the fattest ugliest most disgusting pig on the face of earth? what the fuck???

and if i've actually lost it cause of restriction, what exactly am i supposed to do to bring it back? this sucks

#tw disordered eating #tw restrictive ed #tw ana diary #tw restriction #disordered eating mention #disordered eating thoughts #tw eating issues #ed vent #tw ed #tw ed rant #tw ed diet #ednos

[kittieklawz]

KIM CARLSSON FANS FOLLOW ME PLZ 🫶

[kittieklawz]

“Pulver” by Lifelover, 2006

[kittieklawz]

I

WANT

TO

LOOK

GOOD

IN

CLOTHES

FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKK

#tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #4norexi4 #tw restriction #disordered eating mention #tw eating issues #tw ed rant #tw ed #eating disorder #disordered eating thoughts #coquette #girlblogging #femcel

[kittieklawz]

[kittieklawz]

[kittieklawz]

i made carrot cabbage soup! (about 40 cals for the whole bowl and it's fucking delicious)

a belly filled with warm soup on a cold autumn day 🥹 does anyone have any low cal veggie soup recommendations/recipes?? i'd love to try them out!

#tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #4norexi4 #tw restriction #ed meals #disordered eating mention #mealspo #tw ed #eating disorder #disordered eating thoughts #tw eating issues #low cal restriction #ana meal #ana #anorex14

[kittieklawz]

ugh i've been eating around 1000-1200 calories every day for the past 3-4 days... and before i started pigging out i had been losing too!!! fuck i'm so dissappointed in myself. i haven't weighed myself since and i'm too scared to do so. the thing is my period is 2 weeks late and i'm hella stressed so maybe that's why i've been such a pig... i'm hoping i can get back on track once i'm done with my period. i'll just pray i don't gain so much till then... FUCK

#tw disordered eating #tw ana diary #tw restrictive ed #tw ed diet #4norexi4 #tw restriction #disordered eating mention #tw ed rant #tw ed #disordered eating thoughts #tw eating issues #eating disorder #girlblogging