lbrdrew

[lbrdrew]

wow ok sorry for the inactivity but i was gone all day but lemme tell you a tERRIFYING story alright so i was at the mall today with my friends and we were there for hours n then we all decided to leave except i had to wait at the mall to get picked up right so as i'm walking around waiting for my mom to come this man approaches me and starts asking me what my name is and at this point i'm nervous bc 1) this man's hot af and 2) this man's also like 15 years older than me so he eventually asks me how old i am and after he discovers that i'm not legal, he just brushes it off smoothly and is like 'take my number' and i'm like nah bruh bc i'm only seventeen and then this guy hOLDS ME HOSTAGE IN A CORNER AND LIKE BLOCKED MY PATH AND MADE ME MEMORIZE HIS NUMBER AND OH MY GOD I WAS SO TERRIFIED AND I FINALLY MEMORIZED HIS NUMBER AND HE LEAVES ME ALONE AND I HAVE NEVER RAN OUT OF AN ESTABLISHMENT AS QUICK AS I DID AT THAT MOMENT AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS NEVER WALK AROUND ALONE YOU ARE NOT SAFE EVEN IN PUBLIC PLACES WITH MANY PEOPLE SURROUNDING YOU

#story time with yours truly #its really long i dont think you guys will read it but like i just wanted to share it with y'all #cause im still really shaken up #and i honestly dont want anyone to ever experience that #ooc

[lbrdrew]

text ✉ eliza

eliza: no i don't, but it's not your fault

eliza: i'll do my best

drew: but it's frustrating cause it's far from the truth

#cue justin's bieber swap it out #text #t:eliza

[lbrdrew]

text ✉ eliza

eliza: it's okay, drew it's better than nothing

eliza: have fun i guess

drew: you don't believe me

drew: i'll try to. you have fun too, okay?

#its a pride thing but yea dw he'll tell her eventually #text #t:eliza

[lbrdrew]

text ✉ eliza

eliza: it's true, though

eliza: you're really sweet and all, but you don't have to take pity on me by telling me that.

eliza: why aren't you going?

drew: no it isn't eliza

drew: i'm not telling u this out of pity i swear

drew: i have family stuff to deal with

#yaaaas!! #he doesnt wanna tell her about his family situation bc hes embarrassed o mg

[lbrdrew]

text ✉ eliza

eliza: i just really wanted someone to ask me, but i was kind of stupid for thinking that someone would

drew: that's the craziest thing i've ever heard

drew: listen to me eliza youre amazing and any guy would be lucky to take you to prom and it's insane that no one's asked you

drew: i'm not going to prom but i swear if i was i'd ask you in a heartbeat

#awww #this is actually making me rly sad??? #text #t:eliza

[lbrdrew]

text ✉ eliza

drew: drew foster here at ur service

drew: what's up? you nervous for tonight or something?

#text #t:eliza

[lbrdrew]

@elizagerard: not so sure how i feel about tonight

@kingdrew: @elizagerard why's that?

#hey hey lil cutie #tweet #t:eliza

[lbrdrew]

Exactly. You could be talking to poor, dirty old men for all you know and then it'll be like Catfish 2.0. That is pretty dangerous, you can lose your friends and probably even your reputation and shit. Say, do you think sugar mamas exist? Not that I'm interested or anything.

I mean, I could always join some website and have thousands of rich old men try to sleep with me, but they’re usually really sketchy. I’ve always found that wealthy friends usually have wealthy dads who are single or unfaithful, so that’s one way to go about it. It’s kind of dangerous, but I can handle danger pretty well.

#hes lyin hes interested #ik but i think her eye color is more vibrant in certain gifs bc of the different psds people use to edit them

[lbrdrew]

Right, of course. That shouldn't hold you back from having fun, though. I mean, you deserve to live your life the way you choose. But hey, maybe I'll come 'round on Halloween and chase the shit out of you behind a mask, I'm sure the thrill will be just the same. You kinda wanted to give an eight-year-old your number? That's a little concerning, Dre. How the hell are you gonna put a Chia Pet inside of a Furby? Better yet, how am I gonna water my Chia Pet if it's inside a stuffed animal? Oh god, you're starting to sound like one of those people who refuse to kill spiders because they think they're "misunderstood". The Duck Dynasty people, huh? There's this guy who lives a couple of houses down from me who looks like one of the Duck Dynasty guys, you could always try taking a picture with him. He's a pretty lonely fella, I'm sure he'd be thrilled to see you at his door. I think it's Mahone, but yeah-- I've gotten that before. I doubt we're long-lost brothers but maybe I could like, convince him otherwise and live off of his money. I'm with you on this one, that'd be a mess. But you gotta admit, that'd make for an interesting family. You guys would be like, the Kardashians minus the scandals.

I can’t exactly afford to be, Drew. It could cost me… a lot more than it could cost majority of the people in this school, I think. If I get caught, I can’t even begin to imagine how much trouble it’d cause for my parents and stuff. I’m not even gonna ask if you’ve been ‘cause it’d be like asking a cow if she’s ever lactated. Yeah, not gonna lie, I kinda wanted to give him my number and tell him to hit me up in a decade. How ‘bout a Chia Pet inside a Furby, huh? How’d you like that? They’re actually pretty docile if you know how to handle them, though, and the way they’re treated — to be in captivity isn’t exactly fun, and to have people scared and running away is much less so. I most certainly am, yes, just gimme a time and date and I’ll be there. Oh, it’s ‘cause most of them look like the Duck Dynasty people and it makes me feel like I’ve met a celeb or something. Oh, please, as if that could ever happen, don’t even — though I must say, you and that Mahomey dude look kinda alike. You sure you’re not long-lost brothers or something? Oh, god, no, no, let’s not go there — one child in the Armed Forces and the other one Honey Boo Boo Child. Nope. Not gonna happen to this family.

#I MADE A GREEN SMOOTHIE YESTERDAY AND NOT ONLY WAS IT THE WORST THING I'VE EVER DOWN TO MYSELF #BUT MY STOMACH WAS MAKING WEIRD NOISES ALL NIGHT LOGN #yaas and the boots with the fur #right exactly n like think of how many people can relate or how many people theyre helping with that show #theyd be craaazy not to renew it like wtf #HAHAHA YESS!!! omg #i hate karma and liam i wish liam would just go away and go have a relationship with a milf or something bc karmy #omg which state do you live in??? #if i had one near my house i wouldve gotten my mom to take me in like .5 seconds we wouldve been o n it

[lbrdrew]

i read your convo with dre it's actually really amusing you guys talk about the randomest things ever im laughin (ooc)

i literally dont know how our conversation got up this point likE THEY WERE LITERALLY RLY HOSTILE WITH EACH OTHER IN THE BEGINNING AND NOW THEYRE TALKING ABOUT CROQUEMBOUCHES AND SNAKES IM GLAD UR ENJOYING IT THO

#im crying oh my god #ooc

[lbrdrew]

You've never been chased by like, cops or security guards? I don't know why but I feel obligated to have you experience what it's like. It's pretty exhilarating, honestly. An eight-year-old did that? You make me sound like a wuss compared to him. If you get me a Furby for Christmas I swear I'll bury it in your backyard and destroy whatever garden you have in the process. I will accept a Chia Pet, though. Those things look sick. That's some deceiving shit -- snakes don't deserve to have nice skin, those things are evil. We can do all three of those things, if you're really up for it. I'm a little confused though, why do you wanna take pictures with rednecks? I don't know why you're talking about your sister possibly being more attractive than you like it's a good thing. If I had a little brother and he grew up to look more handsome than me, I'd be pissed as fuck. Shit, do and say what you gotta do to keep your mom from entering your sister into beauty pageants, this world isn't ready for a Honey Boo Boo Child 2.0. 

As is getting chased by a human, though — not that I’d. Know anything about that. But, like, police charges on TV don’t seem too fun. Well, yeah, but that doesn’t make me indestructible! I wasn’t the only one, it was an exhibit and an eight-year-old ran his hand over his entirety up to the head. Nearly got his hand bit off and near-strangled, but he did the thing. Remind me to get you a Furby for Christmas. Half-animal, half-devil. As did I! Like, reptile skin. But surprisingly, it was super, super soft. Like, cashmere-soft. Ii was concerned it wasn’t real for a second ‘till I saw it nearly strangle the kid. First of next year it is — starting off the last one with a bang, I see. Depends. Does “adventures” include riding an elephant, swimming in a shark cage, and going to a monster truck event where I get to take pictures with rednecks? ‘Cause if so, I’m all in. No, no, don’t worry, I think I’ll perfect my techniques by that point, definitely. I wanna teach her a bit myself before she goes into professional mode for it, yeah. Oh, please, I can assure you she’ll be much better-looking than me — for one, she’ll actually listen to my mom about not going out and playing in the sun. Take care of her skin and hair and all that, which I didn’t really do much when I was young ‘cause. Well, young. And mom will probably try and get her into beauty pageants but obviously I’m not letting that happen until she’s aware of what she’s getting the girl into. Wouldn’t want Dance Moms 2.0 in Ballet-Pageant world.

#im trusting u on this one man im currently compiling a list for my mom to take to the store later hyfr #i'll get you both just bc im fab but yes omg i havent had a doughnut in so long im cryin #they said that about catfish??? idk bc like apparently there werent enough viewers and obviously hella controversy over the show #but exactly like thats the only show im currently keeping up and actively watching rn and #i have a unhealthy obsession with it??? #i'd go on strike if they didnt renew it tbfh i'll take it to the white house #yes omg ok i live in california come thru and i'll take ya to in n out #i've never been in a patisserie before which is prob a good thing for me bc i'd legit devour everything in sight #but real talk i have a thing for pastries theyre my fav #ok babe i got u as long as ur not getting annoyed ok

[lbrdrew]

#this picture sums up drew as a person #this may or may not be queued #i may or may not be sitting in a classroom right now #i may or may not be part of a girl group called fifth harmony #the world might never know #;) #*

[lbrdrew]

I think it's safe to say that being chased by any animal is terrifying. Or maybe I can't say that about you-- you touched a freaking anaconda. I would rather not have any kind of stuffed shit in my house, I don't need the souls of animals harassing me while I sleep. It was soft? I wasn't expecting that, I've always imagined snakes to be have like, scaly dragon-type kind of skin. Hm.. first one of next year sounds better. I'm gonna go on all sorts of adventures this summer and you can write all about 'em. You should join me too, if you want. I hope so, that'd be a shit birthday if I had to spend it eating gross pastries made by a rookie. That sounds pretty cute actually, Dre doing ballet with her little sister. I'm sure even if she doesn't do ballet, she'll be like you in some other ways -- your beautiful looks, for one. Unless she ends up looking better than you-- I don't know how you'd feel about that.

I’ve been chased by turkeys before, but I can’t say I’ve had similar experiences with goats. Did it forever traumatize you or can I bring you a stuffed goat? Like, animal, not food. I did, actually! It was the softest thing ever and the guy let me hold it behind with them, which was kind of really cool, I think. But it was heavy, let’s leave it at that. But soft. I got to touch it at the middle, since either end would’ve probably proven lethal. Oh, shut it. I can probably make a big segment on you — depending on whether you wanna be the last one of this year or the first one of the next so long as you get the lifeguard job, too. That’d help a lot. I’ll do my best to make it worth your chewing and swallowing, don’t worry. I think you’ll like it a ton. I want her to do ballet because I want her to be like me in some way, and chances are my mom won’t let this next one go into martial arts, so, like.

#did it rly? oh my god im actually considering doing this to myself???? #ew twinkies are gross i would never treat u that way bae i'll give u a donut an hour hows that sound #rIGHT??? OH MY GOD I RLY RLY LIKE THE SHOW BUT ITS SUPPOSEDLY NOT BEING RENEWED FOR A 2ND SEASON AND IDK IF THATS TRUE???? #oh my god if and when you did get one for your birthday you need to send me a piece in the mail #pls #wow im sorry i realize my replies keep getting longer and longer as i reply and i just???? #im sorry i cant help myself

[lbrdrew]

The Script / Broken Arrow

#replies in a few minutes i spent the last ten minutes cryin over austin mahone's new music video #i also have a final that i need to study for tomorrow but surprise surprise i aint doing it #playlist

[lbrdrew]

The love is mutual, Madeline. Who are you going to prom with?

Fine. You still suck.

[lbrdrew]

Exactly, so don't make me do that to your face. Are you sure they aren't just laughing at you, Derek? Of course, man. Anyone who doesn't laugh at my jokes has a terrible sense of humor, is what is. She really does deserve it. Have you got anything planned yet?

Aw come on, not the face.. The face is my A-game.    I do not, other people laugh. How about yours? Does anybody? No.  Yea I did and thanks. I hope to make her feel special because she deserves it.

#phew ok #bless ur soul

[lbrdrew]

So I've heard. How do you go about finding a sugar daddy, though? Or like, a legit sugar daddy who you can actually trust and isn't gross. I don't know, it sounds kinda dangerous to me. 

I know what you mean. Oh yeah, totally. It’s probably the most stable way of getting money without becoming a prostitute, so I’m aiming for it. It’s extremely legit.

#hey eyes are so blue im cryin