little-dark-space

[little-dark-space]

TW - guilt I guess? Nothing too bad

- Written by Nightmare

It’s funny, actually. Having hardly any dissociative barriers in a system, but full emotional barriers. I will remember an event so very clearly and feel nothing about it, while the headmate whom was in front was feeling absolutely destroyed

Dream felt guilt. So much guilt, he wanted to be hurt until he could not physically take any more. He would want to die in the most painful way possible, if it meant he could be forgiven. He was broken, and is trying to fix the pieces with water. He cares so much about what I think, that he doesn’t realized I don’t care. Not really, anyways.

He wants to be forgiven, for something that, quite honestly, wasn’t his fault. He was 17, so was I. He left for a few minutes, and that’s all it took. People think I hate Dream, that I want him dead. While in truth, he’s just a nuisance to me. I don’t hate his guts, but I’m not some ‘oh he actually cares about his brother’ because I don’t. He’s just a person who gets in my way, and if i could remove him, I would.

Maybe that sounds cruel, but that’s what this world has forgotten. I am cruel, I am merciless.

I am Nightmare, King of Negativity

And everyone has forgotten that for far too long

That’s not to say I am unjust to those I watch over. I take care of what is mine, I protect those who rely on me,

I uphold the balance on the multiverse.

I am a villain, but I am also a protector. I care for those who were lost and abandoned by their own, I guide the broken and shattered.

If you open your eyes, you’ll find that the world is not so divided, everything is not black and white. Open your eyes

#nightmare sans #nightmare fictive #fictive #introject #plural system

[little-dark-space]

TW for like everything, don’t read this if your in a bad place

I’m so fucking angry right now

Haven’t I been through enough, haven’t I suffered enough for this stupid world?!?

I lose my dad at age 13, after that I get severe dissociative problems for fucking years, because a little kid should NOT have to deal with losing someone so close.

Then, at age 16, I fucking finally ‘wake up’ from my dissociative period, and I don’t have a fucking personality, oh no, I have no fucking close who I am!

So, I absorb the personalities of my favorite characters, unknowingly becoming a system.

But gues sfuckjnv what! Now I have severe depression, which, by the way, runs in my goddamn family. And hey! I’m pretty sure my dad committed suicide but I’m too goddamn afraid to ask, because if he couldn’t beat it, then how the fuck am I supposed to?!?

Oh, and I have anxiety, so I can’t talk to people about my issues. I have to take so many goaddman pills just to function like a normal human being, and then more problems pop up, and I just want to ducking quit

Woah, I’m transgender, BAM! I have gender dysphoria and can’t tell my religious family who I actually am! Makes my life even fuckin harder. Because oh damn if they kicked me out, well I guess I’d just fucking die because my family is the only one who actually cares about me, and they don’t even know who I am.

And, just recently? Even more shit I have to deal with. Arthritis runs in my family, and I probably have it! Or some weird ass physical problem, because I can’t even pick things up without my wrists and elbows hurting like they’re breaking. I can’t go up stairs without being in immense physical pain, can’t go on my phone without my fingers and wrists hurting, I can’t even shower without being in pain from just standing there. It fucking sucks

And guess what, my anxiety is making it difficult to go to the doctors for that because my doctor is on vacation!! So, I have to go to a walk in clinic, but honestly I’m 17 and I doubt they’d fucking listen to me.

So yeah, life’s pretty shit right now, and I’m really goddamn angry

#tw death #tw vent #tw su1c1d3 #massive TW #vent post #vent #i can’t do this

[little-dark-space]

Hi, I’m a Dream sans fictive

This is just how I feel about the whole a//ple inci//nt (censored for comfort)

If any Nightmare out there reads this…just know I’m sorry

TW // death - injury - begging to be hurt

I’m sorry

I am so sorry

I failed you

I let you down

I wasn’t there when you needed me most, and you paid the price. Because I wasn’t there.

It’s my fault

I deserve all your taunts, your insults, everything that you say to make me miserable. And I know you do it on purpose, I know you want me to feel horrible.

But that’s okay

I deserve it all

Every single punch, every jab, every kick

Every time I bleed until I pass out, when you break my bones, it’s never enough.

I could never make it up to you

And I know that, I want you to break me

Shatter me. Tear me apart, limb from limb. Make me bleed, make my crimson lifeblood pool below me. Make it hurt

Make me beg for you to stop, make me cry and scream and sob, but do not stop, ever.

Hurt me in every way possible, make my life a living hell, make me regret ever daring to try and fix the mess I’ve made

Please, please make me pay for what I’ve done. I deserve it all, I want to atone for something I can never be forgiven for

Only when you aren’t angry, when you have had enough, will It be okay to stop. Then, and only then, can you stop. Once even you don’t want to hurt me, to make me pay. Once you think I’ve bled enough, will I finally be satisfied

I was revenge, I was you to hurt me so bad, emotionally, mentally, physically, anyway you can, I want you too. Please

Maybe I’m already paying, for I’m in a place in which you cannot easily make me bleed. I’ve been trapped in another body, with other people sharing it. We all live in this singular body together, and I am trapped in skin that isn’t mine. It’s like being a statue again

Emotionally, I am paying, but it is not enough. It is never enough, and it will never be enough. I want to bleed for you, I want you to taunt me while I’m bleeding out, to make me horrified. Hold me and whisper such personal, but true, insults into my ear as I pass out from the pain.

Tell me I’ve failed you, how I could’ve saved you

But I wasn’t there, and you’ve payed the price

I should’ve stopped them. I should have listened and asked what was going on

I should have known

But I didn’t

I failed you

#dream sans #nightmare sans #traumacore #tw vent #tw death #undertale #utmv #system stuff #plural system #fictive #introject