lonely-listless-days

[lonely-listless-days]

3 months of letting go

and im back to my starting weight

10 months of hard work down the drain...

#anamia #ana #anorexik #anorexya #anorixic #notprojustusehashtags #not pr0 ana

[lonely-listless-days]

Something I've noticed recently that I've never felt before:

I normally sleep on my side with my legs bent and on top of each other

For some reason I can no longer do that, my knees feel bony? even my legs, whichever way I put them on each other, I feel the bone

Bear in mind, when I look in the mirror I see 0 difference in the size of my legs, trust me, my thighs are still unfortunately still thicc and jiggly

maybe it's just my brain overthinking things now, but small victories????

#ana #anarexique #annorex #anorixic #ed tumblr #edblr #tw ed #eating disoder things #eating diorder #disordered eating tw #disordered eating #anamia #anorexik

[lonely-listless-days]

woopsies, just neglected this account for months ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

anyways, still on my weight loss journey currently 54kg, been plateauing for a long while tho

just been super busy with uni

however my absolute obsession with food and calories and it consuming 75% of all my daily thoughts is still ongoing, so yeah, not much change :)

[lonely-listless-days]

[lonely-listless-days]

i lost 25 lbs in 2 months

how i did it:

-counted calories and ate 400-900 calories a day, mostly from fruit and veggies

-walked at least 40 minutes a day and did cardio or pilates a couple days a week on top of it

-i drink lots of tea and coffee bcuz i love them

what i didn’t do:

-i never fasted more than 24 hours

-i never purged or used laxitives

-i never worked out for longer than 30 minutes

-i never drank apple cider vinegar or snorted cayenne pepper or anything like that

-i never even restricted lower than 400 cal a day

-i don’t take cold showers

stuff that didn’t ruin my weight loss:

-i fucked up and ate 900+ about once every week or so

-i went over 2000 cal once or twice (possibly even more since i’m not diligent about counting alcohol calories)

my point is, if you have a little patience you don’t need to do anything extreme. if youre anything like me you’ll stop bingeing once you stop torturing yourself, and then you’ll reach your goals. It won’t happen in a week, but it won’t take forever either.

disclaimer i know what i did was technically restricting and i’m not recommending it to healthy individuals BUT it is a lot less dangerous than fasting for days and throwing up because you’re bingeing because you’re trying to eat 200 cal a day

[lonely-listless-days]

[lonely-listless-days]

the worst thing about losing weight is you can’t really.. do much. you just gotta restrict, exercise(or not lol), and... wait... a day.. a week.. a month.. waiting fucking sucks

[lonely-listless-days]

me: professional comedian

[lonely-listless-days]

Everything is so tiring, its so tiring to be alive, I want to stop, I want it to stop, I want this to end, I wanna stop feeling like this, so scared all the time, all the time, all the time, I want all of this to end please make it end, its too much its too much I want it to stop I want the world to stop spinning so so fast, I want to scream, I want to scream so loudly, I want so smash things, I want to destroy everything, everything I own, everything I have, I want to destroy it all I don’t know what I WANT I want to stop being in so much pain

I want to stop being so invisible, I want to be seen I want to be heard, I want to live, I’m tired of not living, so I want to stop living I want to become so small I disappear, I was to stop being so invisible, I want to live, I want to live, I want to live

But I know now this is all there is, this is all that is destined to be, life does not get better, the peak of my life has long since passed, and I didn’t even realise, no one will love me, no one can love me, I am unloveable, I am annoying, I am horrid, my personality is horrid and boring and my entire being is in pain

I want it to end, I want to stop feeling like this, I want to end everything, I want to destroy everything, I want to scream so loud so people know I exist, I feel, and I am here, I want to be seen, I want to be heard, and I want to be loved, but I cannot, I do not get to have love, it does not belong to me, I do not get friends, I do not get companionship, this is all I get, it does not get better, it will get worse, I don’t want to be here for when It gets worse, I want to sleep and never wake up, never have to live, I want to stop being in pain, I want to stop being so alone

I am made for being alone, I am destined to be alone, I was created to be by myself, my whole life, to be stuck, while everyone moves on and only I am left, there is no one coming for me, there will be no one ever,

I am to blame, my ugliness is to blame, my horrid personality is to blame, I want to walk and walk and walk and walk and walk until I fall and can never get back up again, I want to feel so much pain to just feel

I am tired, I am tired, I am tired, I want it to end, if I can never be seen, then I will never be seen

#tw ed #lonely

[lonely-listless-days]

[lonely-listless-days]

I think the fast paced society we live in currently has brainwashed me into thinking i can upgrade myself and my life just as fast as when i restart my computer or phone. I have forgotten the natural cycles of life… how the moon takes her time to be full or how the crops take their time to grow their fruits. 

[lonely-listless-days]

It's so hard being at uni and restricting, I'm literally so hungry, I'm 22 hours into my 18 hour fast, and I've only had like 4 sips of water, I cant have a coke zero, or a monster, or some rice cakes, or any safe foods, or even water! Because I have 5 hours worth of labs and a 1 hour lecture today so I cant go home and eat anything cos I'm constantly working without a break and my mind keep wondering to food, no safe food, UNsafe food, and perhaps if I just ate a rice cake or 2 or drank a monster, I wouldn't be feeling this hungry and shitty but I'm so busy everyday, that it makes me more likely to binge which I've done recently ugh, I hate how busy I am

Food and drink aren't allowed in labs so I just gotta starve :( it's not like I hate starving, or extending my fasts, it just makes me feel shitty and more likely to binge

[lonely-listless-days]

whyyy cann't i have a THIN RIBCAGE!!!!

why was i cursed with a massive ribcage!!!

even if i lose a lot of weight, my ribcage will not allow me to look thin!!!!!!!!! 😡😡😡

#ed tumblr #tw ed #anamia #anarexique #anorixic #disordered eating #disordered eating tw #eating disoder things

[lonely-listless-days]

does anyone just not know what they look like, like if i was to imagine my face in my head, i cant?

i can imagine other peoples faces but not mine, and everytime i look in the mirror i'm surprised, ahh so that's what i look like

even for my body, when i look at it in the mirror i'm genuinely shocked, it's like everytime i see it i'm seeing it for the first time, but if someone were to ask me what body shape/type i have, i have absolutely no idea???

#ana #anarexique #annorex #anorixic #ed tumblr #edblr #tw ed #eating disoder things #eating diorder #disordered eating tw #disordered eating #anamia

[lonely-listless-days]

It do be like that

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how tf do you get mutuals/followers on this app? 🤨

please reblog/follow if you wanna be friends :)

[lonely-listless-days]

i am MORTIFIED

I was waiting for my order at Five Guys (i know, i know, it was a ✨metabolism boost ✨, and if you think otherwise, you'd be right, okay please don't say anything i already h8 myself)

and the guy at the counter recognised me, AND he knew exactly how i liked my chips

i wanna log out from life, i wanna cancel this subscription because i did not ask for THIS

at least this will make me never wanna go back to five guys again, soooo, i guess it's a good thing????

no please i was so embarrassed what the HELL! nothing says fatty like a fast food worker recognising you from your visits 😭

i'm done, no more

#ana #anorexya #anarexique #weightloss #disordered eating #eating disoder things #tw ed #notproanajustusingtags #anorixic #anamia