mentallitty - Tumblr blog

mentallitty · 2 years

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Feeling like you have something amazing that is restrained by society and circumstances seems like pent up frustrations that will undoubtedly implode. I like to believe that this could be a good thing, this could be me, this could happen when I am finally able to let go, allow what is and become my whole self through the process but damn, is it difficult to endure. It could go great, but it could also go horribly wrong. Feeling like you are on this great precipice but completely unsure of how the fall may evolve you is unnerving to say the least. Will I evolve into my whole self, the one I am dying inside to be out loud, or will I delve into some depths that were never truly a part of who I was until enduring this experience and becoming even more miserable and cause myself even more suffering? I hate the unknown. It is the queasy feeling you get riding a fairground ride after eating a ham sandwich. You immediately recognized that it was potentially a poor choice and are awaiting the uncomfortable outcome and regretting the decision shortly after taking off. The frustration is absolutely mind body and soul consuming. It leaves me unable to think or focus or elate in most anything day to day. Possibly, this is the reason so many amazing people have sold their souls to the devil. It's the itch they must scratch to remain sane. Not saying the so called sanity they receive is what they anticipated but, it is some sort of sanity from the insanity they felt they were enduring under the thumb of life. Feeling so full of potential but restrained by reality is something I would not wish on anyone. It is the sleep paralysis of my everyday life.

#writing #diary #potential #journal #spirituality

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