mysourceofhoseok-blog
Happiness: my source of Hoseok
BTS imaginesとscenarios merch collector 301% Trash
592 posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
Last Seen Blogs
Text
WHY I WRITE SMUT
I, as well as so many other smut writers on this and all other platforms, have gotten so many asks about why we write smut, and we’ve gotten criticized for it.
This is why I personally write it and I’m not claiming this is true for every other writer. In fact, it might just be me. I want to explain myself, not because I think what I’m doing is wrong, but because I want people to understand. If you don’t, you don’t. If you do, you do. There’s not much I can do about it and I won’t try.
It has to do with sexual abuse, so if that’s a trigger for you, do NOT read this.
I’ve never really addressed this on my blog, but since it’s a new beginning for me in life, I wanted to be completely honest with you guys. I’ve been here for a year and four months, and we’ve been through a lot of things together.
When I was younger, I fell in love with someone who was older than me. I didn’t see anything wrong with that. Long story short, I got talked into doing sexual things I didn’t want to do (my plan was saving myself for marriage). I trusted this person and I didn’t want to lose him and disappoint him, and he knew it. He used that against me and manipulated me using my own feelings. I wasn’t forced to do things, but I was emotionally blackmailed into doing them, which made me resent myself, my body, and sex altogether. I didn’t even masturbate because I just hated everything about sex and I didn’t even want to think about it.
I never talked about sex. I never enjoyed sex with him. In fact, I cried during sex with him a lot of times. I used to say I cried because it hurt, but I cried because my body and mind and heart weren’t in agreement over it. I loved him, but I didn’t want to do the things I was doing, and I ended up hating myself more and more each time I did it. I hated my body and I didn’t even want to look at myself.
After that relationship, it took me a long time to date someone and I chose a guy who showed no interest in sex with me. And he never asked me to do anything, which was more than okay with me. With time though, I started to feel unloved and unwanted. I felt like sex was all I was good for in my first relationship and now I wasn’t even good for that. This guy wasn’t exactly mature, so he didn’t know what he wanted from life or anything in general, and I don’t blame him. It was me and my problems. We had sex once and I broke up with him afterwards. I hated myself for it, I hated my body, and I told myself I never wanted to have sex again.
I went to uni and that’s when I really started to write and read smut. Because writing about sex made me feel good again. It made me feel like I have the power to write what I want. I could make my character enjoy sex. I could make up a man who will respect her even when she says no. I had the power over the men in the stories. I started to love writing about it, I started to enjoy it, and I loved writing stories about people being together and enjoying their time together because that’s what I never had. This is when I actually started to explore my own body and with time, I didn’t hate the idea of sex as much as I used to.
I still didn’t have sex with anyone, but I was experimenting on my own and the idea of myself having sex wasn’t that repulsive to me anymore. With time, I fell in love with someone and I started having sex with him. At this point, I still didn’t want to admit to myself that my first relationship was basically sexual abuse. I refused to believe that and I refused to think of myself as a victim. I wasn’t a victim, it couldn’t happen to me, he isn’t a rapist, that’s not how it was, we were in a relationship – those were the things I told myself. And even when I was dating a nice guy who respected me, my body didn’t want to fully cooperate. I couldn’t never orgasm with this man because my mind wasn’t in it. I felt dirty again, I felt wrong and dirty, and I never knew why because I wanted to be with him.
After that relationship, I started to take meds and I started to admit some things to myself. I opened up about some things and that’s when I realized why I hate sex in real life, but I can write a million stories about it. In real life, someone took advantage of me and used me for sex, made me feel horrible when I didn’t want it, made me feel like that’s all I’m good for. In my stories, I could write about women who were powerful, who knew what they wanted and who knew how to say no, who knew how to fight back, and who knew how to leave when the time came. I could write about the women I never was able to be like.
And now, once I’ve realized all that about myself and my sex life, I’m with someone I love. He knows about this – he’s the first person in my life I’ve told this to. He understands. And for the first time ever, I actually want sex. I think about it in real life, I want it, sometimes I even feel like I’m the one who wants it more. Because I feel safe and loved and respected. Because I know my no means no to him and he won’t force me into doing anything. Because he asks me before touching me. Because he asks me if I’m okay with everything. Because he stops in the middle of it and takes a couple of minutes just to hug me and kiss me. Because I feel like I have the power now.
And that’s the power that we should all have from the beginning, we as women, we as people. Men go through this too and this goes both ways. Don’t let anyone take that power away from you. You should have the power and it belongs to you.
If someone tells you they’ll leave you if you don’t sleep with them, LEAVE THEM.
If someone tells you you’re not good for anything other than sex, LEAVE THEM.
If someone tells you you’re immature because you don’t want to sleep with them, LEAVE THEM.
If someone tells you you need to put up with the pain for them and that you would if you loved them, LEAVE THEM.
If someone makes you feel like a piece of meat, L E A V E THEM.
You have the power over your own body, you have the right to say no, you have the right to stop whenever you want, you have the right to wait until marriage or to have sex whenever you feel like you’re ready. YOU. You’re the one with the power over your own body.
2K notes
·
View notes
Photo
Designed by BTS, BT21!
For more info on the origins of these cuties, check out @BT21_ on Twitter!
ver 1 / ver 2
Characters (in order):
Namjoon - Koya
Seokjin - RJ
Yoongi - Shooky
Hoseok - Mang
Jimin - Chimmy
Taehyung - Tata
Jungkook - Cooky
Like or reblog if saving 💫
12K notes
·
View notes
Photo
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ✿ฺ ━ bangtan wallpaper
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ like or reblog if you use/save
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ｄｏｎ＇ｔ ｒｅｐｏｓｔ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ｄｏｎ＇ｔ ｅｄｉｔ
11K notes
·
View notes
Video
Hoseok rehearsing his song MAMA while his special fans (besides Yoongi) are so hyped😂 bless them SOMEONE PLEASE CONTROL SEOKJIN😂 i cant with him
58 notes
·
View notes
Photo
160730 화양연화 on stage: epilogue in Manila
by 윤기의 목캔디｡ thank you! ◇ please do not edit, and take out with credit｡
182 notes
·
View notes
Conversation
Seokjin: *makes a joke*
Yoongi: Meh, that wasn't funny. You suck lol
Hoseok: *makes a joke*
Yoongi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
3K notes
·
View notes
Photo
ʙᴛs ᴡᴀʟʟᴘᴀᴘᴇʀ⭐
₊ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴏʀ ʀᴇʙʟᴏɢ ɪғ ʏᴏᴜ sᴀᴠᴇ/ᴜsᴇ
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
WHEN
WILL
THESE
HAIRSTYLES
RETURN
FROM
WAR?
16K notes
·
View notes
Photo
Expectation vs Reality: Blood, Sweat & Tears (video)
42K notes
·
View notes
Note
Can you please do BTS as dads?
(this is based on their sun signs)
Jin
the fun dad
looks like he hasn’t aged since he was 20
probably the least strict
because sagittariuses value freedom and independence
they want their children to be their own people
super chill
doesn’t believe in strict punishment
cooks better than their mom
loves adventures
takes his kids camping, to amusement parks, anywhere they want
d a d j o k e s
always bright and sunny and cheers them up his humor
or makes them cringe
“dad im hungry” “hi hungry im dad”
[windshield wiper laugh]
instills strong morals and values in his kids
Yoongi
the affectionate dad
pisces are very compassionate, patient, and understanding
so he’d be able to handle kids and their moodiness really well
the person they always go to for comfort and advice
loves spending time with his kids
always makes them feel loved and appreciated
encourages their creativity
shares his love of music with them
“kiddos u know back in the day i was kinda a big deal. they called me suga”
“dad we literally live right next door to the bangtan uncles”
makes his kids hold each other’s hands when they start arguing
cries on the first day of kindergarten
the type to take pics and make scrapbooks and record videos to keep memories
and cry proud-father-tears when rewatching them
Hoseok
the cool dad
another one that’s not strict
encourages his kids to be unique and individual
wants them to have a high self esteem and not follow the crowd
would raise really artsy kids who have a unique fashion sense
lowkey would be fine with them breaking some rules
high fives them when they stand up to mean teachers or bullies
pranks his kids
acts more like their friend
so so supportive
shows up to every sports game or performance and screams louder than all other parents
Namjoon
the overprotective dad
his little ones would probably inherit his god of destruction gene
so you’d come home one day and he’s wrapping them in bubble wrap
puts all his energy into raising his kids
lowkey strict
but only because he wants to see them shine
the house runs so well
they go to bed at exactly the same time every day
sets a curfew
has those “my child is an honor roll student” stickers on his car
brags to other parents about how gifted they are
embarrasses them in public
his kids look up to him a lot
Jimin
the hot dad
teachers flirt with him during pta meetings
impresses their classmates by picking them up in his nice car
all his daughter’s friends have a crush on him
his kids will be super popular
always fair
can defuse fights between them like a pro
creates a calm, peaceful, and beautiful home
his kids are always the best dressed
has a really good relationship with their mom and takes her out on dates every weekend
a good listener
is like their friend and has a really tight bond with them
Taehyung
the rich dad
his family will live in the nicest biggest house
works hard to make sure they’re financially secure
always away on some business trip
but comes home with so many gifts
puts his kids in the best private school
spoils them
but still keeps them down to earth
his kids have good manners from a young age
teaches them the importance of hard work and discipline
old fashioned
the type to say “i’m your father, listen to me” all the time
loves taking his family on fun extravagant vacations every summer
super proud of every little thing his kids accomplish
keeps pictures of them in his (gucci) wallet
Jungkook
the organized dad
has his shit together
super reliable and dependable
keeps everything neat and tidy
helps the mom with cooking and chores
color coordinates and name tags all their toys and clothes
makes them cute lunch boxes with supportive messages every day
sings them to sleep
tries to be strict but fails
“son it’s time to study please get off the computer. wait…is that overwatch? ….okay one more round if i can join”
a bit of a worry wart
always thinking about their well being and safety
when they get sick he flips out
“y/n according to webmd they’re dying. i’ve failed as a father. this is it.”
“jungkook pls calm down it’s just a cold”
puts his little ones in sports or dancing and takes them to practice
supports the heck out of them
8K notes
·
View notes
